Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in someone else’s life. Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself, when you trying not to lose someone else.
"Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in someone else's life." This! I did not understand this for the longest time. Thank you for putting it into words so clearly and concisely.
"Be afraid of losing yourself, when you trying not to lose someone else." That's something I am personally afraid of. I don't want to let my love for someone turn me into something bad if its taken away
One thing I learnt that has helped me when I’ve lost someone important is to realise that the person you lost didn’t make you feel the love you felt, it was you. You created that love and you made them the centre of it but really it was you.
It's also a shared bond, even when your feelings are your own... The bonds the moments you share the memories That's what's ultimately left behind. They may be your feelings, but they're never one-sided.
I’m gunna put it here because this gave me ease. I left everything and everyone over a PROMISE my ex gave me. I had never felt more alone in my life. I kept letting him, and every time even when it was sporadic, I felt used. He would say “I do miss you” while having a gf this whole time. This made me realize I can’t let this make me feel sad after leaving him for good. I lost me. I lost everything that made me .. me. I was love. Thank you ❤️
I don't know why...but your fears you attract more then your dreams. There are exceptions but a lot of people never dream some of there's achievements.
That sick feeling in your gut means that your love was true. Its healthy to feel this way. The difficult task is letting go and not letting it consume us.
I can attest to his. I was in several relationships before I finally found someone who I felt genuine love for. He broke up with me through text just today. Thank you for your comment. It honestly helped me feel a little better to know that this kind of reaction to something like this is okay.
@@farnhoune4237 "Knowing that it can't be perfect but you try to make it as perfect as you possibly can . We all are different, so dance in your box in the best way you possibly can. Choose your own box and just be you . There's no gimmick "
Don’t force situations. Let people do as they please. Only make the effort if it’s returned if not move on in any type of relationship. Only permanent thing in your life is yourself. Everything else is a variable
You can be attached to someone, but not let it consume you. Be ok with being by yourself. It's ok to feel sad when you lose someone you love. But don't let it destroy you.
@@johnstamos4325 Her true form was that she had an eye on one of my "best friends" for who knows how long. Still, I could've had a family with her (I didn't want to at the time) and now I'm left pining with no one to make one with, and time just seems to be disappearing. I messed up 😔
It all comes down to expectation. We aren’t mad that they left, we’re mad because we didn’t think they would. It’s brilliant. Everything that brings us suffering stems from our expectation. All it takes to get over it is switching you perspective. Reframe the meaning of the action to something positive or neutral and it doesn’t hurt anymore, at least not in the way it did.
@@MikeJackson690 people who have kids with people and got married are still left, so there is no antidote or guarantee for her not leaving other than true love. But if she eyed your friend and left you for him, then you have no business being with such person as a partner. Just be open, focused and patient you will get someone that deserves you and worths you especially if you are a good person. I wouldn't want to be with someone who left me for my best friend.
@@alexconfidence2354 What do you mean “ such a person “. Is a girl in the wrong for choosing whoever she feels more righteous being together with? Maybe at first she liked the guy but then ended up falling in love with his friend, I don’t think that makes her a bad person, just the way the universe plays it out p
I lost my best friend 6 months before losing my mother, that's a few years after losing my father. The idea they are now returned brings me some comfort, I appreciate this upload.
Einzelgänger, or the guy behind this channel, is a very wise traveler. Always come back for some calming thoughts, eye and mind opening anecdotes and words. Much love and energy to you my man! Whatever happens, happens. 🚬
Hang in there, I lost my mother back in 2010 to cancer when I was 19, my dad was never the same again and lost his mind, except he wasn't "crazy enough" to be admitted to an institution, but rejected a therapist as well. From November of 2021 until March of this year, I lost him to covid, my grandma to natural causes, a friend to a drug overdose as well as another friend to a rare, aggressive form of arterial cancer. Among all this, I had to stop seeing the girl that I loved dearly. I was losing my mind for a few weeks and was crying every day, but I'm ok now 3 months later. I've lost 25kg and now training for a marathon as well as changing careers. Things get better, they always do. I wish you the best!
@@vincentdimitri169 No. Tough times DO last, and sometimes one hasn't the time or chance for things to turn around. You are young and you have time. Life can get better, eventually, and relative to WHAT? I went through very similar circumstances the past few years, and I can say, having lived through that and looking at the world, that if I had God's skill-set, I'd be a MUCH better god! Of course, a true stoic wouldn't believe in God, right? Life's a real piece of shit, so stop sugarcoating it - it's just then a sugarcoated turd. I live in Buffalo. Share your BS with a mass shooting victim's family and let's see how well that is received, oh Swami! Maybe I'm too much of a realist/cynic to truly be a stoic, because I can't help but give a fuck.
My favorite saying is “I have yet to meet all the people who love ❤️ me!” Makes me appreciate those who were in my life and look forward to those to come.
Love to me is a very sweet selfless light-hearted playful emotion.. Love to me is childlike.. And relationships should be loose and that someone can be 100 percent who they want. And if that means that someone doesn't want to be with me anymore then I accept that choice and I still love them at a distance.. When you realize that everything in life is constantly moving and that you never have any grip on anything or anyone, life is going to be so much easier.. Just my thought 🤷🏼♀️
@@felicityduijkersloot6043 but what if someone wants to have an open relationship but doesn’t want to leave bc he loves you. He just wants a different flavor every now and then . If you love him just as much as he loves you , would you stay even tho it makes him happy to sleep around ?
@@bitofwizdomb7266 Any relationships required open communications. Why couldn't an open relationship work out? The couple set the rules and tones of the relationship so if one person want to explore a little more and the other person respect that urge so both communicate and continued to communicate about the new dynamic until they can come to an understanding. The communications open space for both to speak their thoughts and fear and emotions without judgement, whether it's good or bad. Once a conclusion has been reached and both decide to open their relationship with the continued open communications, who can say it won't work out?
Always love with an open hand. Never cling. Let leave them leave if they choose. You were complete before they came. You will not die when they are gone. You may grow.
One thing which has helped me to get over losses and difficult times and to the time still help is a quote by Haruki Murakami. The quote goes like this "Such wounds to the heart will probably never heal. But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever". Hope this relieves you too.
This is rough for me having left a 6-yr long relationship. You have to sit still with the pain & let it go. Easy to say, but hard to do. Sometimes the hard part is letting go of the pain, because it felt like if you do let go, you’re losing all of the shared memories. It’s sad.
A dear friend sent me this before we stopped talking. Letting go is so hard. Emotions are so strong. There is peace however in accepting that they were never ''yours'' to begin with. I rewatch this whenever I find myself sad/depressed again that our friendship ended. 😔 It takes alot of strength to let go of attachment. ''Grieve moderately''
@@TrangNguyen-hx3ko Personally, I just left without saying a word- my relationship with my (only) two, longest lasting friends had turned into something that made me more angry, annoyed and infuriated on a regular basis compared to feeling fulfilled, happy, worthwhile. I suffered and suffered and realized that the situation isn't going to get easier- it's only getting worse. It got to the point that where just even seeing their name pop up in a message, call, or a simple greeting made me shift from completely calm, at peace with myself, to instantly angry. So I left. I took a long, rational look at the situation and realized that I've been covering all these negative emotions for a LONG time with the idea of "friendship", not even realizing how harmful these emotions were to my well being. Once I realized this, I took up a metaphorical blade, and swiftly, without any hesitation, cut everything that tied me to them. In practice, I started immediately practicing zero contact. After that- my overall well being has immensely improved. My anxiety is lower, I'm eating better, I've managed to quit Alcohol altogether (that's freaking big for me.), my head is clearer, I find immense enjoyment in things again that were mundane and boring before, and most of all, I feel so much more at peace while sticking to my own motions. Sorry for the long comment, think I needed to write this out even once, for the record.
Realizing how you contributed In the losing= realizing that you ain't shit=replaying that over and over=not fixing things=thinking about what they think of my family and life choices=feel even more shitty=cry when nobody is looking=do it over again while getting no job car or freedom to be a normal functioning adult in the world so you die and resurrect into the house
@@joannasekua6273 Let it go from your mind. You don't have to be homeless or even not have a family to let go of all of them ahead of time in your mind. I've already let go of everyone I love so when they pass it will be of no consequence. I've let go of all the possessions and items I have in my life including the house over my head so if it ever burned to the ground I would simply get up and move on. You cannot control the circumstances of your life so stop holding on to them so tightly. They are out of your control and they are impermanent. Detachment is true peace.
I've struggled in the past with getting too attached to people to the point in 2018 I got diagnosed with BPD. Whenever I lose someone either from death or end of a relationship/friendship etc... I fall apart, this is something I'm learning how to control and hopefully while I'm in the process of learning I can help others who deal with similar things through my UA-cam channel, making relatable videos discussing my struggles and what I did to overcome them, were all in this together, we gotta get pass the illusion we're facing these problems alone
“If they can’t even feel your presence what makes you think they’ll acknowledge your absence ” this quote hit really deep for me but it allowed me to replay the memories we had together and really ask myself if they were even in tune with what was being said. And sometimes it makes me realize that they probably didn’t care so much at the end hence why should I let it bother me as when you think about it, it probably never bothered them
The problem is, if you don’t attach you are not fully allowing life to unfold either. It’s something between attachment and detachment that we need. If we weren’t attached to anything, we wouldn’t have the drive to do anything in life, we wouldn’t have deep relationships, we wouldn’t be connected, and we wouldn’t feel responsible for others - which we are. Being so limited in our consciousness is a dilemma…
This. I've always found Anakin's story similar to mine. I was so worried about not losing the person I loved, that I eventually lost her. Many things happened, and what I remember of that period is frustration, anger, revenge and while all this led to nothing but to an immense consumption of energy, depression began to come out, along with suicidal thoughts. Damn, I remember how everything looked black, empty, hopeless and ALL this because of the loss of a person. Attachment is really something dangerous, I strongly advise everyone to learn to detach yourselves from everything you fear losing. Thank you for all the job you do.
I hope you have healed. No need to hold resentment against that person for walking out. It happened to me too after an almost 30-year relationship! No need to wish that person well, no need to curse. Treat it as a chapter in your life book, and your story hasn't ended! You'll meet new persons as you continue to live your life! If you do not believe, just look at the population % in your country! New friendships & relationships will come your way, just love yourself and treat yourself best! Remember: when flowers bloom, the butterflies naturally come! 🌻🦋🌻🦋🌻🦋
@@cloudyday1617 well that's the point : you will meet new people as you continue to live, so him too!! He will also be meeting new people and that's what really sucks actually 😁😣😅😒
2:40 I think it's about balance. Understanding that even though you enjoy this persons presence, they could leave any moment and you understand that and continue go about life with joy
yea, it should spark you to be more FULLY PRESENT when you are with them, knowing they could die tomorrow. That is what I take away, never take someone for granted because they could be gone. I learned that the hard way...
Right now I'm sitting at the death bed, holding the hand of the person who saved me from dying and raised me. I'm waiting for her last breath to come. And I can't find comfort in this video. I will get through the pain, but it will take years. I was caring for her for many years now. I'm just exhausted and deeply disturbed. Please wish me luck
@@anudeepshetty2751 She's just very old, in constant pain, has dementia, won't eat, won't drink. It's that deep connection between us, which makes it hard for her (and me) to leave her life. She's struggling to let loose. But now it's getting better. She's on her way to fall asleep and never wake up again. Still unbearable pain for me. I stay with her all the time since Tuesday.
This video saved me when I needed it the most. To remember I can’t depend on external factors for my own happiness and well-being. Attachments are the root of all suffering. Buddha was right. To be able to accept and let go. This is not your life to control, you are only here to experience it. Be gentle with yourself, be graceful with the hardships. I know it’s not easy, life can be hard, and that’s okay. We are all in this together. This perspective makes it much more beautiful while allowing the negative thoughts to have a much less intense effect on our minds and hearts. Be grateful for every experience in your life, good and bad. One day before you die, you will realize it was all meaningless in the end, but the love you felt is what mattered the most. There are no winners or losers, because we will all be dead eventually. Break free from the shackles of your limiting beliefs. Realize this world is bigger than what you can understand or conceptualize. Don’t take it all so seriously; remember it’s all a play,a dream. Smile and learn to take it gently and lightly. Make your heart strong and resilient to emotional volatility, and trust that it can never be taken personally, because you as a person, are an illusion.
@DJ Surferdude Your identification with your personality is an illusion. It’s a phenomenon called ego. It’s a result of perception of separateness . There is no external reality other than the internal reality. (I know that can be a bit confusing) As long as you think there is a God or some force outside of you, separate from you, you will be in an eternal conflict with it. Realize there are no lines, it’s all imaginary. Why do you have consciousness and sentience to experience all these things? Logic tells us that nature/universe evolved this way. Paradox’s and mysteries are not meant to be solved, but lived. Do yourself a favor and come to terms with this first. Reality is not what you think it is, it all depends on what software you’re running. Matrix , unplug, reload.
I've had one of yet another breakups a few days ago and been so depressed with no one and nothing to cling on to, this video soothes a lot, thanks so much!
The Stoics, for example, argue that one should never despair. Cicero - one of my favorite thinkers of all time - wrote that a good Stoic, to whom a child has died, should repeat: "I have always been conscious that I have brought a mortal being into existence." It was extremely interesting for me to read his letters from the period when his daughter died. Just before this tragic event, he had written a typical letter in the spirit of stoic consolation to a friend who had lost a child. But when his own daughter died, Cicero was absolutely devastated. To his friend Atticus he repeated endlessly: "I am not able to do simple things." Atticus said: "It doesn't suit, it doesn't come off, you shouldn't dwell on it like that," and Cicero at one point replied: "It is not only that I am unable to cope with my daily tasks, I am also unable to think as I should."
"From the streets did she emerge, and to the streets she will return. And I say unto you, she is for the streets. So be not weary, when she must return from whence she came.” - Epictetus
It seems to me that this video is about the other side of letting go of attachment, it becomes an easier process to work with by shifting one's perspective through realizing that one never owned a relationship to begin with. What a beautiful point
in any relationship, when the bad outweighs the good, it's time to let it go, the initial action can be gut wrenching to put one self through, but shortly after you return to new beginnings
You cannot lose what was not yours in the first place. Only mourn the loss of those who truly belonged to you here in this place. If you are the type to get attached (and I am) you must always remember to let go so they can continue on their adventures in this life or the next and even if it means leaving you behind. ❤️
I lost someone I loved deeply. Knowing now that no person belongs to us has opened my mind tremendously! Knowing that she has been returned has bought me peace to my heart. Thank you for this upload!
I hope u mean returned to the streets and not back to you. Cause if u allow any woman to leave u and return ur a jackazz an being played a fool. So I really hope u mean she returned to the streets
Coming to the realization I have to let them go… it hurts so bad but staying with someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserve hurts more… I’m going to miss them so much and right now am inconsolable. But the pain gets better with time… I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak and it gets a little easier every time, but it still hurts. Your videos are always right on time and helped me in the early stages of dating them, but as your Wu Wei video taught me I have to let them go… Thank you.
@@marining you do.. but in olas... In waves... Each wave softens even the toughest edges. Trust that forcing that door to stay open will not allow you to turn around and see the right one open to the path you should be on.i can't tell you how much energy I poured into the wrong person. I journaled. I walked. I cried. I distracted myself with TV and animals and slowly I realized I went a whole evening without the thoughts. Then a week went by and it had been days. Now.. I cannot explain the glow in me. It is my own energy. And no more vampire to drink it dry
@@TheMSRXD Yeah man, I had a tough breakup a few weeks ago myself, that had a few weeks of no contact before that, so it was super hard, but finally got to see her and talk and have a closure understanding moment with her and we hugged it out and cheered up ourselves even and all the things, then this whole week now has been so much easier, i cried like a bitch and all that jazz but it's fine, you let that out of your system and spend the impressions of it from the soul, as they say, and then you move on. Fortunately for me, this girl is very cool and understanding and conscious of a lot of things, which is why we had the closure that we had and the understanding. A girl prior to her, it was much much worse, and it was hard on me for a year until i met this one. It's all a process. Just wanted to share this, cheers!
Same here. And with no cloture too! We just stopped talking 2 months ago. The last conversation was normal and all. But it was obvious he lost interest. I didn't mention it to him and he didn't say a world. And that's how we necer spoke again. I think he started dating someone else a month ago. From what our friends told me. Still cry every night but I know itll get better sooner or later
On a positive note, never be upset someone you love left your life. It opens a door for a new potential lover. That chapter of your life is over and another has been openedn❤
I had no idea I was a stoic someone once ask me if I even had/felt emotions. I answered... yes, I just do not let them control me I control them. I don't allow myself to get too emotionally attached to anything.
In my teenage years, I was a hopeless romantic,allbeit very mercurial as well, and had very close relationships with friends, too. Later in life, I realized somehow, I don't get attached to people any more. There are people I love but I don't miss them if I don't see them. When a loved one dies, my grief is over in less than a year and I accept they're gone forever and carry on. I wouldn't recommend this state of mind to anyone. It makes for a very bland,beige sort of life.
From personal experience, I feel like we still care, we just shift these emotions around in other uses. I personally care for people, but could really care less if we see each other or not. It’s not that I hate them, Iv just learned to accept MY truth in life and live for me, life is a fickle thing and it will always matter what YOU make of it in the end.
I feel the same. I started feeling disconnected from people. Guess it’s not truly acceptance but a backhanded way of making you feel secure before the pain, again there’s still fear of sudden loss. Acceptance should make you want to live your emotions with people freely and fully and even mourn for them without desperate need of having them back, not repressing them
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
You REPEATEDLY POST 'to the WORTHWHILE PERSON....' PLEASE stop this - EVERYONE is worthwhile. Your grammar is excluding people. Do you want EVERYONE to feel valued, or just the 'worthwhile people'??
As someone who has lost their father sister and child within the space of a few years I understand finding purpose in the face of grief takes huge strength and determination, I see your statement as kindness in the face of adversity.
This is what I tell myself when mourning a loss. I would rather say goodbye, than beg them to stay and suffer. Thank you for the time we shared, it was great experiencing life with you.
I am trying to practice this, but being someone diagnosed with BPD and having abandonment issues stemming from my childhood, it is so, so hard. I am already unloved and rejected by my own parents, and now I have to live a whole life accepting that I may be unloved and rejected by all. But I still know that this is the healthiest mindset one ought to have. Please wish me luck, yall.
I’ve had to let people go because if I held onto them it would hold me back/cause more pain, in the long run. People come into our lives for a reason but they also leave for a reason. We usually don’t realize that reason until much later after we’ve had time to ponder about it.
Reflection is truly key. Humanity should dare to look deep within, but it should also accept that more than mere physical Reflection is required for true, celestial enlightenment. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge; hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
Currently going through a breakup, my first one, where I cannot seem to stop myself from having regrets over my choice. I miss what I had, and while I could have worked through it with them and hoped for a better relationship, there was enough of a feeling that I made the call, whether the right one or not, and now the pain to work through it is immense but needed. This made me realize what I am going through is normal, and it feels good to want to hurt, knowing at some point I will hurt less.
I just got broken up with someone for the same reason. He was my first love and and he always told me that we would grown old together, have kids and all that. We had problems that I thought were fixable but he didn’t, he told me that he still loved me and respected me and said he was going to miss me. I don’t understand why he let me go if he claimed that he cared and loved me that much. Since you’re on the other end of this kind of situation, why did you end it?
@caa9ify there was a bug disconnect between us. We had emotional support with each other but with time I learned that our definitions of love were very different, it caused tension, and eventually started to feel too platonic. All the same emotions and care and feelings remained but the compatibility did not. So while it hurt to leave and while I wanted to find every reason to stay it was unfair to both of us to do so. They deserved someone on the same wavelength of love and I deserve someone whom understands and can handle my form of love as well. Neither of us are at fault, neither toxic, I hope one day to rekindle a truly string friendship because we obviously care for each other but we are right emotions but wrong people situation. It's actually a good thing, it means we are both good people, it means we never meant to hurt each other, it means if things went truly bad for me I know they would be there even if it hurt us for a moment. It is harder to grasp though because it's not toxic, it's not the normal reason to leave someone. I did not give up on us, I gave up on myself. I ignored my true feelings because I enjoyed their company and we had a strong connection even though deep down I knew we just weren't the right people for each other. I hope this helps. Don't beat yourself up, I don't think you've done anything wrong, and don't feel they don't care. I bet they care more deeply than you imagine but love is not enough sometimes and that's okay. It's healthy, it's how we grow and learn :) Hope this helped. I can talk further about my experience if you're curious
For everyone saying this has caused them a bland life is not applying it fully, I used to numb my emotions and live "half dead" then I started doing more activities I truly enjoy & looking and leaning into these feelings that naturally occurred. Life is now the best it has ever been, clear head, in the moment, loving every bit. Don't fight the feelings because of your thoughts about them or stigma's based around them. Ease up and let them in
I gave up some things years ago that were obviously an emotional rollercoaster and I'm much happier with the tranquility that has come from that decision. Recently I have considered giving up some other happy-unhappy cling-repel things that are more difficult to give up. But if it leads to more tranquility as did my earlier decisions then I think it will be worth it.
I chose not to watch this yesterday but now I'm watching it because my heart is broken. I hope I can accept things as they are and be happy for others.
I was hanging out with this girl for the past few months. We would hangout every weekend. I told her how I felt and I guess she never felt the same. The past month has been amazing, we did a lot of things together. Probably the best time of my life. Out of nowhere she ended up getting in a relationship. I was hurt. We talked about doing so much together and now we can’t. It sucked but I had to tell her that I can’t be around her anymore. In order for us to happy, I need to let her go. I thought I was being immature and that it wasn’t the best choice. after this watching this video, I feel better
You ve been a real one dude! Never ever let someone makes you feel unworthy! What you did show your strenght and your good intentions,you will find someone that will appreciate this kind of respect🙂letting her go was an act of respect to you in the first place but also for her. Good job man🫡 I wish you can get the best girl ever😊
@@theknight3093 thank you, for a long time I felt like I was a terrible person. I will admit that I wasn’t the best of friends towards her but I needed to do what’s best for me. I’m not going my to say that I found the one just yet. Me and my friends of five years have been getting closer and closer. We are taking our time and placing realistic goals like marriage. It’s a big commitment, she’s a single mom with 2 teenage daughters. We are doing what best for us and becoming a family
It’s like keeping in mind that while you are the hero of your story, your not the hero in every one else’s. You can’t write the people around you in and out of your life to move your plot forward. Everyone is writing their own story and sometimes it doesn’t include you.
I have been a long time follower of this channel, it helped me countless of times, but this video now more than ever. I literally just had to say goodbye yesterday to my closest peers forever and this video popped up at the perfect timing to understand why I truly coulnd't let them go. I am genuinely grateful of the content you share and the philosophy you preach.
I’m trying to heal after my very turbulent, 8 year long HS sweetheart relationship has come to a close, this is much appreciated. It feels odd to love someone so much that you feel almost happy to let them go, but I just mean that out of a place of certainty in making the tough decision to walk away. My life was forever changed because of that love and it’s hard to distract myself from the feeling of absence and regret
Not yet but in ten yrs and hundr3ds of gallons of wine and mountain of kitty litter, then youll realize you through a good man away for greener grass. Only then youll be old. That is your life.
I was in love deeply and foolishly once, at first when we broke up I was so attached, he moved abroad a couple of months later (this was almost 6 years ago). It took me almost 3 years to come to terms with the fact that even tho I loved him I couldnt do more than just letting him go. I still think about him a lot, I do know now that I was too selfish at first and love isnt supposed to be selfish at all, I realized what love truly is, now just the thought of him being safe somewhere makes me happy, even if I dont see him again I accept it all, my feelings and his. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with love (or feelings in general) but trying for example to force other people to remain in our lifes is like trying to contain water on the palm of our hands: just pointless. Just let them go.
Let him go and do not bother about him again. You are no longer responsible for his wellbeing, safety or feelings. Yes sometimes you may remember him and we all do remember our ex, but just brave up and move on with your life especially if the break up was not by you. Gather your self and be courageous enough to move on, that's life. Do not give a hoot about him and whether he is well and where he is, he should be fine there.
@@alexconfidence2354 she hardly sounds like the type to "not give a hoot about him". Nor does the Stoic philosophy seem to be encouraging such a cavalier attitude toward those we lose. I believe it says "grieve in moderation" and move on. She appears to be doing just that.
"At its core, trying to keep the people we're attached to in our lives is a selfish pursuit. When we desire people to be with us, we generally don't desire this for them, not the bettterment of the common good, but to fulfill our own selfish desire, which is the 'not wanting to part from what we're fond of'"
Reflection is truly key. Humanity should dare to look deep within, but it should also accept that more than mere physical Reflection is required for true, celestial enlightenment. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge; hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
When I got pregnant and had my daughter I lost all my friends and that's when I learnt people never last forever especially friends so I learnt to let go and didn't go finding more friends but instead I embrace myself and alone with my daughter. As time past I don't get attached to people I just focus on myself and my kids and be happy 😊
You are right, friends don't last forever, but that doesn't mean you cannot make new friends when the "old" ones leave you. Since your child probably radically changed your life, it could be that your old friends weren't ready for that big change, and that's normal, but there are many people out who either already have children or are willing to link with people with children. Friends are important, you don't want to become your child best friend, for her own sake
People with children and people without usually don't hang out much together. It is normal. Just find some friends with children through the school or activities you do with your kids...
Remember that you will need to return them to the world as well eventually. Too many parents in an effort to keep their children with them will literally arrest their development to subconsciously keep them from growing up.
Loss isn't easy to shrug off. The more we love The more we loose. I will love and know there will be pain if I loose them. I don't stop loving them They are my life.
Exactly. When I had the mindset from The video, I wasn’t enjoying life. Because if At the end I was going to return something, then why bother enjoying it lol
@@rollercoaster8881 yea this mindset isnt for me either. i am just someone that loves my close ones deeply. if the price for making my people feel loved is devastating grief, then i am more than willing to pay for it. thats just how i roll
I'm in the strange position of feeling anxious over the loss of someone who is not even mine yet (and, according to the sages, never really will be). I appreciate these quick reminders so much
Interesting things I noticed: -not about repression of feelings (rather about your mindset after initial reactions) -regruate+limit mourning. sadness is ok but falling into a prolonged state of depression is not. -entitlement brings pain when they leave your life. realizing that you were never entitled in the first place will help with cope.
Thanks for uploading this. I'm going through a hard time with my husband and could possibly be leading to separation. Letting go sounds better than losing. I always told him we were better off as friends. He tell me I forced him into marrying me. I think it's for the best in the long run that we go our separate way no matter how much we loved each other.
If you guys love each other enough you would not break up, but for him to say he was forced into marrying you is one of the most insensitive, unloving and cruel thing to say. You can only try your best but if it doesn't work you can't force anyone atleast you tried. but never cite love here because obviously the love is not balanced or doesn't really exist especially from his comment.
This is such a hard lesson, but it’s been coming up for me a lot lately. I fear getting into relationships because I don’t want to lose people. I’ve been in one long term relationship and even though I left him (4 years ago) because it wasn’t healthy - I STILL struggle to accept he isn’t in my life anymore. I hate losing people i’m close to, because i don’t get close to many. But I know that it’s part of life… and I know i can’t settle and stay committed to someone if it’s not working anymore, so with that loss will always be apart of my life. I feel like the only people who don’t deal with loss are those who choose security over freedom, even if it means dealing with a lackluster life full of lackluster relationships. but of course tragedies happen too. I need to really focus on non attachment and loosening my grips on those i love.
Hang in there homies. Focus on yourself, and things will realign in time. Got dumped a few years back, was devastated for some time. During the recovery, ran into a lovely girl in the kitchen at work. It wasn’t time for another relationship, yet we bonded anyway. She is so loving, I’m glad I got out of the previous relationship against my will.
I lost my husband in December and recently acknowledged to myself that I wanted back the person in his prime and also the opportunity to fix mistakes I'd made. The fact that he had dementia helped me to this insight and to understand the roots of my grief at loss. I still grieve but I also now know I can't hold on to anything except the ever changing present. I pray that you can reach a place that gives you some comfort in your heart. It's cold comfort but seems to fit our physical reality and aids in moving forward in our evolution.
I lost the bigger part of my family one year ago from today. I didn’t realise it at first. I was having a sleepless night with discomfort and feelings of sadness, out of place, non tangible and unreasonable feelings, like an echo of old and suppressed emotions. I couldn’t understand. Then I came to this realisation, that the timing was just right. The rain started to pour. It was a year ago today. It was a long time ago since I last felt that bad. Nothing could ease the pain. When everything else failed to stop me from weeping I opened up my phone, started up UA-cam and this video was the first recommendation. I watched it and It helped. I feel better and I learned something of deep value that will continue to give me peace, until I’m returned.. I’m not one to comment about my life anywhere online but this.. the impact is immense and I want to return my gratitude same-fold some how. The only way I could think of was to share. So thank you. And for you that have lost someone and are struggling with grief right now, know that it gets easier.
i really needed to hear this.. after breaking up with my boyfriend, it felt like a part of me still wants to live through my life like he's still here with me, but its making me loose myself. finally i have the courage to let him go completely and slowly get back into being myself, ready to love again, but with lessons i learned during my time in our relationship.
grieving in moderation. I like this formula for the masses, as for myself, I am capable of the stoic sage route of complete detachment, but to those who have made an impression on me, I will feel and accept that inevitable return, and shed some tears. Happy, I had a chance to know someone before there passing.
This is something I am going through currently, and there is no other way then letting go. It becomes tough sometimes, and most of times it feels as if I haven't made any progress. But enduring pain is the only option and to hope that things will get better because what I have realized over years is that our brain start accepting things over time.
You'll get through it Priya. People tend to say that time heals, but I've learned that time only heals once we accept our situation and the conditions we must endure. Accepting the fact its difficult to let go, accepting the feeling of no progress, accepting the struggle of growing and expanding beyond the boundaries of our previous shell. More importantly, that it's okay to experience it and feel discomfort as we do. And yet choosing to move forward anyway. Learning to accept and empathize with ourselves is a moment where we cant resist and hide from our pain. Our emotions can be sporadic, so the challenge our acceptance has to face varies on a day to day basis, so stay patient with yourself Priya. Progress is equally microscopic as it is perceived on macro scale, and sometimes we just have to repeat a routine of thoughts or small decisions (that are not our normal) long enough for it to change the behaviour of our mind in the long run, and its not instantly noticable. I remember hearing that progress is just an accumulation of small choices that bring changes in the most subtle ways, until theres so many changes that its not subtle anymore. I wish you the best Priya, I believe in you :) Stay patient with yourself as you heal and release
@Priya Being self aware of the problem is still progress. Anything worthwhile takes time, practice, and discipline. No progress is completely linear, patience with yourself has to be central with your journey. During this time you will learn a lot about life and about yourself, you will be so grateful for having to go through this journey as time goes on because it will only increase your resilience and emotional strength. The pain is not optional, it is necessary for us to move forward, even though it is hard and it hurts so much. The suffering is optional, and I don’t believe you have chosen suffering, so I am very proud of you. Time will march forward, and things will not get better unless you put in the effort. From what I can see, it appears that you are doing that. Be patient, kind and loving towards yourself. It is the most important principles to keep on this journey. Best of luck. 🙏
@@gabrielgarcia7554 Hi.. thankyou for this beautiful comment. I am so grateful to read this. Yes, the journey is tough and perhaps this is what I needed to read today. There is guilt, frustration and what not. But your words put things in to perspective again. Every time I feel low, I somehow get such comforting words from kind strangers like you. People I've in real life are never so kind. I am so grateful that human being like you exist. Thanks a lot stranger. You really made my day. Wishing you a nice day. :)
Had come to this recently where my wife had become emotionally attached to another man. At first I was killing myself trying to be something more to avoid divorce, but the harder I tried the more she pushed me away. At the point we are at now I told her I am ready to let her go. I realized I wasn't respecting myself in the process of trying to keep our family from being torn apart. I let her know she either needs to pursue this other man or invest in our family. Either way I will no longer dog myself to keep everything together. 20 years is a long time. All I can do is be thankful for the life we shared and work on myself.
I think this lesson is most important when it comes to family. Not those we choose, but those we are born into. There are times in life when we feel we must accept all they do, because of the blood ties, but its more important to be true to ourselves, even if it means cutting ties to people you've known your entire life. To me, that's the ultimate test of stoicism and discipline. Being able to let go of family when they begin to act like anchors and not supporting and lifting you higher.
This video has really helped me. I've been struggling to reconsile my emotions from a breakup for years. Watching this video helped me realize how inevitable some things are regardless of how much we may believe we have control. Thank you
It's the pain to forgive yourself to love that person, the delusion and cruel reality. I've been there too and takes courage to move away and be in peace with whoever triggers you
It's because both love and hate are in same frequency and at extreme poles of the spectrum, it only takes self control and sometimes a brutal reprimand or pep talk to make you control your emotions. Self worth is also a reason not to bother much.
Been there and done that; It takes almost everything from you at first but as time goes on, the pain lessens and blurry things becomes more and more clearer, that's where you slowly start to accept every pain and every feelings you feel and you eventually move on. I'm still healing this day even 3 years almost 4 years has passed.
Glad I found this video especially right now I'm having a big problem with my life and also my significant other left me without any closure for almost 13yrs of our relationship its not hard to forget
What baffles me is that we attach ourselves to very toxic people, thinking that it’s love, when in truth and in fact, it’s nothing more than trauma bonding.
I just returned one of the deepest loves that I had, and I was (and still am) suffering and mourning. But this perspective gave me some respite and a different lens to view the break up - thank you for posting this, and also the comments are resonating deeply.
Same, only person i ever cared about. My biggest dream right now is for her to come back but it s very saddening that most likely that dream won t come to reality
Grief is a real emotion though. We have to get to that place of acceptance on our own time. Life is nothing but beginnings and endings. Everything will end. My mom and dad are no longer physically in my presence but they live in my heart and mind.
Hope you’re doing alright❤ they live in you, they make up your DNA, if you ever feel alone remember that your parents make up who you are. Your features were once on their physical self, and now they live on with you. As long as you’re alive, they live vicariously with you.
I had this friend who i was afraid to “lose”. I’ve suffered many losses on my life to the point where I developed a pretty big fear of loss. This fear skewed my views of everything and cause me to move in fear. Long story short me and that friends aren’t friends anymore. Good thing is they said they don’t hate me, they just need time. I feel like a fool. Like Anakin
To truley love is to allow the person be free. Free to leave if they must. The love we feel for them is actually the love we have for ourself projected onto them as a reflection. This reflection beams back to us and we feel love. It's all us. When we realise that there is a counterfeit version of love, a Synthetic copy we realise that to truley love is to learn to love ourselves with wild abandon. This is true love.
I needed this and all you in the comments are all spiritually awakened. God bless all of you and the creator of this video. If you had to learn on your own let your loved ones learn on their own.
This video is a lucid, well thought out sentiment with a stellar perspective on loss. I think it can be very helpful. I can see why this is a great mentality set, but it's something I can never do. Losing your significant other never goes away or gets easier. You just learn to live with it. Still, I like your subject matter. I think you're solid dude.
This comes with a perspective that life goes on in the sense that we may lose the ones we love and care about, and yourself who is around can continue the good deeds they left with us. And that is how we can continue to value their legacy. And bring us to the realization that we should not limit ourselves to the physical world, that when it is gone, it is no longer present. Realize that all of these still all around us, just taking into different forms at different times.
I moved around a lot and lost my great-grandmother, to whom I was very close, as a kid so I came to terms with letting people go early in life. Sometimes, I feel heartless for not expecting anything to last but that's life.
Nothing lasts. Everything changes. It's just a matter of when and how. Your understanding is realistic. And it can help you to practice gratitude, now.
I used to care a lot about losing people. Now i don't give a damn if you leave. I only have one life and i will not waste it worrying about what i can't control. I will continue living my life the best way i can and keep making myself better and helping my family.
Love is loyalty...this is the simplest definition I can imagine. If we live in our heads and do not have access to an emotional range that allows us to communicate through them, stoicism supports our silence. It supports non-attachment. It cannot support sympathy, compassion, love, empathy or the deeper and more irrational feelings that tie the mind into the senses and feelings of the body and that allow us to care for one another. Life is short, stoicism is wise, but supports only the mind, only 1/2 of what it is to have a chance at life and a whole experience.
Stoic philosophy is great for general advice like 'don't obsessively desire someone or their company' but it drastically over-simplifies the complexity of relationships (to people, things, etc) and places humans as passive participants in their own lives and in the lives of others. Relationships are so important, as are many forms of attachment, and it's better to find a healthy way to interact and progress with others and yourself instead of the near-apathy taught by some of the more classic (read: ancient) stoics.
After looking into Buddhist teachings a lot to deal with grief I am experiencing at the moment this video really clicked with me. I can't just distance myself from my ego to accept any loss - but I don't have to either, I can half-distance to take solace in a middle-ground, knowing I will ultimately be able to overcome sadness again. Thank you very much for this.
"Imagine loving someone so much that you'd do anything for them."
"Now imagine that someone being yourself."
That sounds like how we are supposed to achieve to be one in marriage. It’s actually one of the twelve mysteries of G. written about in the B.
Words with an impact... beautiful suggestion. I really needed to hear that. Ty
i needed that thanks
da m n
wow
Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in someone else’s life. Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself, when you trying not to lose someone else.
"Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in someone else's life." This! I did not understand this for the longest time. Thank you for putting it into words so clearly and concisely.
"Be afraid of losing yourself, when you trying not to lose someone else." That's something I am personally afraid of. I don't want to let my love for someone turn me into something bad if its taken away
💯🏆
Definitely
Im going to screenshot this 🥰😊☺️ gracias Felix
One thing I learnt that has helped me when I’ve lost someone important is to realise that the person you lost didn’t make you feel the love you felt, it was you. You created that love and you made them the centre of it but really it was you.
Beautifully said!
🤯
It's also a shared bond, even when your feelings are your own... The bonds the moments you share the memories That's what's ultimately left behind. They may be your feelings, but they're never one-sided.
I’m gunna put it here because this gave me ease. I left everything and everyone over a PROMISE my ex gave me. I had never felt more alone in my life. I kept letting him, and every time even when it was sporadic, I felt used. He would say “I do miss you” while having a gf this whole time. This made me realize I can’t let this make me feel sad after leaving him for good. I lost me. I lost everything that made me .. me. I was love. Thank you ❤️
I'm sorry to hear that Marcela. I lost myself too. 13 years single now. I pray you are healing
“I still love the people I’ve loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them.” -Uma Thurman
Thats what she said
@@MortyMT 😂😂
I don't know why...but your fears you attract more then your dreams.
There are exceptions but a lot of people never dream some of there's achievements.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I love this quote
That sick feeling in your gut means that your love was true. Its healthy to feel this way. The difficult task is letting go and not letting it consume us.
I can attest to his. I was in several relationships before I finally found someone who I felt genuine love for. He broke up with me through text just today. Thank you for your comment. It honestly helped me feel a little better to know that this kind of reaction to something like this is okay.
So other people feel that "gut" feeling? I thought it was just me😢
@@slimshidy2451yes
I finally found the love of my life. But, he was a fraud. Big lesson learned.
@@lnactivesince2024my girlfriend broke up with me just yesterday. We were coming up on our year anniversary. I feel your pain and hope you’re okay
Life is not about winning or gaining, it's about accepting and letting go.
“It’s not about winning or losing it’s about how you play the game”
Isn't that Nihilism? 🤔
Its not about to achiving but experiencing and leaving.
Life is about nothing, you decide what is important for you.
@@farnhoune4237 "Knowing that it can't be perfect but you try to make it as perfect as you possibly can . We all are different, so dance in your box in the best way you possibly can. Choose your own box and just be you . There's no gimmick "
the more we try to control something, the more it ends up controlling us.
Wow that’s resonated with me
@@jamesmcmccray8255 same brother same 😅
This.
so true!
Mientras más tratamos de controlar algo, al finalizar, nos controla más de lo que queríamos controlar.
Don’t force situations. Let people do as they please. Only make the effort if it’s returned if not move on in any type of relationship. Only permanent thing in your life is yourself. Everything else is a variable
Who are you . That was sick reall neeed to read that ty sm
Even ourselves ain't permanent though. Ourselves are just the only thing we can control.
So true
Thanks, brilliant thoughts, I agree ..
Easier said than done
Separating is hard. But sometimes, loving someone means wanting what's best for them and letting their life take them where they need to be.
Amen.
Amen
Yes that’s true
💯
Amen
You can be attached to someone, but not let it consume you. Be ok with being by yourself. It's ok to feel sad when you lose someone you love. But don't let it destroy you.
Be willing to walk alone. Many who started with you won't finish with you
Like a space shuttle
This is very true!
We all die alone.
The top of the mountain is lonely
@@Halonoobs1000 it already seems to get lonlier on the way up the mountain. Life seems after a certain point to take away more than it gives.
It's not so much losing the person that hurts, it's the future that you can no longer have together that's worse.
Once you see her true form, the future shouldn't matter. But once you learn F-nature and accept it for what it is, life gets so much better!!!
@@johnstamos4325 Her true form was that she had an eye on one of my "best friends" for who knows how long.
Still, I could've had a family with her (I didn't want to at the time) and now I'm left pining with no one to make one with, and time just seems to be disappearing. I messed up 😔
It all comes down to expectation. We aren’t mad that they left, we’re mad because we didn’t think they would. It’s brilliant. Everything that brings us suffering stems from our expectation. All it takes to get over it is switching you perspective. Reframe the meaning of the action to something positive or neutral and it doesn’t hurt anymore, at least not in the way it did.
@@MikeJackson690 people who have kids with people and got married are still left, so there is no antidote or guarantee for her not leaving other than true love. But if she eyed your friend and left you for him, then you have no business being with such person as a partner. Just be open, focused and patient you will get someone that deserves you and worths you especially if you are a good person. I wouldn't want to be with someone who left me for my best friend.
@@alexconfidence2354 What do you mean “ such a person “. Is a girl in the wrong for choosing whoever she feels more righteous being together with? Maybe at first she liked the guy but then ended up falling in love with his friend, I don’t think that makes her a bad person, just the way the universe plays it out p
I lost my best friend 6 months before losing my mother, that's a few years after losing my father. The idea they are now returned brings me some comfort, I appreciate this upload.
Einzelgänger, or the guy behind this channel, is a very wise traveler. Always come back for some calming thoughts, eye and mind opening anecdotes and words.
Much love and energy to you my man! Whatever happens, happens. 🚬
Hang in there, I lost my mother back in 2010 to cancer when I was 19, my dad was never the same again and lost his mind, except he wasn't "crazy enough" to be admitted to an institution, but rejected a therapist as well. From November of 2021 until March of this year, I lost him to covid, my grandma to natural causes, a friend to a drug overdose as well as another friend to a rare, aggressive form of arterial cancer. Among all this, I had to stop seeing the girl that I loved dearly. I was losing my mind for a few weeks and was crying every day, but I'm ok now 3 months later. I've lost 25kg and now training for a marathon as well as changing careers. Things get better, they always do. I wish you the best!
@@vincentdimitri169 amazing the resilience you showed trough this years 👏👏
@@vincentdimitri169 No. Tough times DO last, and sometimes one hasn't the time or chance for things to turn around.
You are young and you have time.
Life can get better, eventually, and relative to WHAT? I went through very similar circumstances the past few years, and I can say, having lived through that and looking at the world, that if I had God's skill-set, I'd be a MUCH better god! Of course, a true stoic wouldn't believe in God, right?
Life's a real piece of shit, so stop sugarcoating it - it's just then a sugarcoated turd. I live in Buffalo. Share your BS with a mass shooting victim's family and let's see how well that is received, oh Swami!
Maybe I'm too much of a realist/cynic to truly be a stoic, because I can't help but give a fuck.
@@noo2le868
I got the young man beat, having lived through that and more, and I can say life is a turd, no matter how you sugarcoat it.
My favorite saying is “I have yet to meet all the people who love ❤️ me!” Makes me appreciate those who were in my life and look forward to those to come.
Great quote, "I have yet to meet all the people who love me." I'll add to that, "and whom I love."
When I think about not being able to see someone ever again then I get this feeling in my chest and it’s so strong .
Breathe deeply into that sensation
I know that one too well, having suffered much abandonment as a child
Lost my love after 5 years. The rational part of me wants to move on and heal, the animal part of me wants to be a monster.
That feeling doesn't go away until long after. And only when u stop thinking about wanting That feeling to go away.
That's just acid reflux 😂
The only thing you're attached to till your death are your own thoughts, soul and the body. Work on them the most.
Ekdum sahi gyaan choda Bhai
Wise words. Will the soul remain though after death?
How?
@@philipoconnor2236 According to Hinduism, it does. That means you gotta work the most on that. Keeping the soul pure.
There is no soul. It's an invention of the narcissistic monkey brain
Real love is letting people go ❤️ just be grateful for the time together
So then what’s your definition of love ? Just letting people go ? 🤔
Love to me is a very sweet selfless light-hearted playful emotion.. Love to me is childlike.. And relationships should be loose and that someone can be 100 percent who they want. And if that means that someone doesn't want to be with me anymore then I accept that choice and I still love them at a distance.. When you realize that everything in life is constantly moving and that you never have any grip on anything or anyone, life is going to be so much easier.. Just my thought 🤷🏼♀️
@@felicityduijkersloot6043 but what if someone wants to have an open relationship but doesn’t want to leave bc he loves you. He just wants a different flavor every now and then . If you love him just as much as he loves you , would you stay even tho it makes him happy to sleep around ?
@@bitofwizdomb7266 Any relationships required open communications. Why couldn't an open relationship work out? The couple set the rules and tones of the relationship so if one person want to explore a little more and the other person respect that urge so both communicate and continued to communicate about the new dynamic until they can come to an understanding. The communications open space for both to speak their thoughts and fear and emotions without judgement, whether it's good or bad. Once a conclusion has been reached and both decide to open their relationship with the continued open communications, who can say it won't work out?
Always love with an open hand. Never cling. Let leave them leave if they choose. You were complete before they came. You will not die when they are gone. You may grow.
One thing which has helped me to get over losses and difficult times and to the time still help is a quote by Haruki Murakami. The quote goes like this "Such wounds to the heart will probably never heal. But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever".
Hope this relieves you too.
Nice ❤
From which book is it?
Reminds me of one of my dad’s quotes: “A ship may be safe when it’s in harbor but that’s not what ships are built for…"
This is rough for me having left a 6-yr long relationship. You have to sit still with the pain & let it go. Easy to say, but hard to do. Sometimes the hard part is letting go of the pain, because it felt like if you do let go, you’re losing all of the shared memories. It’s sad.
I just broke up 2 days ago days brother. It's always a tough road, but we'll come out stronger out of the other end.
Yea a 7 yrs guys we in this together
Letting go of the pain is one of the hardest steps
I totallly understand how you feel. I’m a year post break up and its still rough to let go.
I am of the same situation with you and the pain is suffocating. But we can do this. Eventually, we’ll get through this. 🫂
A dear friend sent me this before we stopped talking. Letting go is so hard. Emotions are so strong. There is peace however in accepting that they were never ''yours'' to begin with. I rewatch this whenever I find myself sad/depressed again that our friendship ended. 😔 It takes alot of strength to let go of attachment. ''Grieve moderately''
Why did u let them go? They sent u this which means they might have expected you to put some efforts to be back
@@shama7201 I tried.. they ghosted me. 😔
I don't understand how friendships end. It's not like a romantic relationship where people can't be with each other any more?
@@TrangNguyen-hx3ko Personally, I just left without saying a word- my relationship with my (only) two, longest lasting friends had turned into something that made me more angry, annoyed and infuriated on a regular basis compared to feeling fulfilled, happy, worthwhile. I suffered and suffered and realized that the situation isn't going to get easier- it's only getting worse. It got to the point that where just even seeing their name pop up in a message, call, or a simple greeting made me shift from completely calm, at peace with myself, to instantly angry.
So I left. I took a long, rational look at the situation and realized that I've been covering all these negative emotions for a LONG time with the idea of "friendship", not even realizing how harmful these emotions were to my well being. Once I realized this, I took up a metaphorical blade, and swiftly, without any hesitation, cut everything that tied me to them. In practice, I started immediately practicing zero contact.
After that- my overall well being has immensely improved. My anxiety is lower, I'm eating better, I've managed to quit Alcohol altogether (that's freaking big for me.), my head is clearer, I find immense enjoyment in things again that were mundane and boring before, and most of all, I feel so much more at peace while sticking to my own motions.
Sorry for the long comment, think I needed to write this out even once, for the record.
Thanks
Desire = attachment = control = suffering
💔
I am sorry for your loss. May god be with you. Somebody will love you dear, be hopeful.
=life
Desire = attachment = fear of losing = trying to control = suffering
Realizing how you contributed In the losing= realizing that you ain't shit=replaying that over and over=not fixing things=thinking about what they think of my family and life choices=feel even more shitty=cry when nobody is looking=do it over again while getting no job car or freedom to be a normal functioning adult in the world so you die and resurrect into the house
Yoda had the best stoic life advice I have ever heard. "Let go of all that you fear to lose."
@@john-paulhunt6943 Afb?
stupid advice. I fear of losing a place to sleep, so I'm supposed to let it go and become homeless?
@@joannasekua6273 Let it go from your mind. You don't have to be homeless or even not have a family to let go of all of them ahead of time in your mind. I've already let go of everyone I love so when they pass it will be of no consequence. I've let go of all the possessions and items I have in my life including the house over my head so if it ever burned to the ground I would simply get up and move on. You cannot control the circumstances of your life so stop holding on to them so tightly. They are out of your control and they are impermanent. Detachment is true peace.
Yeah kina like if I fake it I don't have it
@@joannasekua6273yes now get started 😂
I've struggled in the past with getting too attached to people to the point in 2018 I got diagnosed with BPD.
Whenever I lose someone either from death or end of a relationship/friendship etc...
I fall apart, this is something I'm learning how to control and hopefully while I'm in the process of learning I can help others who deal with similar things through my UA-cam channel, making relatable videos discussing my struggles and what I did to overcome them, were all in this together, we gotta get pass the illusion we're facing these problems alone
Same here
Good luck to you all, I have a brother with bpd and I know how hard it could be living with it
Daily writing and running will help
We have the same story Brother, hang in there youre not alone!
Im sure you will learn to deal with this kind of problems. It's something we all try to learn on a daily basis
“If they can’t even feel your presence what makes you think they’ll acknowledge your absence ”
this quote hit really deep for me but it allowed me to replay the memories we had together and really ask myself if they were even in tune with what was being said. And sometimes it makes me realize that they probably didn’t care so much at the end hence why should I let it bother me as when you think about it, it probably never bothered them
I love that quote my goodness. Thank you random UA-cam woman.
It's 323 in the morning. This random UA-cam clip and your comment hit home. Thanks.
That's a thought provoking message since I was psychically connected to my loved one o.o no wonder I was so attached
The quote that i need😭
@@EL-ee4czlol same except it’s 12:29 in the morning 😅
The problem is, if you don’t attach you are not fully allowing life to unfold either. It’s something between attachment and detachment that we need. If we weren’t attached to anything, we wouldn’t have the drive to do anything in life, we wouldn’t have deep relationships, we wouldn’t be connected, and we wouldn’t feel responsible for others - which we are. Being so limited in our consciousness is a dilemma…
true!! it's a dance. It's about balance and change. Accept both sides of the coin when you live them.
Its a matter of choice.
It's the matter of accepting the reality means everything good and bad all , everything exists in whole
Como decía Buda Gautama el camino es el medio, una cuerda de la guitarra suena en el punto medio
This translates to damned if you do and damned if you don't 😂
This.
I've always found Anakin's story similar to mine. I was so worried about not losing the person I loved, that I eventually lost her. Many things happened, and what I remember of that period is frustration, anger, revenge and while all this led to nothing but to an immense consumption of energy, depression began to come out, along with suicidal thoughts.
Damn, I remember how everything looked black, empty, hopeless and ALL this because of the loss of a person. Attachment is really something dangerous, I strongly advise everyone to learn to detach yourselves from everything you fear losing.
Thank you for all the job you do.
Hope you are doing good
I hope you have healed. No need to hold resentment against that person for walking out. It happened to me too after an almost 30-year relationship! No need to wish that person well, no need to curse. Treat it as a chapter in your life book, and your story hasn't ended! You'll meet new persons as you continue to live your life! If you do not believe, just look at the population % in your country! New friendships & relationships will come your way, just love yourself and treat yourself best! Remember: when flowers bloom, the butterflies naturally come! 🌻🦋🌻🦋🌻🦋
@@cloudyday1617 well that's the point : you will meet new people as you continue to live, so him too!! He will also be meeting new people and that's what really sucks actually 😁😣😅😒
Same bro x
"I've always found Anakin's story similar to mine."
Me: *Whispering out of sheer dread* "The younglings!!!!"
2:40 I think it's about balance. Understanding that even though you enjoy this persons presence, they could leave any moment and you understand that and continue go about life with joy
yea, it should spark you to be more FULLY PRESENT when you are with them, knowing they could die tomorrow. That is what I take away, never take someone for granted because they could be gone. I learned that the hard way...
They may dump u after some time.
U wont feel happy if ur friend suddenly dump u.
Wow! That’s so true.
Balance IS, the way!
Right now I'm sitting at the death bed, holding the hand of the person who saved me from dying and raised me. I'm waiting for her last breath to come. And I can't find comfort in this video. I will get through the pain, but it will take years. I was caring for her for many years now. I'm just exhausted and deeply disturbed. Please wish me luck
May God grant you ease
Peace to your beloved and yourself 🙏💚
What happened Kryzs?
@@anudeepshetty2751 She's just very old, in constant pain, has dementia, won't eat, won't drink. It's that deep connection between us, which makes it hard for her (and me) to leave her life. She's struggling to let loose. But now it's getting better. She's on her way to fall asleep and never wake up again. Still unbearable pain for me. I stay with her all the time since Tuesday.
@@kryzs_kornhell I can relate to it man, it's unbearable. I still haven't recovered from the pain. I wish you good energy.
This video saved me when I needed it the most. To remember I can’t depend on external factors for my own happiness and well-being. Attachments are the root of all suffering. Buddha was right. To be able to accept and let go. This is not your life to control, you are only here to experience it. Be gentle with yourself, be graceful with the hardships. I know it’s not easy, life can be hard, and that’s okay. We are all in this together. This perspective makes it much more beautiful while allowing the negative thoughts to have a much less intense effect on our minds and hearts. Be grateful for every experience in your life, good and bad. One day before you die, you will realize it was all meaningless in the end, but the love you felt is what mattered the most. There are no winners or losers, because we will all be dead eventually. Break free from the shackles of your limiting beliefs. Realize this world is bigger than what you can understand or conceptualize. Don’t take it all so seriously; remember it’s all a play,a dream. Smile and learn to take it gently and lightly. Make your heart strong and resilient to emotional volatility, and trust that it can never be taken personally, because you as a person, are an illusion.
It's a nightmare, not a dream
@DJ Surferdude Your identification with your personality is an illusion. It’s a phenomenon called ego. It’s a result of perception of separateness . There is no external reality other than the internal reality. (I know that can be a bit confusing) As long as you think there is a God or some force outside of you, separate from you, you will be in an eternal conflict with it. Realize there are no lines, it’s all imaginary. Why do you have consciousness and sentience to experience all these things? Logic tells us that nature/universe evolved this way. Paradox’s and mysteries are not meant to be solved, but lived. Do yourself a favor and come to terms with this first. Reality is not what you think it is, it all depends on what software you’re running. Matrix , unplug, reload.
thank you for ur perspective, it means a lot to me as im going through a tough attachment crisis╭๐_๐╮
Life has meaning. We are not meant to detach, but to feel both joy and pain and grow.
I've had one of yet another breakups a few days ago and been so depressed with no one and nothing to cling on to, this video soothes a lot, thanks so much!
You are not alone ❤
Update??
@@annietang5945 can't be at a better place, I healed and met someone too, thanks for asking, wish you a fulfilled new year ahead!!!
The Stoics, for example, argue that one should never despair. Cicero - one of my favorite thinkers of all time - wrote that a good Stoic, to whom a child has died, should repeat: "I have always been conscious that I have brought a mortal being into existence."
It was extremely interesting for me to read his letters from the period when his daughter died. Just before this tragic event, he had written a typical letter in the spirit of stoic consolation to a friend who had lost a child. But when his own daughter died, Cicero was absolutely devastated. To his friend Atticus he repeated endlessly: "I am not able to do simple things." Atticus said: "It doesn't suit, it doesn't come off, you shouldn't dwell on it like that," and Cicero at one point replied: "It is not only that I am unable to cope with my daily tasks, I am also unable to think as I should."
That's one of the most beautiful parables I've ever read. Thank you.
Perhaps i missed something. But that means that cicero realized he cant be stoic? What was his response to this?
I'm not sure I understand the last part.
@@naturesfinest2408 yes from the info given it would seem so. He couldn't practice what he preached.
Thank you. I will definetly read his works.
"From the streets did she emerge, and to the streets she will return. And I say unto you, she is for the streets. So be not weary, when she must return from whence she came.” - Epictetus
☠️
Sir🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻
This is how I'm feeling about someone right now LOL
BARS
It seems to me that this video is about the other side of letting go of attachment, it becomes an easier process to work with by shifting one's perspective through realizing that one never owned a relationship to begin with. What a beautiful point
⬆ This
in any relationship, when the bad outweighs the good, it's time to let it go, the initial action can be gut wrenching to put one self through, but shortly after you return to new beginnings
You cannot lose what was not yours in the first place. Only mourn the loss of those who truly belonged to you here in this place. If you are the type to get attached (and I am) you must always remember to let go so they can continue on their adventures in this life or the next and even if it means leaving you behind. ❤️
Thank you for this , she just left me and I feel so terrible about it ,I was obsessed with her . I was too attached
thank you darling
She left me 😭 changed everything and moved
I lost someone I loved deeply. Knowing now that no person belongs to us has opened my mind tremendously! Knowing that she has been returned has bought me peace to my heart. Thank you for this upload!
I hope u mean returned to the streets and not back to you. Cause if u allow any woman to leave u and return ur a jackazz an being played a fool. So I really hope u mean she returned to the streets
Coming to the realization I have to let them go… it hurts so bad but staying with someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserve hurts more… I’m going to miss them so much and right now am inconsolable. But the pain gets better with time… I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak and it gets a little easier every time, but it still hurts. Your videos are always right on time and helped me in the early stages of dating them, but as your Wu Wei video taught me I have to let them go… Thank you.
Going through the same situation..
I hope you are in a happy place right now
How are you now? This is exactly what I'm going through now
@@aprilrains3163 What about you? I’m going through a similar thing and I wonder when I’m not gonna think of them
@@marining you do.. but in olas... In waves... Each wave softens even the toughest edges. Trust that forcing that door to stay open will not allow you to turn around and see the right one open to the path you should be on.i can't tell you how much energy I poured into the wrong person. I journaled. I walked. I cried. I distracted myself with TV and animals and slowly I realized I went a whole evening without the thoughts. Then a week went by and it had been days. Now.. I cannot explain the glow in me. It is my own energy. And no more vampire to drink it dry
Going through same
You're channel is really helping me during this breakup process, thank you so much for your content.
Hey, how are you doing now?
@Mateus I know it's gard, how are You ti this day?
@@deanvo503 Still hard, but we've gotta keep moving, the past is the past.
@@TheMSRXD Yeah man, I had a tough breakup a few weeks ago myself, that had a few weeks of no contact before that, so it was super hard, but finally got to see her and talk and have a closure understanding moment with her and we hugged it out and cheered up ourselves even and all the things, then this whole week now has been so much easier, i cried like a bitch and all that jazz but it's fine, you let that out of your system and spend the impressions of it from the soul, as they say, and then you move on. Fortunately for me, this girl is very cool and understanding and conscious of a lot of things, which is why we had the closure that we had and the understanding. A girl prior to her, it was much much worse, and it was hard on me for a year until i met this one. It's all a process. Just wanted to share this, cheers!
Same here. And with no cloture too! We just stopped talking 2 months ago.
The last conversation was normal and all. But it was obvious he lost interest. I didn't mention it to him and he didn't say a world. And that's how we necer spoke again.
I think he started dating someone else a month ago. From what our friends told me. Still cry every night but I know itll get better sooner or later
On a positive note, never be upset someone you love left your life. It opens a door for a new potential lover. That chapter of your life is over and another has been openedn❤
So they say but it just works this way in the romcon
@@julianofmadagascar wdym?
@@creatorofpizzathere is nothing assuring you that will happen
I had no idea I was a stoic someone once ask me if I even had/felt emotions. I answered... yes, I just do not let them control me I control them. I don't allow myself to get too emotionally attached to anything.
In my teenage years, I was a hopeless romantic,allbeit very mercurial as well, and had very close relationships with friends, too. Later in life, I realized somehow, I don't get attached to people any more. There are people I love but I don't miss them if I don't see them. When a loved one dies, my grief is over in less than a year and I accept they're gone forever and carry on. I wouldn't recommend this state of mind to anyone. It makes for a very bland,beige sort of life.
Perhaps it's a natural reaction?
We still care, but there is a stone where attachment used to be.
From personal experience, I feel like we still care, we just shift these emotions around in other uses. I personally care for people, but could really care less if we see each other or not. It’s not that I hate them, Iv just learned to accept MY truth in life and live for me, life is a fickle thing and it will always matter what YOU make of it in the end.
So you know what not to do, do you have a recommendation on what to do?
I feel the same. I started feeling disconnected from people. Guess it’s not truly acceptance but a backhanded way of making you feel secure before the pain, again there’s still fear of sudden loss. Acceptance should make you want to live your emotions with people freely and fully and even mourn for them without desperate need of having them back, not repressing them
@@dsoule4902It is like the line in Kipling's well known poem: " If all men count with you, but none too much, " . Idon't know what happened.
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
You REPEATEDLY POST 'to the WORTHWHILE PERSON....'
PLEASE stop this - EVERYONE is worthwhile. Your grammar is excluding people. Do you want EVERYONE to feel valued, or just the 'worthwhile people'??
@@JohnM... I don't think that a person who doesn't see that comment is going to feel excluded or get offended 🤔
Thanks but I'm still not joining the dark side
As someone who has lost their father sister and child within the space of a few years I understand finding purpose in the face of grief takes huge strength and determination,
I see your statement as kindness in the face of adversity.
That brought tears to my eyes, thank you
Your crush is a flower that should be enjoyed where it grows.
If you pick it up and try to own it, the process of decay begins.
Well said
~Osho
Dman
This is what I tell myself when mourning a loss. I would rather say goodbye, than beg them to stay and suffer. Thank you for the time we shared, it was great experiencing life with you.
I am trying to practice this, but being someone diagnosed with BPD and having abandonment issues stemming from my childhood, it is so, so hard. I am already unloved and rejected by my own parents, and now I have to live a whole life accepting that I may be unloved and rejected by all. But I still know that this is the healthiest mindset one ought to have. Please wish me luck, yall.
I relate to this so much…
I feel this to my core.
I’ve had to let people go because if I held onto them it would hold me back/cause more pain, in the long run. People come into our lives for a reason but they also leave for a reason. We usually don’t realize that reason until much later after we’ve had time to ponder about it.
Reflection is truly key. Humanity should dare to look deep within, but it should also accept that more than mere physical Reflection is required for true, celestial enlightenment.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge; hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
(To me) the reason doesn't really matter.
we don't move on, we move forward.. this was such an insightful video, thanks for uploading
Thanks! These are very well made videos that always makes my day and helps me understand myself better
Thank you for your support! 🙏
Can't change a person but can change your mind, your feelings, your number, and address. Saying BYE was the best change ever. SHRUGGING.
Currently going through a breakup, my first one, where I cannot seem to stop myself from having regrets over my choice. I miss what I had, and while I could have worked through it with them and hoped for a better relationship, there was enough of a feeling that I made the call, whether the right one or not, and now the pain to work through it is immense but needed.
This made me realize what I am going through is normal, and it feels good to want to hurt, knowing at some point I will hurt less.
I just got broken up with someone for the same reason. He was my first love and and he always told me that we would grown old together, have kids and all that. We had problems that I thought were fixable but he didn’t, he told me that he still loved me and respected me and said he was going to miss me. I don’t understand why he let me go if he claimed that he cared and loved me that much. Since you’re on the other end of this kind of situation, why did you end it?
@caa9ify there was a bug disconnect between us. We had emotional support with each other but with time I learned that our definitions of love were very different, it caused tension, and eventually started to feel too platonic. All the same emotions and care and feelings remained but the compatibility did not. So while it hurt to leave and while I wanted to find every reason to stay it was unfair to both of us to do so. They deserved someone on the same wavelength of love and I deserve someone whom understands and can handle my form of love as well.
Neither of us are at fault, neither toxic, I hope one day to rekindle a truly string friendship because we obviously care for each other but we are right emotions but wrong people situation.
It's actually a good thing, it means we are both good people, it means we never meant to hurt each other, it means if things went truly bad for me I know they would be there even if it hurt us for a moment. It is harder to grasp though because it's not toxic, it's not the normal reason to leave someone.
I did not give up on us, I gave up on myself. I ignored my true feelings because I enjoyed their company and we had a strong connection even though deep down I knew we just weren't the right people for each other.
I hope this helps. Don't beat yourself up, I don't think you've done anything wrong, and don't feel they don't care. I bet they care more deeply than you imagine but love is not enough sometimes and that's okay. It's healthy, it's how we grow and learn :)
Hope this helped. I can talk further about my experience if you're curious
For everyone saying this has caused them a bland life is not applying it fully, I used to numb my emotions and live "half dead" then I started doing more activities I truly enjoy & looking and leaning into these feelings that naturally occurred. Life is now the best it has ever been, clear head, in the moment, loving every bit. Don't fight the feelings because of your thoughts about them or stigma's based around them. Ease up and let them in
I gave up some things years ago that were obviously an emotional rollercoaster and I'm much happier with the tranquility that has come from that decision. Recently I have considered giving up some other happy-unhappy cling-repel things that are more difficult to give up. But if it leads to more tranquility as did my earlier decisions then I think it will be worth it.
Love people when you have them; when time recall them back- let go with ease; grace and beauty! Remain grateful! It’s as simple 💜
I chose not to watch this yesterday but now I'm watching it because my heart is broken. I hope I can accept things as they are and be happy for others.
I was hanging out with this girl for the past few months. We would hangout every weekend. I told her how I felt and I guess she never felt the same. The past month has been amazing, we did a lot of things together. Probably the best time of my life. Out of nowhere she ended up getting in a relationship. I was hurt. We talked about doing so much together and now we can’t. It sucked but I had to tell her that I can’t be around her anymore. In order for us to happy, I need to let her go. I thought I was being immature and that it wasn’t the best choice. after this watching this video, I feel better
You ve been a real one dude!
Never ever let someone makes you feel unworthy!
What you did show your strenght and your good intentions,you will find someone that will appreciate this kind of respect🙂letting her go was an act of respect to you in the first place but also for her.
Good job man🫡
I wish you can get the best girl ever😊
@@theknight3093 thank you, for a long time I felt like I was a terrible person. I will admit that I wasn’t the best of friends towards her but I needed to do what’s best for me.
I’m not going my to say that I found the one just yet. Me and my friends of five years have been getting closer and closer. We are taking our time and placing realistic goals like marriage. It’s a big commitment, she’s a single mom with 2 teenage daughters. We are doing what best for us and becoming a family
It’s like keeping in mind that while you are the hero of your story, your not the hero in every one else’s. You can’t write the people around you in and out of your life to move your plot forward. Everyone is writing their own story and sometimes it doesn’t include you.
I have been a long time follower of this channel, it helped me countless of times, but this video now more than ever. I literally just had to say goodbye yesterday to my closest peers forever and this video popped up at the perfect timing to understand why I truly coulnd't let them go. I am genuinely grateful of the content you share and the philosophy you preach.
“They didn’t leave you on read. You left them speechless” - future. 💌
Thank you so much for this
@@azmeecruz1080 my pleasure. Cheers mate
peace brother
I needed this 🥰 Thank You!!
Sensational
I’m trying to heal after my very turbulent, 8 year long HS sweetheart relationship has come to a close, this is much appreciated. It feels odd to love someone so much that you feel almost happy to let them go, but I just mean that out of a place of certainty in making the tough decision to walk away. My life was forever changed because of that love and it’s hard to distract myself from the feeling of absence and regret
I wish these were the words she said🤧🤧🤧
Not yet but in ten yrs and hundr3ds of gallons of wine and mountain of kitty litter, then youll realize you through a good man away for greener grass. Only then youll be old. That is your life.
@@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 please shut up
😂 @ your YT user name!
😂 😂 😂 I LOVE IT! ♥️
Thanks for the laugh!
I was in love deeply and foolishly once, at first when we broke up I was so attached, he moved abroad a couple of months later (this was almost 6 years ago). It took me almost 3 years to come to terms with the fact that even tho I loved him I couldnt do more than just letting him go. I still think about him a lot, I do know now that I was too selfish at first and love isnt supposed to be selfish at all, I realized what love truly is, now just the thought of him being safe somewhere makes me happy, even if I dont see him again I accept it all, my feelings and his.
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with love (or feelings in general) but trying for example to force other people to remain in our lifes is like trying to contain water on the palm of our hands: just pointless. Just let them go.
Let him go and do not bother about him again. You are no longer responsible for his wellbeing, safety or feelings. Yes sometimes you may remember him and we all do remember our ex, but just brave up and move on with your life especially if the break up was not by you. Gather your self and be courageous enough to move on, that's life. Do not give a hoot about him and whether he is well and where he is, he should be fine there.
@@alexconfidence2354 she hardly sounds like the type to "not give a hoot about him". Nor does the Stoic philosophy seem to be encouraging such a cavalier attitude toward those we lose. I believe it says "grieve in moderation" and move on. She appears to be doing just that.
@@FriendofDorothy she is conforming. Still loving him but accepts fate.. .I don't understand this behavior.
"At its core, trying to keep the people we're attached to in our lives is a selfish pursuit. When we desire people to be with us, we generally don't desire this for them, not the bettterment of the common good, but to fulfill our own selfish desire, which is the 'not wanting to part from what we're fond of'"
Reflection is truly key. Humanity should dare to look deep within, but it should also accept that more than mere physical Reflection is required for true, celestial enlightenment.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge; hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
When I got pregnant and had my daughter I lost all my friends and that's when I learnt people never last forever especially friends so I learnt to let go and didn't go finding more friends but instead I embrace myself and alone with my daughter. As time past I don't get attached to people I just focus on myself and my kids and be happy 😊
You are right, friends don't last forever, but that doesn't mean you cannot make new friends when the "old" ones leave you.
Since your child probably radically changed your life, it could be that your old friends weren't ready for that big change, and that's normal, but there are many people out who either already have children or are willing to link with people with children.
Friends are important, you don't want to become your child best friend, for her own sake
You need more to your life than just tour children, they grow up and fly the nest , you need a life to return too then.
People with children and people without usually don't hang out much together. It is normal. Just find some friends with children through the school or activities you do with your kids...
Remember that you will need to return them to the world as well eventually. Too many parents in an effort to keep their children with them will literally arrest their development to subconsciously keep them from growing up.
I also lost all of my friends and keep going strong!
Loss isn't easy to shrug off.
The more we love
The more we loose.
I will love and know there will be pain if I loose them.
I don't stop loving them
They are my life.
Exactly. When I had the mindset from
The video, I wasn’t enjoying life. Because if At the end I was going to return something, then why bother enjoying it lol
@@rollercoaster8881 yea this mindset isnt for me either. i am just someone that loves my close ones deeply. if the price for making my people feel loved is devastating grief, then i am more than willing to pay for it. thats just how i roll
This video changed my perspective towards loss of loved ones, breakups. Thank you.
I'm in the strange position of feeling anxious over the loss of someone who is not even mine yet (and, according to the sages, never really will be). I appreciate these quick reminders so much
Interesting things I noticed:
-not about repression of feelings (rather about your mindset after initial reactions)
-regruate+limit mourning. sadness is ok but falling into a prolonged state of depression is not.
-entitlement brings pain when they leave your life. realizing that you were never entitled in the first place will help with cope.
Yes.
Thanks for uploading this. I'm going through a hard time with my husband and could possibly be leading to separation. Letting go sounds better than losing. I always told him we were better off as friends. He tell me I forced him into marrying me. I think it's for the best in the long run that we go our separate way no matter how much we loved each other.
If you guys love each other enough you would not break up, but for him to say he was forced into marrying you is one of the most insensitive, unloving and cruel thing to say. You can only try your best but if it doesn't work you can't force anyone atleast you tried. but never cite love here because obviously the love is not balanced or doesn't really exist especially from his comment.
🎯
This is such a hard lesson, but it’s been coming up for me a lot lately. I fear getting into relationships because I don’t want to lose people. I’ve been in one long term relationship and even though I left him (4 years ago) because it wasn’t healthy - I STILL struggle to accept he isn’t in my life anymore. I hate losing people i’m close to, because i don’t get close to many. But I know that it’s part of life… and I know i can’t settle and stay committed to someone if it’s not working anymore, so with that loss will always be apart of my life. I feel like the only people who don’t deal with loss are those who choose security over freedom, even if it means dealing with a lackluster life full of lackluster relationships. but of course tragedies happen too.
I need to really focus on non attachment and loosening my grips on those i love.
Just lost the Love of my life. This was well timed. Thank you
Be strong, mine has gone in september.
Still can't wrap my head around it...
Hang in there homies. Focus on yourself, and things will realign in time.
Got dumped a few years back, was devastated for some time. During the recovery, ran into a lovely girl in the kitchen at work. It wasn’t time for another relationship, yet we bonded anyway. She is so loving, I’m glad I got out of the previous relationship against my will.
I lost my husband in December and recently acknowledged to myself that I wanted back the person in his prime and also the opportunity to fix mistakes I'd made. The fact that he had dementia helped me to this insight and to understand the roots of my grief at loss. I still grieve but I also now know I can't hold on to anything except the ever changing present. I pray that you can reach a place that gives you some comfort in your heart. It's cold comfort but seems to fit our physical reality and aids in moving forward in our evolution.
God bless all those who have lost a loved one, may they rest in peace. ❤
@@thisisnotoleg thank you for sharing. Was lovely reading. I just lost who I thought was the love of my life a few days ago.
I lost the bigger part of my family one year ago from today.
I didn’t realise it at first. I was having a sleepless night with discomfort and feelings of sadness, out of place, non tangible and unreasonable feelings, like an echo of old and suppressed emotions. I couldn’t understand. Then I came to this realisation, that the timing was just right. The rain started to pour. It was a year ago today.
It was a long time ago since I last felt that bad. Nothing could ease the pain.
When everything else failed to stop me from weeping I opened up my phone, started up UA-cam and this video was the first recommendation. I watched it and It helped. I feel better and I learned something of deep value that will continue to give me peace, until I’m returned..
I’m not one to comment about my life anywhere online but this.. the impact is immense and I want to return my gratitude same-fold some how. The only way I could think of was to share.
So thank you. And for you that have lost someone and are struggling with grief right now, know that it gets easier.
i really needed to hear this.. after breaking up with my boyfriend, it felt like a part of me still wants to live through my life like he's still here with me, but its making me loose myself. finally i have the courage to let him go completely and slowly get back into being myself, ready to love again, but with lessons i learned during my time in our relationship.
grieving in moderation. I like this formula for the masses, as for myself, I am capable of the stoic sage route of complete detachment, but to those who have made an impression on me, I will feel and accept that inevitable return, and shed some tears. Happy, I had a chance to know someone before there passing.
Nonsense
This is something I am going through currently, and there is no other way then letting go. It becomes tough sometimes, and most of times it feels as if I haven't made any progress. But enduring pain is the only option and to hope that things will get better because what I have realized over years is that our brain start accepting things over time.
You'll get through it Priya. People tend to say that time heals, but I've learned that time only heals once we accept our situation and the conditions we must endure. Accepting the fact its difficult to let go, accepting the feeling of no progress, accepting the struggle of growing and expanding beyond the boundaries of our previous shell. More importantly, that it's okay to experience it and feel discomfort as we do. And yet choosing to move forward anyway. Learning to accept and empathize with ourselves is a moment where we cant resist and hide from our pain. Our emotions can be sporadic, so the challenge our acceptance has to face varies on a day to day basis, so stay patient with yourself Priya. Progress is equally microscopic as it is perceived on macro scale, and sometimes we just have to repeat a routine of thoughts or small decisions (that are not our normal) long enough for it to change the behaviour of our mind in the long run, and its not instantly noticable. I remember hearing that progress is just an accumulation of small choices that bring changes in the most subtle ways, until theres so many changes that its not subtle anymore. I wish you the best Priya, I believe in you :) Stay patient with yourself as you heal and release
@@MoMo-qy1vx thankyou for this. :)
@Priya
Being self aware of the problem is still progress. Anything worthwhile takes time, practice, and discipline.
No progress is completely linear, patience with yourself has to be central with your journey. During this time you will learn a lot about life and about yourself, you will be so grateful for having to go through this journey as time goes on because it will only increase your resilience and emotional strength.
The pain is not optional, it is necessary for us to move forward, even though it is hard and it hurts so much. The suffering is optional, and I don’t believe you have chosen suffering, so I am very proud of you.
Time will march forward, and things will not get better unless you put in the effort. From what I can see, it appears that you are doing that. Be patient, kind and loving towards yourself. It is the most important principles to keep on this journey. Best of luck. 🙏
@@gabrielgarcia7554 Hi.. thankyou for this beautiful comment. I am so grateful to read this. Yes, the journey is tough and perhaps this is what I needed to read today. There is guilt, frustration and what not. But your words put things in to perspective again. Every time I feel low, I somehow get such comforting words from kind strangers like you. People I've in real life are never so kind. I am so grateful that human being like you exist. Thanks a lot stranger. You really made my day. Wishing you a nice day. :)
Had come to this recently where my wife had become emotionally attached to another man. At first I was killing myself trying to be something more to avoid divorce, but the harder I tried the more she pushed me away. At the point we are at now I told her I am ready to let her go. I realized I wasn't respecting myself in the process of trying to keep our family from being torn apart. I let her know she either needs to pursue this other man or invest in our family. Either way I will no longer dog myself to keep everything together. 20 years is a long time. All I can do is be thankful for the life we shared and work on myself.
I think this lesson is most important when it comes to family. Not those we choose, but those we are born into. There are times in life when we feel we must accept all they do, because of the blood ties, but its more important to be true to ourselves, even if it means cutting ties to people you've known your entire life. To me, that's the ultimate test of stoicism and discipline. Being able to let go of family when they begin to act like anchors and not supporting and lifting you higher.
This video has really helped me. I've been struggling to reconsile my emotions from a breakup for years. Watching this video helped me realize how inevitable some things are regardless of how much we may believe we have control. Thank you
Some get to the point where love turns to hate and they still can't let the person go, that is really crazy thinking.
I've been there.
It's the pain to forgive yourself to love that person, the delusion and cruel reality. I've been there too and takes courage to move away and be in peace with whoever triggers you
It's because both love and hate are in same frequency and at extreme poles of the spectrum, it only takes self control and sometimes a brutal reprimand or pep talk to make you control your emotions. Self worth is also a reason not to bother much.
Been there and done that; It takes almost everything from you at first but as time goes on, the pain lessens and blurry things becomes more and more clearer, that's where you slowly start to accept every pain and every feelings you feel and you eventually move on. I'm still healing this day even 3 years almost 4 years has passed.
Glad I found this video especially right now I'm having a big problem with my life and also my significant other left me without any closure for almost 13yrs of our relationship its not hard to forget
What baffles me is that we attach ourselves to very toxic people, thinking that it’s love, when in truth and in fact, it’s nothing more than trauma bonding.
I just returned one of the deepest loves that I had, and I was (and still am) suffering and mourning. But this perspective gave me some respite and a different lens to view the break up - thank you for posting this, and also the comments are resonating deeply.
Same, only person i ever cared about. My biggest dream right now is for her to come back but it s very saddening that most likely that dream won t come to reality
Grief is a real emotion though. We have to get to that place of acceptance on our own time. Life is nothing but beginnings and endings. Everything will end. My mom and dad are no longer physically in my presence but they live in my heart and mind.
Hope you’re doing alright❤ they live in you, they make up your DNA, if you ever feel alone remember that your parents make up who you are. Your features were once on their physical self, and now they live on with you. As long as you’re alive, they live vicariously with you.
Honestly, Einzelganger has become my netflix . I love this channel
I had this friend who i was afraid to “lose”. I’ve suffered many losses on my life to the point where I developed a pretty big fear of loss. This fear skewed my views of everything and cause me to move in fear. Long story short me and that friends aren’t friends anymore. Good thing is they said they don’t hate me, they just need time. I feel like a fool. Like Anakin
Update for anyone who cares. Me and that person are friends again. Learn from your mistakes
@@judahriggins8403 Good to hear. I'm happy for you.
My "friend" needed my services. Then the betrayal came. I am smarter now and I have a hedge around my heart.
This broke my heart and then made it full. Thank you.
To truley love is to allow the person be free. Free to leave if they must. The love we feel for them is actually the love we have for ourself projected onto them as a reflection.
This reflection beams back to us and we feel love. It's all us. When we realise that there is a counterfeit version of love, a Synthetic copy we realise that to truley love is to learn to love ourselves with wild abandon. This is true love.
You create your reality. What you dominantly focus on expands in your life. Think positive and live in the present moment!!!!
I needed this and all you in the comments are all spiritually awakened. God bless all of you and the creator of this video. If you had to learn on your own let your loved ones learn on their own.
One important entry to become able to deal with difficult emotions is to clarify the own expectations. They are a valuable handle.
Thanks. Always look forward to your videos.
This video is a lucid, well thought out sentiment with a stellar perspective on loss. I think it can be very helpful. I can see why this is a great mentality set, but it's something I can never do. Losing your significant other never goes away or gets easier. You just learn to live with it. Still, I like your subject matter. I think you're solid dude.
This comes with a perspective that life goes on in the sense that we may lose the ones we love and care about, and yourself who is around can continue the good deeds they left with us. And that is how we can continue to value their legacy. And bring us to the realization that we should not limit ourselves to the physical world, that when it is gone, it is no longer present. Realize that all of these still all around us, just taking into different forms at different times.
I moved around a lot and lost my great-grandmother, to whom I was very close, as a kid so I came to terms with letting people go early in life. Sometimes, I feel heartless for not expecting anything to last but that's life.
Nothing lasts. Everything changes. It's just a matter of when and how.
Your understanding is realistic. And it can help you to practice gratitude, now.
Wise
The resemblance to the 4 noble truth's of Buddhism is truly remarkable. Loved the video, thank you!
You don't lose them, you return them
Thanks!
Thanks, David!
I used to care a lot about losing people. Now i don't give a damn if you leave. I only have one life and i will not waste it worrying about what i can't control. I will continue living my life the best way i can and keep making myself better and helping my family.
Love is loyalty...this is the simplest definition I can imagine. If we live in our heads and do not have access to an emotional range that allows us to communicate through them, stoicism supports our silence. It supports non-attachment. It cannot support sympathy, compassion, love, empathy or the deeper and more irrational feelings that tie the mind into the senses and feelings of the body and that allow us to care for one another. Life is short, stoicism is wise, but supports only the mind, only 1/2 of what it is to have a chance at life and a whole experience.
Great opener. Love is Loyalty. I Agree. Many do not understand what love really is and Hollywood beta minded programs about it doesn't help
Bingo.
🎯 Well said. VERY well. ✨♥️💫
Stoic philosophy is great for general advice like 'don't obsessively desire someone or their company' but it drastically over-simplifies the complexity of relationships (to people, things, etc) and places humans as passive participants in their own lives and in the lives of others. Relationships are so important, as are many forms of attachment, and it's better to find a healthy way to interact and progress with others and yourself instead of the near-apathy taught by some of the more classic (read: ancient) stoics.
These videos have been so timely lately! Thank you for all of your hard work!!🌻🎋♥️
After looking into Buddhist teachings a lot to deal with grief I am experiencing at the moment this video really clicked with me. I can't just distance myself from my ego to accept any loss - but I don't have to either, I can half-distance to take solace in a middle-ground, knowing I will ultimately be able to overcome sadness again.
Thank you very much for this.
Thanks bro cause whenever I feel low you offer a very positive and realistic prospective on things based of practical philosophy
"Train yourself to let go of things you fear to lose." - Master Yoda