How To Stop Yelling
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
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Are you a yeller?
God help me, I KNOW this one well.
Just ask my kid "how could I be a better mom?" and she will likely tell you, "She shouldn't get so angry."
Ohhh, how I TRY!
I recently watched the documentary The Lottery of Birth and was reminded of how little choice we have when it comes to our behaviors, beliefs and habits which are largely unconscious and automatic.
We truly are just a amalgam of everything we've ever heard, seen or read. Rarely do we escape the influences of the world around us - and specifically the patterns of those closest to us.
And, our kids will mirror for us those EXACT behaviors of which we are unaware. I grew up in a family where everyone yelled, even if they were saying "I love you."
You might yell if your parents did or maybe when you:
feel unheard
feel frustrated
feel stressed and without resources
want more choice
desire more recognition
have unmet needs
I think we can adapt our behaviors and learn to cope when we consciously CHOOSE to be aware. But sometimes we get stuck in that place of "what to do instead?"
In today's brand new episode of TEACHable Moments I'm sharing 5 action steps you can start doing RIGHT NOW to STOP yelling!
Read the rest of this post here - bit.ly/19wwFCz
And, after your watch, share your ideas in the comments because you just might inspire someone else toward the change that they were needing!
Thank you so much for watching!
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Welcome! I'm Lori, and I founded Teach Through Love because I'm passionate about helping adults resolve daily conflicts and nurture children's development by using conscious communication.
Parents, teachers, and caregivers are the most influential people in a child's life. My Conscious Parenting Courses and Communication Cards have helped thousands of parents and professionals break free of reactive patterns and unconscious beliefs about "discipline" that keep them stuck in negative cycles with kids.
I want to help adults increase cooperation and connection by communicating in ways that help kids feel heard and capable of change. We can help them reach their full potential and learn to solve conflicts and collaborate with others when we shift how we respond to their needs and feelings.
Lori Petro I TEACH through Love
Author / Educator / Child Advocate
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1. Track your moments. Write it down. What happened and why you yelled. Get to root cause.
2. Keep track of it / trigger points.
3. Is it Body's reaction to low blood sugar / Lack of protein... Eat a boiled egg.
4. Give yourself a break. Take a breathe and calm down.
5. Have a plan. Change of reaction/direction.
Real talk, I get very emotional quickly, and sometimes I can blame myself for all the bad things happening to people around me and have a mental breakdown. That has happened way too many times and this was real helpful.
Omg I've really needed you in my life...thank you...you are an angel for teaching parents how to become emotionally stable for children. I have so much work to do...I'm so glad I found your videos. I am a stay at home mom that never gets a break from my kids and I don't do anything for myself. So I've become angry, bitter, and horribly depressed. But there is a light at the end for me...my baby is going to preschool in the fall so I will have time to fix myself and become a better mother. Your videos are so amazing.
DuckandKim Thanks so much for watching!
I yell at my mother all the time, since childhood, and now i am an adult -21 years old. She's an angel, she has sacrificed a lot for me, she loves me more than anything in this world. I don't know why i treat her like this. I loose my temper very quickly on her. It happens only with her. I do not yell or loose temper in front of others but only with her. I've always had attachment issues with my family, i am unable to express any of my emotions to them. can't even talk to them like a normal person. Todat i screamed so loudly after closing myself in my room , the whole neighborhood heard it, and the embarrassment is killing me. I don't think i can face anyone here now. I just want to loose this angry behaviour and live like a normal person. I love my mother also, but i can't stop yelling, i just want to stop yelling. After every episode, i promise to myself that i won't do this again, but it happens again and again. M such a loser.
My story is similar to yours. Don't loose hope, we'll overcome this very soon...just keep trying my friend. ❤️
Why are you angry?
I have 2 daughters 21 and 10 and this has helped me so much. I wish I would have known this 40 years ago, but better late than never. I made a chart, I'm going to keep track.
Thank you,Now i can stop yelling at my dog for peeing on my carpet
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Man feel like I wasted 7 min of my life . The title should say "how to stop yelling for white women" and clearly someone has validation issues and she said it 50000000 times
Another tip is to *SING* what you want to say if it's appropriate to do so. Have a jingle that relates back to your family expectations. Choose a little tune that you can instinctively recall and you can freestyle or prepare little rhymes for instances that have commonly been a challenge for you all.
Example:
*(Tune of "Mary Had A Little Lamb")
*It's time to put your shoes on now
Shoes on now, shoes on now
It's time to put your shoes on now
One foot at a time.*
Or:
"Speak to me with a quiet voice so I can hear your words."
and you can do the same as part of your technique for letting some air out of that frustration balloon:
" *I'M* going to use a quiet voice
So you can hear my words."
Experiment and learn what is helpful for you and *your* family.
Find your *Groove*. ❤🎵
Singing does work I’m trying to switch from yelling to singing. Walking away doesn’t work for our family yet
@@dreadeddm5580 That's excellent!
I hope you and your family continue to find what helps you all reach your communication goals. :)
Yes! Singing is like half my parenting toolkit 😂. So essential
Lori, I am a child of a Yeller, who has struggled as a parent to stop the cycle of yelling. I've gotten better over the years, but I am grateful for your extra tips. Thanks!
loving your videos and I'm looking forward to watching your webinars. Your straight and to the point teaching is exactly what I've been looking for. :)
I stress almost every day from my parents yelling SO MUCH
Well show them this video
Lmao I’m here cause I scream way too much around my friends when we play video games to the point where they start to complain about it
😶🤚
🦋you have to prepare for your kids behavior if you plan for the worst you’ll be able to keep your calm
I agree
I am sooo stressed at the moment and I find myself screaming (I've gone beyond yelling) at my poor kid daily.
Cat S Why the hell did you have kids the first place ?
@@kjyes8045 probably because she wanted too, you can't blame her if she's going through something stressful. She's trying to fix it, and that's what matters.
Emiru Shii You are right I regret saying what I said a year ago.
@@kjyes8045 oh you said that a year ago? I didn't check when you said that 😥 sorry
@@eekemi7297 not by watching that will fix it
Who’s here during quarantine?
yelling in culture, may not be yelling in your culture
Suffering from complex trauma after leaving my children’s abusive father
I have absolutely no support around me and caring for my children while I try to heal has been by far the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Their screaming and crying throws me into fight or flight.
Then crowding me and climbing on me makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me
I feel so sad for them that I am like this while trying to be their mother.
I'm sorry, Megan. That's such a difficult position that you're in. Take one day at a time. You're doing the best you can in the moment. Small steps. It's not "what happens to us" that matters as much as "who is there to listen" and hold us when it does. Do you have an online support group who you can share with? Even those small steps can mean a big difference. Hang in there, Mama!
Thank you ❤️
I scream at my four year old every day. I see how scared he gets and instantly covers him self scared that I'ma hit him I guess. But I can't stop screaming at him. I promised him a better life than I had growing up. But I'm scaring him and it hurts knowing that I'm doing that to him. Thank you for the video.
Krazy WhiteBoy bro we are here for a reason don't yell
Thank you zoey
I feel ya.. it's hard man. 😭 Good luck! I'm in the same spot and I just wish I could force myself to be better in an instant!
Natural amino acid...L- tryptophan is a natural protein food from milk eggs and meat, but it’s comes in 100% powder form take it with milk at night time.
It helps with depression and anger and anxiety post natal, and when you can’t sleep so take it at night best nights sleep ever it really works
But don’t take it if you are on any pharmaceutical anti depressants as it won’t work!
I know that scared look... It gets better with age though. At 4 to 5 they learn from their mistakes and understand rules better. Before this age they are retarded :) But seriously there is a HUGE difference between my 3yo and 5yo sons. They can still be spontaneously mean though which is something you can talk through.
I was yelled at daily as a child and recently got divorced after being married to a screamer for 25yrs.
Now I’m screaming at everyone instead of using my normal speaking voice. Do you want me to use the same technique you suggested in this video? Please help me calm down. Thanks ❤️🤟
I don't yell.. I scream all the time! I'm so frustrated with my little turds I can't do anything. I don't get anything done. I feel like I'm failing everyday. Their voices stop my brain functioning.. all I hear is a constant drone of moaning whinge bags trashing my house quicker than I can clean it! Motherhood sucks big time!!! .... Until they're asleep.. Then they're the cutest little punks I've ever seen. Oh yay I've got to do it all over again tomorrow 😩😉
Gemma Fulbrook omg you sound exactly like me. I feel this exact same way. As soon as they are asleep I love them so much, I was them sleep and hate myself :-(
Gemma Fulbrook I get it. Please smile alot during to smile times, try more to improve you communication. Something that worked for me was...
Stop moving.
Group kids in one are with you.
Stop talking for 10 minutes.
Hug each child individually.
Share " I love you " statements.
Have each child hug and share " I love you" statements with each other.
Reconnect with every one using individual eye contacts.
Explain how important it is for you and them to be calm, be a group and in-tune with why we are a family, why this is your job is to raise socialized caring/loving individuals that will be able to go out in the world and be successful. Why it is there job to listen, seek a loving kind path and grow to great being that will leaf their family and the world.
When all else fails, seek to repeat, repeat, repeat even day, every hour or evert minute to desired results.
Continue, continue, continue..
the path is hard but all paths are important.
Be kind, be nice, be polite...work hard.
LOVE ALL
Gemma Fulbrook fuck you you stupid bitch
Jameson Tookrom idiot
Jameson Tookrom why would you say that to something she shared that us very good advice yuck
can you do a video on how to convince someone to stop yelling at kids
THANK YOU . You're a life changer!
My neighbor needs to watch this DESPERATELY
My personality was playful like a child & that really irritated this spouse that is the Osseous personality/rigid & inflexible.
She actually told a marriage counselor that I didn't obey her.
Now I just play with my son who loves me because I listen to him.
I suspect that yellers don't listen or care about ither person's feelings.
I have the jolly- fat man personality plus cerebral/thinking & planning..
Even now this ex-yelling spouse is not going to watch this video.. She doesn't sit still at all..She is all action & almost late for everything.
(I did turn in my driver's license because she used to say that I drove too much to the left & she wouldn't let me use her car to go to church because I don't put gas in the car since I don't have a job for 7 years .. But that was because she would bully me & take the tax refund every year.
This is called being passive aggressive, but I am the kinder parent. I roll on the floor with the kids. This spouse got so angry that she gave herself arthritis & sometimes can't take off her braw by herself. She is always moving because it actually hurts her when she sits still she says.
Beware of anger.. It dries the bones. I can warn you but this spouse doesn't listen to my advice to practice Tai Chi with me.
Thanks you so much for this video children need to be involved in a activity to be part of it
This is amazing 🤩. Thankyou so much
What should I ask my family to tell me when I'm yelling to let me know I'm overreacting but not trigger me more? I was thinking of asking them to simply say "relax, let's discuss this calmly"
I'm hoping that may help. I'm really struggling.
Gordon Ramsay can use this one
I have problems with yelling when angry
My to be wife has this problem 😕
Can you do a video on how to deal with people yelling at you when you are not doing anything wrong but just being with your parents out in public I'm being bullied and they will not back off
Can you make a video about how to stop screaming
Great videos! 😊
I have anger issues and PTSD disorder and anxiety and adhdh disorder sometimes I get really angry how do I change that
I get pissed off when my mom yells at me.
My dad yells at me and it ruined my relationship with my friends because I yelled at them.
Yelling other make me yelling and feeling bad
My problem is cussing when I get mad which is very fast I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 so it happeneds very fast and unexpected I cuss alot when I get mad or overwhelmed or just all the time but when I get mad or triggered I can keep my voice calm just alot of F bombs being dropped.
for you mom
I yelled today because my kids turned off my refrigerator and all our food for the week went bad. I had budgeted, prepared and now I have to not only clean out a fridge but also replace and reprepare food so I yelled like a maniac and now I just feel like crap
@Bobb Sanders that's a punishment right there in my view
Did they purposely turn off the refrigerator or was it an accident?
Thank you for your videos they are very helpful gona try a few of your tips I'm struggling with depression and my bone condition pseudohypoparathyroidism I don't understand it and feel abit stuck in my ways I don't cope very well with conflict or dealing with my emotions the right way I want to make my relationship work and help my family be happy, to be able to make decisions and plan things for my family and have fun instead of being stuck in a rut daily thank you
I should send this to my Mom
I rage should I be looking for that?
My parents yell at me morning noon and night now I suffer depression
Same with me!
Lol the reason I’m screaming is because I realized things in a web toon that are in some MVs in BTS and it connects to a web toon and it’s literally mind blowing so u would here me say :
OH MY GAWWWD
NOW I GET IIIIIIIIT
WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
And : :⭕️
Cringe.
And I need to stop kicking off
hi..my son 4yrs has difficulty writing in books help me correct it...thanks sofiya
My sister doesn’t even know how to talk with out yelling .When she try’s to whisper she yells
help me
I get headaches all the time uhh It herts
I need to stop yelling at my sister
Step one: close your mouth
Yea that’s it
perfect for bakugo
thanks!
thankyou
Mind starting when my grandsons want do what is ask + smart mouth me sometime. They are good boys & have been raised to respect but it's lot's of stress. Tyvm
I am a mom of one year old. I get tensed very easily and as a result I start yelling at my kid. I know this is wrong. I am scared that it will affect my baby. I mean also afraid that he will learn this habit. Can i change this behavior of his. Please reply. I am writing from my husband says account
tbh if you yell it will affect your kid a lot. i reccomend therapy. my dad yelled at me all the time and i dont remember any of the good times or anythinh just the yelling. i now cant stop myself from yelling at our dog and i always am kinda rude in my relationships haha. but if u realize a problem u rlly should go to therapy especially if the kid is that young. it could make a huge difference
Our kids (age 6, 5, 2) have to go to bed by 8 - 8:30 and wake up very early everyday except for Saturday and Sunday due to our jobs so getting up ealier to give everyone more time to breath etc. The oldest has melt downs if her pants do not fit just right ( even if she picks out the right ones the night before). I dont know how to deal with this that early because of the time factor. I just find myself being stern and not connecting with her at all in order to keep the other kids from following suit and getting them into the car. Any suggestions? And yes, it really is the pants not fitting right at that moment (not just something she uses to rage in the mornings).
Hi Gail, thanks so much for watching. I feel your pain. Pants feeling weird is a sensory processing challenge. I don't believe ANY child rages for no reason. This is something I am familiar with personally as a child AND as a parent. I wished I knew why clothing felt so horrible when I was younger --- so talk to her about what it feels like and ask her for suggestions to try new approaches. Let her be part of the solution and know that as she gets older she will have more resources to help herself.
At only 6 - managing the intensity of uncomfortable pants is not an easy solution. Choosing new pants would be my first thought. She's not that mature yet - so it will take some time for her to manage this sensory sensitivity.
You might find my supporting sensitive children free intro class helpful (ends tonight 6/30) courses.teach-through-love.com/courses/supporting-sensitive-children
Hope that helps!
Gail Brooke same I'm only 13
Oh my im going through exactly the same thing but recently all 4 complain about their clothes in the morning. It gets me so overwhelmed i yell all morning till i drop them off , and as soon as i get home i feel so guilty. I love my children but i wish i knew how to cope with constant stressful situations they put me through. I hate being an angry mom cuz i see my children developing stress too
@Bobb Sanders that's rude of you to say that
I'm really angry that they keep yelling at me I yelled back and I cried in my room
I can't even yell properly. So why am I even here?
My kids are lazy. They leave their junk everywhere. I know it’s my fault i should have taught them when they were younger but now i feel like they only help when i yell. Jelp
Christina Smith girl.. Same with me.. Now i just switch off the WiFi or take away phones etc until chores are complete haha
zz I tried that but then I don’t have support on the other side because when the Wi-Fi is off their phones and work on your room and a lot of the times they do what they say so if he leaves his dishes are y’all at your house why should They have to clean up. Personally I’m questioning my marriage right now.
Christina Smith oh no, sorry sweetie.. Perhaps a serious talk with your partner may help. Explain why you feel the way you feel, towards him. I hope you're able to sort it out.. Its not easy and its exhausting at the best of times. Don't give up.. Sometimes partners need to learn too and not just the children. You got this! 🤗🤗
@@zee.234 both partners should discipline and agree to same ways
@Bobb Sanders bs on that
I just shouted at my kids to shut up in the first 31 seconds of watching this so I could listen to this 😅🤦🏾♀️ if anyone has tired the elastic band trick for swearing it works btw 👌🏾
My mom yells at me very ugly all the days😔
thankyou for your help
Why is this a thing.
Last week I yelled because they lit the microwave on fire by putting hot wheels in them while I was vacuuming their room
Justified
They should have gotten more
🙏🏿
Just stop,the kids will think you hate them!!
Smoke a blunt b4 u see or really dill wit yo kids..That helped me big-time.. was she saying helps if u havin a good day😒 if u already pissed smoke1😤🌳..She think we all live wit the white picket fence..And if u dont smoke..All u have 2do is take things and opportunities away..This all worked 4me
SpurVille 17 I need a whole pound
Hell yeah same here my perspective changed alot
Well i wanted be with a Older woman who willing care
I want to stop yelled at a teacher okay
this is funny becuse i do this all the time and im really trying to not do this lol thats why im here
I screamed because it was mad count one tow three four toy ball can stop yelling my mom no screaming or crying yelling she hurt ears so sore I'm sorry I'm leaning i drink water i don't drink something suger no good run clam down clam my self close my eyes I breath in and out in out in out I'm not screaming anymore because my baby sister grading paper stuff too my stuff don't say bad use you head and I think think
Lori, I am a child of a Yeller, who has struggled as a parent to stop the cycle of yelling. I've gotten better over the years, but I am grateful for your extra tips. Thanks!
loving your videos and I'm looking forward to watching your webinars. Your straight and to the point teaching is exactly what I've been looking for. :)
Thank you 🙏
Lori, I am a child of a Yeller, who has struggled as a parent to stop the cycle of yelling. I've gotten better over the years, but I am grateful for your extra tips. Thanks!
loving your videos and I'm looking forward to watching your webinars. Your straight and to the point teaching is exactly what I've been looking for. :)