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"Marriage is Never 50/50." - Brené Brown | The Tim Ferriss Show

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  • Опубліковано 4 чер 2023
  • Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 900 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running.
    Sign up for "5-Bullet Friday" (Tim's free weekly email newsletter): go.tim.blog/5-...
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 146

  • @BaronessJames
    @BaronessJames 8 місяців тому +95

    I watched this about a year ago and told my husband about it. We implemented it and usually use it on days where one of us doesn't feel well so that the other one knows where you are at. And whenever we both feel around 20 we just know to excuse the other ones behaviour and not to react badly because it has nothing to do with you. It was the best advice I ever heard. ❤

  • @symeebryant
    @symeebryant Рік тому +146

    Plan of kindness ❤

  • @vkrgfan
    @vkrgfan 3 місяці тому +11

    We need to teach children how to negotiate emotional contingency plan. That is definitely sustainable , practical and mature way to deal with negative emotions while going through tough times in life.

  • @NancySanders-om4ic
    @NancySanders-om4ic 2 місяці тому +2

    My PRAYERS for your mother, Ms.Brown,I hope she feels better Very Soon. You Are So Wise,you are a Social Worker,We Are Wise People,Ms.Brown.Peace,Love, Kindness,Caring for you and your family.

  • @meguellatisabrina5631
    @meguellatisabrina5631 11 місяців тому +73

    A very rare incidence...to have a spouse that understands and adopts this.

  • @krystalestrella9098
    @krystalestrella9098 3 місяці тому +7

    Thank you for sharing this and for being you !

  • @user-qv9nw1dq2f
    @user-qv9nw1dq2f 9 днів тому

    Wow. True. Brilliantly said. It’s the same with friendship. It’s never 50/50. Life is hard and unpredictable.

  • @Neo-Kable
    @Neo-Kable Рік тому +6

    I love Berné Brown. She speaks nothing but the truth.

  • @davidmarcus9871
    @davidmarcus9871 10 місяців тому +2

    Tim stoked you posted this. I had seen it in the full version and couldn’t find it. A consequence of watching too many of your videos :-)
    Thank you.

  • @wandagatling4780
    @wandagatling4780 Рік тому +16

    This is the most genius thing I have heard in a long time! WOW!!!!

  • @kaizen_5091
    @kaizen_5091 7 місяців тому +3

    Brene Brown keepin' it real!

  • @slouischarlesYT
    @slouischarlesYT Рік тому +13

    Everyone cover each other because it's a team with the goal of making the team stronger (or at the very least not fail). Most partners excel in different things and are terrible at others. Just have emotional maturity and communicate what's up.

  • @KeithMacKayHome
    @KeithMacKayHome Рік тому +3

    Love it. Moves that potential frustration and resentment into compassion and empathy and keeps you both on the same team. I'm gonna discuss adopting this immediately with my wife. Love that I can continue to learn from you both -- thanks!

  • @StarseedAgenda
    @StarseedAgenda 10 місяців тому +1

    We Love you Brene Brown and are grateful for everything you do , youve healed the mental processes of so mamy , Thank you 🎀❤️🎀

  • @pegpopken
    @pegpopken Рік тому +30

    Wonderful no entitlement just room for love.

    • @pauls4742
      @pauls4742 Рік тому +4

      Exactly - it's not about keeping score, it's about loving each other and doing the best you can for yourself and your partner to create a healthy, strong and caring relationship.

  • @MotherTiffanyTV
    @MotherTiffanyTV Рік тому +1

    I love this! Thank you Tim!

  • @eugsoh81
    @eugsoh81 Місяць тому

    This is amazing. Never heard of partnership actioned like this before

  • @NicoleJacksonBertrand
    @NicoleJacksonBertrand День тому

    My wife I do this but never thought of in the structured way but without saying we definitely have each others backs

  • @crissycobain8361
    @crissycobain8361 9 місяців тому

    Brene, you are amazing. I love your words. This is a great idea.. I'm gonna try this. Thank you

  • @chuckyz2
    @chuckyz2 10 місяців тому +2

    That is a solid way to describe a 50 /50. It only not 50/50 when one person is always carrying the other.

  • @barber65brentbrook17
    @barber65brentbrook17 11 місяців тому +5

    Wow.. energy wise she’s quite right.
    If both say 20, 20 and at least they know where their energy levels are.

  • @IvaTarleCoaching
    @IvaTarleCoaching 11 місяців тому

    Love this straighforward dealing with eneegy levels

  • @notbadsteve
    @notbadsteve 5 днів тому

    I know so many marriages that aren't partnerships. They're just 2 seperate people going through the motions.
    I don't earn much in my job. We just about get by, but i feel like i hit the jackpot with my missus.
    We understand each other completely. I don't have any secrets. We do everything together and when i was ill for 5 months last year, she did everything.
    I'm sure it stressed her out but she never once made me feel guilty. She was so great that our daughter barely noticed a difference.
    The only difference i noticed was her sleep pattern. Every night she put her head on the pillow and was immediately out cold.
    I'd like to think i could do the same if the roles were reversed but I'm not sure i could.
    She was like a machine.😂
    Openess and Honesty is 100% the most important thing in any marriage.
    Without it there's nothing.

  • @Scottsteaux63
    @Scottsteaux63 5 місяців тому +1

    That was my first marriage: everything split down the middle, from the money to the emotions.
    And people wondered at the time why we didn't last.

  • @gember1382
    @gember1382 Рік тому +9

    I just love Brené ❤

  • @maryroberts589
    @maryroberts589 19 днів тому

    This is fabulous! If you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to work tgis way.

  • @2t2v63
    @2t2v63 Рік тому +4

    Oh wow love this!

  • @JM-zi1wp
    @JM-zi1wp 11 місяців тому

    Best advice ever!

  • @kateirvinementoring
    @kateirvinementoring 3 місяці тому +1

    As someone who is yet to marry, I LOVE THIS!!!

  • @lucidworldalomvilag6081
    @lucidworldalomvilag6081 2 місяці тому

    Thank you ❤

  • @UncleBenji
    @UncleBenji Рік тому +9

    Link to the full episode?

  • @itzgarrison1906
    @itzgarrison1906 2 місяці тому

    first time checking her out and already caught my attention

  • @mamastired7033
    @mamastired7033 11 місяців тому

    Beautiful advice ❤

  • @lucybell1487
    @lucybell1487 17 годин тому

    Quantifying your energy to your spouse is being a help mate with limits

  • @nancyP7448
    @nancyP7448 4 місяці тому

    Love this

  • @PursuingCompatibilityCo
    @PursuingCompatibilityCo Рік тому +5

    Husband is not a brother though. But yeah I agree.

  • @barbyyakubu6718
    @barbyyakubu6718 3 місяці тому

    For any relationship to evolve into marriage, it MUST be mutually connected - that is the only unexplainable force that can attract and bind two strange individuals together defying logic. It is the foundation that gives you ability to entwined as a team. Every other strategies used to sustain it are branched from these affection.😊

  • @ronaldwright4742
    @ronaldwright4742 Рік тому +1

    Outstanding advice and it's all true

  • @ravishkathpal
    @ravishkathpal 11 місяців тому

    Finally, a short video in which the sentence is completed before it cuts off.

  • @rosauralozano6104
    @rosauralozano6104 Місяць тому

    I love it. ❤

  • @ironmurs6903
    @ironmurs6903 Рік тому +3

    I dig this

  • @fredwinslow744
    @fredwinslow744 Рік тому +21

    This idea of more than 100 and coverage is acute and excellent symbolic communication perfectly built for us primates. Well done Brené, I can give this one to patient to support more complex issues .. if they can’t do this they won’t do the rest of the work

  • @sebeckley
    @sebeckley Рік тому +21

    One of my friends is married to a guy who is practically counting the minutes he's "on kid duty" and won't ever cover her. It's horrible.

    • @happilydivorced3235
      @happilydivorced3235 9 місяців тому +1

      @@gezenewsyou think counting minutes to look after his own children is better than counting money? I promise you that marriage won’t last long if that husband/father continues on that path. It’s not healthy at all.

    • @CristobalAshton
      @CristobalAshton 3 місяці тому

      @@happilydivorced3235 The wife looks after all the kids needs

  • @matildereadett
    @matildereadett 2 місяці тому

    I married someone that wanted to be adored and obeyed 24/7, full blown narcissist. I always gave him 250 of me and ended up empty of everything I ever had/felt. Divorce was a blessing to fill my own cup again but I’m not bitter I’m better. 😊

  • @building_bridges4738
    @building_bridges4738 Рік тому +2

    Love you Tim. Needed to listen to this today

  • @hillsmanheath7091
    @hillsmanheath7091 11 місяців тому

    Soooo good.

  • @katemallory
    @katemallory 26 днів тому

    My husband gives 💯 and expects me to give 💯 , 💯 of the time

  • @rachelwhitaker5244
    @rachelwhitaker5244 6 місяців тому

    So totally agree. It never 50/50

  • @cpwildlight
    @cpwildlight 14 днів тому

    Maybe not 50/50 in a single day. But averaged out over time, yea, it is! Or somewhere in the vicinity. It doesn’t have to be exactly. Whatever works for a specific relationship. But overall, it should be close. Some people need more than others so, it’s very situational for each relationship.

  • @viviankirkham1677
    @viviankirkham1677 Місяць тому

    Remarkable

  • @bajanmoore6381
    @bajanmoore6381 2 місяці тому

    Beautiful 😊

  • @rachelwilson1402
    @rachelwilson1402 Рік тому +2

    Ideas for ”the plan”?

    • @merl7972
      @merl7972 10 місяців тому

      One thing can be an agreement that something that normally gets done today will instead be done tomorrow, to lower the load. The important thing is that they're communicating and agreeing together

  • @kinetic-cybernetic
    @kinetic-cybernetic 3 місяці тому

    This would be great advice if people were still getting married

  • @palettejunkie8246
    @palettejunkie8246 Рік тому +1

    Genius

  • @moskabone
    @moskabone 6 місяців тому

    We did not have a plan unfortunately 😔

  • @syedanargis616
    @syedanargis616 9 місяців тому

    full episode link please?

  • @kokkinias
    @kokkinias Місяць тому

    It is50 50 and only when it is you can understand why today I am 15in energy

  • @neodro4831
    @neodro4831 Рік тому +11

    I think it averages out to 50-50 - it has to! else it will be one person always giving more. yes, on any given day I understand what she is saying of 50-50 not being possible.
    Also, we have to normalize that we don't need to be 100 always. It should be absolutely ok, we are only human to let ourselves recharge and do just 70. That is what mature relationships allow. Both could be having a shitty week / day. Hence, IMHO, in a relationship Communication is THE key to solve problems.

    • @fredwinslow744
      @fredwinslow744 Рік тому +4

      Ot only needs to average out to over 100 and each party genuinely satisfied with the relationship Bec not everyone wants or needs 50 or more believe it or not .. what IS important is that both recognize the utility and vital function of the need for sharing the numbers in time and the correct player covering the other when it’s less than 100 combined .
      Discrepancies in commitment or identification of a serious problem in one partner will be reflected over time in the numbers .
      Excellent tool potential here 👊🏼👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

    • @ddpwe5269
      @ddpwe5269 Рік тому +6

      This is exactly what I was thinking. Yes, every situation is going to be different and each person will deal with it differently, but in the end, you're both in it together.
      She's saying the same thing though really. It's how life works, every situation will be different and it'll never always be 50/50 for each situation. That's asinine to even think is possible, let alone probable. What's the saying, 'to be human is to err"?
      However, she does give a solution to those situations where you both can't give enough to fulfill the task at hand. Which is vastly better than just making a statement.

    • @danielcooke9974
      @danielcooke9974 Рік тому +2

      Marriage is 💯 + 💯 ÷ 2 = 1

  • @suga9470
    @suga9470 Рік тому +5

    Finally some one spoke the truth when the whole world is out of its mind...

  • @sonal4090
    @sonal4090 11 місяців тому

    kindness XX

  • @JamieAllOver
    @JamieAllOver Рік тому

    Where can I watch or listen to this full video!

    • @rocioiribe5841
      @rocioiribe5841 Рік тому

      it's on his youtube channel

    • @LaceyLuluMarie
      @LaceyLuluMarie Рік тому

      Do you mind sharing the name of the episode? I can’t figure out which of his interviews with Brene it’s from.

  • @zaat9898
    @zaat9898 Рік тому +1

    Yep

  • @williamkruhmin2769
    @williamkruhmin2769 Рік тому

    I love this idea,tho, obviously, must be caring & honest…

  • @sheldonrodricks2699
    @sheldonrodricks2699 8 місяців тому

    Well overall, all said and done, id hope its 50-50.

  • @Lyunea
    @Lyunea Рік тому +1

    Amen!!!

  • @no_regerts5176
    @no_regerts5176 3 місяці тому

    Wife sent me this. I looked at her and said “10”. She seems upset.

  • @mangomosaics
    @mangomosaics 5 місяців тому

    Nice idea. Now I'm asking the universe for a man who would understand this!

  • @IrishMexican
    @IrishMexican 7 місяців тому +5

    80/20 one day, 20/80 the next. Doesn’t that still come out to 50/50 ish in the long run 🤔

  • @Astha82284
    @Astha82284 3 місяці тому

    How can this become such a professional concern , compassion and care comes naturally to your loved ones . Idk why Americans have made it a bullshit type of difficulty. I would love to call you india !

  • @KoonceLyfe
    @KoonceLyfe 3 місяці тому

    I thought this was a given 😅 - it's 50/50 in the long run not every damn day

  • @Real_red03
    @Real_red03 Рік тому

    Yes yes ❤

  • @Hypotemused
    @Hypotemused 5 місяців тому

    I got you brother “
    Wish my wife Called me bro

  • @millicentowens3435
    @millicentowens3435 6 місяців тому

    ❤❤❤

  • @Donrousie
    @Donrousie Рік тому +1

    Mine is to a point..he pays half of bills I pay the other..been doing this for 28 years different bank accounts it works for us

    • @williamfranklin6283
      @williamfranklin6283 Рік тому

      What happens when you or he wants something expensive the other doesn't?
      Assuming the person who wants it has the money to buy it for themselves.

  • @4hisglory365
    @4hisglory365 Рік тому

    🔥🔥

  • @user-hb9gr8ib8p
    @user-hb9gr8ib8p 9 місяців тому

    She’s right : it’s 100/100

  • @jackroyaltea5034
    @jackroyaltea5034 Рік тому

    I wish I had this when I was married.
    Oh well. Next time.

  • @JB-qt3wo
    @JB-qt3wo Рік тому +1

    Lmao any man who’s been married knows it’s pretty much always 80/20.

  • @KhaoticDeterminism
    @KhaoticDeterminism 8 місяців тому

    ya like when we’re at 0 our partner understands that and vice versa
    #2Spirit #indigenous #dating #relationships
    edit: he doesn’t need to know the extra Ego we Vacuum it’s cultural shhhh

  • @Miant
    @Miant Рік тому +1

    Excellent idea. Too bad it's a short.

  • @michaellajenkins4566
    @michaellajenkins4566 Рік тому

    💯

  • @Prof_Tickles92
    @Prof_Tickles92 9 місяців тому

    A combined score of 100.
    Yikes…can it be like 80? 90 tops lol

  • @playerzero2236
    @playerzero2236 11 місяців тому

    > Honey I only have 25 today.
    Where the fvck is the other 25 and the 50 you owe me from last week?

  • @duncantsolo3273
    @duncantsolo3273 Рік тому

    ❤❤❤❤❤

  • @shannonpendergrass7206
    @shannonpendergrass7206 Рік тому +2

    No it is two hundred percent and if 1 of you is not putting in your hundred then you do not have the solid relationship you might think.
    Relationships are about selflessness.
    So you can't be all about yourself and be in a healthy relationship.

  • @scottcates
    @scottcates 8 місяців тому

    Robustness in the relationship!

  • @neuzaoliveira2712
    @neuzaoliveira2712 Рік тому

  • @lauralupescu5714
    @lauralupescu5714 10 місяців тому +2

    Wow not in my world?? My husband is nice to me but mine is 90 / 10 always!! We both work full time ,his job ends when he gets home ALWAYS!!! I do all house duties,cooking,clean shopping ,yardwork,kids ,laundry till bed! Every women I know it's about the same!

    • @justine8387
      @justine8387 10 місяців тому +5

      You both need to talk about this. Resentment is a brutal load to carry.

  • @JyotiSharma-xh3sb
    @JyotiSharma-xh3sb 7 місяців тому

    Dear - Women are known to bear 80-90 all the time

  • @MentalPenguin91
    @MentalPenguin91 Рік тому

    And yet if a wife who never worked a day in her life divorces husband, she still entitled to 50% or more of there assets and his 401k ??? Marriage is about consistency, the odd 20/80 here and there most can put up with but in the past I’ve been in 20/80 relationship for years and screw that!

  • @Kurio71
    @Kurio71 Рік тому

    50/50 is bills

  • @user-wz5sv1ru8h
    @user-wz5sv1ru8h 6 місяців тому

    I'm the man I'm only giving 25 percent you give the other 75 😊

  • @missaliciaandfamily4833
    @missaliciaandfamily4833 8 місяців тому

    🎯🎯🎯

  • @jaredpage819
    @jaredpage819 10 місяців тому

    Most everything most people tell you nowadays is a crock of shit. 😂

  • @Karla.88Lubbs
    @Karla.88Lubbs 10 місяців тому

    ❤❤😊

  • @silveralert5095
    @silveralert5095 Рік тому

    Yeah, 50/50… you cook, I eat

  • @vintak8849
    @vintak8849 Рік тому +1

    Brother? 👀

  • @anitoroyan272
    @anitoroyan272 Місяць тому

    I think she has just a few ideas and runs with it

  • @gofigure84
    @gofigure84 Рік тому

    I like what she is saying so you don't take things out on your partner but she is still going off the 50/50 idea you equal 100. It's 100/100. Your using averages not addition.

    • @nuigmep3766
      @nuigmep3766 Рік тому

      what are you even saying. the point of 50/50 is 50 is fucking equal to 50

    • @gofigure84
      @gofigure84 Рік тому

      @@nuigmep3766 I'm saying a marriage works when both give 100 to the relationship not half. Like I said it's not addition trying to equal 100. If you both only give half the effort you will get half a relationship. It's not hard to figure out. 50/50 attitude has lead to over 50% divorce rates. Your vows are a commitment to the other people not a contract as well.

    • @petermj1098
      @petermj1098 Рік тому

      ⁠@@gofigure84Women never share as much a men. 50/50 is a bs delusion. Women respect men who make more money than them and provide for them.
      A woman doesn’t see a lover as an equal or worse than them. They see their lover as superior than them.

    • @gofigure84
      @gofigure84 Рік тому

      @petermj1098 when did I say the way you give 100% was the same between men and women?

    • @petermj1098
      @petermj1098 Рік тому

      @@gofigure84 I am pretty sure you give 100% to every job your have in life not just a partnership.

  • @gertrudewest4535
    @gertrudewest4535 8 місяців тому

    That’s why marriage is not a good investment for women.