Does Autism Get Easier With Age? | Patrons Choice
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- Опубліковано 17 лют 2021
- Does Autism get easier with age? I asked this question of our Facebook community last week and the answers might surprise you! (or might not?)
Naturally, some things get easier, some things get harder... but most importantly of all there are several ways you can help ensure a positive trajectory.
Check out the original thread here: / 262619118607172
CHANNEL LINKS:
Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
Facebook: / aspergersfromtheinside
Twitter: / aspiefrominside
Written Blog: aspergersfromtheinside.com/
More Videos: / aspergersfromtheinside
Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul
Discrimination against shy or quiet people at work is all to common where I'm from. I never fit in at the jobs I had in the past cause of my quiet personality
this problem feels familiar to me
Even if it's not active discrimination - you still certainly lose out on promotions, pay rises etc. even if you do a better job than someone who is loud and confident.
I feel u for sure. Ppl think im a dck for not be talkative. I worry so much at new jobs that my quietness/awkwardness is making my coworkers uncomfortable. Ive had some gnarly hard working jobs but nothing compares to the mental/emotional exhaustion of feeling misunderstood & too overwhelmed at a new job to be at ease with ppl.
@@aroguereptilian yup, had this all my life too
My experience has been that of being too knowledgeable in my field of work, and then supervisors turning against me, which in turn causes colleagues to behave differently (work relationships are difficult for me with being introverted) and then the effort required maintain working relationships more than triples, so I basically just give up and think "these people are too stupid to be worth that sort of effort" and "it's their problem not me".
I'm trying to change careers, because i'm sick of being the smartest guy in the room and all the hassle and stress that causes.
In my experience, it got harder when I hit my 30's; this is because my body is getting older, and my brain is getting older. Now that I am getting closer to 40, stress affects me quicker and more intensely, and I burn out easier. This is why I finally discovered my autism, because I was finding it harder to mask as much, and I began wondering what was wrong with me.
Yes!!!!
Same here
same here exactly same
mine too seemed to get "harder " and more "uncontrollable " on my early 30's but if I think about it...I don't think is the brain getting older, it also because in the occidental culture the age of "30" is the deadline "time out" age society allows you to misbehave in to some degree.as someone else pointed out : as long as you're considered young is still socially acceptable to be a little "weird" as its associated to the classic "weird 'n cool" image linked to youth rebellion etc...but "acting weird" after 30?! not a good idea.at 30 society expects you to "adult",mature, marry , to settle, behaving according to social norms, take a stable secure "whatever you can get" job, be an honorable (:standard) member of your community.on your 30's and 40's suddenly it's not longer acceptable if you 're acting like you re still "falling apart",like "you can't get a stable job" "you cant get along with everyone".."if you're too blunt and unconventional"...etc....In my experience ...As long as I lived in the arty creative world/community on my 20's society allowed me to be a complete mess and a weirdo ,I never thought there was something too weird in me even though my LIFE WAS A TRUE MESS :) .as a 20's something I felt "normal" and NT people perceived me "normal" (my 20's is the dacade I masked less) .on my early 30's everything fell apart and as all my fellow creative NT "crazy friends" jumped last minute on the last vagon to get the last sits of "NORMALITY TRAIN"...I couldn't. I started self isolate more and more and more...I started noticing something weird..it started to be Evident I wasnt like "the others".. for the others "the next chapter of life" seemed easy and enjoyable :taking a traditional role on the grid, enduring a bad job, experimenting and connecting sentimentally with just anybody that came along for long period of time...to me that was almost IMPOSSIBLE TO SUSTAIN for more than few months if less. at 32 I looked up at a video and for the first time I thought I could have been autistic but was so broken back then...I told my self I wasnt and fell into a decade of self isolation and heavy masking,I lied to myself I could be like the others if "only I try harder " ....I tried for a long super sad decade to be like a neurotipical....UNSUCCESFULLY. meanwhile other pratical problems got in the way:I was stuck in a bad depressive job, corona virus, family problems,...and here I am on my 40's....I feel liberated now .I dont thnk my BRAIN is getting OLDER I feel my brain is getting SMARTER and its VISION CLEAR. AT LAST.
At the age of 55 I have to say I think it gets worse. I think this is mostly because it's too exhausting to try and mask to make other people comfortable around me. The older you get the more stuff loads up your life and the less bandwidth you have to cope. I'm far more intolerant of people now than I was when I was younger.
Agree
Stop triying to make other people comfortable, they never can appreciate it. Instead make yourself feel comfortable
Yes I am too
@@renatemocza7195 that's much easier said than done in so many situations. It's sort of like going to the doctor for pain when you lift your arm and they say "well just don't do that".
Agreed. I'm the same way.
worst time of my life was at 10, 11, 12 years of age. I was mercilessly tormented by my “peers”. at almost 56, I still have not made peace with everything I went through.
@Besa65 I can relate. I was mercilessly bullied at school too for being “different.” How I talked, how I walked, how I dressed, it was relentless. It affected my whole life and still does even now in my 50’s. The best revenge is to live well. But if I could go back in time knowing what I know now I’d teach the cruel little b**tards a lesson while I had the chance. If I’d been expelled from school it would have been a blessing.
Me too such a vulnerable time for us.
All this stuff from my youth from time to time still overcomes me and I have to go through this shit again and again. Try to avoid the triggers, but once into it , it takes me days to get to myself again.
@@renatemocza7195 It's like PTSD someone says something that takes you back to your dark terrible youth and retraumatises you for a while without them ever realising what they have done.
Hope you can find peace!
My own experience is that getting older has been swings and roundabouts - it was the increase in hypersensitivities that eventually pushed me towards a diagnosis (age 60). But by that age I also had the self-confidence to let people know when I was NOT OK in a situation. Knowing the reason I get "not OK" has been hugely helpful to my own peace of mind but I'm still looking for a world where electricity is silent and affordable clothing is made entirely of natural fibres!
The more I understand myself the simpler (not easier) things seem to get.
Great friends help a lot. Meaningful relationships and people you can depend on make a HUGE difference.
Working for myself has been a big help too. The freedom to work if/when I want really helps -- if I am getting burnt out I can ease up. If I have energy I can go flat out. Having a job was torturous for me.
Money has definitely made things easier too. Money can solve a LOT of problems. I'm now fortunate enough to be able to pay people to do many of the things that drain my energy.
How does one find these "great friends" and "meaningful relationships"?
I totally agree!
@@nancyneyedly4587 It beats me. They come to you somehow. :)
@@nancyneyedly4587 That should be a book title. From my own experience such connections are mostly luck.
Tell people you have autism. That's how you get the right friends and partner.
even only one friend can make a big difference
My husband is my best friend and soooo supportive.
I’m 60 and discovered that I’m autistic this year. Having the problems I have always had has become easier as I have got older for all the reasons you describe. Knowing that the are due to autism has been a huge relief.
Just figured it out myself at 61. Doesn’t make anything easier but I now know why I don’t know. I am retired preschool teacher specializing in working with autistic children. Had no clue!
@@Meszaroscanada Made things easier for me.Allowed me to be kinder to myself knowing I wasn't just a failure at life..
Once I was diagnosed at the age of 60, I made so much more sense to myself. I still struggle, but now I know why.
Snap.
Ditto at age 69. I'm now 73. It actually explains every second of my life, and every single inexplicable thing that has happened to me.
I feel like it is harder every year.
I agree and personally for me I don't think I will be able to cope for much longer
@corentinamv are you in therapy? Even if you’re not, is there someone you can talk to? My GP often does ad hoc counselling, for instance.
Have you tried just giving into it more?, maybe if you are fighting it, it might be what is making it feel harder? I hope you have some good ppl in yr life
GOOD LUCK !
@@imaginefaraway do you have some supportive ppl? I hope you do, if not try to find fellow homo sapien sapiens aka homo sapiens squared aka apergers gifted ppl to interact and grow with.
GOOD LUCK !
I'm genuinely worried what I'm gonna do when my parents die one day.
I'm scared.
I went through that. Yes it will be hard but you will adjust. You will be able to remember them like they are still there. Make sure you get the practical aspects of your life worked out before you are alone in the world. Work, accommodation and social.
You should probably plan, if possible with them. It was very hard for me. I had a partner that made things easer. Helped me close down the house, make arrangements. I wouldn't stress TOO much if your parents are young. Now though is a good time to start putting money away. Write down plans. It is scary, but you will do it. You have come this far.
lost one parent when i was seven and then other when i was thirty two... now 43... my spouse helps me a lot as well as my kids. all the best for you. you will be ok.
74 y.o. here.With Aspergers, I find going to doctors for my physical ailments to be excruciating mentally. I have great difficulty speaking and communicating with them. Of course, just the appointment, telephone calls, all of the usual person to person interactions are compounded.
Once a person understands themselves; the whole world opens up .. 💫
I've been watching these videos for a couple of days now. Everything he says in all his videos are so relatable. Every one of them are relatable to a scary degree. I'm 25, and never would have guessed all my problems could be because I have autism. Everything is starting to make sence though this new lens. This is alot to think about, but its all hitting me at once. These last couple of days have been crazy.
Definitely my go to guy to understand my young adult at home.
@@Soothsayer_13 Going through this exact thing right now.. I'm 29 (30 in a month, actually) and I wouldn't have ever thought autism would ever explain my entire life... I've started the process in getting an official diagnosis, but it's all still pretty overwhelming. I've had a few breakdowns just because of that. How is it now for you, a month later?
@@Fortune090 I've come to terms with it. It's still not easy, but I'm over the initial shock. Life goes on.
@@Fortune090 How you doing a month later?
I really wish everyone would watch this video. I try to explain my situation of having Asperger's to others from my husband to family members to co-workers, NO one gets it, or me. I get me but explaining this shit to others sucks. Thank you for your support. I sure need it right now.
It's frustrating, especially when information is instant these days, there's no excuse.
My own mom gaslights me and tells me I'm normal and just being silly. No one understands no one cares. No job for years, lost my one support person I could get to make phone calls and travel with me, living in an rv now with no electricity water ect. But family worth millions. I don't know how long I can do this but I'm here until I'm not. I hate how they pretend to care and pretend to help but don't actually do a thing other than pretend. Sad life some of us have. Like your kids, my dog keeps me going. I know he needs me to take care of him and give him a good life.
I'm surprised you even tried. I'm 67 and an self-diagnosed Asperger person. My husband and I are close, close, close and I can't bring myself to even talk about this and my old mum, well that's a non starter 100%. So I admire your courage to even try. Best of luck to you.
@@frankbliss2924 I'm in the same boat Frank. Sending hugs. The only ones that truly "get it" are others who share our experiences. 🤗
Tried to tell 2 of my closest friends & one said, no you're not & the other said, no you're just quirky. *sigh*
Life was so much easier when I was younger. The simplicity, the easy responsibilities, the really only worrying about such minor things. The wear and tear of the last decade especially, has made everything so much harder. The cumulative stress. The losses and life experiences that I was blissfully ignorant of when young. The decades of coping. I think of what I could do in my 20’s and I’m flabbergasted, i would have no possible hope of coping now as I did then. Tasks I “didn’t like” then are now a big hurdle to try to do at all. I may understand myself a lot more now, and certainly understanding I’m autistic was “freeing” to finally make sense of my life, and who I am, and give myself patience and understanding instead of frustration and ridicule. But life is definitely so much harder.
Over 80 now. Best time of my entire life.
Knowing TRUTH sets me free. What is true for others is not true for me. In truth I am A-OK , free of other's competition, put downs, judgments, opinions etc. Kindly looking inside myself, with love. I've learned to love myself then loving others and understanding their blindness to who I am makes me confident in my ways, means, and choices. Thank you, Paul , for your intellect, teachings, candid honesty sent in love to enlighten us all💕
Since I am retired and don´t have to cope anymore because of business, I feel very much relieved. I am taking care of myself and try to keep disturbances out as much as possible. Besides there are many interesting things I am into.
You sound very inspiring. I hope I have that positive of an attitude when I'm older
Yes - realizing others blindness and also having more compassion and openness that it is valid to be neurotypical and have (appallingly from my perspective) dull senses or be hard to understand when autistic people are so clear and easy for me to understand their points and enjoy their specificity and multiple threads in every idea.
More acceptance for others on wherever they fall in the neuro bell curve as I begin to learn to accept myself. My ability to run adaptive patterns/mask takes more and more energy as I age and the sensory overload is much more intense and hard to manage. And the bliss of birdsong or other sensory input I enjoy is also much more intense. Every predicament seems to give us more opportunity for compassion and learning, for being a good steward of our spacesuit (body) and our turn on the planet. I may be burnt out right now too but it is helpful to understand that it may just be being 65 that is bringing that part to the fore and I need to get settled for dealing with myself.
Short answer: it does. I haven’t had any support when I was young so I didn’t lose anything when I got older.
Last month I started watching your videos, Paul along with YoSamdySam to better understand my adult daughter's recent realization that she is autistic. I was surprised to realize that I had a lot of the the tendencies and "quirks" that you and Sam described. I took an online test and tested positive for autism. What a relief! I have spent my whole life feeling weird and generally wrong about everything. I am honestly exhausted of masking for my husband, who is very social and outgoing. Telling him and my children what I discovered set me free and now I understand myself so much better and have a lot more forgiveness for myself. So I would say that life is now much easier than harder because I am learning about autism, I am not masking as much and being more of myself.
One thing that can definitely be challenging is the loss of one or both parents as we get older. After losing my father, I realized the time I had left with my mother was quickly ticking away. My mother and father were a stable anchor that helped me function and excel in the neurotypical world. After losing my mother, I found myself much less tolerant and agitated for a few months before being able to cope and move forward.
Man, your videos are probably one of the best things I have found on youtube. I don't have an official diagnosis yet, but it seems to me that I'm on the spectrum. The more I watch your videos, it feels like my whole life finally makes sense now. Thank you for everything that you are doing for this community.
I have a friend who I’ve always suspected has Asperger’s and my suspicion has been further validated after having multiple friends I’ve introduced him to ask me if he was on the spectrum. He admits to BiPolar depression but I think it’s a misdiagnosis. I’ve always wondered how’d he react to me suggesting he had ASD. Many people here with late diagnosis seem to have that “aha” moment when they connect the dots or get formally diagnosed
I'm not formally diagnosed, and not sure if I ever will (because it wouldn't necessarily improve my life), but I've been discovering lately that I'm likely on the spectrum. I've scored on the spectrum 3/3 times on the AQ, and autism runs in my family, so it wasn't a surprise to my wife and my auntie who I told (who is autistic with 2 kids on the spectrum) that I suspect I'm an Aspie. The benefit of me knowing this puts my life story into context, and everything just makes more sense now. Big thanks to Paul and some of his UA-cam creator colleagues for helping me along this journey.
I find dealing with my kids school very difficult. When you have a kid in school you are essentially back in school yourself, life is on their schedule. And it's all so social, so many things you have to volunteer for or be present for. If you're ASD then your kid has ASD there is so much to juggle. So having kids can be a challenge. I agree with not putting up with the neuro-typicals as you get older, no time for that anymore.
I completely relate. Since my eldest started school the endless emails and events is totally overwhelming.. I am less and less tolerant of NT people because I have less and less energy and time 😩
The school yard has been a toxic dustbin for me. Dropping my child off at primary school was like walking into a wall of bad energy every day. The NT/other mothers who stand at the school gates (the schoolyard mafia) gossiping and spreading lies on social media (that I stay well away from). All of the parents who were bullies play out their old role and so do the people that were bullied (as I was), an awful environment. The mothers pick who they want to be friends with out of the other mothers, then the kids just tag along with it and don't tend to get a choice, really messed up to me. So, hence I couldn't relate to any of this behaviour and it feels like my child has been overlooked in friendship groups because I didn't go along with their social norms. I would rather be on my own, than be surrounded by people undermining me and feeling unable to be my authentic self.
Same here, the amount of noise that schools produce is quite bad. My wife takes most of it for which I am grateful. Having kids at school does feel like being back in school yourself.
@@aimeekova yes exactly that and I wish I would have known what I know now when I was in school
maybe homeschooling would be less stressful?
Having a job is the most stressful part of my life. I struggle with the endless interaction with people. I find it draining and overwhleming.
Another kind of job?
I find life much harder now because I live alone and so have to make decisions alone and solve problems alone and as an adult I am expected to be able to do "everything" But living alone means I can shield myself from the scary world to a certain exstent once I shut my front door and mute my phone.
learning that you have it and how it impacts on you makes a huge difference but beyond self analysis and understanding. I'd say there's also a lot of pain and hurt that goes along with that. You suddenly understand why you've been struggling but also that the world is counter intuitive to your needs and never will be set up with you in mind. You just have to learn to accept this awful truth and cope as best you can.
I was hugely grateful to find a cause for my "crazy" because I never felt crazy - everyone else thought I had a screw loose, but now I get why they thought I was crazy. Well, I am still not the common garden variety daisy. Happier though.
I agree. Reaching a sense of acceptance that I am different and that a lot of people will misunderstand or dislike me has helped me. I actually feel that it has been rather liberating. I can now give myself permission to just do my best in a world I am not well suited to and not freak out if I make a mistake or something doesn't go well. This means I actually try more and I find myself growing as a person.
@@Mrs.Silversmith Its super easy for us to lean into giving up early and pinning difficult things on being autistic. I know many of us struggle to get a driving license and I myself was pretty late in getting mine. I now also have a licenses for a forklift and order picker. We can definitely achieve more than we sometimes give ourselves credit for and there is nothing that makes me feel more pride then when I achieve something that I didn't know I was capable of. Glad to hear you too are continuing to grow as a person and hope you too surprise yourself in a positive way every now and again.
@@Mrs.Silversmith Good Point.Personally most of my PAIN came from me wanted to be "like them", my STRUGGLE came from me trying to be "like the others" and FAILING over and over again...MY PAIN came from NOT UNDERSTANDING what was "wrong" with me . Now I know thats nothing wrong and as far as I'm concerned that's nothing else I need to know.from this point of view....AGE, DIAGNOSIS AND KNOWLEDGE are LIBERATING. Once you know some people cant and wont understand ....you just let them go.I hope I will stop "trying painfully harder" with all the people that clearly give me instant signs of not liking me and just pass on the next person.
Thank you so much for this, and all of your videos! My son wasn't diagnosed properly until he was 14, and boy did we go through a lot together! Having a diagnosis allowed him to have an IEP (in America that stands for Individual Education Plan) which gave more flexibility. He had a slower processing speed so he was allowed to have extra time on tests. Noises were extremely distracting, so he was in classes with less kids, that kind of thing. I cannot stress how much having the IEP helped.
However, we moved around that time and it was so stressful to him that he had depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, wanted to run away, etc. As a parent, it's terrifying and heartbreaking. Eventually he did high school online, so that may be easier for other kids out there struggling with school. As a parent, you just want to see your child grow up to be happy and successful in life! It's important for both parents to learn as much about Asbergers as possible to understand that what seems like defiance may be from lack of choices and learn to work with it. For instance, refusinh to put on his coat in the morning, even though it's freezing outside... Ok, you don't have to wear your coat, but lets take it along in case you change your mind. That worked and was much less stressful than fighting about it! Working with a therapist can help the whole family too!
I found it to be a huge relief when realising what the "issue" was, before then I tried so hard to fix myself and adapt. Now, I feel a wonderful sense of freedom in knowing who I am and what I need to feel as good as possible. It's not going to be perfect, but that has to be ok.
I'm 57 and only got diagnosed just before Christmas and it took 25 years of battling for my son's diagnosis. I want the last 30 years back. I'm so much aware now of the level of discrimination we as a family have been through that I'm suing the NHS
Perfect and is easy to leave abusive people without any kind of regret. Makes easy to identify people that wants to take advantage os us. Toxic people and environments are much easier to detect right now.
Thank you so much, Paul, for your continued hard work in putting out these videos. It's been a huge help in my recent diagnosis discovery. I also had a really bad meltdown day yesterday like I hadn't had in quite some time, and had a moment in which I honestly wondered if living in a neuro-typical world was worth truly worth it; could I ever be happy? But today, after some sleep and head space, your video really helped me look positivity to the future in the fact that knowing what to expect helps make everything easier.
I hope that things don't seem that dark to you very much. If you are having thoughts of suicide you should try to do things that will make you more satisfied with your life. I started going to a yoga class and got in touch with mental health services to try to help for myself
Hello Paul, you're like sent from above. We're a whole family in the spectrum with different challenges and abilities. Your videos are incredibly easy to watch, filled with great info and so we love to watch them and nod to ourselves and eachother - Thank you so much for your work!
Support from family and friends? What's that? LOL. I have had to go it alone for almost all my life. While I do agree with the vast majority of what you said, Paul, I have had to sometimes self-isolate for long periods of time when people and the world in general just got to be more than I could put up with. Overall, do I think that being on the spectrum in old age gets easier? No, I do not.
Good video, Paul! Thank you!
Understanding what my condition was was a great emotional relief. But aging is definitely making the physical/cognitive aspects more challenging. In my case, sensory issues and executive function are getting worse. I have to make choices and priorities I didn't have to before because my energy and resources are more limited and there is no way around it.
Very carefully considered video, thank you! I love how you integrated the responses you got on social media into each point. People with autism can tend to a "black and white" way of thinking (I know that I often do without realizing) and the plurality in this video really helped me to see a more nuanced picture of the situation.
I didn't start learning about Aspergers and ADHD until I finished High School. And I'm still learning how to improve in public settings or being around a lot of people.
Could you make a video about how to keep social connections? My husband depends on me to keep him close to his family and friends (reminding him to drop in to visit his parents because he hates speaking on the phone, setting up "dates" with our children, asking him how so-and-so is doing to remind him to text and find out) and I'm really tired of it. It's not like I'm brimming with organizational skills - with ADHD, the reason why I am able to keep a close network around us is because I love people and am very aware that I need them, so I do what it takes to stay close. He also needs them, but isn't exactly aware of it.
I think a video directed at people who have a support system, but are prone to let those connections die, would be so helpful!
It’s harder for me, awareness of my behaviour and thoughts are overwhelming
I am 70. I only confirmed my autism last year. And I think old age makes being a bit daft more acceptable. My dyslexia is worse. Or I haven't got the presence to pretend or cover it up anymore.
I'm also dyslexic (diagnosed as a toddler) and recently sort of diagnosed with autism. This seems to be a pretty common comorbidiry. Makes me wonder if there's a mutual cause...
@BullScrapPracEff there is a correlation, as both are considered forms of neurodiversity.
I’m 56 and don’t care so much now if people think I’m crazy. There are whole bodies of work on how masking (something everyone does to some extent) affects how you’re perceived by others. They pick up subconsciously that you’re not being authentic, so are less inclined to trust you.
I don’t have a huge circle of friends but get along better now, because I’m more my authentic self.
@@marmadukescarlet7791 Yeah I was more speculating on relation. Correlation is not causation and all. 😉
@@BullScrapPracEff It must just be a correlation I think. ACC on the other hand is more of a cause.
I feel the older ive gotten the more I love/accept my authentic self. An unexpected side effect is that im not eager for everyones approval like i was thru my mid 20s, so masking is more exhausting/annoying than ever. I have less social anxiety but I worry sometimes that ppl think i dont like them if i dont have the energy/desire to put on the show.
Yes I worry about this too. I have realized sometimes that people don't think I like them when I do. I wish there was some way for me to just tell everyone around me that I do like them, because there's barely ever been a time when I ran across anybody I didn't like
@@heedmydemands exactly. Ive been way more open about having aspergers, & depression & its help ppl understand & accept me alot more.
@@aroguereptilian I do not have a clinical diagnosis, just kind of self diagnosed at this point so I'm too unsure to tell people. I am pretty sure I'm autistic but I'm still learning more about it and double checking and trying to gain the confidence to tell people. My husband doesn't believe me which really sucks
@@heedmydemands ive ran into that reaction too, usually if ppl are uncomfortable or feel the need to assure u that u dont seem on the spectrum. I think the goal is simply to be understood by ppl, so ive been working on being super authentic & open about how i feel.
@@aroguereptilian yeah it's all quite new to me still. Like just today I'm realizing that maybe I'm not okay being in a job where I constantly deal with the public because it's hard to keep the smile pasted on my face for that long
Absolute bullseye on every single point! I feel validated & less alone to discover that so many others share my ageing experience with being 'different' , 'intense', 'too intellectual / analytical', hypersensitive & generally weird. It matters much less now I am retired & don't care what people think. Also, I have become much more confident in showing my empathy, affection etc to friends & even to random people I meet in my village. :)
Primary school was the worst for me, I was very fragile, sensitive and had issues to manage my anger, also neglect at home. I was always the odd one out. My mask was being the clown, acting funny and being silly, in some attempt to fit in and be liked. It got me attention but not connection, I had one friend who was also an outcast. High school wasn't great, but more of a depression thing, a lot of absence and so on. At that point I actually had a friend group, even if they too would make fun of me as I was the goofy one. I was more indifferent then, my sensitivity had been numbed through tough childhood years. I skipped school, and when there I mostly slept at my desk, said clever shit as a an attempt to be rebellious to teachers (my way of acting out my pain) and get attention from other peers. Maybe not a common role for one of us to take, I was always a fighter, even though I was sensitive as a leaf. 20s started to get therapy, meds, social training and network, work practice, and things were looking up. Mid 20s crashed from pushing too far beyond my limits for too long. Late twenties got diagnosed, more support and understanding of the real me and my needs (for a brief time), it caused me to feel more comfortable and start easing up, heeding my limitations, withdrawing more, eventually feeling like a victim in my own and other people's eyes, the strong guy who pushed through anything seemed like another life and I couldn't regrasp it. Like others have said, I couldn't keep up the act anymore once I knew the truth, which have been for better and for worse. Now early 30s I'm at like a crossroads, I realize I need to find a middle-way between the life where I pushed and achieved, and the life of the "Autistic".
Unfortunately I'm more alone than ever, and more tired than ever. Life is very unclear at this point, well my ideas are clear but how it's gonna play out I don't know, it's a fine line to make this work. Something about finding all the pieces of the puzzle, being Autistic and all, gives you a realization of just how uncompatible you are with the world, and other people, and how you are supposed to make your way in the world you always struggled in, with these barriers, and only you knowing the truths of your reality and that no one will probably ever really know, and therefor a lot of the way forward is on you. Always been a fighter, so I'm not scared or complaining having to work for it, but like I said I don't have too much left in me, and knowing what I know now, and been on my own, I don't know how this is all gonna work out realistically. It's gonna be interesting....
No. It is harder, in my experience. Having the knowledge now helps (I was diagnosed late), but dealing with communication breakdowns and sensory overwhelm just gets more difficult as I get older
I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Whenever I listen to you it's always such a joy to know that someone else experiences these things and to hear your encouraging words and suggestions. You have such a talent for explaining these feelings and experiences.
It's hard to say b/c I've also had a chronic illness for my entire adult life which has made me more sensitive to certain stimuli. I also have unresolved trauma so it's hard to untangle what's from autism and what's from other things. I was also making some progress socially during my late teens, but now have been completely isolated for 10-15 years and even socializing online I find too exhausting. I guess part of it also is that online socializing is unfulfilling and possibly stressful - otherwise it might be worth the energy.
I feel the same. Had a time in my early twenties when things made a lot of progress socially, and then now late early thirties almost total isolation. And yes I quickly just get tired from online socializing, like it taps me but gives me so little, so I end up just saying what's the point eventually.
For me it's gotten worse with age but now that i finally know why I am different , its easier because I am learning how to manage it. I make lists, I use a time organiser, I am more patient with people, I break down a large task into steps so it's not over whelming. And I watch videos like yours which really helps.
I join the "no" choir! At 55, I seem to suffer from more and more sensory problems:( Noise and aggressive ads are killing me.
yep gen x one here also 1965. ads i have to mute.
I just realized I was autistic last year, I am 22 and didnt go to college, its like Im stuck in the hell of floundering in high school without being able to function in society yet. Im not sure what to do and it makes me feel like my life is over
That’s exactly how I feel too! I went to community college but couldn’t finish due to difficulties engaging in class. It felt like I hadn’t progressed beyond high school. I’m 23 now and have moved on from the idea of general education but I want to encourage you to keep on looking for an area to specialize in, that’s my idea currently.
@@justjust8953 thank you, it helps just to know I’m not alone, especially when everyone else my age seems to have it all figured out. Schooling can be a cruel and punishing environment for a lot of neurodivergent people, but there is something out there for everyone. There are alternative resources for learning At your own pace. There is definitely something we can do, it’s just a matter of finding it. I hope you find your way too!
I am 55 yrs old and at 22 could not successfully maneuver college either. If I liked a class I did well. If I did not, I struggled and would shamefully accept a lower grade than I thought I was capable of or would drop the class entirely. I was ashamed that I couldn't just take classes and "do college correctly" like everyone else. Now it all makes sense, and what happened to me is a "normal" experience for a person with autism. Ultimately I wanted to be a college graduate so I adapted. Some semesters I only took one class, especially when it was one I didn't like. Some classes I enjoyed in person on campus. Some classes I took on-line.There were many factors that determined these decisions (what was happening in my life, etc) and eventually I got there. I stopped marking my success on a time-line created by others. I am now working on a graduate degree and a certification (in a totally different, but interesting areas) and who knows if I will finish either one, I honestly don't care I just want to learn the information. If you want to go to college, find something that interests you and discover more about it like I did. It is possible, if it is what you want. Just do it your way.
I didn't go either. Didn't know how, and couldn't deal with more school.
Im very sorry to hear that. Pray to God to help you and for things to get better for you. God is as real as you and me. Don’t equate your self worth in terms of functioning in society. God sees only the heart. Still, I think things will get better for you. I hope they do.
I said a big 'yes' to all the good, the bad, and the suggestions. I'm now 58, late diagnosis, female - I will keep working until I drop, as it gives me so much. I don't quite know how I'd get through a day without it. Even holidays make me nervous. Thanks for putting this together.
For me yes but that might just be not having to work and all that involves after retiring (the happiest day of my life).
I so agree. I am finally peaceful and I apparently like knitting. Who knew?
Yes, being retired made healing possible. Employment/working for and with others was always my greatest stressor.
I'm 56, and the realization save me from myself. I have taken on a new view for me in this world, I have peace, and my skills can provide me an income that's supports my bills and other needs. My children and grandchildren give such a great value. Patient and tolerance is still hard, but I just say straightforward, I'm just me, and there is nothing wrong with being different, I am learning to like that fact I'm different and this has improved my ability to have a better relationship. In all this, does it get better with age, no, it just becomes clearer.
I no longer care what other people think at 72 years old and this has made life easier.
"Do I really have to go shopping for clothes again? I have to do it AGAIN?" So resonant!! In my case, I remember I did that in 2011 and 2016.. but my 'reminder' has been... my clothes clothes from before 1997 are falling apart, beyond the power of mending to extend their usefulness.
And fortunately or unfortunately, I think I'm going to test the tolerance of the people around me with what I am going to choose to wear... as I have accumulated fabrics I love, but aren't part of what is seen in the stores... it may be good or it may be bad, but hey! I left "planning for old age" up to the spouse and that ended badly, as they say, so I'm just going to have to 'wing it'..
I seem to rely more on my partner all the time for this, clothes shopping is torture but if she just picks a few things out it's not so bad.
Testing people's tolerance with what I choose to wear has been a major theme in my life!
The hardest period for me was childbirth and young children years, firstly because of physical hypersensitivity makes it really, really painful to give birth plus the blaring bright lights for hours makes it hellish. Afterwards, taking care of newborns and young children throws off the routine and I think extreme tiredness also accentuates all the problems associated with autism. I didn't have time or energy to take care of myself and nobody seemed to notice in a benevolent that I was struggling and I found it really hard to communicate my needs in any comprehensible way for many years. Teenage years takes 2nd place for hellishness.
I have just recently found your channel, I think its amazing. You are so good at doing this.
Thank you so much. I had awful things happen with a messed up family situation with a step parent (slightly narcissistic and seems to have some attention deficit issues, not autistic spectrum which would be me). I never gave up and kept trying to plan and work things out, and to get help as I had a couple cancers and other issues. Step parent made everyone think I was out partying and gala anting around frivolously when I was ill and stuck overseas. I lost my mother to a care home as I could not get anyone to help me get back or communicate the challenges. Five years of trying to get help, and was hacked as well so communication got even worse. Step parent didn’t get it that I was very serious in all that I said and meant it. I didn’t get it that step parent was being sarcastic or all the weird hints. I tried to be patient as I’d been taught and didn’t react emotionally…but because of that it was misinterpreted as all was fine and I could manage to get home, and the rumour was spread I didn’t want to (which was the opposite). All kinds of nasty and frivolous motives attributed to me, all untrue and completely contrary to m6 personality. Now it is too late. Everything is lost. I exploded after twenty years of being stalled with nasty misinterpretations of motives being spread by step parent also to my father, and the last five in particular were horrors. Was okay when young. It wasn’t an interference on life too much so it was not a disorder, but now I cannot manage and handle illogical relatives or correct wrong interpretations. I got stuck overseas with heavy illness, hospitalisations, criminal targeting, mail trouble, etc, and I asked to be let to stay home and to get help, which had been offered and I thought we were doing before I got I’ll and all these things happened. This would be very hard for a normal and healthy person. So step mom decided I wasn’t coming home to get restarted, although I had changed my life to meet their plan, literally changed my life to meet the stepmother’s schedule. She keeps changing it then said I didn’t want to come. Then all the family said I was an uncaring person and it served me right to loose my mother to a home. I had told people for years mother needed help and was trying to help her and get help, but was completely ignored. Then mail was hacked it seems. Relatives blamed me and said I ignored mail when they were the ones who had not answered me (apparently but more likely due to a hacker). It had been so rough I have had to consider being responsible by taking care of myself in the ultimate way. I want to see my mother and say goodbye at least even if I cannot be there. It has been very insane that diligence, steadiness, care, persistent! waiting and trying to accommodate, not thinking bad things about others when mail wasn’t returned…until finally now after years I find that I’ve been accused and have been interpreted as frivolousness and uncaring when it is the opposite. Beyond challenging here.
Sometimes I think it’s harder. I just don’t remember having the difficulties I have now when I was a child. I also think some of it stems from this “cuteness” children have that adults don’t. People tend to be more patient with kids than with adults because adults “should know better”. Those around us tend to forget (or for whatever reason seem to be unaware) that kids with Autism grow up to be adults with Autism. On the other hand I do think age helps because it brings maturity and experience with it.
Facts
Since I have a say in things as an adult and can choose to remove myself from situations I feel uncomfortable with, I'd say yes. If I'm being harassed by my boss or professor as an adult, I can report them and I don't have to stay there. As a child, if I'm being bullied by my teacher, I can't do anything about it. As an adult, I finally have a say. You could not pay me to be a child or teenager ever again.
Just got diagnosed with adhd and high functioning autism (I'm 20). I feel really overwhelmed with all the information I'm learning but I'm hopeful knowing that there are a lot of resources out there
Yes!
I choose to live alone.
No forced, overwhelming "How are you" s from roommates to heal from all day long.
Unlike Paul, I had support at neither high school, nor at university. I have learnt a lot about myself through self-discovery.I am 54, and am not given a work opportunity because I am ethical, super efficient and socially “smart” (I stay clear of the vices).
The business world is highly unethical, it’s repugnant to those of us with a moral compass!
Thanks for sharing this important video. I turned 65 in June & recently found your videos on autism. Knowing that I'm autistic has helped me to understand me. I understand now why certain events in my life from years past happened the way they did. I'm not as hard on myself nor as depressed as I once was. It's also great to know that I'm part of a similar community that understands me. I live alone, but now I know that I'm not alone. Things are looking up for this Senior Boomer. Thank you again.
I totally agree. I'm 34 and junior high and early high school was very difficult but then I found my footing. I enjoyed and was good at College. I escaped diagnosis as a kid because it wasn't widely known for a few more years. So I just saw myself as a bit different and a late bloomer and thought I'd arrived.
But in my late 20s I hit that wall of people not cutting me any slack and my difficulties finding employment was an issue. After 30 I discovered autism and have realized how I've always had some sensory issues but they have started getting worse. Wish I had a significant other to help out but now it's like how do you meet people, especially with decreasing tolerance for atypical behavior among my peers.
Line for line my story, interesting
Meeting others on the spectrum has made it easier. When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s there really wasn't any widespread understanding and help. Now I am meeting people of all ages on the spectrum and it is like finding treasure you've been digging for in many places for the longest time. I am so glad there are channels like yours out there, I share it with a coworker who is exploring this diagnosis.
Thanks to the whole community for the input!
I was recently told by my therapist that I am possibly autistic, though I haven't officially been diagnosed (deciding on whether or not I want to do so). I am 40 and will say some things have gotten better, while other things have gotten worse. I have gotten better at socializing in some ways. Other people have told me that I am too quiet. I rarely talked when I was younger, but that has gotten a little easier, sorta. I don't really enjoy it, but do it anyway to seem "normal." I have gotten less tolerant of other people as I've gotten older and just prefer to be alone. Sensory issues have definitely gotten worse for me, which nearly led me to meltdowns at work.
❤️more on this!
Often aging ( as in professional retired seniors!) hides or asorbs spectrum characteristcs to those around us ….
Discussion there.
Yep. I've changed. I have learned to accept myself with Autism. All my avocations and awareness of what it really is, and what I have faced and went through. I studied philosophy, psychology and abnormal psychology and know human nature including even me. None of us are perfect. Nothing is, not even nature. The one thing, (could be more, up to the individual), is isolation. One other thing is I feel negative towards people at times because of finally knowing how they will react. It seems they all have the same response and or reaction. It can get insipid being SMART.
I've got my ASD assessment coming up in a couple of weeks, but I'll say for me it definitely gets harder also. I don't have the energy I did in my 20s so when I have to deal with sensory issues, work, crowds (sometimes), and just every day responsibilities, it absolutely drains me and it's hard to do much. My partner has to tell me when to get clothes too, or handle bills, or coordinate events, etc. I wish I could do more but even simple things like call a repairman or read a book, can be very challenging. Now days, unless I can make it a routine, it's pretty difficult to do.
Masking was my only savior, now I write my feelings in notebooks and drawing. Its the burnout that I have real problems (crying just about everyday) most of the time when some one makes an assumption I may walk away because I can get easily irritated. So when I do speak my mind "I don't have the energy to translate; ignorance, stupidity nor a@@hole to you."
I do the exact same thing to deal with burnout, writing all my feelings down. Whenever I open up to people they just claim I'm too negative and not trying hard enough to stay afloat and it upsets me I rather just write it out at this point smh
@@nothingrhymeswithorange5797 IKR, I've got at least 3 notebooks for 3 different subjects I experience. I use to love drawing now all do is write its irritating that I can't do what I love to do.
This was very comforting. At 51 with a large family, I've been feeling absolutely overwhelmed! It seems like everything is harder than it used to be and I often feel like giving up. This really helps to reaffirm that I'm not crazy and that I'm really having a different experience than most people through no fault of my own. I think that because of these video's that I'm starting to forgive myself and be OK with who I am. I just hope that my wife will be ok with it. I think she's been trying to change me our whole marriage and building up mounds of evidence that I don't care about her which is not true. As it get's worse with age, she's seeing more and more evidence and is more fed up with me than ever.
My experience on support is very different. For me support has increased over time. When I was a kid, I was expected to behave normal. Period.
The more I could choose my environment and the more I learned to express my special needs (be it in privat or on the job), the more I got supported and accomodated.
Now that I am 32, even my parents suddenly bother to give me a detailed plan for the days of my visit at home and ask my opinion on it. Simply because they learned to understand.
Thank you so much for all of your videos and creating a community 🙏❤️
Thank you Paul. I found your channel last night and have found it so helpful! Thank you for all the help and resources!
I love you, mate! I needed to hear this today. Thank you
You blow my mind more and more with each video!! You put things in such a glorious perspective!!
I am 40 and only in the past month have I realised I may be autistic. I have had a conversation with my doctor who has referred me to the autism diagnosis service where I live. My initial assessment indicates that further diagnosis is required (ie, I showed aspie traits in the first assessment). I have been doing a lot of reading about autism, and have been watching a lot of Paul's videos.
Suddenly, everything makes sense. I make sense to me now. At the same time, it has opened floodgates to childhood experiences that I didn't realise had the impact they did on forcing me to mask and "fit in".
LOLed at the 'relying on my wife for 'tiny little everyday things'.Sooo recognizeable.... Hated myself for that everytime I seemed to 'slip up' or 'forgot' (and still do). Perhaps some more peace of mind on that is just around to corner.. Thanks Paul !
I needed this.
Thank you.
Thanks again, Coach! All of your videos really help me adjust better than I could before listening to your "sermons" of how we're all in this together.
Good job. Tough subject with no "right answers". Your shirt says as much as your words - our community is overflowing with creative and industrious thinkers (be that by birth or design, who knows, and it doesn't really matter). Using our ability to innately "think outside the box" can be the swiss army knife of the autistic tool box, if we choose to actually use it. xo
Being in full lockdown in the UK has made things far worse for people on the Autistic spectrum and ADHD.
Thank you for posting these.
Well, considering that I don't have any friends, my role was eliminated at work in November of 2015, and I haven't worked since. Considering that I was forced to sell my home after 20 years of working on it; and moved to a place of my wife's choosing, where I don't feel safe. And now all I really have is a handful of gig apps that I can rely on, but I can't get myself to get dressed and go out to do any of it. I'm going to say that (1) thank God that I was really frugal in my younger years; and (2) thank God I learned to program mainframe computers in the 80's.
Now, here in South Florida, not only do I hate the climate, I don't trust the people that live here, and I wish that I were somewhere else. Now that my wife and my mother, both women I can't stand, live with me, I feel trapped with no options. If only I could overcome my anxiety about going out and dealing with the unpredictable unknown world of the gig economy; I might somehow subsidize my savings.
In the last couple of years, since I never seem to care what time or what day it is, and I have never been able to remember anyone's name; I can't remember who wrote the essay, but I read an essay about growing up as an Aspie. During reading this essay, I had the unsettling feeling that, "I don't remember writing this!" Of course not, i didn't write it, but this person's childhood experience, was almost quote verbatim as if I did write it.
Nothing is easier, actually, it's been getting worse. When I was younger, without really knowing the reason, I would medicate myself. Now that I don't smoke or drink, and taking anti-depressants make me feel like a dumbass, so I stopped. I haven't been out of the house except to go grocery shopping for the three of us since COVID-19 started.
I am 65 and due for diagnosis next month. At the moment it is neither harder or easier just different.
Your insights and ability to clearly communicate are so helpful!
Thank you for this useful video. It reached me at the perfect time.
Thank you I always look forward to your videos. I find your voice soothing. I do find that getting to know myself better and accepting myself is making my life easier. I wish I knew earlier.
Thank you for making this video. It was really helpful. It made me aware of what to prepare for in the future.
super topic, thank you very much Paul !
The quotes from minute 2:03 onward I totally resonate with. To know and understand why you have felt this way from early childhood are incredibly reassuring. I feel totally at peace with my weirdness now, a special mention to Paul, and also YoSamitySam for their take on autism...
Wonderful!
I'm 27 now, and in many stages of my life I struggled. I finished highschool, tried a study.. failed in the 3rd year because of a bad internship.. worked for 2 years doing low wage jobs, got a gf.. after 2 years we went to live together, but after 3 months she cheated on me with a guy from work (me and my ex-gf both worked at the same company but different functions/places). Fell into a depression after that, work was an awful place to go to, because I would see my ex and her new guy. After a while I just resigned from the job, took another job while still depressed. Also lost that job.. applied for unemployement benefits but the money came late so I was already in debt.. had to be in a program where I'd pay my debts in 3 years. They payed my bills and I received 50-60 euros a week to live of.. I'm still on benefits and applying for jobs, but with only a highschool diploma I'm getting nowhere it seems... I basicly volunteer 24hrs a week now at a pc refurbish place to keep my benefits.. I also have scoliosis so I cant do very physical jobs and my autism makes me unable to handle a lot of stress. When I was young I would never think my future would be this bleak.
Thank you for this. 😊 In my opinion, you were on point with each and all!!
Oh... I needed this video. This was so validating. Knowing I'm not alone in the it gets harder and why can't I deal with stuff anymore while I could earlier. Thank you!
I just discovered your videos and I’ve already learned a lot. I have a wonderful 13 year old step daughter on the spectrum who I want to see succeed in her life and know she needs support. Thank you for being clear direct open and honest with your first person narrative but also adding in larger community feedback.
I am looking for resources to find a local teen community for her to find others like her and programs for social life that would suit her needs. If you have information like that, I would love to be pointed in the right direction! Thank you!
You are doing a great service to others, I agree with you, that the individual must be kind to themselves first, always try to calm the intensity a little, as that is the Aspies most obvious mindset, first noticeable to others. It is that intensity, which some others, don't know how to handle it.
Some intensities are what made famous Aspies like Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, but then there was the fabulous mind of Nikola Tesla, he was a definite Aspie. His intensity, was obviously aimed at his science interests, but when your own intensity, is more of a mundane nature, this might seem odd to others. An example, that Swede Greta, she has an intensity, but she has a big problem, as most adults think that she is just a young, to warrant such power, which is correct of course, no one likes a precocious child, Aspie, or not.
Thanks for another great video!
Both harder and easier. I'm in my mid 60s and have just figured out the autism. Things are harder in that I'm seeing reality more clearly, understanding myself, seeing that many obstacles are simply not going to go away and that I have to figure out how to get through the next X decades. Easier in that I feel much more ok about saying no to social activities, I am less apologetic about myself, I can speak up for my needs, and I can look back at my life so far and understand so much more about what happened. I feel easier about things that I've always seen as failures; I don't blame my "weakness" or "lack of discipline" or other self criticisms that have haunted me. It's a great relief to see my puzzle pieces fitting together. It also makes me weep for all the difficulties that I couldn't understand at the time.
Thank you so much. I like you and this channel so much
Great video! The part about adult sized consequences resonates with me. Around 2011 I had a major crisis, and it was my screw up.
The part about needing help with doctors appointments, etc. that one does get me. And outside of a few people, I’m not great at returning calls, but really strong at budgets, paying bills, coming up with creative financial solutions to keep my debt low, etc.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.
56 here... going through the realisation process will suddenly make you aware of all you've been through in life. Realise how much burn out you're piling up because you're so intense in everything. So yes, tolerance can be a problem, because you're finally conscious of your limits. Sensory overload is something I'm really owning right now, as I state my breaking point very clearly, like noise around me at work, or leave a social situation where steam may build up.
With myself, I also get a much better sense of my need to pause something when I'm getting extreme. Not easy, but working on it.
With others, I'm trying hard not be "too much" anything if I feel any discomfort in them. Some people connect better, and actually like how intensely passionate I am, so not all interactions are difficult.
Only now I can observe better and be conscious of how it goes.
From this and comments below, I think it differs quite a lot per person and their personal circumstances. Those born in more privileged circumstances will have a lot easier of a time than those in less fortunate circumstances and this lasts through their life, getting worse as they get older. The country you're born in / living in makes a huge difference as well - how well are people who are different treated and accepted or are they hated and discriminated. Maybe do a video about that as well. Where I live, the consensus among specialists who do aspergers diagnosis, especially for late diagnosis is to tell their patients 'don't tell anyone'. And it's good advice, for this place at least. Go 50 miles north across the border, and it's just the opposite.