I realized I didn't want children when I realized how fragile romantic relationships are. I will not raise a child by myself I know I cannot do it by myself.
When I was younger I wanted children, but as I gotten older and began working at a daycare while in college that’s when I changed my mind. It’s a huge amount of responsibility, fathers can get up and leave at any time but a mother can’t. Children depend on you for everything and can burden your life, forcing you to put a hold on your education and career. Plus the idea of having a permanent link between a man via a child always scared me. Being childfree is the best decision for me.
My mother told me it’s a problem only for some years, when kids are little, then when they grow up and become more autonomous she said it’s not an issue.
I knew when I was 16 I didnt want to be a parent. I dont want the responsibility, kids are expensive and I dont want to be a single parent if the marriage fails 🙅🏽♀️
Once I realize I didn't want to carry or give birth. BUT I still wanted to be a mother. Didnt have money to freeze eggs and pay for surrogates. PLUS with what man bs... Yall see whats out here? So no maam. I started questioning things in my late 20s.
I got no childhood because my mom kept having kids into her 40s and somebody had to babysit. And once my older siblings started having kids it wasn't just my younger siblings I was dang near raising, it was nieces and nephews too. I couldn't join school clubs or after school programs because my whole life after school was being responsible for kids. Feeding them, helping with homework, putting crying babies to sleep and feeding them. During that time(ages 11 to 18) I saw how eagerly parents wanted to pass their kids off to other people(me) and they couldn't wait for a moment away from them. I thought my entire childhood "why did yall even sign up for this if you can't wait to be away from parenting?". I swore I wouldn't bring a child into the world unless I was wholly and completely ready to be a full time present parent. And at 35 I haven't felt that way yet, so no kids for me.
I bet you moved away from your hometown as soon as you got a chance so you could be be free from your imposing family!! The nerve of them making you take care of their children! I'm sorry that happened to you.
@gabriellehanks6850 I didn't leave the state immediately, but I did move on campus specifically to get away. Stayed on campus the whole undergrad, even summers. I literally never returned home after I left. Now I'm in a different city.
@michelleokafor1268 Man. I know that was rough. I'm actually a middle child, but my older siblings were out of the house by the time I was 11 so I felt like the oldest most of my childhood, and there are 3 after me.
I, like so many people, thought I’d change my mind…when I got pregnant I felt my life was over…there was no happy pregnancy announcement, no jumping up and down, no happy “we’re pregnant” tears… I had an early miscarriage. Solidified my choice. Never. Again!
I am a first born in the Caribbean. So we are basically shouldered with siblings from an early age. I saw how frustrating it was for my mother and by extension for me. Then, my mother died and I inherited the responsibilities of running the home and caring for the others. I was a surrogate parent and I didn't have the time to have my own. Then the siblings grew up and now I am finally free to have my own life. Also, at 17, I did a survey for a social studies class and I asked 200 women from my church to answer my questionnaire, 97% said that they would not do it again if they had the chance. Most of them said that if they ever have to meet their husbands for the first time again, they will run and hide..... even the pastor's wife said she would run away.
Since I was a little girl, I said to my mother that I don't want children. When I was in high school, my mother told me not to bring children into her house. Now, as a grown woman who doesn't want marriage, she's asking why she doesn't have grand babies? I told her as a little girl that I don't want children. Told me not to bring children into her house. She acknowledge then now is demanding grandchildren. Pick a struggle.
She is a fool. The population of Africa is set to be 2 Billion by 2030. The popualation of Nigeria is 350 million by 2040. Egypt will hit 140 Million by 2040. The Middle-east is having a population explosion. The average woman in Mali has 7 children. This woman is delusional, a handful of western women being childfree has absolutely no imapct globally. She needs to WAKE UP!
The moment I knew I was pregnant! I started asking about getting my tubes tied. No one would listen. Never regretted having one child. It's an absolute shot show. These ladies who have more than one. My hats off to you.
I knew at age 11 I didn’t want children. I’m 40 now and it was not a phase. I’m child free and not regretting my decision one bit. A little bit of my background, I’m the oldest of 3 and the only daughter. I was put “in charge” of my younger brothers. At the age 11, I was taking care of a new born, my baby brother, that experience open my eyes to the responsibility of caring for another person. I still have trauma today. Parentification is a horrible experience to place on a child.
I never liked playing with dolls or playing 'house' as a child. I looked at my parent's marriage and realized that having kids only made things worse. I feel awkward around children and babies terrify me. As a black woman, chances of me dying or having a severe medical complication during childbirth is high, especially in the US. I'm still working on my childhood trauma and the worst thing I can do is bring another life into this world. Oh, and I enjoy sleep, traveling, and spending my free time the way I want.
I wish more men and women would own up to not wanting children and getting surgery to make sure it doesn't happen. We would have less abused children. Too many people take their anger and frustrations from parenting, working, life out on their children. I applaud people who know this and don't have children rather than destroying the child/childrens' lives.
My mom told me to wait and not have them early. I have had 3 miscarriages. I thought i was supposed to bring children into the world. I started thinking differently after losing my 3. I had plenty of examples on why not. Then looking at what was going on in the world then and it was getting worse. I said no. Why would i want my children to have to come here and have to go thru what the rest of us going thru. Leave them be. Best decision i made. Im now 44 and i feel more empathy for these babies.
I never really thought about it until I turned 19. I was on the bus sitting near a mother and her daughter who was about eight years old. All of a sudden, this little girl started VOMITTING, like a volcano and it got all over her mother, the bus, and almost got on me; the mother didn't even seem surprised, just exhausted. Obviously, the mother apologized and did what she could to ease the impact and clean her daughter up, but I just couldn't take it so I just got off the bus and walked the two blocks to where I needed to go. It dawned on me right then and there that, as someone without a child, I can just walk away from situations like that. Maybe it's an inconvenience, but that's all it will ever be for me. That mother has to stay with that child and clean up her vomit, the mother with the crying child at the grocery store has to take that child home, there is no walking away without extreme consequences for a mother. At 19, I realized I wanted the freedom to walk away.
I wanted kids until I got pregnant and couldn’t handle the first trimester. The respect I have for my mom is crazy because extreme sickness runs in the family.
As a kid I always dreamed about being really focused on myself, career, and education. Kids was just never an option and the fear of pregnancy has definitely secured my choice to be child-free.
Seven years old. I was in 2nd grade and looked at my classmate and realized these kids have human parents. I saw the baddest kid in my class get picked up by his mother and she looked EXHAUSTED. I was like…yeah no.
I LOVE reading and listening to all of these womens' reasons to not have kids. As a 33 year old childfree woman myself who never wanted kids, it's literally the BEST decision I've ever made. No regrets *at all*. My aunt, who had 6 miscarriages and is childless because of it (she really wanted kids but sadly her body could not handle pregnancy), retired early with a ton of money and goes on 7-8 vacations a year. I've literally seen her book a weekend getaway to Paris by herself on a whim because she wanted to go shoe shopping. SHOE. SHOPPING. She goes on multiple cruises a year, has been to dozens of countries, owns a villa on the Italian countryside, and so many stories of people she's met and experiences she's had. I aim to be like her lmao
My mom almost died the entire pregnancy with me. She was on an iv for 5 months. She lost 15 pounds while pregnant, and her boobs grew 3 sizes to H. I feel so grateful to her for bringing my siblings and I here cuz if I was a female I’d have had an abortion 😂 So I will never force or encourage a woman I’m dating to get pregnant.
When I realized that I could be doing it by myself regardless of anything. I grew up as the oldest and was a mother while I was trying to be a kid (my siblings). My mom abused the hell out of me and would guilt me into taking my sisters EVERYWHERE with me. Not to mention the men out here and their manipulation tactics and ofc the world itself 😢
When I was a kid I said I wanted a degree, a good job, a car and a condo. I achieved that by age 24. I never saw myself with kids. I'm 46 and I don't regret it.
I realized as a teen while working at my mother’s daycare. Most of her clients were struggling single mothers and or in dysfunctional relationships/marriages and the kids got the short end of the stick. The children (not all) were bad, had lifelong disabilities, disrespectful and required A LOT of time and attention. It was a hard pass for me ever since!
I knew when I was 8. I innocently told my mom because I loved talking about my thoughts and feelings, and she freaked out. She threatened to get me committed and even pretended to take me to a psych ward late one night. Turns out she was just going to a grocery store, but she told me I was getting committed. She thought her “joke” was hilarious, but continued to threaten to take me to a psychiatrist until I would change my mind about having kids. I was still 8 when all this happened. I never did change my mind, even though I really tried to. Now I’m no contact with her. I’m 36 and extremely relieved and happy I got sterilized. This is the only life for me!
I told my mom and grandma when I was eight too. (my grandma use to baby sit me an other people's bad children) They kept threatening me saying that, "Your kids are going to turn out as bad as you... What you gonna do when you have your kids and they behave like you?... Your kids are going to treat you like how you treat us..." And mind you, I wasn't even a bad kid. So one day I had asked them something and they wouldn't answer me and I kept bugging them for an answer, so they told me, "You keep behaving this way, your kids are going to turn out to be just like you, what you gonna do then?" And I got fed up with them saying this every time I do something "bad". And I told them I don't have to worry about it because "I don't want any kids." And I was dead @$$. After I said this, I know it shocked them because they looked worried and said to me, "You don't know, don't say that..." And they never threatened me again, because that was not something that they wanted to hear. Yup I was a little kid when I said this, so I knew very young, that I didn't want to be a mother...
Same here. I was the youngest and a female so I was always told to baby sit my older siblings/ cousins kids (even though my brother was a year older than me, he was never asked to babysit. He always got to play videos games while I had to watch the kids)
3:24 This is one of the more insidious reasons why conservative lawmakers hate comprehensive sex ed. They say educating teenagers will make them more promiscuous, which isn't true according to the data. But what they won't usually say out loud is that comprehensive sex ed also educates about PREGNANCY and how hard it is on the human body. So many women go into pregnancy and childbirth with only a vague sense that there will be pain, but no specifics about how that works, the after effects, postpartum, etc. Women who are educated on the risks and particulars can make informed decisions. Women who aren't will do as they're told by the state.
When I was a young child I wanted children, but as I grew, the idea of becoming a mother became less and less appealing to me. By the time I was in my 3rd year of high school, I was fairly certain I didn't want kids. And then, my mother got pregnant. My little brother was born when I was 17 and I thought to myself that, with me now being forced to live with a baby, I'll be able to figure out for sure whether or not I'd want kids. And boy, kids are NOT for me. I love my brother, but I think I'd rather die than have my own children.
I wanted kids growing up and went back and forth about whether or not to become a mother until my mid 30's. What made me decide not to have kids was the fact that I've never seen a woman who actually seemed to enjoy motherhood. Sure, they loved their kids but hated the thanklessness of motherhood. Most women don't celebrate motherhood. They mourn it. Men get the easy part, and women get stuck with all the drudge work. I'm straight-
Due to my mental illness, I was in a prison within myself for thirty-seven and a half years. I have only recently been able to participate in life and am almost 39. I haven't lived my life yet and have missed so much. It's so sad that a child would destroy everything. it's just too late for everything. I haven't even experienced love and partnership yet. a child would simply take everything from me. That makes me sad that my life has gone so wrong.
What do you mean that it's too late for everything? You're only 39. Get out there and enjoy life! I grew up with a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive father. I would always tell myself, "I can't wait until I'm an adult so I can finally be alone." We always knew he had a mental health issue, and finally at age 92, he finally decided to be treated for severe depression. Unfortunately, he passed down that depression to all of his children. I knew I'd be happier living alone, that I wouldn't be able to tolerate living with someone else. I wanted a life of adventure instead. So I built a career as a broadcast journalist. And for fun, I began traveling the world - the Amazon Jungle, King Tut's tomb, Ethiopia, Turkey, Sri Lanka, India and dozens of other countries. I bought a house and had it completely remodeled. And now I'm growing wealth so I can help young women pay for college. I'm 62 and I'm planning a trip to Antarctica - my 6th continent. You're still young and you can build an amazing life for yourself. And your life experiences alone give you the ability to contribute so much to the world. Am I the only one here who sees an amazing person?
I’m the same age as you and I feel the same! I feel like my whole youth has been taken away from me! I’m trying to enjoy life now, all the best on your journey 🩷
Dude, listen to mizzmolly. You are still VERY young! You sound like an amazing person that went thru a lot and came out shiny on the other side. Celebrate your win!
Realized at age 11. Set in stone @ 18. I grew up in a large household it was always loud and noisy. I just really enjoy peace. I love children but I am okay with being auntie and god mom.
I was around 10 when I realized how much a peace of mind was better than having kids. When I got older I hated being the older sibling and then I also saw how bad my friend's parents were. At 26 I also had a deep reflection and realized if I couldn't afford the life I dreamed my kids would have, then I definitely didn't want kids. Then I also realized compared to other countries, United States didn't have a support programs for mothers. Your sold this fairytale, but they spit you out the hospital, you don't get any money for bills, gun crime is high, and there is no mental support if you can even afford healthcare. No, they say well your partner will help. Unless he is Jesus or Prince Charming, I think I'll pass on that.
For me, it was a combination of things. We watched the sex ed videobthat shows a woman giving birth and there was this weird moment where the narration described it as "mild discomfort" while the woman's face clearly showed absolute agony. The boys in my class laughed about how they got the "easy part" of getting sex and an easy orgasm while women "did all the hard unfun stuff"
@@AprilDiamond365 I remember lots of things from when I was 4. I also remember quite a few things prior to that, but I really started to remember a lot at 4.
I realized that I never wanted kids after being the oldest sibling of four. I'll be 37 in June and I love my childfree life. There is no part of pregnancy, childbirth, or raising kids that I want any part in it.
I knew at 15. I was helping take care of my baby cousin. I was changing her diapers be4 school. Leaving for school felt amazing. That is how i knew i didnt want to be a mom.
I had one,and thats it.I will nott go through labor pains,nausea,weight gain, fatigue and sleep deprivation again.Oh yes, having to make those damn bottles everyday was a killer!!!
I was parentified from age 11. I hated it. I was drowning every second and had a mental breakdown. I did my time and consider those years wasted time that I'll never get back. Sometimes I hate my siblings so much for being born that it scares me. Till I was able to get my hysterectomy, I decided that if I ever got pregnant I'd self delete. I knew the moment my youngest brother was put into my care when I wasn't even in middle school. Ironically, I spent so much time having to take care of my youngest brother and sister that I didn't know anything else and did nanny work for a while before I realized I was on the road to self destruction with what I was doing in my off time. I'm in a better place now. I hate the lie that motherhood is a woman's purpose. Having that foisted on me ruined me for so long.
As a young child, 6-8, I was like; all adults have kids. I guess I will have to… I’d rather have cats, dogs, horses, bunnies and other animals but I guess there’s no way for that… I super hate my little sister’s crying baby doll. Can I pull the batteries and put in dead ones? Will she notice? Do we have more batteries at home? Hope not. Then I turned 11 and I had to see it all close up when my other younger siblings were born and I went: NOPE! Nu-freaking-HUH! I truly hate this and it isn’t even MINE! Then it was totally dead and it has remained dead to the point it will never do a phoenix thing and rise from its ashes.
Childfree husband. I was the oldest of 3 with young parents. We were all 5 years apart and I always felt like a 3rd parent. Had a been there, done that attitude through my teens and early 20s (when I met my now wife). We're now in our early to mid 30s and are in a space where we're thinking of trying for 1 and maybe adopting. Not saying that this would happen to anyone, it's just our experience, but growing a positive relationship with my wife changed the dynamics for both of us and now I do get the paternal urge when I see a kid.
When I was 18 years old and I came back from the military injured. I became pregnant and my first instinct was. I felt sick to my stomach nausea. But I just was so overwhelmed and in the time I decided to not have the child the father. Wanted to be intimate with me right after the procedure. And I just couldn't understand how uncompassionate he was. I never felt so sick to my stomach and so vulnerable and so betrayed at the same time.
My father would do that to my mother right after she gave birth with each of her children. I'm sorry that this happened to you. He should have been taking care of you. 😢
The father has to discipline them and make them respect their mother first of all by his own example, treating you with respect and treating his and your parents with respect And then by educating them and also punish them accordingly when they disrespect their own mother Do you know in Christian Catholic and Christian Orthodox Cathie husk they say who misbehave against their parents has a shortened life by God’ s law?
I really needed this video. I'm 21 I always thought I wanted kids when I'm older but as I get older I'm realizing just how much responsibility it is to have a child and childbirth terrifies me so right now I have no idea what I want.
Think about the whole picture not just the baby stage. Think about how you loose time, freedom, the stress of having to be a provider and protector of another human being. Think about the cost and the longevity of the commitment of being a parent. It's such a huge loss for women so you really need to think about if you want that loss.
When i was 6 in catholic school i remember thinking i wanted to become a nun so i wouldn’t have kids. At age 29 my fiancé of 7 years wanted to get married and have kids and i broke it off because i 100% didn’t want kids.
I thought the same thing about becoming a nun when I would imagine being a woman prior to birth control being available. I suspect that this is the reason many women became nuns in the past.
All my life I either had extreme indifference to children or strong dislike for children. When I saw young girls in high school get pregnant I would judge tf out of them. (I know. It was wrong of me.) I always thought that I never wanted that for myself. Motherhood made me disgusted to think I have something growing inside of me.
Every woman is not meant to be a mother and wife. This is something ALL women need to understand and accept it. It is by nature survival of the fittest. 🤷🏽♀️😌
The second lady was spot on with the layered question. I never had an unrelenting desire to have kids I just thought I wanted and thought I had to if I wanted to get married. Then my early 30s I begin to feel ashamed because I didn't have that desire like other women and I thought I was supposed to. 2020 was the turning pt. I released that burden and now at 37 I can confidently say that I do not want children. I recently had to call it off with a guy who was trying to convince me to have at least one. Negative. Lol
@juanita_rocksteady2761 Right! No conversations about getting married and setting a foundation. Just immediately, BOOM, you need to at least have one child. He also told me that I was selfish for not wanting to give my parents grandchildren. 👀 Excuse me sir? So yeah, there's no man creature on this planet who can shame or convince me to have children. I don't care how fine, sweet, or financially stable he is. It's going to be a NO! I told my friend that a lot of men don't want to be fathers they just want YOU to be a mother and a cum station that they can have easy access to. 😒
When I was twelve, out of nowhere, I told my mom I was never having children. She still remembers that conversation. I am 47 and still child free. I don't regret my decision. My brother has four children, so my mom got her grandchildren 😊.
At one point, I wanted 8 kids. Then I had 1 and that went down to 3. I got married and I wanted 1 with my husband, I had 1 chemical pregnancy and it just wasn't happening. So, my marriage dissolved and I realized after 13 years, I have been mostly miserable! Obviously that life isn't meant for me. I stopped chasing after that fairytale and honestly I am at so much more peace, happiness, and surety. I can mostly do what and when I want. My daughter graduates in 3-5 years, hopefully, she graduates early, and I'm outta here. I think about all the times I needed to do things out of necessity and because I had a baby on my hip, I just couldn't. Like getting a job. I couldn't, I had no help or daycare. Kids really do slow you down unless you live off the grid away from society, they really are mostly in the way.
@FoundSheep-AN Because society is a mess! I want my children grow up around nature and learn to make their own food. They will never worry or starve that way.
I never wanted children. From the age of 12 I knew. I only had them because I foolishly got married and was forced to have them against my will. Now I teach my children not to and why they shouldn't. It has truly been one of my biggest regrets only second to getting married.
As a child when I would play house with friends, I always chose to play the role of the dad because to me the dad had more freedom and didn't participate in the child caring (funny how this was my view of the role of a father in a household) In my teens when I would fantasize about being older... Adult version of me was free, she went on road trips with friends and sometimes went on solo trips, she was in a happy, healthy romantic relationship, owned a farm of her own with a couple of goats in a mountainous area, she has a crazy book collection of murder mysteries(one of my favourite genres), has multiple hobbies and you know what, NOT once did I fantasize about being pregnant or being a mother, that's when I realized that I don't even have the urge of wanting to be mother... I'll be turning 29 this year and still I have no urge to be a mother, I don't have a void that I would want to fill with kids...
I wanted kids but never found a good man to have them with and that is no exaggeration. As a dark skin black woman I was either fetishised and treated as secret by non black men or expected to be content with the bare minimum from black men.. I watched bm treat my female friends and family members like shit and knew that could never be me. I’ve never been a believer that having any man is better than no man. I’d rather be single. Started the journey to go it alone through sperm donor then covid hit. The social landscape changed and financially it’s would be irresponsible to bring a child into this world right. financially it would put me and the child into poverty. I’m not afraid of hard work but I done with the struggle life. Slowly becoming a mother lost its appeal. Now I think it was meant to be. I am making plans and doing things I could never have done with a kid. Once in a while I get a little sad but overall I know it was the right outcome.
I am an eldest daughter and a parentified child, so I've been helping to raise kids since I was 6 or 7. Once I started focusing on my career and working on healing myself, I put off having kids to 25, then 30. By the time I was 35, I realized that my lifestyle did not correlate with the responsibility of being a mother. I enjoy being an auntie and godmother, but I love the freedom of being child-free. Also, this world is a scary place... I believe that in the future, I could have a lot to offer a child (through fostering and adoption), but right now, I am still working on me.
When I was a little kid I never wanted to play with baby dolls, my dream life included a good job, money and some sort of pet (not even a partner). Then when I grew up and my siblings started having children I found myself completely turned off by that and in fact I’ve never found a baby cute right from the start. Then my friends started having kids and their lives turned misserable because their husbands basically told them that they were the ones who wanted kids so now it was their responsabllity to raise them, not the husbands but still had to do everything for their husbands as well. Also, I had several not so good relationships which made me realize I did not want to bring a child to this world to a father that was just not a good fit. I just like my life as it is: I live alone with my pets, have a nice, quiet life with a good job and I really do not even think of the idea of having a child specially not now that I am closer to 40, I would never want to be an older mom (I had older parents, it was a disaster as they just did not have the energy to deal with a Young child and I just had to learn to self sooth even with things in which they should have been involved).
Never wanted kids since I was a kid. I don’t want to build a family, I don’t want to have a long lasting partnership with someone because I had a child with them. That lifestyle isn’t for me and it seems bleak based on my interests. Shout out to the mothers though! Y’all are strong!
I have literally been like that since I was a kid. It has been made even more clear to me that I made the right choice when I go to pick up my sister for work and she is crying because her kids broke something or she can't have nice things because they ruin it all the time.
Oh my, this is one of the biggest troubles they cause. I wanted a white house and because of them it's ruined. You can't decorate your home the way you want it. You have to have used stuff when you have children because they are so destructive. They always touch my stuff and break them even though they have their own toys. It is the most painful thing about Parenthood, next to the stress of having to provide or be so needed.
@@biblethumper8088 Wow, I could never do that in my mother's house, I touch anything and break it, that's a butt whooping. Because you teach your kids to respect you and if the parent tells you not to do something you don't do it. It's the parents that don't know how to control their kids that get stressed out... If you tell a kid to do something one time and that kid doesn't listen to you and it takes you multiple times to get them to listen. Something is wrong. A lot of parents don't know how to parent. And This was one of the reasons why I didn't want any kids, I don't know how to get any kids to respect me.
@@bpavilion8994 well it's hard for any mother to raise children by themselves. A lot of times the mother is just too tired to micromanage everything they do. You could be in the kitchen cooking and they end up in your room or decide to do arts and crafts and make a mess. You did right by staying child free.
@@biblethumper8088 I understand, but if parents have that respect from their child, they don't have to micromanage the child. They could be out of state and leave their child with a neighbor and that child behaves without the parents even having to be there. It's all about training... It's the reason why responsible adults follow the law, and irresponsible adults don't. They were thought by their parents to respect authority so that they knew and understood fully the severe consequences of their actions.
@@biblethumper8088 What's the consequence if the child writes on the wall? Well they gonna clean it and they better clean it off good or suffer a more severe consequence. And so teaches the child not to do it because they are gonna have to clean it up or suffer a worst consequence.
One of my granddaughters will be 8 in a few months. She has never liked babies. We've been discussing how she can just be single and child free, which she is all for rn. I joked that she's probably going to marry herself, but she's intrigued.
I knew from the time I was little that I didn’t want them… and grew up hearing nonsense like “no man will want you if you don’t have his babies” and “something is wrong with you if you don’t want kids.” Glad I didn’t cave, because I found out fifteen years ago that I have a heath condition that makes me a stroke risk, especially if I’m pregnant or on hormonal birth control. Tubes tied!!!!
I have 3 children 26,22,12.. I didn't realize it until becoming a mother is a whole different level of worry..I just wish I can shelled them from the cold part of the world..that's my only problem with having children
About 15 yrs old; I didn’t see how I could protect them from the evils of this world. I’m now 58 and I never regretted my decision; I’m grateful I didn’t because I’m now learning how parents pass their trauma onto their kids and wreck their lives.
In my 20's I realised what it's like to be pregnant. What exactly your body goes through. By the time I turned 33 I had several friends who were having kids already, including my younger sister and I realised how expensive and a lot of work they are. At 33 my mind was made up.
I’ve always said I wanted a boatload of kids when I was much younger, until I started babysitting as a teen and realizing that I wasn’t ready for that responsibility, when my co-workers caught hell calling off because the kids were sick, when I realize that kids were expensive to take care when I was taking care of one tween and 2 under her (nieces & nephew) as I saw my bank account draining trying to keep them fed, clothed & housed.
When I was 15yrs old. I saw my sisters become teen moms, and then my friends became teen moms. The men were treating the mothers of their children like crap, and they all struggled mentally and financially. That was the life I never wanted for myself. Plus I was a built in babysitter for my sisters.
IMO.....Asking women When they realized they wanted to be Child Free...is a silly question because the Reasons are....None of OUR Business! She shouldn't have to explain Her personal reasons for Not wanting Kids! To Me....a better, more important to Ask is.... Whenever for Whatever Reasons....YOU chose to be Child Free and Chose the Medical way, to ensure your Child free status.... What obstacles did you face and How did you overcome them to be Medically.....Child free!?
I've always known I wanted to be single and childfree! And my God, was it one of the best things in my life! I've hated men since I was young! I NEVER wanted marriage, nor kids since I was kid myself! I don't even believe in marriage and reproducing is selfish! And I was reassured after my mother passed away! Its crazy how there's people that say they've known they were gay ever since they were a child, yet, when girl/woman says she's known since childhood that she never wanted kids, there's pushback. "Oh, your a kid! You don't know what you're talking about!" "Oh, you're a kid! What do you know about (__fill in the blank here__)?" "Oh, you're a kid! You don't know how you're going to feel in the next 10, 15 years from now! You might change your mind!" How come when little girl "A", (*let's say she's 8 years old*), says she DOESN'T want marriage nor kids, she's "too young" to say that or she's "to young to know right now"???? BUT then little girl "B", who's also 8 years old, says she DOES want marriage and kids and she's NOT "to young" to say that??? 🤔 Like, make it make sense! A child is "too young" to say what they DON'T want but they're NOT "too young" to say what they DO want??? 🤔 The same way that little girl might "change her mind" and decide she DOES want marriage and kids is the same way another little girl might change her mind and decide she DOESN'T want marriage and kids and that's perfectly okay too!
I think i was 9 or 10 years old and I was at my science class and we were watching the process of reproduction. While watching that, i vividly remember myself about to puke about the idea of reproducing LMAO
I knew when I turned 8 and became an aunt (I have okder siblings) and I realized how annoying kids are. I'm almost 45 and I'm still annoyed by them. No regrets.
I realized I didn't want any kids when I lived (with my ex) at his brother's house for a while. This was a transition to us going in apartment. My ex's brother had 2 kids and one on the way, and I was stuck many times having to babysit them. I don't dislike children but I realized that I could only give 2 to 3 hours max. Knowing that having a baby would mean to literally live for the baby, I'm convinced that I would be depressed and unhappy. Not only that but I'm terrified of pregnancy, and just can't imagine myself being pregnant. I'm sure a sort of post partum depression would be there too. And to top it all, I don't want to be bound to a man. I have a very low seggs drive and know I couldn't actually live with the 'father' who would demand access to my body or be mean with me if I don't. I know this would create problem and possibly be cause of separation, leaving me with the care of a kid I would regret having. And I don't want to regret having a child. No kid deserves this.
I wanted kids until bad relationships made me realized you have to be selective on who you have kids with they are in your blood line forever: so for me if I find the right person I would have them but until then it is no.
I was looking for this comment. You have to watch who you bear children for. Alcoholism, depression, and Parkinson's(along with a million other diseases)are all hereditary. I saw where a couple had this rare disease, and the doctor told them any children they had would stand a 50/50 chance of having this rare disease. They had three kids, and all of them had the disease! Oh, and the kicker? There's no cure for this disease. It's terminal. But they call child free by choice women "selfish."
I always knew. In my mid 20s I was sad that I never felt maternal or thought "yeah one day I wanna have a baby." I felt broken but realized I'm not weird for not wanting to have a child with a man and be....tired and stressed and sad like the way I perceived my mother.
In my early 20s, I realized that I didn't want to be a mother. It is important to understand the difference between wanting to have children and wanting to be a parent. You actually need to want both!
The current economic system and mysogny does not support mums or family . But i did not have a good relationship with my mum it probably effected my decision too. I think you know but also you need to be financially stable and emotionaly stable plus having help is important.
The whole aspect of being pregnant never appealed to me ever, I grew up specifically saying to myself "I will never be a baby mama", I was also default baby sitter alot of the times and I have a brother 9 yrs younger than me who was like my shadow. I consider myself done, he is 26 now and grown, he was an easy baby and kid why would I mess that up by potentially getting a baby that cries all the time and is difficult with everything
I knew I didn’t want kids from childhood. I was the oldest of four kids to a single parent. I was mom #2 from age 4. I ended up pregnant and decided to keep my kid. I love her more than anything but being a mom isn’t for me. I was a good mom to her. She grew up well and is making something of herself and she’s a great person. It felt like a prison sentence until she was 18 tho bc her dad and I weren’t together and I couldn’t leave town and take her from her dad. I have nobody here. She’s now 18 and I’m free to live my life for me now. It’s liberating tbh.
I knew as a child (like 7 years old) that I didn't want to get married, but I also wasn't planning on raising kids by myself. So... since I was 7. But helping with my mom's kids solidified that for me.
Born with oralfacialdigital type ! and have a high probability of having a stillborn baby boy. Why? would I (33f) who has had at least 22 surgeries need anymore grief. Grew up with a father who had 7 siblings and a maternal grandmother the youngest of 9 siblings.
It’s weird but when you know, you know. I was married and my ex and I always talked about having 2-3 kids. But we spent the first 10 years of our marriage child free. Then when we did start trying and having difficulties, I thought that was Gods way of talking to me. We had one, and I struggled with breastfeeding and my son had GERD. His infancy was HARD! and then my ex started acting up so we got divorced. He was not meant to be a dad, but my son is the most amazing person and I was definitely meant to be his mom. But I stopped at one and I’m so ridiculously thankful for that! My son and I have an amazing life and I don’t feel any of the pressures that many single moms of multiple kids feel. My income is more than enough for me and my little. But I couldn’t be out here struggling with 2-3 kids. I’d be miserable!
Unfortunately I realised when I was about six months pregnant. I had a good pregnancy, no problems, very healthy so it wasn’t the pregnancy itself. It was because I’d had enough time being pregnant for the reality of parenthood to kick in. I knew way before I gave birth that I’d never have another. My daughter is now 30 and has been the BEST kid ever but to say that I’m envious of the people who realised they wanted to be childfree BEFORE they became a parent is a huge understatement 😂
I always knew I didn't want children. At 15 I got recommended to never have children because I would have to spend the entire time in hospital and would possibly not survive childbirth. In my early 20s you hear a lot of people talking about how you should start a family and I started thinking about it again and how adopting could also be a thing or if I ended up with a woman who wants children and she carried I would be fine with it, but I realised when living alone how much I enjoyed that. And having done so for a couple of years now, I definitely don't want children because I would resent them for disturbing my peace. I would maybe accept a partner, but not in a one bedroom house. I have learned that I need a space I can lock myself away in. I need a room where I can decompress from the world (yes, I'm neurodivergent).
Love kids down but I’ve known since I was a kid that I’d either adopt or be child free cuz ever since I saw what giving birth looked like as a kid I knew l never wanted to birth kids. Now I’m pretty settled with being child free but I would love to be an auntie or work with kids. But yeah I pretty much always knew.
I realized I didn't want children when I realized how fragile romantic relationships are. I will not raise a child by myself I know I cannot do it by myself.
l agree 💯
Well said 🙏🏽These dudes are fickle as the weather! No thanks 😊
Same 💕
Agreed. That in addition to the fact that I’ve never wanted children is why I’m childfree. Also most men 98% to be exact are 💩
When I was younger I wanted children, but as I gotten older and began working at a daycare while in college that’s when I changed my mind. It’s a huge amount of responsibility, fathers can get up and leave at any time but a mother can’t. Children depend on you for everything and can burden your life, forcing you to put a hold on your education and career. Plus the idea of having a permanent link between a man via a child always scared me. Being childfree is the best decision for me.
My mother told me it’s a problem only for some years, when kids are little, then when they grow up and become more autonomous she said it’s not an issue.
I knew when I was 16 I didnt want to be a parent. I dont want the responsibility, kids are expensive and I dont want to be a single parent if the marriage fails 🙅🏽♀️
Same here
This, and I just don't desire to have one. Never have.
Once I realize I didn't want to carry or give birth. BUT I still wanted to be a mother. Didnt have money to freeze eggs and pay for surrogates. PLUS with what man bs... Yall see whats out here? So no maam. I started questioning things in my late 20s.
I got no childhood because my mom kept having kids into her 40s and somebody had to babysit. And once my older siblings started having kids it wasn't just my younger siblings I was dang near raising, it was nieces and nephews too. I couldn't join school clubs or after school programs because my whole life after school was being responsible for kids. Feeding them, helping with homework, putting crying babies to sleep and feeding them. During that time(ages 11 to 18) I saw how eagerly parents wanted to pass their kids off to other people(me) and they couldn't wait for a moment away from them. I thought my entire childhood "why did yall even sign up for this if you can't wait to be away from parenting?". I swore I wouldn't bring a child into the world unless I was wholly and completely ready to be a full time present parent. And at 35 I haven't felt that way yet, so no kids for me.
I bet you moved away from your hometown as soon as you got a chance so you could be be free from your imposing family!! The nerve of them making you take care of their children! I'm sorry that happened to you.
I feel you. I'm the eldest of 6. Plus, I help raised 2 very young cousins that my mom took in out of "the goodness of her heart".
@gabriellehanks6850 I didn't leave the state immediately, but I did move on campus specifically to get away. Stayed on campus the whole undergrad, even summers. I literally never returned home after I left. Now I'm in a different city.
@michelleokafor1268 Man. I know that was rough. I'm actually a middle child, but my older siblings were out of the house by the time I was 11 so I felt like the oldest most of my childhood, and there are 3 after me.
@@verda_reneeGood for you.
I, like so many people, thought I’d change my mind…when I got pregnant I felt my life was over…there was no happy pregnancy announcement, no jumping up and down, no happy “we’re pregnant” tears…
I had an early miscarriage.
Solidified my choice.
Never. Again!
This was my experience .
I believe this would be me. You just 'know' it.
I feel that visceral distress when I try to imagine what it would be like to even just be pregnant.
When I realized I don't like ppl or being touched
same 💯
Me too 😂
Omg me too
I am a first born in the Caribbean. So we are basically shouldered with siblings from an early age. I saw how frustrating it was for my mother and by extension for me. Then, my mother died and I inherited the responsibilities of running the home and caring for the others. I was a surrogate parent and I didn't have the time to have my own. Then the siblings grew up and now I am finally free to have my own life.
Also, at 17, I did a survey for a social studies class and I asked 200 women from my church to answer my questionnaire, 97% said that they would not do it again if they had the chance. Most of them said that if they ever have to meet their husbands for the first time again, they will run and hide..... even the pastor's wife said she would run away.
I can honestly see it everything that glitters isn't gold
Dual income marriage without supporting kids is keeping us afloat so I’m glad I figured that out as a kid
Yes! It definitely can live better without kids
Yup. We can both advance in our careers and the extra money goes straight into hobbies and vacations.
Since I was a little girl, I said to my mother that I don't want children. When I was in high school, my mother told me not to bring children into her house.
Now, as a grown woman who doesn't want marriage, she's asking why she doesn't have grand babies?
I told her as a little girl that I don't want children. Told me not to bring children into her house. She acknowledge then now is demanding grandchildren. Pick a struggle.
This
Shame on your mother for doing that. I hope she has stopped pressuring you. The nerves.
She is a fool. The population of Africa is set to be 2 Billion by 2030. The popualation of Nigeria is 350 million by 2040. Egypt will hit 140 Million by 2040. The Middle-east is having a population explosion. The average woman in Mali has 7 children. This woman is delusional, a handful of western women being childfree has absolutely no imapct globally. She needs to WAKE UP!
My mom told us as teens boys included don’t bring babies home lol she was a teen mom herself so she knew the struggle
You have a way with words. What a savage ❤
The moment I knew I was pregnant! I started asking about getting my tubes tied. No one would listen. Never regretted having one child. It's an absolute shot show. These ladies who have more than one. My hats off to you.
I'm happy with my 1 as well
I knew at age 11 I didn’t want children. I’m 40 now and it was not a phase. I’m child free and not regretting my decision one bit. A little bit of my background, I’m the oldest of 3 and the only daughter. I was put “in charge” of my younger brothers. At the age 11, I was taking care of a new born, my baby brother, that experience open my eyes to the responsibility of caring for another person. I still have trauma today. Parentification is a horrible experience to place on a child.
I'm 40 too and the eldest of 5 children. I've had enough responsibility in my life looking after my little siblings. I'm tol happy to be childfree.
I never liked playing with dolls or playing 'house' as a child. I looked at my parent's marriage and realized that having kids only made things worse. I feel awkward around children and babies terrify me. As a black woman, chances of me dying or having a severe medical complication during childbirth is high, especially in the US. I'm still working on my childhood trauma and the worst thing I can do is bring another life into this world. Oh, and I enjoy sleep, traveling, and spending my free time the way I want.
Kids make me uncomfortable too! Never really understood why...
I don't like babies. They're loud, expensive, demanding, detrimental to your health and theyre always sticky. Cats and dogs for me please.
I wish more men and women would own up to not wanting children and getting surgery to make sure it doesn't happen. We would have less abused children. Too many people take their anger and frustrations from parenting, working, life out on their children. I applaud people who know this and don't have children rather than destroying the child/childrens' lives.
All males should. Dangerous for women to.
My mom told me to wait and not have them early. I have had 3 miscarriages. I thought i was supposed to bring children into the world. I started thinking differently after losing my 3. I had plenty of examples on why not. Then looking at what was going on in the world then and it was getting worse. I said no. Why would i want my children to have to come here and have to go thru what the rest of us going thru. Leave them be. Best decision i made. Im now 44 and i feel more empathy for these babies.
I went through 2 miscarriages myself and my relationship was just not in a good place.
Same after 1 miscarriage and how it impacted my life and marriage…I reconsidered! Hugs and kisses to you all with heaven babies!❤️🩹💔❤️🩹💔
I never really thought about it until I turned 19. I was on the bus sitting near a mother and her daughter who was about eight years old. All of a sudden, this little girl started VOMITTING, like a volcano and it got all over her mother, the bus, and almost got on me; the mother didn't even seem surprised, just exhausted. Obviously, the mother apologized and did what she could to ease the impact and clean her daughter up, but I just couldn't take it so I just got off the bus and walked the two blocks to where I needed to go. It dawned on me right then and there that, as someone without a child, I can just walk away from situations like that. Maybe it's an inconvenience, but that's all it will ever be for me. That mother has to stay with that child and clean up her vomit, the mother with the crying child at the grocery store has to take that child home, there is no walking away without extreme consequences for a mother. At 19, I realized I wanted the freedom to walk away.
I wanted kids until I got pregnant and couldn’t handle the first trimester. The respect I have for my mom is crazy because extreme sickness runs in the family.
As a kid I always dreamed about being really focused on myself, career, and education. Kids was just never an option and the fear of pregnancy has definitely secured my choice to be child-free.
me too
Seven years old. I was in 2nd grade and looked at my classmate and realized these kids have human parents. I saw the baddest kid in my class get picked up by his mother and she looked EXHAUSTED. I was like…yeah no.
I LOVE reading and listening to all of these womens' reasons to not have kids. As a 33 year old childfree woman myself who never wanted kids, it's literally the BEST decision I've ever made. No regrets *at all*. My aunt, who had 6 miscarriages and is childless because of it (she really wanted kids but sadly her body could not handle pregnancy), retired early with a ton of money and goes on 7-8 vacations a year. I've literally seen her book a weekend getaway to Paris by herself on a whim because she wanted to go shoe shopping. SHOE. SHOPPING. She goes on multiple cruises a year, has been to dozens of countries, owns a villa on the Italian countryside, and so many stories of people she's met and experiences she's had. I aim to be like her lmao
Honestly also traveling get boring and mundane
My mom almost died the entire pregnancy with me. She was on an iv for 5 months. She lost 15 pounds while pregnant, and her boobs grew 3 sizes to H. I feel so grateful to her for bringing my siblings and I here cuz if I was a female I’d have had an abortion 😂
So I will never force or encourage a woman I’m dating to get pregnant.
When I realized that I could be doing it by myself regardless of anything. I grew up as the oldest and was a mother while I was trying to be a kid (my siblings). My mom abused the hell out of me and would guilt me into taking my sisters EVERYWHERE with me. Not to mention the men out here and their manipulation tactics and ofc the world itself 😢
When I was a kid I said I wanted a degree, a good job, a car and a condo. I achieved that by age 24. I never saw myself with kids. I'm 46 and I don't regret it.
I realized as a teen while working at my mother’s daycare. Most of her clients were struggling single mothers and or in dysfunctional relationships/marriages and the kids got the short end of the stick. The children (not all) were bad, had lifelong disabilities, disrespectful and required A LOT of time and attention. It was a hard pass for me ever since!
I knew when I was 8. I innocently told my mom because I loved talking about my thoughts and feelings, and she freaked out. She threatened to get me committed and even pretended to take me to a psych ward late one night. Turns out she was just going to a grocery store, but she told me I was getting committed. She thought her “joke” was hilarious, but continued to threaten to take me to a psychiatrist until I would change my mind about having kids. I was still 8 when all this happened. I never did change my mind, even though I really tried to. Now I’m no contact with her. I’m 36 and extremely relieved and happy I got sterilized. This is the only life for me!
She’s clearly out of her mind. Your mom
I told my mom and grandma when I was eight too. (my grandma use to baby sit me an other people's bad children) They kept threatening me saying that, "Your kids are going to turn out as bad as you... What you gonna do when you have your kids and they behave like you?... Your kids are going to treat you like how you treat us..." And mind you, I wasn't even a bad kid. So one day I had asked them something and they wouldn't answer me and I kept bugging them for an answer, so they told me, "You keep behaving this way, your kids are going to turn out to be just like you, what you gonna do then?" And I got fed up with them saying this every time I do something "bad". And I told them I don't have to worry about it because "I don't want any kids." And I was dead @$$.
After I said this, I know it shocked them because they looked worried and said to me, "You don't know, don't say that..." And they never threatened me again, because that was not something that they wanted to hear. Yup I was a little kid when I said this, so I knew very young, that I didn't want to be a mother...
That sounds awful! I'm glad you didn't let her pressure you and stuck with the decision that was best for the life you wanted.
I never wanted them. I was the youngest sibling and the made to babysit without warning. I knew that 💩 wasn't it.
@Henri96VO right, I'm 41 now and still child free. I just can't do it.
This was also me. at 8
Lol babysat once, the kids were asleep the entire time. I was in the living room having a panic attack over the what ifs.
Same here. I was the youngest and a female so I was always told to baby sit my older siblings/ cousins kids (even though my brother was a year older than me, he was never asked to babysit. He always got to play videos games while I had to watch the kids)
I've always known I never wanted kids nor date someone with kids, but I didn't know I actually had a choice until later in life.
3:24 This is one of the more insidious reasons why conservative lawmakers hate comprehensive sex ed. They say educating teenagers will make them more promiscuous, which isn't true according to the data. But what they won't usually say out loud is that comprehensive sex ed also educates about PREGNANCY and how hard it is on the human body. So many women go into pregnancy and childbirth with only a vague sense that there will be pain, but no specifics about how that works, the after effects, postpartum, etc. Women who are educated on the risks and particulars can make informed decisions. Women who aren't will do as they're told by the state.
When I was a young child I wanted children, but as I grew, the idea of becoming a mother became less and less appealing to me. By the time I was in my 3rd year of high school, I was fairly certain I didn't want kids. And then, my mother got pregnant. My little brother was born when I was 17 and I thought to myself that, with me now being forced to live with a baby, I'll be able to figure out for sure whether or not I'd want kids. And boy, kids are NOT for me. I love my brother, but I think I'd rather die than have my own children.
I wanted kids growing up and went back and forth about whether or not to become a mother until my mid 30's. What made me decide not to have kids was the fact that I've never seen a woman who actually seemed to enjoy motherhood. Sure, they loved their kids but hated the thanklessness of motherhood. Most women don't celebrate motherhood. They mourn it. Men get the easy part, and women get stuck with all the drudge work. I'm straight-
Facts
😂
I knew when it, when I realized it was a choice not a requirement.
Due to my mental illness, I was in a prison within myself for thirty-seven and a half years. I have only recently been able to participate in life and am almost 39. I haven't lived my life yet and have missed so much. It's so sad that a child would destroy everything. it's just too late for everything. I haven't even experienced love and partnership yet. a child would simply take everything from me. That makes me sad that my life has gone so wrong.
What do you mean that it's too late for everything? You're only 39. Get out there and enjoy life!
I grew up with a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive father. I would always tell myself, "I can't wait until I'm an adult so I can finally be alone." We always knew he had a mental health issue, and finally at age 92, he finally decided to be treated for severe depression. Unfortunately, he passed down that depression to all of his children.
I knew I'd be happier living alone, that I wouldn't be able to tolerate living with someone else. I wanted a life of adventure instead. So I built a career as a broadcast journalist. And for fun, I began traveling the world - the Amazon Jungle, King Tut's tomb, Ethiopia, Turkey, Sri Lanka, India and dozens of other countries. I bought a house and had it completely remodeled. And now I'm growing wealth so I can help young women pay for college.
I'm 62 and I'm planning a trip to Antarctica - my 6th continent.
You're still young and you can build an amazing life for yourself. And your life experiences alone give you the ability to contribute so much to the world.
Am I the only one here who sees an amazing person?
I’m the same age as you and I feel the same! I feel like my whole youth has been taken away from me! I’m trying to enjoy life now, all the best on your journey 🩷
@@mizzmolly7649 Thank you ❤ I am crying now. This goes so deep in my soul.
Dude, listen to mizzmolly. You are still VERY young! You sound like an amazing person that went thru a lot and came out shiny on the other side. Celebrate your win!
@@mizzmolly7649I'm 39 too with a similar story and you made me cry you're so wholesome
In elementary school.... Can't remember what age.
Isnt it interesting that ppl dont ask men why they dont have kids like they ask us
Yes! It's sick, disgusting, and BS.
Realized at age 11. Set in stone @ 18. I grew up in a large household it was always loud and noisy. I just really enjoy peace. I love children but I am okay with being auntie and god mom.
True for me as well at 9 yrs old
I was around 10 when I realized how much a peace of mind was better than having kids. When I got older I hated being the older sibling and then I also saw how bad my friend's parents were. At 26 I also had a deep reflection and realized if I couldn't afford the life I dreamed my kids would have, then I definitely didn't want kids. Then I also realized compared to other countries, United States didn't have a support programs for mothers. Your sold this fairytale, but they spit you out the hospital, you don't get any money for bills, gun crime is high, and there is no mental support if you can even afford healthcare. No, they say well your partner will help. Unless he is Jesus or Prince Charming, I think I'll pass on that.
For me, it was a combination of things.
We watched the sex ed videobthat shows a woman giving birth and there was this weird moment where the narration described it as "mild discomfort" while the woman's face clearly showed absolute agony. The boys in my class laughed about how they got the "easy part" of getting sex and an easy orgasm while women "did all the hard unfun stuff"
"Mild discomfort"? I'll bet the narrator was a man. 😂
As a kid in the 90s when I was 5 years old and I saw a kid at my kindergarten eating it's own buggers. 🤢
lol you remember things from 5 ?! 😅
@@AprilDiamond365 I remember things from when I was 2 or 3. Some people have really good memory.
@@AprilDiamond365 I remember lots of things from when I was 4. I also remember quite a few things prior to that, but I really started to remember a lot at 4.
Im bipolar and i would not want to pass that on to my children. So i made that choice at 20 not to have kids.
you made the best choice
I realized that I never wanted kids after being the oldest sibling of four. I'll be 37 in June and I love my childfree life. There is no part of pregnancy, childbirth, or raising kids that I want any part in it.
I knew at 15. I was helping take care of my baby cousin. I was changing her diapers be4 school. Leaving for school felt amazing. That is how i knew i didnt want to be a mom.
I had one,and thats it.I will nott go through labor pains,nausea,weight gain, fatigue and sleep deprivation again.Oh yes, having to make those damn bottles everyday was a killer!!!
It's very hard on the body. and mind. I knew at 9 having kids was not for me. I'm in private education and love kids but Im grateful i dont have any
I was parentified from age 11. I hated it. I was drowning every second and had a mental breakdown. I did my time and consider those years wasted time that I'll never get back. Sometimes I hate my siblings so much for being born that it scares me. Till I was able to get my hysterectomy, I decided that if I ever got pregnant I'd self delete. I knew the moment my youngest brother was put into my care when I wasn't even in middle school. Ironically, I spent so much time having to take care of my youngest brother and sister that I didn't know anything else and did nanny work for a while before I realized I was on the road to self destruction with what I was doing in my off time. I'm in a better place now. I hate the lie that motherhood is a woman's purpose. Having that foisted on me ruined me for so long.
As a young child, 6-8, I was like; all adults have kids. I guess I will have to… I’d rather have cats, dogs, horses, bunnies and other animals but I guess there’s no way for that… I super hate my little sister’s crying baby doll. Can I pull the batteries and put in dead ones? Will she notice? Do we have more batteries at home? Hope not.
Then I turned 11 and I had to see it all close up when my other younger siblings were born and I went: NOPE! Nu-freaking-HUH! I truly hate this and it isn’t even MINE! Then it was totally dead and it has remained dead to the point it will never do a phoenix thing and rise from its ashes.
Childfree husband. I was the oldest of 3 with young parents. We were all 5 years apart and I always felt like a 3rd parent. Had a been there, done that attitude through my teens and early 20s (when I met my now wife).
We're now in our early to mid 30s and are in a space where we're thinking of trying for 1 and maybe adopting. Not saying that this would happen to anyone, it's just our experience, but growing a positive relationship with my wife changed the dynamics for both of us and now I do get the paternal urge when I see a kid.
When I was 18 years old and I came back from the military injured. I became pregnant and my first instinct was. I felt sick to my stomach nausea. But I just was so overwhelmed and in the time I decided to not have the child the father. Wanted to be intimate with me right after the procedure. And I just couldn't understand how uncompassionate he was. I never felt so sick to my stomach and so vulnerable and so betrayed at the same time.
My father would do that to my mother right after she gave birth with each of her children. I'm sorry that this happened to you. He should have been taking care of you. 😢
@smlorrin I'm sorry your Mom had to deal with that. It makes you feel like less than a Human..Thank you
When they got the entitled attitude (teenagers). They actually made me regret it as well. They've also caused me some deepest pain I've ever felt 😢
That's a war I never wanted to take part in
@@kayshawnsimmons5585 I wouldn't wish it on nobody 😒
They have entitled attitudes pre-teen also whew
The father has to discipline them and make them respect their mother first of all by his own example, treating you with respect and treating his and your parents with respect
And then by educating them and also punish them accordingly when they disrespect their own mother
Do you know in Christian Catholic and Christian Orthodox Cathie husk they say who misbehave against their parents has a shortened life by God’ s law?
I really needed this video. I'm 21 I always thought I wanted kids when I'm older but as I get older I'm realizing just how much responsibility it is to have a child and childbirth terrifies me so right now I have no idea what I want.
Think about the whole picture not just the baby stage. Think about how you loose time, freedom, the stress of having to be a provider and protector of another human being. Think about the cost and the longevity of the commitment of being a parent. It's such a huge loss for women so you really need to think about if you want that loss.
@@biblethumper8088YES! the baby stage is the easy stage.
When i was 6 in catholic school i remember thinking i wanted to become a nun so i wouldn’t have kids. At age 29 my fiancé of 7 years wanted to get married and have kids and i broke it off because i 100% didn’t want kids.
I thought the same thing about becoming a nun when I would imagine being a woman prior to birth control being available. I suspect that this is the reason many women became nuns in the past.
All my life I either had extreme indifference to children or strong dislike for children. When I saw young girls in high school get pregnant I would judge tf out of them. (I know. It was wrong of me.) I always thought that I never wanted that for myself. Motherhood made me disgusted to think I have something growing inside of me.
Every woman is not meant to be a mother and wife. This is something ALL women need to understand and accept it. It is by nature survival of the fittest. 🤷🏽♀️😌
I want to be a wife, I don't want to be a mom though... 🥺🥺
The second lady was spot on with the layered question. I never had an unrelenting desire to have kids I just thought I wanted and thought I had to if I wanted to get married. Then my early 30s I begin to feel ashamed because I didn't have that desire like other women and I thought I was supposed to. 2020 was the turning pt. I released that burden and now at 37 I can confidently say that I do not want children. I recently had to call it off with a guy who was trying to convince me to have at least one. Negative. Lol
These men get me. Trying to convince you to have a kid! Most women end up single mothers anyway.
@juanita_rocksteady2761 Right! No conversations about getting married and setting a foundation. Just immediately, BOOM, you need to at least have one child. He also told me that I was selfish for not wanting to give my parents grandchildren. 👀 Excuse me sir? So yeah, there's no man creature on this planet who can shame or convince me to have children. I don't care how fine, sweet, or financially stable he is. It's going to be a NO! I told my friend that a lot of men don't want to be fathers they just want YOU to be a mother and a cum station that they can have easy access to. 😒
When I was twelve, out of nowhere, I told my mom I was never having children. She still remembers that conversation. I am 47 and still child free. I don't regret my decision. My brother has four children, so my mom got her grandchildren 😊.
At one point, I wanted 8 kids. Then I had 1 and that went down to 3. I got married and I wanted 1 with my husband, I had 1 chemical pregnancy and it just wasn't happening. So, my marriage dissolved and I realized after 13 years, I have been mostly miserable! Obviously that life isn't meant for me. I stopped chasing after that fairytale and honestly I am at so much more peace, happiness, and surety. I can mostly do what and when I want. My daughter graduates in 3-5 years, hopefully, she graduates early, and I'm outta here. I think about all the times I needed to do things out of necessity and because I had a baby on my hip, I just couldn't. Like getting a job. I couldn't, I had no help or daycare. Kids really do slow you down unless you live off the grid away from society, they really are mostly in the way.
Thank you so much for sharing your story 🙏🏾🫶🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️❤️
Why should you live off the grid with kids? Why do you say it’s better when you live off the grid with kids
@FoundSheep-AN Because society is a mess! I want my children grow up around nature and learn to make their own food. They will never worry or starve that way.
I never wanted children. From the age of 12 I knew. I only had them because I foolishly got married and was forced to have them against my will. Now I teach my children not to and why they shouldn't. It has truly been one of my biggest regrets only second to getting married.
I tell my kids not to have any either
You are actually traumatizing your kids and making them guilty and sad by telling them not to have kids and that you regret having them
@@fromkimwithlovewhy? Your kids could have their own kids in a better situation then you maybe
Always wanted one. I had one. It was one and done.
As a child when I would play house with friends, I always chose to play the role of the dad because to me the dad had more freedom and didn't participate in the child caring (funny how this was my view of the role of a father in a household)
In my teens when I would fantasize about being older... Adult version of me was free, she went on road trips with friends and sometimes went on solo trips, she was in a happy, healthy romantic relationship, owned a farm of her own with a couple of goats in a mountainous area, she has a crazy book collection of murder mysteries(one of my favourite genres), has multiple hobbies and you know what, NOT once did I fantasize about being pregnant or being a mother, that's when I realized that I don't even have the urge of wanting to be mother...
I'll be turning 29 this year and still I have no urge to be a mother, I don't have a void that I would want to fill with kids...
I wanted kids but never found a good man to have them with and that is no exaggeration. As a dark skin black woman I was either fetishised and treated as secret by non black men or expected to be content with the bare minimum from black men.. I watched bm treat my female friends and family members like shit and knew that could never be me. I’ve never been a believer that having any man is better than no man. I’d rather be single. Started the journey to go it alone through sperm donor then covid hit. The social landscape changed and financially it’s would be irresponsible to bring a child into this world right. financially it would put me and the child into poverty. I’m not afraid of hard work but I done with the struggle life. Slowly becoming a mother lost its appeal. Now I think it was meant to be. I am making plans and doing things I could never have done with a kid. Once in a while I get a little sad but overall I know it was the right outcome.
This!!
Babysitting my many neices and nephew's. There are 8 of them
I had to babysit 10 nieces and nephews and whew Chile 😩 never again
I am an eldest daughter and a parentified child, so I've been helping to raise kids since I was 6 or 7.
Once I started focusing on my career and working on healing myself, I put off having kids to 25, then 30. By the time I was 35, I realized that my lifestyle did not correlate with the responsibility of being a mother.
I enjoy being an auntie and godmother, but I love the freedom of being child-free.
Also, this world is a scary place...
I believe that in the future, I could have a lot to offer a child (through fostering and adoption), but right now, I am still working on me.
Childless BY CHOICE
or just childfree
“Childfree by choice” is redundant.
When I was a little kid I never wanted to play with baby dolls, my dream life included a good job, money and some sort of pet (not even a partner). Then when I grew up and my siblings started having children I found myself completely turned off by that and in fact I’ve never found a baby cute right from the start. Then my friends started having kids and their lives turned misserable because their husbands basically told them that they were the ones who wanted kids so now it was their responsabllity to raise them, not the husbands but still had to do everything for their husbands as well. Also, I had several not so good relationships which made me realize I did not want to bring a child to this world to a father that was just not a good fit. I just like my life as it is: I live alone with my pets, have a nice, quiet life with a good job and I really do not even think of the idea of having a child specially not now that I am closer to 40, I would never want to be an older mom (I had older parents, it was a disaster as they just did not have the energy to deal with a Young child and I just had to learn to self sooth even with things in which they should have been involved).
Never wanted kids since I was a kid. I don’t want to build a family, I don’t want to have a long lasting partnership with someone because I had a child with them. That lifestyle isn’t for me and it seems bleak based on my interests. Shout out to the mothers though! Y’all are strong!
I was about 7 and have been very vocal about it 😂... Ppl did not believe me.... I'm 36 and almost 6 months post hysterectomy... And I regret nothing.
I have literally been like that since I was a kid. It has been made even more clear to me that I made the right choice when I go to pick up my sister for work and she is crying because her kids broke something or she can't have nice things because they ruin it all the time.
Oh my, this is one of the biggest troubles they cause. I wanted a white house and because of them it's ruined. You can't decorate your home the way you want it. You have to have used stuff when you have children because they are so destructive. They always touch my stuff and break them even though they have their own toys. It is the most painful thing about Parenthood, next to the stress of having to provide or be so needed.
@@biblethumper8088 Wow, I could never do that in my mother's house, I touch anything and break it, that's a butt whooping. Because you teach your kids to respect you and if the parent tells you not to do something you don't do it. It's the parents that don't know how to control their kids that get stressed out... If you tell a kid to do something one time and that kid doesn't listen to you and it takes you multiple times to get them to listen. Something is wrong. A lot of parents don't know how to parent. And This was one of the reasons why I didn't want any kids, I don't know how to get any kids to respect me.
@@bpavilion8994 well it's hard for any mother to raise children by themselves. A lot of times the mother is just too tired to micromanage everything they do. You could be in the kitchen cooking and they end up in your room or decide to do arts and crafts and make a mess. You did right by staying child free.
@@biblethumper8088 I understand, but if parents have that respect from their child, they don't have to micromanage the child. They could be out of state and leave their child with a neighbor and that child behaves without the parents even having to be there. It's all about training...
It's the reason why responsible adults follow the law, and irresponsible adults don't. They were thought by their parents to respect authority so that they knew and understood fully the severe consequences of their actions.
@@biblethumper8088 What's the consequence if the child writes on the wall? Well they gonna clean it and they better clean it off good or suffer a more severe consequence. And so teaches the child not to do it because they are gonna have to clean it up or suffer a worst consequence.
One of my granddaughters will be 8 in a few months. She has never liked babies. We've been discussing how she can just be single and child free, which she is all for rn. I joked that she's probably going to marry herself, but she's intrigued.
I love her 😍
You're a good grandma!❤
I knew from the time I was little that I didn’t want them… and grew up hearing nonsense like “no man will want you if you don’t have his babies” and “something is wrong with you if you don’t want kids.” Glad I didn’t cave, because I found out fifteen years ago that I have a heath condition that makes me a stroke risk, especially if I’m pregnant or on hormonal birth control. Tubes tied!!!!
I have 3 children 26,22,12.. I didn't realize it until becoming a mother is a whole different level of worry..I just wish I can shelled them from the cold part of the world..that's my only problem with having children
Thank you so much for being honest 🙏🏾🫶🫶❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your story Destiny.
Thank you 🙏🏾 🫶❤️❤️❤️
9:52 this sis, say it louder for the folks at the back. You can love your children, but not love thevlife you have with them. 😏
The woman in the pink shirt needs to start her own tick toCk For folks to respond to 😂 like, GIRL!
When I was a bilingual pre-k teacher …. Working with children, has been the best type of birth control i found.
About 15 yrs old; I didn’t see how I could protect them from the evils of this world. I’m now 58 and I never regretted my decision; I’m grateful I didn’t because I’m now learning how parents pass their trauma onto their kids and wreck their lives.
In my 20's I realised what it's like to be pregnant. What exactly your body goes through. By the time I turned 33 I had several friends who were having kids already, including my younger sister and I realised how expensive and a lot of work they are. At 33 my mind was made up.
I’ve always said I wanted a boatload of kids when I was much younger, until I started babysitting as a teen and realizing that I wasn’t ready for that responsibility, when my co-workers caught hell calling off because the kids were sick, when I realize that kids were expensive to take care when I was taking care of one tween and 2 under her (nieces & nephew) as I saw my bank account draining trying to keep them fed, clothed & housed.
When I was 15yrs old. I saw my sisters become teen moms, and then my friends became teen moms. The men were treating the mothers of their children like crap, and they all struggled mentally and financially. That was the life I never wanted for myself. Plus I was a built in babysitter for my sisters.
IMO.....Asking women When they realized they wanted to be Child Free...is a silly question because the Reasons are....None of OUR Business!
She shouldn't have to explain Her personal reasons for Not wanting Kids!
To Me....a better, more important to Ask is....
Whenever for Whatever Reasons....YOU chose to be Child Free and Chose the Medical way, to ensure your Child free status.... What obstacles did you face and How did you overcome them to be Medically.....Child free!?
I've always known I wanted to be single and childfree! And my God, was it one of the best things in my life! I've hated men since I was young! I NEVER wanted marriage, nor kids since I was kid myself! I don't even believe in marriage and reproducing is selfish! And I was reassured after my mother passed away!
Its crazy how there's people that say they've known they were gay ever since they were a child, yet, when girl/woman says she's known since childhood that she never wanted kids, there's pushback.
"Oh, your a kid! You don't know what you're talking about!"
"Oh, you're a kid! What do you know about (__fill in the blank here__)?"
"Oh, you're a kid! You don't know how you're going to feel in the next 10, 15 years from now! You might change your mind!"
How come when little girl "A", (*let's say she's 8 years old*), says she DOESN'T want marriage nor kids, she's "too young" to say that or she's "to young to know right now"???? BUT then little girl "B", who's also 8 years old, says she DOES want marriage and kids and she's NOT "to young" to say that??? 🤔
Like, make it make sense!
A child is "too young" to say what they DON'T want but they're NOT "too young" to say what they DO want??? 🤔
The same way that little girl might "change her mind" and decide she DOES want marriage and kids is the same way another little girl might change her mind and decide she DOESN'T want marriage and kids and that's perfectly okay too!
Since the 1st time I had to babysit younger sibs
I think i was 9 or 10 years old and I was at my science class and we were watching the process of reproduction. While watching that, i vividly remember myself about to puke about the idea of reproducing LMAO
I knew when I turned 8 and became an aunt (I have okder siblings) and I realized how annoying kids are. I'm almost 45 and I'm still annoyed by them. No regrets.
I realized I didn't want any kids when I lived (with my ex) at his brother's house for a while. This was a transition to us going in apartment. My ex's brother had 2 kids and one on the way, and I was stuck many times having to babysit them. I don't dislike children but I realized that I could only give 2 to 3 hours max. Knowing that having a baby would mean to literally live for the baby, I'm convinced that I would be depressed and unhappy. Not only that but I'm terrified of pregnancy, and just can't imagine myself being pregnant. I'm sure a sort of post partum depression would be there too.
And to top it all, I don't want to be bound to a man. I have a very low seggs drive and know I couldn't actually live with the 'father' who would demand access to my body or be mean with me if I don't. I know this would create problem and possibly be cause of separation, leaving me with the care of a kid I would regret having. And I don't want to regret having a child. No kid deserves this.
I wanted kids until bad relationships made me realized you have to be selective on who you have kids with they are in your blood line forever: so for me if I find the right person I would have them but until then it is no.
I was looking for this comment. You have to watch who you bear children for. Alcoholism, depression, and Parkinson's(along with a million other diseases)are all hereditary. I saw where a couple had this rare disease, and the doctor told them any children they had would stand a 50/50 chance of having this rare disease. They had three kids, and all of them had the disease! Oh, and the kicker? There's no cure for this disease. It's terminal. But they call child free by choice women "selfish."
I always knew. In my mid 20s I was sad that I never felt maternal or thought "yeah one day I wanna have a baby." I felt broken but realized I'm not weird for not wanting to have a child with a man and be....tired and stressed and sad like the way I perceived my mother.
In my early 20s, I realized that I didn't want to be a mother. It is important to understand the difference between wanting to have children and wanting to be a parent. You actually need to want both!
Such a wise comment... 🎯
I am 35 and I still not 100% sure. I need to get married first and decide but my I am done forever age is 43. After that it's a No for me.
As a someone who has two older brothers who are both married, and as the eldest daughter, I just know too much hahahaha
The current economic system and mysogny does not support mums or family . But i did not have a good relationship with my mum it probably effected my decision too. I think you know but also you need to be financially stable and emotionaly stable plus having help is important.
The whole aspect of being pregnant never appealed to me ever, I grew up specifically saying to myself "I will never be a baby mama", I was also default baby sitter alot of the times and I have a brother 9 yrs younger than me who was like my shadow. I consider myself done, he is 26 now and grown, he was an easy baby and kid why would I mess that up by potentially getting a baby that cries all the time and is difficult with everything
I knew I didn’t want kids from childhood. I was the oldest of four kids to a single parent. I was mom #2 from age 4.
I ended up pregnant and decided to keep my kid. I love her more than anything but being a mom isn’t for me. I was a good mom to her. She grew up well and is making something of herself and she’s a great person.
It felt like a prison sentence until she was 18 tho bc her dad and I weren’t together and I couldn’t leave town and take her from her dad. I have nobody here.
She’s now 18 and I’m free to live my life for me now. It’s liberating tbh.
Why didn’t you use condoms? Why didn’t you get an abortion?
I knew as a child (like 7 years old) that I didn't want to get married, but I also wasn't planning on raising kids by myself. So... since I was 7. But helping with my mom's kids solidified that for me.
3:50 That's not being selfish, thats being smart.
Born with oralfacialdigital type ! and have a high probability of having a stillborn baby boy. Why? would I (33f) who has had at least 22 surgeries need anymore grief. Grew up with a father who had 7 siblings and a maternal grandmother the youngest of 9 siblings.
When I graduated college and didn’t find a job in my field
It’s weird but when you know, you know. I was married and my ex and I always talked about having 2-3 kids. But we spent the first 10 years of our marriage child free. Then when we did start trying and having difficulties, I thought that was Gods way of talking to me.
We had one, and I struggled with breastfeeding and my son had GERD. His infancy was HARD! and then my ex started acting up so we got divorced. He was not meant to be a dad, but my son is the most amazing person and I was definitely meant to be his mom. But I stopped at one and I’m so ridiculously thankful for that!
My son and I have an amazing life and I don’t feel any of the pressures that many single moms of multiple kids feel. My income is more than enough for me and my little. But I couldn’t be out here struggling with 2-3 kids. I’d be miserable!
Unfortunately I realised when I was about six months pregnant.
I had a good pregnancy, no problems, very healthy so it wasn’t the pregnancy itself.
It was because I’d had enough time being pregnant for the reality of parenthood to kick in.
I knew way before I gave birth that I’d never have another.
My daughter is now 30 and has been the BEST kid ever but to say that I’m envious of the people who realised they wanted to be childfree BEFORE they became a parent is a huge understatement 😂
I always knew since I was a child myself. I always knew.
I always knew I didn't want children. At 15 I got recommended to never have children because I would have to spend the entire time in hospital and would possibly not survive childbirth. In my early 20s you hear a lot of people talking about how you should start a family and I started thinking about it again and how adopting could also be a thing or if I ended up with a woman who wants children and she carried I would be fine with it, but I realised when living alone how much I enjoyed that. And having done so for a couple of years now, I definitely don't want children because I would resent them for disturbing my peace. I would maybe accept a partner, but not in a one bedroom house. I have learned that I need a space I can lock myself away in. I need a room where I can decompress from the world (yes, I'm neurodivergent).
I kind of always knew 😊
Love kids down but I’ve known since I was a kid that I’d either adopt or be child free cuz ever since I saw what giving birth looked like as a kid I knew l never wanted to birth kids. Now I’m pretty settled with being child free but I would love to be an auntie or work with kids. But yeah I pretty much always knew.