Live For Yourself, Not For Others
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2025
- #psychology #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment
The main lesson from the book The Courage to Be Disliked by Kishimi and Koga is that our unhappiness primarily stems from our dependence on the approval of others. According to them, our emotions and happiness are shaped by the goals we set, particularly in our interpersonal relationships. When we seek to be perceived positively by others, we become slaves to their expectations, which harms our freedom. True happiness lies in the courage to live according to our own values, without fearing being disliked. By letting go of the constant pursuit of recognition, we can focus on the positive impact we have on others, leading to authentic and lasting happiness.
I just moved to a new city so I have no friends, I decided to be me, no matter what, and if people dislike me, I already have no friends, got nothing to loose
Let us know how it turns out
Love this. The ones you attract will be your people because they’re around for your authentic self. Good luck friend!
I moved to a new city and have no friends either. I find myself falling into old patterns of people pleasing. I'm going to keep pushing through though, good luck to you and best wishes.
I stayed living in the same city. Got rid of friends, got nothing to loose. I love my life so much more.
Good luck. It's tough because we tend to want to please others and do what they do. Even strangers.
"Unhappy people see other people as rivals."
and that is the birth of a narcissist
@@epicxg4merftw390 sorry, youd be surprised how many "narcissists" that actually are "adult children".
@@e.thereal Yeah Exactly
@e.thereal "grotesque adult toddlers" is my phrasing
No, I have found earlier in life I'm my own rival and still end up being unhappy
When youre old enough to realize most people arent worth your time, being disliked can be a blessing
You have completely missed the point of this philosophy. It's about understanding the value in all people and interactions. Not dismissing others because of your ego...
@WillBloomy has zero to do with ego, rather experience....
EXACTLY! It's also said though.
@@WillBloomy It's not dismissing people because of your ego, rather, understanding that most people are not worth your time. There are billions of people in the world. You are not responsible for all of their happiness. What this video is trying to convey is the importance of finding the people you care about, and making them happy while not seeking their approval. If you are a Mother Teresa, that's good for you, but that is not to say anyone who doesn't wish to live like that is wrong either.
@@claudiafahey1353 which is why I laugh when people are being self-righteous trying to solve world hunger, or world whatever. Just focus on youself
I read a proverb somewhere that said. "When there's no enemy within, the enemies outside can not hurt you "
Oof! Thank you for sharing
❤
Intelligently- well stated!
❤❤❤❤❤...
......that is dangerously untrue
The day I quit pleasing others I started feeling peace within
Indeed
I have found meaning in helping others. I agree that some people simply cannot be pleased by what I do, but I still offer to help them.
Amen!
there will never be such a day as long as police officers exist. Try saying "no" to one of them LOL
@@charleswomack2166there is a difference between helping and being happy to help
The helper helps because they know what it's like to be helpless.
Right! But don't forget to take care of yourself
❤️🔥
That’s exactly my dilemma that I’ve been trying to solve yet I find it impossible. It’s just my automatic nature to help if I know I can. Because I wish I had that same help despite not getting it
This!! I used to be depressed to the point of being suicidal and now I do what I can to help others avoid these feelings of helplessness. But taking care of myself while doing that is exhausting, especially because these people eventually start seeing it as my job to always take the high road while they do what they want
I'm lucky enough to never have been helpless.
I help hecause nobody should feel that way.
The day i started respecting my feelings and setting boundaries i lost all my friends but it's peaceful
Me too. Its an amazing feeling when you see the truth.
Me tooo ❤
@@shivanikaushik3103 glad 😊 🫂 keep glowing 🌟 and growing 💗 girl
@@mysticmaril2372 god bless you sweetheart 🌻🫂
Same here, lost what I thought was a best friendship I had been cultivating for over a year. It was clear I was the only one contributing and eventually put myself first and set boundaries and tried to explain my reasoning. Long story short, said best friend, claimed I'm expecting to much from them and ended our friendship over text with the word: "Cheers."
I let him go and haven't regret it since.
Remember, you don't owe anyone anything.
I'd counter that by saying you at least owe your accountability to others. Keeping commitments within reasons, respecting boundaries that the other side respects within reason, and your listening to grievances that are well intentioned. The social contract breaks down if most people withdraw. Not everyone needs to participate to a meaningful degree, but the disconnection towards society is one of the biggest factors in what is wrong today
@@sunphoenix1231I agree
You don't owe anyone more than what they are willing to show you. You don't owe honesty to someone who likes to you or kindness to someone who is only mean
Other people don't owe you anything either, people often forget this fact
Thank God. I can stop paying my credit cards and rent. Going to save so much money
It explains things most guys don’t think about. I also learned a lot from reading a book called Manipulex Protocol by Vexoner. The book helped me understand how dark psychology actually works. Combining tips from videos like this and the book really made a difference for me.
"unhappy people see the success of others as a threat, while happy people see the success of others as a blessing.. "
I disagree, I am unhappy, but I love seeing others succeed. Especially if I, in any way whatsoever, helped... I feel people are just saying these things as some sort of positive affirmations, even if they don't really make any sense at all.
A quick little sentence to sound and feel deep, or important, or enlightened... 🤷
How do i stop being jealous then?
@Miaaaaaauu
There are many ways to reduce jealously, I also struggle with jealously where I see others doing well and I want that, so it's truly just focusing on yourself
Personally, I would do these things:
1. Focus on yourself, try your best
2. Set goals and strive to achieve them
2. find hobbies and if you already have hobbies you like. strive to be the best you can be in each of them
3. seek knowledge, whether it be academic or simply learning new things
4. exercise would a great way to focus on yourself, maybe yoga, meditation, etc, etc
.
.
you can exclude this one, but if you follow a certain religion strive to be the best character according to the beliefs of your religion
but yeah, I hope these examples help.. It's a hard struggle and takes a lot out of you. I wish you lots of courage
@Kkabautermann- thankyou for taking ur time carefully replying to my question i will try all of these
👌👑
Growing up as a people pleaser made me miserable!! And I never got nothing good from it. The second I started working on myself and putting my need, happiness, ect first I truly felt at peace! All I want is to spread love and kindness in a world full of hate and as long as I can do that I’ll be okay I have no problem being disliked,or viewed as the bad guy. I know who I am and no can tell me different
I also grew up as a people pleaser. Spent most of my thirties starting to hate people. It was a very dark time. Once I learned to not care what they thought, a burden was lifted from me. Now when I do things for others, I have no expectations.
Beautifully said ❤ blessings
This 💯💯💯
Just do it with boundaries and you'll be good
Wow. They nailed it.
Unhappy = trying to please others to get approval.
Happy = genuinely believe they are helping others and being useful. Not letting others dictate how you feel about yourself based on their opinion of you.
There is disappointment that they don't like me. What's even worse is I don’t like them.
So real
Don’t do yourself so dirty! ❤
I know!
Yes! This frustrates me too- why do I care what someone I don’t like/respect thinks about me? It’s maddening.
Same here!
This is honestly one of the best self improvement vids I’ve seen, it’s super relatable to what I’m going through.
If you relate to this video, then i can relate to you, I wish you the best!
@ u2 man!
It’s based from a book.
I think it's not really an argument that is well made. Authenticity is the goal and it doesn't mean you have to be an asshole. It just means that you will make decisions that best suit you in the face of people with different interests. Many people take this information and start being arse holes unessssarily.
Except this video excludes all the therapy it takes to get the point of not seeking external validation.
This is true. It’s called people pleasing. I was delivered from this and now I feel unstoppable.
One reason to seek approval from others and wanting everybody to like you, is because of childhood trauma. If you had an abusive and violent parent, it's only natural to seek to feel the parent's emotions, and to try to get approval from that parent, so that you don't get beaten up. The problem with that is that most of us, who grew up in that sort of abusive environment, don't recognize that this is what we were doing.
I hear you brother but there is hope, it is time for us to change the path. There is a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson that has been very helpful. Public libraries usually have it, for me it was an eyeopener. We are all responsible for what is happening to this world and it is time for us to stop letting the past hinder us from being who were intended to be.
@@e.thereal I heard of that book, it was recommended to me in the past! Thank you!
Thanks to both of you guys! I’m gonna read that book. And yes, there is hope for those willing to look inside themselves.
Neglect is as pernicious as violence
Daniel, you are right. I’ve been a lifelong pleaser, bearer of gifts, good mood and consolation to others; I never thought that I could risk to lose anyone by showing the lack of care, by focusing on myself. But, there were times that I was short of temper and it escaped my control for which I was terribly sorry later. It could have been due to not being able to say no, or insecurity, or hormone imbalance … who knows?! I know that I was trying to beat my life long insecurity by trying to please others. Some people appreciated, but not my immediate family. They basically disliked me no matter what I did. I think that my soul was misplaced in a wrong crowd; my parents and I were strangers the whole life. My effort did not work and perhaps they tried later in life to remedy the cruelty towards me, but it wasn’t genuine, no warmth ever.
The idea of all human beings innately being valuable and the way it was described here was so beautiful. Thank you for the reminder.
This is quite abstract. I would find a lot more solace in a more precise idea - men too have value, not just women, so-called right wingers have value, not just the supposedly enlightened Left, and so on. There is a cookie-cutter element to the conclusion which does not seem satisfying. One size doesn't fit everyone. The question asked and first element of the psychologists' reflection, stop chasing an impossible recognition and putting a semblance of happiness between the hands of other people, is extremely relevant and inspiring thought.
Bro exposed my thought process in 1 billion ways 😭
😂😂😂😂... yeah
The courage to embrace being disliked in my mind is like the conduit to liberation. I learned to love it like that. Honestly because I don't trust nor understand people.
Isn't that a bit paradoxical? A lack of trust seems like an unwillingness to depend on others when you need help.
Yes and no IMO, not trusting people means also never getting disappointed with their behavior or (re)actions. 😉
@sunphoenix1231 Now see there right here is the difference between You and Me. I happen to believe that everything I need resides within ME
@working19977 poking a little fun at your response, but how long would you last without food, water and oxygen if you could use what you have inside you.
More serious answer, maybe you are self reliant to never need another person and are okay with being alone forever. Though just as well you're posting something on the internet for recognition which does show there is motivation to connect there. There always exists the ability to form genuine bonds over the poor ones that so many fall into. I know for myself I've failed. I persevere because I know for one that it's something I need to model for my children and my partner.
@@sunphoenix1231 sun phoenix let's just agree to disagree. You make some pretty valid points. There is this human desire to connect with others. It's just that this world these days are very different and dangerous. I simply happen to be a person that advocates for Self Reliance. At the end of the day my ability to depend on myself alleviates the disappointment that others usually bring into my orbit.
Holy shit. This really called everything out. Really needed to hear everything in this video. Scary how accurate it all was.
Felt like the Truman show
💯
100% made sense
After being a care aid, to rich old people… I realized really…. No one is above me or better than me, we are all the same. We all shit, eat, and breathe. No one is special or worthy of “approval”. Once I started realizing these are just regular people like me I stopped giving a sh*t if anyone liked me or not. Also building up my self esteem and belief in myself helped a lot. 😂 I don’t have any more time to go through life thinking if anyone likes me or not. It’s freeing.
how profound. So, after helping wealthy old people in their final years, you’ve concluded that “no one is above you” because we all breathe, shit, and eat? Truly groundbreaking. While I can appreciate the attempt at some form of self-liberation, let’s not kid ourselves with the idea that “we are all the same” in any meaningful way. If we were really all the same, why is it that you’ve spent your time working for the rich who, by the way, have accumulated their wealth by exploiting countless others, while you were left to scrub their floors and wipe their backsides?
no, you don’t just “stop caring” because we all share basic human functions. It's not about dismissing hierarchies or ignoring the power structures that put people like you in a position of servitude while others sit on piles of money and privilege. It’s easy to claim a sort of superior enlightenment when you've managed to find a personal comfort in rejecting the need for “approval.” What you're really doing is reinforcing the exact narrative the wealthy want you to believe: that individual empowerment and self-esteem are enough to make you "free." Meanwhile, the systems of power, inequality, and exploitation roll on
perhaps the real freedom would be in recognizing the systems at play, acknowledging that your “liberation” is built upon the backs of those who don’t have the luxury to just “stop caring.” True liberation means not only finding peace within yourself, but also fighting to dismantle the very structures that keep others oppressed
I honestly love being in My own company. It helps to keep Me sane especially when trying to become a better version of Myself.
It’s so much harder to find true happiness when the environment we are born in involves so many expectations to receive love. But it really is true that the happiest I feel is when I am able to just love everyone without any expectations of them loving me back. Free love is the only way of living that makes complete sense to me. It’s hilariously fucked up how many moments I still want to feel loved. I guess I still have some incompleteness to my love of existence. I still wonder if true completeness of our love is even compatible with living in a physical body that needs things. Much love to all of you reading this ❤
It's scary how relatable this video is...
It gets better as you get older. When i reached 40, there was this gradual awakening of the authentic self that you find yourself becoming the courage (almost indifference) to just be even if it means having no friends.
Wow! Si you waited 40 years to know that it doesn't matter if you are liked or not liked. Guess what the liking starts form you and only so the dislike you felt was from you.
Very true! I’m 44 and I felt the shift and still haven’t seen the best of me yet
@@nicolajames5037its gradual. He didn’t imply it happened overnight/ only at 40. Everyone has different lives so many don’t realize this, ever.
The fact that you made such a snarky comment shows your unhappiness. Work on that mate, you deserve it!
@@eigojiyouzu you’re replying to a child that has no idea what he’s talking about.
@@eigojiyouzuhahaha so true
I’m unhappy because I’m disappointed with myself not because others don’t approve of me. I’m unhappy with the person I’ve become and it’s no one’s fault except my own. I just want to have some sort of freedom and have new experiences but I haven’t done anything new in over 3 years.
Same with me
same here
Just came to that conclusion while discussing the topic with chatgpt😂
My self-worth comes from my values, but my my values are goalposts, and it's not here to punish me, focus on the progress rather, use compassion only whilst your struggling not as escape and accept the fact that you will always have to fight as this life is not paradise.
Where does the disappoint come from? Usually it’s a conditioning based off societal standards which is what people thing and you’ve just adapted those standards.
@@emilyc7727 From never having any joy or fun for years on end, it's just work work work rest work work work work.
Happiness is fleeting, inner peace will give you freedom.
My family is from Centra Asia and in this region traditions are everything , people living according and always worry what people will say , my mother lived her life caring what people will say and think in order to be on the same level , after she passed away I realized that nobody cares , nobody cares.
Often, we limit ourselves based on what we can see, but there's always more beneath the surface, waiting to be discovered ❤
Never noticed how much I was right about how I needed to change until I heard this and realized that philosophers were literally arguing about this topic, helped a lot for me
For me, my life it's constant search of understanding and knowledge.
Thanks for sharing this different point of view.
Same exactly.
I am an international student in Canada , I have no friends , no family here , I’m gonna build a new personality 😎
How? I want to scape from my country 😅
All the best ❤🎉
@@Dante.mb8Move to Atlantic Provinces, I really like saint john NB.
@@koshallkamboj how I can get a job permit? You can help me with? Some company looking for foreigners? Some website?
@@Dante.mb8 oh I thought you're Canadian, bro Canada is closed now for foreigners...try in 2026.
Key is why people feel the need to please and seek approval from others? It’s the way people are brought up.
Fear of external judgement is the root cause of our unhappiness
Being more useful to oneself is actually where happiness starts, and I’d argue, where it mostly resides. So many people are giving their power, energy and limited time away to those undeserving. We help others by helping ourselves first. By our example if nothing else.
In this social pressure environment, this kind of topic is needed!
True peace and happiness is found within. Not with-out.
Though, society will still resent you and deliberately harm you if you do not care about their expectations.
This also needs to be discussed.
Great video! ✅
Sometimes people dislike others for petty reasons. The trick isn't in no longer caring what people think of you, it's living in a way that someone who dislikes you isn't someone worth giving credence to. Sometimes the things people take exception to deserve to be called out and questioned. You sus this out by always working to self improvement. When someone doesn't like you, you hear them out. If the reason is valid, you cover down. If the reason is invalid, you call it out. If you never find out someone has disliked you for a time that's not your problem, it's theirs.
yeah that's right it's all about them you know? Yes mostly it's about them
This should be mandatory knowledge for all parents trying to pressure their children into a specific career to earn their approval
This knowledge of comparing happy and unhappy people is equivalent of comparing broke and rich people. As this video state that unhappy people tend to see other as competition. this kind of behavior thrive in a working environment and corporate world. They are trained to meet the expectation of their organization to rise up in ranks so basically most of this unhappy people sacrifice their life and freedom to reach their goal in life while happy people are selfless and seek happiness by helping other without expecting anything in return, they are mostly broke and considered martyr.
100% agree with everything thats said in this video. ive been unhappy for a long time and everything said here applies fully. im still on my journey trying to be the best person i could be and i started to realize that making a positive impact on other peoples life is the only thing that can genuinely make me happy. its hard to let go of approval and validation because of trauma i went through but im making progress everyday and slowly accepting that everyones life moves at a different pace, theres no point in being jelous of others.
I loved reading this book. Deepening my understanding of people and the truths of human experience, listening on audible while delivering packages for a company I no longer work at👌
Finding joy and meaning journey is important.
Even if your life ends suddenly ,
Its not wasted
As I stopped being a people pleaser, I managed to stop being friends with those who I believed my true friends and been friends for almost 10 years (who constantly tried to invade my personal space, and take my time and effort for granted.). Now I perfectly fine being hated by them for distancing myself from them to protect my peace.
I had this video on in the background while I was working and I genuinely had to sit there, stop what I was doing, and listen because of how insightful this felt for me. Thank you for this amazing video! I can't wait to rewatch with my full attention
Your past traumas have no influence over your happiness.
So simplistic and so undeveloped.
This is an entirely different and far more complex conversation than not caring about what others think.
when you are disliked by the majority of people, especially by your own parents, you feel like you don't belong anywhere and i think this is the most challanging part of it.
It took me 25 years to accept that my parents have disliked me before I was born. It's really hard whenever something reminds me of them or they appear in my mind as a habit.
Its fascinating that hardly anyone has heard of the book Unveiling Your Hidden Potential. I believe it was banned but I recently saw that it has been returned
Banned for what?
@@richariot8325 They are full of BS, this type of comment regarding this book is covert marketing. The website is a scam if you go looking no information about the book or author just a link to purchase an ebook and that it was banned.
Really strange comment from the other guy @@richariot8325
@@richariot8325for using n word
The courage to be different. Most want to be in the herd.
i used to be a massive people pleaser combined with masking my autism and it was such a horrible hole to live in. now i let myself do what my autism wants, meaning that my brain is happy and not overstimulated by silly things. i'm blunt with people (not mean, there's a difference) and i stand up for myself now. i'm so much stronger for the changes i made
Me too :)
Hug your inner child and tell them how much you love them. Thats when the real healing and all of this video can be applied❤
The author has expressed my most important question, "What am I doing with my life?" in a simple and clear manner.
Its Scary how some of the sentences gave me goosebumps, what’s more shocking and impressive is that to see a channel with so less videos but so much subscribers, no wonder the words are so powerful
Very enlightening. I agree on this. I grew up in a family where toxic shame ruled and it messed me up badly. I was a minefield of triggers but the moment when I got hold on some theories on that i made "the big clean up" and now I just leave manipulative and provocative people and manage to deal with "normal" people triggers. Peace of mind is the beginning. Everything follows. Energy, creativity, joy.
I’m reading a book called Healing the Shame that Binds You currently. I completely relate to your comment
no matter people said about you, you have to live for yourself
Yes so true!👍👍
No matter how many comments they make at me I always will live for myself...
I have watched so many videos, read (or rather started reading and then put aside) a bunch of books but this right here... this video has opened my eyes like nothing and nobody has done in a while. Maybe never. I am speechless. This explains my entire life. I choose to be happy. Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful life!
I was going through it at work today. Was a complete asshole but I felt like myself. I originally came to my job as enthusiastic and kind and understanding but now I genuinely feel like that was taken for granted
Sometimes you gotta embrace your authentic emotions, its not always a positive experience. Ppl will respect you more in the long run
Live for urself
I am chuffed when people do not like me , it means I am doing something right .
That’s true keep being you. At the end of day life goes on.
I listened the audiobook for this - it was absolutely brilliant.
It has a unique way of giving comfort and perspective to your day to day life.
I had to go through this thought process during covid and come to terms with the fact the people i thought were my friends weren't my friends
12:16 for anyone who wants to know their advice. As much as I hate to say it, It's no coincidence this gets recommended to me right now. I was struggling to see my worth and value lately and what kishimi and koga said really hits on the spot, how sometimes when I see people succeeding I feel like I'm a lesser person, I try to be happy for them but it's still kinda hard.
That also brought me to watching Julienhimself and a particular video of his where he said "Life is not about social media, it's not about the approval, drop the manual, live for the experiences, life keeps lifeing, don't rob yourself of your hero's journey, you are not your fking khakis".
From my experience, it has been through helping others that I have found meaning! I do not care if some people dislike me, but the vast majority of people are reasonable. In the US at least.
I was a people pleaser when I was a kid and in my teens and early adulthood. 30 now and I think around 25 I started to not care what others thought of me. I have a small group of friends and chose certain family members to be surrounded by. I became very introverted the past 2 years and I love it. I also don’t make having a relationship an end all. If and when I find a person to groove with it’ll be an add on. Love this vid 🫶🏻✨
Sitting here with my coffee, fasted, in the early morning hours listening and thinking, really good video
This is their most viewed video and I can see why! There's so much content out there already on how to attain the unattainable-be liked, win arguments, influence others, get raises-which has its place and value, but ultimately leaves us less satisfied. Its not everyday we get advice on how to live authentically and free.
I live by “ damned if I do, damned if I don’t” mantra… I try, I get railed on, I don’t try, I get railed on… now I’m just going to do my own thing… I’m so done.
I knew I was unhappy because I deeply resented being disliked by others. However, I never recognized how severe my situation truly was until I watched this video. It laid bare everything I was experiencing as an unhappy person. Watching it was a transformative moment for me; it felt like finally opening a door that had long been shut.
Reality is ur choice. U choose if smthin affects u or not. U choose if u want to be angry or not. U choose what an insult or compliment means to u. U choose if u will scream thru suffering or believe all suffering comes to an end. U choose. Daz ur power. By doing so u keep ur power. And if u let fears get to u or peoples eyes get to u, realize ur choosing to let it. Or u can just choose to not let it. Everyday its ur choice.
That's real. 👍🏻🙏🏼
Interesting❤Ty I will choose not to let it I like how you said this
I used to believe that but I disagree and here's why. I agree that reality is your choice but the problem with what you're saying only applies to when you're in control of your faculties. It falls apart when you realize we spend most of our days on autopilot running subconscious routines. The fact is we barely spend much time being conscious on the day to day. So yes we are in control of our lives...but only when we are in control which is not the majority of the time.
We don’t work like that. And hopefully never will because we are not robots.
U smthin u ur u u ur u smthingcd
You crushed it with this video. Thank you for introducing me to this concept and these authors. Keep em coming!
I loved this book when i first saw it in the bookshop. Sadly it is expensive. Thank you for summarizing it
The random videos I get that turn out to be a life changer, amazing work
The e hard part got me is that even with the courage to be disliked. Being disliked being too many and especially the wrong ones can cause you issues.
One of the first books I listened to on Audible. It was like a light switching on in my head. It's given me a different outlook on life. I felt quite liberated after reading this book.
I am low level autistic, and grew up pretty socially clueless. Unlike many autistic people, who try to script things to be more normal, I just winged it, knowing I could never approximate normality. A lot of people disliked me for being myself--too uncool, too talky, too intellectual, too full of unpopular opinions, WHATEVER. I just accepted it. I've always been "off the map" of the high school popularity contest, which seems to extend way into adulthood. I worked in an office once, and however screwed up socially I was, I realized that I was not half as crippled as all these other people, who were so afraid of what other people think. It's such a waste of time, and not caring about it makes time your own. It creates space for you to live.
Now that I think about it, all my worries about getting bad grades in school were all because of my teachers had too much expectations on me. I have never really liked studying but I liked how they praised me for my good results. Instead of feeling satisfied for my hard work and decent grades I felt fear because I felt like I am not supposed to be happy with it. I am now in highschool and starting to realise it. The moment my grades dropped for a bit, my parents and teachers started to act all defensive as if I am not allowed to fail at all. It makes me so sad that people only look at what you have become and what you have achieved but never talk about your journey.
When I’m happy for everyone at work no matter what the people there till me I’m too nice or to stop seeing good in others 😭
I grew up with people who just wanted to hate because they enjoyed it, I persevered I stayed myself some showed signs of sympathy as i got older some didn’t.
There are some people in the world that no matter how much good you do they’re going to hate you and it doesn’t matter how much bad you do some people will still love you.
Thank you for putting together this summary of the book. It was enlightening ❤
"develop the courage to be dislike"... positivity indeed. 🙏🙏💯✨🎯
I'd say I'm in the phase of having given up, but not because I've given up on seeking approval, I can get that easily because I'm talented, funny, can carry a conversation, and I have strong values. No, I've given up because people are disappointing. Once I realized that people are really just another type of animal, I realized that in order to get them to act in ways that I wanted them to is entirely dependent on what kind of stimuli I give them, like giving a dog a treat to sit. People don't behave in ways that are self motivating, people don't behave like good people because it's right. No, being a good person has to be reinforced, like a dog rolling over for a treat.
Please continue this channel .this is really important to me
Good point, people's shadows follow me. I hear them all day everyday but their simply no one in my physical presence, it's very schizophrenic. This content helps but helping these "shadows" is impossible because their physical ego simply doesn't acknowledge their shadow. Helping them escalates the tension, the ego didn't ask for my help after all.
Rarely do I listen all the way through these talks. But this one is worth it . Unravelling the connected behaviours of relationships based on transaction .
Listening to this video is one the best decisions I’ve ever made
The fact that nobody talks about the forbidden book Manipulex Protocol on Vexoner speaks volumes about how people are stuck in a trance.
Dude, seriously that was beautiful ❤️🙏
incredible
humans are socialites...we want to form relationships...alliances because that's how we survive. Undeniably, we would then curry favours and seek approval in order to be accepted...
the courage to be disliked is the courage to be a lone wolf. In isolation, but at the mercy of one's will, to take it as it is or leave it be.
Thank you for the reminder. It's good be called out as it is.
best video I’ve watched this year. called me out on so many things. 2025 will be different and I will make sure of it.
Was very encouraging to listen to this. Especially since I've started making my own authentic content and have been putting it off your years because Ive been so concerned what my friends and family will think, especially since it will change their perception of me. I've also been met with people un-following but I realise now not everyone will like me and it better to find the people that will for just being myself 😊
Really need to hear this at this moment. Been seeking other people approval for as long as I can remember. When someone approve of me there is a burst of joy but it doesn't last long and it just become the start of endless circle of seeking approval. It is inherently selfish to feel entitled for sacrificing when you do it to fulfill your own agenda. Be happy that you feel useful and your help manage to improve other people well being. Then u don't need approval to be happy.
It's important to note that not everyone is capable of making the best, responsible choices for themselves before they've reached a certain level of maturity and self-awareness. Before that, choices and goals might not be made/set in their best interests. Help, experiences, and guidance are sometimes needed.
I never realized that this applied to me. I thought i was never a people pleaser but i definitely am. Im learning to shed that part of me.
This is the best vid i ever saw. Thank you for solvong so much of my inner motivations. I notices those my self but those theoris are a bit not common. Thank for publicing this information and alowing me to connect tothe truth
According to this video I have always been a free person. I never cared whether people approve of what I want to achieve for myself, I do the things that interest me, I have never been jealous of others because I always thought that if I wanted what they have I would be doing the things to get there. However, I have always met people who thought that my personal success is an attack on their very existence - which I just simply never understood as I was unsuccessful at everything growing up and only later in life did I learn to want to achieve anything at all, but I never forgot that this was a process for me. Why would anybody take it as an offence that I managed to do something for myself when we are not the same people - I just never understood this, but now I do.
The success of others, cannot diminish their own worth.
The past doesn't define who you are, it just give us the starting point for we're choosing to be.
Many of peoples mental stumbling blocks are the difficulty of adapting a largely primeval mental inclination to a modern world that has rendered that obsolete. We are equipped mentally by default to have a best chance of surviving in a small group of five to twelve against all odds in the wild, not modern society. In that sense, unfamiliarity was often lethal or detrimental, and the default is to eschew the unfamiliar even if it is noticeably better than the current situation. Advancing in the world or society however requires embracing the unfamiliar, and that requires having enough mental fortitude to override the underlying primal instinct to stick within the boundaries of the known and comfortable. A huge portion of the mental and emotional gymnastics people perform to excuse their inaction is actually this, trying to keep them from getting bitten by a snake or chewed up by a hyena that isn't even there, but was for a far longer portion of history than even writing about it ever was. Had those emotions not existed, we would not have survived long enough for this to be a problem instead of a benefit.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been struggling with some stuff for the last three years of my life in college. This video has described be perfectly.
The part about trauma was definitely something I needed to hear. I'm more motivated to change my life and choose my success over being miserable
I'll just make one point here. There is a difference between legitimately living in the way that makes you personally happy and NOT WORRYING over what other people think of that, vs. deliberately alienating and antagonizing people and somehow deciding their their resulting dislike of you somehow validates your behavior. If you look around you definitely see people in the world behaving that second way, and it's sad.
Thx for this, really learned a lot especially nowadays where social media can really mess us up and make us look for approval, how metrics and likes act as if our galue and worth is measured by that. A wrong way of measurement
The gifting thing is a real psychological kick in the brain. It applies to favors too, which I imagine is a pretty big stressful concern with eastern cultures.
It's made holidays very unenjoyable for me growing up, and as an adult I've sworn off most of them. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, anything that has the expectation of gift giving or doing something for someone. I can and do that already 365 days a year, I don't need the lingering special days to make it a whole spectacle.