Comment below your #1 tip for coping with childhood trauma 👇 Watch the rest of this series to learn how Jacob’s childhood trauma impacted his teenage & early adult years, how he overcame misdiagnoses, & how he discovered the right treatment, all HERE: bit.ly/39NfMaZ
Just journaling a couple of emotions every day. It makes me feel like someone's lending a compassionate ear, even if it's just myself, which is such a stark contrast to how I've felt for the first decades of my life that this simple act of writing a line or two makes an immediately observable impact in my emotional regulation.
Focusing on the positives, and reminding myself that, I can't change what happened to me, but I can choose how to not let those tragic events change who I am or make me feel powerless. Be happy with my strengths and channel my energy to not make the same mistakes my parents made.
That's the best gift you can give to your children. I read Parenting from Inside out when my son was 17. I wish I started my spiritual journey when he was young. Better late than never. I post important parenting resources in my blog.
It so important that you’re thinking about your childhood abuse and how to not do what was done to you. Just be very mindful that the partner you choose is emotionally and mentally healthy and is aware and sympathetic of your trauma. It’s almost more important than romantic love.
i think this is how ANYONE should approach someone. we should always ask, "what happened to them?" vs "what's wrong with them??" because that isn't helpful for anyone.
@Person Thank you, I really appreciate your reply. I am also dealing with a brain injury that stopped me working, but I am fighting on. It's nice to get some encouragement. 😀
Your trauma negatively affects your marriage and family which goes on to affect their children's marriages and families. I absolutely see how the pathologies are carried on through several generations both genetically and behaviorally until someone is willing to break the cycle of addiction or thought pattern or belief.
Dismissiveness is the salt being rubbed into the deep wound. Being a kind listening ear without passing judgment is so healing. It really does make a world of difference.
A lot of us have suppressed childhood trauma and I don't know if we will ever feel healed. It is so tough to see how normal familys function and know you will never know that comfort.
Well I wouldn’t say never. Actually going through the grieving process allows one to come out the other side and not only be healed but even be stronger in many ways. Let me put it this way - “you don’t know if you’re really damaged unless you first go through a thorough grieving process.” I did it with journaling.
Everyone's trauma is different. I was starved. Once someone said they forced me to eat broccoli and I'm traumatized. I said dam I wish I had broccoli. But it's the feel and the way it was handled.
He tries to give that appearance, and says he's well now, but he talks slowly, and his facial expressions and mannerisms tell a different story. To me he still seems to be depressed or feeling empty, feeling unhappy, and maybe even a bit dissociated. He still has a long way to go on a road to recovery, and I hope he gets there some day.
@@mbaksa that is a very subjective reply. What does the speed at which he talks have to do with his mental state? I myself am monotone and talk slow, but I do it because A. Thats how I've always talked and B. I'm making sure I am using the proper words to portray my thoughts accurately
I am looking forward for a day when I can share my story and it does not hurt as it does today. Edit: been a year. still in therapy and it is getting better, after a looot of hard work 🙌 Thanks everyone for sharing and encouraging me and each other. Cliché, but every little thing you guys say here really means a lot to me 💚
My friend, I bear goodwill to you, and I hope you find your oasis. I found mine, a therapist twice my age. She does not pity me, nor does she covet me. She saw the good samaritan in my heart and helped it grow into who I really am. The big teddy bear, the gentle giant. Please my friend, reach when you feel like you can. Some one will catch you.
I'm learning to share mine. I just started blogging my life story. www.thecringebox.wordpress.com I'm not a writer just a survivor with a story to tell. I hope that someday you'll get to a place that you can talk about it. God be with you.
Childhood trauma is the gift that keeps on giving. Please get the help you need, BEFORE you have kids of your own, or choose not to have them altogether.
Well said. Many times childhood trauma victims believe that having their own babies would help because they think they would take care of them better. But it is very important that we deal with it before thinking of bearing the little ones. Or altogether not have them. It is okay to choose to have no children at all.
Thanks for saying Think before you have children. Tell young people: wait to get pregnant until you are fully mature (older mothers have healthier, smarter children), financially secure, as far along in your education as you wish to be; space your children so that the first is in school before you have the second. We say nothing and Oops! one baby after another is born into poverty and dysfunction and chaos.
People need to get birth control early in adolescence, even if it means for some girls to get thee to a nunnery. Even living with mean mother superior is better than making dysfunctional, miserable people.
I am a 70 yr old woman. I sometimes have nightmares that my dead alcoholic father, who died 25 yrs ago, is alive again. I want to be glad but all I feel is fear.
It might mean you still havent fully let go, you can choose to forgive him and set him free. What has helped me tremendously is and app called Soul Time, it has helped me through alot of stuff,inviting Jesus into my life reading the word listening to worship music, and whats great is i am doing it with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I know that pain. My dad and mom where both crackheads and they both died when I was ten. Lived in groups homes. Homeless. But now I’m 41 and thriving. Two masters degrees later and a healthy family. This channel has inspired me to start my own. GOD bless you guys for doing this. 🤙
I can totally relate to that fight or flight mode...still today I have trust issues, feels as if everyone have their knives in for me. I overthink situations and "read" things that are not there.
At age 7 I saw my father with his hand around my mother's throat, she said she couldn't breathe and he wouldn't let go. Heard him beating her up downstairs when I was 5. Laying in bed not knowing if your mother would be alive next day was terrifying. I was bullied for eight very long years in school and ended up developing schizophrenia. I'm also autistic with depression. I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor, and compared to some people I'm very lucky. Dad I forgive you.
Yeah, my dad did the same thing to my mom. Strangled her with towels, threw her up against walls, dragged her by the hair across the floor. I stopped counting how many times he told my brother and I that my mom would be dead when we got home from school. Try taking that to school and trying to learn and being terrified about your mother. Then when we got home, she was alive. Plus being bullied at school. I understand you dude. I've lived it. I'm not schizophrenic, just depression, anxiety and PTSD. My sister is bipolar though and my youngest brother has OCD and depression.
Many abusers (especially if family members) have skills to manipulate. So, unfortunately many people are in denial that they had wrong childhood because abusers make them think - everything was just fine and you (as always) - just too sensitive or too emotional or remember things wrong or, or, or.... But constant struggle with relationships, health, career etc. leads to analysis and eventually it reveals the truth. You did great knowing the truth!!
Yeah he's so understanding and compassionate. I specially payed close attention to his word choices describing his father, not at any point did he condemn or name call him. That's Honorable
I was noticeably hyper vigilant as a child, was bullied by a few, branded the weird kid because I was so lonely and wanted to make friends but didn’t have good social skills due to the abuse...I’ve treated my anxiety but I still have deep trust issues...I used to be able to make friends every now and then but lately I’ve been so lonely it’s insane
There is hope now, you don't need to be conditioned by what happened when you were young. Find a passion so you can over the repetitive Compulsion of the brain. EFT is the best way to deal with the past issues along with therapy.
@@lightintheduskthis sounds exactly like the situation my ex was in, and it affected our relationship in a big way. i have asperger's, and this resonated with me because I was emotionally unhealthy looking back. I was too insecure because I thought she would leave, which is most likely what pushed her away. I wish we wouldn't have moved so fast, but things are the way they are, and all you can do is learn from your mistakes.
I am so sorry to him. I work with kids. I firmly believe parents need to be screened before conceiving, and parents need to be punished. It’s not fair to the poor kids, plus a lot of kids who are born into this kind of home environment end up repeating the cycle and ruining the people around them.
Pri USA for example, my former “best friend” came from a terrible home environment, and in return, was jealous of me that I didn’t, even though I was nothing but nice and helped her out, and tried to ruin my life in so many ways, that I have damage from what she did to me. Not everyone is like this I’m sure, but I would say only 1-percent get themselves out of this situation (like the guy in the video) the other 99 percent end up repeating the cycle. These people also become our school shooters, rapists, and murderers. We need a better system bottom line, and parents need to be punished and screened before hand.
Being “punished” is a cause of trauma for a lot of children so punishing them as adults/retraumatizing them is just perpetuating the cycle. We need better access to help for parents. Better help for abused children. More financial stability for the poor/underserved. I have CPTSD from childhood but still instinctively felt that I couldn’t speak about my life without risking being separated from my parents. We literally remove children from poor families and then place them with foster parents -who get paid to care for them-. It makes no sense. Not to mention there are plenty of parents who appear to have it all together and provide the physical necessities for their children but completely neglect them emotionally and are abusive verbally and physically in ways that don’t show/can’t be proven. Punishment begets more pain and dysfunction. Helping people to thrive is the best way forward.
The hardest part is my abuser is still loved and admired by my family. I was abused, but I’m the outcast. I’m 42 and it’s a daily struggle. Sexually abused for 8 years by my step father.
I am so sorry you are dealing with that, I have a similar situation with my abuser, nobody wants to acknowledge and they believe forgiveness is the answer, but I have ptsd which peaks around him so I feel outcast as well and my therapist says that is ok . thank u for making me not feel alone :)
@@JacobMoore Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times , thank you for sharing your amazing life journey . You are an inspiration to us men , who have experienced ,similar traumatized upbringings . Blessings to you 🙏🏻✨
I think he learned to deal with it & I think we are all capable, I have cptsd & bi polar & discosiation & am working on my triggers & breathing daily & telling myself I'm safe & I'm ok & can usually do things as anybody would, I like alone & have discosiated through my 20s & 30s thinking I was keeping myself safe, I'm 44, without really living & have stopped daily heavy cannabis use & now I have a routine where I get up & jog 30 mins, started with 15 & eat breakfast & have started losing weight & it's still tough but by slowly making small changes, things can get better, I got phycosis so much when I smoked, I literally didn't even move off the couch & when I stopped a month ago, I also changed my eating & exercise started for the 1st time, I'm working at it every day & I must say that it can be difficult but I didn't wanna keep feeling the way I was, living alone, no close relationships, the fear kept me from trying, & I'm learning to not listen to my thoughts of situations where I don't think I can handle it & I still get anxiety but it's greatly reduced & I think others can do something too, don't give up, thanks for everyone & there comments🙂
I’m always told “I should be over it by now” and I’m 51 now. This is mostly from childhood bullying and my family treats me the same way for the most part. I have both Epilepsy and MS at the same time and need constant care. Hmmm I see why I’m resented.
Yeah "you are an adult now, you should be over it" , "you want to keep victim mentality". Note: recently diagnosed with myasthenia gravis (autoimmune )
A mental health professional just told me 'the body keeps score' is a good book to read ..she said trauma can manifest later as chronic health problems such as MS. Prayers for you 🙏💜
I can answer that question for him. It was HELL. My dad was an abusive, alcoholic with mental health issues. All he thought about was beer. And hitting my mom and one of my brothers. It was chaotic, loud and stressful. Tension all the time, never any peace or food. We was always hungry. My mom stayed with him until he died, from drinking himself to death. She was a saint and the glue that held our family together. She worked so hard in our family, I never saw her eat or sleep. I was bullied my entire youth, in addition to what I had to deal with at home. I was not a happy kid, always had to help out with my siblings, and started working at 12. I was a stressed out kid. I had my first nervous breakdown at 17. Another in my mid 20s and another in my 40s. I got therapy after that and got on some medication for my depression and anxiety. Later for my PTSD. Im still in therapy and I count myself as a survivor. I'm happy now. I am just now starting to forgive my dad. Realizing he was limited and depressed himself. He had his own childhood trauma, but it took decades to get there. I'm 53 now. If I could go back and live a different childhood or know what I know now, oh my God yes I would. I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone, and I know my siblings deserved a lot better than what they got, especially my baby brother, who remembers a drunk, not the good parts of my dad that I remember.
Sounds like my childhood too. I dont think Ill ever forgive him, nor do I want to. I hope he suffers as much as he made us suffer. It's incredible you were able to forgive your father. You're stronger than Ill ever be
The best part about this channel is bringing people to tell their own stories, their feelings, sensations , emotions, disruptions etc, all told in first person. This is the source to understand mental health and illness . No matter how many theories , boxes, labels , diagnosis, protocols the professionals conceive , those are just attempts to get close to this reality. So please, if you're a mental health professional, learn from your patients! Thanks Medcircle!
There are different levels of abuse. I don't know how many times I've heard: "Well, you're an adult now so just walk away from it, I did it, so you can too." Here's why you shouldn't say things like that, these people that can just "walk" away from it are people who've had a broken leg, went to the hospital, had it set and casted, healed and could walk or run. Me, on the other hand, have had my spinal cord severed and I can't ever walk or run again. The number one lasting residual from my abuse is I hear voices constantly and the inability to feel especially if it has anything to do with love. People will tell me they love me, it means nothing to me nor do I have an emotional reaction or response, it's the everyday living that's hard, wish I had the money to go to the hospitals/facilities of Dr. Phil.
I have DID from horrific abuse that went on for years. You say you have the inability to feel. Hearing voices can often be an externalization of feelings that have gone numb or are too dangerous or threatening to feel directly. You can learn to listen to and interact with your voices. Try not to be afraid of them or wish they'd go away. They are there to help you reconnect with yourself and are your allies not enemies. A wonderful book you might find helpful is called "Learning From The voices In My Head" by Eleanor Longden.
@@annemurphy6483 Sorry, didn't see this until now. Thank you for your comment and helping me understand about the voices I hear, I hear them constantly, since before age 3, I can't remember a time when I didn't hear them. I like the part you said that they are there to help me reconnect with myself, because I literally am unable to "feel" me. I think the hardest part is the misunderstanding I receive from others or the lack of interest in what I say. I will also look into the book by Eleanor Longden.
@@justelleslife507 I hope that you continue to find ways to reconnect with yourself. There is a UA-cam channel called Crappy Childhood Fairy & it's helped me feel much less alone in the experience of being an adult with CPTSD. Also breathwork, yoga & meditation have made a huge difference for me. Ooh and Reki videos. And Shaman Oaks healing. All here free on UA-cam. Honestly I've done a lot of recovery from here. But I do hope you find more & more resources. 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
It’s very real, somedays you replay those memories in your head on a loop and it’s so painful, where you want to isolate yourself. Somedays you feel like you want to burst in tears at work, when your taking to someone, and it effects your relationships dramatically. You have a hard time trusting. I know what he’s talking about. I can remember my young years too, I also grew up poor and around alcoholics. I didn’t know my dad. As an adult I feel like with anger, I’m on hyper alert and you become aware of others. I also struggle with bad thoughts all the time. It’s hard. I can relate so well to this person.
i can relate really well to this, except for the alcoholic part and the absent dad. my dad isn't an alcoholic but to put into simple words, he's a manipulative abusive narcissist.
Yes to everything, especially about bad thoughts. My brain sometimes gives me imaginations of my sister and her cruelty. Sometimes when she comes to mind and the possibility ifnjer coming back into my life, I imagine some kind of argument or otherwise drama.
Living with childhood trauma is confusing for so many reasons... boundaries for instance, the difference between family dynamics, relationships, etc. it’s disorienting and filled with so many emotions you have but was never allowed to feel, or understand. Huge gaps in functioning socially, daily living skill gaps, education etc. it also feels like it’s a bunch of work.
@@simondennis9460 this...I'm completely haunted and ashamed by the fact that I actually spoke to people the same way I was spoken to and at the time I had no idea that i was doing anything wrong and couldn't figure out why people didn't like me...because it was normal to me
@@alexisrush91 totally get this. I had problems with bullying at school but I partly caused the problem with somethings I said, but at home much worse things were said and done without batting an eye lid.
If a random person from the internet may offer a suggestion, I.F.S. therapy has been incredibly helpful and grounding, I started back in May, and it's not been easy. Sharing a similar story like Jacob's above and having just had to put my cat of 10 years down. I wouldn't be here without I.F.S., but find something that clicks. You owe it to yourself to go back and put in some more work because you deserve it.
Eric Schnare I just began reading Dr. Jay Earley’s book, Self Therapy. I went through repeat childhood trauma and was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder so my therapist thought IFS may be helpful.
When it comes to the part where he was talking about high school .... I was always kicked out because I didn't "Act" like the other students, so I was marked as the bad kid. No one cared that I was enduring abuse at home, no one cared to help me, they just went "you're hopeless, get out". I lived in a small military town so I only had 2 high schools or correspondence.... I was kicked out of each one, even the correspondence. I was brushed me under the rug. I fell threw the cracks of the system, and even to this day, I am still falling threw the cracks 20 years later.
I'm so sorry for all your hurt and pain. Sending hugs. Remember, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You didn't deserve what happened to you. Wishing you love, peace & healing. ❤️☮️ 🙏🏻
Well, I was the Complete opposite of you. I was the quiet one over in the corner - so I wasn't noticed or heard and TOLD that I was "SHY"!!! No, I wasn't "shy" I was abused to not use or have a voice from my ignorant household! But, No one cared! The fingers were simply pointed at me as I was told that I "needed" to "learn" how to speak up more! I was abused Physically, Mentalyy, Emotionally, and Spiritually!! But - as a child - No one Cared! So, as an Adult when you finally "realize" what Is Wrong with you - the healing begins! But, then you look up and you are in your 40's!! But, thank God - I didn't have Any children! Thank The Lord God Jesus! #Blessings
@@TheMonica82 God bless you. You are perfect just the way God made you. Always have been. I'm so sorry for the pain you've endured. But, you're right, you can heal. Sending love & hugs and praying for your complete healing. ❤
heyy whoever you are, its okay. its really okay. none of this was your fault. you didnt asked for what happend, you really didnt choose this live. lets hold our past, admit it that you are hurt. yes its hard, i know. but dont forget, youre not alone. there is at least 2 people in this world that care for you. and one day, im sure you’ll find ur happiness, ur peace. just hold on, okay? dont listen to other people, they have no right to judge you, they dont know what its like to be in your position, ignore them, okay? you are the best! im so proud of youu❤️❤️❤️
I do the same, I grew up with a covert narcisistic mother and a golden child sister and Sociopathic narcisistic agressieve sister whom I really fear and I know and have anxiety, my father was a really good man with empathy and compassion, always helping others who needed it without asking, hè felt it and just did it, I am 100% his daughter and proude of it, but it was also confusing growing up as the scapegoat and privet property to be created to be the family's scapegoat freely used for my sister to and that was a horrific childhood, the constant fear, the way they look at you, ready to attack if you had shown any emotion at the time , said something wrong, did something wrong what I always did, if I came home after school where I suffered severe bullying and than the fear of who was home that time, if it was just my mother it was hell, I was kept isolated early on until I reached the age for pre school, age 6? So kids my age I never knew and I thought that how my family functioned was normal and everyone was living like that , but at 6 I was already aware of that there was something different, my sister got a different upbringing than mine, I did nothing good and my sister fucked up and did good, so confusing , then school began and hell was open, alone with my mother used as a toy for her sadistic pleasure was really unbearable at that age, she gave me the silent threatment for joy to a 6 year old at her first schoolday, I never understood what I did wrong and why she didn't talked to me how the first day was as if I got punished for attempting school, as if I was taken from her and it was my fault, throughout life she kept punishing me for the most idiotic situations, more confusion and so I tried to be the perfect kid , she always looked mad at me but at a way that scared me, I was afraid of my mother and later sister, I,m glad that I have big gaps in my memories, they memories I do have are with my father with who I shared a great sense of humor with wich filled the house with laughter and that made it a little bit more bearable, laughter released some of the tension, he was a victim to but he did not let her manipulate him to turn against his children who he loved so much but he suffered big time as survivor of his own upbringing and his first born chooses the evil path, trained well and made mother proud with violence the first time she beaten up my father for saying that she had to clean up her room wich she replied with, who do you think you are talking to me like that and boss me around and hit him full fist in his face and continued the fight by slamming he head trough a glass window and as he was laying on the floor confused what just happed I saw the emotions and shame in his eyes and really felt his pain, my first empath experience, my mother stood there with a look of pride , sickening and experiences wich I never forget, those things stick by you, I got many blackness in my memory but the time with my father brings a smile on my face, whe saw humor in everything , laughter was real and so welcome in a double toxic home , where we lived in real fear, I was thought very aggressive to never talk about our situation at home so I did not, scared of the consequences, the situation began to chance when I grew older and already very traumatized , full anxiety, no self , no personality, absent, but my father shaved me, time spend with him where the best, whe where like-minded ( later I got diagnosed adhd with extra hyper activity and impulses , severy depression, anxiety, trauma, no self worth, behavior to young for my age, attention seeking, and a personality disorder not otherwise described, I don,t know the translation so this is very literally translated, explanation of the meaning , because it scared me, a personality disorder, was I the narcisistic person, something I sometimes wonder and feel deeply ashamed of, was I ever going to be good enough, it literally destroyed me as scapegout/truth seeker/people pleaser who never stopped laughing but know over my adhd stupidity and thinking in visual image, I see it as pictures in my head what really can be hilarious and that gave my father to me, later I was tolded that that possibly saved our live because my mother had sadistic , psychopatic tendency and sis Sociopathic, my father and I as emphats really so sensitive that whe felt everything, from good vs evil, energies from others, positive vs negative and I developed hypervigilance because I really had to survive from very young on what made me different that others my age at reason to bully and mocked me, my mother love her victim role , she the best actor is ever have seen and she deserved an Oscar for it and her topic to make others/ family feel sorry for her was me as evil respectless, ungrateful for everything she was doing for me , reality check, she never did anything for me but destroying my life, wich she did very wel, and that before I was 20 I was so traumatized that I tried to be invincible, I shrunk myself, head down and I followed , had my mask / pokerface on at all times, stopt talking at 15, , the less info the less hurt, so I was unheard, unseen, unlovable, scared for everything and everyone and my livebecause of ongoing really heavy stress I devolved disability and chronic pain, more pain but always laughing, now 51 I have to learn to talk about the rest of my live, so much evil happened, my father died in front of me an I had to do cpr ? I went in no contact and she turned everyone against me so I am in a social isolation in a pandemic, a horrible and soul crushing smearcampagne with people I thought where friends, because I had two Facebook groups, one creative and one secret for survivors of all kinds of abuse wich was a succes, but got two monkeys in and once in they destroyed everything, all gone the " save "- space I failed 300 people on, past December i found out my mother had passed away on my father's birthday, I not crazy but I had foreseen it so no surprise there but enormous pain she left the physical world without seeing me what triggered my whole live which I,m reliving now being unheard by mental health care givers who actually retraumatized me, I,m having a hard time right know, burnt out, mentally and physically exhausted due to sleep depression/ afraid to go to sleep ang the extreme need to keep occupied otherwise the memories kill me, I know I sound chaotic, I,m sorry for that but so is my live, I,m stuck, I learned that I,m not the loser my mother said I was, a nobody, the past few years with the grieve of walking away from your family now child should ever make that decision and the prize is high, I lost everything and left with nothing, a smearcampagne with some many people because many know me from Facebook and seem to enjoy themselves by destroying a already traumatized human being , so much hate I don,t understand as empath , despite the abuse I still have love to give, a shoulder to cry on and ears that will listing to understand and not judge, never judge, everyone is fighting a battle whe do not know of, it is so easy to judge, but there is no fun in the truth, so please if someone is hurting , help them, you do not need to understand the cause, to see some suffer should be enough to just be there and give love, attention and just let them talk without being opinionated, , lately people shout there opinion believing there are right, but better is to keep informed than opinionated, I wish I had some understanding and caring others in my life but the undoing smearcampagne keeps people away, not to be involved, so again let down by others and professionals saying I am the cause and I'm making this up, how could i possible make this this up, there is a live video , sorry two lives where I was the topic, strangers had such strong believes over me, how can they not understand how much pain they cause, but the truth is boring, sick must adapt to the healthy instead of the other way around where the healthy look over the sick ones because emphaty existed once, but it,s almost gone, if you still possess it, use it, people will thank you, we all need it, this feeling off loneliness kills me inside still thinking I,m not worthy of professional help ore caring others and I gave up hope that there is a future for me where I will find what was taken from me, love and humanity, who I supposed to be at birth, don,t you all asking they same? I,m stuck but still standing and looking forward, feeling positive, no victim ( hood) for me, I learned that I,m stronger than i thought, learned a lot, able to love a being there for other struggling souls despite how very hard and empty my live is, I,m giving the gift of feeling to deep without filter, I,m still can be there because I know pain, and I,m learning so much know, if only my trauma would be validated, not having your trauma recognized is the most painful way of human suffering, I was a victim, , damaged to her core, but I am still laughing, love you daddy. Love you all and i hope you understand this chaotic message and hopefully will my story be the beginning of another's journey, share, you're not week or complaining, you give knowledge to the world and you're story may give another the strength to open up and seek help. We must informe the world with knowledge because the numbers are growing and there will be so many narcisistch more, our knowledge can safe a child's future, but I,m still laughing, it keeps evil away..love you all, great thanks to Dr Ramani who is my example and why I started my group to bring us together but monkeys right? Thank you Dokter Ramani, once life coach, know the best Dokter, so proud of you and bless you for helping us, I was leading by example but regretfully failed.love
PTSD/CPTSD is a long, long journey. And a lonely one. Maybe one day we'll get to a point where we can help people more quickly. One reason it takes so long is that the damage is exponential. There's you're childhood, then there's the rest of your affected life spun from your childhood. There is no small amount of anger and shame involved; and the compensatory gifts one recieves from conquering it all can seem insignificant by comparison. Yet, this is what we have.
I said to my therapist, “I guess you see people who are worse than me .” He said “Trauma isn’t a competition. Don’t compare your trauma to others. Yours is unique to you.” I’ve never forgotten that. Walking through my childhood trauma was by far one of the most difficult yet important things I’ve done. I’ve done a lot of the ‘heavy lifting’ in therapy for which I am grateful. It truly never leaves you. Because of what was done to me, the long lasting ripple affect remains. Dreams, triggers, startle response, mistrust, distancing, not liking being touched are still there to work through but because of a highly skilled therapist I have tools to use. If you’re going through something, look up a therapist in your area who works with those who are needing help in one area or another. Don’t give up. It’s worth it.
I was diagnosed with a number of things when I was a kid and was too on all the meds for them. I ALSO don't identify with any of them. I have childhood trauma and that was always what was overlooked.
Identifying bad behaviour as trauma and not a flaw in the person is vital. Similar to you my education suffered greatly. On paper I look like a inconsistent mess, but in reality that isn't true. Now I'm trying to patch my life together because I finally have someone who supports me entirely (my wonderful husband) but getting past the resume stage is proving difficult. Childhood trauma has a much farther reaching affect than people realise. I'm angry so much of the time and the only way I can qualify this in my mind is by using it as a lesson and NEVER letting it happen to my kids.
Like you, I raised my son determined not raise him in the same manner as I was raised. I made a vow to myself early on that he would never have a single day where he would doubt that he is loved. Using what happened to you and what angers you as a lesson is so smart. Your kids are fortunate to have a mother who has figured that much out! Wishing you & your family all the best! 🙏🏻❤️
@@saratonnan Thank you so much for your kind words. This isn't something you hear a lot and just hope you've got it right. Stay safe and all the best to you and your family too xx
Our children will bring out what we have inside. Use this an opportunity for growth. My experience as a parent has helped me to grow as a better human being.
Remember this... The hardest mountains to climb are hard because its worth the view. I went to hell and back with around twenty return tickets but now am enjoying the view from the mountain.
I resonate with this. The intrauterine stress priming you for childhood neglect/trauma. Unhinged and addicted father due to his own insufficient and traumatic childhood. He is so self aware and knowledgeable on this topic. I'm so happy childhood trauma is getting the awareness it desperately needs.
And it is still happening even though we are in the 21st century! One of the reasons for starting schools again is because parents will abuse their kids and no one will ever know if the teachers (mandatory reporters) do not detect it. Also, some parents don't feed their kids so they need free school lunches. Why aren't couples more responsible!?!?!?
@@MrNeptunebob Teachers are hardly trained to detect abuse apart from observable external behaviour or injury. They've only just started having optional courses on childhood trauma for childhood educators. I was the "quiet and complicit" type of kid. As long as you aren't causing them problems they probably won't label you as in need of help. Rare teachers will see it for what it is.
@@e_i_e_i_bro Maybe so, but they might be the only adults that can do anything to stop it, being mandated reporters. The general public would not know who the parents are or how to get in touch with them (for the authorities). For example, I have seen parents being abusive to kids on public transit, at the supermarket, at the zoo, and when I have said something the parent gets abusive at ME! Even If I call PA Childline I don't know who the parents are. P.S, though, I have found out that if you see abuse at a ski area you can tell one of the National Ski Patrol and they will talk to the parent (kind of like a lifeguard at a pool would).
I wondered about pre birth, too, my "mother" was SO COLD I AM SURPRISED I DID NOT FREEZE TO DEATH...I was born drunk and asleep..because she had Christmas parties to go to....and my coming on her party day was not going to stop her fun...
I can hear the suppressed anxiety in his voice. I'm feeling that he's a wounded hyper empath. Our subconscious doesn't register time, so what he's accomplished in life is phenomenal. :)
Your right about that angel !!!! That's the reason iam freaking in love with myself biblically speaking!!!! The beard makes me look more handsome than i have ever been !!!!! Beard is hot !!!!
My parents died when i was 29&32 from alcoholic abuse. My twin brother ended his life when we were 35. I was fosterd at 14. Still struggling to this day. Thank you for this
I have to say that I thought i coped with my trauma with art and music, but now I know i distracted myself... ...cope by being open with yourself, get to know your inner self as deeply as you can. I avoided and tried to fake it to make it, not good enough, you have to resolve those feeling and know you are safe and no one can hurt you anymore.
Jake is a beautiful human being who has run the marathon in survival from a system that lables and jumps to conclusions about people with mental health challenges. It doesn't really matter what brings on those challenges, it's important to understand why they exist. Thank you for my family member who struggles every day because of judgment instead of understanding. We continue to seek understanding.
I agree with the fact that it is beautiful to get to a point when you think “I wouldn’t change any of my history because this experiences have made me who I am and I am so happy of who I am that I wouldn’t change a thing”
I have gone through childhood trauma as well. I call it Complex- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Hugs. I was also diagnosed with ADD; I was put on Ritilan at 7. Wish they had asked me why I preffered to day dream, then pay attention in school. Diagnosed with chronic depression at 11... Interested in psychology since.
@@johnny1334 no, I was only on it for a year. I remember asking to get off of it because It took away my feelings. But was back on meds for depression 3 years later, (did'nt care to care anymore) aged 11-16. I started to get terrible anxiety after several toxic relationships and went on Ativan at 31... 4 years ago. Bad idea. Not taking anything now. Learning to put myself first, give self care and listen to my intuition.
Jacob’s voice is incredibly calming. I like how he speaks thoughtfully and at a good pace. I really enjoyed this video and it hit close to home for me. It’s a difficult subject to talk about but his calm demeanour makes this a really lovely video. I do hope invite Jacob back again, I think we’d all like to hear from him again.
This was a very insightful interview and I thank you for your compassion, I too grew up in a dysfunctional home and always was guessing what was “normal” to hide the shame that goes with chaos and violence. As an adult I’ve tried to live a emotionally healthy life by reading every book I could get my hands as well as talk therapy. The trauma appeared when I would have profound changes like when I gave birth to my son, who I wanted very much (at the age of 32) and experienced post partum depression. Recovered with the help of my husband and therapy. I am now dealing with PTSD from brain surgery of brain tumor. I feel for the first time I’m working with a therapist who diagnosed the PTSD. We are going through every stage of my life and it is very painful. However I now see how the trauma has lead me to react to situations as if I was back in my childhood home. It is so important to work with a therapist who can make a good diagnosis and not just address the problem as something you’re currently experiencing
I was so scared when I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I'm 19 almost 20 and have been out of my abusive parents household for about 2 years and have my whole childhood trauma to get over. I was so scared to be a father, I kept asking myself if I was ready, if I was good enough, if I'll end up just like my parents. Thankfully my therapist is f*cking awesome, he helps me to work on my trauma and my reactions and triggers so that I can be a better father. He shows me where I improve even when I don't see it myself.
Im glad to hear you have a good therapist, im sure youre better than your parents. Just keep everything in mind and dont act in ways that would hurt you as a child. Stay strong man, childhood trauma is an evil thing for someone to go through. Just do your best to help your kid not go through that too and youll be great. You got this.
It's simply amazing that so many people are affected with CPTSD , and don't even know that they have this because the symptoms are often mistaken for ADHD !
To this day, when asked about my childhood, I only speak of the few positive memories. I know that people's attitude would change if I shared even a bit of the reality. I don't trust easily. Even my closest friends only know bits and pieces. Their reaction made me shut down afterwards. Not because they were judging me but because I could see and feel the sadness, anger and sometimes pity they were experiencing. I don't see the need or purpose to relive the past through and with them. I write my journal whenever I want to share. It has helped me throughout my life. I do appreciate this video. I haven't often heard people who went through similar childhood trauma discuss with a minimum of detachment to allow lucid interpretation of their outcome. I want to thank you for taking the time to present this. Hyper-vigilance may have been a means to survival and has served me well. My inner peace now prevails. Speaking of the past isn't painful or as involving anymore... I have forgiven my parents and everyone along the way from whom I received injustice. I hope you're finding this as well. :-)
I've heard about ancestorial abuse and the cycle continues unless someone realizes the effects it's had on those lost. This truly is a major cause of physical, mental and social anxieties. Never expected life to be so difficult due to the way trauma and abuse changes who you could be.
8:37 “I identify as well”. I love that. Well done on putting all your pieces back together to form your whole well self. 🙏 childhood trauma is a real uphill battle.
Speaking as a child of an alcoholic myself, I was constantly dismissed and neglected. But as my biological father was a narcissist, I'm certain a lot of his traits that he abused my mum with rubbed off on her. To this day, I don't understand any form of relationship, I'm a solitary introvert and have been very anxious and insecure since I was a child. Never been diagnosed with anything, but I suspect anxiety and depression, if not AvPD. Hoping to speak about it soon! Thank you for the video!
@arindamchakraborty9098 thank you. Yes, I had a discussion with my therapist abd she suggested I might have some form of depression. And I know now that my parents problems aren't anything to do with me. Asides from that, I'm doing well! 😊
Thank you! Accept NO judgment!! Stay focused on yourself. You are speaking of my childhood as well, down to the care for little brother & sister as well as support for single mom. I would sum up my childhood with fear. I have worked tirelessly for years on personal growth,shadow, triggers & at the end of the day it was all my 27 year marriage to a narcissist that was reliving my childhood, it was all I knew!? I too have had to relearn all actions. 49 years old & just beginning to live MY life! Thank god
I've tried to address childhood trauma with my parents, I was told to suck it up, nobody is perfect, get over myself and that there are people that had it a lot worse. My advice, UNDERSTAND that YOU control your opinions about yourself, DECIDE to make them good.
I always thought that my childhood experience has been a major contributor to my mental health issues. Ive always talked to people around me just a bit about it but I always get comments like “everyone goes through some sort of childhood struggles” or “no one’s childhood is perfect” but I always felt like this has been a part of me that has never been healed…nor I have ever known how to explain this in therapy. Also culturally, I was always taught that there are other people that suffer worse. So thank you for sharing. You have given me a great start point.
It also helps to understand the psychological aspects of why people do the things that they do. Those light bulb moments can illuminate very effectively. Compassion and forgiveness can come easier with understanding, first. ✌️
I have started therapy this year. I was neglected and abused physically when I was a child, and mentally abused till I moved out at 19. And I can not even explain how hard it is to work through everything I had to overcome. This is going to be a hard walk for me, but I know it will be worth it.
Creativity and courage was the way out of my childhood trauma bonding. Gosh! The narcissists in my life were so committed in breaking my spirit they use all know strategies against me - even turning me against myself violently!
What is surprising that Jacob is not rejecting his life story. He answers that he would not change anything, he can not imagine his life different from how it happened to be. This is striking. I can not stop dreaming of my childhood to be a happy time and what would I become now instead. I am coming from a society where childhood trauma is simply rejected, USSR and early Russia in end 80s- the beginning of 90-s have been a very dark place for many families and kids. I can relate with many things that Jacob said: constant anxiety, an enormous feeling of responsibility for the family and younger siblings, life in fight or flight mode. For me and my friends of a similar age, this is not just one family story - this is a generation trauma, which is carried along and very little awareness is brought to the problem.
We all have ‘issues’ because we all have a story. And no matter how much work you’ve done on yourself, we all snap back sometimes. So be easy on you. Growth is a dance. Not a light switch.
EMDR got me to comfortably talk about my trauma. It will happen and one day you’ll notice it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Bless you with love, patience, and peace.
Today i got off the phone with my mother who chose my father over us after watching enabling and taking part in us getting abused and neglected as children. I don't know why this video is comforting but thank you. For reminding me i am not alone.
You went through the ringer for sure. Amazing you came back from that. An inspiration. People (Not even the person themselves let alone others) dont understand the baggage that we can bring from our childhood that can haunt us for decades during our lives plus the consequences of them such as depression ,anxiety,low self esteem and others. Very sorry for the loss of your father ,hope you continue to heal and grow.
I can tell by the emotionally connected way he speaks that he’s done a lot of work to process this. Very powerful to listen, thank you for sharing your story.
I am a 47 year old male who was raised by a mother with a mental disability and an anxiety/compulsive disorder (she spent her days cleaning the house, often chaotic) and a father who is probably on the ASS-spectrum. There was no physical touching (no hugs etc.) and both their emotional capabailities I think I can safely say are very limited. Still I find it really difficult to relate my upbringing to my mental health problems (low selfesteem, emotion regulation problems, anxiety, depersonalisation, helplessness, shame for how I look, especially my body) and the way I have lead my life (very lonely, never had a relation, hoarding books). Sounds familiar to anyone?
My heart ached hearing your story. I relate on such a personal level. Thank you for finding the strength, and embracing the vulnerability to be able to truthfully share with others. I’m Sending so much Love and light to you and yours.
The more I watch videos like this, the more I realise there are many people like me. What i find beneficial is that they can put into words what i have trouble doing. That really helps me.
My childhood trauma was a little different. But the physical and mental reactions and time points are almost 1:1. The mental health issues, the memory gaps, not being present, almost not graduating highschool. It's very. Very validating to hear someone else have the same experience. I never really meet other people with that experience and often wondered if I was being over dramatic until I hear something like this or I tell someone a little of what I went through casually and they're horrified. T. T Thank you so much! I would love to see more on childhood trauma. Seeing this and things like the ACE scores are beyond valuable.
Jacob´s inner spiritual presence and power is remarkable and so healing to watch and listen to. This was one of the most powerful videos I remember watching like for ever. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel so thankful to be able to hear your story you are telling with an open heart and with honesty and sincerity. Your way of telling your story works as a medicine and helps me in my own journey of healing. Sending all my love and God will bless us as his children.
It's so great to see an emotionally healthy adult work their way through childhood trauma. I was able to also and I have so much peace. Some aren't so lucky. It's good to see these topics being discussed. Hopefully it will be helpful to encourage those who've experienced trauma to seek help. There's no guarantee, but there are many therapies available to try. I also hope that those who were fortunate enough to grow up in a loving environment will have a greater appreciation of it.
It screwed me up real good. Longest relationship 6 months and even then, they were weak relationships at that. I can't tell if it's me, meaning "me" the person your saw, , my insecurity coming out and pushing people away. Whatever it is, it sure makes me not want to be here anymore.
Yeah, I hear ya. I lost my father in the same way. I can so relate to what you said with all the diagnoses and all the pills. After a while you stop defining yourself by what you do or don't have and realize that much of it comes from the dysfunction and emotional dysregulation in which you grew up. Once you start to work through it, things level off.
OMG my dad died when I was 9 years old & I felt just like this guy. Hearing his story brought so much sense to my own childhood. Thank you so much for this session.
I like this interview. Mr. Moore refuses to identify with anyone else's label(s) of him. That's powerful to those whom have been given the burden of another label, and just want to be themselves, be a better person, and live a better life.
I've experienced childhood trauma as well, losing a parent at a very young age, neglect, and much more. Similarly, I have received multiple diagnoses throughout my life, and taken the prescribed meds for each. I've lived most of my life in a fight or flight mode, and also have huge memory gaps for much of my life, I feel as though I haven't been present for most of my own life, which is so weird when I look at pictures of myself in the past. I'm now 64, and though I still experience anxiety, I feel that I'm able to work around and manage that anxiety, without medication, which is my own personal choice. Each of us must do what feels right for ourselves, at the given time. I don't see myself as a survivor or a victim, but I do recognize that childhood trauma is the predominant factor which has shaped my life, and I sometimes experience sadness as a result of that realization. It has caused me to be hypervigilant as a parent and grandparent. Listening to someone else talk about this has been a gift, thank you so much for sharing. My goal now is to be present for each moment and live with intention. I plan to be able to recognize what I was doing and feeling when I look at past pictures one, five, or ten years in the future🙏
This guy is young it is rare to see someone with childhoid trauma so calm like this. Cptsd is a lifetime of healing. Especially if there is multiple abuse.
55 and would change so many things. I have still not learned the things I should have because of sexual abuse as a child. People still don't accept me . I am still dismissed.
What a beautiful story. Thank you Jacob for sharing your story. Young kids come to the classroom with so many hurtful experiences. It's very important to provide a safe place where they can be really seen, and encouraged to learn and grow.
My only question is when he said he was “well”. He is most definitely “well” aware but unpacking what “well” means to him and how he got there, and if there are days when he isn’t “well” would be so important. Maybe I missed that?
Comment below your #1 tip for coping with childhood trauma 👇
Watch the rest of this series to learn how Jacob’s childhood trauma impacted his teenage & early adult years, how he overcame misdiagnoses, & how he discovered the right treatment, all HERE: bit.ly/39NfMaZ
Post traumatic stress syndrome
Just journaling a couple of emotions every day. It makes me feel like someone's lending a compassionate ear, even if it's just myself, which is such a stark contrast to how I've felt for the first decades of my life that this simple act of writing a line or two makes an immediately observable impact in my emotional regulation.
Every human has value.
@@PH34RB am going to try this..see how it goes..thank you.
Focusing on the positives, and reminding myself that, I can't change what happened to me, but I can choose how to not let those tragic events change who I am or make me feel powerless. Be happy with my strengths and channel my energy to not make the same mistakes my parents made.
dealing with childhood trauma is so hard. i’m dealing with mine now so when i do have kids, they won’t have to deal with the things i have.
Thats so good and considerate
That's the best gift you can give to your children. I read Parenting from Inside out when my son was 17. I wish I started my spiritual journey when he was young. Better late than never. I post important parenting resources in my blog.
It so important that you’re thinking about your childhood abuse and how to not do what was done to you. Just be very mindful that the partner you choose is emotionally and mentally healthy and is aware and sympathetic of your trauma. It’s almost more important than romantic love.
@@Foundingmother1 You are right, we try to find partners to replace our parents to continue the cycle. Repetitive Compulsion.
blue serenity i agree 100% i’m grateful to have a boyfriend that is here by my side supporting me every step of the way.
Instead of mental health professionals asking "What's wrong with this person" they should be asking "What happened to this person?"
Wow. That's so powerful
@@irmalair1 I heard that from Gabor Mate. I should have cited him, my bad.
i think this is how ANYONE should approach someone. we should always ask, "what happened to them?" vs "what's wrong with them??" because that isn't helpful for anyone.
@@truthmerchant1 Gabor Mate is so amazing isn't he?
This is so true
I wrote a poetry based on childhood trauma
ua-cam.com/video/YjoMNdi0fRs/v-deo.html
"Gaps in memory of childhood because I wasn't mentally present for a lot of it"
Yes! This is me as well!
I was present and I remember all of it!
me too i also have gaps :D
Me as well
There's a whole year. I'm trying to remember.
I have a year or so that I don't remember at all. Oddly enough, it is after the abuse stopped, however, I was in a serious state of denial.
It sucks, and it affects your adult relationships. Thats what its like.
I don't have any relationships at all because of Complex PTSD. I can't trust anyone.
@Person Thank you, I really appreciate your reply. I am also dealing with a brain injury that stopped me working, but I am fighting on. It's nice to get some encouragement. 😀
I would trade my life for another without the TRAUMA.
Yes, me too.
Your trauma negatively affects your marriage and family which goes on to affect their children's marriages and families. I absolutely see how the pathologies are carried on through several generations both genetically and behaviorally until someone is willing to break the cycle of addiction or thought pattern or belief.
Dismissiveness is the salt being rubbed into the deep wound. Being a kind listening ear without passing judgment is so healing. It really does make a world of difference.
So true
Yes
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
Yes. The world can be very invalidating.
i cant afford therapy and all my traumas fall on deaf ears... ive learned that a blank page and a pen is better solace than a human
A lot of us have suppressed childhood trauma and I don't know if we will ever feel healed. It is so tough to see how normal familys function and know you will never know that comfort.
Well I wouldn’t say never. Actually going through the grieving process allows one to come out the other side and not only be healed but even be stronger in many ways. Let me put it this way - “you don’t know if you’re really damaged unless you first go through a thorough grieving process.” I did it with journaling.
@@MarcSmith23 as long as it worked! That is a great method if you were able to feel healed. Congrats.
"You will never know that comfort" those lines hit harder than I thought
Exactly!
Everyone's trauma is different. I was starved. Once someone said they forced me to eat broccoli and I'm traumatized. I said dam I wish I had broccoli. But it's the feel and the way it was handled.
He should narrate audiobooks. He's got that voice.
He's a voice actor so it's pretty close.
Totally
I wonder if Jake is a singer too.
Thank you! 💚
@@JacobMoore Well Jake, are you a singer?
He's so calm, self aware and centered. It's calming just to listen to him.
He tries to give that appearance, and says he's well now, but he talks slowly, and his facial expressions and mannerisms tell a different story. To me he still seems to be depressed or feeling empty, feeling unhappy, and maybe even a bit dissociated. He still has a long way to go on a road to recovery, and I hope he gets there some day.
@@mbaksa damn why you gotta come at him like that 😂 maybe he's speaking slowly cuz he's medicated
@@mbaksa he did say he had anxiety before filming so it makes sense he's nervous
@@mbaksa that is a very subjective reply. What does the speed at which he talks have to do with his mental state? I myself am monotone and talk slow, but I do it because A. Thats how I've always talked and B. I'm making sure I am using the proper words to portray my thoughts accurately
@@mbaksa slow speech means he 'saves his breath to cool his porridge' actually thinks about an answer before blabbing. Good luck to him🍀
I am looking forward for a day when I can share my story and it does not hurt as it does today.
Edit: been a year. still in therapy and it is getting better, after a looot of hard work 🙌
Thanks everyone for sharing and encouraging me and each other. Cliché, but every little thing you guys say here really means a lot to me 💚
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
My friend, I bear goodwill to you, and I hope you find your oasis. I found mine, a therapist twice my age. She does not pity me, nor does she covet me. She saw the good samaritan in my heart and helped it grow into who I really am. The big teddy bear, the gentle giant. Please my friend, reach when you feel like you can. Some one will catch you.
Now's the time. Don't wait. You'll start to feel better and heal!!!!
Trying writing it down or talking into a recorder
That can be a safe feeling first step
I'm learning to share mine. I just started blogging my life story. www.thecringebox.wordpress.com I'm not a writer just a survivor with a story to tell. I hope that someday you'll get to a place that you can talk about it. God be with you.
Childhood trauma is the gift that keeps on giving. Please get the help you need, BEFORE you have kids of your own, or choose not to have them altogether.
😮
Yup, I chose not to have them, no amount of work could get through the mess that was my childhood
Well said. Many times childhood trauma victims believe that having their own babies would help because they think they would take care of them better. But it is very important that we deal with it before thinking of bearing the little ones. Or altogether not have them. It is okay to choose to have no children at all.
Thanks for saying Think before you have children. Tell young people: wait to get pregnant until you are fully mature (older mothers have healthier, smarter children), financially secure, as far along in your education as you wish to be; space your children so that the first is in school before you have the second. We say nothing and Oops! one baby after another is born into poverty and dysfunction and chaos.
People need to get birth control early in adolescence, even if it means for some girls to get thee to a nunnery. Even living with mean mother superior is better than making dysfunctional, miserable people.
I am a 70 yr old woman. I sometimes have nightmares that my dead alcoholic father, who died 25 yrs ago, is alive again.
I want to be glad but all I feel is fear.
It might mean you still havent fully let go, you can choose to forgive him and set him free. What has helped me tremendously is and app called Soul Time, it has helped me through alot of stuff,inviting Jesus into my life reading the word listening to worship music, and whats great is i am doing it with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I'm 73 and. still startel was someong comes up behind me and I don't hear them.It was a childhood thing
You will overcome your fears, Ithaca.
@@jacquelynpowell7964 You're stronger then your fears...
🙏
I know that pain. My dad and mom where both crackheads and they both died when I was ten. Lived in groups homes. Homeless. But now I’m 41 and thriving. Two masters degrees later and a healthy family. This channel has inspired me to start my own. GOD bless you guys for doing this. 🤙
How on earth were you able to afford it?
Bloody hell! You've made an enormous turnaround, well done mate!
Amazing what happened to turn yourself around? How did you do it?
Omg. I am so sorry you endured all that.
I can totally relate to that fight or flight mode...still today I have trust issues, feels as if everyone have their knives in for me. I overthink situations and "read" things that are not there.
Me too ☹️
Same with me as well.
Me too.
I always have my guard up. I want to lower it, but it feels like I’ll be inviting death if I do.
Praise Osas me too 😞
At age 7 I saw my father with his hand around my mother's throat, she said she couldn't breathe and he wouldn't let go.
Heard him beating her up downstairs when I was 5.
Laying in bed not knowing if your mother would be alive next day was terrifying.
I was bullied for eight very long years in school and ended up developing schizophrenia.
I'm also autistic with depression.
I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor, and compared to some people I'm very lucky.
Dad I forgive you.
God bless you and heal you throughout your life's journey.
@@HisAmbassador7 Thank you, and may God bless you too.
Thank you for your comment, I needed to read this. It's going to be okay bud
@@b3tth0l3 Thank you for writing.
Life got better for me, I hope for you too.
Best wishes to you.
Yeah, my dad did the same thing to my mom. Strangled her with towels, threw her up against walls, dragged her by the hair across the floor. I stopped counting how many times he told my brother and I that my mom would be dead when we got home from school. Try taking that to school and trying to learn and being terrified about your mother. Then when we got home, she was alive. Plus being bullied at school.
I understand you dude. I've lived it. I'm not schizophrenic, just depression, anxiety and PTSD. My sister is bipolar though and my youngest brother has OCD and depression.
Jacob: "I was constantly worried, anxious, about everybody"
Kyle "At 6 years old you felt this way?!"
Me: so thats not normal... got it...
Yep! That's me! Carried the Weight of the World on my Shoulders - as a Child! SMH...
That’s my life
Same
💚
The “got it” got me lol the profile pic made ur comment funnier ❤️ hope you’re ok and happy :)
Until I reached my 40s denial was my number one coping skill.
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
I think that's the normal route unfortunately. Too many in the world invalidate others experience, and so abused people internalize it.
Same
Denied till 30
Many abusers (especially if family members) have skills to manipulate. So, unfortunately many people are in denial that they had wrong childhood because abusers make them think - everything was just fine and you (as always) - just too sensitive or too emotional or remember things wrong or, or, or.... But constant struggle with relationships, health, career etc. leads to analysis and eventually it reveals the truth. You did great knowing the truth!!
This guest is wonderful, so intelligent, articulate, and relatable.
Yeah he's so understanding and compassionate. I specially payed close attention to his word choices describing his father, not at any point did he condemn or name call him. That's Honorable
Thank you 💚
I wrote a poetry based on childhood trauma
ua-cam.com/video/YjoMNdi0fRs/v-deo.html
I was noticeably hyper vigilant as a child, was bullied by a few, branded the weird kid because I was so lonely and wanted to make friends but didn’t have good social skills due to the abuse...I’ve treated my anxiety but I still have deep trust issues...I used to be able to make friends every now and then but lately I’ve been so lonely it’s insane
It's ok. I was raised the same way. You are not alone.
There is hope now, you don't need to be conditioned by what happened when you were young. Find a passion so you can over the repetitive Compulsion of the brain. EFT is the best way to deal with the past issues along with therapy.
if you ever need a friend, i'm here
You are not alone.
I went through the same childhood and have been chronically lonely my entire life. It’s difficult to trust people. You are not alone.
We all needed love that most of our traumatized parents were incapable of giving. I love you all.
So true 💗🙏🏻💗 Thank you & so much love right back
No truer words. My mom never got over hers and it in turn impacted how she raised me. I was a codependent, not a daughter.
@@adriannaedwards7346 sending you love and hope you find peace.
He is amazing. Top tip for coping: someone will love that person you hide inside,.
💚
@@lightintheduskthis sounds exactly like the situation my ex was in, and it affected our relationship in a big way. i have asperger's, and this resonated with me because I was emotionally unhealthy looking back. I was too insecure because I thought she would leave, which is most likely what pushed her away. I wish we wouldn't have moved so fast, but things are the way they are, and all you can do is learn from your mistakes.
How unfair to the other person.
I am so sorry to him. I work with kids. I firmly believe parents need to be screened before conceiving, and parents need to be punished. It’s not fair to the poor kids, plus a lot of kids who are born into this kind of home environment end up repeating the cycle and ruining the people around them.
Amen! Totally agree with you! I think a lot about these issues as I am about to give birth to my first baby.
Pri USA exactly and all my co workers talk about this. We need a better system. Congrats to you 💕
Pri USA for example, my former “best friend” came from a terrible home environment, and in return, was jealous of me that I didn’t, even though I was nothing but nice and helped her out, and tried to ruin my life in so many ways, that I have damage from what she did to me. Not everyone is like this I’m sure, but I would say only 1-percent get themselves out of this situation (like the guy in the video) the other 99 percent end up repeating the cycle. These people also become our school shooters, rapists, and murderers. We need a better system bottom line, and parents need to be punished and screened before hand.
Being “punished” is a cause of trauma for a lot of children so punishing them as adults/retraumatizing them is just perpetuating the cycle. We need better access to help for parents. Better help for abused children. More financial stability for the poor/underserved. I have CPTSD from childhood but still instinctively felt that I couldn’t speak about my life without risking being separated from my parents. We literally remove children from poor families and then place them with foster parents -who get paid to care for them-. It makes no sense. Not to mention there are plenty of parents who appear to have it all together and provide the physical necessities for their children but completely neglect them emotionally and are abusive verbally and physically in ways that don’t show/can’t be proven. Punishment begets more pain and dysfunction. Helping people to thrive is the best way forward.
Sociopath parents produce sociopath children.
The hardest part is my abuser is still loved and admired by my family. I was abused, but I’m the outcast. I’m 42 and it’s a daily struggle. Sexually abused for 8 years by my step father.
I am so sorry you are dealing with that, I have a similar situation with my abuser, nobody wants to acknowledge and they believe forgiveness is the answer, but I have ptsd which peaks around him so I feel outcast as well and my therapist says that is ok . thank u for making me not feel alone :)
That’s so sad. Sorry for your pain.
I am so sorry 😞
Im sorry. I was sexually abused also. It's a tough recovery.
Very sad. Sorry for what trauma caused you. Also, trauma may cause PMDD.
He is a really strong man.
Thanks for the affirmation! 💚
@@JacobMoore Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times , thank you for sharing your amazing life journey .
You are an inspiration to us men , who have experienced ,similar traumatized upbringings .
Blessings to you 🙏🏻✨
I think he learned to deal with it & I think we are all capable, I have cptsd & bi polar & discosiation & am working on my triggers & breathing daily & telling myself I'm safe & I'm ok & can usually do things as anybody would, I like alone & have discosiated through my 20s & 30s thinking I was keeping myself safe, I'm 44, without really living & have stopped daily heavy cannabis use & now I have a routine where I get up & jog 30 mins, started with 15 & eat breakfast & have started losing weight & it's still tough but by slowly making small changes, things can get better, I got phycosis so much when I smoked, I literally didn't even move off the couch & when I stopped a month ago, I also changed my eating & exercise started for the 1st time, I'm working at it every day & I must say that it can be difficult but I didn't wanna keep feeling the way I was, living alone, no close relationships, the fear kept me from trying, & I'm learning to not listen to my thoughts of situations where I don't think I can handle it & I still get anxiety but it's greatly reduced & I think others can do something too, don't give up, thanks for everyone & there comments🙂
Always in survival mode. That was most of my life. Wasn't until I was out disabled but I was able to realize that.
I’m always told “I should be over it by now” and I’m 51 now. This is mostly from childhood bullying and my family treats me the same way for the most part. I have both Epilepsy and MS at the same time and need constant care. Hmmm I see why I’m resented.
I’m glad no one ever tells me that because it would piss me of something fierce and probably make me worse
Have you ever gotten any counseling? It may. not take the depredsion away, but it helps.
Yeah "you are an adult now, you should be over it" , "you want to keep victim mentality".
Note: recently diagnosed with myasthenia gravis (autoimmune )
A mental health professional just told me 'the body keeps score' is a good book to read ..she said trauma can manifest later as chronic health problems such as MS. Prayers for you 🙏💜
@@Sarablueunicorn people who say that likely haven't been through shit and live in a bubble. Hopefully life humbles them at some point.
I can answer that question for him. It was HELL. My dad was an abusive, alcoholic with mental health issues. All he thought about was beer. And hitting my mom and one of my brothers. It was chaotic, loud and stressful. Tension all the time, never any peace or food. We was always hungry. My mom stayed with him until he died, from drinking himself to death. She was a saint and the glue that held our family together. She worked so hard in our family, I never saw her eat or sleep.
I was bullied my entire youth, in addition to what I had to deal with at home. I was not a happy kid, always had to help out with my siblings, and started working at 12. I was a stressed out kid. I had my first nervous breakdown at 17. Another in my mid 20s and another in my 40s. I got therapy after that and got on some medication for my depression and anxiety. Later for my PTSD. Im still in therapy and I count myself as a survivor. I'm happy now.
I am just now starting to forgive my dad. Realizing he was limited and depressed himself. He had his own childhood trauma, but it took decades to get there. I'm 53 now.
If I could go back and live a different childhood or know what I know now, oh my God yes I would. I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone, and I know my siblings deserved a lot better than what they got, especially my baby brother, who remembers a drunk, not the good parts of my dad that I remember.
@bigboy I am. I'm in a much better place mentally
Sounds like my childhood except we had food.
🌈🍀🙏🌷
Same! ✌💪❤🙏🍻
Sounds like my childhood too. I dont think Ill ever forgive him, nor do I want to. I hope he suffers as much as he made us suffer. It's incredible you were able to forgive your father. You're stronger than Ill ever be
Living with years of childhood trauma and abuse can make it even harder to identify in future relationships. Great discussion
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
💚
The best part about this channel is bringing people to tell their own stories, their feelings, sensations , emotions, disruptions etc, all told in first person. This is the source to understand mental health and illness . No matter how many theories , boxes, labels , diagnosis, protocols the professionals conceive , those are just attempts to get close to this reality. So please, if you're a mental health professional, learn from your patients! Thanks Medcircle!
Precisely! Couldn't have phrased it better myself.
Absolutely! 💯
There are different levels of abuse. I don't know how many times I've heard: "Well, you're an adult now so just walk away from it, I did it, so you can too." Here's why you shouldn't say things like that, these people that can just "walk" away from it are people who've had a broken leg, went to the hospital, had it set and casted, healed and could walk or run. Me, on the other hand, have had my spinal cord severed and I can't ever walk or run again. The number one lasting residual from my abuse is I hear voices constantly and the inability to feel especially if it has anything to do with love. People will tell me they love me, it means nothing to me nor do I have an emotional reaction or response, it's the everyday living that's hard, wish I had the money to go to the hospitals/facilities of Dr. Phil.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I will pray for you justelle.
Thank you for sharing 💕 you are right, saying get over it is total invalidation of your truth
I have DID from horrific abuse that went on for years. You say you have the inability to feel. Hearing voices can often be an externalization of feelings that have gone numb or are too dangerous or threatening to feel directly. You can learn to listen to and interact with your voices. Try not to be afraid of them or wish they'd go away. They are there to help you reconnect with yourself and are your allies not enemies. A wonderful book you might find helpful is called "Learning From The voices In My Head" by Eleanor Longden.
@@annemurphy6483 Sorry, didn't see this until now. Thank you for your comment and helping me understand about the voices I hear, I hear them constantly, since before age 3, I can't remember a time when I didn't hear them. I like the part you said that they are there to help me reconnect with myself, because I literally am unable to "feel" me. I think the hardest part is the misunderstanding I receive from others or the lack of interest in what I say. I will also look into the book by Eleanor Longden.
@@justelleslife507 I hope that you continue to find ways to reconnect with yourself. There is a UA-cam channel called Crappy Childhood Fairy & it's helped me feel much less alone in the experience of being an adult with CPTSD. Also breathwork, yoga & meditation have made a huge difference for me. Ooh and Reki videos. And Shaman Oaks healing. All here free on UA-cam. Honestly I've done a lot of recovery from here. But I do hope you find more & more resources. 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
It’s very real, somedays you replay those memories in your head on a loop and it’s so painful, where you want to isolate yourself. Somedays you feel like you want to burst in tears at work, when your taking to someone, and it effects your relationships dramatically. You have a hard time trusting. I know what he’s talking about. I can remember my young years too, I also grew up poor and around alcoholics. I didn’t know my dad. As an adult I feel like with anger, I’m on hyper alert and you become aware of others. I also struggle with bad thoughts all the time. It’s hard. I can relate so well to this person.
You literally explained me I relate so much to what you have said am felt a little better going through this comments.
i can relate really well to this, except for the alcoholic part and the absent dad. my dad isn't an alcoholic but to put into simple words, he's a manipulative abusive narcissist.
Yes to everything, especially about bad thoughts. My brain sometimes gives me imaginations of my sister and her cruelty. Sometimes when she comes to mind and the possibility ifnjer coming back into my life, I imagine some kind of argument or otherwise drama.
Living with childhood trauma is confusing for so many reasons... boundaries for instance, the difference between family dynamics, relationships, etc. it’s disorienting and filled with so many emotions you have but was never allowed to feel, or understand. Huge gaps in functioning socially, daily living skill gaps, education etc. it also feels like it’s a bunch of work.
Absolutely 💯
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
And the fact it is normalised is the smoking gun amongst it all.
@@simondennis9460 this...I'm completely haunted and ashamed by the fact that I actually spoke to people the same way I was spoken to and at the time I had no idea that i was doing anything wrong and couldn't figure out why people didn't like me...because it was normal to me
@@alexisrush91 totally get this. I had problems with bullying at school but I partly caused the problem with somethings I said, but at home much worse things were said and done without batting an eye lid.
I wish I knew how to get over my past and stop feeling worthless 😔
I need to go back to therapy.
If a random person from the internet may offer a suggestion, I.F.S. therapy has been incredibly helpful and grounding, I started back in May, and it's not been easy. Sharing a similar story like Jacob's above and having just had to put my cat of 10 years down. I wouldn't be here without I.F.S., but find something that clicks. You owe it to yourself to go back and put in some more work because you deserve it.
@@EricSchnare thank you. I'm going to.
Eric Schnare I just began reading Dr. Jay Earley’s book, Self Therapy. I went through repeat childhood trauma and was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder so my therapist thought IFS may be helpful.
Therapy for the win! 🙌
Me too.
It’s amazing how deeply I can relate to this man, and I don’t even know him personally.
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
When it comes to the part where he was talking about high school .... I was always kicked out because I didn't "Act" like the other students, so I was marked as the bad kid. No one cared that I was enduring abuse at home, no one cared to help me, they just went "you're hopeless, get out". I lived in a small military town so I only had 2 high schools or correspondence.... I was kicked out of each one, even the correspondence. I was brushed me under the rug. I fell threw the cracks of the system, and even to this day, I am still falling threw the cracks 20 years later.
I’m so sorry you went through this 💜
I'm so sorry for all your hurt and pain. Sending hugs. Remember, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You didn't deserve what happened to you. Wishing you love, peace & healing. ❤️☮️ 🙏🏻
Well, I was the Complete opposite of you. I was the quiet one over in the corner - so I wasn't noticed or heard and TOLD that I was "SHY"!!! No, I wasn't "shy" I was abused to not use or have a voice from my ignorant household! But, No one cared! The fingers were simply pointed at me as I was told that I "needed" to "learn" how to speak up more! I was abused Physically, Mentalyy, Emotionally, and Spiritually!! But - as a child - No one Cared! So, as an Adult when you finally "realize" what Is Wrong with you - the healing begins! But, then you look up and you are in your 40's!! But, thank God - I didn't have Any children! Thank The Lord God Jesus! #Blessings
@@TheMonica82 God bless you. You are perfect just the way God made you. Always have been. I'm so sorry for the pain you've endured. But, you're right, you can heal. Sending love & hugs and praying for your complete healing.
❤
💔
heyy whoever you are, its okay. its really okay. none of this was your fault. you didnt asked for what happend, you really didnt choose this live. lets hold our past, admit it that you are hurt. yes its hard, i know. but dont forget, youre not alone. there is at least 2 people in this world that care for you. and one day, im sure you’ll find ur happiness, ur peace. just hold on, okay? dont listen to other people, they have no right to judge you, they dont know what its like to be in your position, ignore them, okay? you are the best! im so proud of youu❤️❤️❤️
The childhood abuse I went through made me funny. Thanks mom and dad, you gave me a life skill.
How did they make u funny?
@@hlengiwemasondo2858 like she she crack jokes to laugh all the time
I do the same, I grew up with a covert narcisistic mother and a golden child sister and Sociopathic narcisistic agressieve sister whom I really fear and I know and have anxiety, my father was a really good man with empathy and compassion, always helping others who needed it without asking, hè felt it and just did it, I am 100% his daughter and proude of it, but it was also confusing growing up as the scapegoat and privet property to be created to be the family's scapegoat freely used for my sister to and that was a horrific childhood, the constant fear, the way they look at you, ready to attack if you had shown any emotion at the time , said something wrong, did something wrong what I always did, if I came home after school where I suffered severe bullying and than the fear of who was home that time, if it was just my mother it was hell, I was kept isolated early on until I reached the age for pre school, age 6? So kids my age I never knew and I thought that how my family functioned was normal and everyone was living like that , but at 6 I was already aware of that there was something different, my sister got a different upbringing than mine, I did nothing good and my sister fucked up and did good, so confusing , then school began and hell was open, alone with my mother used as a toy for her sadistic pleasure was really unbearable at that age, she gave me the silent threatment for joy to a 6 year old at her first schoolday, I never understood what I did wrong and why she didn't talked to me how the first day was as if I got punished for attempting school, as if I was taken from her and it was my fault, throughout life she kept punishing me for the most idiotic situations, more confusion and so I tried to be the perfect kid , she always looked mad at me but at a way that scared me, I was afraid of my mother and later sister, I,m glad that I have big gaps in my memories, they memories I do have are with my father with who I shared a great sense of humor with wich filled the house with laughter and that made it a little bit more bearable, laughter released some of the tension, he was a victim to but he did not let her manipulate him to turn against his children who he loved so much but he suffered big time as survivor of his own upbringing and his first born chooses the evil path, trained well and made mother proud with violence the first time she beaten up my father for saying that she had to clean up her room wich she replied with, who do you think you are talking to me like that and boss me around and hit him full fist in his face and continued the fight by slamming he head trough a glass window and as he was laying on the floor confused what just happed I saw the emotions and shame in his eyes and really felt his pain, my first empath experience, my mother stood there with a look of pride , sickening and experiences wich I never forget, those things stick by you, I got many blackness in my memory but the time with my father brings a smile on my face, whe saw humor in everything , laughter was real and so welcome in a double toxic home , where we lived in real fear, I was thought very aggressive to never talk about our situation at home so I did not, scared of the consequences, the situation began to chance when I grew older and already very traumatized , full anxiety, no self , no personality, absent, but my father shaved me, time spend with him where the best, whe where like-minded ( later I got diagnosed adhd with extra hyper activity and impulses , severy depression, anxiety, trauma, no self worth, behavior to young for my age, attention seeking, and a personality disorder not otherwise described, I don,t know the translation so this is very literally translated, explanation of the meaning , because it scared me, a personality disorder, was I the narcisistic person, something I sometimes wonder and feel deeply ashamed of, was I ever going to be good enough, it literally destroyed me as scapegout/truth seeker/people pleaser who never stopped laughing but know over my adhd stupidity and thinking in visual image, I see it as pictures in my head what really can be hilarious and that gave my father to me, later I was tolded that that possibly saved our live because my mother had sadistic , psychopatic tendency and sis Sociopathic, my father and I as emphats really so sensitive that whe felt everything, from good vs evil, energies from others, positive vs negative and I developed hypervigilance because I really had to survive from very young on what made me different that others my age at reason to bully and mocked me, my mother love her victim role , she the best actor is ever have seen and she deserved an Oscar for it and her topic to make others/ family feel sorry for her was me as evil respectless, ungrateful for everything she was doing for me , reality check, she never did anything for me but destroying my life, wich she did very wel, and that before I was 20 I was so traumatized that I tried to be invincible, I shrunk myself, head down and I followed , had my mask / pokerface on at all times, stopt talking at 15, , the less info the less hurt, so I was unheard, unseen, unlovable, scared for everything and everyone and my livebecause of ongoing really heavy stress I devolved disability and chronic pain, more pain but always laughing, now 51 I have to learn to talk about the rest of my live, so much evil happened, my father died in front of me an I had to do cpr ? I went in no contact and she turned everyone against me so I am in a social isolation in a pandemic, a horrible and soul crushing smearcampagne with people I thought where friends, because I had two Facebook groups, one creative and one secret for survivors of all kinds of abuse wich was a succes, but got two monkeys in and once in they destroyed everything, all gone the " save "- space I failed 300 people on, past December i found out my mother had passed away on my father's birthday, I not crazy but I had foreseen it so no surprise there but enormous pain she left the physical world without seeing me what triggered my whole live which I,m reliving now being unheard by mental health care givers who actually retraumatized me, I,m having a hard time right know, burnt out, mentally and physically exhausted due to sleep depression/ afraid to go to sleep ang the extreme need to keep occupied otherwise the memories kill me, I know I sound chaotic, I,m sorry for that but so is my live, I,m stuck, I learned that I,m not the loser my mother said I was, a nobody, the past few years with the grieve of walking away from your family now child should ever make that decision and the prize is high, I lost everything and left with nothing, a smearcampagne with some many people because many know me from Facebook and seem to enjoy themselves by destroying a already traumatized human being , so much hate I don,t understand as empath , despite the abuse I still have love to give, a shoulder to cry on and ears that will listing to understand and not judge, never judge, everyone is fighting a battle whe do not know of, it is so easy to judge, but there is no fun in the truth, so please if someone is hurting , help them, you do not need to understand the cause, to see some suffer should be enough to just be there and give love, attention and just let them talk without being opinionated, , lately people shout there opinion believing there are right, but better is to keep informed than opinionated, I wish I had some understanding and caring others in my life but the undoing smearcampagne keeps people away, not to be involved, so again let down by others and professionals saying I am the cause and I'm making this up, how could i possible make this this up, there is a live video , sorry two lives where I was the topic, strangers had such strong believes over me, how can they not understand how much pain they cause, but the truth is boring, sick must adapt to the healthy instead of the other way around where the healthy look over the sick ones because emphaty existed once, but it,s almost gone, if you still possess it, use it, people will thank you, we all need it, this feeling off loneliness kills me inside still thinking I,m not worthy of professional help ore caring others and I gave up hope that there is a future for me where I will find what was taken from me, love and humanity, who I supposed to be at birth, don,t you all asking they same? I,m stuck but still standing and looking forward, feeling positive, no victim ( hood) for me, I learned that I,m stronger than i thought, learned a lot, able to love a being there for other struggling souls despite how very hard and empty my live is, I,m giving the gift of feeling to deep without filter, I,m still can be there because I know pain, and I,m learning so much know, if only my trauma would be validated, not having your trauma recognized is the most painful way of human suffering, I was a victim, , damaged to her core, but I am still laughing, love you daddy. Love you all and i hope you understand this chaotic message and hopefully will my story be the beginning of another's journey, share, you're not week or complaining, you give knowledge to the world and you're story may give another the strength to open up and seek help. We must informe the world with knowledge because the numbers are growing and there will be so many narcisistch more, our knowledge can safe a child's future, but I,m still laughing, it keeps evil away..love you all, great thanks to Dr Ramani who is my example and why I started my group to bring us together but monkeys right?
Thank you Dokter Ramani, once life coach, know the best Dokter, so proud of you and bless you for helping us, I was leading by example but regretfully failed.love
My father taught me that, my mother learned me how I NOT want to be, thanks mom and dad....
He is so blessed to be able to speak on this and be ok. I am wishing him the best.
PTSD/CPTSD is a long, long journey. And a lonely one. Maybe one day we'll get to a point where we can help people more quickly.
One reason it takes so long is that the damage is exponential. There's you're childhood, then there's the rest of your affected life spun from your childhood. There is no small amount of anger and shame involved; and the compensatory gifts one recieves from conquering it all can seem insignificant by comparison. Yet, this is what we have.
I said to my therapist, “I guess you see people who are worse than me .” He said “Trauma isn’t a competition. Don’t compare your trauma to others. Yours is unique to you.” I’ve never forgotten that.
Walking through my childhood trauma was by far one of the most difficult yet important things I’ve done. I’ve done a lot of the ‘heavy lifting’ in therapy for which I am grateful. It truly never leaves you. Because of what was done to me, the long lasting ripple affect remains.
Dreams, triggers, startle response, mistrust, distancing, not liking being touched are still there to work through but because of a highly skilled therapist I have tools to use.
If you’re going through something, look up a therapist in your area who works with those who are needing help in one area or another. Don’t give up. It’s worth it.
I was diagnosed with a number of things when I was a kid and was too on all the meds for them. I ALSO don't identify with any of them. I have childhood trauma and that was always what was overlooked.
Identifying bad behaviour as trauma and not a flaw in the person is vital. Similar to you my education suffered greatly. On paper I look like a inconsistent mess, but in reality that isn't true. Now I'm trying to patch my life together because I finally have someone who supports me entirely (my wonderful husband) but getting past the resume stage is proving difficult. Childhood trauma has a much farther reaching affect than people realise. I'm angry so much of the time and the only way I can qualify this in my mind is by using it as a lesson and NEVER letting it happen to my kids.
Like you, I raised my son determined not raise him in the same manner as I was raised. I made a vow to myself early on that he would never have a single day where he would doubt that he is loved.
Using what happened to you and what angers you as a lesson is so smart. Your kids are fortunate to have a mother who has figured that much out! Wishing you & your family all the best! 🙏🏻❤️
@@saratonnan Thank you so much for your kind words. This isn't something you hear a lot and just hope you've got it right. Stay safe and all the best to you and your family too xx
Our children will bring out what we have inside. Use this an opportunity for growth. My experience as a parent has helped me to grow as a better human being.
Remember this... The hardest mountains to climb are hard because its worth the view. I went to hell and back with around twenty return tickets but now am enjoying the view from the mountain.
@@daithi159
Beautifully put!
I resonate with this. The intrauterine stress priming you for childhood neglect/trauma. Unhinged and addicted father due to his own insufficient and traumatic childhood. He is so self aware and knowledgeable on this topic. I'm so happy childhood trauma is getting the awareness it desperately needs.
And it is still happening even though we are in the 21st century! One of the reasons for starting schools again is because parents will abuse their kids and no one will ever know if the teachers (mandatory reporters) do not detect it. Also, some parents don't feed their kids so they need free school lunches. Why aren't couples more responsible!?!?!?
@@MrNeptunebob Teachers are hardly trained to detect abuse apart from observable external behaviour or injury. They've only just started having optional courses on childhood trauma for childhood educators. I was the "quiet and complicit" type of kid. As long as you aren't causing them problems they probably won't label you as in need of help. Rare teachers will see it for what it is.
@@e_i_e_i_bro Maybe so, but they might be the only adults that can do anything to stop it, being mandated reporters. The general public would not know who the parents are or how to get in touch with them (for the authorities). For example, I have seen parents being abusive to kids on public transit, at the supermarket, at the zoo, and when I have said something the parent gets abusive at ME! Even If I call PA Childline I don't know who the parents are. P.S, though, I have found out that if you see abuse at a ski area you can tell one of the National Ski Patrol and they will talk to the parent (kind of like a lifeguard at a pool would).
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
I wondered about pre birth, too, my "mother" was SO COLD I AM SURPRISED I DID NOT FREEZE TO DEATH...I was born drunk and asleep..because she had Christmas parties to go to....and my coming on her party day was not going to stop her fun...
I can hear the suppressed anxiety in his voice. I'm feeling that he's a wounded hyper empath. Our subconscious doesn't register time, so what he's accomplished in life is phenomenal. :)
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
Thank you for your kind words 🙏🏼
Bearded guy is so freaking handsome.
Yes he is cute and smoochy. :)
Your right about that angel !!!! That's the reason iam freaking in love with myself biblically speaking!!!! The beard makes me look more handsome than i have ever been !!!!! Beard is hot !!!!
They alway choose "Good looking" people on this show.
I just need a fuller beard.
I understand this guy completely I have had very similar feeling as a child it has recently come back but keeping positive
My parents died when i was 29&32 from alcoholic abuse. My twin brother ended his life when we were 35. I was fosterd at 14. Still struggling to this day. Thank you for this
I feel your pain it can be crippling on a literaral sense
❤️
I have to say that I thought i coped with my trauma with art and music, but now I know i distracted myself...
...cope by being open with yourself, get to know your inner self as deeply as you can. I avoided and tried to fake it to make it, not good enough, you have to resolve those feeling and know you are safe and no one can hurt you anymore.
Jake is a beautiful human being who has run the marathon in survival from a system that lables and jumps to conclusions about people with mental health challenges. It doesn't really matter what brings on those challenges, it's important to understand why they exist. Thank you for my family member who struggles every day because of judgment instead of understanding. We continue to seek understanding.
I agree with the fact that it is beautiful to get to a point when you think “I wouldn’t change any of my history because this experiences have made me who I am and I am so happy of who I am that I wouldn’t change a thing”
💚💚💚
I have gone through childhood trauma as well. I call it Complex- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Hugs. I was also diagnosed with ADD; I was put on Ritilan at 7. Wish they had asked me why I preffered to day dream, then pay attention in school. Diagnosed with chronic depression at 11... Interested in psychology since.
Are you still taking add medication to this day?
@@johnny1334 no, I was only on it for a year. I remember asking to get off of it because It took away my feelings. But was back on meds for depression 3 years later, (did'nt care to care anymore) aged 11-16. I started to get terrible anxiety after several toxic relationships and went on Ativan at 31... 4 years ago. Bad idea.
Not taking anything now. Learning to put myself first, give self care and listen to my intuition.
@@nala3055 Thank you Nala! I will :)
All teachers need to listen to this and be more sensitive to kids that come to school.
Jacob’s voice is incredibly calming. I like how he speaks thoughtfully and at a good pace. I really enjoyed this video and it hit close to home for me. It’s a difficult subject to talk about but his calm demeanour makes this a really lovely video. I do hope invite Jacob back again, I think we’d all like to hear from him again.
Thank you 💚
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
@@JacobMoore ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
This was a very insightful interview and I thank you for your compassion, I too grew up in a dysfunctional home and always was guessing what was “normal” to hide the shame that goes with chaos and violence. As an adult I’ve tried to live a emotionally healthy life by reading every book I could get my hands as well as talk therapy. The trauma appeared when I would have profound changes like when I gave birth to my son, who I wanted very much (at the age of 32) and experienced post partum depression. Recovered with the help of my husband and therapy. I am now dealing with PTSD from brain surgery of brain tumor. I feel for the first time I’m working with a therapist who diagnosed the PTSD. We are going through every stage of my life and it is very painful. However I now see how the trauma has lead me to react to situations as if I was back in my childhood home. It is so important to work with a therapist who can make a good diagnosis and not just address the problem as something you’re currently experiencing
I was so scared when I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I'm 19 almost 20 and have been out of my abusive parents household for about 2 years and have my whole childhood trauma to get over. I was so scared to be a father, I kept asking myself if I was ready, if I was good enough, if I'll end up just like my parents. Thankfully my therapist is f*cking awesome, he helps me to work on my trauma and my reactions and triggers so that I can be a better father. He shows me where I improve even when I don't see it myself.
Dont try to not be like your parents. Be you cause you is already better than them. You already know. Just be you my guy it's gonna be all good.
Im glad to hear you have a good therapist, im sure youre better than your parents. Just keep everything in mind and dont act in ways that would hurt you as a child. Stay strong man, childhood trauma is an evil thing for someone to go through. Just do your best to help your kid not go through that too and youll be great. You got this.
Childhood trauma..it's the gift that keeps on giving...
It's simply amazing that so many people are affected with CPTSD , and don't even know that they have this because the symptoms are often mistaken for ADHD !
To this day, when asked about my childhood, I only speak of the few positive memories. I know that people's attitude would change if I shared even a bit of the reality. I don't trust easily. Even my closest friends only know bits and pieces. Their reaction made me shut down afterwards. Not because they were judging me but because I could see and feel the sadness, anger and sometimes pity they were experiencing. I don't see the need or purpose to relive the past through and with them. I write my journal whenever I want to share. It has helped me throughout my life. I do appreciate this video. I haven't often heard people who went through similar childhood trauma discuss with a minimum of detachment to allow lucid interpretation of their outcome. I want to thank you for taking the time to present this. Hyper-vigilance may have been a means to survival and has served me well. My inner peace now prevails. Speaking of the past isn't painful or as involving anymore... I have forgiven my parents and everyone along the way from whom I received injustice. I hope you're finding this as well. :-)
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
Wow. This man is so inspiring. To think that he's had to deal with childhood trauma and be this calm to talk about it. Goals.
I've heard about ancestorial abuse and the cycle continues unless someone realizes the effects it's had on those lost. This truly is a major cause of physical, mental and social anxieties. Never expected life to be so difficult due to the way trauma and abuse changes who you could be.
Complex post traumatic stress disorder can mask as a ton of different mental diseases. It causes a ton of different symptoms.
8:37 “I identify as well”.
I love that. Well done on putting all your pieces back together to form your whole well self. 🙏 childhood trauma is a real uphill battle.
Speaking as a child of an alcoholic myself, I was constantly dismissed and neglected. But as my biological father was a narcissist, I'm certain a lot of his traits that he abused my mum with rubbed off on her. To this day, I don't understand any form of relationship, I'm a solitary introvert and have been very anxious and insecure since I was a child. Never been diagnosed with anything, but I suspect anxiety and depression, if not AvPD. Hoping to speak about it soon! Thank you for the video!
Hey sorry to hear that. Have you diagnosed yourself now. How are you doing currently?
@arindamchakraborty9098 thank you. Yes, I had a discussion with my therapist abd she suggested I might have some form of depression. And I know now that my parents problems aren't anything to do with me. Asides from that, I'm doing well! 😊
Thank you! Accept NO judgment!! Stay focused on yourself.
You are speaking of my childhood as well, down to the care for little brother & sister as well as support for single mom.
I would sum up my childhood with fear. I have worked tirelessly for years on personal growth,shadow, triggers & at the end of the day it was all my 27 year marriage to a narcissist that was reliving my childhood, it was all I knew!? I too have had to relearn all actions.
49 years old & just beginning to live MY life! Thank god
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
💜💜
I want to give Jacob a hug!!
I want to hug you too!
I've tried to address childhood trauma with my parents, I was told to suck it up, nobody is perfect, get over myself and that there are people that had it a lot worse. My advice, UNDERSTAND that YOU control your opinions about yourself, DECIDE to make them good.
🙌
I always thought that my childhood experience has been a major contributor to my mental health issues. Ive always talked to people around me just a bit about it but I always get comments like “everyone goes through some sort of childhood struggles” or “no one’s childhood is perfect” but I always felt like this has been a part of me that has never been healed…nor I have ever known how to explain this in therapy. Also culturally, I was always taught that there are other people that suffer worse. So thank you for sharing. You have given me a great start point.
Very insightful and empathetic of you to understand where your dad came from.
It also helps to understand the psychological aspects of why people do the things that they do. Those light bulb moments can illuminate very effectively. Compassion and forgiveness can come easier with understanding, first. ✌️
I have started therapy this year. I was neglected and abused physically when I was a child, and mentally abused till I moved out at 19. And I can not even explain how hard it is to work through everything I had to overcome. This is going to be a hard walk for me, but I know it will be worth it.
Creativity and courage was the way out of my childhood trauma bonding. Gosh! The narcissists in my life were so committed in breaking my spirit they use all know strategies against me - even turning me against myself violently!
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
What is surprising that Jacob is not rejecting his life story. He answers that he would not change anything, he can not imagine his life different from how it happened to be. This is striking. I can not stop dreaming of my childhood to be a happy time and what would I become now instead.
I am coming from a society where childhood trauma is simply rejected, USSR and early Russia in end 80s- the beginning of 90-s have been a very dark place for many families and kids. I can relate with many things that Jacob said: constant anxiety, an enormous feeling of responsibility for the family and younger siblings, life in fight or flight mode. For me and my friends of a similar age, this is not just one family story - this is a generation trauma, which is carried along and very little awareness is brought to the problem.
Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate you being open about your journey 💚
We all have ‘issues’ because we all have a story. And no matter how much work you’ve done on yourself, we all snap back sometimes. So be easy on you. Growth is a dance. Not a light switch.
EMDR got me to comfortably talk about my trauma. It will happen and one day you’ll notice it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Bless you with love, patience, and peace.
I feel so much of this man’s story. From 4 I’ve been through trauma and same, memory lossed, other very clear. I see you.
Today i got off the phone with my mother who chose my father over us after watching enabling and taking part in us getting abused and neglected as children. I don't know why this video is comforting but thank you. For reminding me i am not alone.
You went through the ringer for sure. Amazing you came back from that. An inspiration. People (Not even the person themselves let alone others) dont understand the baggage that we can bring from our childhood that can haunt us for decades during our lives plus the consequences of them such as depression ,anxiety,low self esteem and others.
Very sorry for the loss of your father ,hope you continue to heal and grow.
I can tell by the emotionally connected way he speaks that he’s done a lot of work to process this. Very powerful to listen, thank you for sharing your story.
I am a 47 year old male who was raised by a mother with a mental disability and an anxiety/compulsive disorder (she spent her days cleaning the house, often chaotic) and a father who is probably on the ASS-spectrum. There was no physical touching (no hugs etc.) and both their emotional capabailities I think I can safely say are very limited.
Still I find it really difficult to relate my upbringing to my mental health problems (low selfesteem, emotion regulation problems, anxiety, depersonalisation, helplessness, shame for how I look, especially my body) and the way I have lead my life (very lonely, never had a relation, hoarding books). Sounds familiar to anyone?
I wish for you to find comfort within yourself 🥺 you are unique there's only one of you and no one like you 💗💗
Are we related?
I understand. Could this possibly link to dissociation to make your initial experiences more palatable?
My heart ached hearing your story. I relate on such a personal level. Thank you for finding the strength, and embracing the vulnerability to be able to truthfully share with others. I’m Sending so much Love and light to you and yours.
The more I watch videos like this, the more I realise there are many people like me. What i find beneficial is that they can put into words what i have trouble doing.
That really helps me.
His voice is very relaxing. Also, I absolutely love your dog! Love this channel!
My childhood trauma was a little different. But the physical and mental reactions and time points are almost 1:1. The mental health issues, the memory gaps, not being present, almost not graduating highschool. It's very. Very validating to hear someone else have the same experience. I never really meet other people with that experience and often wondered if I was being over dramatic until I hear something like this or I tell someone a little of what I went through casually and they're horrified. T. T
Thank you so much! I would love to see more on childhood trauma. Seeing this and things like the ACE scores are beyond valuable.
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
Jacob´s inner spiritual presence and power is remarkable and so healing to watch and listen to. This was one of the most powerful videos I remember watching like for ever. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel so thankful to be able to hear your story you are telling with an open heart and with honesty and sincerity. Your way of telling your story works as a medicine and helps me in my own journey of healing. Sending all my love and God will bless us as his children.
It's so great to see an emotionally healthy adult work their way through childhood trauma. I was able to also and I have so much peace. Some aren't so lucky. It's good to see these topics being discussed. Hopefully it will be helpful to encourage those who've experienced trauma to seek help. There's no guarantee, but there are many therapies available to try.
I also hope that those who were fortunate enough to grow up in a loving environment will have a greater appreciation of it.
It screwed me up real good. Longest relationship 6 months and even then, they were weak relationships at that. I can't tell if it's me, meaning "me" the person your saw, , my insecurity coming out and pushing people away. Whatever it is, it sure makes me not want to be here anymore.
Same. I've asked God to take my life, as it seems ruined.
Yeah, I hear ya. I lost my father in the same way. I can so relate to what you said with all the diagnoses and all the pills. After a while you stop defining yourself by what you do or don't have and realize that much of it comes from the dysfunction and emotional dysregulation in which you grew up. Once you start to work through it, things level off.
What a wonderful, compassionate man, so glad he is well, and doing well, bless him.
WOW. I love the interviewer. He listens and doesn't distract the speaker. Subscribed right away.
OMG my dad died when I was 9 years old & I felt just like this guy. Hearing his story brought so much sense to my own childhood. Thank you so much for this session.
💚💚💚
I loved this interview and Jacob's insights. Overcoming childhood trauma is a journey for sure.
He’s so smart. And it’s crazy because him reflecting is helping me cope with my trauma in my own life
I like this interview. Mr. Moore refuses to identify with anyone else's label(s) of him. That's powerful to those whom have been given the burden of another label, and just want to be themselves, be a better person, and live a better life.
I so relate to this guy. I was surrounded by clouds of weed smoke as a young child. My Dad was a doll but made many bad choices.
I've experienced childhood trauma as well, losing a parent at a very young age, neglect, and much more. Similarly, I have received multiple diagnoses throughout my life, and taken the prescribed meds for each. I've lived most of my life in a fight or flight mode, and also have huge memory gaps for much of my life, I feel as though I haven't been present for most of my own life, which is so weird when I look at pictures of myself in the past. I'm now 64, and though I still experience anxiety, I feel that I'm able to work around and manage that anxiety, without medication, which is my own personal choice. Each of us must do what feels right for ourselves, at the given time. I don't see myself as a survivor or a victim, but I do recognize that childhood trauma is the predominant factor which has shaped my life, and I sometimes experience sadness as a result of that realization. It has caused me to be hypervigilant as a parent and grandparent. Listening to someone else talk about this has been a gift, thank you so much for sharing. My goal now is to be present for each moment and live with intention. I plan to be able to recognize what I was doing and feeling when I look at past pictures one, five, or ten years in the future🙏
ua-cam.com/video/KalA5o8YG2k/v-deo.html
💙
This guy is young it is rare to see someone with childhoid trauma so calm like this. Cptsd is a lifetime of healing. Especially if there is multiple abuse.
55 and would change so many things. I have still not learned the things I should have because of sexual abuse as a child. People still don't accept me . I am still dismissed.
What a beautiful story. Thank you Jacob for sharing your story. Young kids come to the classroom with so many hurtful experiences. It's very important to provide a safe place where they can be really seen, and encouraged to learn and grow.
Thank you for your kind words of affirmation 💚
My only question is when he said he was “well”. He is most definitely “well” aware but unpacking what “well” means to him and how he got there, and if there are days when he isn’t “well” would be so important. Maybe I missed that?
So good to hear your perception, and lived experience... and that you are helping people with their current struggles. That’s the best 😊