I can relate to the "never felt romantic attraction" 100%, and I'd like to add that, for me anyway, as I'm an aroallo, I experienced what I thought was romantic attraction, and I just thought I was the world's worst flirt (my idea of "flirting" was geeking out about my interests), I thought the only difference between a friendship and a relationship is if they did the deed together. I realized that my "romantic attraction" was just sexual and platonic happening at the same time. Ironically, being in a relationship (my first and so far only) is what made me realize I'm aromantic.
Um, yes and yes? If you wanna get technical, all children are born without romantic or sexual attraction, although we try to sexualize babies by seeing them play with another child and saying they have a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" or describing them as a heartbreaker. It's a spectrum ... everybody has traumatic life experiences that they filter through the lens of who they are. There are some microlabels that are specifically because of trauma but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter why. It just is what it is.
Great video. I've been reflecting on this recently. I'm pretty sure I saw romance as a thing adults do. So when I grew up, I figured I had to do adult things. The same can be said about drinking coffee lol
Same here. To me it seemed like an “adult thing,” but when I reached adulthood, even though I knew it was something I was “supposed to do,” I just couldn’t bring myself to engage in romantic relationships. I also don’t like coffee- is being “acoffee” a thing? 🤣
I'm sure I would have labeled myself aromantic and asexual as a teen if it had been an option. Now I know I'm actually a demisexual and demiromantic lesbian. :)
Hi! For me, I saw romance as a concept. I dont mind if other couples are romantic, I just don’t want it for myself. Also, Ive never been the type of person to plan romantic getaways or dinners, I dont even like flowers. Im not a fan of valentines day. I thought that something was wrong with me until I found out there was a word to describe it. Im also ace and very proud of it!!
As a teen, I didn't think there was ANY chance of me being aspec. Come ten years later and I'm calling myself greysexual and questioning my romantic orientation. I can't answer the question of the video honestly. I've never had irl experiences to go off, and I feel too far away and separated from my teen self to accurately describe in hindsight whether the crushes back then were legitimate or romantic at all or not. Whether I've always been a certain way, or if later experiences shaped me, it doesn't really change whatever I am feeling right now tbh. Which, even if I don't know what it is for sure, is often simply "not allo enough for THIS".
Hi Patrick I sent you on IG, but in case you see it here. I follow you for some time and I often comment showing my support. I'm from Brazil, I just submitted a feedback to Aurea about the term 'aromantism'. I'll share it below in case you see it as relevant, as you're a present part of the community. Thank you. 💚 --- "I believe we as a community should push the change of the term Aromantism to Aromanticity. As it happened for 'homosexuality' moving away from 'homosexualism' that express a sense of stigma. That also allows it to be seen as an orientation and not a condition, especially when put alongside asexuality (and not 'asexualism'). I'm from Brazil and I see the use of 'aromanticity' used more commonly, maybe in Portuguese the negative connotation of the "-ism" suffix in this context is clearer. I hope for the day it'll be official that we discuss "asexuality and aromanticity". I personally do it that way in the meantime. Thank you for considering my feedback. João"
I guess Eleanor of Aquitaine either has a lot to answer for or was taken way out of context. She kind of coined the term Romantic, although to her it meant "of the Romans" in this case her image of the Roman ideal of love and devotion to love and what later people would describe as the nuclear family (at a time when people tended to live in multi-generational households and with extended family nearby) hence the heavy emphasis on the 1 man and 1 woman as he was meant to be a provider and protector for her as she established his line for context extensive family networks were more normal back then as well as a notion of platonic attraction being the highest ideal of relationship since it was "unmarred by the desire for children" so there are those who argue this approach was designed to break up the power of the noble houses through atomization. This notion kind of fell as Eleanor's power diminished (she'd been wife to the king of France, annulled it citing incest, married the king of England and then he died after his sons rebelled against him and she left politics and became a nun) but it would be reconstituted again with the rise of the Middling Sort from the 15th century onwards (some historians claim the Reformation did it but I tend to think was more the changing nature of wealth facilitated the ideas to grow anew with a declining aristocracy). Granted there were other movements which took the name Romantic as they drew on other Roman virtues (real or imagined) such as a political unity of and devotion to the land of one's birth (as in the case of Romantic Nationalism in the late 18th and early 19th century) or stoicism hence why you might come across the term The Romantic Age or a Romantic Period, for example Victorian histories used this term to describe the period from 1588-1815 as they believed it was defined by strong and stoic men whose individual courage and genius led England (and after 1707 Britain) to greatness not held back by dogma, institution or sentimentality but following their own moral compass and hard working attitude that on every setback to dust themselves off and stick to the course (America as a similar idea when it comes to the American West). All this to say, given how much the meaning of the word romantic has changed over the years it seems unsurprising that how it may be confusing to people whether and what they feel about it.
I know that I was born this way. I am neurodivergent and some of my relatives are also aro…we are such an aro family…my parents are even a QPR not romance. But Ím a black sheep called ace 😅 I felt allways tertiary (as a tiny child for the first time, I was 5) attractions and never got what romance really was until now. I tried to see a guy, but the happyend was only freedom of certainity - I was sure that I am aroace. I knew who I was since then and my ex is happily with another lady now ;)
I am never a follower take time to discover myself having different paths from others I always my aro identity I can't even help the fact that I don't feel romantic sparks for people
As a teen, I didn't think there was ANY chance of me being aspec. Come ten years later and I'm calling myself greysexual and questioning my romantic orientation. Honestly, I can't answer the question of the video myself. I've never had irl experiences to go off, and I feel too far away and separated from my teen self to accurately describe in hindsight whether the crushes back then were legitimate or romantic at all or not. Whether I've always been a certain way, or if later experiences shaped me, it doesn't really change whatever I am feeling right now tbh. Which, even if I don't know what it is for sure, is often simply "not allo enough for THIS".
I can relate to the "never felt romantic attraction" 100%, and I'd like to add that, for me anyway, as I'm an aroallo, I experienced what I thought was romantic attraction, and I just thought I was the world's worst flirt (my idea of "flirting" was geeking out about my interests), I thought the only difference between a friendship and a relationship is if they did the deed together. I realized that my "romantic attraction" was just sexual and platonic happening at the same time. Ironically, being in a relationship (my first and so far only) is what made me realize I'm aromantic.
Um, yes and yes?
If you wanna get technical, all children are born without romantic or sexual attraction, although we try to sexualize babies by seeing them play with another child and saying they have a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" or describing them as a heartbreaker.
It's a spectrum ... everybody has traumatic life experiences that they filter through the lens of who they are. There are some microlabels that are specifically because of trauma but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter why. It just is what it is.
Great video. I've been reflecting on this recently. I'm pretty sure I saw romance as a thing adults do. So when I grew up, I figured I had to do adult things. The same can be said about drinking coffee lol
Same here. To me it seemed like an “adult thing,” but when I reached adulthood, even though I knew it was something I was “supposed to do,” I just couldn’t bring myself to engage in romantic relationships.
I also don’t like coffee- is being “acoffee” a thing? 🤣
2:00 oh man that hit me hard, that was my reality
I'm sure I would have labeled myself aromantic and asexual as a teen if it had been an option. Now I know I'm actually a demisexual and demiromantic lesbian. :)
Hi! For me, I saw romance as a concept. I dont mind if other couples are romantic, I just don’t want it for myself. Also, Ive never been the type of person to plan romantic getaways or dinners, I dont even like flowers. Im not a fan of valentines day. I thought that something was wrong with me until I found out there was a word to describe it. Im also ace and very proud of it!!
What does romantic attraction even feel like
As a teen, I didn't think there was ANY chance of me being aspec. Come ten years later and I'm calling myself greysexual and questioning my romantic orientation. I can't answer the question of the video honestly. I've never had irl experiences to go off, and I feel too far away and separated from my teen self to accurately describe in hindsight whether the crushes back then were legitimate or romantic at all or not.
Whether I've always been a certain way, or if later experiences shaped me, it doesn't really change whatever I am feeling right now tbh. Which, even if I don't know what it is for sure, is often simply "not allo enough for THIS".
Hi Patrick
I sent you on IG, but in case you see it here.
I follow you for some time and I often comment showing my support.
I'm from Brazil, I just submitted a feedback to Aurea about the term 'aromantism'.
I'll share it below in case you see it as relevant, as you're a present part of the community. Thank you. 💚
---
"I believe we as a community should push the change of the term Aromantism to Aromanticity. As it happened for 'homosexuality' moving away from 'homosexualism' that express a sense of stigma. That also allows it to be seen as an orientation and not a condition, especially when put alongside asexuality (and not 'asexualism').
I'm from Brazil and I see the use of 'aromanticity' used more commonly, maybe in Portuguese the negative connotation of the "-ism" suffix in this context is clearer.
I hope for the day it'll be official that we discuss "asexuality and aromanticity".
I personally do it that way in the meantime.
Thank you for considering my feedback.
João"
I guess Eleanor of Aquitaine either has a lot to answer for or was taken way out of context.
She kind of coined the term Romantic, although to her it meant "of the Romans" in this case her image of the Roman ideal of love and devotion to love and what later people would describe as the nuclear family (at a time when people tended to live in multi-generational households and with extended family nearby) hence the heavy emphasis on the 1 man and 1 woman as he was meant to be a provider and protector for her as she established his line for context extensive family networks were more normal back then as well as a notion of platonic attraction being the highest ideal of relationship since it was "unmarred by the desire for children" so there are those who argue this approach was designed to break up the power of the noble houses through atomization.
This notion kind of fell as Eleanor's power diminished (she'd been wife to the king of France, annulled it citing incest, married the king of England and then he died after his sons rebelled against him and she left politics and became a nun) but it would be reconstituted again with the rise of the Middling Sort from the 15th century onwards (some historians claim the Reformation did it but I tend to think was more the changing nature of wealth facilitated the ideas to grow anew with a declining aristocracy).
Granted there were other movements which took the name Romantic as they drew on other Roman virtues (real or imagined) such as a political unity of and devotion to the land of one's birth (as in the case of Romantic Nationalism in the late 18th and early 19th century) or stoicism hence why you might come across the term The Romantic Age or a Romantic Period, for example Victorian histories used this term to describe the period from 1588-1815 as they believed it was defined by strong and stoic men whose individual courage and genius led England (and after 1707 Britain) to greatness not held back by dogma, institution or sentimentality but following their own moral compass and hard working attitude that on every setback to dust themselves off and stick to the course (America as a similar idea when it comes to the American West).
All this to say, given how much the meaning of the word romantic has changed over the years it seems unsurprising that how it may be confusing to people whether and what they feel about it.
I know that I was born this way. I am neurodivergent and some of my relatives are also aro…we are such an aro family…my parents are even a QPR not romance.
But Ím a black sheep called ace 😅
I felt allways tertiary (as a tiny child for the first time, I was 5) attractions and never got what romance really was until now. I tried to see a guy, but the happyend was only freedom of certainity - I was sure that I am aroace. I knew who I was since then and my ex is happily with another lady now ;)
I am never a follower take time to discover myself having different paths from others I always my aro identity I can't even help the fact that I don't feel romantic sparks for people
As a teen, I didn't think there was ANY chance of me being aspec. Come ten years later and I'm calling myself greysexual and questioning my romantic orientation. Honestly, I can't answer the question of the video myself. I've never had irl experiences to go off, and I feel too far away and separated from my teen self to accurately describe in hindsight whether the crushes back then were legitimate or romantic at all or not.
Whether I've always been a certain way, or if later experiences shaped me, it doesn't really change whatever I am feeling right now tbh. Which, even if I don't know what it is for sure, is often simply "not allo enough for THIS".