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My manager is a narcissist, so questioning anything is a punishable offense. He loves creating the obstacles that distract from doing the actual work, and seems to enjoy the conflict of any complaint/concern about said obstacles. He likes to pretend he is giving you autonomy, but will refuse to articulate his expectations even when asked, and then make you rework everything to his liking. At the same time he inundates you with writing down and presenting due dates at a granular task-by-task level, and then critique the dates you write down and have you change them, and zero of the due dates ever stick, due to the routine unpredictability of multiple other stakeholders. He will sit on projects for an entire year, then criticize you not hitting deadlines on it with the shortened deadlines. Gray Rocking/Equanimity is the ONLY thing that has any positive effect on reducing conflict, but it doesn't remove the obstacles he creates... those are there to stay. You just kind of have to accept that you won't truly be allowed to do your job.
This is a perfect example of unproductive and corrupt leaders at power. They love to implant difficulties in the lives of others. Like you indicated that he refuses to articulate his expectations when asked because he is rather inefficient at his job and trick you all into thinking how high yielding business activities keep him busy all year long. People at power often manipulate subordinates by pinning every fault on them and taking no charge of their own negligence. I'm sad but these people of low calibre are ubiquitious nowadays. Sadly noone dares to speak against them.. Only way to deal with such people is by keeping your head high and doing what you need to do. Just shun them in your head.
JMFS, do we work together? J/k but seriously, I’ve worked with exactly that personality on 4 completely separate apartment complex builds. The pm’s catch a ton of b.s. from the owners/ investors. I’m 2017 a project was nearing completion, but was definitely way behind schedule, and the worst snowstorm in city history struck, shutting down even the trains and airports. Yet the work crews were catching shit from above because the project was falling even more behind! We got temp occupancy about 4 months later than planned. This was a big corporate developer, so I took a job on a smaller project with an owner investor at the helm. Same thing happened again. So, I went to work in a development office, and it turns out that they constantly lie to investors about what is reasonable budget and timeline. Relying on change orders and tapping into more investors funds can get closer to the goal, but the PMs and subs are always the fall guys. Just because everyone else thinks that construction happens by magic or something! I feel your pain! I retired in 2021 without a plan. What I do know is that I’m done with construction and real estate. Those are not careers for shrinking violets, that’s for sure!
Sorry to hear! They must all learn from the same teacher ;) Once these tricks are known to you, your boss will be much easier to deal with. Been there myself! Best of luck.
who wants to deal with all this ish...biz is stressful enough without having to navigate all this BS. Plan your exit strategy, they don't deserve your strong talents if they treat you like this. This falls on senior leadership if they tolerate this dysfunctional and abusive behavior on their watch.
Yes! If someone has a better opportunity then that's certainly the right way to go. In my specific case, I had great coworkers, salary etc with decent senior leadership, but our direct manager was terrible in every way except bringing in more business - senior leaders turned a blind eye because of that. It was difficult to leave based on the good aspects of the job, but was ultimately the right decision for me to leave, too.
This video is spot on! Managing the manger or managing up. DOCUMENTATION is the key. CYA! If everything in this video fails you, either quit or lawyer up!
Thank you for this video. It's on point. The only thing I think is not going to work is going to HR. HR is always on the boss's side. ALWAYS. There are not going to help you if it doesn't benefit the company. If you have to resolve to going to HR...You're better off just looking for another job.
Not fun! I'd personally make sure that you outline what you need in an email (if you can cc another person that's involved, even better) and make it clear that you need their help to complete what's been asked of you. You can also bring up your questions in a meeting so other people can "witness" it. That's just my two cents. Hope it helps.
Ahhh sorry to hear you can relate so closely. It's definitely weird how so many of us have experienced the exact same things at work, but thankfully our collective awareness of these issues is growing and we'll overcome them!
Sorry to hear! It sucks dealing with this stuff in general, let alone at work. Thankfully you've learned many lessons and can't be taken advantage of in the future!
It's the same old story. Bosses pushes managers and supervisors who should push staff. Targets are set with a little carrot as prize then reached the target will be set higher and higher. Gossiping, company rules made only for somebody and if you are too smart for them then you are not good. Do not trust chain of any such who say that they are like a family and employees are individuals and not numbers. Choose a small firm instead where the owner/s are actively involved and can monitor who is valuable for their business and who is not. At the end of the day without a teamwork success is hard for anybody. Sometimes bigger groups are more appealing but trust me especially over these harder times cuts will be done here and there. No job is worth your health. Choose wisely. Good luck.
My boss is currently holding a promotion over my head to get me to do extra work and worry about more things than I need to. This week I officially stopped doing the extra and let her spew her hot air and just reply with a simple “alright”
I can’t believe someone could have the mentality that they are “better than you” because they are your boss. Unbelievable. I work so much for so little pay and I refuse to continue to do so. He Constantly makes me feel bad for taking off when im entitled to enjoy my life
My tactic was honest debate up to ruthless criticism of what I believed they were doing wrong. Mix it with protecting others whenever the same was being done to them. The result... well I don't want to talk about it here :D
This really explains his behavior... I’ve already used some of these tactics without knowing about it lol But thank you for making this video. Very informative and helpful.
HR are normally useless. They are there to protect the company not workers i.e. helping the company is not sued by employees,, ensuring company comply with employment law, provide PR advice to company managers etc
What to do if bosses never replies on email and messages if I have questions.. They always expect immediate reply for their emails.. They call on phone rather than emails..
In my personal experience, I'd try sending them an email first and then follow up with a call/in-person meeting shortly after if they don't reply. After discussing the topic with your boss you could always send them a follow-up email that briefly outlines what was discussed verbally. That way you've at least documented the situation i.e. "problem and solution" and your boss can't say that "you should've come to them or called them directly" when they try to justify why they didn't respond to the email. Hope that helps!
Ahhhh that's tough! I feel for you and don't have experience there, but perhaps there are rules or policies being violated that could be pointed out? Best of luck, hope it gets better soon.
Are you serious? For years, I experienced this. I reported this to HR. My Boss was on my computer all the time. I did the work of two people and held accountable for others work. Bad Workers will put a company out of business. It is 1 problem with some companies going out of business. The Other is Government. 😇
I find I can’t watch your video and listen to your context at the same time, because they don’t relate to each other. It’s really annoying. Maybe you should just be a podcast.
Are you a PM or professional looking for mentorship? I now offer 30 & 60 min. 1-on-1 video coaching sessions! Click below to learn more and book a call today:
rb.gy/6x062
My manager is a narcissist, so questioning anything is a punishable offense. He loves creating the obstacles that distract from doing the actual work, and seems to enjoy the conflict of any complaint/concern about said obstacles. He likes to pretend he is giving you autonomy, but will refuse to articulate his expectations even when asked, and then make you rework everything to his liking. At the same time he inundates you with writing down and presenting due dates at a granular task-by-task level, and then critique the dates you write down and have you change them, and zero of the due dates ever stick, due to the routine unpredictability of multiple other stakeholders. He will sit on projects for an entire year, then criticize you not hitting deadlines on it with the shortened deadlines. Gray Rocking/Equanimity is the ONLY thing that has any positive effect on reducing conflict, but it doesn't remove the obstacles he creates... those are there to stay. You just kind of have to accept that you won't truly be allowed to do your job.
You hit the nail on the head - very relatable!Sorry to hear, it’s sad that so many workplaces end up running this way. Thanks for the comment.
This is a perfect example of unproductive and corrupt leaders at power. They love to implant difficulties in the lives of others.
Like you indicated that he refuses to articulate his expectations when asked because he is rather inefficient at his job and trick you all into thinking how high yielding business activities keep him busy all year long. People at power often manipulate subordinates by pinning every fault on them and taking no charge of their own negligence.
I'm sad but these people of low calibre are ubiquitious nowadays. Sadly noone dares to speak against them..
Only way to deal with such people is by keeping your head high and doing what you need to do. Just shun them in your head.
JMFS, do we work together? J/k but seriously, I’ve worked with exactly that personality on 4 completely separate apartment complex builds.
The pm’s catch a ton of b.s. from the owners/ investors. I’m 2017 a project was nearing completion, but was definitely way behind schedule, and the worst snowstorm in city history struck, shutting down even the trains and airports.
Yet the work crews were catching shit from above because the project was falling even more behind!
We got temp occupancy about 4 months later than planned. This was a big corporate developer, so I took a job on a smaller project with an owner investor at the helm.
Same thing happened again. So, I went to work in a development office, and it turns out that they constantly lie to investors about what is reasonable budget and timeline.
Relying on change orders and tapping into more investors funds can get closer to the goal, but the PMs and subs are always the fall guys.
Just because everyone else thinks that construction happens by magic or something!
I feel your pain! I retired in 2021 without a plan. What I do know is that I’m done with construction and real estate. Those are not careers for shrinking violets, that’s for sure!
I can’t believe that I’m dealing with this. You have described my supervisor to a T.
Sorry to hear! They must all learn from the same teacher ;) Once these tricks are known to you, your boss will be much easier to deal with. Been there myself! Best of luck.
who wants to deal with all this ish...biz is stressful enough without having to navigate all this BS. Plan your exit strategy, they don't deserve your strong talents if they treat you like this. This falls on senior leadership if they tolerate this dysfunctional and abusive behavior on their watch.
Yes! If someone has a better opportunity then that's certainly the right way to go. In my specific case, I had great coworkers, salary etc with decent senior leadership, but our direct manager was terrible in every way except bringing in more business - senior leaders turned a blind eye because of that. It was difficult to leave based on the good aspects of the job, but was ultimately the right decision for me to leave, too.
This video is spot on! Managing the manger or managing up. DOCUMENTATION is the key. CYA! If everything in this video fails you, either quit or lawyer up!
Thank you! You're certainly right, and sorry to hear that you've had a similar experience.
@@pmproblemsoo oooooooooopööopoo
Although helpful for exiting. No job is worth catering/countering to any of these behaviors.
Thanks for the comment and yes, life is too short to put up with misery at work. Either the problem goes away or we do!
Thank you for this video. It's on point. The only thing I think is not going to work is going to HR. HR is always on the boss's side. ALWAYS. There are not going to help you if it doesn't benefit the company. If you have to resolve to going to HR...You're better off just looking for another job.
Only go to HR with written evidence and to ask to settle out of tribunal. Otherwise you are showing them your hand and they will use it against you
What if you ask for help and the boss gives you the silent treatment until you do what they want
Not fun! I'd personally make sure that you outline what you need in an email (if you can cc another person that's involved, even better) and make it clear that you need their help to complete what's been asked of you. You can also bring up your questions in a meeting so other people can "witness" it. That's just my two cents. Hope it helps.
My boss does that too
OMG do you work with me? This is what goes on in my workplace, you see everything that goes on.
Ahhh sorry to hear you can relate so closely. It's definitely weird how so many of us have experienced the exact same things at work, but thankfully our collective awareness of these issues is growing and we'll overcome them!
God. I want to cry. I've been through several of these. Lost jobs because of this. Only thing I can do is learn from past and currently.
Sorry to hear! It sucks dealing with this stuff in general, let alone at work. Thankfully you've learned many lessons and can't be taken advantage of in the future!
DO NOT GO TO HR...they will fire you not the boss!!
Unfortunately this seems to happen more often than it should
It's the same old story. Bosses pushes managers and supervisors who should push staff. Targets are set with a little carrot as prize then reached the target will be set higher and higher. Gossiping, company rules made only for somebody and if you are too smart for them then you are not good. Do not trust chain of any such who say that they are like a family and employees are individuals and not numbers. Choose a small firm instead where the owner/s are actively involved and can monitor who is valuable for their business and who is not. At the end of the day without a teamwork success is hard for anybody. Sometimes bigger groups are more appealing but trust me especially over these harder times cuts will be done here and there. No job is worth your health. Choose wisely.
Good luck.
Well said Fabrix!
I have bad bosses, Thank you for this topic and I have faced, facing such issues a lot and disturbed
Problem is that this may be wrong but not illegal.
not yet anyway. not _yet_ .
Thanks for this information, but the background music was terrible! Very distracting and dramatic... which we don't need. Thanks anyway.
As always, I support viewer's rights to voice their opinions and will take this into consideration going forwards.
My boss is currently holding a promotion over my head to get me to do extra work and worry about more things than I need to.
This week I officially stopped doing the extra and let her spew her hot air and just reply with a simple “alright”
I can’t believe someone could have the mentality that they are “better than you” because they are your boss. Unbelievable. I work so much for so little pay and I refuse to continue to do so. He Constantly makes me feel bad for taking off when im entitled to enjoy my life
Agreed! Sorry to hear, hope the situation improves or you find a spot you like
My tactic was honest debate up to ruthless criticism of what I believed they were doing wrong. Mix it with protecting others whenever the same was being done to them.
The result... well I don't want to talk about it here :D
Ha! Good for you, glad to hear that you've been able to overcome their evil ways!
This really explains his behavior... I’ve already used some of these tactics without knowing about it lol
But thank you for making this video. Very informative and helpful.
My pleasure. Sorry to hear you've been experiencing things like this but glad to know that you've been handling it well!
The manipulator totally does not know, there are security cameras watching behind their backs. That's how they get fired from work
You pretty much explained a narcissist boos for the most part.
I had a manipulative assistant manager. He was very insecure...too bad the HR department was completely useless as well
Sorry to hear on both accounts. It's a mystery as to why HR enforces some things but looks the other way on others! Thx for the comment.
HR are normally useless. They are there to protect the company not workers i.e. helping the company is not sued by employees,, ensuring company comply with employment law, provide PR advice to company managers etc
Man with the Way they gaslight it feels more like trafficking or religious Narcissism
What to do if bosses never replies on email and messages if I have questions.. They always expect immediate reply for their emails.. They call on phone rather than emails..
In my personal experience, I'd try sending them an email first and then follow up with a call/in-person meeting shortly after if they don't reply. After discussing the topic with your boss you could always send them a follow-up email that briefly outlines what was discussed verbally.
That way you've at least documented the situation i.e. "problem and solution" and your boss can't say that "you should've come to them or called them directly" when they try to justify why they didn't respond to the email. Hope that helps!
7:43 what if you do work in the HR department? 🤦♀️
Ahhhh that's tough! I feel for you and don't have experience there, but perhaps there are rules or policies being violated that could be pointed out? Best of luck, hope it gets better soon.
This video fits my situation to a tee
Sorry to hear you’re experiencing that!
I wish I could give 2 likes 👍 for this video. Exactly spot on
Thanks so much. Wish there wasn't so many of us who can relate, but at least we're aware of what to watch out for!
Brilliant excellent information
Is someone watching Stomp in the background?
Hahaha! 😆
I like it . All.out war!
Are you serious? For years, I experienced this. I reported this to HR. My Boss was on my computer all the time. I did the work of two people and held accountable for others work. Bad Workers will put a company out of business. It is 1 problem with some companies going out of business. The Other is Government. 😇
Sorry to hear. Seems like many of us have these experiences, across the board a shift has to happen soon!
All true
You’re spot on the money 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
Timestamp: 12:48 . "Relif" spelled incorrectly. Overall, very excellent video though!
Appreciated, and thanks for watching so closely :)
Nothing worse than a Boss who thinks they are NEVER wrong.🙃😎✌️. ++ Who can ever punish your boss if there boss never knows about it. #Facts
100%!
Yes, and hateful.
00:59
I find I can’t watch your video and listen to your context at the same time, because they don’t relate to each other. It’s really annoying. Maybe you should just be a podcast.
I appreciate your honest feedback and will take it into consideration going forward.