@@patriciofernandez2711 That's amazing. I got 45 seconds in and I was barely able to make out just a few words. I stopped watching because I just can't understand what he is saying. He may as well have been speaking icelandic.
realistically you can argue everything from an utilitarian standpoint, in favour of whomever it is that people want. They try to view utilitarianism as defective, yet technically speaking anything comes and goes as long as the gears of its machine run smoothly
RIP George Riddle, an absolute champ. Joad is such a well-written character. He's not a bad person, he's just an extreme libertarian. He supports gay rights, thinks immigrants deserve citizenship, and despises big governments.
Ditto. It’s a crying shame what happened to the quality of their video content over the years. Well produced, clever satire has been replaced by scrolling screen caps and stale presenters.
@@yellowblanka6058 Joads actor sadly passed away early in June, may he rest in peace, it is sad to know that he is gone, he seemed like a funny and amazing ol' fella.
i think Joad is part of the new alt-right like Trump, which is more of a nationalist party with populist rhetoric - not as evangelical. tolerant towards gays, but more hardline on immigration, guns, denying global warming, etc.
@@heatherdoty66 Not to mention all the pillowy parts-Lord knows how we even get around with these things! And it’s a real shame, too...bet our smaller hands would come in handy for pinchin’ gold out of them cave cracks. 😢
It’s a shame, you look at older content like this and then modern onion videos with some gen-z reporting some “story” in a UA-cam short that’s such obvious and unclever satire and realize how far the quality has fallen.
@@yellowblanka6058 they blew their entire budget on videos like this one before they went bankrupt. quality requires funding. those videos are just what they can afford to get by.
For years my school used this video as the final question in the English comprehension test at the highest difficulty level. No one ever managed to transcribe his speech perfectly for full marks. Finally the teacher had to admit that there isn't one correct answer to what he's saying; no one has yet managed to figure out what his exact words are.
I like Joad. We don't have enough politicians who understand that you can support both conservative viewpoints like gun rights and liberal ones like same-sex marriage.
“Record temperatures in Palm Springs, CA today” “Record highs force many indoors or to the pool” “Send us your pictures of you surviving the heat by the pool” “How do you cool off by the pool? Send us your iReports” “Thousands shedding clothes, going to the pool today in record numbers; send us photos of you shedding clothes and getting into the pool” “Hot, wet, and wearing little clothing? Send us your iReport” Yes, I got the message.
"I've seen 10 eagles in my life and I've kilt 9 of 'em, and I was sure that eagle was the one that gone away and came back again to taunt me. He was circlin' above the co-ral, quiet like and if there weren't so many cattle 'round I'da loosed black baby and shot 'im wantin' a tent feather for my pride hat, but gun shot's quickest way to a stamped and I had brandin' to do."
Black Betty, no one jawin about no Black Baby. Dey made dem a song about dat Black Betty, oh, some where round the time o that war within the blues and grays.
God, I've never had to concentrate so hard to understand someone speak the same language as me. Even the Filipino lady downstairs makes more sense and all she says is 'PokPok' when she sees me.
I knew a guy who talked like this guy, but worse, which is probably how I'm able to understand him. I love how he's actually supporting it in his own way, when he strikes me as the type of person who would be zealously opposed to it like a lot of old guys like him who come from that part of the U.S.
When the Student is Ready, the Teacher will Come. or Yes, we're living through "Idiocracy". Wait until the 80,000 new IRS fine folk clamps down on the Gig economy...Uber, Influencers etc. better be squeaky clean transparent with gifts and remuneration. They need every last drop of tax.
Man... As a non-native speaker, I didn't get a single thing about what Joad said. I guess I'll have to practice my listening skills a little bit more. But It's a shame because it seems that this was very funny.
The English Auto captions actually get the general gist across if the thick voice and accent is what's throwing you off! Unless you no longer have this problem since this is objectively a fairly old comment
I love it- even the CC voice recognition captions couldn't understand a word he was saying and came up with the worst subtitles since those ones for the Star Wars movies :-)
Very common argument: "legal marriage was always defined as one man, one woman" Also true: for most of our society's history, marriage between people of different races was considered illegal. We seen the flaw in that, that we were hurting groups of people for no good reason, and so we redefined marriage to include interracial couples. Marriage has already been redefined once before; nothing is stopping it from being redefined yet again, and for the same reason.
"I thought my brain leaked out of my head". He's really talking about those long, late nights when he was paired up w/ those strong men trying to stay warm from all that cave exploring.
"FDA rules bowl of meat and cheese may be called salad" "Building collapse causes washington to speak out against collapses" always have to watch these videos twice, once for the video and once for the scrolling headlines.
"Hold up hold up hold hold HOLD! You've never been minin' on a mountain durin' a chillin season? (????) Two men gotta pile up together to stay warm! " "Well that might be Joad but the government still shouldn't..." "That's colder (????) hills!! You say it aint right for two old prospecters to tug at each other's peckers to keep 'em from droppin' off in the frostbite?!"
I normally don't quote videos but god dammit this time it needs to be done: "Man brain aint much for taste... Mix it in your whiskey for power!" Joad went from crotchety old man to crotchety old cannibal... THANKS ONION!
love how he defended two men raising a child by saying you need children working in the mines xD
small hands to grab the gold!
chaotic good
@@gbm6882 child labour makes it chaotic neutral at best
Libertarianism be like
You need them tiny hands to reach inside those cave cracks n' pinch all that gold!!
Joad doesn't speak English, he speaks American.
I'm ashamed to say I understood everything.
Steven Zombek I didn’t heard too many words of nonsensical shouting.
I understood maybe 80% of what he said.
@@patriciofernandez2711 That's amazing. I got 45 seconds in and I was barely able to make out just a few words. I stopped watching because I just can't understand what he is saying. He may as well have been speaking icelandic.
'Merican! lol
Joad is the only person in the world who truly appreciates the warmth of another man.
It’s important to survive in the mines
What is your pp ??
I love it when Joad Cressbeckler ends up supporting the more progressive side of an argument, but with completely ridiculous reasoning. I miss Joad.
He a little confused but he got the spirit
Where is this "completely ridiculous reasoning"? I found all of his reasoning completely sound.
He’s still alive actually! He just moved to the bottom of the sea and has ceased aging in his fight against dread R’lyeh.
@@richardbread9882 They're certainly the most practical arguments that I've heard.
@@richardbread9882 This. I'm with him that eating man-brain isn't tasty.
who knew a prospector would talk of a homosexual relationship as utilitarian
Why is that weird? He just mines gold
@@Adamsnadler214 He went looking for gold and found diamonds and rainbows XD.
realistically you can argue everything from an utilitarian standpoint, in favour of whomever it is that people want. They try to view utilitarianism as defective, yet technically speaking anything comes and goes as long as the gears of its machine run smoothly
RIP George Riddle, an absolute champ. Joad is such a well-written character. He's not a bad person, he's just an extreme libertarian. He supports gay rights, thinks immigrants deserve citizenship, and despises big governments.
Like Ron Swanson.
But he doesn't support potato rights.
@@Rubyofthedead Not only does he not support potato rights, but he's got 'taters locked up in his root cellar.
You're right
@@Rubyofthedead They're what brung is the irish, after all
If I win the lottery, I'm just going to fund a Joad Cressbeckler series for my own satisfaction.
I hope you keep this promise my man
I'm going to fund a Joad Cressbeckler Campaign for president 2020
@@PresidentialWinner Good, we need a fair candidate like Joad Cressbeckler in office. He's definitely a man of the people
Ditto. It’s a crying shame what happened to the quality of their video content over the years. Well produced, clever satire has been replaced by scrolling screen caps and stale presenters.
@@yellowblanka6058 Joads actor sadly passed away early in June, may he rest in peace, it is sad to know that he is gone, he seemed like a funny and amazing ol' fella.
"We only uttered it once, but then we knew..." Haunting.
the funniest part of this is that you would think Joad would be against gay marriage, but he's totally for it
Totally caught me of guard
That has to be the most unexpected character development I’ve seen anywhere
i think Joad is part of the new alt-right like Trump, which is more of a nationalist party with populist rhetoric - not as evangelical. tolerant towards gays, but more hardline on immigration, guns, denying global warming, etc.
@@DS-ff6ze ? I hope you're joking. That's not Joad Cressbeckler at all
@@DS-ff6ze Joad definitely wants the Chinee women to be able to freely come and go as they see fit, so nope
"Bears r' attracted tuh ther' menses!"
True tho, polar bears can smell blood for miles.
Best line.
@@heatherdoty66 Not to mention all the pillowy parts-Lord knows how we even get around with these things! And it’s a real shame, too...bet our smaller hands would come in handy for pinchin’ gold out of them cave cracks. 😢
The writers for the show are geniuses. Bring back the onion
@@SomesingVague you get too emotional when a man dies from the dynamite! The gold mines are no place for you.
This seems weirdly relevant right now
I desperately wish Joad's audio autobiography was actually available, I would throw several monies at it.
It’s a shame, you look at older content like this and then modern onion videos with some gen-z reporting some “story” in a UA-cam short that’s such obvious and unclever satire and realize how far the quality has fallen.
I just read the comment section to see if it really exists. I was looking to buy it but couldn't find it anywhere.
I just read the comment section to see if it really exists. I was looking to buy it but couldn't find it anywhere.
@@yellowblanka6058 they blew their entire budget on videos like this one before they went bankrupt. quality requires funding. those videos are just what they can afford to get by.
@@yellowblanka6058 There's still occasionally some gold on their website.
Bottom left of the CD cover:
"Disclaimer: Not all words are audible."
Cressbeckler is a gay icon
a true queen
He is pansexual
Like Deadpool
Jai Cabardo w
A skinny legend
"now im not far giggly prancing like some fatty queen of 15 at the harvest barn foot dance" what a beautiful use of the english language
*American.
"Mix it in your whiskey for power."
Still good advice
I like the casual, if indirect, admission to cannibalism
For years my school used this video as the final question in the English comprehension test at the highest difficulty level. No one ever managed to transcribe his speech perfectly for full marks. Finally the teacher had to admit that there isn't one correct answer to what he's saying; no one has yet managed to figure out what his exact words are.
well that seems kinda bullshit
@@wabbajocky8235I think it’s one of those yokes
1876 would make this dude well over 140 years old probably at least 160
This is what we have been saying in the homosexual civil rights movement since Stonewall. Thank you, Joad, for being a voice for our cause.
0:59 the delivery of "what's your bug with gays, brown?" was so perfect this has been stuck in my head
Joad will die during our lifetimes, this is a sad thought..
GreenBlueClouds That’s what Kennedy said.
he died in july 2014, his real name is george riddle.
declan nope
@@declan- you're confusing him with the musician. The actor is still alive
@@declan- George Riddle may be gone, but Joad will live forever.
This is like the Boomhauer of the 19th century
Hello famous person how are you all these years later?
@@GrandmasterDinnerRoll he is just doing fine & UA-cam won't remind him off this comment.
I like Joad. We don't have enough politicians who understand that you can support both conservative viewpoints like gun rights and liberal ones like same-sex marriage.
Fewer still who protect gay rights with gun rights
@@lyndsaybrown8471 fewer still who justify child raising by same sex parents with child labor hehhh
So a libertarian?
@@sipofsunscorchedsarsaparil6052 Dingdingding! Joad is definitely Libertarian Rightwing.
@@sipofsunscorchedsarsaparil6052 gay farmers protecting their weed farms with guns
That guy never touched a pecker on the blacktop mountains. Hush Up!
“Record temperatures in Palm Springs, CA today”
“Record highs force many indoors or to the pool”
“Send us your pictures of you surviving the heat by the pool”
“How do you cool off by the pool? Send us your iReports”
“Thousands shedding clothes, going to the pool today in record numbers; send us photos of you shedding clothes and getting into the pool”
“Hot, wet, and wearing little clothing? Send us your iReport”
Yes, I got the message.
At 0:02
0:12
"Ya need their small hands to reach inside them cracks and pinch that gold!"
10 years later: Oh, Lordy, reaching inside cracks and pinching gold is an innuendo isn't it? 🤣
"I've seen 10 eagles in my life and I've kilt 9 of 'em, and I was sure that eagle was the one that gone away and came back again to taunt me. He was circlin' above the co-ral, quiet like and if there weren't so many cattle 'round I'da loosed black baby and shot 'im wantin' a tent feather for my pride hat, but gun shot's quickest way to a stamped and I had brandin' to do."
Black Betty, no one jawin about no Black Baby. Dey made dem a song about dat Black Betty, oh, some where round the time o that war within the blues and grays.
WOW!
This is a spectacular achievment.
It's comedy at it's finest.
Your writers are amazing!
Your whole team is something special.
"You say it ain't right for two old prospectors to tug at each others' peckers to keep 'em from falling off in the frostbite?!"
"I'd eaten the brain but it don't taste like no man-mind..."
XDDD
The man's so far right-leaning that he reached the edge and looped over to the left side
God, I've never had to concentrate so hard to understand someone speak the same language as me. Even the Filipino lady downstairs makes more sense and all she says is 'PokPok' when she sees me.
Philippines official language is English
Pokpok is Filipino slang for prostitute :(
"Senator insist he is merely friendly with mobsters" hahaha
That wasn't even the funniest gag scrolling by!
At 0:54
i seen 10 eagles in my life an i shot 9 of them
We need Cressbeckler now more than ever.
I miss Joad :(
199 people got a bug wit gays
The hush up graphic is fucking hilarious
"The bears are right attracted to their menses." LOL!!!
There has to be a way for comedy writing this good to be recognized by the Emmy Awards. This stuff is top class, period.
I knew a guy who talked like this guy, but worse, which is probably how I'm able to understand him.
I love how he's actually supporting it in his own way, when he strikes me as the type of person who would be zealously opposed to it like a lot of old guys like him who come from that part of the U.S.
He’s a proper progressive.
"after them gays marched them rainbers in warshintin"
Poor ol joad :(
You can tell hes getting emotional over what hes talking about
I only understood like half of it, but that half was awesome. The other half even better. I love Joad! In a manly way only cold prospectors could.
It's a travesty that these Onion videos have less than 200K views while idiotic "reaction" and "unboxing" videos sit in the millions.
A damn shame indeed.
Preach brotha
When the Student is Ready, the Teacher will Come.
or
Yes, we're living through "Idiocracy".
Wait until the 80,000 new IRS fine folk clamps down on the Gig economy...Uber, Influencers etc. better be squeaky clean transparent with gifts and remuneration. They need every last drop of tax.
Sirs and mams, pillowie parts. Excellent grammar. I love Joad
i cannot understand a world lol
There are subtitles now!
"man brain aint much for taste - mix in your whisky for power!"
That guy is hilarious.
"Man brains ain't much for taste, just mix it in your whiskey for power."
LMAO " you say it ain't right for two o' prospectors to tug on each other's peckers to keep them from dropping off in the frostbite" priceless!
Joad's old school.
***** they didn't have schools back then
I'd pay good money for a real copy of Chuckwagon Recollectin' .
0:36-0:44 if you turn it up really loud you can here someone on the set laughing quietly
phillipflsmith just letting you know that 5 years later I listened and heard it. The sharp inward breaths lol
How the fuck did you notice that? Was so quite. You have acute observation skills. Prestine work comrade, I found it at 0:44.
this actor is brilliant, he gets SO into it! I love the Onion actors but this guy is the best! he needs more videos!
he is dead
@@sydssolanumsamsys not a bad epilogue for old mates life. I've been laughing at this series since it came out.
Whoever wrote this is brilliant
Man... As a non-native speaker, I didn't get a single thing about what Joad said. I guess I'll have to practice my listening skills a little bit more. But It's a shame because it seems that this was very funny.
Joad is mumbling his words so even to a native English speaker he is difficult to understand.
@@mueezadam8438 thank you 😌
The English Auto captions actually get the general gist across if the thick voice and accent is what's throwing you off! Unless you no longer have this problem since this is objectively a fairly old comment
I somehow just noticed "The Chinese Lady" standing behind Joad as he accepts his award. She is pretty darn purdy for a chinese...
"can't haul no bounty with all them pillowly parts" lol
Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.
You know it's almost soothing listening to this guy ramble :)
but seriously that dude is a really good actor
Hahahaha "Women can't go to the mines! Bears are attracted to their menses". Genius. Also love that his mining expedition was in 1876.
"Bill O'Reilly now selling branded chunks of his molted exoskeleton."
This.^
At 0:24
hilarious character
This is what cost him the republican primaries
I love it- even the CC voice recognition captions couldn't understand a word he was saying and came up with the worst subtitles since those ones for the Star Wars movies :-)
'Bears are attracted to their mensies'
God dammit, He's so goddamn hilarious.
"the bears are right attracted to their menses"
THE BEARS CAN SMELL THE MENSTRUATION
One minute in: I haven’t understood a word he’s said yet
Three minutes in: is he defending gay marriage??
I would spend $30 to buy a full length Joad Cressbeckler audiobook biography. There it is TheOnion, do it.
Bi+ icon Joad Cressbeckler
2:18 HUSH UP! You goddamn HUSH UP! LMAO
I love Joad Cressbeckler. More please.
Senator insists he is merely friends with mobster hahahahahahahahahahahahaha 👍👍👍
At 0:54
Very common argument: "legal marriage was always defined as one man, one woman"
Also true: for most of our society's history, marriage between people of different races was considered illegal. We seen the flaw in that, that we were hurting groups of people for no good reason, and so we redefined marriage to include interracial couples.
Marriage has already been redefined once before; nothing is stopping it from being redefined yet again, and for the same reason.
This dude is further left than most republicans.
Well, he is into cannibalism. So, yeah.
I'm gettin me one of them spoke books.
Where does The Onion find all these brilliant comedic actors?! This stuff deserves to be on more than just UA-cam.
"Iv seen ten eagles in my life an i killed nine of em" oh my fukin god i laughed so hard!
Anyone else notice the increasingly desperate requests for pool photos scrolling by at the bottom of the screen?
"Those bears are right attracted to those mensees" best line ever!!!
How can anyone not understand this guy? Only took me three times of listening.
I don't see what two men tugging each other off in the mountains has to do with gay marriage.
Unmarried men can commit sodamy too!
How dare you, sex before marriage is a sin. Up in dem dere Black hills, all the guys were married
How were these videos ever profitable? The quality is astonishing. No matter they aren't making them anymore.
Joad is the last person I'd expect to support gay marriage, but I'm glad he does all the same.
I think I could sit here and watch this over and over all day. It's hilarious.
"I thought my brain leaked out of my head". He's really talking about those long, late nights when he was paired up w/ those strong men trying to stay warm from all that cave exploring.
I'm so happy they're making more Cressbeckler Stance! I thought they stopped
"FDA rules bowl of meat and cheese may be called salad"
"Building collapse causes washington to speak out against collapses"
always have to watch these videos twice, once for the video and once for the scrolling headlines.
"Man-brain ain't much to taste, mix it in yer whiskey for power" did I hear that right??? :3
Mix it in your whiskey for power!
I'd vote for him.
"Man brain aint much for taste... Mix it in your whiskey for power!"
the hush up (shhh) animation was awesome! Fav. Cressbeckler so far.
oh my god I'm laughing so hard I might piss. "warm skin family"
Fun Fact about Joad Cressbeckler: He doesn't work for The Onion.
He just walked in, and demanded they started filming.
"Hold up hold up hold hold HOLD! You've never been minin' on a mountain durin' a chillin season? (????) Two men gotta pile up together to stay warm! "
"Well that might be Joad but the government still shouldn't..."
"That's colder (????) hills!! You say it aint right for two old prospecters to tug at each other's peckers to keep 'em from droppin' off in the frostbite?!"
I normally don't quote videos but god dammit this time it needs to be done:
"Man brain aint much for taste... Mix it in your whiskey for power!"
Joad went from crotchety old man to crotchety old cannibal... THANKS ONION!
Went looking for gold in those hills, found rainbows instead 🌈
I have no idea what he's saying. This is the final boss for English learners.