I used to feel as if I had no control and everything was bad and it always happened to me, now I have total control and even when I screw up I know and accept that I’m a human and it’s ok to accept 🙏🏽🙏🏽😁😁
I am completing a masters in CMHC and next year I'll begin my PhD Clinical Psych. Dr. Marks, I hope you're reading this. You have been a great help to my education. I really want to meet you someday in the near future. Thanks for all you do!
@@DrTraceyMarks I'm smiling from ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland right now! The fact you responded makes my day. Thank you so much for what you do. You are a blessing 🙂
I felt constant frustration with adults and siblings when young. Seems nothing I said or did was "right". I learned to be "sneaky", stay quiet, keep my precious opinions to myself and do what I could to affect my own life. I learned to shrug off the expected dismissive response with a sigh. I still don't know why people do this, but I've long suspected it's about hierarchy and control. When I see a child get heard and praised for their own opinions it's bittersweet. This is the way things should be, along with hurt that it didn't happen for me. Maybe all us boomers just got treated this way, IDK.
I am Gen X. I was treated well by my immediate family and listened to, and sometimes praised by some teachers, but I was treated dismissively , rudely, or downright hostilely by extended family , community (peers and their parents), and some teachers and later workplace supervisors, well into early adulthood. I do think it has to do with hierarchy real or perceived, and control (as you said) which is connected to arrogance, possibly jealousy, and narcissism (I say jealousy because I was a good student and when I complained about my experience adults would cryptically say "oh, those people are just jealous of you") So I don't know the reasons or motives for the persistent dismissive behavior and rejection, or gaslighting, only that there are not any good reasons for this behavior.
Keep in mind that psyche concepts like LoC aren't set in stone. This is just one of many possible ways to describe or interpret the human condition. The key takeaway is that you have the ability to change your mindset to achieve better outcomes, and this is just one method of doing so.
At 0:09 I already knew I was in trouble. I think I have, and many people have a "fluid" locus - I let the external world "control" things until I feel a sense of impending doom, then I can take control. I have to be "forced" into it though. Thank you, Dr. Marks for another helpful video.
Ok this is awesome. I’d been trying to explain this to my husband, but I had been using the word accountability. I think positioning it as locust of control is less accusatory and these steps are helpful.
I remember the day when I knew I was helpless and powerless in my childhood. I tryed to get out of my abusive family and it backfired badly. It was clear to me that I had no power to take care of myself at all. The fact my mom wouldn't pull me out of the situation left me with the idea that I was not worth the effort. Yes this has been carried on into my adult experience. I feel as if I need to be able to control the externals. This is one side of my perfectionism. The other side of me is not to take risks. They will just blow-up in my face. I don't believe others play a roll in my fate. I'm fully aware that it's me. However I don't ask for help most times because I believe I don't matter and why burden someone else. I do fluctuate in this to some degree. Before you even explained anything I knew where I stood. My barometer is tied primarily with how well I think I'm functioning. The trickle down effect is an upward battle with black and white thinking. All of these things I work on to so degree. I'm getting better at recognizing my black and white thinking. Well anyways I need to focus on one step at a time.
Sometimes for me it’s very hard to tell what is in my control and what isn’t. If I could better figure out the difference, I feel I’d be living a better life.
Thank you doctor. For posting these excellent videos for free. I learn something from every single one of them. They are helping to create positive change in my life. Again, thank you🙏🏾
I got the first like, and now to watch this video, this topic comes at just the right time. I feel like I'm an external. I'm going to have to try much harder to get a better balance
I'm an inbetweener. There really are victims in life and there are no guarantees. That's why we should never give up. The alternative to pessimism and optimism is resilience.
I've been wondering about its significance for a about a week now (triggered by a discussion with my dad). I wasn't able to articulate it to even myself. Thank you so much, Dr Marks, for this video.
Hi Dr. Tracey, Can you do a more in depth video solely on Complex PTSD that further breaks down causes, symptoms, and effective treatment methods? I loved your last video comparing PTSD and CPTSD, and I would love to see a more thorough breakdown of CPTSD and how deep it really reaches in a person. I think it would be really helpful for us who are struggling with it, as well as our loved ones who are trying to understand. Thank you for all of your wonderful content ❤
Please do, I feel I have never gotten over my Grandmother death then my mother and my uncle. As for my family that is all I had, now i have my 2 children ages 40 and 38 years old who don't give 2 cents about me a husband who i want to get out of my life and never see or hear from him again, i have my reasons why I feel that way about him .so if you can Dr Tracy please do a video
Dr Marks, could you also talk about the safety of taking anti depressants while pregnant. There seems to be a lot of misinformation out there about the safety of some products and the necessity for certain people to remain Medicated while carrying a child. I think a lot of people are needlessly suffering simply out of misguided obligation to the health of their unborn child.
If I’m I honest. I‘m more the external person and I have managed to become a more internal person and I must say the suggestions in that video are very smart and help. ☺️👍
I hope you recognize that affluence influences locus of control. Using your study example... Someone with supportive affluent parents can attend University without having to work and can devote much more time to study than one who does not. Someone with a good job can afford th healthcare required to stay on top of their to do list and needn't worry about meeting basic survival needs. Someone who seems pessimistic, may actually have a crappy life with options so limited that someone who's needs are easily met cannot relate.
Definitely the best video on this concept. I find that a lot of other's explanations of the locus of control tend to focus on motivation and the way we can all change our lives by changing our mindset, but I appreciate the description of the concept as a spectrum because I think it's important to acknowledge the human condition and that not everyone is on an even playing field. Of course, everyone deals with their own troubles but someone that experiences more setbacks or trauma will struggle more feeling in control, for example growing up in poverty or something, so it's good to acknowledge the extra effort that it takes to overcome those obstacles.
This is ME! I was SA’d for 3 years by a trusted family friend and my family never not only acknowledged and acted out on pressing charges I never ever received ANY therapy . This doesn’t HELP my Anxiety OR my ADHD either
Wow, you couldn't have posted this video at a better time! I was in a huge dump because of the situation in Ukraine but now I feel I can help out again. Thank you! Glory to Ukraine!
Oh I like this video more than most of yours! It's like Dungeons & Dragons. Hear me out. It isn't in the rules, but most players and Dungeon Masters agree that rolling a 20 on a 20-sided die (nat 20) is an automatic success, no matter what you were trying. So there's a chance that a toddler could throw a semi-truck-sized boulder at a dragon. But actually having your character have good strength, and gain more, and having skills in throwing, gives you small bonuses. Instead of requiring a 20 on that die, you could do it with a 12 because you have +8 you've built up over time. Basically don't give up. Don't just allow the world to rule your thoughts and actions. Gaming teaches this!
Thank you Dr Marks. People need a psychiatrist to explain these issues as psychologists are behavioural scientists and don’t have the comprehensive understanding that psychiatrists have ❤️
Recovering, or at least managing, having been professionally targeted as part of risk management pertaining to medical fraud and malpractice, this is a timely video for me. In a professional take down so much has been taken out of my control that, at this juncture, seeing how along the way I did little things in my power to maintain what is being called a locus impresses me. Wow. They may have drilled me into the ground to die, but how I used my internal resources by the grace of God have helped me live to tell makes me say, “damn! I rock!”Thank you Tracy Marks for your video.
I love your videos because it helps me ARTICULATE my thoughts and feelings- an external started a conversation with me today and being internal I had to walk away from it because the victim mentality is exhausting and almost inexcusable for me. Thank you Dr!
The poor me idea is a pet peeves of mine. If you have that much energy for self pity, use that energy for self improvement. I am a very strong internal and some family members have attempted to mold me into an external. I have NO time for that.
@@rebeccamitchell2001 AMÉN!! There is no time for no boo hooing, it does absolutely nothing but attract enablers which may help ‘temporarily’ but never in the long run
I feel like I can be so precariously balanced on an internal and external locus of control that I essentially experience synchronous experiences, where my internal and external realities can play off one another in a cause and effect manner. It's wild, but it's like I can conduct and be conducted by reality simultaneously when I am in a good enough flow. I feel this is also the route of most psychological disorders incidentally enough, but not many know how to balance this with their own genetic predispositions and fall to one or another type of disorder...
I'm in the middle of the spectrum, but in terms of feeling in control about what happens to ME, I'm more internal. Which is a good thing. Where my external stuff happens is my constant fear of bad things happening to my loved ones and that anxiety makes me risk averse and pessimistic in general. I tell my partner that we can't control other people. She has a very external locus which has worsened since some trauma, extra stress and covid happened and tends to spiral into helpless, hopeless negativity. She then gets angry at annoying or rude people and always asks why they behave this way. I say, because they can. And we cannot change them. She does not listen. lol
Circumstances that are _beyond_ our collective control: _those_ are the ones that will have had the final say about all of us. Even now they are forcibly determining which of us will go on to take our lives and which of us won't. The fact is, all of us are more impotent than what we're willing to believe. But then denial is a coping mechanism.
i think im internally dominant with sometimes melting into externally when i feel overwhelmed/ready to give up... it takes a lot to push me to that point because i try to stay balanced for the events and people that surround me
A moped or scooter or even small motorcycle to join traffic (once you learn to ride the thing at least decently)... is a fine way to figure out your actual locus of control... and how to negotiate through the world of chaos with other people. It's a humbling experience being on a motorcycle... Yeah... You'd THINK (or maybe we'd just LIKE to think) that riding a big cruiser through traffic would be empowering. Lots of people get on big bikes and show off and make noise and act foolish... right? RIGHT? No... It's a chance to find your ego crumpled down and bruised. Even a little bike can humble you in a parking lot. The easiest way to drop a bike is to use the front briake (right hand grip) while the forks are in any position except straight ahead... in a parking lot... at less than 10 or 15 mph. Plop... and you'll sit there... or lay there... and feel foolish, know you look more than a little silly... and be suddenly overtaken with a sense of dread about joining traffic at 30 mph in the city and 50 or 60 outside of it... The HARDEST thing in the world is the basic principle of controlling your bike in actual traffic. "LOOK where you want the bike to go." It gets drilled into us from the very first day with any riding coach worth having around. It's because when you're actually getting the techniques down and can make the bike turn and lean and go where you want, it's GOING TO GO wherever you physically look. If you look at the clean and clear lane ahead, you'll stay in that lane. If you look THROUGH the curve to the exit, you'll ride gracefully and relatively easily through the curve, lean and all, and onward down the road... If you look at the vehicle that's let a tire or two cross that line into your lane... you're probably going to hit it... AND you'll have a much more difficult time trying to miss it. If you look at the shoulder or the ditch, you'll ride right into the shoulder or ditch... AND never EVER look through the guard-rails. Those things make mincemeat of bikers ALL THE TIME... SO when things get dicey or hairy, it can be the hardest thing in the world not to look directly at the "idiot" that's threatening your life and safety. It's a natural function in the human brain to sharpen focus and identify the threat... face it. BUT that's a death sentence on a motorcycle... ...AND yes, I know ALL about the various channels out there with compilations of bikers smashing mirrors and acting aggressive. I know how dangerous they make the sport I LOVE seem to be. I know about the impressions they leave on younger and less experienced riders or those who aspire to join this "hair-brained" activity and sub-culture... When I watch those kinds of videos, however, I see people creating their own problems, or making problems more difficult and dangerous on themselves than they should ever have to deal with. I see bikers insist upon accelerating INTO trouble, instead of easing off the throttle and giving "the idiot" plenty of space so as to avoid any shrapnel. Since I got my license at 15 for the street, I've ridden a multitude of motorcycles in various states of disrepair or operation. I've been to a dozen or more countries outside the U.S. and put down easily over a million miles on both familiar and completely unfamiliar roads... often with rules I didn't know or understand. My military ID served as my license to operate ANY vehicle with a U.S. Government license tag and registration, and it was no problem to get such papers for a scooter, motorcycle, or most POV's (Privately Owned Vehicles) so long as I registered the vehicle ON BASE... such as it was. What I learned over that time is that traffic has a flow. It's predictable, IF you pay attention and take your time. You don't have time to waste, but you DO have some time... Fit your bike into that flow, and you're generally at an advantage to be relatively safe. Move erratically, speeding, weaving around, riding aggressively, and acting generally disruptive will get you killed... I learned that out of ALL the vehicles on the road at any point in time, I have control of ONE... exactly ONE... It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, or whether or not I have "right of way" either. I can approach the "problem" as if I'm studying the laws, OR I can approach as if I'm interested in living through the situation. Right of way doesn't mean very much when it's your epitaph... It also doesn't mean very much when you're broke all to pieces on the side of the road or face down in a ditch. Yes, for the record... People acting foolish and disregarding road laws, a general code of conduct and all DO very much irritate my delicate sensibilities. I DO get pissed off. Sure... I'm human. I KNOW what I'm doing (or I probably wouldn't have lasted so many miles or 30 years riding)... However, I have a choice in those moments. I can give in to the fear, anger, rage... I can let it be my excuse to do something else STUPID... OR I can engage in preserving myself. I can decide to cuss or whatever and just handle the bike I'm sitting on. .. letting "the idiot" go. Might not seem entirely relevant... BUT it's some of the substance of my understanding of locus of control... Maybe it can help someone else trying to make sense of it all... ;o)
I am very aware that it is a combo of both which is how the world works, but I know I may be more external due to my own childhood experiences. I am becoming more internal and I am very grateful I found this subject on tiktok because I then went to UA-cam and immediately sought deeper insight. I have agency over my life! Part of this agency is searching for more information on this topic and using it proactively.
Dr. Marks… this video is SO timely and so fitting for my mental health. Thank you so much for expounding on the locus of control. Thank you for acknowledging that we don’t have to lean too much on being more one than the other (internal vs. external) and you helped identify how we can be more *balanced*. I love that word. Life is all about balance, yes ? Again I deeply appreciate the videos you share to us. Have a great day !!
at the end of the day you have the power to quit complaining & work overtime through any situation… but when a series of things tragic or so ridiculously unfair happens… it’s okay to completely take a few months to recharge to mourn / boil with anger while you process the emotions & lost resources
Could you please do a video on how not to let the wars happening right now and their effect on our lives affect us in regards to anxiety, fear or obsessive thoughts please?
Is it possible to take too much of an internal locus of control perspective? I think that I automatically think this way but at times it causes me to blame myself in moments that I actually didn’t have much control over which causes low self esteem and beating myself up even if I can see the external factors. I’m a bit of a stoic person by default and have to force myself to see this roll safe externally which is a drag
Just a big wow, thanks doctor, you said it perfectly. My main issue is with my relationship which has made my emotional status quite vulnerable in the past two years of conflict and constantly being under pressure and stress trying to control what was happening to me and our relationship. I am an ILOC (based on a valid test) but I feel I am developing some sense of ELOC which is scaring me these days. Are there any sources which you might have known for more relationship advice for people like me?
Dr. Marks, thank you this is interesting and now I am going to have to study this more in-depth. I am curious and this is thought provoking content. Be well 🤔❤️🇺🇸
That was interesting. I never heard of this term before in all the years I was in therapy. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. I find a lot of them very helpful. 🌴☀️🌴
If u liked this video i wanna to recommend you a book called 7 habits highly effective for people/Tennagers. I would like thank you Dr Tracey. You made my day
Hi mam, through your video you have created a self awareness,which helps me to work on myself. Thank you for spreading a fregrance of your knowledge,that we enjoy. I also would like to inform you that we have a international conference in our college...that is online,on 4th and 5th March, I would be very happy and delightful with your presence. I didn't know how to connect with you.
Thank you for the invite. I can’t promise that I will be able to attend. But you can send me the link through my email. My email is On the about section of my channel page.
Thank you mam, i couldn't find ur email,but I have pinged you on Instagram. Thank you mam for the response, which makes me feel more comfortable with you.
I don't understand. I wasn't able to control my anxiety when my mom almost died when I was 14. I didn't influence anything when my uncle was scolding me for pacing the hallway all night because I was afraid. I don't control how much space my family affords me when I try to study because they always need me for something, or that every bank turned me down for auto loan refinancing despite me never missing a payment for nine months. I didn't have any influence over whether the many companies I interviewed with said yes or no when I put in as much effort as I could muster up and was 100% confident that I could handle the positions I was applying for. Why is the answer always 'no no NO!' when I do my upmost to be valuable to people? How do I have any control at all when my best is never good enough to change the situation I'm in? I'm so tired of dressing nice and being kind to people and standing up for myself when none of it yeilds anything good or positive. I don't understand why my therapist brought this up or how this can help me when life seems to just spit in my eyes no matter how much I try to control what I can control. I don't understand.
What about people who feel that "everything" depends on them and tend to blame themselves even for problems that are caused by others or blind luck? Because that's definitely my case. I always feel like I'm not enough and that i never "do enough" and that's why I'm a complete failure and I have suicidal toughts. Where am I on the spectrum?
Hi Dr. Tracey Marks. I used to have a problem with lack of control. Looking back I realise now if I was just more self defensive I could've succeeded a little better, but whenever I act aggressively I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for doing so. What are some ways I can reduce the amount of guilt I feel for fighting back when someone's acting violently towards me?
Applying these ideas on top of other people's lives, especially those you don't have much in common with, can be abusive. These are things to do for yourself on yourself rather than ways to justify your actions or criticize other people. The general ideas are fine, but they can be misapplied when used from an outside perspective.
I used to feel as if I had no control and everything was bad and it always happened to me, now I have total control and even when I screw up I know and accept that I’m a human and it’s ok to accept 🙏🏽🙏🏽😁😁
Amazing! Good and hard work 💕
UA-cam "Why free will doesn't exist" by Cosmic Skeptic
Mine definitely fluctuates between both, but I think I am mostly internal on a good day!
"Focus on limit how vulnerable you allow yourself to be with a person".
That really spoke to me.
Me as well.
I am completing a masters in CMHC and next year I'll begin my PhD Clinical Psych. Dr. Marks, I hope you're reading this. You have been a great help to my education. I really want to meet you someday in the near future. Thanks for all you do!
Congratulations to you Rodney. I’m so glad my videos have been helpful and I hope they continue to be so even in your doctoral program.
@@DrTraceyMarks I'm smiling from ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland right now! The fact you responded makes my day. Thank you so much for what you do. You are a blessing 🙂
Dr. Tracey Marks: I think that this is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT video for EVERYBODY
Thanks Andrzej I thought so too! 😊👍🏽
I concur
I felt constant frustration with adults and siblings when young. Seems nothing I said or did was "right". I learned to be "sneaky", stay quiet, keep my precious opinions to myself and do what I could to affect my own life. I learned to shrug off the expected dismissive response with a sigh. I still don't know why people do this, but I've long suspected it's about hierarchy and control. When I see a child get heard and praised for their own opinions it's bittersweet. This is the way things should be, along with hurt that it didn't happen for me. Maybe all us boomers just got treated this way, IDK.
I'm a millennial abs my mom was a boomer. She did the same thing you described. Sigh
@@That.Lady.withtheYarn so sorry
I am Gen X. I was treated well by my immediate family and listened to, and sometimes praised by some teachers, but I was treated dismissively , rudely, or downright hostilely by extended family , community (peers and their parents), and some teachers and later workplace supervisors, well into early adulthood. I do think it has to do with hierarchy real or perceived, and control (as you said) which is connected to arrogance, possibly jealousy, and narcissism (I say jealousy because I was a good student and when I complained about my experience adults would cryptically say "oh, those people are just jealous of you") So I don't know the reasons or motives for the persistent dismissive behavior and rejection, or gaslighting, only that there are not any good reasons for this behavior.
It depends on the family and community.
Keep in mind that psyche concepts like LoC aren't set in stone. This is just one of many possible ways to describe or interpret the human condition. The key takeaway is that you have the ability to change your mindset to achieve better outcomes, and this is just one method of doing so.
True. There are a lot of psychological constructs that explain the same issue from different angles.
At 0:09 I already knew I was in trouble.
I think I have, and many people have a "fluid" locus - I let the external world "control" things until I feel a sense of impending doom, then I can take control. I have to be "forced" into it though.
Thank you, Dr. Marks for another helpful video.
You’re welcome Hercules. May the force be with you 😊👍🏽
Well, but there are things we cannot control. We can only control how we respond to things that happen externally.
Ok this is awesome. I’d been trying to explain this to my husband, but I had been using the word accountability. I think positioning it as locust of control is less accusatory and these steps are helpful.
Yes definitely less accusatory. I hope it’s helpful for your discussion 😊
I remember the day when I knew I was helpless and powerless in my childhood. I tryed to get out of my abusive family and it backfired badly. It was clear to me that I had no power to take care of myself at all. The fact my mom wouldn't pull me out of the situation left me with the idea that I was not worth the effort. Yes this has been carried on into my adult experience. I feel as if I need to be able to control the externals. This is one side of my perfectionism. The other side of me is not to take risks. They will just blow-up in my face. I don't believe others play a roll in my fate. I'm fully aware that it's me. However I don't ask for help most times because I believe I don't matter and why burden someone else. I do fluctuate in this to some degree. Before you even explained anything I knew where I stood. My barometer is tied primarily with how well I think I'm functioning.
The trickle down effect is an upward battle with black and white thinking. All of these things I work on to so degree. I'm getting better at recognizing my black and white thinking. Well anyways I need to focus on one step at a time.
This is right on time with how I've been feeling and conversations I've had with others in the last week. Wow.
Interesting. I promise I wasn’t listening in 😃
Sometimes for me it’s very hard to tell what is in my control and what isn’t. If I could better figure out the difference, I feel I’d be living a better life.
Same here
Thank you doctor. For posting these excellent videos for free. I learn something from every single one of them. They are helping to create positive change in my life. Again, thank you🙏🏾
That’s awesome Jamilsa! Positive change is exactly what I want to happen 👍🏽😊
I got the first like, and now to watch this video, this topic comes at just the right time. I feel like I'm an external. I'm going to have to try much harder to get a better balance
When I clicked it said I was first lol
HERE - take some validation 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
@Amy Bradley I suppose it's possible that many people could be first lol. Or tied for first 🤣
@@JonathanS89 Yes, just throwing it out there. really don't care lol
@@hissyfitz7890 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm an inbetweener. There really are victims in life and there are no guarantees. That's why we should never give up. The alternative to pessimism and optimism is resilience.
I've been wondering about its significance for a about a week now (triggered by a discussion with my dad). I wasn't able to articulate it to even myself. Thank you so much, Dr Marks, for this video.
You’re welcome I’m so glad this video came up just at the right time.
I applaud you for being committed to your craft as a business labor of love.
Hi Dr. Tracey,
Can you do a more in depth video solely on Complex PTSD that further breaks down causes, symptoms, and effective treatment methods? I loved your last video comparing PTSD and CPTSD, and I would love to see a more thorough breakdown of CPTSD and how deep it really reaches in a person. I think it would be really helpful for us who are struggling with it, as well as our loved ones who are trying to understand. Thank you for all of your wonderful content ❤
Yes 👍
Yes, please!
Please do, I feel I have never gotten over my Grandmother death then my mother and my uncle. As for my family that is all I had, now i have my 2 children ages 40 and 38 years old who don't give 2 cents about me a husband who i want to get out of my life and never see or hear from him again, i have my reasons why I feel that way about him .so if you can Dr Tracy please do a video
Dr Marks, could you also talk about the safety of taking anti depressants while pregnant. There seems to be a lot of misinformation out there about the safety of some products and the necessity for certain people to remain Medicated while carrying a child. I think a lot of people are needlessly suffering simply out of misguided obligation to the health of their unborn child.
Yessssss! I have complex ptsd and feel like it could benefit me
If I’m I honest. I‘m more the external person and I have managed to become a more internal person and I must say the suggestions in that video are very smart and help. ☺️👍
I hope you recognize that affluence influences locus of control.
Using your study example...
Someone with supportive affluent parents can attend University without having to work and can devote much more time to study than one who does not.
Someone with a good job can afford th healthcare required to stay on top of their to do list and needn't worry about meeting basic survival needs.
Someone who seems pessimistic, may actually have a crappy life with options so limited that someone who's needs are easily met cannot relate.
Definitely the best video on this concept. I find that a lot of other's explanations of the locus of control tend to focus on motivation and the way we can all change our lives by changing our mindset, but I appreciate the description of the concept as a spectrum because I think it's important to acknowledge the human condition and that not everyone is on an even playing field. Of course, everyone deals with their own troubles but someone that experiences more setbacks or trauma will struggle more feeling in control, for example growing up in poverty or something, so it's good to acknowledge the extra effort that it takes to overcome those obstacles.
This is ME! I was SA’d for 3 years by a trusted family friend and my family never not only acknowledged and acted out on pressing charges I never ever received ANY therapy . This doesn’t HELP my Anxiety OR my ADHD either
You turn me out every video. Love your videos and how informative they’ve been to me in my mental health journey
I’m so glad to hear this Anhedonia. I hope to keep helping you along your journey. 😊
Wow, you couldn't have posted this video at a better time! I was in a huge dump because of the situation in Ukraine but now I feel I can help out again. Thank you! Glory to Ukraine!
Oh I like this video more than most of yours! It's like Dungeons & Dragons. Hear me out.
It isn't in the rules, but most players and Dungeon Masters agree that rolling a 20 on a 20-sided die (nat 20) is an automatic success, no matter what you were trying. So there's a chance that a toddler could throw a semi-truck-sized boulder at a dragon.
But actually having your character have good strength, and gain more, and having skills in throwing, gives you small bonuses. Instead of requiring a 20 on that die, you could do it with a 12 because you have +8 you've built up over time.
Basically don't give up. Don't just allow the world to rule your thoughts and actions. Gaming teaches this!
Interesting overlap. I wouldn’t have known this concept was behind dungeons and dragons. Thanks for this. 😊
This is very informative. Knowing how much control you have is empowering.
Yes indeed!
I often lose the locus, but I learned some ways to get it back. Difficult at times.
Thank you Dr Marks. People need a psychiatrist to explain these issues as psychologists are behavioural scientists and don’t have the comprehensive understanding that psychiatrists have ❤️
I love how you address and explain so clearly and simply a big variety of subjects ❤
Recovering, or at least managing, having been professionally targeted as part of risk management pertaining to medical fraud and malpractice, this is a timely video for me. In a professional take down so much has been taken out of my control that, at this juncture, seeing how along the way I did little things in my power to maintain what is being called a locus impresses me. Wow. They may have drilled me into the ground to die, but how I used my internal resources by the grace of God have helped me live to tell makes me say, “damn! I rock!”Thank you Tracy Marks for your video.
I love your videos because it helps me ARTICULATE my thoughts and feelings- an external started a conversation with me today and being internal I had to walk away from it because the victim mentality is exhausting and almost inexcusable for me. Thank you Dr!
The poor me idea is a pet peeves of mine. If you have that much energy for self pity, use that energy for self improvement. I am a very strong internal and some family members have attempted to mold me into an external. I have NO time for that.
@@rebeccamitchell2001 AMÉN!! There is no time for no boo hooing, it does absolutely nothing but attract enablers which may help ‘temporarily’ but never in the long run
I feel like I can be so precariously balanced on an internal and external locus of control that I essentially experience synchronous experiences, where my internal and external realities can play off one another in a cause and effect manner. It's wild, but it's like I can conduct and be conducted by reality simultaneously when I am in a good enough flow. I feel this is also the route of most psychological disorders incidentally enough, but not many know how to balance this with their own genetic predispositions and fall to one or another type of disorder...
This video served as an excellent reminder to have patience. Thank you!
I'm in the middle of the spectrum, but in terms of feeling in control about what happens to ME, I'm more internal. Which is a good thing. Where my external stuff happens is my constant fear of bad things happening to my loved ones and that anxiety makes me risk averse and pessimistic in general.
I tell my partner that we can't control other people. She has a very external locus which has worsened since some trauma, extra stress and covid happened and tends to spiral into helpless, hopeless negativity. She then gets angry at annoying or rude people and always asks why they behave this way. I say, because they can. And we cannot change them. She does not listen. lol
Hi Dr.Tracey, could you please do a video on side effects of antidepressants and how to stop taking them without having severe withdrawal symptoms.
Thank you Tracey, I love watching your videos. So insightful and supportive! Like someone giving me the hard truth with compassion. You’re Amazing :)
Thanks Doc, as always we appreciate your help, you're the best!
Sending love to you Dr. Tracy ❤️ thanks for all you do!
Thank you so much Brianna I feel the love ❤️
Circumstances that are _beyond_ our collective control: _those_ are the ones that will have had the final say about all of us. Even now they are forcibly determining which of us will go on to take our lives and which of us won't. The fact is, all of us are more impotent than what we're willing to believe. But then denial is a coping mechanism.
i think im internally dominant with sometimes melting into externally when i feel overwhelmed/ready to give up... it takes a lot to push me to that point because i try to stay balanced for the events and people that surround me
Thank you for this. Finally, these terms and ideas make sense. Really, thank you.
A moped or scooter or even small motorcycle to join traffic (once you learn to ride the thing at least decently)... is a fine way to figure out your actual locus of control... and how to negotiate through the world of chaos with other people. It's a humbling experience being on a motorcycle...
Yeah... You'd THINK (or maybe we'd just LIKE to think) that riding a big cruiser through traffic would be empowering. Lots of people get on big bikes and show off and make noise and act foolish... right? RIGHT?
No... It's a chance to find your ego crumpled down and bruised. Even a little bike can humble you in a parking lot. The easiest way to drop a bike is to use the front briake (right hand grip) while the forks are in any position except straight ahead... in a parking lot... at less than 10 or 15 mph. Plop... and you'll sit there... or lay there... and feel foolish, know you look more than a little silly... and be suddenly overtaken with a sense of dread about joining traffic at 30 mph in the city and 50 or 60 outside of it...
The HARDEST thing in the world is the basic principle of controlling your bike in actual traffic. "LOOK where you want the bike to go."
It gets drilled into us from the very first day with any riding coach worth having around. It's because when you're actually getting the techniques down and can make the bike turn and lean and go where you want, it's GOING TO GO wherever you physically look. If you look at the clean and clear lane ahead, you'll stay in that lane. If you look THROUGH the curve to the exit, you'll ride gracefully and relatively easily through the curve, lean and all, and onward down the road...
If you look at the vehicle that's let a tire or two cross that line into your lane... you're probably going to hit it... AND you'll have a much more difficult time trying to miss it. If you look at the shoulder or the ditch, you'll ride right into the shoulder or ditch... AND never EVER look through the guard-rails. Those things make mincemeat of bikers ALL THE TIME...
SO when things get dicey or hairy, it can be the hardest thing in the world not to look directly at the "idiot" that's threatening your life and safety. It's a natural function in the human brain to sharpen focus and identify the threat... face it. BUT that's a death sentence on a motorcycle...
...AND yes, I know ALL about the various channels out there with compilations of bikers smashing mirrors and acting aggressive. I know how dangerous they make the sport I LOVE seem to be. I know about the impressions they leave on younger and less experienced riders or those who aspire to join this "hair-brained" activity and sub-culture...
When I watch those kinds of videos, however, I see people creating their own problems, or making problems more difficult and dangerous on themselves than they should ever have to deal with. I see bikers insist upon accelerating INTO trouble, instead of easing off the throttle and giving "the idiot" plenty of space so as to avoid any shrapnel.
Since I got my license at 15 for the street, I've ridden a multitude of motorcycles in various states of disrepair or operation. I've been to a dozen or more countries outside the U.S. and put down easily over a million miles on both familiar and completely unfamiliar roads... often with rules I didn't know or understand. My military ID served as my license to operate ANY vehicle with a U.S. Government license tag and registration, and it was no problem to get such papers for a scooter, motorcycle, or most POV's (Privately Owned Vehicles) so long as I registered the vehicle ON BASE... such as it was.
What I learned over that time is that traffic has a flow. It's predictable, IF you pay attention and take your time. You don't have time to waste, but you DO have some time... Fit your bike into that flow, and you're generally at an advantage to be relatively safe. Move erratically, speeding, weaving around, riding aggressively, and acting generally disruptive will get you killed... I learned that out of ALL the vehicles on the road at any point in time, I have control of ONE... exactly ONE... It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, or whether or not I have "right of way" either. I can approach the "problem" as if I'm studying the laws, OR I can approach as if I'm interested in living through the situation.
Right of way doesn't mean very much when it's your epitaph... It also doesn't mean very much when you're broke all to pieces on the side of the road or face down in a ditch.
Yes, for the record... People acting foolish and disregarding road laws, a general code of conduct and all DO very much irritate my delicate sensibilities. I DO get pissed off. Sure... I'm human. I KNOW what I'm doing (or I probably wouldn't have lasted so many miles or 30 years riding)... However, I have a choice in those moments. I can give in to the fear, anger, rage... I can let it be my excuse to do something else STUPID... OR I can engage in preserving myself. I can decide to cuss or whatever and just handle the bike I'm sitting on. .. letting "the idiot" go.
Might not seem entirely relevant... BUT it's some of the substance of my understanding of locus of control... Maybe it can help someone else trying to make sense of it all... ;o)
Great video. Very understandable. I am chewing on the continuum concept of internal to external locus. Thank you.
Thanks for another very enlightening and constructive video, Dr. Marks ! !
You’re so welcome Donya! 😊
@@DrTraceyMarks ☺💗
I am very aware that it is a combo of both which is how the world works, but I know I may be more external due to my own childhood experiences. I am becoming more internal and I am very grateful I found this subject on tiktok because I then went to UA-cam and immediately sought deeper insight. I have agency over my life! Part of this agency is searching for more information on this topic and using it proactively.
Dr. Marks… this video is SO timely and so fitting for my mental health. Thank you so much for expounding on the locus of control. Thank you for acknowledging that we don’t have to lean too much on being more one than the other (internal vs. external) and you helped identify how we can be more *balanced*. I love that word. Life is all about balance, yes ? Again I deeply appreciate the videos you share to us. Have a great day !!
Yes that’s an excellent take away. I’m so glad you found this helpful. You have a great day too!❤️
at the end of the day you have the power to quit complaining & work overtime through any situation… but when a series of things tragic or so ridiculously unfair happens… it’s okay to completely take a few months to recharge to mourn / boil with anger while you process the emotions & lost resources
Thank you so much sharing this incredible intelligent information. Love your channel ❤️
Great topic, but also I really love your blouse. Thanks so much for helping us reclaim a lot.
Dr Marks continues to have the best thumbnails on UA-cam
this helped me so much thanks always Doc! 🙏🏾
Gold. This information is gold.
Thank you Dr. Marks
Always welcome 👍🏽
Beautiful Video, very well explained, Clearly Explained step by step .... Thank You
Hae doc
You're channel inspires me alot
I'm a clinical psychologist in a mental hospital
Do you mind if you did a video on assertiveness
Thank you Mercy. Sure I’ll add this to my list 👍🏽
Your videos are always very informative. I learn something from every video.
This woman is amazing.
Beauty and Brains, I appreciate your hard work on UA-cam
I am happy l come across your channel, because I never know these things, thank you Dr Marks
Thank you so much for making this channel
Oh I needed this. I'm going to try to remember these tools.
Oh I’m so glad 😊
Another top-notch informative video
You’re the best!!! Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
thank you for this wonderful video 😃
You’re welcome!
The last 2 of external are descriptive of me. I'm trying, believe me!
Keep trying! 😊
Thank you. You don't know how much this means.
Thank you so much!! Insanely helpful video!
Me encantan sus videos Dr. tracey, estoy aprendiendo de una manera objetiva y directa gracias por hacer estos videos
Could you please do a video on how not to let the wars happening right now and their effect on our lives affect us in regards to anxiety, fear or obsessive thoughts please?
Hello, Doc. As always, thank you for your video. Could you talk about learned helplessness and what to do with it? Thank you.
I'm kind of both, it depends of my mood and the situation.
Hi Dr Marks. Please can you make a video to explain how motivation works and how to improve it?
So needed to understand this. Thx
I wonder what Dr. Tracey's views on determinism are. Great video, love your content!
Thank you very much Doc i love hearing what you have to say
Is it possible to take too much of an internal locus of control perspective? I think that I automatically think this way but at times it causes me to blame myself in moments that I actually didn’t have much control over which causes low self esteem and beating myself up even if I can see the external factors. I’m a bit of a stoic person by default and have to force myself to see this roll safe externally which is a drag
This is so helpful.
Just a big thank you for your videos.
I got a mix of Both Internal & External Locus of controll.
Just a big wow, thanks doctor, you said it perfectly. My main issue is with my relationship which has made my emotional status quite vulnerable in the past two years of conflict and constantly being under pressure and stress trying to control what was happening to me and our relationship. I am an ILOC (based on a valid test) but I feel I am developing some sense of ELOC which is scaring me these days. Are there any sources which you might have known for more relationship advice for people like me?
When you don't have money for therapy so you binge-watch Dr. Tracey's videos 😭
Dr. Marks, thank you this is interesting and now I am going to have to study this more in-depth. I am curious and this is thought provoking content. Be well 🤔❤️🇺🇸
That was interesting. I never heard of this term before in all the years I was in therapy.
Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. I find a lot of them very helpful.
🌴☀️🌴
If u liked this video i wanna to recommend you a book called 7 habits highly effective for people/Tennagers. I would like thank you Dr Tracey. You made my day
Can I just say your shirt looks so cool.
Hi mam, through your video you have created a self awareness,which helps me to work on myself. Thank you for spreading a fregrance of your knowledge,that we enjoy. I also would like to inform you that we have a international conference in our college...that is online,on 4th and 5th March, I would be very happy and delightful with your presence. I didn't know how to connect with you.
Thank you for the invite. I can’t promise that I will be able to attend. But you can send me the link through my email. My email is On the about section of my channel page.
Thank you mam, i couldn't find ur email,but I have pinged you on Instagram. Thank you mam for the response, which makes me feel more comfortable with you.
this i briliant! kind of eyes-opening
Thank you, Dr.
Glad you said "not to be confused with", because I definitely read it wrong initially.
😀 I still think about that movie whenever I say the word.
Thank You so much always beautiful knowledge.🙏🏽😍
I don't understand. I wasn't able to control my anxiety when my mom almost died when I was 14. I didn't influence anything when my uncle was scolding me for pacing the hallway all night because I was afraid. I don't control how much space my family affords me when I try to study because they always need me for something, or that every bank turned me down for auto loan refinancing despite me never missing a payment for nine months. I didn't have any influence over whether the many companies I interviewed with said yes or no when I put in as much effort as I could muster up and was 100% confident that I could handle the positions I was applying for.
Why is the answer always 'no no NO!' when I do my upmost to be valuable to people? How do I have any control at all when my best is never good enough to change the situation I'm in?
I'm so tired of dressing nice and being kind to people and standing up for myself when none of it yeilds anything good or positive.
I don't understand why my therapist brought this up or how this can help me when life seems to just spit in my eyes no matter how much I try to control what I can control.
I don't understand.
Thanks
You're welcome 😊
Acting and basing actions on things that occur outside of the self can prove to be problematic. Its best to be internally focused.
The video didn’t show up. Only the audio. This is the only UA-cam ever in my experience that had this problem.
What about people who feel that "everything" depends on them and tend to blame themselves even for problems that are caused by others or blind luck? Because that's definitely my case. I always feel like I'm not enough and that i never "do enough" and that's why I'm a complete failure and I have suicidal toughts. Where am I on the spectrum?
When one fails with positive internal controls, coupled with an affirming surrounding, is devastating to these individuals.
Hi Dr. Tracey Marks. I used to have a problem with lack of control. Looking back I realise now if I was just more self defensive I could've succeeded a little better, but whenever I act aggressively I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for doing so. What are some ways I can reduce the amount of guilt I feel for fighting back when someone's acting violently towards me?
thank you for the amazing video and content Dr. Tracy. and, your son looks amazing in that duplication. 😆
Applying these ideas on top of other people's lives, especially those you don't have much in common with, can be abusive. These are things to do for yourself on yourself rather than ways to justify your actions or criticize other people. The general ideas are fine, but they can be misapplied when used from an outside perspective.
Thankyou you are god's blessing.