Self-Esteem: How It Changes And 2 Ways to Boost It
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- Опубліковано 8 чер 2024
- Self-esteem can change in a snap. It's not always your fault, but it is 100% within your control to take it back when you've lost it. In this video I talk about how your self-esteem changes over your life, then things that help and hurt it, and how to get it back.
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A famous drag queen once said. Self esteem is gained through doing esteemable acts (Katya). This line changed my life. Just doing those simple things like calling your Mother, making your house tidy, taking time out to play with a pet.
That's a great line!
I’m going to us this
When did she say that?
I think it was on a unnh episode with Trixie
Omg that made me smile reading that! I love Katya
maybe that's why my self esteem has been improving, instead of feeling bad about myself or jealous when I see someone that's good at a certain task, I admire them for it and try to adapt and/or emulate said quality in me, it has helped me become a better person for sure.
🌸 That’s brilliant 👍🏼
It’s essentially what I do, I love taking a page out to of someone else’s book and try to better myself, it didn’t matter if it was from a teen, adult, child or elderly person person. I admire quality in others & really love educating myself on something new everyday
In equal measure I also try to learn from the mistakes of others so that I can avoid a headache lol
Nice point of view
Yes yes I really needed to hear this right now. I never give myself enough credit and I struggle from social anxiety because I see other peoples strengths and tell myself I’m not good enough and that they won’t like me. What a toxic cycle I go around and around on with myself. I need to celebrate other peoples strengths and my own.
Aside of the consistent quality contents, can we also appreciate Dr. Marks' consistently amusing thumbnails? Hope you guys accidentally remember something that make you smile today!
YES!! I look forward to the new thumbnail each week and am never disappointed 😁👏
Dr. Marks is greatly appreciated..
@@audreymo63 you were right, sorry and thanks for the reminder!
Yes, she is so humorous!!!
😃♥️Thanks!
My sister has been doing “I am “ positive affirmations with my niece since she was a baby. As strange as that was to me, I can now understand the importance of building up a child’s self esteem from an early age.
Focusing on other people's strengths to boost your own self-esteem seems like an often overlooked (or counterintuitive) but powerful way to improve how you view yourself. So interesting!! And it also makes you become more social in nature which can provide a good support network instead of going down the route of self-isolation which is common when people are experiencing challenges with their self-esteem
Yes indeed Dr. Justin. Thanks for your input!
That's if you are not Jealous but if you are then it's hard to do.
I‘ve used this technique abundantly in my life. In fact I learned all the important life skills from finding people who’s strengths I admire and trying to emulate their behaviours :) can recommend 11/10
Absolutely!
Great point!
Puberty was the worst time for me.
I was awkward, called the ugly girl. Started my period, always felt too fat, had an eating disorder. All with an alcoholic mom. Definitely took at a decade or so to find my self worth.
That sound like a really tough time. I’m glad you’ve come out on the other side.
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you so much Dr. Marks
Early blows to one's self esteem can last a lifetime. During my adolescence I was told that I had developed lumbar scoliosis. As I got older it really started to manifest itself. One day another child pointed me out and called me "funny made", I was so embarrassed. Needless to say, I never recovered from that remark. It followed me to college where I refused to participate in freshman p. e. classes because was afraid to undress in front of others I received an F for the course which dropped my overall GPA to 3.5. I was reluctant to approach
girls for fear of being rejected. I never got married. Presently at 70 years old I am still embarrassed by those early memories.
Omg I can feel your pain. Kids can be cruel I am sooo very sorry
Dang! Sorry to hear that!
You may be the only person I know to get an F and still pull a 3.5 GPA. That is extremely hard to do!
I’m sorry man, wish u had support around that growing up.
@Searchingfortruth I don't believe your story. I think it's made up. js
My self esteem was very poor due to emotional neglect and sexual abuse as a child. It was not until my late 20s , early 30s
That I really worked on it . Learning to love myself in a healthy way really helped in building better relationships . My self esteem still fluctuates but I'm okay with that.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m glad you’re doing okay now.
I have low self-esteem I was bullied when I was younger. How do I raise my self-esteem? I am 25 years old
@@tatianakidd6799 well learn to love yourself and stay away from toxic people
@@tatianakidd6799 Take a Dance Class where women outnumber the men 10 to 1 - you'll be SO popular AND IN HIGH DEMAND, **Guaranteed**. Or a Tennis Class ✔️ - better still, a French Cooking Class for the identical reasons. ✔️✔️😄✔️✔️. Good luck ! Now, have at it , TIGER ! GRRRRRRR "'!!💪!!"'
✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️
I’m sorry you had to go through that I’m glad you’re doing better
I always tell myself that no matter what, God loves me and I am good enough for Him. That's all that matters.
He's a great anchor!
AMEN!!!
Yes
Amen!!!@@DrTraceyMarks
My childhood and early adulthood was hell. Not a single friend or anyone to trust. Highly abusive and it wasn't until I hit my mid-20s that I realised that what I suffered was not normal. I thought it was normal as I had no reference point.
Hope things are feeling better for you now. I had the same experience, I remember being shocked that other people weren’t raised the way I was. They were simply loved for who they were without needing to be any better. I was shocked and that’s when real sadness hit me. I am much better now! I like myself and respect myself now with uncountable efforts over the many years. I wish you self-acceptance, kindnesses and forgiveness, ultimately towards happiness!
I just can't get enough of the content you make Tracey.. it has helped me in ways not even my therapist could ever do.
👏👏👏
I’m so happy to be helpful 😊
I agree! All therapists I saw can't even remotely measure up to her
I'm 51 and I've never had good self esteem. I truly want to feel confident and am always working on it. My mother also has low self esteem
I'm late 40s and unfortunately too have terrible self esteem issues, makes life so much harder.
It's a trait I inherited from my mum.
O how I'd love if there was a magic pill one could take, 😀
Y Mason - don’t give up hope! Keep at it. 😊
Do you have kids? And if so how do you help them maintain their confidence?
@@quicksilver0294 No I do not have kids
I am 60 always and always had low self esteem but have accepted it
How to boost your self-esteem?
1)
5:30 recognise and utilise your strengths
7:04 develop a plan to use your strengths
7:50 recognise it in others so you become sensitive to the same in you too
2)
9:27 learn to accept compliments
Thank you!
Thank You ✌🏾
Wheat are strengths
thanks :)
I suffered from a debilitating form of low self esteem, from the age of 7-30. Deep feelings of worthlessness, sorrow, ugliness etc. this came from my life experiences. However, as I got older I began to realize my power and see my value. I realized that while I was suffering I making myself worst than it had to be. Once I noticed my strengths and started taking care of myself things got better. Thanks for listening yall lol JussJess
Had extremely low self esteem as a teenager, and it's only been going uphill since adulthood through therapy and support (to the point that now I have good self esteem, although it is a little fragile and easily influenced) , however I still get extremely uncomfortable from getting compliments. I've learned to accept compliments and not downplay them and accept them at a surface level, but I still get this inherent physical discomfort from getting compliments, I wonder if that will ever change.
I feel weird getting compliments too, I always appreciate them, but I don’t know how to accept them.
I am glad you exist
That is a very sweet comment 😊
@@adriennesmith2133 thank you for encouraging me to say kind words
Thanks so much Mr Energy. I appreciate you 😊
@@DrTraceyMarks you don't know how bad I needed that... Thank you 😭😭😭
Hey there Doc, Im going to show my daughter this video. Shes 14 and thinks shes ugly,, low self worth, etc. As gorgeous as she is, I dont understand why she doesnt see her inner and physical beauty. Im working with the baby in boosting her self esteem. 14 is a rough age.
Awww that makes me so sad to hear. I hope you are able to help her. I’m sure she really is beautiful inside and out 🥺❤️
She is a strong young woman and you are an amazing mom for finding ways to show her how worthy she is of love! Sending positive energy to you and her when she receives this 🙏🏽
She's probably in a setting with people around her who do not perceive her attractive
is she on tiktok on instagram ? cause on those social medias young girls compare themselves to other girls and thats dangerous, specially on tiktok is so toxic for teenagers
That can be a hard age:( I’m sorry she feels this way. Firstly, keep her off Instagram and social media for now. Her brain can’t handle it right now. I’m 26 and still get triggered by social media sometimes. Really try to listen to how she feels and what she tells you without invalidating her feelings. You can point out all the things that make her beautiful and unique. And remind her that what others say about her isn’t a fact. 🙏♥️
Social factors like media and kids being mean, bullying really plays a role. My elementary years still kinda haunt me.
great information! As a kid/teen I was bullied for being gay (back in the 70s). I still struggle with my level of self-esteem, but getting involved in the arts (theatre/visual arts/music) I found that I was surrounded by people who embraced "difference". Finding a community of people who love you for being different can really help to boost self-esteem (I think)
Just bc someone is good at something that I'm not it doesn't mean that they're good at everything..yet this is exactly my way of thinking, which is pretty warped 🤨. Thank you!
Don’t feel bad I’m the same way
This was a really informative video. I’m 33 yrs old and I FINALLY accept my body and who I am becoming. It’s been a long time coming. I never really had confidence or high self esteem until now. My husband feels like I’m conceited or thinks too highly of myself. But was totally ok when I was depressed and uncomfortable in my body. I think his feelings are more about how he feels about himself than about me. Keep making great content!! I hope everyone learns to truly love themselves. We are all beautiful souls!
Bullying during my school years wrecked my brain. Here I am.. A 28 year old, unemployed, depressed woman with very low self-esteem.
Praying you get through this 🙏
"Negative experiences create low self-esteem". Exactly
Yes they do. Things kids have said...etc
So valuable! I learn something from you EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh that’s awesome. I’m so glad 😊
Man, one day my self esteem took a hit, and I never recovered. I'll try, Dr. Marks, because these sound like pretty good ideas to me.
You are like a mental health wizard
Thanks so much Alex! Making helpful information gives me a lot of pleasure.
Thank yu for a great video. It has taken me 53 yrs to get my low self-worth into balance. It has caused me many life issues, building a strong platform for my own life. 🙏💖
I’m glad you’ve gotten there even if it took 53 years. All the best. 😊
Dr. T Marks I say this not puff you up, but I state this because I believe in my heart that God has Anointed you for what you teach and share, I want to say thank you for your obedience whatever it is that cause you to do what you do, God bless you my sister, keep doing the good work you do, amazing simply amazing!!!
I’ve been searching for years on how to improve my self esteem. You’re a God sent! Thank you so much ☺️. As the saying goes, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear!
Amen.. You got this gorgeous!! 🤗
I think I came out of the womb as a more anxious human, and I remember having many conflicted and less than joyful experiences. Both my parents, I believe, had unhealthy attachments to their parents, so I, of course, took on this pattern. I say this because I have many challenging relationships with others, which makes life unpleasant, and doesn't help in developing healthy self esteem. Having said all that, which is negative, I am listening to you Dr. Marks and now remember that one of my strengths is using my voice, whether for singing or speaking. I want to get into the a field of narrating audiobooks. I really love reading aloud! Thank you for these extremely insightful videos!
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING
MY LOW SELF WORTH AND LOW SELF ESTEEM. WAS BROUGHT ON BY SEVERE ABUSE.FROM SOME1 THAT IS HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC..
IM SO INCREDIBLY GLAD TO BE WORKING WITH A LIFE COACH...
Good for you Demi.👏🏾
@@audreymo63
Thank you 🙏
Hi Demi. You’re welcome and I’m sorry you had that early experience. But I’m glad you have a life coach to help you work through it.👍🏽
When my "tank" is feeling empty and I'm finding it hard to interact with others because my depression/anxiety is weighing too heavily on me, I come here to hear some kind and helpful words, and it at least gives me a little more to give others :)
Thanks, Doctor Marks 💜
not skipping ads as my form of showing appreciation for your quality content 😁
My sister was my best therapist; I had the worst self esteem in the world and she just said “you never compliment anyone, don’t you like it when people compliment you?” Ever since then I compliment people all the time regardless if they say something nice back & it has helped a ton.
I feel that my self worth/self love elevated after a big crisis in my late 20's. I had to start over , revaluate myself/my life, open my eyes to see my own flaws and accept my situation.
"You CAN take it back "... !❤❤❤
Thank you Dr. My mom was a battered abused woman who gained her self esteem after 70, when she did things she loved as traveling and going out to eat every week 💕
I appreciate you, Dr. Marks. 🙏🏻☺️🌞
Thank you so much 🙏🏽
What a wonderful world we would have if, instead of bullying people because they are different, encourage and compliment each others strengths. We need to change what we value in this society. Instead of valuing looks and money and power, value kindness, generosity, and intelligence. Great video doctor!
Thank you for breaking down the process between "activities you're good at/love" and "these are the strengths it takes to do them" (video games -> hand eye coordination, strategizing). Terminal sadbrains and a lifetime of low self-esteem have left my thinking very rigid in some ways, so having someone lay it out with examples is incredibly helpful.
Thanks for making these really helpful videos!
I identify as a survivor of childhood incest/ sexual encounters birth to 5 years. I am still working through very deep rooted insecurities that seem to be immoveable.Thank you, this is is very informative, and helpful🙏🏽
It's really sad to hear what you have had to go through because of those things that were done to you, when you were just an innocent child. I love listening to Tracey Marks too! I know that we CAN find healing and happiness! Best wishes! 😊
@@claudiacarlson30 💕💕💕💕💕
Wise words. Had they only been understood in the early 1950's...many lives would have been spared much suffering.
I just got ghosted from someone I dated for 4 months. It was a stressful period in his life and I cared a lot about him and helped him working through his emotions in a caring but also challenging way. I had my boundaries. He seemed like he never did that before and was very appreciative during that time. I now discovered that he is back on dating apps and it left me speechless and very hurt. He did not bother to send me one explanation, but just avoid this situation completely. My self-esteem got really hurt from this and it is very hard for me to not internalise it and blame myself. Ghosting is the most easy and hurtful way out, especially if the person was very vulnerable with you and now acts like you never existed. This video helps because it teaches me that my ability to listen and care is a strength and not a weakness even when other people cannot appreciate that. I will work through that but for now I'm just really hurt by this behaviour and I'm struggling with this.
One thing that I’m proud of my self is my personality and being warm around other people. I feel like once I show a charismatic side to others and being nice to people it definitely boosts my self esteem. Having warm relationships with people is important! I feel like when I’m not being that way it affects me and I’ll internalize that feeling and think people don’t “like me” when I’m the one that needs to take the initiative and talk to others. I always hated being way too quiet as a kid, so now as an adult I’m breaking that cycle and putting myself out there. I actually had a friend that told me recently that her friends from work loved me (we met at her house) and they think I’m a nice person…it made me feel good! I accept that compliment 😁
😊I love your comment! I've been feeling that same way, finally, for the past year or so, at 61! It feels really good, to see that I do have something to offer other people by being kind, cheerful and really wanting to help them, AND being recognized and appreciated for it. I work in a very nice retail shop, and the customers are kind and down to earth! It also gives me the courage to be much closer to family too, and I am so grateful! Hopefully it can let me be kinder to myself as well.
Thank you very much. I just noticed that I am unable to see beauty and worthiness in myself and I always notice what others do not do well because I grew up with my mother that did this overcriticism to me and to others, even strangers, all the time, all days. I am so trained to notice every small details which is not in the “right” place that I became totally numb and I always feel that everything I do doesn’t mean anything. You suggest us to do some exercises in recognize others people skills so I would start saying that you really seems a nice person, a beautiful human being, smart, patient and also funny and I really think that this channel is very useful, even for someone like me who already do therapy. Mental health should have more space in our life and I think that what you are doing with your channel is very great and compassionate thought others. I am doing my best in became a better human, even if suffer from chronic depression, so I think today I did another step in my journey thanks to you 😊
You are so eloquent, and the advice you give is life changing! 😊 Thank you for providing this service to us all ! 😁
I would say that seeing your life in a perspective with respect to your own past is a good way to archive that. It'll give you feelings of security and stability and those are the basis for self-esteem in my eyes. But it only works for adult people i guess.
Appreciate the overview on this topic, helpful tips & guidance! I re-arranged these into a format like an exercise worksheet, and sent it to myself. Sharing it here 🙂
1) Identify Your Strengths
- What am I good at?
- What do I enjoy doing?
- What have you done that's been most successful for you?
- Identify the characteristics or behavior behind the action
Once identified, develop your strength. Use 1 strength every day. Practice and train it like a muscle.
2) Recognize the Strength in Others
- Shifts the focus to their strengths than weaknesses because critical judgment of others can also spill on to ourselves. The better you get at noticing other's strengths, the same goes to ourselves.
- Everyone has strengths & weaknesses, see the bigger picture, we have ways to use it to contribute to the collective good.
3) Learn to Accept Compliments
- Avoid downplaying or shutting down compliments
- Hear it, appreciate it, accept it with simple responses like 'thank you'.
It helps you get used to hearing positive feedback, and makes the other person feel good extending the kindness.
These are little steps that can compound over time. Practicing this is an act of self love. Wishing you all a great day!
This was so informative! I didn’t understand why I had high self esteem in my 20s but it started to weaken as I got closer to 40. Now I’m almost 44 and have finally started to regain love for myself!
I feel that when I do things that is noble, or sacrificial, or being disciplined doing the right things, my self esteem and humility increase at the same time. Basically I just respect myself more by doing things that I would respect others do
I love your comment. I really needed to hear this... so thanks! 😊
My mom was listening to your voice and said it’s so nice and comprehensible although she doesn’t speak English. Thanks for the videos in your channel Dr Tracey, it is my new and comforting discovery these gloomy days. ❤
Family environment and life experiences definitely play a role. Whew, them elementary to high school days are tough. It ebbs and flow as you get older. It’s all growing and learning once you hit your twenties.
I have a friend who is suffering from low self-esteem after an abusive relationship, and I am absolutely going to send this to her. As much as I try to break down what helped my self-esteem, I feel like Dr. Marks is much better at expressing these concepts than I will ever be (not insulting myself, just acknowledging that this is her field, not mine).
Dr. Tracy Marks, I don’t even know where to begin but you are literally my second mom. Your content is absolutely outstanding and you are truly changing lives. I am currently watching your video on “ Negative Reprogramming”; and it has given me so much hope, reassurance, and actionable tools I can use to change my life right now. I love your content and I wish you success and happiness in everything you do!!!! Love you Dr. Marks !!!!❤️
When I meet someone I tend to tell them most of my life story is this sign of low self esteem great topic
I'm not a therapist at all, but maybe this is something you could work on controlling?
I'd love to see a video on that topic as well:)
I don't think it's a sign of low self-esteem. How do the people react?
A counselor explained to me about boundaries. I didn't have any. Ask someone or several someone's about your boundaries. Good luck it took a while for me.
I once had a pal like this, but she always mentioned feeling lonely. Maybe is that? Do you have someone in your personal life to speak to Daily or even weekly? ❤️
I found the channel recently, and I must say, I love the clarity that Dr. Marks explains with. It makes the things she says so much more convincing.
Thank you, Dr. Marks! This helped me understand why my parents telling me I was unplanned and came at the worst possible time was so devastating at 13. As an adult, I can understand the pressures they were under, but have been able to excuse them telling me that. This helped me understand that dynamic better and will help me to guide my own children through these stages. ❤️
Doctor Marks, if you don't have haters, you're not doing it right. I, for one, am very thankful that you came back to UA-cam. Your work is valuable beyond words.
I had low self esteem my whole life. It ruined any opportunity’s I had. I look back at my school days and I cry because I wasted so much time. I didn’t get to enjoy anything and I still struggle now. I have kids and i see how confident they are. Something I can’t even do now. I walk around lifeless and worthless :/
Another awesome video Dr. Marks!
This is easily the best psychology channel.
Thank you Dr.Marks
Thanks Dr Marks. You're always so positive and helpful.
Thank you Dr Tracey, for being a part of so many of our healing. Please keep making videos!
I need this video so bad. I appreciate you soooo much
Just in time!
I needed this.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Dr. Marks 💛
I love your content so much. Thank you for posting
Thank you! Thank you for this channel.
Gotta love you commitment to improving the lives of others. Dr T Mark is the best.
This really helps. Thank you Tracey.
Thanks Dr.Marks
I'm so happy that I discovered your channel, thanks!
your videos are excellent Dr. Marks’!! I just found ur channel a couple weeks ago & i’m in love with the way you so easily explain complex subjects.
8:16 so true. Outer critic and inner critic are inextricably interrelated
Thank you for this.
thank you so much, dr tracey!
Thank you, as usual another excellent video, so glad I discovered your channel as of late.
Thanks for the handout Dr.Tracey
Thanks Dr Tracy, this is so helpful.
really appreciate this video Dr. Marks! it was affirming & gave me hope about my self esteem and those who i know that have low esteem. 🧡
Thank you for this video Dr. Marks. This is my greatest challenge in life.
What great info on self-esteem! Thanks, Dr. Marks!
I gave really been finding your videos helpful lately, very practical ✨
LOVE THIS!!!! And the worksheet is awesome. Thank you so much. You are THE BEST, Dr Tracey.
Excellent information, as always!😊Thank you!
This was super helpful! Thank you so much for providing detailed “how’s” concerning raising ones self esteem as well as reasons and patterns around life circumstances and fluctuating self esteem. It really empowered me to know that I can very practically change the way I feel about myself and help others feel more stable about themselves.
Great advices I've never heard of before. Excited to try them.
I've been learning so much from the quality contents you put out, I'm in the process of healing and becoming a better me and here's been my go-to-place
"If you set your sights on being critical, you will be more Cristal of yourself than you are of others
Thank you for all you do. You are helpful to so many people 🙏🏻
I recommend your channel to all my friends I appreciate your work so much 💖
This really helped me! I went to the gym yesterday and went to the workout cinema which is a little movie theater with a bunch of cardio equipment, and while watching one of the earlier Star Wars movies and working out I noticed the individual strengths of the characters in the movie. What a beautiful way to look at things. The characters are wise, ambitious, supportive, intuitive, etc in their own way, and strengths really don’t compare because everyone has at least one strength. And like you said it makes you look inward and almost instantly the strengths that you have because when you’re able to see strengths in other people it seems to come more naturally. I just talked to my psychiatrist on the phone yesterday, but I definitely got better advice from you! You have a new subscriber thank you ☺️
Thank You so much for that video ❤
Thank you . Very informative.
I appreciate how you're teaching on how to improve yourself and recognizing those opportunities to build up others because they both matter.
Great video!! Thanks for putting this together for us! 🥰
love this. your videos are so informative
Thank you is simply not enough. I truly appreciate your time and knowledge, Dr Tracy. Amazing tips, I shall start exercising them.
🥰