Assuming that Cressbeckler was as young as 12 when he served in the Spanish American war and looked like a much older man as some do, he would be around 122 at the time of running, making him 6 years older than the oldest man and 3 years older than the oldest woman ever. Likely, no? Possible, yes!
@@averagefanenjoyer8696 I feel like a lot of people don't understand that the government isn't supposed to be pumping out laws and bills and "getting stuff done"
The Dankest Betty White it’s a joke. 99.9% of Americans don’t actually support replacing congress with a horse that stomps once for yes and twice for no
Unknown age, veteran of the spanish american war. Wow. Actually, I remember an article from the onion claiming McCain to be a veteran who earned a gold star in the crimean war, so they didn't hold the consistency together there.
Am I the only one who thinks replacing Congress with a horse that stomps once for yes and twice for no is actually a significant improvement? I mean, think about it. He has a 50% chance of actually helping Americans.
If only Cressbeckler were here to threaten Trump's base. I'm sure Joad would have something to say about "that sissified rich boy ain't ever even used a live possum as a 'kerchief."
@Odysseas G Yeah, it was an easier statement to make 7 years ago. Though to be honest neither animal is doing much of anything right now, Congress really doesn't wanna have to make tough choices when it can just coast.
@@blunt3862 Puttin a bucket over Iran's head is just gonna make them skittish. Joad ain't gonna put a bucket over Iran's head. He knows better ol' Joad. I once seen that man charm a snake but it weren't with no flute. It was with a .45 pistol but *Iran ain't no damn snake,* see? Iran is a country. 🇮🇷 Joad knows that.
@@blunt3862 Presumably, he means that sanctions on Iran will only further hasten its nuclear program, and that instead we should butcher it, sell the edible parts, and leave whatever’s left to the elements. Truly the everyman’s candidate.
no way bob kennedy is a blueblood who went to elite schools and rides his family name like a pony for the last 50 years. however he does rave like a bus stop hobo on subjects he has no knowledge or understand of so theres that i guess
@lil werner Completely wrong. The 2008 elections were between two men who disagreed on a lot of issues but still very much respected each other and very much respected the dignity of the country's politics. That was always clear throughout that election. The same for 2012, Romney was an absolutely respectable man. When Trump came in he completely destroyed the dignity of the country's presidential politics (the Tea Party had already ruined the dignity of congress) and created an atmosphere where there was no respect among the final two presidential candidates. I have never seen or even heard of a larger piece of shit run for the American presidency, let alone win.
@@brooklyna007 Biden was a mistake for Obama, but Palin was an even worse one for McCain. I think there were a lot of factors, but their potential VPs did play a big role.
@@favoritemustard3542 Oof, Palin was suicidal for McCain. I know vice presidents are effectively chosen by the party and not the president. But Palin was just brutal to McCain's campaign. Biden was a gaff machine and didn't have great political history. But he had a lot of connections in Washington from his time in congress. So it is easier to justify him as vice president than Palin for McCain.
Is it just me, or does it sound like he would have actually been the best president ever. FFS he wanted to replace congress with a horse that stomps once for yes, twice for no, now that is EFFICIENCY in government if ever I heard it! We could get things done, and without spending so much money, with efficiency like that.
I really wish this was more ridiculous than it is. It always makes me uncomfortable when The Onion is too close to the truth, especially when it's The Onion from 16 years ago.
I aspire to be him someday, and I'm only a ripe ol' lad of twenty three. But fer' sure I'll tell ya', I'll fire off warnin' shots at any dagum toktikkers that wander on to ma' property!
14 years ago part of what makes this funny is how preposterous it is… in 2023 I am still laughing, but it’s a nervous laughter, because this isn’t so seemingly preposterous anymore 😮
I love how he’s already an adult in the Spanish American War, meaning he’s at least 120 years old.
He looks like someone even Bigfoot would be afraid to mess with.
It's the spite. The spite keeps him a live.
Joad Cressbeckler probably looked like that when he was 11 years old
@@todd1737 Joad will live until he gives Congrass what they deserve!
Hey glad to see you here Bob
"McCain is old, but is he old enough?"
lol, apparently not now
@@brennencox516 He's gonna rally.
@@abundantYOUniverse the dead...
@Agent J trump supporter?
@Agent J I was just making a joke because trump didn't like McCain but if you wanna tell me your political opinions I'm ok with that.
"You can't put a bucket over a pig's head, it'll just make 'im skittish!"
Truer words have never been spoken.
Words to live by
He's funny as part of a comedy sketch but if he were real he'd be terrifying - and a whole lot of right wingers would love him for it.
@@swampsprite9 I sure would!
"Murder victim killed before achieving dream of fighting off a murderer". So sad.
So close, yet so far.
"I like him, he's mad all the time."
Bruh
@@bobswarcrimes8432 Shuttup idiot.
@@bobswarcrimes8432 "He also promised to cut Washington red-tape by replacing Congress by a horse that stomps once for yes, twice for no."
mercster Bruh
@@bobswarcrimes8432 IF JOHN MCCLAIN WANTS TO TAKE ME ON IN A WOOD SPLITTIN' CONTEST, I GUARANTEE I CAN SPLIT A CORD O' WOOD FASTER THAN HE CAN!
"I'm voting for a man I can imagine drowning a bag of cats"... about to piss myself laughing!
Trump supporters predicted.
@cristi dules Ehh??? I'm not a guy-
@cristi dules Nor am I a moron.
pcross84 They got one
@@misschauchatcultistbernie2740 Bernie Sanders? Really?
You can't put a bucket over a pig's head, it'll just make him skittish!
Thought he said "skinny"
Good for you
*Skiddish
@@wetbadger2174 no
Best advice I ever got
RIP to this legendary actor. He deserved his own show outside of Onion sketches!
He would have been great on Veep
He had a very successful Broadway career.
@@420villainwhat’s that? Some crap created by the nomads from hellscape Europe?
Who was he?
What’s this actor’s name
That horse that stomps twice for "yes" and once for "no" sold me on CressBeckler, finally congress will get results.
that's progress
Cressbeckler! 😝🤣🤣😆💜💜💜
More effective than what we have now
Spanish-American war lol
1899 XD
BUZZARD'S GULCH.
I just read a book about that
PresidentialWinner which one?
"2 months sheriff of Diablo River mining settlement" hahaha i don't know why that made laugh the most
The Onion ahead of the curve yet again.
The Onion is like the Oracle at Delphi: never wrong.
Never. Wrong.
This video is interesting because they predicted Trump but also kind of Joe Biden.
@@gyurhanaziz7676 in terms of being old as shit they predicted Biden, but his personality is reflective of trump.
Satire simply holds a mirror up to reality.
Hilarious how now Trump was a better president than Biden in every regard. The world is insane lately
A needle, thread, and a bottle of whiskey is better than our current healthcare system
at least EVERY family gets SOMETHING
And we have to share the Whiskey
@aintnoway686 dawg what
Lost my cable service. So glad to find a good news source. I get stories here that other news organizations miss completely.
You just need to watch it at least 10 years after it was published and it all makes sense.
The Onion's ability to accurately predict the future is frightening.
They somehow have a better record than the Simpsons.
This is the past as well. Everything will repeat eventually.
@@o.sunsfamily yea all the comments say that the onion predicts the future but in reality this stuff happened before and will continue to happen
@Maiahi Trump was a grizzled city boy
what did they predict ?
“Americans a man who relies on his self”
-Joad Cressbeckler, 2008
Crying
Stop predicting the future The Onion.
It'sGood gorbal trank rekt by onion fruit
If only it came to pass.
Glad I'm not the only one to see this! This man has the "Bern" written all over him. haha
Matt Davis I would say trump
@@crocsonletsgo9665 hmm...I don't think Bernie is the candidate who's racist, hated immigration and can't form full sentences properly
Assuming that Cressbeckler was as young as 12 when he served in the Spanish American war and looked like a much older man as some do, he would be around 122 at the time of running, making him 6 years older than the oldest man and 3 years older than the oldest woman ever. Likely, no? Possible, yes!
oldest woman ever was 122
He was six feet tall and had a moustache at 12 then.
@@Demiglitch they grow up so fast
@@Demiglitchthe times were different back then
When death came for him the first time, back in 1956, Cressbeckler told him to get off his property and set his hound dog on him.
That horse would be so much more efficient than congress....
ye at least shit would actually get done
On that issue alone, he has my vote. That would cut so much expense out of the government's costs.
@@averagefanenjoyer8696 I feel like a lot of people don't understand that the government isn't supposed to be pumping out laws and bills and "getting stuff done"
The Dankest Betty White it’s a joke. 99.9% of Americans don’t actually support replacing congress with a horse that stomps once for yes and twice for no
I do
The guy who played Cressbeckler died, rest in peace…
Just goes to show that he was old enough.
Rip
He lived to be 140 or so, truly a full life rip
Unknown age, veteran of the spanish american war. Wow. Actually, I remember an article from the onion claiming McCain to be a veteran who earned a gold star in the crimean war, so they didn't hold the consistency together there.
Look the Queen of England was a veteran of the Battle of Kadesh, we mortals shouldn't be shocked lizards live so long.
@@lolasdm6959 Prince Phillip was definitely a Greek vampire about the same age
@@aceman0000099 Turkish*
@@lolasdm6959 I mean it was all Byzantine at the time
Cressbeckler was the keynote speaker at this year's CPAC.
They booed him off the stage and called him a socialist.
So, McCain is being challenged by Andrew Jackson?
Yes but without the genocide.
@@imperator5228 Agh, disappointing. He almost had my vote.
Ah well, maybe next term
7 years late.
@@imperator5228 You don't know anything about this guy
@@mrsharpie7899 You might be interested in the No Values Voters coalition
The Onion doesn't predict the future, it writes reality.
What reality was it referencing?
@@johnmartinez7440 hes probably talking about trump
@@johnmartinez7440 Conservatives love a harsh, mean leader. And that's why they love Trump so much.
Am I the only one who thinks replacing Congress with a horse that stomps once for yes and twice for no is actually a significant improvement?
I mean, think about it. He has a 50% chance of actually helping Americans.
Better yet, inverse Congress. Whatever they decide, you do the opposite.
But who proposes the bills? Maybe there should be some kind of coucil of representatives of the people who decide what gets proposed to the horse
@@HappyBazinga just cut out the middle man and have the council of representatives flip a coin on the issues themselves
They can’t be trusted. The horse should be in charge. Also I was actually looking for this comment lol @OP
War experience: Spanish-American War
Political experience: Sheriff....LOL
If only Cressbeckler were here to threaten Trump's base. I'm sure Joad would have something to say about "that sissified rich boy ain't ever even used a live possum as a 'kerchief."
😭😭
I think we should make splitting a chord of wood a requirement to anyone running for government.
This would be extremely entertaining.
I would like but it’s 69
@@Z.D.G.Entertainment745 do it that way we can still 69 plus a finger in the butt 😉
@@LRGDuran ok
Being able to spell "cord of wood" would be nice too.
I can't believe that not only did this actually end up happening, but he won
Twice 😢
"The only thing going to China is missiles!!!" lmfao
That will age well
I thought he would've said canonballs
I like how he physically looks like a poor man's Donald Trump...
Which is hilarious because Donald Trump is already a poor man's Donald Trump
He actually kinda looks like trump's dad
@@coreyeverett5500 what does that even mean?
Literally how?
Does everyone resemble Trump to you? Lol
Joad Cressbeckler for the change we need and the straight talk Americans deserve.
Revisiting this 14yrs later, looking at a not-so-fresh slate of seriously politicians. Smh. Sigh.
this aged well...
Thanks for the web-only bonus clip. 😊😊😊
Cressbeckler still makes more sense as a presidential candidate than Kanye West
damn.
even more relevant now
my god i can only imagine what would happen under kanye west post medication crisis.
16 years later and this fella might just win his second term.
Update: He did.
"Ya can't put a bucket over a pig's head. It'll just make 'em skittish!" Finally a candidate that speaks to the issues.
Implementing a single horse taking decisions would be better than the actual system where a donkey proposes ideas and an elephant says "no".
MenwithHill HOLY CRAP AMERICAN POLITICIANS DESTRYOED BY INTERNET USER
@Odysseas G Yeah, it was an easier statement to make 7 years ago. Though to be honest neither animal is doing much of anything right now, Congress really doesn't wanna have to make tough choices when it can just coast.
@@MenwithHill word
@@MenwithHill I like how you responded to a reply on a comment you made 7 years ago
@@fatshpee7174 not everyone drops their old accounts (though many do, UA-cam is big enough to be worth keeping up with for over a decade)
did anyone else peep "Sudan to send 200 soldiers to Iraq, for vacation." on the ticker? lmao
How did they get such good actors! This is worth a prize of some sort.
Joad Cressbeckler is the only man I have ever voted for. God Bless Joad!
You cant put a bucket on a pigs head without making him skittish
1:53
"Ye can't put a bucket over a pig's head. It'll just make 'em *SKITTISH!"*
He's not wrong. I've never seen a calm pig with a bucket on it's head.
Please someone explain this joke to me in terms of Iran. I feel sooo left out 😭😭🤣
@@blunt3862
Puttin a bucket over Iran's head is just gonna make them skittish. Joad ain't gonna put a bucket over Iran's head. He knows better ol' Joad.
I once seen that man charm a snake but it weren't with no flute.
It was with a .45 pistol but *Iran ain't no damn snake,* see?
Iran is a country. 🇮🇷
Joad knows that.
@@blunt3862 Presumably, he means that sanctions on Iran will only further hasten its nuclear program, and that instead we should butcher it, sell the edible parts, and leave whatever’s left to the elements. Truly the everyman’s candidate.
@@blunt3862 no
Energy policy:
U s e I m m I g r a n t s
This was basically RFK Jr.
no way bob kennedy is a blueblood who went to elite schools and rides his family name like a pony for the last 50 years. however he does rave like a bus stop hobo on subjects he has no knowledge or understand of so theres that i guess
Why is it that The Onion is prophetic? Do we really live in the dumbest timeline?
Donald Trump's presidential announcement reminds me of this. lol.
how about now?
And now? LOL
awdrifter3 Na. Its actually Bernie Sanders
HAHAHAHAHA ORANGE MAN BAD
Blomballed krump actually destroyed
Can we hear his whole speech, unedited please?
This is officially my favorite Onion report. 😂
Ladies and gentlemen: this is the candidate I am writing in for 2016.
They should have made an entire movie out of this character 😂
honenstly i like the concept of skipping debates and just seeing who can split logs faster.
I want more of this guy...
Search UA-cam for 'onion cressbeckler', he has his own series of skits.
look up donald trump he's real
16 years ago, satire, in 2024, an average MAGA rally/meetup.
…….and here we are in 2019 with some of this.
Their delivery is soooo good. It just like real national news casters.
Why isn't the onion on Comedy Central?
Comedy Central would have dragged down 2008 Onion
This guy would win any Republican primary in 2024 by an 80 point margin and that's not a good thing
0:47 Cressbeckler got that hawk tuah!
RIP George Riddle (1937-2023)
This is such a gem
Looking at this is just creepy, how accurately this depicts Trump… that's just genuinely insane.
"I like him, he's mad all the time."
PERFECT, esp the wooden leg in the Spanish War
I salute you from 2020
I love this guy. Continue to bring more of him.
In 2016, Cressbeckler was elected president without winning the popular vote but securing the upper midwest.
Little did they know they were only half a decade early from being reality.
Not a wonder this show doesn't run anymore. It would just be normal news.
This video was hilarious in 2008, but it's really depressing in 2022.
@lil werner Completely wrong. The 2008 elections were between two men who disagreed on a lot of issues but still very much respected each other and very much respected the dignity of the country's politics. That was always clear throughout that election. The same for 2012, Romney was an absolutely respectable man. When Trump came in he completely destroyed the dignity of the country's presidential politics (the Tea Party had already ruined the dignity of congress) and created an atmosphere where there was no respect among the final two presidential candidates. I have never seen or even heard of a larger piece of shit run for the American presidency, let alone win.
@@brooklyna007 Biden was a mistake for Obama, but Palin was an even worse one for McCain. I think there were a lot of factors, but their potential VPs did play a big role.
@@favoritemustard3542 Oof, Palin was suicidal for McCain. I know vice presidents are effectively chosen by the party and not the president. But Palin was just brutal to McCain's campaign. Biden was a gaff machine and didn't have great political history. But he had a lot of connections in Washington from his time in congress. So it is easier to justify him as vice president than Palin for McCain.
I agree. I get sad every day I can't vote for Joad 😔
EVen the way he says "China"" omfg Onion your time machine, show it to us now
The news crawl at the bottom was completely hilarious this time! My favorite was the "Ex Do Not Call List." LOL.
Antiquated and unhinged 2024 🐘
That caligula horse reference was pretty good.
"That's the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it!"
This is one of the recent best! Hilarious and great actor!! Amazing!!
McCains foreign policy is “dislikes Asians” LMFAO WOAAAH
He did fought in Vietnam
Cressbeckler 2016
2020 will be his re-election.
Don't you dare besmirch Joad's good name by comparing him to Donald Trump.
AgentAlmost hahahaha yes boland gollumpus physically decimated by comparison to parody character
@@taffyadam6031 Trump is basically a parody of himself.
S. Bakyhnh ronald flump rekt lmao get trolled conservatives
I gerntee I kin split a cord'a wood faystern' he kin!
whew election day 2024 here.
this was a classic!
long dawn of UA-cam material.
That was my favorite part, with the Horse stomping once for yes, twice for no.
"I'm ready for a man I can imagine drowning a bag of cats." lol!
Poor guy is just too liberal for the MAGA crowd
Is it just me, or does it sound like he would have actually been the best president ever. FFS he wanted to replace congress with a horse that stomps once for yes, twice for no, now that is EFFICIENCY in government if ever I heard it! We could get things done, and without spending so much money, with efficiency like that.
And we'd have free sugar cubes and apples for everyone.
Cressbeckler doesn't even need utilities on in White House, we'll save thousands a year on that alone !!
"I'm voting for a man i can imagine drowning a bag of cats."
A horse that's stomps once for 'yes' and twice for 'no' lol
Predicting the future of a similar, alternate universe. So close its scary.
Oh he said he's gonna drain the swamp!
Say what you will about Cressbeckler, he's not a hypocrite. Unlike a similar politician today.
I really wish this was more ridiculous than it is. It always makes me uncomfortable when The Onion is too close to the truth, especially when it's The Onion from 16 years ago.
"and when I am president, we'll kill em'!" - Joad Cressbeckler 2008
Hahahahaha, I am already dying loughing over the description, haven't even seen the clip.
I saw this in 2008 and thought it was real. I was 26, a war veteran in college, and had read hundreds of books.
Still, I was stupid.
@Lighthouse in the Storm
Certainly didn't in 2004 when they said we'd get absentee ballots and then didn't.
No one cares about your crappy average life
I aspire to be him in thirty years.
I aspire to be him someday, and I'm only a ripe ol' lad of twenty three.
But fer' sure I'll tell ya', I'll fire off warnin' shots at any dagum toktikkers that wander on to ma' property!
@@WasatchWind That's the spirit. Anyone using that rice picker app deserves a healthy volley.
Before it was a joke that conservatives would believe in a guy like this, now they really do.
This is straight up gold
This aged like the finest wine ever tasted
when he fired the shotgun into the air...i spit my water out i was laughing so hard
Back when 72 was old for a Presidential candidate
this just hits different after 2016
"You can't put a bucket over a pig's head, it'll just make him skittish!"
hahahahaha
No man beats cressbeckler in a wood splittin' contest
Huey Long aged pretty well.
14 years ago part of what makes this funny is how preposterous it is… in 2023 I am still laughing, but it’s a nervous laughter, because this isn’t so seemingly preposterous anymore 😮
Gotta love his immigration policy listed @1:10 although it doesn't really jive with the overall image lol