Newsroom : Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation's Porn From Future Generations
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- Congress hopes the Pornographic Media Concealment Act will ensure a lasting, respectable legacy for our nation, unmarred by the massive quantities of filthy porn we regularly consume.
“blame ignorant comments on racist robots” god damn the onion was ahead of the curve on that one
#NotAllRobots
@@hazukichanx408 nooooooooooooo
@@nexo_. #not.porn
Are you telling me all those disaffected voices aren't coming from Putin's botfarm in Siberia? Clearly this is fake news as there is nothing wrong with our perfect, free and happy society where dissent can't exist.
Tay
The fact that they could find so many 50-60 year old actors who can keep a straight face while hearing "grandma likes it hard volume 3" is amazing.
True
I couldn't keep a straight face and I'm not anywhere near 50
Not at all. Some of them seem to like it hard as well.
Grandpa could have easily said it. Or much much worse
Maybe they cant speak English, them being old and all..
Finally someone figured out a good use for Canada.
Hey! :(
It was about time
but canada isnt real
@@jimmyjenkins1907 can confirm am Canadian
@Matthew Crites
lies, i will not be fooled.
"There will be an interracial mountain, a barely-legal mountain, ..."
👀
Oh shoot, you watched the video too!
ten years ago, for all you know this guy invented quoting youtube videos..
@@ChristionHiggs unsurprisingly, I don't remember leaving the comment after ten years :)
@@PatGunn yaa your 10 yrs older
"Blame all ignorant comments on racist robots."
You people are prophets.
Almost in every clip.
So that came true pretty perfectly.
Ll
They're Russian robots though 🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺.
That's the only thing they missed out.
Literally my reaction whenever i come across Instagram bots. 🙉🙉
"That way, future historians will think we're just holding on to it for Canada." Hahaha.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Yeah I like C.U.M
Canada
United States
Mexico
At this time I would like to propose. Operation De-fattening, essentially as a nation Americans should all start righting fake books, letters, news articles, movie scripts, medical texts, and the like, referencing the idea that the all average humans of this time period were between 400 and 1000 pounds, thus makeing overwieght Americans look thin in comparisan. Now this will be contradicted by records serviveing from other countires but if my plan works this contradiction will be enought to at least cast doubt on the fact that many Americans were indeed overwieght.
An South Park episode based on this idea would be awesome!
@@subline_funtime C. U. M
Canada
Underage
Males
How long till this gets flagged I wonder...
Still waiting...
@@creapyalbinofish I just discovered this and it's been ten years
rip 2,5 k likes
and hundreds of comments including mine
Not yet.
I love reasonable discourse Too bad these rude robots have to ruin it.
Jewnazi.
@@turdferguson2982 I know you're kidding, but you aren't too far off.
The maker of Sea Monkeys is actually a Jewish Nazi that sold his people off and sold his toys and inventions in america while secretly funding the Nazi Regime.
Not gonna lie, I honestly don't know how to feel about it either.
@@StaryExtra Ha, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY
Dearest Friedrich, I agree with your comment.
The robots really should spell check their responses.
@@StaryExtra You're actually not lying, good god, he was also a regular to Aryan Nation and bought the KKK guns. Renamed himself to sound more german-y and said that Hitler wasn't a bad guy.
They got me on the mandatory inclusion of c-span footage. Holy shit that was funny.
7
I have a feeling i will be visiting cheerleader mountain quite often
Mount cnc may be a bit niche but I think will still have a substantial tourism base, me included
"Postal service to raise price of stamp half cent just to fuck with nation" hahahahahhahah
As a Canadian i don‘t mind having my country‘s name on these boxes. We have so much pot that our future Canadians will be much too baked to mind
no no no. You'll put it in a mountain under camping gear with 'U.S.' written on the cardboard box.
@@drollfurball2863 this guy gets it
"Just imagine the look on some archeologist's face when he unearths 'Grandma likes it hard vol. 3"
ROFLMAO
Hi 10 years later
@uh wot lol it was 10 years ago
Hey, look! It's preserved language from all the way back in 2010. Wow!
@@rivver56 seriously. I have never seen someone use ROFLMAO in my lifetime. It's like some old/middle English type shit.
ah... capitals
roflmao
Excuse me Congressman, how do we know they won't have Grandma likes it hard vol XII?
Only nine new volumes in 1000 years?! Did humanity enact a _Logan's Run_ style "mandatory death at age 30" dystopia or did we discover immortality (such that 95% of the frickable population is grandmas)?
What would I do w/o you, Onion.
not cry ?
fap
@@xl000 Nut
Sadly even without the "onion" title , they are stating the truth, most of the time.
1:56 - Blame ignorant comments on racist robots.
... AHAHAHAHAHAHA
The Onion didn't know how right they were. Jesus christ...
@@trevrockrock16 it really isn't
They predicted Tay and muh Russia
@@TapOnX so it being real racist humans instead of "muh Russia" bots makes it better somehow, not worse? Okay.
@@whyamiwastingmytimeonthis it doesn't necessarily make it better, except in the way truth is better than a schizoid cope ("oh no, are we losing touch with the Internet?" "nah man, we're perfect, it's just the russian spies at it again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯")
@@crocodileguy4319 There are a lot of people on twitter who call others with opposing opinions "bots".
Finally someone talks about the real issues!
Damn Canadians
first reply 7 years
Have you looked at their search history? The amount of incest is astonishing. No wonder they need us to hold their porn.
Thank God this is happening. My grand children will never have to find my strange Harley Quinn porn videos.
I looked at a little bit of that.
@@ivanmegafanboy1981 I'm sorry, porn judger.
I got tons of wierd shit
shit taste in waifus
I really hope that doesn't happen, can you send it to me so I can give you advice on how to hide it well?
As someone who was a minor when this was released, I might have been none the wiser if I hadn't stumbled across this video. They may have failed at keeping us from knowing of their depravity, but we will not repeat the mistakes of the past. We won't make a video about OUR hidden stash.
*"Partner rating: No mature content"*
Nice to see the "blaming racist comments on robots" plan has come into being since this video was made
The golden rule of the Internet: So long as the people who want to find it, can find it, and the people who don't want to, don't, it all works
I love how the seal of the department is a spread eagle
I read the comments merely to count how many "Is this real" posts so I can feel more comfortable with losing my faith in humanity.
Is this real?
@@turdferguson2982 sort of newest first
"-begin with 5 minutes of C-Span footage so they'll get bored and stop watching"
nailed that one on the head!
The fact that this was literally the twist in a prestige TV show this past year is pretty hilarious.
"Just imagine the look on some future archeologist's face when he unearths 'Grandma Likes It Hard Volume III'. You will understand why we must act."
This is why I love the Onion.
Why has this got 0 reply’s in 13 years?
@@nerdwisdomyo9563because the only reasonable reply is "yes that was funny" or "i, too, watched the video"
@@adog3129 all 3 of are reply’s dont say anything along the lines of ether of those things… we have broken the cycle, the reply’s can now exist! We can talk about ANYTHING! Mwahaha!!… anyway, what economic policy do you think could help lower housing prices?
@@nerdwisdomyo9563 communism
@@adog3129 fair
This is pretty much an accurate portrayal of our government.
how so
No it’s too little privacy lost; it has to be satire.
when does this start? how long am i supposed to remember catnap without writing it down??
too late. you already wrote it down.... here....
NOO DON'T WRITE IT DOWN
Κώστας Καραπαπαχατζηδιμιτρακόπουλος That’s a long last name (it took 10-15 seconds to pronounce)
you idiot
Just use this acronym:
Coochie
Ass
Tits
Nice
Anal
Penis
1:55 I can't believe that is real life now. That's just depressing.
Reminds me of the plot of shimoneta
A man of culture
Hell yeah
There’s the difference between hiding porn and banning porn.
The news ticker at the bottom had me laughing the entire time. I love you Onion.
"that pilot who heroically crashed a plane into Maureen Dowd"
LOVE IT!
u still alive bro? its been 10 years
"on a few faulty robots" - the Onion being predictive again. All of America's home grown problems blamed on Russian bots.
Guys, this is important information, they have police hidden outside the "Loli Mountain"
_"when he unearths 'Grandma likes it hard' volume 3"_
LMAOOOOOO
Now what am I going to do with my folder within a folder within a folder within a folder named tax returns
Sorry mom 😔
The Canada part killed me
I love that all of this is just to prevent embarrassment from some archaeologist judging us in the future and not actually for the betterment of humanity. They’ve got plenty of ways for us to still do it while covering our tracks so we don’t have to worry about some guy from the future thinking we were all weird
The whole idea is also just hilariously pointless. Because now not only will that archaeologist dig up a single cartridge of Grandma Likes it Hard Volume IV - that archaeologist will instead unearth literal mountains worth of categorized porn.
@@Resi1ience but they won’t know it’s porn because they put a bunch of pointless stuff at the beginning so they get bored and stop watching
@@lukestarkiller1470 Worst case scenario, at least our legacy will be preserved due to the heroic sacrifice of Canada's reputation. If the US ever conquers Canada in the next 1000 years, future archaeologists will undoubtedly look back at Canada's box of sin as our casus belli.
This is a great idea. Now we need to figure out how to hide our reality TV shows and fast food from future generations.
I say we mandate all new construction be done with marble and granite.
That way the ruins of our civilisation will look a lot more impressive.
Dude I’ve always thought about that, why can’t we make cooler buildings like older civilizations did so we have something cool to leave behind?
Lmaoooo this got recommended after pornhub got 90% of its content deleted
Not deleted.
Hidden in a mountain to hide it from the gen z and onwards
@A Guill they Had legal trouble because they dont moderate their uploads
@A Guill nahh its more on that some videos include actual underage girls so the website purged all video uploaders without a checkmark on their username or something
Boy am I glad I live in Southern New Hampshire
"What's the plan?"
"I don't know, but it involves not dying."
"That's a really good plan."
-From MegaMind
Us Canadian's are so laid back, we cool with this.
"I'm canadian and I demand that all that porn be repatriated! Bring that camping equipment along too."
Adding five minutes of CSPAN footage to make future generations lose interest is _brilliant_
Five minutes seems pretty extreme. Surely two would be enough.
I was on the verge of laughing the whole time, but it was the "I'm from the year 3000!" that drove me over the edge!
Future generations need to know their great great great grandpa and grandma like it rough.
this is one of the funniest ones ive seen in a while. definitely made my day
Damn, this comment is close to my birth than today.
Funnily enough this is about to be reality.
One of my most feared worries is a tornado taking out my house and all the porn scattered about while multiple local news cameras film and give my name at the bottom of the screen...
The robot scapegoat... that happened
"No mature content" tag. UA-cam has its censors working just right
I live in southern New Hampshire. YES!
This would actually be funny.....if it weren't for the fact that it's all, sadly, very true.
I rather be judged by the color of my skin and not the content of my hard drive.
The video keeps buffering after "US citizens will have to use the password," guess I'm never finding out that password huh
Congratulations my neighbors think I'm wombat shit balls Batman crazy. Loosing my shit on the porch, "5 minutes of C-SPAN" and me listening to the news...😊.
But look at "porn" today, we shouldve done it
They’re going to have to add stepsister Mountain
@@jbird4478 How so? The actors are getting payed and they can quit the job.
@@jbird4478 Yeah thats why I only watch porn from reputable sources
“Blame all racist comments on robots” I swear we’re taking notes form these guys.
Sometimes I watch C-Span and pretend it's the Onion
Did you know that a chinese newspaper actually believed this and was very surprised and angry to find out this was fake? I lawled.
In the future, there might be such a thing as a porn museum where people can learn all about the different genres and the history of pornography.
I tried to find qualitativeconsulting.net ... it doesn't exist. This seems like a gross oversight.
You know this is SO old when porn only exist in CD and tape recorder, nowadays people have 'homework' folder that terrabites away
How things change in just three years--only exhibitionists "download" porn these days instead of streaming everything. I rest well at night knowing that should I die in my sleep, my children will never know the unspeakably depraved smut I enjoyed from inside the anonymity of an Incognito tab.
I like how racist robots was meant to be an exaggeration, but now it already is pretty much a genuine problem
1:55 damn the onion predicted racist robots
Just recently they chose to ban porn unless you give online porn companies a state issued ID.
1:51 that literally happened, Google "twitter racist algorithms"
@Mexican Doggo Ik they do that, but trust me, they do have algorithms that prefer white people (it's not actually racist ofc, since it's due to the way we look (something to do with the eye-face contrast I believe), but they still are trying to blame racism.) www.computerweekly.com/news/252489419/Twitter-investigates-image-cropping-algorithm-for-racial-bias
@Mexican Doggo xd
“Rating: No mature content.” Mhmm, guess we’ll just ignore those images.
It will be awesome IF
the Onion would be on TV 24/7
Thanx Canada for being our scapegoat and stash house. Now I know where to look... underneath the camping equipment..
About time our government stepped up and dealt with this issue. Why can't we be more like the Japanese? We all know how classy and well-mannered they are because they don't produce ANY pornography >_
I want to be in charge of the agency.
not easy to hide porn when everybody is doing it
They put alot of thought into that plan. Makes you wonder...
“Next up we will talk to the pilot who heroically crashed a plane into maureen dow” lmao
*recreational mountain climbing see a 50000000% increase*
And I quote "Blame Canada!!!! It's not even a real country anyway"
Hey why is this unassuming website from the late 2000s early 2010s holding thousands of terrabytes if data
"That way future historians will think we are just holding onto it for Canada" XD i love these guys
you know what's funny is I bet people would get on board with this. like they're not actually banning any of it.
Now with woke trash twitter i can really see this happen.
Of course they still want segregated entry. Due Ebony P*RN only being for Blacks, and whites should just watch something else
Barely legal mountain?
Fuck,I'm dying.
literally not even parody
1:21 I mean fair enough as a Canadian I can say we are into some dirt nasty shit up here, so yeah that checks out.
As a canadian i aprove
Some countries can point at their porn collection with pride
May the Science be with You sorry kid aproves not a word and thus you’ve been lied too
Ok truthfully i just spelled it wrong
Mrs. Griffin out today?….. Shopping.
Yes, that's what I'm doing. I'm filtering out only good porn... for Canada.
This is an outrage! Grandma likes it hard volume 3 is a staple in american cinematography and must not be stifled!
"Imagine the look on some future archeologist face when he unearths grandma likes it hard volume 3" LOL!!!!
So thats where my dad went ten years ago.
Pornstache-ing industry?
I worried some Congressman is going to see this and think it's a great idea.
Haha, blame Canada eh? :-D
@gamecubeclock Genius! I would have never seen through this without your enlightenment.
Why would they do that? Mia Malkova is so hot right now!
if only they would do this to our debt. Imagine taking our national debt and hiding it in Canada. Most of Canada is trees and snow, who would even think to look?
The password is catnap
Never considered that future generations will be able to watch this, our tapes from our time will be deemed the first in the history of humanity, odd to think about!