Jordan Peterson - Do You Need A Family To Be Happy?
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- Опубліковано 5 сер 2024
- Dr Jordan B. Peterson on whether you need a family to be happy? Should you be childless? Does Jordan think that having kids makes people happier? Does Jordan Peterson think you should choose your career over having children?
#jordanpeterson #family #career
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Chris, I grew up in poverty and watched my parents fight and divorce when I was a kid, and then my father financially struggled to raise me and my brother on 1 income and no health insurance while my brother had asthma. Growing up in these circumstances leaves an imprint that usually doesn't go away. I don't want kids because I don't want them to suffer like I did- abuse, neglect, having to move from place to place and from school to school every 3-6-12 months, wearing shoes and clothes with holes in them and then being made fun of and bullied at school by kids whose parents COULD afford to buy them proper shoes and clothes. Not to mention that because my dad was always working OR too exhausted from work to spend time with his kids, neither my brother or I were prepared for adulthood; nobody "raised" us. For Dr. Peterson to suggest that a person is incomplete without kids or a family shows how PRIVILEGED he is to say that! Raising a family costs money that many people don't have! I wonder if Dr. Peterson ever spent time in underprivileged neighborhoods and learned first hand how difficult raising kids can be- from having to raise kids alone because the father abandoned the family or mental health issues that are highest among the poor, etc. Thank goodness for contraceptives! ❤️
Does the interviewer have a family?
@@mgrossklaus5186 Dr. Peterson has two (2) adult kids. Chris Williamson has no children that he's spoken of publicly. (Some people keep their personal life in private and that's their right but, no, he's not publicly mentioned having children). Great question! 🥰 💕
@@syguzman5739 i wish more adults thought like you did. most never think of what basic necessities a child SHOULD HAVE before having children. if they did, a large percentage of parents wouldn't qualify because they can't even take care of themselves. just because you CAN have children, doesn't mean you should.
@@wrxzboost ❤️ 🥰
My father had 4 kids - he was unhappy as f**k. Having family didn’t fix his life - fixing your life starts from within. To all those who full themselves thinking my life will be beautiful when I have a wife and kids - bulshit - unless you do the inner work - you will only waste your life and your kids life.
Some people are just unhappy f**ks no matter what they do or what happens, it's not always about inner work but about how you decide to react to what life hands you.
No one claimed that it fixes your life.
Forreal, so many shitty people with families
First off, nothing was said about family fixing your life, but rather that it is an almost essential part of a good, meaningful life. I think inner work/personal development is also essential as humans need to feel as though they are progressing forward. Secondly though, referring to certain people as “shitty” or “unhappy f**ks” is just an easy way of dealing with the multi variable and complicated problem that is life. I’m not under the impression all people are good, but just labeling people as shitty does no good. I am sorry about all of your own family struggles and wish you all the best
I feel like you ignore the 'exception' part of his explaination.
Whatever you decide with family, try to make sure:
- you've thought about it *a lot*
- accepted the burden voluntarily
- go about it in the proper manner
- Very very expensive
and most importantly. DONT get married 😂
"you've thought about it a lot" And make that decision BEFORE you decide to have sex.
@@jordanmatthew6315 not so much really.
@D M it's not just "the career", but people that might have been helped in that career, potentially. It's not just about the money or other material benefit.
"Father, why do I exist?"
- Well heck kid, what else was I gonna do?
Such purpose, such meaning!
You exist to advance the cause of humanity, whatever that means to you.
@@jhonklan3794 what's the point of that?
You imprint a part of you in your children like your values and beliefs, they are your legacy and they are perhaps the most important thing you provide to the future. It’s not raising just a baby, but a human being that you have the responsibility to cultivate and prepare for their own lives.
@@yusufmokhtar6781 agreed, values are the most important thing we can give our children.
Mother Nature just wants us to reproduce. Our bodies are literally built/programmed for that. Why? Who the hell knows. But it's supposed to be pretty damn meaningful, I hear.
No matter what you choose ,no life is perfect.
and humans are never satisifed! its got us the innovations we have now.
Exactly
No life is perfect but I say an imperfect simple life is better than an imperfect complicated life.
I think if you do what you know in your heart needs to be done your life will be perfect to you
Best comment...Each option has their own story
My aunt is single and childless, she says she’s never felt that maternal need and is glad she didn’t have any but she has done a lot for her family and myself and sister, she’s found her “purposes” elsewhere in her life which should be looked at positively as well
If your aunt didn't have you guys then she would be pretty miserable.
@@BlowitAllUp It’s a big jump to say miserable but I don’t think she’d deny she wouldn’t be as happy, however I think the key thing is, one shouldn’t have children if they don’t feel the real desire to and more so, it’s important to find ways of being good to others and yourself throughout life, that can make you feel less of a hole also
@@Lunch_at_Marcos Life is meaningless when you don’t have people you are close to. We are probably going to lose a lot of morality and motivation to better oneself in the near future.
@@BlowitAllUp just coz someone didn't have children doesn't Mena they don't have someone they love and r close to. Are you that delusional??
Well, some should not have children. It’s good to know she knew she probably wouldn’t be a good mother.
My father hated his life, hated his job, hated his wife (my mother) and hated us children.
He also took out his anger out on us, not everyone SHOULD have children and get married.
I just wonder how does one know if they should or shouldn't have children and get married?
I wonder if your mom had to do with that behaviour
@@joaquin67 Yes, in years gone by getting married and starting a family was something everybody was "supposed" to do.
honeslty people should ask could i be good parrent and if the answer is no then they should try imrpoving themselves and then ask do i want kids if no then chances are you are rare fella
@raesully2615 First off, I'm sorry you went through that. That said, also, NOT every married couple should necessarily have children either
I married, we had a daughter, all hell broke lose. She left me when my daughter was 2 yrs old. 15 yrs of child support. Living in a dangerous ghetto appt. The most horrible time of my life. 50% of marriage ends in divorce. 80% filed by women.
So? It's probably your fault. Take some responsibility.
@@vfauni5764 Now thats not entirely accurate. There is alot of details held out by omission to say what is anyone's fault.
@@vfauni5764 how about women and men taking responsibility? Many of today's women are acting like the abusive men they claim to be against.
@@johnshafer7214 Find a good one then. what am i supposed to tell you?
filed because of adultery
I'm 37 and single, no kids, I look at my friends and Co workers who are married (some separated) and have kids and they honestly don't seem to be any happier than me.
I think life is a bit of a slog whichever path you choose.
go extinct then.
Same - aged 37.
Many of my friends have recently been divorced. That process in itself showed the worst sides of both them and their partners.
Also, those who are still married are tolerating what to my mind are "ridiculous problems" with their partners: infidelity, insanity, narcissism, physical abuse, etc
I know maybe 3 or 4 happily married couples with kids.
My single friends have their own issues but nowhere near the drama and stress I see with the married ones.
I do feel like something is missing in my life - would love to find a good man to raise a family with. But any hint of the problems I have described above in my dating life and I just break up 🙈
@@tlhogid663 At your age the chances of getting married is slim to none. Might as well get cats and accept your fate. Women nowadays think they have all the time in the world but 90% of your eggs are gone by the time you're 30.
@@gewizz2 myth
nobody wants the jackhammer guy
@@BlowitAllUp women want a lower birth rate, obviously
you're threatening her with a good time
Being unmarried and childless has some great benefits: low stress, low debt, freedom to do what you please but it's also made me realize that I have very little 'buy in'. I've had the luxury of establishing my career by picking up and moving at the drop of a hat but I think having a spouse and or kids would give me more purpose.
agree 100% with you. this is one of the few things i disagree with Jordan on. people can find meaning and purpose in life outside of creating a family. we are all children, nieces or nephews of someone. if you remove creating a family from your life, i would bet you would see an increase in "success" in other things such as your career/job and other relationships.
grass is always greener on the other side. people with kids say for you: "oh look at him, has money and can do whatever he wants, no stress etc"
Without my own family I feel apathetic and unmotivated.
@@wrxzboost "people can find meaning and purpose in life outside of creating a family" Sorry, but Nah. It's a Transformative experience. Like having an orgasm for the first time or trying heroin. You Can't understand it until you do it.
@@ronmoore6598 still doesn’t mean it right for everyone. What we don’t don’t talk about are the people that have this “transformative” experience and their lives are destroyed. But you’ll never know that until it happens to you.
i know many parents who do not love their children and regard them as a burden. not every one is suited to being a parent
Kids are always going to realistically be a burden. If they are not then you probably don't care enough or you are so rich and the reality of them getting sick or in some other trouble escapes you.
Or you are so poor that you use them to work for you.
This is not a format to explain all the ways how children if cared for properly have to be burden.
@@yoooyoyooo Sure, but for a good parent, the children are a burden they are happy to accept. Sure, it´s hard sometimes, but they still think it´s worth it overall. However, there are many people who legitimately hate the time they spend with their kids, and as a result, the kids basically grow up alone, raised by the TV or the internet. It´s really sad.
boomers tell their kids that they're a burden then wonder Y NO GRANDKIDS
Same. I know way to many regretful parents in real life. There are thousands more online on groups like the reddit sub "regretful parents". It's sad.
@@moonAwake247 I agree that they don't hate there children. Some children are unwanted because they were unplanned. While other parents underestimated how much work they would be
I got hurt and now I can't walk. I'm beyond grateful for everyone who has helped me. My family has rallied around me.
Good to hear. But sadly many families don’t do this 😟
That they respond this way - Imagine all that you give them to receive such loyalty.
Best of luck in life.
My friends did this for me when I didnt want to live anymore. Not my family.
Praise the Lord
you got hurt? who hurt you? what evil women?
Being married and having children has given me a sense of purpose I didn't know was possible. Is it sometimes miserable? Yes. But it is the most meaningful struggle I have had yet and it is hard to think of one that could be better.
Its the one thing that actually ensures you have a legacy, a living legacy. A way to say to the world that you weren't just some cog in some company, that you were a father or a mother who has sired, nurtured, and raised a person of your flesh and blood.
Your children belong to the state.
@@MandoMTL only if you allow it
@@jakeelkins5662 Like if a normal citizen could even do something againts it lol
"Being married and having children has given me a sense of purpose I didn't know was possible." We've literally EVOLVED to be like that over millions of years. Human infants are helpless for much longer than other species, and need absolutely DEDICATED parents to survive, mother took care of infant that couldn't even raise it's head, father, and the rest of the fathers in his tribe, provided for and protected mothers and children. It's our DNA to find purpose in parenthood.
Different people, different needs ... I never had any desire to have kids and as a consequence, up to this day I don't regret not having them. Maybe if, by accident, I would have had one, it might make me happy, but it seems like a waste of time to think about that too often.
waste of time waste of money, I get it, but then again, who shall teach us kindness but the kids..
@@SightForMemories That is quite a creepy comment.. 😳
@Tracchofyre
Child-like friendliness *can* be inspiring. The lightheaded positivity they effortlessly radiate can chip away at the cynicism one has acquires through life. Maybe that’s what he meant.
Then again some kids are plain assholes.
@@SightForMemories you need a kid to teach you kindness? Just when I thought humans couldnt be any more stupid but that's the stupidest thing I read today. Thank you for the laugh
I don’t think these things are for everyone.
I’ve seen a lot of people who have children simply because it’s what people do. Even if they have no career or anything, some people (and their possible families) are better off if they’d just waste away their life instead of engaging in a half assed attempt of family-life just because society says so.
Precisely. Too many people don´t seem to realize that by having children, they will be accepting the responsibility for the life of another human being for at least 18 years. Either think about it and do it properly, or don´t do it at all.
So true.
@@jirkazalabak1514 when ppl like jordan calls children " blessing " ofc people wont accept responsibility.. because... what responsibility? its a blessing.
I agree with Jordan Peterson on many things and he helped me turn my life around though i dont believe he will convince me to have kids based on the world situation.
Same. My philosophy is that life is not worth living if you can be spared the pain so why force it on someone? I'm also ugly and short and would most likely pass it onto my kids, people have almost never been kind to me and I don't trust that they would be kind to my children either.
Even if I one day woke up and changed my mind (which I doubt) I don't think I could afford them anyways.
I detest this world view. Optimism in the face of adversity is one of the things I think Peterson nails. This pessimistic nihilism that pervades gen Z is nonsenesical and based in malthusian apocalyptic hysteria. Every generation faces challenges. These challenges are in fact part of what makes life worth living.
@Dnpe Its all not for nothing. Not by a long shot. In fact, our lives are the only thing that matter. Without conscience awareness, the world would be an unfeeling mass devoid of meaning. We are the worlds sensing organs; the aperture through which the world views itself.
Suffering is inevitable. You cant shield yourself from it, nor your children. But you can build yourself into people who can withstand suffering to produce meaning. To help others, to forge bonds, to advance humanity in some way big or small.
I think having children shouldn't be the rule. The minority should have children, that's also how it works in nature. And it's not like nature discards those with no offspring, at least not with mammals, those individuals are fundamental for the pack and nature keeps them functional and lively because it's advantageous for the species.
It’s just cope. You sound like my friends that have failed at pairing up and having children. “Oh the world is too messed up, boohoo me me me”. I live in South Africa, our country is beyond F’ed and only getting worse. Cry me and my family a river.
That’s all that it is. Find a woman, have some kids and reach the next station in life. Or you can remain a child for the rest of your life and raise “fur babies”. Honestly the anti family propaganda is out of hand. Man up.
Not having kids. I have mental problems and a huge amount of childhood/family trauma. Im not pushing it onto a child and im just riding out the rest of my days trying to make the most of it. I don't need more stress in my life.
And that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with either way of life. Trust me I am Mexican and having kids in a young marriage is very much pushed.
Why dont you get help for that trauma, fix it and then consider having kids and a family so you can experience that joy?
@@Durram258 i mean I'm already 30 and single so
@@Yassin.ibn.farouk Still time, freeze eggs if you have to. Dont just give up
@@Durram258 im a dude
Depends on your personality .
I am a loner from birth , 60 now and perfectly happy on my own .
Even as the oldest of 6 children I felt the need for privacy , and hated the buzz and emotional drama in my family .
Around my 25th I decided the rest of my life is mine !
YES, loners exists lol, but mainstream society hates them, ridicules them and honestly sometimes seems to want to wipe them off existence…
@@xinchaodefeng08 That's because people are jealous of our independence and ability to thrive on our own.
In life you win and you lose, whatever you choose.
For those who can have children, it is the greatest of adventures.....but life offers compensations for those who can't or don't.
I like this way of thinking
Sure, but I could think of greater adventures than having children. How about a round the world trip?
Everything has its trade-off. Some people are childless by choice, some not by choice. Everyone is just trying to live the best life.
@@maxb9315 Then I guess you don't have children.......but it does sound like a whole lot of compensation to me.
@@andreaallsopp7043 I don't have kids, but I've travelled widely. It's what I wanted to do and it's not a compensation for anything else. Try to understand that I might not have the same priorities as you.
I think it's entirely possible to leave a lasting legacy on the people you've interacted with/helped/spent time with in your life... even if you don't have children. Life is definitely primarily about relationships, but that doesn't mean it has to be with your own DNA.
I've never wanted children, but I respect the choice to become a parent and understand when people explain the benefits. I'm not saying I won't change my mind later on down the line... but it's funny when people tell me "I won't know until I try" and I laugh and say "try? You can't return a child if you find you're not ready for parenthood" haha.
You forget most people you meet over the years as you age your left with family and maybe a few good friends but they have their own life's so if you were single and old I'd imagine it gets lonely.
The older I get the less I care for friends. Most people are parasites.
Well, We could go back AND forth, forth AND back between our opinions AND still disagree that DNA means nothing in the great scheme of things. However DNA can be read in both directions..meaning that DNA, cellularly as well as literally reads AND in reverse. You AND Me, Me AND You produces the DNA of the Future. Just saying that We have to come together, despite our differences, to safeguard the future...
@@damo9961 Well... I can understand where you're coming from, but for me, my biological parents are parasites. I became a man from an early age when I realized my mom was broke (dad was never around) and began hitting me up for money. My grand parents raised me and did a great job telling me "my friends won't always be around" but I'm lucky to have great close friends, even after one of them married.
Well you have urges I suspect, maybe they conflict with childbearing qualities. I don't know, maybe you're gay.
Have you seen what spouses do to one another and what parents put upon their children? And not just a few. It's horrific. That's life too. Not to be totally cynical, family can be grand, but a lot of it is misery so let's not be too quick to diminish people who choose differently or find themselves in different circumstances.
I like your thinking, but you see the problem isn't children or families. These are actually a blessing. The problem is the human heart.
The solution is Jesus.
@@GodSoLoved.Yeshua Jesus is childfree
Breeding...doesn't stop the pain...it just passes it on.
34, single and alone. Mostly because of my trauma from coming from a dysfunctional family. I am ok dying without that intimacy because I have trust issues with people.
You're not alone 👍
me too, i am the middle child of a dysfunctional family, i am 36, no kids, nor do i like humans enough to want kids here on this bs society.
There's going to be more single people in the future anyway. 80% of men are undesirable to majority of the women due to feminism.
This is literally my exact story, totally ok with it also
@@BlowitAllUp please stop the spread of incel propaganda.
I've never been the kind of person to be happy with the things that might make others happy. I've got one kid, not having more. Going off grid to homestead. I forage plants and mushrooms , catch fish and grow a large amount of food. I am happiest that way. I think the times are changing and people are becoming slightly disillusioned with the Daily Grind and having to do things that people tell them that they have to do.
Wow your being very productive.
I agree. I enjoy listening to Dr Peterson but personally I feel he's too subscribed to the "daily grind". Though I understand his reasons for it, it just doesnt sit well for me personally
If you are "off the grid" why do you have internet?
@@someone2021 not off the grid yet. I said I'm going off grid, and there are different levels of off grid as well. I will have solar power. I just want to be more self sufficient than I am now, grow more of my food, forage more, ect. Not into going full- on caveman lol.
Just wanted to mention I believe a sibling is one of the best gifts for an only child. I grew up with brothers, now I have children and it's wonderful watching them play together.
Anyway, good luck when you go off grid!
Not sure I agree with Peterson here. Some people genuinely don't have the ambitions to have family - that's not shirking responsibility but a matter of individual preference
Absolutely. This may well be a minority group (becoming less so now probably) - but you see plenty of people who are genuinely not happy in a married 'settled down' life. They look stuck and unfulfilled.
On a scale from 1-10 how much would you say you’ve been programmed by this modern western society that pushes the mentality that you have ?
@@gonzalogomez3386 on a scale of 1 to 10 how oblivious of the last 50 years of national stats do you have to be, to still believe your bullshit? 50/50 the odds you lose your family, barely see your kids, and lots of money as a man.
That's the PRESENT.
Go ahead, you flip that coin with your own money. I'm not a big fan of gambling with mine.
100% concretely factual post...its gonna hurt a lot of feelings out there.
@Pablo Morales if we arent nuked extinct in the next....minutes to 50 years, we will be extinct from global warming within a century. Not I, not you, but all of us.
Yes, your ignorance of statistics is noted. Go look up the divorce stats before no fault divorce. I'll wait.... Cool. Now look at them after (that's the NOW). Ok.
Now go look up wages vs cost of living from 1910 to 1970, then 1970 to present day.
Then go look up generational debt vs wealth, to now.
Done? Great.
Now you understand how idiotic that statement was.
"It has never been easier than today"
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not economically, my parents had it best, wat better than my grandparents gen and mine.
Not LEGALLY, since no fault divorce men flip a coin on a marriage lasting about 8 to 12 years then a life of misery.
Sure. Never been easier.
If you ignore 100 years of economics and the last 50 years of divorce stats.
Sure. If you are oblivious and make some ignorant, thin analysis and the fallaciously falsely equate child mortality rates to divorce stats today.
Sure.
If you have no idea wtf you're talking about. Sure.
So 80,000 years ago our kids died of their TEETH.
Therefore now is the best time ever to have kids....
No logic found.
The best time ever to have kids was in the New Deal "great prosperity" economic years of the 1900s. Since the 1970s it's been harder for each gen to pay the bills let alone adding another mouth to feed.
And, prior to the 70s 80s depending on country, marriages were more stable with at fault divorce. Then no fault divorce hit.
Historically record levels of divorce and middle class almost dead.
You: it's never been easier!
Rational informed people: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My greatest joy is watching my husband interact with our kids. A good marriage multiplies joy and divides sorrow. Doesn't mean there's not hard or challenging aspects that can literally break you (such as childbirth), but then comes the joy X a million and off we go again!
don't leave him in 20 years......
@@Macheako
Why not?
@@wyleecoyotee4252 cuz the world don’t need another single n looking to mingle grand momma 😂✌️
" A good marriage multiplies joy and divides sorrow ", thanks, that's my wisdom for the day.
@@joejoejoejoejoejoe4391
Only 16% of all marriages are reported to be happy
I'm a 34, single, childless woman. Do I find this upsetting sometimes? Absolutely. I also meet with friends who have 2+ kids, a stressful job, some have controlling in-laws too. They are busy and exhausted 99% of their waking lives and say that they have no freedom or choice over their own path. Their default is always to moan, then they realise it sounds bad and say they know they are lucky.
I am perhaps less fulfilled than they are as I'm not getting to shape young minds, but there's also a lot of sacrifice that comes with having a family, especially (in most cases) for women. It's much tougher on women, in general. I'm a fan of JP and I respect how much he values the family unit. I just think for some of us, for whom it didn't work out or it isn't quite the right thing, that's not necessarily a selfish journey. Someone else mentioned here in the comments that they work in care - having a caring profession can be massively important and so rewarding.
@@BOSSDONMAN men assume almost all of the risk? Not clear what you mean. Not getting my ideas from feminist propaganda, I'm all for independence of thought and listening to others.
@@kaye666 I think what he meant is that it is men who have more to lose typically when a divorce happens, which is true by the general design of women's selection, being hypergamous and all.
This was a fabulous chat between you two, thankyou chris for bringing out the calm and concise version of JP
I don't want to have kids. I want to play saxophone, all day every day. And there's a public sauna I visit regularly and it provides a good social life. There are communities where people can be and participate, you don't need kids for that. I also have a girlfriend and we are committed to each other, no kids in our future too. The good thing is you don't need to be economically succesful in Finland. You can survive with very little money, be humble and grateful and live well your entire life. In Finland you can live on unemployment benefits and work hard on your creative art every single day and have no problems at all.
>girlfriend
>commitment
er, no
that word doesn't mean, what you think it means
I think the problem these days is the rate at which single parenthood happens, it's tragic, completely and utterly puts me off having kids with someone even if I think they're great, I was raised in a single parent household and whilst it wasn't the worst I wouldn't want that for my kids, if that means not having any then so be it.
yeah he refuses to discuss marriage rates
I ♥️ LOVE being a wife and mother, but I also know it's not for everyone.
It's for most people. It's only because we live in relative modern luxury we even have the option to be alone.
@L Hunter You mean a necessity of not having kids? no we need kids lol. one or two. The thing that tips the scales is situations where say unhinged men and unbalanced women have like 10 kids, but we need people coupling up and having 2. give it 50 years and our old will outnumber our young taxpayers and our financial systems are genuinely ruined unless we figure out how to effectively tax a robotic workforce that generates huge value while paying nothing in and receiving no payment themselves.
@@TheAcad3mic Yes lets make Loving a person a societal agreement, I love you this much, like 1 to 2 kids, and you won't haggle, when we get divorced at 50..
@@janelleg597 I think it´s the other way around. Historically, most people never really wanted to have kids, but they had no way of preventing it short of sexual abstinence. Now that we have those ways, is it any wonder that people are opting out?
@@jirkazalabak1514 Voice of reason! Thank you.
My husband and I chose to be childless for a number of reasons. A number of our friends are childless not by choice. Of course some of our friends have children, some adopted, some biological. We are all about equally happy. Happiness is not about having or not having kids. It's about thinking through big decisions before you make them, doing what is right for you, and then choosing to be happy and purposeful. Figure out what gives your life purpose and brings you joy and stick to that. Life is not one size fits all.
I'm not going to do something, because everyone else is doing it. No, thanks. That's a bad reason to have kids.
My saying is: If we all were meant to do the same thing there would only need to be one of us.
If all the cells in your body decided to be a liver cell, you would be one giant liver.
@@Maestroxxx1 true 😂
You mean like breathing? Not sure your saying applies to biological functions, like reproduction.
@@liamrobinson2084 Producing semen and producing ovum are surely mandatory biological functions. But deciding whether to combine the two (or not) is not the same as the decision to breathe.
If you don't interfere with biological processes, reproduction will naturally follow. All the people who have kids are not made the same by making the same decision, even within the confines of your idea, because it's not the same decision. It's a unique decision within unique circumstances for everyone, every time. That being said, if anyone wants to opt out of parenthood, good for them. If they want to opt back in later, great, but there are time constraints that creep up on you really fast, less so for guys, much more so for girls. My point is that your body is programmed to reproduce, to want stuff even if you don't. It's not a trivial thing.
I'm sixty , I knew from a very young age children were not for me. Best thing I did was not to have kids. I love my stress free quiet life.
Good for you madam. I’ve made that choice too.
24 and while I don't want kids of my own for some minor genetic reasons, I'd like to foster kids who are already in the world that got dealt a poor hand.
Translation: the world revolves around meeeeee. You will die one day and nothing about you will live on. Thousands of bloodlines before you endured countless hardships and it ended with you cause you liked alone time lol what a joke. Hope all the “fun and experiences” were worth it.
Yes they are. And with th we current state of the world you would be selfish to breed.
By the way, it's not about me.. I was abused as a child and observed the shit show unravel around me. We've just come out of a pandemic and are now launching into another potential war. How selfish to breed in these circumstances. And by the way some people should never be allowed to breed. They are so fucked up they impose their carp on their kids. I'm glad my bloodline ends with me.
I hope your narcissistic projection on your kids are also worth it.
I've got 3 little ones under the age of 8....an incredible wife whose life she had dedicated to us. I've never been happier and without all of them I'd be miserable with a ton of money.
And that's fine!
Well you wouldn't have a ton of money, you'd be spending it all on frivulous things like hookers and nosedandruff...
I’m sure there are happy people with tons of money and no kids. I think if part of what makes you unhappy overall is not having a greater purpose other than yourself. If you have kids then that spot has been filled so long as you have accepted your role as a parent (we all know there are many terrible parents who don’t appreciate their kids the way they should). If you don’t have kids to then you need to have a different higher purpose.
That's good along as she's around, when the relationship breaks down you won't know how the fck to cope.
All I want to do is be intimate with a lady lol as a young man I'm not ready for no kids lol
Some people just want to live their life simply and it’s NOT about career/family/relationship. I want to travel, work in my garden, foster dogs, spend time with friends. Those things bring me so much joy and have nothing to do with the three pillars of life he’s talking about. People are different - there’s no one way of living that works for everyone. Do what brings you contentment and don’t worry about what anyone tells you you should want.
I don’t want kids either. It’s your life. Happiness is subjective.
Anyone in life that doesn't want kids is a loser.
Do what makes you happy. There's no set guidelines to life anyway. There isn't any reason to listen to other people cus you will be living for them and not for yourself
I feel like people think its' either one or the other, having kids or being tied to a career, when there are so many ways to live a fulfilling life.
I did. My family is the most precious thing in my life by miles
you probably had nothing before your family then
@@dcktater7847 how is it a sin?
@@robertoramos8257 He is Dicktating it as one.
@@artorias5737 he deleted his comment what a troll
overpop - depop
a friend of my said once to me "i have 2 young kids, i have absolutely no life, i work 6 days a week, arguments with my wife on daily basis, if i get lucky, i get sex 4 times a month, changing dipers middle in the night" he said that he is far from happy....
Too common, JP has a cereal box family so of course he's going to say all this but for a lot of people having kids with the wrong person to seek some fulfillment is a fucking terrible idea. Have kids by all means I'm not against it I would like to one day but fuck sake have them with someone worth having them with, he makes it sound like it's easy to find a decent partner who you want to have a family with, news flash JP, we don't all marry the girl next door. Literally.
@@chester6343 Voice of reason -- thank you.
The problem is the german nuclear family.
Thats not how it was suposed to be.
My dad has 8 bros&sis, my mom has 3. We are mostly happy, kids arent a big charge.
Why? Because we live close to our relatives and we share the care of the kids.
Thats the natural way, the entire group cares of the kids.
Your extreme individualis will be ur doom.
@@adamnesico I agree! My family is spread across several states in the US. If I'd had babies I would have had no support of the kind you describe. It would be very stressful and not happy at all. I witness families who stay close together and help each other and they all grow up together. That seems a lot more sane and better for everyone.
Anyone with experience close by social services, fostering etc will know full well that not all people have a positive transformative experience when they became parents, and the collateral damage is a person or people changed forever. It's not for everyone.
Yep. In practice, having children is just a huge stress-test. Some people will become better versions of themselves, while others, especially those who are already facing their own challenges, will just fall apart. This mindset that having kids will somehow fix or complete your life is extremely toxic.
I’m doing that exact thing you speak against and several others I know are doing the “nuclear family” thing as well. It works. Anything works if you can commit yourself to it.
"Children are the greatest source of happiness because when you have them they get rid of all your other sources of happiness."
Not really? Only in this modern world where children are doted on constantly and not allowed to grow up. You're supposed to pull away from children over time. So by the time they're 12 or 13, they start to become truly independent.
@@jhonklan3794 Note the "when you have them" part. Obviously when the children become teens and get more independence will the parent start to get more time for themselves. Regardless, the data says having children make you unhappier. I think from the lecture about it, it stops making you unhappier when they move out, idr.
@@User24x The data does not say that lmfao. But okay buddy. Being more stressed does not = unhappiness. The studies show anxiety and stress can rise, which can lead to unhappy moments. However, overall very few people regret having kids, and the data shows that in the long term these people will say they are happier for having a family.
Your information is wrong, and you are probably misinterpreting it.
@@danielw.8356 This is one lecture/talk on it: Prof. Dan Gilbert - the science of happiness what your mother didn't tell you
I have found a woman I loved and had child with her, I found more meaning in life with having a child. I love her more than anything/anyone I have loved before, including myself. That's my take.
Same here. Having a child has given my life more meaning than I realized was possible. Becoming a father fundamentally changed the way I view the world.
@@dcktater7847 Yes, as in MY opinion and MY experience.
@@tommy-yp4jp Exactly, couldn't have said it better. Thanks for sharing.
@@tommy-yp4jp We've literally EVOLVED to be like that over millions of years. Human infants are helpless for much longer than other species, and need absolutely DEDICATED parents to survive, mother took care of infant that couldn't even raise it's head, father, and the rest of the fathers in his tribe, provided for and protected mothers and children. It's our DNA to find purpose in parenthood.
@@pedrobarros2864 Ignore them. They're pathetic "AntiNatalism" cowards.
I love JP but he is super intense and takes the worries of the world onto his shoulders. He has also suffered loads of depression, all this despite having a family. I think our temperament has a big part to play in whether we experience much happiness in life, and there is also the key issue of how we THINK about things. Eleanor Roosevelt said that 'the majority of people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. '
Its crazy how people just follow a life formula without ever questioning it. I have never had the desire to have kids and seeing the divorce courts and family courts clown world circus it was the best decision I ever made.
Questioning it leads to feeling like an outcast. Loneliness is the price you pay for not following the herd. It's much easier to follow the herd and feel a sense of belonging.
@@kieranmallon5214 Fear prevents us from living
@@washedinhisblood.3906 Fear prevents us from suffering and dying
@@Cybertech134 No it doesn't. If that statement were true we would live forever.
@@washedinhisblood.3906 No ones afraid. Im prudent and wise
He completely neglected to mention hobbies,passion and adventures.
Good point. I love JP but he is super intense and takes the worries of the world onto his shoulders. He has also suffered loads of depression, all this despite having a family.
He somewhat did mentioning the hyper-creative types
These bring joy but little meaning. Or at least compared to the larger things in life like vocation, partnership, and family.
@@michaelhussey440 And yet he still perseveres. Because he has a family and vocation which give him meaning. Petersons point is not that such things will eliminate suffering but that they make the suffering worthwhile.
Suffering is inevitable.The question becomes what will enable you to persevere in spite of this suffering. I think while adventure and hobbies might provide joy, when faced with the dread imposed by existence, im not sure they make such suffering worthwhile.
@@jhonklan3794 and kids is not of them that bring joy for me
I couldn’t imagine myself without my kids and my wife , they give me purpose in life , a reason to wake up in the morning and grind . Motivates me to better by the day
Without them I’d be lost . A miserable probably
It’s a shame that in the early stage of your life you didn’t develop passions for hobbies or a sport; had you done so, you could have had a life of complete freedom from unnecessary commitments ie a family, resulting in less stress, fewer worries and responsibilities, while having ample time to over-indulge in your hobbies. There are absolutely no advantages to being a parent, in fact being a parent isn’t any better than spending 20 years in Hell.
Keep it up Dad.
@@PSYCHIC_PSYCHO picture your life at 60. I want you to see just how purposeless and lonely your life will be without a family. Hobbies? Wow is that all you’ve got? I shit hobbies. Every three years I completely immerse myself in something new. Trust me, without a family, no hobby or career is going to fill that family shaped hole.
@@PSYCHIC_PSYCHO I have never read so much bs in my entire life before, and I don't even have children. I'll try to keep it simple: some people aren't as selfish as you are, some people prefer working hard instead of over-indulging, some people like to build character and to grow stronger, some people have a heart and care deeply about others and feel the need to share this love with someone, some people would like to be a mentor to someone. I pray people like you never end up having children, what a miserable person you are, assuming that op didn't "develop passions for hobbies or sport". Shame on you.
Why is that
I can barely pay rent, let alone raise a family in a stable household.
Find a women that works at a job is my best advice but even then, you got to worry about the men she may talk to there lol
@@topthermite9253 When it comes to women there's always another guy around the corner just waiting to take your place if you f**k up.
i still live with my mother, no homes in england, and my mother still lives with her mother! lol. stupid society.
he';s a boomer
@@RaveSceneTribute but your taxes are paying for immigrant births, who according to the census are unemployed
it's idiocracy
so you ARE still paying for kids
Not married have no children it's great freedom to do what you want money to treat your self no stress best choice I have ever made too many people have children for the wrong reasons
family give you sanity and stability sure life is not always perfect but its so much more. me and my husband couldnt have any children of our own. we adopted and we lucky everyday to have that special child in our life
He defines “life” as having 3 components:
1. Job/productivity
2. Intimate relation (spouse)
3. Kids
This shows how blind he is to inner experience. Monks, yogis, etc display how one find deeply meaningful lives without any of the above three. Yet he doesn’t even entertain the notion that Inner experience exists and that it can yield infinitely more satisfaction without the pain and turmoil of the three things he focuses on-all of which makes one’s well-being or happiness largely dependent upon outside conditions.
He is stuck in what is called the personal realms of human development and has not yet tested that which transcends it-the transpersonal.
He is deeply interesting for his personal view, yet he is spiritual empty and thus his words of advice and theories only fully applies to those at his stage of development. For the rest of us, with more expanded senses of self, he just offers interesting partial truths.
They’re the exception not the rule and becoming more and more the insane exception the more modernity progresses.
Very true. I agree
You can't have a good career if she divorces you, keeps the house/kids, and you are," living in a trailer down by the river."
Trailer is better than a van…
Also kids mostly benefit from parents who are kind to each other. It is the most important predictor of child success in emotional and mental health
@@Jcastillo0125 a van is better than a garbage can
You also got to think about if you would be a good parent. The reason I'm choosing not to have kids is because:
1) I don't want to pass on my genes, got a father with diabetes and an uncle with mental illness, plus I'm not exactly aesthetically pleasing, not exactly the genes I want to burden someone with.
2) I don't think I'd be a good father, to be a parent you have to be very patient and extremely reliable, always in control of situations. I get stressed out too easily.
It's a shame because I like kids, I love playing with my nieces and nephews, and I'm missing out on a fulfilling life. But it's not just about me, you have to think about the vulnerable human being you might cause undue suffering to.
@Pablo Morales where as I cant stand being around kids, and I want to retire earlier, not just retire in 60s hoping my grandkids still visit me.
My reasoning is much simpler.
I dont like being around them.
I dont want my own.
Oh, and national stats remind me it's a flip of a coin I barely see my kids, still pay for them, and lose half the money I worked for in no fault divorce courts.
F that.
I would say it's broader than that
Activities - work, health, hobbies, fun, community
People - intimate partner, kids, friends, family (parents, siblings, the rest), work colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances, alone time
Good to tick off alot of these boxes.
What ever floats your boat. I personally love being alone, never wanted kids (I absolutely love them) and sure as hell never wanted to get married. Some people like myself don't need a family to feel like I have a purpose in life. But those who do think having a family is the greatest thing in the world and wouldn't have had as much success in life.
Me too I am happy now finally
Having a child was taken away from me... and it made me realise it all happened for a reason. Too many of us have never accepted the reality we can't take care of ourselves. We rarely start with a plant to a fish to a cat or dog.... even so... we don't check in with ourselves enough.
Sometimes our children are the only ones who keeps us going. I feel I would of given up a long time ago if it weren’t for them.
My father has 8 brothers and sisters. All married and have between 2-3 children, my cousins. And I know that my life would be completely miserable without them. Don’t forsake the possibility of leaving behind a foundation of people that love and care for you
its selfish to have kids, check out AntiNatalism if you dont believe me
@@Jesper04 "its selfish to have kids, check out AntiNatalism if you dont believe me" Nah, you're just a coward.
@@dcktater7847 All about him.. and his extended family. And his friends I bet
You don't actually "know that my life would be completely miserable without them." How could you know what your life would have been like without your massive family?
@@ronmoore6598 cheers mate, you know nothing about me but you call me a coward.
This is one of the main topics Jordan talks about that I don’t fully agree with. Just saying “that’s life” doesn’t mean it’s what everyone wants. Starting a family is expensive, stressful, risky, reduces your freedom, reduces your options, for many people it reduces their overall enjoyment of life. You have to look at both sides of an argument to fully understand it
He's aged rapidly. Not meant as a derogatory statement, but he's been under a ton of stress over the last five years
He has been fighting a lot of battles and yes the stress has affected him. I hope he continues to get better while sharing his wisdom
He still looks great. I like the way he dresses also.
Yes he nearly died
As I understand it he also only eats meat - that's not a recipe for long term health I'm afraid. Dearly hope he can find another diet and stay around and healthy.
JP at his absolute best. I could get nearly this entire podcast tattooed on my body.
I don’t have children, so I can get to a place financially to help the people in my life that have children
If before you were born, you could see all of the trials and tribulations you would face, all of the happiness and sadness you would endure, would you still choose to be born? It's the same with having children.
"Positivity only"? You're the typical woman who thinks they're always "suffering" when you're not.
If you are asking me, yes, I do need a family to be happy.
I believe it's hard to raise one's self.
People living paycheck to paycheck generally should NOT have kids. That is an awful thing to bring a child into. Children deserve parents who aren't stressed out 24/7. Children deserve parents who have time to think about what they are doing.
We tried for two years before I got pregnant with my son. Having him has been the hands down best experience of my life.
Thanks for highlighting the fact that you took cream pies for 2 years before you got pregnant. Because we really needed to know that part.
I found my wife at thirty six and had my first legitimate kid at 42. I love having them around.
simp
legitimate? ew deadbeat
Yes!
Life is glory.
While I agree with the three pillars of life: career, relationship and family, I think it is difficult to maintain two careers and a happy family and relationship. When two become one, it is more manageable to have one relationship, one family and one career.
thats why if your partner has a career, you share the burden together, and two people can work together.
Marriage is not just the union of two people. Marriage is the union of two families. That is something my parents tend to say.
@@drakke125Channel Yes, family support is a wonderful thing, and great for those who can get it. We are so mobile these days that pursuit of careers often takes us away from our families.
That is only the case because of modern social influence. Society has changed and has under extreme left values it has destroyed the traditional family. Which has in turn made people lose a lot of ground in understanding how to have a happy family, and relationship.
“What else are you going to do with your life.” Idk seems like an incredibly selfish reason to me to bring a new life into this world
I hope you have the coherence of not ask for a public pension when you are retired.
@@adamnesico what are you even saying? I'm not from America
@@adamnesico with the money they will be saving from not having any kids pretty sure they can afford a fancier retirement house than the ones your “blessings” will shove you in once you become a burden to them.
@@abrose7887 You dont live in the present, fool?
Inflation erase savings.
You are a psycho?
In my family no father has ever been forgotten by its son, we love our grandpas, we care fo them.
Your gringo empire is an evil empire wich has destroyed family.
I never thought I was maternal until I had my own kids. I've had 4 now and contemplating whether or not I want to have my uterus removed for health reasons or am I absolutely done with having kids? I'm 32 and I look back and wonder what I'd be like now if I didn't choose this path... I would probably be more cringe if I didn't force myself to grow up and be responsible at 23 since I'm old enough to deal with the consequences of my wreckless choices. Sure it was tough for the past 8 years it's been so hard, but at the same time I am still here, we're stronger and very happy. We earned this peaceful state. We worked our asses off to be where we are and kept going and the kids, us growing together, is our purpose in life right now. You cannot grow the lotus without mud, you cannot make diamonds without pressure... I'm so satisfied with the fact I didn't take the easy route and learned to love myself and my kids helped me through that because I love them more than life itself. Each to their own, but I hate this black and white self righteous thinking. Like piss off and stop being offended by everything. The family we brought into this world is our inspiration. We're a single income family, we've been blessed in this life. When there is a will there is a way.
Great video!
I'm 30 and I'm not married nor do I have any kids. I don't feel the need to have kids but I do run a foster home and it's brought so much joy in my life. I think living for people other than yourself is better for everyone. You gotta serve someone if you want to be content in life
Why does everything have to be either or? Why can't it be both or all of the above. I tried to become an automotive engineer before I started a family. So-called freak circumstances hindered me from accomplishing my goal. Then by the time I started to consider a family, I then noticed that most of the good ones were already taken. Now there were moments when a married woman would end up liking me, but as you can see the timing is now off.
Being the last of 13 children gave me a different view with regard to having children. With nine of those siblings being female. With the constant sound of my mother telling me to keep it in my pants. While at the same time, hearing her tell me about all the things she wanted to achieve, like being an accountant. Whenever I would jokingly asked her if she wanted another grandchild, she would say no. I think it's because she knew my mentality. I thought about it as well and figured it probably wouldn't be a good thing because I'm very defensive (Cancer is my sign) and strongly take up for myself and others. I often say that I led the nation in paddling's, referral's, and article 15's. With the occasional minimal jail time for things such as mean mugging a cop... IJS
Personally, I have since learned engineering, computer networking, website management, 2D and 3D design, and now the stock market...was even a 91D (Operating Room Tech) in the Army. So I really couldn't foresee myself being at a stagnant job even if I was able to obtain one and it paid well. Children would've definitely locked me into that. Now if I would have made it to designing cars and / or race cars, then that would be a whole different ballgame.
But as for now this fits who I am. I can be as bold and free as I want while blazing trails for others to observe. I played by myself even though I was in a big family so being solitary is nothing new to me. Everyone has a different path and mission in life. They just need to know what it is and embrace it wholeheartedly... IJS
#DidJesusHaveChildren
#SpirituallyMinded
I 💯 agree with this!
I loved having the career, the marriage & the kids - whole package. In my mind, more than most.
The wife had other ideas - for herself #1. Quit the family, became someone I didn't know. I won't look for another, isn't worth the effort to me when I see how women are today. I don't feel content in saying that either, by the way - just the way I see things. Now it's all about the kids, which is just fine with me right now.
I hope my son wants it one day, but... after seeing what his mother did, well, too early to tell. Also, how can I be the one to teach him? We'll see I suppose.
Preach it brother!
My father did this. My mother was so in love with him and he was a closet womanizer for 18 years. They had us 4 kids and the divorce devastated us. At 15 I met my husband. His mother had been married 5/6 times. Both of us have had/have our issues but one thing we learned from our parents mistakes is we didn’t want to repeat them. We both have changed so much(in great ways) in this 15 years(6 children later 😉) because of our love for each other and want to be better for ourselves and our children. To give them the love, example, emotional stability, etc. we didn’t have.
@stephaleeg I'm happy to hear that... for you AND for me. Gives me confidence my daughter might not become like her mother. That's the last thing I, or the world needs. Thanks for the post.
Being married and having kids may be great, but for a minority of people there will never be anyone for them. The saying that there is someone for everyone is a myth. For some people there is no one for them. They may have relationships and some may even get married, but it will never work out. Some people are meant to be married and some are meant to be single. You just have to move on with your life and make the best of it.
Most truest shit I've read.
True. I never understood how people find those quotes to be motivational.
FACTS!
At 35, I have neither a family or a career. If this is still the case at 55, I'll be struggling to stay alive
Hang in there brother. If you don't have a family, maybe it'd be a good time to get training in something. Fill out your fasfa. You could get cdl training for $5,000. Once you do have a family, it's hard af to go to school for anything
I was very interested in what he was about to get into at the end and i wish it went deeper into why the minority owning majority law of the universe exists. Theres so much room for Peterson to explore this.
He's so right ✅
“What else are you going to do with your life.” Not a good reason to create a person who relies on you to survive. Most people have children because they cant find purpose. They make the worst parents.
I’ve always thought this was a sort of strange take by Jordan. I’m more than happy for anyone with children that are happy, fulfilled and great providers for their families. That’s a wonderful thing. I also know a LOT of parents that had kids to live vicariously through because they did absolutely nothing with their lives otherwise. I know a LOT of parents whose children are in their teens and approaching adulthood. Those parents are incredibly immature who can’t handle the slightest stress or challenge at work without an outburst or breakdown, lack even the most basic knowledge of budgeting and finance, lack basic life skills like normal vehicle maintenance or home repairs, are not well-read, etc. The thought of those people shaping a young persons trajectory is really quite sad. That is an incredibly selfish person in my opinion. Someone who has children not to help guide and educate them, but to give their own life “meaning”.
Jordan's biased towards it because this is what worked out for him and he's also a byproduct of the times he grew up in
well what is a worst parent, someone who doesn't fulfill their childs wishes? or you mean abuse and the such, well, then it's a common courtesy to take care of yourself first before others, as the bible says, "why do you look for the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye, but not the beam of wood in your own?"
My dad wanted kids but he didn't know how to be a father. My life has been an example of the difficulty in overcoming one's early conditioning & lack of proper parenting. At this point I have a lot of regret and I've given up the hope that I'll ever be truly happy.
@@deadreckoning6288 It is common in abuse trials, to find a good heart in the children or the adults of such degree... they oftes are terrified of the repercussions of a fictitious, father, that will bully, then in proxy from death.
I’m 19 having a kid most unhappy I ever been
Reminds me of the Four Burners Theory. You can divide your life into Family, Friends, Health and Career.
Intimate relationships would come under Family. Career could theoretically mean your job that pays you or it could mean anything that gives your life meaning and purpose.
The funny part is all the married ones and anyone with a partner in my environment is in a relationship, which is pretty one sided and toxic.
And none of them is even close to a good career. According to him, I should not do well in life then.
I as a loner, focusing on myself solely for many years, have the best job in my family, am in the best shape, travel a lot and am pretty happy with life and healthy, fulfilling all my dreams. Now I moved to Spain and learn the language, which I could have never done with a partner, but learning Spanish and living in Spain was always my dream. People usually just hinder me or try to talk me out of things.
What really makes one happy is gratitude and doing exactly what you want in life.
I was even happy when I had nothing, because I have been taught so and realized quickly, other things matter more to me. Happiness is a state of mind and you alone decide, where your journey takes you, not a partner, friends and not even your family
i dont have any of those things. i dont have an intimate relationship and i have no family, i have a job of 20 years but i have never considered it a career it is just a run of the mill bottom of the ladder crappy job that i hate, but no more than i hated all the jobs i had before it. and yes i am rather miserable, but i have ALWAYS been miserable. i have had intimate relationships, i had family when i was younger and they were still alive, but i was bot any happier then than i am now. i certainly think i may be very slightly happier without family and a partner as i dont have to deal with peoples shit. having a good real true friend or two would be nice and i have had them in the past, but thats not just a decision i can make that is something that has to happen organically and people in my age range that are free to have a new best friend just dont pop up, more so ones with my strange interests. and i cannot even fathom a career, a job will always be living in servitude to someone else and i do not see how that will ever be something i can love or embrace or have pride for or live for. and with my absolute lack of qualifications there is no way i am going to end up with a job that pays so well i am willing to get happy and live for it. and this is all part of why i chose in my tweens to never have children and a wife, to selfishly bring others into my misery or have a poor angry white trash child like i myself was, to live a resentful and struggling life.
I was also a lone wolf lived the bachelor life. But having my daughter is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. It’s hard, messy, busy but it’s amazing the joy and purpose you feel
has she been wrecked yet by a gang of nigerians?
@@gewizz2
Why so salty?
@@frog6054 bcoz im nealry a 40 year old virgin okay
@@gewizz2
Well, I'm sorry for you and I wish things will get better for you and I also hope you will change your vulgar behavior.
Single people have some benefits that married people with children don't have. But at the end of the day, children give a blessing that's particular and unmatched. And I'm saying that as an incredibly tasked focused introverted female that has struggled when I had my children. But I wouldn't be without them and they've given me special memories which I have cherished beyond anything else. They've kept me going.
I was married for 16 years and it was a bloody nightmare. I have two grown up kids which is a Godsend but in the 11 years I've been divorced, (girlfriend here and there), I've immersed myself in what I like to do and it's very fulfilling. Not enough hours in the day/days in the week.
I tried the marriage thing, she cheated before we could have kids thank god. Took me years to recover, then met someone new and thought marriage and family would be a possibility but it soon showed she had issues that she wouldnt talk through so i left, now i have no incentive to try again, hard to find a good partner and on top of it, its too expensive to even dream of having a little one.
I have three children myself, although when I was younger I didn't really want to have any and the thought of having three was simply unimaginable and very scary. But the fact is that having children has made me a better man, a better person in every sense, making me stronger, more responsible and making my life more meaningful and fulfilled. Like it or not, until you have children you are not really fully matured and fully realized as a human being, you remain an immature, emotionally underdeveloped version of yourself. Don't get me wrong, having children is tough and scary and there are many times you wish you didn't have them, but that struggle and those challenges are what makes you tougher, makes you grow as a person, makes you fight for the world we live in, for the community you live in, it gives you more empathy for the people around you. You don't just want to protect your children, you want to protect every child from harm, and you are prepared to risk your life doing so. In short, your life is given a brand new dimension you wouldn't even know existed if you never had children.
Of course there is a caveat that I don't think Jordan Peterson talks about, which is: some people should not have children or even be allowed to have children - psychopaths and sociopaths, drug addicts and alcoholics, and anyone else like that who would only inflict pain and scar their children for life, creating more of the above - a vicious cycle of human suffering. And if you are a normal, decent person: of course you don't have to have children and you will be perfectly OK, your life will be easier, less complicated, less scary; you won't go to the depths of your despair if something happens to your child and have your soul crushed if they die...you will continue to live in a fairly comfortable bubble, and there is nothing wrong with that - being a human being is hard, and each person does what they can to cope with the existential burdens, there should be no judgment either way.
My take on it is that you value different things at different times during your life and having children too early can cause regrets on how you didnt live out your dreams and experiences when you were still young, because having children and pets removes almost all focus on you and your relationships and takes a tremendous amount of free time from your hands that could be used in growth amd experiences and gaining skills etc.
But once you start entering the later part of your life, you will stop caring as much about leisures and value the people around you alot more.
So i think we need a mix of both for the longterm because, you dont know what you value the most at different parts of your life, so the best bet would be to get children, but somewhere at 28-30 years of old.
Because once you lay there on the deathbed, you dont want regrets on what you experienced in your life and you certainly dont want to lay there by yourself without someone that you shared your life with
I am a musician. And I wanted to be "famous ". I am glad that I know being famous sucks.
My main goal was always to give people hope thru music as well influence others.Like those before me, who made my life special.
And I see now, you can do all of this with selling out arena's. My guitar teacher influenced me so much. And I can do the exact same thing to another. Maybe I am not the next billy corgan,neil peart, or jaco pastorius. Who knows, maybe I am the one who teaches the next corgan or Cobain. Being famous isnt the goal I am happy I seen it, instead of beating myself up for bot being "famous"
You sound like my nephew, and other music people I have known.
He got a fine arts degree in music, and for ten years taught piano mostly to children. He made a relatively bare living at that. That was fine, but got old and no apparent road to greater success unless lightning happened to strike.
He went back to school to develop STEM skills, and is now in an exotic engineering masters program.
I don't know if he is still cultivating his piano and music skills. I hope he is, as a hobby.
I've known several women who, once they had children, don't care about their husband/partner. For example, one of my friends has been upset that his wife insists their 8-year-old daughter sleep in the same bed with them. His wife doesn't care to be intimate anymore and uses the child as a shield. Some people get married and treat their spouses like trash. Look at Jada Pinkett, for example.
Some people do not get to ever experience this themself.
I see myself as the exceptional, No family at my side.
So it boils down to this: Do you need a family to be happy if you are an average sort of human? I'm not your average dude so I don't. I'm totally eccentric weirdo. I'm happy and less stressed about life. The funny thing is that people who do not know me want to label me mentally ill but those who know me do not.
Keeping an intimate relationship is not easy
Even a good one. Modern life is overly complicated & stressful.
not with my lovedoll its not
It's a lot easier if you do not have children.
@@abrajean9634 your kids walking in on you railing their mothers ahole is not the best thing to happen
Being a Mother to me is the best thing in life. My daughter has taught me how to be a better person. I adore her.
Cope harder
My father met my mother in his twenties and got married at 29 and then went on to father three children. Bought a big house, an easy and stable job, and plenty of happy memories. It seemed a very stable life to me. It didn't stop him from hanging himself.