Do you I started this in February I'm not great and reading and writing iv told them this over n over I'm just not getting it iv got 4 mouths leafed theres no other chance doing this again
I have a few CBT videos that I go back to. These videos help us to go back to the center of ourselves. The world takes us away from our center each day, and this can even sometimes be helpful because it gives new thoughts, but I also believe that we need things like these videos to take us back to our center, where we are safe and capable. Thanks for posting this.
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you aren’t going to hurt anymore. It’s facing the hurt head on, sitting in it, knowing you can’t change the circumstances. What we fear are the emotions and the pain
But that has nothing to do with radical acceptance. What’s happening in someone’s life that has nothing to do with you isn’t your reality. This has everything to do with accepting our own reality. So it is our own circuits and the players are the monkeys in our life 🤡
there's a phrase i heard in a motivational speech once that goes: ¨maybe right now you can't fathom getting through another year like this, or another month like this, another week another day like this, but ask yourself if you can get through this moment in time, just this moment, and make that your goal¨ and that's something i say to myself over and over again when i'm feeling particularly awful, that i can get through this moment, i've had many many bad moments and i know i can do it, it's okay if i need to think smaller and simpler and take it step by baby step, the first achievement is making it though this one moment, and that much i think i can
I'm in DBT therapy and it's been helping me so much. I'm learning that I'm not alone. I'm learning tools that are really helping me in my daily life. I still suffer but it's seems the days a suffer are less. DBT Therapy works.
I have learned one very important condition about Radical Acceptance- Be very sure what you radically accept is the truth. I was lost in intrusive and untrue thoughts and was very ready to radically accept that I had to die and I was in the middle of slashing my wrist when a friend stopped me. Thankfully I would go on to learn that I was believing more than a few lies. So please, only radically accept truth.
"The thing I fear the most has already happened to me." and "Please remember love." It helps me to fill in the book of my life with good memories so the "bad" memories/pages are put in perspective more. A physical manifestation of this would be creating a scrapbook which is on my to do list!
Would you consider or do you know anyone who has a DBT group online? I can't find a group in my area that works with my schedule. Your videos are a tremendous public service. I can imagine you've probably saved several lives as well.
I'm in DBT at the moment ! I LOVE it. It's challenging but is having a positive effective. I have bulimia and I get on with DBT much better than I did CBT. My FAVOURITE mantra is ... You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf !!!! 🌊🏄🏄 #wisemind #the most effective thing!!
at this point I have realized that not everyone's DBT experiences the same. But when I was in DBT the biggest part of the radical acceptance skill was the 4 options part. Them being 1. Solve the problem 2. change how I feel 3. Accent it 4. Stay miserable/ suffer knowing that part of the scale was something that made such a complicated skill easier for me to grasp I don't know if you forgot to mention that or if you purposely left that part out but I think it's something worth mentioning. also you didn't mention turning the mind and willingness. that was a big part of radical acceptance and my DBT course you honestly couldn't fully do radically accept if you weren't 'willing' ( meaning of skeleton willing vs. willfulness) and if you were in such a state that acceptance was impossible so you had to 'turn the mind' in order to get to radically accepting it. I do understand that you probably try to keep your videos at a certain amount of time and DBT itself can be very complicated to explain. I very much appreciate your channel.
I love that you did a video on this!! DBT saved my life. I have BPD and spent a year and half in DBT group learning the skills. It's a lot of work at first but then the skills just become part of your life and something that you do naturally without thinking so much about it.
Acceptance is not a distraction technique. You are completely wrong on that. Quite the opposite. It allows the person to completely immerse themselves in the sensations, knowing they are harmless. Invite the feelings! Welcome them! They are beautiful! Let them take over and warm you! This is when fear ends. Coping techniques only fuel the fire. When you completely accept these emotions, you are free to feel them in their entirety, and suffering ends.
Yes!!! It is like “I’m anxious. So what? I feel it. I notice it. It is what it is. This happened and I feel this. Feelings pass” and that’s when I feel powerful enough to do better for myself
Thank you so much for sharing this video, Kati. It's amazing and so helpful. I feel that this will help so many of us. Please do more videos on DBT. xxx
my mom is extremely mean and says really really awful things. i keep repeating 'she'll keep talking until theres no words left" for as long as it takes for me to calm down
Ahhh I just got a copy in the mail the other day!I got the recommendation from watching a interview on another channel but I'm so excited to get into the workbook
my problem with radical acceptance is it backfired - I radically accept the things I cannot change in my life so I just get more depressed because i can't do anything to get out of my predicament so I just drown in it
I have never made a mantra for myself, but I have been dealing with some things recently with my partner. When I feel like things are bad, such as if I think he is angry with me, I go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. My mind starts racing and I become irrational and end up saying things that I regret like "Why don't we just break up then?". Could someone help me with a possible mantra that I could use? Thank you. I think it is a fight or flight issue? I have never seen a mental health professional before so I do not know if I suffer from any type of mental health condition.
Say “I’ll be right back” and go to the restroom. Then do your acceptance mantra. Keeps you from saying something on impulse. If you really have to say something, I even emailed myself on my phone what i feel i wish i could say. Don’t send it to anybody else. Amazing that once you get it out of your head, you have room in there for more positive stuff.
I can't find the name of this book...she says its in her "widget" whatever that is...can you tell me the name of it so I can get it 8n the pdf form for free
"Anything worth having requieres effort and courage" or "When people live, there will be sins. What's important isn't avoiding sings, but forgiving them. A world becomes ugly and twisted when people try to stay pure." This last one is from an anime, I really liked it and I found the anime very helpful, too! :)
first quote: Sometimes what's worth having is what we already have. The rest is just bonus second quote: I especially like this one. By staying "pure", we delude ourselves into thinking that we are perfect. Then, we can't even look at our own mistakes or fathom them. This often keeps us stuck in our unhelpful behaviors. What anime is this if you don't mind?
as I watch this video, I pray. I pray for: health, wealth, and love. perfect health. abundant wealth. sacred love. I pray to be radically honest, with everyone, about everything. I pray to be flooded: with bliss and joy. I pray to attract and receive miracles. I pray for continual healing, on every level, in every way: for myself, and for the entire planet...
Guys, i just realized after a lifetime of strife that i May have BPD. I hate my life and I’m super sensitive and can’t maintain relationships through my lifetime! I sometimes feel super overwhelmed...it’s like my pain and suffering is palpable. I feel like I’m just a bad and sad human being. I need to find a support group so i know I’m not alone or just a mistake of the universe...because sometimes it feels like that. 😞
@@angelwolf5089 oh wow really? I'd love to b hear your thoughts! I love Tara, and from what I've heard Taea goes into it in a lot more depth than what I've heard Kati do, but I love hearing Kati's mental health talks too. Kati's more about the mental concepts while Tara's about the spiritual side.
@@ababy6074 Good for you 🤗. It's good to have a small group of instructors whom you admire as they all have different approaches which is great for helping you learn concepts. Tara is still very difficult for me. But you're right. I've listened to Katie before and liked her approach but never considered looking at her videos concerning about trauma. She's very good at explaining things and I do like her way of explaining issues. So now I think I'll add Katie to my list. Why don't you check out Taras videos on radical acceptance? If you leave a comment there I'll know it's you.
serious question.. DBT failed for me, what now? I'm a quite type, 48 yr old man, nothing seems to phase me when it comes to therapy, if I am perfectly honest, therapists start to become Charlie browns teacher voice after ten minutes. Is it me? I don't mean to insult, but all this stuff just becomes noise and has no meaning before I can apply it. frustrated!
I think sometimes you have to work through a lot of other stuff before DBT, even though for some people DBT is the first step before working with the other stuff! I know I am currently unable to apply DBT skills and am working through my trauma in other ways (talk therapy, medication, etc.). I just don't think you're weird for having problems with DBT.
Many people have problems with the change side of DBT. Have you tried just acceptance of your situation...mindfulness & acceptance skills. I also think group therapy can help with change. What helped me was a combination of 1 to 1 psychoanalysis and group DBT skills.
Have you considered that perhaps you have inattentive type ADD and need medication to focus? It was undiagnosed in our generation, and the RSD that sometimes comes with it can look like BPD in some ways (or living with the frustration of an undiagnosed developmental disorder can lead to a personality disorder, meaning both need treated).
Never done DBT but always wanted to... I don't know of anyone local who does it... Think I'm going to do what was mentioned in another video and get 2 of those workbooks and hand one of them to my therapist.
Thank you for clarifying, ive been questioning if im avoiding things by accepting them and then letting go of bitterness and anger to focus on something else. Ive been practicing radical acceptance alot and its been working but my girlfriend ask if it was avoidance i didnt think so but its so hard to put it into words.
The challenge for me, now that I've memorized some coping statements, is timing. There are times when I could benefit from using Radicall Acceptance but there are also times where I shouldn't. I find that, so far in my reading, the book doesn't really emphasize enough how radicall Radicall Acceptance isn't meant to be on all the time. In some scenarios fight or flight is the ideal response. I say this because I ended up giving more information then I should've during a scam because I was deliberately trying not to be angry and judgmental. When the scammer made mistakes, I gave them way more benefit of the doubt then they deserved.
The general consensus about being in a relationship is that they are monsters. I pray that isn't the case cuz im in a long distance relationship with someone who has bpd and i really hope we can make things work when we meet in real life.
That’s a ridiculous stigma that you’re adding to that isn’t okay to share. We get enough rubbish from people and clearly you don’t have it or understand it. I do genuinely hope it works out. Communication is really important. But. Don’t EVER call us monsters.
If I'm honest I find it hard when my sisters and eldest niece are around to be outgoing! To even say anything for fear it will be seen as wrong! I know I can't change the past and a big part of me doesn't want to because that made me who I am. The main problem is I am hard on myself. Like I booked a holiday just me on my own for 3 nights in yourkshire and my family at first were all for it and I was chuffed now they're saying things like "there's nothing there" "you will get lost" "how are you going to get there?" "You should save your money"! When my sister said I will get lost that hurt as I have no sense of direction! But I love the country.
Personally, I experience a LACK of emotion. It's very frustrating. I do see how I can implement what you were saying about not ruminating in my pain and cause unnecessary suffering. I've also been trying to keep a thought journal, to see what particular thoughts upset me, and how I can turn the thought around and think something better/more positive. In turn, this lessens my anxiety. Lovely video as always, Kati. xoxo
Alyson Bye YES. I'm currently using DBT in a therapy program I'm in. And it's hard to relate to lack of emotion rather than too much emotion. Like I feel so empty of emotion, not full of it. I'm so glad that you said the same thing!!!
Hey! my name is Emilee and I have watched lots of videos on signs and symptoms of depression.I have also heard a lot of people say it may just be hormones, i'm having a really hard time figuring it out. I go 24-48 hours without eating because I just don't have an appetite,I don't like leaving my house to see Friends or family. And not sleeping great and very easily agitated. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, or overthinking this but I would appreciate some guidance and advice. Thank you! By the way I love you and your videos! 💜 sorry for being so persistent. ☺️
"Accept it or change it" Either I accept the situation, or I start looking forward to see how I can change it. Either way I won't dwell in the past and hurt. However whenever I start looking forward I often gotta tell myself that baby-steps are steps towards said change as well. I can't change the world in minutes, I can however start reading up on politics in minutes. First baby-step taken.
This is helping me since I'm doing DBT on my own. I'm doing therapy, but focusing on other stuff. I'm doing this on my own. These videos are helpful. Thanks!
I still can't comprehend this exercise. Whenever I try it, I derealize to the max and I'm very cold and detached. The last time I tried it I actually made my boyfriend cry.
This is pure Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca. And in the southern US, it is simply called the "good old boy" or "Alabama" way of thinking. It is peak masculinity and toughness.
here's some stuff i use... i used to have a lot of animosity toward people. it bothered me when people had shit taste. or were malevolent or whatever. scummy. i say "they gon do, what they gon do". imagine somebody like a hip hop artist saying it. hip hop utilizes a lot of palyful acceptance. consider how funny things are. sometimes ridiculous things happen to you. your parents act like people in seinfeld. your dad might be hank hill. your mom might be a one-off character from the simpsons. things "aren't" funny, but nothing stays the same forever. some people don't get help with this shit until they're over 40. i didn't even realize i had a problem until i got stoned one day at 35. that has a lot in common with a pretense for a joke. spend your free time accepting everything. this helps build a relationship with yourself. "how would i act in this situation...?" play with it. this is where you can relax your body. you trust yourself a LITTLE BIT, so explore it. think about your dreams. what do things represent? what's going on with your daydreams? for me, i've observed that i have so much trust i can put in myself. the real problem is i want to believe it's dangerous to trust myself so i don't have to deal with things. but, just like putting money in the bank, eating sensibly, if you just keep it up, you'll get on your own vibe.
My issue is that the past just seems to keep repeating itself. Every time I forgive/forget, the same shit keeps happening over and over again. So I feel like no matter what I try there's no hope...
My VA psychiatrist has recommended researching DBT for my PTSD/TBI symptoms. Your videos have helped as a primer...aaaand the video just answered my next question (workbook).
"I am growing day-by-day, and my beliefs will positively change with time as long as I give an effort" "I can visualize a positive thought just as much as I can visualize a negative thought pattern."
So this technique is all about past experiences? What about currently being stuck where you don’t want to be but can’t change it? For example my bf doesn’t want to get married and I do (and no I can’t leave.) This can’t help me accept that and feel better about it?
This is so true because I sometimes feel a strong emotion genuinely for no reason and don’t know what to do. Maybe we could accept that you feel a certain way and problem solve or use skills? It’s hard though
I’m utterly confused as to how to avoid future anxiety when practicing this mantra. Like sure you can’t change the past but like what mantra will correct the future? This on its own seems like it would do very little.
also changing your expectations. not expecting, well anything. hurt people hurt people, and i am sorry for them. i wish them well. maybe one day we will sit in court, or then not. it doesnt matter. i stopped caring wether my comments show or not. nobody cares anyway. how you treat others will come back to you. and i am talking about being hacked and not having digital rights. censored, but i dont care. i am sorry for the evil in the world. please god fix it. but if you dont, ok.
great video i was talking about dbt skills with my therapist today and she didn't really say much about it i guess because she specialises in cbt but i have a feeling that in situations when i feel overwhelmed by something a kind of mantra could definetely calm me down quicker than asking myself what i'm thinking and dealing with it that way anyhow i had the idea of using a poem as a mantra. is it common to use something like that as a skill? i'd love to see more coping skill videos :D have a nice day
I just discovered this, over a year after I really needed it; but hey, I can't change the past, right? Radical acceptance seems to have a lot in common with Stoicism. Is that coincidental, or was there any influence there?
Acceptance is nice I suppose Katie, but what about the crushing depression and fatalistic resignation that comes with this? I'm not one to accept things and I'm not sure how to even get past that point.
Religions are about suffering, or sin aren't they? Fixing yourself. Learning how to love yourself 100%. Media tells you stories about violence to hook you in to what you have been taught. about suffering and sin? How many stories can I count in an hour of newstelling about respect and dignity for each other?
I watch this video almost every day💪🏼
🙌🙌🙌
Do you I started this in February I'm not great and reading and writing iv told them this over n over I'm just not getting it iv got 4 mouths leafed theres no other chance doing this again
Sounds like you need therapy
Why don’t you just buy the DBT workbook?
I have a few CBT videos that I go back to. These videos help us to go back to the center of ourselves. The world takes us away from our center each day, and this can even sometimes be helpful because it gives new thoughts, but I also believe that we need things like these videos to take us back to our center, where we are safe and capable. Thanks for posting this.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
Wow, that is powerful. Thank you!
dsmn,,, that's hurts. I have to change myself now
Beautiful book! It changed a lot for me am inspired many people with radical acceptance 💪🏼❤️
That makea no sense
Makes me depressed
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you aren’t going to hurt anymore. It’s facing the hurt head on, sitting in it, knowing you can’t change the circumstances. What we fear are the emotions and the pain
and knowing, it won't last forever!
Sometimes it's difficult to know if you really can't change the circumstances and dangerous to fall into learned helplessness
@@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain❤
@@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgainNo, pain often doea last forevee.
Acceptance seems pointless if it doesn't help anything.
“It isnt anyone’s responsibility to be what I want or need them to be”
They weren't kidding when they told me this is going to be a lot of hard work. I was in a puddle of tears after watching this.
MsTaraVlogs ...so true. Hang on, God loves us.
Two years on...how are you doing now?
MsTaraVlogs how are you doing now 2yrs later? I just listened to this today and at the start of my journey 😔
What are you talking about? Crying is not hard to do.
I really liked this one. Thanks Kati!
My mantra when I get emotionally caught up in someone else's situation is "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
Yes, sometimes you need to take a step back and let people solve their own problems.
Thank you for sharing your mantra. It's made me feel much better 💖
I like that. Thank you. Harder when it affects your family relations or financial life, but still...
But that has nothing to do with radical acceptance. What’s happening in someone’s life that has nothing to do with you isn’t your reality. This has everything to do with accepting our own reality. So it is our own circuits and the players are the monkeys in our life 🤡
My mantra:
Slow down, this isnt an emergancy, youre safe.
Says _you?_ And who are _you?_
there's a phrase i heard in a motivational speech once that goes: ¨maybe right now you can't fathom getting through another year like this, or another month like this, another week another day like this, but ask yourself if you can get through this moment in time, just this moment, and make that your goal¨ and that's something i say to myself over and over again when i'm feeling particularly awful, that i can get through this moment, i've had many many bad moments and i know i can do it, it's okay if i need to think smaller and simpler and take it step by baby step, the first achievement is making it though this one moment, and that much i think i can
This is so powerful ❤
I'm in DBT therapy and it's been helping me so much. I'm learning that I'm not alone. I'm learning tools that are really helping me in my daily life. I still suffer but it's seems the days a suffer are less. DBT Therapy works.
"I can't change what has already happened. But I can control my reaction to the situation, so be careful not to overreact. This too will pass."
I'd rather live by myself, and avoid all these judgemental people,.
I'm completely distracted by that really cool frog in your background haha
I have learned one very important condition about Radical Acceptance- Be very sure what you radically accept is the truth.
I was lost in intrusive and untrue thoughts and was very ready to radically accept that I had to die and I was in the middle of slashing my wrist when a friend stopped me. Thankfully I would go on to learn that I was believing more than a few lies. So please, only radically accept truth.
"You can't defeat the demons you enjoy playing with."
Oh ouch, and thank you I know that but good to see it said.
Wow! Needed this today 💗
Well said👍
Love that quote
Wow...
"The thing I fear the most has already happened to me." and "Please remember love." It helps me to fill in the book of my life with good memories so the "bad" memories/pages are put in perspective more. A physical manifestation of this would be creating a scrapbook which is on my to do list!
Would you consider or do you know anyone who has a DBT group online? I can't find a group in my area that works with my schedule. Your videos are a tremendous public service. I can imagine you've probably saved several lives as well.
I'm in DBT at the moment ! I LOVE it. It's challenging but is having a positive effective.
I have bulimia and I get on with DBT much better than I did CBT.
My FAVOURITE mantra is ... You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf !!!! 🌊🏄🏄
#wisemind #the most effective thing!!
“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
Finbarr Farragher ...I love v.f. logotherapy😄
No.
Having a why, does not change your ability to do anything.
Here in 2024 and ordering workbook. The 'mantra' way of looking at it is really helpful. Thank you!
I’m sooo happy I found you! I needed this for a long time. Thank you ❤️
This is so true and so important to learn, this is where I’m at in my healing journey
at this point I have realized that not everyone's DBT experiences the same. But when I was in DBT the biggest part of the radical acceptance skill was the 4 options part. Them being
1. Solve the problem
2. change how I feel
3. Accent it
4. Stay miserable/ suffer
knowing that part of the scale was something that made such a complicated skill easier for me to grasp I don't know if you forgot to mention that or if you purposely left that part out but I think it's something worth mentioning.
also you didn't mention turning the mind and willingness. that was a big part of radical acceptance and my DBT course you honestly couldn't fully do radically accept if you weren't 'willing' ( meaning of skeleton willing vs. willfulness) and if you were in such a state that acceptance was impossible so you had to 'turn the mind' in order to get to radically accepting it.
I do understand that you probably try to keep your videos at a certain amount of time and DBT itself can be very complicated to explain. I very much appreciate your channel.
This is worth watching a few times. Appreciate the posting
There are so many great therapists with amazing advice on youtube. I wish I had you as my therapist kati! Thanks for all the great nuggets of info!
I love that you did a video on this!! DBT saved my life. I have BPD and spent a year and half in DBT group learning the skills. It's a lot of work at first but then the skills just become part of your life and something that you do naturally without thinking so much about it.
"This moment is the result of over million decisions " I needed to write that down
Acceptance is not a distraction technique. You are completely wrong on that. Quite the opposite. It allows the person to completely immerse themselves in the sensations, knowing they are harmless. Invite the feelings! Welcome them! They are beautiful! Let them take over and warm you! This is when fear ends. Coping techniques only fuel the fire. When you completely accept these emotions, you are free to feel them in their entirety, and suffering ends.
Yes!!! It is like “I’m anxious. So what? I feel it. I notice it. It is what it is. This happened and I feel this. Feelings pass” and that’s when I feel powerful enough to do better for myself
not sure if you said it in the video because I can't watch it yet but I love this 'equation'
:)
suffering= pain+nonacceptance
So glad to find this gal!
Thank you so much for sharing this video, Kati. It's amazing and so helpful. I feel that this will help so many of us. Please do more videos on DBT. xxx
my mom is extremely mean and says really really awful things. i keep repeating 'she'll keep talking until theres no words left" for as long as it takes for me to calm down
My mom is the same, and I might try doing what you are. Thank you!
Omg very helpful , Thank you!! I'm into this and not diagnosed with any disorder- it's freeing and empowering info
Ahhh I just got a copy in the mail the other day!I got the recommendation from watching a interview on another channel but I'm so excited to get into the workbook
my problem with radical acceptance is it backfired - I radically accept the things I cannot change in my life so I just get more depressed because i can't do anything to get out of my predicament so I just drown in it
Joy Rose you cannot change the things that happened, but that does not mean you cannot change yourself and the way you respond to thoss things!
Joy Rose ...I agree. Have that problem now.
You can also analyse the situation when you are in control of your emotions and make a plan to change what is bothering you.
Joy Rose
I agree
Joy Rose unfortunately that is not radical acceptance it works but its a hard practice and takes a while for it to click
Thank you for these DBT videos.
Really great video, Kati. Thank you very much for sharing this.
I have never made a mantra for myself, but I have been dealing with some things recently with my partner. When I feel like things are bad, such as if I think he is angry with me, I go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. My mind starts racing and I become irrational and end up saying things that I regret like "Why don't we just break up then?". Could someone help me with a possible mantra that I could use? Thank you. I think it is a fight or flight issue? I have never seen a mental health professional before so I do not know if I suffer from any type of mental health condition.
It would help if you withdraw from the situation for a short time, and realise that the anger will soon pass. Try not to say anything.
Say “I’ll be right back” and go to the restroom. Then do your acceptance mantra. Keeps you from saying something on impulse.
If you really have to say something, I even emailed myself on my phone what i feel i wish i could say. Don’t send it to anybody else. Amazing that once you get it out of your head, you have room in there for more positive stuff.
That workbook is available as free PDF if you google the name + pdf
I can't find the name of this book...she says its in her "widget" whatever that is...can you tell me the name of it so I can get it 8n the pdf form for free
"Anything worth having requieres effort and courage" or "When people live, there will be sins. What's important isn't avoiding sings, but forgiving them. A world becomes ugly and twisted when people try to stay pure." This last one is from an anime, I really liked it and I found the anime very helpful, too! :)
first quote: Sometimes what's worth having is what we already have. The rest is just bonus
second quote: I especially like this one. By staying "pure", we delude ourselves into thinking that we are perfect. Then, we can't even look at our own mistakes or fathom them. This often keeps us stuck in our unhelpful behaviors.
What anime is this if you don't mind?
This moment is a result of over a million other past actions
as I watch this video, I pray.
I pray for: health, wealth, and love.
perfect health.
abundant wealth.
sacred love.
I pray to be radically honest,
with everyone, about everything.
I pray to be flooded: with bliss and joy.
I pray to attract and receive miracles.
I pray for continual healing, on every level,
in every way: for myself, and for the entire planet...
This topic was really good, and your tips very helpful Thx
Guys, i just realized after a lifetime of strife that i May have BPD. I hate my life and I’m super sensitive and can’t maintain relationships through my lifetime! I sometimes feel super overwhelmed...it’s like my pain and suffering is palpable. I feel like I’m just a bad and sad human being. I need to find a support group so i know I’m not alone or just a mistake of the universe...because sometimes it feels like that. 😞
You’re not a bad human being and I hope you now have support.
Acceptance is letting go of the hope for a better past.
Watching because I was "put onto the waiting list but lost on it" for DBT over 2 years ago,still waiting for DBT
Just learned this in DBT
Oh wow, this is what is behind Tara Brach's books and talks!
And that's exactly what I'm about to do compare what Katie Morton says to Tara Brach says about radical acceptance.
@@angelwolf5089 oh wow really? I'd love to b hear your thoughts! I love Tara, and from what I've heard Taea goes into it in a lot more depth than what I've heard Kati do, but I love hearing Kati's mental health talks too. Kati's more about the mental concepts while Tara's about the spiritual side.
@@ababy6074 Good for you 🤗. It's good to have a small group of instructors whom you admire as they all have different approaches which is great for helping you learn concepts. Tara is still very difficult for me. But you're right. I've listened to Katie before and liked her approach but never considered looking at her videos concerning about trauma. She's very good at explaining things and I do like her way of explaining issues. So now I think I'll add Katie to my list. Why don't you check out Taras videos on radical acceptance? If you leave a comment there I'll know it's you.
Thank you
It is what it is.
This one, right here.
serious question.. DBT failed for me, what now? I'm a quite type, 48 yr old man, nothing seems to phase me when it comes to therapy, if I am perfectly honest, therapists start to become Charlie browns teacher voice after ten minutes. Is it me? I don't mean to insult, but all this stuff just becomes noise and has no meaning before I can apply it. frustrated!
I think sometimes you have to work through a lot of other stuff before DBT, even though for some people DBT is the first step before working with the other stuff! I know I am currently unable to apply DBT skills and am working through my trauma in other ways (talk therapy, medication, etc.). I just don't think you're weird for having problems with DBT.
Many people have problems with the change side of DBT. Have you tried just acceptance of your situation...mindfulness & acceptance skills. I also think group therapy can help with change.
What helped me was a combination of 1 to 1 psychoanalysis and group DBT skills.
Have you considered that perhaps you have inattentive type ADD and need medication to focus? It was undiagnosed in our generation, and the RSD that sometimes comes with it can look like BPD in some ways (or living with the frustration of an undiagnosed developmental disorder can lead to a personality disorder, meaning both need treated).
You need a narrative therapist. the story is yours. They will help you tell it and retell it in a different way.
Never done DBT but always wanted to... I don't know of anyone local who does it... Think I'm going to do what was mentioned in another video and get 2 of those workbooks and hand one of them to my therapist.
Hahaha “that little squishy space” love it! 😍😍❤️ I love your channel! You are such a light in this world. Thank you!
I just discovered Dbt and it is definitely a process. I'm trying to remember my tools. Thank for these videos
Thank you for clarifying, ive been questioning if im avoiding things by accepting them and then letting go of bitterness and anger to focus on something else. Ive been practicing radical acceptance alot and its been working but my girlfriend ask if it was avoidance i didnt think so but its so hard to put it into words.
The challenge for me, now that I've memorized some coping statements, is timing. There are times when I could benefit from using Radicall Acceptance but there are also times where I shouldn't. I find that, so far in my reading, the book doesn't really emphasize enough how radicall Radicall Acceptance isn't meant to be on all the time. In some scenarios fight or flight is the ideal response.
I say this because I ended up giving more information then I should've during a scam because I was deliberately trying not to be angry and judgmental. When the scammer made mistakes, I gave them way more benefit of the doubt then they deserved.
The general consensus about being in a relationship is that they are monsters. I pray that isn't the case cuz im in a long distance relationship with someone who has bpd and i really hope we can make things work when we meet in real life.
That’s a ridiculous stigma that you’re adding to that isn’t okay to share. We get enough rubbish from people and clearly you don’t have it or understand it. I do genuinely hope it works out. Communication is really important. But. Don’t EVER call us monsters.
If I'm honest I find it hard when my sisters and eldest niece are around to be outgoing! To even say anything for fear it will be seen as wrong! I know I can't change the past and a big part of me doesn't want to because that made me who I am. The main problem is I am hard on myself. Like I booked a holiday just me on my own for 3 nights in yourkshire and my family at first were all for it and I was chuffed now they're saying things like "there's nothing there" "you will get lost" "how are you going to get there?" "You should save your money"! When my sister said I will get lost that hurt as I have no sense of direction! But I love the country.
My mantra; "one day at a time, one need at a time."
this gives me even more anxiety
Personally, I experience a LACK of emotion. It's very frustrating. I do see how I can implement what you were saying about not ruminating in my pain and cause unnecessary suffering. I've also been trying to keep a thought journal, to see what particular thoughts upset me, and how I can turn the thought around and think something better/more positive. In turn, this lessens my anxiety. Lovely video as always, Kati. xoxo
Alyson Bye YES. I'm currently using DBT in a therapy program I'm in. And it's hard to relate to lack of emotion rather than too much emotion. Like I feel so empty of emotion, not full of it. I'm so glad that you said the same thing!!!
Alyson Bye ...agree, have to admit that its less painful to be numb
Hey! my name is Emilee and I have watched lots of videos on signs and symptoms of depression.I have also heard a lot of people say it may just be hormones, i'm having a really hard time figuring it out. I go 24-48 hours without eating because I just don't have an appetite,I don't like leaving my house to see Friends or family. And not sleeping great and very easily agitated. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, or overthinking this but I would appreciate some guidance and advice. Thank you! By the way I love you and your videos! 💜 sorry for being so persistent. ☺️
I find this technique to be asinine and completely unhelpful.
Isn’t that the same as giving up and saying so what?!?
Tye DBT book isn't showing up on Amazon. Can you paste a link here for me please. It'd be deeply appreciated. Great video by the way
"Accept it or change it"
Either I accept the situation, or I start looking forward to see how I can change it. Either way I won't dwell in the past and hurt.
However whenever I start looking forward I often gotta tell myself that baby-steps are steps towards said change as well. I can't change the world in minutes, I can however start reading up on politics in minutes. First baby-step taken.
This is helping me since I'm doing DBT on my own. I'm doing therapy, but focusing on other stuff. I'm doing this on my own. These videos are helpful. Thanks!
I still can't comprehend this exercise. Whenever I try it, I derealize to the max and I'm very cold and detached. The last time I tried it I actually made my boyfriend cry.
thanks love ... love the Buddha frog
This is pure Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca. And in the southern US, it is simply called the "good old boy" or "Alabama" way of thinking. It is peak masculinity and toughness.
Thank you for your thoughtful, helpful and informative videos. I'm glad I found your channel today.
I love your shirt! And your videos, as always :)
here's some stuff i use...
i used to have a lot of animosity toward people. it bothered me when people had shit taste. or were malevolent or whatever. scummy. i say "they gon do, what they gon do". imagine somebody like a hip hop artist saying it. hip hop utilizes a lot of palyful acceptance.
consider how funny things are. sometimes ridiculous things happen to you. your parents act like people in seinfeld. your dad might be hank hill. your mom might be a one-off character from the simpsons. things "aren't" funny, but nothing stays the same forever. some people don't get help with this shit until they're over 40. i didn't even realize i had a problem until i got stoned one day at 35. that has a lot in common with a pretense for a joke.
spend your free time accepting everything. this helps build a relationship with yourself. "how would i act in this situation...?" play with it. this is where you can relax your body. you trust yourself a LITTLE BIT, so explore it.
think about your dreams. what do things represent? what's going on with your daydreams? for me, i've observed that i have so much trust i can put in myself. the real problem is i want to believe it's dangerous to trust myself so i don't have to deal with things. but, just like putting money in the bank, eating sensibly, if you just keep it up, you'll get on your own vibe.
My everyday mantras are
1. You're okay
2. You can get through it
I can't change what has already happened. Thank you :)
My issue is that the past just seems to keep repeating itself. Every time I forgive/forget, the same shit keeps happening over and over again. So I feel like no matter what I try there's no hope...
In other words “shit happens” and we can’t change it!
in the face of impermanence and death, life is a joke ;) a really good one! xD
your septum is broken fyi
Fighting the past will only make me suffer more.
And nothing would change.
Accept it.
Move on.
My VA psychiatrist has recommended researching DBT for my PTSD/TBI symptoms. Your videos have helped as a primer...aaaand the video just answered my next question (workbook).
That is an interesting idea. Do you have to do DBT to use radical acceptance?
Go Katie! You know your stuff! Don't let anyone tell you different! sweet 💕
"I am growing day-by-day, and my beliefs will positively change with time as long as I give an effort"
"I can visualize a positive thought just as much as I can visualize a negative thought pattern."
So this technique is all about past experiences? What about currently being stuck where you don’t want to be but can’t change it? For example my bf doesn’t want to get married and I do (and no I can’t leave.) This can’t help me accept that and feel better about it?
@Kati Morton, what kind of microphone is that? brand and model please? i think it has good sound and might buy 1. thank you :)
I hear you Kati but what if nothing has happened but your emotions take a nosedive for no apparent reason?
This is so true because I sometimes feel a strong emotion genuinely for no reason and don’t know what to do. Maybe we could accept that you feel a certain way and problem solve or use skills? It’s hard though
I’m utterly confused as to how to avoid future anxiety when practicing this mantra. Like sure you can’t change the past but like what mantra will correct the future? This on its own seems like it would do very little.
Dont wish that things happen as you want them to happen, wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go well :- Epictetus.
Kati. You're videos, like this one, are so helpful and no nonsense. Thank you so much. (From a psychotherapist in the UK.)
also changing your expectations. not expecting, well anything. hurt people hurt people, and i am sorry for them. i wish them well. maybe one day we will sit in court, or then not. it doesnt matter. i stopped caring wether my comments show or not. nobody cares anyway. how you treat others will come back to you. and i am talking about being hacked and not having digital rights. censored, but i dont care. i am sorry for the evil in the world. please god fix it. but if you dont, ok.
So helpful! I'm doing this at the moment in my DBT group! Perfect thank you :) xx
great video
i was talking about dbt skills with my therapist today and she didn't really say much about it i guess because she specialises in cbt
but i have a feeling that in situations when i feel overwhelmed by something a kind of mantra could definetely calm me down quicker than asking myself what i'm thinking and dealing with it that way
anyhow i had the idea of using a poem as a mantra. is it common to use something like that as a skill?
i'd love to see more coping skill videos :D
have a nice day
I just discovered this, over a year after I really needed it; but hey, I can't change the past, right? Radical acceptance seems to have a lot in common with Stoicism. Is that coincidental, or was there any influence there?
Is this the psychologist from Shane Dawson’s docuseries? She looks familiar
What is "Amazon widget" for the book? I don't know where that is to find the book you are reading from???
Acceptance is nice I suppose Katie, but what about the crushing depression and fatalistic resignation that comes with this? I'm not one to accept things and I'm not sure how to even get past that point.
I am a therapist too. I absolutely LOVE your videos.
"ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him" Romans 8:28
Loving the Buddha frog
"I can hear my triggers, but I can control my reactions."
Religions are about suffering, or sin aren't they? Fixing yourself. Learning how to love yourself 100%. Media tells you stories about violence to hook you in to what you have been taught. about suffering and sin? How many stories can I count in an hour of newstelling about respect and dignity for each other?