Love is changing adult diapers and telling them you are grateful they are there so you can do it. Love was caregiving for 24 years after a major stroke...love was holding hands as they breathed their last...Love wasn't just about me, love was doing all in my power to make their life as easy, sweet, and gentle as possible for as long as possible...
@@cyndimoring9389 agreed. Its hard work, all encompassing and difficult. I can empathize and im sorry for your grief. I was in a coma after my heart stopped and woke up to the news of heart failure. Was in a wheelchair for a year and don’t have a long life expectancy. I didn’t get gentle or sweet. I had to hire a nurse and mu own attorney to get my early retirement It was very isolating. I did it with a 2/4 year old and it was hour by hour day by day while my husband shut down. Im glad u could be there for him and love him with dignity
@@KristinaFerrarino omg, that's worse than not having a husband when you're sick. I'm sorry for your situation, but you were strong and there for your children. Screw him, the big baby. Now you know how you rate.
Great video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him*
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back*
Yes it is bro... Oh yes it is very hard, but the more you get intentionally conscious and focus on the good result you want to reach, the more you become peaceful in your energy and reactions. It takes time and patience and a lot of willingness to improve. Determination in adversity, this is perseverance, waiting and thriving through the fire, because this fire is the one that makes your relation mature. Grow through pain, this is maturity! 🙌🏼
Especially when they keep hurting you then say they love you please forgive me then after 30 years they have played the emotional game and now you’re old and they can’t even meet you halfway it’s my fault because I kept believing God and love would fix and heal us nope 👎 but I’m listening to this video so I can not have a nervous breakdown because stress is making me sick so keep teaching us I’m listening while walking on my treadmill
It can be challenging but it is 100% possible. It will take you calling in a divine presence to dissolve the divisive one that is between you, if that makes sense. Blessings on your journey! 💛
Watching this emotionally charged video brings back the agony of my recent breakup. My four year relationship ended abruptly when my partner walked away, leaving a deep, unhealed wound in my heart. No matter how much I try to forget, I can't seem to let go, feeling lost and unsure about my future without him. Despite my best efforts, I remain consumed by the emptiness he left behind, and I just needed to share this pain here.
It's incredibly hard to move on when someone you love becomes just a memory. I was in a similar situation when my five year relationship fell apart. I couldn’t imagine my life without him and fought endlessly to get him back. In my desperation, I reached out to a spiritual guide, who helped me restore what I thought was lost forever.
Interesting! I’m genuinely curious how did you discover this spiritual counselor, and what’s the best way for me to connect with someone who could help me in a similar way?
You should meet Fatherabulu, a highly regarded spiritual advisor who is renowned for helping people reconnect with their ex partners. His unique methods and spiritual insight have restored many broken relationships.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your advice is invaluable, and I’m deeply grateful for pointing me in the right direction. I’ll definitely explore this and see if it helps me too.
My husband always tells me that we don't talk about our problems, but every time I try to talk to him and tell him how I feel, he gets defensive and starts yelling. So yes, I don't talk to him anymore about my feelings. He's definitely not a safe place for me.
Agree with the above comment. The book is good! He doesn't hear WHAT you're saying, he hears "I'm failing you and I don't know how to fix it".... try starting with "I don't need fixing... I just need you to hear me/listen..."
@@Aire1168 awww that's really sad isn't it, but at the end of the day. You get one life (that we know of) and you have to live it and be happy! Happiness is what matters. Have you tried couples counselling.... hard times o guess are a part of marriage (in all relationships tbh) but it's our ability to compromise and overcome them together what matters xx
I was a part of a 3 year engagement that ended because of my actions. I felt it in my heart that I loved her more than any other partner I've ever had. But my actions were not in harmony with my heart. Due to my past mistakes, weaknesses and immaturity, I failed her. She put forth so much in the relationship and I'm now seeing how I failed. How I was improving and serving her, but missing the big spots and the more important needs she had. She has a golden heart and still shows me love but my turn to care for her and be her Partner is over. If you read this, please do what i didn't do in time. Listen to them, hear what they truly want to say, and then CHANGE. Do it for them before you lose them.
I was the girl on the other side of your story. I liked the comment. Once she's done, she's done. My feelings died for him and I will never feel the same.
I wish he would’ve changed earlier. I gave him so much time to try to fix his bad behavior. I forgave horrible mistakes he made. I was patient through the defensiveness and the yelling when I just wanted him to see my side. At this point, I had to end things. I couldn’t handle being disrespected and lied to anymore while he spirals. He said that I am the love of his life, he loves me so much, and he feels awful that he ruined everything. I wish he loved me enough to have been able to get out of his own way. The foundation we had is completely shattered and I wish it could be fixed, but he needs to do some serious work on himself and I can’t keep getting dragged down with him.
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly hard. I went through a similar experience when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I did everything I could to rekindle our relationship. Eventually, I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who guided us back together.
This is fantastic. Most people would prefer to just say I love you and then be done with it. I have learned that most of the time I am just playing a bit part in someone's life and that, if I walked away, they would be annoyed because they have to work to replace me but not annoyed because they lost me. Once a person reaches a point that they are alone in a relationship then they might as well go be alone by themselves rather than face daily rejection.
Totally.He could have his own talk show where couples are people come and discuss stuff. Or couples who fight and he tries to help them. He’s really amazing
❤I just have one question for you young lady,. Who is number one in your life? Because if this persons word mean more to you than what Jesus said to the disciples,not only showing how they could do what He was doing and teaching,they now do with the helper( Holy Spirit ) we need to die to self,this is for a lot of you ladies out there. You say that you’re a Christian ,a little Christ .first thing King Jesus says is ,be born again, you must die to feelings,emotions,all the garbage that this world offers.you love everyone around you unconditionally,that’s a command from the Lord,follow me but one person said wait, let me bury my family first. Then I’ll follow you to the kingdom of heaven. Jesus says to him ,let the dead bury the dead and follow me , today is the day of salvation,tomorrow is promised to no one.narrow is the road that leads to to Jesus, that he may lift us up that day. For to long a worldly Christianity has bean around,churches full of seat warmers, to hear a good concert and a good word from the preacher,you leave with itchy ears ,warm fuzzy ,and you think God is happy with all this feeling hear emotion there as Jesus himself vomits 🤮 you out. Reality,,, you know of king Jesus , sadly HE doesn’t know you. I hope and pray these messages I purposely choose to write over here stir you up for everyone to read the gospels themselves,m,m,l,j. Whatever Jesus says,you put into practice,all of it,not just what you want.squeeze an orange,you should get orange juice,squeeze a Christian,what do you get,not the Christ I follow…😢come alive dry bones in the mighty name of Jesus Christ…amen…
So absolutely true! I always said communication is key! Sadly you are totally right about narcissists…better off alone! Being lonely in a relationship is WAY worse than being alone!
These principles apply to all relationships. Including friendships. Constructive feedback is supposed to be spoken in love and not in a mocking type of way. Or a judgmental tone.
In 20 minutes, this video has answered questions I've been asking my entire life & no one has been able to come up with an actual answer. Best video I've ever watched!!! Thank you Jimmy!!!!
Thank you Jimmy your video comes the right moment. My ex bf asked for another chance. However, I told him he needs to prove to me that he is the man for me. By putting the effort in the "relationship". It is on him now. He has to earned my heart again, I told him that. My heart is in a safe place. I realized if it doesn't work out, I am going to be fine.
My husband and I celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary in August. 21 years together in February ‘24. Love is a choice. Love is an action. Life won’t always be a joyride, unfortunately. We’ve been at the bottom together and how we reacted to those circumstances within our marriage is what determined our success. Seeing someone at their worst, their most vulnerable, and supporting them, rather than leaving, is the biggest test for any relationship. I’m grateful for our pain and our struggle, because it set our foundation. It is strong and unbreakable now. And the good stuff is so much sweeter. 🌹💞
My husband won't even watch these videos. I sent them to him and asked if he watched them, and his response was "Of course not" and "Why should I have to." He thinks I'm the entire problem. Zero desire for self-reflection. Doesn't want to even learn what validation and reciprocation look like. I have so much resentment built up from this relationship that I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm so sad and so angry. I'm tired of being dismissed and ignored. At this point, I'm only still here because I can't afford to leave.
💯 I felt seriously loved by people that just didn't work at the relationship. Just because we love somebody, we shouldn't get into a relationship with them.
Every negative response, reaction is 100% in my marriage. My husband is a narcissist & never asks or wants to listen to me. My "thoughts are stupid". How do I leave a 16 year marriage & 3 children. I am exhausted from trying my best to please him. I am worn & alone. 😥
My response to both of you is to remove yourself from these situations. My mother stayed married to my alcoholic narcissistic father until he died. She now regrets not leaving him earlier on and finding her own happiness. How do you leave? Make yourself first.
@veronicaf821 @amyoung101 The hardest part is to actually take the first step. Even if you don't know where it will take you or you're not sure where you'll end up. Your happiness is worth taking the leap and finding out where it gets you, even if it means maybe you have to move in with family or friends for a while. And if you can't take that step by yourself, the best thing you can do is attend a mental health group or see an individual therapist and they WILL help you. I attended group therapy for several months (for anxiety) and I met multiple women while there who were in abusive or unfulfilling marriages, and among them were success cases where being in that very group gave them the support they needed to leave. The help is out there. It takes courage, and a bit of research, but it is there. Please find it, you are worth it. I wish you both luck.
I’m sorry 💔 I left an 8 year domestic partnership (not married but our lives and finances were fully intertwined) because both our lives were all about him. I did everything I could to support his goals and career and he looked at me with such disgust. I received no support or love from him. Leaving was so hard and took several tries but I’m so much happier now
So beautifully expressed Jimmy. I’m at the end of a 20+ yr relationship and I’m done. I look for the parts of me that contributed to this ending, but to be perfectly honest I have begged for communication from him for years. He shuts down and walks away, which as you said just makes me angry. He is an unconfident EI son of a grandiose Narcissist. He’s never worked on himself. I worry for his future, because he’s clearly in denial and can never apologise for anything. Why did I stay so long? Kids and finances basically. He’s moved home to his mothers and basically abandoned me financially, but he was never a willing provider anyway. I’ll survive. I’m doing all the work to sell the property and then I’ll be free. Why am I telling my story? So that ppl younger than me can recognise that ppl with these traits rarely change. He’s all in his head and doesn’t talk to me about anything. 10x worse than before. There is nothing I can do for him expect look out for myself. I’d hoped because of the grown up kids we could be amicable, perhaps that will come in time? Considering we have lived like house mates for so long, his reaction to making this decision has quite honestly surprised me. I guess he would have gone along like that forever. But I want more out of life. No more asking for “permission” and being held back, scared of his reaction to something I want to do. Just putting it in writing here is therapeutic. Again thank you Jimmy.
@@sharicoburn5475 thank you! Sorry you had to endure that too. Fortunately I am a strong person, so will be ok, you must be too. Many would continue to stay sadly. It was always me and the kids and then it was him, living his life himself. The fact he has moved out and left me to upkeep everything says it all. Life just happens to him and he's the victim. No regrets though, I have two great kids, and lots of life lessons. Wishing you well xx
@@saggie5261 you sound like my twin. Two kids, and we live separate lives from them. No real connection. So glad for you to be freed from that. It's a difficult transition and I made mistakes as I didn't know about narcissistic abuse 10 years ago. Now I know and won't be out in that position ever again
Yup. Pretty much sucks and I’m in the same boat. Have tried everything to build trust and closeness but to no avail. I’ve been hurt in too many ways to name. But at the same time financially vulnerable. So there is guilt there.
This video is super insightful. I wish I had this info before my ex and I split. There’s so much I could have applied. I thought love was enough but I wasn’t actually showing up. I was kind by not considerate. I tried to be supportive but she also needed vulnerability. I didn’t communicate my needs, so they festered and I subconsciously withheld. We never fought until we had big outbursts and then broke up. We’d get back together without addressing the issues. I’ve read so many books on relationships and communication. Watched content like this and I’m a better person but I think lost her forever. It sucks having all the info when it’s too late. I know there’s billions of people so the idea of a soulmate is quaint. But it felt like that. She was my red string. We had a great connection, shared values. But of compatibility suffered because the communication wasn’t where it needed to be. I was also complacent as a result of not communicating my need for safety. And maybe that sounds toxic but to me it was two people who loved each other greatly but couldn’t speak the same language
Well I think it’s great that you can admit these things now. I hope you find someone. I’m with someone but he’s Been taking me for granted for 14 years and I’m so sick of it
@@lauraindira8421 I’m sorry you feel that way. You’ve been together for 14 years there must be something there? unless it’s just for kids? I hope you can talk to him and share your needs. I know from experience that letting things fester is not the way. Both people need to feel heard. Both people need to feel safe and have their needs met. Do you do Couples therapy? I don’t know your situation but I hope you find a path to happiness in whatever path that takes.
Love grows out of trust (which grows out of consistency and accountability) and physical attraction. I chose one over the other in 2 relationships, and both failed. Im waiting for the opportunity to have both in the same relationship.
Leaving can solve a lot. It shows that person they didn’t show up, and that you have enough self worth to not allow overly avoidant or overly narcissistic traits . It tells the person that that you are aware you deserve peace and respect. Remember there is NPD, and then there is a narcissistic spectrum that is not necessarily a full blown disorder. Criticism is qualified in two ways, positive and negative. Criticism is ok as long as it’s presented respectfully and productively.
It can in some cases. It can also show that the person leaving is selfish. They won't put the work into the relationship. Instead choosing to chase her affair partner. As Jimmy says, love is humble. It's not about "getting what someone deserves." Love is about making sure they are protecting the relationship and serving the other. Leaving can be the ultimate disrespectful criticism. It can be an example of the person leaving externalizing the problem and shifting all the blame to the one she is leaving.
@@buffuniballer Definitely agreed. From my perspective, i was codependent from being abused physically and emotionally as a child as my dad was a retired special ops marine missing half of each leg with nasty PTSD . I didnt have a normal framing. I subsequently dealt with physical and emotional abuse in my marriage for 25 years. Thinking he was “just being a jerk “The advent of social media brought ubiquitous awareness . I had an “ ahhhhh” moment, and told him i was leaving but he said he would try …and now he’s doing the work. Its been A LOT. For me ,having an affair would be self betrayal. What is that saying?! ,” if your breaker box is broken, dont call your plumber to fix it” After 25 years together I couldn’t . Gross . I had to read 14 books, and do 2 to group seminars along with meditative therapy to clean my codependency up Im on year 2 of coaching my husband on ACOA / avoidant and narcissistic tendencies. Hes a good student and growing .
@@KristinaFerrarino Wait I'm confused, so did you actually leave the relationship and pursue another or did you tell him that if he didn't change his behavior you weren't going to stay? One is leaving and the other is just putting up a boundary. But if he abused you physically and emotionally for 25 years I don't see why threatening to leave would change that seriously and I would NOT recommend it for other abuse victims. Most abusers, especially ones who harm victims for 20+ years aren't going to change and one should never stay that long in an abusive situation ideally.
@@ajregalia1334 i told him to leave, and explained why. Gave him 30 days He’s doing the work, and made a lot of progress. Im happy he was willing to invest in himself, so he can have peace in his life, too. We both came from really rough backgrounds, and both had work to do. Im glad he decided to dig in. Im sure its statistically unlikely for most to have the introspection to make a change, but hes doing it . He writes in his journal and shares every day . The Brene Brown series was helpful for him along with ACOA program. We are 2 years into his healing journey 😀.
Thank you for this video and your wisdom. I was only asking for reciprocity and to feel safe from my ex after he started distancing himself. I always showed up with love and good intentions and it was not enough for him because he has his own trauma and insecurities that he needs to heal from. I still love him to this day and did not want to stay in touch, because that is the consequence of leaving me and not reciprocating efforts in the relationship. It became one-sided on my side. I have been loving myself and getting to know myself more than ever before and healed from my childhood trauma. Now I focus on my short-term and long-term goals, along with my friends and family. I hope that everyone that is struggling with loving themselves and loving others find peace and eternal joy❤
You are a very big part of the reason I could see that I had to leave my previous narcissistic marriage . I will continue learning. And it's true, love is definitely not enough. Thank you :)
@theBear89451 Nothing any level headed and wise therapist like Jimmy ever say will have ANY impact if the listener is 1. Toxic OR 2. Not ready to face the truth of having healthy relationships. Because the first will refuse to "see themselves" and call those who wants to have healthy relationships as someone who has "victim mentality" simply so they can continue mistreating them as they want to. And the 2nd might be so mistreated and used to unhealthy relationships all their life that they want to fight for what is unhealthy to persist. And be in denial. Like I did for a long time. Because I was used to allowing people to mistreat me my whole life thinking that only other people mattered. Everyone except me. I believe it's safest to just say that: everyone will hear whatever they want to hear as always. What someone is trying to say and what the person on the other side perceive, might be two completely different stories. Let's not put words in a mouth that was never spoken. If we look at the bigger picture we can see that Jimmy is here to root for healthy relationships. Which are two people being happy. Not just one. He speaks for the best interest of both parties. And makes us aware of what is toxic and what is healthy.
Anyone can convince themselves that they are a victim. There's an epidemic of victimhood in the world these days. The bottom line is that there's no happiness in playing a victim or really being one.
Tried the checking in and all that led to was a screaming match, as usual. Could never bring up any issues because he never wants to address them and when I do, he becomes super defensive and dismissive. No matter what strategy we tried to implement, or how calmly I approached our issues, his promises for better communication was never followed through. So I've had enough. All the "love in the world couldn't solve our communication issues. 😢
I got sick and tired of being the only one rowing ‘our’ boat, of saying sorry for things I didn’t do, of being the only one trying to improve us, of being unappreciated, in not being thanked, of the only one saying I love you, of being neglected and unloved. In the end it didn’t matter how much I loved him and showed it, I walked away when I realised my love would never fix us, and he just wasn’t interested in ‘us’.
True Love is based on truth. The most common definition of love is corrupt and, of course, won't be enough. But love based on truth, will not support and feed another's addictions for energy from others. I am personally responsible for my own happiness and well being. Love and care must be a Gift that is freely given without emotional strings attached. This is where true joy in life comes from. Relationships will shift and change, moving in and out of our experiential environment. Our resistance to this change is what causes pain and suffering. Absolute or True Love Is enough, and is currently rare on earth.
The hardest person to break up with is the one you've created in your delusional, fantasy-making mind... 1. Know your value!!! (Do NOT doubt yourself.) 2. Take yourself and your worth seriously. You need to BE A QUEEN to be treated like one. 3. Don’t give easy access to anyone, at any time. Access to your energy should be expensive. 4. Do NOT only express your boundaries. YOU MUST show them. 5. Always be ready to walk away. 6. Show that you are focused on actions not on words. 7. Have a healthy degree of skepticism. 8. You must be willing to say NO and you must be willing to lose the man, if needed. 9. Never EVER chase a man! A truly worthy woman, (who knows her worth) does not EVER chase a man. Giving the same energy that you're getting is key and if you don't like that energy then move on! NOW! It can be hard but that's when you need to choose yourself over the damn illusion/fantasy. A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period. So... If he ignores me I will step back and he will lose me. Simple. Simple. Non-dramatic and uncomplicated. I don’t, under any circumstance: play these childish-abusive-controlling mind games. I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me, and treats me as the Queen, I AM. (Daughter of the Most Hight; King of kings!) Because I am a beautiful and kind and divine and sexy and wise and intelligent and magical woman: who knows my worth. Period. Also, We create each moment. This moment contains, through my focus, both positive and negative... I can put my attention on what I lack, what I don't have, what traumas I do have etc... And, I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in, NOW, the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have... (You get my idea!) Both are here... And now. For the sake of fairness, I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment if/when they come/arise, AND also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW. Pain? Yes. Suffering? Indeed. And, also: wonderous magical divine beauty. Blessings to you!
I needed to hear this. You said the words to me my Mom would have said if she could have. I am on the road to healing generational trauma. What really hurts too us the relationship pruning that has been happening while I develope and enforce healthy boundaries and cultivate a healthy relationship with myself. The pain is worth it though. I need people who give as much as I do.
After running on an empty love tank for years I told my husband it's over. My liver cancer has returned with mets to the bile ducts. If God heals me this side of the grave, I'm leaving and if he takes me home I'm gone. He has refused to hear me for YEARS!
I hope you are able to surround yourself with loving and supportive people in this challenging time. Good for you for not putting up with an unhappy relationship anymore and for putting your healing in God’s hands. Sending prayers 💞✨
Thanks for sharing. I’m 70 years old and in love with my wife of 44 years. We have what Jimmy talks about. My wife and I cherish each other ❤. Love yourself on the way to health. Gods speed to respect and love ❤
I really like how you break down that saying Love does't always mean love when actions are off. There is a different between pure love and false love (aka pleasure) that people's egos confuse all the time. Great job explaining this in such a digestible way!
Not everyone has this type of intelligence from the beginning. That’s why we have to learn to last longer. We often make small mistakes in the process that sincere apologies can heal the moment and move on to forgiveness and continuing the relationship. So those who can’t apologize are supposed to have a bigger disadvantage in the process.
I love you are words. I love rain when the flowers need it. I love my car, when I need it. The rest of the day I don’t think about the rain or my car. A cluster B loves for how you make them feel, not for who you are as a person. They regulate there feelings by putting a other person down. They are like toddlers.
@@clairibou Cluster B: A person with this type has difficulties regulating their emotions and behavior. Others may consider their behavior dramatic, emotional, or erratic. There are four cluster B disorders: antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders.
i killed my last relationship because i was so rarely vulnerable, and spent most of my time just coping with my own problems instead of prioritising my partner and relationship with them. in the aftermath, i have managed to get on top of so many of the things that were roadblocks for me because i just started putting in the work, and im proud of myself for making those changes. however, i am deeply regretful for the self-centred and simultaneously self-denying habits i built up, and i still have much work to do in breaking them down. i hope one day to reconnect with them, because they mean the world to me. the hard thing is that they are a profoundly caring person, and i just never let them in, while simultaneously overextending myself "caring" for them in ways i thought were important that did not nourish them, and so they eventually gave up. four years is a long time to wait for someone to get better
My partner loves alcohol more than his family, and I’ve realised the kids and I deserve better. I’m so over the fights when he’s drunk, the broken promises, and him always putting drinking above being present with us.
Whoa you talk quickly Jimmy ! I may have to re listen to this a few times so I don't miss anything but what I caught the first time is gold. Now to implement it in my life, that's the tricky part, I'll definitely need our Lord's help with this 🙏 Thank you for another wonderful video. Cheers Obelia From Australia 🦘
O God, when I came to him with how I felt, he replied like Oh I feel so bad that you say that. And started to talk about his thoughts. And always I was the one to blame for his feelings. Hopeless. I am.put a year now. Thank God.
This last year I finally came to find out what had been bothering me emotionally and physically since I was a child. I've been able to identify my traumas, their triggers, and ways of coping. The problem in doing so is I had to seriously self-reflect and do a lot of this myself. So of course instead of leaning on my husband like he probably would have kind of preferred he feels lonely and left out while I tried to better myself. I have heard mixed messages on this; of course he says he's proud of me for how far I've come and happy with all the work that I've been doing because he's seen changes in me... And now I am thinking of moving out of the house after 13 years of marriage because he feels like I don't love him like it used to be and that I don't want to be around him. I've been using your videos as strength to tackle being able to say things in and not confrontational manner and word my thoughts appropriately so that I can make headway. I have sent a few emails because of my own brain trauma with words and timing, but he has not sent anything back when I asked him why he feels like a single dad when we've been raising the kids for the last 11 years. Thoughts and prayers... Thoughts and prayers...😢
Your right! Love is not enough without respect, accountability, and effective communication. If you don't trust your partner with your feelings, you have a dictatorship, not a reciprocal loving relationship. That is why I am single!
Acts of service to each other and a combination of verbal confirmations is our language and a daily effort on both our parts. We did not get here easily, worth it all.
This is an amazing video. In some of my past relationships, I have been the one serving and considering the other person, but they didn’t serve me in the same way. So I felt lonely, insecure, and a little bitter. I kept serving them in hopes that things would get better when they never did. We cut things off, and I am now in a much more stable relationship in which I serve and my partner serves me back. This video helped me understand that I had been putting my own needs aside for other people for so long. It’s about time I consider what I need to feel loved! Thank you.
Of all your fabulous videos, this one hits home. Especially the first half. Seems like two or three videos put together. Thank you for these videos. You really are helping my relationship, and probably thousands more.
First of all, thank you so much for what you do. I've been feeling surrounded lately by people who either blame him or blame me, so the fact that you challenge both sides to consider how they might be equally contributing is such a comfort. Now, you mention watching this video with your partner, but then give the caveat that this wouldn't help with a narcissist. A lot of people have been throwing that term around with regard to my husband, and it's mostly left me feeling more confused. He does check a lot of the typical boxes, but I don't want to use a label as an excuse to not try to fix this. How might an actual narcissist respond to this kind of video?
-Most good women just give love freely. They aren’t keeping score to make sure it’s equal. -men worry about being taking advantage of because that’s how “they” think. Most good women don’t think like that. They are just freely. -That is why, after many years, good women get so hurt and angry when they realize that they were loving freely and the man was taking advantage of them.
Objective reality exists. There is no way each person's perception can be an equal representative of that reality. One person's perception is going to be further from reality than another. The goal of listening should be to bring people's perception in line with reality not to enable an increased distance between perception and reality.
So appreciate the critical info you share. Can feel it coming from your heart. Thank you so much for helping us all and our relationships. They should teach this in school...along with the Constitution and Bill of Rights. 😏
This is a really insightful video. I’ve been married to my wife for almost 6 years now. We’ve been together since end of my senior year and we’re both parents of our newly turned 4 year old child. Things have been strained for a while. I have an addiction/seek comfort in pornography more often than I put effort into our sex life. Also our intimacy is almost nonexistent now because of me. I have for a while now, met my needs selfishly, while neglecting hers. I don’t talk about it with anyone. Absolutely no one especially not her. She’s devastated. I know for a while I’ve wanted to change but felt unable to because it’s “just what I’ve always done”. She’s ready to move on with a divorce. I don’t deserve her and she doesn’t deserve me. I love her but i have not shown it. Im ready to change to become a better version of myself and show her I love her and want to be a good example of a man to our kid. It’s going to be tough but I needed a wake up call and reality check. Thank you so much for this video. I hope it’s enough for us.
Love is a staye of being and absolutely is enough! We ARE love...our soul is love...and when we are in alignment with that, our actions exide that love.
6:35 Your video beautifully captured the essence of love-through care, sacrifice, and meaningful actions. It was truly touching and a heartfelt reminder of what love really means. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
I did wrong. I didn't even realize. I walk it back & I am getting good direction. I'm grateful for the changes I have had to make. I loved all my partners. I just wasn't the best partner. I was selfish & scared to be intimate. Thank you!❤
I find you give us so much in such a small space that i have to take it in bit by bit. Not 'shorts' as no context makes it unsensical, but slower and in parts of what you have given.
Saying I am sorry and take action. Immature behavior looks the other way and doesn’t want to talk about the lack of intimacy. I have been hurting for far too long. Being neglected for so long I feel dead. The disconnection is so painful.
You are so right. Work on it , now. My husband died and I don't know if he loved me. I just found out he forced his love for me and that info came from a hurt child from that relationship
Hi, This is another one of your videos which stands out to me, I am currently struggling a lot in life and love took a backseat. I am trying to figure things out for myself and this video was helpful in giving me the right direction to correct myself and my mistakes and make active changes in my behaviour. Thank you for making me realise that. I really appreciate your content please keep making long form videos and meaningful content which helps to dive deep into topics which we don't understand much.
I go by the rule of 10 mins - waiting 10 minutes to sit with my feelings and the "bad interaction" before responding to my wife. Sometimes it means removing myself from her presence completely. It has helped me collect myself and allow for both of us to come back and have a more rational conversation. I also believe that love will not be enough and that's when giving a greater level of respect towards my wife. Again it should go both ways from each partner. It shows growth, gratitude, control, and consideration with one another (among others).
Please take care of you. Are you "just" insecure or even afraid of him? If so run and look back. If it's just a macanism of him to shout when he feels attacked. Than take therapy and work on it.
I've learned so much from this. i lost my girlfriend a little over a month ago because I was selfish and immature. I didn't even realize it. I thought I showered her with love, but i didn't serve her. I didn't listen, and i didn't actually learn her for the connection. I had no clue what i was doing, and then when i got sick for months, not knowing what was wrong, it only made it seem like I didn't want to be in the relationship. We have been writing back and forth now since im in the navy, but i pray to God that i can get her back. I am changing, and i keep learning new stuff to work on. It'll be a big challenge with a seemingly insurmountable amount of problems, but i will do it for her. I will become a man worthy of being able to be hers. She is working on herself too, so i I pray our paths cross again. We are taking the time to learn each others needs and backstories and to work on better communication since we thought we would talk, but realistically, communication was very poor.
This is really really wonderful to learn. I had a lot of challenges in my life regarding relationships and also, I have been able to reflect and understand what I did right and didn't do right. Two things that made me through was learning from the mistakes, how to improve on the things I did right, and the second thing was meditation to help me reflect and refresh. That is why I have a faceless UA-cam channel now helping couples and those in relationship on the little things they should do to make their relationship better. Sure, saying I love you isn't enough.
Men. You can do this. If I can, you can. I almost threw away a 30 yr. relationship because of being a scared, Wall building, runner, and not being a very good husband, in the past. And, I have learned that what I was thinking. feeling, is wrong. As a Dismissive Avoidant, I finally recognized that all I was thinking was wrong, not my fault. I just didn't know, and now that I do, I choose to be the best Man-Husband my amazing, beautiful, Brilliant, Wife deserves. Not that I don't deserve anything, because I do, and although she is not perfect and can do some things better/different, I need to make most of the changes, for Her, and also for ME and our Relationship. It's not easy, and those things that are Amazing and the Connection you'll find, with her, is WORTH IT!!! Dude, Please do whatever needs to be done, to Be the person YOU and SHE respects and trusts. She NEEDS you, and although you don't know it yet, YOU need YOU, to be better for her, the kids, and your future-self. I Challenge you...I believe in you!!!
Seeking is equality never going to work, we are not created equal… give yourself to the other person emotionally, physically, and spiritually with out expectations. that is love. The more you give the more you will get in return. The less you give the less you will get in return:::: I love Christ because He first loved Me.. our words should feel like a warm bubble bath soothing and safe 🙏
Ive been abandoning myself for my boyfriend and our peace, hes been making progress, and im remebering what its like to actually feel my emotions and let go... becuase what i needed for so long was acknowledgemnet of what happened and validation for how i felt, and an apology. To feel safe talking about everything that happened without him feeling like im still "stuck in the past." That is validation. Thanks as always
I just split up from my GF of 2.5yrs. I was very seriously unwell and in hospital for two months. I nearly died twice. She abandoned and belittled me. And it was even worse when I came out of hospital. There was literally nothing I would not have done for her. She bullied me and constantly called me a narcissist. It is quite spectacular how unaware she is of what I believe is her own covert narcissism. In the event, I couldn’t be in a non-reciprocal relationship. I begged her to talk to me and to work together. She cared not one jot for my boundaries or needs. It was a one-way street and she is interested only in her own needs. She is a master gaslighter and is already on the smear campaign. My confidence is absolutely shot. I only got her leftovers. I tried everything just to have a conversation about some important stuff. Eventually I got annoyed and that led to me being characterised as an emotionally abusive partner. I am devastated. She simply moved out and blocked me. I suspect that she is far better suited to casual sex and hookups but, sadly, too self-centred to recognise or remember how desperately unhappy and unsafe that type of life was for her in the past. Sigh.
Toward the end of this you keep mentioning “sacrifice”. I offer this: it is knowing/setting your PRIORITIES! If something or someone IS a priority, we are stepping up to that and that is very different than sacrificing.
But occasionally stepping up to be what the other person needs us to be does require sacrifice. if I spend $3000 planning a cruise trip all year but when it arrives my partner gets sick and ends up in the hospital then of course I will forgo that trip to be there for them. Even though I'd never fault them for it (these things just happen) doesn't mean that wasn't a sacrifice.
@@ajregalia1334 so sorry that happened to you!! In my mind, perhaps more like mindset, our priorities can always change in a dime (so to say), their health became the top priority. Neither way is right or wrong, in my experience framing something as a sacrifice hurts just for the phrasing. Reality carries disappointments and again, for me, how I phrase it helps me to deal with that disappointment a little quicker and calling it sacrifice seems to keep the hurt going a little longer, maybe even toward resentments? I know each of us have different histories associated with words and the nuance of meaning is personal. 🌸
Love is changing adult diapers and telling them you are grateful they are there so you can do it. Love was caregiving for 24 years after a major stroke...love was holding hands as they breathed their last...Love wasn't just about me, love was doing all in my power to make their life as easy, sweet, and gentle as possible for as long as possible...
that was me too. I learned what love really was and now that he's gone, I don't think I'll ever find anyone like him again.
@@cyndimoring9389 You will
I'm sorry for your loss, I think you have something truly beautiful and memories worth cherishing.
@@cyndimoring9389 agreed. Its hard work, all encompassing and difficult. I can empathize and im sorry for your grief. I was in a coma after my heart stopped and woke up to the news of heart failure. Was in a wheelchair for a year and don’t have a long life expectancy. I didn’t get gentle or sweet. I had to hire a nurse and mu own attorney to get my early retirement It was very isolating. I did it with a 2/4 year old and it was hour by hour day by day while my husband shut down. Im glad u could be there for him and love him with dignity
@@KristinaFerrarino omg, that's worse than not having a husband when you're sick. I'm sorry for your situation, but you were strong and there for your children. Screw him, the big baby. Now you know how you rate.
If you put your relationship on autopilot and become lazy the plane crashes"
Perfect analogy Jimmy.
Great video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him*
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back*
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach one.?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...
Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked him up online. impressive.
When you’re hurt by them, it’s so hard to set aside ego and speak from a place of love.
Yes it is bro... Oh yes it is very hard, but the more you get intentionally conscious and focus on the good result you want to reach, the more you become peaceful in your energy and reactions. It takes time and patience and a lot of willingness to improve. Determination in adversity, this is perseverance, waiting and thriving through the fire, because this fire is the one that makes your relation mature. Grow through pain, this is maturity! 🙌🏼
Sooo hard bit feel ove finally reached that state. Super important to not reject yourself in that moment either or it's back to the mind games again 🙏
Especially when the other person is full of ego and will laugh on your face only because you speak from a place of love.
Especially when they keep hurting you then say they love you please forgive me then after 30 years they have played the emotional game and now you’re old and they can’t even meet you halfway it’s my fault because I kept believing God and love would fix and heal us nope 👎 but I’m listening to this video so I can not have a nervous breakdown because stress is making me sick so keep teaching us I’m listening while walking on my treadmill
It can be challenging but it is 100% possible. It will take you calling in a divine presence to dissolve the divisive one that is between you, if that makes sense. Blessings on your journey! 💛
Watching this emotionally charged video brings back the agony of my recent breakup. My four year relationship ended abruptly when my partner walked away, leaving a deep, unhealed wound in my heart. No matter how much I try to forget, I can't seem to let go, feeling lost and unsure about my future without him. Despite my best efforts, I remain consumed by the emptiness he left behind, and I just needed to share this pain here.
It's incredibly hard to move on when someone you love becomes just a memory. I was in a similar situation when my five year relationship fell apart. I couldn’t imagine my life without him and fought endlessly to get him back. In my desperation, I reached out to a spiritual guide, who helped me restore what I thought was lost forever.
Interesting! I’m genuinely curious how did you discover this spiritual counselor, and what’s the best way for me to connect with someone who could help me in a similar way?
You should meet Fatherabulu, a highly regarded spiritual advisor who is renowned for helping people reconnect with their ex partners. His unique methods and spiritual insight have restored many broken relationships.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your advice is invaluable, and I’m deeply grateful for pointing me in the right direction. I’ll definitely explore this and see if it helps me too.
I hope you are as okay as possible.
My husband always tells me that we don't talk about our problems, but every time I try to talk to him and tell him how I feel, he gets defensive and starts yelling. So yes, I don't talk to him anymore about my feelings. He's definitely not a safe place for me.
Agree with the above comment. The book is good! He doesn't hear WHAT you're saying, he hears "I'm failing you and I don't know how to fix it".... try starting with "I don't need fixing... I just need you to hear me/listen..."
@@Aire1168 awww that's really sad isn't it, but at the end of the day. You get one life (that we know of) and you have to live it and be happy! Happiness is what matters. Have you tried couples counselling.... hard times o guess are a part of marriage (in all relationships tbh) but it's our ability to compromise and overcome them together what matters xx
Would he listen to a Jimmy video?
@@lauraindira8421 no. Tried that!
Have you heard of the book LOVE AND RESPECT?
I was a part of a 3 year engagement that ended because of my actions. I felt it in my heart that I loved her more than any other partner I've ever had. But my actions were not in harmony with my heart. Due to my past mistakes, weaknesses and immaturity, I failed her. She put forth so much in the relationship and I'm now seeing how I failed. How I was improving and serving her, but missing the big spots and the more important needs she had.
She has a golden heart and still shows me love but my turn to care for her and be her Partner is over.
If you read this, please do what i didn't do in time.
Listen to them, hear what they truly want to say, and then CHANGE. Do it for them before you lose them.
Wish my stbxh had the insight you do!
Man you're hittin home right now. I'm failing my wife right now and cannot get out of my own way. But i gotta figure it out before it is too late
I was the girl on the other side of your story. I liked the comment. Once she's done, she's done. My feelings died for him and I will never feel the same.
Were you writing my story?!?!
I wish he would’ve changed earlier. I gave him so much time to try to fix his bad behavior. I forgave horrible mistakes he made. I was patient through the defensiveness and the yelling when I just wanted him to see my side. At this point, I had to end things. I couldn’t handle being disrespected and lied to anymore while he spirals. He said that I am the love of his life, he loves me so much, and he feels awful that he ruined everything. I wish he loved me enough to have been able to get out of his own way. The foundation we had is completely shattered and I wish it could be fixed, but he needs to do some serious work on himself and I can’t keep getting dragged down with him.
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly hard. I went through a similar experience when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I did everything I could to rekindle our relationship. Eventually, I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who guided us back together.
Wow, that’s incredible! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he’s an amazing spiritual counselor who specializes in helping people reconnect with their ex.
Thank you for sharing this valuable info! I just looked him up, and he seems impressive.
This is fantastic. Most people would prefer to just say I love you and then be done with it. I have learned that most of the time I am just playing a bit part in someone's life and that, if I walked away, they would be annoyed because they have to work to replace me but not annoyed because they lost me. Once a person reaches a point that they are alone in a relationship then they might as well go be alone by themselves rather than face daily rejection.
Commenting because I think this guy's channel should be more popular
Actions speak louder than words,nice to have both but actions are more important
This guy has an incredible gift of communication and bringing clarity with his choice of words so thankful he is using his talents to bless others
Totally.He could have his own talk show where couples are people come and discuss stuff. Or couples who fight and he tries to help them. He’s really amazing
❤I just have one question for you young lady,. Who is number one in your life? Because if this persons word mean more to you than what Jesus said to the disciples,not only showing how they could do what He was doing and teaching,they now do with the helper( Holy Spirit ) we need to die to self,this is for a lot of you ladies out there. You say that you’re a Christian ,a little Christ .first thing King Jesus says is ,be born again, you must die to feelings,emotions,all the garbage that this world offers.you love everyone around you unconditionally,that’s a command from the Lord,follow me but one person said wait, let me bury my family first. Then I’ll follow you to the kingdom of heaven. Jesus says to him ,let the dead bury the dead and follow me , today is the day of salvation,tomorrow is promised to no one.narrow is the road that leads to to Jesus, that he may lift us up that day. For to long a worldly Christianity has bean around,churches full of seat warmers, to hear a good concert and a good word from the preacher,you leave with itchy ears ,warm fuzzy ,and you think God is happy with all this feeling hear emotion there as Jesus himself vomits 🤮 you out. Reality,,, you know of king Jesus , sadly HE doesn’t know you. I hope and pray these messages I purposely choose to write over here stir you up for everyone to read the gospels themselves,m,m,l,j. Whatever Jesus says,you put into practice,all of it,not just what you want.squeeze an orange,you should get orange juice,squeeze a Christian,what do you get,not the Christ I follow…😢come alive dry bones in the mighty name of Jesus Christ…amen…
So absolutely true! I always said communication is key! Sadly you are totally right about narcissists…better off alone! Being lonely in a relationship is WAY worse than being alone!
So agree!
Be careful about narcs! I found recently this gets misdiagnosed alot for ppl that are on the spectrum or HFA
These principles apply to all relationships. Including friendships. Constructive feedback is supposed to be spoken in love and not in a mocking type of way. Or a judgmental tone.
I agree, if only more people started doing this
Amen ❤️🕊️
Agree!! All relationships come down to the Divine or Divisive energy that a personal allows to flow through them.
In 20 minutes, this video has answered questions I've been asking my entire life & no one has been able to come up with an actual answer. Best video I've ever watched!!! Thank you Jimmy!!!!
if all men and women were in this mindset the world would change and become a place i actually want to live in
I couldn't agree more 🥹
❤️🕊️🙏❤️🕊️🙏
Thank you Jimmy your video comes the right moment. My ex bf asked for another chance. However, I told him he needs to prove to me that he is the man for me. By putting the effort in the "relationship". It is on him now. He has to earned my heart again, I told him that. My heart is in a safe place. I realized if it doesn't work out, I am going to be fine.
My husband and I celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary in August. 21 years together in February ‘24. Love is a choice. Love is an action. Life won’t always be a joyride, unfortunately. We’ve been at the bottom together and how we reacted to those circumstances within our marriage is what determined our success. Seeing someone at their worst, their most vulnerable, and supporting them, rather than leaving, is the biggest test for any relationship. I’m grateful for our pain and our struggle, because it set our foundation. It is strong and unbreakable now. And the good stuff is so much sweeter. 🌹💞
Glad your relationship survived
Thank you! For sharing, May Almighty God continue blessed your marriage!🙏
My husband won't even watch these videos. I sent them to him and asked if he watched them, and his response was "Of course not" and "Why should I have to." He thinks I'm the entire problem. Zero desire for self-reflection. Doesn't want to even learn what validation and reciprocation look like. I have so much resentment built up from this relationship that I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm so sad and so angry. I'm tired of being dismissed and ignored. At this point, I'm only still here because I can't afford to leave.
I’m so sorry. He doesn’t deserve or recognize what he has
Omg I been like that,, build your life without him...
💯 I felt seriously loved by people that just didn't work at the relationship.
Just because we love somebody, we shouldn't get into a relationship with them.
Every negative response, reaction is 100% in my marriage. My husband is a narcissist & never asks or wants to listen to me. My "thoughts are stupid". How do I leave a 16 year marriage & 3 children. I am exhausted from trying my best to please him. I am worn & alone. 😥
You’re not alone. And yes it sucks major balls but I too am living in a marriage that is unfulfilling 🥰
My response to both of you is to remove yourself from these situations. My mother stayed married to my alcoholic narcissistic father until he died. She now regrets not leaving him earlier on and finding her own happiness. How do you leave? Make yourself first.
@veronicaf821 @amyoung101 The hardest part is to actually take the first step. Even if you don't know where it will take you or you're not sure where you'll end up. Your happiness is worth taking the leap and finding out where it gets you, even if it means maybe you have to move in with family or friends for a while.
And if you can't take that step by yourself, the best thing you can do is attend a mental health group or see an individual therapist and they WILL help you. I attended group therapy for several months (for anxiety) and I met multiple women while there who were in abusive or unfulfilling marriages, and among them were success cases where being in that very group gave them the support they needed to leave.
The help is out there. It takes courage, and a bit of research, but it is there. Please find it, you are worth it. I wish you both luck.
Leave. My mother had the Same Problem, 2 children, House. It took me& my sibling years to convince her to leave.
She was free after that.
I’m sorry 💔 I left an 8 year domestic partnership (not married but our lives and finances were fully intertwined) because both our lives were all about him. I did everything I could to support his goals and career and he looked at me with such disgust. I received no support or love from him. Leaving was so hard and took several tries but I’m so much happier now
So beautifully expressed Jimmy.
I’m at the end of a 20+ yr relationship and I’m done.
I look for the parts of me that contributed to this ending, but to be perfectly honest I have begged for communication from him for years.
He shuts down and walks away, which as you said just makes me angry.
He is an unconfident EI son of a grandiose Narcissist.
He’s never worked on himself.
I worry for his future, because he’s clearly in denial and can never apologise for anything.
Why did I stay so long?
Kids and finances basically.
He’s moved home to his mothers and basically abandoned me financially, but he was never a willing provider anyway.
I’ll survive. I’m doing all the work to sell the property and then I’ll be free.
Why am I telling my story?
So that ppl younger than me can recognise that ppl with these traits rarely change.
He’s all in his head and doesn’t talk to me about anything. 10x worse than before.
There is nothing I can do for him expect look out for myself. I’d hoped because of the grown up kids we could be amicable, perhaps that will come in time?
Considering we have lived like house mates for so long, his reaction to making this decision has quite honestly surprised me.
I guess he would have gone along like that forever.
But I want more out of life.
No more asking for “permission” and being held back, scared of his reaction to something I want to do.
Just putting it in writing here is therapeutic.
Again thank you Jimmy.
Thank you for sharing I was in a 22 year very similar marriage with a partner who just never showed up.
Good for you and I wish you all the best.
@@sharicoburn5475 thank you! Sorry you had to endure that too. Fortunately I am a strong person, so will be ok, you must be too. Many would continue to stay sadly. It was always me and the kids and then it was him, living his life himself. The fact he has moved out and left me to upkeep everything says it all. Life just happens to him and he's the victim. No regrets though, I have two great kids, and lots of life lessons. Wishing you well xx
@@saggie5261 you sound like my twin.
Two kids, and we live separate lives from them.
No real connection.
So glad for you to be freed from that.
It's a difficult transition and I made mistakes as I didn't know about narcissistic abuse 10 years ago.
Now I know and won't be out in that position ever again
Yup. Pretty much sucks and I’m in the same boat. Have tried everything to build trust and closeness but to no avail. I’ve been hurt in too many ways to name. But at the same time financially vulnerable. So there is guilt there.
@@sharicoburn5475 good for you, i wish you well and can't wait to start the next chapter too :)
This video is super insightful. I wish I had this info before my ex and I split. There’s so much I could have applied. I thought love was enough but I wasn’t actually showing up. I was kind by not considerate. I tried to be supportive but she also needed vulnerability. I didn’t communicate my needs, so they festered and I subconsciously withheld.
We never fought until we had big outbursts and then broke up. We’d get back together without addressing the issues.
I’ve read so many books on relationships and communication. Watched content like this and I’m a better person but I think lost her forever. It sucks having all the info when it’s too late.
I know there’s billions of people so the idea of a soulmate is quaint. But it felt like that. She was my red string. We had a great connection, shared values. But of compatibility suffered because the communication wasn’t where it needed to be. I was also complacent as a result of not communicating my need for safety.
And maybe that sounds toxic but to me it was two people who loved each other greatly but couldn’t speak the same language
Well I think it’s great that you can admit these things now. I hope you find someone. I’m with someone but he’s Been taking me for granted for 14 years and I’m so sick of it
@@lauraindira8421 I’m sorry you feel that way. You’ve been together for 14 years there must be something there? unless it’s just for kids?
I hope you can talk to him and share your needs. I know from experience that letting things fester is not the way. Both people need to feel heard. Both people need to feel safe and have their needs met. Do you do Couples therapy? I don’t know your situation but I hope you find a path to happiness in whatever path that takes.
@@dannymartinez3600 he wanted to wait until all his kids graduated from high school so I only saw him a few times a year.
Love grows out of trust (which grows out of consistency and accountability) and physical attraction. I chose one over the other in 2 relationships, and both failed. Im waiting for the opportunity to have both in the same relationship.
Rapid fire wisdom from Jimmy. All human beings would do well to listen up.
Leaving can solve a lot. It shows that person they didn’t show up, and that you have enough self worth to not allow overly avoidant or overly narcissistic traits . It tells the person that that you are aware you deserve peace and respect. Remember there is NPD, and then there is a narcissistic spectrum that is not necessarily a full blown disorder. Criticism is qualified in two ways, positive and negative. Criticism is ok as long as it’s presented respectfully and productively.
It can in some cases. It can also show that the person leaving is selfish. They won't put the work into the relationship. Instead choosing to chase her affair partner.
As Jimmy says, love is humble. It's not about "getting what someone deserves." Love is about making sure they are protecting the relationship and serving the other.
Leaving can be the ultimate disrespectful criticism. It can be an example of the person leaving externalizing the problem and shifting all the blame to the one she is leaving.
@@buffuniballer Definitely agreed. From my perspective, i was codependent from being abused physically and emotionally as a child as my dad was a retired special ops marine missing half of each leg with nasty PTSD . I didnt have a normal framing. I subsequently dealt with physical and emotional abuse in my marriage for 25 years. Thinking he was “just being a jerk “The advent of social media brought ubiquitous awareness . I had an “ ahhhhh” moment, and told him i was leaving but he said he would try
…and now he’s doing the work.
Its been A LOT.
For me ,having an affair would be self betrayal. What is that saying?! ,” if your breaker box is broken, dont call your plumber to fix it” After 25 years together I couldn’t . Gross .
I had to read 14 books, and do 2 to group seminars along with meditative therapy to clean my codependency up
Im on year 2 of coaching my husband on ACOA / avoidant and narcissistic tendencies. Hes a good student and growing .
@@KristinaFerrarino Wait I'm confused, so did you actually leave the relationship and pursue another or did you tell him that if he didn't change his behavior you weren't going to stay? One is leaving and the other is just putting up a boundary. But if he abused you physically and emotionally for 25 years I don't see why threatening to leave would change that seriously and I would NOT recommend it for other abuse victims. Most abusers, especially ones who harm victims for 20+ years aren't going to change and one should never stay that long in an abusive situation ideally.
@@ajregalia1334 i told him to leave, and explained why. Gave him 30 days He’s doing the work, and made a lot of progress. Im happy he was willing to invest in himself, so he can have peace in his life, too. We both came from really rough backgrounds, and both had work to do. Im glad he decided to dig in. Im sure its statistically unlikely for most to have the introspection to make a change, but hes doing it . He writes in his journal and shares every day . The Brene Brown series was helpful for him along with ACOA program. We are 2 years into his healing journey 😀.
Thank you for this video and your wisdom. I was only asking for reciprocity and to feel safe from my ex after he started distancing himself. I always showed up with love and good intentions and it was not enough for him because he has his own trauma and insecurities that he needs to heal from. I still love him to this day and did not want to stay in touch, because that is the consequence of leaving me and not reciprocating efforts in the relationship. It became one-sided on my side. I have been loving myself and getting to know myself more than ever before and healed from my childhood trauma. Now I focus on my short-term and long-term goals, along with my friends and family. I hope that everyone that is struggling with loving themselves and loving others find peace and eternal joy❤
You are a very big part of the reason I could see that I had to leave my previous narcissistic marriage . I will continue learning. And it's true, love is definitely not enough. Thank you :)
Yes, Jimmy's videos cause viewer perspective shift to see themselves as a victim.
@theBear89451 Nothing any level headed and wise therapist like Jimmy ever say will have ANY impact if the listener is 1. Toxic OR 2. Not ready to face the truth of having healthy relationships.
Because the first will refuse to "see themselves" and call those who wants to have healthy relationships as someone who has "victim mentality" simply so they can continue mistreating them as they want to.
And the 2nd might be so mistreated and used to unhealthy relationships all their life that they want to fight for what is unhealthy to persist. And be in denial. Like I did for a long time. Because I was used to allowing people to mistreat me my whole life thinking that only other people mattered. Everyone except me.
I believe it's safest to just say that: everyone will hear whatever they want to hear as always. What someone is trying to say and what the person on the other side perceive, might be two completely different stories. Let's not put words in a mouth that was never spoken.
If we look at the bigger picture we can see that Jimmy is here to root for healthy relationships. Which are two people being happy. Not just one. He speaks for the best interest of both parties. And makes us aware of what is toxic and what is healthy.
Anyone can convince themselves that they are a victim. There's an epidemic of victimhood in the world these days. The bottom line is that there's no happiness in playing a victim or really being one.
Same here. Good for us ❤
Tried the checking in and all that led to was a screaming match, as usual. Could never bring up any issues because he never wants to address them and when I do, he becomes super defensive and dismissive. No matter what strategy we tried to implement, or how calmly I approached our issues, his promises for better communication was never followed through. So I've had enough. All the "love in the world couldn't solve our communication issues. 😢
Absolutely spot on! This video should go viral!
Thatnk you for all your effort in making a world a better, more connected place🙏
I got sick and tired of being the only one rowing ‘our’ boat, of saying sorry for things I didn’t do, of being the only one trying to improve us, of being unappreciated, in not being thanked, of the only one saying I love you, of being neglected and unloved.
In the end it didn’t matter how much I loved him and showed it, I walked away when I realised my love would never fix us, and he just wasn’t interested in ‘us’.
True Love is based on truth. The most common definition of love is corrupt and, of course, won't be enough. But love based on truth, will not support and feed another's addictions for energy from others. I am personally responsible for my own happiness and well being. Love and care must be a Gift that is freely given without emotional strings attached. This is where true joy in life comes from. Relationships will shift and change, moving in and out of our experiential environment. Our resistance to this change is what causes pain and suffering. Absolute or True Love Is enough, and is currently rare on earth.
The hardest person to break up with
is the one you've created in your delusional, fantasy-making mind...
1. Know your value!!! (Do NOT doubt yourself.)
2. Take yourself and your worth seriously. You need to BE A QUEEN to be treated like one.
3. Don’t give easy access to anyone, at any time. Access to your energy should be expensive.
4. Do NOT only express your boundaries. YOU MUST show them.
5. Always be ready to walk away.
6. Show that you are focused on actions not on words.
7. Have a healthy degree of skepticism.
8. You must be willing to say NO and you must be willing to lose the man, if needed.
9. Never EVER chase a man! A truly worthy woman, (who knows her worth)
does not EVER chase a man.
Giving the same energy that you're getting
is key
and if you don't like that energy
then move on! NOW!
It can be hard
but that's when you need to choose yourself
over the damn illusion/fantasy.
A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period.
So...
If he ignores me
I will step back
and he will lose me.
Simple. Simple.
Non-dramatic
and uncomplicated.
I don’t,
under any circumstance:
play these childish-abusive-controlling
mind games.
I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me,
and treats me as the Queen, I AM.
(Daughter of the Most Hight; King of kings!)
Because I am a beautiful and kind and divine
and sexy and wise and intelligent and magical woman:
who knows my worth.
Period.
Also,
We create each moment.
This moment contains,
through my focus,
both positive and negative...
I can put my attention on what I lack,
what I don't have,
what traumas I do have etc...
And,
I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in, NOW,
the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have...
(You get my idea!)
Both are here...
And now.
For the sake of fairness,
I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment
if/when they come/arise,
AND
also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW.
Pain? Yes.
Suffering? Indeed.
And,
also:
wonderous magical divine beauty.
Blessings to you!
Thank you, Internet stranger. You didn't know it, but you were going to save someone's life writing this ❤️
I needed to hear this. You said the words to me my Mom would have said if she could have. I am on the road to healing generational trauma. What really hurts too us the relationship pruning that has been happening while I develope and enforce healthy boundaries and cultivate a healthy relationship with myself. The pain is worth it though. I need people who give as much as I do.
Thank you, I needed this 🙏
After running on an empty love tank for years I told my husband it's over. My liver cancer has returned with mets to the bile ducts. If God heals me this side of the grave, I'm leaving and if he takes me home I'm gone. He has refused to hear me for YEARS!
❤
I hope you are able to surround yourself with loving and supportive people in this challenging time. Good for you for not putting up with an unhappy relationship anymore and for putting your healing in God’s hands. Sending prayers 💞✨
❤❤
Thanks for sharing. I’m 70 years old and in love with my wife of 44 years. We have what Jimmy talks about. My wife and I cherish each other ❤. Love yourself on the way to health. Gods speed to respect and love ❤
@@Jam-m7mwonderful to hear that's possible ❤
I really like how you break down that saying Love does't always mean love when actions are off. There is a different between pure love and false love (aka pleasure) that people's egos confuse all the time. Great job explaining this in such a digestible way!
Not everyone has this type of intelligence from the beginning. That’s why we have to learn to last longer. We often make small mistakes in the process that sincere apologies can heal the moment and move on to forgiveness and continuing the relationship. So those who can’t apologize are supposed to have a bigger disadvantage in the process.
I love you are words. I love rain when the flowers need it. I love my car, when I need it. The rest of the day I don’t think about the rain or my car. A cluster B loves for how you make them feel, not for who you are as a person. They regulate there feelings by putting a other person down. They are like toddlers.
What is a cluster B?
@@clairibou Cluster B: A person with this type has difficulties regulating their emotions and behavior. Others may consider their behavior dramatic, emotional, or erratic. There are four cluster B disorders: antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders.
i killed my last relationship because i was so rarely vulnerable, and spent most of my time just coping with my own problems instead of prioritising my partner and relationship with them. in the aftermath, i have managed to get on top of so many of the things that were roadblocks for me because i just started putting in the work, and im proud of myself for making those changes.
however, i am deeply regretful for the self-centred and simultaneously self-denying habits i built up, and i still have much work to do in breaking them down. i hope one day to reconnect with them, because they mean the world to me.
the hard thing is that they are a profoundly caring person, and i just never let them in, while simultaneously overextending myself "caring" for them in ways i thought were important that did not nourish them, and so they eventually gave up. four years is a long time to wait for someone to get better
I feel this!
I can’t even explain how very helpful your videos have been for me today. I hope that it’s not too late to repair. Thank you!
"Meant to be equals". Amen🙏
My partner loves alcohol more than his family, and I’ve realised the kids and I deserve better. I’m so over the fights when he’s drunk, the broken promises, and him always putting drinking above being present with us.
Whoa you talk quickly Jimmy !
I may have to re listen to this a few times so I don't miss anything but what I caught the first time is gold.
Now to implement it in my life, that's the tricky part, I'll definitely need our Lord's help with this 🙏
Thank you for another wonderful video.
Cheers
Obelia
From Australia 🦘
O God, when I came to him with how I felt, he replied like Oh I feel so bad that you say that. And started to talk about his thoughts. And always I was the one to blame for his feelings. Hopeless. I am.put a year now. Thank God.
This last year I finally came to find out what had been bothering me emotionally and physically since I was a child. I've been able to identify my traumas, their triggers, and ways of coping. The problem in doing so is I had to seriously self-reflect and do a lot of this myself. So of course instead of leaning on my husband like he probably would have kind of preferred he feels lonely and left out while I tried to better myself. I have heard mixed messages on this; of course he says he's proud of me for how far I've come and happy with all the work that I've been doing because he's seen changes in me... And now I am thinking of moving out of the house after 13 years of marriage because he feels like I don't love him like it used to be and that I don't want to be around him. I've been using your videos as strength to tackle being able to say things in and not confrontational manner and word my thoughts appropriately so that I can make headway. I have sent a few emails because of my own brain trauma with words and timing, but he has not sent anything back when I asked him why he feels like a single dad when we've been raising the kids for the last 11 years. Thoughts and prayers... Thoughts and prayers...😢
Your right! Love is not enough without respect, accountability, and effective communication. If you don't trust your partner with your feelings, you have a dictatorship, not a reciprocal loving relationship. That is why I am single!
What a beautiful description of real love. Thanks Jimmy, I deeply appreciate your work.
Acts of service to each other and a combination of verbal confirmations is our language and a daily effort on both our parts. We did not get here easily, worth it all.
Respect is the foundation of all relationships
This is an amazing video. In some of my past relationships, I have been the one serving and considering the other person, but they didn’t serve me in the same way. So I felt lonely, insecure, and a little bitter. I kept serving them in hopes that things would get better when they never did. We cut things off, and I am now in a much more stable relationship in which I serve and my partner serves me back. This video helped me understand that I had been putting my own needs aside for other people for so long. It’s about time I consider what I need to feel loved! Thank you.
I have been watching your content and it really gives me a lot of clarity. Thanks a lot.
It's wonderful hearing and seeing this being said by a young man ❤😂
Geez, Jimmy, not pulling any punches with this title, lol
"Love is an action"
Love are actions out of the best you can give...
Love is everything.God is love.Without love you are nothing.
Of all your fabulous videos, this one hits home. Especially the first half. Seems like two or three videos put together. Thank you for these videos. You really are helping my relationship, and probably thousands more.
"I love you more than any conflict we can have."😢❤
This is so very powerful. I thank you. A mutually healthy, loving relationship has always been the goal.
Love means you will put in the work to fix problems together. But the thing is…it’s starts with truly loving someone. So love is all you need.
First of all, thank you so much for what you do. I've been feeling surrounded lately by people who either blame him or blame me, so the fact that you challenge both sides to consider how they might be equally contributing is such a comfort.
Now, you mention watching this video with your partner, but then give the caveat that this wouldn't help with a narcissist. A lot of people have been throwing that term around with regard to my husband, and it's mostly left me feeling more confused. He does check a lot of the typical boxes, but I don't want to use a label as an excuse to not try to fix this.
How might an actual narcissist respond to this kind of video?
-Most good women just give love freely. They aren’t keeping score to make sure it’s equal.
-men worry about being taking advantage of because that’s how “they” think. Most good women don’t think like that. They are just freely.
-That is why, after many years, good women get so hurt and angry when they realize that they were loving freely and the man was taking advantage of them.
I'm getting better at being vulnerable. Posting UA-cam comments helps. Feels safe.
Objective reality exists. There is no way each person's perception can be an equal representative of that reality. One person's perception is going to be further from reality than another. The goal of listening should be to bring people's perception in line with reality not to enable an increased distance between perception and reality.
True Love is a verb not a noun. And that’s what works in any relationship…
So appreciate the critical info you share. Can feel it coming from your heart. Thank you so much for helping us all and our relationships. They should teach this in school...along with the Constitution and Bill of Rights. 😏
Thank you for saying so much of what I feel but can’t express, in one concise presentation. It’s helped clarify so much for me.
This is a really insightful video. I’ve been married to my wife for almost 6 years now. We’ve been together since end of my senior year and we’re both parents of our newly turned 4 year old child. Things have been strained for a while. I have an addiction/seek comfort in pornography more often than I put effort into our sex life. Also our intimacy is almost nonexistent now because of me. I have for a while now, met my needs selfishly, while neglecting hers. I don’t talk about it with anyone. Absolutely no one especially not her. She’s devastated. I know for a while I’ve wanted to change but felt unable to because it’s “just what I’ve always done”.
She’s ready to move on with a divorce. I don’t deserve her and she doesn’t deserve me. I love her but i have not shown it. Im ready to change to become a better version of myself and show her I love her and want to be a good example of a man to our kid. It’s going to be tough but I needed a wake up call and reality check. Thank you so much for this video. I hope it’s enough for us.
Love is a staye of being and absolutely is enough! We ARE love...our soul is love...and when we are in alignment with that, our actions exide that love.
I so look forward to the peaceful and safe nature of a healthy relationship where things like this are things we can work through together ❤️🙏🏽❤️
Ooof, i needed to hear this as the person who has kind of minimized my husband’s feelings and insecurities. Thank you.
6:35 Your video beautifully captured the essence of love-through care, sacrifice, and meaningful actions. It was truly touching and a heartfelt reminder of what love really means. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
I did wrong. I didn't even realize. I walk it back & I am getting good direction. I'm grateful for the changes I have had to make. I loved all my partners. I just wasn't the best partner. I was selfish & scared to be intimate. Thank you!❤
I find you give us so much in such a small space that i have to take it in bit by bit. Not 'shorts' as no context makes it unsensical, but slower and in parts of what you have given.
Amen through the rooftop, Jimmy!!!
I’m going to send this to my husband, I’m gonna see how he responds. I love how this video puts everything into a way I can easily understand it
Saying I am sorry and take action. Immature behavior looks the other way and doesn’t want to talk about the lack of intimacy. I have been hurting for far too long. Being neglected for so long I feel dead. The disconnection is so painful.
You have to love each other in return.Love is above all things.
You are so right. Work on it , now. My husband died and I don't know if he loved me. I just found out he forced his love for me and that info came from a hurt child from that relationship
Hi, This is another one of your videos which stands out to me, I am currently struggling a lot in life and love took a backseat. I am trying to figure things out for myself and this video was helpful in giving me the right direction to correct myself and my mistakes and make active changes in my behaviour. Thank you for making me realise that. I really appreciate your content please keep making long form videos and meaningful content which helps to dive deep into topics which we don't understand much.
I send him encouragement, Scripture, pray for US daily. His PRIDE & ego responds "Who are you to tell me? Pray for yourself!" Huh???
I go by the rule of 10 mins - waiting 10 minutes to sit with my feelings and the "bad interaction" before responding to my wife. Sometimes it means removing myself from her presence completely. It has helped me collect myself and allow for both of us to come back and have a more rational conversation. I also believe that love will not be enough and that's when giving a greater level of respect towards my wife. Again it should go both ways from each partner. It shows growth, gratitude, control, and consideration with one another (among others).
He hates it when I ask him these kinds of questions. He gets mad and starts to argue and state I am insecure.😢
Please take care of you. Are you "just" insecure or even afraid of him? If so run and look back. If it's just a macanism of him to shout when he feels attacked. Than take therapy and work on it.
Your honesty is delightful
Preach! Respect, sir. Aldo super awesome plants!! ❤
It feels healthy to listen to you. Thank you.
Your so freaking awesome, im grateful for your hard work and dedication
I've learned so much from this. i lost my girlfriend a little over a month ago because I was selfish and immature. I didn't even realize it. I thought I showered her with love, but i didn't serve her. I didn't listen, and i didn't actually learn her for the connection. I had no clue what i was doing, and then when i got sick for months, not knowing what was wrong, it only made it seem like I didn't want to be in the relationship. We have been writing back and forth now since im in the navy, but i pray to God that i can get her back. I am changing, and i keep learning new stuff to work on. It'll be a big challenge with a seemingly insurmountable amount of problems, but i will do it for her. I will become a man worthy of being able to be hers. She is working on herself too, so i
I pray our paths cross again. We are taking the time to learn each others needs and backstories and to work on better communication since we thought we would talk, but realistically, communication was very poor.
“Love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to ACTION on behalf of its object.” -Voddie Baucham
I say thank you to your honest knowledgeable loving understanding to help us work through our relationships what a blessing
This is really really wonderful to learn. I had a lot of challenges in my life regarding relationships and also, I have been able to reflect and understand what I did right and didn't do right. Two things that made me through was learning from the mistakes, how to improve on the things I did right, and the second thing was meditation to help me reflect and refresh. That is why I have a faceless UA-cam channel now helping couples and those in relationship on the little things they should do to make their relationship better. Sure, saying I love you isn't enough.
Thank you so much for this video - it reminds pretty much about how to love someone properly and fairly
Great video Jimmy. Love is about making the commitment and doing the work. ❤
Men. You can do this. If I can, you can. I almost threw away a 30 yr. relationship because of being a scared, Wall building, runner, and not being a very good husband, in the past. And, I have learned that what I was thinking. feeling, is wrong. As a Dismissive Avoidant, I finally recognized that all I was thinking was wrong, not my fault. I just didn't know, and now that I do, I choose to be the best Man-Husband my amazing, beautiful, Brilliant, Wife deserves. Not that I don't deserve anything, because I do, and although she is not perfect and can do some things better/different, I need to make most of the changes, for Her, and also for ME and our Relationship. It's not easy, and those things that are Amazing and the Connection you'll find, with her, is WORTH IT!!! Dude, Please do whatever needs to be done, to Be the person YOU and SHE respects and trusts. She NEEDS you, and although you don't know it yet, YOU need YOU, to be better for her, the kids, and your future-self. I Challenge you...I believe in you!!!
Seeking is equality never going to work, we are not created equal… give yourself to the other person emotionally, physically, and spiritually with out expectations. that is love. The more you give the more you will get in return. The less you give the less you will get in return:::: I love Christ because He first loved Me.. our words should feel like a warm bubble bath soothing and safe 🙏
Thank you ❤
We will be listening to this again.
Ive been abandoning myself for my boyfriend and our peace, hes been making progress, and im remebering what its like to actually feel my emotions and let go... becuase what i needed for so long was acknowledgemnet of what happened and validation for how i felt, and an apology. To feel safe talking about everything that happened without him feeling like im still "stuck in the past."
That is validation.
Thanks as always
I just split up from my GF of 2.5yrs. I was very seriously unwell and in hospital for two months. I nearly died twice. She abandoned and belittled me. And it was even worse when I came out of hospital.
There was literally nothing I would not have done for her. She bullied me and constantly called me a narcissist. It is quite spectacular how unaware she is of what I believe is her own covert narcissism.
In the event, I couldn’t be in a non-reciprocal relationship. I begged her to talk to me and to work together. She cared not one jot for my boundaries or needs. It was a one-way street and she is interested only in her own needs.
She is a master gaslighter and is already on the smear campaign. My confidence is absolutely shot. I only got her leftovers. I tried everything just to have a conversation about some important stuff. Eventually I got annoyed and that led to me being characterised as an emotionally abusive partner. I am devastated. She simply moved out and blocked me.
I suspect that she is far better suited to casual sex and hookups but, sadly, too self-centred to recognise or remember how desperately unhappy and unsafe that type of life was for her in the past. Sigh.
The most important is to meet
at least.
Toward the end of this you keep mentioning “sacrifice”.
I offer this: it is knowing/setting your PRIORITIES!
If something or someone IS a priority, we are stepping up to that and that is very different than sacrificing.
But occasionally stepping up to be what the other person needs us to be does require sacrifice. if I spend $3000 planning a cruise trip all year but when it arrives my partner gets sick and ends up in the hospital then of course I will forgo that trip to be there for them. Even though I'd never fault them for it (these things just happen) doesn't mean that wasn't a sacrifice.
@@ajregalia1334 so sorry that happened to you!!
In my mind, perhaps more like mindset, our priorities can always change in a dime (so to say), their health became the top priority.
Neither way is right or wrong, in my experience framing something as a sacrifice hurts just for the phrasing.
Reality carries disappointments and again, for me, how I phrase it helps me to deal with that disappointment a little quicker and calling it sacrifice seems to keep the hurt going a little longer, maybe even toward resentments?
I know each of us have different histories associated with words and the nuance of meaning is personal.
🌸
Every man I've ever been in a relationship with says I can trust them but they mean that they won't cheat on me and that's not what I mean by trust.
Trust must be earned. And "not cheating" is only the minimum effort.
This might be my favorite video of yours. You are doing real Dharma! I am grateful!