Finally finished the knowledge workbooks 1-10. Now I’m going to start the creative healing course the books really do help me get them do the work. You won’t be disappointed
I have done the opposite of this. I have completed the creative healing course and now going to start “the knowledge” at first I had so much pain and anxiety doing these but keep going like coach says- things get better and you are ok
I have moved on and if my avoidant comes back, I have to tell him he needs therapy before we go anywhere with this situation ship or whatever it is I will not allow myself to be in a toxic relationship is what I would tell him
It’s been almost two years for me and let me say it gets better. This channel was so soothing for me at the time I was dumped. I immersed myself in personal development, this channel and The Knowledge workbook. I would still have moments that would shake me a bit but I worked through them. I’ve been dating for about 6 months now and I am enjoying every bit of it. I can’t believe I’m connecting with someone else so well. There is still hope and sometimes the best person for you is on the other side of that breakup. Stay hopeful ❤
Remain in no contact! It is the only way to improve on personal growth. Investing time in personal growth is valuable during a break up. Not only does it keep a person distracted from a break up, but it also brings power and confidence back to the person that was dumped. I know because I was in that situation... I stayed in no contact and never once tried reaching out to my ex. I found coach Craig's channel when doing my own research on attachment theory and why we are the way we present ourselves. It is so much work and I continue to do so because it absolutely makes me happy. I always strive to better myself because then I can help others in the process. Always present the best version of yourself. Even when you think the best version of yourself has already manifested, there is always room for improvements no matter what. Thank you coach Craig, Margret, and Victoria for what you do for people in dire need. A break up is not easy, so your content keeps everyone wanting better and never settling for less.
I know it’s harder said than done but move on, the so called avoidant has unresolved issues that usually has nothing to do with there partner.If the avoidant recognizes they have issues and is working on the issues then maybe the relationship is salvageable otherwise move on save yourself a life of misery.
As an avoidant, I just feel so much safer NOT in a relationship. Doesn't stop people from thinking I need to make it top priority to change. It not fun being villanized, while trying to survive with mental stability intact. Aren't we always being told to "make sure we take care of our own mental health?" I acknowledge that I withdraw and act "cold" even when I might FEEL loving and warm (albeit smothered). I HATE the idea of sending mixed messages to anyone, but people will always take what they want to hear even when I am making huge uncomfortable efforts to be the best communicator I can be. Love and relationships are NOT as clear cut for everyone as some people think they "should be". As an avoidant- I still have so much love to give, and yes, I am envious of people who just "fall in love" and have a "normal" relationship trajectory. I need so much space. 😢 having a chronic illness doesn't help with trust and safety, because nobody can read my mind about how I handle that. Letting someone in can backfire in a million ways. Life is hard and I am really trying my best in this life. I am happy you two mentioned what the avoidants partners should be doing other than "watching no contact videos" ❤, while the avoidant is "avoiding." Every case really is different. I didn't choose this attachment style and am working on it. Doesn't mean I will automatically be relationship ready for anyone and everyone! It's a bit more complex.
Video came out at a great time. Dumped me after 7 years, at the drop of a hat rather than confide in me her concerns. 2 months, has felt like a whole year already. Staying strong in NC. Being dumped, i kept it respectful and did not plea or beg. Reflected, wrote a letter about my perspective and feelings. She wrote one back, asked to stay friends told her she has to reach out first. Hoping things will turn around but only time will tell.
My gf came back to me after 9 days of no contact. We've been together for 14 months. I know. That's nothing compared to what I've been through and all the other folks out there that go beyond this or nothing at all. Do the Work Books. Victoria & Craig: Thank you, very much for all your wisdom. I did go through almost all of The Knowledge. I have an anxious attachment and so does she. Refreshing my memory of of growing up with 2 parents that didn't know how to love. Very sobering. Take care. You guys REALLY are the best out there. 👍👍
My person is an avoidant… and he has no idea. It’s been almost a year, and we have “broken up” several times. However, it has never been ugly. You are so right… he comes back. I’ve re-wired my thinking now… because there’s history now to show that he does come back. So no, when he pulls away, I just say in my mind… he’s pulling away to self regulate. He’s overwhelmed because he doesn’t know how to process the feelings in one gulp. He needs time and space to process those warm and loving feelings. I just go about my day and trust that he will come back… and he always does. And I’m always here to love him. Not to chastise or judge… but in acceptance. You have to accept that they cannot offer promises… not out loud. But if you love them and accept them… they will show up when it matters. Less is more with an avoidant. ❤
What’s the longest he’s taken to come back? My avoidant used to make all sorts of promises, and then he’d seemingly back out of them, stop mentioning them, or just “forget” them. He’d say it was what he was feeling “at the time”, but it triggered my anxiety really bad bcs it seemed like he was all in at first, and then his feelings were going in the wrong direction. It was so overwhelming. If I had noticed before that he was an avoidant, I might have been better prepared.
@@missmo463 I hear you on this loud and clear. My guy is the same. I see his promises now as not actual promises… but attempts at expressing his affection. I think his anxiety to give is huge, so I just don’t react when he says those things, except for maybe to smile… but most times, I get momentarily triggered myself and freeze like an idiot and until the awkward moment passes. Lol He triggers himself with this stuff too, I think. There have been big things that he’s followed through on though. For example, he helped me move a year ago (we just started dating) and he’s now helping me move again. I know he won’t cancel, as I would be seriously hooped. But did he follow through on every little thing… no. We have to take the wins where they come, and trust that with time, and ever so gentle coaxing, he’ll come out of his shell, once he feels safe. I have my own anxiety issues, so I am actually starting to see the space he needs as space I need as well. It allows me to unwind from the nervous energy I eventually feel myself wrestling with. A little space does us both good, as long as I keep things in perspective of healing and growth… for both of us. Good luck. If he’s worth the fuss, don’t give up. On the other side of an avoidant is devotion and tenderness and appreciation and love. ❤️
@@missmo463 PS: we broke up for 4 months once, about six months in (and a couple mini breaks)… since then, we find resolution to the ruptures sooner. It’s not always me who reaches out now, as well. We have established that no matter who pulls away, we don’t go very far. There’s a sense of trust I have now, that I didn’t have before. Hang in there. 💗
I think that really is the truth - once I showed any amount of emotional need or something he wasn't able or willing to meet, I was seen as the problem and too needy, etc... even if it was a normal amount of need in a relationship. Then it was like he couldn't see anything but my 'flaws'... I saw all his flaws too, but I still wanted to be with him. I knew the good in him always outweighed any perceived bad. I'm heartbroken. 💔 Completely. I know I'm a good woman and anyone would be lucky to be with me, because I would always give 100% as long as I'm receiving it back. I feel stuck on him. 😔 He is a good person too, but he's an avoidant and doesn't even recognize it or know what that is.
@@jd6331 you cant be flawed but they are 10x more broken and flawed. its a joke. remember they wont be better with the next person because their shitty character isnt changed, still avoidant
I reached the point of if he does come back yay me and if he doesn't come back also yay me , because I didn't get the closure that I would like😢but I know that god will keep me strong
My wife and I seperated, she's avoidant and I thought I was secure, but slowly i became anxious. We agreed we need space, but we still talk on the phone once a week. She said she wants to talk. So is that wrong. It's usually just light talk. Our counselor said if u guys go no contact one of you is gonna start dating someone else. The plan is not live together for a year. I'm OK if it ends I'm pretty sure. Moving out was a relief, painful but somewhat relieved no more rejection and devaluing
If she moved forward to another relationship that's game over. I would never try to get her back or accept her back. If there's another man touched her since we first met then this girl is used for me
You guys kill me with the examples how people make ex's jealous.......put a fake nail on the other hand and on a different glass ......stoooop....lol....love this channel
“Do things differently so they will be happy” Like what??? I gave him everything he ever wanted. He even said it himself, our relationship was perfect! Things were amazing until he ghosted me and went off with someone else. Then when I confronted him I get “We were just friends, I thought you were on the same page” Fuck that. If he comes back. He can be the one to change and do better. I’m working on myself too, but certainly not for his benefit!
Looking forward to new videos, getting the workbooks, and hopefully scheduling some time with you! You’ve helped me personally grow so much these last few years and I can’t thank you enough!!!!
*LMAO The funniest thing is that the avoidant is somewhere watching this same video as the person she/he dumped or is avoiding! So it looks like a dead end because no one is going to reach out to the other! The mind games are just going to get worse.* 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I've started dating someone new four years ago, but he's so avoidant that he barely talks to me. He doesn't break up, he's just not talking to me for 2-6 months. We are at nearly 5 months of silence again. His birthday is next week and I don't know if I should reach out because we actually are still together. But he has forgotten about my birthday too last year even though it was the big 30th. :( I'm still missing my ex who left me 8 years ago. I'm in no contact for years and it's so hard. He's been rebounding so much and even got married. I hope he will come back at some point. He's the only one I'd be ready to give up my current relationship for.
Girl let me tell you. I've been in that situation. If a man is giving you silence then he isn't trying to have a relationship with you. My ex, always had forgotten my birthday and I was always so sad and upset because I never forgot his birthday. It's those moments that are important that helps us see how much they really care or not. When the silence is there too long then I'm sorry it's time to move on because it's not serving you anymore. You are worth a lot more.
Been almost a year in nc. She’s been in another relationship for seven months and lives with a toxic person. It’s only a matter of time now but I can’t give in.
Mine still reached out to me in the rebound relationship…. Idk what to do. I let them know I think it’s wrong talking with them while they are in a relationship, but then coach Craig says not to avoid your ex when they reach out.. I’m conflicted 🤷♀️ but I don’t want them to think that talking to other women while with me is right either
@@kursengamer4699 exactly. I told my ex the same thing but at the same time I will answer her because I do still love and care about her very much. I’ve grown a lot in the past year and even dated new people but the heart wants what it wants and I’m at a position where I believe I need to remain patient
my ex had a loss in the family and I did reach out to send my condolences. He opened up to me and let me know he obtained his passport only an hour prior to his relative passing and i personally experienced something similar so I did check up on him one more time to see if he was doing alright and not mentally spiralling. After that I did continue with no contact. The part of me that loves him felt weak for breaking no contact, but the human side of me felt like I needed to because ultimately no matter our differences, he has always done his best to be there for me. It may not be quite in the way I want, but for where he is emotionally, he was going beyond his comfort zone. Would this be considered a mistake or is this in a way an exception.
My FA Ex is angry at me almost 2 years after the breakup. I went directly into no contact and the breakup was because of these typical avoidant reasons. We were together for 2 years and I was his first and only girlfriend. A saw him a few times on the street but he couldnt even look at me or looked angrily away. But sometimes he stares at me for minutes if I dont look at him. A few weeks ago I bumped into him on the streets and we talked for the first time since the breakup. He was really angry, cold, mentioned one thing I did after the breakup which possible hurt him, says how much he is over me, some hot and cold behaviour and he lied to me about a few things (to stand in a better light), he said he doesnt hate me, I never did anything to him and we parted in good ways. At the end of the talk he got really angry said I should let him and his family alone and he never want to have contact with me again, he wont discuss with me the reasons why. Lol. Really strange behaviour.
Not sure of the reason of the breakup but, his behavior is because he was upset because you were his first girlfriend and he took it really hard and it looks like he didn't know how to handle it. The first break up for anyone is the hardest but men seem to always act like it was nothing like it didn't hurt or anything like that. I'm learning myself more and more on how to be careful and to kind of study the behavior. I realized in my history I have a pattern that I have to break.
@@maireskys he broke up with me because of typical avoidant reasons. Nothing had happened between us. He still shows a lot of mixed signals which is kind of strange. I think that he didn't processed anything about the breakup. Last month he saw me with a male friend and he showed signs of jealously. 😂
Basically means just turning their back on them and never looking back. They come back when they’re alone and no other prospects for monkey branching at the time.
Why do i keep assuming the worst!? STILL. A single mother going thru a divorce broke up w me after a year and a half. I was told i am ‘too much’ after she became avoidant and inconsistent w me..when id voice how i felt or voiced that I want to know what’s going on, it would annoy her and just make problems, and she couldn’t even take accountability or communicate, even when I was being very understanding while letting her know that I’m not trying to make a problem or argue. Anything that I tried to talk to her about it was put back on me and basically I was blamed for starting a fight.
Minus the divorce, this sounds like my recent ex. We slept together last week and she told me her kids and best friend said she should get back with me. But I'm leaving her alone and gonna avoid her messages going forward UNLESS it's something worth my while.
What if his family reaches out to me? I treated it the same as if he had reached out to me.. I answered them, but did not initiate contact🤷🏼♀️ could you put this information in a new video?
My ex broke up with me 1 month ago I've been in no contact ever since and today out of nowhere he send me work related document. No message no nothing. I just thanked him and said that i already got it myself and he said welcome.. nothing more. What does it mean? Also should i not have said anything? I love my ex and i want him back..
Do I bring him his stuff (even if he‘s not home leave them at his door) to show him „here you are, I’m not holding on and you don’t HAVE TO come over“ or keep it because I told him it’s at my place to pick it up?!
My ex monkey branched to an exgirlfriend from 25 years ago. He broke up with her the 1st time around, for very specific reasons. I’m surprised he’s gone back to her. We’ve been together for 8 years. And he dropped me suddenly for her. She’s at the tail end of her divorce.
i hope she comes back miss her very much but sadly she told me no "matter what i do it won't change how i feel " i think i may have pushed her away because i wanted to talk to her about things it's been almost two months since she dumped me i hope we work things out been nothing but nice to her *** if anything changes i'll give an update ***
Same for me too. My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago because he couldn’t handle the small fights( he seems to be an avoidant) I wish he would come back again to fix things and start healthy again
@@Tvshownerd3same shit with me! My recent ex gf became very avoidant and i was so confused…she has a son, and shes going thru divorce-she is overwhelmed since she gets no help from the kids father. Hes a real …. Anyway, idk why but i miss her and who she used to be. I couldnt stand when she ignored me and stopped engaging in communication with me 🫤
brooooooo I got the exact same situation, it's been two months. I've always been pretty secure throughout the whole relationship but I just knew 1-2 weeks before the breakup something was off. I wanted to help her so bad on healing her core wounds, I even told her when we break up please let me help you, she said ''you can't help me with this, I will not change my mindset on the decision'' I also really would want her to come back but brother trust me, read all these comments people say they are married to avoidants and their life feels like hell, that they regret marrying this person. Maybe we dodged a bullet?
@@bigdawg8033 wow this describes what i experienced not too long ago and i was confused as hell. Only thing is i didnt take it well at alllll. And i didnt understand why she couldnt open up with me about things bc her situation was very difficult as well as our relationship in general..ill save the story.
We live in the same house and three little children. Now what. No contact isn’t possible. Also I do not want to come across cold in front of the children. Apart from that I give here all the space. She might even have a lover on the side. I don’t need her back the way she’s been though. I have been virtually non existent to here for the last four years. So there’s no point in that.
I wanted to try again with him,( my fault) then got discarded. I dont think he will feel the loss. I was often option nr 5 or whatever, he showed me 45 woman blocked from different countries. I never felt special. Got discarded when i called him out and wanted more quality time... pretty sure he already hsd someone new on the line. Lying was as easy as breathing for him. Still he is on my mind, and i hate it.
Yeah but how are You supposed to marry, hug , kiss , cuddle, get intercourse with someone who always wants "space" (avoidant people) ? Is a relationship posible?
It's been 2 weeks NC today and he's stopped watching my stories and liking my posts (he was doing it every day) so I think he's losing interest and moving on and/or upset that I'm NC?
If you ended it, maybe he is doing NC? If he ended it, then he is doing just like my ex. I never understood his behavior but the result was the same: leave him and work on yourself. If it was meant to be, he will come back. If not, then you have the answer. Good luck dear I know it’s so difficult 💔🌷
Well, do know this. When they did break up with you, they hadn’t lost _all_ their feelings for you. That’s why it’s so common, especially with avoidants, that they breadcrumb you after breaking up. Mine kissed me every time we parted ways for about a month after she left. She eventually stopped though. And I think that’s how it naturally evolves. They need to lose all the feelings before they can build new ones for you. With avoidants though, it takes a lot of *time*
Is it avoidant behavior if she watches your Instagram stories for about 3 months even within 10 minutes of me posting and then suddenly unfollows you? Things just don’t add up for me. I feel like she might do this in an attempt for me to break no contact? I’m just not sure about that. Anyone can answer me?
Would “like” ex’s family members pics on FB be considered reaching out? His family members liked my posts first. His fam members were very kind to me but I unfriended my ex on FB n remained friends with his family members. Thank you!
@Coach Craig Kenneth, I am interested in email coaching with you. How many words can the problem description email to you have? How many screenshots can I attach? Unfortunately, I can't find any information about These details on your homepage. Thank you :)
Would it be OK after 2 months of no contact I sent me ex some flowers, just to say hi and how are ya? She is also going to a gig and I want to say have a great time. That's all I'd say. I DO want her back but it takes as long as it takes. I just want her to be happy and I wanna be the one that helps make this happen.
Please DON'T! I'm going through a breakup currently and TBH distance has been my Allie. We slept together last week and she even told me that her daughters and best friend said she should reconcile. But I don't wanna play her game so I'm radio silent and intend to stay that way UNTIL she says something worthwhile. I'm not ugly and I get women and she knows that so I'm done playing her games. But DON'T send those flowers. She needs to miss you
@@mrkeitt Hmmm....bit too late for that now! 😂 All I put on the card was, "Hope you're well and have a great time at the gig". No love and no kisses! But that's it....I'm gonna be strong now. She knows where I am and she knows I'm a nice bloke and not an A hole. All the best mate. 👍🏻
I keep thinking about sending my ex some flowers one day BUT I keep watching these amazing videos and NC is a must. I'm actually working on myself and starting to feel much better. I won't send flowers. I don't plan to reach out at all...as bad as I wish this never happened, it did.
@@shecutz4513 Yeah, I sent the flowers...Nothing! I wish I'd saved my money. Looking back though, I'm glad she didn't get intouch. I'm in a great place now. I never thought I'd get over her but I have. You'll be good 👍🏻 Don't break no contact. It prolongs your suffering.
Or just try manifestation, think there isn’t no contact and it is just a play story. I watch mind over this matrix and he said don’t think of no contact. Even I knew my platonic is a FA and find out word space. Took me 8 months who she was.
Roller Summers if you put in a lot of effort into the relationship and your other half and barely put anything at all that means something is wrong with this picture and if she did not contribute her part cheap bread crumbs you the whole entire time so with that being said it's time for you to move on Bangkok ties with her😊
My ex hasn't gotten back with me it's been 8 months and still nothing, I'm currently in an open relationship with his co worker and I slept with his co workers when he left me, I realize he doesn't care but I do go shopping at his job and just say hi but I make sure I look sexy, all his Indian co workers find me attractive and want me
You are doing protest behaviour though... trying to make them jealous and get a reaction. Maybe if you didn't go there, they would notice your absence and start wondering what you are doing. Atm you are making it easy for them. They know you will come in and know they still have an impact on you. Change tactics😊
If your ex still cares, they could be very upset that you now sleep with one of his coworkers but isn’t showing it. I also feel sorry for your new person given that you seem so still enamoured with your ex.
I really don't think my ex even cares what I do with my life 🤣 I'm sure he was laughing when I wrote him the handwritten letter wanting to work things out and by me saying that I love him, if he left me is because he didn't want me
@@JessicaLopez-i2rYou have to heal your codependency. You are dependent on men for validation based on that behavior. Relationships can become an addiction to us, and other people observe that. If you showed that behavior during your relationship, it may be what ended it. Detox from dating and work to achieve secure attachment.
Finally finished the knowledge workbooks 1-10. Now I’m going to start the creative healing course the books really do help me get them do the work. You won’t be disappointed
Thank you for the kind words! Please let everyone know what you think of the course!
I have done the opposite of this. I have completed the creative healing course and now going to start “the knowledge” at first I had so much pain and anxiety doing these but keep going like coach says- things get better and you are ok
@@CoachCraigKenneth Hey Craig, what is your opinion on the Grass is greener syndrome. Could you do a video on this.
After almost 9 years together, I realised it was only me who put effort.
Ditch him off, men are waste of time.
@@ranglumoje5649 80percent of women ghost their husbands for a chad or the illusion of happiness
Why do they repress feelings? Seems very unhealthy and not ideal as a partner in general.
I have moved on and if my avoidant comes back, I have to tell him he needs therapy before we go anywhere with this situation ship or whatever it is I will not allow myself to be in a toxic relationship is what I would tell him
Yo Katie don’t take him back!
Avoidants don’t change /
It’s been almost two years for me and let me say it gets better. This channel was so soothing for me at the time I was dumped. I immersed myself in personal development, this channel and The Knowledge workbook. I would still have moments that would shake me a bit but I worked through them. I’ve been dating for about 6 months now and I am enjoying every bit of it. I can’t believe I’m connecting with someone else so well. There is still hope and sometimes the best person for you is on the other side of that breakup. Stay hopeful ❤
Thanks for sharing the update! Do you think The Knowledge has helped prepare you for new connection? 💪
Thank you for your encouragement.. ❤❤ good luck with your future ❤❤
Mine came back 5 years later, only to love-bomb me extremely this time and discard in even more traumatic manner! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
wow , 5 years i personally never take them back after used up by others
Remain in no contact! It is the only way to improve on personal growth. Investing time in personal growth is valuable during a break up. Not only does it keep a person distracted from a break up, but it also brings power and confidence back to the person that was dumped. I know because I was in that situation... I stayed in no contact and never once tried reaching out to my ex.
I found coach Craig's channel when doing my own research on attachment theory and why we are the way we present ourselves. It is so much work and I continue to do so because it absolutely makes me happy. I always strive to better myself because then I can help others in the process. Always present the best version of yourself. Even when you think the best version of yourself has already manifested, there is always room for improvements no matter what.
Thank you coach Craig, Margret, and Victoria for what you do for people in dire need. A break up is not easy, so your content keeps everyone wanting better and never settling for less.
Same man ❤
I know it’s harder said than done but move on, the so called avoidant has unresolved issues that usually has nothing to do with there partner.If the avoidant recognizes they have issues and is working on the issues then maybe the relationship is salvageable otherwise move on save yourself a life of misery.
Hey there is no cure,thy feed on souls,jus hide n run to mountain,jus run away 😂
Give them space, Kennycat missed the point of this video, everyone wants a connection. Including avoidants
I’m on the same boat.
As an avoidant, I just feel so much safer NOT in a relationship. Doesn't stop people from thinking I need to make it top priority to change. It not fun being villanized, while trying to survive with mental stability intact. Aren't we always being told to "make sure we take care of our own mental health?"
I acknowledge that I withdraw and act "cold" even when I might FEEL loving and warm (albeit smothered). I HATE the idea of sending mixed messages to anyone, but people will always take what they want to hear even when I am making huge uncomfortable efforts to be the best communicator I can be. Love and relationships are NOT as clear cut for everyone as some people think they "should be".
As an avoidant- I still have so much love to give, and yes, I am envious of people who just "fall in love" and have a "normal" relationship trajectory.
I need so much space. 😢 having a chronic illness doesn't help with trust and safety, because nobody can read my mind about how I handle that. Letting someone in can backfire in a million ways. Life is hard and I am really trying my best in this life.
I am happy you two mentioned what the avoidants partners should be doing other than "watching no contact videos" ❤, while the avoidant is "avoiding." Every case really is different. I didn't choose this attachment style and am working on it. Doesn't mean I will automatically be relationship ready for anyone and everyone! It's a bit more complex.
When they block you, just move on. They are not worth it. It all about their feelings and what they want. So toxic!!
Video came out at a great time. Dumped me after 7 years, at the drop of a hat rather than confide in me her concerns. 2 months, has felt like a whole year already.
Staying strong in NC. Being dumped, i kept it respectful and did not plea or beg. Reflected, wrote a letter about my perspective and feelings. She wrote one back, asked to stay friends told her she has to reach out first.
Hoping things will turn around but only time will tell.
Do not offer or take friendship. Friendship is for partners who want to be in your life. It's a boobie prize.
Don’t take her back ‼️🧨No way
I wanted to call my ex boyfriend soo bad after 1 month no contact. Thank god I watched this video
Needed a new video this morning perfect timing for my ride to work
Me too. Kind of up and down, uncertainty and everything else that comes into play.
My gf came back to me after 9 days of no contact. We've been together for 14 months.
I know. That's nothing compared to what I've been through and all the other folks out there that go beyond this or nothing at all. Do the Work Books.
Victoria & Craig: Thank you, very much for all your wisdom. I did go through almost all of
The Knowledge. I have an anxious attachment and so does she. Refreshing my memory of
of growing up with 2 parents that didn't know how to love. Very sobering.
Take care. You guys REALLY are the best out there. 👍👍
My person is an avoidant… and he has no idea. It’s been almost a year, and we have “broken up” several times. However, it has never been ugly. You are so right… he comes back. I’ve re-wired my thinking now… because there’s history now to show that he does come back. So no, when he pulls away, I just say in my mind… he’s pulling away to self regulate. He’s overwhelmed because he doesn’t know how to process the feelings in one gulp. He needs time and space to process those warm and loving feelings. I just go about my day and trust that he will come back… and he always does. And I’m always here to love him. Not to chastise or judge… but in acceptance. You have to accept that they cannot offer promises… not out loud. But if you love them and accept them… they will show up when it matters. Less is more with an avoidant. ❤
What’s the longest he’s taken to come back? My avoidant used to make all sorts of promises, and then he’d seemingly back out of them, stop mentioning them, or just “forget” them. He’d say it was what he was feeling “at the time”, but it triggered my anxiety really bad bcs it seemed like he was all in at first, and then his feelings were going in the wrong direction. It was so overwhelming. If I had noticed before that he was an avoidant, I might have been better prepared.
@@missmo463 I hear you on this loud and clear. My guy is the same. I see his promises now as not actual promises… but attempts at expressing his affection. I think his anxiety to give is huge, so I just don’t react when he says those things, except for maybe to smile… but most times, I get momentarily triggered myself and freeze like an idiot and until the awkward moment passes. Lol He triggers himself with this stuff too, I think. There have been big things that he’s followed through on though. For example, he helped me move a year ago (we just started dating) and he’s now helping me move again. I know he won’t cancel, as I would be seriously hooped. But did he follow through on every little thing… no. We have to take the wins where they come, and trust that with time, and ever so gentle coaxing, he’ll come out of his shell, once he feels safe. I have my own anxiety issues, so I am actually starting to see the space he needs as space I need as well. It allows me to unwind from the nervous energy I eventually feel myself wrestling with. A little space does us both good, as long as I keep things in perspective of healing and growth… for both of us. Good luck. If he’s worth the fuss, don’t give up. On the other side of an avoidant is devotion and tenderness and appreciation and love. ❤️
@@missmo463 PS: we broke up for 4 months once, about six months in (and a couple mini breaks)… since then, we find resolution to the ruptures sooner. It’s not always me who reaches out now, as well. We have established that no matter who pulls away, we don’t go very far. There’s a sense of trust I have now, that I didn’t have before. Hang in there. 💗
It doesn't matter if they do. In the end, it's about you
Please more on the double standards. I’m just not seeing how that’s okay. Avoidants want to be with the perfect person. You can’t be flawed.
and there is none how sad 😔
I think that really is the truth - once I showed any amount of emotional need or something he wasn't able or willing to meet, I was seen as the problem and too needy, etc... even if it was a normal amount of need in a relationship. Then it was like he couldn't see anything but my 'flaws'... I saw all his flaws too, but I still wanted to be with him. I knew the good in him always outweighed any perceived bad. I'm heartbroken. 💔 Completely. I know I'm a good woman and anyone would be lucky to be with me, because I would always give 100% as long as I'm receiving it back. I feel stuck on him. 😔 He is a good person too, but he's an avoidant and doesn't even recognize it or know what that is.
@@jd6331 you cant be flawed but they are 10x more broken and flawed. its a joke. remember they wont be better with the next person because their shitty character isnt changed, still avoidant
Yet they are the most flawed people ever just behind the narcissistic 😅
Same here!@@jd6331
I reached the point of if he does come back yay me and if he doesn't come back also yay me , because I didn't get the closure that I would like😢but I know that god will keep me strong
My wife and I seperated, she's avoidant and I thought I was secure, but slowly i became anxious. We agreed we need space, but we still talk on the phone once a week. She said she wants to talk. So is that wrong. It's usually just light talk. Our counselor said if u guys go no contact one of you is gonna start dating someone else. The plan is not live together for a year. I'm OK if it ends I'm pretty sure. Moving out was a relief, painful but somewhat relieved no more rejection and devaluing
If she moved forward to another relationship that's game over. I would never try to get her back or accept her back. If there's another man touched her since we first met then this girl is used for me
Excellent point bro! Seriously nobody should trust these lunatics
"Your other hand with painted nails"😂🤣 🤣
You guys kill me with the examples how people make ex's jealous.......put a fake nail on the other hand and on a different glass ......stoooop....lol....love this channel
“Do things differently so they will be happy”
Like what??? I gave him everything he ever wanted. He even said it himself, our relationship was perfect! Things were amazing until he ghosted me and went off with someone else. Then when I confronted him I get
“We were just friends, I thought you were on the same page”
Fuck that. If he comes back. He can be the one to change and do better. I’m working on myself too, but certainly not for his benefit!
Great video. Thanks chief
Hahah I love your sense of humour Craig, Victoria you’re so feminine it’s so beautiful
Looking forward to new videos, getting the workbooks, and hopefully scheduling some time with you!
You’ve helped me personally grow so much these last few years and I can’t thank you enough!!!!
Yes they come back mine did many times but ive worked on my self and im done if they don't do the work its not worth our beautiful time.
Permanent space.
Haha 😂😂😂
@@riyajacob2909 It is what it is
Until she reaches out..and then i gotta be cautious have my guard up
*LMAO The funniest thing is that the avoidant is somewhere watching this same video as the person she/he dumped or is avoiding! So it looks like a dead end because no one is going to reach out to the other! The mind games are just going to get worse.* 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Most of them think nothing's wrong with them so I don't think they're watching this.
@@marysdiaries5312I agree. I asked him if he was an avoidant and he said “No”.
Most of them think nothing's wrong with them so I don't think they're watching this.
What if they are online and most likely dating other women?
Is there any video where you talk about Applebee's girl? I'm really curious about that story.
I've started dating someone new four years ago, but he's so avoidant that he barely talks to me. He doesn't break up, he's just not talking to me for 2-6 months. We are at nearly 5 months of silence again. His birthday is next week and I don't know if I should reach out because we actually are still together. But he has forgotten about my birthday too last year even though it was the big 30th. :(
I'm still missing my ex who left me 8 years ago. I'm in no contact for years and it's so hard. He's been rebounding so much and even got married. I hope he will come back at some point. He's the only one I'd be ready to give up my current relationship for.
2-6 months?? Girl, love yourself and maintain that silence. That is so unacceptable. You deserve better than that.
Girl let me tell you. I've been in that situation. If a man is giving you silence then he isn't trying to have a relationship with you. My ex, always had forgotten my birthday and I was always so sad and upset because I never forgot his birthday. It's those moments that are important that helps us see how much they really care or not. When the silence is there too long then I'm sorry it's time to move on because it's not serving you anymore. You are worth a lot more.
Been almost a year in nc. She’s been in another relationship for seven months and lives with a toxic person. It’s only a matter of time now but I can’t give in.
Mine still reached out to me in the rebound relationship…. Idk what to do. I let them know I think it’s wrong talking with them while they are in a relationship, but then coach Craig says not to avoid your ex when they reach out.. I’m conflicted 🤷♀️ but I don’t want them to think that talking to other women while with me is right either
Leave it.
Move forward with your life you're now in control ...no contact resist and date or do whatever you need to stay away and in no contact
@@kursengamer4699 exactly. I told my ex the same thing but at the same time I will answer her because I do still love and care about her very much. I’ve grown a lot in the past year and even dated new people but the heart wants what it wants and I’m at a position where I believe I need to remain patient
I’ve also been in nc for a year ! Don’t give up! Remember your standards.
my ex had a loss in the family and I did reach out to send my condolences. He opened up to me and let me know he obtained his passport only an hour prior to his relative passing and i personally experienced something similar so I did check up on him one more time to see if he was doing alright and not mentally spiralling. After that I did continue with no contact. The part of me that loves him felt weak for breaking no contact, but the human side of me felt like I needed to because ultimately no matter our differences, he has always done his best to be there for me. It may not be quite in the way I want, but for where he is emotionally, he was going beyond his comfort zone. Would this be considered a mistake or is this in a way an exception.
On such important matters it's okay to reach out for them.
They cannot be Rehabilitated like alcoholics‼️🧨
If you're interested in bettering yourself after your breakup, check out my The Knowledge Workbooks And my Creative Healing Course!
My FA Ex is angry at me almost 2 years after the breakup. I went directly into no contact and the breakup was because of these typical avoidant reasons. We were together for 2 years and I was his first and only girlfriend. A saw him a few times on the street but he couldnt even look at me or looked angrily away. But sometimes he stares at me for minutes if I dont look at him. A few weeks ago I bumped into him on the streets and we talked for the first time since the breakup. He was really angry, cold, mentioned one thing I did after the breakup which possible hurt him, says how much he is over me, some hot and cold behaviour and he lied to me about a few things (to stand in a better light), he said he doesnt hate me, I never did anything to him and we parted in good ways. At the end of the talk he got really angry said I should let him and his family alone and he never want to have contact with me again, he wont discuss with me the reasons why. Lol. Really strange behaviour.
Sounds like narcissism
Not sure of the reason of the breakup but, his behavior is because he was upset because you were his first girlfriend and he took it really hard and it looks like he didn't know how to handle it. The first break up for anyone is the hardest but men seem to always act like it was nothing like it didn't hurt or anything like that. I'm learning myself more and more on how to be careful and to kind of study the behavior. I realized in my history I have a pattern that I have to break.
@@maireskys he broke up with me because of typical avoidant reasons. Nothing had happened between us. He still shows a lot of mixed signals which is kind of strange. I think that he didn't processed anything about the breakup. Last month he saw me with a male friend and he showed signs of jealously. 😂
Basically means just turning their back on them and never looking back. They come back when they’re alone and no other prospects for monkey branching at the time.
Why do i keep assuming the worst!? STILL. A single mother going thru a divorce broke up w me after a year and a half. I was told i am ‘too much’ after she became avoidant and inconsistent w me..when id voice how i felt or voiced that I want to know what’s going on, it would annoy her and just make problems, and she couldn’t even take accountability or communicate, even when I was being very understanding while letting her know that I’m not trying to make a problem or argue. Anything that I tried to talk to her about it was put back on me and basically I was blamed for starting a fight.
Minus the divorce, this sounds like my recent ex. We slept together last week and she told me her kids and best friend said she should get back with me. But I'm leaving her alone and gonna avoid her messages going forward UNLESS it's something worth my while.
Really great video
I work on myself every day for over three years and I haven't even changed at all. If I can't be loved as I am then I can't be loved.
Are you a DA?
Then you haven’t really done any work. 3 YEARS? Yikes
Absolutely
What if his family reaches out to me? I treated it the same as if he had reached out to me.. I answered them, but did not initiate contact🤷🏼♀️ could you put this information in a new video?
My ex broke up with me 1 month ago I've been in no contact ever since and today out of nowhere he send me work related document. No message no nothing. I just thanked him and said that i already got it myself and he said welcome.. nothing more.
What does it mean? Also should i not have said anything?
I love my ex and i want him back..
Even if they cheated or rebounded?
Do I bring him his stuff (even if he‘s not home leave them at his door) to show him „here you are, I’m not holding on and you don’t HAVE TO come over“ or keep it because I told him it’s at my place to pick it up?!
My ex monkey branched to an exgirlfriend from 25 years ago. He broke up with her the 1st time around, for very specific reasons. I’m surprised he’s gone back to her. We’ve been together for 8 years. And he dropped me suddenly for her. She’s at the tail end of her divorce.
i hope she comes back miss her very much but sadly she told me no "matter what i do it won't change how i feel " i think i may have pushed her away because i wanted to talk to her about things it's been almost two months since she dumped me i hope we work things out been nothing but nice to her *** if anything changes i'll give an update ***
Same for me too. My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago because he couldn’t handle the small fights( he seems to be an avoidant) I wish he would come back again to fix things and start healthy again
@@Tvshownerd3same shit with me! My recent ex gf became very avoidant and i was so confused…she has a son, and shes going thru divorce-she is overwhelmed since she gets no help from the kids father. Hes a real …. Anyway, idk why but i miss her and who she used to be. I couldnt stand when she ignored me and stopped engaging in communication with me 🫤
@@Tvshownerd3 I am so sorry 😞
brooooooo I got the exact same situation, it's been two months. I've always been pretty secure throughout the whole relationship but I just knew 1-2 weeks before the breakup something was off. I wanted to help her so bad on healing her core wounds, I even told her when we break up please let me help you, she said ''you can't help me with this, I will not change my mindset on the decision'' I also really would want her to come back but brother trust me, read all these comments people say they are married to avoidants and their life feels like hell, that they regret marrying this person. Maybe we dodged a bullet?
@@bigdawg8033 wow this describes what i experienced not too long ago and i was confused as hell. Only thing is i didnt take it well at alllll. And i didnt understand why she couldnt open up with me about things bc her situation was very difficult as well as our relationship in general..ill save the story.
We live in the same house and three little children. Now what. No contact isn’t possible. Also I do not want to come across cold in front of the children. Apart from that I give here all the space. She might even have a lover on the side. I don’t need her back the way she’s been though. I have been virtually non existent to here for the last four years. So there’s no point in that.
Can they still miss you after they blocked you everywhere after you mistakenly broke no contact by sending an email that angered them?
I want to know the answer to this, too!!
me too
need to know
Omg just leave these avoidant freaks alone. Stop caring about someone who doesn't care about you and is being so toxic.
I wanted to try again with him,( my fault) then got discarded. I dont think he will feel the loss. I was often option nr 5 or whatever, he showed me 45 woman blocked from different countries. I never felt special. Got discarded when i called him out and wanted more quality time... pretty sure he already hsd someone new on the line. Lying was as easy as breathing for him. Still he is on my mind, and i hate it.
Can you about when blocking is necessary?
Yeah but how are You supposed to marry, hug , kiss , cuddle, get intercourse with someone who always wants "space" (avoidant people) ? Is a relationship posible?
Is it same for FA & DA or different?
What if they entered into a new relationship or they started dating? How do you deal with the feelings that brings up if and when they do reach out?
Forget him‼️
Game over once it’s 3rd party!
Move on gf
Can you go NC if you still live with them in the same apartment and they see you nearly everyday?
Avoidant me just lost my wife. If only I knew this a year earlier my marriage could have been saved
It's been 2 weeks NC today and he's stopped watching my stories and liking my posts (he was doing it every day) so I think he's losing interest and moving on and/or upset that I'm NC?
If you ended it, maybe he is doing NC? If he ended it, then he is doing just like my ex. I never understood his behavior but the result was the same: leave him and work on yourself. If it was meant to be, he will come back. If not, then you have the answer. Good luck dear I know it’s so difficult 💔🌷
Well, do know this. When they did break up with you, they hadn’t lost _all_ their feelings for you. That’s why it’s so common, especially with avoidants, that they breadcrumb you after breaking up. Mine kissed me every time we parted ways for about a month after she left. She eventually stopped though. And I think that’s how it naturally evolves. They need to lose all the feelings before they can build new ones for you. With avoidants though, it takes a lot of *time*
Nine days here. I pulled the plug, not her. I'm working on myself a lot. I didn't complete one my lessons lastnight. I will later today.
Lol no he's playing you.
Stop posting completely for 2 months and focus on yourself.
Trust
How should I implement NC if you have kids? I know that I have to reach out when it comes to our kids. But how do I go about this?
Is it avoidant behavior if she watches your Instagram stories for about 3 months even within 10 minutes of me posting and then suddenly unfollows you? Things just don’t add up for me. I feel like she might do this in an attempt for me to break no contact? I’m just not sure about that. Anyone can answer me?
Haven’t seen these videos pop up in my feed in a long time. What happened to Margaret?
She passed away in 2022 :(
Any success stories
Would “like” ex’s family members pics on FB be considered reaching out? His family members liked my posts first. His fam members were very kind to me but I unfriended my ex on FB n remained friends with his family members. Thank you!
@Coach Craig Kenneth, I am interested in email coaching with you. How many words can the problem description email to you have? How many screenshots can I attach? Unfortunately, I can't find any information about These details on your homepage. Thank you :)
What if kids are involved?
Heaven mercy lord 😂
Do I need to wait 21 days or so? 🙁
Would it be OK after 2 months of no contact I sent me ex some flowers, just to say hi and how are ya? She is also going to a gig and I want to say have a great time. That's all I'd say. I DO want her back but it takes as long as it takes. I just want her to be happy and I wanna be the one that helps make this happen.
Please DON'T! I'm going through a breakup currently and TBH distance has been my Allie. We slept together last week and she even told me that her daughters and best friend said she should reconcile. But I don't wanna play her game so I'm radio silent and intend to stay that way UNTIL she says something worthwhile. I'm not ugly and I get women and she knows that so I'm done playing her games. But DON'T send those flowers. She needs to miss you
@@mrkeitt Hmmm....bit too late for that now! 😂
All I put on the card was, "Hope you're well and have a great time at the gig".
No love and no kisses!
But that's it....I'm gonna be strong now. She knows where I am and she knows I'm a nice bloke and not an A hole.
All the best mate. 👍🏻
I keep thinking about sending my ex some flowers one day BUT I keep watching these amazing videos and NC is a must. I'm actually working on myself and starting to feel much better. I won't send flowers. I don't plan to reach out at all...as bad as I wish this never happened, it did.
@@shecutz4513 Yeah, I sent the flowers...Nothing! I wish I'd saved my money. Looking back though, I'm glad she didn't get intouch. I'm in a great place now. I never thought I'd get over her but I have. You'll be good 👍🏻 Don't break no contact. It prolongs your suffering.
Or just try manifestation, think there isn’t no contact and it is just a play story. I watch mind over this matrix and he said don’t think of no contact.
Even I knew my platonic is a FA and find out word space. Took me 8 months who she was.
did that manifestation shh work?
@@bigdawg8033 She seems texting bit slow, I’m in progress with her. Keep her check in, read all FA do miss someone in 5-7 days or 21 days.
@@bigdawg8033I will keep the updated info.
They don’t come back 🥱 stop
Roller Summers if you put in a lot of effort into the relationship and your other half and barely put anything at all that means something is wrong with this picture and if she did not contribute her part cheap bread crumbs you the whole entire time so with that being said it's time for you to move on Bangkok ties with her😊
My ex hasn't gotten back with me it's been 8 months and still nothing, I'm currently in an open relationship with his co worker and I slept with his co workers when he left me, I realize he doesn't care but I do go shopping at his job and just say hi but I make sure I look sexy, all his Indian co workers find me attractive and want me
You are doing protest behaviour though... trying to make them jealous and get a reaction. Maybe if you didn't go there, they would notice your absence and start wondering what you are doing. Atm you are making it easy for them. They know you will come in and know they still have an impact on you. Change tactics😊
You need help. You are the wrog one here stop you are being manipulative
If your ex still cares, they could be very upset that you now sleep with one of his coworkers but isn’t showing it. I also feel sorry for your new person given that you seem so still enamoured with your ex.
I really don't think my ex even cares what I do with my life 🤣 I'm sure he was laughing when I wrote him the handwritten letter wanting to work things out and by me saying that I love him, if he left me is because he didn't want me
@@JessicaLopez-i2rYou have to heal your codependency. You are dependent on men for validation based on that behavior. Relationships can become an addiction to us, and other people observe that. If you showed that behavior during your relationship, it may be what ended it. Detox from dating and work to achieve secure attachment.