Interesting.... you’re so right. As soon as a person feels rejected they are constantly over analyzing why the other party does not want to manifest a relationship with you. Sometimes our intuition is right on target but often we miss what they are not necessarily offering up DIRECTLY! This sums it up and gave me some inner peace. ‘They don’t have the tools for this level of emotional openness and they’ve adapted with particular protective walls to prevent from being vulnerable. (Style of Attachment is on the Avoidance side) via Personality Structure that supports keeping people at bay.’ They will use working late, OT, Family visits, Parents, back on the Workout routine etc. to avoid letting you know they aren’t interested in what you are. 👎🏽
Sometimes the Universe sends people in that are absolutely great after a breakup just to let you know there are still good men/ women out there. Yep I agree with you sometimes things seem awesome with a man/ woman but theres actually something they arent telling you. Your body is saying no no no run away. Great question!
The signal from your body was likely yesterday's reheated burrito from "Universe" Foods that you had for breakfast. Trust reason and logic over feelings.
Women have very powerful instincts! We must trust in them and trust in our capacity to attract and continue to receive the level of love, consideration, and respect we deserve. I have struggled so much with trying to get the truth out and validation from my on an off again partner....to sift through his confusion and mixed signals....and though I have grown a lot and had a lot to learn within myself, my wounds, fears and attachments....the biggest part of my lesson is to let go of what's not working and someone whose not ready to meet me at that level, because it will make me act crazy when says he is and then I pick up on the incongruency...which he is not wanting to acknowledge....I cannot compensate for this and boy have I tried but I just end up getting hurt and angry. Love is crazy. Some of us have to learn not to compromise our self-love and value for another, it just doesn't work.
@Rex B Barkin' Rex B Barkin' do you know why they're all basket cases???? Because of you men. All of the men I have been with have lied to me with two words they should never say, I PROMISE
Intuition. The voice in my head. Talking to yourself. Signs of a high level of intelligence. Mix that with patience and seeking understanding and an answer will come. Maybe not THE answer you want, but an answer. The question of "should I go for it" or "should I hold off" comes in your alone time. Listen. The answers will come.
When I was a very young man I was talking to an older woman online. She didnt want to start a relationship with me. But we just couldnt seem to stop talking to eachother. The attraction felt so strong and natural, very powerful!
Maybe this fits into one of your categories, I have found quite a few women that have been deeply injured by some very controlling and manipulative narcissistic men. The relationships involved belittling, physiological abuse with an emphasis on controlling the women in such a way that it prevents them from wanting to become involved in a new relationship. In their heart of hearts they want to feel loved and needed, but they’re fearful almost to an unrealistic level. So conflicted by their emotions, along with a mix of the toxins from other relationships, that it leaves these beautiful creatures deeply damage.
It's a very sad story, nobody should be put through abuse! Unfortunately, I have to filter these victims out of my dating pool until they get some compassionate help. I'd try to help but I'm not a therapist and wouldn't want to make things worse. 😟
That's actually not true. Yes you can control who your attracted to and fall in love with and happily, one can move on from true love that's not good enough.
Thank you- this explains the anxiety I have been feeling inside- I couldn’t describe it. I thought it may be me- but I know i don’t feel like this with everyone. It’s an inner dialogue we must listen to! Our gut feelings and intuition are everything x
it's crazy that we both felt it but timing was off. While I'm hopeful we'll reconnect in a new and different way, I'm hoping he has taken this time to grow and decide what he needed to change maturity wise. Being with him was EASY and I felt free... Timing was just off..
I know its im late but dis u guys meet again ? Going through a similar situation and don’t know if I’m going crazy because sth in me tells me we’re meant to be together the timing was sooo off or it my be my instincts and intuition trying to tell me sth
Wow. See I have a guy friend who initiates conversation, we make each other laugh, and he called me his mini me because we are so much alike. We’ve been friends since the 5th grade he’s moved around because his parents are in the military. He flirts all the time and makes it seem like he wants to be with me and said the other day he could see himself marrying me and even pointed out how he admires my mindset and how I’m different from other females. But after him saying all of this I feel like if he could see himself marrying me why would has he not even initiated dating me yet? He can also be hot and cold. One time he was praising me and then a couple of days later posted a girl as his woman crush. I feel like maybe he’s telling me these things to have me hold on to nothing.
Great video as always the two things I took away from this is always ask people if their mentally ready for a relationship and hope the other person is honest enough to state there intentions if they are not interested in pursing something. I hear women friends tell me that they string men along because they don't want to hurt their feelings. But it is better just to tell them right away and not waste people's time
What you said about each scenario makes a lot of sense to me. I am currently in this transitional period of my love life. I am one step away from changing my entire life in fact. This does not mean my life is put on hold or in limbo. Its a conscious decision I have made. During this time I'm focusing on living and loving the life I currently have, for example: I love time alone and with special girl friends, movies, reading novels, my garden, fitness goal, spiritual goals, health beauty and fashion, home projects, animals.nature, Art, the list goes on but still feel at times I need to do more work and really am in no condition to fully love a new person in my life. I have been person A but I am person B too. Susan, your videos are so helpful and I am learning so much for when the time, I someday decide to enter that dating scene again I will be prepared!
Have a back up plan. 30 years ago I learned the hard way. My car broke down. I had no money. From that point on I always hid $500.00 in my car. I still do it. Have a back up plan. Same with girls.
Susan!! long time listener, first time caller 😂. You have really guided me in my last two relationships. You have nailed it each time. I can’t even believe how accurate you are about situationships that are out of your control. Thank you ❤️
We have the chemistry, we have the same values and same goals for a future. Everything makes sense except how it started was extremely bad timing and because of that it seems like it's been a bit of bad luck. Everything makes sense and there is chemistry but circumstances... and because of those circumstances unsure that things will work out in the end. I believe time will tell.
When you are considering a love of your life partner the circumstances are miniscule. I reckon a love of your life partner was not your priority at that time.
Susan what about someone you WERE in a relationship with that puts you in the friend zone but shows they care and make sure they visit once week as a priority and help you in any way they can where body language speaks more than words....he cares! We make a good couple we proved it. Xx
I have known my this man for over 17 years. Geographically, we have never been in the same city. However; recently we both live in the same city finally! We have recently spent time together and it was like no time had passed at all. I have always loved this man. However; he says, Now his focus is on money, not love.
I met an awesome and hansome man 4 months after i broke up from a 4 year relationship. He was everything i wanted...went on sll my crazy adv...got along w my boys and family...most important he valued me...it was all different and I thought i was ready. He tried to win my heart but after a year he walked away. He knew I still loved my ex...i let him go. He was right. Now im working on me....on my.own.
Im often torn between chemistry and compatibility. I think that would be an ideal video. Ive meet compatibale partners who I had no chemistry, and people who I had amazing chemistry but we werent compatible. Is it odd that I kinda value chemistry and the spark than actual compatabilty lol... humor please just kidding
I’ve had a relationship for 10 years on and off I walked away for a year and a half and he came back took me couple years after coming back to fully Trust again the chemistry on point and our personalities click too. I totally loved this video I’m not sure what’s gonna happen with this man but things are flowing better than before we not living together but he moving his stuff in my garage. Think you get to a point and age of maturity with this either works or doesn’t . If it was not working thru Just fizzle away
Yep! I experienced that “something’s not right” moment many times, and it was more haunting with my ex husband, who I found out was a covert narcissist who left me for someone else.
This video is spot on to where im at. I have a guy who is interested and checks all the boxes. However i got out of a 3 year long relationship 5 months ago and honestly I just dont know if I want another relationship. I have been upfront with him and told him im not dating right now, I still have feelings for my ex. We still hang out sometimes (strictly friendship boundaries) and I can see that he is just hanging in there until im ready to date him. The thing is I told him I may not be ready for a year or so. I guess I dont know why he would be waiting and not looking to date other people.
I met a guy and we seriosly was in awe of each other. Not in love, but in awe. We checked each others boxes, 100%. We were attracted to each other and we SHOULD work. So we spent many many months together, over half a year actually. But we weren't the right mix... and we both felt like that. It was frustrating and I DID think I was self sabotaging. I still don't know why we didn't fall in love but I guess we were just too different.
I was just person B a few months ago. I got terribly frustrated after several long months and simply walked away without an explanation...ie ghosted. Immature sure. Do I feel bad about it...no. I'm very much aware of my worth, and will offer my love to someone willing to give theirs back.
I understand the action but can't condone ghosting in any sense. We are adults and need to take responsibility for our actions and the way to do that is to offer an explanation. They can choose to listen or not which is their choice but at that point you have done everything reasonable and can walk away with a clear conscience.
Same,I was person B for seven months only to hear in the end that he was not in love with me. It sucks but life moves on, if he was the right person he wouldn't have said that and he wouldn't have left me. His loss, not mine
@@brogan56 some people will not accept an explanation. There are people who have been murdered by the person who they told they were leaving. Ghosting - when things are better left unsaid or when there's nothing left to say 😌
About 15 years ago some friends of mine tried very hard to fix me up with a guy they really liked from their church. He was friendly enough, but he was 10 years older than I was, and I just wasn't attracted to him at all. On top of that, they were very insistent, and kept pressuring me to let them give him my phone number, which was odd behavior. They hadn't done that before with the other guys they had tried introducing to me. I intuited something about him was just "off" somehow. I told my friends *not* to give him my phone number. A few days later... he called me. I was so freaked out I could barely be civil. I feel that he was manipulating my friends into giving him my number, even 'though I did not want him to have it. A few months later, my friends told me they found out he had been divorced 3 times already. Years later, after #metoo, I realize now that he felt he had some sort of right to veto my "no" and demand my phone number anyway. That's why it felt so invasive and weird to me. Recently, I noticed he has started using the library where I work, but I have ignored him and I hope he doesn't recognize me. Otherwise, I will have to ask our security guard to keep an eye on him. He's just a sketchy guy, who comes across as normal and friendly, but he's really not. There's something dark there. Trust your intuition ladies!!!
I just found you on UA-cam. Thank you so much for clarifying these situations. I have watched 3 of your videos so far and you have described to the T a few things that I have experienced. I thought I had it figured out but your resolution was spot on. Thank you. I will continue to watch your channel.
Wow...thanks a lot for the very thoughtful video. Its just right on time. I will be asking your wisdom in all aspect or psychological approach in my scenario at the moment. I met a guy online through a dating site last July...we have a very deep conversation as always..great connection in every topics or in everything we talk about. He has this great passion for personal and spiritual development which we both connect deeply. He is an Australian and I am a Filipina. We got to talk often and do video chats if we are both available but I never demand anything from him of his time. Cause at times he is so in tune with me at time he is nowhere. After 3 months of getting i to communication he finally confesses his feelings after he felt jealousy on what the story i told him about me and this other guy. He became my online boyfriend but after 3 weeks in a relationship he opt to stay as friends as I showed lukewarmness because of his inconsistency when it comes to quality time. So I let go of that entitlement of being his girlfriend and settle for friendship. I often hear him he is not in the position to meet me this year and looking forward for next year. Coming from his mouth that the "timing is uncertain but our meeting is certain." He has some plans to meet me but he is not so vocal with it. He did everything on his best online all the things he can do for me even at a distance but we dont have any titles for what are we. We are friends but we both operate as couples who are in relationship at a distance. I am not his girlfriend except as friend. As I know he dont have any girl for almost 2 years as he was living a celibate life for almost two years to prepare himself for his "one". As i am also. We both operate as lovers. He has some plans of meeting me but not so vocal with it. He got jealous if he hears other guy was attracted to me. Lately we both consistent with video chats. We are more deep in our communication we both know some of our strength and weaknesses. I took one of your suggestions on one of your video about anything that is readily available you wont take notice until its gone you panic. I did it for three days and its in there He says it is only his ego not to be attached to me but now he has the clarity. When I was gone for 3 days he find emptiness. In there he find clarity of his why. He want to see me. And he loves me. My question is. With this guy whom i loved despite of the distance I felt uncertainty about investing in waiting. I dont know when would be his plan for meeting me in person but I wanted to know from your own perspective. Its been 5 months that we are chatting and videochatting .Should I settle and invest myself on this guy which who pulls away that title from me as his girlfriend? Should I solely investing my heart to him or should I be entertaining others as there is no certainties from his plans? Thanks a lot Miss Susan for taking time to read and am hoping to hear from you soon...more power...
After 18 months I had a bad feeling - I held back and eventually found out he’d been sleeping around while talking to me. I left him instantly and quietly. no regrets
People are attracted to what they're comfortable with that's why you can choose an abusive person if you come from abusive home over assertive parents domineering parents or come from very passive parents ir has to do with how you feel comfortable with the person.
Do you believe that you have to learn how to love yourself frist, before you're ready to get into a relationship? I met this guy and it just felt so amazing and I'm quit sure he felt it and wanted it to. But i kind of avoided him, i didn't let him get close to me because I'm not confident and i just didn't want him to see all of my flaws. I always thought oh he can't like a girl like me. or I'm not good enough for him or he's just being nice but at the same time i kind off knew that he liked me. And it felt so good with him, actually from the first time. So we never got to know each other or anything and i haven't seen him i a while now. Im kind of thinking that maybe i have to learn how to love my self and then if I'm lucky the universe will give us a second chance. Maybe i should just move on but i can't stop thinking about him or how good he made me feel. I can't stop thinking of how we could so strong when we didn't even knew each other. And i can't stop dreaming about feeling that way again and to get the chance to get to know him.
Hanna Brynildsen I’m on the other side of this situation, I expressed my interest and was turned down for all the reason you explained. I found self love and have unconditional love. If your person really care about you, perhaps they could help you find your way to loving yourself! No one says it has to be a solo journey! You have to be willing to open and accept help! Real love allows that!!
Enjoy the memories. If he's still available, contact him and let him know how you feel. If he's not available, know that there are MANY good men seeking a good woman who they want to bond with and mutually pour love, goodness and kindness into each other (Matthew 6:33)😌
Sounds a little bit like the maybe box scenario. What's the best solution - a frank talk? Problem is sometimes people don't know their own issues and carry them onto the next relationship, or they simply wouldn't feel comfortable revealing the main reason. Go figure!
Carina Carter Yessssss You’re right I think that’s what’s happening in my case I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months and he’s younger than me you can tell we’re both attracted to each other and we like being around each other, we are intimate...he said he doesn’t have his shit together and needs to work on himself ... he wants to still casual date and seems to be pulling away I’m pretty hurt by it.😞
That’s exactly what I need, I had the same situation, I felt so bad to move into a new relationship. I’m really not ready coz my own spiritual growing..and I need to learn how to love myself first! Yes, my friends and my parents said that I substage my relationship:(
There was something going on with the last lady. I knew she was talking with an ex still and I felt her pulling away at times. It was off yet the connection was great! I had mentioned talking with the ex whether or not she intended to get back would hurt the relationship. A couple dates later she pulled the whole im a great guy but just isnt feeling the chemistry mind you just the last few dates she says she's having the most wonderful time and feels this great connection and im a great kisser, etc. She loved I opened the door for her and treated her right but then it felt like she wanted validation rather than commitment. Idk 🤷🏻 It's just emotionally damaging and manipulation. The lack of communication really killed things as well.
Another stellar video! I wish I could write my story here as well. But it would be a mini-novella with more twists and turns than I care to count anymore! I may write a book. If for no other reason, just for catharsis. I still manage to smile and sometimes laugh...even through the brokenness. Thank you for your many insights, Susan. Very helpful and comforting too at times. :)
Here's a scenario... I met a guy a few years ago abd we had a great coffee date and then he went off the radar. I l shrugged it off and carried on. 2 plus years later he sought me out and started messaging with me but knew he had to resolve the relationship he was in. We only messaged and over 10 on the grew closer. There is Crazy Chemistry and we both know it and talked about... Now here's the kicker. He found d himself free from the relationship that he was unhappy in, met up with me and it was incredible, zingy electrical and heartfelt all at the same time. We shared one incredible, memorable evening that he describes as something he'll always remember and I feel the same way. BUT... now the he is free to be with me and explore friendship and more he is pulling out stops and reasons why he can't move forward with me. I assured him that we could go at a pace that is good for both of us and not rush things. That's not good enough and now he thinks he should just casual date but I for whatever reason don't make the cut for the casual date list. When both parties live, feel and acknowledge the chemistry and one pulls away what is that about? It's the most difficult feeling of rejection that I have yet to experience. I know he's into me and he expressed it in so many ways and then he 'runs' ? I feel broken. I know that I did nothing wrong. I feel he's running because he knows it feels right but is scared...I guess I was safer when I was something he couldn't really pursue. Am I off base or could this be the case? I'm between anger / hate for this guy and elated / happy and hopeful. So torn :(
I met this lady, and we just have chemistry, and she is good for me. But all she wants to do is talk to me on messenger, this is been going on for about three months and I am getting a little tired of it. I’ve tried to set up dates, and even tried to get her to just talk to me on the phone and she won’t do it. We knew each other along time ago, so it’s not like we’re strangers. There is a boyfriend, but I get the feeling he’s a married guy and she doesn’t know it or doesn’t want to see it. I am so frustrated
That part when you say "there's something that you don't know" is just a fantasy excuse for woman this day that can't commit, just to feel better about themselves, they have to many options to fo for the good guy, just keep it like a friend right?
Thank you so much for this information, that is something that I’m dealing with now. I have this person that was pursuing me, I gave him my phone we met up like twice and talked for long periods of hours on the phone. Now there is nothing. I really didn’t understand it until now. I will make it my business to talk in person to see where this is going. No don’t get me wrong his a good guys, but I’m thinking that his not ready to be in a relationship . Thanks again for the great advice
Thank you for this video. This is such a common situation, I call it the bridges of Madison county, movie reference, affect. That movie was about two people who were married to other people but they wanted to be together and couldn't. As far what your video is talking about, your so right about people not telling you that they are still involved or pining for someone else, it's good to know that your intuition can still see the truth even if that person does not tell you.
Hi Zan. I love that analogy-bridges of Madison County. Very good. And as for prospective partners telling us about their feelings for an ex (or even other people they're seeing), that should be upfront information. But it rarely is. You're right about the need for our intuition, especially with so much information not being revealed. Thanks for your insights Zan.
Dont rely upon some intangible feeling or you will never have closure. Even in Susan's personal example/experience she was only able to eventually get understanding from the foolishness spouting audibly from his pie hole. If you want to obliterate romantic feelings that someone has for you, tell them you want to be friends.
love you Susan,your content is wonderful. I am in a situation a bit like this at the moment with a colleague 15 years younger than me,there are heaps of chemistry and we enjoy spending time together. we did not have any physical contact yet though...because he does not tick off any of my boxes. still I feel we are getting closer to each other. the situation at the moment feels like we can't be together but we can't be apart either. I miss him if I don't see him for a day. It is really crazy !! thanks for your videos,they are wesome !!!
Hi Crystallight1113. Thank you for your kind words. As for the situation with your colleague-that's tricky and enticing. You may want to check your HR manual (if you work in the same company/org) to see if any future romance would be a problem. There's something beautiful about an external restraint: It sets up intense chemistry as the two of you fight to 'not feel' what you're feeling. It also forces the connection to be built from the inside out. This is an interesting and powerful dynamic. I hope you'll keep me posted as time progresses. Thanks!
Susan Winter awww,thank you Susan,yes,it is such an intense situation. yes,I am a bit concerned about flirting at work, but until now,everyone seems to enjoy our interaction and is even cheering us on. I live in Peru ,so there are no real regulations for that. You are so right about building it from the inside out, IAM going through divorce at the moment and he will not even kiss me,while I'm not divorced ( 2 more months to go ) and my condition for starting anything physical is to be really in Love with him. So yes,there is lots of tension and we enjoy the flirt heaps !! the thing is,he is kinda religious and I am a thoroughly awakened person ...so I don't really see the point in truly getting together with him. Still,this is just so enjoyable and I can't seem to stop. haha. kind regards to you and thanks so much for your beautiful comment !!
crystallight1113 this is beautifully scripted for a novella! Isn't it wonderful to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face anticipating work? Keep us posted.
Susan Winter yes but to what purpose and end? Just so you can enjoy the 'feels' until it turns to dust??? I don't get why people do this to themselves and to others.
Thank you so much , Susan . As always your words are spot on and you come up with wonderful contents that all of us encounter in real world . I am sorry that I couldn't be in touch with your posts of late as I was going through a very sad state . As I was discussing with you the challenges I was facing to put across my relationship to my parents . I tried following your advice and we both had a discussion with my parents . We didn't face much problems with her mom as she was always supportive . The problem was with my parents as there were never going to accept me marrying a much older women who had been married before . I am not sure about what discussion my parents had in private with her , may be the issue of her daughter came into picture . I am heart broken to say that my girlfriend called our relationship a quit . She told me that she its in the best interest that I should stay away from her . She was very firm in what she said . I tried to plead with her that I am ready to face any consequences and I will always stand by her ....unfortunately it was not to be . Something beautiful that was developing came to a sudden end . I didn't want to convey the sad news to you as I didn't want to disappoint you . I always wanted to get back to you with a happy news . At the moment I am not getting much interest in life . The wounds are still not healed . I just pray that wherever she is she remains happy and let her heart be filled with lots of happiness and love . That's sufficient for me . My parents and relatives are happy as they always want me to marry a younger girl . However whatever happened has had a deep impact in me . I have decided that either I will remain unmarried forever or else if at all I marry a girl she will be way older than me ...may be even older . I just want to make the society realize that I didn't do anything wrong by loving an older woman . In fact it was they who went wrong by breaking our hearts . I just hope that my girlfriend is fine . Though I still love her I never tried to contact her since then as I respect her choices and decision . Thank you so much , Susan for being here for us . When my heart is broken I always look up to you for advice . Sorry again for being out of touch . I was just not in a good frame of mind . Sharath
Dear Sharath. I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend feels forced to live up to her parents dreams, rather than her own. She's obviously steeped in a very traditional culture that has strict commands on whom she will marry. I am sorry for you because of that. She doesn't have the courage to fight for the relationship. It's an enormous burden for her to carry either way: that she's given up the man she loves to please her parents, or that she's given up her family to be with the man she loves. As for yourself -I appreciate your warm words of support. I urge you to think beyond a black-and-white solution for yourself; never marrying, or marrying someone who is older. I urge you to open up your heart again. You know that love comes in unexpected packages (an older partner). Love may arrive in a younger package as well. Please don't shut down to the concept of love in general. And please don't limit the possibility of partners to whom you may be attracted. Thank you for your note. I sincerely wish you well.
Dear Susan ,I feel like I know you for a long time . I was deeply hurt and literally feeling down and out . Your words have provided me much needed comfort .I really mean it . I just want to hug you and thank you from the bottom of my heart . You are really special , Susan . She was a nice girl . May be I should have done something special so that I wouldn't have lost her . I will figure out where I should have improved . At this moment , I don't want to think about any girl . I will just focus on my studies and carreer opportunities . Let me save some money , so that if at all I happen to come across someone who may feel that I am worthy of her love , then we both can travel and explore new new places . Till that time I will keep working hard . I will defenitely consider your suggestion , always will . I will also keep following your posts . That will give me a feeling that I am connected to you . At one side there are people who spread hatred in the minds of people and on the other side there are people like you who do a great job in stitching broken hearts and filling it with love . Thank you , so much Sharath
These are beautiful words Sharath. And I know they come from the heart. Thank you so much. Yes - continue with your studies and plan for your future. Again, you did nothing wrong. This is a cultural issue and her parents are choosing her partner. Though your heart is broken, you have experienced the power of love. You know that you can love. That's a beautiful thing. And you will feel love again. So for now he'll yourself and work on yourself. All things will improve in time, I'm sure of it. Susan
Thank you so much , Susan . Yes it has to . I never felt as if the conversation is like a Q&A session in any forum . It's as if once you say that everything will be alright ,I strongly believe that it has to . Your words touches my heart . I can feel it .It has got a Midas touch . I don't know . Just feeling as if you are sitting in front of me and talking to me . I sincerely wish that you would be able to light millions of hearts in this world and be extremely successful in whatever you do . You are the very best . After I read your message , yesterday morning. I took my bicycle out for the first time after a month or so . The one which I bought with my first stipend clubbed with some of my scholarship amount . I used it to commute between my college and office . Sometimes while coming back I used to pick her up . We used to roam around the city with her siting in the front bar and me pedaling . Her hair used to fly back slightly kissing my lips and ears along with the cool breeze . I just loved it and I wished that the ride would never end . I used to drop her and wait until she enters her home , switch on the lights and wave me good bye . During these days my hostel watchman and the warden always gave me tough time for entering late . But I just enjoyed being in their bad book because there was a thrill . Once we both stopped seeing each other I never took my cycle out from the hostel parking space and was travelling by bus ,where I simply pretend to sleep while coming back .Today while coming back when I reached near the turn on left that leads to her home my heart just skipped a beat and I just pedaled faster . My heart almost sank . But the good thing is that my bicycle is back on the roads and the same cool breeze is hugging me. Its a great feeling . I also wore the black Ferrari watch , that she had gifted me . Last few days emotions were consuming me . May be I am slowly getting back to my self .I woke up today morning a lot happier . Love you so much , Susan . Sharath
I got a Q, I'm with someone who I want to be with & they feel the same yet it's hard for me to have a good convo with them bc they aren't really interested in anything I'm doing but they don't seem to want to break up with me. How do I communicate with a 7 years age difference?
I am 21 and I fell for My language teacher and she liked me too,,,but she was in her 60s and so I couldn't approach her due to fear of society ,lack of courage,and me being brown ,she was white. She didn't approach me either but she gave lots of signals,,,I thought I would approach her next sem ,unfortunately ,that was her last sem in university... I know her name but I couldn't get her contacts,,,I still like her and remember every detail of her
If its not happening you can sense it...walk away from her. She will be ticking checklists, weighing up your resources, leaving you hanging at her convenience.
That’s interesting about the guy with the daughter same exact thing happened to me but I actually really liked him but felt off about the whole thing. He’s married with a daughter
That’s a bunch of self bs-ing imho. Corey Wayne would explain it best what happened here, but I’ll give it a try: the guy was chasing you way too much from the get go, so you didn’t feel any mystery about him. As you said, you felt everything was clear, that he had to be the right one, but something was wrong. The part about him being married doesn’t have anything to do with your hesitation.
🦋TOO COMPLICATED! LOOOL WE CAN NEVER REALLY KNOW FOR SURE, WHEN IT COMES TO AFFAIRS OF THE HEART! BUT UR RIGHT, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US!🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉 THE REST IS...QUE. SERA. SERA LIFE'S TOO SHORT!!
Wow, thank you for posting another great video with brilliant advice! 🤗 I must confess I am in a very pressing/stressful situation, dating long distance: he is kind, good, healthy, has integrity and he is so into me... We met in person, and even though he is handsome & looks younger than his age, I am not attracted to him sexually! Help! I am constantly working on myself- like trying to change my mindset- to like him! My body says no! 😳 ... ... Could it be because I'm used to dating younger guys- say 8 years younger & not 8 years older? I've let him know it, and he is even getting his visa to come to this crazy country! What do you recommend, dear & respected Susan? I don't want to lose such a great opportunity from the Universe, but I thrive being true to myself above all... 🌸Thank you in advance for your tips!💐
Monica, I've been in your shoes. I've tried to force the "logical choice" of partner in the past. We like what we like. We want what we want. However, Women do have the ability to develop attraction to a man, overtime. As for your "guy" -I would offer him realistic expectations. Don't come here just for you. Have a job and a purpose to come to the states. He also seems to be coming on too fast too soon. He may have an agenda. It's best for him to take a holiday here and visit for a month or so. During his stay, you carve out time to see him. I'm afraid the setup is rushing you. If he rushes you, you won't make good choices. No matter his sense of urgency, take time to check in with yourself. Please keep me posted
Susan Winter You are the best- and I love all your videos and posts, especially in your blissful Italy scenery! 👏🏼💖🕉💜Thank you so much, dear Susan! I think you are absolutely right, and the setup is rushing me, which- like you say- is not conducive to best choices. The funny thing is that the crazy country I live in is Venezuela- check out my twitter TL 😬🔥- and he lives in Utah, US! He actually got his ticket to go to SF to get a Visa to come here! Wow... And since he is envisioning to live with me right away, I have asked him to please let's meet in the US first... At least a week... So maybe I will hopefully develop that attraction to him... Yet being committed till that time comes is very stressful, since I love my life, my freedom🦋... And he is always texting me with vids, pics & texts... Apparently a good thing, but too much pressure for me to be available for him only, no matter how perfect he is💎... Again, thank you so much for your generosity to reply, and to give me your loving & Professional opinion! 😘🤗 P.S. I believe his agenda is to move out & live abroad... With a mate such as me 😁
Do your best to slow him down. Make no promises and give no guarantees. I know you'll handle this perfectly, as you have a very strong sense of yourself. Best wishes Monica!
Oh, Susan! Thank you so much for your invaluable advice: ok, I will do my very best...You have no idea of how much I appreciate your work- let alone this attention to my details- and I wish you the best love, health and holistic prosperity, of course... I observe that you give so much- so beautifully, brilliantly and impeccably- that the Universe responds to you with all you give multiplied! Keep living the great life, and being so great and generous with us! xoxo Monica
When a woman has a good man in those earlier years she doesn't realize it then when she's 35 she wonders where all the good men are. She missed out now That she's 35 or even 40, she's going to have a problem finding someone cuz most men in their late 30s early 40s have been scarved up so to speak. Pickings are pretty slim so to speak.
Nice eyes .... Oh yeah I agree . Once person do something that's me question their fairness I am out the door . No matter how nice their eyes are .....
Thank You Susan⛅ Imo , In Many cases ,The Lack of Valuing the 'Pre Value' Knowledge of Each Others Core Values First, '''Thats Even if Each Other Have Even Clarified Those First To Themselves at All ?''' > Is Where 'Pre Expectation' of the Continual External Validation To Soothe the 'Currently' Non Self Validating Sense of Well Being 'Core State' Problem Begins, and that Can Start to Allow 'Emotions' To Make Decisions and that Leads Right Back To Expecting More Validation! Welcome To The 'Circle of Strife' Brought To You By The Lack of Healthy Mental and Relational Knowledge' That We Should Teach In Public Schools 'For a Better Society Anyway.⛅'Real' Love is Grown, Not Claimed.🌈Peace On Purpose🌎
I've been dating a guy for 8 months now, dnt u think by now he wuld have some idea if he wuld want to be with me in the near future, he just tells me I just wanna date u and only u and take my time, btw he was engaged prior to meeting me about 1-2 yrs prior that he broke off and claim he's over her but he still has their picture up on Facebook as though they're still engaged even though she moved on, I asked him wuld he take it down and he was like for what I don't have to ect. ect. ppl knw who I'm with, that's suspicious to me, and he had a girlfriend cheat on him which a baby came along frm it with the other guy, I just dnt wanna waste no more time at 41, we are 13 yrs apart and he's great (and better than some older guys I've dated) overall but plays that hot and cold game as well, fyi he wrks a lot also and I feel like I always have to make the first move, he's not very sexual at all but I am and lm always on him more than he is on me, 😒 he has been there for me when I was dwn and I love that about him plus he's a gentleman, but a big dwn fall is his ps4 game system, when he's off wrk he plays that game almost all thru out the day, so if he played with me like his games I wuld be one very happy woman more so 😊 and yes we have done many things together outside of the home, hell I have the key to his place for now because when I spend the night and he leaves and goes to work he would leave me the key just in case and I still have it plus he haven't asked for it back yet but I'm going to give it back on my own cause I dnt need it and I rather him give it to me at his own will, so overall am I wasting my time or is he just really taking his time with me because of his past, and we do talk about these things but I get the same response lets take our time, he shows me no signs of playing around, most things are out in the open his phone for ex. ect. and he seems to be honest for the most part, whoo long story lol
Our relationship is done, I tried to save it but a lot of water went under that bridge..and I think he has kids with this women...tho a year ago he thought her ugly and told me just remember you were the one...yeah ok didn't want to wait...because of my son....
Yes, but you are putting the cart before the horse. Sex will definitely firm up a relationship/connection buy if it's before you really get to know each other and love each other, the relationship will be compromised in connection and good correction in all other areas because they're afraid of rocking the boat and losing the sex.
I'm gay know this woman for 1and. Haft year ,ask her for coffee or a walk, and said will let me know ,nothing happen , Was on vacation one time and said ,went come back will let me know ,but no answer, I don't know ,what to do ,,. I ask her many times ,. At one point will give me a change, but nothing for a year ,. What can I do. ,please answer me ,,. Thank you.
I was in that situation where the other person looks good on paper (if not a bit hmmm...dependent, just finding him wanting more of my time than I could give) but I was not attracted at all. I was beating myself up so much and wondering what is wrong with me. I went out with him for a month but nothing. My subconscious disliked him that much that I actually had dreams about me screaming at him for doing something stupid (and I don’t scream in real life). Should I bother or move on? I am in my mid-30s so I feel very pressured...
I have no less than 40 notifications each morning from different social media sites. I try to answer all of them, but I'm systematically cutting back. I need to focus my time and energy on my work, projects, and clients.
Interesting.... you’re so right. As soon as a person feels rejected they are constantly over analyzing why the other party does not want to manifest a relationship with you. Sometimes our intuition is right on target but often we miss what they are not necessarily offering up DIRECTLY!
This sums it up and gave me some inner peace.
‘They don’t have the tools for this level of emotional openness and they’ve adapted with particular protective walls to prevent from being vulnerable. (Style of Attachment is on the Avoidance side) via Personality Structure that supports keeping people at bay.’
They will use working late, OT, Family visits, Parents, back on the Workout routine etc. to avoid letting you know they aren’t interested in what you are. 👎🏽
Perfect especially the 👎
In you last sentence don't you mean 'are' interested?
Sometimes the Universe sends people in that are absolutely great after a breakup just to let you know there are still good men/ women out there.
Yep I agree with you sometimes things seem awesome with a man/ woman but theres actually something they arent telling you. Your body is saying no no no run away.
Great question!
IKR. Don’t date fast after a break up
Indeed.
The signal from your body was likely yesterday's reheated burrito from "Universe" Foods that you had for breakfast.
Trust reason and logic over feelings.
Women have very powerful instincts! We must trust in them and trust in our capacity to attract and continue to receive the level of love, consideration, and respect we deserve. I have struggled so much with trying to get the truth out and validation from my on an off again partner....to sift through his confusion and mixed signals....and though I have grown a lot and had a lot to learn within myself, my wounds, fears and attachments....the biggest part of my lesson is to let go of what's not working and someone whose not ready to meet me at that level, because it will make me act crazy when says he is and then I pick up on the incongruency...which he is not wanting to acknowledge....I cannot compensate for this and boy have I tried but I just end up getting hurt and angry. Love is crazy. Some of us have to learn not to compromise our self-love and value for another, it just doesn't work.
@Rex B Barkin' Rex B Barkin' do you know why they're all basket cases???? Because of you men.
All of the men I have been with have lied to me with two words they should never say, I PROMISE
@@sherrib4168 you attract losers
Intuition. The voice in my head. Talking to yourself. Signs of a high level of intelligence. Mix that with patience and seeking understanding and an answer will come. Maybe not THE answer you want, but an answer. The question of "should I go for it" or "should I hold off" comes in your alone time. Listen. The answers will come.
Seems like that with me when I am t ringing to change my car however thank you very much for the advice lovely lady
When I was a very young man I was talking to an older woman online. She didnt want to start a relationship with me. But we just couldnt seem to stop talking to eachother. The attraction felt so strong and natural, very powerful!
Maybe this fits into one of your categories, I have found quite a few women that have been deeply injured by some very controlling and manipulative narcissistic men. The relationships involved belittling, physiological abuse with an emphasis on controlling the women in such a way that it prevents them from wanting to become involved in a new relationship. In their heart of hearts they want to feel loved and needed, but they’re fearful almost to an unrealistic level. So conflicted by their emotions, along with a mix of the toxins from other relationships, that it leaves these beautiful creatures deeply damage.
Tim Holland that’s me! I need help
@Arthur Cribben Absolutely!
Indeed. They need healing.
Yeah that’s me.
It's a very sad story, nobody should be put through abuse!
Unfortunately, I have to filter these victims out of my dating pool until they get some compassionate help.
I'd try to help but I'm not a therapist and wouldn't want to make things worse.
😟
I think the soul connection has to be there for it to work. You can't control who you are attracted to and fall in love with.
Yeah and that takes time.
That's actually not true. Yes you can control who your attracted to and fall in love with and happily, one can move on from true love that's not good enough.
@@EmilyGloeggler7984 Loving somebody is a choice, yes but falling in love and attraction in general is definitely NOT in our control.
Emily Greene I’ve never been in control of who I fall for....
@@Sarafara7 thats pretty sad..
Thank you- this explains the anxiety I have been feeling inside- I couldn’t describe it. I thought it may be me- but I know i don’t feel like this with everyone. It’s an inner dialogue we must listen to! Our gut feelings and intuition are everything x
it's crazy that we both felt it but timing was off. While I'm hopeful we'll reconnect in a new and different way, I'm hoping he has taken this time to grow and decide what he needed to change maturity wise. Being with him was EASY and I felt free... Timing was just off..
I know its im late but dis u guys meet again ? Going through a similar situation and don’t know if I’m going crazy because sth in me tells me we’re meant to be together the timing was sooo off or it my be my instincts and intuition trying to tell me sth
Did you guys ever meet again?
@@dorratrojette Yes. Remained friends until February or March this year
@@tiffjak yes. Didn’t work out but we remained friends until recently. He wanted everything on his terms. Funny, 7/28 was his bday
@@mrsbobbicisse At least you got the full closure. Hope you're doing better now!
You are getting me through one of the hardest times of my life. Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
Wow. See I have a guy friend who initiates conversation, we make each other laugh, and he called me his mini me because we are so much alike. We’ve been friends since the 5th grade he’s moved around because his parents are in the military. He flirts all the time and makes it seem like he wants to be with me and said the other day he could see himself marrying me and even pointed out how he admires my mindset and how I’m different from other females. But after him saying all of this I feel like if he could see himself marrying me why would has he not even initiated dating me yet? He can also be hot and cold. One time he was praising me and then a couple of days later posted a girl as his woman crush. I feel like maybe he’s telling me these things to have me hold on to nothing.
Great video as always the two things I took away from this is always ask people if their mentally ready for a relationship and hope the other person is honest enough to state there intentions if they are not interested in pursing something. I hear women friends tell me that they string men along because they don't want to hurt their feelings. But it is better just to tell them right away and not waste people's time
Perfect advice, Troy. Yes- speaking the truth makes everything clear and in the long run saves everyone's feelings. Thanks for this great input!
What you said about each scenario makes a lot of sense to me. I am currently in this transitional period of my love life. I am one step away from changing my entire life in fact. This does not mean my life is put on hold or in limbo. Its a conscious decision I have made. During this time I'm focusing on living and loving the life I currently have, for example: I love time alone and with special girl friends, movies, reading novels, my garden, fitness goal, spiritual goals, health beauty and fashion, home projects, animals.nature, Art, the list goes on but still feel at times I need to do more work and really am in no condition to fully love a new person in my life. I have been person A but I am person B too. Susan, your videos are so helpful and I am learning so much for when the time, I someday decide to enter that dating scene again I will be prepared!
Have a back up plan. 30 years ago I learned the hard way. My car broke down. I had no money. From that point on I always hid $500.00 in my car. I still do it. Have a back up plan. Same with girls.
Susan!! long time listener, first time caller 😂. You have really guided me in my last two relationships. You have nailed it each time. I can’t even believe how accurate you are about situationships that are out of your control. Thank you ❤️
We have the chemistry, we have the same values and same goals for a future. Everything makes sense except how it started was extremely bad timing and because of that it seems like it's been a bit of bad luck. Everything makes sense and there is chemistry but circumstances... and because of those circumstances unsure that things will work out in the end. I believe time will tell.
When you are considering a love of your life partner the circumstances are miniscule.
I reckon a love of your life partner was not your priority at that time.
Ugh unrequited love is just the worst! It’s so heart crushing 🥺
This piece is brilliant, we are really complex people thankyou for raising these tips
Susan what about someone you WERE in a relationship with that puts you in the friend zone but shows they care and make sure they visit once week as a priority and help you in any way they can where body language speaks more than words....he cares! We make a good couple we proved it. Xx
I have known my this man for over 17 years. Geographically, we have never been in the same city. However; recently we both live in the same city finally! We have recently spent time together and it was like no time had passed at all. I have always loved this man. However; he says, Now his focus is on money, not love.
Day late, dollar short, it seems.
I met an awesome and hansome man 4 months after i broke up from a 4 year relationship. He was everything i wanted...went on sll my crazy adv...got along w my boys and family...most important he valued me...it was all different and I thought i was ready. He tried to win my heart but after a year he walked away. He knew I still loved my ex...i let him go. He was right. Now im working on me....on my.own.
Missed that golden bell. Are you back with your ex?
Im often torn between chemistry and compatibility. I think that would be an ideal video. Ive meet compatibale partners who I had no chemistry, and people who I had amazing chemistry but we werent compatible. Is it odd that I kinda value chemistry and the spark than actual compatabilty lol... humor please just kidding
I feel this everyday. Did you ever come to a conclusion?
I’ve had a relationship for 10 years on and off I walked away for a year and a half and he came back took me couple years after coming back to fully Trust again the chemistry on point and our personalities click too. I totally loved this video I’m not sure what’s gonna happen with this man but things are flowing better than before we not living together but he moving his stuff in my garage. Think you get to a point and age of maturity with this either works or doesn’t . If it was not working thru Just fizzle away
Wishing yoh the best 🙂🙏🏾
Yep! I experienced that “something’s not right” moment many times, and it was more haunting with my ex husband, who I found out was a covert narcissist who left me for someone else.
My sympathy for enduring a CN for as long as your did.
This video is spot on to where im at. I have a guy who is interested and checks all the boxes. However i got out of a 3 year long relationship 5 months ago and honestly I just dont know if I want another relationship. I have been upfront with him and told him im not dating right now, I still have feelings for my ex. We still hang out sometimes (strictly friendship boundaries) and I can see that he is just hanging in there until im ready to date him. The thing is I told him I may not be ready for a year or so. I guess I dont know why he would be waiting and not looking to date other people.
You and me tried everything, still that mockingbird won't sing............................
I met a guy and we seriosly was in awe of each other. Not in love, but in awe. We checked each others boxes, 100%. We were attracted to each other and we SHOULD work. So we spent many many months together, over half a year actually. But we weren't the right mix... and we both felt like that. It was frustrating and I DID think I was self sabotaging.
I still don't know why we didn't fall in love but I guess we were just too different.
I was just person B a few months ago. I got terribly frustrated after several long months and simply walked away without an explanation...ie ghosted. Immature sure. Do I feel bad about it...no. I'm very much aware of my worth, and will offer my love to someone willing to give theirs back.
I kinda did the same, I had to walk away. Then she blocked/ghosted me. Had to happen.
I understand the action but can't condone ghosting in any sense. We are adults and need to take responsibility for our actions and the way to do that is to offer an explanation. They can choose to listen or not which is their choice but at that point you have done everything reasonable and can walk away with a clear conscience.
Same,I was person B for seven months only to hear in the end that he was not in love with me. It sucks but life moves on, if he was the right person he wouldn't have said that and he wouldn't have left me. His loss, not mine
@@brogan56 agreed. It was immature and ridiculous to ghost, but there may be other issues this person's dealing with too.
@@brogan56 some people will not accept an explanation. There are people who have been murdered by the person who they told they were leaving.
Ghosting - when things are better left unsaid or when there's nothing left to say 😌
About 15 years ago some friends of mine tried very hard to fix me up with a guy they really liked from their church. He was friendly enough, but he was 10 years older than I was, and I just wasn't attracted to him at all. On top of that, they were very insistent, and kept pressuring me to let them give him my phone number, which was odd behavior. They hadn't done that before with the other guys they had tried introducing to me. I intuited something about him was just "off" somehow. I told my friends *not* to give him my phone number. A few days later... he called me. I was so freaked out I could barely be civil. I feel that he was manipulating my friends into giving him my number, even 'though I did not want him to have it. A few months later, my friends told me they found out he had been divorced 3 times already. Years later, after #metoo, I realize now that he felt he had some sort of right to veto my "no" and demand my phone number anyway. That's why it felt so invasive and weird to me. Recently, I noticed he has started using the library where I work, but I have ignored him and I hope he doesn't recognize me. Otherwise, I will have to ask our security guard to keep an eye on him. He's just a sketchy guy, who comes across as normal and friendly, but he's really not. There's something dark there. Trust your intuition ladies!!!
Vicki Hale : and I would have been highly upset with those friends after I insisted NOT to give out my personal number. Yess your gut dont lie.
Feminism
Vicki Hale update
Fickle friends who first push you into the connection then warn you he's been divorced 3x. Make Jesus your best friend.
I just found you on UA-cam. Thank you so much for clarifying these situations. I have watched 3 of your videos so far and you have described to the T a few things that I have experienced. I thought I had it figured out but your resolution was spot on. Thank you. I will continue to watch your channel.
We are both single parents and been hurt ,just seeing her or speaking to her is so nice,think we’re both scared of getting hurt again x
Wow I have just "discovered" you
Thank you so much ,so simply put but deep and helpful
Thank you.
Wow...thanks a lot for the very thoughtful video. Its just right on time. I will be asking your wisdom in all aspect or psychological approach in my scenario at the moment.
I met a guy online through a dating site last July...we have a very deep conversation as always..great connection in every topics or in everything we talk about. He has this great passion for personal and spiritual development which we both connect deeply. He is an Australian and I am a Filipina. We got to talk often and do video chats if we are both available but I never demand anything from him of his time. Cause at times he is so in tune with me at time he is nowhere. After 3 months of getting i to communication he finally confesses his feelings after he felt jealousy on what the story i told him about me and this other guy. He became my online boyfriend but after 3 weeks in a relationship he opt to stay as friends as I showed lukewarmness because of his inconsistency when it comes to quality time. So I let go of that entitlement of being his girlfriend and settle for friendship. I often hear him he is not in the position to meet me this year and looking forward for next year. Coming from his mouth that the "timing is uncertain but our meeting is certain." He has some plans to meet me but he is not so vocal with it. He did everything on his best online all the things he can do for me even at a distance but we dont have any titles for what are we. We are friends but we both operate as couples who are in relationship at a distance. I am not his girlfriend except as friend. As I know he dont have any girl for almost 2 years as he was living a celibate life for almost two years to prepare himself for his "one". As i am also. We both operate as lovers. He has some plans of meeting me but not so vocal with it. He got jealous if he hears other guy was attracted to me. Lately we both consistent with video chats. We are more deep in our communication we both know some of our strength and weaknesses.
I took one of your suggestions on one of your video about anything that is readily available you wont take notice until its gone you panic. I did it for three days and its in there He says it is only his ego not to be attached to me but now he has the clarity. When I was gone for 3 days he find emptiness. In there he find clarity of his why. He want to see me. And he loves me. My question is. With this guy whom i loved despite of the distance I felt uncertainty about investing in waiting. I dont know when would be his plan for meeting me in person but I wanted to know from your own perspective. Its been 5 months that we are chatting and videochatting .Should I settle and invest myself on this guy which who pulls away that title from me as his girlfriend? Should I solely investing my heart to him or should I be entertaining others as there is no certainties from his plans?
Thanks a lot Miss Susan for taking time to read and am hoping to hear from you soon...more power...
After 18 months I had a bad feeling - I held back and eventually found out he’d been sleeping around while talking to me. I left him instantly and quietly. no regrets
I’m glad you left such a toxic relationship!
People are attracted to what they're comfortable with that's why you can choose an abusive person if you come from abusive home over assertive parents domineering parents or come from very passive parents ir has to do with how you feel comfortable with the person.
Do you believe that you have to learn how to love yourself frist, before you're ready to get into a relationship? I met this guy and it just felt so amazing and I'm quit sure he felt it and wanted it to. But i kind of avoided him, i didn't let him get close to me because I'm not confident and i just didn't want him to see all of my flaws. I always thought oh he can't like a girl like me. or I'm not good enough for him or he's just being nice but at the same time i kind off knew that he liked me. And it felt so good with him, actually from the first time. So we never got to know each other or anything and i haven't seen him i a while now. Im kind of thinking that maybe i have to learn how to love my self and then if I'm lucky the universe will give us a second chance. Maybe i should just move on but i can't stop thinking about him or how good he made me feel. I can't stop thinking of how we could so strong when we didn't even knew each other. And i can't stop dreaming about feeling that way again and to get the chance to get to know him.
Hanna Brynildsen I’m on the other side of this situation, I expressed my interest and was turned down for all the reason you explained. I found self love and have unconditional love. If your person really care about you, perhaps they could help you find your way to loving yourself! No one says it has to be a solo journey! You have to be willing to open and accept help! Real love allows that!!
Enjoy the memories.
If he's still available, contact him and let him know how you feel. If he's not available, know that there are MANY good men seeking a good woman who they want to bond with and mutually pour love, goodness and kindness into each other (Matthew 6:33)😌
Sounds a little bit like the maybe box scenario. What's the best solution - a frank talk? Problem is sometimes people don't know their own issues and carry them onto the next relationship, or they simply wouldn't feel comfortable revealing the main reason. Go figure!
I like the frank talk option.
5:00 that was ur inner voice trying to protect you!
What about the other person having a self confidence issue/not good enough because he's not settled in life.
Carina Carter Yessssss You’re right I think that’s what’s happening in my case I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months and he’s younger than me you can tell we’re both attracted to each other and we like being around each other, we are intimate...he said he doesn’t have his shit together and needs to work on himself ... he wants to still casual date and seems to be pulling away I’m pretty hurt by it.😞
@@Blondehairedwarrior I feel ya Pain.
That’s exactly what I need, I had the same situation, I felt so bad to move into a new relationship. I’m really not ready coz my own spiritual growing..and I need to learn how to love myself first! Yes, my friends and my parents said that I substage my relationship:(
Just accept the fact it didn't work out, learn from this experience how can you better show up next time and move on 🤗 trust the universe!
There was something going on with the last lady. I knew she was talking with an ex still and I felt her pulling away at times. It was off yet the connection was great! I had mentioned talking with the ex whether or not she intended to get back would hurt the relationship. A couple dates later she pulled the whole im a great guy but just isnt feeling the chemistry mind you just the last few dates she says she's having the most wonderful time and feels this great connection and im a great kisser, etc. She loved I opened the door for her and treated her right but then it felt like she wanted validation rather than commitment. Idk 🤷🏻
It's just emotionally damaging and manipulation. The lack of communication really killed things as well.
Brilliant! Love it. Thank you, Susan.
My intuition never lied to me!! Same story with me
Another stellar video! I wish I could write my story here as well. But it would be a mini-novella with more twists and turns than I care to count anymore! I may write a book. If for no other reason, just for catharsis. I still manage to smile and sometimes laugh...even through the brokenness. Thank you for your many insights, Susan. Very helpful and comforting too at times. :)
Susan i am not married
Yep...been there. Another great video!
Thanks Big C!!
Here's a scenario... I met a guy a few years ago abd we had a great coffee date and then he went off the radar. I l shrugged it off and carried on. 2 plus years later he sought me out and started messaging with me but knew he had to resolve the relationship he was in. We only messaged and over 10 on the grew closer. There is Crazy Chemistry and we both know it and talked about... Now here's the kicker. He found d himself free from the relationship that he was unhappy in, met up with me and it was incredible, zingy electrical and heartfelt all at the same time. We shared one incredible, memorable evening that he describes as something he'll always remember and I feel the same way. BUT... now the he is free to be with me and explore friendship and more he is pulling out stops and reasons why he can't move forward with me. I assured him that we could go at a pace that is good for both of us and not rush things. That's not good enough and now he thinks he should just casual date but I for whatever reason don't make the cut for the casual date list. When both parties live, feel and acknowledge the chemistry and one pulls away what is that about? It's the most difficult feeling of rejection that I have yet to experience. I know he's into me and he expressed it in so many ways and then he 'runs' ? I feel broken. I know that I did nothing wrong. I feel he's running because he knows it feels right but is scared...I guess I was safer when I was something he couldn't really pursue. Am I off base or could this be the case? I'm between anger / hate for this guy and elated / happy and hopeful. So torn :(
Did you ever think about he could be your twinflame?
Tanis Wald did you ever think he could be confused and unprepared?
I met this lady, and we just have chemistry, and she is good for me. But all she wants to do is talk to me on messenger, this is been going on for about three months and I am getting a little tired of it. I’ve tried to set up dates, and even tried to get her to just talk to me on the phone and she won’t do it. We knew each other along time ago, so it’s not like we’re strangers. There is a boyfriend, but I get the feeling he’s a married guy and she doesn’t know it or doesn’t want to see it. I am so frustrated
So much wisdom . Needed this. Thank You 💞
I am in a mode where I am letting everything fall in place. That’s how relationships should be.
That part when you say "there's something that you don't know" is just a fantasy excuse for woman this day that can't commit, just to feel better about themselves, they have to many options to fo for the good guy, just keep it like a friend right?
Yep
Good clip Susan, you are the best !
Thank you so much for this information, that is something that I’m dealing with now. I have this person that was pursuing me, I gave him my phone we met up like twice and talked for long periods of hours on the phone. Now there is nothing. I really didn’t understand it until now. I will make it my business to talk in person to see where this is going. No don’t get me wrong his a good guys, but I’m thinking that his not ready to be in a relationship . Thanks again for the great advice
I call it the "X" factor-- basically the unexpalinable factor .
Thank you for this video... it opens up the horizons on why exactly not happening...
He said when things should have evolved he got scared
Thank you for this video. This is such a common situation, I call it the bridges of Madison county, movie reference, affect. That movie was about two people who were married to other people but they wanted to be together and couldn't. As far what your video is talking about, your so right about people not telling you that they are still involved or pining for someone else, it's good to know that your intuition can still see the truth even if that person does not tell you.
Hi Zan. I love that analogy-bridges of Madison County. Very good. And as for prospective partners telling us about their feelings for an ex (or even other people they're seeing), that should be upfront information. But it rarely is. You're right about the need for our intuition, especially with so much information not being revealed. Thanks for your insights Zan.
great teacher, ez to follow & apply her teachings, Cheers..
Cheers right back at you. Thanks for tuning into my channel.
Thank you very much. I needed to hear this.
Dont rely upon some intangible feeling or you will never have closure.
Even in Susan's personal example/experience she was only able to eventually get understanding from the foolishness spouting audibly from his pie hole.
If you want to obliterate romantic feelings that someone has for you, tell them you want to be friends.
What if your guts/instincts are telling you that your ex is the right person for you but bad timing..??
love you Susan,your content is wonderful. I am in a situation a bit like this at the moment with a colleague 15 years younger than me,there are heaps of chemistry and we enjoy spending time together. we did not have any physical contact yet though...because he does not tick off any of my boxes. still I feel we are getting closer to each other. the situation at the moment feels like we can't be together but we can't be apart either. I miss him if I don't see him for a day. It is really crazy !! thanks for your videos,they are wesome !!!
Hi Crystallight1113. Thank you for your kind words. As for the situation with your colleague-that's tricky and enticing. You may want to check your HR manual (if you work in the same company/org) to see if any future romance would be a problem. There's something beautiful about an external restraint: It sets up intense chemistry as the two of you fight to 'not feel' what you're feeling. It also forces the connection to be built from the inside out. This is an interesting and powerful dynamic. I hope you'll keep me posted as time progresses. Thanks!
Susan Winter awww,thank you Susan,yes,it is such an intense situation. yes,I am a bit concerned about flirting at work, but until now,everyone seems to enjoy our interaction and is even cheering us on. I live in Peru ,so there are no real regulations for that. You are so right about building it from the inside out, IAM going through divorce at the moment and he will not even kiss me,while I'm not divorced ( 2 more months to go ) and my condition for starting anything physical is to be really in Love with him. So yes,there is lots of tension and we enjoy the flirt heaps !! the thing is,he is kinda religious and I am a thoroughly awakened person ...so I don't really see the point in truly getting together with him. Still,this is just so enjoyable and I can't seem to stop. haha. kind regards to you and thanks so much for your beautiful comment !!
crystallight1113 this is beautifully scripted for a novella! Isn't it wonderful to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face anticipating work? Keep us posted.
Susan Winter yes but to what purpose and end? Just so you can enjoy the 'feels' until it turns to dust??? I don't get why people do this to themselves and to others.
I love your insight, wish to be a woman with such wisdom and communicative clarity one day
Thank you so much for your videos 💜💕
Love your channel! I wish this was available to me years ago ☺️!
What if I am a man and she is the one who can't decide? I feel she's for me but she won't decide..
Same
Move on
Awesome advice Susan thank you xxx
This is soo good! Thank you.
Thank you so much , Susan . As always your words are spot on and you come up with wonderful contents that all of us encounter in real world . I am sorry that I couldn't be in touch with your posts of late as I was going through a very sad state . As I was discussing with you the challenges I was facing to put across my relationship to my parents . I tried following your advice and we both had a discussion with my parents . We didn't face much problems with her mom as she was always supportive . The problem was with my parents as there were never going to accept me marrying a much older women who had been married before . I am not sure about what discussion my parents had in private with her , may be the issue of her daughter came into picture . I am heart broken to say that my girlfriend called our relationship a quit . She told me that she its in the best interest that I should stay away from her . She was very firm in what she said . I tried to plead with her that I am ready to face any consequences and I will always stand by her ....unfortunately it was not to be . Something beautiful that was developing came to a sudden end . I didn't want to convey the sad news to you as I didn't want to disappoint you . I always wanted to get back to you with a happy news . At the moment I am not getting much interest in life . The wounds are still not healed . I just pray that wherever she is she remains happy and let her heart be filled with lots of happiness and love . That's sufficient for me .
My parents and relatives are happy as they always want me to marry a younger girl . However whatever happened has had a deep impact in me . I have decided that either I will remain unmarried forever or else if at all I marry a girl she will be way older than me ...may be even older . I just want to make the society realize that I didn't do anything wrong by loving an older woman . In fact it was they who went wrong by breaking our hearts . I just hope that my girlfriend is fine . Though I still love her I never tried to contact her since then as I respect her choices and decision .
Thank you so much , Susan for being here for us . When my heart is broken I always look up to you for advice . Sorry again for being out of touch . I was just not in a good frame of mind .
Sharath
Dear Sharath. I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend feels forced to live up to her parents dreams, rather than her own. She's obviously steeped in a very traditional culture that has strict commands on whom she will marry. I am sorry for you because of that. She doesn't have the courage to fight for the relationship. It's an enormous burden for her to carry either way: that she's given up the man she loves to please her parents, or that she's given up her family to be with the man she loves. As for yourself -I appreciate your warm words of support. I urge you to think beyond a black-and-white solution for yourself; never marrying, or marrying someone who is older. I urge you to open up your heart again. You know that love comes in unexpected packages (an older partner). Love may arrive in a younger package as well. Please don't shut down to the concept of love in general. And please don't limit the possibility of partners to whom you may be attracted. Thank you for your note. I sincerely wish you well.
Dear Susan ,I feel like I know you for a long time .
I was deeply hurt and literally feeling down and out . Your words have provided me much needed comfort .I really mean it .
I just want to hug you and thank you from the bottom of my heart . You are really special , Susan .
She was a nice girl . May be I should have done something special so that I wouldn't have lost her . I will figure out where I should have improved .
At this moment , I don't want to think about any girl . I will just focus on my studies and carreer opportunities . Let me save some money , so that if at all I happen to come across someone who may feel that I am worthy of her love , then we both can travel and explore new new places .
Till that time I will keep working hard . I will defenitely consider your suggestion , always will . I will also keep following your posts . That will give me a feeling that I am connected to you . At one side there are people who spread hatred in the minds of people and on the other side there are people like you who do a great job in stitching broken hearts and filling it with love .
Thank you , so much
Sharath
These are beautiful words Sharath. And I know they come from the heart. Thank you so much. Yes - continue with your studies and plan for your future. Again, you did nothing wrong. This is a cultural issue and her parents are choosing her partner. Though your heart is broken, you have experienced the power of love. You know that you can love. That's a beautiful thing. And you will feel love again. So for now he'll yourself and work on yourself. All things will improve in time, I'm sure of it. Susan
Thank you so much , Susan . Yes it has to . I never felt as if the conversation is like a Q&A session in any forum . It's as if once you say that everything will be alright ,I strongly believe that it has to . Your words touches my heart . I can feel it .It has got a Midas touch . I don't know . Just feeling as if you are sitting in front of me and talking to me . I sincerely wish that you would be able to light millions of hearts in this world and be extremely successful in whatever you do . You are the very best .
After I read your message , yesterday morning. I took my bicycle out for the first time after a month or so . The one which I bought with my first stipend clubbed with some of my scholarship amount . I used it to commute between my college and office . Sometimes while coming back I used to pick her up . We used to roam around the city with her siting in the front bar and me pedaling . Her hair used to fly back slightly kissing my lips and ears along with the cool breeze . I just loved it and I wished that the ride would never end . I used to drop her and wait until she enters her home , switch on the lights and wave me good bye . During these days my hostel watchman and the warden always gave me tough time for entering late . But I just enjoyed being in their bad book because there was a thrill .
Once we both stopped seeing each other I never took my cycle out from the hostel parking space and was travelling by bus ,where I simply pretend to sleep while coming back .Today while coming back when I reached near the turn on left that leads to her home my heart just skipped a beat and I just pedaled faster . My heart almost sank . But the good thing is that my bicycle is back on the roads and the same cool breeze is hugging me. Its a great feeling .
I also wore the black Ferrari watch , that she had gifted me . Last few days emotions were consuming me .
May be I am slowly getting back to my self .I woke up today morning a lot happier . Love you so much , Susan .
Sharath
keep on getting the vibes in my body that this woman is a witch ... she knows everything ... fast food culture where all that goes, well, goes
I got a Q, I'm with someone who I want to be with & they feel the same yet it's hard for me to have a good convo with them bc they aren't really interested in anything I'm doing but they don't seem to want to break up with me. How do I communicate with a 7 years age difference?
I been there before. But sometimes no connection and no vibe.
I really needed to hear this today
I am 21 and I fell for My language teacher and she liked me too,,,but she was in her 60s and so I couldn't approach her due to fear of society ,lack of courage,and me being brown ,she was white.
She didn't approach me either but she gave lots of signals,,,I thought I would approach her next sem ,unfortunately ,that was her last sem in university...
I know her name but I couldn't get her contacts,,,I still like her and remember every detail of her
My dude 😳😳
If its not happening you can sense it...walk away from her. She will be ticking checklists, weighing up your resources, leaving you hanging at her convenience.
Genius!
Your topics are always spot on! Thank you
That’s interesting about the guy with the daughter same exact thing happened to me but I actually really liked him but felt off about the whole thing. He’s married with a daughter
That’s a bunch of self bs-ing imho. Corey Wayne would explain it best what happened here, but I’ll give it a try: the guy was chasing you way too much from the get go, so you didn’t feel any mystery about him. As you said, you felt everything was clear, that he had to be the right one, but something was wrong. The part about him being married doesn’t have anything to do with your hesitation.
🦋TOO COMPLICATED! LOOOL
WE CAN NEVER REALLY KNOW FOR SURE, WHEN IT COMES TO AFFAIRS OF THE HEART!
BUT UR RIGHT, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US!🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉
THE REST IS...QUE. SERA. SERA
LIFE'S TOO SHORT!!
Wow, thank you for posting another great video with brilliant advice! 🤗 I must confess I am in a very pressing/stressful situation, dating long distance: he is kind, good, healthy, has integrity and he is so into me... We met in person, and even though he is handsome & looks younger than his age, I am not attracted to him sexually! Help! I am constantly working on myself- like trying to change my mindset- to like him! My body says no! 😳 ... ... Could it be because I'm used to dating younger guys- say 8 years younger & not 8 years older? I've let him know it, and he is even getting his visa to come to this crazy country! What do you recommend, dear & respected Susan? I don't want to lose such a great opportunity from the Universe, but I thrive being true to myself above all... 🌸Thank you in advance for your tips!💐
Monica, I've been in your shoes. I've tried to force the "logical choice" of partner in the past. We like what we like. We want what we want. However, Women do have the ability to develop attraction to a man, overtime. As for your "guy" -I would offer him realistic expectations. Don't come here just for you. Have a job and a purpose to come to the states. He also seems to be coming on too fast too soon. He may have an agenda. It's best for him to take a holiday here and visit for a month or so. During his stay, you carve out time to see him. I'm afraid the setup is rushing you. If he rushes you, you won't make good choices. No matter his sense of urgency, take time to check in with yourself. Please keep me posted
Susan Winter You are the best- and I love all your videos and posts, especially in your blissful Italy scenery! 👏🏼💖🕉💜Thank you so much, dear Susan! I think you are absolutely right, and the setup is rushing me, which- like you say- is not conducive to best choices. The funny thing is that the crazy country I live in is Venezuela- check out my twitter TL 😬🔥- and he lives in Utah, US! He actually got his ticket to go to SF to get a Visa to come here! Wow... And since he is envisioning to live with me right away, I have asked him to please let's meet in the US first... At least a week... So maybe I will hopefully develop that attraction to him... Yet being committed till that time comes is very stressful, since I love my life, my freedom🦋... And he is always texting me with vids, pics & texts... Apparently a good thing, but too much pressure for me to be available for him only, no matter how perfect he is💎... Again, thank you so much for your generosity to reply, and to give me your loving & Professional opinion! 😘🤗 P.S. I believe his agenda is to move out & live abroad... With a mate such as me 😁
Do your best to slow him down. Make no promises and give no guarantees. I know you'll handle this perfectly, as you have a very strong sense of yourself. Best wishes Monica!
Oh, Susan! Thank you so much for your invaluable advice: ok, I will do my very best...You have no idea of how much I appreciate your work- let alone this attention to my details- and I wish you the best love, health and holistic prosperity, of course... I observe that you give so much- so beautifully, brilliantly and impeccably- that the Universe responds to you with all you give multiplied! Keep living the great life, and being so great and generous with us! xoxo Monica
Your words are touching, Monica. I'm sending you a huge electronic hug this very moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When a woman has a good man in those earlier years she doesn't realize it then when she's 35 she wonders where all the good men are. She missed out now That she's 35 or even 40, she's going to have a problem finding someone cuz most men in their late 30s early 40s have been scarved up so to speak. Pickings are pretty slim so to speak.
Nice eyes .... Oh yeah I agree . Once person do something that's me question their fairness I am out the door . No matter how nice their eyes are .....
Makes sense 110%
How do I know which one it is and when to back off or be patient?
If there's no foward progress, leave.
category #4 - we work together.
amazing insights, thank you!
Thank You Susan⛅ Imo , In Many cases ,The Lack of Valuing the 'Pre Value' Knowledge of Each Others Core Values First, '''Thats Even if Each Other Have Even Clarified Those First To Themselves at All ?''' > Is Where 'Pre Expectation' of the Continual External Validation To Soothe the 'Currently' Non Self Validating Sense of Well Being 'Core State' Problem Begins, and that Can Start to Allow 'Emotions' To Make Decisions and that Leads Right Back To Expecting More Validation! Welcome To The 'Circle of Strife' Brought To You By The Lack of Healthy Mental and Relational Knowledge' That We Should Teach In Public Schools 'For a Better Society Anyway.⛅'Real' Love is Grown, Not Claimed.🌈Peace On Purpose🌎
Thank you Susan. Very helpful
Thats me now. He is not moving it along😭
Maybe you havent done enough to earn his commitment
I've been dating a guy for 8 months now, dnt u think by now he wuld have some idea if he wuld want to be with me in the near future, he just tells me I just wanna date u and only u and take my time, btw he was engaged prior to meeting me about 1-2 yrs prior that he broke off and claim he's over her but he still has their picture up on Facebook as though they're still engaged even though she moved on, I asked him wuld he take it down and he was like for what I don't have to ect. ect. ppl knw who I'm with, that's suspicious to me, and he had a girlfriend cheat on him which a baby came along frm it with the other guy, I just dnt wanna waste no more time at 41, we are 13 yrs apart and he's great (and better than some older guys I've dated) overall but plays that hot and cold game as well, fyi he wrks a lot also and I feel like I always have to make the first move, he's not very sexual at all but I am and lm always on him more than he is on me, 😒 he has been there for me when I was dwn and I love that about him plus he's a gentleman, but a big dwn fall is his ps4 game system, when he's off wrk he plays that game almost all thru out the day, so if he played with me like his games I wuld be one very happy woman more so 😊 and yes we have done many things together outside of the home, hell I have the key to his place for now because when I spend the night and he leaves and goes to work he would leave me the key just in case and I still have it plus he haven't asked for it back yet but I'm going to give it back on my own cause I dnt need it and I rather him give it to me at his own will, so overall am I wasting my time or is he just really taking his time with me because of his past, and we do talk about these things but I get the same response lets take our time, he shows me no signs of playing around, most things are out in the open his phone for ex. ect. and he seems to be honest for the most part, whoo long story lol
Our relationship is done, I tried to save it but a lot of water went under that bridge..and I think he has kids with this women...tho a year ago he thought her ugly and told me just remember you were the one...yeah ok didn't want to wait...because of my son....
Great video.
Thank you Lana!
Most of the time this happens because the man fails to sexually escalate. Then it becomes too late.
The simple and correct answer.
Yes, but you are putting the cart before the horse.
Sex will definitely firm up a relationship/connection buy if it's before you really get to know each other and love each other, the relationship will be compromised in connection and good correction in all other areas because they're afraid of rocking the boat and losing the sex.
Thank you !!!!!!!🙏
I'm gay know this woman for 1and. Haft year ,ask her for coffee or a walk, and said will let me know ,nothing happen ,
Was on vacation one time and said ,went come back will let me know ,but no answer,
I don't know ,what to do ,,. I ask her many times ,.
At one point will give me a change, but nothing for a year ,. What can I do. ,please answer me ,,. Thank you.
Partner A was seeing someone.. they left.they want to explore other options. I wish we could be friends.
Who wished to be friends, you or partner A?
Only some casres some are exeptional
I was in that situation where the other person looks good on paper (if not a bit hmmm...dependent, just finding him wanting more of my time than I could give) but I was not attracted at all. I was beating myself up so much and wondering what is wrong with me. I went out with him for a month but nothing. My subconscious disliked him that much that I actually had dreams about me screaming at him for doing something stupid (and I don’t scream in real life). Should I bother or move on? I am in my mid-30s so I feel very pressured...
Is there a way to conect with you via Email?
Yes, you can reach me when booking a Consultation.www.susanwinter.net/consultation/
I have no less than 40 notifications each morning from different social media sites. I try to answer all of them, but I'm systematically cutting back. I need to focus my time and energy on my work, projects, and clients.
Thank you for the quick answer!
Thank you again, too.
I love it, it so true ♥️
Agree.