I just moved to a new city so I have no friends, I decided to be me, no matter what, and if people dislike me, I already have no friends, got nothing to loose
I moved to a new city and have no friends either. I find myself falling into old patterns of people pleasing. I'm going to keep pushing through though, good luck to you and best wishes.
You have completely missed the point of this philosophy. It's about understanding the value in all people and interactions. Not dismissing others because of your ego...
@@WillBloomy It's not dismissing people because of your ego, rather, understanding that most people are not worth your time. There are billions of people in the world. You are not responsible for all of their happiness. What this video is trying to convey is the importance of finding the people you care about, and making them happy while not seeking their approval. If you are a Mother Teresa, that's good for you, but that is not to say anyone who doesn't wish to live like that is wrong either.
I disagree, I am unhappy, but I love seeing others succeed. Especially if I, in any way whatsoever, helped... I feel people are just saying these things as some sort of positive affirmations, even if they don't really make any sense at all. A quick little sentence to sound and feel deep, or important, or enlightened... 🤷
@Miaaaaaauu There are many ways to reduce jealously, I also struggle with jealously where I see others doing well and I want that, so it's truly just focusing on yourself Personally, I would do these things: 1. Focus on yourself, try your best 2. Set goals and strive to achieve them 2. find hobbies and if you already have hobbies you like. strive to be the best you can be in each of them 3. seek knowledge, whether it be academic or simply learning new things 4. exercise would a great way to focus on yourself, maybe yoga, meditation, etc, etc . . you can exclude this one, but if you follow a certain religion strive to be the best character according to the beliefs of your religion but yeah, I hope these examples help.. It's a hard struggle and takes a lot out of you. I wish you lots of courage
That’s exactly my dilemma that I’ve been trying to solve yet I find it impossible. It’s just my automatic nature to help if I know I can. Because I wish I had that same help despite not getting it
This!! I used to be depressed to the point of being suicidal and now I do what I can to help others avoid these feelings of helplessness. But taking care of myself while doing that is exhausting, especially because these people eventually start seeing it as my job to always take the high road while they do what they want
Wow. They nailed it. Unhappy = trying to please others to get approval. Happy = genuinely believe they are helping others and being useful. Not letting others dictate how you feel about yourself based on their opinion of you.
I'd counter that by saying you at least owe your accountability to others. Keeping commitments within reasons, respecting boundaries that the other side respects within reason, and your listening to grievances that are well intentioned. The social contract breaks down if most people withdraw. Not everyone needs to participate to a meaningful degree, but the disconnection towards society is one of the biggest factors in what is wrong today
You don't owe anyone more than what they are willing to show you. You don't owe honesty to someone who likes to you or kindness to someone who is only mean
I think it's not really an argument that is well made. Authenticity is the goal and it doesn't mean you have to be an asshole. It just means that you will make decisions that best suit you in the face of people with different interests. Many people take this information and start being arse holes unessssarily.
Growing up as a people pleaser made me miserable!! And I never got nothing good from it. The second I started working on myself and putting my need, happiness, ect first I truly felt at peace! All I want is to spread love and kindness in a world full of hate and as long as I can do that I’ll be okay I have no problem being disliked,or viewed as the bad guy. I know who I am and no can tell me different
One reason to seek approval from others and wanting everybody to like you, is because of childhood trauma. If you had an abusive and violent parent, it's only natural to seek to feel the parent's emotions, and to try to get approval from that parent, so that you don't get beaten up. The problem with that is that most of us, who grew up in that sort of abusive environment, don't recognize that this is what we were doing.
I hear you brother but there is hope, it is time for us to change the path. There is a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson that has been very helpful. Public libraries usually have it, for me it was an eyeopener. We are all responsible for what is happening to this world and it is time for us to stop letting the past hinder us from being who were intended to be.
Daniel, you are right. I’ve been a lifelong pleaser, bearer of gifts, good mood and consolation to others; I never thought that I could risk to lose anyone by showing the lack of care, by focusing on myself. But, there were times that I was short of temper and it escaped my control for which I was terribly sorry later. It could have been due to not being able to say no, or insecurity, or hormone imbalance … who knows?! I know that I was trying to beat my life long insecurity by trying to please others. Some people appreciated, but not my immediate family. They basically disliked me no matter what I did. I think that my soul was misplaced in a wrong crowd; my parents and I were strangers the whole life. My effort did not work and perhaps they tried later in life to remedy the cruelty towards me, but it wasn’t genuine, no warmth ever.
The courage to embrace being disliked in my mind is like the conduit to liberation. I learned to love it like that. Honestly because I don't trust nor understand people.
This is quite abstract. I would find a lot more solace in a more precise idea - men too have value, not just women, so-called right wingers have value, not just the supposedly enlightened Left, and so on. There is a cookie-cutter element to the conclusion which does not seem satisfying. One size doesn't fit everyone. The question asked and first element of the psychologists' reflection, stop chasing an impossible recognition and putting a semblance of happiness between the hands of other people, is extremely relevant and inspiring thought.
Your past traumas have no influence over your happiness. So simplistic and so undeveloped. This is an entirely different and far more complex conversation than not caring about what others think.
Sometimes people dislike others for petty reasons. The trick isn't in no longer caring what people think of you, it's living in a way that someone who dislikes you isn't someone worth giving credence to. Sometimes the things people take exception to deserve to be called out and questioned. You sus this out by always working to self improvement. When someone doesn't like you, you hear them out. If the reason is valid, you cover down. If the reason is invalid, you call it out. If you never find out someone has disliked you for a time that's not your problem, it's theirs.
It gets better as you get older. When i reached 40, there was this gradual awakening of the authentic self that you find yourself becoming the courage (almost indifference) to just be even if it means having no friends.
Wow! Si you waited 40 years to know that it doesn't matter if you are liked or not liked. Guess what the liking starts form you and only so the dislike you felt was from you.
@@nicolajames5037its gradual. He didn’t imply it happened overnight/ only at 40. Everyone has different lives so many don’t realize this, ever. The fact that you made such a snarky comment shows your unhappiness. Work on that mate, you deserve it!
It’s so much harder to find true happiness when the environment we are born in involves so many expectations to receive love. But it really is true that the happiest I feel is when I am able to just love everyone without any expectations of them loving me back. Free love is the only way of living that makes complete sense to me. It’s hilariously fucked up how many moments I still want to feel loved. I guess I still have some incompleteness to my love of existence. I still wonder if true completeness of our love is even compatible with living in a physical body that needs things. Much love to all of you reading this ❤
I’m unhappy because I’m disappointed with myself not because others don’t approve of me. I’m unhappy with the person I’ve become and it’s no one’s fault except my own. I just want to have some sort of freedom and have new experiences but I haven’t done anything new in over 3 years.
Just came to that conclusion while discussing the topic with chatgpt😂 My self-worth comes from my values, but my my values are goalposts, and it's not here to punish me, focus on the progress rather, use compassion only whilst your struggling not as escape and accept the fact that you will always have to fight as this life is not paradise.
Where does the disappoint come from? Usually it’s a conditioning based off societal standards which is what people thing and you’ve just adapted those standards.
I grew up with people who just wanted to hate because they enjoyed it, I persevered I stayed myself some showed signs of sympathy as i got older some didn’t. There are some people in the world that no matter how much good you do they’re going to hate you and it doesn’t matter how much bad you do some people will still love you.
In this social pressure environment, this kind of topic is needed! True peace and happiness is found within. Not with-out. Though, society will still resent you and deliberately harm you if you do not care about their expectations. This also needs to be discussed. Great video! ✅
Reality is ur choice. U choose if smthin affects u or not. U choose if u want to be angry or not. U choose what an insult or compliment means to u. U choose if u will scream thru suffering or believe all suffering comes to an end. U choose. Daz ur power. By doing so u keep ur power. And if u let fears get to u or peoples eyes get to u, realize ur choosing to let it. Or u can just choose to not let it. Everyday its ur choice.
I used to believe that but I disagree and here's why. I agree that reality is your choice but the problem with what you're saying only applies to when you're in control of your faculties. It falls apart when you realize we spend most of our days on autopilot running subconscious routines. The fact is we barely spend much time being conscious on the day to day. So yes we are in control of our lives...but only when we are in control which is not the majority of the time.
Never noticed how much I was right about how I needed to change until I heard this and realized that philosophers were literally arguing about this topic, helped a lot for me
Now that I think about it, all my worries about getting bad grades in school were all because of my teachers had too much expectations on me. I have never really liked studying but I liked how they praised me for my good results. Instead of feeling satisfied for my hard work and decent grades I felt fear because I felt like I am not supposed to be happy with it. I am now in highschool and starting to realise it. The moment my grades dropped for a bit, my parents and teachers started to act all defensive as if I am not allowed to fail at all. It makes me so sad that people only look at what you have become and what you have achieved but never talk about your journey.
100% agree with everything thats said in this video. ive been unhappy for a long time and everything said here applies fully. im still on my journey trying to be the best person i could be and i started to realize that making a positive impact on other peoples life is the only thing that can genuinely make me happy. its hard to let go of approval and validation because of trauma i went through but im making progress everyday and slowly accepting that everyones life moves at a different pace, theres no point in being jelous of others.
12:16 for anyone who wants to know their advice. As much as I hate to say it, It's no coincidence this gets recommended to me right now. I was struggling to see my worth and value lately and what kishimi and koga said really hits on the spot, how sometimes when I see people succeeding I feel like I'm a lesser person, I try to be happy for them but it's still kinda hard. That also brought me to watching Julienhimself and a particular video of his where he said "Life is not about social media, it's not about the approval, drop the manual, live for the experiences, life keeps lifeing, don't rob yourself of your hero's journey, you are not your fking khakis".
when you are disliked by the majority of people, especially by your own parents, you feel like you don't belong anywhere and i think this is the most challanging part of it.
It took me 25 years to accept that my parents have disliked me before I was born. It's really hard whenever something reminds me of them or they appear in my mind as a habit.
Its fascinating that hardly anyone has heard of the book Unveiling Your Hidden Potential. I believe it was banned but I recently saw that it has been returned
@@richariot8325 They are full of BS, this type of comment regarding this book is covert marketing. The website is a scam if you go looking no information about the book or author just a link to purchase an ebook and that it was banned.
Just don't expect anyone to remember your birthday even though you always remember theirs because that means you're seeking approval and you are unhappy and a bad person bro
@@skibidiyuuuuurwell you could stop being friends with them and I’m sure that will bring happiness. So the video is still correct, wanting a friend to remember your birthday because you remember theirs is seeking approval
you'll get it when youre older skibidi❤.. this video isnt a way to judge you for holding yourself back in a very natural human way, psychology 101 classes teach that the way your mind interprets the situation = the emotions that come afterward, therefore it /is/ true that youre holding yourself back. harnessing the negativity is extremely difficult but everyone is capable of shifting their perspective, its just harder than it sounds
if a friend remembering a birthday is a determining factor of whether or not you wanna be friends with them then you are always free to find other friends, although its not that easy emotionally there are just some sacrifices that need to be made in friendships (like accepting that you cant control whether they remember or not, regardless of your feelings about their behavior)
I loved reading this book. Deepening my understanding of people and the truths of human experience, listening on audible while delivering packages for a company I no longer work at👌
I knew I was unhappy because I deeply resented being disliked by others. However, I never recognized how severe my situation truly was until I watched this video. It laid bare everything I was experiencing as an unhappy person. Watching it was a transformative moment for me; it felt like finally opening a door that had long been shut.
I'd say I'm in the phase of having given up, but not because I've given up on seeking approval, I can get that easily because I'm talented, funny, can carry a conversation, and I have strong values. No, I've given up because people are disappointing. Once I realized that people are really just another type of animal, I realized that in order to get them to act in ways that I wanted them to is entirely dependent on what kind of stimuli I give them, like giving a dog a treat to sit. People don't behave in ways that are self motivating, people don't behave like good people because it's right. No, being a good person has to be reinforced, like a dog rolling over for a treat.
I think it’s important to say that if you do do any of the habits here e.g. compare yourself to others/ seek external validation, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all do it, it doesn’t mean you’re an ego monster, or bad person. The narration keeps saying ‘people who’ as if they are some other group of people, when in fact I think it’s all of us. And thank you to the creator for reading the book and passing on this knowledge to us, it is greatly appreciated.
As I stopped being a people pleaser, I managed to stop being friends with those who I believed my true friends and been friends for almost 10 years (who constantly tried to invade my personal space, and take my time and effort for granted.). Now I perfectly fine being hated by them for distancing myself from them to protect my peace.
This knowledge of comparing happy and unhappy people is equivalent of comparing broke and rich people. As this video state that unhappy people tend to see other as competition. this kind of behavior thrive in a working environment and corporate world. They are trained to meet the expectation of their organization to rise up in ranks so basically most of this unhappy people sacrifice their life and freedom to reach their goal in life while happy people are selfless and seek happiness by helping other without expecting anything in return, they are mostly broke and considered martyr.
I was going through it at work today. Was a complete asshole but I felt like myself. I originally came to my job as enthusiastic and kind and understanding but now I genuinely feel like that was taken for granted
After being a care aid, to rich old people… I realized really…. No one is above me or better than me, we are all the same. We all shit, eat, and breathe. No one is special or worthy of “approval”. Once I started realizing these are just regular people like me I stopped giving a sh*t if anyone liked me or not. Also building up my self esteem and belief in myself helped a lot. 😂 I don’t have any more time to go through life thinking if anyone likes me or not. It’s freeing.
Its Scary how some of the sentences gave me goosebumps, what’s more shocking and impressive is that to see a channel with so less videos but so much subscribers, no wonder the words are so powerful
The gifting thing is a real psychological kick in the brain. It applies to favors too, which I imagine is a pretty big stressful concern with eastern cultures. It's made holidays very unenjoyable for me growing up, and as an adult I've sworn off most of them. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, anything that has the expectation of gift giving or doing something for someone. I can and do that already 365 days a year, I don't need the lingering special days to make it a whole spectacle.
I was a people pleaser when I was a kid and in my teens and early adulthood. 30 now and I think around 25 I started to not care what others thought of me. I have a small group of friends and chose certain family members to be surrounded by. I became very introverted the past 2 years and I love it. I also don’t make having a relationship an end all. If and when I find a person to groove with it’ll be an add on. Love this vid 🫶🏻✨
I use to fear being disliked because I didn’t want to be alone. Little did I know, I was unhappy with myself. So I tolerated disrespectful people and became one hell of a people pleaser. I’d rather be alone and happy instead of fitting into someone else’s world.
Very enlightening. I agree on this. I grew up in a family where toxic shame ruled and it messed me up badly. I was a minefield of triggers but the moment when I got hold on some theories on that i made "the big clean up" and now I just leave manipulative and provocative people and manage to deal with "normal" people triggers. Peace of mind is the beginning. Everything follows. Energy, creativity, joy.
I dislike myself because im so old and never been in a relationship, a part of me wants external validation that i can be loved. I guess thats my issue.
humans are socialites...we want to form relationships...alliances because that's how we survive. Undeniably, we would then curry favours and seek approval in order to be accepted... the courage to be disliked is the courage to be a lone wolf. In isolation, but at the mercy of one's will, to take it as it is or leave it be. Thank you for the reminder. It's good be called out as it is.
This is their most viewed video and I can see why! There's so much content out there already on how to attain the unattainable-be liked, win arguments, influence others, get raises-which has its place and value, but ultimately leaves us less satisfied. Its not everyday we get advice on how to live authentically and free.
Rarely do I listen all the way through these talks. But this one is worth it . Unravelling the connected behaviours of relationships based on transaction .
One of the first books I listened to on Audible. It was like a light switching on in my head. It's given me a different outlook on life. I felt quite liberated after reading this book.
i used to be a massive people pleaser combined with masking my autism and it was such a horrible hole to live in. now i let myself do what my autism wants, meaning that my brain is happy and not overstimulated by silly things. i'm blunt with people (not mean, there's a difference) and i stand up for myself now. i'm so much stronger for the changes i made
This video is so timely, but I don’t think the point made about friendship around 11:50 makes sense. I feel it’s unrealistic to not expect the people you call friends to reciprocate how you treat them. Not to necessarily throw a surprise party, but for instance, I had a “bff” in college whose friend died in a car accident. I canceled all my plans for the day, drove her to her appointments, took care of her, and was there for her during her grieving period. My grandma passed away a few years later, and I called her. She picked up the phone and told me she’d call me right back, but didn’t call me back for almost a week. I think I called her again. She said she had forgotten she’d said that. In that instance I did remember how I was there for her when she was going through grief, and felt hurt that she wasn’t there for me. Someone enlighten me.
That's really such a painful experience, I'm so sorry that happened. This is also something I was confused about too. I can understand not expecting things from others simply because you've sacrificed for them, but I get stuck understanding how this view doesn't just lead to people pleasing in a different way. You can strive to be useful to others rather than chasing their approval, but that seems like a recipe for being used and taken advantage of by people who might not really care about you. Is it supposed to not matter because being useful is your source of happiness?
This is the best vid i ever saw. Thank you for solvong so much of my inner motivations. I notices those my self but those theoris are a bit not common. Thank for publicing this information and alowing me to connect tothe truth
Good point, people's shadows follow me. I hear them all day everyday but their simply no one in my physical presence, it's very schizophrenic. This content helps but helping these "shadows" is impossible because their physical ego simply doesn't acknowledge their shadow. Helping them escalates the tension, the ego didn't ask for my help after all.
"I don't know where my next meal is coming from" - "I don't know where I'll find shelter tonight" - "I just found out my cancer diagnosis is terminal" - I'm pretty sure these are worries that have nothing to do with other people.
I think if you replace happiness with fulfillment, what they're saying makes more sense. There are definitely some overly broad statements at the beginning of the video, the internet thrives on provocative statements driving engagement.
They say that the root cause for unhappiness is due to the need to please others, so does that mean that the people who do not care about others opinions are never unhappy? I don’t agree with the need for validation being the only cause. Some people are unhappy because they are fighting with themselves, trying to figure out what makes them happy in life, and it has nothing to do with the opinions of other people. Just their own.
Thank you for this, that was also my thought. I perceive this as a very simplistic model of unhappiness. Not by coincidence it comes from Japan where people care much more about what others thnik of them than in more individualistic western countries. Man is a social animal, so completely disregarding the opinions of your fellow human beings is hard to do and perhaps not very healthy.
Refer back to the beginning of the video 0:25 "for both internal worry is always linked to the outside world. There is no such thing as worry that is completely defined by the individual. so-called internal worry does not exist. whatever the worry that may arise, the shadows of other people are always present" & read again "The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishmi & Fumitake Koga. They are not saying to disregard other people's opinions but focus on your contribution to others! It's not that people are 'fighting with themselves' because they are unhappy but that they're goal is to be unhappy & they pick thoughts to stimulate the necessary emotions, since they believe gaining approval will make them happy by being 'good'. The problem is that being 'good' requires that they live according to someone else's expectation of them, giving up their freedom in the process! One must be free to be happy which requires following through with one's own way of living before concerning oneself with the opinions of others. By choosing the path you truly believe in you won't need an opinion to justify your behaviour, since you'll be living according to your own ideal. By comparing the rightness of opinions you judge yourself according to other people's yardsticks & you remain stuck in the vortex of competition & cannot help but have a consciousness of 'winning' & 'losing' making you unable to celebrate the happiness of others or actively contribute to their wellbeing They are saying to have more concern for other people while being free. To have concern for the thoughts & actions of other people without determining your actions according to their opinions by choosing your own path & loving other people. Teleology is to explain a given phenomena by the purpose it serves, rather than the cause which gave rise to it. Rather than seeking the causes of unhappiness, try to see the common goal between all the causes which could be to gain approval. Study the goal of happiness which could be to enrich the lives of others & make a contribution. Try to see behaviour in these terms & let me know what you discover Reece
Yeah but that narrative you use to judge yourself came from the outside world. We adopt their structures of jusgement and will use it on ourselves if others don't.
There is an irony that the more we seek happiness the more elusive it becomes. As countless religious and spiritual groups have said since the dawn of time, we find true happiness in life when we truly believe our life has meaning.
“I often say that if I had a prayer, it would be this: God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen. I don't have a prayer, of course, because I don't want anything but what I have” (Byron Katie). She experienced instant enlightenment during an especially painful depression state. I am not in despair, but what she said made my anxiety plummet. It’s been at a very low level ever since. ❤
It's important to note that not everyone is capable of making the best, responsible choices for themselves before they've reached a certain level of maturity and self-awareness. Before that, choices and goals might not be made/set in their best interests. Help, experiences, and guidance are sometimes needed.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been struggling with some stuff for the last three years of my life in college. This video has described be perfectly.
From my experience, it has been through helping others that I have found meaning! I do not care if some people dislike me, but the vast majority of people are reasonable. In the US at least.
Thx for this, really learned a lot especially nowadays where social media can really mess us up and make us look for approval, how metrics and likes act as if our galue and worth is measured by that. A wrong way of measurement
I just moved to a new city so I have no friends, I decided to be me, no matter what, and if people dislike me, I already have no friends, got nothing to loose
Let us know how it turns out
Love this. The ones you attract will be your people because they’re around for your authentic self. Good luck friend!
I moved to a new city and have no friends either. I find myself falling into old patterns of people pleasing. I'm going to keep pushing through though, good luck to you and best wishes.
I stayed living in the same city. Got rid of friends, got nothing to loose. I love my life so much more.
Good luck. It's tough because we tend to want to please others and do what they do. Even strangers.
"Unhappy people see other people as rivals."
and that is the birth of a narcissist
@@epicxg4merftw390 sorry, youd be surprised how many "narcissists" that actually are "adult children".
@@e.thereal Yeah Exactly
@e.thereal "grotesque adult toddlers" is my phrasing
No, I have found earlier in life I'm my own rival and still end up being unhappy
I read a proverb somewhere that said. "When there's no enemy within, the enemies outside can not hurt you "
Oof! Thank you for sharing
❤
Intelligently- well stated!
❤❤❤❤❤...
......that is dangerously untrue
The day I quit pleasing others I started feeling peace within
Indeed
I have found meaning in helping others. I agree that some people simply cannot be pleased by what I do, but I still offer to help them.
Amen!
there will never be such a day as long as police officers exist. Try saying "no" to one of them LOL
@@charleswomack2166there is a difference between helping and being happy to help
When youre old enough to realize most people arent worth your time, being disliked can be a blessing
You have completely missed the point of this philosophy. It's about understanding the value in all people and interactions. Not dismissing others because of your ego...
@WillBloomy has zero to do with ego, rather experience....
EXACTLY! It's also said though.
@@WillBloomy It's not dismissing people because of your ego, rather, understanding that most people are not worth your time. There are billions of people in the world. You are not responsible for all of their happiness. What this video is trying to convey is the importance of finding the people you care about, and making them happy while not seeking their approval. If you are a Mother Teresa, that's good for you, but that is not to say anyone who doesn't wish to live like that is wrong either.
@@claudiafahey1353 which is why I laugh when people are being self-righteous trying to solve world hunger, or world whatever. Just focus on youself
"unhappy people see the success of others as a threat, while happy people see the success of others as a blessing.. "
I disagree, I am unhappy, but I love seeing others succeed. Especially if I, in any way whatsoever, helped... I feel people are just saying these things as some sort of positive affirmations, even if they don't really make any sense at all.
A quick little sentence to sound and feel deep, or important, or enlightened... 🤷
How do i stop being jealous then?
@Miaaaaaauu
There are many ways to reduce jealously, I also struggle with jealously where I see others doing well and I want that, so it's truly just focusing on yourself
Personally, I would do these things:
1. Focus on yourself, try your best
2. Set goals and strive to achieve them
2. find hobbies and if you already have hobbies you like. strive to be the best you can be in each of them
3. seek knowledge, whether it be academic or simply learning new things
4. exercise would a great way to focus on yourself, maybe yoga, meditation, etc, etc
.
.
you can exclude this one, but if you follow a certain religion strive to be the best character according to the beliefs of your religion
but yeah, I hope these examples help.. It's a hard struggle and takes a lot out of you. I wish you lots of courage
@Kkabautermann- thankyou for taking ur time carefully replying to my question i will try all of these
The helper helps because they know what it's like to be helpless.
Right! But don't forget to take care of yourself
❤️🔥
That’s exactly my dilemma that I’ve been trying to solve yet I find it impossible. It’s just my automatic nature to help if I know I can. Because I wish I had that same help despite not getting it
This!! I used to be depressed to the point of being suicidal and now I do what I can to help others avoid these feelings of helplessness. But taking care of myself while doing that is exhausting, especially because these people eventually start seeing it as my job to always take the high road while they do what they want
I'm lucky enough to never have been helpless.
I help hecause nobody should feel that way.
There is disappointment that they don't like me. What's even worse is I don’t like them.
So real
Don’t do yourself so dirty! ❤
I know!
Yes! This frustrates me too- why do I care what someone I don’t like/respect thinks about me? It’s maddening.
Same here!
Wow. They nailed it.
Unhappy = trying to please others to get approval.
Happy = genuinely believe they are helping others and being useful. Not letting others dictate how you feel about yourself based on their opinion of you.
Remember, you don't owe anyone anything.
I'd counter that by saying you at least owe your accountability to others. Keeping commitments within reasons, respecting boundaries that the other side respects within reason, and your listening to grievances that are well intentioned. The social contract breaks down if most people withdraw. Not everyone needs to participate to a meaningful degree, but the disconnection towards society is one of the biggest factors in what is wrong today
@@sunphoenix1231I agree
You don't owe anyone more than what they are willing to show you. You don't owe honesty to someone who likes to you or kindness to someone who is only mean
This is honestly one of the best self improvement vids I’ve seen, it’s super relatable to what I’m going through.
If you relate to this video, then i can relate to you, I wish you the best!
@ u2 man!
It’s based from a book.
I think it's not really an argument that is well made. Authenticity is the goal and it doesn't mean you have to be an asshole. It just means that you will make decisions that best suit you in the face of people with different interests. Many people take this information and start being arse holes unessssarily.
Except this video excludes all the therapy it takes to get the point of not seeking external validation.
Growing up as a people pleaser made me miserable!! And I never got nothing good from it. The second I started working on myself and putting my need, happiness, ect first I truly felt at peace! All I want is to spread love and kindness in a world full of hate and as long as I can do that I’ll be okay I have no problem being disliked,or viewed as the bad guy. I know who I am and no can tell me different
One reason to seek approval from others and wanting everybody to like you, is because of childhood trauma. If you had an abusive and violent parent, it's only natural to seek to feel the parent's emotions, and to try to get approval from that parent, so that you don't get beaten up. The problem with that is that most of us, who grew up in that sort of abusive environment, don't recognize that this is what we were doing.
I hear you brother but there is hope, it is time for us to change the path. There is a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson that has been very helpful. Public libraries usually have it, for me it was an eyeopener. We are all responsible for what is happening to this world and it is time for us to stop letting the past hinder us from being who were intended to be.
@@e.thereal I heard of that book, it was recommended to me in the past! Thank you!
Thanks to both of you guys! I’m gonna read that book. And yes, there is hope for those willing to look inside themselves.
Neglect is as pernicious as violence
Daniel, you are right. I’ve been a lifelong pleaser, bearer of gifts, good mood and consolation to others; I never thought that I could risk to lose anyone by showing the lack of care, by focusing on myself. But, there were times that I was short of temper and it escaped my control for which I was terribly sorry later. It could have been due to not being able to say no, or insecurity, or hormone imbalance … who knows?! I know that I was trying to beat my life long insecurity by trying to please others. Some people appreciated, but not my immediate family. They basically disliked me no matter what I did. I think that my soul was misplaced in a wrong crowd; my parents and I were strangers the whole life. My effort did not work and perhaps they tried later in life to remedy the cruelty towards me, but it wasn’t genuine, no warmth ever.
The courage to embrace being disliked in my mind is like the conduit to liberation. I learned to love it like that. Honestly because I don't trust nor understand people.
Isn't that a bit paradoxical? A lack of trust seems like an unwillingness to depend on others when you need help.
Yes and no IMO, not trusting people means also never getting disappointed with their behavior or (re)actions. 😉
Holy shit. This really called everything out. Really needed to hear everything in this video. Scary how accurate it all was.
Felt like the Truman show
💯
100% made sense
The idea of all human beings innately being valuable and the way it was described here was so beautiful. Thank you for the reminder.
This is quite abstract. I would find a lot more solace in a more precise idea - men too have value, not just women, so-called right wingers have value, not just the supposedly enlightened Left, and so on. There is a cookie-cutter element to the conclusion which does not seem satisfying. One size doesn't fit everyone. The question asked and first element of the psychologists' reflection, stop chasing an impossible recognition and putting a semblance of happiness between the hands of other people, is extremely relevant and inspiring thought.
Your past traumas have no influence over your happiness.
So simplistic and so undeveloped.
This is an entirely different and far more complex conversation than not caring about what others think.
The day i started respecting my feelings and setting boundaries i lost all my friends but it's peaceful
Me too. Its an amazing feeling when you see the truth.
Me tooo ❤
@@shivanikaushik3103 glad 😊 🫂 keep glowing 🌟 and growing 💗 girl
@@mysticmaril2372 god bless you sweetheart 🌻🫂
Sometimes people dislike others for petty reasons. The trick isn't in no longer caring what people think of you, it's living in a way that someone who dislikes you isn't someone worth giving credence to. Sometimes the things people take exception to deserve to be called out and questioned. You sus this out by always working to self improvement. When someone doesn't like you, you hear them out. If the reason is valid, you cover down. If the reason is invalid, you call it out. If you never find out someone has disliked you for a time that's not your problem, it's theirs.
It gets better as you get older. When i reached 40, there was this gradual awakening of the authentic self that you find yourself becoming the courage (almost indifference) to just be even if it means having no friends.
Wow! Si you waited 40 years to know that it doesn't matter if you are liked or not liked. Guess what the liking starts form you and only so the dislike you felt was from you.
Very true! I’m 44 and I felt the shift and still haven’t seen the best of me yet
@@nicolajames5037its gradual. He didn’t imply it happened overnight/ only at 40. Everyone has different lives so many don’t realize this, ever.
The fact that you made such a snarky comment shows your unhappiness. Work on that mate, you deserve it!
@@eigojiyouzu you’re replying to a child that has no idea what he’s talking about.
@@eigojiyouzuhahaha so true
It's scary how relatable this video is...
It’s so much harder to find true happiness when the environment we are born in involves so many expectations to receive love. But it really is true that the happiest I feel is when I am able to just love everyone without any expectations of them loving me back. Free love is the only way of living that makes complete sense to me. It’s hilariously fucked up how many moments I still want to feel loved. I guess I still have some incompleteness to my love of existence. I still wonder if true completeness of our love is even compatible with living in a physical body that needs things. Much love to all of you reading this ❤
Bro exposed my thought process in 1 billion ways 😭
I’m unhappy because I’m disappointed with myself not because others don’t approve of me. I’m unhappy with the person I’ve become and it’s no one’s fault except my own. I just want to have some sort of freedom and have new experiences but I haven’t done anything new in over 3 years.
Same with me
same here
Just came to that conclusion while discussing the topic with chatgpt😂
My self-worth comes from my values, but my my values are goalposts, and it's not here to punish me, focus on the progress rather, use compassion only whilst your struggling not as escape and accept the fact that you will always have to fight as this life is not paradise.
Where does the disappoint come from? Usually it’s a conditioning based off societal standards which is what people thing and you’ve just adapted those standards.
@@emilyc7727 From never having any joy or fun for years on end, it's just work work work rest work work work work.
I grew up with people who just wanted to hate because they enjoyed it, I persevered I stayed myself some showed signs of sympathy as i got older some didn’t.
There are some people in the world that no matter how much good you do they’re going to hate you and it doesn’t matter how much bad you do some people will still love you.
In this social pressure environment, this kind of topic is needed!
True peace and happiness is found within. Not with-out.
Though, society will still resent you and deliberately harm you if you do not care about their expectations.
This also needs to be discussed.
Great video! ✅
no matter people said about you, you have to live for yourself
Reality is ur choice. U choose if smthin affects u or not. U choose if u want to be angry or not. U choose what an insult or compliment means to u. U choose if u will scream thru suffering or believe all suffering comes to an end. U choose. Daz ur power. By doing so u keep ur power. And if u let fears get to u or peoples eyes get to u, realize ur choosing to let it. Or u can just choose to not let it. Everyday its ur choice.
That's real. 👍🏻🙏🏼
Interesting❤Ty I will choose not to let it I like how you said this
I used to believe that but I disagree and here's why. I agree that reality is your choice but the problem with what you're saying only applies to when you're in control of your faculties. It falls apart when you realize we spend most of our days on autopilot running subconscious routines. The fact is we barely spend much time being conscious on the day to day. So yes we are in control of our lives...but only when we are in control which is not the majority of the time.
We don’t work like that. And hopefully never will because we are not robots.
U smthin u ur u u ur u smthingcd
The part about trauma was definitely something I needed to hear. I'm more motivated to change my life and choose my success over being miserable
Never noticed how much I was right about how I needed to change until I heard this and realized that philosophers were literally arguing about this topic, helped a lot for me
my own being is the most important part of my life. no one beyond me.
I am an international student in Canada , I have no friends , no family here , I’m gonna build a new personality 😎
How? I want to scape from my country 😅
All the best ❤🎉
@@Dante.mb8Move to Atlantic Provinces, I really like saint john NB.
@@koshallkamboj how I can get a job permit? You can help me with? Some company looking for foreigners? Some website?
@@Dante.mb8 oh I thought you're Canadian, bro Canada is closed now for foreigners...try in 2026.
Make a positive impact on other people's lives by having the courage to be disliked, cool mantra
For me, my life it's constant search of understanding and knowledge.
Thanks for sharing this different point of view.
Same exactly.
The random videos I get that turn out to be a life changer, amazing work
Now that I think about it, all my worries about getting bad grades in school were all because of my teachers had too much expectations on me. I have never really liked studying but I liked how they praised me for my good results. Instead of feeling satisfied for my hard work and decent grades I felt fear because I felt like I am not supposed to be happy with it. I am now in highschool and starting to realise it. The moment my grades dropped for a bit, my parents and teachers started to act all defensive as if I am not allowed to fail at all. It makes me so sad that people only look at what you have become and what you have achieved but never talk about your journey.
100% agree with everything thats said in this video. ive been unhappy for a long time and everything said here applies fully. im still on my journey trying to be the best person i could be and i started to realize that making a positive impact on other peoples life is the only thing that can genuinely make me happy. its hard to let go of approval and validation because of trauma i went through but im making progress everyday and slowly accepting that everyones life moves at a different pace, theres no point in being jelous of others.
Key is why people feel the need to please and seek approval from others? It’s the way people are brought up.
Happiness is fleeting, inner peace will give you freedom.
This video made me understand myself better, now I know what to work on myself
12:16 for anyone who wants to know their advice. As much as I hate to say it, It's no coincidence this gets recommended to me right now. I was struggling to see my worth and value lately and what kishimi and koga said really hits on the spot, how sometimes when I see people succeeding I feel like I'm a lesser person, I try to be happy for them but it's still kinda hard.
That also brought me to watching Julienhimself and a particular video of his where he said "Life is not about social media, it's not about the approval, drop the manual, live for the experiences, life keeps lifeing, don't rob yourself of your hero's journey, you are not your fking khakis".
Fear of external judgement is the root cause of our unhappiness
when you are disliked by the majority of people, especially by your own parents, you feel like you don't belong anywhere and i think this is the most challanging part of it.
It took me 25 years to accept that my parents have disliked me before I was born. It's really hard whenever something reminds me of them or they appear in my mind as a habit.
Finding joy and meaning journey is important.
Even if your life ends suddenly ,
Its not wasted
Its fascinating that hardly anyone has heard of the book Unveiling Your Hidden Potential. I believe it was banned but I recently saw that it has been returned
Banned for what?
@@richariot8325 They are full of BS, this type of comment regarding this book is covert marketing. The website is a scam if you go looking no information about the book or author just a link to purchase an ebook and that it was banned.
Really strange comment from the other guy @@richariot8325
“Just figure out what you want in life bro, just be happy bro” - this video
Just help people bro
Just don't expect anyone to remember your birthday even though you always remember theirs because that means you're seeking approval and you are unhappy and a bad person bro
@@skibidiyuuuuurwell you could stop being friends with them and I’m sure that will bring happiness. So the video is still correct, wanting a friend to remember your birthday because you remember theirs is seeking approval
you'll get it when youre older skibidi❤.. this video isnt a way to judge you for holding yourself back in a very natural human way, psychology 101 classes teach that the way your mind interprets the situation = the emotions that come afterward, therefore it /is/ true that youre holding yourself back. harnessing the negativity is extremely difficult but everyone is capable of shifting their perspective, its just harder than it sounds
if a friend remembering a birthday is a determining factor of whether or not you wanna be friends with them then you are always free to find other friends, although its not that easy emotionally there are just some sacrifices that need to be made in friendships (like accepting that you cant control whether they remember or not, regardless of your feelings about their behavior)
I loved reading this book. Deepening my understanding of people and the truths of human experience, listening on audible while delivering packages for a company I no longer work at👌
The author has expressed my most important question, "What am I doing with my life?" in a simple and clear manner.
I listened the audiobook for this - it was absolutely brilliant.
It has a unique way of giving comfort and perspective to your day to day life.
I knew I was unhappy because I deeply resented being disliked by others. However, I never recognized how severe my situation truly was until I watched this video. It laid bare everything I was experiencing as an unhappy person. Watching it was a transformative moment for me; it felt like finally opening a door that had long been shut.
I'd say I'm in the phase of having given up, but not because I've given up on seeking approval, I can get that easily because I'm talented, funny, can carry a conversation, and I have strong values. No, I've given up because people are disappointing. Once I realized that people are really just another type of animal, I realized that in order to get them to act in ways that I wanted them to is entirely dependent on what kind of stimuli I give them, like giving a dog a treat to sit. People don't behave in ways that are self motivating, people don't behave like good people because it's right. No, being a good person has to be reinforced, like a dog rolling over for a treat.
I think it’s important to say that if you do do any of the habits here e.g. compare yourself to others/ seek external validation, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all do it, it doesn’t mean you’re an ego monster, or bad person. The narration keeps saying ‘people who’ as if they are some other group of people, when in fact I think it’s all of us. And thank you to the creator for reading the book and passing on this knowledge to us, it is greatly appreciated.
I am chuffed when people do not like me , it means I am doing something right .
That’s true keep being you. At the end of day life goes on.
"develop the courage to be dislike"... positivity indeed. 🙏🙏💯✨🎯
As I stopped being a people pleaser, I managed to stop being friends with those who I believed my true friends and been friends for almost 10 years (who constantly tried to invade my personal space, and take my time and effort for granted.). Now I perfectly fine being hated by them for distancing myself from them to protect my peace.
This should be mandatory knowledge for all parents trying to pressure their children into a specific career to earn their approval
This knowledge of comparing happy and unhappy people is equivalent of comparing broke and rich people. As this video state that unhappy people tend to see other as competition. this kind of behavior thrive in a working environment and corporate world. They are trained to meet the expectation of their organization to rise up in ranks so basically most of this unhappy people sacrifice their life and freedom to reach their goal in life while happy people are selfless and seek happiness by helping other without expecting anything in return, they are mostly broke and considered martyr.
I was going through it at work today. Was a complete asshole but I felt like myself. I originally came to my job as enthusiastic and kind and understanding but now I genuinely feel like that was taken for granted
Sometimes you gotta embrace your authentic emotions, its not always a positive experience. Ppl will respect you more in the long run
Live for urself
After being a care aid, to rich old people… I realized really…. No one is above me or better than me, we are all the same. We all shit, eat, and breathe. No one is special or worthy of “approval”. Once I started realizing these are just regular people like me I stopped giving a sh*t if anyone liked me or not. Also building up my self esteem and belief in myself helped a lot. 😂 I don’t have any more time to go through life thinking if anyone likes me or not. It’s freeing.
Its Scary how some of the sentences gave me goosebumps, what’s more shocking and impressive is that to see a channel with so less videos but so much subscribers, no wonder the words are so powerful
The gifting thing is a real psychological kick in the brain. It applies to favors too, which I imagine is a pretty big stressful concern with eastern cultures.
It's made holidays very unenjoyable for me growing up, and as an adult I've sworn off most of them. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, anything that has the expectation of gift giving or doing something for someone. I can and do that already 365 days a year, I don't need the lingering special days to make it a whole spectacle.
I was a people pleaser when I was a kid and in my teens and early adulthood. 30 now and I think around 25 I started to not care what others thought of me. I have a small group of friends and chose certain family members to be surrounded by. I became very introverted the past 2 years and I love it. I also don’t make having a relationship an end all. If and when I find a person to groove with it’ll be an add on. Love this vid 🫶🏻✨
The e hard part got me is that even with the courage to be disliked. Being disliked being too many and especially the wrong ones can cause you issues.
I had to go through this thought process during covid and come to terms with the fact the people i thought were my friends weren't my friends
I use to fear being disliked because I didn’t want to be alone. Little did I know, I was unhappy with myself. So I tolerated disrespectful people and became one hell of a people pleaser. I’d rather be alone and happy instead of fitting into someone else’s world.
Very enlightening. I agree on this. I grew up in a family where toxic shame ruled and it messed me up badly. I was a minefield of triggers but the moment when I got hold on some theories on that i made "the big clean up" and now I just leave manipulative and provocative people and manage to deal with "normal" people triggers. Peace of mind is the beginning. Everything follows. Energy, creativity, joy.
I’m reading a book called Healing the Shame that Binds You currently. I completely relate to your comment
I dislike myself because im so old and never been in a relationship, a part of me wants external validation that i can be loved. I guess thats my issue.
Sitting here with my coffee, fasted, in the early morning hours listening and thinking, really good video
humans are socialites...we want to form relationships...alliances because that's how we survive. Undeniably, we would then curry favours and seek approval in order to be accepted...
the courage to be disliked is the courage to be a lone wolf. In isolation, but at the mercy of one's will, to take it as it is or leave it be.
Thank you for the reminder. It's good be called out as it is.
This is their most viewed video and I can see why! There's so much content out there already on how to attain the unattainable-be liked, win arguments, influence others, get raises-which has its place and value, but ultimately leaves us less satisfied. Its not everyday we get advice on how to live authentically and free.
Rarely do I listen all the way through these talks. But this one is worth it . Unravelling the connected behaviours of relationships based on transaction .
One of the first books I listened to on Audible. It was like a light switching on in my head. It's given me a different outlook on life. I felt quite liberated after reading this book.
i used to be a massive people pleaser combined with masking my autism and it was such a horrible hole to live in. now i let myself do what my autism wants, meaning that my brain is happy and not overstimulated by silly things. i'm blunt with people (not mean, there's a difference) and i stand up for myself now. i'm so much stronger for the changes i made
When I’m happy for everyone at work no matter what the people there till me I’m too nice or to stop seeing good in others 😭
Worse than being disliked is not to like yourself. Be you 🎉
This video is so timely, but I don’t think the point made about friendship around 11:50 makes sense. I feel it’s unrealistic to not expect the people you call friends to reciprocate how you treat them. Not to necessarily throw a surprise party, but for instance, I had a “bff” in college whose friend died in a car accident. I canceled all my plans for the day, drove her to her appointments, took care of her, and was there for her during her grieving period. My grandma passed away a few years later, and I called her. She picked up the phone and told me she’d call me right back, but didn’t call me back for almost a week. I think I called her again. She said she had forgotten she’d said that. In that instance I did remember how I was there for her when she was going through grief, and felt hurt that she wasn’t there for me. Someone enlighten me.
That's really such a painful experience, I'm so sorry that happened. This is also something I was confused about too. I can understand not expecting things from others simply because you've sacrificed for them, but I get stuck understanding how this view doesn't just lead to people pleasing in a different way. You can strive to be useful to others rather than chasing their approval, but that seems like a recipe for being used and taken advantage of by people who might not really care about you. Is it supposed to not matter because being useful is your source of happiness?
I loved this book when i first saw it in the bookshop. Sadly it is expensive. Thank you for summarizing it
Thank you for putting together this summary of the book. It was enlightening ❤
best video I’ve watched this year. called me out on so many things. 2025 will be different and I will make sure of it.
The success of others, cannot diminish their own worth.
This is the best vid i ever saw. Thank you for solvong so much of my inner motivations. I notices those my self but those theoris are a bit not common. Thank for publicing this information and alowing me to connect tothe truth
Not even 1:40 in and I already got another two ads
Same i got one ad
Same urghhhhh
Same lol
Remember the author has courage to be disliked 😂
It was really powerful. I have realised so many things and analysed my behaviour
Listening to this video is one the best decisions I’ve ever made
You crushed it with this video. Thank you for introducing me to this concept and these authors. Keep em coming!
Good point, people's shadows follow me. I hear them all day everyday but their simply no one in my physical presence, it's very schizophrenic. This content helps but helping these "shadows" is impossible because their physical ego simply doesn't acknowledge their shadow. Helping them escalates the tension, the ego didn't ask for my help after all.
"I don't know where my next meal is coming from" - "I don't know where I'll find shelter tonight" - "I just found out my cancer diagnosis is terminal" - I'm pretty sure these are worries that have nothing to do with other people.
I think if you replace happiness with fulfillment, what they're saying makes more sense. There are definitely some overly broad statements at the beginning of the video, the internet thrives on provocative statements driving engagement.
They say that the root cause for unhappiness is due to the need to please others, so does that mean that the people who do not care about others opinions are never unhappy? I don’t agree with the need for validation being the only cause. Some people are unhappy because they are fighting with themselves, trying to figure out what makes them happy in life, and it has nothing to do with the opinions of other people. Just their own.
Thank you for this, that was also my thought. I perceive this as a very simplistic model of unhappiness. Not by coincidence it comes from Japan where people care much more about what others thnik of them than in more individualistic western countries. Man is a social animal, so completely disregarding the opinions of your fellow human beings is hard to do and perhaps not very healthy.
Richard Grannon has a UA-cam explaining what you are probably saying??
The split personality of the narcissist.
Refer back to the beginning of the video 0:25 "for both internal worry is always linked to the outside world. There is no such thing as worry that is completely defined by the individual. so-called internal worry does not exist. whatever the worry that may arise, the shadows of other people are always present" & read again "The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishmi & Fumitake Koga. They are not saying to disregard other people's opinions but focus on your contribution to others! It's not that people are 'fighting with themselves' because they are unhappy but that they're goal is to be unhappy & they pick thoughts to stimulate the necessary emotions, since they believe gaining approval will make them happy by being 'good'. The problem is that being 'good' requires that they live according to someone else's expectation of them, giving up their freedom in the process! One must be free to be happy which requires following through with one's own way of living before concerning oneself with the opinions of others. By choosing the path you truly believe in you won't need an opinion to justify your behaviour, since you'll be living according to your own ideal. By comparing the rightness of opinions you judge yourself according to other people's yardsticks & you remain stuck in the vortex of competition & cannot help but have a consciousness of 'winning' & 'losing' making you unable to celebrate the happiness of others or actively contribute to their wellbeing
They are saying to have more concern for other people while being free. To have concern for the thoughts & actions of other people without determining your actions according to their opinions by choosing your own path & loving other people. Teleology is to explain a given phenomena by the purpose it serves, rather than the cause which gave rise to it. Rather than seeking the causes of unhappiness, try to see the common goal between all the causes which could be to gain approval. Study the goal of happiness which could be to enrich the lives of others & make a contribution. Try to see behaviour in these terms & let me know what you discover
Reece
@@kuhniberti you misunderstand this philosophy. read my response!
Yeah but that narrative you use to judge yourself came from the outside world. We adopt their structures of jusgement and will use it on ourselves if others don't.
There is an irony that the more we seek happiness the more elusive it becomes. As countless religious and spiritual groups have said since the dawn of time, we find true happiness in life when we truly believe our life has meaning.
Keep going man! You make the videos, I’ll watch/listen!
“I often say that if I had a prayer, it would be this: God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen. I don't have a prayer, of course, because I don't want anything but what I have” (Byron Katie). She experienced instant enlightenment during an especially painful depression state. I am not in despair, but what she said made my anxiety plummet. It’s been at a very low level ever since. ❤
It's important to note that not everyone is capable of making the best, responsible choices for themselves before they've reached a certain level of maturity and self-awareness. Before that, choices and goals might not be made/set in their best interests. Help, experiences, and guidance are sometimes needed.
Thank you it's very rare to have a real man teaching stuff
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been struggling with some stuff for the last three years of my life in college. This video has described be perfectly.
Selfishness is the absolute worst human quality, and it will eventually kill us all.
This was a fantastic break down of Adler and the Kishimi & Koga's book. You explain topics very clearly and digestible. Great work.
Dude, seriously that was beautiful ❤️🙏
incredible
From my experience, it has been through helping others that I have found meaning! I do not care if some people dislike me, but the vast majority of people are reasonable. In the US at least.
Absolutely 100% the truth , and really the only way to to live imo 💪😎
Thx for this, really learned a lot especially nowadays where social media can really mess us up and make us look for approval, how metrics and likes act as if our galue and worth is measured by that. A wrong way of measurement
I never realized that this applied to me. I thought i was never a people pleaser but i definitely am. Im learning to shed that part of me.