NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AND ROMANTIC PARTNERS: VULNERABLE & GRANDIOSE

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  • Опубліковано 23 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 62

  • @kellyanne3379
    @kellyanne3379 Рік тому +10

    Omg, I'm married to a narsasist!!! He has destroyed me, I don't leave my house, I feel so low and bad about myself, I rehearse what I'm going to say to him because he will say I make no sense,why do I even speak, it goes on and on.😢 I have now a trembling in my hands and body that has become permanent.

  • @DrKimSage
    @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +26

    Hello loveys! Hope you are taking very good care of yourselves.🙏 I wanted to make sure we had a good understanding of what Narcissistic Abuse can really look like - in all its variations. If you've grown up with Narc abuse and/or experienced it as an adult, you know how devastating it can be. I so believe that we don't find ourselves in narcissistic relationships without some earlier wounding setting us up and training us in some ways, to tolerate types of abuse in relationships we thought were going to heal us (initially). Hope you find this helpful, please feel free to add anything you feel I left off....there is so much to this type of trauma.💔. xo

    • @tolt1776
      @tolt1776 2 роки тому

      Have you come across anyone who has experienced a SUPER NARC...literally 10000% uses bits and pieces of every NPD type? I HAVE THAT STORY.

    • @rosiesullivan2604
      @rosiesullivan2604 2 роки тому +4

      Thanks Dr Sage boy oh boy you didnt miss anything right on point ,hit nail on the head. Am just learning about all these dynamics listening to people issues never realising what it was and from where it started : Our childhood trauma. Thank you for your explanations 😁☺️♥️ your a guiding light for us.

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +4

      @@rosiesullivan2604 Thank you for being here - it is so fascinating, and difficult at times, to make connections about our lives and childhoods. Appreciate you🙏💜

    • @CaritoPizarro
      @CaritoPizarro 7 місяців тому

      @@DrKimSageThank you dr. Kim 🙏🏼 I’m trying to see how my ex husband is , he has porn addiction.

  • @Paul1239193
    @Paul1239193 2 роки тому +17

    don't underestimate the impact of having been lied to the whole time you thought your mother/father was somebody else

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +3

      Absolutely so painful...yes.🥺🥺

    • @Paul1239193
      @Paul1239193 2 роки тому +2

      ​@@DrKimSage"No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others." 👍👍

  • @Jennicorn
    @Jennicorn 2 роки тому +13

    The part about how they spin things around on you really spoke to me! I've spent SO many years thinking I was the problem, because they said I was. But if I actually had been, I wouldn't have been obsessed with getting better and being different for them. I still have a lot to work on, but it's more about why I tolerate those kind of people in my life (aka childhood!!), not picking apart all my flaws. I'm so grateful for your videos, I learn something new and feel seen every time.

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +4

      I am so sorry you've had to think, for one minute, that it was your problem, but I do understand why we do that...so grateful for your kind words and for being here. I am glad you feel seen, you deserve to and you always did.💗💗

    • @Jennicorn
      @Jennicorn 2 роки тому +2

      @@DrKimSage Oh my gosh this reply made my whole day, thank you so much!! 🥺💗

    • @kellyanne3379
      @kellyanne3379 Рік тому

      I too felt it was me, sending ❤ and healing to you Jennifer 😢❤

  • @KiwiGirlnCo
    @KiwiGirlnCo 2 роки тому +11

    I believe my mother is a covert narcissist and that i was in a relationship with a overt narcissist for 19 years. I have CPTSD from sexual abuse from 5 years old thru to 10. and many other times in my life. These videos are really helpful, much more so than therapy i have been in. Thank you.

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +4

      I am truly sorry for what you've endured - that is a lot of pain and struggle to experience for one human. Sending you love and healing today.💜🙏

  • @JSDolly-qc4bh
    @JSDolly-qc4bh Рік тому +3

    Covert narcissist seek out empaths who they can absorb their light and giving from. The empath is their supply. It doesn’t mean that empath had a childhood with a narcissist or bad parent. They could have had a wonderful childhood and relationship with their parents but made a bad choice for a life partner. Everything you said about the covert narcissist is on point though. The empath is abused emotionally and verbally and even sexually but may not have outward visible signs of abuse. It’s just the most sad thing to watch someone go through especially where young children are involved. The empath can never truly escape the narcissist

  • @samwebb1014
    @samwebb1014 2 роки тому +10

    Somehow I managed to avoid narcissistic relationships until I turned 40 and then managed two in succession. Although the experience has woken me up to my own issues, I haven’t yet come to develop enough assertiveness or strong boundaries to deal with these people in everyday life…yet! I do absolutely see the correlation between an emotionally immature/controlling mother and why I tolerated this behaviour. Thank you for your honesty, kindness and insight ❤️

    • @andreadonegan4780
      @andreadonegan4780 2 роки тому +2

      You will get there though in time.
      Stick with it and be patient and kind with yourself.
      I had cluster B parents (BPD and NPD).
      They did a lovely job trying to destroy me.
      Good news..they did not.
      I am at a place now that I see having no boundaries is no respect for self.

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +1

      I am so sorry you've endured all of those things, and yes, it takes a lot of time, healing and self compassion to heal because those are all significantly impactful relationships.💜💜

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +1

      @@andreadonegan4780 Yes, such true and kinds words, I am so sorry for all you endured as I know that is a lot of struggle in one family system! Sending healing support and appreciate you being here.💜🙏

    • @andreadonegan4780
      @andreadonegan4780 2 роки тому

      @@DrKimSage thank you! Dr Kim I love your channel.
      10 years on my own journey and I no longer self loath or disrespect myself.
      If we stick with it and have self awareness and find compassion for ourselves, we are on the right road.
      I am starting a BA honours degree in psychotherapy/counselling on Monday (I live in Ireland 🇮🇪).
      I would like to give back and hopefully help someone on their journey in the future 🤗

  • @kirstenschweikert7181
    @kirstenschweikert7181 2 роки тому +2

    Thank you. It is exactly what happened to me and I have made the experience that a lot of therapists don‘t really understand what I am talking about. Especially the point that the Partner did hurt you on purpose for his own relief. And also the cruelty of the silent treatments that were happening all the time…

  • @sixthsenseamelia4695
    @sixthsenseamelia4695 Рік тому +2

    Covert narc: Boiled Frog Syndrome. If a frog is put in boiling water, it'll jump out to protect itself. However if a frog is put in tepid water & the heat is slowly turned up - the frog won't notice the subtle differences & will be boiled alive.

  • @silversunastrology
    @silversunastrology 6 місяців тому

    This is definitely the best video I've seen on narcissism. Thank you.

    • @silversunastrology
      @silversunastrology 6 місяців тому

      I would like to know more about what they feel and what really motivates them.
      It's really difficult to imagine... Do they see life as a competition with everyone (including their own family / wife / husband)? Do they see others as beings who simply perform functions for them, rather than seeing us as people with feelings?
      When they do good things, is it for their ego gratification and so that they can talk themself up?
      It is so easy to see the good things and think that there's no way they could be a narcissist... But then when I start to understand that the kind words were fake and that they would say incredibly cruel and contradictory things... And they can be sending me messages about how they love me and how amazing I am while also sending the same stuff to other women (who they will also discard and abandon...)
      It is just baffling. Did they ever feel an actual connection? Are they only looking for partners who will put up with them?

  • @andreadonegan4780
    @andreadonegan4780 2 роки тому +4

    I’m 10 years into my healing journey. BPD mother and malignant narcissist.
    Any nonsense and disrespect from anyone and it’s bye bye

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +2

      Yes! It's so important to set and hold our boundaries - thank you for being here and sharing!🙏💗

  • @Carmied76
    @Carmied76 Рік тому

    I actually stumbled across your channel with your autism series. I'm not sure how to categorize my childhood because my parents were good parents, but I was raised in a church that years later we realized was a cult. I definitely have trauma from that, which led me down a road of bad relationships. I got married and settled down to what I thought was my white picket fence dream, and we had a child. One day he asked me to go to counseling to find out why I threw hangers and slammed doors. The therapist said that he needed to come with me to answer that question, but he refused. I kept going and learned I was in a circle of abuse, and that he was a narcissist. I was told that I needed to pack a bag for our 2 yr old daughter and I and leave. So I did. It was the best decision I ever made. I am happily remarried now, and my daughter is now 17. Even after all these years I struggle with the abuse, and so does my daughter. We do our best to support each other.

  • @kellyanne3379
    @kellyanne3379 Рік тому +1

    Dr Sage your hamburger memory is LITERALLY what goes on when I'm preparing meals everyday, its always wronge and he is furious.

  • @csstudio3648
    @csstudio3648 2 роки тому +2

    Thanks for sharing your story Dr. Sage. I know it's not easy. I had no idea what narcissistic abuse was until I randomly came across an article on Psych Central. I remember crying for hours because it outlined everything I'd been going through for many years. It started me on the journey, with the help of a therapist who had alot of training in trauma plus a deep dive into reading and UA-cam videos, to extricate myself. The divorce process has been more complicated than necessary because of his actions and due to Covid the court lost the original divorce filing. This was after I spent alot of $ and countless hours doing all of the paperwork and preparing the house to be sold which didn't happen due to him stonewalling. It was a big waste of time and resources. Then I was served with a second filing. And still no action on his part to finalize. He's basically done absolutely nothing for this process. I'm in the midst of restarting it and crossing my fingers it will be wrapped up soon. So exhausting and crazy!

    • @tbd5082
      @tbd5082 2 роки тому +1

      💜

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  2 роки тому +1

      I am so sorry you know exactly what I am talking about, and the divorce process with a narcissist is beyond brutal. Please try to take good care of yourself, it can go on forever and you deserve peace, peace and more peace!! Hope it goes go well for you, sending lots of love and support!!🙏🙏

    • @csstudio3648
      @csstudio3648 2 роки тому

      @@DrKimSage Thanks so much for your kind words. They are much appreciated! I'm definitely wanting peace and equity at the end if this ordeal. 🙏 Narcissists like to keep you spinning rather than end things in a calm and rational way.

  • @karenmininni4962
    @karenmininni4962 2 роки тому +2

    I lived in three different states to keep my distance and now after their passing I feel a sense of guilt, yet I was constantly scapegoated, shamed, raged at, and in childhood physically abused.

  • @janai4477
    @janai4477 2 роки тому +2

    I love so much your channel. The fact that you are sharing from your own trauma combined with the fact that you are a truly professional is really helpful and empowering 💗 Thank you 🙏

  • @kristinmalbon7480
    @kristinmalbon7480 Рік тому

    Thank you for this! It's so hard to explain this situation to anyone in family law. You feel like no one can help you and you have no way out, ever!

  • @time2bherenow
    @time2bherenow Рік тому

    After a lifetime of neglect & abuse, I continue to have people make hurtful & judgmental statements like “why would you put up with that?” How do you answer that type of response to sharing an experience, even with longtime friends? It only makes me feel further invalidated & shameful when I’m doing the best that I can to pick up the pieces of a broken life.
    Thank you for your videos that are so easy to understand and relate to.
    Blessings to you & yours.

    • @rivkaruthgolan
      @rivkaruthgolan Рік тому

      Keep in mind that you have knowledge and experience which they cannot begin to understand., but you can help them to learn how to identify and avoid such people. You can tell them this with pridev, not shame. Debora Mients an amazing therapist has said that only one who has gone through them same experience can understand. She recommends such a therapy or 12 step group. Protect your heart. You don’t have to tell people anything.

  • @PL-tj5sd
    @PL-tj5sd 2 роки тому +2

    Thank You.

  • @nicolabuck3380
    @nicolabuck3380 2 роки тому +1

    This is so valuable for me today. Thank you so much.

  • @nellahermes9032
    @nellahermes9032 Рік тому

    This is SO ON POINT and validating. Thank you!

  • @ozgekim010
    @ozgekim010 Рік тому

    Hi Dr. Kim 🙋🏼‍♀️
    I will refrain myself from mentioning anything more about my current situation (I'm filled with emotions & issues since I managed to 100% break free from the ex narc I have been in a relationship with for four years just recently & been waiting for help for months now).
    What I do want to say, from the bottom of my heart is ❤ Thank you ❤ so much for sharing your knowledge & experiences, this is a great support to me 🙏💯💖
    *Edit: I realise it's an illusion to be 100% free from them, but you got my point, I think 😊

  • @MD.orion1
    @MD.orion1 Рік тому

    It's not just parental behavior thta predisposes to being a target for a narc partner. It is also bad "friends" in teen years while a kids personality is developing. Also substance abuse.

  • @victoriaperez3815
    @victoriaperez3815 Рік тому +2

    I sometimes feel like I’m married to someone with narcissistic tendencies and in a weird way he makes me feel like I’m a narcissist. Everything is ALWAYS on me and flipped around to manipulate me into thinking I’m the narcissist in our relationship but then I feel if I was why would I question it? Like if I was I would not even question it because technically I would never be the problem in any situation. Can anyone else relate to this? I hope it makes sense what I’m trying to say and ask.

    • @Jadenmic
      @Jadenmic Рік тому

      I relate to this 100%

  • @nicolabuck3380
    @nicolabuck3380 2 роки тому

    It’s the manipulative behavior after an angry and abusive outburst- the worst. I end up feeling bad.

  • @Paul1239193
    @Paul1239193 2 роки тому +1

    I've bookmarked, like, 10 or 15 of these videos, but I don't always go back to them because there's a new one. Is that a thing?

  • @cindymatthews362
    @cindymatthews362 2 роки тому

    You are a heroine.

  • @geraldasinois4204
    @geraldasinois4204 7 місяців тому

    I'm dealing with a covert narcissistic prick it seems like I see this going on in my life Right now and I have healed myself from the narcissistic people and why I keep getting these losers Jesús.How do I break this. I have lived a peaceful life for 8 years I was single and now it has come to my attention that I am dealing with another one but I don't have the strength to deal with this man and he don't want to leave he has threatened me telling me if I date someone while he still in my house that he found me in he will unalive the man and beat me With his body.

  • @HostileWorkplaceEXPOSED
    @HostileWorkplaceEXPOSED Рік тому

    Do you have any videos out there on narcissistic bosses? My mother was a narcissist and I seem to be a narcissistic magnet. I don't understand why the narcissistic bosses choose to pick on me and not other people that I work with. I am an overachiever yet I am the one written up and told that I don't perform. In my last job I was written up and they tried to fire me. I public requested the documentation and it now takes three people to perform the job that I was performing. I begged for help because I was overwhelmed and they refused and said they went to fire me. I am struggling to understand why I am targeted. This is happened three times now. I am starting to think it is because I might be autistic and they don't like how I communicate? Or is it because on the outside I look like I'm okay but the insides I am fighting for my life? As an abused child you are forced to sit there and take it and have no reaction. So in the workplace I just sit there and take it and just cry because of the position of power I'm not allowed to speak up or when I do I am punished for it. I would appreciate a video on this. Thank you for your work. I have been binging videos for a couple weeks or maybe a month since I found you. Your videos have made sense of my life. Thank you for what you have done for us. You are saving so many lives. Thank you for your kindness and compassion

  • @squreshi8413
    @squreshi8413 2 роки тому

    This is 100% me. But I don’t feel like I can leave at all. I wish I could fix it, fix him. Make things better. I keep thinking maybe if I work he will respect me, or at least I’ll be able to leave. My mother and husband are twins of each other. This is sick. I need a better life for my daughter.

  • @firouz8013
    @firouz8013 27 днів тому

    Dr. Sage, I was wondering if you accept a patient on one-on-one therapy. If so, how would that work? Please let me know. Thank you

  • @shirleygill6209
    @shirleygill6209 Рік тому

    The thing is this violent abuse is never going to end its been going on for ever children adults ot w1ill never end maybe if more got jail long sentences would that help its sad were you cant trust your own parents when your a child mentally. Phisically. Sexualey
    For jesus sake billions more gona go through this abuse. Its a disgrace no one is doing anything to make it stop i had a malignant narc mum and malignant narc husband police dont care govermeant in uk dont care

  • @GameMasters10
    @GameMasters10 Рік тому

    Dr. Is there a healing process for a narcissist? I'm a widowed man with a 10 yr old daughter. I've fallen in love with whom I feel is a narcissist woman. At 1st I thought she had a strong/cold heart because of he bad marriage. She made herself be strong and no man was going to hurt her, again. It's been 6 months that we've been dating. I feel alot of the narcissist actions towards me that you meantioned on this video. A few days ago, I told her I didn't want to see her anymore. Like I said I'm in love with her and wish there is something to make her change, is there? And not well I have to do what's best for me and my daughter.

  • @btlfilmmedia9514
    @btlfilmmedia9514 10 місяців тому

    Run and don't look back ...you can not negotiate with an evil narc ..if you have kids you've lost them to evil lies .. let karma sort it out ...no contact is the safest policy

  • @irenahabe2855
    @irenahabe2855 Рік тому

    👍💛

  • @naylabyxbe3411
    @naylabyxbe3411 Рік тому

    Insidious..YES…and don’t doubt yourself if you find you cannot explain this to yourself or someone else. Its great to finally get free from this and now equipped to not repeat that error!

  • @noturbo
    @noturbo Рік тому

    all talk no action i saw.

  • @wings_of_delay
    @wings_of_delay Рік тому

    Do narcissists also suffer from cptsd? I think we should also have empathy for them. They’re also human beings that have been traumatized. We have to break the cycle…

    • @rivkaruthgolan
      @rivkaruthgolan Рік тому +1

      No don’t. This kind on thinking will suck you in. Just leave them alone.

  • @slwin6363
    @slwin6363 2 місяці тому

    Imagine having to eat brown rice once when you run out of white rice. The torture! Better throw a fit. Or make your family wait 20 minutes when you know dinner is on the table and then complain and be rude because your food is cold. I hope watching random UA-cam videos were worth having a cold dinner. And of course it wasn't your fault. You're busier and more stressed out than anyone in the whole world. 🥴

  • @bluemoon8268
    @bluemoon8268 Рік тому +1

    … why is it that every video I’ve tried to watch of yours, you ALWAYS have phone or messaging interruptions ? … rather than turning off your devices before video taping, you always act like they are knowingly interrupting you … 🤷🏼‍♀️ …