Just a slight phase behind here. 30 years married. Three years out now. Since ugly divorce went final a year ago, I’m starting to trend mostly up and to the right.
As man who’s was in 15 years of marriage, now divorced 5 years(she initiated). I just had a BIG smile and nodded with gratefulness reading just the title…
Same. My ex-wife gave me the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" a little over a decade ago. I was devastated initially, but the more I lived, the more I realized what a blessing it was. My dad was just asking me yesterday if I had met anyone new. I said "Nope! And I'm not looking. I'm enjoying my peace. That's something I've never had when a woman was in my life". I think *MAYBE* I finally got it through to him that I'm happy and content. Time will tell. Don't get me wrong...would it be nice to have a peaceful woman who was a positive influence on my life? Absolutely. Do I think she exists though...my previous experiences with a wife and various girlfriends tell me no (hell, even my mother makes my life difficult with the needless drama, lol).
I want to congratulate you on the way you think and express yourself. I live in Greece and have been living what you describe for 2 months now. Nothing has helped me as much as your philosophical discourse. And as a Greek I am proud that my ancient ancestors continue to exist through people like you. Thanks.
Just found your channel. Wow. Thank you John. Just found my freedom and now my voice. The future is so bright I literally can't sleep at night. At 55, I think her leaving has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I have peace. Please keep the videos coming and I will be reviewing the older ones. Thank you again!
Once I bought my own house again and lived free of it, the peace and freedom are amazing. I'm retired and do major renovations to MY home with zero input from anybody. I'd never have dreamed such a simple freedom is so sweet.
Women started becoming undomesticated half a century ago. They stopped seeking the approval of men. Before that, it felt comfortable for both men and women to be domesticated together. But today, the man is caged, but the woman is the squirrel in the tree you describe. The equilibrium is gone. You have uncaged yourself. The plan for the future is to remain uncaged whether in a relationship or not. Don’t seek her approval, and always be ready to walk away.
@@zoraster3749 True both for men and women - don't over-commit, don't sacrifice too much. Expect to be treated fairly, and don't suffer for the benefit of kids - because you then are just a bad example for them of a caged human being. Don't be a "stay at home servant", but share both household and childcare chores equally, counting hours roughly, and promote work-life opportunities for both. Save for both partners' retirement, sudden unemployment, or sickness, having something saved... It is a huge trap to not put aside resources to share in case of divorce. Have a prenup, and be decent enough to respect it. Be free, safe, and not sorry...
I see now that this is so true. Women figured this out a long time ago while men accepted the self beration. We are now catching up and running as squirrels in the tree. Accepting that we have no authority and thus no ownership/responsibility to the failed paradigm. It's so liberating.
Sir, married 12 years seems for nothing. It's been 2 weeks, and I feel like the biggest loser, but she left me... Your videos are at the top of my list for my own personal self-help. It just seems on all your videos that you're talking to me directly and my situation. Thank you for all your knowledge. That's getting me through this.
I am going thru the same after 24 years. But, like John, I feel so positive and nice about it. This immense sense of freedom has give me a new zest in life. Stay strong, it will be good.
Hang in there buddy its a huge adjustment to make but once you're feeling better and come to terms with it then you are free to be whatever you choose.. sky is the limit... when my ex wife left I did so much. Joined the coastguard, became a top cliff rescue tech, took my surfing to another level, bought a sailing yacht and travelled thousands of miles, dated beautiful women (not the answer they will make it worse when they leave you too), I've had new career success. It's been a blast. The only time I've ever had any further knockdowns is when trying to deal with women again.
34, never married, so never divorced. Single for 2 ½ years...and the freedom experienced now is one I do not intend to give up on. I'm blessed by my family too, no pressure for children, no stress. As always...the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
On a Saturday I saw some mid 30's guy in an expensive neighborhood pushing a stroller while his bloated wife power walked with another fat woman in front of him. He looked miserable. I thanked God almighty that wasn't me.
@@mikecolorado6073 just to add : I just came back from meeting my uncle who’s son killed himself by sucide by hanging next to freeway , age 45 , love married for 15+ yrs no kids, completely domesticated make good money , paid off house , mother in law lives with them. He left the note to donate his body , no funeral arrangements, my uncle Told me his wife n MIL WANTS TO sell the house and tell them not to come back to see her . 😔
My ex remarried 5 or 6 years ago. When she crosses my mind, I immediately know that he's 100% been dealing with her bullshit for at least a couple of years by now. I literally do whatever I want to now and I will never give that up again.
Really enjoying your videos. Single since I was 40. No debt. My own little business. Work remotely from Spain in winter. Northern Europe in summer. No drama. Some good friends. Not too much work. Following my dreams. Never lonely. No longer seeking happiness outside of myself. Love it!
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6 year relationship just 3 months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had, I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on, I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here.
The struggle to release someone dear to your heart is undeniably arduous. I empathize, having experienced a similar circumstance when my 6 year relationship concluded. Refusing to accept defeat, I pursued every conceivable avenue to reclaim his affection. Eventually, I sought the assistance of a spiritual counselor, whose wisdom and intervention played a pivotal role in reuniting us.
I was once like you. Then, I realized that she had moved on. She was not thinking about me at all. I was wasting my time (life) wishing for something that would never happen and will never happen. If she comes back, it will be because whatever other option she had didn't work out, and she will use you to soften her landing until she can do it again. Better to cut your losses and go back to living your life for yourself. Hang in there. It will get better.
Four years divorced after over 40 years of marriage. I can totally agree with the lion and squirrel apology. Really strange you mentioned the look on married couples faces at a resturant. I was having breakfast this morning by myself. I was looking around and noticed the look on the men's faces. The men were all middle age or older. Most of the men that were with women just sat with with a blank look on their faces. One I could easily relate to. The men who were with coworkers or friends were laughing and talking among themselves. Men seem to be happier without women present.
I have always been that free lion. I’m 51, never married, no kids. U.S. Army retired. I was observant to marriage. I thought to myself if I get married like these guys, I will be trapped. For years I felt like a bad person. Perhaps I was a selfish SOB? Only cared for myself? Even though I cared for many soldiers, went to war and we all came home. But I often felt odd and out of place not marrying. I had women in my life, I just never committed to them. I truly enjoy coming and going and doing what I want. I enjoy tremendously my own space and freedom. I enjoy listening to videos like this and feel better and think. I guess the life I lived wasn’t a bad thing after all. Many men are enjoying being that free Lion. Welcome! Welcome to the life I have always lived. Twenty-three years Uncle Sam had me. I’m free of him and can say it’s a nice feeling. That’s all I know of being chained to someone. I have my pension, benefits, invested well and living my best life.
You'll find alot of guys like us also happened to carefully plan the region/state/city/neighborhood where we live so that we're enjoying things that resonate with us.
You nailed it PERFECTLY!! I can tell you 95% of the Women who hit on me at Bars have rings on and in other settings I see how Married Guys glare at me and hold their Wives a little tighter when I pass by and she breaks her neck. Its like these guys are spayed and neutered and HATE us Free Men.
Right now, I'm biking in the forest in the late fall. I do feel a little disoriented in life after divorce but it's true: Feminism liberated men who were under oppression and gave reality to women who felt they were oppressed! I am one guy who will never go back to the plantation.
Married my ex before I deployed when she got pregnant thinking I was doing the right thing... Divorced in 2020 and my life has been nothing but better every day since.. I'm almost 47 and love where I'm at.. Thanks for the videos man
If you ever want to see a domesticated husband, take a walk around HomeGoods, Ross, TJ Maxx, Bath and Beyond, or Sephora on a Saturday afternoon. Be careful! The alarm might go off if you walk in with a backbone.
I refer to them as “mall mules”, pack animals carrying bags of useless crap that she bought. Adding insult to injury, they’re usually the ones paying for it all.
I live in hawaii and usually sit in the back of the beach to observe family dynamics and man the stuff you notice it's truly incredible. Usually people's mask falls off when in an new environment and that's when you truly see how women dominate the men through manipulation. Dudes carry everything, the baby, the, cooler, the chairs on his back strapped up, the umbrella, all of it onto him just like the mule while the wife or g/f is turning her wifi signal on and checking for other males to notice her as she pulls up her cell phone and starts taking selfies of herself while the poor guy she's with is like dying low key on the inside.
@@glowboy911 I have so been that guy in the past. It’s one of the things that makes me very glad to be single now. It was hard at first adjusting after 22 years but it’s liberating.
I’m 69 and have never been married. My foster dad passed when I was in my 20’s. I then had to grow up real fast and take care of my foster mom and two mentally handicapped guys. I’m the early ‘90’s, we became snowbirds and went to FL six months a year. While there, I felt more like “Cinderfella” than anything else. We were like a married couple and she ruled the roost. To make a long story short, my foster brothers and I went back to NY.(my foster mom’s family took over because she got dementia.) Even though I had to look after my two handicapped fellows, without my foster mom running things, I felt liberated! I’m glad not to be married. It’s NOT for me. I’m alone now but pretty much do what I want, when I want and loving every minute of it! 😊😊
Just scrolling though the comments as 33yo single, never married, childless man... Learn form others mistakes so you don't have to make them. There's so much more to life than being in a relationship.
It’s all about finding the right person. Be very picky and ask lots of questions. And don’t be afraid of ending a relationship if there is something that feels wrong. It is difficult to keep a good head on your shoulders when you have fallen in love. Sex is great early on, but it changes. You have to have open and free communication. I am divorced and remarried and I was very, very clear to my second wife, while we were dating, that sex was very important to me (you can guess one of the factors that had me leave my first wife). My second choice of wife was a much better one (11 years married now) and it is a true partnership and I’m very happy. She is a gem. Don’t be down on women. Just be very choosy. I have two great kids from my first marriage and can’t imagine life without them. My second wife was not previously married and I was clear that my child rearing days were over (she was 40 when we met so she realized that having her own kids was not gonna happen…. still, I feel badly for her as she did want kids of her own). I don’t feel trapped in this marriage like many UA-camrs insinuate. She’s not a nag. She is supportive and great with money so we have lots of freedom to travel. It’s awesome. I know I’m not rare, but I also know the feeling of being unhappily married. Don’t rush in. But if you find Mrs Right, she will add tremendous value to your life. Hope this helps. Last thought: I was young when I made my first choice of wife, so I didn’t know myself as well as I knew myself at 42 when I remarried. Huge difference! I had more confidence, self acceptance, money, friends, etc. It helped me avoid making the same mistakes twice. And I also know that if things go badly in my current marriage, either of us can end it. I did not give myself that option the first time around until near my divorce; and religion played a huge role in me not wanting to end the first relationship.
Same boat. I'm just living everyday for the enjoyment and excitement it brings. I grew up taking of my siblings/cousins so I've done my time... perhaps I'd want kids in the future, I doubt it though
One of my go-to channels. I’m feral and free from the paradigm and will never cage myself to someone else. Love how you described it as unyielding and an outlier that’s a threat; it’s the advantage. I’ve always strive to be an outlier/against-the-grain and questioning everything; especially post-plandemic and quackccine; our medical ‘professionals’ can be so incompetent. I do whatever I want when I want. No one tells me how much paper-towels or toilet-paper to use. Fellow-undomesticated. It’s free entertainment when you watch those in the cage in public; they can tell when you look at them how free you are and how they wish that still had that freedom. Ultimate blessing
Hey John, just wanted to let you know your videos are amazing and super helpful. Years of suffering and not understanding where I am both mentally and physically in terms of my separation... your videos have made available a clarity I just didn't have before. Keep up the good work, your contribution here is truly an inspiration to all men. Thank you.
Love the squirrel in the trees at the zoo vs the “majestic” lion stuck in a cage analogy! Thanks for giving guys in our situation this fantastic perspective that is so true!
It’s very odd having 24 hour a day to myself. It’s only 8 weeks into the divorce process and it still hurts a bit but like minded men is my go to. Thanks for your insight Brother.
@@ricvanwinkle1665 I know you’re still in the thick of it, but let me just assure you that you are going to find that life gets so much better than it’s been recently. Having all your time to yourself is almost decadent. Enjoy the moments when they happen.
Singing " But if I stay here with you, girl, Things just couldn't be the same, 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now And this bird you cannot change, Whoa fly free bird (jams out) "
Hello John, I absolutely agree with you that a man can not be fully realized unless they go through marriage and children,and the person that wrote you the comment about being single and how they feel it’s a bad thing was probably never married or had to deal with a serious relationship and so they do not understand the value of being single.
You are correct John that those who have been locked in the cage, have learned a bunch of lessons. It's another example of how most people have to learn things the hard way. I've been "free" now for over 35 years. 72 now, free, fulfilled and happy. Another good video. Thanks.
I found that Divorce whittles you down to the person you REALLY are. It will quickly determine if you are a survivor, fighter, creator, weakling, simp, etc. There is a YT video of a Lion behind a glass that tries to attack a little kid, but can't. In the cage, you need to be fed on a schedule. Great Video!!
I went on a Bumble date last Saturday with a very attractive and successful lady. She complained that her ex was hard to domesticate. I then realized I’m not for her either.. I’m just too independent.
If its got to wear make-up to go out, its a hideous creature in it's own mind. Learn what makeup is really all about and you'll learn why you're wasting your life going on dates. You go on dates because you're brainwashed into believing it's a good thing. Wake up man.
Once you find more important endeavors in life this sort of wasted time will end. Learn why women wear make-up as its a reflection of how they view themselves, as fugly without it. As you will too.
John, I’ve been watching your videos for a couple of months now. Great content and always interesting. Here’s a story that you might find insightful. I’m a retired police officer. Years ago we had a local man who was generally a nice guy however, he had the habit of getting himself into minor trouble and I would have to lock him up. Just minor things. After being in jail for sometime, he became accustomed to it. After that, each time he would get released, after about a week or two, he would walk into a store next to the police station and steal something, purposely displaying it to the cashier as he walked by. He would then stand outside the store for an officer to arrive and arrest him again. He would get another 30 days in jail, and this would happen all over again. This went on for years. He had become so accustomed to life in prison that he was uncomfortable being free. Over the years, I noticed other men that were the exact same way. I wonder if perhaps we are much the same way in marriage? Complacency can be comforting at times regardless of the circumstances.
What is really sad to me, is that my soon to be ex-wife displays this same behavior. She surrounds herself with piles of disorderly bric-a-brac and spends most of her free time napping and eating junk food. Any attempt to break her out of this self-destructive behavior is met with hostility and doubling down. I accepted some time back that she is so accustomed to her bad habits that she can't seem to function without them.
Married for 32 years, I lost my wife 18 years ago. Although I didn’t go through a divorce, our relationship had its challenges-she had a strong need to control things, especially our finances, which took some getting used to. She also joined a Baptist church, and I followed, which meant no drinking, so even having a beer could start a disagreement. Not that I was much of a drinker anyway! Nowadays, I stay connected with two groups of friends-one from high school and another from college. We meet for lunch once a month, just the guys. Most of them are married, and one of them once asked me why I never remarried. I told him I actually enjoy the single life, and I could tell he was surprised by the look on his face. Still, it makes me wonder sometimes: how many of those guys truly enjoy being married? They seem happy, but I can’t help but wonder about those marriages.
Married guys won't get it because they are trapped in the pod. Almost all married women will understand. It's fascinating how far behind the cultural change we are as men. It's been over for decades but we've held to the authority and ownership for which we have, truly, none.
"She gave you the keys to the cage." That's a good original thought. We don't realize how good it is to be single, until we no longer have it. Like in that Joni Mitchell song, "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone."
Divorce was the best thing that happened to me and I am lucky that it happened when I was in my late 30s. It does take time to come to the realisation, but it is real freedom. Great video once again!
During my separation talking to someone "still in the cage," he wished he could be in my situation, day in day out fixated on his demanding wife. It was after this conversation that I realized this newfound superpower!!! I'm enjoying my freedom. Thanks ex-wife and her affair partner! 🎉 Enjoy the dirty stinky cage!!!
Never been married, but I do have a daughter. For a long time I did envy my friends who have “solid” marriages. But after I turned 40 and noticed a lot of them getting divorced I started analyzing the whole thing a little bit more carefully and now in my late 40’s, I realize I too got the better deal. What you say about being seen as a threat is so real, they even try to put you down by stating how sad it is to age alone and that they worry about your old age, it used to resonate in me, but now I see them as people that make life choices based on fear, and I have never been that kind of person, if anything my lack of fear has often gotten me in trouble, and I am so glad to be this way. I encourage other man, specially young ones to be fearless in life, I don’t regret any of the mistakes I made in the past, because they were my mistakes not someone else’s and that makes a bigger difference as you age than who you spend your older years with.
You were describing the beginning of the divorce journey and the part where you are no longer wearing your ring and how that is like a spotlight on your being alone basically against your own will for that. That really put me back about four years when that happened to me. I recall going to church by myself and just found it best to keep my hand in my pocket at that time. Divorce is a strange thing to go through but has made me much better for myself and others.
I am not sure what it is about your videos (I guess because they are so well done) but I really appreciate them. One of the very few youtubers where I have watched ALL the videos, please keep them coming forever. I have gained a lot from them, heck, I have never even be married (luck me ???)!
I spent 2 years traveling in South America and publishing 13 photography books about different cuntries. No way that could happen if I was in the marriage cage.
Am going through a divorce at age 65 right now that is nothing but an attempted greed based grab at my 401K. Looking forward to it being over. This channel is literally a blessing that is help keeping me sane and focused on getting through it. Freedom is coming my way and I intend to fully use it. I'm in great health and financially am going to be fine. She'll spend it all and will be broke in 2 years.
Why doesn't your soon to be ex-wife have an equally valuable 401K of her own - I don't understand that - we don't have 401K's here in Norden, how do they function?
Seems it’s always about money My ex did quite a number on me delaying the divorce as much as possible as I was paying all the bills Took 4 miserable years due to that nonsense Remarried to a girl 20 years younger than her and happy, I think
@@DNA350ppm Because she hasn't worked. I blame myself for ignoring red flags. She got fired from every job she had early in our marriage mostly because of her inability to get along with anyone.
Yea. This channel is a few years ahead of me. And I am a few months ahead of you. I didn't get it at first when I was in the full grief stage (which is an important thing to embrace). Trust the process. Coming out the other side of "it was all a waste" to freedom as a lion is truly amazing.
Dear John No this is not a dear John letter. I really enjoy watching all your videos and have watched them all at least 3 times. My favorites are being chained to a bear and this one. After watching I realised that I made the right decision when I moved to Japan 46 years ago and married a Japanese woman .
One of the best movies my husband introduced me to is Fantastic Mr. Fox, and it's changed how I approach our marriage. It should be required watching for any couple. Respecting each others' wildness even when you're in the midst of certain seasons of life (like raising a family) that require a lot of effort is the key to reaping the benefits of such work. Not everyone can do it. Not everyone should. If you choose to have kids, you must make sure that the person you have kids with CAN be taught to respect your wildness, and that you are also capable of that feat. Even if you're single, you should still go watch Fantastic Mr. Fox though, just because it's a good movie.
Can't put a price tag on peace of mind. Nov. 5 marked 6 yrs. divorced for me. Still can't believe it. Initially felt like the world was ending... Now I am happy and free. Feeling so blessed and content. P.S. John, your dogs are so beautiful.
What a great message John! I’m a single women 14 years divorced and I’m still recovering! You’re videos help me and this one made me smile big time because I’m so grateful to be single and not have to deal with a controlling an ever again. ❤🎉😂 Thanks again being single is a blessing!!😊
I have always hated wearing a ring- never married.Three of my childhood friends fathers lost their ring fingers in various accidents-due to wearing rings.I got that particular message.Thanks.
I work in emergency medicine, you would be surprised at how often that happens, especially with tradesmen who work with industrial tools. Got to be careful out there.
I’m so grateful to have come across your channel. Being a 53 year old divorced father myself, your content resonates and gives me a sense of self worth and a good laugh at how I had followed the social expectations of men for so long, only to have broken the mould some 25 years later. Thanks brother..🙏
A great show. You have shown me that I am not alone and that there is life after the divorce. So much of what you say resonates with me. Thanks for the help in healing
I'm just at the beginning of this journey (we're still in the same house but separated). You're videos are giving me such a positive view of what this is going to look like when the split finally happens. I can't wait to make decision purely based off of my thought, feelings, and opinions. The thought of that is liberating for me.
I have already seen a few videos on this channel and appreciate the instructive wisdoms of Mr. Griffin. I find the freedom thing interesting. I am German and i have been seeing more and more relationships and marriages fail for years. And quite a few men marry a second or third time afterwards. I often think to myself that many men simply cannot bear the freedom. (Sorry for my bad English).
I remember my grandmother told me I'm rare because I'm a guy who loves freedom. I thought my grandmother was being sarcastic, but it turned out to be true. For some odd unknown reasons (someone, anyone, PLEASE educate me if you can) most guys dont handle freedom well. Its as if they need a "partner" to manage them.
My father, who was a pastor, used to say, "know God or no purpose." Meaning that until you connect with God, you'll never find your true purpose. For most gentlemen, especially in the West, their God is their GF or wife. If they can't get a "partner" (as you put it), they have trouble focusing and living with a purpose. It's so, so, so, sad.
@M-iy4tf you statement is misleading because romantic relationships aren't the only way to a social life. I've been single in 2010, and I'm more social now than when I was in a relationship. Why are you PURPOSELY disregarding: Friends, family, and flings? All of those are great ways to get all the socializing you need.
Hitting rock bottom is like a rebirth. It's a death of the old self, the ego. Getting back up and rebuilding yourself is incredibly difficult and not everyone makes it. But it can be the return to masculinity, a return to center, and empowering beyond your wildest dreams. Just like John says in this video, I too often look at couples out and about and can see the pain in the men's eyes, how their souls have left them, how they are longing for being themselves and not the emasculated empty shells that they have been reduced to.
Got divorced 30 years ago, kept the house, and everything else, had custody of my son. Left my top job so I could look better after the boy. Started my own company which became an international success. Porsches in garage and Helicopter in the hangar. Made my son a top aviation professional. Had many offers over the years which I all politely declined. Even the mother of my sons then girlfriend hit on me. Said no thanks. Today at 75, still in top form, driving my Porsches and taking my Bell 430 for a spin whenever I can besides working 60 hour weeks. And the ex-wife lives in poverty. That's karma for you.
Keep that stick steady and all four on the ground. Sir, I envy you greatly. I wish had put in the effort needed to be in your position. Now it's too damn late. I'm down a cylinder, low fuel warning flashing and I lost my rudder. Wishing you all the very best!
Your a 1000% spot on my friend the time you spend on everybody else first and nothing for you and then she says I'm leaving and taking the kids out of state it hurts but looking back I have me and its enough and I realize it's the best thing because I was married 25 yrs and not even looking in the rear view time to have fun
Being the post-divorce single guy picking up takeout at a restaurant is like having a time machine, you can look at the dads and see your past self and fully appreciate how stressful that time was and how amazing it feels to be where you are now. True freedom. Also, I love how men can learn from dating and relationships and see it as a life phase that they went through but that they don’t have to repeat. I love being single and doing everything for myself, but in my adult life (I’m mid forties) I’ve literally only met one and exactly one woman who is content living alone and living off what she makes. I can be happily single the rest of my life, but every single one of my past girlfriends will probably repeat whatever she had with me with a continuous string of other guys until she’s dead.
Excellent Point. A CHANGE is needed in the System. Don't fall into the trap. Women have total freedom to change the rules. YOU can't change the obligations. Thanks John.
Dear john , im 74 my wife died 15 years ago at the age of 60 and i still miss her terribly. Her death however forced me to forensically examine our marriage to try and understand my grief and the regrets i felt. Firstly i realised for the first time just how much she loved me and how little i deserved it . I also realised that we both had needs that had not been met because of the restrictions and expectations of marriage. I would give my life to have her back yet would seek a different way of living together as i think marriage has a bad effect on both partners the problem is i cant think of an alternative .
John, I first want to thank you for everything you've done on this channel. Your content has been EXTREMELY helpful and inspiring. I can relate to so much! We are the same age. I was married 18 years, no children, and recently divorced. The emotional process before we made it final with the courts started in June 2021 we separated, got back together to try to work it out~ even took our wedding vows again last year, but when I DECIDED that I WANTED A DIVORCE too, not wanting to be with a woman who doesn't want to be married, well that was a turning point. All this said, I have a question or inquiry for you and the men who watch this. Yesterday while organizing my new home, I came across all the anniversary cards, sweet notes, and 18 years of loving memories of all the sweetest things my ex-wife gave to me. A lot of sentimental stuff! 18 years worth. I kept the photos, but all the other stuff I threw away. It was a big deal for me to do that. I'd like to know if you or other ex husbands deal with this situation. Thank you again for your time and help! ~Thomas-Wolfgang Rohan in Reno Nevada
Lol, I also just recently went through all the birthday, Valentine's Day, etc. cards. The ones from her pledged lifelong loyalty, support, love, ... I had a GOOD laugh and threw them in the trash where they belong!
1. Most WM are in love with the Fairly tale..not the man 2. Most WM are solipsistic..They are love takers not givers..most men don't see the selfishness and r blinded the pretty curves and occasional sprinklers of affection. 3. Most WM live in a fantasy..once u stop acting captain romantic....she switches out 4. Most WM have an emptiness and a dark shadow u can't fill. Study Carl Jung on the Animus. 5. The sweet notes were a fantasy...U were the white knight in her romcom..she was the main star....She is bored and she needs a new knight 6. Enjoy Nature...beyond WM..life is beautiful.
For me, it was easier to work on the "inside of me" once I got divorced. It took me a little time, but I did come to realize, happiness really does come from within. It was hard to see it when I was married, because I spent so much time "working to make the relationship function".
Just Stop. There is such a unilateral financial and legal incentive for one party to divorce the other any discussion of interpersonal dynamics is mute
spot on and great insights from a 62 yoa male after 18 years of divorce from my one and only marriage of 23 years i agree, but still love to hear wisdom from other men... thanks alot!
I’ve been single all my life and boy do I love it. I actually feel sorry for all my married male friends but of course I never tell them. And they never tell me how much they wish they were single. It’s just our little secret 😜
"...and that woman staring sourly into the menu, just not happy". It appears that after divorce you became more aware of the tiniest things that most others would overlook and appreciate it even more.
Change is hard. Recovery from marriage is really hard. But you show your neighbors that this change is possible. There is a clear threat to their status quo, and you’re that threat.
If you ever get divorced please make sure that you give yourself not just time to heal but time to get your mind in a clear state of foresight and full understanding. Draw a triangle on a piece of paper and then on each tip put the following words. Yesterday Today And tomorrow. I have applied this concept in other areas of life and have worked.
Married 45 years, I have a wife that I would marry again, I have a lot of freedom be me, I have expensive hobbies , and a woman that fully supports my interests. Compared to most I would say she's a unicorn. This is my second marriage, my first left some scars.
Been "undomesticated" for about a year. With time I have come to appreciate that I can truly be me and make decisions based on my values and that has been a blessing. Since I was forced into divorce, the society including friends and family even from the other side came in to help and support me in different ways. I am grateful to God on how things are turning out.
If a man is at his wits end with marriage, i agree with you. Get out and live. But I do wish my second wife and I made it to the end of life together. But I am glad that I came to my senses and left. It was not a great relationship, and 50 percent was my fault. I got fat, un motivated for my own needs and lost my purpose. I did a lot of great things. But I will live my life with the new education I have , and live my purpose. If a woman want to accompany me and be a compliment to my life, she will be invited on motorcycle rides and come over for a cigar on the beach at sunset. Might even get fed and have fun together when time allows. There is something you can't change after you swallow that red pill, you can't unsee things the way it was with blinders on. 😊
Please, for fairness, give notice to your wife, and don't move money out of her reach, that she and the kids are legally entitled to. Talk to an marriage councelor, tell your wife, that you want to go alone. Good luck on your way to become as free as you ever can be, it is your birth-right, too.
Just saw a great YT video called "10 Brutal Lies Men Believe Today..." where he lists the main things to avoid or correct and it's really useful and empowering. One Lie is: "You believe you're a victim" and there are people selling you that idea.............
John, your wisdom is going to help so many out there. When we learn how lucky we are to be rid of a toxic situation, you almost can’t fathom how free and easy life is (as it should have been) 👏🏻🍻
Nailed it!
I’m divorced 5 years now after a 30 year marriage
I’m 57 and feel great
Me too also 57 and do what I want when I want and still have a good girlfriend as well who makes no demands on me.
You’ve done the work. Same for me (24 years)
Just a slight phase behind here. 30 years married. Three years out now. Since ugly divorce went final a year ago, I’m starting to trend mostly up and to the right.
I wish you will brother!
Things certainly do get better after...
Many men lead lives of quiet desperation and never experience true freedom. Cherish yours, my friend.
The famous quote from Henry David Thoreau says it all "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave still with a song in them"
Good point!
That phrase popped into my head this morning.
Like a dog on a leash
Marriage: Modern Slavery.
As man who’s was in 15 years of marriage, now divorced 5 years(she initiated). I just had a BIG smile and nodded with gratefulness reading just the title…
Same. My ex-wife gave me the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" a little over a decade ago. I was devastated initially, but the more I lived, the more I realized what a blessing it was.
My dad was just asking me yesterday if I had met anyone new. I said "Nope! And I'm not looking. I'm enjoying my peace. That's something I've never had when a woman was in my life". I think *MAYBE* I finally got it through to him that I'm happy and content. Time will tell.
Don't get me wrong...would it be nice to have a peaceful woman who was a positive influence on my life? Absolutely. Do I think she exists though...my previous experiences with a wife and various girlfriends tell me no (hell, even my mother makes my life difficult with the needless drama, lol).
John, you have an immense talent of putting the truth and facts of marriage and divorce into words.
Divorce is a great opportunity to realize that women in marriage brings way more baggage than goods.
Women are but baggage. Nothing more.
Who's the man?
I want to congratulate you on the way you think and express yourself. I live in Greece and have been living what you describe for 2 months now. Nothing has helped me as much as your philosophical discourse. And as a Greek I am proud that my ancient ancestors continue to exist through people like you. Thanks.
@@sak594 thanks!!
Just found your channel. Wow. Thank you John. Just found my freedom and now my voice. The future is so bright I literally can't sleep at night. At 55, I think her leaving has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I have peace. Please keep the videos coming and I will be reviewing the older ones. Thank you again!
He speaks the words of the Prognosticator.
@@Sal834 glad you are enjoying the videos! Congratulations on your new freedom!!!
Amen brother! 😊
Once I bought my own house again and lived free of it, the peace and freedom are amazing. I'm retired and do major renovations to MY home with zero input from anybody. I'd never have dreamed such a simple freedom is so sweet.
Right there with you!
NEVER GETTING MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE: The key to immense wealth and decades of additional healthy living.
Be Carefull because they will smell the money....specially when you hit 65. A younger woman around 55 and less will love bomb and wait untill you die.
According to PragerU, marriage makes you rich.
@@OneEyeGuy0 Yes, for the divorcing wife getting boinked by her trainer.
@@OneEyeGuy0 50% of the time apparently... 100% if you are female 🙂
Good decision. After all, marriage is the number one cause of divorce😂😂
Women started becoming undomesticated half a century ago. They stopped seeking the approval of men. Before that, it felt comfortable for both men and women to be domesticated together. But today, the man is caged, but the woman is the squirrel in the tree you describe. The equilibrium is gone.
You have uncaged yourself. The plan for the future is to remain uncaged whether in a relationship or not. Don’t seek her approval, and always be ready to walk away.
Well said
Exactly 💯. Relationship status should not affect who you are.
Always be ready “and able” to walk away.
The ability to walk away without hefty penalties and backend payments is the key to the equation.
@@zoraster3749 True both for men and women - don't over-commit, don't sacrifice too much. Expect to be treated fairly, and don't suffer for the benefit of kids - because you then are just a bad example for them of a caged human being. Don't be a "stay at home servant", but share both household and childcare chores equally, counting hours roughly, and promote work-life opportunities for both. Save for both partners' retirement, sudden unemployment, or sickness, having something saved... It is a huge trap to not put aside resources to share in case of divorce. Have a prenup, and be decent enough to respect it. Be free, safe, and not sorry...
I see now that this is so true. Women figured this out a long time ago while men accepted the self beration. We are now catching up and running as squirrels in the tree. Accepting that we have no authority and thus no ownership/responsibility to the failed paradigm. It's so liberating.
Sir, married 12 years seems for nothing. It's been 2 weeks, and I feel like the biggest loser, but she left me... Your videos are at the top of my list for my own personal self-help. It just seems on all your videos that you're talking to me directly and my situation. Thank you for all your knowledge. That's getting me through this.
Did you try counseling first?
@m2pozad yes, Sir doing it sence this all went down, the thing is it was her idea and had one session, she left me the next day.
I am going thru the same after 24 years. But, like John, I feel so positive and nice about it. This immense sense of freedom has give me a new zest in life. Stay strong, it will be good.
Hang in there buddy its a huge adjustment to make but once you're feeling better and come to terms with it then you are free to be whatever you choose.. sky is the limit... when my ex wife left I did so much. Joined the coastguard, became a top cliff rescue tech, took my surfing to another level, bought a sailing yacht and travelled thousands of miles, dated beautiful women (not the answer they will make it worse when they leave you too), I've had new career success. It's been a blast. The only time I've ever had any further knockdowns is when trying to deal with women again.
@@raugz2182 I’m really glad that the videos are helping
34, never married, so never divorced.
Single for 2 ½ years...and the freedom experienced now is one I do not intend to give up on.
I'm blessed by my family too, no pressure for children, no stress.
As always...the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
There's no woman more beautiful than Lady Freedom
Yes!
On a Saturday I saw some mid 30's guy in an expensive neighborhood pushing a stroller while his bloated wife power walked with another fat woman in front of him. He looked miserable. I thanked God almighty that wasn't me.
I’ve seen that guy! I think he was one like that in every neighborhood
These days it’s very common to see the men become domesticated .. I’m not against line inequality towards women but paradigm has shifted
I SAW similar the other day.
@@mikecolorado6073 just to add : I just came back from meeting my uncle who’s son killed himself by sucide by hanging next to freeway , age 45 , love married for 15+ yrs no kids, completely domesticated make good money , paid off house , mother in law lives with them. He left the note to donate his body , no funeral arrangements, my uncle
Told me his wife n MIL WANTS TO sell the house and tell them not to come back to see her . 😔
My ex remarried 5 or 6 years ago. When she crosses my mind, I immediately know that he's 100% been dealing with her bullshit for at least a couple of years by now. I literally do whatever I want to now and I will never give that up again.
Yep no way that shit aint floating to the top after 2-3 years.
Well said. Whatever she did to you she’ll do to the next guy and the one after that and the one after that.
You never know what it's like for them. They could be happy.
Thank you, signing the divorce papers today after a year separated and your wisdom helps
Stay strong brother
Really enjoying your videos. Single since I was 40. No debt. My own little business. Work remotely from Spain in winter. Northern Europe in summer. No drama. Some good friends. Not too much work. Following my dreams. Never lonely. No longer seeking happiness outside of myself. Love it!
Your gliding vids are spectacular
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6 year relationship just 3 months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had, I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on, I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here.
The struggle to release someone dear to your heart is undeniably arduous. I empathize, having experienced a similar circumstance when my 6 year relationship concluded. Refusing to accept defeat, I pursued every conceivable avenue to reclaim his affection. Eventually, I sought the assistance of a spiritual counselor, whose wisdom and intervention played a pivotal role in reuniting us.
Where did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with her?
Suzanne Ann Walters is the name of an exceptional spiritual counselor renowned for her ability to reunite you with your former partner.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online.
I was once like you. Then, I realized that she had moved on. She was not thinking about me at all. I was wasting my time (life) wishing for something that would never happen and will never happen. If she comes back, it will be because whatever other option she had didn't work out, and she will use you to soften her landing until she can do it again. Better to cut your losses and go back to living your life for yourself. Hang in there. It will get better.
Four years divorced after over 40 years of marriage. I can totally agree with the lion and squirrel apology. Really strange you mentioned the look on married couples faces at a resturant. I was having breakfast this morning by myself. I was looking around and noticed the look on the men's faces. The men were all middle age or older. Most of the men that were with women just sat with with a blank look on their faces. One I could easily relate to. The men who were with coworkers or friends were laughing and talking among themselves. Men seem to be happier without women present.
I have always been that free lion. I’m 51, never married, no kids. U.S. Army retired. I was observant to marriage. I thought to myself if I get married like these guys, I will be trapped. For years I felt like a bad person. Perhaps I was a selfish SOB? Only cared for myself? Even though I cared for many soldiers, went to war and we all came home. But I often felt odd and out of place not marrying. I had women in my life, I just never committed to them. I truly enjoy coming and going and doing what I want. I enjoy tremendously my own space and freedom. I enjoy listening to videos like this and feel better and think. I guess the life I lived wasn’t a bad thing after all. Many men are enjoying being that free Lion. Welcome! Welcome to the life I have always lived. Twenty-three years Uncle Sam had me. I’m free of him and can say it’s a nice feeling. That’s all I know of being chained to someone. I have my pension, benefits, invested well and living my best life.
You'll find alot of guys like us also happened to carefully plan the region/state/city/neighborhood where we live so that we're enjoying things that resonate with us.
Sounds like a great life! Plus you have a youtube channel too!
You were married to the Army
@ yes indeed I was. The soldiers I cared for my children.
@jimb3093 I just did 4 years and got out. 13M 👍
I absolutely agree! My view as a single 55 year old, never married man is: If it "floats" "flies" or "f**ks", RENT IT!
The best philosophy to live by … 🎉
Divorce is hard. Being in a miserable marriage is harder. It’s all about perspective and being non complacent. You only have one life, enjoy it.
John, this is one of your best videos.
Nothing like FREEDOM.
This is the best channel on UA-cam. This is medicine for older guys, thanks john
So true. I've shared many of the same experiences. Post 18 months since divorce, I now recognize many of the advantages of being & staying single.
You nailed it PERFECTLY!! I can tell you 95% of the Women who hit on me at Bars have rings on and in other settings I see how Married Guys glare at me and hold their Wives a little tighter when I pass by and she breaks her neck. Its like these guys are spayed and neutered and HATE us Free Men.
Maybe the guys want you to take their wife, so you can free them.
@@khanhcao3123 No thanks, I love "Keeping" my money. Lol
You're not free at all. Walk away from pussycat first, only then will you find freedom. Lust is the chain around your neck.
Right now, I'm biking in the forest in the late fall. I do feel a little disoriented in life after divorce but it's true:
Feminism liberated men who were under oppression and gave reality to women who felt they were oppressed!
I am one guy who will never go back to the plantation.
Married my ex before I deployed when she got pregnant thinking I was doing the right thing... Divorced in 2020 and my life has been nothing but better every day since.. I'm almost 47 and love where I'm at.. Thanks for the videos man
Very nice indeed. Great video.
Yes I am Australian man, 35yrs single home owner no mortgage. Life is great!
If you ever want to see a domesticated husband, take a walk around HomeGoods, Ross, TJ Maxx, Bath and Beyond, or Sephora on a Saturday afternoon. Be careful! The alarm might go off if you walk in with a backbone.
I refer to them as “mall mules”, pack animals carrying bags of useless crap that she bought. Adding insult to injury, they’re usually the ones paying for it all.
@@glowboy911 Or the mall. I've been guys holding purses.
I live in hawaii and usually sit in the back of the beach to observe family dynamics and man the stuff you notice it's truly incredible. Usually people's mask falls off when in an new environment and that's when you truly see how women dominate the men through manipulation. Dudes carry everything, the baby, the, cooler, the chairs on his back strapped up, the umbrella, all of it onto him just like the mule while the wife or g/f is turning her wifi signal on and checking for other males to notice her as she pulls up her cell phone and starts taking selfies of herself while the poor guy she's with is like dying low key on the inside.
@@glowboy911 I have so been that guy in the past. It’s one of the things that makes me very glad to be single now. It was hard at first adjusting after 22 years but it’s liberating.
@@Prophet_of_Cthulhu
Let me ask you, why didn't you ever stand your ground?
I’m 69 and have never been married. My foster dad passed when I was in my 20’s. I then had to grow up real fast and take care of my foster mom and two mentally handicapped guys. I’m the early ‘90’s, we became snowbirds and went to FL six months a year. While there, I felt more like “Cinderfella” than anything else. We were like a married couple and she ruled the roost. To make a long story short, my foster brothers and I went back to NY.(my foster mom’s family took over because she got dementia.) Even though I had to look after my two handicapped fellows, without my foster mom running things, I felt liberated! I’m glad not to be married. It’s NOT for me. I’m alone now but pretty much do what I want, when I want and loving every minute of it! 😊😊
Just scrolling though the comments as 33yo single, never married, childless man... Learn form others mistakes so you don't have to make them. There's so much more to life than being in a relationship.
It’s all about finding the right person. Be very picky and ask lots of questions. And don’t be afraid of ending a relationship if there is something that feels wrong. It is difficult to keep a good head on your shoulders when you have fallen in love. Sex is great early on, but it changes. You have to have open and free communication. I am divorced and remarried and I was very, very clear to my second wife, while we were dating, that sex was very important to me (you can guess one of the factors that had me leave my first wife). My second choice of wife was a much better one (11 years married now) and it is a true partnership and I’m very happy. She is a gem. Don’t be down on women. Just be very choosy. I have two great kids from my first marriage and can’t imagine life without them. My second wife was not previously married and I was clear that my child rearing days were over (she was 40 when we met so she realized that having her own kids was not gonna happen…. still, I feel badly for her as she did want kids of her own). I don’t feel trapped in this marriage like many UA-camrs insinuate. She’s not a nag. She is supportive and great with money so we have lots of freedom to travel. It’s awesome. I know I’m not rare, but I also know the feeling of being unhappily married. Don’t rush in. But if you find Mrs Right, she will add tremendous value to your life. Hope this helps.
Last thought: I was young when I made my first choice of wife, so I didn’t know myself as well as I knew myself at 42 when I remarried. Huge difference! I had more confidence, self acceptance, money, friends, etc. It helped me avoid making the same mistakes twice. And I also know that if things go badly in my current marriage, either of us can end it. I did not give myself that option the first time around until near my divorce; and religion played a huge role in me not wanting to end the first relationship.
Same boat. I'm just living everyday for the enjoyment and excitement it brings. I grew up taking of my siblings/cousins so I've done my time... perhaps I'd want kids in the future, I doubt it though
One of my go-to channels. I’m feral and free from the paradigm and will never cage myself to someone else. Love how you described it as unyielding and an outlier that’s a threat; it’s the advantage. I’ve always strive to be an outlier/against-the-grain and questioning everything; especially post-plandemic and quackccine; our medical ‘professionals’ can be so incompetent. I do whatever I want when I want. No one tells me how much paper-towels or toilet-paper to use. Fellow-undomesticated. It’s free entertainment when you watch those in the cage in public; they can tell when you look at them how free you are and how they wish that still had that freedom. Ultimate blessing
Hey John, just wanted to let you know your videos are amazing and super helpful. Years of suffering and not understanding where I am both mentally and physically in terms of my separation... your videos have made available a clarity I just didn't have before. Keep up the good work, your contribution here is truly an inspiration to all men. Thank you.
Thanks!
Love the squirrel in the trees at the zoo vs the “majestic” lion stuck in a cage analogy! Thanks for giving guys in our situation this fantastic perspective that is so true!
Freedom is everything.
Thanks!
Thank You! I'm glad the vide resonated with you.
It’s very odd having 24 hour a day to myself. It’s only 8 weeks into the divorce process and it still hurts a bit but like minded men is my go to. Thanks for your insight Brother.
@@ricvanwinkle1665 I know you’re still in the thick of it, but let me just assure you that you are going to find that life gets so much better than it’s been recently. Having all your time to yourself is almost decadent. Enjoy the moments when they happen.
Singing " But if I stay here with you, girl, Things just couldn't be the same, 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change, Whoa fly free bird (jams out) "
One of my favorites! I can play it on the guitar!
Hello John, I absolutely agree with you that a man can not be fully realized unless they go through marriage and children,and the person that wrote you the comment about being single and how they feel it’s a bad thing was probably never married or had to deal with a serious relationship and so they do not understand the value of being single.
You are correct John that those who have been locked in the cage, have learned a bunch of lessons. It's another example of how most people have to learn things the hard way.
I've been "free" now for over 35 years. 72 now, free, fulfilled and happy.
Another good video. Thanks.
I found that Divorce whittles you down to the person you REALLY are. It will quickly determine if you are a survivor, fighter, creator, weakling, simp, etc. There is a YT video of a Lion behind a glass that tries to attack a little kid, but can't. In the cage, you need to be fed on a schedule. Great Video!!
I survived but just barely
I like the way you describe the impact of divorce on a man's character
I went on a Bumble date last Saturday with a very attractive and successful lady. She complained that her ex was hard to domesticate. I then realized I’m not for her either.. I’m just too independent.
Talking about the ex on the first date is a instant pass
If its got to wear make-up to go out, its a hideous creature in it's own mind.
Learn what makeup is really all about and you'll learn why you're wasting your life going on dates. You go on dates because you're brainwashed into believing it's a good thing.
Wake up man.
Once you find more important endeavors in life this sort of wasted time will end. Learn why women wear make-up as its a reflection of how they view themselves, as fugly without it. As you will too.
@@dtrubow I love women, obsessed with them -but I’m also very cautious now
Attractive and sucessful No thanks Been there done that
John,
I’ve been watching your videos for a couple of months now. Great content and always interesting.
Here’s a story that you might find insightful.
I’m a retired police officer. Years ago we had a local man who was generally a nice guy however, he had the habit of getting himself into minor trouble and I would have to lock him up. Just minor things.
After being in jail for sometime, he became accustomed to it. After that, each time he would get released, after about a week or two, he would walk into a store next to the police station and steal something, purposely displaying it to the cashier as he walked by. He would then stand outside the store for an officer to arrive and arrest him again. He would get another 30 days in jail, and this would happen all over again. This went on for years. He had become so accustomed to life in prison that he was uncomfortable being free. Over the years, I noticed other men that were the exact same way.
I wonder if perhaps we are much the same way in marriage?
Complacency can be comforting at times regardless of the circumstances.
That is an excellent story and I agree with your conclusions completely. The prison we know is safer than the freedom we fear! thanks
What is really sad to me, is that my soon to be ex-wife displays this same behavior. She surrounds herself with piles of disorderly bric-a-brac and spends most of her free time napping and eating junk food. Any attempt to break her out of this self-destructive behavior is met with hostility and doubling down. I accepted some time back that she is so accustomed to her bad habits that she can't seem to function without them.
Married for 32 years, I lost my wife 18 years ago. Although I didn’t go through a divorce, our relationship had its challenges-she had a strong need to control things, especially our finances, which took some getting used to. She also joined a Baptist church, and I followed, which meant no drinking, so even having a beer could start a disagreement. Not that I was much of a drinker anyway!
Nowadays, I stay connected with two groups of friends-one from high school and another from college. We meet for lunch once a month, just the guys. Most of them are married, and one of them once asked me why I never remarried. I told him I actually enjoy the single life, and I could tell he was surprised by the look on his face. Still, it makes me wonder sometimes: how many of those guys truly enjoy being married? They seem happy, but I can’t help but wonder about those marriages.
Married guys won't get it because they are trapped in the pod. Almost all married women will understand. It's fascinating how far behind the cultural change we are as men. It's been over for decades but we've held to the authority and ownership for which we have, truly, none.
Approximately 5% are happily married. The rest endure it. Some waiting for their partner to die, or vise versa. 😊
"She gave you the keys to the cage." That's a good original thought. We don't realize how good it is to be single, until we no longer have it.
Like in that Joni Mitchell song, "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone."
Divorce was the best thing that happened to me and I am lucky that it happened when I was in my late 30s. It does take time to come to the realisation, but it is real freedom. Great video once again!
Nice. Hope to get there one day.
During my separation talking to someone "still in the cage," he wished he could be in my situation, day in day out fixated on his demanding wife. It was after this conversation that I realized this newfound superpower!!!
I'm enjoying my freedom. Thanks ex-wife and her affair partner! 🎉 Enjoy the dirty stinky cage!!!
Never been married, but I do have a daughter. For a long time I did envy my friends who have “solid” marriages. But after I turned 40 and noticed a lot of them getting divorced I started analyzing the whole thing a little bit more carefully and now in my late 40’s, I realize I too got the better deal. What you say about being seen as a threat is so real, they even try to put you down by stating how sad it is to age alone and that they worry about your old age, it used to resonate in me, but now I see them as people that make life choices based on fear, and I have never been that kind of person, if anything my lack of fear has often gotten me in trouble, and I am so glad to be this way. I encourage other man, specially young ones to be fearless in life, I don’t regret any of the mistakes I made in the past, because they were my mistakes not someone else’s and that makes a bigger difference as you age than who you spend your older years with.
Spot on,me too
Exactly. They are weak men …
You were describing the beginning of the divorce journey and the part where you are no longer wearing your ring and how that is like a spotlight on your being alone basically against your own will for that. That really put me back about four years when that happened to me. I recall going to church by myself and just found it best to keep my hand in my pocket at that time. Divorce is a strange thing to go through but has made me much better for myself and others.
I am not sure what it is about your videos (I guess because they are so well done) but I really appreciate them. One of the very few youtubers where I have watched ALL the videos, please keep them coming forever. I have gained a lot from them, heck, I have never even be married (luck me ???)!
Glad you like them! Thanks!
I spent 2 years traveling in South America and publishing 13 photography books about different cuntries. No way that could happen if I was in the marriage cage.
Another great vid John. "Being an undomesticated man is like having the keys to your own life," that's solid gold and so true.
Thanks
Am going through a divorce at age 65 right now that is nothing but an attempted greed based grab at my 401K. Looking forward to it being over. This channel is literally a blessing that is help keeping me sane and focused on getting through it. Freedom is coming my way and I intend to fully use it. I'm in great health and financially am going to be fine. She'll spend it all and will be broke in 2 years.
Why doesn't your soon to be ex-wife have an equally valuable 401K of her own - I don't understand that - we don't have 401K's here in Norden, how do they function?
Seems it’s always about money My ex did quite a number on me delaying the divorce as much as possible as I was paying all the bills Took 4 miserable years due to that nonsense Remarried to a girl 20 years younger than her and happy, I think
@@DNA350ppm Because she hasn't worked. I blame myself for ignoring red flags. She got fired from every job she had early in our marriage mostly because of her inability to get along with anyone.
@@mikeknowles8017I had to double check the name, I thought this might have been written by my ex-wifes 3rd husband.
Yea. This channel is a few years ahead of me. And I am a few months ahead of you. I didn't get it at first when I was in the full grief stage (which is an important thing to embrace). Trust the process. Coming out the other side of "it was all a waste" to freedom as a lion is truly amazing.
This is powerful and I’m living this type of life also. I’m learning to appreciate it more and more everyday! Thank you for your content !
Dear John No this is not a dear John letter. I really enjoy watching all your videos and have watched them all at least 3 times. My favorites are being chained to a bear and this one. After watching I realised that
I made the right decision when I moved to Japan 46 years ago and married a Japanese woman .
I am glad you’re enjoying my videos! And I appreciate your support. Congratulations on finding a good woman.
One of the best movies my husband introduced me to is Fantastic Mr. Fox, and it's changed how I approach our marriage. It should be required watching for any couple. Respecting each others' wildness even when you're in the midst of certain seasons of life (like raising a family) that require a lot of effort is the key to reaping the benefits of such work. Not everyone can do it. Not everyone should. If you choose to have kids, you must make sure that the person you have kids with CAN be taught to respect your wildness, and that you are also capable of that feat. Even if you're single, you should still go watch Fantastic Mr. Fox though, just because it's a good movie.
John this is one of your best videos.Divorce is freedom .
Thanks!
Can't put a price tag on peace of mind.
Nov. 5 marked 6 yrs. divorced for me. Still can't believe it.
Initially felt like the world was ending...
Now I am happy and free. Feeling so blessed and content.
P.S. John, your dogs are so beautiful.
Thanks, glad things are going well for you. The dogs are priceless! Thanks.
What a great message John! I’m a single women 14 years divorced and I’m still recovering! You’re videos help me and this one made me smile big time because I’m so grateful to be single and not have to deal with a controlling an ever again. ❤🎉😂 Thanks again being single is a blessing!!😊
I am really glad you have enjoyed the videos.
I have always hated wearing a ring- never married.Three of my childhood friends fathers lost their ring fingers in various accidents-due to wearing rings.I got that particular message.Thanks.
I work in emergency medicine, you would be surprised at how often that happens, especially with tradesmen who work with industrial tools. Got to be careful out there.
@@Prophet_of_Cthulhuwait, is that really a thing? Never knew of that. Wow
That’s to go along with losing their ball$ as soon as they put the ring on their finger …
@@bigalex7393 yeah, it is. I’ve cut a number of rings off to save someone’s finger. Sometimes it doesn’t work.
I’m so grateful to have come across your channel. Being a 53 year old divorced father myself, your content resonates and gives me a sense of self worth and a good laugh at how I had followed the social expectations of men for so long, only to have broken the mould some 25 years later.
Thanks brother..🙏
Im glad its helping! Thanks
Many thumbs up for these enlightening/uplifting presentations
A great show.
You have shown me that I am not alone and that there is life after the divorce. So much of what you say resonates with me.
Thanks for the help in healing
Thanks!
I'm just at the beginning of this journey (we're still in the same house but separated). You're videos are giving me such a positive view of what this is going to look like when the split finally happens. I can't wait to make decision purely based off of my thought, feelings, and opinions. The thought of that is liberating for me.
Being separated in the same house has got to just suck. I wish you the best of luck.
@ It does for sure. Thanks for the support.
In my world this is about self love and of course this will change society - in a good way!
I have already seen a few videos on this channel and appreciate the instructive wisdoms of Mr. Griffin. I find the freedom thing interesting. I am German and i have been seeing more and more relationships and marriages fail for years. And quite a few men marry a second or third time afterwards. I often think to myself that many men simply cannot bear the freedom. (Sorry for my bad English).
I remember my grandmother told me I'm rare because I'm a guy who loves freedom. I thought my grandmother was being sarcastic, but it turned out to be true. For some odd unknown reasons (someone, anyone, PLEASE educate me if you can) most guys dont handle freedom well. Its as if they need a "partner" to manage them.
Humans are social creatures.
But like everything, it’s on a spectrum.
My father, who was a pastor, used to say, "know God or no purpose." Meaning that until you connect with God, you'll never find your true purpose. For most gentlemen, especially in the West, their God is their GF or wife. If they can't get a "partner" (as you put it), they have trouble focusing and living with a purpose. It's so, so, so, sad.
@M-iy4tf you statement is misleading because romantic relationships aren't the only way to a social life. I've been single in 2010, and I'm more social now than when I was in a relationship.
Why are you PURPOSELY disregarding:
Friends, family, and flings? All of those are great ways to get all the socializing you need.
@@glowboy911 Which god?
@@eaw6590 depends. For most guys, their God is their GF/wife. Without that, they seem to lack direction.
Hitting rock bottom is like a rebirth. It's a death of the old self, the ego. Getting back up and rebuilding yourself is incredibly difficult and not everyone makes it. But it can be the return to masculinity, a return to center, and empowering beyond your wildest dreams. Just like John says in this video, I too often look at couples out and about and can see the pain in the men's eyes, how their souls have left them, how they are longing for being themselves and not the emasculated empty shells that they have been reduced to.
You can see it when you look for it. The pain is there in many men's eyes.
Got divorced 30 years ago, kept the house, and everything else, had custody of my son. Left my top job so I could look better after the boy. Started my own company which became an international success. Porsches in garage and Helicopter in the hangar. Made my son a top aviation professional. Had many offers over the years which I all politely declined. Even the mother of my sons then girlfriend hit on me. Said no thanks. Today at 75, still in top form, driving my Porsches and taking my Bell 430 for a spin whenever I can besides working 60 hour weeks.
And the ex-wife lives in poverty. That's karma for you.
Keep that stick steady and all four on the ground. Sir, I envy you greatly. I wish had put in the effort needed to be in your position. Now it's too damn late. I'm down a cylinder, low fuel warning flashing and I lost my rudder.
Wishing you all the very best!
Your a 1000% spot on my friend the time you spend on everybody else first and nothing for you and then she says I'm leaving and taking the kids out of state it hurts but looking back I have me and its enough and I realize it's the best thing because I was married 25 yrs and not even looking in the rear view time to have fun
Being the post-divorce single guy picking up takeout at a restaurant is like having a time machine, you can look at the dads and see your past self and fully appreciate how stressful that time was and how amazing it feels to be where you are now. True freedom. Also, I love how men can learn from dating and relationships and see it as a life phase that they went through but that they don’t have to repeat. I love being single and doing everything for myself, but in my adult life (I’m mid forties) I’ve literally only met one and exactly one woman who is content living alone and living off what she makes. I can be happily single the rest of my life, but every single one of my past girlfriends will probably repeat whatever she had with me with a continuous string of other guys until she’s dead.
Excellent Point. A CHANGE is needed in the System. Don't fall into the trap. Women have total freedom to change the rules. YOU can't change the obligations. Thanks John.
Your most insightful video yet. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Absolutely a great program . Thankyou.
Dear john , im 74 my wife died 15 years ago at the age of 60 and i still miss her terribly. Her death however forced me to forensically examine our marriage to try and understand my grief and the regrets i felt. Firstly i realised for the first time just how much she loved me and how little i deserved it . I also realised that we both had needs that had not been met because of the restrictions and expectations of marriage. I would give my life to have her back yet would seek a different way of living together as i think marriage has a bad effect on both partners the problem is i cant think of an alternative .
What kind of needs?
John, I first want to thank you for everything you've done on this channel. Your content has been EXTREMELY helpful and inspiring. I can relate to so much! We are the same age. I was married 18 years, no children, and recently divorced. The emotional process before we made it final with the courts started in June 2021 we separated, got back together to try to work it out~ even took our wedding vows again last year, but when I DECIDED that I WANTED A DIVORCE too, not wanting to be with a woman who doesn't want to be married, well that was a turning point. All this said,
I have a question or inquiry for you and the men who watch this. Yesterday while organizing my new home, I came across all the anniversary cards, sweet notes, and 18 years of loving memories of all the sweetest things my ex-wife gave to me. A lot of sentimental stuff! 18 years worth. I kept the photos, but all the other stuff I threw away. It was a big deal for me to do that. I'd like to know if you or other ex husbands deal with this situation. Thank you again for your time and help!
~Thomas-Wolfgang Rohan
in Reno Nevada
Lol, I also just recently went through all the birthday, Valentine's Day, etc. cards. The ones from her pledged lifelong loyalty, support, love, ... I had a GOOD laugh and threw them in the trash where they belong!
1. Most WM are in love with the Fairly tale..not the man
2. Most WM are solipsistic..They are love takers not givers..most men don't see the selfishness and r blinded the pretty curves and occasional sprinklers of affection.
3. Most WM live in a fantasy..once u stop acting captain romantic....she switches out
4. Most WM have an emptiness and a dark shadow u can't fill. Study Carl Jung on the Animus.
5. The sweet notes were a fantasy...U were the white knight in her romcom..she was the main star....She is bored and she needs a new knight
6. Enjoy Nature...beyond WM..life is beautiful.
Yes, Wolf, I burned everything. It's your call, but I don't want to reminisce. The past is in the past for me. 😊
Same here. Almost nauseating reading things. Not even the same person at the end. Like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone 😬
I like your delivery John. I feel like you are in uncle or older brother I got to learn life experiences from. Thank you 🙏
Glad you are liking the videos and finding them useful.
I'm just thankful I only wasted 4 years of my life on marriage. I wouldn't trade in the Free Agent Lifestyle for anything.
If you can use the divorce to forge a new path, then the 4 years were DEFINITELY not a waste. It can set you on a path with a purpose
@@65Cobra fr.
So much wisdom. I share similat thoughts and path. Thanks for the raw truth 😊
Glad you enjoyed it!
You still haven’t learned the most important lesson: happiness is an inside job. Both parties in a marriage need to understand this.
For me, it was easier to work on the "inside of me" once I got divorced. It took me a little time, but I did come to realize, happiness really does come from within. It was hard to see it when I was married, because I spent so much time "working to make the relationship function".
Nailed it. Happiness is within to begin with.
Married, hey … ? 😂
Just Stop. There is such a unilateral financial and legal incentive for one party to divorce the other any discussion of interpersonal dynamics is mute
spot on and great insights from a 62 yoa male after 18 years of divorce from my one and only marriage of 23 years i agree, but still love to hear wisdom from other men... thanks alot!
I’ve been single all my life and boy do I love it. I actually feel sorry for all my married male friends but of course I never tell them. And they never tell me how much they wish they were single. It’s just our little secret 😜
Some of them can't hold it forever and say it but after they pretend it has never happend.
You felt this way before you got married… but you doubted your instincts. ⚡️
"...and that woman staring sourly into the menu, just not happy". It appears that after divorce you became more aware of the tiniest things that most others would overlook and appreciate it even more.
Yes. It's like a 6th sense. A self-defense mechanism.
this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you
I liked and saved this video so I can come back to watch it every time I need to calm my mind and cool my soul
Thanks, I am glad it works for you
Change is hard. Recovery from marriage is really hard. But you show your neighbors that this change is possible. There is a clear threat to their status quo, and you’re that threat.
My friend, you are right on with everything you said.
Man, you hit the nail on the head
If you ever get divorced please make sure that you give yourself not just time to heal but time to get your mind in a clear state of foresight and full understanding.
Draw a triangle on a piece of paper and then on each tip put the following words.
Yesterday
Today
And tomorrow.
I have applied this concept in other areas of life and have worked.
Married 25 years now, still enjoying the content.
Married 45 years, I have a wife that I would marry again, I have a lot of freedom be me, I have expensive hobbies , and a woman that fully supports my interests. Compared to most I would say she's a unicorn.
This is my second marriage, my first left some scars.
Been "undomesticated" for about a year. With time I have come to appreciate that I can truly be me and make decisions based on my values and that has been a blessing.
Since I was forced into divorce, the society including friends and family even from the other side came in to help and support me in different ways.
I am grateful to God on how things are turning out.
If a man is at his wits end with marriage, i agree with you. Get out and live. But I do wish my second wife and I made it to the end of life together. But I am glad that I came to my senses and left. It was not a great relationship, and 50 percent was my fault. I got fat, un motivated for my own needs and lost my purpose. I did a lot of great things. But I will live my life with the new education I have , and live my purpose. If a woman want to accompany me and be a compliment to my life, she will be invited on motorcycle rides and come over for a cigar on the beach at sunset. Might even get fed and have fun together when time allows. There is something you can't change after you swallow that red pill, you can't unsee things the way it was with blinders on. 😊
John, i just found you today. Your words mirror my experience. Thank you.
You are absolutely right bro, every word of it, I went through it I can understand
I have to start making adjustments in order to move forward. Thanks for the guidance
Please, for fairness, give notice to your wife, and don't move money out of her reach, that she and the kids are legally entitled to. Talk to an marriage councelor, tell your wife, that you want to go alone. Good luck on your way to become as free as you ever can be, it is your birth-right, too.
Just saw a great YT video called "10 Brutal Lies Men Believe Today..." where he lists the main things to avoid or correct and it's really useful and empowering. One Lie is: "You believe you're a victim" and there are people selling you that idea.............
I saw that video too. Thanks
John, your wisdom is going to help so many out there. When we learn how lucky we are to be rid of a toxic situation, you almost can’t fathom how free and easy life is (as it should have been) 👏🏻🍻
Really appreciate it, good perspectives.
Glad you enjoyed it!