The Lies We Tell Young Women
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
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I am 44 and believed the career lie but woke up in time. Married at 32 and Started having children at 34 and my body definitely had a harder time with each pregnancy. I am now in a season where I am grieving with dear friends who are involuntarily childless with no spouse. It’s really painful to watch and I don’t know what to say to these lovely women. I almost missed the indescribable love, joy, challenges and meaning of growing a family.
this is an amazing comment that all people should read. I am 45, male, and I had my first kid at 41 and second 3 months ago - but my partner is 10 years younger, and that made things for us so much easier - although she felt it too, first one was easy (she was strong and fit), second was much harder for her, as she said. I guess if she got pregnant at 20 it would be much easier , carring a pregnancy
Can you explain involuntary?
Involuntary or zero accountability?
@@DriveupLife22 They wanted children, but can't have them...
Did you start to try have kids at 32? Did you have any issues prior to giving birth the first time?
34 year old female here. My husband and I dated in high school as 16 year olds, enjoyed the college life together, and got married at 27. We felt we were too young then to start a family, and was just beginning to start our careers. We also wanted to enjoy our marriage before the kids come along. Now that we are in our 30s, have steady careers, and a home, we felt it was time. Also, we knew our biological clock was ticking away. We started trying last year, and no luck. I didn't realize how difficult the journey to pregnancy would be, or the heartaches that would come with it. We tested positive In mid March, but shortly after had a miscarriage. Do I wish I had a child younger? In a way, yes, but also not really. The 24 year old me would not have been emotionally stable, or mentally healthy to be the mother a child would need. I had to unlearn some habits, resolve some traumas and work on myself to be who I am today. You know one thing I realize about us humas? It's human nature to crave what we don't have. I have friends who had kids in their 20s, took a pause form education and career, and now, though they all say they love their kids, they wished they could have pursued their careers/dreams. Then I have friends who are in my boat who pursued their careers/dreams, and are now trying for kids in their 30s, but because the journey to pregnancy is so difficult, they wished they started sooner. Either path taken is difficult. I think it's not so much lying to females, but I wish we were taught all the options and the possible consequences. Instead, one was weighed more heavily as positive to the other. *sigh. But it is only in hindsight where regrets can be born.
I get your point. We are never happy with what we have. But in a way, I think that's because there's too much ambiguity in what makes us happy, so we basically don't know what that is, and that lack of clarity makes us scared we are missing out on something. However, I think if we were more connected to our true nature, we would know what's better for us, achieve true happiness, and be more content with what we have.
Also I think they exaggerate a lot. Most people don't have problems conceiving in their 30ies and some people have problems conceiving in their 20ies. Often it doesn't have to do with age.
I agree with a lot of what you are saying. However I do think there is a mirage presented to young women everywhere that they are no longer restrained by their biological clock. It is in the subtle push for equality means sameness, and the downplaying of traditional family unit and values.
Love this. I was young having kids and sacrificed my dreams and career. It’s a sacrifice on both sides and no one talks about it thoroughly
People genuinely feel like they can just poison their bodies with the pill or an iud and just bounce back years after damaging the natural body
I’ve been told time and time again that I’d make a great dad. My wife (girlfriend at the time) took FOREVER to pick a career and get done with school. I worked long weeks in stressful blue collar jobs to support her. We’re almost 40 now. No kids. I feel like part of the purpose of my existence has vanished.
It may be too late for her but it’s not for you. Also, you should have made it clear to her that having kids is important for you and take a decision early on if she did not want any.
It is not too late. Many people start their family in their 40's and are happy. You will still make a great dad, one who has more wisdom.
Move on you can still have kids she made her choice.
should have left her 10 years ago.
couples have an obligation to give each other 3 things.. children, sex, and domestic support. if someone is refusing to give you one or more of those three things, you have an obligation to leave them and find someone who will.
You can still do surrogacy, adoption, they’re even coming out with science to create/clone a baby for infertile couples ❤
I am a guy who took a long time to get his act together.
I also got badly burned in a previous relationship that lead nowhere.
I had my first child, a girl, at 42 years old. We almost lost her. She is most precious thing in my life. I can't overstate how she changed me.
I has my son at 44, he is 1yo now lying in my arms asleep as I type this.
I want to cry when I think I could have missed this. My life has a depth and richness that is impossible to comprehend without experiencing it. So much love.
My wife is only 31 so we have some time. We are trying for a third now. Cash is tight but we don't care. This is what life is about. This is it
super inspiring, how/where did you meet your wife?
@Aila Verco Where the hell did that assumption come from?
People need to realize that men’s sperm health declines at 40 and also factor in the risks.
This is incredibly encouraging for me to read, thank you for leaving this comment. I have had a couple of serious health issues that have sidelined me from having a relationship and family for far too long. Now having put in years of an incomprehensible amount of effort to heal and get better, I want to get this started ASAP!
You can breed a woman at any time. Never worry guys. They are the ones with the problem. You just have to stay healthy
I believe the career lie for many years. Went to engineering school, got lots of internships, started my corporate career at 25, climbed it very quickly and soon became a manager. I was appalled by the lack of purpose I felt. I saw time passing and knew my biological clock was ticking, so at 30 I had my first child. I felt like many people did not expect that from me, and even I was unsure, after so many years invested in a career. But I have zero regrets and just welcomed my second 1 month ago, at 33. Being a mother is the hardest but most fulfilling job I have ever done. I have a sense of accomplishment and a feeling that when I die I am leaving my memories alive. Someone down the line will point to a picture and say “wow this was my great-grandma”. Nobody is going to look at picture from the company manager 70 years from now.
Weird isn't it?
that females think some faceless corporation cares about them, lmao you're just a _temporary_ asset. You'll either retire one day or phased out or laid off and no legacy will be had and nobody will care what you did for [insert nameless company here]
children are the only legacy for 99% of the population, because 99% of the population doesn't have the IQ and personality it takes to make a legacy _outside_ of reproduction, apparently females just don't seem to understand that.
Wow. That last sentence really hits home. It really sinks in me. "Nobody's gonna remember the photo of that manager."
Do women really have a biological urge to have kids? A lot of childfree women a denying that.
You should have just never had a kid your too old and now the kid will suffer with a dead parent before the age of 20 your nothin but a selfish pawn of the matrix
I think the lie is that family will make you happy, it won’t.
I had my first baby at 31, second at 34, and now my third at 37. The difference I have felt in my body is crazy. All healthy babies and pregnancies, but I am just wore out and really in pain all the time with this baby. Our bodies' abilities can change faster than we think. I think this topic is good for young people to hear.
I hear you. I got pregnant easily at 37. I knew I had great longevity and fertility genes, but girl. I'm 37 now, 6 months and EVERYTHING HURTS. And I'm a very strong, very muscular women but still, holly God. This NO JOKE. I just pray this doesn't get much worse and try to simply be happy and strive because my baby is healthy.
You got this momma! But it is really hard when they are not walking yet. Sending you prayers and love.
I do not think this is applicable to everyone. Some people are not given to be married or have kids. Some have health issues, including depression etc. Others have traumas and emotionally disengaged or personality disorders, better for them to stay single. Others have financial problems etc or in toxic relationships. I have seen enough people destroyed by the social pressure 'do what everyone else does at a certain age', without taking all the factors into account.
Yep that's why I avoid traumatized women.
I was homeschooled by my very strict retired Nuclear Physicist mother and I was a very high achieving student. I went off to college at 15, tested very high on every test, perfect GPA, my professors submitted me for every award and internship they could, they were excited for me to go off to start my career, but that was never what I wanted. I always wanted to be the best mother I could be. I had children young, I was married at 19 soon after graduating college and got pregnant 2 months later. Nearly a decade with my husband and 3 kids later, I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I disappointed a lot of people when I decided to quit my job and stay home to homeschool my kids. I am a very disciplined and ambitious person, but I am pouring all my ambition and discipline into homeschooling my kids and I am co-running a co-op education group that is growing rapidly. I love working with kids and seeing them succeed, so many of our members were failing in regular school and now they're thriving and grades ahead of their peers.
you sound like you're doing what God had planned for you and that's the best place for you to be. congratulations on you're success in life. what you're doing is hands down more rewording then any carrier ever could be. 👏
The world doesn't need more brains, they need art and children
@@kc6810 did you not read my comment? I did go to school 😂 I graduated at 19 with my Bachelor of Science in Accounting and Business and did it with no debt Thanks to PSEO and academic scholarships. I value education a lot. My children are very robustly educated in all subjects and they read classic literature every night. I want my children to be very intelligent and educated and disciplined and ambitious and I also want them to be peaceful, kind and gentle with a heart of service for their families. I want my daughters to be welcoming hostesses, good housekeepers and gardeners with every skill I can gift them. I want them capable of working a difficult job and capable of fostering a healthy home. I certainly would not teach them to shun the feminine skills of all the generations of women who came before them. Cooking, housekeeping, sewing, embroidery, gardening, flower tending, these are beautiful things to learn for boys and girls. You seem to have a very ugly view of the feminine which is unfortunate, there is value in the feminine and the masculine, there is no need to denigrate the homemaker to prop up the career woman
This exactly. I went to prestigious schools and was fairly successful. I married the best man, and I use my intellect in my accomplishments as a wife and homeschooling mom.
There's no job more important for a woman. Children need so much love, education, and nurturing, and no one can give it like their own parents. It doesn't make sense to outsource that role to someone else for the sake of some kind of ideology or career.
What country do you live in?
Very interesting discussion and a hugely complex topic. Asking young people to be able to afford everything in this increasingly expensive world whilst also being able to financially support a family is becoming an increasingly harder sell. It’s a damn shame for humanity that we’re at the point where an increasing number of young people are being priced out of parenthood. With the introduction of AI systems, it’s only going to get more and more complex.
Go back 100 years, and people had families and they had almost nothing, but they survived.
Its always a choice, but back then the family was your social security, not government. Today, big government is your family.
You hit the nail on the head with this one.
Even though you’re right to an extent… the interesting thing is that poorer families and immigrant families have more kids than middle class / college educated families
@@fightsportspace7327 yea but lots of those kids never make it out of poverty and if they do they have much less kids but you would also have to factor the population size of the lower class.
Children is affordable if you don't think they need every little thing to 'succeed' in life. But of course, nobody wants thier children to be the 'poor' kid so they just don't have children.
I feel like women are being CONSTANTLY reminded of their biological clock. I was in a panic in my early 20s already and pursued some relationships well past their sell-by date because I wanted to have a family. In the end, I'm glad I took my time, became a lot more selective, and only settled down when it was right. Now my son benefits from parents who are in a stable relationship. I had him when I was 30, which I think was the perfect age because you're still young and fit but have gained a little maturity.
We are! It’s constantly in the back of our heads and anyone who says women are told otherwise is not living in reality. For God’s sake, I had a professor tell the whole class of 19 year olds to be mindful of their biological clock. I put up with awful men in my early 20’s because I was worried I was getting old! All my friends were married by 25 and I was nervous.
For that reason I accept to be with my ex bc as a woman I have to take advantage of my youth. In the end, he treated me badly and I stand up for myself and broke up with him. While my friend who is older than me was living her happy single life without having her first kiss.
Not all women, just read the comments and you will find out people who lived a different life than you.
The wife of my friend is one of those she thought having kids at 40 was a thing because she saw so many Hollywood celebreties having children at that age. She didnt know that she was lied to until she went to a doctor and he explained it was harder than it seems past 30.
I think the average modern 20-something woman is too picky when it comes to evaluating if the guy is handsome / fun enough / if there's an immediate spark and fireworks and butterflies / if the relation feels effortless. And I think she's not picky enough when it comes to long-term qualities such as emotional stability, treating her right, etc.
Someone else has put this as: young people (guys too) are almost looking for a prom date: is the other person fun, attractive, will my friends approve. But those things are less important in the long term than things like emotional stability.
So "become more selective": if you're talking about things like emotional stability then absolutely. But I fear that some young women will read your post and will think "okay, so he needs to be 6 feet tall, make 6 figures and be fun and hot. Check." Imo the key is not "become more selective", it is "stop trying to find a hot prom date and start trying to find an actual life partner. And yes, that may mean going for a guy who is a bit less hot and fun."
Thanks GOD , you make right decision, so your child didnt trough abused in awful marriages .
Childbirth is inherently risky. In a world where men by and large have the choice whether or not to risk their lives for humanity, it is a hard sell to young women who are not maturing as fast as they used to and who have many other opportunities. Once I met my husband in graduate school, my vision of the future changed. The biggest encouragement for women to prioritize childbearing is strong men who are full partners, who make a woman feel she will not raising another woman’s grown child alongside her own. A woman who feels safe and cared for desires to care for others.
Very true as well
@@lovelydove99 exactly. it is often portrayed as if women just chose not to start a family, "because of their career", but I know many women who never believed that work was the priority in their life and still ended up alone and childless for lack of a sincere, loving and reliable man. most of them tried and had relationships that made them deeply unhappy, so they decided to live alone and learned to be ok with it, but it doesn't mean that they prefer this way of life over having a family or that they prioritized other things, they just didn't want to settle for something bad and unstable AND then throw a child into that situation as well.
I was talking the other day to an older woman, the mother of 11 children. She said that all her high school friends who chose careers used to think she was crazy back when she was having kid after kid, but they have now turned around and are telling her how lucky she is to have her family. Amazing how time changes your perspective.
Omg 11 I couldn't 🙈
@@kc6810 youngest of 7 here 🙋🏻♀️ some people believe that there isn’t enough love to go around in big families, but it’s the opposite. Love does not get divided between the children, it gets multiplied. I’m close with many other people from big families and none of them would have had it any other way.
It's not about time. It's called Nature.. human nature
I will say I hate being called “lucky” for choices I consciously made and others didn’t.
I will say I hate being called “lucky” for choices I consciously made and others didn’t.
Dont have children unless you want to.Childern can make or break a person,find out which person you are.Also make sure you use wisdom when picking a partner /spouse.Having a great support system really make the difference.
Have children, even if you don't want to. It's a societal obligation. If we can force upon people societal obligations regarding climate change and vaccination, we can force on reproductive obligations.
Bite me.
@@infinity8636 lol ok
@@infinity8636 says who? That's why we have so many people with mommy or daddy issues. Think again
@@midi6615 The alternative is not to stop having children. Thats like saying "What we have is not ideal, so lets make things even worse".
@@infinity8636 yes and then get resentful parents who pass trauma onto their kids. Great idea
I had my last child at age 37. He was number 4. I didn’t have any problem getting pregnant or carrying him. He was actually my easiest labor, out of all four. I had my first child at 25. I also never have used hormonal birth control either, but most the women I know that used it for years on end seem to have a horrendous time trying to get pregnant. I think that birth control plays a factor as well.
What do you use instead of birth control?
@@shannonclaire7800 condoms. My husband and I got married when I was 19 and he was 24, so it worked for almost 6 years until we started trying for kids and in between kids. Now I have a low hormone IUD, but I don’t plan on having anymore kids.
Definitely. I think birth control and STDs are the main cause of these issues nowadays. It’s estimated that around 30% of infertility is due to damage to the Fallopian tubes from sexually transmitted infections.
That's a nice stretch to have kids! My grandma had five kids and her last was unplanned when she was 37 and she had no problems. My great grandma had 10 kids and her last ones were twins in her 40s. Do people ever think that women before hormonal birth control never had kids up until their 40s? Cmon now.
@@em77775 I guess so. My maternal grandma had 6 children, my mom was born when my grandma was in her 40’s.
All four of my great grandmas had 5 or more children. None of them had complications. The only person in my family who had fertility issues is an aunt, but she had cancer in her uterus and had to have it removed.
I’m so glad that I was blessed enough to meet my husband young and we decided to go ahead and have children right away while we were/are young and energetic. I will turn thirty this year and have had four lovely children. I’m my opinion, if you have the option, pregnancy is better done while you’re young. Also, something that is not talked about enough is that baring children and breastfeeding is GOOD for a woman’s body. Yes it’s hard on it but it prevents cancers, generally speaking it promotes hormone balance and I have a suspicion that it even helps with menopause. Many of my high school teachers as well as my feminist aunt were disappointed in my decision not to go to college and to put my energy into raising a family but I can say, ten years later, that I am still very happy with my choice and don’t wish it any other way.
I've never been a feminist and never wanted children too early nor too late. But i endedup having one at age 33 and then at 34 and the energy ain't there. I am old. I am 34 to 35 as I type this😅 so I tied my tubes bc I ain't going through this.
and you can do the college now, or later, when your kids are old enough to take care of them selves (be independant to a point). My mother got me at 21, my brother at 26, she finished highschool, then when I was a kid she finished higher scholl, then when I was adult and she was 50 she finished faculty - she is now succesfull business women earning more then anyone in the family (she is 65), we all beg her to retire and just enjoy grandkids, and she promissed no business after 2014 :) my point, you can still do it, when education is in question
Right-the more kids a woman breastfeeds, the lower her chance of breast cancer. I was actually shocked at how much lower a woman's risk of breast cancer is after breastfeeding six kids.
Good for you. If I had children in those years, I would have spend my life as a lifeless creature to my than boyfriend, so good I didn't.
It's not difficult to meet a guy. Just lower your standards there are willing men all over the place.
These are always frustrating to me. At least in my experience, I’ve had no option but to focus on my career. I wanted to have children in my 20s but I’ve yet to find a mate. I’ve tried so hard, and the deep desire to have children made me stay in an abusive relationship way longer than I should have, which I finally left it without having children. What else am I to do but focus on my career? We are called free loaders if we don’t. I have to make a living.
That sucks I understand my mother was in the same position. Ur an exception just like she is.Try to rebuild urself first then everything else should work out for u. But women who suffer abuse should not be included in any stats imo
If your photo is current, you shouldn’t have issues. You appear to be relatively fit and attractive. Your problem may be what so many women’s problems are. Going after the bad boys or men in your league for s3x but not in your league for serious dating.
@@bannedbycommieyoutube5time920 no, I tried dating a “nice guy” and turned out he had a long standing girlfriend for the last 10 years. The problem is there aren’t enough masculine men that aren’t narcissistic or have some other toxic quality. Or they lack ambition and drive. Can’t put all the blame on “women focusing on their career”, there are too many other factors than that. How about more men get their act together?
@@laurakcollins
1. if the guy was willing to cheat on his 10 year girlfriend, he isn’t a good guy. I’d bet good money he was cheating with several other women as well.
2. Another giant red flag here is he had a girlfriend for 10 years and didn’t marry her. Not a good guy, you were manipulated. Not being mean, just pointing out reality.
3. What used to make men get their act together and work harder was the reward of having a traditional wife that met some very basic requirements:
1. Fit
2. Feminine
3. Cooperative (not to be confused with a pushover)
4. Childless
5. 20’s (fertility)
6. Virgin or damn close to a virgin
7. Not leftist feminist lunacy (85% of women 18-34 vote Democrat)
8. No wild tattoos and/or piercings
9. Not in debt (women have 70% of the consumer debt and 80% of the federal student loan debt in the USA)
Unfortunately, roughly 1-2% of modern women meet these extremely basic standards. Standards that the majority of their great grandmothers met that even average men received.
When the juice isn’t worth the squeeze, men don’t have the primary incentive that motivates them. Men don’t spend like women do on average, this is statistically proven. They don’t need much if they are going to be on their own.
What you end up with is men still want s3x, so the ones with means will do so, but they generally have the most to lose (women initiate 80% of all divorces, men pay the lions share of alimony and child support), so they avoid marriage and just date around. The rest of men check out, because they either aren’t physically or mentally able to get to the top 10%, or are disgusted that all the women are going after and sleeping with guys out of their league and then show up damaged in their 30’s looking for marriage.
@@bannedbycommieyoutube5time920 Well obviously I was lied to, I was not aware of any of that at the time. I’m just saying that even if they aren’t the “bad boy” type which he wasn’t, doesn’t mean they are good guys.
And what “used” to motivate men to get their act together, is no longer the case. The problem I have experienced is finding good men, that are masculine, to begin with. So many men lack masculinity or are toxic and narcissistic. I’ve yet to find a man that also matches what I offer. If women need to meet all of those standards you listed out, then men need to meet our standards as well. No person is perfect, but finding a good person that’s a compatible match is not as easy as it used to be. And I’d rather be alone than settle for a man that doesn’t have it together.
My point here that you also proved, is that we can’t simply blame it on the fact that women are focused on their careers. There are many other factors on both men and women’s side that contribute to that.
I'm about to be 37. My wife is 32. We have an almost 3 year old and 15month old twins(all boys) it took a yr for the first pregnancy and it didn't take, months for the 2nd. 3months after number 1 we had another failed pregnancy followed by the twins a few months later. It was a hard road but we're glad we went that way
Nothing particularly strange to me.
Personally u started at the right time
@@kc6810 to me it mattered that they were all boys. Tbh I didn't really want a daughter. My wife has a 13yr old daughter. weve been together almost 7yr now and the kids were planned. We planned for 2 but life had other plans for us lol
@@misguidedpearls7456 yea it seems to be working out. I am just worried sometimes because my dad passed at 52 and my mom at 64. But I've changed alot about my lifestyle to be healthier so I hopefully have less chance at getting sick later in life
Got married at 21, gave birth at 22, 25 and 27. Graduated from university 3 days before giving birth to my second child. Now I am 37 my oldest child is 14 and youngest is 10. Had no opportunity to peruse my career but managed to work part time all those years.Not an easy journey but I think I have a great future ahead of me. Lots of mountains to climb and life to enjoy 😊.
I'm a 36 year old MALE that feels regret for the relationships I missed in my teens and 20s.
I can't imagine how awful it must be for women that regret not having kids.
39
Had plenty of dating marriage n relationships
Was fun but you didn't much
I say build yourself
Start focusing on dating closer to 30
I honestly don't see alot of better parenting done with kids who had moms n dads under the age of 27
And plenty of women have kids at mid 30s n 40s
@@misguidedpearls7456 Yep. I’m 39 and 12 weeks pregnant with my first child. It ain’t over til it’s over.
I rather regret not having than being a single mother, broke and no degree
Its my understanding that men are actually fertile well into their old age
@@Mr3DLC their sperms don't have the same quality it used to have
I’m so glad that Dr. Peterson is choosing to speak out on this issue. Everyone told my generation that the 30s were the new 20s. Not true!! I was married fairly young but got swept up in my career. Thankfully I woke up at 31 and decided I wanted a family. I had my first child at 32 and a second at 34. I truly wish I would’ve started earlier because I would’ve had 4 children. I have several friends who now desperately want children but discovered too late that waiting until their late 30s to start was a huge mistake. They are now childless and so sad about it. The Sex in the City mentality destroyed an entire generation of young women.
I know a lot of women like this too... I have a friend who's 45 and desperately wanted another child but her much younger husband didn't. It was so hard for her to find out I got pregnant with my 3rd baby without even trying ... but she spent her 30s living it up in LA while I was busy raising my kids
I'm 39
I think women marry n procreate too early perioto have a better impact on a cold emotionally i feel closer to 30 is better
Just look at society for all the men n women that had kids under 25yrs old
Look at the adults now
That was the result..
Clearly a 20 yrs old is clueless about the emotional dedications of a child
I'm not talking birthdays n feeding n clothing the kid
I men emotional commitment
N preparation for actual society not disney world
@@misguidedpearls7456 You got a point on that one, I was given to birth when my parents were 26-30 and they were at the perfect balance of emotional maturity and physical energy in my Toddler years when I needed the best of them.
@@misguidedpearls7456 It actually had more to do with feminism rallying against marriage and family that out us where we are now
But did you try for a third baby and didn't fall pregnant or did you think that at 35 or 36 you would be too old?
I had my 4th baby at 35 and now at 38 I'm even expecting a fifth baby so it's possible 😊
I’m 36 with no family or partner….. I’m not going to watch this and feel bad for myself . Life just life’s and I have to go with the flow of my life . GOD has a plan and I’m going to try my best to better myself and become the wife I want to be
This is not pointed at women who can no longer have children, but to parents so that they tell their young daughters not to make that mistake.
@@Ben-bg2lp it’s not a mistake if you don’t have children. Not everyone wants them . Live your life , let Jesus help you along the way . Older women can have children young women can.
@@Conversationswithesther I'm not saying you should torture yourself because you no longer have the choice. I'm saying young women should make that decision as young as 18 with the knowledge that the option is not available after 30. After 12 years if thinking, if they still haven't recognized how important that is in a woman's life, then they can be like you; Content by themselves for the rest of their lives.
Rebecca, I don;t know if there is a God, I can;t tell. But I have a lot of 44+ female friends with no kids that are using God and his will for excuse of their selfishness and immaturity, reasons they couldn;t establish a relashionship. Most of them are very pretty, no carrier. If I can give you advice, I guess there could be a greater force out there, but imagine if that force is allowing you to make your own choices and bear concequencess of that choice - I would suggest first at finding a partner, a kind, noble person that communicates with you with respect, then during relashionship see if he would be a good partner and parent, then start family - you really don;t need more then a year of spending time with someone (you don;t even have to live together), to see what kind of person he is. 36 is still not too late regarding probabilities, and if you start living healty (excersise, healthy food, lowering stres where you can), I believe you will be able to find a truly great person for a partner, and to have great kids. I wish you luck, and the road ever takes you in Belgrade, Serbia, we can share a beer (or coktail or tea :)
A comment like that doesn’t show you’re on the right path. When GOD doesn’t show up to help with the repercussions of your attitude and decisions, you’ll only have one place to look to find fault.
The problem is our decisions are controlled by money. When You're in your early twenties you don't make much money so Its a reflection of a poor society that can't afford a family.
Right? Even if people get married young they are choosing to delay, the cost of living is too high. Why are we surprised women are working? They have to lol
@@bannedbycommieyoutube5time920 if you hate women a lot you can choose to be gay, get married with a man and adopt a kid
But it's also how you spend your money. People spend a ton of money on entertainment, lavish vacations, luxury cars, and excess stuff that we don't need. 50 years ago that wasn't happening. If everyone looked at what was really important and prioritized those things we'd be saving money and spending less frivolousy on things that don't matter.
people should always prioritize establishing a solid relationship AND career before having kids.
@@AJ-bu4yv memories and experiences do matter to some people??- especially people in their youth. Because it gets harder to do this stuff when you're older (even when having kids, you sacrifice a lot of your time and freedom)
I wholeheartedly agree. I married at 28 and had my 3 daughters at 29, 30 and 32. After becoming a mother, I have no desire to climb the career ladder any longer and have turned down promotions. After work, I am happy to go home to my family and watch my daughters grow up. At times I miss being a stay home mother and have contemplated changing jobs so I can spend even more time with my children. Unfortunately, I am not in a position to stay home long term due to my mother's medical expenses which I am helping to pay for. But I am open to working lesser hours and earning less and adjusting my lifestyle, so that my daughters have more time with me.
Society make it seem easy to get pregnant and deliver, however this couldn't be further from the truth. We had to resort to IVF in the end for our first child and my wife was only 35 at that time... Women can do whatever they want with their bodies, but don't leave it too late if you want children!
Well, it’s easy for some people. But for many it is not. The trouble is, you don’t know which group you will fall in until you try to have kids. Then it’s really awful if you don’t have a big time window and you are in the group that has a difficult time getting pregnant.
@@hitherefriends3943 I was guilty of thinking it would be easy for us to have children. We even put off having children for a bit before trying, it wasn’t until we tried for a over a year that we became worried!
@@stella9624 absolutely IVF is tough on the body and the wallet. But do see it as a blessing in that it was available and we were fortunate enough to afford it.
I am a 27 year old female and only really starting my life after a number of personal set back. I am so worried I won't find the right guy and be able to have a family of my own. Videos like these are important but also terrify women like myself and give me such stress.
What you're saying is, that you want children. You're not prepared to give him children, which is a very different perspective and something the "right guy" is looking for. That, in all likehood means, that you have to make them on your own, or with a dude, you don't want to have children with.
This game of feminism have pushed men to withdraw from females and wisely so.
Remember, the narrative is pushed by your gender. Live with it.
exactly
Please don't stress. If you are a Christian, I really hope you are dear, then read the Bible and search there what's the task of a wife and mother, and then look for what's the task of a husband and father. And prey to God with all your will and heart to give you the right husband for you, and not your will, be His be done. Pray you have the children He is merciful to give you.
Why did you wait so long to find a husband and start a family?
@@modelingprincess21 I didn't wait. There was no one I loved.
Encouraging ppl who don’t want children to have children is a dangerous game.
Period
We're not clones
Fully agree.
@@misguidedpearls7456 seriously!
I don’t think that’s the point of this conversation. It’s actually for women who DO want to have kids but delay it for career thinking there will be more time down the line, which is a big risk to take as you reach the end of your fertility.
If you don’t want kids, more power to you
Aren't there enough humans on this planet already? Pollution, overcrowding etc.
I believed the career bs. I had my one and only child at 38. In hindsight, it was a huge mistake to put my career ahead of having a family. My female friends who are in their 50s and childless are bitter, cranky, unpleasant people. I thank God every day for my son and husband.
@@kc6810
Did I make a remark on *ALL* childless women? *NO*. I stated a comment on the childless women that I know.
I love being a stay at home Mum to two children. It’s a full time job! I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, nurse, interpreter and diplomat. The hardest thing is the eMoTiONaL LoAd 🤪
Have you ever had a conversation with a two year old who didn’t want to do something??? 😂
I love parenting, I just think it needs to be taken more seriously.
It’s a proper job.
I always said I would spend my 30s making babies and my family after having a great 20s, tons of fun, work, travel, time that never ended and perfect sleep. I am so glad I met my husband and it all just clicked. Baby at 30, 33, 37. Pregnant immediately and straightforward pregnancies. I work in science and have science degrees with also a partial work history in a very male dominated environment (zero complaints), and engineering. I’m quite disagreeable and small and petite and for a long time called ‘cute’ according to annoying people. I never bought the lie that the career was the only thing. But maybe I was just lucky to feel inside that a family was key for me. Because I had ‘lived’ so much before kids I rarely think or dream of being ever again anywhere else than right with them at home and I love that. I don’t have big plans for travel or other things like some people I know who had kids younger. I don’t think anything prepares you for the sheer love and your heart living on the outside of your body when you have a baby. Wild crazy ride. Best thing I’ve ever done.
Yep I'm on the same page as you. It's not an either/or binary between work or children. Believe it or not, life can pan out for women as it has for us.
@@MusicaObscuraX Not true, liek at all.
You're forgetting about the genetic abnormalities a female like her are.
to be born with the IQ to do those things and the personality to be high functioning. Shes a double exceptions, so that means 99% of women will _never_ be able to do those things, they're just screwing around being voluntarily celibate chasing 20% of men.
Nobody can have it _all_ and very few will have _most of it_
Let's not sell hopium here.
Thank you Jordan! I am a woman who loves Jordan Peterson’s work, I’m a female civil engineering and architecture double major in college. And I want children. I love this work, and I will tell any daughters I have about the same planning considerations that he’s mentioning here.
I hope your dream will come true :) Find a partner that is kind, carring and threats you and others with respect. If he is established, super, but that is not the most important thing in a world, especially if both of you have fammily that can jump in to support in time of need. Go for it :)
Don’t you have trouble working in oven mitts? ;)
Women age like milk, men age like wine, in the dating market. Only MEN can delay marriage and children because they enter their dating prime later in life. Women should prioritize marriage first after they turn 18, and then embark on a career (if they want one) when their family is established.
Women have between 18-28, really 18-23 to find a prime mate. Time flies, ladies.
@@tiduszero41 chill
@@kittyhawk784 No, he’s right.
I did not get married until 31 and had my first at 38. I did not have any problems getting pregnant and I was pregnant after 6 months of trying. I’m almost 40 and plan on having another. Maybe I have a few more aches and pains than I did in my 20s but I still have just as much energy and drive. I really hate all the negative talk and taboo about having babies after 35. Also referring to women as geriatric pregnancies over 35. There are plenty of “old” women out there having healthy pregnancies and babies at this age and older.
I live in a very "progressive" nordic country and was always told to pursue education and pressured to know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was, even as a child, shoved into a box of careers and told to define myself through that lens. Flunked all schools even with an above average IQ and enthusiasm for many odd topics and skills because I simply had zero interest in school. All I ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom and homesteader like my grandmother and an artist but I always felt that that wasn't a viable future I was allowed to dream of. It's screwed up that in some places - many places in the west actually - tradition has become taboo.
Yay feminism... so liberating...
I relate to this very much. I was good in school but I hated it did just enough to get by and graduate. I was told by my mother that having children is a huge mistake and ruined her life I was always a complication. 8yrs now I've been with my husband, our daughter is the best part of our life, the purpose we have in life now is huge. But financially it's very hard to have more children I figure time is a factor I just made 29 and I fear not being able to have at least one more baby so my daughers children will have cousins 😓
Same!
I worked so hard in the pursue of a “career” only to realize it’s just a job no one cares or remembers in the end. Luckly I found my husband soon enough to make family and have meaning in my life. I was told similarly - having kids is a burden, a career will fullfill you, you can travel and buy stuff for yourself, that will fulfill you. All lies - at least in my case.
How old are you?
I’ve been blessed that I never fell for the insane lie as young millennial. And I absolutely heard from my environment how important a career was. But I always wanted to be a young mother as well and there was plenty of info out there about female fertility. I made the conclusions from a young age that having kids young is the best. I had my first at 25, and have 4 kids under 7. I’ve been home ever since. My husband is supportive in me having some sort of career in the future when our kids are in school. Life isn’t over being only 32! Even if you start a career at 40 that’s a good 25 year career! Why this insane focus on career for women is beyond me
I pretended I wanted to be a teacher to get the, "you have to have a career," pushers off my back. I never wanted to be anything but a mom. I feel like I could have been better prepared, but I don't regret having my children young. As a yoing woman I saw the narrative, wait until you're done college, wait until you have an established carreer, a house a car and then, you're too old.
@@Cocoisagordonsetter I still got an education. I have a masters degree. But I was blessed to have met my husband relatively young (22). I never dated before him or had other love interests. But once we were married we just stared a family right away.
Because when you find out your husband is having an affair, and if you decide you’re not going to put up with it- you have limited options as an over 40 divorcée with 4 kids. You’re also quite delusional to think that starting a business at 47 with 4 kids to tend to will be just as easy as if you were 32 with no kids and youthful good looks because you weren’t kept awake all night. It’s amazing how women like you stay in such a deluded little bubble with husbands who lie to you so they don’t have to find a new house servant. The younger ones cost extra ya know…
How do you manage your bills if you don’t have a career?
@aloqoshgirl It's a strategy for economic growth. The government and businesses benefit when women put their careers ahead of their families, because it contributes to economic growth and increased GDP. When a woman hits a career plateau, single and childless, we will see the psychological consequences.
Its quite challenging to find folks in it for the long haul. Polyamory, casual, and open are seen as some kind of modern virtue, its sad because people are seen as disposable and replaceable.
Yeah, a couple of days ago, I saw a video of some women's talk show and this 50 year old woman in the audience was saying that she decided after her divorce she would have a year of fun and she described how she was bangin' men ranging from 28 to 44 year old that she found on dating apps. She stopped counting how many after 12. She was bragging about this and the whole room had this, " you go gal!" vibe.
What's interesting is, thst if 50 year old man was doing this everyone would consider him a perv. If we even go back to a supposedly "Patriarchal" time like the sixties, most people, including men, would think of 50 year old man having non stop random sex a perv.
Whether the Progressive movement ever had a goal of making a better society is up to debate, but now it seems thst it's only purpose is to turn what was once considered selfishness and animalistic hedonism into a virtue.
@John ya it's a double standard. And idk why is that a win for the woman, men have low standard and fk whatever moving. The 50 yr old man at least have to pay to get fk, so he contribute to the economy lol.
@@johnsmithers8913 50 and dating apps??
But, damn granny 💀
@@inuhundchien6041 less inflation in the economy 💀
First unexpected baby came for my husband and I at 39.
Biggest blessing ever.
And now that I get it, I mourn the fact we waited so long, and almost entirely didn’t have a family. I would have adored and loved being a mom in my 20s or 30s. Yes it would have been different, but it would have been equally amazing and I would be aging at a more appropriate scale in comparison to my child. I did her no service by starting so late. She will not have siblings and the beautiful relationship siblings bring. Her children will not have a grandmother around. It’s all very sad.
I wish this topic was spoken about more.
Other cultures get it. I wish this country would start to remember how it could and should be, and realize the rest is all a lie.
How can u be so sure that u won't see your grand kids???
I am going through a divorce. My husband was extremely abusive. I’m 24. I had my first daughter at 23 and I’m pregnant with my second now. I’m looking forward to a fresh start. I wouldn’t trade being a mother for anything in this world.
Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
Some people are not BUILT for child rearing. This is why I refuse to bow down to pressure on both ends of the political spectrum on this subject. JP met the love of his life at age 8 who was already sensible, caring and undamaged. I don't think he understands the full gravity of just how rare he is.
On the other hand I hear stories of parents selling their kids to sex traffickers for drug money or just to pay rent. You really want to influence those kinds of humans to breed more? Come on Jordan.
It's really difficult to comment since there are so many sides to this. In the end, all I have are my own experiences. I'm a college graduate who married young at 23 and deeply regretted it. I didn't have the wisdom to make a good decision on what a good husband looked like and I chose poorly. I thank God I never had children with him because I couldn't imagine the heartbreak if I had. I'm not sure how people honestly think a lot of today's men and women are ready for marriage and children in their early 20's even if their bodies are able to procreate. Our society isn't the same anymore and you can't go back to how it used to be even if you wanted to.
Failed relationships come at all ages and experience levels, as do poor choices. You didn't marry the wrong man because you were 23.
The problem when discussing such matters is that the personal experience can differ from the statistic
@@briandfox16 you have more chances to do it in a younger age, because you dont know yourself well and you havent learnt how to spot red flags to your potential perteners/ friends
I worked with and East Indian. He turned 30 and decided to move on with his life and get married. He talked to his parents and then they arranged for a match maker to to get list of suitable women in in India. They found six women and he interviewed them. After the third interview he said he didn't need to see the other three, he want the third girl.
That may seem all rather primitive and "misogynistic", but it's probably a brilliant way to arrange marriages.
Why? Because the physical attraction is placed at the bottom of the list of the reasons to marry. You allow a cool sober third party to select according things that are important to a long term relationship..class, religion, wealth, social standing... Etc.
All the stuff that modern Westerners think is unimportant but are actually the most important.
@@secretname4190 it’s something ingrained in their culture, you make the best of it, as opposed to western societies that people constantly look for greener grass….
One possible way to help alleviate this problem would be to change the school system from 5th grade on to provide a way for kids to satisfy the equivalent of a 4 year college degree by the time they were 18. Then, if they qualify, they could immediately move into a graduate program, law, or medical school. At the same time there should be programs, apprenticeships and internships to train those interested in a trade that could provide a job at 18.
i agree, and it seems like society keeps trying to push the start to adulthood out to peoples 30's.
Middle school imo is mostly pointless except the math portion it was mostly a repeat to help the slow kids catch uo
And how does that work with the large percentage of kids that don't know what they want to do in life? Are young adults in general that have to go through your plan B in Plant City before they get where they end up going more long-term.
@@someone92353 FOR MEN
It was never intended for women.
Fertile window closing at 35 - take that with a grain of salt. I live in the religious world of mostly large families, women have been having 6+ kids perhaps starting at early 20s but ending well into their early 40s for generations - and there's also so much that can be done today holistically, even emotional work like releasing fears of failure and guilt based expectations of infertility, etc before running to fertility clinics. But at the very least we can encourage single college age women to get off the pill (use FAM apps like kindara) and preserve their right to naturally ovulate -with all the consequences we now know happen when we shut that down for years
@@stella9624 That's why I'm proposing if we can stop throwing fear at the 40 year old woman and allow her to believe and manifest in her own body's capabilities if that would change outcomes... Of course this video was about the problem but I would hope to see this be the next step in the collective solution, not that those women feel there's no chance unless they go to extreme measures immediately
@@chanamintz3743 stop ur bs. At 40 women have increased risks of losing the baby and they also have increased ricks on themselves too
Statistically the pregnancy risks for older women are pretty much only in women having their first baby after 35. Women who have given birth before then tend to have same risks as younger women even if they are pregnant again past age 35.
It's much easier to continue having children than to have your first child at 40.
Also, don't confuse women who have been on the pill, killing their hormones since 12, 13, 14, who live an unhealthy life with rural women who most likely haven't experienced birth control starting to have kids at 20.
Believe it or not, Im female, my carreer hast always been the most important thing for me. I have No children and Im not regretting it.
Well done
Hmmmmm
We live in a world where most undergrad degrees are useless, so post grad degrees are required. A world where if a woman wants an education & career she has to be in school until 24. Add a few years after that to start a career, pay off that debt, build some capital, marry & settle down … it’s impossible to have stability & have kids before your late 20s/early 30s. I’m not even talking about time to build a high power career … just time to feel secure in your ability to bring home a reliable pay cheque.
So what you’re really telling women is to ditch the idea of an education & base level career … and marry an older & financially stable man so that she can have children around 25 years old… and hope he’s reliable enough so that she won’t ever need to stand on her own two feet.
Totally see what you are saying. Marrying a man who is financially stable and likely older would be a must. This was common practice before.
Give up school? I don’t think you have to, but getting that doctorate may take many years if wanted.
I think the point is finding the partner is the priority and education/work is something you do along the way because it makes sense to do.
Sadly, I have friends who will never have their own kids because they prioritized other things.
@@Justsayingthat There are also many examples of women who didn’t prioritize an education/career and ended up in very high risk situations with no way out.
A younger woman with no career base marrying an older man & having children with him makes her very vulnerable to him. And of course, a younger and more inexperienced woman is more susceptible to a more seasoned experienced man’s manipulations as well. Was this the norm in the past? Yes. Did it end poorly for many women? If this is what society wants women to do they need to raise better men who truly put their wives’ needs first.
@@UnAnonKnown I agree with you. People have to treat each other well.
@@Justsayingthat
Of course, but people are human.
25% of men in their 80s admit to having had affairs. Add to that vices (drugs, alcohol abuse, gambling addictions), abuse (physical & emotion) & misfortune (death, disability, and economic hardship) …. A significant portion of women need a backup plan.
It’s not even that women are perfect … they aren’t. But no one advises men to set themselves up to be financially dependent on women.
I think Jordan think that people have too high of a standard for 'stability' and it's not hard to raise children even in modest mean. But maybe he's just being Canadian with free healthcare and education
I’m 28 and married in a broken marriage and significant depression and anxiety. No kids after 6 years. I know I have some time, but I’m not sure we can get it together in time. It’s sad.
Don’t worry Debrah. Things will work out soon. Take care
@@vhinosshveloo844 things do not just work out on their own, we have to make sound decisions, sometimes bold ones. Deborah you need counselling as a first step. Good luck
Of course you can. Good luck!!!
@@vassilopoula Don't be so negative, she is still young, go live your life!
Don't have kids to save the relationship. It won't work and is terrible for everyone involved most especially the children. I'm assuming you are a woman, if that is the case. Work to build your man up. Men need respect. Publicly compliment him on what he is doing right. Thank him for the sacrifice he makes on a daily basis. You'll find he'll start showing his love for you more. It's a positive feedback loop and a great way to combat anxiety and depression.
When i was a young girl my aunt asked me what my ambitions were, i thought about it and said i want to have children, i want to be a mother, there was nothing more important to me even at that young age that i could think that id want in life. She laughed and said well thats not much of an ambition is it. She had a high flying career in a bank, became an alchoholic, got divorced and lost her children. Im a happily married stay at home mother with 3 children. Says it all really.
Motherhood should be a choice not an obligation. As someone who has anxiety/depression and has researched postpartum depression I made my decision to never have children, even adoption is out of the question. Not every single woman is destined to be a mother and same as a lot of men are not destined to be a father. I've been called "selfish" for my decision and I'm honestly at the point where I don't give a sh*t what people think, it's MY life not yours. Also, people say "who will take care of you when you're old and grey?" My response, "the same people who will take care of you, just because you have children doesn't mean that they are your life insurance policy." Talk to nurses that work in nursing homes and they will tell you that even the elderly don't get visits from their own children. I'm 32 year old female and never once have I thought of being a mother, and if I have regrets, it won't last long because I never desired to be a mother. I'd rather regret not having children than have children and then regret them. I prefer solitude and silence over chaos and noise.
Given a choice: I would rather live in a society of accomplished adults who value the reproductive event and properly parent the child and accept the risk of possibly not being able to birth their own child, than a society of early mothers & fathers who most often don’t know what they want and who most often are lousy parents and often are bitter adults who regret getting pregnant so early. The first option might give us bitter childless adults, the second option almost guarantees giving us self centered bitter immature adults with neglected children. Is life fair? No. Optimization requires compromise and collaborative cooperation amongst married couples. Regardless your desires, I would prefer you chose the responsible route and face that fact that we don’t all accomplish all that we want.
Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
This guy has no clue what it’s like dating in 2023. It’s hard to find anyone who wants to commit. Dating apps have ruined dating culture.
It’s the casual sex culture that has ruined dating.
@@LadyK007 exactly
But honestly what do we do with children if we don’t have money when so many men are irresponsible and aren’t there for their children and women must take up the responsibility of taking care of the babies?
thats the main proble, with JP' podcasts about women. If you dig under the scientifish psycho-sociologish jargon of his, you will discover you are in an incel community chatrooom
@@vassilopoula Well, I mean that's what this one is all about, so it's like saying the sun makes light.
Also, I guess you would have to find someone who's financially stable, or who is willing to become financially stable.
@@johnsherfey3675 What happens when that someone gets attracted to some other person and stops supporting me & the baby? Join a mass women who are taking men to court for child support?
After seeing so many men who don’t support their children, so many women suffering trying to feed children go on to join them with hopes that the person I’m with would support the baby?
Let’s be realistic, the problem starts with men. Modern women pursue careers so much and don’t have children at old age because we see a plethora of single mothers who sometimes even suffer till death raising their children penniless. I’d rather die without any child than bring a child here who I’d depend on the state to help raise!
What you do is make other life choices where you depend on yourself. Education and career
As a man looking to find someone to start a large family with, it's too bad that the only women who want that are the ones who can no longer have it. These days, they'd rather have a career than a big family until it's too late.
Get out of the city country girls still want a family😊
It’s too bad that you started looking for a woman to settle down with when women around you are no longer fertile, and you don’t make enough to attract a young girl. Whose fault is that?
@@benji-pj4dp This advice should be also adressing the willigness of the man to become a country man. Embracing the manure is the way. Hearing the early morning birds singing is soul lifting !
Country life is a blessed life. True life.
Ethernity was born in country side! This is why people fled to cities: to be able to sin without remorse, because the beauty of the village rebuke the dirtiness of the ugly.
@@srams443 how do you know his income? And why would he want a partner whose primary concern is his income?
@@benji-pj4dp
Been personally dealing with this dilemma. I didn't know it was a fear of mine but it's been growing. The warning signs were all there.
1. Never actually confronted the reality/logistics of having kids.
2. Consistently moving of the goal line in the pursuit of personal growth.
The worst is realizing that maybe 5% of her spoken words are ever about building a family or even what's involved.
The modern women that do have kids are going to be like the stereotypical grandfather's many of us had. Cold and holding a little grudge for getting in the way of your work.
Long story short, I'm thinking about going back to Church in a rural area.
You haven't talked about this anywhere near enough lately.
I work in adult education and the amount of childless, "career oriented women" I work with, between the ages of 30 - 45 is *absolutely staggering*.
However, the pattern is always the same...
They all went through most layers of the educational system, chose "high-end careers", pontificated their worldviews of playing their parts of breaking the supposed "glass ceiling". Now they're all at the midway point of their lives not only are they childless, but the deep sense of regret which they have is glaringly evident.
But here's the kicker...
They all have the same response to the matter.
They *all* justify their choices with the notion of being right in their decision to dedicate themselves to the supposed career choices which they allegedly chose for themselves.
That being said, the heavy weight carried in *all* of their voices is staggering.
Despite hearing their own reasons and excuses, it's painfully evident that none of them are happy with the path which they chose 15-20 years ago.
They lack genuine companionship.
But now they're destined to carry out the rest of their able lives living the lie which they choose to constantly tell themselves on a daily basis.
To be fair Jordan has been bringing up this subject a ton from his earliest available content onwards
Nathan, let’s use our brains for a second. It’s easy for you to run your mouth especially after you walked the exact same route as these women. You went through exact same layers of education, and in the end of the day you are just as mediocre as them - except your masculine role was to outperform these women and you failed your assignment. No need to tell people they failed in their feminine role. You are not JP.
it is called racionalisation. Also, it is same as "fox and grapes" story. Fox can;t reach grapes she want's, then leaves sayng "oh, they must be sour anyway" :)
I can't help but feel a bias in your comment. Of course I don't know if there actually is one.
So I want to ask you: Do you really think that woman are suffering as much as you say, because they have little chances now to start a family? Or do you think there is a little bit of bias in your statements?
@@tetsuwasabi2546 Yes, they suffer a lot, and it will happen to YOU
I’m 37. Female. Single. Childless. At this age, my top priority is no longer children. My top priority is also no longer building a family. I tried since age 16. I tried for 20 years. No fruits. At age 36, that was my last chance. No fruits. I’m hitting 40 in a few years soon. Also I have not met a right man that we want or value similar things in life. Man at 40s can still get a young wife and make kids. Women in their 40s pregnancy perhaps is harder than those in their 20s. Anyhow. I definitely can see myself in my 40s raising children and family will not be my top priority. Obviously universe doesn’t grant me my own expansion of family.
What is the definition of "a right man?" Everyone is guaranteed to let you down over something at some point in your life.
I'm 37 and I'm not giving up! It's gonna happen. I'm gonna do all I can in these 3 years. I WILL NOT MISS!
@@jfish8696 perhaps i do not know the acceptance of just sit there and take it.
i spent my life with a person for 12 whole years. you just sit there and take it? perhaps maybe your experience is easier. Mine was more like, well here is the poison, sit and take it. have done it 12 years. no more please. i think I have time left in my life that I do not have to keep taking this poison. Amen.
@@jfish8696 Responsible respectful and loyal.
@@jfish8696 it’s not easy to find somebody . Dating is hard rn and he doesn’t realize this.
The problem too is that women in this day and age have to be so so much more careful when choosing a man , like extremely more careful ,it’s different now compared to the options our parents, grandparents and ancestors had . There wasn’t an epidemic of pornography and hookup culture effecting men and women the way it is now , men were more encouraged back then to value marriage and having children ,chivalry was the norm and men just had all around more respect for women . Now you go on a tinder date with some random guy and you really don’t know what your gonna get , most likely a narcissist, an only sex driven non committed man or a man that literally has no aspirations and asks you to pay the dinner bill . 😬The bar has been set so low for men and women now .
You can say the same about women as well. Thats why I say christians should marry each other, and reject the hookup culture. It can get very dilluded and be very frustrating to find long lasting relationships with people who dont value vows. Thats on both sides.
Most women didn’t buy the career lie, most just didn’t find there person. You can want to be married all you want. Marrying the wrong person doesn’t solve the problem.
This is the truth, a truth that's not looked into.
Can you just let us learn from the mistakes of our foremothers instead of gaslighting us? We are NOT being told that a career will make us happy or give us meaning. We are told that family will do that. We are also told that we need a career to support ourselves, so that we don’t get stuck in abusive or incompatible relationships. Because relationships like that destroy families. And that is NOT a lie!
exactly! Women stuck in terrible situations with bad husbands.
@@MikeSW Ah yes, thanks for enlightening silly me, I guess having no power of your life is actually a great plan and I was wayyyy off the mark
@@Am-ug9npthank u for speaking for us
I met my partner at 38, got my first baby at 40 years old, got pregnant very easy, from first try of unprotected sex, had no complications during pregnancy, got normal delivery, no C-section. And my baby is 6 months old now, healthy and happy. My partner is 48, we are financially stable, we made our careers. We can afford big beautiful house, nanny, cleaning lady, best food, health care, toys, best school for our baby. We didn’t have all of this in our twenties. We couldn’t give anything for our baby when we were young. So don’t listen to all this Jordan Peterson nonsense. Take your time, make a career, become financially stable and then have a baby.
Great 👍 are you planning on having a second baby?
I love this. I’m 33 and still single, I have hope 💕💕. In my 20s I was in the military and constantly traveling, I was definitely not ready to have kids.
Not everyone will be able to conceive so easily later in life
Education time line should be compatible with biology
Yes, but emotional decision-making has lead to the opposite, trying to defy biology with using the pill, freezing eggs..
It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I had my daughter 7 weeks before starting a grad program. Now I’m not going to lie and say that my second was easy to conceive and I do believe my education stress is a large part of my need for IVF for baby 2 but I still wouldn’t change the course as there’s no guarantees with anything related to fertility.
@@Psychiatricnerd there should be more support, and recognition, for women willing to conceive while building up their careers. They should not be, or considered to be, mutually exclusive.
1000% agree!!! I was “groomed” to have a stellar career above all, and started down that path - but somewhere along the way, an intense desire to have children overshadowed everything. I paused all schooling - much to the disappointment of my mentors, and became a mother in my 20s. I eventually received my graduate degree at age 36, with 3 kids in tow. However, as much as I enjoy my professional self, the experience absolutely pales in comparison to the fulfillment of motherhood. I wish more young women understood the beauty and miracle of motherhood early on. Thank you for this message
This mentality of a father will lead a young girl into SINGLE mother hood back to back generationally .... But when you look at your daughter as commodities I guess that's the point then right?
Good point, yeah women need to be careful. I guess just make finding a partner and child a priority before 35. Most can have a child before then some can after 35 but it gets harder and some can't
"Women shouldn't focus on having careers", then how the hell are they gonna pay off their bills and buy stuff?
You really think being a wage-slave to capitalism is good?
From having a man. Sounds obvious, but the only price is muh independence
My aunt had a kid at 39 and another at 43, both conceived naturally. She was just super fertile. One of her kids is a CPA and the other is in Med School. I think it's more like 1 in 8 before 35, people are getting healthier, but I also think it's important to check your ovarian reserve by 26. Men also must check their sperm health and count.
yes 1/3 of infertility issues are due to the mans health. the blame is often assigned to the woman though.
People are NOT getting healthier. Look at the teen pregnancy rate. It's dropping not because teens aren't having sex, but because fertility is dropping in all age groups.
Yes. But unfortunately, we don't build our facts off of the outliers
@@cyberspace7208 There are plenty of people like my aunt. My husband's mom had her first at 19 and her last kid at 42. I also noted that women and men should check their fertility status around mid 20s (especially if they aren't married yet and not ready, but hope to be married and become parents one day).
@@dvbibbs192 Again, plenty of people is not a statistical fact.
Wish I’d had discussions like this when I was 18-25. More people need to tell women the TRUTH. Career and money are not the purpose of your life.
I agree. I’m a 22 yo guy. I would like to have a family in the future. I’m about to finish my career but I never had a gf.
For some people that's their purpose and that's fair. But for most it's not because they are not very bright or very motivated so pushing pens is all they can do.
@@kc6810 having kids is a huge part of being a human being and is what most women report as giving them the most satisfaction and purpose in life (source: pew research).
To suggest this isn’t a big part of life and what makes most women satisfied is simply lying to yourself.
@@kc6810 this is the constant argument I hear.
1. Re-read my previous comments. I NEVER once told women what to do. I simply pointed to a reliable source that points out, for the MAJORITY of women, having children is important to long term happiness.
2. Combine that with unmarried, childless women 45+ being the least happy demographic, 30% of women 18-34 on some sort of SSRIs, and the picture does not look good.
Read to learn something, not just to get emotional and respond. Don’t shoot the messenger, my positions are based on well researched data. It’s important to look to these sources and take them into serious consideration. This isn’t my opinion, it is the logical conclusion from the studies noted.
I have sympathy for women because there is a relatively tight window to decide to have kids, meet the right man, get married, and have kids. This timeline is far tighter than for men. So, it’s extremely important for women to make educated decisions, and understand how they feel at 25 is, odds are extremely high, going to be different than how they feel at 45, on a variety of topics, including children.
Yes, I remember the few people I knew in college who got engaged or had a baby... it was considered abnormal! Even having the conversation about marriage seemed to be taboo until after you were done with college and "established".
I think an even bigger problem than this is people who don’t want to have children but get told to have them anyway because their time is running out and they’ll regret not having any later. But it’s impossible to know that, and you could very well regret having children when you didn’t want to.
Yup
@@maddiesenator5491 wrong, we should be teaching children to make an informed choice. Telling them how joyful families are is brainwashing and a disservice. Thats why so many people hate their kids now
I am a female, and life forced me into supporting myself fully and I can tell you when I was young-ish, in the fertility window, every man I knew 100% wanted the woman in their life working... having a boat was way more important to them than having children or having a happy healthy wife. That alone makes it almost impossible for a woman to put any focus on a family or homelife.
all the men you ignored were the ones you should have went for.
@@kc6810 she was probably surrounded by gross men. But still she could have got a man. Women have life on easy mode men dont
Beauty weans. Your hot husband isn't going to be hot his whole life. Don't discount someone just because they aren't a Greek god. Some of the best people I knew wherent traditionally attractive. Hormones have a wicked effect if you let them.
@@kc6810 the problem with that statement is most modern women date casually and sleep around, at least to a degree. By doing this, they are ALWAYS able to attract men that are out of their league for serious dating. Then they get an inflated view of their dating marketplace value and you have average women calling average men “gross”.
That’s all fine and good until one is old and alone, dissatisfied with the man that takes them seriously because of previous poor choices, divorce, single motherhood etc.
The point this commenter is making is valid in my opinion. This is a societal problem and not just a “woman problem “.
Yes women’s choices and the choices they are encouraged to make (focus on career) is a huge part of the problem. However, I’ve noticed a lot of my fellow men out there lack the desire to take on responsibilities and act like an adult/man. Maybe it’s the low T levels, maybe it’s society hating men lately; who knows. What I do know is that both men and women would be wise to heed JP’s advice.
I feel so hopeless I’m 19 but I’ve grown up locked in my room since I was 10 with a chronic illness and been shut if from the world seeing the same few faces for so long I’ve gone through many changes and become such a different person now because of this
I want nothing more than to be a mother it is one of the things that feels right in my heart but I have no way to meet people I’m just stuck in a room with the years ticking by I doubt I’ll ever have a family if my own
It’s so very sad I hope in a past life I got the opportunity to experience and give that love to someone
It's very unfounded when Jordan said that women who out-earn their husbands are violent (what a word to describe women). I appreciate my husband taking a break from work to care for our toddler son and the home while I make 180k a year in the defense industry (I happen to have the skillset for the job that pays and offers our family amazing benefits) because of this, it makes sense for our family. My husband says he would rather work, but we both know that my jobs pay well and can afford the lifestyle we want for our family. Once our son is in pre-k, my husband will return to work as there will be no reason to pay 3,000 a month for daycare and have a stranger take care of our child. I'm blessed and love my husband whom I've known for 20 years (more than half my life).
@@kc6810 I wish there were more positive conversations where women and men are happy together with whatever makes their relationship work. I think the reason why people don't talk about it is because they don't want to accept it. Either it shatters their ego or they're getting paid to promote a certain agenda. I think Jordan's daughter is out earning most men in America, but he won't express that or bring it up.
@T B thank you, we're happy in our union. Known each other for 14 years first before marriage.
@T B don’t be that kind of person 😂 it’s not cool
I'm a male and have been a long time follower of JP. I'm not against having children or starting a family, but the particular idea he's been trying to sell doesn't really convince me while I believe most his teachings. The concept that we can only fulfill our lives through having children and starting a family sounds, to me, arrogant and surprisingly narrow-minded.
Every time he claims that he has never met a happy woman without a family, I find it sad and unbelievable.
Starting a family and having children is definitely worth our efforts and truly rewarding, but I don't concur any other life choices should be inferior or less of that.
I have to say this great man I revere disappoint me on this particular issue for failing to embrace other perspectives of life.
I still respect JP for all the work he has done, but I disagree with him on this.
Thanks, but I never wanted to be bred. I'm thankful for the opportunity to opt-out.
you can put a bad word to anything, even drinking water "thanks, but I don;t want to be drowned" or receive blood infusion that will save your lif e"thanks, but I don;t want that toxid liquid in me", or getting paid for the job "thanks, but I don;t want that source of all evil in my hand" etc. Or, you can say that you are creating a new life, a person that will shower you with love, gratitude, smiles and who will discover the world with you (once again for you) - the reality is, family brings joy to people, unless it is corrupt - but anything that is corrupt brings sorrow. instead of racionalizing, listen to Peterson talk once again on this topic - and you are free to opt-out, of course. Only thing I ask is to keep an open mind, and to discuss the topic
@@ivanangeli Just let them opt out. Trash like this isn't worth reproducing anyways.
I'm grateful that biology trumped what I thought I wanted when I was "only" 27; I did not think that I wanted to be a mother but when I decided that hormonal birth control was making me crazy, we had 4 children without planning any of them, and had the last one at 34. Now I'm so grateful that I have them but that in 10 years I'll be free to pursue more of my own interests, and I'll still have some good years left. My siblings had their first babies at 37! They have another 16 years to go with dependent children, and had more complicated pregnancies.
I had mine at 38 just fine. As far as having independence, I had that in my 20s and early 30s.
Young men need more carrot and less stick. The hopes of marrying an overweight and indebted 29 year old feminist single mother is not adequate incentive for these men to economically produce in excess.
Peterson will never mention the quality of actually available women to the grand majority of men. If you are below the 80th percentile of overall utility to women you are fighting for the dregs of womanhood. This is a natural human phenomenon in our larger history but very abnormal in post agrarian civilized societies as you simply just don't get enough children to prop up the needs of non nomadic industrial societies from Polygamy, especially after the advent of the birth control pill. Not to mention the destabilization of inculcating violent bottom percentile men in larger numbers.
The thing women are human beings not commodities. Society needs a different carrot for men.
@@emeraldspark8794 All relationships have a transactional element to them. For example, the majority of women will not sexually select both a man less educated than her as well as a man who earns a lesser salary than her. Women clearly signal to men that the burden is placed upon men to obtain resources, specifically for their benefit.
@@thaimuayshoo1171 yes but this about society not relationships. Relationships are a choice made betten two people, not a reward from society.
@@emeraldspark8794 People are the raw material of society and we are inextricably linked (upstream) as the inseparable root upon which the basis of societies are formed (human beings).
You cannot separate human nature, male & female behavior, the desire for both to procreate, and the drive for resource acquisition from the human animal. Barring intrusive scientific tinkering with human genetics, no amount of sophistry will change these facts.
we did the impossible! met my now husband at 36, got pregnant at 38, married at 40 and pregnant again at 42.
pregnancy scans and checkups measured my health and risks to the risks of a 28- year old🥰
i was so lucky!
i feel like the opposite can be said about the cliche 'stay at home mom' a few generations ago where the regret would have been on missing out on pursuing a talent / career / etc., - now it seems like the norm is being pushed too far towards careers with no balance of family life. Why not both? If training and school takes about 5-8 years then so be it - I think the fear comes with the potential of becoming a single mom at 30-35 with no training/skills and trying to go back to school while juggling kids. That is a nightmare.
When I went to college in 2007 I thought I wanted to have children relatively quickly. Now I’m happily childless at 35. 👍🏼
I don't understand how anybody's able to afford children anymore. Let alone transportation, apartment, groceries, or utilities. Add a child onto that and it just doesn't mathematically make sense to me. I'd just adopt one of those hopeless orphans after I can afford a modest 6 figure down payment on a fixer-upper. The only question is which of the 3 million orphans in this country am I gonna pick when I can afford it?
I have more or less given up on the pursuit of family. It has been my deepest wish since I was 20, I am 32 now and haven't been successful. I'm not gonna lose hope completely, but man does it look grim...
It is grim especially if that's your pic with that big beard. Close to nil women like that aesthetic. Unless you are rich, you have to pull women with your face. Women rather be impregnated by random Chad and raise the baby as a single mom than having ugly children.
I’m 32 and I have no kids and I’m actually quite happy I don’t mainly because this world I absolutely crazy and completely twisted. People are more crazy and delusional than ever and I honestly don’t feel like bringing a child into this mess. I have a great husband and our home and a good economical situation but still I think you spare yourself from so much pain and sorrow of bringing kids into this world. Think smart not just out of heart. It’s not just your desire to have a child think of the child’s life in this world first
You aren't wrong, but you are missing something important: You as a parent will have such tremendous influence on your kids.
Let's hypothetically say the world gets better, you will have still aged. So in the end, you will have missed out a bit.
Being afraid of the future is a lose/lose.
God told me not to pursue careers but to get married and have children. He was right. Now they are grown and we all work together with our business. God knows best
Love that
The late Kevin Samuels was called a devil for pointing this lie out to women.
I was sold the lie that education and your job is most important so you have something to fall back on and not become too dependent on a man. If I could do it over I would.
My advice to my younger self. Focus on relationships. Find what makes you happy. If you find a good partner everything will work out.
I spent most of my 20’S with the wrong people or just completely single and focused on my education and job. I wish I would have spent more time meeting people I had things in common with.
When I was about 26 I started having female issues and a doctor basically said if I didn’t start having kids soon I probably wouldn’t be able to. I didn’t even think of not being able to have kids because of my own body aging. I rushed a relationship I regret. I love my kids but I wish I would have had them at a younger age. I didn’t have my first kid until I was 30.
I work part time in a unrelated field doing work I enjoy. I am much happier. I just wish I would’ve started my family sooner.
Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
As someone who got married and had kids in my 20s I wouldn’t change a thing. There is no age limit on college or starting a career…. But there is an age limit to being able to get pregnant. My mom had me in her 20s as well and was basically a stay at home mom until I was a youth… she started her career when I was like 12 and now she’s in her 50s and works in a respected high position and enjoys it. But if she pursued the career before kids she may have ran out of time. I plan on having a career too once my kids are grown.
Another example to add- my best friend’s mom also had 4 kids in her 20s. Worked just a basic retail job until almost all of her kids graduated high school- then went back to school herself and became a lawyer in her 40s and is incredibly successful. So you see, you can have the family and career but I think society is deceiving young girls when they tell them they need to have the career before the family.
How can you financially sustain that in times like these? All I want is to truly start a family and stay home to take care of my family and household, but there is 0 possible way, we struggle as it is with two decent incomes and have been saving for 6 years to buy a home and can’t because the more we save the more expensive everything gets and it’s like no progress has been made even after 6 years of working myself to death… society and corporate greed have ruined my dream of living the life you have and I feel like no one talks about it.. I’ll be 28 this year and I don’t see things getting any better, it’s a hard pill to swallow knowing you have worked so so so damn hard for the dream you had when you met the love of your like 6 years ago and 6 years later all the work seems to be for nothing and the clock biological is ticking with no end in sight
@@eq7746 this should be the route were taught. we have the body and strength to care for kids in our 20's and 30's. our minds mature and were able to do the mature complex thinking in our 40's and beyond.
You’ll die sooner than women who waited to give birth in their 30’s and 40’s. Google the studies.
At age 20 I got pregnant after missing a day or two of my birth control. It was easy and quite a shock. Besides having excessive vomiting (probably due to being unable to afford food and starving frequently while pregnant) I had the easiest pregnancy. Physically it was a peach!! I felt great. I was taking 3 mile walks every day up until the day I gave birth.
I had another baby at 28. I took out my IUD and was pregnant immediately. It was a little more painful as I gained more weight than I wanted and pushing took forever.
At 31 I wanted another baby. It took nearly 16 months to get pregnant. I had baby #3 and by the time I was in my second trimester I was in so much pain every day. She was small so labor was easy but I tell you every day leading up to it I HURT.
Age is not talked about enough. I completely believe women can really only have easy, healthiest pregnancies in their late teens and 20s. After 30 it gets so difficult and painful. I question infertility being a disease rather the body is no longer in its prime to have and carry a baby.
I have 3 beautiful children. I know a lot of people who are not so lucky and are now probably too old to be able to successfully have a baby without artificial assistance. There are a lot of fertility clinics popping up and I see them as pure scams. Doctors aren’t being honest and instead push random pills, supplements, and diets. Suck the want-to-be parents dry instead of being honest.
I feel u
However i want to hear from a woman who had the first baby at 30
Bc its not the same..
You had kids prior thats a diff physical effect...
We need more info on women in their 30s where that's the 1st baby
So we have more perspective
And can really see what it is
I will say
In my group alot of women drank n smoke all they 20s
So if they were to have kids I'm their 30s common sense its gonna be hell
Bc that's breaking down the body
So that's not just about pregnancy
Bc substances take time to show effects..
So all these things must b factored
I had 1 child at 20
My friend is 40 no kids
I have done better physically bc of many years of exercise n eating better
I'm 39 now
Soooo again lifestyle is another topic
On if a womans body will respond one way or another..
These are not 1 size fits all topics
So we need more information
I get it. Got pregnant on the pill at 23 by missing a weekends worth. Then we got pregnant less than one month after removing my IUD at 25.
Now I’m gunna be 28 this year and I’ve always wanted three kids & my clock is screaming at me. My husband doesn’t get my hardline rule about being done with having a kids by the time I’m 30...Because biology - that’s why lol... Each pregnancy does wear your body a bit more, along with having additional children to care for during those pregnancies.
I pray we’re able to complete our family soon.
I never had problems conceiving babies or having them the natural way without complications. The hard part for me is raising them, being patient all the time, the fights between the siblings, the noise, the dirt and chaos that comes with having many kids. It's not easy. That's the hardest part for me
Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
@@misguidedpearls7456 Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
This poster had babies too young. It’s actually better for our bodies to wait until 30 at least! This is a fact proven I’m studies the medical community won’t tell you for some reason.
He says nothing about how expensive childcare is in the US, especially on one income.
My best friend absolutely wanted to have kids and wanted to have them young. So she had her daughter at age 26 after having lived with her partner for 3 years. He was abusive. She stayed with him, because she was afraid she wouldn't find anyone else who would want to have children with her. But when her daughter was 2 years old the abuse had become too bad and she left. He just disappeared and she raised her kid all alone, always living around the poverty line and due to her working full time and raising a child found it very difficult to meet some nice man to date. She eventually married a single dad years later, but soon realised, he just wanted her to raise his kids for him. He divorced her and she's turning 50 soon and single and poor.
I also have another friend who has one child. She was very focused on her studies and career, but had long term relationships. It was difficult for her to find a partner though, who felt ready to commit to parenthood and who was also a good partner. So when she was around 34 years old she started to feel very sad and to consider maybe she'd never have children. At age 36 she met her now husband, who's a loving, caring partner. At age 37 she got married and at 38 she gave birth to her daughter, who's growing up with two loving and caring parents who had already built a life when she arrived and can offer her a good education and a safe home with a mum who took a year off work after giving birth and working only part time another two years. My friend is in her late 40ies with a child, a happy marriage and a career.
🙏❤
I chose not to have children and I am so happy on my path. However I am not the norm and most people are wired to and should have children to bring fulfillment and purpose to their lives. My purpose is different and I have always known that but I don’t expect many others to be like me.
Everything u are saying in this seg is absolutely correct,a person is lucky to have lived and to have the honor of a child having the courage and skills and maturity to contribute with the will to achieve the impossible inspire to aspire mad respect to Jorden Peterson
I graduated college at 22, started 2 businesses, married at 25 and had our first babies at 26 & 28. Went on to have babies at 30, 35, 37, (3 miscarriages), 41 & 42; I did have 5 more miscarriages but that may be due to age.
The PILL is ruining women’s fertility.
I did out earn my husband but gladly stopped working to raise our daughter.
Excellent conversation to have with young women and men.
Sadly, delayed manhood is huge problem due to video games addiction. Julie 🌷
Hi Julie, what pill are you referring to? Is the ECP where you take it one time after not using protection?
Respectfully. I think you’re misrepresenting the issue of manhood, especially after watching this video. Men aren’t delaying their manhood, they’re being priced out of the sexual and reproductive marketplace, which is leading them to find alternative sources of gratification.
So you have 2 kids, but complaining about fertility? And pill is responsible for miscarriages? And manhood delayed because of videogames? What else - Earth is flat?
How many kids do you need?
games arent delaying manhood. chemicals that we eat are. everything processed hinders testosterone, not to mention glyphasate in the rain and soil. plus most men who game actually workout daily
I'm 29 my wife is 32 and this is pretty heartbreaking ngl
32 is generally before the downfall of female fertility. Get on it if you’re serious. Have her AMH checked.
@@lonewanderer_n7 it is not "easy" for a woman to get pregnant and stay pregnant after the age of 35. Fertility falls drastically in the late 30s, don't spread lies.
get a 18 y old
I beleive you both have time to start a family with kids, without any issues. Just go to doctor and do all the tests, so there are no bacetira to prevent making a child, and also ask doctor for tips and guidinance how to do it in a best way - and you will have littleones in no time :)
@@sonicleaves did you conceive naturally or use IVF?
Had my child at 28, I am so tired and worn out I can’t imagine the energy wise chasing around a toddler in my 40s however I do support women’s choices it’s just so tiring already for me even having child at prime
I was 19 and had my daughter …. I grew up in an affluent area and the stigma was hard . Fast forward i had my son at 29. I’m now 32 and only a handful of girls I went to school with have children. It’s really sad, my daughter will be 14 and yes it was hard and I screwed up a lot but wouldn’t change it for the world and we’ve had some good times over here ❤
Did those women without children express they were sad at their situation? I am asking because myself and most of my highschool peers don't have children and none of us are sad about it. The handful of them that do have children I don't envy them at all. Being a mother is very hard and some of them had a hard time concerning in laws especially the ones who had children very young. Some of them remained in abusive marriages because so much time was spent mothering they didn't have jobs to have an income to leave the abusive situation. One of them actually moved back in with her parents with 2 children after her parents kept sending her back to that home every time she left to run from the abuse. When she was finally divorced her parents tried to set her up with my boss because they thought it wasn't fitting for a woman to be single for long. My boss himself was physically abusive with his first wife and the current one. I'd say roughly 4 of them have quality marriages and family life and honestly I think they were either lucky or hit and miss worked in their favour.
Wouldn’t trade mine for the world. I feel bad for my old friends.
@@TheQueenIsWithin my sister is super pissed she doesn’t have children
@@TheQueenIsWithin I agree, most of my friends don't have or want to have children. We pursue our dreams, travel the world, I couldn't imagine giving that up. The 3 friends I have who were married are all divorced now
Everything they said is true, but not everyone's path in life is same. I know many couples who met eachother at the age of 40 both man and woman, and they had not one, but even two and three children, year after year, every one of them healthy, so people, never give up!
Those are rare. Do you really know that many women easily getting pregnant and having kids problem free at 40+ years old? Don't deceive people just to make your point.
As a woman who didn't marry until 37:
One woman's reproductive history has no relation upon another woman. This is NOT an encouraging thing to say to women.
Yes, my two were healthy (39 & 43)-plus 1 miscarriage. So, statistics are not women & women are not statistics. But, don't compare one woman's reproductive history to another. There is no comparison.
@@joetheboy04 I'm in a multigenerational example of it. The younger pregnancies were actually harder on the women than the later ones. Each one is different.
You knowing many couples doesn't change the reality for the majority. There is a woman who gave birth at 72.
@@joetheboy04 in hs, gils used to have unintentional abortion
When I went to Iceland I was surprised to see lots of young couples with children. There is usual to get pregnant (not accidentally) while you're studying at university in order to have your children in school when you start working and have a good professional career.
Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
Our mothers need to stop telling us we don't want kids!!! All my mom ever told me was not to have kids ffs 😢 Why would you say that to a young woman who wants nothing more than to be a mother!!! It's inside us from birth to be mothers!! We need to mother or we feel useless!
The way things are right now having kids is the worst thing a person could do. Unless you're rich of course. The future looks bleak for them. Wile you have them you have to consider the cost. And the fact once a birth certificate is site the state own them but you have the responsibility to take care of them.
Freezing eggs and IVF is NOT a sure answer. U get one live birth for ever ~25frozen eggs, and u might need several rounds of ovarian stimulation to achieve that after ur 30s. Ur chance of success with IVF is 10% or less after u hit 41-42….
No one can tell anyone what to do…. BUT women need to be educated and realistic about what they are really giving up.
Make a video on how married women 35+ can prevent her man from cheating on her with a younger woman
But what about mental health? A mother must be mentally ready to have a child, the fertility of the womb is one side of the debate, but the mental and intellectual maturity of the mother, literacy and the ability to raise a child is another condition for having children, and I have rarely seen a woman who is 19-20 years old. Have a chance to find a very good husband
I am a young woman currently pursuing a degree, and I'm already anxious as heck about my clock running out. I'll be 22 when I graduate, with very little debt (nothing I can't pay off in a year or two), and a job as an English teacher all ready to go. That's when I plan to start looking for a mate. All I really want out of life is a husband and a family, but I don't regret my education--I'll want it for years down the road when my children are older and I have time to pursue a career. In the meantime I have my entire 20s ahead of me to get married and have kids.
You are so rare. As a man, tried to get married in my 20s twice. Picked women who had marriage anxiety. I'm 34 now, quite successful and my squeeky clean 2 bed apartment is devoid of live. That's quite sad.
Don't wait until you graduate to start looking for a mate. College is a target-rich environment with tons of guys your age who are highly educated and will be good supporters in the future. The guys you will meet as an English teacher are likely to be married or not marriage material. Look now, and hope to be engaged by your senior year--don't date for fun, only date for marriage. I know it sounds extremely old-fasioned and anti-feminist, but your future self will thank you. I hunted all the way through college and found a fantastic guy; I'm now 29 with one child and trying for a second!
I'm thinking along the same lines as you, except I'll start looking as soon as I start university. A lot of my classmates have already started dating, but I've always had my mind set on a long term (potentially leading to marriage) relationship. I'm pursuing a science-heavy engineering path because it pays well and it's a pretty male-dominated sphere with a lot of potential good men. But I've never thought of that as more than a means to support myself and I know I'd drop the career in a heartbeat for a good man. Honestly I think the best thing that could happen in life would be to find the right man, get married and start a family. I've never thought of a career as my end goal in life - I'd much rather settle down. I'm a 17 y/o female. I think a lot of this has to do with upbringing - my parents have been married for nearly 25 years, with 3 children and my mom staying at home to care for us and my dad being the provider. Every day I see how happy they are and I want something like that too...
@@calagtic YES! This is exactly what I did! I studied mechanical engineering--I paid off my student loans in two years and bought a house with my savings when I married my husband. I've had almost eight years of a lucrative career, but I cut back to half time when my son was born and will be quitting altogether when we have a second child. Zero regrets, highly recommend! You will do great with that mindset :)
streaks(Gus_toler21). Yea my plan is to join the trades bc a lot of trade unions make six figures with no college debt. Also they have a 401k and pension which I can max out every year. I would be able to have a family of four and my wife stay at home easily this type of job. I want to do it in Milwaukee tho bc I love Wisconsin and nature( highly recommend visiting). But yea W mindset I think your prob Christian bc not a lot of Atheists think that way.
This is very well said. Growing up, I desired a career. I needed a career, it provides me sense of security because I would be financially stable. This means if I am unable to find a partner who earns enough to support a family, we can have duo income. It also means, in the event that only my income remains, the family won't be in financial shambles. Now I have become a mother, and I would give up my career to spend all day with my child if that's possible. Unfortunately, that is not possible, as we need two incomes to pay for all basic expenses such as mortgage, food, electricity, etc.
Another thing is that women who have a good salary, still have this traditional mentality that her partner is supposed to make more than her to be a worth partner and it filters even more the possibilities of a career successful woman.
@@icarojose6316 That's very true. There are high paid women who would see a lower paid man as lesser than them. The reverse is also true where some men feel inferior to a woman who gets paid more than them. Plus traditional ideas being pressured by family and friends, makes it even more difficult. You might love a person, and you don't care that the man is making less than the woman, but as the woman's family and friends continue to badger her day in and out about it, some time down the line, she's going to find him unacceptable as a mate.
@@cellophane-pe2io that’s right. Many people talk about the female hypergamy but nobody talks about the female’s father hypergamy. It’s harder to the father of the girl to accept that she’s with a poorer guy than is to the girl herself.
I usually agree with Jordan Peterson on many topics, but in this one, I don't think he truly knows what he is talking about.
I live in North Africa, and in my culture, most women marry in their twenties and even in their early twenties. They start families very early and give up having any source of income or careers, relying completely on men they marry. In theory, men are gonna work hard and provide for the family and women are gonna take care of the house and the children, but the reality is very different than that, just a few years into marriage and the men start to get exhausted from paying for even the smallest things, I personally know many women who ask their husbands for some money to buy period pads and tampons. Little by little, it starts to feel humiliating to women, especially when their men start making them feel like a burden.
And I can understand that it's draining in this day and age because they are no millionaires or rich men to keep on giving money whenever asked.
I have yet to find (here) a woman in her thirties who said giving up her studies and career in her twenties was worth it for marriage. My aunts and family members in their late 30s 40s and even 50s always bring up the subject of financial freedom and insist on how important it is for a woman to have that.
Yes, marriage and intimacy are wonderful things, and bringing healthy children with the ones we love to this world is even more wonderful but we gotta be real and tell things as they are, it is scientifically proven that the quality of spems in men is at its peak in their twenties and women can easily still be fertile all their thirties. Why not talk about this? Or we are playing the old classic game of causing collective panic in women.
If we say that the best thing for women to do is to build a family as soon as possible and give up career pursuing we are saying that all men that are gonna marry these women are the best thing for them, but this is not true. Many men change their minds and leave, many men feel exhausted and turn that into resentment, many men aren't responsible, many men say they are gonna do it but never do.
Having one secure thing is better than 100 unsecured things.
100%. I'm originally from Europe but I lived some time in egypt with my egyptian ex. First love bombing, spending a lot of money of me and all great, he was veeery generous. After marriage, he didn't want to add me to his accounts (which we agreed before that he will do it and in my culture it's normal that woman keep the money and do a budget or couple do it together), he just gave me his credit card but start complaining that I'm spending too much. Then after some time, in every fight he was taking this card and saying that everything is his and I don't have anything.
After some time, I realized that it's norm in Egypt. Women are mostly totally dependend on their husbands. My ex's sister was literally asking like you said for basic things like period pads and didn't have any money. I left him. And I could do this easily without any shame that many Egyptian women face as divorced women.
We didn't even start trying to have kids thankfully and marriage was over after a year. Thank God.
You are right, changes that now women can be Independed are not bad. Its for the reason, for all the women that didn't have luck to good husbands.
I met also a lot of great smart young women like you in Egypt and from Algeria and Tunisia and I see that trend its changing.
Youth are getting educated and independent and less and less of girls have dreams to just to "get married and don't work" as final goal.
@@MikeSW they don't have access to any money. So husband make them ask everytime they need a tampon or new bra.
I had my first child at 21 and having my second child at 31 after health issues and a miscarriage. I can really feel the difference.
Studies confirmed that women who wait until their 30’s and 40’s actually live longer than women who give birth in their teens and twenties. Google this subject. Very interesting.
Me and my girlfriend of seven years are both below 30 and we don't have children yet, but I'd guess we're both very much in the game. But I think a lot about my younger brother. His girlfriend is 32, they got together last autumn and I tried to talk with him about his prospect of having children, but I don't find the right words. It's a tough topic; I just want the best for him.
I guess that would be an important topic that he should have addressed with his girlfriend already? If both care for each other, then they should be open enough to talk about it. It will affect their future
Not your place to ask. Also a significant amount of men don't want children so idk why you think you can just intrude on his decision?
@@inuhundchien6041 all established men want children. The ones you are referring to are called ‘boys’
@@adrianhui6791 still men