When You Dread Everything (Anticipatory Anxiety)
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- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
- Makes it hard to know what you actually don't want to do!
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I've always called this my "sense of impending doom" and I've lived with it all my life.
And you cannot change the way you think about an event. The response is completely autonomic. You aren't alone.
The amount of times I've used that phrase...
You’ve just described the battle of my entire life!
Kira Woods mine2!
And mine. And the older I get, the more reclusive I get, and the worse the anticipatory anxiety gets.
you are a blessing to this world
Shane Fitzgibbon
I'm glad you said this! He really IS!!!❤
also can we talk about how infj's experience therapy differently than other types? its like we try to be the best person we can bein therapy in order to not ruin the therapists day, or to not become a burden or something. its weird. it stops us from getting the help we need to work through our problems
Shane Fitzgibbon
wow... I did think of that. It's a crazy burden. Isnt it?
Shane Fitzgibbon .. yes!! I do that! After a few months it freaking flips and it’s like the therapist is getting counseling from me lol or we are just discussing philosophy or theory or her grandkids 😂
You don't have a very good therapist then... it's their job to recognise this role reversal and work to change the dynamics of the relationship. It can also actually be a way to avoid the hard work of therapy to direct your therapist's attention to themselves and away from your problems. I mean it's understandable if you do this if it's the role you're used to playing but you're not getting your money's worth and may be avoiding facing your problems by slipping into relationship dynamics that feel more comfortable to you.
Here ends the unsolicited INTJ advice :P
Oh man, this is some truly relatable content. I sobbed on the bus every single day of 1st grade, because I was scared something would happen to my family when I was at school and I wouldn’t be able to get home. It got to the point where the bus driver had boxes of tissues that she would hand to me and let me keep at my seat. 😅 I also had a heart condition that they didn’t catch for a while because I thought it was just normal for your heart to race all the time. Casual.
We would have gotten along so well as kids, if we stopped crying and puking long enough to make each other’s acquaintance. 😂
lol it makes me crack up to think of two little kids in the back of the bus, one sobbing and the other throwing up
Oh my goodness, I know you felt horrible during that time, but... in a way this story is so cute.
Frank James We would have been quite a pair. 😂 With our crippling 1st grade neuroses and big, sad eyes, I’m not sure if we would have been adorable or reminiscent of the creepy twins from The Shining.
This thread 😂😂😂 I work with kiddos and it turns out, some of them turn out the way you thought and some make unexpected changes.
@@StephanieDouglassMusic
Do you like to hear school stories? The thought of eating food that I don't like the smell of makes me feel sick. I once threw up in preschool because we got dill soup for lunch. We were told to at least try a little bit, even if we didn't like it. I did try...
Dill soup, who came to an idea like this???
I'm always anxious about starting a new job, I apply for a job and once I get a message from them to do an interview I start panicking and imagine what might gonna happen if they accept me! I might fail, I might not be able to cope with the staff...etc ,then I get moody because I imagine the whole situation.. I mean imaginary situation and i always end up feeling like I don't want to anything and try to fool myself that I’m happy with my current situation and I don’t need this job so I don’t go to the interview while the truth is I want a job but I’m so afraid of the consequences . I’m aware of my fears, so I pushed myself to do an interview and I’m gonna start the job next week , but I’m still thinking of everything and imagining bad scenarios that might occur there . I try not to think about it but unfortunately I can’t stop thinking .
exactly what I'm going through right now, anxiety if no calls for interviews, terrified when I do get called! I need to work but deeply don't wanna
So funny to read this, I just came home from an interview and I'm doing the exact same thing. "Sitting together with others, not even a room for my own, the boss seems strict, it isn't interesting enough, but what better offer could there even be, it's good money, but what if it's boring work? What if it's too hard?" Exhausting. How is your job going now?
Me too😥 it's life debilitating
Layla so so true. and i just feel i always mess up the interviews ans if accepted i get so anxious, how i am gonna make it... even if having some talents to do many things.. over critical issues.
How did it go? I'm scared of failing too, but I'm super impractical amd annoy everyone with it, so I think it's not irrational for me to be scared of jobs. Luckily, at the moment I don't need one, since I have a scholarship (a few hundred euros per month) for studying.
What a comfort to read so many posts and know I'm not alone. It's normalizing and helps motivate me to keep going :-)
lisa heuer me too...
Your face is so pretty 🙂
Sorry. I know that’s not related to anything, but that thought popped into my head and rather than keep it to myself I decided to share it with you in hopes that it would make your day a little special if you happen to come across this comment.
@@AK-jt7kh lol...........way to go, man......
@@Tripl3333 I’m a woman >_> …a straight woman. Can’t I say someone has a pretty face?
@@AK-jt7kh ...oooops. Yes you can.
specially when its true.
Omfg. When you said it gets confusing whether we actually want to go to places or not, that is so fkn me. Every time a friend I just made asks me to hang out, I get anticipatory anxiety from thinking about it, and I'm not sure if I want to go or if I genuinely don't want to go. I'm not sure. All I feel is anxiety.
ME!!!!! I cannot count the number of times I've felt immense dread and doubt at meeting friends, and considered canceling. What's worse is that I often enjoy those meetings, and yet feel it every time there is another meeting.
When I was very little I would worry when I had a good day because I knew a bad day was coming. I had a hard time enjoying a good day in anticipation for the inevitable bad day. The bad days suck, but was comforting in away because I had nothing to worry about. So in short I was a sad or worried kid, kind of sad.
I only realised this in my early 40’s when I spoke to my husband and realised that he didn’t experience this that this wasn’t a universal experience. I thought everyone did and it was normal. My youngest is 9 and he really struggles too, it breaks my heart. I told him yesterday how strong he was because it is hard to do hard things every day.
Yours is the first channel that I'm happy to get notifications for. Your daily discussions always put me in a good mood /make me feel less like a loserfreak/& actually motivate me to push myself out of my stubbornly anodized routine bubble, so for real, thank you.
glad you're here :)
@AnimusFlux 💚
Oh my gosh!! You actually put a name to it for me!! Thank you!! I've done this my whole life...I've accepted it at this point in my life. I just turned 54!! I would get so worked up before whatever the event was, I'd have a headache upon arrival or a full blown migraine afterwards. There is a coworker who wants me to go to lunch, see a movie, or go thrift store shopping...I keep making excuses because I know the routine...ugh. Frank, you are awesome. I wish I could have put all of this together at your age. Thanks for sharing!
Omg THIS! I’ve lived with this same confusion for at least a year. I just made a video about it yesterday but I titled it anxiety or intuition? But this is such an interesting add on! “Maybe I do have anxiety but perhaps I REALLY DONT WANNA GO!” Yes!!!!! 👏🏾👏🏾
I did the same thing....throwing up every day before work. That was a terrible year.
Anticipatory anxiety has always ruined my days. :(
As someone with multiple decades of life, I can say that Anticipatory Anxiety gets better with age and the confidence that comes from experience. Keep doing the things! ✌️
I get this when I am trying to learn new things and skills. Keep on thinking it is not for me because my anxiety won't allow me to feel comfortable.
me also. it's a terrible thing.
I have 3 different parties tomorrow night and I was just about to cancel on all of them and just stay home in bed but then I watched this video ... socialising for FJ
you can do it!
my mom all my life would constantly tell me "stop looking at the big picture and take it one step at a time" because everything i had to do in the next few days, weeks, even years, would pile up in my mind and id see it all at once. it gives me commitment issues with going out for the same reasons. because ill be anticipating it all week and what if the day comes and i cant handle it? then i end up going out at the last second and have a great time. the thing is i always know it's going to be okay or it'll go great or be fun, but that doesn't erase the amount of anxiety that builds up before. you just described the biggest issue in my life and what beautiful validation this video is. the key is pushing yourself to do things and to take it one step at a time.
And I thought I was the only one who felt this way, how you said “as you get older you convince yourself that you actually don’t want to go”... thats spot on
Wait it has an actual term instead "I'm afraid of everything until it's over and then I realise it was fine"
"I still get a bit of anxiety when I'm asked to go out, especially if its something new. I really don't like it."
LOL
Yes THIS! Do I not want to do this? Or am I "just" anxious?? What has been working for me lately is accepting that I feel that way and that there is nothing wrong with me for feeling it, I don't need to push through. I can gently ask myself what I'm worried about and then find what I need to put myself at ease. Maybe I need more info. Maybe allowing myself to voice the anxiety was enough to see it's a little silly and not necessary. Maybe I am expecting too much perfection from myself in doing the thing. Maybe there is an easy precaution I can take. Or maybe I can realize that even if the worst does actually happen, I will still be fine because I have survived it before.
Anxiety is a byproduct of an overdeveloped ego. There’s an initial experience, usually as a child/baby, that set off the “survival” stress and because it was so uncomfortable, anxiety is now the warning signal in order to avoid those potential feelings of fear and panic.
Sometimes going back and investigating that initial experience, if possible, and understanding it can help dissolve it - like the unveiling of the wizard of oz.
I have bouts of existential anxiety and have found meditation to also be very useful and grounding.
Jenny Pie
the theory that all our problems stems from and have roots in childhood trauma , is oversimplification and a way to escape the demand of the present .
"It's because of your childhood trauma" psychologists favorite words.
Plus it barely explains anything.
Mjnoon 360
I agree. I never said, "all our problems stems from and have roots in childhood trauma". I just meant there is usually a root cause, and a lot of times it's when we are underdeveloped humans, i.e. children, where we have not yet acquired the tools to deal with certain situations. I never had anxiety until my adult life, and I know which incident it came from -- not from my childhood, but rather an experience I had as an adult.
For me (especially as an INFJ) when I understand the root cause or how the cogs in a mechanism works, it helps me see the bigger picture and be more apt at problem solving.
@@jennypi Can you share what that experience was?
thank you so much for making these videos ...... the converging of minds is healing.
Ehhh...I have all kinds of anxiety and have as long as I can remember. Generalized, social and anticapatory... I'm also very neurotic. I've also never found any medication to help me. I know that some kind of exposure therapy would be best, and I've already made an appointment for therapy, but that in itself took a lot of bravery. I'm so afraid of what's to come with this... But I know that's what I need.
Good luck Bridget! Therapy is tough. I have found it incredibly helpful. I hope it helps you find peace. 💛💛💛
Sending good thoughts your way! I’ve done two rounds of ERP and it helps so much! I still have some of my mega fears to work through but it’s helped in many ways. 💓
thank you both for the kind words and encouragement!
thank you for your vulnerability, i feel exactly how you’re saying, not throwing up everyday, but overthinking/ anxiety with everything, this video relaxed me and made me feel a lot better so thank you man fr
also i just realized i found your channel a long time ago from the LAHWF interview you did so that’s cool too
Same for me and also social anxiety. It's kind of overwhelming me and I'm left thinking it will never get better. You are not alone and I understand x
I agree. I've isolated a few times to the point of developing a mild case of agoraphobia. The only way out is to walk outside & go into public even if it's to a drive thru or the corner store. I've even gone into public wearing pajamas & house shoes.....it doesn't matter, do what you gotta do to get thru it. People notice but they get used to it, & the ones that don't know you don't really matter anyway. I'm pretty open about it so I feel like people know. Lol.
Your first description about physical symptoms over “missing the bus home” is classic INFJ early life knowing that you only incarnated into this dense reality to assist the collective change at this vital time. You didn’t manifest this life through desire, but voluntary service. You came ONE LAST TIME, in service only, and “home” is where you’d rather be. Child like honesty reflecting your true situation. Nothing is without reason and the truth will dissolve the pain... the pain which is only resistance to what is.
Illuminartica an accurate description of the INFJ orientation towards the world I think
Illuminartica nobody incarnates or reincarnates
Can you elaborate on this please?
I need a dumbed-down version of that please
I never knew there was a word for this! I do this all the time, and have been dreading things I like doing and things I have been excited about, which has been confusing for me
oh, I have that. And I can't tell when it started. I guess I have it right from my childhood.
Going out, especially to parties gives me a headache or so much stress that my pulse goes over the roof. If I ever make it to a party , all I think about is that it's too crowded, too loud, so much smoke and that it would be so good to be home instead. I usually leave after 1-2 hours. Another problem is that I don't tolerate alcohol. When others are tipsy, having a great time , I get a migrene after half a beer and want to lay down somewhrere. lol!
Frank, I totally understand why you prefer to stay home when friends want to go out with you. I have it too and I wonder: why go out when you can have great time at home. I love being alone at home, and also with a friend or a few of them. It is way more fun than going out with them into some loud crowded place. I do go out just to expand my comfort zone. But it doesn't really change how much a private person I am, an introvert with 91% score at Mbti test :)
Actually only when I'm at home (especially when alone) my anxiety goes to a deep sleep mode.
Great video, FJ! I'm sorry you have been through so much in your childhood, I can't even imagine howawful these school years must have been for you. I hate vomiting (well I guess everyone hates it...) and if I throw up like once in two years, it is a frightening and overwhelming experience. And you had to go through it every day...
That is insane! But it's in the past, thank God.
umm, I was wondering whrere you are staying. Have you already told us but I missed it or have you not told us? yet? ^^
Oh Frank dear, I'm in the same boat as you. I will sometimes stick it out and do it (if I have the confidence) and other times stay in (feel vulnerable).
You are definitely not alone with dreading things you have to do. First off, I definitely related to your story about experiencing anxiety as a kid with your fears of missing the bus and your little brother missing the bus later on. When I was a kid, I was so nervous about going to school, especially eating at the cafeteria because I had a hard time finding a place to sit at the lunch table and having nobody to talk to. It was hard in that environment being the only Asian kid at an all white school and being immersed in a different culture where I felt like an alien and couldn't relate to anybody there. I would have much rather stayed home with my grandpa, eat corn beef and rice, and eat lunch with him while watching Price is Right with Bob Barker. That type of anxiety followed me through pharmacy school with passing those hard exams and to adulthood as well. I want to give you a giant hug for sharing your childhood experiences with us, acknowledging that these fears do happen, and a useful hack on facing these anxieties. Thank you for being a lovely human being and sharing your experiences as an INFJ male :) Here's to pushing beyond our comfort zone and confronting our fears!
P.S. That shirt makes your hair look fantastic!
Dude you are so ducking amazing. I feel this everyday. It's nice to have someone to relate to and hear them talk about this problem.
I typed in “why do I dread everything?” in UA-cam and got your video from 5 years ago, “ why you dread everything” lol. It perfectly reflected how I felt all day today and in general. I’ll always say yes bc I’m neurotic AND agreeable, but I’ll want out so bad the day of it’s not even funny. And then I’ll always have a great time, but the stress I put myself through is never worth it in the short term.
If you ever see this comment FJ, I love all of your sketches, but thanks for keeping up these personal talks on your channel. They hold a special place in my heart. :] 💛
I searched the same phrase. Like him, I’ve found that putting myself in these uncomfortable situations has helped. However there are days I give in and just stay at home and I alone myself these days without feeling guilt. If you read this, please know I am sending positive vibes your way!!
I absolutely feel this anticipatory anxiety. For example, I work at Starbucks and it’s constant stimulation. I got burned out from the stress so quickly, but have toughed it out, mainly out of a lack desire to find another job in college. I find that I instantly dread shifts and even find myself very agitated even at looking when I’m scheduled. I know how stressful that situation will be, it always is, and I know how mentally exhausted I’ll be for the next three days. When it comes to parties it’s the same way, but my need to please others usually takes over and I feel the need to offer to drive, make plans, and commit to it in my social chameleon state of mind before I remember I’m an introvert.
Kristen Meeks well said!!!!!!!
Hi Frank James, commenting after a while now here. This is another one of your videos that strongly resonates with me, and also makes me appreciate how big of an achievement it is for you to be able to maintain these channel, make content and so forth. Really proud of you, and hope one day I will be able to overcome fears/adversaries like you have in a way. Yeah, there has been one or two videos where I haven't agreed with you 100%, but still, I find you so inspirational, and I doubt very few people who aren't either INFJs or have some sort of similarity in traits/personality would be able to fully appreciate how inspirational you are -- JUST for being able to make videos and upload them. I am using the word "just" but it is, such, a huge deal -- you know, and I know and probably a large majority of your 22k subscribers also know.
I used to deal with my anticipatory anxiety using unhealthy methods such as just avoiding having to do something, instead of exposure to the things that "trigger" me. I used to like it when close people, such as friends, colleagues, family etc. used to be "accommodating" and just let me "be myself" by not having to face a lot of things. I recently realized, that's really unhealthy and has led to a lot of student development in me. These well-intentioned, caring groups of people have unknowingly been playing the role of "enabler" to several kinds of anxiety by not pushing me to do normal things everyone else does but I avoid, or just "giving me my space" instead of actually confronting me and saying "hey buddy, I know that particular thing makes you feel very anxious and uneasy, but you're going to have to deal with such similar events many more times ahead in life, and maybe it wouldn't totally suck if you tried to, you know, kinda start exposing yourself to this, bit by bit. Think of it like, the world is full of germs/bacteria etc. and since after birth, we naturally develop ways to combat them, but if someone grows up in a 100% sterilized environment and is not actually exposed to these things, that person never really develops those resistances or immunities. Later, when that person is, at some point, thrown into the real world -- they find it extremely difficult to survive there and feel really weak or sick most of the time."
Another interesting thing you mentioned when talking about your next video is (I'm paraphrasing, this is just my interpretation of what you said) "don't just be anxious about whether to do it or not, but rather make up your mind and make a conscious decision to either do it, or put your foot down and firmly say 'no' to things you have decided not to do."
All kidding aside, huge respect for your honesty and openness. If I had been your 1st grade teacher, I would have talked to you to get to the bottom of what was making you sick. I then would have spoken to the bus driver and made a deal that he didn't leave until I walked you to the bus (and have plan B if I was ever off).
I am currently hugely anxious not just for myself, but for my boys. In 2 weeks, one son starts middle school and I am absorbing his anxiety. My older boy has to go across town on public transportation and I am anxious about that. I start a new job and have training on top. Any wonder I am a complete ball of stress. It feels like my nerves are outside of my body. And noise - ugh! I can't take it!!
oh wow! lots of new stuff for you family, i understand the anxiety! I hope it all goes well for all of you :)
Thanks, Frank! And I hope you find ways to reduce your anxiety.
You explain this really well. expressing this and being aware of it does help a bit. When I was a kid, this was really bad for me and I’d have anticipatory anxiety constantly, especially with my younger siblings. I had a crappy, childhood where I was thrown into crazy situations often, so it got worse, but as I grew up it eventually taught me to handle those feelings a lot better for a while. Sadly, now that I have kids and am going through some hard stuff, it’s back again. Even doing small things makes me ridiculously anxious…
Home is the best place on earth.
I think I now need one of those affirmation bracelets that says “Do the things” 👍🏻 Good stuff as always. Can’t wait to watch tomorrow’s video! Added this to my anxiety/ocd playlist. 💓
"Do The Things" bracelet - yes!!!
Ah 😔 This gives an extra layer of retrospective meaning/understanding to your videos, especially the early ones where you were consciously pushing yourself to 'come out of your shell'.
I understand what you are battling far more now and *really* admire your determination to overcome it. I'm going to wait for the next video before I comment further, other than to say that I'm so sorry you have to deal with this (how mentally exhausting) and I think you are incredibly brave/resourceful each time you overcome it ❤️
(Years ago I read 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers and found it helpful. For me, it was a prompt to *dare* to do things rather than a way of battling anxiety, so I genuinely don't know if it would help you. You are taking the advice of the title anyway 😅)
that sounds like a book I should check out!
@@FrankJames I *think* I know where it is (I have books everywhere! 😅). If it is then I'll scan through it to see if I still think it's any good 🙂 (It might be too superficial.) It's the kind of book that there will be a gazillion summaries of online but sometimes the act of reading the entire thing helps the suggestions/message sink in...
it's really good advice to just do the things you don't want to do. Saw it mentioned, and it makes sense, that the things we're afraid to do are the things that are the hardest for us, and like you say, the more you push yourself to do stuff, the better you get. Thanks for this. Tiff Heath
Totally understand this.
Im anxious / full of dread right now and came to YT to find something to comfort me. Thanks, glad I'm not alone.
“I fly planes!” 😂 cracked me up. Very true though. I do take medication for anxiety/depression, but just doing the things I was afraid of helped a ton. I do things now with 0 anxiety that would have given me a panic attack just imagining a couple of years ago. No planes for me though, baby steps all the way.
Thank you for putting words to something I have been unknowingly dealing with and struggling with FOREVER!
wats really amazing about u Frank is how u deliver ur emotions perfectly, and u say exactly what's on my mind when i can't figure out how to say it 💜
I’m so happy you make these videos because it’s so relatable and most people don’t want to discuss things like this or maybe they don’t go through these issues as much. I love your videos ❤️
Man it’s a relief watching you talking what i’m being through. When there is a new event next day I can’t sleep well at night then I go to the event tired
It was panic attacks for me as a kid
Panic attacks are horrible, I hate to think of a kid having one :(
The way this video is “old” but still so helpful
I didn't even know other people stayed in their rooms I stay in my room so much
I just want to say I feel for you man. I have aspergers and it has caused me a lot of chronic anxiety related to any activity where people are involved. Growing up I also had phases where the anxiety was so bad it would cause me to be physically sick. However, I wanted to give you a bit of encouragement. I remember taking the Big 5 back in high school and getting around 80% on Neuroticism. Its now 18 years later and I have learned that skill of pushing through my anxiety in order to try things/get life stuff done. I just re-took the test and got a 52% on neuroticism which tells me it can improve over time. Hope the same happens for you.
I know this video is a year old now... but this totally hit the nail on the head for me!! No matter what it is, if I have to leave the house for it, and I'm not in control of what's going to happen, I get so anxious! Growing up it was swim & dance class, now it's work every day. But I find once I get there, I'm fine! Thanks for this video!
Ahh I can sadly relate to this, after getting anxious going to all my English Lit classes just in case my teacher will ask me to read something out.. And yet usually if they do, it goes fine and I feel relieved afterwards. Dope.
Hi, FJ! I get it- I was there and sometimes till am. I was bullied for 11 years through school, but I had a fear of not passing or measuring up that became a fear of missing the bus. I had to "run" into the restroom before I left for the bus stop, and I still feel that way before every trip. My mom told me that if I missed the school bus more than once, she would make me walk home and follow me with the car. I only missed the bus once. ( I once risked my life by running beside the school bus and beating the side of it with my fist til the bus driver stopped.) If a trip is for work or school I make myself go without hesitation no matter how I feel. Yeah it does not feel great. Sometimes I set goals like going to LA or NYC alone and I have pulled off these trips. My fear of failing is so great that it overcomes my discomfort over going somewhere. I cannot tell you how many times as an adult, I got dressed to go somewhere fun and then talked myself out of it and sat down and watched tv dressed up. My fear of failure is so great that I have risked my life repeatedly (I have had 5 180's in which my car went around in a circle on the way to work during bad weather. If my employers tell me I have to go on a trip I make myself go because I am afraid of not being able to make a living. My employers encouraged this but did not reward my work-a-holic behavior. Of course, as a work-a-holic, I have a built in excuse for avoiding social get togethers. I can walk into pubs, stores, theaters by myself and observe, but I don't like riding with someone else that prevents me from leaving when I want to go. Just knowing that I could leave whenever I want to go helps me to go and stretch my comfort zone. I think you have great ideas, and I am really proud of you, FJ! :) You know not to let anxiety generalize and spread to other activities. It can make our worlds get smaller. We can talk ourselves out of doing fun things. Sometimes when I have made myself go somewhere for fun, I was proud of myself and had fun.
so a way of fighting your fear by accomodating your bigger fear. That is plausible and I also explained much of my behaviour that way. After a while, i came to think that we don't actually know the reasons why we act the way we act. Sometimes we are to skeptical about ourselves. There may be something relating to acceptance that could be usefull. Though it's a tricky one aswell: how do you accept situations, fears, your person, and don't give in or quit the fight. There's a fight to be fought i think that in generall, but rather than making us don't want to figth it, acceptance may help us realise where and when the fight is. Sorry i got carried away
My anxiety rests in anticipating doing my university work and working a normal graduate job, resulting in procrastination that is ultimately unhealthy. It feels like whilst I technically know I'm capable, there is this deep seated anticipation of the inevitable... things going wrong and even more stress ensuing. Thanks for helping me to understand this; not the only one it seems ^^
What helps me is to remember that I have a 'higher power' around that has my back. I was always anxious to travel on my own, but now I dare to step into the unknown and just find my way. Google maps is also a great travel bud :)
I have never in my life time of seeing psychiatrists and psychologists and this guru in that guru and the other gurus advice Have I ever heard somebody capture my inner workings as well as you have into words right now. At 16 years old a psychiatrist told me after a frustrating five years or so of trying to explain how I feel to him he told me that nonchalantly I had anticipatory anxiety and then he decided not to expound upon that so I did not know what that was until now. This is why I feel like I wake up and I have to rush and get in the roller coaster seat and I don’t even have enough time to put my seatbelt on before it flies off and I’m undoubtedly going to die I mean in my neurotic head that is thank you so much for reading all this craziness I just wrote you’re the best I’m gonna watch you forever
I even have night dreams about that sometimes....for example - I forgot to go to my job and then it is too late, or suddenly it´s Christmas and I didn´t buy any presents for others
This video made me feel so understood. What's worse is if you also happen to be an Enneagram 8 and don't want to disclose that you are feeling this anxiety over fear of losing control.
I rarely log in to my YT account, but now I couldn't resist it. After watching your last video (life purpose) I was thinking to myself, it would be awesome if he talked about this kind of anxiety,maybe I should comment about that... But I didn't. Then I check out YT and bum there he is talking about it, I almost fell from my chair haha it must bethe INFJ telepathy :D
It is nice to know that you're not alone, that you're not weird.. Who knows maybe this is one your life purposes to make us feel better, to connect us in some kind of way.
Thank you for that and keep doing it as long as you feel you should, no pressure there :) sending hugs from Croatia!
Oh my gosh FJ...that's the cutest story ever about missing the bus. And you lived so close. 😂 I definitely experienced the dreaded miss and lived way far away...and the parents forgetting to pick me up thing...it was even trickier in high school when I went to school 20 miles away from home.
I experience this kind of anxiety with work, sometimes every day for weeks. That's why I started meds, at least for the time being, because it's absurd that I don't actually want to go to work. I love my job. Positive self talk helps. Saying, "I can't wait to go to work. It is going to be a great day of teaching again." Over and over and over. Then work is nice.
I get anxious when I know a day is going to be busy. It's magnified when my husband talks about whatever the plans are. I hate plans. I just want things to unfold on their own. But that's the anxiety talking. It's nice that there is someone there planning what we will do.
Anyway, two things to tell you - one is that I had a dream you made a super cool music video and I was hand writing a comment about it for you. (Do you play the drums?)
The other is that my upload today was inspired by your video on Wednesday, about control. I'm noticing a very cohesive theme from you this week. It's a little long and you don't have to watch it all - there are time stamps. But I'm finding I have a lot to say about these kinds of topics as I'm getting back into work and teaching.
My video today is here: ua-cam.com/video/tMjt0Ve_QWQ/v-deo.html
Oh cool I will watch your video when I have a moment! And I do play the drums, just not very well, ha ha
@@FrankJames Oh nice! Awesome. There was some kind of artsy shot with an overhead camera and rain. Then I was hanging out with the principal at one of my schools...it's been a long week. 😆
Omgosh i can relate this 100% . As a kid i called it number sisk cause every time i had to tell time to anything with numbers i'd throw up. I work hard every day to manage my anxiety. This video is suck a blessing for ppl. Thanx guy.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I’d never heard anticipatory anxiety and I’m glad to have a name for it.
It does make it difficult to determine what I truly want to do!
What works for me is doing the things I’m not feeling good about with a backup plan and an agreement that if I hate it I won’t make myself do it again.
Holy shit. This is what I have. Exactly. Anticipatory anxiety.
Worst-Case-scenario-Brain! Like a Choose Your Own Adventure book I feel like I can see all the possible ways that things can go wrong. The bright side is that it means I often come of with good ideas to block those negative futures from happening. It was pretty helpful (but stressful) when I worked at a daycare.
You are courageous to face it and you are an angel for making this video.
Busted. So glad at least one other person on the planet gets me.
Thanks so much for this, Frank. I have a better understanding of my own neuroticism and life now. I also gave myself stomach aches all through 1st grade, because of "sharing circle" and I couldn't handle the pressure of public speaking. Luckily, they usually let me go home, so I got to hang with my grandpa and watch price is right, haha.
My life. But also thank you for making this video. I never really had a term to pinpoint my experiences ^_^
My brother and I would just look at each other in the morning before school and dread🤮going!! We both have never stopped with anticipatory anxiety.... it’s now :work, traffic, grocery shopping one of the worst!!! But in life as you said you “ just do it” thanks Nike 🙄!!! Some days are easier than others. Great video, this information needs to be out there so some of us weirdos can know we’re not so weird after all😉🙃
I'm living with someone who is currently in an episode of depression and anxiety (due to bipolar), and it's like I'm taking on some of that, because I've noticed my own anticipatory anxiety is through the roof on his worst days. This video was very timely, because it was just the other day I told a friend that I don't know why currently I'm just anxious to do anything, it's just fun stuff like trying out VR games with friends I just met through school, or even smaller things like ordering food in a language I don't speak yet (because I've just moved) - really anything even slightly unfamiliar will trigger my anxiety and internally I'm trying to convince myself there's no reasoning for those feeling, but I still feel them. I wish my own mental state wasn't so affected by someone else's. Sometimes I wonder how it's actually affecting my baseline mental well-being in the long run.
in my kindergarten years, i threw up almost every day before going to school. now that i am an adult, my anxiety still hasn’t gone away. no throwing up, but the feeling sucks. i am dreading going to work every single day. it feels like i am always in danger.
I signed up to see a counselor after watching so many of your talking videos and relating to so much of it. So grateful for your channel 💘
Counseling is a great step! I hope you get a lot out of it!
@@FrankJames Thank you so much!
Ok, so one SUPER huge important factor that held me back is that the anxiety lessons after going the “thing” that gives us anxiety WILLINGLY. So if we white knuckle it through we send the message back to the nervous system that this “ thing” is to be feared/its danger.
So in order to reduce the fear long term…. Decide to do the thing and know you will get anxiety and your alarms will go off but choose it willingly. This send the message over time… that there was no danger.
I just love how relatable this oddly specific video is. Would have never thought that so many people here have the same childhood experiences as I do..
FJ, I am a single woman in her 40s and completely relate and actually can hardly believe that you (and others in the comments!) are the same way. Here's the thing: with this self-isolation because of the pandemic, I am significantly more relaxed (it even shows on my face, no more wrinkles?!), since I don't "have' to do anything!
I was burned out from work and life before this crisis, because I knew I had to 'force' myself to do things I dreaded (work, going out), which I did. Now that I am working much less and from home, and don't have the pressure of "I should go out/how else am I going to meet someone", I can tell it's been good for my health; I'm also never bored, which I am learning from this channel is typical for INFJ (which I probably am). So maybe forcing yourself too much is not great for your health? Does this mean life as a recluse is my only option? How does one 'cure' this? Also, it's progressed with time, I was not as bad in my 20s and 30s. Would appreciate any input. Thank you, thank you for being you and putting out these videos
I have had general anxiety in the past but only concerning specific things. I don't usually turn down invitations from family or friends. I like making new friends but generally that would mean things in common like music or hobbies, etc. About the only time i will turn down an invitation is when I am being invited to do something strange. (Example: I once was sent an invitation from a stranger online to have drinks at their house). Of course I declined. I have also declined invitations to churches since i am not interested in changing religions or visiting new churches.
I am sorry to hear your anxiety is so commonplace. Have you learned skills to ground and calm yourself when it strikes? You can identify practical and natural things around you that help you to focus on on your surroundings, your environment. You can change your thinking about the things that give you anxiety when you identify how you think that causes it. If anxiety causes you a lot of issues maybe you could talk to a counselor.
I had a similar elementary school experience. I'd give myself a stomach bug every friday of 6th grade through anxiety. 6 hours or so of nausea and vomiting starting at 4am. All because I didn't want to get my ranks and test scores handed to me, even though my grades were okay. Thanks for sharing ~ I don't feel so weird
Ha ha... Yes! I love how that looks. You should have done the whole video like that. You just reminded me... I think I still have a crush on that huge, blue, dark-haired, yellow-eyed, sexy creature :P
Aww, poor little baby. If I could just go back in time and comfort little Frank. To think that you went through all that is heart-wrenching. I hope you got a big hug when you came home after going through such emotional distress at school.
Something similar happened to me once: I was extremely anxious on my first day of preschool. Not only was it the first time I was away from home in a totally unfamiliar place and surrounded by equally unfamiliar people, but on top of that the school year had started a couple of weeks earlier, which meant that the other kids were already friends with one another and were also acquainted with the teacher as well as with the place. I was "the new girl." That in itself was nerve-wracking. As I walked into the classroom, everyone's eyes were on me and I could hear the kids whispering among themselves. There were all these child-sized, rectangular tables that were joined together in the center of the classroom so that they formed this large, square table with all the kids sitting around it. The teacher introduced me to the class and then she took me to my seat. I could see all the other kids looking at me and talking among themselves. In my head they were talking about me. Was it true? I don't know, but my anxiety kept growing and growing until... Dear Lord. I threw up right there in front of everybody while sitting at my seat and all, I mean all the vomit spilled over the entire surface of the table!! :O The grossed-out kids jumped from their seats in order to avoid having the vomit spill onto their laps. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole o_o I don't even know what happened after that; I really don't remember. I guess it was so painfully embarrassing that my brain just blocked that part of the memory. I suppose this is what they call Separation Anxiety. I have a couple of examples of situations where I've experienced Anticipatory Anxiety, one of them involving my younger brother as well, but I'll leave those for another time :)
I used to be so scared of life in general and it made me so depressed. I was really worried that I would end up homeless and die on the streets. I lost hair, and had this heavy feeling in my chest that made it hard to breathe. Then one day I told someone about my worries and they were so shocked! They told me that I couldn’t end up like that if I tried lol and I realized what they were saying was true! It’s not like I’m a gambler, I’m educated and I try hard to live life right. So now when I get really anxious about something (usually something trivial) I tell myself to look at the problem in a different perspective. It works most of the time :)
So many words but for now I’ll just say relatable and feeling it right now for what I’ve got planned tomorrow!
I'm currently battling this very type of anxiety ontop of general anxiety and maybe depression.
I legit almost passed out before I walked down the aisle to get married, as soon as we turned to walk back down together I was instantly calm and it all melted away, but for weeks leading up to and all the way through the ceremony I was fighting hyperventilating. It was horrible and I was SO excited and happy to get married. Everything was perfect.
i want to cry watching this because this is how i've been my entire life. i dread everything, even just the fact that people are expecting me for an appointment or work or anything puts me in the worst state of anxiety. i play every possible circumstance in my head of what could go wrong and the most minuscule tasks feel burdensome and then i can hardly do anything because i become sick and i stop eating and sleeping. and when i do go out and do things i have panic attacks so it can be really difficult to force myself to fight it. i hope your anticipatory anxiety improves, thanks for making this video
At some point many years ago i started to have anxiety attacks that were ruining my life. Doctors could not solve it. So i became a skydiver, i put myself in a situation where i had to manage anxiety. And actually worked out for me.
Wow, I can relate to all of this. Especially the saying no and staying home all the time and even the being so anxious that I spent most of my time in the nurses office, even the anxiety about missing the bus and I also lived within walking distance from school.. that’s wild. 😳
I’m facing a big change in my life in the coming months and this really helps, thank you.
Dude I feel ya. It’s so hard to get out of bed every day because I dread everything. I dread making coffee. I dread making something to eat. I dread taking a shower. I dread the long hours of
the day. I only feel good at night, and I end up staying up til like 3 am because it’s so nice to finally feel good and I don’t want to go to bed and face another anxiety ridden morning.
Thank you for sharing this. I can 104.6% relate to everything you said above....and quite frankly, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. An example is as follows: I'm in 3rd grade, walking to the cafeteria for lunch in the single-file line. We all stopped for some reason and were standing in the hall waiting to move again. My friend Connie was standing in front of me, and she was one of VERY few classmates that I trusted. I tapped her on the shoulder because I needed to let someone know that I had spent the ENTIRE night before worrying myself sick about (no jokes) being a human being! Honestly, this was NOT the first or 500th time that I had missed an entire night of sleep due to worrying about things that 8 year-old don't worry about, but this particular day I needed to tell someone. After tapping her on the shoulder she turned around and I said, "Connie, do you ever lay awake at night and worry about being alive...or about having to live on this planet?" ......The look that she gave me before she said, "uhhh....no!!" was traumatizing to say the least. It was then that I REALLY knew that I was certainly different from the other kids, and that it wasn't in my head. Once again, I appreciate you posting these videos. I came across them for a reason. You're doing the INFJ thing and helping others. I'm one of those people! Cheers! :)
I cannot even begin to express how comforting it is to have a name for this trait and to find out that other people have it too. I have tried so many times to explain it- to friends, doctors, therapists- only to receive a puzzled "hmm" (or something equally encouraging) in response. Not even the most empathetic and understanding therapist I worked with could help me understand this. It was always assumed to be a fear of failure. I knew that this was something different. It was just a generalized dread. I'm not scared of failing at brushing my teeth; I'm just dreading the idea that I have to remember to do it before I go out. Sounds crazy right? Maybe not. Thanks FJ for validating this hot neurotic mess! I seriously needed it.
you hit the nail on the head I feel like this all the time, about everything :(
This unfortunately is so relatable :( you get stuck in this loop of anxiety and not doing anything or doing it but sabotaging yourself
I have this badly, recently needed time out from work, just to centre myself again, best move ever starting to feel better again, less stressed. I don't push myself anymore as it sends my anxiety over the limit, but I often find my first thought about the event is usually correct, trust your gut.
I can totally relate! When I was in 1st grade I used to throw up every morning during my walk to the bus stop. My mom would walk me and it got to the point where she got so fed up with me that she told me she'd have to take me to the doctor if I didn't stop. Going to the doctor scared the shit out of me MORE THAN school, so immediately after she said that the puking spells just magically went away! Looking back I clearly understand what was happening. I was an extremely anxious child and till this day I still have much anxiety. Shit sucks. But you're very right about having to push yourself to do scary stuff because then the rest just seems like a piece of cake.
oh man this is so real, everytime something is going well in my life i feel this impending feeling that things are going to turn out wrong when i least expect it, this shows in lack of sleep feeling on edge and uneasy to the point where isolating myself from anything feels like the only way i can feel rested its horrible because i dont want to alienate myself but if i dont it's gonna be a constant struggle to exist
I like your stories. I have social anxiety so bad and it so embarrassing but other times im relaxed and easy. Well keep making these videos.
Yupp... Been dealing with that my hole life, but the only thing different Is that for me it has always been strictly related to social stuff, it has gotten better, but things like knowing that the next day i will have to go to the supermarket still dreads the shit out of me... And as you said, I've never understood how there are people without anticipatory anxiety or even with no anxiety at all... Anyways, since I found your channel I feel much less alone, I cannot express enough how much I relate to almost everything you say!
Lots of love from Argentina!
Anticipatory anxiety goes hand in hand with social anxiety which I both have. This has led me to depression cause it affected my day to day life. My life is basically over.
I'm like that meme of the dog drinking coffee with his house on fire. "This is fine." But to cut my usual long comments very short: Yes, yes me too. I'm sorry you're dealing with this as well, FJ.
Also, at 31 I still have dreams of missing the bus going home. It is a horrible thing. I don't think I've ever once missed the bus irl.
I have dreams of missing a train or plane for petty reasons, like forgetting the ticket at home, or getting on the wrong one.
I have lots of school dreams. I guess they never leave you. My mom still has them, too, and she's 56. I have a lot trying to remember what my next class is, trying to find my syllabus to see where to go, trying to remember a locker combination. And what's super weird is a lot of times these schools are like all of my schools merged into one; elementary, middle, high, and college. I'll walk down hallways I've known forever that would then merge into other familiar hallways from other schools I've been to, and I always miss the bus and have to walk home, but usually the walk home is full of fantastically crazy things like circuses or buildings that should be in cities instead. They stress me out but also are kind of cool.