The real problem is why those who think "acting your age" = Becoming more pretentious, unwilling to accept change, introverted, and abandoning all hobbies. Some people die at 21, while others truly live at 50.
@@Lilylou59 Mine is confrontation. I've no problem matching them and even insulting them back in an attempt to get them to feel what they make others feel like but then I chicken out. I think my answer comes with boxing or mma or something. People think I can stand my own... I can't. I'd rather be around people who can discuss their problems than those who think they're the best one in the room.
I’m approaching 30 and I still feel like a child in a way. While responsibility is expected of you, you can’t let adulthood dictate you from what you want to do and how you should behave. At 18, I thought I was finally an adult and had to mature a bit, now I don’t care. If people don’t like that, then that’s their own issues which you shouldn’t take responsibility for. That’s being an adult…
That might work on some levels and some situations, providing you have actual autonomy, but it doesn’t work as well sharing living arrangements with others and then living only by one’s own preferred rules.
@@SophieBird07 Correct. If Sam was living as a hermit, it would be no problem. We each need to consider how our actions and dispositions affect the relationships we have with others, and not only lifelong relationships but the spontaneous ones with people we meet.
I'm 36 and still feel 23 or so, I just have money now. You should never let that part of you go though, laugh at the same stuff, watch cartoons, play video games, whatever it is. Hold on to it and don't change. On the other hand though, "Why don't you want kids?" Because I can barely manage my own life, how can I teach a kid? "Daddy can you help me with my math homework?" No because I'm too stupid and failed it at school.
The only thing I would add to this otherwise true statement in a world of adults is that the inner child needs to not just be alive but healed. When we live via our wounded inner child we can cause so much pain - sometimes to ourselves and other times unconsciously passing it onto to others.
@@pariaradhya99 Not true, we shouldn't "heal" anything, this is bogus rubbish this toxic culture has told us we "NEED" to do... absolutely not. We dont. I did it with psychedelics and it didnt heal me, it destroyed my fucking life. So no, we dont need to heal. We need to LIVE. Our inner child doesnt need to be healed, it needs to be expressed and nourished through CREATIVITY. You heal by being AUTHENTIC, thats it.
I'm 23 and still think of myself as a kid. I'm that weird mix of extremely immature but kind and friendly. I've been told I'm "the good kind of immature" by friends, and "annoying, but nice" by non-friends (and even people I have a one-way friendship with). I don't throw tantrums (but I sometimes do cry when overwhelmed) but I do immature stuff like blowing bubbles in my drinks, joking around and not always being aware of when someone doesn't appreciate my teasing. I always feel bad when I hurt someone's feelings, though. It's the worst feeling to know that I caused pain to another human being. Also, I don't see myself as able to handle real responsibilities and just let the adults in my life (my parents) handle things for me. I try to have interesting conversations but I unfortunately focus too much on my interests. Maybe the average person isn't interested in hearing about my coloring books, but I like talking about them. When I talk about my interests it's because I like those things, they make me happy and I want to give someone else a chance to experience the same joy I did.
@@seesaw1502 I have a lot of cute things as well, coloring books, kids toys, my bedroom looks like a little girl's bedroom. I think it's fair to say my bedroom looks almost unchanged from 20 years ago. Except some of the pink and purple paint are showing their age at this point. It's funny though when relatives come to visit and they see my room, they say they feel like they stepped back in time to the mid-00s. I still have my old Lizzie McGuire poster I got when I was 3 for Christmas because I loved that show. I've been told "Ankhara, you should put this stuff away for safekeeping and sell it someday, it's worth a lot of money". They're probably right but I like things how they are.
Me right now, at 25. I still really want to act out the most fun scenarios that I could've only dreamt about acting out with others during the age of 16-18. And I really want to do so with someone before the age of 27 (or possibly 30-33), when it would appear to be seemingly too late to do so.
Not only do I have the mindset of a teen girl, but over time my body has aged backwards to be closer to that mind set. I lost the will to get age, get old and get illness from aging.
I've been married for 5 years now, and , in the past, whenever my husband would go into a rage, I would feel like I'm being yelled at by my narcissistic mother, and I would freeze. But I've learned that my husband (and mother) is the fearful child, and I'm the adult who can assert herself to be respected. In other words, I don't have to remain in a relationship where the other person feels out of control and resorts to yelling to gain control. Therapy has truly helped.
Watching this made me think of my father and his reactions to stress. He was unable to control his emotions and would often regress back to a much younger version of himself. Seeing him like that was heartbreaking. The video made me understand how important it is to recognize our own triggers and to stay calm even when we're feeling overwhelmed.
Childlike joy, playfulness and even mischief. Some of the happiest people I've known (some of them quite old) know how to be silly, especially when it lightens up a potentially tense situation. Are these people immature? Certainly not. They've drawn from a lifetime of behaviors and chosen one that brings joy to the moment. Emotional triggers that make us unhappy are an entirely different can of worms.
Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. I know some people who have ostensibly reached their forties and beyond, yet wouldn't be out of place in a school!
The following quote can be very helpful and consoling in those situations: “I believe there's no such thing as overreacting; it's just that what someone is reacting to may no longer be what's in front of them.” Terry Real I always keep this in mind. Because here is the thing: We have feelings and then we have feelings about those feelings!! You may feel extremely angry in a situation and then right away, feel deeply ashamed of being angry! For example, I remember this very unfriendly woman at the foreigners office back then, who told me about the millions of papers I had to bring to get my working permit, saying that " I still think it won't work ". At that very moment I felt like I could bust her head! Despite the " loving kindness meditation" one hour a day! ( So Terry Real pops out in my head in those situations and tells me that I am not reacting to what's in front of me, but what it is behind me;an entire childhood with an extremely violent parent. So I forgive myself...) The point is to always remember that back then we were powerless, but now we have all the agency in the world to deal with these situations. It is also important to keep educating ourselves to know how to deal with our past. For friends who suffered from emotional or physical parental abuse, here are some resources that I have found very helpful. 1. The most important thing in this world is to cultivate self compassion. If you don't have it, it is because you have internalised the unforgiving gaze of your parent upon you. That's why it is extremely important to actively cultivate self love daily , no matter how awkward and artificial it may seem to you at the beginning. These two guided meditations are very helpful. -UCLA Hammer Meditation, Diana Winston, Loving Kindness For Ourselves -Tara Brach, Awakening Self Compassion 2. Broadening your horizon with the stories of other people who suffered the same is extremely helpful. You feel less alone in your struggle and you learn from them, seeing how they deal with it. Here are some podcast episodes that really touched me deeply: TIM FERRIS PODCAST " My healing journey after childhood abuse" DRIVE PODCAST by Peter Attia The episode with Esther Perel ( if your mother was abusive ) The episode with Terry Real ( if your father was abusive ) DEAR THERAPISTS PODCAST Two episodes: " Moll'y father's suicide" " Jason's alcoholic father THERAPY WORKS PODCAST, Julia Samuel The episode with Rangan Chatterjee 3. I remembered an interview with Esther Perel, one of the best therapists on the planet, where she said that she could only publish her first book, after her overly critical mother died. So probably, if her mom was still alive, millions of people wouldn't have the opportunity to benefit from her incredibly helpful books. For some of us it is like this: those who make us who we are, also constantly break us in ways that neither they nor we properly understand.That's why introspection is very important. I highly recommend everyone to read the book " Maybe you should talk to someone " by Lori Gottlieb and also to use the workbook, that helps us to ask ourselves the right questions! 4. There is a wonderful video from this channel called "How to parent yourself". I wrote another list under it, if you wish to check it out. Thanks a lot for this valuable lesson and the wonderful animation!
1 year of IFS therapy l plus reading many books on trauma/CPTSD helped me enormously. I reconnected with my Inner Child and started being an adult for him. I think what really helps is when irl something similar happens to when we were growing up and in that situation we can step up and protect our Inner Child, this is a game changer. Our Inner Child trusts us more, and the more trust there is the less anxiety we feel etc. It takes time and practice, it may require going to therapy and attending to our traumating memories with love and compassion. But, it is worth it ❤ The Body Keeps the Score is a good starting point in my view. Plus journalling.
I thought I had an anger disorder and I couldn’t be helped but once I found a doctor who called them temper tantrums it put things into perspective and helped me start to change and control my emotions
When I lost my husband of forty years died. I had no clue how to act. I went back mentally to my high school years. I went back to what I knew or how to act. The big problem, is I'm seventy-two old.✌
Coming here after getting a nasty comment on a video I posted doing an interior tour of my tiny vintage caravan home that said it was "childish" and to "grow up". I'm in my 50s and autistic and have been told this my whole life. I also have complex PTSD and never felt OK about being myself until very recently, so it hurts to be told to "grow up" because I like childish things, pink, fluffy toys, rainbows and unicorns. My caravan is my only home and my safe sanctuary from the world. The way I've decorated it makes me happy but the more people tell me to "grow up", the more reclusive I become. People can be so mean! 😢
A lot of these comments got the video really wrong. This isn't about childlike wonder, its about childhood trauma that real problems in adulthood, in moments when we absolutely NEED to behave like adults but are incapable of because our brain malfunctions. There is nothing to romanticise here and i empathise with amyone struggling with this as it has caused me to ruin many an opportunity in my life
We very much need this kindness toward ourselves. We also need this kindness toward one another. We are all wounded children who may not know how to heal ❤
Yes, it is sounding, in many ways, familiar to me. 😢😔 But as you mentioned, 'knowing the danger/hazard is more than half-way to a solution - and greater calm.' Thank You. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
I've been craving to be a child again ever since I was a teen. As soon as I entered secondary school it felt like my life had ended. I have been dissociated very heavily since. I am only just waking up from it. The thing is my earlier childhood was made to feel unsafe by emotionally unavailable parents and traumatic neighbours (alcoholism, violence, shouting you name it) I don't even remember all that. But I know, if I walk in the vicinity of that house I feel this existential anxiety. I just want to let go. I am trying to learn to let my inner child understand it's ok to feel this fear and let it pass. Of course as an adult I have perspective on what those people were like and why. My parents didn't deal with it back then tjey just vilified the neighbors and so little me clearly felt like there were monsters next door.
I guess when we are kids all these types of experiences scare us and mark us because we don't understand the roots of these unpleasant situations. This is why, as adults, it is important to explore those shards of memory that traumatised us as children so that we can get a better understanding of the cause of such nasty experiences. I have a video on the nature of our emotions, "Let go", it doesn't really touch on this psychological part, it focuses more on the science behind our emotions. If you feel like it, check it out. Maybe it could help.
This is a good phenomenon to be aware of in ourselves but also in those we have have to deal with. Exercising all the restraint, control and reason in the world feels inadequate when confronted with a childlike tantrum from an adult.
When you hit your 40s and into your 50s...all the work you put in to being an adult after a lifetime of unhelpful experiences...you can start to feel like an overwhelmed child...which is probably what we actually are.
The agony of the lifetime effects of childhood. Every future parent must be told of the profound after effects of trauma in childhood. Mine is beyond belief but no one knows . The burden of the huge damage follows me forever.
I absolutely agree with you, Patricia. I have always felt that parenting classes be mandatory in junior high and high school.. On a personal note, I struggle with childhood trauma on many levels. Without going into detail, my parents did the best they could. We were poor and they made far too many babies. ;). That said, it, too, has followed me all my life. Take care of yourself. Find activities that you know won't trigger the trauma. Being in nature is my personal best activity...
I'm 30 dang years old but in my heart I still feel like I'm just a kid. From a girl who NEVER wanted to grow up. Still don't. As long as you remember your responsibilities I think we can still be kids whenever and however we like
You'd think adults would behave like adults but they behave as children. Every small disagreement turns into an argument that could last all day, and they expect you to just sit there listening to their long lecture about themselves. The fact they actually sit on their ass and expect you to do everything for them like they don't have their own two feet and then complain when you talk back to them. It's THEIR stuff they're not babies. 🙄 I feel like I'm living with two children. My mom is like a little sister who won't shut up and bosses me around to get stuff for her and complains about everything my dad is like a little brother who doesn't care about anything and lectures me about his life. When you mix the two together it's chaos
Wow. My issues with a supervisor suddenly are clear now. The fucker is just like my father, who was too physical when disciplining me as a child and has explosive anger. Only two people in my entire life have made me so angry i began to cry, but now i realize it is really just one
First, it's experiences, not she that determine our thinking and way we act. Second, Those who cannot act their age are usually the ones who cannot walk from the shadows of their childhood trauma or that they are grasping on to what made them happy in their childhood and thus never truly mature. It is a sign that something fundamentally is very wrong and disturbing the mind within the individual. That's how you tackle this issue.😢😢😢
I'm sorry your supervisor makes you feel that way. You should perhaps think about writing a letter above their station explaining this and also preparing to find another job. I wouldnt tolerate bullying like behavior, remember that life's all numbers, in the end you can just decide not to ever go back there and they can't do anything about it. Those bullies from school had to get a job somewhere right? Don't put up with it but I dont mean fight them. Let them cry in your face screaming and maybe record it. If they hit you they're going to prison. Or at the very least you're getting very nice councilling paid for by them. Note: You're there to do a job. A job You've agreed on already. You're not there to take slack it isn't the army and its not school. Legally speaking they are not your owner and they have to respect you. Its not the 90s anymore either. I'm sorry again, I hope it gets better. Further, you're human and their priority might be to wake up early for work everyday and take out their angers on those below them, your priority might not even be work. If they dont like that they'd have got rid of you already!
This explains my passivity/patience in trying situations like interminable queues! I'm 72 and waited over 10 minutes for service today. I was ignored by counter staff.. When a in convent school we were chided and punished if we didn't stand dead still in silence while waiting in line. Now I'm going to grow up and tell those nun substitutes what I think of them😂 obviously a slow learner
Maybe the answer is to not care so much put the item down and go to a different shop religiously. You dont need to be confrontational straight away, maybe email the company instead. I've given up shops before because of bad staff members. I dont like calling people out publicly but thats because I've not had boxing lessons yet... ^^ I'd like to think if I was with you I'd have pointed it out on your behalf. Not because I'm nice but because its easier to tell someone to sort their stuff out when it benefits another. Lol. Good luck!
How people interprete that comes with their adulthood cold nature among the group that "know better" having an argument point dose not connect to people alienate people. I can't find an adult that looks human but artifical in its thinking. Fake and a mask. As an autistic. If someone has love, connection and potential to communicate where the "adults" judge on being pecked down in the pecking order and being mentioned as a lesson too the alike group. It's not really worth much considering to respect them as they don't respect you.
The adult world, as alike as a group think alike and have nothing but shallow intent. Sure the value their kids, everyone else means nothing too them, they dont want to get hurt. (Nor do i, but thats not a lesson on the rule is it?) The husband, culture, how "life" forms. But the system and its reasoning is flawed and indifferent, stoticism whatever it is. As being 20s it was more communicating and speaking about your favourite stuff, games, films. What's the adult got to offer? Gender wars, politics, judgements, morality? Divorce settlements? (Later you years in 40s) And even mentioning a part of affection is responded back as dismissal to not get hurt. Or be just like Bob Harris from lost in Translation, talking too his wife on the phone being a wall and dismissive of indifference. Bob, I got things to do...." "Responsibility" Yet its based on a lie to cover our true feelings in a world that is "correct and right" that is in rewlity wrong and non-commucation. It's just saying well, we got your coffin ready, you use it until you pass away alone in our society that function's "not perfect" but disconnected and functioning. When I do speak to people there is connection, when I try to throw the tennis ball, never comes back, you look on what the internet teaches them, is to be alone and a nun. Yet they commucate too others in an appropriate manner. Yet it is walls, bounderies. Adulthood. Pain, death waiting to just drop on the floor where life is wasted. A reaching hand was viewed as a red flag, but to appropriate too its end result of life passing by listening too infulncers, green flag is to be a doll on a shelf, like a brand, a product. Not seeing human bring just being the adulthood of a product others can look at but not see. That is what world is. It can change, but this how it is.
I’m 27. Have always been in a state of conflict. A conflict within brewing inside me. Storm in a teacup kinda situation really. A sense of underachievement, lack of purpose and worthlessness haunt me. I am 27 and don’t earn a penny for myself. Not because I don’t want to, not because I’m not qualified to, but because I am just not able to set my life straight. Let alone life, I’m not able to set my day straight or an hour straight. I thought I knew about the cause of my anxieties but I guess I don’t. Life feels like a maze, where the only way out is up.
I feel you. I used to be so sad and desperate and didnt even know why. Everything started to change with my first regular Job, which wasn't Great in itself but was a good start, then everything became more clear as I was diagnosed with ADD, then everything started to make complete sense was when I could truly look back at my childhood and how my parents still behave. I hope you find what you are looking for. Bless you. Keep pushing forward.
You're not alone. Working does help. Doesn't mean you'll be perfect but coming home and waking up again is something to be proud about. Waking up too much the other day? Dont beat yourself. It's all numbers and there's plenty of us to replace. Focus on yourself, the sun and maybe completing that game turning the PC off and chucking a nasty habit so you can enjoy the suntan more :) that's my personal goals anyway lol.
This happened to me but just with dating. I always struggled connecting with males and so I’m 37 but dating wise I’m a teenager still wanting to be chosen.
My wife (38) had trauma at an early age and then in 2 spots in her 20's. When she's not acting her age, it's usually due to being uncomfortable in the face of looming responsibilities that one of her parents used to mercilessly scold her about constantly - or she has reminders of things she had experienced in her past like abandonment, emotional rejection, or insecurities regarding her physical appearance. If anything comes up that appears to be a threat based on painful memories felt in those areas, she can revert to the mental age of the trauma in her childhood or very young adult years - or facets of both. Traditional therapy has not seemed to help much thus far, but I want to know how she can finally feel resolved and unclenched about these things in her past and truly make peace with them. Until then, she will feel unsafe even when she is very safe, and these reactions keep coming out so that she doesn't act anywhere near her age. Maybe it has to do with how she only felt safe just before these times in her life, and so for feelings of safety, she has convinced herself that she must revert to that point just before the traumas. We all wish we could go back, but the reality is we only have these moments in succession and the past leaves us more every day.
AS someone who struggles daily with the same thing that happened to your wife, just always remember, what happened to her, is not her fault. her brain is doing what it was designed to do=protect
I think mindfulness helps and just not thinking/talking about the past. Having constant reminders that you're not that scared 12 year old anymore and build trust in yourself/your decisions in the present. Yes you may be ashamed that you didnt stand up too a bully at age 12 but actually at age 38 you have the emotional ability too do so. She could do exposure therapy? I dont know what her traumas are so exposure may be tricky. She will get through it and commend you for sticking by her side!
@@Augfordpdoggie Agreed. It's just unfortunate that what our mind tells us is protection is not actually doing much protection at all and is making a sort of feedback loop while other problems may be created by the dozens as it is left unresolved. Protection is almost an illusion, but healing is the answer. The first step of healing is to want it and seek it. That takes courage. I wish you the best, and please remember to face these things always with courage and guidance from the people who care for you and want to see you at your most joyful state.
Finding compassion for herself. ❤ Reading or listening to the book, "The Body Hold Trauma," by; Van Der Kolk is an eye opening, science based book that helps you recognize the traumas, as well as strategic methods to handle the traumas. She might need to be in a play, take up yoga or experience EMDR. This book puts a lot in perspective.
I have various childlike states I revert to. And teen ones. Because I had childhood trauma then was horribly bullied at school until I was 16. I feel, very emotionally stunted. Doing DBT now and wanting to do EMDR afterwards. I crave to be a fully fledged Integrated adult and not a fractured person who is simultaneously an adult yet also a teen yet also a small child. I met someone with DID. Well, I fell in love with someone with DID. The relationship couldn't last.. too much trauma both sides unsolved. But I realised, we existed. By we I mean myself, our ourself. It's not as far as DID but I have a very active and potent inner child. Well, that's who I really am. The adult me is a shell of what once was. But I recently realised that I cannot return to being a child and trying to do so just hurts me. I have to accept our inner child and atthe same time, reparent him into adulthood.
Interesting stuff. I’ve found that there are a number of competing theories as to the way trauma, and particularly childhood trauma shapes our behaviour as we grow older. How much of our behaviour is actually in our control, and how much is actually shaped by our previous experiences?
@@flixbue6565 I don't think there's any exact distinction. One could argue that past experiences (such as traumas) may influence the way we think about things or respond to situations to a lesser or greater extent, but at the end of the day we still have the ability to choose how we react. But there is always that experience that influences the direction our thoughts may initially go in certain situations, that could differ a great deal in someone who did not deal with a certain traumatic experience.
I agree with everything except for one thing: it's not reason that repairs the damage but grief, i.e. grieving that past moment where the initial trauma occured. Then it is resolved once and for all. Otherwise reason will only kick in and save you for now until the next trigger happens and you have to go through it all over again. So feel, tell the story to yourself and grieve.
acting our mental "age" is based on societal standards and how we fit in. sadly maturity isn't something to judge but watch someone use. what if mentally your 1000's of years old but your body's perception of time is less then 1% of that do you act your age? since there is no guide lines probably not. acting our age is a way to control us so people can have higher expectations and standards for and of us. which is why it's used in a way to attack other for their lack of.
Well explained. I stopped playing video games at 17 one because I got bored of it, but two being the main reason was to focus on my grades in my final year of high school. Now I did pass all my subjects but only got around the mid 60’s. now I’m 23 and I miss playing the games I loved like nfs, assassin’s creed 🏴☠️ , ratchet and clank etc. I have a job but I feel like people my age or even older who still play video games have more of a “life” (whatever society - which you mentioned makes us believe is a “life” and “normal”), than me… I used to overthink my past and think of how I could of changed it but now I’m constantly worrying about my future…. It’s making me hate society as a whole even though deep down I can connect with and meet people easily
I’m 20 and I just can’t take my family always being like “get a job, act your age, etc) like Ik what I should be doing 😞 I’m just too fucking broken mentally to do anything. I truly just wish I didn’t wake up most days, and can’t even enjoy simple thing in life anymore 😰 I just want to feel happy and rnormal again. I wonder if having a deadbeat dad that I looked up to for so long made me the way I am, or if I’m just weak. Idk anymore, and it’s getting so f***ing hard man… HOW DO I BE A “normal” PERSON!?? And how are people so much stronger then I am 😫 ^yeah yeah I’m pathetic… but that truly doesn’t fucking matter to me. Why was I even born
As a teenager who works in customer service most customers are adults and most of them have a short temper and take it out on me. Take accountability, don’t blame your past for choices you make in the present. I act more adult than most adults. And sometimes i just want to act my age and use some realy bad words. Since teenagers are like that anyways.
Book recommendation on this subject tis everything: C-PTSD: from surviving to thriving by Peter Walker - this would be the most important book in your life.
Because i was a quiet child (i just was quiet, not shy) i was seen as "slow." Teachers treated me like was stupid and even today when people try to explain something i snap back at them and tell them "Yeah, i know! I'm not stupid!"
Unless we are uncommonly blessed, childhood is likely to be every bit as painful and confounding as adulthood. Our memories of what our childhood was actually like are typically poor.
@@travis5732 …which is why you are enjoying adulthood! Pass it on, please, and be a positive figure for your kids’ friends who lack that at home. Please.
@@theschooloflifetv I developed a lot of my mental illness from being constantly bullied and belittled growing up, from friends and strangers. That being said, at the very least I still had a sense of community back then. Now, I just work and work and work just to fulfill the needs of those above me and still receive no recognition. Hard to say I like adulthood more.
I'm still a teenager but I think that's a young adult. When I was in elementary, I was bullied every day from 1st grade till I graduated. All of my bullies were boys(in 1st and 2nd grade, there were girls). I actually asked for help from my mom because I think the bullying is taking out of hand but sadly, she disregarded it and told me to ignore them and that they're just joking. Joking? Isn't it suppose to be funny and if it hurts too much, they would apologize even if you showed discomfort? I did ignore them but they started being physical by hitting me in the head. I got too much of it so I started fighting back by pinching. There came a time where they cornered me, because I was sitting in the back of class with one boy as I was really tall, I cried because I'm so frustrated and I even tried pinching them but they act as if they don't care. I really felt uncomfortable because I'm not close with boys and there were like 3 of them cornering me. I was sitting on the right whereas my male seatmate was on the left and we where sitting at the back, near the wall, where he was the one sitting close to the wall. Since I am on the side, the boys cornered me by sitting near me and preventing me from leaving(on purpose). I was so disappointed because my teacher(a woman if you want to know) was there and all she did was call them and scold them but they weren't threatened and she stopped there. I cried at that moment and because of that, I don't trust adults anymore. I thought to myself, if these bullies won't stop then I will hurt them seriously. My mom eventually saw me when I was hitting one of the bullies, and she scolded me telling me that people might think something else when they see me doing that to boys. Like, she invalidated my feelings and she felt for them? Wtf? I felt so neglected and because of that I hate my mother. I also didn't make friends starting in highschool because I was afraid of being bullied. I do have a friend but I only have one and she doesn't have friends too. Everytime I hear or see others harass other people, I get so mad inside that I curse them. Right now, I can't trust people when I see them harass others because they might become bullies
Good luck Lindsy. My mother was quite harsh in her ways but very loving in others. She had a very traumatic time as a kid and when I lost her recently it killed me. I realize I really am her, but then I also realize where she let me down... Without her knowing so. God life's shit. If I heard her voice in someone else it floods back, I've had it once but only for a few seconds. Life is so shit that we should be smiling wasting the days away. I can't comment on your trauma but I can comment on the bravity to share and you obviously have a heart. You've shared it now so maybe its worth giving yourself some brownie points for realizing the trigger and even talking about it. Thats a big fricking deal. Read a book/do yoga put a candle on and smile with yourself cos thats pretty cool no. I find it cringy to talk about my problems but people like yourself put the paving stones down for the rest of us.
Dear Fellows, Like every coin has two sides, even our childhood has two sides right? is it bad to keep the good behaviors with us! for example, you are coding some difficult one and unexpectedly you got output , suddenly you are surprised with a clap which someone believe that its a childhood act how enthusiastic we were when we got a chocolate unexpectedly by someone. i believe this bad trauma can be easily overcome by following the below steps: take your time to sit in a place then slowly calm urself down, Now replace the incident in your mind, by using VISUALIZATION Technique, its just seeing in our mind like imagining and the beautiful part is our mind wont differentiate the difference between real and imagining. so if you succeed in this you will slowly released from that bad trauma. another short example is, if someone got escaped from some accidently luckily but got some bad trauma like whenever seeing blood they will feel unpleasant with blood drops to overcome this, imagine a situation in ur mind that u r ok with handling blood...and if you are repeating this again and again the pattern lines in our brain will change and even if you see real blood it will adjust with that based on ur training. Thank you.
Please please can u do like a series or smth where you dive into psychology/philosophy through movies? Sorta like a movie analysis and meanwhile we'll be getting some good movie recommendations. You guys did novel recs we need ones for movies or TV shows. Thank youuu and keep up
This information is hard to understand now. Man I was on the right track though let me tell you. Understanding and kind, open, trying. At that time this channel was my number one. Still think it's great, what you're doing. Now often I can't get myself to try but still also trying. I know it really doesn't take much to get up, just the will and time. Long ass time for my dumb butt. Anyway, thanks for the content.
I'm always chasing nostalgia recently, it's a comfort - but is it holding me back? I.e collecting vintage (90s/2000s) stuff I used to like, listening to music from then etc
First, it's experiences, not she that determine our thinking and way we act. Second, Those who cannot act their age are usually the ones who cannot walk from the shadows of their childhood trauma or that they are grasping on to what made them happy in their childhood and thus never truly mature. It is a sign that something fundamentally is very wrong and disturbing the mind within the individual. That's how you tackle this issue.
wtf I’ll never free myself from my childhood. I spent to much of my young adult on drugs and in the streets. The only the thing that brought me back to a clean sober way of life was nostalgia. I can’t even begin to explain how much memories of my childhood and favorite pastimes as a youngster have helped me maintain a sober way of life again. Idk everyone is different, everyone has different experiences and circumstances we need to stop comparing ourselves to each other, but I guess that’s just part of being a human.
'triggers' instantly recall you back to a more childlike state.......No communication, you don't know what is going to happen, where the other person is 'at'. Being blamed, not trusted.
Some of us simply need to regress back to being a child because the pressures and responsibilities that come with adulthood are far too much to handle.
While i'm working on my office, I keep on swinging my feet under my desk. And I remove my shoes sometimes. But if there visitors, I stop it. But atleast I'm not putting my barefeet at top of my desk. Not even in our house. 😅
Oh I watch animes too like naruto, fairytail and AOT. But I'm using tjem as an inspiration for my own graphic novel. Since I was a child, I've been dreaming of becoming a graphic novel artist. But my society prefer other professions such as doctors, lawyers, accountants etc. It seems like they are not proud of my job as an artist. But it's ok as long as I'm happy of what I'm doing. And until now, I'm still playing battle realms on my computer. It sounds childish for other but who cares. I don't to pretend and it's my life.I don't even bother their privacy. Some people are just toxic.
I was searching for any answers about this....I just made an invitation to my birthday party for 27...And i designed it in soft pink, with a cute cat and a cat themed puns for the D&d party for my friends...I loved it and showed it to my mother...and in an instant when she said to act my age, i started feeling afraid of what my friends would think if i send it to them...And i feel as if i always tried to blend in, act more mature and now that i'm nearing 27...i want to feel like a child and let my friends have childlike fun on the party, rather than having to have those mature adult bars for that day....How do you all feel about this?
I think, I'm struggling with the same problem. After graduating college, I'm still too dependent from my parents. I can't travel alone just because they don't trust me. Yeah I got a job as an illustrator with the help of my mom who also works as a consultant in our University.Without her, it's impossible for me to get a job.I have also an idealistic thinking that working as a janitor, gardener,vendor whatsoever is fine but my parents don't approve with it just because our tox8c relatives will laugh at me. I want to go out from my comfort zone but I can't because my parents prevent me. Yhey are so over protective to me.As if I'm not a normal person. Whenever I watch anime, I'm hiding it because my siblings told me that I'm not a kid anymore. But the truth is, I'm watching them because I'm using them as my reference for my graphic novel project.Even I'm already 30 plus, I can't stand ultra violent slasher movies.There are also times that I'm missing life as a little kid. Maybe, something is missing when I was a child. I want to figure it out.
I think I act like a child at my work. Because we’re an early learning center / daycare so when I’m in my classroom I guess it feels like I’m reverting back to an easier time when learning was easier before I had my epilepsy and learning got harder. Because I’m not dumb. I like to have fun there. Idk it’s odd.
That's exactly when I see people at work in their 40/50s all of a sudden becoming a fragile child at early kindergarten maximum! They start telling imaginary stories out of their minds, and they tell piles of lies to say they're right and someone else is wrong. They just can't have a logical conversation, and they don't take any responsibility for their actions!
I found this accurately correct with my inner anime tern girl. Not only have a mentally divorce or requesting age, but I physically have drastically reversed an age. I basically lost will in December 2023 to age, get old and die. So basically, I have the mindset in the look of more of younger adult teen anime girl.
REASON, is part of the problem. Sometimes what we call reason, is a justification to shrug off a serious problem as dictated by law or societal morality or traditinal customs. Reason is like opinion: everybody has a reason for something and a reason explaining it... it doesn't mean it's correct. This reason with a capital "R" doesn't exist.
The real problem is why those who think "acting your age" = Becoming more pretentious, unwilling to accept change, introverted, and abandoning all hobbies. Some people die at 21, while others truly live at 50.
Shouting, yelling and rage are my triggers.
@@Lilylou59 Mine is confrontation. I've no problem matching them and even insulting them back in an attempt to get them to feel what they make others feel like but then I chicken out. I think my answer comes with boxing or mma or something.
People think I can stand my own... I can't. I'd rather be around people who can discuss their problems than those who think they're the best one in the room.
@@Lilylou59 With comments on this video I realize maybe sometimes matching their volume isn't the answer. I appreciate you being brave.
@@Lilylou59this. I also have these triggers. How do you cope up with them?
@@Ram_jagat I try to trace their origin and recognise this is my body/ mind alarm that I need to keep me secure.
I’m approaching 30 and I still feel like a child in a way. While responsibility is expected of you, you can’t let adulthood dictate you from what you want to do and how you should behave. At 18, I thought I was finally an adult and had to mature a bit, now I don’t care. If people don’t like that, then that’s their own issues which you shouldn’t take responsibility for. That’s being an adult…
Our emotional development rarely corresponds exactly with our physical age.
@@theschooloflifetv exactly! 😄
That might work on some levels and some situations, providing you have actual autonomy, but it doesn’t work as well sharing living arrangements with others and then living only by one’s own preferred rules.
@@SophieBird07 Correct. If Sam was living as a hermit, it would be no problem. We each need to consider how our actions and dispositions affect the relationships we have with others, and not only lifelong relationships but the spontaneous ones with people we meet.
I'm 36 and still feel 23 or so, I just have money now. You should never let that part of you go though, laugh at the same stuff, watch cartoons, play video games, whatever it is. Hold on to it and don't change. On the other hand though, "Why don't you want kids?" Because I can barely manage my own life, how can I teach a kid? "Daddy can you help me with my math homework?" No because I'm too stupid and failed it at school.
Those people who have their inner child living are only alive.
I envy them 😂.
Exactly
@@jaughnekow That’s pretty insensitive. We’re talking about struggling with trauma here...
The only thing I would add to this otherwise true statement in a world of adults is that the inner child needs to not just be alive but healed.
When we live via our wounded inner child we can cause so much pain - sometimes to ourselves and other times unconsciously passing it onto to others.
@@pariaradhya99 Not true, we shouldn't "heal" anything, this is bogus rubbish this toxic culture has told us we "NEED" to do... absolutely not. We dont. I did it with psychedelics and it didnt heal me, it destroyed my fucking life. So no, we dont need to heal. We need to LIVE. Our inner child doesnt need to be healed, it needs to be expressed and nourished through CREATIVITY. You heal by being AUTHENTIC, thats it.
I'm 23 and still think of myself as a kid. I'm that weird mix of extremely immature but kind and friendly. I've been told I'm "the good kind of immature" by friends, and "annoying, but nice" by non-friends (and even people I have a one-way friendship with). I don't throw tantrums (but I sometimes do cry when overwhelmed) but I do immature stuff like blowing bubbles in my drinks, joking around and not always being aware of when someone doesn't appreciate my teasing. I always feel bad when I hurt someone's feelings, though. It's the worst feeling to know that I caused pain to another human being. Also, I don't see myself as able to handle real responsibilities and just let the adults in my life (my parents) handle things for me. I try to have interesting conversations but I unfortunately focus too much on my interests. Maybe the average person isn't interested in hearing about my coloring books, but I like talking about them. When I talk about my interests it's because I like those things, they make me happy and I want to give someone else a chance to experience the same joy I did.
@@seesaw1502 I have a lot of cute things as well, coloring books, kids toys, my bedroom looks like a little girl's bedroom. I think it's fair to say my bedroom looks almost unchanged from 20 years ago. Except some of the pink and purple paint are showing their age at this point. It's funny though when relatives come to visit and they see my room, they say they feel like they stepped back in time to the mid-00s. I still have my old Lizzie McGuire poster I got when I was 3 for Christmas because I loved that show. I've been told "Ankhara, you should put this stuff away for safekeeping and sell it someday, it's worth a lot of money". They're probably right but I like things how they are.
I don't I mentally feel old and mature
Me right now, at 25.
I still really want to act out the most fun scenarios that I could've only dreamt about acting out with others during the age of 16-18.
And I really want to do so with someone before the age of 27 (or possibly 30-33), when it would appear to be seemingly too late to do so.
@@tackywhale5664i felt this!
Not only do I have the mindset of a teen girl, but over time my body has aged backwards to be closer to that mind set. I lost the will to get age, get old and get illness from aging.
I've been married for 5 years now, and , in the past, whenever my husband would go into a rage, I would feel like I'm being yelled at by my narcissistic mother, and I would freeze. But I've learned that my husband (and mother) is the fearful child, and I'm the adult who can assert herself to be respected. In other words, I don't have to remain in a relationship where the other person feels out of control and resorts to yelling to gain control. Therapy has truly helped.
Do you also have narcissitic traits from your mother?
@@stefanschultze That's pretty rude to ask.
@writer1986 And I'm glad you're in a better mental state now.
@@Blizzard1875 its a clear formulated question getting to the point of the problem, not meant nor is rude
@@stefanschultze Ah now that I think about it, you're right. Parents can pass down their traits unintentionally so you're right. Sorry.
"growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!"
Agree
“Don’t grow up, it’s a trap”
@@jaymiegill9506exactly. If you feel and think young - you are and yah live longer cause yah not getting "older"...
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too
@@yellowyellowyellow7894 je ne comprends pas
Watching this made me think of my father and his reactions to stress. He was unable to control his emotions and would often regress back to a much younger version of himself. Seeing him like that was heartbreaking. The video made me understand how important it is to recognize our own triggers and to stay calm even when we're feeling overwhelmed.
I am 50. The best advice I have for anyone is to only let the ADULT out if absolutely necessary and never to abandon the child in you!
Best advice ever!!!! 👍🏼
I find that it's a good thing to keep at least, a little bit of childlike joy inside yourself as an adult. What do you think?
It's the way to be a healthy adult. If you forget you were a child you loose touch with who you truly are
Of course! Childlike joy is needed. Childlike *fear*, however, can hurt you a lot and set you back. That's what you need to control.
@@lilla4521 Very true! It can be very debilitating if not controlled.
We all need a little child like joy every now and then, lol
Childlike joy, playfulness and even mischief. Some of the happiest people I've known (some of them quite old) know how to be silly, especially when it lightens up a potentially tense situation. Are these people immature? Certainly not. They've drawn from a lifetime of behaviors and chosen one that brings joy to the moment. Emotional triggers that make us unhappy are an entirely different can of worms.
Sometime our brain stuck in childhood memories we wants to live in childhood glorious lives no responsibilities of earning no fear etc.
Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. I know some people who have ostensibly reached their forties and beyond, yet wouldn't be out of place in a school!
The following quote can be very helpful and consoling in those situations:
“I believe there's no such thing as overreacting; it's just that what someone is reacting to may no longer be what's in front of them.” Terry Real
I always keep this in mind. Because here is the thing:
We have feelings and then we have feelings about those feelings!! You may feel extremely angry in a situation and then right away, feel deeply ashamed of being angry!
For example, I remember this very unfriendly woman at the foreigners office back then, who told me about the millions of papers I had to bring to get my working permit, saying that " I still think it won't work ". At that very moment I felt like I could bust her head! Despite the " loving kindness meditation" one hour a day!
( So Terry Real pops out in my head in those situations and tells me that I am not reacting to what's in front of me, but what it is behind me;an entire childhood with an extremely violent parent. So I forgive myself...)
The point is to always remember that back then we were powerless, but now we have all the agency in the world to deal with these situations.
It is also important to keep educating ourselves to know how to deal with our past.
For friends who suffered from emotional or physical parental abuse, here are some resources that I have found very helpful.
1. The most important thing in this world is to cultivate self compassion. If you don't have it, it is because you have internalised the unforgiving gaze of your parent upon you. That's why it is extremely important to actively cultivate self love daily , no matter how awkward and artificial it may seem to you at the beginning. These two guided meditations are very helpful.
-UCLA Hammer Meditation, Diana Winston, Loving Kindness For Ourselves
-Tara Brach, Awakening Self Compassion
2. Broadening your horizon with the stories of other people who suffered the same is extremely helpful. You feel less alone in your struggle and you learn from them, seeing how they deal with it. Here are some podcast episodes that really touched me deeply:
TIM FERRIS PODCAST
" My healing journey after childhood abuse"
DRIVE PODCAST by Peter Attia
The episode with Esther Perel ( if your mother was abusive )
The episode with Terry Real ( if your father was abusive )
DEAR THERAPISTS PODCAST
Two episodes:
" Moll'y father's suicide"
" Jason's alcoholic father
THERAPY WORKS PODCAST, Julia Samuel
The episode with Rangan Chatterjee
3. I remembered an interview with Esther Perel, one of the best therapists on the planet, where she said that she could only publish her first book, after her overly critical mother died. So probably, if her mom was still alive, millions of people wouldn't have the opportunity to benefit from her incredibly helpful books.
For some of us it is like this: those who make us who we are, also constantly break us in ways that neither they nor we properly understand.That's why introspection is very important.
I highly recommend everyone to read the book " Maybe you should talk to someone " by Lori Gottlieb and also to use the workbook, that helps us to ask ourselves the right questions!
4. There is a wonderful video from this channel called "How to parent yourself". I wrote another list under it, if you wish to check it out.
Thanks a lot for this valuable lesson and the wonderful animation!
Thank you for all the help you just took the effort to gave us.
@@lauriallantorni3761 Hello there! Thanks a lot for taking the time to read all this.😊
Wow! Thanks a lot for this, I will try these out for sure!
@@hajimen7559 Hello there Hajime! I am very glad to hear that! Thanks a lot for letting me know! Best wishes🥰
It's s very kind of you to share your story and resources, and good to hear that you made progress 👍🏻
Feeling like a failure and also feeling pressured to do things I don't like. I get triggered immediately and start crying uncontrollably
Yeah...like getting a job that we hate bit we gotta survive.
1 year of IFS therapy l plus reading many books on trauma/CPTSD helped me enormously. I reconnected with my Inner Child and started being an adult for him.
I think what really helps is when irl something similar happens to when we were growing up and in that situation we can step up and protect our Inner Child, this is a game changer. Our Inner Child trusts us more, and the more trust there is the less anxiety we feel etc. It takes time and practice, it may require going to therapy and attending to our traumating memories with love and compassion.
But, it is worth it ❤
The Body Keeps the Score is a good starting point in my view. Plus journalling.
❤
Neatly said. I agree with all points.
👏😊
Did this and it was the biggest mistake of my life
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too
Everyone has emotions
I thought I had an anger disorder and I couldn’t be helped but once I found a doctor who called them temper tantrums it put things into perspective and helped me start to change and control my emotions
When I lost my husband of forty years died. I had no clue how to act.
I went back mentally to my high school years. I went back to what I knew or how to act.
The big problem, is I'm seventy-two old.✌
Coming here after getting a nasty comment on a video I posted doing an interior tour of my tiny vintage caravan home that said it was "childish" and to "grow up". I'm in my 50s and autistic and have been told this my whole life. I also have complex PTSD and never felt OK about being myself until very recently, so it hurts to be told to "grow up" because I like childish things, pink, fluffy toys, rainbows and unicorns. My caravan is my only home and my safe sanctuary from the world. The way I've decorated it makes me happy but the more people tell me to "grow up", the more reclusive I become. People can be so mean! 😢
A lot of these comments got the video really wrong. This isn't about childlike wonder, its about childhood trauma that real problems in adulthood, in moments when we absolutely NEED to behave like adults but are incapable of because our brain malfunctions. There is nothing to romanticise here and i empathise with amyone struggling with this as it has caused me to ruin many an opportunity in my life
This is such a great explanation on how to begin to change your mental mindset about emotions. I wish this kind of lesson were taught in highschool.
It's good for sure, and yes; high-schools should teach it more.
We very much need this kindness toward ourselves. We also need this kindness toward one another. We are all wounded children who may not know how to heal ❤
Yes, it is sounding, in many ways, familiar to me. 😢😔
But as you mentioned, 'knowing the danger/hazard is more than half-way to a solution - and greater calm.'
Thank You. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Can we just appreciate the topics covered by this channel and more so the way it is covered.... Hats off.... 🙇
I've been craving to be a child again ever since I was a teen. As soon as I entered secondary school it felt like my life had ended. I have been dissociated very heavily since. I am only just waking up from it. The thing is my earlier childhood was made to feel unsafe by emotionally unavailable parents and traumatic neighbours (alcoholism, violence, shouting you name it) I don't even remember all that. But I know, if I walk in the vicinity of that house I feel this existential anxiety. I just want to let go. I am trying to learn to let my inner child understand it's ok to feel this fear and let it pass. Of course as an adult I have perspective on what those people were like and why. My parents didn't deal with it back then tjey just vilified the neighbors and so little me clearly felt like there were monsters next door.
I guess when we are kids all these types of experiences scare us and mark us because we don't understand the roots of these unpleasant situations. This is why, as adults, it is important to explore those shards of memory that traumatised us as children so that we can get a better understanding of the cause of such nasty experiences. I have a video on the nature of our emotions, "Let go", it doesn't really touch on this psychological part, it focuses more on the science behind our emotions. If you feel like it, check it out. Maybe it could help.
What 'triggers' instantly recall you back to a more childlike state? Let us know in the comments
My dad/mom died in the GWOT 😅, kidding 😂🤣. Seriously be winning some products I got that makes me so happy 😁.
Playing video games
Reading comic books
Watching fav cartoons on CN
Violence, someone trying to make me look small. Seeing someone being violent or aggressive towards someone else who is vulnerable.
Responsibilities.
Criticism and rejection. Every single time.
This is a good phenomenon to be aware of in ourselves but also in those we have have to deal with. Exercising all the restraint, control and reason in the world feels inadequate when confronted with a childlike tantrum from an adult.
When you hit your 40s and into your 50s...all the work you put in to being an adult after a lifetime of unhelpful experiences...you can start to feel like an overwhelmed child...which is probably what we actually are.
The agony of the lifetime effects of childhood. Every future parent must be told of the profound after effects of trauma in childhood. Mine is beyond belief but no one knows . The burden of the huge damage follows me forever.
I absolutely agree with you, Patricia. I have always felt that parenting classes be mandatory in junior high and high school..
On a personal note, I struggle with childhood trauma on many levels. Without going into detail, my parents did the best they could. We were poor and they made far too many babies. ;). That said, it, too, has followed me all my life. Take care of yourself. Find activities that you know won't trigger the trauma. Being in nature is my personal best activity...
I'm 30 dang years old but in my heart I still feel like I'm just a kid. From a girl who NEVER wanted to grow up. Still don't. As long as you remember your responsibilities I think we can still be kids whenever and however we like
You'd think adults would behave like adults but they behave as children. Every small disagreement turns into an argument that could last all day, and they expect you to just sit there listening to their long lecture about themselves. The fact they actually sit on their ass and expect you to do everything for them like they don't have their own two feet and then complain when you talk back to them. It's THEIR stuff they're not babies. 🙄 I feel like I'm living with two children. My mom is like a little sister who won't shut up and bosses me around to get stuff for her and complains about everything my dad is like a little brother who doesn't care about anything and lectures me about his life. When you mix the two together it's chaos
Wow. My issues with a supervisor suddenly are clear now. The fucker is just like my father, who was too physical when disciplining me as a child and has explosive anger. Only two people in my entire life have made me so angry i began to cry, but now i realize it is really just one
First, it's experiences, not she that determine our thinking and way we act. Second, Those who cannot act their age are usually the ones who cannot walk from the shadows of their childhood trauma or that they are grasping on to what made them happy in their childhood and thus never truly mature. It is a sign that something fundamentally is very wrong and disturbing the mind within the individual. That's how you tackle this issue.😢😢😢
I'm sorry your supervisor makes you feel that way. You should perhaps think about writing a letter above their station explaining this and also preparing to find another job. I wouldnt tolerate bullying like behavior, remember that life's all numbers, in the end you can just decide not to ever go back there and they can't do anything about it. Those bullies from school had to get a job somewhere right? Don't put up with it but I dont mean fight them. Let them cry in your face screaming and maybe record it. If they hit you they're going to prison. Or at the very least you're getting very nice councilling paid for by them.
Note: You're there to do a job. A job You've agreed on already. You're not there to take slack it isn't the army and its not school. Legally speaking they are not your owner and they have to respect you. Its not the 90s anymore either. I'm sorry again, I hope it gets better. Further, you're human and their priority might be to wake up early for work everyday and take out their angers on those below them, your priority might not even be work. If they dont like that they'd have got rid of you already!
This explains my passivity/patience in trying situations like interminable queues! I'm 72 and waited over 10 minutes for service today. I was ignored by counter staff..
When a in convent school we were chided and punished if we didn't stand dead still in silence while waiting in line. Now I'm going to grow up and tell those nun substitutes what I think of them😂 obviously a slow learner
Maybe the answer is to not care so much put the item down and go to a different shop religiously. You dont need to be confrontational straight away, maybe email the company instead. I've given up shops before because of bad staff members. I dont like calling people out publicly but thats because I've not had boxing lessons yet... ^^
I'd like to think if I was with you I'd have pointed it out on your behalf. Not because I'm nice but because its easier to tell someone to sort their stuff out when it benefits another. Lol. Good luck!
Our inner child still comes out no matter how "adult" we are. The most important thing is having responsibilities and learning how to control them.
How people interprete that comes with their adulthood cold nature among the group that "know better" having an argument point dose not connect to people alienate people. I can't find an adult that looks human but artifical in its thinking. Fake and a mask. As an autistic. If someone has love, connection and potential to communicate where the "adults" judge on being pecked down in the pecking order and being mentioned as a lesson too the alike group.
It's not really worth much considering to respect them as they don't respect you.
The adult world, as alike as a group think alike and have nothing but shallow intent. Sure the value their kids, everyone else means nothing too them, they dont want to get hurt. (Nor do i, but thats not a lesson on the rule is it?) The husband, culture, how "life" forms.
But the system and its reasoning is flawed and indifferent, stoticism whatever it is. As being 20s it was more communicating and speaking about your favourite stuff, games, films.
What's the adult got to offer?
Gender wars, politics, judgements, morality? Divorce settlements? (Later you years in 40s)
And even mentioning a part of affection is responded back as dismissal to not get hurt. Or be just like Bob Harris from lost in Translation, talking too his wife on the phone being a wall and dismissive of indifference.
Bob, I got things to do...."
"Responsibility"
Yet its based on a lie to cover our true feelings in a world that is "correct and right" that is in rewlity wrong and non-commucation.
It's just saying well, we got your coffin ready, you use it until you pass away alone in our society that function's "not perfect" but disconnected and functioning.
When I do speak to people there is connection, when I try to throw the tennis ball, never comes back, you look on what the internet teaches them, is to be alone and a nun.
Yet they commucate too others in an appropriate manner. Yet it is walls, bounderies. Adulthood.
Pain, death waiting to just drop on the floor where life is wasted. A reaching hand was viewed as a red flag, but to appropriate too its end result of life passing by listening too infulncers, green flag is to be a doll on a shelf, like a brand, a product. Not seeing human bring just being the adulthood of a product others can look at but not see. That is what world is.
It can change, but this how it is.
Never, in 46 years of empathy has anything had such a succinct direct flow into my consciousness. A way with words you have.
I’m 27. Have always been in a state of conflict. A conflict within brewing inside me. Storm in a teacup kinda situation really. A sense of underachievement, lack of purpose and worthlessness haunt me. I am 27 and don’t earn a penny for myself. Not because I don’t want to, not because I’m not qualified to, but because I am just not able to set my life straight. Let alone life, I’m not able to set my day straight or an hour straight. I thought I knew about the cause of my anxieties but I guess I don’t. Life feels like a maze, where the only way out is up.
I feel you. I used to be so sad and desperate and didnt even know why. Everything started to change with my first regular Job, which wasn't Great in itself but was a good start, then everything became more clear as I was diagnosed with ADD, then everything started to make complete sense was when I could truly look back at my childhood and how my parents still behave. I hope you find what you are looking for. Bless you. Keep pushing forward.
You're not alone. Working does help. Doesn't mean you'll be perfect but coming home and waking up again is something to be proud about. Waking up too much the other day? Dont beat yourself. It's all numbers and there's plenty of us to replace. Focus on yourself, the sun and maybe completing that game turning the PC off and chucking a nasty habit so you can enjoy the suntan more :) that's my personal goals anyway lol.
A lot of "adults" in my neighborhood have this issue. Especially post pandemic. I'm not dissing this is an unfortunate problem.
This happened to me but just with dating. I always struggled connecting with males and so I’m 37 but dating wise I’m a teenager still wanting to be chosen.
I feel this.
I'm 52 and I feel like a helpless child...
My childhood was not better than now but i thought if i can stay that potential i can change my life most needed thing is lo’ve
My wife (38) had trauma at an early age and then in 2 spots in her 20's. When she's not acting her age, it's usually due to being uncomfortable in the face of looming responsibilities that one of her parents used to mercilessly scold her about constantly - or she has reminders of things she had experienced in her past like abandonment, emotional rejection, or insecurities regarding her physical appearance. If anything comes up that appears to be a threat based on painful memories felt in those areas, she can revert to the mental age of the trauma in her childhood or very young adult years - or facets of both.
Traditional therapy has not seemed to help much thus far, but I want to know how she can finally feel resolved and unclenched about these things in her past and truly make peace with them. Until then, she will feel unsafe even when she is very safe, and these reactions keep coming out so that she doesn't act anywhere near her age. Maybe it has to do with how she only felt safe just before these times in her life, and so for feelings of safety, she has convinced herself that she must revert to that point just before the traumas. We all wish we could go back, but the reality is we only have these moments in succession and the past leaves us more every day.
AS someone who struggles daily with the same thing that happened to your wife, just always remember, what happened to her, is not her fault. her brain is doing what it was designed to do=protect
I think mindfulness helps and just not thinking/talking about the past. Having constant reminders that you're not that scared 12 year old anymore and build trust in yourself/your decisions in the present. Yes you may be ashamed that you didnt stand up too a bully at age 12 but actually at age 38 you have the emotional ability too do so. She could do exposure therapy? I dont know what her traumas are so exposure may be tricky. She will get through it and commend you for sticking by her side!
@@Augfordpdoggie Agreed. It's just unfortunate that what our mind tells us is protection is not actually doing much protection at all and is making a sort of feedback loop while other problems may be created by the dozens as it is left unresolved. Protection is almost an illusion, but healing is the answer. The first step of healing is to want it and seek it. That takes courage.
I wish you the best, and please remember to face these things always with courage and guidance from the people who care for you and want to see you at your most joyful state.
Finding compassion for herself. ❤
Reading or listening to the book, "The Body Hold Trauma," by; Van Der Kolk is an eye opening, science based book that helps you recognize the traumas, as well as strategic methods to handle the traumas.
She might need to be in a play, take up yoga or experience EMDR. This book puts a lot in perspective.
I have various childlike states I revert to. And teen ones. Because I had childhood trauma then was horribly bullied at school until I was 16. I feel, very emotionally stunted. Doing DBT now and wanting to do EMDR afterwards. I crave to be a fully fledged Integrated adult and not a fractured person who is simultaneously an adult yet also a teen yet also a small child.
I met someone with DID. Well, I fell in love with someone with DID. The relationship couldn't last.. too much trauma both sides unsolved.
But I realised, we existed. By we I mean myself, our ourself. It's not as far as DID but I have a very active and potent inner child. Well, that's who I really am. The adult me is a shell of what once was. But I recently realised that I cannot return to being a child and trying to do so just hurts me. I have to accept our inner child and atthe same time, reparent him into adulthood.
Why to get rid of childhood traumas when you can get adulthoods traumas as well?
The illustration was beautiful!
These aren't just memories stored away, but the physiological responses we felt all those years/decades ago are triggered as well. 😢
Interesting stuff. I’ve found that there are a number of competing theories as to the way trauma, and particularly childhood trauma shapes our behaviour as we grow older. How much of our behaviour is actually in our control, and how much is actually shaped by our previous experiences?
What, in your opinion, differerentiates behaviour which is "in our control" from behaviour that is (solely) based on past experience?
@@flixbue6565 I don't think there's any exact distinction. One could argue that past experiences (such as traumas) may influence the way we think about things or respond to situations to a lesser or greater extent, but at the end of the day we still have the ability to choose how we react. But there is always that experience that influences the direction our thoughts may initially go in certain situations, that could differ a great deal in someone who did not deal with a certain traumatic experience.
I agree with everything except for one thing: it's not reason that repairs the damage but grief, i.e. grieving that past moment where the initial trauma occured. Then it is resolved once and for all. Otherwise reason will only kick in and save you for now until the next trigger happens and you have to go through it all over again. So feel, tell the story to yourself and grieve.
There's a difference between being child-like and childish. Child-like is a happy, adventurous state IMO. Thats a wonderful place to be
acting our mental "age" is based on societal standards and how we fit in. sadly maturity isn't something to judge but watch someone use. what if mentally your 1000's of years old but your body's perception of time is less then 1% of that do you act your age? since there is no guide lines probably not. acting our age is a way to control us so people can have higher expectations and standards for and of us. which is why it's used in a way to attack other for their lack of.
Well explained. I stopped playing video games at 17 one because I got bored of it, but two being the main reason was to focus on my grades in my final year of high school. Now I did pass all my subjects but only got around the mid 60’s. now I’m 23 and I miss playing the games I loved like nfs, assassin’s creed 🏴☠️ , ratchet and clank etc. I have a job but I feel like people my age or even older who still play video games have more of a “life” (whatever society - which you mentioned makes us believe is a “life” and “normal”), than me… I used to overthink my past and think of how I could of changed it but now I’m constantly worrying about my future…. It’s making me hate society as a whole even though deep down I can connect with and meet people easily
I’m 20 and I just can’t take my family always being like “get a job, act your age, etc) like Ik what I should be doing 😞 I’m just too fucking broken mentally to do anything. I truly just wish I didn’t wake up most days, and can’t even enjoy simple thing in life anymore 😰 I just want to feel happy and rnormal again. I wonder if having a deadbeat dad that I looked up to for so long made me the way I am, or if I’m just weak. Idk anymore, and it’s getting so f***ing hard man… HOW DO I BE A “normal” PERSON!?? And how are people so much stronger then I am 😫
^yeah yeah I’m pathetic… but that truly doesn’t fucking matter to me. Why was I even born
There's a big difference between having "Childish" interests, and Childish Behavior
As a teenager who works in customer service most customers are adults and most of them have a short temper and take it out on me. Take accountability, don’t blame your past for choices you make in the present. I act more adult than most adults. And sometimes i just want to act my age and use some realy bad words. Since teenagers are like that anyways.
Amazing ! Thank you!
Book recommendation on this subject tis everything: C-PTSD: from surviving to thriving by Peter Walker - this would be the most important book in your life.
People tell me this often, they either tell me I act too old or too young. I Can never seem to actually “act my age”
Because i was a quiet child (i just was quiet, not shy) i was seen as "slow."
Teachers treated me like was stupid and even today when people try to explain something i snap back at them and tell them "Yeah, i know! I'm not stupid!"
I can really understand as a Adult 😢Childhood is far better and peaceful than Adult age
Unless we are uncommonly blessed, childhood is likely to be every bit as painful and confounding as adulthood. Our memories of what our childhood was actually like are typically poor.
I had a beautiful childhood, but I prefer being an adult.
@@travis5732 …which is why you are enjoying adulthood! Pass it on, please, and be a positive figure for your kids’ friends who lack that at home. Please.
@@theschooloflifetv I developed a lot of my mental illness from being constantly bullied and belittled growing up, from friends and strangers. That being said, at the very least I still had a sense of community back then. Now, I just work and work and work just to fulfill the needs of those above me and still receive no recognition. Hard to say I like adulthood more.
Maybe for you.....
I'm still a teenager but I think that's a young adult. When I was in elementary, I was bullied every day from 1st grade till I graduated. All of my bullies were boys(in 1st and 2nd grade, there were girls). I actually asked for help from my mom because I think the bullying is taking out of hand but sadly, she disregarded it and told me to ignore them and that they're just joking. Joking? Isn't it suppose to be funny and if it hurts too much, they would apologize even if you showed discomfort? I did ignore them but they started being physical by hitting me in the head. I got too much of it so I started fighting back by pinching. There came a time where they cornered me, because I was sitting in the back of class with one boy as I was really tall, I cried because I'm so frustrated and I even tried pinching them but they act as if they don't care. I really felt uncomfortable because I'm not close with boys and there were like 3 of them cornering me. I was sitting on the right whereas my male seatmate was on the left and we where sitting at the back, near the wall, where he was the one sitting close to the wall. Since I am on the side, the boys cornered me by sitting near me and preventing me from leaving(on purpose). I was so disappointed because my teacher(a woman if you want to know) was there and all she did was call them and scold them but they weren't threatened and she stopped there. I cried at that moment and because of that, I don't trust adults anymore. I thought to myself, if these bullies won't stop then I will hurt them seriously. My mom eventually saw me when I was hitting one of the bullies, and she scolded me telling me that people might think something else when they see me doing that to boys. Like, she invalidated my feelings and she felt for them? Wtf? I felt so neglected and because of that I hate my mother. I also didn't make friends starting in highschool because I was afraid of being bullied. I do have a friend but I only have one and she doesn't have friends too. Everytime I hear or see others harass other people, I get so mad inside that I curse them. Right now, I can't trust people when I see them harass others because they might become bullies
Growing up, I realized that while I may have lost innocence, I have gained goodness, and that is a different form of joy.
I was triggered just this week by someone who sounds like my mother. It definitely assured me that I still have plenty of work to do in therapy.
Good luck Lindsy. My mother was quite harsh in her ways but very loving in others. She had a very traumatic time as a kid and when I lost her recently it killed me. I realize I really am her, but then I also realize where she let me down... Without her knowing so. God life's shit. If I heard her voice in someone else it floods back, I've had it once but only for a few seconds.
Life is so shit that we should be smiling wasting the days away. I can't comment on your trauma but I can comment on the bravity to share and you obviously have a heart. You've shared it now so maybe its worth giving yourself some brownie points for realizing the trigger and even talking about it. Thats a big fricking deal. Read a book/do yoga put a candle on and smile with yourself cos thats pretty cool no. I find it cringy to talk about my problems but people like yourself put the paving stones down for the rest of us.
Had to comment for support! Great video!!😊
I often like to act immature. Keeps the fun inside me alive
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ,;,
it is, even for adults and you know why? well because the more you grow, the better you can take your own decisions@@yellowyellowyellow7894
Thank you!
We are all going through something don’t let ppl set you back 2:13 ❤
Dear Fellows,
Like every coin has two sides, even our childhood has two sides right? is it bad to keep the good behaviors with us!
for example, you are coding some difficult one and unexpectedly you got output , suddenly you are surprised with a clap which someone believe that its a childhood act how enthusiastic we were when we got a chocolate unexpectedly by someone.
i believe this bad trauma can be easily overcome by following the below steps:
take your time to sit in a place then slowly calm urself down, Now replace the incident in your mind, by using VISUALIZATION Technique, its just seeing in our mind like imagining and the beautiful part is our mind wont differentiate the difference between real and imagining. so if you succeed in this you will slowly released from that bad trauma.
another short example is, if someone got escaped from some accidently luckily but got some bad trauma like whenever seeing blood they will feel unpleasant with blood drops to overcome this, imagine a situation in ur mind that u r ok with handling blood...and if you are repeating this again and again the pattern lines in our brain will change and even if you see real blood it will adjust with that based on ur training.
Thank you.
I'm a 18 year old that acts like a middle age adult what's wrong with me?
The flashing Red on a White background was not a good idea without any warnings or disclaimer.
Same Problem I Am Facing
Age 29
Still Behaving Like Teenagers
*”Do not fear having no friends. Fear having bad friends”* ~My life taught lesson ( more wisdom in my channel)
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
@@TerenaTCloud more wisdom in my channel ;
Please please can u do like a series or smth where you dive into psychology/philosophy through movies? Sorta like a movie analysis and meanwhile we'll be getting some good movie recommendations. You guys did novel recs we need ones for movies or TV shows. Thank youuu and keep up
*I AM TRAUMATISED!!!* 💀
I'm paying interest on a credit card to a lawyer to fight my landlord who evicted me a year & a half ago .. Trauma!
Love your videos. Thank you!
This information is hard to understand now. Man I was on the right track though let me tell you. Understanding and kind, open, trying. At that time this channel was my number one. Still think it's great, what you're doing. Now often I can't get myself to try but still also trying. I know it really doesn't take much to get up, just the will and time. Long ass time for my dumb butt. Anyway, thanks for the content.
Not a dumb butt, mature because you’re trying. Mental health doesn’t define us. Keep going, you’ll be better.
School of life is so validating 😌💕
I'm always chasing nostalgia recently, it's a comfort - but is it holding me back?
I.e collecting vintage (90s/2000s) stuff I used to like, listening to music from then etc
This has sadly made me realise I have uncountable traumas. 😔
First, it's experiences, not she that determine our thinking and way we act. Second, Those who cannot act their age are usually the ones who cannot walk from the shadows of their childhood trauma or that they are grasping on to what made them happy in their childhood and thus never truly mature. It is a sign that something fundamentally is very wrong and disturbing the mind within the individual. That's how you tackle this issue.
Sometimes is okay to release your “Inner Happiness”
Just what I needed
wtf I’ll never free myself from my childhood. I spent to much of my young adult on drugs and in the streets. The only the thing that brought me back to a clean sober way of life was nostalgia. I can’t even begin to explain how much memories of my childhood and favorite pastimes as a youngster have helped me maintain a sober way of life again.
Idk everyone is different, everyone has different experiences and circumstances we need to stop comparing ourselves to each other, but I guess that’s just part of being a human.
Why would one behave like an adult when we're being gatekept from adulthood's markers of success, such as property ownership?
Thanks!
'triggers' instantly recall you back to a more childlike state.......No communication, you don't know what is going to happen, where the other person is 'at'. Being blamed, not trusted.
Some of us simply need to regress back to being a child because the pressures and responsibilities that come with adulthood are far too much to handle.
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ..
While i'm working on my office, I keep on swinging my feet under my desk. And I remove my shoes sometimes. But if there visitors, I stop it. But atleast I'm not putting my barefeet at top of my desk. Not even in our house. 😅
Since I turned thirty two recently I turn to the sailor moon anime from the year 1991 ad for coping skills
As for video games I turn to Pokémon gold or silver version to calm me down and help me cope
Oh I watch animes too like naruto, fairytail and AOT. But I'm using tjem as an inspiration for my own graphic novel. Since I was a child, I've been dreaming of becoming a graphic novel artist. But my society prefer other professions such as doctors, lawyers, accountants etc. It seems like they are not proud of my job as an artist. But it's ok as long as I'm happy of what I'm doing. And until now, I'm still playing battle realms on my computer. It sounds childish for other but who cares. I don't to pretend and it's my life.I don't even bother their privacy. Some people are just toxic.
I missed these videos 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I was searching for any answers about this....I just made an invitation to my birthday party for 27...And i designed it in soft pink, with a cute cat and a cat themed puns for the D&d party for my friends...I loved it and showed it to my mother...and in an instant when she said to act my age, i started feeling afraid of what my friends would think if i send it to them...And i feel as if i always tried to blend in, act more mature and now that i'm nearing 27...i want to feel like a child and let my friends have childlike fun on the party, rather than having to have those mature adult bars for that day....How do you all feel about this?
That was really thank you
I think, I'm struggling with the same problem. After graduating college, I'm still too dependent from my parents. I can't travel alone just because they don't trust me. Yeah I got a job as an illustrator with the help of my mom who also works as a consultant in our University.Without her, it's impossible for me to get a job.I have also an idealistic thinking that working as a janitor, gardener,vendor whatsoever is fine but my parents don't approve with it just because our tox8c relatives will laugh at me. I want to go out from my comfort zone but I can't because my parents prevent me. Yhey are so over protective to me.As if I'm not a normal person. Whenever I watch anime, I'm hiding it because my siblings told me that I'm not a kid anymore. But the truth is, I'm watching them because I'm using them as my reference for my graphic novel project.Even I'm already 30 plus, I can't stand ultra violent slasher movies.There are also times that I'm missing life as a little kid. Maybe, something is missing when I was a child. I want to figure it out.
I think I act like a child at my work. Because we’re an early learning center / daycare so when I’m in my classroom I guess it feels like I’m reverting back to an easier time when learning was easier before I had my epilepsy and learning got harder. Because I’m not dumb. I like to have fun there. Idk it’s odd.
That's exactly when I see people at work in their 40/50s all of a sudden becoming a fragile child at early kindergarten maximum! They start telling imaginary stories out of their minds, and they tell piles of lies to say they're right and someone else is wrong. They just can't have a logical conversation, and they don't take any responsibility for their actions!
I thinks it is worse when adults are rude over children.
The biggest lie we all getting through is we all wish that we become adult earlier.
Therapy works and is a great path of healing!
-anyone can ask questions if intrested :)
I found this accurately correct with my inner anime tern girl. Not only have a mentally divorce or requesting age, but I physically have drastically reversed an age.
I basically lost will in December 2023 to age, get old and die. So basically, I have the mindset in the look of more of younger adult teen anime girl.
REASON, is part of the problem. Sometimes what we call reason, is a justification to shrug off a serious problem as dictated by law or societal morality or traditinal customs. Reason is like opinion: everybody has a reason for something and a reason explaining it... it doesn't mean it's correct. This reason with a capital "R" doesn't exist.
Kindly specify why many people cannot move out of primary school level. SMiLE 😃
I'm 18 years old and I'm a legal adult but I still act like I did when I was 16-17 years old.
Being left out
I never act my age at work but at home it’s totally different for me
So I’m not supposed to willingly jump into that hole to fight the monsters? got it.