Which of these misconceptions about trauma surprised you? Discover the best support strategies for trauma, straight from Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2QkF8Ey
How about autistic abuse? Constantly being denied your truth, never being able to be yourself, systemic bullying by family friends and establishments of all types. Being made to mask always, or be shunned, slapped kicked, rejected. I don't think any autistic person gets to adulthood without trauma.
@Poison Ivy For a therapist to say something like that seems incredibly unprofessional. I can't even begin to imagine how disheartening that must be. I hope you can find another way to find help, perhaps a self-help group - I imagine there would be people who might know a suitable therapist. My heart goes out to you. You don't deserve to suffer.
Years ago I was traumatised. My parents tore apart and my mom burnt my personal dairy. I was 12 then. Till now I can't write a prose poem again. My thoughts get stuck at the event everytime I try. I'm 22 now. I realise my parents are narcissistic. They are so manipulative that they even got my therapist under their control. I've no familu member to support or stand up for me. No such friend as they (parents) have ruined them too. Can you suggest what I can do??
"Just because you're struggling with trauma does not mean you're not resilient. You've been pushed beyond the normal boundaries of human experience." I feel seen.
Yes, f*cking finally. I'll just say that my publicly issued therapist for a whopping 6 sittings/sessions, when I suggested cPTSD might be something to look into, told me "What IS this cPTSD you're talking about? No, I think it has to be pent up rage". I felt like I was in 1875, good lord we're still so behind in some cases. Seen. That's the word.
You put it better than I did. This statement made me burst into tears. I had to pause the video to regain composure. I really need trauma therapy. "Seen" is right!
And taking for granted that we’re all the same. So, even people with the intelligence to imagine what you might be going through still see it through the lens of their own life. If that life was stable, loving, and supportive, it’s WAY too easy to dismiss the hurt a less fortunate soul might be feeling. My reality is that the early trauma opened up a void that allowed what might be considered “normal” trauma like divorce, arrest, abandonment, invalidation, scorn, and shame to completely disable my ability to “rebound.” Because I don’t look like others, react like others, succeed or fail like others, I’m not in trouble. At this point, I feel like the only way to “prove” I wasn’t lying is to die. It’s a tough spot to be in.
I'm 44 and I live at least 2 traumatic events daily and rarely the some one twice a week. Every experience I have today closely matching the past brings thoughts and feelings to the front. My traumas were from all around, mean drunk parent, neglected tortured and bullied relentlessly makes for a pretty messy crowded mind.
My worst experience is when people invalidate your trauma because its not as bad as somebody elses. I don't think people understand how damaging that is :(
There's as much logic to that as if you told someone they shouldn't feel happy about something because someone else has reason to feel happier. Which anyone can see is ridiculous.
My Mom did that, when I confronted her in her old age about why she let my Father abuse us. She then acted like it was okay, because he didn't use a tree limb or twig or switch as she put it. She also pointed out that once her Mom wanted her out of the kitchen so she deliberately burned on on the stove...............That was supposed to make it okay for her to let her husband abuse her children. Now, I've inherited her christmas stuff........................Tis the Season.
Oh, I love to hear how I am "making a victim out of myself", when actually all I am trying to do is opening up, being heard, being validated and understood. People really tend to bypass trauma survivors emotionally, even doctors do that. Its not helping us heal, rather on the contrary, drives us more into isolation. I feel like the only cure is a lot of love and compassion from your social circle, sadly, we, the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support.
100%. You can’t always tell by looking. Some of us just suffer in silence, and some of us get really good at avoiding all our triggers, at least for a while until we get stressed, or tired, or re-experience some “microtrauma” that throws us off, then maybe something might seem a little “off”, or maybe not. If someone is opening up to you about this stuff, just be quiet and listen. Don’t judge. Just hold space.
@@martynacyran2855 I hear you. I hate that as well, the allegation I am acting like a victim. Do not let them get to you. This can take a long time to deal with. Do not beat yourself up for wanting to heal.
as survivor of narcissitic abuse im telling you you dont need other peoples validation only your own learn to self parent your own emotions this will creat more iner blance when you seek validated from outside your self your wanting others to acceptances from others and the reality is your not allways going to get it so learn to accept what is in term of what people bring to the table and create firm boundaries and let others own exactly what your not willing to accept how other people treat you is reflection of them and how you reacted is awareness of you learning to surrender is key other wise your allways be consumed by other people bs i see this all the time people are allways puting up reisistance to one thing or another creating their own suffering the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support i agree thats very much the case with the organization mind in the uk they see the client every three month which only result in a ticking off box form
2 misconceptions I deal with are A) you come from a middle class "well to do" family, therefore you could not have had a traumatic, abusive childhood. & B) that I "choose to hang on to my trauma". These make me so mad & feel so invalidated.
this is exactly the same for me. it exacerbated everything that at each turn of the road your reality is rejected for what “you should be doing”. taking sociology courses suggested that suburban youth are exponentially more depressed than those in cities. Urban youth is pretty directly linked to socioeconomic status so it’s not like kids with fortunate backgrounds don’t grow up with a. long list of negligent behaviors fucking up their development and conditioning. regardless of enrichment, learning about what’s going on, the conditioning is like long hardened tree sap, and changing my thoughts doesn’t translate to changing my feelings.
This is something I completely agree with, I know I have mental health issues but I feel so extremely guilty for feeling upset or depressed or when I do fantasise suicidal tendencies because I don't have a bad life, my parents are both together, I go to a private school my relationship with my parents isn't that great but I feel like they do care about me deep down, I do have a great relationship with my sister but I have talents and things I can do well. My life isn't anywhere near as hard as someone elsdoesn'twithI'mI
Childhood sexual, physical, and emotional trauma has been minimized by professionals who deal with people who have "real trauma" like surviving the "killing fields. Maybe his/her mother cared about them. Neither of my parents did. Childhood trauma often leads to hurtful adult choices--like being married to a covert narcissist.
Childhood trauma is just as valid as any other trauma. I think the worst thing i ever experienced after i left my abusive childhood home was when i still tried to have a relationship with my family and one of my closest friends turned to me and said they pitty the people who abused me because they just seem like sad lonely people. I always try to keep a level head and i dont think they are evil. I think that people who abuse children are messed up and they do horrible things but we are not defined by our actions. In that moment though i felt so angry and upset i wanted to yell. Sorry i got off topic: but i wanted to let you know at least someone out there understands and gets the feeling a little bit of feeling invalidated like that. And that you are valid in your trauma.
I'm sorry to pry, but I was just wondering what you mean by covert narcissistic? I only ask because I want to see if my fiance might actually be a covert narcissistic! Thank you
I feel trauma can result from any event that "shakes" a person's sense of safety, be it physical or emotional/or verbal, there are so many things that can result in trauma, especially childhood trauma, it is something that basically shifts a child's (later adult) mindset to fear, they become basically fear-centered, hyper vigilant, easily triggered. A narcissist parent, be it covert or grandiose, is garanteed to cause trauma in a child, which result in a sense of catastrophy, a constant fear that everything is goind to fall apart over their heads, that they will ruin their life, and that everything will end for them if they do this or that. I think this should really be addressed, because I think it is more common than it seems, and the reason why we are experiencing this mental illness pandemic (esp anxiety) is basically childhood trauma.
I agree. Dr. Gabor Mate argues that trauma can be caused simply by not getting your basic needs met when you were a child. We tend to hear that trauma is something horrible such as war, rape, car accident etc. But what about those of us who suffer from trauma symptoms, but haven't experienced something quite so extreme in our past or have endured lots of small traumatic events? According to Gabor just growing up with a parent who is unable meet child's emotional needs (child has an innate need for being held and receiving affection), can be traumatizing. For years I thought everything was fine with my childhood. Sure I had an alcoholic father, but I thought my mother was there to keep me sane. Now I'm beginning to realize that my mom was not there for me either. She was present yes and all our physical needs were met, but the most important job of a parent was missing. She didn't know how to teach me and my sister emotional skills or help us to grow a good self-esteem. Her behavior was unpredictable and self-centered. She often yelled at us for no good reason. I had to always be careful with what I said to her and I couldn't trust her to support me with difficult feelings. She would say awful things to me and never recognize my pain afterwards or say sorry. When I felt lost or in pain for external reasons she couldn't help me or never really taught me emotional skills that are needed when arguing with other people or how to recognize if someone is treating you wrong. Therefore I endured multiple abusive relationships in adulthood until I started to realize the pattern through therapy. I've been unable to work for 4 years and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any better. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. But over the years I had more and more somatic symptoms and was still unable to handle any stress despite going to speech therapy every week. Just lately I've started to grasp that the problem was not having a proper diagnosis for the trauma I've endured and thus a proper treatment. With a friend who is a trauma survivor herself, I've started to gain memories back of deep pain and trauma. Her validation and listening has released incredibly amount of emotional blocks inside me that I was not aware of. She introduced me to the idea that I might suffer from Complex PTSD. I'm still in the process of getting diagnosed, but all the symptoms fit me. I read that treatments include for example mind-body therapies and EMDR. Although I've taken major steps in speech therapy, I think the final healing begins when the body gets involved in the process.
Exactly the opposite of what Dr Ramani said. She talks about narcissism and having a narcissistic patent, and no, that is not trauma. Can it cause mental illnesses? Yes. Does it classify as trauma? No
@@astral-evolution-33 I actually agree with Dr Ramani. Some things do not classify as trauma. Yes, trauma results from a life/death situation, and it is different to anything else in terms of impact on the brain, and that is scientifically proven by brain scans, too. Can other situations have an impact on the brain? Of course. Can they cause mental illness? Of course. But not everything classifies clinically as "trauma". That's not minimizing other people's experience, it is about classifying it the right way, and as she often says, the right diagnosis is not to label but to help and cure
Mental troma is the most dangerous one as it makes you feel so helpless and trapped if it is in a family set up where your children are experiencing it on regular basis and ther is no one to support you...
@@astral-evolution-33 Is it trauma when your husband of 45 yrs gets up one day and says out of the blue (yelling) I want a divorce....later saying he does not love you, he is wanting to go out with other women, younger and more "enjoyable" that of course I've never meet, nor will be "permitted". to, nor go out with my husband as we had always like normal?...2 women "bffs" , he cannot suddenly show me any emotional affection, as I said out of the blue...the night before we went for dinner! All was fine. And this was on my birthday. It went on and on, I truly believe I went into shock, and he keeps telling me he hates me. Stays out of a "vow", yet broke them all of course! Loves the enjoyment of other women, and tells me this, when I totally believed we had a great marriage? It was like a different person appeared, never left. lied. gaslighted. Is this a trauma? My doctor said I had ptsd and anxiety....do you think this is trauma, as nothing i try helps, my family is so important to me so i stay....the women have gone....probably realized what he was.
So True. Love Dr. R. I suffered trauma (sexual abuse) and my mother was narcissistic so I got her abuse. I ended up with PTSD but received therapy help and now I am a Sociology and Psychology student. Things get better.
Lisa Burmood I’m so happy to hear that. To know you are this young and are able to work identify the guilt being shamed. You can’t change your parents. But it does get better, as you surround yourself with more people and listen to only your voice, you identity will PTSD be a thing of the past and the best part you will be able to deal with not just anyone but everyone. Congrats who knows how your life will become.
I went through childhood and early adulthood with no one around me realising the trauma I'd been through. Part of that is because of these myths and from people's own opinions on what qualifies 'trauma'. I have multiple mental health issues now, most recently NEAD and C-PTSD. I think these ideas that 'trauma only happens in war time' or 'you never told the police so it couldn't have been that bad' or 'you seem normal' or 'you're just oversensitive' are really damaging. Series like this for just everyday people to see are important
Yeah this video minimized trauma I usually agree with dr Ramani but saying you have to witness someone being shot to be traumatized isn't true even alot of emotional stuff people go through even in adulthood can be traumatizing plus if i didn't even know the person who got shot and they weren't a loved one i would be sad but not traumatized. i never heard someone say they were traumatized from standing in a line
Can understand. Sometimes because we were shy n quiet then, people just took us for granted. These days, a lot of things can happen. When we learnt to fight in some cases still have hope others seem a bit too late. There actually is not much we can do.
"You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience, AND you feel at risk to your own life or to the lives of those you love" (which was added in the MedCircle series). That just makes me cry and cry. Thank you so much. Abuse was just considered normal in my house growing up - a daily occurance. Everybody hung their heads in shame, but nobody ever intervened or acted as if it wasn't ok. Not only that, but I had to watch my most beloved being on the planet be tortured in front of my eyes when I was 8. AND, I was a teller and got held up with a gun pointed in my FACE. Then I got questioned by the FBI as if I were somehow involved. Because of my shock and horror, the FBI guy figured out that I was the victim, then he laughed at me (probably because I was so shaken). I'm still alive at 70, can't figure out why. I don't feel resilient, I just think I had to bury it all in order to keep on going and survive, because I live alone. To look at me, you'd never image what I've been thru' or that I totally isolate. The thought that maybe I was resilient brings tears to my eyes. I have to keep listening to this. Thankyou.
Bless you. This I do know -- being able to appear as if all is well with us is a survival skill children learn to survive an abusive home. The good news is that all of what we learn is able to be un-learned. You can undertake this on your own. Begin with Pete Walker's book C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, but pace yourself because the book is triggering. Put it down when you feel the need to process something. All the best to you. You deserve peace.
"A person experiencing trauma does not mean that they're forever set back and can't go on to a full and extraordinarily successful life....There are people out there who struggle with trauma - that doesn't mean they're not resilient. And I don't want anyone out there who's a trauma survivor saying "I'm folding under this - I must not be resilient" - the heck you're not! You are resilient. You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience. None of us know how we're going to react to a trauma until we're in it." "How dare you ever make an assumption about someone else's life." Also I didn't realise that sense of a foreshortened future was a symptom and that symptoms were only trends.
The big one for me was that trauma and flashbacks make you ‘unable to function.’ I have PTSD, but for a long time I didn’t understand it because I was, sort of, functioning. I was up on my feet. I was doing what I had to, which was look after a young child with special needs. I couldn’t afford to spend time on a fainting couch; I had to manage at least well enough to look after him. When people asked me how I was doing, the honest answer was that it was a question I couldn’t afford to ask myself. I had too much else to do. So I was ‘functioning’, by which I mean I was changing nappies and washing clothes and providing meals and singing nursery rhymes and faking smiles even if it made me feel sick to my stomach to force the corners of my mouth all the way up, because my son needed to feel safe, and I was getting diagnoses for him and learning how to support SEN and fighting systemic bigotry. I was just doing it in a kind of nightmare haze where I was so disorientated I couldn’t even judge how far from normal my emotions had been swept. I could fake it well enough that my son wasn’t afraid, and I thought that meant I couldn’t have ‘real’ trauma. I was just weak and self-pitying. Now I look back and think I was being brave. I was just too traumatized to understand that was what I was doing.
I identify with what you said. I had lots of trauma growing up, as well, then married a narcissist. I had three children before divorcing him, which was a trauma in its own category. Throughout all of this, I thought I was fine. Now I'm on the other side, having crumbled recently, I am now in therapy and coming to terms with all of this. You can and will recover, and I send you strength and love xox
Kit Whitfield you feel like you’re just living a moving picture that you are not wanting. I worked 18 hour days. I didn’t eat because there wasn’t money to do so. I worked to make sure my kids had food and the things they needed. No help. If their Dad got involved it was just the physical or narcissistic abuse. I couldn’t trust my family. I had a few people step in and help. I seriously don’t know how we survived but we did. We’re not entirely intact but we’re here and in a somewhat better place. For me looking back is like looking down a really dark cliff.
My nephew was surrounded by 3 criminals and robbed at gunpoint while standing at a bus stop to go to his night shift job. He is a gentle giant and people make assumptions based on his low facial affect. He refused therapy based on myths. Now two years later he lives with drug addiction. He's like a ghost and hides from his family and I think maybe the perpetrators in a different smaller city. I meditate often wishing him healing and hoping he will accept he suffered trauma and needs mental health support to heal. He went to court to testify. He was so strong. The perpetrators out on probation. He moved far away. Not an accident or a whim or illogical. No one in my family believes his very profound experience of life threatening violence was a trauma. I do. I'm told he's over it. But I don't believe it. It is so heart breaking.
I watched my brother John being abused. I remember even as a teenager seeing him crying in shower with a bloody nose. He was being punished for being a hero and calling the police when it was appropriate. Mom neglected to protect him from my Father.
I witnesses my dad committing suicide when I was in my mid 20's and I never realized I was dealing with trauma until I started to realize I was raised by a narc. mother in my late 50's. No one ever ask me how I was doing after it.
It makes people uncomfortable, ooo poor them. I realised something recently If your loved one dies of an illness their praised a saint, a fighter, such a tragedy and you get hundreds of condolences, help etc. If your loved one dies of suicide on the otherhand they are never talked about, few condolences or offerings doesnt matter how good/amazing they were in this life. And you yourself are forgotten about no one asks, no one visits no one sits with you or listens
I finally decided to remove myself from all social media. I was thinking it was giving me anxiety, depression, competition, dealing with angry and narcissistic people, on and on ... After almost 20 yrs being on social media I felt it important to unplug for good and I already feel an uplift in my thinking and mood. I know more and more people are deleting Facebook per CNBC during their earning reports. Have you discussed why so many people have decided to disconnect from this type of lifestyle and return to the slower paced life of yesteryear?
My personal favorite: my own psychiatrist belittling my trauma and CPTSD, and only wanting to talk to me for literally (no, not figuratively) 5 MINUTES EVERY 3 MONTHS. Not 5 minutes and 40 seconds. Not 6 minutes. Not 7 minutes. Five. Minutes. Five sets of 60 seconds. Every three months. Thank goodness for adept and mentally healthy PSYCHOLOGISTS and THERAPISTS.
I just watched this great conversation after going through a diagnosis of PTSD and am just coming to realize how deeply I was affected by continued trauma during childhood and adolescence, and how living with that untreated trauma affected everything else. Trivializing, suppressing and denying the wounds has done me no favors, so thank you for destigmatizing this essential issue: Complex PTSD seems to be the umbrella under which my other disorders (ADD, depression, anxiety) present themselves and even though it seems far too late to seek treatment for things that happened decades ago, It is mandatory that I attempt to address it and find a means to heal.
I would guess your diagnosis of ADD, if received in your teens or later, is actually BPD. The symptoms are very similar, and ADD, or ADHD is so severe that there’s really no way a person can get through childhood without it being pick up on. ADD/ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that people(usually males) are born with. Some head injuries can lead to a syndrome that has symptoms similar to it, but true ADHD is inborn. And, for people who have ADHD, they cannot function without medication. If you have taken medication for ADHD, and have not responded, or responded poorly, that is a good indicator that you do not have it as well. I completely agree that many trauma based disorders are misdiagnosed as ND disorders, especially if the diagnoses are made in adulthood. But to be clear, ASD and ADHD, and probably OCD, are disorders people are born with. Trauma cannot cause any of these, though sadly, having these disorders, specifically the first two, do put children at much greater risk of being victims of abuse that can lead to a trauma based disorder. OCD is the one ND disorder that is far more common in females than males. ADHD is extremely rare in females. ASD is more common in females than ADHD, but still quite rare. A lot of children with ODD(a disorder that develops in very early childhood as the result of abuse/trauma) is probably responsible for a whole lot of misdiagnoses of ASD and ADHD, though having ASD or ADHD, again, does put them at greater risk of developing ODD. There seems to be a very concerted effort, being made by corrupt psychological organizations, to ignore trauma based disorders, and blame ND disorders for a person’s problems. Just the fact that C-PTSD was left out of the DSM seems sus. There most certainly has not been a gigantic increase in actual ASD or ADHD in children, that happened within a generation. Of course there are people that have them, but not that many more than had them 20-30 years ago.
can you please do a vid on how to deal with a narc mother? a lot of vids on narc partner but needed info on narc mother... specifically covert narc mother.. thanks :)
MedCircle did a video a few months ago about this: ua-cam.com/video/Rt2n2jE7NvA/v-deo.html You can also check out Dr. Ramani's channel, which is equally informative, if not more, particularly for narcissism.
@@carolinelaronda4523 ya i did for over 10 years but it's more complicated than that because I'm a new mom and my beloved grandmother moved into my parents house and I can only see her via them as well as my husband's mom is a narc too and we have to maintain contact so he can see his grandmother UGH I can't ghost anymore... Sucks
Trauma can be caused by variety of reasons. While waiting too long in the line is not traumatic. Being bullied and isolated with everyone wishing this person to fail, if it goes on for long enough I would consider it traumatic. This happening as an isolated incident is hurtful but not traumatic. But if it happens again and again for long enough it can cause trauma.
My now 33 year old daughter ‘witnessed’ her grandma - my mother put her grandson/Jonathan (my sister’s son at 3 years old) in the clothes dryer because he wouldn’t stop crying...That’s TRAUMA to Jonathan and to my daughter who was 5 years old at the time this happened!! My sister did not think there was anything ‘wrong’ with it ! My daughter brought it up 2 years ago when Jonathan died from a drug overdose. He was 29 years old. Yes, he became addicted to all sorts of drugs. And yes, Jonathan had suffered with so many mental health issues growing up. Not surprising for the emotional and physical abuse he endured. No emotional connection with his own family - his parents and younger sister. They viewed him as a failure, an outcast, and the younger sister as the ‘golden child’...Today, my mother nor my sister do not even realise how much emotional, and psychological damage they had done to Jonathan, which makes me so angry !!! They’re clueless. Today, my mother would be in trouble with children’s protective services! This happened in 1992 and now my mother is 93 yrs. old... which she’s still the same evil and manipulative unhappy person. It’s incredible how dysfunctional my family is, my 2 sisters and our mother except she doesn’t like my brother and me. (we don’t allow her to manipulate us...therefore we don’t count). She had turned ‘many’ family members against me and brother with her lies...To this day, I still feel bad I could not do more or help Jonathan. He was a caring and a gentle soul. May you rest in peace Jonny ☮️
Just started counselling, the therapist said to look up trauma and narcissistic abuse. Literally everything in Dr. Ramani’s said in her videos and here is what has happened in my past. Everything stated by her is very helpful. I finally have a word and description on what I went through. Very eye opening, it gives me even more resolve to break the cycle of trauma. I swore to myself since a teen, that my children will not go through the same shit I dealt with. It ends here. So happy to see my children grow and flourish nowadays.
We need more Dr. Ramani"s in this world. I found her online last year and having someone who "gets it" means so much to those of us struggling in her areas of expertise.
‘How dare you making an assumption about ... (@ 5.00mins)’ .... thank you Dr Ramani for highlighting this very important point. Not only do we hide or manage silently our childhood negative experiences, but are then dismissed and even disbelieved by others in adulthood when they cannot believe how is it possible that someone calm and collected and put together has ever experienced trauma. This is about the not unimportant matter of stereotyping and assumptionistic attitudes. I saw a young man recently wearing a beautiful meaningful t-shirt with the writing ‘I am not your stereotype’.
I know I experienced trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and other mental disorders, yet I have a really hard time calling abuse what it was. I wish I could get over this.
I got goosebumps when I started watching this. My life has been so hard because of true trauma. Dr. Ramani-you’re saving people. You’re helping so many of us who have felt so alone and sad for so long. I almost lost hope. I’m glad I never did. I’m going to use all of your resources to share with my son. Both of us have lived through trauma (I’ve had some significant traumas that he may never experience), so all of these videos are beyond helpful. This channel is superb! I am going to applaud you for saying that we all need to stop using terms to describe things that aren’t happening. I will never do that again and I will be vocal about saying that that is not ok! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you Dr. Ramani and all the health professionals, and to you MedCircle. I am a veteran, a childhood survivor of intergenerational military domestic violence and substance abuse, and yes, MST survivor without service connection validation. I struggle daily, and I fake it being ok. Education is very important. I am unable to hold employment, d/t out of control symptoms that are like approaching in huge waves and traughs, but always started by triggers. It is complex in how it is to me.
All the videos with Dr. Ramani make me feel validated. To the point where I feel like I connect with more people in the comments than I do in my actual life... People just can't seem to make sense of anything I do or understand why I am the way I am. When I was 5, my birth giver started dating a physically and sexually abusive boy friend (from start to finish this lasted about 3 months) I was SA'd and my 3 year old little brother was murdered by the same person. I'm 28 now, so it's easier to talk about. It always will blow my mind how many people hear my story and go "Wow. I would've never thought you went through any of that knowing you" or "you don't look like you've been through that. You carry yourself well". I understand why people who haven't experienced what I went through could get the perception that I should be a total wack job (which I have PTSD & BPD so I'm not saying that to be rude towards anyone), but it always makes me wonder what "normal" people think.. Like is there a way I should look? I think people forget that not all "trauma" or issues are physical/visible. Just like when people have disabilities/handicapped. You don't have to be obviously crippled or unable to live day to day like a normal person to be disabled.
I am so happy for finding medcircle. I went through years of physical and verbal abuse from a step dad who hated me, hated life, and did what he could to make my life hell. 11 years old to 16. I'm 25 now and still trying to heal. You guys have really helped with the amount of information and aid.
What about LONG term gaslighting, mocking, harassment, criticism & assumptions? Narcissism. I can tell you its trauma, depression. I function out but haven't in. Working hard to change that. Not easy. Serious fatigue, from ongoing stress & not taking care of myself. Often minimalized, invalidated. This is not about attention as many invalidate but TRUE struggle. Fighting to live a good life EVERY day. Beyond it all.
I have been waiting for this one to come out! Saying you have something when you don’t, like OCD and trauma, is exceptionally offensive. It’s like that person is trying to wear it around like a badge of honor not knowing or caring how debilitating living with something like that actually is. I don’t have a disorder myself, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to have compassion or respect.
For me it's coming to terms with trauma. For so long I dismissed it, I was hard on myself and didn't think I was worth healing. The more I open up to my trauma to friends the more they open up and it seems we have all been suppressing so much and not given ourselves permission to open up about it. Mine began in childhood and I felt a lot of shame and confusion which has carried on into adulthood unfortunately. Thank you so much for these videos, I'm beginning to heal now.
I understand the suppression of so much too and still always feel shameful and confused about expressing anything about my trauma. I only realised that then by reading your comment.
Sometimes the worst trauma is when your family dismisses and invalidates your questions about the original trauma. "That didn't happen!". "You're wrong!". "You can't live in the past". That's where I got hung up for years... I felt alot of anger knowing that I was being manipulated to ignore and dismiss the reality of what happened. It was WAY worse than what actually happened. I don't know if anyone can relate to that.
I can. When trying to bring up my older brother having SA me as a child… note, I brought this up years later after I was an adult… my dad immediately defended my brother by saying, “That was just childhood curiosity!” before I even told him any specifics of what I experienced. Cut him out emotionally immediately from my life.
Thank you, a terrific interaction & information-giving in easily understood language. I’m a mental health nurse in Australia & currently have definite interest in trauma. I certainly believe trauma has played a significant part in many if not most of my patient’s lives.
We look like normal people .Getting help as soon as possible. My last trauma was triple bye .2 yrs I just keep moving .death ,rape ,stalked ,seen people shot ,mental physical abuse. I still jump when someone comes up behind me .Having Faith ,prayer ,stay close to God ,keep your body in order has helped me .yoga ,weight lifting .Like you said get help .Most important things you can do .God bless you Doc .I seek to learn .Love you so much .GB
I developed CPTSD from my experiences in college. When I was 18 I was an elite goalkeeper and freshman at Iowa State University. Our head coach was emotionally/mentally abusive, and I unfortunately was the scapegoat of the team. Our other two coaches were very neglectful. ADHD runs on my dads side of the family and anxiety disorders run on my moms side...Ive always had ADHD but was now dealing with the onset of OCD. Which at the time we thought was depression. Cause why else would I sleep all day on 50mg of Vyvanse?When I told my coach his response was “Well Emily, (sighs)...that’s not my problem..and nor do I really care..?” I remember that phone call very vividly. At the end of the year he some how got a hold of my NCAA Psych Evaluation (was taken so I could legally take my vyvanse for my ADHD) he read some of it out to me and said he had an entire team to think of and not just me. Then told me I wasn’t coming back. He even said I was obviously good enough to play at that level but he didn’t want to put in a little extra elbow grease. Emails were sent to the ADs. We never heard a response. My parents then emailed the President of the University at the time. We again got no response. This unfortunately was my experience with 1 University. I have a whole other story about my Sophmore year at Western Michigan University...then the rest of my college career. If you’re reading this then thank you for taking the time to hear a very small portion of my story. I went to the Amen clinics in Chicago and did the whole spect scan work up and genetic enzyme tests for mood stabilizers. Turns out that SSRI’s don’t really metabolize correctly in my body. I’m FINALLY being medically treated correctly and man to I feel so much better. This is WAY too common in the world of athletics. Thank you for this btw. I’m an external processor and am still getting out of my brain fog I was in for a couple years and putting my experiences in words helps. Plus the videos helps cause I can just show whoever I’m trying to communicate with and it’ll just make more sense. Especially till I figure out how to talk about it myself. I’m even working on the emotions wheel!:) I’m just proud of myself, I guess. Im resilient:)
I'm really sorry and also proud of you for getting out of that situation. Coaching seems to attract a personality type that is emotionally abusive. I'm sorry about that.
Sorry to hear about your unfair difficulties from that coach. Some people hold positions that affect others. Sad but true that person was/ is not fit to be a coach.
"Dr Romney you explained things so clearly so people understand it but it's wrapped in such warmth and so people feel it and that's why people love you so much." Kyle that is so beautiful, and so true! You are so sweet too!
Thank you, ThankYou, Thank You people who have never experienced Trauma are so loose with the word and they inder estimate what the effects are.Thx. Great vid.
Going with the overuse of the word...I’ve had a few assume that I just had a “bad relationship/breakup,” cause it’s not their business what I went through...but it was far beyond just a messy breakup. 😓 And yes! People say I’m so happy, bubbly, sunshiny, etc... and therefore whatever I’ve dealt with couldn’t have been that bad? Uhm, I mean, I’m not gonna wear that on my sleeve! 😂
I agree. Dr Ramani is so great at explaining in a caring way. I cried watching this. I experienced trauma in my teens & had my first mental breakdown at 17. I saw a councillor who told me that I was wasting his time & that he had more important clients to deal with. This completely put me off talking & I bottled things up for years. I had another breakdown at 24 then again at 32. I'm sure I have PTSD and anxiety but after my son was diagnosed with autism last year I realised that my father has autism & I also have traits of either autism or ADHD since childhood which I think has added to the anxiety. I recently went to a psychologist who looked at me like I was nuts & didn't bother suggesting a follow up appointment. I've not had much luck. I saw a psychiatrist for 2 years who was only interested in heavily medicating me which didn't make me better, just turned me into a zombie & i developed an obsessive behaviour. 😢.
Dr. Ramani is so lovely, professional, empathic, knowledgeable, inspiring & soothing. I look up to her and she reminds me of me, not in a cocky way. I just love how Kyle casually mentions that, she’s so down to Earth. Btw it’s true, I do click the "like" button on all of the videos featuring Dr. Ramani. 🙈🤣
I love the shout out at the end. Dr. Ramani does talk with so much warmth and clarity, and Kyle you are a great interviewer. All your videos inspire me so much 😊
Definitely warmth. You can feel it through the sound. A lot of videos show up on same amd similar topics but I’m hooked on dr ramani because it feels warm, caring, compassionate…relative…it’s not just an educated person speaking from knowledge.
I think a major thing people get wrong, is the overuse and minimizing of the the term " triggered" Also I believe replacing the word "stress " in PTSD with " injury" would be helpful.
Indeed. I suffered from CPTSD after a series of significantly traumatic events (unable to escape) which occurred over a very long 18 months...day in, day out...and was saddened to hear comments like, "you just need to get over it". Terribly diminishing and insensitive...stemming from ignorance.
i had a very traumatic childhood & adult. i have MDD,CPTSD,dysthymia, chroinc fatigue. im in my 60s still struggling with trauma.my dad and husband where narrisstics.
It's your sincerity and authenticity that resonates. I've experienced numerous life traumas and am very resilient. That being said there's been little emotional or psychological support. And I won't lie my life has been unimaginably hard. You mention briefly something I've been feeling recently and that is I just don't feel like I'm going to live as long as I used to think I would...and it's been something I haven't been able to understand. I've survived so much as have my kids. Getting mental health help in Hawaii is almost laughable. You Tube and you are my mental health. I'm grateful you are here.
You really captured me with this video. This is something that I have spoken about while working within the mental health field. Even when discussing with other mental health clinicians, I get a tremendous amount of pushback when I query about the the language people use to describe various behaviours, disorders etc. I am taken back by how often I hear 'well that's just how I feel' or 'well it's all subjective.' Well no, it't not actually all subjective, this is why these terms have been operationalized to the degree they are... because they mean something rather specific, not just what you want them to mean. And that is crucial if we are to be on the same page as other professionals.
Dear Kyle and Dr. Ramani, This video, and another one you did together, made me cry. You seem like the knowledgeable, dedicated, warm, clear intelligent mental health professionals I have been needing my whole life and haven't found yet. I'm turning 50 tomorrow, and have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life, since i was little. Certain things happened that were not addressed. Since I was 14, I've been hospitalized four times for suicide attempts and/or ideation (not counting a couple of other suicide-attempt-related ER visits). I've been in talk therapy off and on since 14, and have been on medication since the age of 45. I'm also in a 12 step program. I'm struggling to avoid another suicide attempt today, can't stop crying, and for the past two months all my days have been like this. I just started DBT and am trying to get into a TMS clinic this week. What you say in this video, Dr. Ramani, about the potential ramifications of trauma not being dealt with early, was what really brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I've never found peace, love, or happiness. Like all my years have been wasted. The point of my comments here are just to echo what I'm sure others have said to you, which is that I wish all doctors and therapists were like you (sounds a little childish but this is my thought on it). I will continue on my search for better or different kinds of help.
He is totally right! Your warmth and compassion can be felt through the video. You have helped me so much deal with my mental struggles of cptsd and surviving sexual assault and abusive childhood. THANK YOU
It is true. Love you, Dr. Ramani. Your work always makes my pain feel so absolutely normalized. So, based on what you're saying, unaddressed trauma could greatly contribute to NPD. It makes sense.
@@myshirtsaretrash8477 He probably meant cigarettes or weed. Crack doesn't help you with ptsd...relaxing drugs like weed,benzos and opioids can numb the symptoms of ptsd. It's still not a permament solution...the brutal truth about ptsd is that you will live the rest of your life miserable and will never find happiness...your brain will push you to achieve all these things like money,power,women hoping to get back to how you were before the event...but the truth is it never gets better
The only hope left in my 76 years of life now is to help and support others. Years and years of trauma have caused a lot of damage but have also made me a strong survivor and an understanding of many. Too late for me but that's okay. I'll take this screaming 3 year old inside of me and my own pain to my grave fighting not to give up the fight too early. Loving and helping others is everything.
Just wanted to say I've been neglecting to hit the Like button just because I'm so absorbed in the info and feeling of hope these videos bring me, that I'm too eager to get to the next video and I forget. You guys have done such a fantastic job. I do get great value from some other channels, but having a core group of therapists and the interview style really helps me. And Dr Ramani is my favorite.
i adore her simplicity .. in a world where we feel obliged to dress up trendy and do our hair properly . she has done none of it and looks so naturally beautiful
The second one is so true. When I was suicidal I had people telling me they wished they were as happy as me. Now I am in a far more mentally healthy place and I am a genuinely happy person, which has caused me to become even more bubbly and enthusiastic, but I have 20 years of trauma under my belt that is so complicated, in some ways subtle and difficult to explain that I don't know if trauma is even the right word to describe it. I haven't met a single person who was able to pick that the first 20 years of my life were fantastically fucked up in multiple ways.
I think when people say "oh you but you look so put together" reads "your trauma could not have been so bad/it didn't affect you" but they probably mean "I wouldn't be able to tell, you have done such a great job putting that past you"
Sometimes I feel the "survivors guilt" because I went through a situation riddled with misunderstandings and good intentions, but in the process i have been overwhelmed, gaslighted, and i have had people use manipulation tactics to "scare" me out of using drugs, amongst a list of other things. I feel like because nothing ever happened to me physically and the intentions were pure, i shouldnt be traumatized. In reality though despite the fact that very few people understand why my situation affected me the way it did, the reality is that im battling extreme paranoia and shame on top of publically humiliating myself in front of god knows how many people....so yeah it might not have been as bad as other traumatic experiences that many people have gone through, but for me as an individual with my own particular psychological makeup, it was EXTREMELY traumatic. I am proud to say thst with the help of close friends and an amazing support network i am becoming more regulated with my emotional reactions and self image every day. There are still small things thst i feel people do to intentionally trigger me, however, and I feel totally invalidated by a vast majority of people involved. Its all good though because thats just life and i will only utilize these experiences to make me a stronger person
Which of these misconceptions about trauma surprised you?
Discover the best support strategies for trauma, straight from Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2QkF8Ey
How about autistic abuse? Constantly being denied your truth, never being able to be yourself, systemic bullying by family friends and establishments of all types. Being made to mask always, or be shunned, slapped kicked, rejected. I don't think any autistic person gets to adulthood without trauma.
@Poison Ivy For a therapist to say something like that seems incredibly unprofessional. I can't even begin to imagine how disheartening that must be. I hope you can find another way to find help, perhaps a self-help group - I imagine there would be people who might know a suitable therapist. My heart goes out to you. You don't deserve to suffer.
@Poison Ivy Hold on, you will find your way! Dont let others determine you or define you, you are much more!!!
IS ERP a good treatment for ptsd ???
Years ago I was traumatised. My parents tore apart and my mom burnt my personal dairy. I was 12 then. Till now I can't write a prose poem again. My thoughts get stuck at the event everytime I try.
I'm 22 now. I realise my parents are narcissistic. They are so manipulative that they even got my therapist under their control. I've no familu member to support or stand up for me. No such friend as they (parents) have ruined them too. Can you suggest what I can do??
"Just because you're struggling with trauma does not mean you're not resilient. You've been pushed beyond the normal boundaries of human experience." I feel seen.
Yes, f*cking finally. I'll just say that my publicly issued therapist for a whopping 6 sittings/sessions, when I suggested cPTSD might be something to look into, told me "What IS this cPTSD you're talking about? No, I think it has to be pent up rage". I felt like I was in 1875, good lord we're still so behind in some cases.
Seen. That's the word.
You put it better than I did. This statement made me burst into tears. I had to pause the video to regain composure. I really need trauma therapy. "Seen" is right!
@@igotbluesdevils😅😊
*"None of us know how how we're going react to a trauma until we're in it."*
This. Right. Here.
This. I learnt this the hard way
Powerful wording. Total agreement
Yup. Def/ agree.
Boom. Comforting taking all this in...
And taking for granted that we’re all the same. So, even people with the intelligence to imagine what you might be going through still see it through the lens of their own life. If that life was stable, loving, and supportive, it’s WAY too easy to dismiss the hurt a less fortunate soul might be feeling.
My reality is that the early trauma opened up a void that allowed what might be considered “normal” trauma like divorce, arrest, abandonment, invalidation, scorn, and shame to completely disable my ability to “rebound.”
Because I don’t look like others, react like others, succeed or fail like others, I’m not in trouble. At this point, I feel like the only way to “prove” I wasn’t lying is to die. It’s a tough spot to be in.
One that drives me nuts is the assumption kids can just bounce back or that they are going to leave the experience behind them.
People dismiss it to keep themselves comfortable. It is selective ignorance, which intensifies the trauma for those dealing with it.
One of my families favourite quotes, until I stood my ground in my 40s and said.. no they do not. I didn't, I broke.
I'm 44 and I live at least 2 traumatic events daily and rarely the some one twice a week. Every experience I have today closely matching the past brings thoughts and feelings to the front. My traumas were from all around, mean drunk parent, neglected tortured and bullied relentlessly makes for a pretty messy crowded mind.
@@erenawismer4009 Im sorry xxx
@@simikatra3434 my mothers also, probably why she never bothered to explain anything to me or get me the help/therapist I needed
My worst experience is when people invalidate your trauma because its not as bad as somebody elses. I don't think people understand how damaging that is :(
yep. I had someone tell me to just get over it.
There's as much logic to that as if you told someone they shouldn't feel happy about something because someone else has reason to feel happier. Which anyone can see is ridiculous.
Your trauma is valid. And no one should ever compare your trauma to others
Yes and I’ve had therapists do this with me in the past.
My Mom did that, when I confronted her in her old age about why she let my Father abuse us. She then acted like it was okay, because he didn't use a tree limb or twig or switch as she put it. She also pointed out that once her Mom wanted her out of the kitchen so she deliberately burned on on the stove...............That was supposed to make it okay for her to let her husband abuse her children. Now, I've inherited her christmas stuff........................Tis the Season.
Oh, I love to hear how I am "making a victim out of myself", when actually all I am trying to do is opening up, being heard, being validated and understood. People really tend to bypass trauma survivors emotionally, even doctors do that. Its not helping us heal, rather on the contrary, drives us more into isolation. I feel like the only cure is a lot of love and compassion from your social circle, sadly, we, the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support.
100%. You can’t always tell by looking. Some of us just suffer in silence, and some of us get really good at avoiding all our triggers, at least for a while until we get stressed, or tired, or re-experience some “microtrauma” that throws us off, then maybe something might seem a little “off”, or maybe not. If someone is opening up to you about this stuff, just be quiet and listen. Don’t judge. Just hold space.
@@martynacyran2855 I hear you. I hate that as well, the allegation I am acting like a victim. Do not let them get to you. This can take a long time to deal with. Do not beat yourself up for wanting to heal.
I immediately sighed upon hearing that anything that isn’t physically threatening isn’t trauma lmao.
Omg amen exactly. Thank you for sharing you lifted me up
as survivor of narcissitic abuse im telling you you dont need other peoples validation only your own learn to self parent your own emotions this will creat more iner blance when you seek validated from outside your self your wanting others to acceptances from others and the reality is your not allways going to get it so learn to accept what is in term of what people bring to the table and create firm boundaries and let others own exactly what your not willing to accept how other people treat you is reflection of them and how you reacted is awareness of you learning to surrender is key other wise your allways be consumed by other people bs i see this all the time people are allways puting up reisistance to one thing or another creating their own suffering the survivors, mostly end up filling forms for social support i agree thats very much the case with the organization mind in the uk they see the client every three month which only result in a ticking off box form
2 misconceptions I deal with are A) you come from a middle class "well to do" family, therefore you could not have had a traumatic, abusive childhood. & B) that I "choose to hang on to my trauma". These make me so mad & feel so invalidated.
I get that a lot from these Veterans Affairs counselors that do exactly that.
this is exactly the same for me. it exacerbated everything that at each turn of the road your reality is rejected for what “you should be doing”. taking sociology courses suggested that suburban youth are exponentially more depressed than those in cities. Urban youth is pretty directly linked to socioeconomic status so it’s not like kids with fortunate backgrounds don’t grow up with a. long list of negligent behaviors fucking up their development and conditioning. regardless of enrichment, learning about what’s going on, the conditioning is like long hardened tree sap, and changing my thoughts doesn’t translate to changing my feelings.
I really hear this. My life looked so great, but it was so painful. And my family rejects me for talking about it. Tough journey
This is something I completely agree with, I know I have mental health issues but I feel so extremely guilty for feeling upset or depressed or when I do fantasise suicidal tendencies because I don't have a bad life, my parents are both together, I go to a private school my relationship with my parents isn't that great but I feel like they do care about me deep down, I do have a great relationship with my sister but I have talents and things I can do well. My life isn't anywhere near as hard as someone elsdoesn'twithI'mI
That second one is so ignorant it makes me mad
Childhood sexual, physical, and emotional trauma has been minimized by professionals who deal with people who have "real trauma" like surviving the "killing fields. Maybe his/her mother cared about them. Neither of my parents did. Childhood trauma often leads to hurtful adult choices--like being married to a covert narcissist.
Childhood trauma is just as valid as any other trauma. I think the worst thing i ever experienced after i left my abusive childhood home was when i still tried to have a relationship with my family and one of my closest friends turned to me and said they pitty the people who abused me because they just seem like sad lonely people. I always try to keep a level head and i dont think they are evil. I think that people who abuse children are messed up and they do horrible things but we are not defined by our actions. In that moment though i felt so angry and upset i wanted to yell.
Sorry i got off topic: but i wanted to let you know at least someone out there understands and gets the feeling a little bit of feeling invalidated like that. And that you are valid in your trauma.
I'm sorry to pry, but I was just wondering what you mean by covert narcissistic? I only ask because I want to see if my fiance might actually be a covert narcissistic! Thank you
You watch this show a lot huh?
This!!!!
That's what i did , married one !
Here is queen of mind again. Love you madam
I feel trauma can result from any event that "shakes" a person's sense of safety, be it physical or emotional/or verbal, there are so many things that can result in trauma, especially childhood trauma, it is something that basically shifts a child's (later adult) mindset to fear, they become basically fear-centered, hyper vigilant, easily triggered. A narcissist parent, be it covert or grandiose, is garanteed to cause trauma in a child, which result in a sense of catastrophy, a constant fear that everything is goind to fall apart over their heads, that they will ruin their life, and that everything will end for them if they do this or that. I think this should really be addressed, because I think it is more common than it seems, and the reason why we are experiencing this mental illness pandemic (esp anxiety) is basically childhood trauma.
I agree. Dr. Gabor Mate argues that trauma can be caused simply by not getting your basic needs met when you were a child. We tend to hear that trauma is something horrible such as war, rape, car accident etc. But what about those of us who suffer from trauma symptoms, but haven't experienced something quite so extreme in our past or have endured lots of small traumatic events? According to Gabor just growing up with a parent who is unable meet child's emotional needs (child has an innate need for being held and receiving affection), can be traumatizing.
For years I thought everything was fine with my childhood. Sure I had an alcoholic father, but I thought my mother was there to keep me sane. Now I'm beginning to realize that my mom was not there for me either. She was present yes and all our physical needs were met, but the most important job of a parent was missing. She didn't know how to teach me and my sister emotional skills or help us to grow a good self-esteem. Her behavior was unpredictable and self-centered. She often yelled at us for no good reason. I had to always be careful with what I said to her and I couldn't trust her to support me with difficult feelings. She would say awful things to me and never recognize my pain afterwards or say sorry. When I felt lost or in pain for external reasons she couldn't help me or never really taught me emotional skills that are needed when arguing with other people or how to recognize if someone is treating you wrong. Therefore I endured multiple abusive relationships in adulthood until I started to realize the pattern through therapy.
I've been unable to work for 4 years and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any better. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. But over the years I had more and more somatic symptoms and was still unable to handle any stress despite going to speech therapy every week. Just lately I've started to grasp that the problem was not having a proper diagnosis for the trauma I've endured and thus a proper treatment. With a friend who is a trauma survivor herself, I've started to gain memories back of deep pain and trauma. Her validation and listening has released incredibly amount of emotional blocks inside me that I was not aware of. She introduced me to the idea that I might suffer from Complex PTSD. I'm still in the process of getting diagnosed, but all the symptoms fit me. I read that treatments include for example mind-body therapies and EMDR. Although I've taken major steps in speech therapy, I think the final healing begins when the body gets involved in the process.
Exactly the opposite of what Dr Ramani said. She talks about narcissism and having a narcissistic patent, and no, that is not trauma. Can it cause mental illnesses? Yes. Does it classify as trauma? No
@@astral-evolution-33 I actually agree with Dr Ramani. Some things do not classify as trauma. Yes, trauma results from a life/death situation, and it is different to anything else in terms of impact on the brain, and that is scientifically proven by brain scans, too. Can other situations have an impact on the brain? Of course. Can they cause mental illness? Of course. But not everything classifies clinically as "trauma". That's not minimizing other people's experience, it is about classifying it the right way, and as she often says, the right diagnosis is not to label but to help and cure
Mental troma is the most dangerous one as it makes you feel so helpless and trapped if it is in a family set up where your children are experiencing it on regular basis and ther is no one to support you...
@@astral-evolution-33 Is it trauma when your husband of 45 yrs gets up one day and says out of the blue (yelling) I want a divorce....later saying he does not love you, he is wanting to go out with other women, younger and more "enjoyable" that of course I've never meet, nor will be "permitted". to, nor go out with my husband as we had always like normal?...2 women "bffs" , he cannot suddenly show me any emotional affection, as I said out of the blue...the night before we went for dinner! All was fine. And this was on my birthday. It went on and on, I truly believe I went into shock, and he keeps telling me he hates me. Stays out of a "vow", yet broke them all of course! Loves the enjoyment of other women, and tells me this, when I totally believed we had a great marriage? It was like a different person appeared, never left. lied. gaslighted. Is this a trauma? My doctor said I had ptsd and anxiety....do you think this is trauma, as nothing i try helps, my family is so important to me so i stay....the women have gone....probably realized what he was.
So True. Love Dr. R. I suffered trauma (sexual abuse) and my mother was narcissistic so I got her abuse. I ended up with PTSD but received therapy help and now I am a Sociology and Psychology student. Things get better.
Lisa Burmood I’m so happy to hear that. To know you are this young and are able to work identify the guilt being shamed. You can’t change your parents. But it does get better, as you surround yourself with more people and listen to only your voice, you identity will PTSD be a thing of the past and the best part you will be able to deal with not just anyone but everyone. Congrats who knows how your life will become.
I admire people like you who go through hard times and then use their experience to help others. Good luck with your studies!
I've experienced trauma and I'm majoring Sociology and minoring in Psychology too!
When did things turn around for you I just got into therapy
@@elecrestis153 Aww, thankyou!
I went through childhood and early adulthood with no one around me realising the trauma I'd been through. Part of that is because of these myths and from people's own opinions on what qualifies 'trauma'. I have multiple mental health issues now, most recently NEAD and C-PTSD. I think these ideas that 'trauma only happens in war time' or 'you never told the police so it couldn't have been that bad' or 'you seem normal' or 'you're just oversensitive' are really damaging. Series like this for just everyday people to see are important
YES!!!
"You were never hospitalised so the abuse mustn't have been too bad"
😩😞😔
Yeah this video minimized trauma I usually agree with dr Ramani but saying you have to witness someone being shot to be traumatized isn't true even alot of emotional stuff people go through even in adulthood can be traumatizing plus if i didn't even know the person who got shot and they weren't a loved one i would be sad but not traumatized. i never heard someone say they were traumatized from standing in a line
Cops don’t do anything anyways. Especially if you’re white. America has an accountability problem.
Can understand. Sometimes because we were shy n quiet then, people just took us for granted. These days, a lot of things can happen. When we learnt to fight in some cases still have hope others seem a bit too late. There actually is not much we can do.
"That didn't happen to you, because I wasn't there."
"You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience, AND you feel at risk to your own life or to the lives of those you love" (which was added in the MedCircle series). That just makes me cry and cry. Thank you so much. Abuse was just considered normal in my house growing up - a daily occurance. Everybody hung their heads in shame, but nobody ever intervened or acted as if it wasn't ok. Not only that, but I had to watch my most beloved being on the planet be tortured in front of my eyes when I was 8. AND, I was a teller and got held up with a gun pointed in my FACE. Then I got questioned by the FBI as if I were somehow involved. Because of my shock and horror, the FBI guy figured out that I was the victim, then he laughed at me (probably because I was so shaken). I'm still alive at 70, can't figure out why. I don't feel resilient, I just think I had to bury it all in order to keep on going and survive, because I live alone. To look at me, you'd never image what I've been thru' or that I totally isolate. The thought that maybe I was resilient brings tears to my eyes. I have to keep listening to this. Thankyou.
Bless you. This I do know -- being able to appear as if all is well with us is a survival skill children learn to survive an abusive home. The good news is that all of what we learn is able to be un-learned. You can undertake this on your own. Begin with Pete Walker's book C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, but pace yourself because the book is triggering. Put it down when you feel the need to process something.
All the best to you. You deserve peace.
@@rubberbiscuit99 Thank you very much. I don't even know you, yet your help and compassion have touched me deeply. Thank you
@@jfdc8432 Just putting back out there what I have received from countless kind internet strangers. ❤️
Sphynx love to you. Sorry you had these experiences. I've had my own and feel empathetic 🧡
jfdc I’m 60. I understand.
This lady saved my life. Never met her. But when I felt I couldn't talk or find a therapist. I just watched her videos.
Me too she felt like the only one I could trust
"A person experiencing trauma does not mean that they're forever set back and can't go on to a full and extraordinarily successful life....There are people out there who struggle with trauma - that doesn't mean they're not resilient. And I don't want anyone out there who's a trauma survivor saying "I'm folding under this - I must not be resilient" - the heck you're not! You are resilient. You have been pushed beyond the normal bounds of human experience. None of us know how we're going to react to a trauma until we're in it."
"How dare you ever make an assumption about someone else's life."
Also I didn't realise that sense of a foreshortened future was a symptom and that symptoms were only trends.
The big one for me was that trauma and flashbacks make you ‘unable to function.’ I have PTSD, but for a long time I didn’t understand it because I was, sort of, functioning. I was up on my feet. I was doing what I had to, which was look after a young child with special needs. I couldn’t afford to spend time on a fainting couch; I had to manage at least well enough to look after him. When people asked me how I was doing, the honest answer was that it was a question I couldn’t afford to ask myself. I had too much else to do.
So I was ‘functioning’, by which I mean I was changing nappies and washing clothes and providing meals and singing nursery rhymes and faking smiles even if it made me feel sick to my stomach to force the corners of my mouth all the way up, because my son needed to feel safe, and I was getting diagnoses for him and learning how to support SEN and fighting systemic bigotry. I was just doing it in a kind of nightmare haze where I was so disorientated I couldn’t even judge how far from normal my emotions had been swept. I could fake it well enough that my son wasn’t afraid, and I thought that meant I couldn’t have ‘real’ trauma. I was just weak and self-pitying.
Now I look back and think I was being brave. I was just too traumatized to understand that was what I was doing.
💜
I identify with what you said. I had lots of trauma growing up, as well, then married a narcissist. I had three children before divorcing him, which was a trauma in its own category. Throughout all of this, I thought I was fine. Now I'm on the other side, having crumbled recently, I am now in therapy and coming to terms with all of this. You can and will recover, and I send you strength and love xox
Kit Whitfield you feel like you’re just living a moving picture that you are not wanting. I worked 18 hour days. I didn’t eat because there wasn’t money to do so. I worked to make sure my kids had food and the things they needed. No help. If their Dad got involved it was just the physical or narcissistic abuse. I couldn’t trust my family. I had a few people step in and help. I seriously don’t know how we survived but we did. We’re not entirely intact but we’re here and in a somewhat better place. For me looking back is like looking down a really dark cliff.
My nephew was surrounded by 3 criminals and robbed at gunpoint while standing at a bus stop to go to his night shift job. He is a gentle giant and people make assumptions based on his low facial affect. He refused therapy based on myths. Now two years later he lives with drug addiction. He's like a ghost and hides from his family and I think maybe the perpetrators in a different smaller city. I meditate often wishing him healing and hoping he will accept he suffered trauma and needs mental health support to heal. He went to court to testify. He was so strong. The perpetrators out on probation. He moved far away. Not an accident or a whim or illogical. No one in my family believes his very profound experience of life threatening violence was a trauma. I do. I'm told he's over it. But I don't believe it. It is so heart breaking.
I watched my brother John being abused. I remember even as a teenager seeing him crying in shower with a bloody nose. He was being punished for being a hero and calling the police when it was appropriate. Mom neglected to protect him from my Father.
Sad! 😭
I have never cried so much on an outro than hearing : “whatever your going through you got this.”
Thanks for doing these videos.
I witnesses my dad committing suicide when I was in my mid 20's and I never realized I was dealing with trauma until I started to realize I was raised by a narc. mother in my late 50's. No one ever ask me how I was doing after it.
It makes people uncomfortable, ooo poor them. I realised something recently If your loved one dies of an illness their praised a saint, a fighter, such a tragedy and you get hundreds of condolences, help etc. If your loved one dies of suicide on the otherhand they are never talked about, few condolences or offerings doesnt matter how good/amazing they were in this life. And you yourself are forgotten about no one asks, no one visits no one sits with you or listens
@Bojan and Cat Pika I am in a much better place...thank-you for asking.
Nobody is ever gonna really ask if you’re ok. Learn to deal with it.
I am sorry you seen that
"narc. Mother"
Narc is for "narcissist" or "narcotic"
Her warmth heals me.
I finally decided to remove myself from all social media. I was thinking it was giving me anxiety, depression, competition, dealing with angry and narcissistic people, on and on ... After almost 20 yrs being on social media I felt it important to unplug for good and I already feel an uplift in my thinking and mood. I know more and more people are deleting Facebook per CNBC during their earning reports. Have you discussed why so many people have decided to disconnect from this type of lifestyle and return to the slower paced life of yesteryear?
I removed myself as well. Social media destroys relationships.
@@calight1111 Agree.
Good move!
Isn't UA-cam social media?
@@gillianjackson9403 It can be, but I was referring to back and forth chatter. I don’t see that much on here.
My personal favorite: my own psychiatrist belittling my trauma and CPTSD, and only wanting to talk to me for literally (no, not figuratively) 5 MINUTES EVERY 3 MONTHS. Not 5 minutes and 40 seconds. Not 6 minutes. Not 7 minutes.
Five. Minutes. Five sets of 60 seconds. Every three months.
Thank goodness for adept and mentally healthy PSYCHOLOGISTS and THERAPISTS.
My psychiatrist completely gaslighted me and just wanted to prescribe a antidepressant.
None of us know how we're gonna react to trauma until we're put in it. Well put Dr. Ramini
I just watched this great conversation after going through a diagnosis of PTSD and am just coming to realize how deeply I was affected by continued trauma during childhood and adolescence, and how living with that untreated trauma affected everything else. Trivializing, suppressing and denying the wounds has done me no favors, so thank you for destigmatizing this essential issue: Complex PTSD seems to be the umbrella under which my other disorders (ADD, depression, anxiety) present themselves and even though it seems far too late to seek treatment for things that happened decades ago, It is mandatory that I attempt to address it and find a means to heal.
I would guess your diagnosis of ADD, if received in your teens or later, is actually BPD. The symptoms are very similar, and ADD, or ADHD is so severe that there’s really no way a person can get through childhood without it being pick up on. ADD/ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders that people(usually males) are born with. Some head injuries can lead to a syndrome that has symptoms similar to it, but true ADHD is inborn. And, for people who have ADHD, they cannot function without medication. If you have taken medication for ADHD, and have not responded, or responded poorly, that is a good indicator that you do not have it as well. I completely agree that many trauma based disorders are misdiagnosed as ND disorders, especially if the diagnoses are made in adulthood. But to be clear, ASD and ADHD, and probably OCD, are disorders people are born with. Trauma cannot cause any of these, though sadly, having these disorders, specifically the first two, do put children at much greater risk of being victims of abuse that can lead to a trauma based disorder. OCD is the one ND disorder that is far more common in females than males. ADHD is extremely rare in females. ASD is more common in females than ADHD, but still quite rare. A lot of children with ODD(a disorder that develops in very early childhood as the result of abuse/trauma) is probably responsible for a whole lot of misdiagnoses of ASD and ADHD, though having ASD or ADHD, again, does put them at greater risk of developing ODD. There seems to be a very concerted effort, being made by corrupt psychological organizations, to ignore trauma based disorders, and blame ND disorders for a person’s problems. Just the fact that C-PTSD was left out of the DSM seems sus. There most certainly has not been a gigantic increase in actual ASD or ADHD in children, that happened within a generation. Of course there are people that have them, but not that many more than had them 20-30 years ago.
can you please do a vid on how to deal with a narc mother? a lot of vids on narc partner but needed info on narc mother... specifically covert narc mother.. thanks :)
MedCircle did a video a few months ago about this: ua-cam.com/video/Rt2n2jE7NvA/v-deo.html
You can also check out Dr. Ramani's channel, which is equally informative, if not more, particularly for narcissism.
Ghost your narc mom . That’s what I did at 38 and I wish I had done it a lot sooner in my life .
I would so need advice on that.
@@carolinelaronda4523 ya i did for over 10 years but it's more complicated than that because I'm a new mom and my beloved grandmother moved into my parents house and I can only see her via them as well as my husband's mom is a narc too and we have to maintain contact so he can see his grandmother UGH I can't ghost anymore... Sucks
I have a covert narc mother too, so it would be very interesting to hear more in detail.
Trauma can be a build up of consistent hardship. It doesn’t have to be one specific event in time and I think that’s important for people to know.
Trauma can be caused by variety of reasons. While waiting too long in the line is not traumatic. Being bullied and isolated with everyone wishing this person to fail, if it goes on for long enough I would consider it traumatic. This happening as an isolated incident is hurtful but not traumatic. But if it happens again and again for long enough it can cause trauma.
My now 33 year old daughter ‘witnessed’ her grandma - my mother put her grandson/Jonathan (my sister’s son at 3 years old) in the clothes dryer because he wouldn’t stop crying...That’s TRAUMA to Jonathan and to my daughter who was 5 years old at the time this happened!! My sister did not think there was anything ‘wrong’ with it ! My daughter brought it up 2 years ago when Jonathan died from a drug overdose. He was 29 years old. Yes, he became addicted to all sorts of drugs. And yes, Jonathan had suffered with so many mental health issues growing up. Not surprising for the emotional and physical abuse he endured. No emotional connection with his own family - his parents and younger sister. They viewed him as a failure, an outcast, and the younger sister as the ‘golden child’...Today, my mother nor my sister do not even realise how much emotional, and psychological damage they had done to Jonathan, which makes me so angry !!! They’re clueless. Today, my mother would be in trouble with children’s protective services! This happened in 1992 and now my mother is 93 yrs. old... which she’s still the same evil and manipulative unhappy person. It’s incredible how dysfunctional my family is, my 2 sisters and our mother except she doesn’t like my brother and me. (we don’t allow her to manipulate us...therefore we don’t count). She had turned ‘many’ family members against me and brother with her lies...To this day, I still feel bad I could not do more or help Jonathan. He was a caring and a gentle soul. May you rest in peace Jonny ☮️
It is the acknowledgement and vindication she gives to those who have suffered abuse.
Just started counselling, the therapist said to look up trauma and narcissistic abuse. Literally everything in Dr. Ramani’s said in her videos and here is what has happened in my past. Everything stated by her is very helpful. I finally have a word and description on what I went through. Very eye opening, it gives me even more resolve to break the cycle of trauma. I swore to myself since a teen, that my children will not go through the same shit I dealt with. It ends here. So happy to see my children grow and flourish nowadays.
We need more Dr. Ramani"s in this world. I found her online last year and having someone who "gets it" means so much to those of us struggling in her areas of expertise.
‘How dare you making an assumption about ... (@ 5.00mins)’ .... thank you Dr Ramani for highlighting this very important point. Not only do we hide or manage silently our childhood negative experiences, but are then dismissed and even disbelieved by others in adulthood when they cannot believe how is it possible that someone calm and collected and put together has ever experienced trauma. This is about the not unimportant matter of stereotyping and assumptionistic attitudes. I saw a young man recently wearing a beautiful meaningful t-shirt with the writing ‘I am not your stereotype’.
I know I experienced trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and other mental disorders, yet I have a really hard time calling abuse what it was. I wish I could get over this.
Its so true that people assume because a person is well put together that they've had a great life free of trauma.
So validating, made me cry
Crying watching this when you talked about resilience. I am a survivor of childhood trauma and narcissistic abuse. Thank you for telling me that
I got goosebumps when I started watching this. My life has been so hard because of true trauma.
Dr. Ramani-you’re saving people. You’re helping so many of us who have felt so alone and sad for so long. I almost lost hope. I’m glad I never did. I’m going to use all of your resources to share with my son. Both of us have lived through trauma (I’ve had some significant traumas that he may never experience), so all of these videos are beyond helpful.
This channel is superb! I am going to applaud you for saying that we all need to stop using terms to describe things that aren’t happening. I will never do that again and I will be vocal about saying that that is not ok!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you Dr. Ramani and all the health professionals, and to you MedCircle.
I am a veteran, a childhood survivor of intergenerational military domestic violence and substance abuse, and yes, MST survivor without service connection validation. I struggle daily, and I fake it being ok. Education is very important. I am unable to hold employment, d/t out of control symptoms that are like approaching in huge waves and traughs, but always started by triggers. It is complex in how it is to me.
All the videos with Dr. Ramani make me feel validated. To the point where I feel like I connect with more people in the comments than I do in my actual life... People just can't seem to make sense of anything I do or understand why I am the way I am. When I was 5, my birth giver started dating a physically and sexually abusive boy friend (from start to finish this lasted about 3 months) I was SA'd and my 3 year old little brother was murdered by the same person. I'm 28 now, so it's easier to talk about. It always will blow my mind how many people hear my story and go "Wow. I would've never thought you went through any of that knowing you" or "you don't look like you've been through that. You carry yourself well". I understand why people who haven't experienced what I went through could get the perception that I should be a total wack job (which I have PTSD & BPD so I'm not saying that to be rude towards anyone), but it always makes me wonder what "normal" people think.. Like is there a way I should look? I think people forget that not all "trauma" or issues are physical/visible. Just like when people have disabilities/handicapped. You don't have to be obviously crippled or unable to live day to day like a normal person to be disabled.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your work. Love from Portugal! 💞
When my little daughter was diagnosed with JRA I cried. The "DR" said "why are you crying, you don't have it". What an ass.
Wow fuck that guy what the hell that is so messed up.
Was your daughter present? That matters a lot.
I am so happy for finding medcircle. I went through years of physical and verbal abuse from a step dad who hated me, hated life, and did what he could to make my life hell. 11 years old to 16. I'm 25 now and still trying to heal. You guys have really helped with the amount of information and aid.
What about LONG term gaslighting, mocking, harassment, criticism & assumptions? Narcissism. I can tell you its trauma, depression. I function out but haven't in. Working hard to change that. Not easy. Serious fatigue, from ongoing stress & not taking care of myself. Often minimalized, invalidated. This is not about attention as many invalidate but TRUE struggle. Fighting to live a good life EVERY day. Beyond it all.
I have been waiting for this one to come out! Saying you have something when you don’t, like OCD and trauma, is exceptionally offensive. It’s like that person is trying to wear it around like a badge of honor not knowing or caring how debilitating living with something like that actually is. I don’t have a disorder myself, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to have compassion or respect.
For me it's coming to terms with trauma. For so long I dismissed it, I was hard on myself and didn't think I was worth healing. The more I open up to my trauma to friends the more they open up and it seems we have all been suppressing so much and not given ourselves permission to open up about it. Mine began in childhood and I felt a lot of shame and confusion which has carried on into adulthood unfortunately. Thank you so much for these videos, I'm beginning to heal now.
I understand the suppression of so much too and still always feel shameful and confused about expressing anything about my trauma. I only realised that then by reading your comment.
Sometimes the worst trauma is when your family dismisses and invalidates your questions about the original trauma. "That didn't happen!". "You're wrong!". "You can't live in the past". That's where I got hung up for years... I felt alot of anger knowing that I was being manipulated to ignore and dismiss the reality of what happened. It was WAY worse than what actually happened. I don't know if anyone can relate to that.
I am
Then when I talk to them, i will asked myself “am I” again
I do. I understand. you're strong. Be with your self. Trust yourself. Give some love to yourself.
I can. When trying to bring up my older brother having SA me as a child… note, I brought this up years later after I was an adult… my dad immediately defended my brother by saying, “That was just childhood curiosity!” before I even told him any specifics of what I experienced.
Cut him out emotionally immediately from my life.
She is sooooo warmth full of science ,emotion , she is wonderful♥️♥️
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! That, "How dare you?" hit me so hard. Thank you for speaking for those who need it.
Thank you, a terrific interaction & information-giving in easily understood language. I’m a mental health nurse in Australia & currently have definite interest in trauma. I certainly believe trauma has played a significant part in many if not most of my patient’s lives.
We look like normal people .Getting help as soon as possible. My last trauma was triple bye .2 yrs I just keep moving .death ,rape ,stalked ,seen people shot ,mental physical abuse. I still jump when someone comes up behind me .Having Faith ,prayer ,stay close to God ,keep your body in order has helped me .yoga ,weight lifting .Like you said get help .Most important things you can do .God bless you Doc .I seek to learn .Love you so much .GB
You give so many people peace, understanding and education. I have cptsd. I always thought i was just broken. Thank you.
I developed CPTSD from my experiences in college. When I was 18 I was an elite goalkeeper and freshman at Iowa State University. Our head coach was emotionally/mentally abusive, and I unfortunately was the scapegoat of the team. Our other two coaches were very neglectful. ADHD runs on my dads side of the family and anxiety disorders run on my moms side...Ive always had ADHD but was now dealing with the onset of OCD. Which at the time we thought was depression. Cause why else would I sleep all day on 50mg of Vyvanse?When I told my coach his response was “Well Emily, (sighs)...that’s not my problem..and nor do I really care..?” I remember that phone call very vividly.
At the end of the year he some how got a hold of my NCAA Psych Evaluation (was taken so I could legally take my vyvanse for my ADHD) he read some of it out to me and said he had an entire team to think of and not just me. Then told me I wasn’t coming back. He even said I was obviously good enough to play at that level but he didn’t want to put in a little extra elbow grease.
Emails were sent to the ADs. We never heard a response. My parents then emailed the President of the University at the time. We again got no response.
This unfortunately was my experience with 1 University. I have a whole other story about my Sophmore year at Western Michigan University...then the rest of my college career.
If you’re reading this then thank you for taking the time to hear a very small portion of my story.
I went to the Amen clinics in Chicago and did the whole spect scan work up and genetic enzyme tests for mood stabilizers. Turns out that SSRI’s don’t really metabolize correctly in my body. I’m FINALLY being medically treated correctly and man to I feel so much better.
This is WAY too common in the world of athletics.
Thank you for this btw. I’m an external processor and am still getting out of my brain fog I was in for a couple years and putting my experiences in words helps. Plus the videos helps cause I can just show whoever I’m trying to communicate with and it’ll just make more sense. Especially till I figure out how to talk about it myself. I’m even working on the emotions wheel!:)
I’m just proud of myself, I guess. Im resilient:)
I'm really sorry and also proud of you for getting out of that situation. Coaching seems to attract a personality type that is emotionally abusive. I'm sorry about that.
Sorry to hear about your unfair difficulties from that coach. Some people hold positions that affect others. Sad but true that person was/ is not fit to be a coach.
"Dr Romney you explained things so clearly so people understand it but it's wrapped in such warmth and so people feel it and that's why people love you so much." Kyle that is so beautiful, and so true! You are so sweet too!
Dr. Ramani
Thank you, ThankYou, Thank You people who have never experienced Trauma are so loose with the word and they inder estimate what the effects are.Thx. Great vid.
What Kyle said about Dr. Ramani's warmth is soooo true!!! When she said " HOW DARE YOU..." I felt protected hahaha
What an awesome therapist. I wish more people in the field could be this passionate.
Going with the overuse of the word...I’ve had a few assume that I just had a “bad relationship/breakup,” cause it’s not their business what I went through...but it was far beyond just a messy breakup. 😓
And yes! People say I’m so happy, bubbly, sunshiny, etc... and therefore whatever I’ve dealt with couldn’t have been that bad? Uhm, I mean, I’m not gonna wear that on my sleeve! 😂
I agree. Dr Ramani is so great at explaining in a caring way. I cried watching this. I experienced trauma in my teens & had my first mental breakdown at 17. I saw a councillor who told me that I was wasting his time & that he had more important clients to deal with. This completely put me off talking & I bottled things up for years. I had another breakdown at 24 then again at 32. I'm sure I have PTSD and anxiety but after my son was diagnosed with autism last year I realised that my father has autism & I also have traits of either autism or ADHD since childhood which I think has added to the anxiety. I recently went to a psychologist who looked at me like I was nuts & didn't bother suggesting a follow up appointment. I've not had much luck. I saw a psychiatrist for 2 years who was only interested in heavily medicating me which didn't make me better, just turned me into a zombie & i developed an obsessive behaviour. 😢.
Dr. Ramani is so lovely, professional, empathic, knowledgeable, inspiring & soothing. I look up to her and she reminds me of me, not in a cocky way. I just love how Kyle casually mentions that, she’s so down to Earth.
Btw it’s true, I do click the "like" button on all of the videos featuring Dr. Ramani. 🙈🤣
An experience far beyond the normal human experience. Feeling significant risk of bodily threat or death. I love the language she puts to things.
I love the shout out at the end. Dr. Ramani does talk with so much warmth and clarity, and Kyle you are a great interviewer. All your videos inspire me so much 😊
I deff agree. I hate it when people say that they were so traumatized from waiting in line for 2 hours. It makes me so mad.
"We need to be able to talk about this [mental health] without stigma."
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Definitely warmth. You can feel it through the sound. A lot of videos show up on same amd similar topics but I’m hooked on dr ramani because it feels warm, caring, compassionate…relative…it’s not just an educated person speaking from knowledge.
I think a major thing people get wrong, is the overuse and minimizing of the the term " triggered" Also I believe replacing the word "stress " in PTSD with " injury" would be helpful.
Indeed. I suffered from CPTSD after a series of significantly traumatic events (unable to escape) which occurred over a very long 18 months...day in, day out...and was saddened to hear comments like, "you just need to get over it". Terribly diminishing and insensitive...stemming from ignorance.
Oh there's one I got a while back :
"only veterans get this"
Same here
Same
i had a very traumatic childhood & adult. i have MDD,CPTSD,dysthymia, chroinc fatigue. im in my 60s still struggling with trauma.my dad and husband where narrisstics.
Breaks my heart, madam. So sorry
It's your sincerity and authenticity that resonates. I've experienced numerous life traumas and am very resilient. That being said there's been little emotional or psychological support. And I won't lie my life has been unimaginably hard. You mention briefly something I've been feeling recently and that is I just don't feel like I'm going to live as long as I used to think I would...and it's been something I haven't been able to understand. I've survived so much as have my kids. Getting mental health help in Hawaii is almost laughable. You Tube and you are my mental health. I'm grateful you are here.
I am studying to be a therapist and this channel is incredibly helpful. Thank you!
Thank you Dr. Ramani.
This so needs to be talked about. Thank you ❤
You really captured me with this video. This is something that I have spoken about while working within the mental health field. Even when discussing with other mental health clinicians, I get a tremendous amount of pushback when I query about the the language people use to describe various behaviours, disorders etc. I am taken back by how often I hear 'well that's just how I feel' or 'well it's all subjective.' Well no, it't not actually all subjective, this is why these terms have been operationalized to the degree they are... because they mean something rather specific, not just what you want them to mean. And that is crucial if we are to be on the same page as other professionals.
Dear Kyle and Dr. Ramani, This video, and another one you did together, made me cry. You seem like the knowledgeable, dedicated, warm, clear intelligent mental health professionals I have been needing my whole life and haven't found yet. I'm turning 50 tomorrow, and have suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life, since i was little. Certain things happened that were not addressed. Since I was 14, I've been hospitalized four times for suicide attempts and/or ideation (not counting a couple of other suicide-attempt-related ER visits). I've been in talk therapy off and on since 14, and have been on medication since the age of 45. I'm also in a 12 step program. I'm struggling to avoid another suicide attempt today, can't stop crying, and for the past two months all my days have been like this. I just started DBT and am trying to get into a TMS clinic this week. What you say in this video, Dr. Ramani, about the potential ramifications of trauma not being dealt with early, was what really brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I've never found peace, love, or happiness. Like all my years have been wasted. The point of my comments here are just to echo what I'm sure others have said to you, which is that I wish all doctors and therapists were like you (sounds a little childish but this is my thought on it). I will continue on my search for better or different kinds of help.
He is totally right! Your warmth and compassion can be felt through the video. You have helped me so much deal with my mental struggles of cptsd and surviving sexual assault and abusive childhood. THANK YOU
love dr ramani, im now studying to be a therapist because of her.
thanks med circle x
It is true. Love you, Dr. Ramani. Your work always makes my pain feel so absolutely normalized.
So, based on what you're saying, unaddressed trauma could greatly contribute to NPD. It makes sense.
I used to get the "you dont seem like you would be the type of person who smoked" while im also trying to function with cptsd. Dont assume anything!
Smoked what? Crack? That was entirely on you. I’ve been through hell and the fuck bsck. Wouldn’t fathom picking up a pipe or needle.
Don’t let that other person tell you how you lived your life. It is not your fault. Never.
@@myshirtsaretrash8477 He probably meant cigarettes or weed. Crack doesn't help you with ptsd...relaxing drugs like weed,benzos and opioids can numb the symptoms of ptsd. It's still not a permament solution...the brutal truth about ptsd is that you will live the rest of your life miserable and will never find happiness...your brain will push you to achieve all these things like money,power,women hoping to get back to how you were before the event...but the truth is it never gets better
Love both you, Kyle and Dr. Ramani. Thank you for all you do.
The only hope left in my 76 years of life now is to help and support others. Years and years of trauma have caused a lot of damage but have also made me a strong survivor and an understanding of many. Too late for me but that's okay. I'll take this screaming 3 year old inside of me and my own pain to my grave fighting not to give up the fight too early. Loving and helping others is everything.
Just wanted to say I've been neglecting to hit the Like button just because I'm so absorbed in the info and feeling of hope these videos bring me, that I'm too eager to get to the next video and I forget. You guys have done such a fantastic job. I do get great value from some other channels, but having a core group of therapists and the interview style really helps me. And Dr Ramani is my favorite.
im new here and already in love with Dr. Ramini
She certainly is gifted, isn't she? It's nice to find people who made an awe inspiring choice of a profession.
i adore her simplicity .. in a world where we feel obliged to dress up trendy and do our hair properly . she has done none of it and looks so naturally beautiful
Kyle Kittleson, thank you for all the great videos you put out there. They are really very helpful.
Thank you for sharing your insights.
Yes we love dr ramini she’s helped me so much just through UA-cam 😭 just started therapy 🙏🏻
The second one is so true. When I was suicidal I had people telling me they wished they were as happy as me. Now I am in a far more mentally healthy place and I am a genuinely happy person, which has caused me to become even more bubbly and enthusiastic, but I have 20 years of trauma under my belt that is so complicated, in some ways subtle and difficult to explain that I don't know if trauma is even the right word to describe it. I haven't met a single person who was able to pick that the first 20 years of my life were fantastically fucked up in multiple ways.
I think when people say "oh you but you look so put together" reads "your trauma could not have been so bad/it didn't affect you" but they probably mean "I wouldn't be able to tell, you have done such a great job putting that past you"
Thank you for this..I am someone tht people don't think I've been thur
I wish with all my heart to have Dr. Ramani as my doctor. I could really use her help.
Thank you for saying this. 6:00
wow this was amazing, thank you so much for this video
It's true we love Dr Ramani ❤️
Yes I love Dr Ramani 💖
Thank you sooo much MedCircle and Dr. Ramani. I am so happy to see this level of quality in an online show.
I am such a huge fan of her, thank you for talking about childhood trauma
Yes! Thats why I love her videos, her compassion for people and to help is spot on, always consistant and warm person. Dr. Ramani you rock!
I love this doctor so much ❤️
Sometimes I feel the "survivors guilt" because I went through a situation riddled with misunderstandings and good intentions, but in the process i have been overwhelmed, gaslighted, and i have had people use manipulation tactics to "scare" me out of using drugs, amongst a list of other things. I feel like because nothing ever happened to me physically and the intentions were pure, i shouldnt be traumatized. In reality though despite the fact that very few people understand why my situation affected me the way it did, the reality is that im battling extreme paranoia and shame on top of publically humiliating myself in front of god knows how many people....so yeah it might not have been as bad as other traumatic experiences that many people have gone through, but for me as an individual with my own particular psychological makeup, it was EXTREMELY traumatic. I am proud to say thst with the help of close friends and an amazing support network i am becoming more regulated with my emotional reactions and self image every day. There are still small things thst i feel people do to intentionally trigger me, however, and I feel totally invalidated by a vast majority of people involved. Its all good though because thats just life and i will only utilize these experiences to make me a stronger person