The Hardest Part About Dealing With A Borderline Break Up
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- The most difficult thing about dealing with a borderline break up is that the borderline misinterprets your love as hate. That's the hardest part about it. When the borderline splits, it has no relation to the truth. Even a bad break up with a non-borderline will still make sense.
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The hardest thing for me is how quick they move on...
Uh, no. I'm bpd, I dated who atm seems like the love of my life for 2 years. I am so utterly attached and in love with her.
it’s much deeper than that… lol.
we don’t move on quickly. we try to replace people. it’s an empty feelings. we try make it seem like we’ve moved on, because we know people don’t hurt as much as we do in relationships/breakups. and it’s to fill the void.
@@liliana7469 explain it more
Yup
@@brycehaden8274 Same here, it feels like I’m addicted to this person :(
Hardest part is not getting any (real) closure, they will give you reasons that don't make sense or if they do the breakup is a huge overreaction to the solvable problem.
Yes their reasonings never make sense or add up. They truly live in their own world that has little to do with reality. I broke up with him but then somehow he turned it around on me saying it was my fault because of some stupid reason that didn’t make sense.
Just lived through this kind of breakup recently. The problem was something being projected but was totally false. There was no reasoning or closure. Everything was so great for a year and we got along great. Just went from being the person that showed so much love, then turned into a ghost that blamed me for issues that had no basis in reality. At least I learned what to look for next time.
exatactly
I’m going through this now. He broke up with me and now he’s acting like I did it. I honestly don’t think he remembers what happened. He’s filling in the gaps with false information. So frustrating because the issue that triggered him was so minor. But once he has it in his head that I was about to end it (I wasn’t) HE ended it. We even worked it out a week later and everything seemed fine, and then he ended it again! And now he keeps saying I ended it. At first I wanted to reconcile but not anymore. I don’t see how I can go through this again. And if he has no memory, or no accurate memory, then how do I know he won’t do something crazy and really hurt me? It’s sad, because I really love him.
@@ellengrace4609 really experienced same thing with you. He makes me feel I did everything wrong. I tried to break up with him before but every time he asked me not to give up on him. This time he raises the break up and doesn’t give me any chance to save our relationship. I just feel they are like bomb! I mean they will definitely leave you one day so just leave as early as possible. He leave you once means he will leave you again and again. Try to focus on urself, you deserve someone better.
My borderline wife finally discarded with the ol’ monkey branch technique. She actually did the exact thing to me, that she was paranoid about me doing to her which is absolutely infuriating. Turns out, she was actually projecting herself on to me and blaming me for things that she was actually doing.
The more you try to feel her loved, the more she feels attacked! This summarized a lot of my story! Thanks for your dedication to broadcast this!
Fortunado999 take a decision and then implement it! Firstly, stay no contact!
i agree 100% def the worst part is being accused of anything and everything at anytime.
That's what the guilty ones do
Thank you for this video, I’ve just left my boyfriend who has BPD. This video has made me feel
So much better. His constant put downs, violent outbursts, name calling, disrespect and dismissing how I was feeling just got too much for me to handle. I love him and miss him terribly, but I know for my own sake I can’t be with him any longer. All I did was show him love and kindness and I tried my absolute best to make him feel loved and safe and wanted, but it was never enough. I am heartbroken that the relationship is over, however I know I’m my heart that I did the best I could and made allowances for him time and time again. I wish that loving someone was enough to heal them, but sometimes no amount of love and empathy can “mend” someone.
Thank you again for this video, I hope you have now found peace and love.
Hi, how do you feel nowadays?
I resonate... Ditto... Ouch
Wow! You just read my story to the Tee. My girlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago and it was probably one of the hardest breakups I’ve ever experienced. I felt exactly like you did and had nothing but love and compassion for her. All I wanted to do was make her happy. It was such an awesome relationship but when she split (and it would come out of nowhere) I thought I was dealing with a totally different person and her temper was vicious. I knew we couldn’t last as she refused to get help and didn’t think there was anything wrong with her. In fact she was very loving and affectionate when she was on. She told me that every relationship she had only lasted 2 months and that it was everybody else’s fault. Very, very sad. Thank you for this video as I feel I’m not alone and I’m gaining more insight to this condition. Sending you peace and love.
Thanks for sharing... Its not just your story. everyone who dates a borderline has this same experience. If you want to heal from the pain, watch this ua-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/v-deo.html
Sending love and strength to everyone in the comments, with and without BPD. I'm now 3.5 months out of my relationship with my girlfriend who had diagnosed and untreated BPD (she never disclosed this to me til post breakup). A lot of pain and trauma and I am really focused on my healing. I'm unsure what she is up to (I dont want to know) but from what I heard its not good, defaming and berating me, alcohol abuse (that was one of her vices) new partner etc. I hoped she would also focus on her healing and that this would be a wake up call for her. As much as I want to hate her, I understand people are complex and she has also been a victim too. But thats still no excuse to be a grown woman leaving a long line of damaged men behind her. I'm just lucky I got out when I did after 9 pretty intense months. Im sure I'm just another one in a long line. I think the hardest part is probably the public defamation and reputation smearing, meanwhile simultanously trying to get me back while trying to ruin my image and make herself look like the victim to 'another toxic man'...
Hated for something you didn't do. That is absolute gold and so true!!!
Thanks for opening up and making this video. That was the most painful thing for me too. I tried so hard to show my ex that I loved him and it never felt good enough or it was dismissed when he felt anxious. I can take the temper tantrums. I grew up around chaos so I was used to it. What would hurt me the most was when he’d accuse me of trying to hurt him. I was burning myself out trying to love him enough so he could feel it and that made me realise he couldn’t feel it at all. It triggered a trauma in me about being abandoned for not being good enough. It’ll be a long time before I can heal all this pain.
Same, I feel my mentality is seriously influenced by my ex now
This video has made me feel so much less alone.. it's always good to hear that this is not a unique experience 🙏🏻❤️
Exactly. BPD accusations are often confessions in disguise. Their post-hoc narrative is guided by emotional reasoning, and their partner is left in a state of confusion, agony, and incredulity. Splitting, revisionism, and retribution due to paranoia and abandonment rage are parts of the devaluation playbook. The pwBPD's inability to integrate experiences, or see people as complex individuals, is a cognitive deficit that cannot be remediated by reassurance, altruism, self-sacrifice, or love. Insight requires courage and a tremendous amount of specialized intervention.
Man, this makes me want to cry :-( Such a close friend went through a process like this with me, and this sounds like there is no hope for getting her back.
Yes it can, u just didnt reassure enough.
ya. definitely have been experiencing this. when my gf splits, she all the sudden accuses me of NEVER showing affection. that i NEVER really cared about her. that im a liar and dont care about anyone. yet when were in a neutral period, she tells me im a great bf and yada yada yada. at first i would just listen and try to adapt but the same things would bubble up time and time again. ive tried calling these things out when she does it to see if she can recognize, but its like shes incapable of self reflection during these moments. the rage and emotional intensity has taken over. its exhausting.
So, leave her.
Dating someone with bpd can become an addiction. Especially if you struggle with low self esteem or depression. They tend to spit you out and reel you back in. When they’re on a high it feels like you are soulmates and going to be together forever. When they’re low you really feel that deep in your core because you don’t know how to help. It’s just a vicious cycle. I left my bpd girlfriend for a month as I was going back home for awhile to get my own mental health straightened out and she knew that. I was committed to her. And not 2 weeks into it she informed me she found someone else. I was so pissed and so confused. I felt used and angry. I lashed out on her. And she lashed out on me. She kept going back and forth between me and they guy she was seeing. After three times of coming back to me and then cutting me off for him I finally just went absolutely ballistic on her. I felt so manipulated and used and she threw it all back on me like it was my fault. The relationship ended so horribly. But I still don’t hate her and pray that she gets better over time. I truly loved her and gave her all the love and understanding I possibly could. It was a very traumatic experience.
I understand. Im sorry you are in so much pain. If you want to heal from the pain, watch this ua-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/v-deo.html
So relatable. I spent 3 years trying to understand him and make sense of his behavior. He seemed so nice sometimes and I miss those words of idealization so much. In fact he seemed so kind to others in some moments. Omg it was crazy. Thanks for this video.
It’s so tough. I’m going through a relationship right now. Untreated but all the signs. And what you’re saying is so true. So hard to be accused of all these things when you are just trying so hard to make them feel loved. I know I have to break up with her but I also don’t want to hurt her. She doesn’t want help from a therapist or anyone. Constant break ups and getting back together. I feel like because I don’t have boundaries I fell into this type of relationship. So hard to let go of someone you care so much about. But I have to put myself first because it has only gotten worse. It was so intense and great then it became so consuming and toxic. One day she loves you the next she thinks you are trying to hurt her and you can’t do anything right. The smallest thing will set her off.
It broke my heart to break up with my BPD fiance but I had no choice. It was getting worse by the day, and in spite of how much I loved her (and, like you, didn't want to hurt her), you get to a point where you realize that it's no longer a romantic relationship and it doesn't have a future.
I'm sorry. She is too..I have bpd and I have ruined my relationship.. I know she wants to leave...
My BPD ex left me and acted like I was the reason. I didn’t love her enough. I didn’t spend enough time with her (apparently 24/7 is what she needed). I love her very much but she can be happy with someone else (her words).
@@princhipessa1969 I"m so sorry to hear that. Just know that there is absolutely nothing you could have done. That's the hardest part about these relationships. No matter how sincere and deep your love is, they're just not wired to accept or even acknowledge it.
@@rumpeldumpel675 thank you Ronald 🙏🏻 deep down & logically I know it’s best to stay away from her. I know she’ll destroy every relationship she’ll be in but I still have a chance with someone stable.
Makes no sense and no closure. And no remorse. And moved on like it never happened.
They can't love us, they love the idea of 'love'.
I pushed my fiance too far this time. He broke up with me after 5 years of being a family. I wish I watched your videos sooner so I can understand what he was going through. I disassociate a lot. I'm not trying to be inconsiderate, and I really do care. I just don't know how to stop these thoughts. I hate being this way. I'm so sorry for all the hurt I caused. I deserve this. I'm going to therapy, and DBT. I hope he comes back. At the same time I hope he doesn't so he doesn't have to go through this crazy shit anymore.
Please let him go. If you love him and you want him to have a good life and recover from what you've put him through, please let him go.
@@franny5295
I second that.
There will still be alot of residual resentment.
@@crookedmouth7221 If my expwbpd would say what @mushu889 said, i'd be more than happy to be at her side and help her in any way possible, bc NOW i understand, post break-up, what her condition is. I wish i'd knew this sooner, but since she thinks she is totally fine, that fact would not have helped either. But the acknowledgement of the condition and the will to go to therapy and work on it, that can be a gamechanger imo.
Don´t listen to the people here. If you work on your issues - you have a future together. It´s still a team effort.
And all the rest of you. Stop demonizing BPD - It´s a disorder!
My ex put me on such a high pedestal for maybe a year if that. it seems like when things were great they were great but things became toxic quickly. I wasn’t the easiest to deal with but now I know that and can see where I was wrong. I poured my heart out to her for her to just say “ I cried and laughed” but you don’t get a second chance. She would tell me she misses me so much and all of these other things. The way she left me and planned it out was such a heartbreaking thing to go through and just straight evil. She couldn’t be there for me during my difficult times and I mean she wasn’t there when I was grieving the death of a loved one who I was very close to. She had in her mind that I was using her and I didn’t actually love her/ want to be with her. As many times as I tried to tell her that wasn’t true, her mind just went darker and more paranoid. She told me that she’s been told my therapists that she is borderline but then said to me “ they were wrong” but I honestly think that she has it, every trait that I have read about and seen all points back to her. After we broke up she was playing mind games and this push and pull game. Which is known to be played by people who suffer with BPD. she really led me on and played me out. She doesn’t have a mind of her own she lets her mom control everything and control her mind. She doesn’t really know who she is and she’s severely depressed with such high anxiety. I remember when I tried to break up with her she would beg me to stay and say “ please don’t leave me” don’t leave me alone” all this stuff but when she broke up with me it is a completely different story. I could never leave her but she can leave me? She said she loved me very fast and the relationship honestly moved way too fast. She became cold and distant with me, the things she said after we broke up were so cruel and heartless . She told me she needs to “ love herself and be happy with herself” before she can be with anybody” anyway; I guess that Was not true because the last time we talked she said she’s with somebody else now and told me to move on. She told me around sometime in April that she’s “ not in love” and she woke up one day without even thinking about me. She talked this high game about how she likes and is fine “ being alone” but that was a lie. It is crazy how she was quick to switch on me, being all love and in love to heartless and ice cold. The way she just cut me off like I wasn’t anything really did it for me. Trying to recover seeing a therapist..
I feel you. All the best to you
Its like you are talking about my bpd ex girlfriend. Your story is almost exactly like mine. Crazy!
Sounds about right & so similar. Hope you’re doing better.
Their words mean nothing. Only in the moment itself, the next hour everything can be different
@@princhipessa1969 exactly
Yes, this was also the hardest part for me too. I loved him even when he was raging at me for things i never felt or did. I still just feel love but we need to protect ourselves. He's all alone in the world and i just feel sad. But time heals
Jennifer, I invite you to revisit the title of this channel and the suggestions I give on how to heal. Time will NOT heal this kind of pain. If you are still feeling sad, you are not healed. I healed myself completely in only two months. If you are serious about healing, then use these videos as a jumping off point, not a destination. if you want to heal watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
My Bpd ex spoke some truth at one moment when he knew it's over and cried and became extremelly vulnerable and said"i dont know if i can act normal even if i do my best" it was tragic for me,because i knew he had good intentions but his emotions and past trauma is out of his control.
Been there brother - it bad, but worse is having kids with a pwBPD - that goes to a whole new world of horror for you and the kids...
I can imagine. As bad as the breakup was for me, the silver lining is that there are no kids involved. The rage and vitriol is so intense, I can't even imagine what that does to children who are caught in the crossfire.
The hardest part for me was definitely splitting. The person splits you black and suddenly you're THE devil replacing the previous devil in fact the BPD ex will once again idealize the previous devil and even have sex with him. They literally go back to their exes that they used to hate because you became the current object of hatred. It's crazy shit.
The splitting is WILD
That s crazy
I stopped myself js 😂
They are f*cked lol oh well just smash and move on
Loving someone so much and them making wild false accusations with the BPD rage. It's super scary for me. My girlfriend left for a couple of months and she'll be back in about a week. She was in DBT and it seemed to help a lot. Sort of. But she has lost some momentum, so she needs to get back in treatment ASAP. I'm afraid I will have to let her go if the cycle continues. It's the toughest thing I have ever been through with another human being. Thanks for the video.
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I completely agree that was the hardest part for me too. Not feeling seen and also not knowing what was real in the relationship. If any of his feelings and words were ever real or true. One day he’d be love bombing me and the very next day he’d act like he barely knew who I was. So devastating and confusing!
Just found your channel man, thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your insight. As a man who is in the process of recovering from the unprecedented fallout of a BPD relationship, it is so reassuring to know that I’m not alone in my experience. I’m sure there are many other men who feel the same and will benefit from your channel. Thanks dude
Your welcome, the point of this channel is to encourage people to do the work to heal. IF you want permanent healing, do this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
Hey man, I’m going through something similar with my ex. We just need time and space to recover… just don’t go back. Stay strong 💪🏼
So true,thank you for posting this video, its nice to know that we are not the only ones going through this.
I just went through something so similar to your situation... hearing you talk was like hearing someone say my own thoughts out loud. I'm sorry if you're hurting or has EVER hurt in the way that I'm experiencing right now. I would never wish this experience on anyone. It's so hard to handle 🥺
It was extremely painful. I did the four things. I have no pain associated with her anymore...
I totally identify with this horrible part of the roller coaster bpd experience . Accused of being a destroyer, a nasty person with a rotten soul. I was accused of wanting my ex sent to prison or a mental hospital. I couldn't smile without it being seen as me mocking them at some level. In lthis final cycle I couldn't recognise myself from their perspective and that was the end. 5 year relationship vaporised into an illusion.
Im sorry you went through that... Do this if you want to heal ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
I just did a 5 year ting too G. Stay strong, plenty hot sane people
Your words and the comments are eye opening and relevant to me and how my wife treats me. I feel like I can’t win. When she threatened back in October to get divorced, I remember hearing in my mind “I hope she gives the next guy a fighting chance”.
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Thank you for doing this. This really helps with my confusion about what happened with me alot. I didn't know anything about BPD, so I was way over my head when I entered a relationship with her.
I agree....the ex that I suspect had BPD broke up with me and made up with me a dozen times or so over a year or so of dating her. Each time the breakup was over something that most people would just shrug off and say don't do that again. It's a horrible experience, and sadly she will have that same situation no matter who she's dating.
500+ different assumptions have been interpreted in my head after she discarded me for no good reason including the whole character i was with was a cheater. How do u even begin to reconcile with the fact that the real person you loved and been with so long and was attached to wasnt the real her. Co dependency or whatever, good ppl with empathy and respect of others shld never go through this type of abuse.. karma will never forgive someone like her who got so close as if she was my soulmate and then drop the ball and disappeared in thin air, blocks me everywhere when we were to marry. Can never forgive or forget a evil women like that. Bottomless soul she was, whatever and how much ever i did wasnt enuf. letting her go to see what will she really do after that really. Cosmos will never keep such evil human happy.
I totally understand and relate to your anger... Your anger hides your victory ua-cam.com/video/p32GmEj1igo/v-deo.html
I wish that loving someone enough could heal them almost made me cry, i relate to you,and realised that there's nothing i can do to save him.
annie, you are correct. There is nothing you can do to save him. The kindest thing you can do for him is to go no contact and focus on your healing. To regain your happiness, watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
I come form a long line of narcissistic men I have BPD and just broke up with my girl, thanked her for the things she's taught me (like i can find happiness all positive things) and ill always think of her from time too time, she wants too remain friends but the old wounds wont heal unless she's gone completely which is sad but I flat out refuse too be like the men in my ancestory.... I did however fly into a rage and stab my hoovers tube this morning because the label on the back of my shirt was feeling weird (kinda worrying) but she's gone we had a healthy break up.. break the statistic and do better
This video made me cry bcz I was like him I loved her I was taking care of everything kids house everything I even left my job to be a stay at home dad and yet she accused me various times of me not loving her etc etc I got depression and I felt alone but I was there for the house meanwhile I was trying to fix myself and one day she told me I dont love you anymore I hate u because u hurted me I didn't I just was too depress of constant devaluation I was with her 15 years and we have 5 kids 💔 😢
ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
They want you to move on as quickly as them even though that is impossible be you have normal emotions they don't everything you remember in the relationship meant something to you not them they are detached all of it and just move on to the next one
Yes! Always projecting onto me!! It was starting to make me go crazy.
This is so accurate. I went above and beyond for my bpd ex. I gave it my all. Like I wish I could meet someone who treats me the way I treated him. In response I got accused of being a demonic narcissist with a split personality who was plotting to use him for a social experiment. I am still lost for words. I honestly couldn’t have done any more for him. 😢
m sorry to hear that. If you want to heal from the pain, watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
Diagnosed BPD…. Often I find myself asking after a breakup. Did I love him or did I love the control I had over someone or something? Maybe I don’t know how to truly love but I know I gave my all to him and he gave his all to me and it was so incredible. Still is. Sometimes I wonder if I’m truly in love and have experienced love or just a broken down version of it that only my mind can comprehend. I hate to admit it to myself but it’s the truth…When he left me I didn’t act out in anger and despair because I missed loved and valued him as a human being in my life I acted out in anger and despair because I no longer had control over him. I no longer could help write or influence his narrative. He was now superior and that was totally unacceptable in my mind. It was total injury of my ego. That’s how I knew maybe Idk true love but just utter obsessive infatuation fueled by my own desperation to feel alive. I still will continue to get help for these traits of mine but it’s crazy to see how not normal my break up was and how he was withdrawing from me like I was heroin to him. It was insanely accurate to what you speak of. Thanks for bringing awareness
😎👍 thanks for sharing your experience so bravely
Oh man, oh man, I've seen many of your videos but this one so accurately depicted what I went through that it just freaked me out
The stalking and obssession is weird ugh
This is amazing and so healing to hear from another person. I very sadly relate to almost every word you said
Just run. There is no fixing
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U ar so uneducated my friend, horrible response 😢 iv bpd n im getting better so we can get better, keep ur options to urself yea 🎉
These BPD bitches don't mind anything they jump and sleep with new man within 3 days.
I already drained with one bitch.
And lost my weight.
And finally I realised its not love at all
It is like you are telling my story, Im sorry for you, brother. My ex imploded my life and took my kids, and tried to ruin my reputation. It was scorched earth, and for no reason I could see. The lack of closure had been the hardest part of it all. Anyone going through this should seek help, it was too much for me alone.
ua-cam.com/video/4K1cjnrvbmQ/v-deo.html&t
Thank you, this has really helped me a lot.
The hardest part is knowing you’ll never know if they ever truly loved you
That's an easy question to answer. No. they are mentally ill and are incapable of truly loving you. Time to heal my friend... ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
I'd say it' a different kind of love. It's not mature love. It's a crazy romance movie, it's a porno, it's drama, it can also be a crime movie and it ends with tragedy. So, is it love? Ehh...hardly.
One day your a queen and the next day for no reason you are horrible. They put word in your mouth, gaslight you, and make you feel bad about yourself.
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thank you for sharing, i pray we all heal and i pray we all find the love we deserve
I agree. If you want to heal completely, watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
Feel you bro thx for sharing, similar story what a lesson! I’m grateful though it taught me a lot about myself in what things I needed to heal within myself.
Holy fuck this is the most spot on video I’ve ever seen. I feel like we lived the exact same life and experienced the exact same person.
Well we've experienced a relationship with different people who had the exact same mental illness. If you want to heal do the one thing ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
The day after a wonderful weekend I got a text that accused me of wanting to change her after I asked what she needed after a bad day. Wow that was the hardest thing for me too. I was so confused!
I just left and walked away from my ex who has bpd. I can really related to every single words you said… This was how it went for me.
1) I tried tell her to eat more & do not skip meals because she has a stomach problem -> her reaction “ you are trying to shove food down my throat all the times, i hate you!”
2) I told her that I do not feel okay that she went out to smoke with her ex very often at night -> her reaction : “ You are an a$$ hole who do not know to let go the past and I didnt do anything shady this guy. I dont mind you go hang out often with your ex at night time”
3) I told her to keep up with therapy and get back on medication again -> her reaction :” none of that crap helps me , nobody cares, I literally tried every single type of drugs but they dont work on me, you dont know sh*t about what I have been thru “
It was very beautifull at first . Wonderful, amazing, passionate… Then you realized that your universe is not the same as her universe. When it comes to an issue needs to be compromised, you are always the wrong person… I heard this alot :” it wasnt fair”…
Even after the break up, I could still see that I still blame myself for whatever I did for her from the bottom of my heart. And its painfull that she wont get it…
I know its hurtfull but at least it is reality…
Dude, admit it, she cheated on you a hundred times with her EX and loved it… cast her guilt onto YOU.
at least i got my pbd-ex to the point, where she had to logically admit, she is actually wrong with her arguments. i grew up with a very insane mother and step-dad, which i used to discuss with every day for many years, living at home. i‘m rhetorically through this bs already, but she just did another thing, as she was being confronted with her breaking up on the phone with me after 2 years of relationship. she just told me, that she lied to herself and to me all the time and that i would be the reason if she hurts herself, cutting her arms and such things. i would actually be the reason for all the things in her life that are problematic (even though she had these problems before even knowing me). this just proofed to me, that it doesn’t matter how you confront them, that it doesn’t matter if they accept that they have invalid arguments, that it doesn‘t matter if you‘re are sane and right, they will do everything to justify their momentary feelings, to the point where they are more willingly to kill their whole personality and everything they‘ve ever said, than to integrate a bad and a good feeling at the same time. their brain is completely damaged and i view it as a mental disability, because any „sane“ view on their actions would completely traumatize people. bpd-people have gone through unbelievable pain and they are about to pass it to you when you anticipate it the least.
And what has getting her to logically admit anything done for you? has that given you love or satisfaction? No. Whatever admission you got from her is meaningless because it will not change her mental illness or give her the ability to understand, have empathy and change her behavior. She has already forgotten whatever admission you think she gave you...
They move on literally in a day. :')
Wow, this video has given me so much insight into my ex. Thank you.
This was the best explanation I’ve ever heard of exactly what I’ve been experiencing with my bpd bf 😢
One solid piece of advice for partners of BPD and people with BPD is to AVOID absolutist language, “ I NEVER”, “I ALWAYS”, “YOU NEVER/ALWAYS”
In general, I think sometimes reviewing conflict ground rules can be helpful to provide the structure that may be needed. As someone with BPD I also struggle with structure and slowing down when I feel a sense of crisis/conflict.
This isn’t “infectious” but it can feel like it. It takes two to tango. Compassion and understanding I think is needed in these moments that anyone can experience (feeling overcome with rage, the feeling you must defend yourself to a threat)
Puma, thanks so much for that info. We will all make sure to just use the perfect, correct phrasing. Knowing that we can all get back together with our borderline exes as long as we talk to them perfectly we can make our impossible relationships work and we can finally be happy. Because God knows none of us ever ever tried to figure out what the perfect behavior was to prevent the borderline from getting upset. You are the first person to EVER realize that borderlines are hyper reactive and if we can just act the way they want it might work out. Thanks again for that groundbreaking info. I guess I can end the channel. You've figured out the magical formula for making it work!
That was my bpd ex bf. And the the thing is many of these things were easy to see that it was not true. As it became more apparent, I started to feel defeated and not good enough.
For gods sake…nothing is ever enough with them. Anything you do that is good is trivialized or assigned some horrible motivation. I made the mistake of asking for something in return for all the things I did to try to prove to her I did love her. I got accused of being a narcissist for daring to want something back. The gaslighting, the victim blaming, the projecting, the professional victimhood, the manipulation….
" professional victimhood"- 👍
I hate the isolation that comes with it. The only one who's feelings matter are hers because she has bpd. She can do whatever she want but I have to walk on pins and needles while just speaking.
I lay boundaries and she walks right over them. It's time I pull the plug but I'm worried about the fallout that is going to happen from this.
I wanted to order lunch for my bpd gf at a restaurant near her while I was 2000 miles away, as a gesture of my love and thoughtfulness. She started ranting that I was making her look broke ass to the restaurant staff.
Then she went off on several other issues from months ago that were minor and that weren't discussed as important at the time. We broke up the next day because I was taking time to think about the relationship, and how to better it.
So is it bpd if she is obsessed with me? Like, she literally wants nothing to do with anyone else on the planet.
Maybe, maybe not. if she is BPD she will be obsessed with you and then later, for absolutely no reason, she will abandon you or get angry or disappear or do something very mean. If she only stays obsessed with you, she may just be very insecure. If she is BPD, she will hurt you very badly when you least expect it...
Mine offered me closure but was afraid of me. I did not go for closure that day because I knew she would spiral into it was everything I did wrong. It wasn’t 5 weeks later she smeared me to my family.
I wish so badly there was a cure that is quicker than what is out there now.
ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
Hi, great channel by the way! I have been watching your vids for weeks, because for only 11 weeks I have been dating with a girl that might be borderline. She might also not be but has various perks of the disorder, because only a half year ago she ran from her ex after she had been physical and mentaly abused by hem. (the ex recently got brought to court and she feels humiliated by the results that the ex only gets a 30 day probation instead of attempted murder)...Anyway, I myself also went to a psycholoog and talked and talked, and she had experience with woman who were abused, and she said that non borderlines can become 'somehow' a borderline after traumatic stuff in life.
Anyway, lots of ups and downs I had with the girl. For no reason have been pushed away alot. And just today I see that she has blocked me on Whatsapp...It hurts sooooo much, because outside of seeing each other in real life, whatsapp has been te only way to contact her, as she currently lives in a closed off woman shelter where men are not allowed in.
Pffff, before today, things were going better between us...and now its all gone again. And again I am here watching your vids to find answers or tips! Also, she is Russian by the way, beautiful girl! I am dutch and we speak in English with each other, she is learning Dutch but her English is better.
I was hearing disorders and mental illnesses are different because mental illnesses can be cured but disorders can't...
Awesome, then you are making my point for me. Since borderlines are incurable (according to you) all the more reason to go no contact and do the work to heal. If you want to heal, watch this ua-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/v-deo.html
I can't wait to leave this hell relationship ASAP.
so then stop waiting and do it
my gf with borderline just broke with me after five years of awesomeness. it happened out of the blue for reasons that dont make sense and it feels fucking terrible.
I am 4 months into this hell fire. 5 years too. Hope you've gotten better since you left this comment, Its so confusing going through this.
@@dabbadoodle how are you?
@@genromero9578 You know, for the most part, I am steadily getting stronger and my power back. No contact for 8 months. Doing my passions and hobbies, feeling like I am alive again. I still think of it quite a lot, many many many times per day. But its different now, I don't WANT her back. I just think about the entire scope of her actions and how manipulative it all was. I'm doing my own thing. The only person I need is me. You got this. Do what makes YOU happy and never let your life turn into caring for someone else who cant even take care of themselves.
@@dabbadoodle i love you so much, I know craving that love from them is something that’s hard to get past and thank you for the advice. you’re amazing and I’m so proud of you
@@genromero9578 Thanks. I am rather young. And it felt like I had built my house on sand and when the rain came my entire foudation disappeared. Now I have spent almost the last year of my life building up a solid foundation for myself that is centered on ME and not on trying to fix / help someone who was very clearly just as underdeveloped and broken inside. It's been quite the fucking year, but honestly, 2021 will be one of the most transformative and memorable years of my entire life. I got obliterated. But I'm here, alive, getting ready to show the world what I'm made of. Much love
BPD is just an excuse for that particular person’s unstoppable cheating. The GUILT is overwhelming for them, but REFUSE to admit their CHEATING ways.
Part of what you say is true. The other part is you are in denial over the fact that they have a mental illness and are incapable of being honest. It means you unconsciously still want your BPD to decide to stop cheating and love you. This is called codependent denial. To completely heal, do this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
Epiphany over weekend. Her crummy choices didnt just extend to me they were global. She did same to everyone in her life. Her kids. Her family. Her coworkers. People in public. Least she was consistent with her abuse & poor decisions. Been 9.5 mos post discard & ghosting & her monkeybranching.
I understand. I felt the same way. If you want to heal watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html and then go here ppgrecoveredcodependents.org
What an articulate speaker you are mate. You'd make an excellent orator on this. I'm with you brother though you've worn your pain as a shield.
You started out with a great compliment and then ruined it with the passive aggressive remark at the end...
i really hav a similar problem. my ex left me around 13 Weeks ago and in my mind there are so many questions and i dont get any anwer. shes a mother of two wonderful boys, i really tried to step into this situation and when i felt, we have no good together, i tried to show her with my actions and with building relationship with the boys, how much i love her and the kids but in he end she broke up because she said i did not see her and i did not love her but i did. i really loved her. sometimes i had problems with her impulsiv beahaviour because she had a problem with treating me in a nice way, what i couldnt understand. now she and the kids are not in my life anymore and i still miss them. i really dont understand whats really happend. it feels like no contact in one day and i dont get the mistake. i overthink and overthink it again and again but i dont see any peice in it. i was so into the situation and we made great steps together. especially with the kids. i was so proud that they loved me in the end and that we had fun and a good time tigether because i really thought she would love and appreciate when seh sees how much i want to be with her kids. but in the end there was no value for her anymore and it fucking hurts. i really dont have piece with it
go to ppgrecoveredcodependents.org Stop wasting your time with pointless questions. Get help and get happy. ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html&t
I'm currently in a 3 year relationship with a BPD girl, and I love her from the bottom of my heart. About a year ago she started to tell me stories about her traumatic life and 3-4 times a week I've been stopping her, and talking her out of committing suicide. I'm absolutely clueless about what should I do. The last thing I want is to hurt her, or for her to commit self harm, but I know that I can't help her because that's just the way she is. I've been thinking about getting out of this relationship, but she told me numerous times, that if we break up she will kill herself... Its fucking hard having somebody's life in your hands +I'm feeling miserable all the time about all the things we went trough in the last year. Every day I'm feeling anxious about her unpredictable self harming techniques. A few times while I stopped her from cutting herself I got cut while taking the knife out of her hands. I know that raising my voice is only going to make things harder, so I'm comforting her very calmly, but I don't know how much longer will I last. I somebody could help me, or give me some advice, it would mean the world to me. I'm 18 years old and finishing highschool. shitty situation
p.s im treating her really well but I cannot erase her traumas
there's only one solution for you www.CODA.ORG Get a sponsor and work all 12 steps. That's your only hope
This video spoke to me
I can so relate to your words. I am currently in the process of doing it (did not announce it but tried in the past).
She would not let me go, provoke me, push me, throw my belongings on the floor or threaten to harm herself.
I truly do not know how to best do it and it's hard as we have been together for more than 4 years now and were about to have a family. I do love her, I don't want to leave her but it feels like I need to. It feels a selfish act.
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I agree. I just wanted a great life with her. She thought I was the worst for that.
No closure.
For me what triggered him was watching a movie i chose on my own without asking him if he wanted to watch it with me. Crazy bonkers major drama queens major overreactors. The crazy thing is being accused of something i didn't do.
Im sorry you're going through that. The "trigger" was merely an excuse. The discard was coming no matter what you did or didn't do and he was looking for any reason to start abusing you... If you want to heal, watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html&t
@@ReversingNarcAbuse do you offer recovery from bpd abuse? I'm looking for therapy EMDR/ coaching hands on.
Was i too toxic or too needy, too independent. Did inspend not enough time with her or too much? I dont get it. Its hard not to get any answers :(
It's too bad you don't follow my advice on the "one thing." If you did, you could be completely free of pain AND you can date other women and still feel good.
I’m trying to get out of a bpd relationship right now. Why is it so hard to just kick her to the curb? She has drained all the life out of me
ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
The Hardest part for me was understanding how horrible this illness is. How you can see the beautiful,spontaneous,deep, and caring person behind the self-destructive person the disorder has created. How we blindly fall in love with a person like this (for obvious reasons), And either in a long time or short time we see that it was nothing but a manipulative act.Simply A manifestation of childhood trauma stemming from neglect as a poor unknowing child. A relationship with a BPD girl can be a beautiful dance of push,pull,Fuck you,Fuck Me,I love you,I hope you die. The lucky ones make it out these relationships quicker than others. I was stupid to let myself deal with this for years- it all stems from Low Self Worth and Esteem. Even a man (or woman) who knows his worth can fall in love with a BPD person , But it is our job to stand on what we want in our partner and not put up with this mental torture in our lives. P:S: It helped me to know that YOU trying to help her after knowing the TRUTH about this paralyzing disease is essentially an ego trip and /or a co-dependent need to be a caretaker. Stop being a simp. We can use this as a redemptive benefit of our pain. The great thing is we can all heal. thank you sir for a great video. We all need to Build the person that would be horrified to even give a person that treats us so horribly any time of day at all.
Im glad that understanding my path helped you. But what I would really like to see is that these videos helped you to realize how to heal yourself from your codependence. To understand the real purpose of this channel, watch this ua-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/v-deo.html
Im BPD and it's sucks.
Same
4:02 YES 1000%
how do you protect yourself legally?
There are these amazing magical creatures called "lawyers." Perhaps you can find one and ask them :)
Sounds very familiar....
As pete sapper says " all good or all bad"
Justin, Who is pete sapper? And why does that statement apply? I don't understand the significance of that phrase...
@@ReversingNarcAbuse hes one of them there heyokas hes got channel , thats his impression of borderlines
@@ReversingNarcAbuse not trying to troll i just found your page yesterday and its helped ALOT im binge listening to your vids its true stuff im not sold on the heyoka super duper poo poo scooper theory, im codependent as fuk in therapy for it both parents were toxic and manipulative as fuk 🤕
Welcome!
There is no loving you. They are hollow, you are looking in a mirror. It’s your love your seeing, feeling and touching. The only love they are capable of, is reflecting back yours, that you gave them as a gift. The gift that keeps on giving until you can’t anymore…
💯
My boyfriend just dumped me the day right before Valentine’s Day. I went into this knowing he was diagnosed as borderline and bipolar. He was on medication so I figured that constituted treatment and decided to give him a chance. None of this makes sense to me. Just all the days earlier he was telling me he loved me and discussing all the things he wanted to do together. Then BAM, the night before Valentine’s Day he just calls and drops this bomb over the phone. Not even a reason. Just saying he can’t be in a relationship right now. I haven’t heard from him since and at this point don’t ever want to speak to him ever again. We used to speak every day and now this. It’s just ice cold. It came without warning. The only thing I can say is twice in a row the two days leading up to it, he told me he would call me before he went to bed and never did. But I assumed he had just fallen asleep. I really thought I could work through this bc I’m very knowledgeable about borderline and cluster B personality disorders and felt my knowledge would allow me to be more patient and understanding and knowing he was on medication.
I'm so sorry you experienced this. How are you getting on with it now? I was marrying mine next year. Been together 6 years. We had a mortgage, dog and names picked out for our kids. We are both musicians and had a 2 piece acoustic album in the making that we were recording this year and gigging next year. He's part of my family and I'm part of his. We were the best of friends in every way. He cut it off just like this a few days ago, the day after having one of the best days of our lives. He said he can't be in a relationship right now because he doesn't feel like he can go on his journey to recovery whilst being in a relationship because he needs to learn to be alone. As much as it hurt, I took the hit to do what was right for him (as always) to give him his space. Went back to stay with my Dad and find out the next day he's on Tinder. I'm absolutely traumatised. My whole life just got taken away from me in literally 2 seconds. He's keeping the dog, we're selling the house and I'm moving back to my Dads house just like that. I can't even keep my job because it's too far away from the only place I have to go. Last week he was lifting me up and spinning me round, telling me he loved me during a picnic up a mountain. Now this. It feels like the last 6 years of my life way just a dream or something. I'm in absolute shock.
Sorry for your hurt.Your understanding of him won't makehim change unfortunately.Even meds only help a little with his condition.Only a lot of therapy will Maybe help him!!Believe me your better off away from him.Stay no contact and heal
@@SininenKT hey, my girlfriend did exactly the same, I gave up music to be with her actually, she hated my band etc etc...she got up and left on new years day after a silly argument and I havent seen her since! 5 yrs down the pan...
teddy boy I’m sorry that happened to you :/ I hope you can pick music back up now though. You have no time to pursue these things whilst with these people because you’re too busy playing their mind games and doing everything you can to make them happy so you can have a relaxed environment to do what you want in, but they really do make it impossible. I’m not even sad about the relationship anymore, I’m just sad for all the time I wasted that I could’ve used on the things I enjoy. I literally spent my entire 20s on this situation. I can’t help thinking about all the things I could’ve achieved had I not wasted so much time on this situation 😔
@@SininenKT thanks for taking the time to drop me a comment!! X yeh I'm the same, it's like coming out of a bad parallel universe bad dream and back into reality isn't it....I'm back on my guitar again now and ready to put a band together once the lockdown ends..so that's good, still got all my gear, what country are u in btw??