Tia - Especially politics. All this politicians just are just confusing. Politics is so grey. The world is grey and ever changing. I think this Dan links in with theory of mind. When you think other people not on the Spectum are black and white logical thinking and most aren't illegalical and make decision on their emotions rather than logic. Aspie are 30% clever than majority of the population.
Tony J Wichowski yeah I got let hear you there!! Oh did you get my free ebook yet? Https://www.theaspieworld.com/ebook Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Yes, this! Rejection is something I'm still learning to cope with. I feel like I'm either "good" or "bad" in peoples eyes and struggle to take critique even though I'm harshest on myself and know I'm not perfect. It's like my brain doesn't know how to accept the information from others?
In my opinion, as someone who is on the spectrum too, I don’t really believe that any human can hold two opposing opinions at the same time. I think that’s a bunch of bullshit that mental health “experts” try to push because it’s too scary to acknowledge that humans are that bipolar, but we are. So what I’m saying is-I personally believe that when people are disappointed in me or upset with me, in that moment, I AM bad. They DONT appreciate me. They see me as the enemy. Because by my logic, if they STILL loved me in that moment, they wouldn’t have gotten AS upset. Because I personally do not behave that way. If something does something that I don’t like, if I love them, my feelings naturally soften and I modify my behavior.
I'm exactly like that! It happened today in fact. Felt utterly dire(what's the point? etc), then an hour or 2 later, absolutely fine. I found out in January that I'm autistic. Everything about my life suddenly made total sense. I'm 47. Great videos by the way.
Happened to me in school. I took acting and psychology lessons and watched videos about that. Now i can identify psychopaths. You should try that too. To lern about it to prevent being traped by them is the next logical thing to do anyway.
You have no idea how much of an expert I have become on psychopaths. My, how very aspie of me. Got all the books. Watched ALL the videos. I should have a degree at this point.
This is my boy completely! Something is right or wrong. When things go wrong or against his beliefs, he goes into a very negative mindset. It's really difficult to get him out of that. I've learnt to talk him out of it, but he needs time first to calm down from anger(especially at an injustice) to being sad before I can get through to him.
Anger is one of my biggest issues so I can relate to that. I have a free webinar for parents about coping skills sign up here www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I feel like a lot of times, people who aren't aware of autism see this as a trait of manic depression aka bipolar. So it's very reassuring to hear your perspective because I can so relate.
Or, depending on the length of phases or the competency of the diagnostician alone, one gets diagnosed with borderline, due to the mood swings. Especially for being a girl. I feel like girls are prone to getting an additional, or prior diagnosis of personality disorder, may that be bipolar or borderline. I feel like for men, physicians are more prone to say "it can be explained by autism".
Yup, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 1 mood disorder prior to receiving my autism diagnosis. The drugs they put me on gave me permanent brain damage and bodily function issues.
Thank you for speaking about yourself. Some parents don’t GET AUTISM. It’s called on the SPECTRUM for a reason. Not everyone is exactly the same. My son is high functioning but thinks very black and white. Gray (ish) no... He gets anxious severely to the point of being incapacitated. He’s now 23. He does not work. He’s brilliant and thinks like a Professor and can carry on a wonderful conversation. I support all parents for what you are all going through. Love and light to all. 🙏
Kathi Miller hey thank you!! I’m trying my best to help people :) oh I think you might enjoy my free webinar masterclass for parents of kids on the spectrum www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass it’s free and I think you’ll love it :). Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
the black and white emotions are the thing that have always confused me most about (my) autism! It´s so crazy how we can be so incredibly detailed, differentiated and sometimes not able to generalize (at all when it comes to making sense of the world/thinking/ concepts etc.) and at the same time we are generalizing so much and lose nuance when emotional!
I’m an Army Veteran and this resonates with me heavily. I scored a 44 on that test. It explains a tremendous amount of things in my life. There are no specialists in the VA for this. I’ve been waiting for months for them to coordinate on what to do or how to proceed. I’m in limbo trying to understand until then.
Any update on that? I'm in the same boat right now and they are working through community care so I don't really know how long I should expect to wait. Just waiting for them to call me regarding who around me is in network with VA community care.
Hey you are more than welcome!! Thank you so much for the comment! Oooh I have a free online master class for parents you will enjoy! You can watch it here: www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is great for moderating emotions. It helps you find that gray area when you are either overwhelmed by an emotion or a thought. It is really good with a lot of foundations in building specific skills. Really cool stuff! (Getting my PhD in Clinical Psych right now)
@@vegetason7780 I bought a DBT workbook. You can do it yourself. It teaches you to accept things and at thr same time find better response to situations.
I have three emotions: excessively bad (I don't delineate well what kind of bad), excessively good (same lack of delineation) and blank/neutral - which is where I spend the majority of my time. The blank/neutral feeling leaves me with a mostly blank facial expression. I am aware that there might be something going on that I don't recognize or know how to deal with. If I were better aware, I might halt meltdowns and manic episodes before they get really intense. I think I might be able to teach myself better awareness.
My son is an Aspie and he definitely only has black and white emotions.. it can be very hard on neuro typical because whilst I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout of one of his meltdowns he is back to happy and fine. It can be exhausting..
Thank you so much for your time and courage to tell your story I wanted to let you know that I found you after watching Atypical and finally understanding what's been off my entire life and your vids have 💯 made me realize that I am without a doubt am asd and am now seeking a diagnosis God bless you and trust me Atypical might have been a little bit on the nose the first few seasons but it pulled the wool out from in front of my eyes keep up the good work
The commonly asked question of "how are you?" "How are you feeling?" stump me. I genuinely cannot tap into 'feelings' let alone know whatever framework to begin to structure a response to these enquires, nor gauge the depth and breadth of what the asker may expect. Alternatively, I simply cannot say "i'm fine" as I never seem to be fine nor can I succinctly express such a broad ambiguous enquiry with a inaccurate token response. Thanks for your vids dude, they help me through times of amplified confusion. I am an autistic-adhder too. Damn the tories. Stay cool.
I always found it odd when in school other girls get so excited about the silliest things. Or when trying to socialize I honestly have to look at people like they are aliens 👽 their behavior is so odd to me. I just don't get it. I honestly don't. I feel like they are just blathering on and how can they be taken seriously. But then I remember. Oh yeah it's my perception
Loved the discussion at 12:16 where you say you don’t know the origin of your feelings. My teen son can’t really tell What he is feeling or why, even when I see behavioral signs of happy or frustrated. We used to practice emotion recognition when he was little...now he struggles with it. NTs have a hard time understanding this emotional disconnect.
I sometimes wish I was able to feel emotional extremes...I feel like I’m just very flat all the time. I don’t know if it’s my depression or the autism or something else. People either think I have no emotions or I’m just very calm and chill.
I say that all my negative emotions come out as me melting down and crying uncontrollably. No real middle ground, and just crying. I can get enough distance from the experience to disassociate and rationally examine or explain it. It means that I can't explain in the moment why I am acting like the world is ending, but later can have a completely seemingly emotionless discussion about it. I found it extremely difficult while in a relationship with a person who basically gauged the importance of a conversation based on the level of emotions being expressed. He would not listen to me if I wasn't showing that I was emotionally distressed about something, but if I became emotional, it was just a complete crying melt down. There was no way to talk about anything in our relationship that needed to be addressed, because he insisted on an emotional demonstration I was incapable of in order for him to see it as important, and yet any melt downs were thrown back at me as proof that I was the problem. It's hard to explain to neurotypicals that speaking about something with neutral emotional expression is not me being neutral on the topic - the words I speak are what I need them to hear and take seriously. I shouldn't have to perform emotionally to be listened to. "This is a boundary" should not have to be accompanied with an emotional display to be treated as a boundary.
Diane, I totally hear you re. meltdowns vs neutral expression of what’s important to you. I watched my son go from out of control emotions when little, to now expressing almost no emotion, happy or sad, except when in crisis as a developing aspie. Some people won’t understand but others will accept, especially if one is able to explain, as you just beautifully did, ones own mode of expression.
The Aspie World I click the bell icon on the reminder. It's Saturday. Really Dan. You need to slow down. Your most be nearly hitting burnout. Other youtubers suddenly miss a months or even 3 months. How do you keep creating so much content week after week?
I can relate to this so much, I've always seen myself as an all or nothing type of person. I've also used the light switch analogy. There's deffinatly no grey area...being in a sad depressed mood is scary and then suddenly the light switch gets turned off and I'll become this happy excitable child! It's deffinatly a roller coaster.. and I agree with it not being a constant up and down, the happy gets drawn out until the next bad thing happens..which is more than I'd like..💖
I totally have that emotional changes in the extreme way. I believe it is like you, a black and white emotions thing connected to being on the spectrum. I get the stress blindness thing happening and my hearing is effected too. But because i am also living with depression and anxiety and so caught up in the mental health diognosis system my changing emotions got misdiognosed (I believe) as Borderline Personality disorder or Emotionally Unstable personality disorder. I also value my black and white thinking and consider grey areas to just be too complicated and uncertain to even want to have.
I often feel like I'm in a constant state of anxiety, and when I'm depressed I feel a relief from that if that makes sense? But neither is healthy long-term.
I’ve recently been following this channel and believe I may have autism/Asperger’s. A lot of the things the aspire world talks about makes a lot of sense to me and lines up with experiences I’ve had in the past and present. I’m in the process of seeking professional help to see if I do have autism/Asperger’s. I’m glad you make these videos to help people understand things that are hard for people going through this to understand. You make it easier to understand even though I know it can be hard to explain these things in general because of how the autistic mind functions. I see a lot of things you talk about in myself especially how things can be very overwhelming and makes it hard to stay focus on the point we’re trying to make . Anyways thanks for the videos again! It’s showed me a lot and I feel more comfortable talking to a doctor knowing a little more about how I feel.
Im not far off from being autistic, im actually a mild one. But at times i don't have those triggers to show people that i have autism. To me, i thought people that were in fact had autism were quite ugly, but since i was a kid, i started to so some creativity from photos
Just starting to watch your video. I definitely have black and white thinking. I'm trying to think am I like that emotionally now. Thanks for the provoked thinking and reflection!
Yes I do still have B&W thinking. It was a lot stronger when I was younger but I have gotten better at it as of late. I totally vibe on things effecting your mood in extreme ways.
My husband is black and white knows the songs he likes and the songs he hates. But my question is when your stressed do you find you focus on one thing and make sure everyone knows you hate it? My husband was so aggravated with his old work place then we got that resolved and now he’s abou hating the Saints. Which he don’t like football but he’s tired of hearing about the Saints and LSU. I personally think he wishes he were like people that in return he just despises it to make him feel better. I finally got frustrated and was like do you want people to just live around what you like and serve you? And he was like no. Now he’s like I know I have an issue with the football thing and don’t know what it is. He’s never been tested nor did anyone suggest he has Aspergers or anything. He just all his life has felt weird. We don’t have the money to get him tested but I’m 110% sure he has Aspergers. He has so many of the symptoms.
Don’t think you’ll read this but wanted to say thank you. Was trying to do research to be a better friend to my best friend who is on the spectrum and then took a test online and now I’m considering getting tested. Either way this is very very interesting and helpful!
I am like this. It's either a great day or the worst day of my life, and sometimes it's multiple times in the day. Either you really care about me, or you hate me. I'm just now trying to be more aware of feelings by using the emotion wheel, which is helpful. Also, using the statement, I feel _______ when this happened. I'd like ____________ to happen. This is helpful in not pointing blame on others and communicating more healthy towards others about what I want. But I have to write it down. It's hard to just say it. It helps me see more gray area because I get better reactions from others when I know how I feel and can say it in a way that's not so 'dramatic.'
I like all your videos when you are talking to the people on the other side of the camera the best. I think your talks in front of an audience should be a separate playlist with their own name. The real fun viral ones is one series. The academic ones is another. The talks is another.
Everything you’re saying is me to a T. I’m either on or off. I’m either operating at 10,000 percent or not at all. I’m euphoric or suicidal (obviously I’m exaggerating to convey what I mean, but you get the idea). Personally, I don’t see a problem being this way other than that my low points are really rough. But I guess I don’t really believe there are gray areas in life, so for me the black and white thinking makes logical sense. By the way, I think your channel is great and I think you have a beautiful soul. And gorgeous eyes too!
I am slightly different were, I can see and acknowledge the vast sea of grey however, I cant go there or live there or visit there. And I can even understand it however, I simply cannot be anything other than Black and White and I spend most of my time trying to separate the black from the white within the grey.
I’m very much a black-and-white thinker, but have built in a degree of flexibility to [some of] my thinking. When I was 7 or 8 my father sat me down and told me the importance of questioning everything. When I come upon upon an “answer”, I am pretty much stuck in black-and-white-mode, before that I refuse to have a view unless it is well considered. It helps me a lot, takes a long time, produces firm views that I’m happy with, but seems to annoy many! Thanks for bringing up the issue of stress blindness. I have my second bout of this at the moment (5 months now, 6 months last time), I somehow did not look in that direction. I’m a migraineur, so put it down to that as it represents similarly to migraine aura. I came to the conclusion that stress was a migraine trigger, so this is an interesting new avenue to consider.
my kiddo is autistic and LD , my last boyfriend / still roommate is on the spectrum. he didn't know. I popped the family secret. thank you. there is a big gap most fall into ,in the us the schools ( most) are not helpful. they are don't have much training. more so in poor states.
My Grandson, 10 years old has All the symptoms you describe, except he has 3 emotions: Very happy, desperately sad, and scarely Angry! So far in watching you I haven't heard about anger and wonder if this is a symptom of autism or something else?
My 12 year old ASD has extreme anger, except it's not from malice/intent it's more can't control it? Like he has to release the emotion in a physical way? like if his brother pisses him off, I have to be on standby to stop him hurting him, sometimes I'm not quite quick enough. He apologises straight away and feels bad and then gets sad and calls himself names, I'm trying to get into his head that he can't do that (hurt people/himself) he never does it elsewhere only at home, and needs to go and punch a pillow/scream whatever in his room etc.
I think I had this Black and White thinking when I was at college and expected other students at my course to be mature. I won't go into full detail but their childish behavior have got in the way of my overall enjoyment in college but at least I'm over that now. Been hearing about the general election here and there. I personally don't like politics with the negativity involved and the idea of people being divided over it which overwhelms me. I think it have something to do with my autism (and maybe my Black and White thinking that people should get along) but at least I am trying to learn how it works and what have been going on (and had the courage to vote). Even if we may not have the result we wanted, I'm still holding onto my optimism as it's the only thing that keeps us sane and move forward and focus on the things that makes he happy (and maybe this could help Labour to make a comeback in the following years). Brexit, let alone what have been involved with politics does sound complicated at at times messy, to say the least (though my main concern that it could get in the way with other important issues) but I am trying not to let it get in the way of my happiness.
Meg Cramer Feingold YES!! Good ideas thank you! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :). also did you see my free masterclass yet? Https://www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass
I'm pretty sure I think in black and white because everytime something comes up that doesn't fit in any of the good or bad boxes I've made I can't fully understand it and I'm constantly wondering and asking questions to try to see if I can shove it in a box. But typically I can't handle it and I have too let my husband deal with it. I hate it when I can't grasp something or I can't fully understand something, it feels like I put too much work on my husband.
This sounds just like my son. Have you experienced this your whole life? Has it gotten any easier as you've grown older? He also seems to get stuck on certain things or thoughts and can't overcome them. I also notice that when he gets into a meltdown, all of his words just seem to go and he can't express what is wrong and I can't help him make the situation better. Making a more in depth video on this sounds like a great idea!
I don't know if there is gray area. I think more black and white mingled. Sometimes you see more black, sometimes more white. You feel bad about something that happened, like I gave up on a job to take care of my Aspie girl. I am single mom. Soon I might have no money to live, at least not enough. Devastating. But my girl will feel safe. Uplifting. But she will be upset for living poor. Depressing. But for all life of my life, God never left me hungry even I was very deep in a hole. Uplifting. That is that gray area. You know something is so bad, but experience tells you, that the Sun still raises after night. So you also raise. Gray is to feel anger, disappointment, being defeated all together with hope, good experience (I'm still here, fine and having two healthy hands). Sometimes gray means that I am not convinced. "He is smiling to me. Is it honest?" So I don't get excited. Maybe he just smiles to everyone because he is just nice. Maybe he wants something. Half and half. Gray area. Sometimes gray means "I am too consumed with something, that I don't care". Normally I would react to a news. Wow, Netflix made series on the Witcher, and that is based on Polish novel. I am Polish. But even I'm happy, my problems now makes it less exciting. That's what I feel about gray.
Could you do a video about autistic people who have been cheated on. I ask because I try and understand it, but my black and white thinking gets in the way of forgiving. I can't wrap my head around how someone can do this.
I do not have autism and I know you didn't ask for my opinion but I have to ask: Do you need to forgive someone who cheated on you? Like is it really your autism that's the problem here and not the fact that most people *will* find it hard, if not impossible, to understand and to forgive. Even more so with autistic black-and-white thinking of course but like that is just something that makes it a bit harder it's not *the* reason why you can't understand or forgive. You don't owe the other person forgiveness and you don't owe them to make yourself understand their betrayal.
I mentioned i was a black and white thinker on other autism youtube comment sections. I was blocked out by a few of them. Im not sure why some autistic people don't like the term "black and white thinker" :(
I’m looking at seeing if my niece is on the spectrum somewhere She has only a few emotions like anger and happiness or very sad. She doesn’t understand jokes or why patterns pants don’t match with flowered shirts, things like that and there is more. I wish I could have kept watching but the microphone works excellent and I couldn’t risk hearing swallowing again. I’m sorry, it’s probably just me. I hate that it bothers me so much.
Hi Dan, anytips on moving into my first flat with my fiance, I suffer from Autism, anxiety and depression. Any ways you could reccomend for me to calm down and help reduce my melt downs. It would be a grate help
Good lord, save the people from my wrath is what the real me is like, once I've over dramatized me and Jesus turning over tables, then came back to reality, yet now I'm masking and just faking it for the good of humanity, then I can see clearly again.
Well, I think some of it is due to alexithymia which itself is a spectrum. Some are more affected than others. I believe it's 50% of people with autism also have alexithymia to some degree. You can distinguish happy from sad, but it's often just those two extremes. Well, happy or anger. You know you're sad because you feel like dying lol. It's super rough. People expect these things from you, to express how you are feeling. But for me it's usually happy. The rest is anger and sadness and depression. And like you said, with the depression it's almost bipolar at times. One moment you feel like you can't go on or do much of anything and the next it's sunshine and rainbows. And for me it's quite bad. I can't feel anxiety but I notice the symptoms of it, like a racing heart. In that regard I'm lucky. I also don't understand loneliness. I've never felt loneliness in my whole life. I also don't really have visually empathy, it comes from audio. Like I hear crying, and then the cognitive empathy kicks in. That person is sad and therefore something is wrong. But to see someone in distress there's no feeling. But if someone directly tells me they are sad. Oh you're sad, how can I help this situation
I have some of these issues but I find that doing ti chi and meditation brings me back into balance I use to have 3 meltdowns a week now it's maybe 1 or 2 in a month. I have solo sessions which work for me but might be different for you. Just idea.
Not really but i am interested in psychology and lerned methods to cope with it. When i feel that anger about someone or something i breath in deel and think about logicly "how big of a deal is it really" Sure that cant stop the tensenes and the anger but it can help to deal with it and yah. Also i am transgender. Before testosteron treatment It was worse. Estrogen made me angry and sad and despret at the same time and i could not handle that bursted out in tears and all that. So thats furtunate for me that the Testosteron treatment helped with that.
Do you have this issues?
Yes, black and white thinking frequently gets me 'in trouble'.
Tia - Especially politics. All this politicians just are just confusing.
Politics is so grey.
The world is grey and ever changing.
I think this Dan links in with theory of mind.
When you think other people not on the Spectum are black and white logical thinking and most aren't illegalical and make decision on their emotions rather than logic.
Aspie are 30% clever than majority of the population.
This is really interesting! I don’t have autism, but it’s still really interesting to me. I’m always up to learning more. I hope you’re doing well!
Not so much. For me I am not aware of my emotions most of the time until they become significant.
i always have black and white thinking...5 years ago i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but i think its sth more than this
I sometimes struggle when people are disappointed in me to see that they can appreciate me at the same time.
Tony J Wichowski yeah I got let hear you there!! Oh did you get my free ebook yet? Https://www.theaspieworld.com/ebook Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Yes, this! Rejection is something I'm still learning to cope with. I feel like I'm either "good" or "bad" in peoples eyes and struggle to take critique even though I'm harshest on myself and know I'm not perfect. It's like my brain doesn't know how to accept the information from others?
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I ALSO STRUGGLE WITH THAT SOME TIMES
In my opinion, as someone who is on the spectrum too, I don’t really believe that any human can hold two opposing opinions at the same time. I think that’s a bunch of bullshit that mental health “experts” try to push because it’s too scary to acknowledge that humans are that bipolar, but we are.
So what I’m saying is-I personally believe that when people are disappointed in me or upset with me, in that moment, I AM bad. They DONT appreciate me. They see me as the enemy.
Because by my logic, if they STILL loved me in that moment, they wouldn’t have gotten AS upset.
Because I personally do not behave that way. If something does something that I don’t like, if I love them, my feelings naturally soften and I modify my behavior.
I'm exactly like that! It happened today in fact. Felt utterly dire(what's the point? etc), then an hour or 2 later, absolutely fine. I found out in January that I'm autistic. Everything about my life suddenly made total sense. I'm 47. Great videos by the way.
Emotions are confusing. I'm not sure I feel anything unless it's strong (whether it be a good or bad emotion).
Yes. I have a similar condition. It seems like I am numb and only feel things shortly and surface level.
Being an Aspie although intelligent, I'm a target for psychopaths. I'm like their candy, source of narcissistic supply
Me too
Happened to me in school.
I took acting and psychology lessons and watched videos about that. Now i can identify psychopaths. You should try that too.
To lern about it to prevent being traped by them is the next logical thing to do anyway.
You have no idea how much of an expert I have become on psychopaths. My, how very aspie of me. Got all the books. Watched ALL the videos. I should have a degree at this point.
I hear you on that one
WOW this is more delicate! I was concerned with bullies, but psychopaths scares me more, for the ones that aren't prepared to avoid or confront them
This is my boy completely! Something is right or wrong. When things go wrong or against his beliefs, he goes into a very negative mindset. It's really difficult to get him out of that. I've learnt to talk him out of it, but he needs time first to calm down from anger(especially at an injustice) to being sad before I can get through to him.
I am an adult with autism and the same thing happens to me! When something goes wrong I go into a meltdown!
Anger is one of my biggest issues so I can relate to that. I have a free webinar for parents about coping skills sign up here www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
We all go through some type of negative reaction, some more than others, there's no wrong no right.
I feel like a lot of times, people who aren't aware of autism see this as a trait of manic depression aka bipolar. So it's very reassuring to hear your perspective because I can so relate.
Yeah.
Or, depending on the length of phases or the competency of the diagnostician alone, one gets diagnosed with borderline, due to the mood swings. Especially for being a girl. I feel like girls are prone to getting an additional, or prior diagnosis of personality disorder, may that be bipolar or borderline. I feel like for men, physicians are more prone to say "it can be explained by autism".
Yup, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 1 mood disorder prior to receiving my autism diagnosis. The drugs they put me on gave me permanent brain damage and bodily function issues.
Yup! I thought my ex was manic, but this literally explains EVERYTHING.
THANK YOU!
@@t-man5196 I think I’ve also been similarly misdiagnosed
Thank you for speaking about yourself. Some parents don’t GET AUTISM. It’s called on the SPECTRUM for a reason. Not everyone is exactly the same. My son is high functioning but thinks very black and white. Gray (ish) no... He gets anxious severely to the point of being incapacitated. He’s now 23. He does not work. He’s brilliant and thinks like a Professor and can carry on a wonderful conversation.
I support all parents for what you are all going through. Love and light to all. 🙏
Kathi Miller hey thank you!! I’m trying my best to help people :) oh I think you might enjoy my free webinar masterclass for parents of kids on the spectrum www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass it’s free and I think you’ll love it :). Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
the black and white emotions are the thing that have always confused me most about (my) autism! It´s so crazy how we can be so incredibly detailed, differentiated and sometimes not able to generalize (at all when it comes to making sense of the world/thinking/ concepts etc.) and at the same time we are generalizing so much and lose nuance when emotional!
I’m an Army Veteran and this resonates with me heavily. I scored a 44 on that test. It explains a tremendous amount of things in my life. There are no specialists in the VA for this. I’ve been waiting for months for them to coordinate on what to do or how to proceed. I’m in limbo trying to understand until then.
Any update on that? I'm in the same boat right now and they are working through community care so I don't really know how long I should expect to wait. Just waiting for them to call me regarding who around me is in network with VA community care.
I'm here trying to understand my sons. Thank you for sharing.
Hey you are more than welcome!! Thank you so much for the comment! Oooh I have a free online master class for parents you will enjoy! You can watch it here: www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is great for moderating emotions. It helps you find that gray area when you are either overwhelmed by an emotion or a thought. It is really good with a lot of foundations in building specific skills. Really cool stuff! (Getting my PhD in Clinical Psych right now)
how does DIALECTICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY work
@@vegetason7780 I bought a DBT workbook. You can do it yourself. It teaches you to accept things and at thr same time find better response to situations.
That's the perfect description of how my emotions work. Thanks for sharing your story it helps me understand myself more. )
Hey no problem!! Thank you for the comment. Thank you so much for the comment!
Omg I have autism and I always got into black and white thinking
Yes!!
how do you know it is black and white thinking i have been feeling a of emotions i all so have autism
I have three emotions: excessively bad (I don't delineate well what kind of bad), excessively good (same lack of delineation) and blank/neutral - which is where I spend the majority of my time.
The blank/neutral feeling leaves me with a mostly blank facial expression.
I am aware that there might be something going on that I don't recognize or know how to deal with. If I were better aware, I might halt meltdowns and manic episodes before they get really intense.
I think I might be able to teach myself better awareness.
My son is an Aspie and he definitely only has black and white emotions.. it can be very hard on neuro typical because whilst I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout of one of his meltdowns he is back to happy and fine. It can be exhausting..
Thank you so much for your time and courage to tell your story I wanted to let you know that I found you after watching Atypical and finally understanding what's been off my entire life and your vids have 💯 made me realize that I am without a doubt am asd and am now seeking a diagnosis God bless you and trust me Atypical might have been a little bit on the nose the first few seasons but it pulled the wool out from in front of my eyes keep up the good work
The commonly asked question of "how are you?" "How are you feeling?" stump me. I genuinely cannot tap into 'feelings' let alone know whatever framework to begin to structure a response to these enquires, nor gauge the depth and breadth of what the asker may expect. Alternatively, I simply cannot say "i'm fine" as I never seem to be fine nor can I succinctly express such a broad ambiguous enquiry with a inaccurate token response. Thanks for your vids dude, they help me through times of amplified confusion. I am an autistic-adhder too. Damn the tories. Stay cool.
And dont forget they usually do t want to know how you truly feel, it's a script
I always found it odd when in school other girls get so excited about the silliest things. Or when trying to socialize I honestly have to look at people like they are aliens 👽 their behavior is so odd to me. I just don't get it. I honestly don't. I feel like they are just blathering on and how can they be taken seriously. But then I remember. Oh yeah it's my perception
Loved the discussion at 12:16 where you say you don’t know the origin of your feelings. My teen son can’t really tell What he is feeling or why, even when I see behavioral signs of happy or frustrated. We used to practice emotion recognition when he was little...now he struggles with it. NTs have a hard time understanding this emotional disconnect.
I sometimes wish I was able to feel emotional extremes...I feel like I’m just very flat all the time. I don’t know if it’s my depression or the autism or something else. People either think I have no emotions or I’m just very calm and chill.
I say that all my negative emotions come out as me melting down and crying uncontrollably. No real middle ground, and just crying. I can get enough distance from the experience to disassociate and rationally examine or explain it. It means that I can't explain in the moment why I am acting like the world is ending, but later can have a completely seemingly emotionless discussion about it.
I found it extremely difficult while in a relationship with a person who basically gauged the importance of a conversation based on the level of emotions being expressed. He would not listen to me if I wasn't showing that I was emotionally distressed about something, but if I became emotional, it was just a complete crying melt down. There was no way to talk about anything in our relationship that needed to be addressed, because he insisted on an emotional demonstration I was incapable of in order for him to see it as important, and yet any melt downs were thrown back at me as proof that I was the problem.
It's hard to explain to neurotypicals that speaking about something with neutral emotional expression is not me being neutral on the topic - the words I speak are what I need them to hear and take seriously. I shouldn't have to perform emotionally to be listened to. "This is a boundary" should not have to be accompanied with an emotional display to be treated as a boundary.
Diane, I totally hear you re. meltdowns vs neutral expression of what’s important to you. I watched my son go from out of control emotions when little, to now expressing almost no emotion, happy or sad, except when in crisis as a developing aspie. Some people won’t understand but others will accept, especially if one is able to explain, as you just beautifully did, ones own mode of expression.
Oooo, I love that there are reminders now as I almost always miss your live premiers.
🔥🔥🔥
The Aspie World I click the bell icon on the reminder.
It's Saturday.
Really Dan. You need to slow down.
Your most be nearly hitting burnout.
Other youtubers suddenly miss a months or even 3 months.
How do you keep creating so much content week after week?
@@garyfrancis5015 Yes, I already have the bell reminder on.
Thank you for this video. Makes me feel less “mad.” And explains a lot about myself.
I can relate to this so much, I've always seen myself as an all or nothing type of person. I've also used the light switch analogy. There's deffinatly no grey area...being in a sad depressed mood is scary and then suddenly the light switch gets turned off and I'll become this happy excitable child! It's deffinatly a roller coaster.. and I agree with it not being a constant up and down, the happy gets drawn out until the next bad thing happens..which is more than I'd like..💖
I totally have that emotional changes in the extreme way. I believe it is like you, a black and white emotions thing connected to being on the spectrum. I get the stress blindness thing happening and my hearing is effected too. But because i am also living with depression and anxiety and so caught up in the mental health diognosis system my changing emotions got misdiognosed (I believe) as Borderline Personality disorder or Emotionally Unstable personality disorder. I also value my black and white thinking and consider grey areas to just be too complicated and uncertain to even want to have.
Absolutely lovely video you talked about.
I often feel like I'm in a constant state of anxiety, and when I'm depressed I feel a relief from that if that makes sense? But neither is healthy long-term.
✌🏼
I’ve recently been following this channel and believe I may have autism/Asperger’s. A lot of the things the aspire world talks about makes a lot of sense to me and lines up with experiences I’ve had in the past and present. I’m in the process of seeking professional help to see if I do have autism/Asperger’s. I’m glad you make these videos to help people understand things that are hard for people going through this to understand. You make it easier to understand even though I know it can be hard to explain these things in general because of how the autistic mind functions. I see a lot of things you talk about in myself especially how things can be very overwhelming and makes it hard to stay focus on the point we’re trying to make . Anyways thanks for the videos again! It’s showed me a lot and I feel more comfortable talking to a doctor knowing a little more about how I feel.
That is ALL I deal with! Grateful for the good though, outweighs the bad always.
Im not far off from being autistic, im actually a mild one. But at times i don't have those triggers to show people that i have autism. To me, i thought people that were in fact had autism were quite ugly, but since i was a kid, i started to so some creativity from photos
Yes please, a live weekly tea time would be fun!
Just starting to watch your video. I definitely have black and white thinking. I'm trying to think am I like that emotionally now. Thanks for the provoked thinking and reflection!
Yes I do still have B&W thinking. It was a lot stronger when I was younger but I have gotten better at it as of late. I totally vibe on things effecting your mood in extreme ways.
My husband is black and white knows the songs he likes and the songs he hates. But my question is when your stressed do you find you focus on one thing and make sure everyone knows you hate it? My husband was so aggravated with his old work place then we got that resolved and now he’s abou hating the Saints. Which he don’t like football but he’s tired of hearing about the Saints and LSU. I personally think he wishes he were like people that in return he just despises it to make him feel better. I finally got frustrated and was like do you want people to just live around what you like and serve you? And he was like no. Now he’s like I know I have an issue with the football thing and don’t know what it is. He’s never been tested nor did anyone suggest he has Aspergers or anything. He just all his life has felt weird. We don’t have the money to get him tested but I’m 110% sure he has Aspergers. He has so many of the symptoms.
Don’t think you’ll read this but wanted to say thank you. Was trying to do research to be a better friend to my best friend who is on the spectrum and then took a test online and now I’m considering getting tested. Either way this is very very interesting and helpful!
I am like this. It's either a great day or the worst day of my life, and sometimes it's multiple times in the day. Either you really care about me, or you hate me. I'm just now trying to be more aware of feelings by using the emotion wheel, which is helpful. Also, using the statement, I feel _______ when this happened. I'd like ____________ to happen. This is helpful in not pointing blame on others and communicating more healthy towards others about what I want. But I have to write it down. It's hard to just say it. It helps me see more gray area because I get better reactions from others when I know how I feel and can say it in a way that's not so 'dramatic.'
I like all your videos when you are talking to the people on the other side of the camera the best.
I think your talks in front of an audience should be a separate playlist with their own name.
The real fun viral ones is one series.
The academic ones is another.
The talks is another.
Everything you’re saying is me to a T. I’m either on or off. I’m either operating at 10,000 percent or not at all. I’m euphoric or suicidal (obviously I’m exaggerating to convey what I mean, but you get the idea).
Personally, I don’t see a problem being this way other than that my low points are really rough. But I guess I don’t really believe there are gray areas in life, so for me the black and white thinking makes logical sense.
By the way, I think your channel is great and I think you have a beautiful soul. And gorgeous eyes too!
I am slightly different were, I can see and acknowledge the vast sea of grey however, I cant go there or live there or visit there. And I can even understand it however, I simply cannot be anything other than Black and White and I spend most of my time trying to separate the black from the white within the grey.
I’m very much a black-and-white thinker, but have built in a degree of flexibility to [some of] my thinking. When I was 7 or 8 my father sat me down and told me the importance of questioning everything. When I come upon upon an “answer”, I am pretty much stuck in black-and-white-mode, before that I refuse to have a view unless it is well considered. It helps me a lot, takes a long time, produces firm views that I’m happy with, but seems to annoy many!
Thanks for bringing up the issue of stress blindness. I have my second bout of this at the moment (5 months now, 6 months last time), I somehow did not look in that direction. I’m a migraineur, so put it down to that as it represents similarly to migraine aura. I came to the conclusion that stress was a migraine trigger, so this is an interesting new avenue to consider.
I see gray area for others, but when my own emotions involved it goes out window.
my kiddo is autistic and LD , my last boyfriend / still roommate is on the spectrum. he didn't know. I popped the family secret. thank you. there is a big gap most fall into ,in the us the schools ( most) are not helpful. they are don't have much training. more so in poor states.
You are helping me understand my children so much
My Grandson, 10 years old has All the symptoms you describe, except he has 3 emotions: Very happy, desperately sad, and scarely Angry! So far in watching you I haven't heard about anger and wonder if this is a symptom of autism or something else?
I have extreme anger issues. Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
My 12 year old ASD has extreme anger, except it's not from malice/intent it's more can't control it? Like he has to release the emotion in a physical way? like if his brother pisses him off, I have to be on standby to stop him hurting him, sometimes I'm not quite quick enough. He apologises straight away and feels bad and then gets sad and calls himself names, I'm trying to get into his head that he can't do that (hurt people/himself) he never does it elsewhere only at home, and needs to go and punch a pillow/scream whatever in his room etc.
Yes! And I would like to hear you talk about it again. 👍
Malin ok awesome!! Thank you so much for the comment!
thanks so much for the honesty in this video ❤️ and yes please for tea time with dan! maybe once a month?
This is how I am I’m the extreme with what ever emotions I have. 😅
Hmm, true! My first time watching a UA-cam video specifically about black and white thinking.
I think I had this Black and White thinking when I was at college and expected other students at my course to be mature. I won't go into full detail but their childish behavior have got in the way of my overall enjoyment in college but at least I'm over that now.
Been hearing about the general election here and there. I personally don't like politics with the negativity involved and the idea of people being divided over it which overwhelms me. I think it have something to do with my autism (and maybe my Black and White thinking that people should get along) but at least I am trying to learn how it works and what have been going on (and had the courage to vote). Even if we may not have the result we wanted, I'm still holding onto my optimism as it's the only thing that keeps us sane and move forward and focus on the things that makes he happy (and maybe this could help Labour to make a comeback in the following years). Brexit, let alone what have been involved with politics does sound complicated at at times messy, to say the least (though my main concern that it could get in the way with other important issues) but I am trying not to let it get in the way of my happiness.
Can you make a video about Dyspraxia or Alexithymia?
Meg Cramer Feingold YES!! Good ideas thank you! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :). also did you see my free masterclass yet? Https://www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass
Dan you're extraordinary take care 💜
I struggle with this everyday.
I'm pretty sure I think in black and white because everytime something comes up that doesn't fit in any of the good or bad boxes I've made I can't fully understand it and I'm constantly wondering and asking questions to try to see if I can shove it in a box. But typically I can't handle it and I have too let my husband deal with it. I hate it when I can't grasp something or I can't fully understand something, it feels like I put too much work on my husband.
This sounds just like my son. Have you experienced this your whole life? Has it gotten any easier as you've grown older? He also seems to get stuck on certain things or thoughts and can't overcome them. I also notice that when he gets into a meltdown, all of his words just seem to go and he can't express what is wrong and I can't help him make the situation better. Making a more in depth video on this sounds like a great idea!
This is probably the main reason why females are miss diagnosed with BPD or bipolar before it's later discovered as ASD.
As someone who is not autistic i experience black and white thinking in every way in life
Daniel Embree me too tbh, i want to become a business owner when im older and it really allows me to see things differently!
You are super intelligent and amazing. I've got autism and I love ur videos
I don't know if there is gray area. I think more black and white mingled. Sometimes you see more black, sometimes more white.
You feel bad about something that happened, like I gave up on a job to take care of my Aspie girl. I am single mom. Soon I might have no money to live, at least not enough. Devastating. But my girl will feel safe. Uplifting. But she will be upset for living poor. Depressing. But for all life of my life, God never left me hungry even I was very deep in a hole. Uplifting.
That is that gray area. You know something is so bad, but experience tells you, that the Sun still raises after night. So you also raise. Gray is to feel anger, disappointment, being defeated all together with hope, good experience (I'm still here, fine and having two healthy hands). Sometimes gray means that I am not convinced. "He is smiling to me. Is it honest?" So I don't get excited. Maybe he just smiles to everyone because he is just nice. Maybe he wants something. Half and half. Gray area.
Sometimes gray means "I am too consumed with something, that I don't care". Normally I would react to a news. Wow, Netflix made series on the Witcher, and that is based on Polish novel. I am Polish. But even I'm happy, my problems now makes it less exciting.
That's what I feel about gray.
Hi! I hope you have a very good Christmas and New Years. Hope you’re doing well.
My worst meltdown was September 19th after my country shat it. 😭😭
I call that grey area you talk about *"Numb"* not happy or sad where all I wanna do is sleep.
Oooh right I did not know that!! Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Could you do a video about autistic people who have been cheated on. I ask because I try and understand it, but my black and white thinking gets in the way of forgiving. I can't wrap my head around how someone can do this.
I do not have autism and I know you didn't ask for my opinion but I have to ask: Do you need to forgive someone who cheated on you? Like is it really your autism that's the problem here and not the fact that most people *will* find it hard, if not impossible, to understand and to forgive. Even more so with autistic black-and-white thinking of course but like that is just something that makes it a bit harder it's not *the* reason why you can't understand or forgive. You don't owe the other person forgiveness and you don't owe them to make yourself understand their betrayal.
This was fantastic, thank you!
Can I contact you, I really need help!
I mentioned i was a black and white thinker on other autism youtube comment sections. I was blocked out by a few of them. Im not sure why some autistic people don't like the term "black and white thinker" :(
So this is the reason why i feel like that
Loud and clear
I’m looking at seeing if my niece is on the spectrum somewhere She has only a few emotions like anger and happiness or very sad. She doesn’t understand jokes or why patterns pants don’t match with flowered shirts, things like that and there is more. I wish I could have kept watching but the microphone works excellent and I couldn’t risk hearing swallowing again. I’m sorry, it’s probably just me. I hate that it bothers me so much.
NT's also have their own version of B+W thinking.
EXACTLY!
Hi Dan, anytips on moving into my first flat with my fiance, I suffer from Autism, anxiety and depression. Any ways you could reccomend for me to calm down and help reduce my melt downs. It would be a grate help
You’re lucky you have a girlfriend. These issues I think are what make it impossible for me to find and keep one I like.
You communicate really well on your UA-cam channel,kudo for that❤
Good lord, save the people from my wrath is what the real me is like, once I've over dramatized me and Jesus turning over tables, then came back to reality, yet now I'm masking and just faking it for the good of humanity, then I can see clearly again.
The guy who has trouble thinking within grey areas has trouble thinking of an example of a grey area and I have never related to anything more.
Well, I think some of it is due to alexithymia which itself is a spectrum. Some are more affected than others. I believe it's 50% of people with autism also have alexithymia to some degree. You can distinguish happy from sad, but it's often just those two extremes. Well, happy or anger. You know you're sad because you feel like dying lol. It's super rough. People expect these things from you, to express how you are feeling. But for me it's usually happy. The rest is anger and sadness and depression. And like you said, with the depression it's almost bipolar at times. One moment you feel like you can't go on or do much of anything and the next it's sunshine and rainbows. And for me it's quite bad. I can't feel anxiety but I notice the symptoms of it, like a racing heart. In that regard I'm lucky. I also don't understand loneliness. I've never felt loneliness in my whole life. I also don't really have visually empathy, it comes from audio. Like I hear crying, and then the cognitive empathy kicks in. That person is sad and therefore something is wrong. But to see someone in distress there's no feeling. But if someone directly tells me they are sad. Oh you're sad, how can I help this situation
I have some of these issues but I find that doing ti chi and meditation brings me back into balance I use to have 3 meltdowns a week now it's maybe 1 or 2 in a month. I have solo sessions which work for me but might be different for you. Just idea.
Ooh thanks for the input!! Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
It’s a great video but aaaaarrrrgh I’m struggling with the sounds of your swallowing when you drink your tea 😣
Not really but i am interested in psychology and lerned methods to cope with it.
When i feel that anger about someone or something i breath in deel and think about logicly "how big of a deal is it really"
Sure that cant stop the tensenes and the anger but it can help to deal with it and yah.
Also i am transgender.
Before testosteron treatment It was worse. Estrogen made me angry and sad and despret at the same time and i could not handle that bursted out in tears and all that.
So thats furtunate for me that the Testosteron treatment helped with that.
Yes black and white thinking gets ne in a hecc of alot of trouble at home ooof
YES!! It’s difficult to navigate in the world uh!? Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Too many adverts
Yes no in-between I don't want grey grey people cause problems
It's so cute you think of the Tories as far-right. The Conservatives are like our Democrats, America's liberal party. 😫
Refers to the conservative party as far right.....
Yes that’s correct.