Not always the case, that could be his way of indirectly saying "i am insecure and i'm wondering what is your reaction to this". If he truly loves you he will try to get better for you, and if you love him you will be by his side in the process. Ughh the fact that some of us grow in bad families and people just wanna discard us for that matter blows my fkin mind. It's not always our fault we're insecure and it's not like we wanted to be insecure in the first place?? like tf?? jesus christ some of you really lack empathy, what do you think happens to a truly insecure person when their partner leaves them for being insecure? You think that will boost their confidence?? NO, it will only make them more insecure, that's why you dont treat people like that! IF YOUR PARTNER COMMUNICATES THAT THEY HAVE AN ISSUE AND YOU LEAVE THEM, YOU ARE THE TOXIC ONES!
On the flip side, some men will know they don't deserve you and won't admit it. He will want you to stay in a relationship with him to fuel his own ego and narcissism. Smdh
My ex told me yesterday I deserve better. He's been treating me like a trash. I said "Yes I know I deserve better." I cried one last time and let him go.
Facts! They are about to use you, or that relationship is about to get reeeaal toxic, REAL fast in his efforts to belittle you and bring you DOWN to his level and below. I know this because I'm going through it right now. He actually TOLD me he saw me as "above" him on our first or second date. I should have taken that as a red flag, but instead I brushed it off as a joke. I regret doing that 🥺☹
He literally took notes...that's a keeper. All we ask is for a man that listens and his actions will show it. The greatest of gifts cost nothing. Namaste.
That speaks volumes over all the just leave talk. Relationships are difficult and take time, unless you are dating someone not on your level and they keep the peace to have a place to stay.
My sister-in-law was recently dating that same type of man or boy as my wife and I call them. He was always trying to degrade her and shame her for being successful in life and desiring the best for her. He had no self confidence or respect and he carried that insecurity and jealousy over to everyone he met in life. We informed her that she deserves way better than him and that hes as good as a bag of trash waiting for collection...NOTHING, he isn't wroth a penny of your time and his actions speak for themselves. She got the vibe and ended her relationship with him and cut him off everything in her circle. He then tried to play the poor me victim card BUT it didn't do him any good. Ladies never ever give a man a second or penny of your time until he's repeatedly proven himself to you.
Great input. I had this guy. He spent so much time trying to break me down instead of enjoying the fact that I really liked him when I met him. I could have cared less about his job or pay scale. His constant comments about how he could never measure up and give me what I deserved were too much in the end. Plus, I believe he used that as an excuse not to get to close to any woman. I bailed and am happy I did. Patiently waiting for the right man.
Alas... this brings back the memories... if a man is insecure AND is not willing to do anything to improve what he is insecure about, the relationship cannot be saved. All the love and patience in the world is not enough for a woman to overcome that combination... the only thing to do is let that go...
So true, he has to want to fix himself before anyrhing. Most men express that they are insecure and use manipulative tactics by finding a females weakest traits and using her own insecurities as ammunition to lower a her self esteem. Over the years I've learned so much from my past relationships. A man has to see the value in a womans worth first
@@grantyouawish1981 A man has to have a true sense of the value in himself first, believe he has the capacity to change to achieve his best, and then want to do it internally ... I was in a case where a gentleman saw the value in me and I saw the value in him, but more so than he did... he valued the comfort zone where he and others excused and covered for weaknesses they did not think they could improve on. He never was manipulative or unkind per se, and even now he treats me kindly when we occasionally meet... but his commitment remains to being comfortable in a whole circle of weakness. I exited ALL of the routines and rhythms where that entire circle interacts and have never returned. Now I look at what would have happened had I stayed, compromised, potentially married and had children... all of us would have been stunted, because a man cannot lead a family where he is not committed to growing and going. This is why he first needs to see the true value in himself to the point that he will not settle for stagnation in his insecurities.
This literally happened to me.. 😩 It only got worse. Had me thinking I had to dull my shine to make him feel more secure? I didn’t know what to do. But he eventually lived up to (more like lived down to 😒) that “I don’t deserve you” & “you can do better than me”.. And he was absolutely right. Was the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn - listen to people when they tell you who they are.. It hurt a lot, he was my first love & I truly loved him hard 💔 But I had to walk away, he completely stole all of my joy. Thank you for this video Derrick! 🙏🏼 You actually helped me a lot towards the end of my relationship, I woke up with your insight. God Bless You! 🧡
Special Twice I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been in this position will truly appreciate how heart wrenching it is.. it’s absolutely the hardest decision to make; walking away from someone you love because you know they don’t value your worth & probably aren’t even capable to 💔 Happy you made it out 🙏🏼
my ex used to flat out tell me that I was “too good” for him. I thought me trying to show him that wasn’t true would make him see I was “different”. Boy was I wrong. We’ve been broken up for 5 years and I am still healing from our relationship. It was almost like he was punishing me for loving him. I pray that you are healing, sis. You are way too beautiful to let a lame treat you like you’re anything less than a queen. 🙏🏾💕
Victoria GOOD 🥺🥺🥺 You are truly an angel, thank you so much for your kind words 🙏🏼 It means more than you know, especially coming from someone who genuinely understands how hard/heartbreaking this is.. it’s been almost a year for me, and I am still healing too. I know that relationship changed me but I haven’t allowed it to leave me jaded, just a lot more cautious & aware. I pray you heal completely too, set yourself free 🕊 You deserve to be whole & happy again ❣ Here’s to you Queen, thank you again for sharing & for being such a sweetheart 🥰 Have a beautiful blessed day! x
The ladies of the younger generations need to watch these videos because there's to many of them that don't know their value. ***Always remember real love don't hurt***
But a lot of women in older generations need to watch this too because many of them entered and stayed in struggle marriages based on these facts. That's how the generational trauma is transferred and toxic cycles are repeated. Daughters choose toxic relationships often because their mothers did the same thing.
The Scriptures say, "Don't be unequally yoked with an Unbeliever." That means don't bind yourself to someone with a different god, values and priorities. Imagine two oxen working side by side. If they are of a differing character, the stronger one will be wore down by the weaker. He is doing most, if not all of the work. They are not an evenly match team. The grain will not be tread properly. Your life and relationship will be filled with dysfunction, because it's simply Not a good match!!
another real message Derrick! Ladies he’s absolutely right. If you’re dating someone who says this, “you’re amazing you deserve someone better than me” grab your Nikes and run!!🏃♀️ you can let him prove he deserves your time and presence from a distance, but do not continue to be in a relationship with him. He needs to work on himself and his own insecurities. I learned the hard way wasted most of my youth with a man full of secrets and insecurities who always said “u deserve better than me” “you deserve more than me” it’s manipulation and a tactic for you to feel sorry for him so you can deem down your shine for him to control your next move. Date guys who say things like “you’re so inspiring to me, you keep me motivated just by observing you achieve your goals” not “ur too good for me, I don’t deserve someone like you.” Still hoping to come across a man who is just as secure as I am in my life so we can keep each other yoked. 🤞😌🤞
One thing that took my marriage to another level is when I became aware of my wife biggest fears & concerns. When I’m aware of those things, we get on the same level & become one in our souls.
My 3 exs tolded me i deserve better. They was right about that i deserve better and thats why i walked away from them because i deserve better. Im not wasting my time no more and im not settling for less i moved on good bye. Thank you Derrick good advice.👍☺
My ex told me I deserved better. He felt he was not good enough for me. He eventually broke up with me after telling my sister that he felt like he couldn't even measure up to the kind of man I deserve. When he broke up with me he cried. I felt so bad for him
My ex would play victim to his friends and his mom. He would always talk about my flaws but he never spoke about all the good things that I would do for him. I was very patient with him. Instead of me running away from him, I remained by his side and over looked his flaws. He always put his friends over me and his mom. The last one was always me. He would denied it but I could see. He really broke my heart. He would always break up with me on and off... he broke up with me. The last conversation we had, it was bad. I told him I was done, I was done. I always put up with his attitude and his shitty moods. He blocked me on fb and that is that. He was also a huge mamas boy and his mom would enable him. I dont cry anymore how I used too. Each day I keep myself busy
Karen Martinez Good you’re GONE. He’s shitty and insecure and never DESERVED you ... let him continue to play victim with his mom and BFFs like the lil boy that he is. Blessings🌈
I dont exactly agree with you. I have been a distant&insecure person in my dating life. When my current bf and I got close I was still a mess. However, he was patient enough to teach me love and self love and eventually I overcame my insecurity because he thought i am worth fighting for and i thought the same about him. I am very grateful he didn't just abandon me like you advise people here in the comments to do. Some people are worth saving, not all 'insecure people' turn out to be a headache.
L E N N Y you need attention and you are always a headache. Before you troll learn how to SAVE YOURSELF instead of having a co-dependent do it for you. And use your own quotes next time, NEEDY.
Yes, the most important thing in a relationship is the constant fighting to prove each other’s worth! And ladies if your not his first priority leave him before you are left :)
I'm still trying to find someone on my level and I'm 42. I've always been willing to fight but I haven't found anyone worth it and I've certainly never had anyone fight for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be alone forever because I sure as hell won't settle. I just got my book and I'm excited to read it!!
Hope Wilson yes the game is skewed unfortunately. If the guys you want don’t want you it gets really hard to find what you’re looking for. Right now thots and simps are running rampant ruining it for a lot of folks and only fkbois are winning. I suggest getting pets bc most guys aren’t settling either. Be easy.
@@ksnasol3532 😂😂 right. What you just said is GOLD 💯💯We only see it/hear it as women "not settling", but men are not settling either, that's what people fail to realize, so where does that leave eveything? In a chaotic state
Unfortunately my ex was not willing to fight for me. He wasn't willing to do the work. He said "you deserve better". In the end it also told me he wasn't willing to do the work to be the better that I deserve. At that point I knew it was better that he left. And I also realized that actions count. I worked a hell of a lot more than he did on this relationship so I'm better off for sure. Learned alot of lessons about what I really want and need from a relationship.
I'm doing really well actually. Time is your biggest ally when it comes to a breakup. It's been really nice to be able to focus on just myself and not worry about someone else.
Nope. Never heard from him again. Deleted his number 2 days after he left because I knew it would be a trigger and possible temptation for me. I was left with a lot of "non-closure" so making my own closure with this has taken alot of work. But it needed to be done. His name did pop up as "viewed profile" on one of my social media accounts...but it was brief, like a couple of minutes. This was odd because he didn't have social media. I have a sneaking suspicion it was him but who knows. 🤷♀️ Go ahead and slink away. Good riddance.
My ex told me yesterday I deserve better. He's been treating me like a trash. I said "Yes I know I deserve better." I cried one last time and let him go.
had to fight myself to get to same stage of emotional maturity as my man and he fought himself to get to the level of professional maturity i was on when we met 👸🏽🤴🏿
My soon to be ex actually told me he saw me as "above" him on our first or second date. I should have known that relationship was about to get reeeaal toxic, REAL fast in his efforts to belittle me and bring me DOWN to his level and below. I should have taken that as a red flag, but instead I brushed it off as a joke. I regret doing that 🥺☹ Ladies, men will ALWAYS tell you who they are and tell on THEMSELVES in the beginning, if you are willing to really pay attention and take heed, instead of trying to be hopeful and giving benefit of the doubt (which ironically, men are skillful at making women feel guilty for not doing).
I always say an insecure person will destroy a relationship/friendship. You described HIM to perfection....but I let that go years ago, and stored the red flags in my memory bank. Hope that never happens again.
I had one do allllll of that "FIGHT" but he ended up being a narcissist. I will sit my tail down for a min. I'm tired. He wore me out but I won because I ended the engagement and ran for the hills. Thank you Mr. Jax you were a part of that wake up call.
Yes! I did it 17-22 with my ex. I’m 25 now and I used to feel like I wasted my “glory” years but I’m over that feeling. I’m still young and it’s never too late to start over with anything in life
Sucks when you realize too late. But better late than never I guess. From 20-28. Ugh been single for 2 years and I actually like it. Getting to know myself completely and setting my priorities straight. I learned.
I’m late to the “Don’t Forget Your Crown” book.. but I got it!! Better late than never.. I am a healthcare worker.. working daily through these hard times and eagerly reading this on my breaks.. Thanks Derrick for extending the sale and for such open, honest and real dialogue. 👑👑👑
Sign for me now that I'm Older and Wiser. If he says, No I'm Good, I don't need God in my life....to be Honest God transforms you to Act Better, Be Better, and not talk about it, but Be About It!!
My father and every man that has ever asked me out has been this type of insecure guy. It’s just easier to stay single. It doesn’t hurt too much to be alone; it’s the incessant abuse that is so bad.
Jennifer Primo Yes! I’m pleased that he discarded me first. His absence has been like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. He is 47, insecure and immature. I don’t need a person like that in my life.
Yeah they always do first. Mine told me he doesn’t think he can give me what I want. And he doesn’t think he will ever be able to make me happy. You know what I said ok if u say so.
@@MsFree2u This guy is fun he never says what women should bring to the table other than sex.make up, weave, clothes, attitude, disrespect, big booties, if u don't have a man or can't keep one it's time to take inventory of self he's just telling you what u want to here to keep u single and some women should face some facts the men ur checking for aren't checking for u men are looking for someone to grow and build with not attitude they have to deal with daily we as blk men have to fight the world we don't want to do it at home as well have a wonderful cutie👋🏿
bigjayking24 He chose to be a hater 😂 This was a very insecure man who didn’t want me to realise my worth and leave him.. once he peeped I stopped accepting his mediocrity & noticed I was watching Derrick.. he had nothing but horrible things to say about him. I knew that was a red flag 🚩 Derrick has wayyyy more supporters than haters. A sure fire way to see if someone isn’t worth your time is if they a DJ hater 😉 💯
Same in my life. He always used the “you deserve better than me” line every time we would have problems. At the end I got left for another girl and divorced. I’ve learned if I hear this line then run for the hills he’s not for you.
I love your book. The line that got me was we as women always want to see what a man wants but we need to see if that man is worth being wanted... Big Facts!!
DERRICK!!! I am THROUGH with you. You have read what I HAD to get away from. You always up in somebody's house. 😊 Keep on giving us the details of knowledge. 🌋🎉🌈📣 His insecurities was jealousy and him bringing "old stuff" into the relationship.
One guy told me, I’m probably not enough for you. I said, probably not. 😌 Then he got offended LOL Some of them will test you to see if you’ll lower the bar for them . Don’t.
Like they once you find some one else better then he wants you back because he had a good thing but now it's to late don't wait until she's gone!!!!!! That's it that's all 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
@@IhEarzYu life is too short today and I don't believe in sharing there are all kinds of diseases and I don't think that's right sleeping around!!!! And if she can still have kids then I feel bad for you I can't have anymore kids I have one son and he's 22 now and he is my only one!!!! Amen, Amen, Amen, thank you jesus!!!! I'm not looking for a relationship or marriage just a good man who likes to talk and have a great time and go out to dinner or movie or just talk get too know each other better!!!!! Love football games and basketball games I'm 51 and still single
@@IhEarzYu ur 51 and still single wow wow maybe it's time to start looking at what ur doing wrong and men ur age aren't checking for u there going after the young single women the only way there checking for women ur age is u have to look like ur in ur late 30's early 40's with a GD body
Never stay with an inferior. He may attempt to destroy you "quietly".. for example, leaving you after he drain your account, or 4 babies later, beating you down with words, cheating... Jealousy is no joke. Make sure he is growing and willing to do better.. if a man says you deserve better! Believe him, you do deserve better
Stop judging and putting yourself down. Be your best friend and lover. Heal your inner child before the next relationship. All about love. Self-love. And put your self first, yes over your children, parents, pets and everybody else! (That is my current challenge)
I just came here to say, Derrick, I have been binge-watching your videos trying to process the end of three and a half year relationship that meant everything to me. I don't think you've told me anything I didn't know, but you said an awful lot that I needed to remember. Thanks
Why it so easy for guys to just flip a switch and cut of any feelings. I’m a good woman that loves hard, but it’s so easy for every man to walk away. Stay and fight for me is a joke, I get a good-bye over the shoulder. Two husbands and numerous boyfriends. I’m 55 and feel like I’m going to be alone 4 ever. I don’t want someone just to have someone, I want someone to love and share my life with that feels the same way I do
Eternity With Christ thank you for your caring words. Unfortunately the red flags you’re talking about I tend to see them when it’s not really one and than others I’m not really sure. As I said I don’t just want someone to not be lonely, I want the one God has for me, but I need to pray more for insight. I really can’t take much more hurt. Lost my mom about a year and a half ago, my best friend. I just hope that they all stay away until God says he’s the one
You give the best real advice! I just love you :) You should be a relationship mentor and speaker at high schools and colleges. Thank you and sending you many blessings!
I asked a guy I've been seeing for over a year are we going to the next level he told me he didn't want to be force in a relationship and that if I wasn't getting what I want to make a sound decision. Mean after he said that kept asking for me to come over to be with him🤔 so I made a sound decision and stop talking to him! Enough was enough of taking me for granted and using me !
Whoooo. Wheeeee. Ameen. All of this! I only had one guy exactly as you described but that one was ENOUGH! Fortunately, I had noticed the red flags of detachment, ie his arrogance before I got too invested. Now after listening to this video I realized he doesn't want any to be in any permanent commitment with ANYONE so he uses arrogance as a way to run away. Looks like he did me a favor!😄
I’m dealing with this now. Lord help me. My boyfriend wants to argue about ever tiny thing. It’s insane. He can never let anything go. I’m asking myself should I continue this.
I had only a couple things for my ex BF to do. I wanted to him to be a better communicator, go to counseling for his baggage, make a commitment eventually and get off of the Facebook fan club. I treated him like a king 👑. I guess I wasn’t worth it because he never did any of those things even though he told me , Easy day. So I walked away.
It’s all such a turn off when it’s supposed to be simple.... I’m 49 twice divorced two adult sons a daughter in-law three grandchildren and my focus is my spiritual and financial future for my children and grandchildren period I’m going to enjoy this life without the hoopla 💪🏾💋
Hey, I love your honesty. I’m pretty sure I know a lot about men, but I fell into a pit of hell with a guy. He will not even acknowledge me to his kids, freaks out when I mention ONE thing about an emotion. I have known love before, but got caught up in a co dependent relationship. Keep up the great words.
My ex husband was so toxic jealous I was not allowed to be around any men whatsoever not even my own family and he literally locked me inside the house while he would go to work I was not even allowed to throw the trash while he was gone if he knew that I had stepped foot outside it was hell to pay when he got home🤦🏻♀️ Thank God I survived that narcissistic toxic psychotic relationship🙏🏼
When a guy says "you deserve better", believe him! He's too insecure for you and it will give him an excuse to treat you like crap if you stay.
It can also be he's trying to let her down easy
Not always the case, that could be his way of indirectly saying "i am insecure and i'm wondering what is your reaction to this". If he truly loves you he will try to get better for you, and if you love him you will be by his side in the process. Ughh the fact that some of us grow in bad families and people just wanna discard us for that matter blows my fkin mind. It's not always our fault we're insecure and it's not like we wanted to be insecure in the first place?? like tf?? jesus christ some of you really lack empathy, what do you think happens to a truly insecure person when their partner leaves them for being insecure? You think that will boost their confidence?? NO, it will only make them more insecure, that's why you dont treat people like that! IF YOUR PARTNER COMMUNICATES THAT THEY HAVE AN ISSUE AND YOU LEAVE THEM, YOU ARE THE TOXIC ONES!
On the flip side, some men will know they don't deserve you and won't admit it. He will want you to stay in a relationship with him to fuel his own ego and narcissism. Smdh
My ex told me yesterday I deserve better. He's been treating me like a trash. I said "Yes I know I deserve better." I cried one last time and let him go.
Amen
Some guys come right out and tell you that you're too good for them. Believe them! They are about to use you in some way
Fr
Yes. Believe them and avert hell. All he'll say is, "I told you so."
Facts! They are about to use you, or that relationship is about to get reeeaal toxic, REAL fast in his efforts to belittle you and bring you DOWN to his level and below. I know this because I'm going through it right now. He actually TOLD me he saw me as "above" him on our first or second date. I should have taken that as a red flag, but instead I brushed it off as a joke. I regret doing that 🥺☹
EnMode you need to leave him NOW before you find yourself in a(n) abusive relationship.
Hi new friend here.
I actually thought HIGHLY of a guy that didn’t think HIGHLY of himself. The RESULTS was him running and cheating with low hanging fruit. Never again!
Say that
Same here. He’s out of the picture.
Same:(
He literally took notes...that's a keeper. All we ask is for a man that listens and his actions will show it. The greatest of gifts cost nothing. Namaste.
Hi new friend here.
That speaks volumes over all the just leave talk. Relationships are difficult and take time, unless you are dating someone not on your level and they keep the peace to have a place to stay.
My sister-in-law was recently dating that same type of man or boy as my wife and I call them. He was always trying to degrade her and shame her for being successful in life and desiring the best for her. He had no self confidence or respect and he carried that insecurity and jealousy over to everyone he met in life. We informed her that she deserves way better than him and that hes as good as a bag of trash waiting for collection...NOTHING, he isn't wroth a penny of your time and his actions speak for themselves. She got the vibe and ended her relationship with him and cut him off everything in her circle. He then tried to play the poor me victim card BUT it didn't do him any good. Ladies never ever give a man a second or penny of your time until he's repeatedly proven himself to you.
Great input. I had this guy. He spent so much time trying to break me down instead of enjoying the fact that I really liked him when I met him. I could have cared less about his job or pay scale. His constant comments about how he could never measure up and give me what I deserved were too much in the end. Plus, I believe he used that as an excuse not to get to close to any woman. I bailed and am happy I did. Patiently waiting for the right man.
Sir, thank you and much respect for you as a MAN willing to speak this truth.
amen
👏 Thank you
Alas... this brings back the memories... if a man is insecure AND is not willing to do anything to improve what he is insecure about, the relationship cannot be saved. All the love and patience in the world is not enough for a woman to overcome that combination... the only thing to do is let that go...
Deeann Mathews 💯💯💯💯💯
I agree wholeheartedly
So true, he has to want to fix himself before anyrhing. Most men express that they are insecure and use manipulative tactics by finding a females weakest traits and using her own insecurities as ammunition to lower a her self esteem. Over the years I've learned so much from my past relationships. A man has to see the value in a womans worth first
@@grantyouawish1981 A man has to have a true sense of the value in himself first, believe he has the capacity to change to achieve his best, and then want to do it internally ... I was in a case where a gentleman saw the value in me and I saw the value in him, but more so than he did... he valued the comfort zone where he and others excused and covered for weaknesses they did not think they could improve on. He never was manipulative or unkind per se, and even now he treats me kindly when we occasionally meet... but his commitment remains to being comfortable in a whole circle of weakness.
I exited ALL of the routines and rhythms where that entire circle interacts and have never returned. Now I look at what would have happened had I stayed, compromised, potentially married and had children... all of us would have been stunted, because a man cannot lead a family where he is not committed to growing and going. This is why he first needs to see the true value in himself to the point that he will not settle for stagnation in his insecurities.
@@hymnodyhands yes💯💯
This literally happened to me.. 😩
It only got worse. Had me thinking I had to dull my shine to make him feel more secure? I didn’t know what to do. But he eventually lived up to (more like lived down to 😒) that “I don’t deserve you” & “you can do better than me”.. And he was absolutely right. Was the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn - listen to people when they tell you who they are.. It hurt a lot, he was my first love & I truly loved him hard 💔
But I had to walk away, he completely stole all of my joy.
Thank you for this video Derrick! 🙏🏼
You actually helped me a lot towards the end of my relationship, I woke up with your insight. God Bless You! 🧡
Ελισάβετ Sơ Elizabeth I’ve been there and it’s so so painful. He just couldn’t get it together
Ελισάβετ Sơ Elizabeth I've been there. Same boat.
It was the hardest thing I had to do but my ex wasn't gonna change.
Special Twice
I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been in this position will truly appreciate how heart wrenching it is..
it’s absolutely the hardest decision to make; walking away from someone you love because you know they don’t value your worth & probably aren’t even capable to 💔
Happy you made it out 🙏🏼
my ex used to flat out tell me that I was “too good” for him. I thought me trying to show him that wasn’t true would make him see I was “different”. Boy was I wrong. We’ve been broken up for 5 years and I am still healing from our relationship. It was almost like he was punishing me for loving him. I pray that you are healing, sis. You are way too beautiful to let a lame treat you like you’re anything less than a queen. 🙏🏾💕
Victoria GOOD
🥺🥺🥺
You are truly an angel, thank you so much for your kind words 🙏🏼
It means more than you know, especially coming from someone who genuinely understands how hard/heartbreaking this is..
it’s been almost a year for me, and I am still healing too. I know that relationship changed me but I haven’t allowed it to leave me jaded, just a lot more cautious & aware.
I pray you heal completely too, set yourself free 🕊 You deserve to be whole & happy again ❣
Here’s to you Queen, thank you again for sharing & for being such a sweetheart 🥰
Have a beautiful blessed day! x
The ladies of the younger generations need to watch these videos because there's to many of them that don't know their value. ***Always remember real love don't hurt***
True Real Pearl AMEN!!!
Thank you :( going through this rn ready to leave my relationship of 6 years. Going to be hard but I’m ready
But a lot of women in older generations need to watch this too because many of them entered and stayed in struggle marriages based on these facts. That's how the generational trauma is transferred and toxic cycles are repeated. Daughters choose toxic relationships often because their mothers did the same thing.
I agree.
I not only love Derrick's message but the sisterhood in the comments section really warms my heart.💞💞
Truth
@Reba Davis yes ma'am!!!! I agree.
If a man thinks/says you’re too good for him, listen to him. He’s probably right.
Kkkkkkkkk,true .my bf is way.too.insecure
The Scriptures say, "Don't be unequally yoked with an Unbeliever." That means don't bind yourself to someone with a different god, values and priorities. Imagine two oxen working side by side. If they are of a differing character, the
stronger one will be wore down by the weaker. He is doing most, if not all of the work. They are not an evenly match team. The grain will not be tread properly. Your life and relationship will be filled with dysfunction, because it's simply Not a good match!!
God's Word is Wisdom. Some people of the World don't want Jesus Wisdom they are used to and prefer to continue to operate and live in DARKNESS.
Facts
another real message Derrick! Ladies he’s absolutely right. If you’re dating someone who says this, “you’re amazing you deserve someone better than me” grab your Nikes and run!!🏃♀️ you can let him prove he deserves your time and presence from a distance, but do not continue to be in a relationship with him. He needs to work on himself and his own insecurities. I learned the hard way wasted most of my youth with a man full of secrets and insecurities who always said “u deserve better than me” “you deserve more than me” it’s manipulation and a tactic for you to feel sorry for him so you can deem down your shine for him to control your next move. Date guys who say things like “you’re so inspiring to me, you keep me motivated just by observing you achieve your goals” not “ur too good for me, I don’t deserve someone like you.” Still hoping to come across a man who is just as secure as I am in my life so we can keep each other yoked. 🤞😌🤞
Facts! Is it the same like saying “ I don’t think I can give u what your looking for” ?
I am married to someone who says this to me.
One thing that took my marriage to another level is when I became aware of my wife biggest fears & concerns.
When I’m aware of those things, we get on the same level & become one in our souls.
@@shawnlee220 Most beautiful that he CARES about protecting his wife and helping her through her biggest fears and concerns.
Hi new friend here.
I pray for someone who will know I’m worth fighting for 🙏
You and me both😳😳😳😳😳😳😳.
Yes lord
Equally yoked spiritually is the key!!
Juana p 👌🏾
Bingo!
YES!
Ur spiritual and still haven't found a man 👍🏿
Amen
You're helping me with my broken heart I'm experiencing this a lot
I've been there, I'm so disappointed in myself for letting him get away with his poor behaviour but it gets better.
Keep your head up it’s a process a long process but yes it gets better
Just hold on. God still is mending broken hearts. It gets better with time.
Girl he’s helping me so much too. Love and blessings your way. I promise with time it gets easier! God is making way for the right one
You’ll be fine honey trust me now is super hard but it’ll get better indeed with hardship comes ease
The guy who put about his girl in a calendar is a problem solver sounds like a winner.
Ladies nothing from nothing equals nothing. Listen 💗
My 3 exs tolded me i deserve better. They was right about that i deserve better and thats why i walked away from them because i deserve better. Im not wasting my time no more and im not settling for less i moved on good bye. Thank you Derrick good advice.👍☺
My ex told me I deserved better. He felt he was not good enough for me. He eventually broke up with me after telling my sister that he felt like he couldn't even measure up to the kind of man I deserve. When he broke up with me he cried. I felt so bad for him
My ex would play victim to his friends and his mom. He would always talk about my flaws but he never spoke about all the good things that I would do for him. I was very patient with him. Instead of me running away from him, I remained by his side and over looked his flaws. He always put his friends over me and his mom. The last one was always me. He would denied it but I could see. He really broke my heart. He would always break up with me on and off... he broke up with me. The last conversation we had, it was bad. I told him I was done, I was done. I always put up with his attitude and his shitty moods. He blocked me on fb and that is that. He was also a huge mamas boy and his mom would enable him. I dont cry anymore how I used too. Each day I keep myself busy
Karen Martinez I felt that 💜
Karen Martinez Good you’re GONE. He’s shitty and insecure and never DESERVED you ... let him continue to play victim with his mom and BFFs like the lil boy that he is. Blessings🌈
Hey...you deserve the best and only the best
Stay strong💫💫✨✨
Don’t waste your time on an insecure person PERIODT! Not worth the headache.
Big facts
Definitely!
I dont exactly agree with you. I have been a distant&insecure person in my dating life. When my current bf and I got close I was still a mess. However, he was patient enough to teach me love and self love and eventually I overcame my insecurity because he thought i am worth fighting for and i thought the same about him. I am very grateful he didn't just abandon me like you advise people here in the comments to do. Some people are worth saving, not all 'insecure people' turn out to be a headache.
Oh and to quote you, pEriOdT.
L E N N Y you need attention and you are always a headache. Before you troll learn how to SAVE YOURSELF instead of having a co-dependent do it for you. And use your own quotes next time, NEEDY.
Yes, the most important thing in a relationship is the constant fighting to prove each other’s worth! And ladies if your not his first priority leave him before you are left :)
💯💯👏🏽👏🏽
A man should fight for you and try as least.
The problem is most men feed their egos instead of loving thy self. So they can love others, unconditionally without any stipulations.
@@mizjohnson123 true
@@jasminej6281 It will take a patient, empathetic woman to help the man change his ways for the better of him and then everyone else.
I'm still trying to find someone on my level and I'm 42. I've always been willing to fight but I haven't found anyone worth it and I've certainly never had anyone fight for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be alone forever because I sure as hell won't settle. I just got my book and I'm excited to read it!!
Hope Wilson Wow I’ll b 44 on Monday. I feel the same exact way. It’s crazy out here....
Hope Wilson yes the game is skewed unfortunately. If the guys you want don’t want you it gets really hard to find what you’re looking for. Right now thots and simps are running rampant ruining it for a lot of folks and only fkbois are winning. I suggest getting pets bc most guys aren’t settling either. Be easy.
Ksna Sol Damn that’s true! Lol
Just turned 38..U are Not Alone😒😉😘
@@ksnasol3532 😂😂 right. What you just said is GOLD 💯💯We only see it/hear it as women "not settling", but men are not settling either, that's what people fail to realize, so where does that leave eveything? In a chaotic state
Unfortunately my ex was not willing to fight for me. He wasn't willing to do the work. He said "you deserve better". In the end it also told me he wasn't willing to do the work to be the better that I deserve. At that point I knew it was better that he left. And I also realized that actions count. I worked a hell of a lot more than he did on this relationship so I'm better off for sure. Learned alot of lessons about what I really want and need from a relationship.
Same..how are you?
I'm doing really well actually. Time is your biggest ally when it comes to a breakup. It's been really nice to be able to focus on just myself and not worry about someone else.
Good to hear! Did he tried to reach out?
Nope. Never heard from him again. Deleted his number 2 days after he left because I knew it would be a trigger and possible temptation for me. I was left with a lot of "non-closure" so making my own closure with this has taken alot of work. But it needed to be done.
His name did pop up as "viewed profile" on one of my social media accounts...but it was brief, like a couple of minutes. This was odd because he didn't have social media. I have a sneaking suspicion it was him but who knows. 🤷♀️ Go ahead and slink away. Good riddance.
My ex told me yesterday I deserve better. He's been treating me like a trash. I said "Yes I know I deserve better." I cried one last time and let him go.
UA-cam is messy recommending this right now! 😂😂😂
had to fight myself to get to same stage of emotional maturity as my man and he fought himself to get to the level of professional maturity i was on when we met 👸🏽🤴🏿
Sara Bee thank u ! that's all we were here for. we're both in our early 20s but were wise enough to make it clear from the jump. he's my forever 🥺
My soon to be ex actually told me he saw me as "above" him on our first or second date. I should have known that relationship was about to get reeeaal toxic, REAL fast in his efforts to belittle me and bring me DOWN to his level and below. I should have taken that as a red flag, but instead I brushed it off as a joke. I regret doing that 🥺☹ Ladies, men will ALWAYS tell you who they are and tell on THEMSELVES in the beginning, if you are willing to really pay attention and take heed, instead of trying to be hopeful and giving benefit of the doubt (which ironically, men are skillful at making women feel guilty for not doing).
Wow
I always say an insecure person will destroy a relationship/friendship. You described HIM to perfection....but I let that go years ago, and stored the red flags in my memory bank. Hope that never happens again.
I had one do allllll of that "FIGHT" but he ended up being a narcissist. I will sit my tail down for a min. I'm tired. He wore me out but I won because I ended the engagement and ran for the hills. Thank you Mr. Jax you were a part of that wake up call.
I had this thru all of my twenties with my ex fiancé. I wasted my precious years on the wrong guy but made me fearful of losing him. Never again
Yes! I did it 17-22 with my ex. I’m 25 now and I used to feel like I wasted my “glory” years but I’m over that feeling. I’m still young and it’s never too late to start over with anything in life
Sucks when you realize too late. But better late than never I guess. From 20-28. Ugh been single for 2 years and I actually like it. Getting to know myself completely and setting my priorities straight. I learned.
I’m late to the “Don’t Forget Your Crown” book.. but I got it!! Better late than never.. I am a healthcare worker.. working daily through these hard times and eagerly reading this on my breaks.. Thanks Derrick for extending the sale and for such open, honest and real dialogue.
👑👑👑
The sale has been going on for over a year.
Thank you Ines, for helping everyone!
Thank you for your service! We appreciate you 👑 ❤️
mike scott
Yeah every video he says “ I just extended the 50% off sale”. I’m not worried. It will always be on sale!
@@LK-qz7eh 😂
Sign for me now that I'm Older and Wiser. If he says, No I'm Good, I don't need God in my life....to be Honest God transforms you to Act Better, Be Better, and not talk about it, but Be About It!!
Wow.could you explain it more? I need it sister
My father and every man that has ever asked me out has been this type of insecure guy. It’s just easier to stay single. It doesn’t hurt too much to be alone; it’s the incessant abuse that is so bad.
@@maritza2016 I think she meant her father is an insecure man and men that ask her out are as well....
These kinds of guys are actually very faithful... Jealous controlling narcissistic and faithful
Sign # 1- he discards you first
Jennifer Primo Yes! I’m pleased that he discarded me first. His absence has been like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. He is 47, insecure and immature. I don’t need a person like that in my life.
Fudgeee
Hi new friend here.
Yeah they always do first. Mine told me he doesn’t think he can give me what I want. And he doesn’t think he will ever be able to make me happy. You know what I said ok if u say so.
@@kitteng139 Mine said the exact same thing 😂 it’s sicking the dusties are all the same
My ex told me “no man will ever love me like he do.”His ass eating those words 😂😂😂
The Lord is speaking through you!! I’m going exactly through this stuff.
Anna Todd me too... it sucks because we love each other ... but he has problems that are bigger than me ..
No he isn’t 👎🏾
I know I deserve better too and I’ll be ok too 💔
Hek u and when u need. Sis I'm here
Kelly Brightness ❤️❤️❤️
@@MsFree2u let's love 2heal find me here queen 2queen gods always on time
@@MsFree2u This guy is fun he never says what women should bring to the table other than sex.make up, weave, clothes, attitude, disrespect, big booties, if u don't have a man or can't keep one it's time to take inventory of self he's just telling you what u want to here to keep u single and some women should face some facts the men ur checking for aren't checking for u men are looking for someone to grow and build with not attitude they have to deal with daily we as blk men have to fight the world we don't want to do it at home as well have a wonderful cutie👋🏿
*”It was about him putting forth ENERGY and EFFORT to show her..”* 👏👍✌️
Yeeeees !!!!! This is mind blowing right here and it makes so much sense
Equally yoked is more about foundational beliefs, and it’s definitely important to be equally yoked.
Thank you...... for your videos, thank you. My heart is broken, and you’ve helped so much
Jacqueline Consitt I’m praying for you.❤️😘
He’s helped me a lot too girl 😭 🙏🏼
Such a blessing. My ex hated him.. 😂 smh
bigjayking24
He chose to be a hater 😂 This was a very insecure man who didn’t want me to realise my worth and leave him.. once he peeped I stopped accepting his mediocrity & noticed I was watching Derrick.. he had nothing but horrible things to say about him. I knew that was a red flag 🚩
Derrick has wayyyy more supporters than haters.
A sure fire way to see if someone isn’t worth your time is if they a DJ hater 😉 💯
Don't worry everything will be okay 🍀
Yeap married one! It does become a big problem.. we are going through divorce
Grace Kelly I can relate 💯 with you
Same!
Ours ended in divorce too bc of it. You cannot love them enough to change them
Same in my life. He always used the “you deserve better than me” line every time we would have problems. At the end I got left for another girl and divorced. I’ve learned if I hear this line then run for the hills he’s not for you.
I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 but I’m a believer in when one door closes, another one Opens ❤️ Stay strong 💪
Let’s all marry Derrick
Lol
😁
No.
Is it sad that I'd rather share a decent man than have a POS all to myself? 🤔😳
❤🖐
I wanna be worth fighting for i know things not gonna always go right but atleast your trying.
Damn right, I'm with you on that 💯
You are worth fighting for! Only the right guy will see that!
I'm with you! I feel the same way. We are worth fighting for and the person that is meant for us will know it.
@@hopewilson5359 Yes beautiful❤❤💪
@Eternity With Christ Well ty we all are❤❤💪
The whole time he was talking about himself 🤦I feel bamboozled
That's the craziest part of this all, and yet he's helped so many people. Still good into though!
UA-cam being messy with their suggestions 😂
ohh chile 🤦🏽♀️😭
This is why my ex just left, he said I was “too much”.....but I thought women were the prize🤷🏾♀️
My spouse says that to me too it's really me responding to an enormous amount of bs..
We deserve better than YOU Derrick!
Your so right Derrick it’s about truely loving each other and fighting for love. Awe sweet. Thanks Derrick for all the good advice. 😍🥰
Thank you for the encouraging words about men who don’t deserve us good women!
😭😭
Keishia Powell facts
God bless you 💙
Thank you to Derrick and the community here, you have all helped me to flourish and understand my worth, for that I am truly grateful 💖
Those kind of guys usually abuse the women in some form or fashion. She needs to let him go.
Neglect.
TRUTH!
I love your book. The line that got me was we as women always want to see what a man wants but we need to see if that man is worth being wanted... Big Facts!!
Sewing in tears right now because of this, but I’ll return to normal stronger...
DERRICK!!! I am THROUGH with you. You have read what I HAD to get away from. You always up in somebody's house. 😊 Keep on giving us the details of knowledge. 🌋🎉🌈📣 His insecurities was jealousy and him bringing "old stuff" into the relationship.
One guy told me, I’m probably not enough for you. I said, probably not. 😌
Then he got offended LOL
Some of them will test you to see if you’ll lower the bar for them . Don’t.
Brilliant as always!! Wow! Wish I had known this 8 years ago!
Or 18
Like they once you find some one else better then he wants you back because he had a good thing but now it's to late don't wait until she's gone!!!!!! That's it that's all 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yes!!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@IhEarzYu life is too short today and I don't believe in sharing there are all kinds of diseases and I don't think that's right sleeping around!!!! And if she can still have kids then I feel bad for you I can't have anymore kids I have one son and he's 22 now and he is my only one!!!! Amen, Amen, Amen, thank you jesus!!!! I'm not looking for a relationship or marriage just a good man who likes to talk and have a great time and go out to dinner or movie or just talk get too know each other better!!!!! Love football games and basketball games I'm 51 and still single
@@IhEarzYu ur 51 and still single wow wow maybe it's time to start looking at what ur doing wrong and men ur age aren't checking for u there going after the young single women the only way there checking for women ur age is u have to look like ur in ur late 30's early 40's with a GD body
George Frazier ewww a granpa... lol I don’t wanna... my father yet... two different eras... ok
@@sexygabby30 And u wonder why you don't have a man or keep one
"Two people worth fighting for to get equally yoke"!🎯❤🙌🏽🙌🏽
You know what? This is the type of honesty I wanted to hear lately. Thank you!
Never stay with an inferior. He may attempt to destroy you "quietly".. for example, leaving you after he drain your account, or 4 babies later, beating you down with words, cheating... Jealousy is no joke. Make sure he is growing and willing to do better.. if a man says you deserve better! Believe him, you do deserve better
It never fails. Your always on time, right when I need it!
I refuse to settle for anything less, than I Deserve 👈✨💃🌹
Girl just run tell her the truth run away from him
I went for it. The toxic one. Why did this come up on my feed. I feel so humiliated and ashamed
No shame babes, it has happened, now leave what has happened in the past and shut the door of that past. Never let the past make you shrink💪🏽
Stop judging and putting yourself down. Be your best friend and lover. Heal your inner child before the next relationship. All about love. Self-love. And put your self first, yes over your children, parents, pets and everybody else! (That is my current challenge)
I just came here to say, Derrick, I have been binge-watching your videos trying to process the end of three and a half year relationship that meant everything to me. I don't think you've told me anything I didn't know, but you said an awful lot that I needed to remember. Thanks
He is literally talking about himself .
Why it so easy for guys to just flip a switch and cut of any feelings. I’m a good woman that loves hard, but it’s so easy for every man to walk away. Stay and fight for me is a joke, I get a good-bye over the shoulder. Two husbands and numerous boyfriends. I’m 55 and feel like I’m going to be alone 4 ever. I don’t want someone just to have someone, I want someone to love and share my life with that feels the same way I do
Your inner child must be hurt. I'm investing heavily in self love, awareness and hired a personal development coach.❤️
Adayah, well BLESS YOUR HEART!!!
Eternity With Christ thank you for your caring words. Unfortunately the red flags you’re talking about I tend to see them when it’s not really one and than others I’m not really sure. As I said I don’t just want someone to not be lonely, I want the one God has for me, but I need to pray more for insight. I really can’t take much more hurt. Lost my mom about a year and a half ago, my best friend. I just hope that they all stay away until God says he’s the one
I just bought the book thank you for reminding us women there is better opportunity in life then a man that don't care about anything bless you
This video is gold.
You give me hope and encourage me from making huge mistakes with my ex.🥴
First love from Jamaica 🇯🇲
You give the best real advice! I just love you :) You should be a relationship mentor and speaker at high schools and colleges. Thank you and sending you many blessings!
I asked a guy I've been seeing for over a year are we going to the next level he told me he didn't want to be force in a relationship and that if I wasn't getting what I want to make a sound decision. Mean after he said that kept asking for me to come over to be with him🤔 so I made a sound decision and stop talking to him! Enough was enough of taking me for granted and using me !
Worth fighting for...that explanation was amazing
Whoooo. Wheeeee. Ameen. All of this! I only had one guy exactly as you described but that one was ENOUGH! Fortunately, I had noticed the red flags of detachment, ie his arrogance before I got too invested. Now after listening to this video I realized he doesn't want any to be in any permanent commitment with ANYONE so he uses arrogance as a way to run away.
Looks like he did me a favor!😄
@Eternity With Christ Ameen
You be blessed also, Beloved!
❤
Key saying....don't lose yourself trying to level up to a person and make sure the person puts in the same effort regarding you.
I’m dealing with this now. Lord help me. My boyfriend wants to argue about ever tiny thing. It’s insane. He can never let anything go. I’m asking myself should I continue this.
Eternity With Christ I know. You’re right!
You have been such a light for my experience.. Thank you so much. From a man point of view it resonates
So refreshing to hear positive solutions for relationships. Keep up your good works.
This sounds like my relationship that I’m exiting out of.
I had only a couple things for my ex BF to do. I wanted to him to be a better communicator, go to counseling for his baggage, make a commitment eventually and get off of the Facebook fan club. I treated him like a king 👑. I guess I wasn’t worth it because he never did any of those things even though he told me , Easy day. So I walked away.
Don't worry everything will be alright,
Thank you. You explain things well. God bless.
It’s all such a turn off when it’s supposed to be simple.... I’m 49 twice divorced two adult sons a daughter in-law three grandchildren and my focus is my spiritual and financial future for my children and grandchildren period
I’m going to enjoy this life without the hoopla 💪🏾💋
Thanks for being so real and sharing your wisdom and growth god bless you.
May God Continue to Bless you Abundantly 💜🦉
Exactly... it's about how a person makes you feel and how you feel about a person and what each wants to give and what they want to fight for...
I NEEDED this video
I’ve been BENEFITING from your Free Advice for YEARS!!!
The Least I can do is Show SUPPORT by picking Up your Book 🙏❤️🙏
I had one guy tell me "I don't deserve you". It wasn't long before I agreed.
lol same here!
Hey, I love your honesty. I’m pretty sure I know a lot about men, but I fell into a pit of hell with a guy. He will not even acknowledge me to his kids, freaks out when I mention ONE thing about an emotion.
I have known love before, but got caught up in a co dependent relationship.
Keep up the great words.
I LOVE YOU for giving US ladies all this education. Bless U King 💋
Why do they move in then decide that their insecurities cant handle being treated well. Then try to break you down cutting your self esteem down.....
Thanks for showing us the men we need to have and what to look out for
My ex husband was so toxic jealous I was not allowed to be around any men whatsoever not even my own family and he literally locked me inside the house while he would go to work I was not even allowed to throw the trash while he was gone if he knew that I had stepped foot outside it was hell to pay when he got home🤦🏻♀️ Thank God I survived that narcissistic toxic psychotic relationship🙏🏼
Thanks for you taking the time to help us ladies out! Handsome and wise! God bless you!