There was a story my mom told me as a child, there was a old man and a young boy in the field, the boy ask the man who he should pick to marry. The old man said to the boy, walk from here to the end of this field and bring back the prettiest flower, but you can only pick-it the first time you see it, you cannot pick it on the way back. So the boy went and came back empty handed. The old man was surprised, are there no beautiful flowers? The boy replied there were many beautiful flowers but he thought there would be a better one if he walked a little further until he got to the end of the field and there were no more flowers. And as he couldn’t pick any on the return trip, the boy returned with no flowers. The lesson here is that as we look for better we pass up on people that would have fulfilled our lives. It was a very good lessons for me, it taught me to not look for the best, but to look for what suited me, if the boy looked at flowers that way, he would be able to pick one.
So pretty much the same as women, then. If a man’s values and lifestyle doesn’t align with mine, he isn’t right for me either. I don’t like the way they’re always talking about men are this way and men need XYZ….like women are just sitting around helplessly waiting for a man to pluck them up? No. He is describing me, too. I can’t speak for all women, but this is the 21st century and we are driven, motivated creators who need support and peace, too.
My husband and I've been together 30 years, and you know what, it's not long enough. I look forward each day to seeing him, coming in the door after work, sorry if this sounds cringy but it's true. We've been through so many things - some bad luck (serious health problems, I got through breast cancer) some good luck. I can't imagine life without him ....
That’s really beautiful to hear, not cringy at all haha. I’m 24 and I come from a family where nobody ever divorced, not even from remote family, so I think I have a mindset that marriage should be “forever”. But I’m scared because I feel like nobody in my family divorced only because of different culture (Eastern Europe) or hard life conditions, where being married was just easier. While now I live in the West (Spain) and I see people separating in all ages. Everybody is just constantly changing relationships after relatively long periods of time 5-10-15 years together. But I see ppl breaking up same often in their 20 like in their 40. And that just freaks me out, because I don’t want to go through that rollercoaster of falling in and out of love all my life, but I just barely ever see honestly happy couples that really last. 😞
@@ari_jean Forgot to mention I was a child bride haha ..... I can't believe we've been together so long, just been lucky, we have some beautiful memories that we share, but hard times too .
@@ari_jean some people don’t leave a marriage because of societal shame and continue languish in their mutual misery - just to earn the badge that they didn’t break up. My niece finally left her husband who was abusive and unfaithful. She was determined to stay in the marriage because of the false narrative she was given about staying with one person. So many people torment themselves by tethering to the wrong person. You CAN stay married to the same person if you have attraction, chemistry, compatibility, similar core values and connection. Choose wisely, that’s all.
“When men chase from a sexual desire first.. as opposed to a spiritual one or just, life alignment.. they will typically fail.” Men who choose from a conscious place and learn to commit through personal growth, they will be more fulfilled, more successful, healthier men.”
so true - once the sexual chase is over - many times within first weeks,/months, - they realize that they don't really know or even like the person they've been intimate with... not sustainable in the long term
I just spoke to a man who met his wife in college. Their first date was a disaster and they didn’t like each other. Six weeks later he gave her a call to go on another date. Nine months later they were married. They’ve been married for 50 years!!
...perhaps he was able to not give up at the first hurdle and was realistic the second time around, not painting his date as the 'perfect date' but the first chance to get to know the reality of the human in front of him rather than the one imagined... who knows?
I’m guessing that it wasn’t as bad as he thought bc she said yes to the second date. Sometimes some awkward things happen and one of you think you blew it, but the other thinks nothing of it and chuckles.
Visualize the partner you want, I was stuck for so long until I put myself in a space where I saw myself happy, fulfilled & loved. Visualization is key
Many men settle down, because "it's time" and they settle with whoever is next to them at this point. Unfortunately. It's the wrong reason to settle and 100% doomed.
I agree with you. Its just a pity to know that so many people are influenced by society standards "if you are alone, you re loser" so much, that they are ready to settle down with no matter whom)
Woah! I love the “would I want to eat 10,000 meals with this person” analogy. I actually got super emotional thinking about this, as I’ve finally met the human (after many years of dating people who were not right for me, but man did I learn some quality lessons) I would like to do that with. Even better, we are in alignment with this 🥰
“The worst thing you can do is live a long life with the wrong person.” So true!! Take his advise. This is an area NOT to compromise! I didn’t walk away from a 32 year marriage until I was in my late 50s. Don’t let this become your reality! Life is meant for living (in peace and joy), and living healthfully in body, mind and spirit!
same here. I left an unhappy marriage after 31 years. But I have found someone for me and I’m extremely happy now. I stayed for the kids. I don’t regret that. But it is so nice being happy and actually feeling loved. Finally!
And here I'm beat myself up for spending almost 12 years with my high school sweetheart. I knew she wasn't the one so we never started a family, I couldn't imagine life without her back then though. I hadn't had much love around me growing up. We fell back in love again somehow and then I moved halfway across the country on her. I needed to give her a chance to get what she deserved, I realized how much I loved her. She's married to a goof but she's got 2 kids now and is happy, I think. I hope he treats her well, I could have been a better guy to her as well.
Thanks for this great interview. So many people think that all men just always look for relationships with attractive women just for sex and that they'll keep chasing even after they're in that relationship. Many men and women who operate from a higher place do not seek that. It only comes from maturity and people realizing a higher purpose. Those who keep chasing haven't hit that place yet. If you want a serious relationship, be mature and peaceful and seek this out in others. Don't settle for a wandering eye or flaky person.
Wow! What was that I just felt? It felt like a welcome and reassuring, cool breeze, refreshingly flowing gently across my mind, heart and spirit. You give me hope. Thank you! :)
I'm coming to the realization that if a man wants the young sexy thing and rejects me because of that, he isn't grown enough for me anyway. But, I need to stop pre-rejecting myself for not being it. I'm not even that old, lol. I just hang out with a group that has a lot of younger women in it.
Honestly, I’m 24 attractive women and the men that approach me really do only want sex. I haven’t met any available men that are mature enough to actually desire a committed relationship. It’s true that most women mature emotionally faster then men and are actually ready and looking for commitment at younger ages than men. It’s hard because I don’t want to date a man 10 years older than me who is actually mature enough and ready because we won’t have much in common. Most men haven’t reflected enough about their behaviours to be a suitable partners while women practically start thinking about being a good girlfriend when they’re in middle school.
I find it interesting that this new paradigm shift has men realizing that maybe long term relationships aren't so bad, while women are realizing that perhaps a lot of us are happier alone
@@angelika_abdulahatova_1259unfortunately mature man and mature woman do not meet each other at the same period of their time. Mature woman - usually boyish man. My problem is that i am not very into older man. I like man maximum 2-3 older than me. And they are still very immature. What to such women wh0o do not want date 10 older man???
You can say that when you have been through a long term relationship, till then you are just coping with the fact that the ones you like dont choose you. Story as old as human history.
Relationship is hard. I rather be alone than be with the wrong person. That's why I am still single. Just want to meet someone I get along with and enjoy each other's company. Lots of guys I meet don't want to take the journey of getting to know each other (uncommitted to begin with) in a meaningful way to see if both are really good match that could last forever
1- He's older & out of options 2- He became suddenly sick/injured/unemployed/homeless, & the hotties he was chasing ran for dear life & chose their options
Sadly this is true for many men. The ones I see around who are in relationships (aside from some exceptions) are committed because they're scared of being alone (self-steem issues) or are just comfortable, even if the relationship doesn't fulfil them or is straightaway toxic. It's a pretty depressing lookout. The rest are just single and too scared to commit.
LOVED doing this sit down with you Matthew! It’s always a powerful conversation when we connect one on one (many long walks and late night convos diving deep on all these topics) so I’m glad we got to go deep here and so glad it’s resonating and helpful for this community. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think sexual chemistry is a very important part of a relationship and it’s starting to get a bad rap being called “limerence” which is something altogether different. Even John Gottman talks about it in his book, The Science of Trust, as well as Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist who’s life work is in the study of love, writes in her book Wired For Love. Dr Jordan Peterson has spoken on that, too. Having said that I’m not comparing your experience and it’s very different when that’s all some people want is that rush. I’m just saying the element of being attracted where pheromones click isn’t to be dismissed. It’s a beautiful thing and I definitely want that in my relationship as well as all the other healthy things you spoke about. Thanks again!❤
Yes this in incredible. I wish more men were in touch with their hearts and emotions and able to so well express what is on their mind. Some solid content there.
As a woman coming out of a relationship that has created much suffering, I agree wholeheartedly that my responsibility is to heal (which is to feel) the wounds that kept me in this state and brought me to it.
@@julesmeyeri2056 that's a great advice can you explain it more as I'm trying to understand how to be blatantly honest works... I'm often really lonely and without family it's hard to differentiate
@reallythere if you want to accept what needs changing and not waste a bunch of time speak to yourself with competence not with warmth. It may be poorly worded, I'm just a crude male, but think of it like this... In an emergency situation your comfort level is the first thing to go. If you are bleeding to death and need help it is my emotions that will have you dying before the circumstances will. I spent about 10 months off and on between work and school and lots of fishing trying to nail down every little aspect of a short situation I was in. I had to assess my adherence to my values, what I think I would do and say differently if in that same situation again, scrutinize every choice I made and try and figure put if she was trying to gaslight me right after we met of she is capable of high A+ in her college degree nightclass but has the verbal comprehension skills of a toddler. I can't figure that part out still😂
As a woman, it was also when I shifted my desire in a relationship shifted from everything else to 'peace' that I was able to find the right man and be happy with him.
Okay, can I just say it is soooo sweet and restores my faith in humanity to see someone like Lewis Howes dating a woman his own age (still drop dead gorgeous!!) who he values for who she is and the long lasting, committed relationship they have together as people with the same time for life experience and maturity. That’s beautiful. God bless em
The answer to 27:00 is... listen carefully to this one. The answer is because when everything is going well in your life and there is no love, it is because you're not giving that special someone a chance to enter your life. That person needs to know that they provide a purpose.. to feel needed. Here is how to let that theoretical person IN. CREATE space. Literally create space, create time, create a physical space in your environment for them.. ie, new bedding, a new bed which has room..for TWO, a chair or a sofa a dining area, a table for two, a day in your hectic work schedule, putting down your phone and scanning the room. Make actual physical changes to create space for friendships and love. It's all well talking about love, sex, romance, long term relationships but if you can't find ten minutes of your day to devote or to let alone give notion to the idea of allowing another person into your personal space then what hope do you ever have you creating a wholesome, worthy relationship into your life?
I agree to this 100%. I don't care for the religious aspects or social norms of relationship. It is just smarter to be monogamous for your sanity and for preserving your energy.
Agreed! I feel like they’re describing a man and a woman that have learned, grown up, matured, and so now they’re making wiser decisions about dating and relationships. It’s refreshing to listen to men sharing this information!!
Told a man who broke up with me that I find myself high value and I deserve someone to treat me as such. Didn’t beg or plead for him back either. Now, he is begging for me back and says he has more love for me than ever
Don’t take him back. If he mistreated you he did so knowingly . Especially if it was happening for a long time . They are not children . I was told before : it’s your fault your treated like this , stand up for yourself . I thought : that’s true , but saying something will not get me anywhere . Only option is leaving
I feel this is true for both men and women. Also could see myself and my partner in what you guys are saying. From Peace at home, to supporting each other in our goals and dreams, the acceptance of one another while enjoying the time we have together. Being in alignment with ourselves and with the other. It is wonderful. Bless you for your work Matthew, you have helped me without even knowing me. 🙏🏻🍀
Just gotta say it was amazing!! You two gave hope that there are excellent men out there somewhere. Even if it takes a century to meet the right one, he'll be worth waiting for. Never is too late when it comes to love. I guess relationships are not failures but lessons we learn & heal from. Thank you!
Yes! Making the switch through constant suffering. In the end, the psyche just says enough! It did in my case anyway. I said to myself, almost like waking up and perhaps it was a 'spiritual waking up' of "I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be sad anymore" and almost the next day I was introduced to someone who is kind, considerate, consistent, loving, secure in himself and suddenly everything just felt relaxed and yes PEACEFUL. No more mind games and chaos or anxiety like my previous relationships. And don't forget it's not just the 40 somethings, it can be 60s, 70s 80d and beyond. There's no age limit to having had to learn and heal from unhealthy relationships. It's never too late. 💓
Yes, men who are married seem to live longer- however, a study revealed that it is the opposite for women 😂 Of course, this might all be different in an overall happy relationship. 😊
I read that too! Single, child free women report higher levels of life satisfaction and live longer than married women. Marriage benefits men, per the statistics.
Yessss! The whole just be around interesting people without thinking “are they the one?”, cause you don’t know till you see how interesting they are and if you two have compatibility. Looks and status burns you out over time if that’s all you keep chasing. You’ll always be chasing something that can fade.
I watched a lot of matthews videos when I was in a distressing situation… now I’m on the other side I can truly say how much I despise the person who made me feel the way I felt. IF they ever come back to you DO NOT let that person back in they do not deserve you EVER
After seeing each other for a year, he told me I was the most wonderful woman he'd ever been with, that I was extremely special to him, that he'd never had the depth of feelings for anyone as he had for me, that everything mental/physical between us was the best ever, better than he'd ever had in his life-- and I know he meant it sincerely. He was a little tipsy and had never said anything like that before. But then I learned, about 2 months prior, he was developing a career-type partnership with another woman. So after he told me how much I meant to him, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore and is with her now. I encountered her a couple of times- she's everything he said he didn't want- bossy, controlling, snotty. The exact opposite of me. I just have to assume it's the "lifestyle" he chose, the career partnership- which is not something I can provide.
@@alexandragasitu8402 Thank you I appreciate it. I feel like I'm still in shock. According to him, he has a history of bad relationships with bossy, controlling women, so I think he couldn't handle real emotions he felt with me, and went back to what he's used to-- something "safe" he won't emotionally invest in.
Wow, sorry that happened to you. I'm glad he didn't waste years of your life knowing he doesn't know his value and trauma bonding relationships may be all he knows. He will be back and i hope you'll be happily married by then!!
@@MissOddyO Thank you so much. I know they always come back. Men who've been with bossy women find me so soft and gentle and feminine- but they end up going back to what they know because I'm not what they're used to... until they come back to me. But once it's broken, I don't go back.
Don't want to sound cynical, but I suppose getting old(er) plays a major role in men's decision to settle down. It might be hard to admit, to the world that the warrior feels less confident about himself and prefers to bet on one safe horse, but let's not lie to ourselves, that's the reality.
I believe this is the biggest factor especially with younger generations. I see many men waiting until their 40s (Lewis Howes included) to finally settle down. And they rarely settle down with women their own age by that point (Lewis is an exception here). I have a hard time believing it has anything to do with anything but fear of growing old alone. Call me cynical 🤨 😉
I think (I'm a man) that the propension that men have to settle down is inversely proportional to their lack of knowledge about life. Because let's be honest, common content that we find though social medias, movies, etc. teach us so many wrong messages about what life is, how relationships works, etc. So we spend years, if no decades, to learn from our mistakes (lack of knowledge) on those subjects and eventually settle down by our 40's. Also the difference compare to women is that we don't get this biological clock by our 30's that creates a certain amount of pressure most women get disturbed by. So in a sense, i agree with you. PS: I'm 30 and still have some struggles with this aspect of my life so i talk about something I know off PS2: I'm french so my apologies if there are some mistakes in my sentences
@@sylvainburri4912 Men still have that biological clock they are just not sensitive to it as women. Having a child with a man in his 40's is considered high risk, risk of infertility increases, risk of health problems with the baby increases. It's not just women that have this biological clock. When I went in for a checkup at the doctors office, bc my partner was 40 even though I was younger than 35, we had to check off that we were high risk and had a separate consultation due to his age.
@@ydmorales this is not biology. This is lifestyle and eventually genetics. So as having a cancer. Some factors tend to get more likely to develop a cancer or fertility issues but it has nothing to do with biological clock. It's like running a marathon, it is well more recommend to run it at 30 rather than 60, but biologically speaking, you totally can run it at 60. Women facing the biological clock, in 100% case, will not be able to get pregnant by a certain age. This is unavoidable because this is inherent to their constitution.
I used to admire my dad for staying faithful to my mother til his death until my brother confided that he had told him when he was thinking of getting married to his girlfriend but had doubts, “son, all women are crazy, just pick one and go with it” 😂 I feel had he waited and healed up a bit he would’ve chosen better and also stayed faithful because he wanted to not out of duty.
Oh, I am married to a man with a mission and joined him in this 4:39 and provided a warm home. He was a narcissist, and mistreated me. No more driven men for me!!!
So nice to hear beautiful souls talking about real values and life. I love it. Wise conversation. Love that a man talk about how HIS interaction gives him PEACE!
OMG Lewis spoke the secret, the men who have realized that focused energy will help them create abundance in life and be supported by someone who understand them.
I think clinging to the whole idea that you have to have a relationship is what makes people feel like something is missing in their life. Life should be beautiful at any age. The whole notion that time is running is flawed. Having a sexual partner or a life partner will NOT stop the clock from ticking. Period. Time will run away regardless. So, life will be wasted for sure if the whole time you live while feeling like something is missing. But if you accept completely everything that you have, expect nothing more and simply enjoy the present, you will enjoy your life (with or without a relationship). And it won't feel like a waste of time.
I agree . I enjoyed the sunset today . But had to tell my spouse I’m going to go watch on a few minutes away on a small pond . He didn’t want to go , so I left . He made my kids go with me . I’m starting to learn to enjoy my life without his consent , even though a few days ago thoughts of driving into that pond ran through my head for just a few seconds . The tiny drip of little bits of resentment and criticism form him over the years is slowly tearing me apart . It’s hard to enjoy life when your not alone but feel alone
@@irinasvidunovich6264 Please don't give up. I was lonely my marriage. We didn't have friends or social life, and towards the end fought alot. Then i kind of created a life for myself, getting fit and healthy. Then he resented me more. Took me 5 years to decide to leave. Then my life changed, made many friends and became much happier. Please take care of yourself 🙏 whatever you decide to do.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 thank you love . I’m taking care of myself , doing more things for myself that gets him eveN more upset . I’m holding on . With 2 small kids and not making any money , I need to get more stable and find him a girlfriend so he can leave me lol
It's called having support when you need it. That's what a relationship or marriage was about. Coming together to get through the harsh realities of life..
I'm not so sure this is practically advice. We need to know our value even write it down but it's important to know what you are looking for in a life partner and know how to identify if they actually possess that character. Cuz there are a lot of actors out there. Finding the right life partner shouldn't be a passive action. Don't just watch how they treat you, watch how they treat their family, mother, friends, strangers when they do NOT know you are observing. Ask smart questions like who are your favorite people in your life? Why? If the reason is what they do for them that's a red flag. All this can be done in a playful way too. You NEED to have a plan to vet suitors just like the old days family's would vet a husband for women. Now we got to do it! And it's a lot harder because we are biased when we like someone.
A very valid question is why do we do relate fun and charismatic to something temporary and unfulfilling in the long term when the same person can also be peaceful and easy and fulfilling to be with
“I will fully accept you, who you are as a human being at your core, your values, Im not going to try and change who you are because I know you are on a growth journey, I know you want to constantly want to work on self. So for me I feel confident that you will continue to improve, as I’m committed to my growth. And us coming together as a core value of growth, then I will accept you, and it’s something I’ve chosen because it brings me peace”
Solid! Wish there were a lot more men out there that were in tune with themselves with goals of growth & relationships as y'all are...it's a beautiful thing to witness. 💗
I have to be honest, I heard Lewis Howes speak more than a few years ago on his podcasts and truthfully it did not resonate deeply the way this conversation did. Truthfully, I kind of wrote him off as superficial but after this discussion…things have changed. This discussion was really good and hit on a lot of issues/ truths that resonated.
he seems to be in a good healthy committment with a woman who l feel like have very compatible traits and vision with him. lt looks like that has helped him to grow and be more true
Unfortunately peace, does require inner peace but what many don't realize is you have to water the plant or the plant will die. Relationships do require time and attention and desire to want to make it work also. We also desire peace, but other needs as well.
Yaaaaasssss!!! This! I needed to hear all this right now. 41 and single no kids and feeling like I wasted so many years with the wrong people. Sad that my baby making days are pretty much over but happy that I feel better about making a hard decision by stepping away from someone who was not aligned with my relationship intentions. Love both of you guys!!
Your baby making days are NOT over. Not only is there ground breaking progress in late in life pregnancy options, but there are so many other ways to be a parent. At the exact same age as you, I adopted an 8 month old baby boy. He’s 13 now, and the greatest gift I have ever received. If you want to be a parent, you will find a way to make it happen 😊
I feel my current situation is very similar to yours. The biggest thing I'm trying to do is forgive myself for chosing "losers" instead of focusing on what was wrong with them
You can still have children in your 40’s. I know a few that had their first pregnancy in their 40’s and I had a child at the age of 43. Dr’s now say it’s not dangerous as we were taught.
You can have a child your not 50 but the problem is whom do you have it with? And I'm sorry to dampen your spirits but living to old age with no child or decent partner once your parents and other family members pass on is hell. Especially for women. So get out there now but be warned it's not remotely easy nowadays.
We come alone we die alone grieving has helped me so much my divorce having my little baby girl in the middle of it all! I seriously can survive if I don’t get a man!!! Seriously people this is a lovely podcast wrong life with the wrong person! Absolutely spot on I’m happy being single so much that any bad moves from a shitty man or woman in friendships I don’t put up with
This guy is too privileged. "Fully loving your life" - many people are not that lucky. I lost my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 40. I will never "fully love my life" again. I will live my life, but there is a wound that will always be a part of me. Someone has a dead end job, someone lives in poverty, someone has a sick parent, someone has difficulties that are part of life chalanges. Are all these people doomed to be unloved cause they are not "fully loving their lives"? I found that true love is born precisely from moments of life's struggle and vulnerability, not from that "ideal" moment when we emerge from some sort of hibernation chamber, where we have became perfectly rounded people who "fully love their lives". Cause that's not even possible, it's usually just a facade. Life is a process and a winding road.
He is flogging a book...and trying to sell reality and manifest nonsense. He is also a man whom knows nothing about being a woman. I don't like him he is smug and lives in a bubble. The plebs don't have those options.
Wise words …. I’ve been waiting to date again … a lot longer than necessary. Lost some confidence last time around. I needed to hear this today thank you 😊
His privilege is learning from his past relationships. Fully loving your life comes from within. Self preservation is a loving of oneself, keeping your mental health and emotional well-being safe. I am also I widow- 24 yrs ago my husband took his life-i was 30 with 2 young children. The selfish act changed the trajectory of 3 lives, me and two daughters. Love doesn't die from a death, it carries on within you. You are here, in the present- love yourself as your late husband loved you.
This is great! Totally agree! We MUST heal and love yourself first before we can chose the right person and love that person the way they need to be loved!
Never settle for less it won't last. The more spiritual you become the more your filled with the spirit of God meaning filled with unconditional love of God by this time you have become and you truly love yourself for who you are, only then are you able to love others. When your filled with God's love you feel complete. You don't need love from others it's a bonus, when you meet your mate you will know you feel the energy of love coming from them, they will be at the same level as you. I must say you can be very spiritual and highly enlightened and still be very sexual. Nice conversation
O man. My first relationship from online dating took 6 months to really sink in for me that he and I are not compatible for each other. He is a great man, outstanding professional and scholar, clearly wants an integrated family life with his partner, had great friends and we went out at least once a week together. Once I had a number of convos with his parents and with him about what he expects in a relationship (kids, wildly different boundaries than I have about violence)...I had to break up our relationship. I cried so hard and so did he, but honestly it was important that we ended that relationship. I still think the world of him and his family and I hope he meets a brilliant woman who has the same outlook on what makes a man a man.
The woman: "Do I really want to cook those 10,000 meals for a man who describes eating those meals and spending time with me as exhausting, boring and draining?"
@@sallyisabel Same. Once had a guy ask me if I would still cook dinner and have sex with him if we had an argument. I told him I was no longer interested.
And I'd rather have a man who like to share with household chores and children responsibilities too.. I've seen so many men after coming home from work wait to be served.. the woman has to ask if they can please help out.. and sometimes get an answer of "i just came home from work".. not even minding that the woman is sick and just finished 8hrs of work too and driving kids to school activities and starting to cook dinner.. smh some men have this mentality.. not everyone but... this make me think more about relationships...
Thank you so much for this discussion. Sexual promiscuity is really hurting people, families and society. It is so wonderful to hear two successful men discuss monogamy and the various benefits it brings.
It was tough with my ex because she constantly doubted herself from a past relatiobship and traumas. I accepted and loved her the way she is. She would have many times of vulnerability with me and we spoke of the future, then she would doubt it and think of her past and back off out of nowhere. I didn't help when i chose to help a best friend with his business that wound up stabbing me in the back- lost myself and brought me extra stress. Crazy times this year. In a way, the friend was a relationship and i had to get rid of him. Unfortunately it caused some damage to me and my ability to be present with her. Regaining my purpose and drive. I know i didn't settle, we had great chemistry but i do know losing myself and the business was an emotional time for me. Take care all and thanks for reading!
Im a woman and i feel the same way....I am open to finding my partner who is mentally healthy, peaceful and understands the support.... I work soo hard and i am driven 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 in addition i am open to acceptance...🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
truthfully there are so many scenarios and situations, its never one size fits all. My guy is 20 yrs younger and wasn't ready for a long time, I dated others never waited around, now we are great!
Why don't you talk about attachment? :) I think would be beneficial for people to understand it. For example when you talk about men who achieve but never settle for someone, those are traits of avoidance. Men and women do that. Avoidants avoid their feelings and intimacy by achieving. The person they are looking is a "phantom partner", a perfect idea that they will never find, which keeps them safe from real connection and intimacy. I would think it's beneficial to talk about these in attachment level and not so much about "men" or the types. Ofcourse I find it meaningful to hear the thoughts from men's side, but please, learn about attachment and teach that to people too!! 🧡
I hear discussion on what the man needs - safe space, peace, harmony .. how about not just being it, or atracting it - how about creating it - the terminology insinuates a little more conscious work, which is what relationships are
Woww... One of (if not THE ONE) the best videos I ever saw from Matthew and Louis channel... Straight to the point about taking responsibility for our choices, don't settle or insist in people that is not aligned with us and our mission cause of a place of lack/wound ... Heal and fulfill yourself firt and after come together to share it, add to each other, not to take from a feeling of emptiness ... After investing a lot of my time to make 2 different years long different relationships work, being overly tolerant (cause of an unaware wound) when I should have left it, also investing a lot of time to become a specialized doctor ... Now in 37th, I absolutely feel more complete, know better my values and will not settle for less than my heart wishes and I deserve ... I am ready to meet a man that I admire and grow a family together!!! Thank you very much for this truthful video! Much love! 🙌🏼💜
I love how you two build each other up while building up every person that's watching this. There are layers upon layers of green flags being shown and taught here.
Wow, I'm a 61 years old woman. And I think I'm a modern one. I'm having a big big big big big hapiness in listening (watching) to both of you during this video. Both of you are not conscious what it means ot a woman like me belonging to the generation who was 14 years old when the year of women (1975) was decreed (I'm a french speaking person, Idon't knoewif the word exist in english) by the United Nation. Finally, I'm learning that guys get commited when they feel they will live in harmony in their commited life. I can tell you it is exactly the same for weman. Beleive me. But finally, 2 guys ares telling the truth about what they haved discovered what they are lookin for for a commited life. Amazing. I'm very happy about what you are expressing. By the way, I watch your videos since a long time and in this one, it is like you finally describe the "boîte de pandore". Young men, I congratulate both of you. Thank you for opening about what your thinking and feeling. Really. what you are expressing has a big value on this planet. Thank you again. Viva la jeune génération!
This is so precious! Just a pure loving wisdom, thank you 🙏 I just wish sessions like these would be thaught every day in schools, in families so that we could become the society of greatness.
I had told my husband clearly when we first started dating that i wanted kids and i could only give him a year of dating because i was mid-30s. By the end, he broke up with me still unsure if "[I] was the one" and about a month later he asked me out again with the intention to get engaged soon having traveled to Europe but missing me the whole time :) part of what pushed it was his brother was getting engaged and his standard for his brother was "she takes care of him so sure, i think it could be a good match." He had gotten sick on his trip, i was making him ginger soup for his cold, and i just started to pack up after he said that line saying I'm just an idiot lol before i could get out the door he stopped me and asked me out again. we were married less than 6 months later in the middle of the pandemic and this June will be 3 years and we have a one year old son who is the joy (although sometimes bane loll!) of our lives ❤
Articulately said. Then there’s also the biblical standard where the wheel doesn’t have to be reinvented. Where… men (and women) are encouraged to save sex for marriage because it’s more meaningful and it’s true love/commitment instead of just using each other for whatever lustful desire that usually doesn’t cease for a while or ever for some people. No commitment is not love. And being sexually driven without marriage leads to abortion if innocent children, broken relationships and people, depression, more mental issues, infidelities, and STIs. Getting to know each other first and having self control with God’s strength and grace is how people can be truly free. Love is described aptly I’m 1 Corinthians 13.
I believe God just pop this video on my screen for me to send it to someone, I been following this channel for years… this is exactly what I tried to explain about a relationship and commitment and suddenly is like I’m wrong for thinking and asking for what I know is right while they keep going around in circles bitting their own tails. This is a very strong message I hope this can help many people to understand and growing spiritually and emotionally. I don’t agree on the part for a woman to throw a pack of cheese a lot guys come pretend to give you what you want and them mess you up as a woman you have to be very cautious specially if you have kids your emotional distress can impact them also and is not a good thing, I don’t agree on that part. Pretty much you saying fail get up and repeat until you find the one doesn’t matter is you felt with 30 maybe just maybe 31 will be good. Just set boundaries since the beginning as Mathews always advice. Learn from experience and make better choices in life!
As I was listening to this, I cant stop crying... and agreeing to all that was said. Keep making quality videos and making our lives enriched. Thank you.
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. -Geothe
This is handsdown one of the best, most eye opening, insightful, and wise podcasts on the topic of love i've ever seen. Thank you so much, to both of you!
What a birthday present! I adored this! Lewis spoke in the most calm mature rational way and Matt bought out the questions to b e answered so well...just wow!
Exactly, I have great friends, I have a great job, I am happy with my looks and my character and yet, I have the ache of missing my soul mate, this unique love...and I am trauma bond to a narccisist...I am 43, was 10 years in a ok relationship but he didn’t want kids... Now I am here...attractive, intelligent and independent...but without a family and in toxic affair I just can‘t get out of....
Well, I'd say the first step towards meeting someone serious is actually getting out of that toxic affair, asking yourself why you got into it in the first place and HEALING FROM ALL THAT SH**. I'm doing it right now and you can too!
My ex who I wasted quite a few yrs of my life is trying to come back around. He is in his late 50s, needs a hip replacement (I am an NP), and has been given notice by his landlord because she wants to sell the house he rents. He can't find a house to buy in his price range. What does he do? Starts hitting me up about us cooking dinner together. Telling me has dreams about me.😂 I bet you do buddy. I bet you do.
How do you give a man peace when he won’t allow you to express any emotions or sometimes thoughts. I wanted to give him peace but everytime he stonewalled I felt extremely hurt.
You both are great and always have valuable stuff to offer. But on this bit, you make it sound as if once you stick to your values you'll find that match. My life is a living proof that even that can fail sometimes. I've always had my vlues clear and always stuck to them, but boy did that guy show up! :) Guys who share those values you're talking about are simply rare in today's world.
Let me put this here, so I all my life wanted love and alignment to settle down then I am 45 now, almost at the menopause, not married, no kids and nothing. I always thought I was right for not choosing the traditional ways of my society but then it's too hard to assume my choices now and not regretting making them.. nothing is right, nothing is certain. I am alone and lonely, I am alive but I don't live.
I think it's in dna of women to have kids and family. Not doing that goes against your biological nature. Guess you should warn other young women who are on similar path.
You can change that starting today. You can become a Big Sister, Foster, Nanny or a future Step Parent or Bonus Mom. You still have half your live ahead of you. Now go get it
@@laura20835 thank you for your kindness, and yes I am a big sister actually and "the best aunt in the world " according to my nieces and nephews... i am a best friend and a good daughter. And thank you for reminding to be grateful for all what I have. Sometimes I tend to see what I don't have only.. some days are just hard and sad feelings get over me..
There seems to be so much emphasis on men wanting perfect looks and so called wife material qualities such a deluded world we live in . Most of those men arnt so perfect themselves . Love is organic and if its to much of a game its not worth it. Live life on your own terms be kind and supportive, encouraging to yourself and others, don't waste time over not being good enough for some superficial guy who doesn't get it. .
I am 45 and divorced. I don’t date men fresh on the market for the first time in a long time for the reason that I don’t think they know what they want. Most men look for the chemistry and spark on the first date that I question and wonder if that’s a real thing. I think you only really know chemistry after a few dates.
There was a story my mom told me as a child, there was a old man and a young boy in the field, the boy ask the man who he should pick to marry. The old man said to the boy, walk from here to the end of this field and bring back the prettiest flower, but you can only pick-it the first time you see it, you cannot pick it on the way back. So the boy went and came back empty handed. The old man was surprised, are there no beautiful flowers? The boy replied there were many beautiful flowers but he thought there would be a better one if he walked a little further until he got to the end of the field and there were no more flowers. And as he couldn’t pick any on the return trip, the boy returned with no flowers. The lesson here is that as we look for better we pass up on people that would have fulfilled our lives. It was a very good lessons for me, it taught me to not look for the best, but to look for what suited me, if the boy looked at flowers that way, he would be able to pick one.
Wow! Profound & powerful! Thank you 🙏
Perfect allegory
❤❤
Yet they tell women to pick better.
If she picks the first one she won't be picking better.
The flowers were good, he was the indecisive one unable to pick because he was greedy.
"Every wrong person is one person closer to the right one for you ❤"
I kinda hate this saying because it ignores that some people are single for life and that's okay.
or maybe you are always attracting the same type of person 😆... the wrong person 🤷
❤ God bless you!
When a man is at the right place in his life, that’s when he will commit. Other than that, you can tick all the boxes, he will pass.
@@ZhiyingHarpanswer of woman... very fairly Tai answer
So pretty much the same as women, then. If a man’s values and lifestyle doesn’t align with mine, he isn’t right for me either. I don’t like the way they’re always talking about men are this way and men need XYZ….like women are just sitting around helplessly waiting for a man to pluck them up? No. He is describing me, too. I can’t speak for all women, but this is the 21st century and we are driven, motivated creators who need support and peace, too.
Exactly
My husband and I've been together 30 years, and you know what, it's not long enough.
I look forward each day to seeing him, coming in the door after work, sorry if this sounds cringy but it's true. We've been through so many things - some bad luck (serious health problems, I got through breast cancer) some good luck.
I can't imagine life without him ....
That’s amazing to hear 🥰
That’s really beautiful to hear, not cringy at all haha.
I’m 24 and I come from a family where nobody ever divorced, not even from remote family, so I think I have a mindset that marriage should be “forever”.
But I’m scared because I feel like nobody in my family divorced only because of different culture (Eastern Europe) or hard life conditions, where being married was just easier.
While now I live in the West (Spain) and I see people separating in all ages. Everybody is just constantly changing relationships after relatively long periods of time 5-10-15 years together. But I see ppl breaking up same often in their 20 like in their 40. And that just freaks me out, because I don’t want to go through that rollercoaster of falling in and out of love all my life, but I just barely ever see honestly happy couples that really last. 😞
@@ari_jean Forgot to mention I was a child bride haha ..... I can't believe we've been together so long, just been lucky, we have some beautiful memories that we share, but hard times too .
@@kaoshi_kutie ♥
@@ari_jean some people don’t leave a marriage because of societal shame and continue languish in their mutual misery - just to earn the badge that they didn’t break up. My niece finally left her husband who was abusive and unfaithful. She was determined to stay in the marriage because of the false narrative she was given about staying with one person. So many people torment themselves by tethering to the wrong person. You CAN stay married to the same person if you have attraction, chemistry, compatibility, similar core values and connection. Choose wisely, that’s all.
“When men chase from a sexual desire first.. as opposed to a spiritual one or just, life alignment.. they will typically fail.” Men who choose from a conscious place and learn to commit through personal growth, they will be more fulfilled, more successful, healthier men.”
This!
This is so true!!
💯
so true - once the sexual chase is over - many times within first weeks,/months, - they realize that they don't really know or even like the person they've been intimate with... not sustainable in the long term
I just spoke to a man who met his wife in college. Their first date was a disaster and they didn’t like each other. Six weeks later he gave her a call to go on another date. Nine months later they were married. They’ve been married for 50 years!!
what made him callel her?
...perhaps he was able to not give up at the first hurdle and was realistic the second time around, not painting his date as the 'perfect date' but the first chance to get to know the reality of the human in front of him rather than the one imagined... who knows?
I’m guessing that it wasn’t as bad as he thought bc she said yes to the second date. Sometimes some awkward things happen and one of you think you blew it, but the other thinks nothing of it and chuckles.
It must’ve left a funny impression on eachother and absence makes the heart grow fonder! Such a cute story I love that!
Nah. They were like kids in a movie. Not liking each other, but the audience knows better😅😂
Visualize the partner you want, I was stuck for so long until I put myself in a space where I saw myself happy, fulfilled & loved. Visualization is key
No it’s not, visualising does nothing
I hv visualized my partner doing things wt me or for me n yes sometimes it happened n sometimes not
@@missNCWit works liked it or not, read the book psicocibernetics
Many men settle down, because "it's time" and they settle with whoever is next to them at this point. Unfortunately. It's the wrong reason to settle and 100% doomed.
I agree with you. Its just a pity to know that so many people are influenced by society standards "if you are alone, you re loser" so much, that they are ready to settle down with no matter whom)
Woah! I love the “would I want to eat 10,000 meals with this person” analogy. I actually got super emotional thinking about this, as I’ve finally met the human (after many years of dating people who were not right for me, but man did I learn some quality lessons) I would like to do that with. Even better, we are in alignment with this 🥰
You are lucky 💕
Blessed! Happy for you 🎉
“The worst thing you can do is live a long life with the wrong person.” So true!! Take his advise. This is an area NOT to compromise! I didn’t walk away from a 32 year marriage until I was in my late 50s. Don’t let this become your reality! Life is meant for living (in peace and joy), and living healthfully in body, mind and spirit!
I just left a marriage of 19 years. I still like him, I wish him nothing but the best, but I realized I don't want to grow old with him.
same here. I left an unhappy marriage after 31 years. But I have found someone for me and I’m extremely happy now. I stayed for the kids. I don’t regret that. But it is so nice being happy and actually feeling loved. Finally!
And here I'm beat myself up for spending almost 12 years with my high school sweetheart. I knew she wasn't the one so we never started a family, I couldn't imagine life without her back then though. I hadn't had much love around me growing up.
We fell back in love again somehow and then I moved halfway across the country on her. I needed to give her a chance to get what she deserved, I realized how much I loved her.
She's married to a goof but she's got 2 kids now and is happy, I think. I hope he treats her well, I could have been a better guy to her as well.
Thanks for this great interview. So many people think that all men just always look for relationships with attractive women just for sex and that they'll keep chasing even after they're in that relationship. Many men and women who operate from a higher place do not seek that. It only comes from maturity and people realizing a higher purpose. Those who keep chasing haven't hit that place yet. If you want a serious relationship, be mature and peaceful and seek this out in others. Don't settle for a wandering eye or flaky person.
Wow! What was that I just felt? It felt like a welcome and reassuring, cool breeze, refreshingly flowing gently across my mind, heart and spirit.
You give me hope. Thank you! :)
Well said if I could cut and paste I would but UA-cam wont allow. Very well shared.thanks.💙🤎💜🖤
Will carry this.
thanks for the reminder. im just ghosted by a person after i became vulnerable, this makes it easier :p
I'm coming to the realization that if a man wants the young sexy thing and rejects me because of that, he isn't grown enough for me anyway. But, I need to stop pre-rejecting myself for not being it. I'm not even that old, lol. I just hang out with a group that has a lot of younger women in it.
Honestly, I’m 24 attractive women and the men that approach me really do only want sex. I haven’t met any available men that are mature enough to actually desire a committed relationship. It’s true that most women mature emotionally faster then men and are actually ready and looking for commitment at younger ages than men. It’s hard because I don’t want to date a man 10 years older than me who is actually mature enough and ready because we won’t have much in common. Most men haven’t reflected enough about their behaviours to be a suitable partners while women practically start thinking about being a good girlfriend when they’re in middle school.
You will never feel lacking when you trust the universe. Everything happens as it should.
You cannot even imagine how we women value peace 😊
I find it interesting that this new paradigm shift has men realizing that maybe long term relationships aren't so bad, while women are realizing that perhaps a lot of us are happier alone
the balance, where meet mature man and mature woman
@@angelika_abdulahatova_1259unfortunately mature man and mature woman do not meet each other at the same period of their time. Mature woman - usually boyish man. My problem is that i am not very into older man. I like man maximum 2-3 older than me. And they are still very immature. What to such women wh0o do not want date 10 older man???
I was thinking the same thing! The irony….
You can say that when you have been through a long term relationship, till then you are just coping with the fact that the ones you like dont choose you. Story as old as human history.
"you've got to appreciate your value because then he will appreciate over time" - best quote ever💓
Until the gray divorce when he trades her in for a younger woman
@@wyleecoyotee4252 He’ll have a tough job in this day and age- especially if he’s hit 40+ himself. 💯
@Nikkiijean.. But you can only control urself, anyone who wants to leave will do so.. U can't make it your priority to hold/keep anyone esp an ADULT
@@wyleecoyotee4252 it happens and then they regret it big time!
Relationship is hard. I rather be alone than be with the wrong person. That's why I am still single. Just want to meet someone I get along with and enjoy each other's company. Lots of guys I meet don't want to take the journey of getting to know each other (uncommitted to begin with) in a meaningful way to see if both are really good match that could last forever
1- He's older & out of options
2- He became suddenly sick/injured/unemployed/homeless, & the hotties he was chasing ran for dear life & chose their options
Also a sobering truth for some men
Sadly this is true for many men. The ones I see around who are in relationships (aside from some exceptions) are committed because they're scared of being alone (self-steem issues) or are just comfortable, even if the relationship doesn't fulfil them or is straightaway toxic. It's a pretty depressing lookout. The rest are just single and too scared to commit.
@@yos.5684 Men don't operate like women they don't care once their routine and structure isn't disrupted and they have someone there to help.
this statement goes both ways and is more true for women than men imo
LOVED doing this sit down with you Matthew! It’s always a powerful conversation when we connect one on one (many long walks and late night convos diving deep on all these topics) so I’m glad we got to go deep here and so glad it’s resonating and helpful for this community. ❤❤❤
Thank you for this interview Lewis, much wisdom 🙏
@@silentvoice4970 “It is better to be alone, than to be in bad company.” - George Washington.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think sexual chemistry is a very important part of a relationship and it’s starting to get a bad rap being called “limerence” which is something altogether different. Even John Gottman talks about it in his book, The Science of Trust, as well as Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist who’s life work is in the study of love, writes in her book Wired For Love. Dr Jordan Peterson has spoken on that, too. Having said that I’m not comparing your experience and it’s very different when that’s all some people want is that rush. I’m just saying the element of being attracted where pheromones click isn’t to be dismissed. It’s a beautiful thing and I definitely want that in my relationship as well as all the other healthy things you spoke about. Thanks again!❤
You taught a lot of women they are with the WRONG guy. Bless you both and thank you for the awesome talk.
Yes this in incredible. I wish more men were in touch with their hearts and emotions and able to so well express what is on their mind. Some solid content there.
As a woman coming out of a relationship that has created much suffering, I agree wholeheartedly that my responsibility is to heal (which is to feel) the wounds that kept me in this state and brought me to it.
Don't blame yourself but do learn and be blatantly honest with yourself and then U won't make another mistake in love
Sorry you're going through this, things will get better.
@@julesmeyeri2056 that's a great advice can you explain it more as I'm trying to understand how to be blatantly honest works... I'm often really lonely and without family it's hard to differentiate
@reallythere if you want to accept what needs changing and not waste a bunch of time speak to yourself with competence not with warmth.
It may be poorly worded, I'm just a crude male, but think of it like this...
In an emergency situation your comfort level is the first thing to go. If you are bleeding to death and need help it is my emotions that will have you dying before the circumstances will.
I spent about 10 months off and on between work and school and lots of fishing trying to nail down every little aspect of a short situation I was in.
I had to assess my adherence to my values, what I think I would do and say differently if in that same situation again, scrutinize every choice I made and try and figure put if she was trying to gaslight me right after we met of she is capable of high A+ in her college degree nightclass but has the verbal comprehension skills of a toddler.
I can't figure that part out still😂
As a woman, it was also when I shifted my desire in a relationship shifted from everything else to 'peace' that I was able to find the right man and be happy with him.
Okay, can I just say it is soooo sweet and restores my faith in humanity to see someone like Lewis Howes dating a woman his own age (still drop dead gorgeous!!) who he values for who she is and the long lasting, committed relationship they have together as people with the same time for life experience and maturity. That’s beautiful. God bless em
The answer to 27:00 is... listen carefully to this one. The answer is because when everything is going well in your life and there is no love, it is because you're not giving that special someone a chance to enter your life. That person needs to know that they provide a purpose.. to feel needed.
Here is how to let that theoretical person IN.
CREATE space. Literally create space, create time, create a physical space in your environment for them.. ie, new bedding, a new bed which has room..for TWO, a chair or a sofa a dining area, a table for two, a day in your hectic work schedule, putting down your phone and scanning the room. Make actual physical changes to create space for friendships and love. It's all well talking about love, sex, romance, long term relationships but if you can't find ten minutes of your day to devote or to let alone give notion to the idea of allowing another person into your personal space then what hope do you ever have you creating a wholesome, worthy relationship into your life?
I agree to this 100%. I don't care for the religious aspects or social norms of relationship. It is just smarter to be monogamous for your sanity and for preserving your energy.
God doesn't give us "rules" to spoil our fun but to protect us from consequences. Case In point.
Agreed! I feel like they’re describing a man and a woman that have learned, grown up, matured, and so now they’re making wiser decisions about dating and relationships. It’s refreshing to listen to men sharing this information!!
I love that men are interested in learning about themselves on this level!!! So exciting
Told a man who broke up with me that I find myself high value and I deserve someone to treat me as such. Didn’t beg or plead for him back either. Now, he is begging for me back and says he has more love for me than ever
💪💚
Don’t take him back. If he mistreated you he did so knowingly . Especially if it was happening for a long time . They are not children . I was told before : it’s your fault your treated like this , stand up for yourself . I thought : that’s true , but saying something will not get me anywhere . Only option is leaving
It makes my stomach turn when they come back. Seriously I get a sick feeling.
Run! Don't walk! 😂
Great! Now wait for him to back it up with action & take your time. 🙏
How did this work out?
Right when a women is healthy happy, and loving their life a man comes to disrupt it
Not many men want to fix themselves
I go to a cool gym and am in a Buddhist organisation and both are full of the opposite of what you say
I feel this is true for both men and women. Also could see myself and my partner in what you guys are saying. From Peace at home, to supporting each other in our goals and dreams, the acceptance of one another while enjoying the time we have together. Being in alignment with ourselves and with the other. It is wonderful.
Bless you for your work Matthew, you have helped me without even knowing me. 🙏🏻🍀
Since I'm looking for peace in my next relationship with a man this really empowered me I'm on the right path ❤
Once you can find a person who can tolerate ur quirks, finds them desirable, weird or not, they are your tribe ❤
Just gotta say it was amazing!! You two gave hope that there are excellent men out there somewhere. Even if it takes a century to meet the right one, he'll be worth waiting for. Never is too late when it comes to love. I guess relationships are not failures but lessons we learn & heal from. Thank you!
Yes! Making the switch through constant suffering. In the end, the psyche just says enough! It did in my case anyway. I said to myself, almost like waking up and perhaps it was a 'spiritual waking up' of "I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be sad anymore" and almost the next day I was introduced to someone who is kind, considerate, consistent, loving, secure in himself and suddenly everything just felt relaxed and yes PEACEFUL. No more mind games and chaos or anxiety like my previous relationships.
And don't forget it's not just the 40 somethings, it can be 60s, 70s 80d and beyond. There's no age limit to having had to learn and heal from unhealthy relationships. It's never too late. 💓
Values , vision and lifestyle is the key 🔑
Yes, men who are married seem to live longer- however, a study revealed that it is the opposite for women 😂
Of course, this might all be different in an overall happy relationship. 😊
I read that too! Single, child free women report higher levels of life satisfaction and live longer than married women. Marriage benefits men, per the statistics.
I think this is what he meant winning at the wrong game .. and being in a relationship that’s considered as you won but feel alone
Yessss! The whole just be around interesting people without thinking “are they the one?”, cause you don’t know till you see how interesting they are and if you two have compatibility. Looks and status burns you out over time if that’s all you keep chasing. You’ll always be chasing something that can fade.
Like chasing rainbows…
@@carmenkamberos1156 Or TLC said it best, “don’t go chasing waterfalls…”
The feeling of safety, security emotionally, mentally...is what we all want and need.
I watched a lot of matthews videos when I was in a distressing situation… now I’m on the other side I can truly say how much I despise the person who made me feel the way I felt. IF they ever come back to you DO NOT let that person back in they do not deserve you EVER
After seeing each other for a year, he told me I was the most wonderful woman he'd ever been with, that I was extremely special to him, that he'd never had the depth of feelings for anyone as he had for me, that everything mental/physical between us was the best ever, better than he'd ever had in his life-- and I know he meant it sincerely. He was a little tipsy and had never said anything like that before. But then I learned, about 2 months prior, he was developing a career-type partnership with another woman. So after he told me how much I meant to him, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore and is with her now. I encountered her a couple of times- she's everything he said he didn't want- bossy, controlling, snotty. The exact opposite of me. I just have to assume it's the "lifestyle" he chose, the career partnership- which is not something I can provide.
Also he may have been in denial about his real type. I am so sorry you are going through this.
@@alexandragasitu8402 Thank you I appreciate it. I feel like I'm still in shock. According to him, he has a history of bad relationships with bossy, controlling women, so I think he couldn't handle real emotions he felt with me, and went back to what he's used to-- something "safe" he won't emotionally invest in.
@@MIMIDSH that sounds about right. Move on sister. You deserve more.
Wow, sorry that happened to you. I'm glad he didn't waste years of your life knowing he doesn't know his value and trauma bonding relationships may be all he knows. He will be back and i hope you'll be happily married by then!!
@@MissOddyO Thank you so much. I know they always come back. Men who've been with bossy women find me so soft and gentle and feminine- but they end up going back to what they know because I'm not what they're used to... until they come back to me. But once it's broken, I don't go back.
Don't want to sound cynical, but I suppose getting old(er) plays a major role in men's decision to settle down. It might be hard to admit, to the world that the warrior feels less confident about himself and prefers to bet on one safe horse, but let's not lie to ourselves, that's the reality.
I believe this is the biggest factor especially with younger generations. I see many men waiting until their 40s (Lewis Howes included) to finally settle down. And they rarely settle down with women their own age by that point (Lewis is an exception here). I have a hard time believing it has anything to do with anything but fear of growing old alone. Call me cynical 🤨 😉
I think (I'm a man) that the propension that men have to settle down is inversely proportional to their lack of knowledge about life. Because let's be honest, common content that we find though social medias, movies, etc. teach us so many wrong messages about what life is, how relationships works, etc. So we spend years, if no decades, to learn from our mistakes (lack of knowledge) on those subjects and eventually settle down by our 40's. Also the difference compare to women is that we don't get this biological clock by our 30's that creates a certain amount of pressure most women get disturbed by.
So in a sense, i agree with you.
PS: I'm 30 and still have some struggles with this aspect of my life so i talk about something I know off
PS2: I'm french so my apologies if there are some mistakes in my sentences
@@sylvainburri4912 you make good points 👍🏻how we’re conditioned plays a large role
@@sylvainburri4912 Men still have that biological clock they are just not sensitive to it as women. Having a child with a man in his 40's is considered high risk, risk of infertility increases, risk of health problems with the baby increases. It's not just women that have this biological clock. When I went in for a checkup at the doctors office, bc my partner was 40 even though I was younger than 35, we had to check off that we were high risk and had a separate consultation due to his age.
@@ydmorales this is not biology. This is lifestyle and eventually genetics. So as having a cancer. Some factors tend to get more likely to develop a cancer or fertility issues but it has nothing to do with biological clock. It's like running a marathon, it is well more recommend to run it at 30 rather than 60, but biologically speaking, you totally can run it at 60.
Women facing the biological clock, in 100% case, will not be able to get pregnant by a certain age. This is unavoidable because this is inherent to their constitution.
I used to admire my dad for staying faithful to my mother til his death until my brother confided that he had told him when he was thinking of getting married to his girlfriend but had doubts, “son, all women are crazy, just pick one and go with it” 😂
I feel had he waited and healed up a bit he would’ve chosen better and also stayed faithful because he wanted to not out of duty.
Oh, I am married to a man with a mission and joined him in this 4:39 and provided a warm home. He was a narcissist, and mistreated me. No more driven men for me!!!
So nice to hear beautiful souls talking about real values and life. I love it. Wise conversation.
Love that a man talk about how HIS interaction gives him PEACE!
It's exactly the same for a woman who is aligned with her higher self...
OMG Lewis spoke the secret, the men who have realized that focused energy will help them create abundance in life and be supported by someone who understand them.
I think clinging to the whole idea that you have to have a relationship is what makes people feel like something is missing in their life.
Life should be beautiful at any age. The whole notion that time is running is flawed. Having a sexual partner or a life partner will NOT stop the clock from ticking. Period. Time will run away regardless. So, life will be wasted for sure if the whole time you live while feeling like something is missing.
But if you accept completely everything that you have, expect nothing more and simply enjoy the present, you will enjoy your life (with or without a relationship). And it won't feel like a waste of time.
Marriage or relationship is not a guarantee of happiness
I agree . I enjoyed the sunset today . But had to tell my spouse I’m going to go watch on a few minutes away on a small pond . He didn’t want to go , so I left . He made my kids go with me . I’m starting to learn to enjoy my life without his consent , even though a few days ago thoughts of driving into that pond ran through my head for just a few seconds . The tiny drip of little bits of resentment and criticism form him over the years is slowly tearing me apart . It’s hard to enjoy life when your not alone but feel alone
@@irinasvidunovich6264
Please don't give up. I was lonely my marriage. We didn't have friends or social life, and towards the end fought alot. Then i kind of created a life for myself, getting fit and healthy. Then he resented me more.
Took me 5 years to decide to leave.
Then my life changed, made many friends and became much happier.
Please take care of yourself 🙏 whatever you decide to do.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 thank you love . I’m taking care of myself , doing more things for myself that gets him eveN more upset . I’m holding on . With 2 small kids and not making any money , I need to get more stable and find him a girlfriend so he can leave me lol
It's called having support when you need it. That's what a relationship or marriage was about. Coming together to get through the harsh realities of life..
Ha . My last relationship he was so handsome and perfect from the outside; but we had so many issues underneathe. I'm now focused on alignment.
Same
Relatable
Most men have underlying issues
I'm not so sure this is practically advice. We need to know our value even write it down but it's important to know what you are looking for in a life partner and know how to identify if they actually possess that character. Cuz there are a lot of actors out there. Finding the right life partner shouldn't be a passive action. Don't just watch how they treat you, watch how they treat their family, mother, friends, strangers when they do NOT know you are observing. Ask smart questions like who are your favorite people in your life? Why? If the reason is what they do for them that's a red flag. All this can be done in a playful way too. You NEED to have a plan to vet suitors just like the old days family's would vet a husband for women. Now we got to do it! And it's a lot harder because we are biased when we like someone.
A very valid question is why do we do relate fun and charismatic to something temporary and unfulfilling in the long term when the same person can also be peaceful and easy and fulfilling to be with
This is GOLD! For the people who REALLY listen to this, are a changed person. I know I AM!
Love you both! Thank you!
“I will fully accept you, who you are as a human being at your core, your values, Im not going to try and change who you are because I know you are on a growth journey, I know you want to constantly want to work on self. So for me I feel confident that you will continue to improve, as I’m committed to my growth. And us coming together as a core value of growth, then I will accept you, and it’s something I’ve chosen because it brings me peace”
Beautifully put!
Solid! Wish there were a lot more men out there that were in tune with themselves with goals of growth & relationships as y'all are...it's a beautiful thing to witness. 💗
I have to be honest, I heard Lewis Howes speak more than a few years ago on his podcasts and truthfully it did not resonate deeply the way this conversation did. Truthfully, I kind of wrote him off as superficial but after this discussion…things have changed.
This discussion was really good and hit on a lot of issues/ truths that resonated.
he seems to be in a good healthy committment with a woman who l feel like have very compatible traits and vision with him. lt looks like that has helped him to grow and be more true
I liked the way Mathew asked specific questions to Lewis about men's perspective. They shared the intel with accurate honesty and genuineness.
Unfortunately peace, does require inner peace but what many don't realize is you have to water the plant or the plant will die. Relationships do require time and attention and desire to want to make it work also. We also desire peace, but other needs as well.
Yaaaaasssss!!! This! I needed to hear all this right now. 41 and single no kids and feeling like I wasted so many years with the wrong people. Sad that my baby making days are pretty much over but happy that I feel better about making a hard decision by stepping away from someone who was not aligned with my relationship intentions. Love both of you guys!!
Your baby making days are NOT over. Not only is there ground breaking progress in late in life pregnancy options, but there are so many other ways to be a parent. At the exact same age as you, I adopted an 8 month old baby boy. He’s 13 now, and the greatest gift I have ever received. If you want to be a parent, you will find a way to make it happen 😊
I feel my current situation is very similar to yours. The biggest thing I'm trying to do is forgive myself for chosing "losers" instead of focusing on what was wrong with them
@@bricktastic2602 And by adopting we're also making a difference in another persons life. Its a double whammy!
You can still have children in your 40’s. I know a few that had their first pregnancy in their 40’s and I had a child at the age of 43. Dr’s now say it’s not dangerous as we were taught.
You can have a child your not 50 but the problem is whom do you have it with? And I'm sorry to dampen your spirits but living to old age with no child or decent partner once your parents and other family members pass on is hell. Especially for women. So get out there now but be warned it's not remotely easy nowadays.
I want the excitement and the peace! If it’s just peace I equate that to boredom and companionship.
We come alone we die alone grieving has helped me so much my divorce having my little baby girl in the middle of it all! I seriously can survive if I don’t get a man!!! Seriously people this is a lovely podcast wrong life with the wrong person! Absolutely spot on I’m happy being single so much that any bad moves from a shitty man or woman in friendships I don’t put up with
This guy is too privileged. "Fully loving your life" - many people are not that lucky. I lost my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 40. I will never "fully love my life" again. I will live my life, but there is a wound that will always be a part of me. Someone has a dead end job, someone lives in poverty, someone has a sick parent, someone has difficulties that are part of life chalanges. Are all these people doomed to be unloved cause they are not "fully loving their lives"? I found that true love is born precisely from moments of life's struggle and vulnerability, not from that "ideal" moment when we emerge from some sort of hibernation chamber, where we have became perfectly rounded people who "fully love their lives". Cause that's not even possible, it's usually just a facade. Life is a process and a winding road.
He is flogging a book...and trying to sell reality and manifest nonsense. He is also a man whom knows nothing about being a woman. I don't like him he is smug and lives in a bubble. The plebs don't have those options.
You will be around his energy again. He isn't completely gone. ⚘⚘⚘
Wise words …. I’ve been waiting to date again … a lot longer than necessary. Lost some confidence last time around.
I needed to hear this today thank you 😊
His privilege is learning from his past relationships.
Fully loving your life comes from within. Self preservation is a loving of oneself,
keeping your mental health and emotional well-being safe.
I am also I widow- 24 yrs ago my husband took his life-i was 30 with 2 young children.
The selfish act changed the trajectory of 3 lives, me and two daughters.
Love doesn't die from a death, it carries on within you.
You are here, in the present- love yourself as your late husband loved you.
Lewis is so truthful and humble, what a gentleman
This is great! Totally agree! We MUST heal and love yourself first before we can chose the right person and love that person the way they need to be loved!
Never settle for less it won't last. The more spiritual you become the more your filled with the spirit of God meaning filled with unconditional love of God by this time you have become and you truly love yourself for who you are, only then are you able to love others. When your filled with God's love you feel complete. You don't need love from others it's a bonus, when you meet your mate you will know you feel the energy of love coming from them, they will be at the same level as you. I must say you can be very spiritual and highly enlightened and still be very sexual. Nice conversation
O man. My first relationship from online dating took 6 months to really sink in for me that he and I are not compatible for each other. He is a great man, outstanding professional and scholar, clearly wants an integrated family life with his partner, had great friends and we went out at least once a week together. Once I had a number of convos with his parents and with him about what he expects in a relationship (kids, wildly different boundaries than I have about violence)...I had to break up our relationship. I cried so hard and so did he, but honestly it was important that we ended that relationship. I still think the world of him and his family and I hope he meets a brilliant woman who has the same outlook on what makes a man a man.
The woman: "Do I really want to cook those 10,000 meals for a man who describes eating those meals and spending time with me as exhausting, boring and draining?"
@@sallyisabel Same. Once had a guy ask me if I would still cook dinner and have sex with him if we had an argument. I told him I was no longer interested.
No, I hate cooking!!
And I'd rather have a man who like to share with household chores and children responsibilities too.. I've seen so many men after coming home from work wait to be served.. the woman has to ask if they can please help out.. and sometimes get an answer of "i just came home from work".. not even minding that the woman is sick and just finished 8hrs of work too and driving kids to school activities and starting to cook dinner.. smh some men have this mentality.. not everyone but... this make me think more about relationships...
@@rosedredz Yeah, there's resting after work, then there's not caring about being an adult.
@@greylizard1040 exactly
Thank you so much for this discussion. Sexual promiscuity is really hurting people, families and society. It is so wonderful to hear two successful men discuss monogamy and the various benefits it brings.
It was tough with my ex because she constantly doubted herself from a past relatiobship and traumas. I accepted and loved her the way she is. She would have many times of vulnerability with me and we spoke of the future, then she would doubt it and think of her past and back off out of nowhere. I didn't help when i chose to help a best friend with his business that wound up stabbing me in the back- lost myself and brought me extra stress. Crazy times this year. In a way, the friend was a relationship and i had to get rid of him. Unfortunately it caused some damage to me and my ability to be present with her. Regaining my purpose and drive. I know i didn't settle, we had great chemistry but i do know losing myself and the business was an emotional time for me. Take care all and thanks for reading!
Im a woman and i feel the same way....I am open to finding my partner who is mentally healthy, peaceful and understands the support.... I work soo hard and i am driven 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 in addition i am open to acceptance...🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
More power to us! ✨
This is the pinnacle of attractiveness…… Matthew and Lewis. Thank you gentlemen🔥❤️
truthfully there are so many scenarios and situations, its never one size fits all. My guy is 20 yrs younger and wasn't ready for a long time, I dated others never waited around, now we are great!
Why don't you talk about attachment? :) I think would be beneficial for people to understand it. For example when you talk about men who achieve but never settle for someone, those are traits of avoidance. Men and women do that. Avoidants avoid their feelings and intimacy by achieving. The person they are looking is a "phantom partner", a perfect idea that they will never find, which keeps them safe from real connection and intimacy.
I would think it's beneficial to talk about these in attachment level and not so much about "men" or the types. Ofcourse I find it meaningful to hear the thoughts from men's side, but please, learn about attachment and teach that to people too!! 🧡
I'm just dating myself at this point. I give up and instead working hard towards my goals. 💯
I hear discussion on what the man needs - safe space, peace, harmony .. how about not just being it, or atracting it - how about creating it - the terminology insinuates a little more conscious work, which is what relationships are
Woww... One of (if not THE ONE) the best videos I ever saw from Matthew and Louis channel...
Straight to the point about taking responsibility for our choices, don't settle or insist in people that is not aligned with us and our mission cause of a place of lack/wound ... Heal and fulfill yourself firt and after come together to share it, add to each other, not to take from a feeling of emptiness ...
After investing a lot of my time to make 2 different years long different relationships work, being overly tolerant (cause of an unaware wound) when I should have left it, also investing a lot of time to become a specialized doctor ...
Now in 37th, I absolutely feel more complete, know better my values and will not settle for less than my heart wishes and I deserve ... I am ready to meet a man that I admire and grow a family together!!!
Thank you very much for this truthful video!
Much love! 🙌🏼💜
I love how you two build each other up while building up every person that's watching this. There are layers upon layers of green flags being shown and taught here.
Wow, I'm a 61 years old woman. And I think I'm a modern one. I'm having a big big big big big hapiness in listening (watching) to both of you during this video. Both of you are not conscious what it means ot a woman like me belonging to the generation who was 14 years old when the year of women (1975) was decreed (I'm a french speaking person, Idon't knoewif the word exist in english) by the United Nation. Finally, I'm learning that guys get commited when they feel they will live in harmony in their commited life. I can tell you it is exactly the same for weman. Beleive me. But finally, 2 guys ares telling the truth about what they haved discovered what they are lookin for for a commited life. Amazing. I'm very happy about what you are expressing. By the way, I watch your videos since a long time and in this one, it is like you finally describe the "boîte de pandore". Young men, I congratulate both of you. Thank you for opening about what your thinking and feeling. Really. what you are expressing has a big value on this planet. Thank you again. Viva la jeune génération!
This is so precious! Just a pure loving wisdom, thank you 🙏 I just wish sessions like these would be thaught every day in schools, in families so that we could become the society of greatness.
I had told my husband clearly when we first started dating that i wanted kids and i could only give him a year of dating because i was mid-30s. By the end, he broke up with me still unsure if "[I] was the one" and about a month later he asked me out again with the intention to get engaged soon having traveled to Europe but missing me the whole time :) part of what pushed it was his brother was getting engaged and his standard for his brother was "she takes care of him so sure, i think it could be a good match." He had gotten sick on his trip, i was making him ginger soup for his cold, and i just started to pack up after he said that line saying I'm just an idiot lol before i could get out the door he stopped me and asked me out again.
we were married less than 6 months later in the middle of the pandemic and this June will be 3 years and we have a one year old son who is the joy (although sometimes bane loll!) of our lives ❤
Articulately said. Then there’s also the biblical standard where the wheel doesn’t have to be reinvented. Where… men (and women) are encouraged to save sex for marriage because it’s more meaningful and it’s true love/commitment instead of just using each other for whatever lustful desire that usually doesn’t cease for a while or ever for some people. No commitment is not love. And being sexually driven without marriage leads to abortion if innocent children, broken relationships and people, depression, more mental issues, infidelities, and STIs. Getting to know each other first and having self control with God’s strength and grace is how people can be truly free. Love is described aptly I’m 1 Corinthians 13.
I believe God just pop this video on my screen for me to send it to someone, I been following this channel for years… this is exactly what I tried to explain about a relationship and commitment and suddenly is like I’m wrong for thinking and asking for what I know is right while they keep going around in circles bitting their own tails. This is a very strong message I hope this can help many people to understand and growing spiritually and emotionally. I don’t agree on the part for a woman to throw a pack of cheese a lot guys come pretend to give you what you want and them mess you up as a woman you have to be very cautious specially if you have kids your emotional distress can impact them also and is not a good thing, I don’t agree on that part. Pretty much you saying fail get up and repeat until you find the one doesn’t matter is you felt with 30 maybe just maybe 31 will be good. Just set boundaries since the beginning as Mathews always advice. Learn from experience and make better choices in life!
Amount of things I learn from UA-cam, even though I thought I've figured out most of the things in life is mind boggling
Every Human being need to have purpose and direction in his life .
As I was listening to this, I cant stop crying... and agreeing to all that was said. Keep making quality videos and making our lives enriched. Thank you.
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. -Geothe
Excellent message ❤❤❤. Values vison lifestyle are sooo important. Lonely in a bad relationship is not good.
He's come with maturity with life experiences
This is handsdown one of the best, most eye opening, insightful, and wise podcasts on the topic of love i've ever seen. Thank you so much, to both of you!
What a birthday present! I adored this! Lewis spoke in the most calm mature rational way and Matt bought out the questions to b e answered so well...just wow!
Lewis is such a sweet guy. I met him at a real estate event many moons ago. So glad to see him doing well! ❤❤❤
Finding inner peace for me is the love in need then you might be able to see the love in others and viceversa.
So nice to hear beautiful souls talking about real values and life. I love it. Wise conversation
Exactly, I have great friends, I have a great job, I am happy with my looks and my character and yet, I have the ache of missing my soul mate, this unique love...and I am trauma bond to a narccisist...I am 43, was 10 years in a ok relationship but he didn’t want kids... Now I am here...attractive, intelligent and independent...but without a family and in toxic affair I just can‘t get out of....
Well, I'd say the first step towards meeting someone serious is actually getting out of that toxic affair, asking yourself why you got into it in the first place and HEALING FROM ALL THAT SH**.
I'm doing it right now and you can too!
These two men are the dynamic duo! Love em!
My ex who I wasted quite a few yrs of my life is trying to come back around. He is in his late 50s, needs a hip replacement (I am an NP), and has been given notice by his landlord because she wants to sell the house he rents. He can't find a house to buy in his price range. What does he do? Starts hitting me up about us cooking dinner together. Telling me has dreams about me.😂 I bet you do buddy. I bet you do.
How do you give a man peace when he won’t allow you to express any emotions or sometimes thoughts. I wanted to give him peace but everytime he stonewalled I felt extremely hurt.
You both are great and always have valuable stuff to offer. But on this bit, you make it sound as if once you stick to your values you'll find that match. My life is a living proof that even that can fail sometimes. I've always had my vlues clear and always stuck to them, but boy did that guy show up! :)
Guys who share those values you're talking about are simply rare in today's world.
Let me put this here, so I all my life wanted love and alignment to settle down then I am 45 now, almost at the menopause, not married, no kids and nothing. I always thought I was right for not choosing the traditional ways of my society but then it's too hard to assume my choices now and not regretting making them.. nothing is right, nothing is certain. I am alone and lonely, I am alive but I don't live.
I think it's in dna of women to have kids and family. Not doing that goes against your biological nature. Guess you should warn other young women who are on similar path.
You can change that starting today. You can become a Big Sister, Foster, Nanny or a future Step Parent or Bonus Mom. You still have half your live ahead of you. Now go get it
@@laura20835 thank you for your kindness, and yes I am a big sister actually and "the best aunt in the world " according to my nieces and nephews... i am a best friend and a good daughter. And thank you for reminding to be grateful for all what I have. Sometimes I tend to see what I don't have only.. some days are just hard and sad feelings get over me..
Find some cool girlfriends and travel several times a year . Give to the children at need and you will fulfill your life
@@irinasvidunovich6264 Travel the world with other women 🤣 Jesus the advice on this comment section is dreadful.
There seems to be so much emphasis on men wanting perfect looks and so called wife material qualities such a deluded world we live in . Most of those men arnt so perfect themselves . Love is organic and if its to much of a game its not worth it. Live life on your own terms be kind and supportive, encouraging to yourself and others, don't waste time over not being good enough for some superficial guy who doesn't get it.
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I love this discussion. This is so true and thats what I am doing. Waiting for the right person and started to take actions 😊
men will waste your time when they are not ready
I am 45 and divorced. I don’t date men fresh on the market for the first time in a long time for the reason that I don’t think they know what they want. Most men look for the chemistry and spark on the first date that I question and wonder if that’s a real thing. I think you only really know chemistry after a few dates.