So true,as with the “when are you getting married, when are you going to have kids, you’re only going to have one child?!”, etc, etc, etc. Enough with the judgy personal questions!
It's funny how people guess what someone's gender or sexuality is just because of their hairstyle, the way someone dresses or different bone structure. Aren't we applauding people for being gender fluid and having masculine and feminine duality. You can't be a tomboy unless you are a lesbian , or a gays always are bff with women .
I think it's a natural human instinct to "size someone up", but in todays modern world we have to remind ourselves that those assumptions don't mean anything and are probably wrong
That's because some men (aka males) are saying they feel like a woman just because they liked wearing dresses and long hair as a child #nikkietutorials
The you can’t be a tomboy unless your a lesbian, really hits me because I’m a tomboy but I’m only interested in men, no women or other genders or sexualities.
i have a question, since some girls are introverts and don't want to be approached how should i approach them if i find them attractive and i like them?? cause like, i can't get close to you (and probably get labeled a creep if i do) but at the same time i can't DM you or anything cause you're a stranger and we don't know each other, do i just hope you notice me and like me back?? and even if you did like me back you're not going to approach me either cause you're an introvert.
@@johndank2209 I would start the conversation like I'm talking to myself out loud and then you realised how strange this is and ask her a question to involve her in. All this in a very chill way and on very light topics. E.g. you're in a bar, close to her and start saying "wow, this cocktail is really something!" (Talking to yourself) and then realising she was there listening to you, you go: "I hope yours it's as good as mine! (Is it?)"
It’s okay when I’m platinum blonde, people all the time ask if i am a stripper .. when my hair is pink, they ask all the time if I’m a hair dresser.. people are weird lol
I remember when I was 18-21 and I worked in makeup and had lots of beautiful friends that put alot of effort into their looks, and my best friend was a guy guy that wore makeup. I was like a size 2 and 5'10. I was always bullied for being a tomboy, skinny, tall and poor(that mattered because I never had clothes that fit. led to lack of confidence). So after I left the city where I was born after highschool I came into my own and gained confidence especially after leaving my toxic family. Going back to when I started working in the beauty Industry...I found myself, I love makeup and fashion and whenever I went out with my bestie, people(usually gay men) would ask my best friend if I was trans. They thought I had a boob job(C) and fake hips. I was born female. and I honestly don't know exactly what it was about me that made so many people wonder if I'm trans, I usually went out in heels and dresses and people said I should model, and I did a little bit. Maybe its because I grew up with guy friends and I give off masculine vibes. ? idk...
Its not the curiosity that's strange. Its the "needing to know." Almost like they can't be comfortable around you unless they know what box to put you in. It's funny, the people that make fun of "Gen z and all their labels" are the ones that get the most irritated when you don't fit into a label.
Yeah, some cis people really feel the need to “know” what genitalia people have. I’ve said for a while now they don’t ask cis people (or people they think are cis) because they assume they know.
As someone a bit older, and lean politically-Right, it's not so much that people "need to know" for their own benefit, but because they're afraid of being admonished for presuming an individual that clearly presents as a definitive gender actually identifies as such...
To me the thing that makes “gen z labels” silly is not that there are too many but that they are still containers with confines like the old ones. We need to break boundaries in order to truly be free not just divide them further. Knowing what makes us all alike as human beings.
Edit out that name as womyn are the opposite of Holly / Holy -- only I can be called Holly, as I am the Holy/pure being (the opposite of womyn) and soon all term/name misuse is to be banned!
I have mixed feelings when people come up to someone and ask about their gender or sexual orientation. Yes, it’s okay to be curious but idk, it’s a bit offensive at the same time.
fwiw, i do think there is a big difference between asking someone for their pronouns and asking straight-up what someone's gender or sexual orientation are. the first is just a polite thing to do,; the latter is invasive.
To your airplane story, I have become very quick to say things like, “Well, I’m not really looking to impress you / get your opinion / get your approval” especially to male strangers who insert themselves into my business. Women spend too much time and energy being polite to placate men who are prying and their shocked reactions will show you that never has a person, particularly a woman, responded to their questions that way. Will be completely worth it.
That is why I never say thank you when men say I look beautifull (f.e. I did my make up that day). I usually respond "I know or I look beautifull everyday" and they either get angry or say that I am conceited 😂
I recently called a guy out on his opinionated judgemental comments to me and he did not take it well! I coulda just ignored it I know, but I'd just heard one self righteous idiot too many at that moment so ... The best bit is the fact that he hasn't talked to me since! Win-win 😁
i've been a girl that "i have mostly guy friends bc theres less drama and i feel like i can be myself" but it was literally all in my head. Now i mostly have female friends and the friendships are waaayyy deeper than any of the guy friends i had. It was literally me expecting girls to be all about clothes, makeup, drama, etc. and that isn't how they are. Once again, that's how society and media portrays us and a lot of girls grow up having that idea of women in their head and don't want to be friends with them because of it (maybe they have interests in sports, science, etc-which society says is masculine), and therefore think they get along with guys more (and there are women that do i'm sure, but i'd like to know why that is and if its because of actually experiences or their idea of women)
THIS! Thank you. Im so sick of it being like a trend to say that ”I dont vibe with other women”. Saying that we are shallow, dramatic or not as deep. So demeaning and seriously its getting old. We are human, you just met a person with other interest than you. It has nothing to do with men or women.
Good for you, but I tried it many many many times to be friends with women and they were obsessed over men, looking hot, gossip, brand clothes, makeup, hair etc. I'm 31 and I still don't intend to date or have kids, I don't care about expensive handbags, walk around makeup-free every day, I hate sitting at cafes, and I've been judged by those female "friends" for not having professionally done manicures. I went back to school, want to build my business and travel. I can't find any woman whom I can relate to or who can relate to me. Your comments sound like blaming us women who probably don't have the luck you guys have. Find me a female friend who is just laid back, loves outdoor activities and I won't complain.
@@jennyjonsson169 I've found myself saying that to people in the past, because sometimes people don't accept a woman hanging out with guys....they say stuff like "oh you trying to get with them all?" etc. I wouldn't make the assumption that women saying that are shallow etc.
@@sw-hg8eq literally none of my friends that are girls act like that. They all have feminine and masculine traits, they’re just normal people. Idk maybe it’s because we’re “gen z” and relatively young but I think saying all girls are the same way is bs. Also yes I have guy friends too who also just chill, “normal” people.
As a woman, I've always been comfortable swinging both ways: being a total girly girl and then verbally shitposting with the most crude, stupid humor. One of my best friends is a guy and we text each other the dumbest memes. I wish people were more open to just going with the flow and vibing naturally with each other instead of thinking they need to cram their personalities into socially-constructed boxes. Sarcasm is boundless and timeless.
Completely. People should be aware that a lot of people who need to stick their kids into gender boxes very young are actually very repressed themselves. Many ultra conservative types would rather force their kid into one gender even if that means surgery early on. Everyone should just chill since we're ultimately just light balls hanging out for a while in flesh suits.
The thing about posting your own "bad" pictures on the internet is that you claim the power of your self image fully, so nobody can hurt you by posting "bad" pictures of yours because you posted them yourself 🙃
@@tinytaz6668 nowdays, i get pleasantly surprised when i see pictures of swatches on somebody's arm and i notice hairs lol. because all my life i got bullied even by my own relatives because i should have been perfectly hairless everywhere because "men pay attention to that". so it's a breath of fresh air and a reminder that no, i'm not the only human made of flesh bone and hair out there lol. not everyone is a plastic manequinn.
This honestly surprises me, although I'm 64 and maybe less likely to move from traditional assumptions to wider ones. You seem feminine in a 2020 presentation. Most importantly you are interesting, attractive and engaging. I'm glad you are living in a world that is more accepting of coloring outside the lines than the one I grew up in. Best wishes.
As a 52 y.o mom of college n high school kids, I am truly impressed by how eloquent you are and how valuable your channel is to young people (and us oldies too)! It is really troubling how judgmental and one dimensional society is these days. It seems like social media allows people to hide behind the screen and spread negativity. People are really losing touch with what is truly important in life, to be kind to yourself and others, be accepting and respectful of each others differences. As a mom I am worried about the present world. Kudos to you for sharing topics worth discussing!
I'm a grandma, I agree about Alex content. I wish had access to this real talk when I was younger. Roasting idiots for idiotic assumptions they feel obliged to share with you without asking should be taught in school.
Very few men are a true alpha (such as my protectors) and all true alphas stay away from womyn and they h8 womyn and betas for being the cause of true injustice -- alphas are eternally loyal to me and they stay pure and innocent forever!
Life is an universal error and no one wants to be forced into such horrible existence through the most awfuI place in the world aka the womyn's reeker/tunnel of doom...
And all womyn are the opposite of feminine -- I am the only being who looks feminine and I am the only being meant to be loved and who can be loved, myself being the pure being of absolute universal importance...
Whenever I had a short hairstyles in the past people assumed or asked if I was a lesbian. I'm not, but I always answered "so what if I am?" Ridiculous that people, who do or don't know you, think it's okay to ask about your sexuality or gender identity 🤯
Out of curiosity, where the people asking you that ever lesbians themselves? Because us gays tend to ask before proceeding for fear of violent reactions. Like we can't always just go up to another girl and be like you're cute without checking first.
Honestly good on u for not retaliating tho. I unfortunately see straight women who get really offended over the idea of being compared to gay women sometimes. Good to stand ur ground graciously x
I was at a bar and went into the (ladies) restroom behind a tall, short-haired person. Honestly, I thought they were just drunk and walked into the ladies room. I'm like, ""um... Sir? This is... the ladies....?" They turned around and said, very graciously, "I'm a girl. I just have short hair." From behind, I really thought it was a guy. I was so embarrassed.
When people ask really weird questions like what am I going to do with my degree in art. I just say "make art, probably" or "I dunno probably something art related" then I stare at them with a straight face. It points out how redundant their question was and it also makes them laugh which helps the conversation move along. They usually try to think of something else to talk about because they feel stupid now lol
It is truly fascinating to me when women say they are comfortable around men. Just as Alex has experienced something that affected her relationship with women, my experiences with men have formed in me a distrust of them. I can't help it and I can't understand how women can feel more comfortable around them vs other women...? Very interesting to me
Same, I dislike men after my experiences with them. They are hound dogs and misogynists in my opinion usually, and if they aren't like that, then we can get along.
I feel you with the hard time to socialize with fellow women. I have been bullied by every women in my life. My mother, the whole school, etc. Men, such as my brother, my father and classmates were the only ones who didn’t bother me. As I grew up, I had mother issues and became the « pick me girl », then ended up in many toxic situations with men. As i healed myself and accepted my past, I discovered through my therapist that my weird fear of women and my bad relationship with men (love) are all coming from...my mother. Why? I wasn’t feeling secure with her, a woman, then I saw her mistreating my father and brother. Therefore my horrible boundaries with men. Anyway hope this helped someone. I am now in a better place, my parents are good, I healed my traumas and relationship with my mom! And tadaa I have an amazing bf! :)
Omg thank you, this is so helpful!! My father has never been there and the relationship with my mother throughout my childhood and teenage years was horrible. I could easily detect the daddy issues but I never thought about how my bad relationship with my mother influenced my relationships with other people! I’ve only ever realised the personal trauma it caused. So reading this comment of yours really was eye opening.
Congrats! I haven't been able to get along with my mother, neither I want to, but I do want to have better relationships with people... Congrats for being in a better place.
The guy on the plane story reminds me of when I was at a career fair. I was in school for engineering and I was talking to this guy who had a small engineering start up. He asked me what my hobbies were and I was honest and said cake decorating. His response "oh so all you know how to do is follow a recipe" basically implying I didn't know how to think for myself. Then he hands me back my resume. I had a very similar response to what it sounds like you had to the guy on the plane. I felt the need to justify my choices to some random guy insulting me. I then left the room and trying everything in my power to not cry. Now that I'm working I can see what I've carried over so many lessons learned from cake decorating to engineering. Both are design. Art is design. Yet people put less value on art for no reason. If that art is seen as feminine, I feel like society sees those people as dumb and incompetent. I can't even begin to explain to you how angry this makes me, and you won't believe how much I run into this mentality even still. I love your content. It's very comforting and validating bc I feel like you have similar experiences to me. I love the color theory thrown into the makeup, and I love the sociology themed rants.
You basically already said this but that's so interesting to me bc baking/decorating cakes would so very obviously help with engineering. There are so many parallels. At least to me lol
A person I work with is pretty accepting but she is often nosey about other peoples’ identities (like she wants to know if someone is trans, gay, etc) but even her son tells her “it shouldn’t matter to you” lol
I'm going to sound old right now, because I am 54, but eventually it just doesn't matter anymore....it's so freeing not caring how others view you. Good posture is everything. Carry yourself like you love yourself.
I relate to this 100%. I think you should discuss the whole “girls who have mostly guy friends” thing. A lot of people tend to think there’s a sexual element to that or that those girls are intimated by other women. I don’t know; I’ve just always been able to be myself with dudes and don’t understand where that judgement comes from.
@Golfy Tones Except she didn't insult anyone? She's talking about her experience. It's not all roses for girls with mostly guy friends, they get associated as sexual or attention seeking a lot.
@@meep257 i don’t think they meant “you” as in the original commenter, i think they meant “you” as in general, like for a 3rd party that might think that way.
I got a pixie cut (now for the second time) and I got LOOKS while in public (and I also have a deeper voice) and don't have "curves".... I think I make others confused constantly! My features are androgynous and all but I identify as a female 🤷♂️I understand you deeply (have been confused by a boy growing up as well but was a ballerina for 10+ years) I'm feminine in my own way y'know 🤗
In my opinion having banter with someone is definitely more of a comfortability thing vs a masculine thing. It depends on the relationship you have with that person. Also it makes a difference if you are alone with someone or in a group. You have to be aware because sometimes banter and talking smack can come off as being rude and insensitive if you don't have a relationship prior with that person. I grew up a tomboy too, so I get where your coming from when you said you had a lot of guy friends growing up. I think it really helped me understand men from a different perspective.
Basically everything you are talking about is exactly how I am. I have always got along with guys better but not by choice. I have a hard time connecting and being “one of the girls” even tho I very much would like to be. I’ve always been one of the guys while at the same time a lot of other guys are scared of me for not being “girly” enough. Straight up have had guys say to my face that they are scared of me, and girls that look down on me for whatever reason... Lucky I have my boyfriend. Would have been so lonely otherwise
I'm a confident and intelligent woman,men are scared of me. It's honestly pathetic how men only feel comfortable when they "have the upper hand" in a way...? I honestly don't care,I guess I'm going to have to wait for more intelligent beings to surround me lol
Feel you. I love when I can fit in comfortably with the boys. Oft time I am the only "female" at an event because I've been part of the group since teen years. But it is so weird and upsetting when I have men being intimidated by me, think I am a bitch just because I'm not like a typical female they're use to? It's so weird. And as much as i want female friends, it's extremely rare someone handles the raw me and I don't have put some sort of female mask or breaks on how I talk and the topics and humour etc. So yeah, still feel lonely
I guess it's harder as you grow up to expand your circle, but trust me guys, the world is a big enough place that you'll find amazing women just like you. Just give yourself and the others a chance, like, fr.
I love to see your responses on Instagram. They crack me up. People get so offended when women curse like we are supposed to be these dainty little creatures.
I’ve had a problem with the idea that we should ask people what pronouns they prefer. It can really hurt people’s feelings. I personally have made an effort to switch to gender-neutral pronouns by default because I truly believe everyone should be able to express themselves without worrying about how they’ll be “gendered.”
It’s funny because I feel that the beauty fashion industry is perceived as shallow but in my experience we are deeper because we have a caring heart about people due to the fact of trying to lift others outer to fill their inner confidence. As a cosmetologist ( mostly hair) for over 25 years I’ve had to play phycologist and have deep conversations beyond the beauty. I’m unfortunately we all judge and get judged by first impression or our sex .
This is soooooo true. I work in law, and some attorneys are so hard to connect with and don’t want or have time to have deeper conversations. The cosmetologists, estheticians, and photographers I’ve met are usually more open to deeper conversations and connections. If someone can get past by shy exterior, I’m very interested in more than idle chatter
I relate so hard when it comes to communicating with women (and people in general) and dropping into a deeper level of discussion or joke too quickly versus staying superficial. Like, I seriously have had a full on identity crisis/deep dive on why I do this and why society is uncomfortable with it. I polled my friends and basically they said, well, people just get caught off guard and prefer to remain superficial at first. So, unfortunately now I just stay quiet and seem to many as very reserved. I struggle with this because like why do I change my natural behavior and suppress my personality to appease someone because they are uncomfortable with being a real person. Idk. I’m don’t won’t people to share things they don’t want to or anything, just you know, be normal, joke around, and stop being soo fake. Thoughts?
this is literally me 😭 I've been struggling with this for the longest time. I restrict myself from really being myself around females and tbh, I find the conversations so boring and superficial. I told my bf the other day how I was jealous of him and his guy friends because they literally talk about anything and everything without a filter and I always wished I had girlfriends like that...
please don't change for anyone else! personally i loovee meeting people who open up right away. its like, lets just skip the boring small-talk and get right to joking around and finding stuff we have in common. that might be cause i have a hard time opening up around others, so when someone does it first, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable. keep on being you and if anyone else has a problem, that's their problem!
What you mentioned about the nicer surface level conversations as opposed to giving your friends shit really made me think about how I act around certain people. I think the nicer and more complimentary I am, the less close I am to those people bc I’m finding a need to be almost ‘fake’ nice to them bc I think they can’t handle my real kind of sarcastic side. It’s weird bc now I’m realizing I’m nice to certain friends I think I’m sooo close to but maybe I’m not bc I don’t feel comfortable being my full blown ‘taking shots at you’ self around them. Don’t know if my thought came across in this message but dang, that was an interesting little monologue you sparked.
I think we have to understand that being feminine is not what you wear, the length of your hair, if you wear makeup, .. I perceive you as very feminine. Your face, your voice, your mannerism,...
mmmmm i mean, feminine is a concept on it's own with certain markers if you will. it's just that it's not an inmutable one, and also, it doesn't have to go intertwinded with your own interpretation of it or in line with your gender or sex. And also, it's not a net positive (being feminine is not a good thing. NOT being feminine isnt't a "good" thing either. being feminine, being masculine, being something else, they are just adjectives, descriptors)
Having the perfect comeback is a gift... one that rarely happens in the moment for most people. Three hours post conversation is when the best comeback responses occur, or at least that’s what I’ve found. But then, sometimes just a look is worth a thousand words. That guy on the plane? Yeah, I’d have immediately put my headphones on, smiled and given a dismissive wave before closing my eyes.
I relate to this 100%. My insides don’t match my outsides. I also have a low voice and have been repeatedly bullied by women. It can be exhausting being constantly misunderstood and feeling the need to explain yourself all the time. I’m also into fashion and cosmetics as well as death metal, craft beer, wrestling, etc. On rare days when I’m wearing a metal shirt and no makeup acquaintances comment on how it makes so much more sense than when I wear color and look fem. Wearing black every day would be too boring for me and I wish people weren’t so simple minded. I’m true to my whole self and it’ll attract the people it’s supposed to. Most peeps suck that way tho for sure.
My voice is so deep ‘for a girl’ some people have asked me as well. My voice is just deep/Smokey? Leave me alone! If I was trans it ain’t ya damn business anyway ?? Why can’t they just ask what your pronouns are instead of asking if you are trans?? Like Thats way more of an important question!
Here's a comment I've used since before you were born (early 80's): "I like my men stupid. Keep talking!" I try to say it in a come hither fashion while I hide the grimace. You're welcome!
I just bought the book you mentioned. My best friend is transitioning and I really just want to understand what she’s going through/unlearn what society has taught us. I got it yesterday and I’m a few chapters in. What a read. Thank you for mentioning it. It has so many keys things society needs to be aware of.
Just by watching this video, I felt so validated by my experience of interacting and befriending guys vs girls, simply by sharing your own experience, thoughts and opinions. Thank you for being you 🥺
I know this wasn’t really the point of the video, but something you mentioned really got me thinking. I wish I wasn’t the kind of girl who couldn’t go beyond surface level when meeting others. I’m just so shy and I’ve kind of conditioned myself to be that way because, simply put, I worry about putting people off with the real me. But this video has made me realise I’m probably doing the opposite and could be a reason I don’t have many close friends; just acquaintances. I never get to the point where I can make a genuine connection with someone.
I’m also a woman that has a less feminine way of speaking, and I’ve actually gotten in trouble at work for it. While they won’t admit it’s because I’m a woman they find my demeanor out of place, They’ve never reprimanded my male counterparts for the same behavior.
I honestly think it's unfair to characterize the way women typically socalize (complimenting each other's outfits, appearances, etc) as fundamentally more "surface level" than giving each other shit, taking the piss, etc. They're both surface level ways of communicating when you haven't gotten to the deeper topics yet, and just because one is also typically associated with women doesn't make it more shallow. Maybe this isn't what you meant so someone please correct me if I'm off base.
No im 100% with you. A bit surprised by seeing this from Alex but I guess everyone sees it differently. I don’t get why women keep saying things like we are small minded and shallow, its getting old.
@@jennyjonsson169 it has strong "I'm not like other girls" vibes, and I know that saying is really overused nowadays, especially to critique women unfairly who aren't comfortable with traditional femininity, but that's not the case here. Here she's not JUST saying she's never been into that stuff; she seems to be saying that women who ARE just aren't as deep and "real" as she and the good ol' boys she hangs out with. Yikes!
@@TheSim1derful I thought she meant that she thought women and men are born communcating the same way but women are taught that way of talking is the expectation for them so many do but she's bad at that "feminine" (in quotes bc it's not ofc) way of talking so she initially hits it off better w men. But I'm not her so idk lol. I do agree that both ways of talking are surface level but I think there's something to be said for feeling like an outcast bc you couldn't meet society's standards for "how to be a woman" as well as everyone else. I also may be projecting here lol as I've been working on internalized misogyny myself
I have never found women to compliment each other like that unless they are drunk....when sober, groups of women will sit around bi*ching and gossiping, I've sat through it and it's soul destroying. Also you can't seriously say that complimenting someone's outward appearance is as meaningful as making fun of someone's personality in a jokey way come on.
For the business dude story. I try to kindly respond with "that was a rude statement/question." and then disengage. If you're that person you don't deserve my quick wit, you don't deserve my energy, you deserve to know you were rude and hopefully use this experience to grow. Also, if they didn't mean it as something rude, but as genuine interest that hit me wrong, they also deserve to know how that phrasing impacts who they're talking with.
Dude, I'm an art student and I get asked that all the time "What are you going to do with an art degree?" I'm like, I dunno, make art? What do you do with a math or business degree? It's only a starting point like any other degree... So frustrating. T . T
I have never related to a UA-cam video so much in my life.We do not personally know each other but you have articulated my experiences and thoughts exquisitely.
I actually like the no glam videos, it feels like a two way conversation with a friend 🤷♀️ I don't have many girlfriends, it's just how it is and I'm okay. I am not a girly girl, I like makeup, fashion, video games, cooking, wrestling and crossfit - if you don't like me I honestly can't deal with you 😂 this also reminds me when we go out with friends and they have a new girlfriend or something and I feel so uncomfortable to act around other.. And this comment ended up having a 5 minute conversation with my mind 😂
Wow, I definitely can understand the anxiety or just the feeling of meeting a woman for the first time, or communicating with women that I've know for years, or coworkers even and just knowing that I can only or should only talk about the surface level topics. It makes me feel alone in my desire for a real connection with girl friends. I am really glad that you spoke on this. In a world of social media and distanced friendships it seems like people don't know how to connect anymore. I sometimes feel that I've been born into the completely wrong era. Although I enjoy modern things it feels difficult to connect on a deep level in this modern era. Hope that makes sense, lol. Thank you!
I have a hard time connecting outside of beauty, fashion and partying. It makes me sad sometimes. I chalk it up to protecting myself because I’m a total emotional mess. (Tearing up just writing this). It was validating to hear you say this. I am not alone.
Why do pixie cuts signal this? What the hell, so dumb. Also if someone asks if you are sure say "No but I am certain you are stupid so there's that" lmao
I have a girl from highschool who is lesbian and convinced i'm lesbian cause i wear plaid shirts and not much makeup and idk why else. It messes with my self view cause i start wondering if others see me that way too. I understand how male celebs who get called gay all the time must feel.. Anyways i wish people would mind their own business and stop associating items/looks/features with sexual orientation or gender
Hi Alex. I've never commented on UA-cam. Probably never will again lol. I have 3 adult children and have never fitted into society's box or desired to, so to speak. Just wanted to say you impress me as an amazingly intelligent, strong, talented, humble and beautiful young woman. In this artificial world of social media you are a rare and genuine diamond. Much love ❤
Whatever you look like, people who click and listen to you talk for 10 seconds will be instantly hooked. You are super smart, super sassy and just an all-around f****** good time. I'm so glad I found you, others will be just as glad.
People are just assholes sometimes. Years ago when I worked at a cancer clinic I used to also have a pixie cut. The husband of one of our regular patients would refer to me as “sir,” even though I had corrected him a couple of times stating I was a woman 😒 It was just weird. I think if it’s too “hard” to use pronouns just make the effort to use their name instead.
Same with my sister one of her boy classmates use to call her “he” and she would correct him all the time and he would always say oh sorry sometimes I just forget you’re a female I was so shocked cause I was watching from a distance this one time cause she wanted me to help her out and I came up to him and gave him a good lesson like how tf do people forget your gender/pronouns I’m still shocked by it
I do pick up a vibe that you try to distance yourself from femininity despite liking traditionally feminine things. I'm kind of that way because of most of my immediate family is male and harps on anything feminine. I don't like that I'm that way because it makes me seem resentful of my gender. Even though some of my most valued friendships are with women. It's a defense mechanism because the female gender is expected to be soft, and mild-mannered when really you can't define a person based off of what's in their pants.
I struggle with this so much. Every time I like something -- a shirt, a movie, a quilt, a musician, you name it! -- a little voice in the back of my head immediately goes "Is that too girly? Will this make me look too girly?" I only wore dark colors until 2017, almost didn't buy my quilt last August (it has flowers), didn't like pop music until 2019, etc all bc I was afraid of seeming girly. I hate it. After some introspection, I realized I just wanted to be taken seriously, be seen as tough and a leader, and just plain be "cool" but I felt like appearing feminine wouldn't get me there. Being girly felt ditsy and less than and weak and unimportant. It's scary and sad that I've subconsciously felt this way ever since I can remember. Like I literally associated coolness with masculinity which is heartbreaking imo
Although I like traditionally viewed musculine things, I also like traditionally viewed feminine things. Maybe if it was me I'll rub my femininity in their faces and expect them boys to deal with it. Feminine sh*t is powerful.
I think as your taste for smells, foods, etc...everything including perception of others have to do with your own personal experiences since childhood and that’s why it’s so hard to perceive. You probably remind them on or experiences with other people. I have changed my perception over some people over the years and not feeling the need to judge is freedom! Love this video!
I completely relate to what you are saying about some differences between the topics of conversation between the genders. And I understand why people would see this as misogynist. It is in some way - for all of us. It's an inner-misogyny that comes from our conditioning. It does hint at the "I'm not like other girls" sayings that some of us have said or implied in the past because we don't want to be related to "airhead" girls. But there are airhead guys too. And the references to the book you mentioned are interesting because I find men a lot more agreeable than women in some aspects about some topics. It's a topic worth digging into. And that you say your humour is more masculine... I ask, is it? It's similar to the humour of my friends who are women. It was a woman who made me watch Jackass for the first time. Most of my female friends who are in their 50s admit readily that they have (what is also a stereotype) 8-year-old boy's humour. But perhaps that's my generation too. GenX came of age in the 80s for the most part which was a very open and androgenous time. Punk was very much about rejecting the norm, and that included sexism. My male friends who were in the punk scene are some of the most outspoken feminists - true allies. They will be the first to shut down any talk of "not like the other girls" and point out that it's putting down other women specifically and not just boring topics. They are raising incredible kids too. My advice to anyone who thinks they look unapproachable is to embrace it. It works as a great filter. Those with the nerve to get through that unapproachable wall will also love sharp humour and topics outside the norm. And yea... YES!! Let's stop letting people - of all genders - pick away at us. Stop that in its tracks.
Same for me! I grew out my hair, even though I loved how short hair felt, because I kept getting mistaken for a guy. I am very tomboy and not the luckiest in the way of looking super girly... I hate it. So I grew my hair out and am always super concerned about my appearance because I don't want to be mistaken for a dude anymore. However I get along better with guys, I have only had a few girls I can talk to. It has made dating hard because most guys find me intimidating or more masculine than them. One day I hope to be comfortable just being me. I am trying.
Guy on Plane: "What are you in school for?" Alx: "I'm getting my B.A. in Painting." Guy on Plane: "What are you going to do with THAT?!" Alx: "Besides enjoy the rest of my life pursuing my passions rather than worry about meeting everyone else's approval and expectations to such a degree that I even pester strangers on a plane just to feel like I even exist? Well, I'm not sure. Any suggestions? I mean, suggestions that don't involve being miserable in life. Or is that outside your area of expertise?"
im really glad i found your makeup channel since its nice to watch someone whos not necessarily trying to be super feminine or anything explain makeup in a practical way. im not female, and definitely not super feminine so i just really vibe with how casual your content feels
I'm trans and it's so relieving to read all the comments under this video written by cis people, talking about many of the things I also struggle with!
I cannot tell you how much I relate to you in this video and how often I think about these topics. I have always been more comfortable around guys in social settings and have found it easier to be friends with and relate to guys, I assume because I only have brothers, but I often find myself scared that I have some sort of misogyny rooted in me. I do not think I do, but also what if I do and I just don't know it? ya know? It's so interesting, because I only have one perception of myself, and that's MY perception, but what if someone else's perception of me is that I am misogynistic because I hardly have girl friends. Loved this topic. Thank you for sharing your perspectives on these things!
I’m a tarot reader and I have had this happen too! There are lots of fake scammer “readers” out there. Also who would ask if a person is trans or if they are a this or that?? That’s so rude. And if someone is trans or not that can be very hurtful.
the convo about meeting guy friends vs girl friends, i relate to so much. i've rarely ever been able to connect with girls or have great friendships with them, aside from my childhood best friends. it usually always stays surface level. in my experience, making friends with guys has been easier for me because they tend to be more "inviting." it does sound misogynistic but i feel like typically girls find their social circles and tend to close them off (at least that was my experience especially in college) but all my guy friends would invite me into their circle and include me. so it just made things easier. but now it's like a self fulfilling prophecy where i expect for other girls to not like me or to not want to be my friend, so i don't put in the effort myself. rip
Thanks for this talx! A "How to be sarcastic" class would be amazing! Also, I'm with you on getting along with guys. It feels way more natural for me. 🤷♀️
As a foreigner, the weirdest thing to me is how Americans are so chatty. They always seem to try to initiate conversation (which could be good or bad) but it really takes the cake when u make statements or judge complete strangers based on how you look. Like, you don't know me? Why are you making such general assumptions? Idk that kind of stuff just doesnt happen irl here where im from. unless that person knows you in some way, we just mind our own business most of the time :/
Girl..... I’ve had a pixie for many, many years. I survived a double mastectomy, and did not have reconstruction... 4’11” 100 lbs... I don’t care about wearing prosthetics, but I am constantly fielding this question: if you have no boobs and short hair, are you really a woman? How about people start judging people for the content of their character. No one knows what story brought them to their appearance. I am a HUMAN.... straight, mother, wife. No judgment on anyone’s outward appearance, but think before you speak.
I would totally want to learn with you how to respond sarcastically to rude/ unsolicited comments... I always have this issue & then after my conversation is over with that person I always think “ man I wish I could’ve said this or that ..” ( it’s mainly because I just don’t want to b bothered that I isolate myself from people/ situations in which I know i feel uninterested in talking to ) I’m a introvert but I can be an extrovert, I just have to feel the vibes . I mainly like to sit in the background and just observe. That’s where I can see how people interact and that’s when I make the decision on weather or not i will benefit anything out of it if I say something.. But please! Do a video on this topic!!!
I tried to compliment you, and I deleted 5 comments out of fear of being ambushed online.. (for compliments lol) that just shows how brave you are for putting yourself out there. People are awful & especially online.. I just love your content & characteristics x huge fan x
I just want to thank you cause even if you don’t realize, your content is very important to us and what you have to say. I needed to feel accompanied today and its funny how I find more company in hearing you be real than what I can find in a personal way at the moment.
I'll finish my degree in humanities in summer and still don't know what I could/should do with it. I mean, yes, the question kills me everytime. But the closer it gets the more lost I am... maybe I'll start a similar kind of yt channel with my philosophy background? 😪 Whyyyy do I need money to survive.....
Damn this was the most relatable thing I’ve heard. I’ve come to find girl friends who just talk crudely: we fight, we talk shit and we laugh but it’s been hard to get friends like that. Most of the time I come off too “hard” with some girls at first impression and we just don’t connect beyond the surface level. I always thought I was the problem... but this just made me feel validated. I’m not socially inept, I just have a different way of communicating.
As a woman, we are taught to be more agreeable from the traits that are rewarded, or discouraged. I am very blunt, but I had excessive focus on me being more polite. As a teen, I was in a pet store watching some puppies and a woman who I didn't know came up to me asked me what I thought the puppies were thinking. This seemed so random and strange that I told her I didn't know and walked away. My mother scolded me for not being more polite to her and engaging in conversation. Like WTF should I talk to a random person about my thoughts? I'm much better at deflecting, but I think some questions deserve sarcasm
Instead of scolding you she could have explained that it can make people feel uncomfortable if you respond that way. I think that way you learn to understand others better, but it's still up to you to decide how to socialize. That's what I would teach my kids if I had any. I wouldn't force them into any role, but explain how to read a situation and let them make their own decisions. That way you make it about the dynamic of the situation and not about them. Kids can be very sensitive to being perceived as "bad". I'm turning this into a rant, but I'm sick of parents turning their kid's unwanted behaviour into a conflict between them and the kid and making them feel inferior, instead of explaining cause and effect.
Just to give another perspective, maybe she has social anxiety and was trying to make light conversation in her own way. I also have social anxiety and not many people to talk to, so I can be a bit awkward when I try to strike up a little convo 😂 your reaction would’ve hurt me, but I also know that nobody owes me anything and we each have a different personality and sensitivities
I have really never met that many women who want to talk about "Oh my god you look cute, where did you buy your shoes" stuff.😅 Maybe that's a culture thing, or more likely an age thing, who knows. But most women I have met like to talk about a variety of topics.. 🤔 And I don't see that to be a manly thing to do..
I will sign up to that class the second you create it! Small talk is the bane of my existence, even more so when I have headphones in. Like for real, how can you actively make the decision to talk to someone with headphones in? This I will never understand... I relate to you in so many ways, it’s refreshing to hear this sort of perspective from someone on youtube. I really love your videos❤️
I havent watched yet, but this is also one of the top questions i get online. I love my trans friends, so i feel guilty about getting offended from such comments. Do i not look like a woman? Do i look masculine? Those are the sort of questions that naturally run through my mind. Why would someone ask if those werent the case? I dont know how to feel about it, especially because i am physically very feminine.
I think in my opinion it would more like being aware of other ppls transphobia and maybe those ppl who ask if you’re trans, aren’t seeing you as a woman but more of “‘man’ trying to be woman” (or whatever transphobic rhetoric) bc lots of transphobic ppl don’t see trans men as men or trans women as women. I would be offended by their transphobia & also them trying to “read” me rather than some internalized transphobia that’s not there. I hope this makes sense !!! I think it’s okay to be offended. I would be offended for being asked if I was trans if it was asked by a person who is transphobic. But if it is was a genuine question idk (?) bc a genuine person wouldn’t ask that question most of the time. It’s usually transphobic ppl that ask that question. Being asked /if you’re trans/ is a lot different than asking /are you a man? are you a woman/ but for transphobic ppl it’s kinda the same question
Love love love Alx Talx! I'm always late to the party but wanted to say w each video I go 'yeah, I GET that!' and have assumed your originally from the East Coast. Love your videos - my fave part is the flawless make up w ok dudes!😂 ❤❤
Had to pause and say I feel so similar making female friends. Just want to be real, have laughs, maybe talk some shit. Where my real ladies at?! Dying to meet some someday🥲
alex your personality/ persona/ vibe is what draws thousands of people to your videos regardless of the assumptions people must either like you or be interested in you. I can relate to some of what you spoke about. I can come off as abrasive and overly opinionated. I definitely can be crude and sarcastic. I have a weird sense of humor. I am woman and outwardly appear so but my ways sometimes aren't traditionally "feminine" I have few friends and feel awkward around certain women especially if i feel judged. I feel this is a safe space. Love these videos and the comments are usually pretty good also!
I watched your beauty channel for a little long time and this is the first time I found this channel. You say great, thoughtful things. You are super fascinating!!
Yes! Make a class on being sarcastic I’m very sensitive I guess and it makes me uncomfortable I am confident & comfortable But when comes to socializing I’m nice and friendly And maybe it can be too much But I’d definitely like a class in sarcasm 🤗
growing up I always felt I wasn’t feminine enough like my friends; my voice, the way I talk..etc and I was very anxious about it so I would try to dress and act super feminine then coming across one of your videos and watching someone with a similar vibe that I can relate to ,I started to slowly accept myself and stop trying to be someone else without even realizing that change! seriously thank you!
I am a woman in engineering. I did art all growing up and I just love making things, I decided to do engineering bc people didn't seem to take me seriously when I did just art. I have an older brother and we were close growing up. I'm comfortable in engineering bc there's more guys. I'm also more technical than alot of people around me. I got alot of shit for this growing up, I tried to get into girly things to fit in but I end up making them technical anyway. I love your videos and it seems like you have alot of similarities to me. I personally had to get over some internalized sexism but my ability to relate to guys over women isn't affected by that. I think it's just that culture discourages technical and critical thinking in women. I find some women I relate to super well but it's a short list, but idk I think it's bc of sexism's affects. Being a minority in your gender doesn't make you sexist. I used to dumb myself down bc it seemed guys in highschool got upset when I would be technical. So I dumbed myself down. I didn't stop doing it until my biology professor told me to stop in an indirect way. I purposely used simpler terms when answering a question and so he asked what the actual term is, which I knew. And he said "say that term then you'll sound smarter." I know this sounds like he was being agressive but the tone was definitely encouraging. In that conversation I basically realized how I had been trying to make myself more palatable by using simpler terms.
I think it speaks to the power of sexism in Western society when we start to gender ways of relating to the world -- "technical thinking" being "masculine", for example
@@KRfromthePaleozoic The weirdest thing I ever heard was the phrase "masculine values." WTF?? It was in a letter asking for donations that I got from The Heritage Foundation because my dad had subscribed me to a conservative newspaper because he thought it had some "facts" I was missing out on. They were presenting returning "masculine values" back to America as part of their mission. I'm like, aren't VALUES just values? How can you genderize something like that?
Okay I just found this video / channel Bc your regular channel is my favorite of all time - specifically beCAUSE of the way you speak. And every single video I see you in from start to finish I think you look like a dope female who pulls men EASILY.
People really need a heavy dose of "it's none of your business" huh
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 And also why does it matter 😂
@@AlxTalx Exactly 😭 People care too much
her voice is none like Nikkie s so why ask about that...
I know, Ales sounds like a women, Nikki or however you spell it, does not. You can tell by their voice if they’re trans.
So true,as with the “when are you getting married, when are you going to have kids, you’re only going to have one child?!”, etc, etc, etc. Enough with the judgy personal questions!
It's funny how people guess what someone's gender or sexuality is just because of their hairstyle, the way someone dresses or different bone structure. Aren't we applauding people for being gender fluid and having masculine and feminine duality. You can't be a tomboy unless you are a lesbian , or a gays always are bff with women .
I think it's a natural human instinct to "size someone up", but in todays modern world we have to remind ourselves that those assumptions don't mean anything and are probably wrong
Yes!
That's because some men (aka males) are saying they feel like a woman just because they liked wearing dresses and long hair as a child #nikkietutorials
The you can’t be a tomboy unless your a lesbian, really hits me because I’m a tomboy but I’m only interested in men, no women or other genders or sexualities.
@@cct306 yeah no lets not invalidate trans womens gender identity thats hella fuckin problmatic
“This guy in a business suit starts making conversation with me and I’m like, ‘ugh, we’re doing this now.’” 😂😂😂 I love introverts
I could not relate to anything more than her reaction when she said that 🤣🤣🤣
@@kristendiaz3113 same 😂
i have a question, since some girls are introverts and don't want to be approached how should i approach them if i find them attractive and i like them?? cause like, i can't get close to you (and probably get labeled a creep if i do) but at the same time i can't DM you or anything cause you're a stranger and we don't know each other, do i just hope you notice me and like me back?? and even if you did like me back you're not going to approach me either cause you're an introvert.
@@johndank2209 I would start the conversation like I'm talking to myself out loud and then you realised how strange this is and ask her a question to involve her in. All this in a very chill way and on very light topics.
E.g. you're in a bar, close to her and start saying "wow, this cocktail is really something!" (Talking to yourself) and then realising she was there listening to you, you go: "I hope yours it's as good as mine! (Is it?)"
@@matemarika86 interesting, i will try it out. Thx
It’s okay when I’m platinum blonde, people all the time ask if i am a stripper .. when my hair is pink, they ask all the time if I’m a hair dresser.. people are weird lol
Omg that really is so weird, i mean that people ask u that
Wait what?? That’s pretty rude :/
People LOVEEEE making assumptions
I remember when I was 18-21 and I worked in makeup and had lots of beautiful friends that put alot of effort into their looks, and my best friend was a guy guy that wore makeup. I was like a size 2 and 5'10. I was always bullied for being a tomboy, skinny, tall and poor(that mattered because I never had clothes that fit. led to lack of confidence). So after I left the city where I was born after highschool I came into my own and gained confidence especially after leaving my toxic family. Going back to when I started working in the beauty Industry...I found myself, I love makeup and fashion and whenever I went out with my bestie, people(usually gay men) would ask my best friend if I was trans. They thought I had a boob job(C) and fake hips. I was born female. and I honestly don't know exactly what it was about me that made so many people wonder if I'm trans, I usually went out in heels and dresses and people said I should model, and I did a little bit. Maybe its because I grew up with guy friends and I give off masculine vibes. ? idk...
Are you asian?
Its not the curiosity that's strange. Its the "needing to know." Almost like they can't be comfortable around you unless they know what box to put you in. It's funny, the people that make fun of "Gen z and all their labels" are the ones that get the most irritated when you don't fit into a label.
Yeah, some cis people really feel the need to “know” what genitalia people have. I’ve said for a while now they don’t ask cis people (or people they think are cis) because they assume they know.
I could care less what people identify as.. I'm not gunna ask anyone either.
A person is a person no matter beliefs and deserves respect.
As someone a bit older, and lean politically-Right, it's not so much that people "need to know" for their own benefit, but because they're afraid of being admonished for presuming an individual that clearly presents as a definitive gender actually identifies as such...
To me the thing that makes “gen z labels” silly is not that there are too many but that they are still containers with confines like the old ones. We need to break boundaries in order to truly be free not just divide them further. Knowing what makes us all alike as human beings.
Edit out that name as womyn are the opposite of Holly / Holy -- only I can be called Holly, as I am the Holy/pure being (the opposite of womyn) and soon all term/name misuse is to be banned!
I have mixed feelings when people come up to someone and ask about their gender or sexual orientation. Yes, it’s okay to be curious but idk, it’s a bit offensive at the same time.
It just doesn't matter and I don't know why people even care...🤔😂
fwiw, i do think there is a big difference between asking someone for their pronouns and asking straight-up what someone's gender or sexual orientation are. the first is just a polite thing to do,; the latter is invasive.
@@jacquiz.6837 THIS! Assume nothing, be polite. 😌❤️
I'm totally fine when kids do it though.... Get curious, little friend! Ask questions, learn there are options, do your thing (within reason)!
I mean, I ask if I'm interested on the person, otherwise I don't care
To your airplane story, I have become very quick to say things like, “Well, I’m not really looking to impress you / get your opinion / get your approval” especially to male strangers who insert themselves into my business. Women spend too much time and energy being polite to placate men who are prying and their shocked reactions will show you that never has a person, particularly a woman, responded to their questions that way. Will be completely worth it.
That is why I never say thank you when men say I look beautifull (f.e. I did my make up that day). I usually respond "I know or I look beautifull everyday" and they either get angry or say that I am conceited 😂
Oh I’ll definitely use that in the future! 😄
They get then scared and talk to another woman
I have to start doing this more often lol, I admire your bravery
I recently called a guy out on his opinionated judgemental comments to me and he did not take it well! I coulda just ignored it I know, but I'd just heard one self righteous idiot too many at that moment so ... The best bit is the fact that he hasn't talked to me since! Win-win 😁
i've been a girl that "i have mostly guy friends bc theres less drama and i feel like i can be myself" but it was literally all in my head. Now i mostly have female friends and the friendships are waaayyy deeper than any of the guy friends i had. It was literally me expecting girls to be all about clothes, makeup, drama, etc. and that isn't how they are. Once again, that's how society and media portrays us and a lot of girls grow up having that idea of women in their head and don't want to be friends with them because of it (maybe they have interests in sports, science, etc-which society says is masculine), and therefore think they get along with guys more (and there are women that do i'm sure, but i'd like to know why that is and if its because of actually experiences or their idea of women)
THIS! Thank you. Im so sick of it being like a trend to say that ”I dont vibe with other women”. Saying that we are shallow, dramatic or not as deep. So demeaning and seriously its getting old. We are human, you just met a person with other interest than you. It has nothing to do with men or women.
Good ole internalized misogyny!
The patriarchy ruins the party again.
Good for you, but I tried it many many many times to be friends with women and they were obsessed over men, looking hot, gossip, brand clothes, makeup, hair etc.
I'm 31 and I still don't intend to date or have kids, I don't care about expensive handbags, walk around makeup-free every day, I hate sitting at cafes, and I've been judged by those female "friends" for not having professionally done manicures. I went back to school, want to build my business and travel. I can't find any woman whom I can relate to or who can relate to me. Your comments sound like blaming us women who probably don't have the luck you guys have.
Find me a female friend who is just laid back, loves outdoor activities and I won't complain.
@@jennyjonsson169 I've found myself saying that to people in the past, because sometimes people don't accept a woman hanging out with guys....they say stuff like "oh you trying to get with them all?" etc. I wouldn't make the assumption that women saying that are shallow etc.
@@sw-hg8eq literally none of my friends that are girls act like that. They all have feminine and masculine traits, they’re just normal people. Idk maybe it’s because we’re “gen z” and relatively young but I think saying all girls are the same way is bs. Also yes I have guy friends too who also just chill, “normal” people.
As a woman, I've always been comfortable swinging both ways: being a total girly girl and then verbally shitposting with the most crude, stupid humor. One of my best friends is a guy and we text each other the dumbest memes. I wish people were more open to just going with the flow and vibing naturally with each other instead of thinking they need to cram their personalities into socially-constructed boxes. Sarcasm is boundless and timeless.
Completely. People should be aware that a lot of people who need to stick their kids into gender boxes very young are actually very repressed themselves. Many ultra conservative types would rather force their kid into one gender even if that means surgery early on. Everyone should just chill since we're ultimately just light balls hanging out for a while in flesh suits.
@Shannon Hurley It's as if you have no reading comprehension whatsoever. You didn't get my point and are calling me sexist. Just stop.
@Shannon Hurley No worries. Thanks for the reply!
I never thought you were transgender, I just thought you like your hair short. You speak like an intelligent thoughtful person.
Your skin looks SO good in this video.. like wow. That's all I could think about for the first 3 min. of your thumbnail rant lol :)
She’s glowing ✨
The thing about posting your own "bad" pictures on the internet is that you claim the power of your self image fully, so nobody can hurt you by posting "bad" pictures of yours because you posted them yourself 🙃
so true, but at the same time you have the right not to post them :)
@@Verbsdescribeus also true :)
It’s also going against the whole, retouch, look perfect bs. Nobody is perfect and the sooner we’re used to seeing that the better.
@@tinytaz6668 nowdays, i get pleasantly surprised when i see pictures of swatches on somebody's arm and i notice hairs lol. because all my life i got bullied even by my own relatives because i should have been perfectly hairless everywhere because "men pay attention to that".
so it's a breath of fresh air and a reminder that no, i'm not the only human made of flesh bone and hair out there lol. not everyone is a plastic manequinn.
I am a female body builder I constantly get asked if I am trans .... a guy even told me that my Adam’s Apple was showing 🤷🏻♀️
thing is, technically everyone has one lol
Wow. Fuck that guy so much. Plus, even if you were trans, why is it his damn business? When did he earn t right to comment on your body? Lord.
That is so gross. It's as if muscular women are aliens to these insecure men.
I NEVER UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY'RE GOING WITH THAT KIND OF CONVERSATION wtf what kind of useful info will he come out with after that convo
the funny thing is that an adams apple slightly poking out doesnt mean anything lol, like im cis and mine still shows from the side
“I’m wearing Jeffrey Dahmer glasses”
Absolutely living for it.
I literally saw the thumbnail and thought of him, lol
This honestly surprises me, although I'm 64 and maybe less likely to move from traditional assumptions to wider ones. You seem feminine in a 2020 presentation. Most importantly you are interesting, attractive and engaging. I'm glad you are living in a world that is more accepting of coloring outside the lines than the one I grew up in. Best wishes.
PS Inappropriate questions can be answered with "And why is this important to you?"
Yeah she seems so feminine
I agree!
As a 52 y.o mom of college n high school kids, I am truly impressed by how eloquent you are and how valuable your channel is to young people (and us oldies too)! It is really troubling how judgmental and one dimensional society is these days. It seems like social media allows people to hide behind the screen and spread negativity. People are really losing touch with what is truly important in life, to be kind to yourself and others, be accepting and respectful of each others differences. As a mom I am worried about the present world. Kudos to you for sharing topics worth discussing!
I'm a grandma, I agree about Alex content. I wish had access to this real talk when I was younger. Roasting idiots for idiotic assumptions they feel obliged to share with you without asking should be taught in school.
Me too; Alex probably doesn't realize some older woman enjoy her transparency and imagination
Very few men are a true alpha (such as my protectors) and all true alphas stay away from womyn and they h8 womyn and betas for being the cause of true injustice -- alphas are eternally loyal to me and they stay pure and innocent forever!
Life is an universal error and no one wants to be forced into such horrible existence through the most awfuI place in the world aka the womyn's reeker/tunnel of doom...
And all womyn are the opposite of feminine -- I am the only being who looks feminine and I am the only being meant to be loved and who can be loved, myself being the pure being of absolute universal importance...
Whenever I had a short hairstyles in the past people assumed or asked if I was a lesbian. I'm not, but I always answered "so what if I am?" Ridiculous that people, who do or don't know you, think it's okay to ask about your sexuality or gender identity 🤯
Out of curiosity, where the people asking you that ever lesbians themselves? Because us gays tend to ask before proceeding for fear of violent reactions. Like we can't always just go up to another girl and be like you're cute without checking first.
@@SerafinaP no, usually men
@@ems_h.eartnotes ah, weird, why would they even need to know?
Honestly good on u for not retaliating tho. I unfortunately see straight women who get really offended over the idea of being compared to gay women sometimes. Good to stand ur ground graciously x
I was at a bar and went into the (ladies) restroom behind a tall, short-haired person. Honestly, I thought they were just drunk and walked into the ladies room. I'm like, ""um... Sir? This is... the ladies....?" They turned around and said, very graciously, "I'm a girl. I just have short hair." From behind, I really thought it was a guy. I was so embarrassed.
When people ask really weird questions like what am I going to do with my degree in art. I just say "make art, probably" or "I dunno probably something art related" then I stare at them with a straight face.
It points out how redundant their question was and it also makes them laugh which helps the conversation move along. They usually try to think of something else to talk about because they feel stupid now lol
Lmao I love this!🤣
SAME!!!! People are stupid... or the question of “are you going to be a teacher?”
It is truly fascinating to me when women say they are comfortable around men. Just as Alex has experienced something that affected her relationship with women, my experiences with men have formed in me a distrust of them. I can't help it and I can't understand how women can feel more comfortable around them vs other women...? Very interesting to me
That's the thing, it all comes down to our own personal experiences and how they've affected and shaped us throughout our lives
Same, I dislike men after my experiences with them. They are hound dogs and misogynists in my opinion usually, and if they aren't like that, then we can get along.
I feel you with the hard time to socialize with fellow women. I have been bullied by every women in my life. My mother, the whole school, etc. Men, such as my brother, my father and classmates were the only ones who didn’t bother me. As I grew up, I had mother issues and became the « pick me girl », then ended up in many toxic situations with men. As i healed myself and accepted my past, I discovered through my therapist that my weird fear of women and my bad relationship with men (love) are all coming from...my mother. Why? I wasn’t feeling secure with her, a woman, then I saw her mistreating my father and brother. Therefore my horrible boundaries with men. Anyway hope this helped someone. I am now in a better place, my parents are good, I healed my traumas and relationship with my mom! And tadaa I have an amazing bf! :)
Omg thank you, this is so helpful!! My father has never been there and the relationship with my mother throughout my childhood and teenage years was horrible. I could easily detect the daddy issues but I never thought about how my bad relationship with my mother influenced my relationships with other people! I’ve only ever realised the personal trauma it caused. So reading this comment of yours really was eye opening.
@@_Lord_of_Misrule_ woah thank you for commenting and being vulnerable! I truly appreciate you sharing your experience :)
Congrats! I haven't been able to get along with my mother, neither I want to, but I do want to have better relationships with people... Congrats for being in a better place.
Your mother was a narcissist likely. Look up groups for daughter's of narccistic mothers on Facebook they're incredible
The guy on the plane story reminds me of when I was at a career fair. I was in school for engineering and I was talking to this guy who had a small engineering start up. He asked me what my hobbies were and I was honest and said cake decorating. His response "oh so all you know how to do is follow a recipe" basically implying I didn't know how to think for myself. Then he hands me back my resume. I had a very similar response to what it sounds like you had to the guy on the plane. I felt the need to justify my choices to some random guy insulting me. I then left the room and trying everything in my power to not cry.
Now that I'm working I can see what I've carried over so many lessons learned from cake decorating to engineering. Both are design. Art is design. Yet people put less value on art for no reason. If that art is seen as feminine, I feel like society sees those people as dumb and incompetent. I can't even begin to explain to you how angry this makes me, and you won't believe how much I run into this mentality even still.
I love your content. It's very comforting and validating bc I feel like you have similar experiences to me. I love the color theory thrown into the makeup, and I love the sociology themed rants.
You basically already said this but that's so interesting to me bc baking/decorating cakes would so very obviously help with engineering. There are so many parallels. At least to me lol
He thinks cake decorating is only following a recipe? Tf
Even baking a cake is more than recipes wtf
A person I work with is pretty accepting but she is often nosey about other peoples’ identities (like she wants to know if someone is trans, gay, etc) but even her son tells her “it shouldn’t matter to you” lol
I'm going to sound old right now, because I am 54, but eventually it just doesn't matter anymore....it's so freeing not caring how others view you. Good posture is everything. Carry yourself like you love yourself.
I relate to this 100%. I think you should discuss the whole “girls who have mostly guy friends” thing. A lot of people tend to think there’s a sexual element to that or that those girls are intimated by other women. I don’t know; I’ve just always been able to be myself with dudes and don’t understand where that judgement comes from.
@Golfy Tones Except she didn't insult anyone? She's talking about her experience. It's not all roses for girls with mostly guy friends, they get associated as sexual or attention seeking a lot.
@@meep257 i don’t think they meant “you” as in the original commenter, i think they meant “you” as in general, like for a 3rd party that might think that way.
Same
I got a pixie cut (now for the second time) and I got LOOKS while in public (and I also have a deeper voice) and don't have "curves".... I think I make others confused constantly! My features are androgynous and all but I identify as a female 🤷♂️I understand you deeply (have been confused by a boy growing up as well but was a ballerina for 10+ years) I'm feminine in my own way y'know 🤗
It's not you, its them! You're fine how you are.
dude i would 100% take your sarcastic response workshop. i need some of that energy in my vocabulary
"What are you going to do with [your degree]?"
"Set it on fire"
In my opinion having banter with someone is definitely more of a comfortability thing vs a masculine thing. It depends on the relationship you have with that person. Also it makes a difference if you are alone with someone or in a group. You have to be aware because sometimes banter and talking smack can come off as being rude and insensitive if you don't have a relationship prior with that person. I grew up a tomboy too, so I get where your coming from when you said you had a lot of guy friends growing up. I think it really helped me understand men from a different perspective.
“We should all work on our sarcastic responses together. Maybe I can make a class” 😂😂😂😂😂 yessss!! I would attend 👩⚖️
💯
the whole removing myself from me thing i relate to so much
Basically everything you are talking about is exactly how I am. I have always got along with guys better but not by choice. I have a hard time connecting and being “one of the girls” even tho I very much would like to be. I’ve always been one of the guys while at the same time a lot of other guys are scared of me for not being “girly” enough. Straight up have had guys say to my face that they are scared of me, and girls that look down on me for whatever reason... Lucky I have my boyfriend. Would have been so lonely otherwise
Me too, I think we are all gravitating here for a reason!
I'm a confident and intelligent woman,men are scared of me.
It's honestly pathetic how men only feel comfortable when they "have the upper hand" in a way...?
I honestly don't care,I guess I'm going to have to wait for more intelligent beings to surround me lol
Feel you. I love when I can fit in comfortably with the boys. Oft time I am the only "female" at an event because I've been part of the group since teen years. But it is so weird and upsetting when I have men being intimidated by me, think I am a bitch just because I'm not like a typical female they're use to? It's so weird. And as much as i want female friends, it's extremely rare someone handles the raw me and I don't have put some sort of female mask or breaks on how I talk and the topics and humour etc. So yeah, still feel lonely
I guess it's harder as you grow up to expand your circle, but trust me guys, the world is a big enough place that you'll find amazing women just like you.
Just give yourself and the others a chance, like, fr.
@@CorHellekin aahhh yeah nah, I don't think it's us not giving people the chance that's the problem here. Like, the other way around...
I love to see your responses on Instagram. They crack me up. People get so offended when women curse like we are supposed to be these dainty little creatures.
Are you me? You’re me. I relate to everything you said 100%
I’ve had a problem with the idea that we should ask people what pronouns they prefer. It can really hurt people’s feelings. I personally have made an effort to switch to gender-neutral pronouns by default because I truly believe everyone should be able to express themselves without worrying about how they’ll be “gendered.”
I’m around your age and a female and I relate to the way you talk, present yourself etc. a lot. Interesting video as always, thank you ♥️
It’s funny because I feel that the beauty fashion industry is perceived as shallow but in my experience we are deeper because we have a caring heart about people due to the fact of trying to lift others outer to fill their inner confidence. As a cosmetologist ( mostly hair) for over 25 years I’ve had to play phycologist and have deep conversations beyond the beauty. I’m unfortunately we all judge and get judged by first impression or our sex .
This is soooooo true. I work in law, and some attorneys are so hard to connect with and don’t want or have time to have deeper conversations. The cosmetologists, estheticians, and photographers I’ve met are usually more open to deeper conversations and connections. If someone can get past by shy exterior, I’m very interested in more than idle chatter
I relate so hard when it comes to communicating with women (and people in general) and dropping into a deeper level of discussion or joke too quickly versus staying superficial. Like, I seriously have had a full on identity crisis/deep dive on why I do this and why society is uncomfortable with it. I polled my friends and basically they said, well, people just get caught off guard and prefer to remain superficial at first. So, unfortunately now I just stay quiet and seem to many as very reserved. I struggle with this because like why do I change my natural behavior and suppress my personality to appease someone because they are uncomfortable with being a real person. Idk. I’m don’t won’t people to share things they don’t want to or anything, just you know, be normal, joke around, and stop being soo fake. Thoughts?
this is literally me 😭 I've been struggling with this for the longest time. I restrict myself from really being myself around females and tbh, I find the conversations so boring and superficial. I told my bf the other day how I was jealous of him and his guy friends because they literally talk about anything and everything without a filter and I always wished I had girlfriends like that...
please don't change for anyone else! personally i loovee meeting people who open up right away. its like, lets just skip the boring small-talk and get right to joking around and finding stuff we have in common. that might be cause i have a hard time opening up around others, so when someone does it first, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable. keep on being you and if anyone else has a problem, that's their problem!
What you mentioned about the nicer surface level conversations as opposed to giving your friends shit really made me think about how I act around certain people. I think the nicer and more complimentary I am, the less close I am to those people bc I’m finding a need to be almost ‘fake’ nice to them bc I think they can’t handle my real kind of sarcastic side. It’s weird bc now I’m realizing I’m nice to certain friends I think I’m sooo close to but maybe I’m not bc I don’t feel comfortable being my full blown ‘taking shots at you’ self around them. Don’t know if my thought came across in this message but dang, that was an interesting little monologue you sparked.
I think we have to understand that being feminine is not what you wear, the length of your hair, if you wear makeup, ..
I perceive you as very feminine. Your face, your voice, your mannerism,...
mmmmm i mean, feminine is a concept on it's own with certain markers if you will.
it's just that it's not an inmutable one, and also, it doesn't have to go intertwinded with your own interpretation of it or in line with your gender or sex. And also, it's not a net positive (being feminine is not a good thing. NOT being feminine isnt't a "good" thing either. being feminine, being masculine, being something else, they are just adjectives, descriptors)
Having the perfect comeback is a gift... one that rarely happens in the moment for most people. Three hours post conversation is when the best comeback responses occur, or at least that’s what I’ve found. But then, sometimes just a look is worth a thousand words. That guy on the plane? Yeah, I’d have immediately put my headphones on, smiled and given a dismissive wave before closing my eyes.
I relate to this 100%. My insides don’t match my outsides. I also have a low voice and have been repeatedly bullied by women. It can be exhausting being constantly misunderstood and feeling the need to explain yourself all the time. I’m also into fashion and cosmetics as well as death metal, craft beer, wrestling, etc. On rare days when I’m wearing a metal shirt and no makeup acquaintances comment on how it makes so much more sense than when I wear color and look fem. Wearing black every day would be too boring for me and I wish people weren’t so simple minded. I’m true to my whole self and it’ll attract the people it’s supposed to. Most peeps suck that way tho for sure.
My voice is so deep ‘for a girl’ some people have asked me as well. My voice is just deep/Smokey? Leave me alone! If I was trans it ain’t ya damn business anyway ?? Why can’t they just ask what your pronouns are instead of asking if you are trans?? Like Thats way more of an important question!
Here's a comment I've used since before you were born (early 80's): "I like my men stupid. Keep talking!" I try to say it in a come hither fashion while I hide the grimace. You're welcome!
I just bought the book you mentioned. My best friend is transitioning and I really just want to understand what she’s going through/unlearn what society has taught us. I got it yesterday and I’m a few chapters in. What a read. Thank you for mentioning it. It has so many keys things society needs to be aware of.
Just by watching this video, I felt so validated by my experience of interacting and befriending guys vs girls, simply by sharing your own experience, thoughts and opinions. Thank you for being you 🥺
I know this wasn’t really the point of the video, but something you mentioned really got me thinking. I wish I wasn’t the kind of girl who couldn’t go beyond surface level when meeting others. I’m just so shy and I’ve kind of conditioned myself to be that way because, simply put, I worry about putting people off with the real me. But this video has made me realise I’m probably doing the opposite and could be a reason I don’t have many close friends; just acquaintances. I never get to the point where I can make a genuine connection with someone.
You’d hate me on a plane. I love talking to new people. 🤣 I love this channel and the way you present different topics.
I’m also a woman that has a less feminine way of speaking, and I’ve actually gotten in trouble at work for it. While they won’t admit it’s because I’m a woman they find my demeanor out of place, They’ve never reprimanded my male counterparts for the same behavior.
One time this old guy asked me how my father felt about me having a nose ring...and I was like “um yea I mean I think he’s cool with it?”
“When I’m on planes don’t talk to me.” This was the gem of the video. I hate this so much.
I honestly think it's unfair to characterize the way women typically socalize (complimenting each other's outfits, appearances, etc) as fundamentally more "surface level" than giving each other shit, taking the piss, etc. They're both surface level ways of communicating when you haven't gotten to the deeper topics yet, and just because one is also typically associated with women doesn't make it more shallow. Maybe this isn't what you meant so someone please correct me if I'm off base.
No im 100% with you. A bit surprised by seeing this from Alex but I guess everyone sees it differently. I don’t get why women keep saying things like we are small minded and shallow, its getting old.
@@jennyjonsson169 it has strong "I'm not like other girls" vibes, and I know that saying is really overused nowadays, especially to critique women unfairly who aren't comfortable with traditional femininity, but that's not the case here. Here she's not JUST saying she's never been into that stuff; she seems to be saying that women who ARE just aren't as deep and "real" as she and the good ol' boys she hangs out with. Yikes!
@@TheSim1derful I thought she meant that she thought women and men are born communcating the same way but women are taught that way of talking is the expectation for them so many do but she's bad at that "feminine" (in quotes bc it's not ofc) way of talking so she initially hits it off better w men. But I'm not her so idk lol. I do agree that both ways of talking are surface level but I think there's something to be said for feeling like an outcast bc you couldn't meet society's standards for "how to be a woman" as well as everyone else. I also may be projecting here lol as I've been working on internalized misogyny myself
I have never found women to compliment each other like that unless they are drunk....when sober, groups of women will sit around bi*ching and gossiping, I've sat through it and it's soul destroying. Also you can't seriously say that complimenting someone's outward appearance is as meaningful as making fun of someone's personality in a jokey way come on.
@Olebaskus I completely agree! We are really socially punished for being ourselves if that self happens to be assertive, direct, etc.
For the business dude story. I try to kindly respond with "that was a rude statement/question." and then disengage. If you're that person you don't deserve my quick wit, you don't deserve my energy, you deserve to know you were rude and hopefully use this experience to grow. Also, if they didn't mean it as something rude, but as genuine interest that hit me wrong, they also deserve to know how that phrasing impacts who they're talking with.
Dude, I'm an art student and I get asked that all the time "What are you going to do with an art degree?" I'm like, I dunno, make art? What do you do with a math or business degree? It's only a starting point like any other degree... So frustrating. T . T
I have never related to a UA-cam video so much in my life.We do not personally know each other but you have articulated my experiences and thoughts exquisitely.
I actually like the no glam videos, it feels like a two way conversation with a friend 🤷♀️ I don't have many girlfriends, it's just how it is and I'm okay. I am not a girly girl, I like makeup, fashion, video games, cooking, wrestling and crossfit - if you don't like me I honestly can't deal with you 😂 this also reminds me when we go out with friends and they have a new girlfriend or something and I feel so uncomfortable to act around other.. And this comment ended up having a 5 minute conversation with my mind 😂
Dude.... I like all those things too!! 😀🌷 (Except for the CrossFit but it does interest me 😄)
Wow, I definitely can understand the anxiety or just the feeling of meeting a woman for the first time, or communicating with women that I've know for years, or coworkers even and just knowing that I can only or should only talk about the surface level topics. It makes me feel alone in my desire for a real connection with girl friends. I am really glad that you spoke on this. In a world of social media and distanced friendships it seems like people don't know how to connect anymore. I sometimes feel that I've been born into the completely wrong era. Although I enjoy modern things it feels difficult to connect on a deep level in this modern era. Hope that makes sense, lol. Thank you!
I have a hard time connecting outside of beauty, fashion and partying. It makes me sad sometimes. I chalk it up to protecting myself because I’m a total emotional mess. (Tearing up just writing this). It was validating to hear you say this. I am not alone.
I get asked all of the time if I am a lesbian lol then they see my husband....and they say oh well you look like one. 🙄
Same, even getting asked after you answer "are you sure?" 😑
Why do pixie cuts signal this? What the hell, so dumb. Also if someone asks if you are sure say "No but I am certain you are stupid so there's that" lmao
This is why I won't cut my hair short even tho I think it's so freaking cute!
Thats rude. I had ppl assume things about me cause I was more tom boy at one point.
I have a girl from highschool who is lesbian and convinced i'm lesbian cause i wear plaid shirts and not much makeup and idk why else.
It messes with my self view cause i start wondering if others see me that way too. I understand how male celebs who get called gay all the time must feel.. Anyways i wish people would mind their own business and stop associating items/looks/features with sexual orientation or gender
Hi Alex. I've never commented on UA-cam. Probably never will again lol. I have 3 adult children and have never fitted into society's box or desired to, so to speak. Just wanted to say you impress me as an amazingly intelligent, strong, talented, humble and beautiful young woman. In this artificial world of social media you are a rare and genuine diamond. Much love ❤
Whatever you look like, people who click and listen to you talk for 10 seconds will be instantly hooked. You are super smart, super sassy and just an all-around f****** good time. I'm so glad I found you, others will be just as glad.
People are just assholes sometimes. Years ago when I worked at a cancer clinic I used to also have a pixie cut. The husband of one of our regular patients would refer to me as “sir,” even though I had corrected him a couple of times stating I was a woman 😒 It was just weird. I think if it’s too “hard” to use pronouns just make the effort to use their name instead.
Same with my sister one of her boy classmates use to call her “he” and she would correct him all the time and he would always say oh sorry sometimes I just forget you’re a female I was so shocked cause I was watching from a distance this one time cause she wanted me to help her out and I came up to him and gave him a good lesson like how tf do people forget your gender/pronouns I’m still shocked by it
I do pick up a vibe that you try to distance yourself from femininity despite liking traditionally feminine things. I'm kind of that way because of most of my immediate family is male and harps on anything feminine. I don't like that I'm that way because it makes me seem resentful of my gender. Even though some of my most valued friendships are with women. It's a defense mechanism because the female gender is expected to be soft, and mild-mannered when really you can't define a person based off of what's in their pants.
YES!
I think it's also because traditionally feminine things/hobbies are seen as inferior to masculine things/hobbies.
I struggle with this so much. Every time I like something -- a shirt, a movie, a quilt, a musician, you name it! -- a little voice in the back of my head immediately goes "Is that too girly? Will this make me look too girly?" I only wore dark colors until 2017, almost didn't buy my quilt last August (it has flowers), didn't like pop music until 2019, etc all bc I was afraid of seeming girly. I hate it. After some introspection, I realized I just wanted to be taken seriously, be seen as tough and a leader, and just plain be "cool" but I felt like appearing feminine wouldn't get me there. Being girly felt ditsy and less than and weak and unimportant. It's scary and sad that I've subconsciously felt this way ever since I can remember. Like I literally associated coolness with masculinity which is heartbreaking imo
Although I like traditionally viewed musculine things, I also like traditionally viewed feminine things. Maybe if it was me I'll rub my femininity in their faces and expect them boys to deal with it. Feminine sh*t is powerful.
If I saw you in public I would think she seems cool and switched on and modern :)
I think as your taste for smells, foods, etc...everything including perception of others have to do with your own personal experiences since childhood and that’s why it’s so hard to perceive. You probably remind them on or experiences with other people. I have changed my perception over some people over the years and not feeling the need to judge is freedom! Love this video!
I completely relate to what you are saying about some differences between the topics of conversation between the genders. And I understand why people would see this as misogynist. It is in some way - for all of us. It's an inner-misogyny that comes from our conditioning. It does hint at the "I'm not like other girls" sayings that some of us have said or implied in the past because we don't want to be related to "airhead" girls.
But there are airhead guys too. And the references to the book you mentioned are interesting because I find men a lot more agreeable than women in some aspects about some topics. It's a topic worth digging into.
And that you say your humour is more masculine... I ask, is it? It's similar to the humour of my friends who are women. It was a woman who made me watch Jackass for the first time. Most of my female friends who are in their 50s admit readily that they have (what is also a stereotype) 8-year-old boy's humour. But perhaps that's my generation too. GenX came of age in the 80s for the most part which was a very open and androgenous time. Punk was very much about rejecting the norm, and that included sexism.
My male friends who were in the punk scene are some of the most outspoken feminists - true allies. They will be the first to shut down any talk of "not like the other girls" and point out that it's putting down other women specifically and not just boring topics. They are raising incredible kids too.
My advice to anyone who thinks they look unapproachable is to embrace it. It works as a great filter. Those with the nerve to get through that unapproachable wall will also love sharp humour and topics outside the norm.
And yea... YES!! Let's stop letting people - of all genders - pick away at us. Stop that in its tracks.
Alex, you are so real and so right. Nothing would prevent me from clicking on your work. Your outward appearance is a class act!
Same for me! I grew out my hair, even though I loved how short hair felt, because I kept getting mistaken for a guy. I am very tomboy and not the luckiest in the way of looking super girly... I hate it. So I grew my hair out and am always super concerned about my appearance because I don't want to be mistaken for a dude anymore. However I get along better with guys, I have only had a few girls I can talk to. It has made dating hard because most guys find me intimidating or more masculine than them. One day I hope to be comfortable just being me. I am trying.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS CHANNEL EXISTED?! I've been watching your beauty channel for years. HOW DID I DROP THE BALL LIKE THIS?! 😂
Guy on Plane: "What are you in school for?"
Alx: "I'm getting my B.A. in Painting."
Guy on Plane: "What are you going to do with THAT?!"
Alx: "Besides enjoy the rest of my life pursuing my passions rather than worry about meeting everyone else's approval and expectations to such a degree that I even pester strangers on a plane just to feel like I even exist? Well, I'm not sure. Any suggestions? I mean, suggestions that don't involve being miserable in life. Or is that outside your area of expertise?"
Dayum, Lol!
Anyone else read that out loud 😂
im really glad i found your makeup channel since its nice to watch someone whos not necessarily trying to be super feminine or anything explain makeup in a practical way. im not female, and definitely not super feminine so i just really vibe with how casual your content feels
I'm trans and it's so relieving to read all the comments under this video written by cis people, talking about many of the things I also struggle with!
I cannot tell you how much I relate to you in this video and how often I think about these topics. I have always been more comfortable around guys in social settings and have found it easier to be friends with and relate to guys, I assume because I only have brothers, but I often find myself scared that I have some sort of misogyny rooted in me. I do not think I do, but also what if I do and I just don't know it? ya know? It's so interesting, because I only have one perception of myself, and that's MY perception, but what if someone else's perception of me is that I am misogynistic because I hardly have girl friends. Loved this topic. Thank you for sharing your perspectives on these things!
I’m a tarot reader and I have had this happen too! There are lots of fake scammer “readers” out there. Also who would ask if a person is trans or if they are a this or that?? That’s so rude. And if someone is trans or not that can be very hurtful.
the convo about meeting guy friends vs girl friends, i relate to so much. i've rarely ever been able to connect with girls or have great friendships with them, aside from my childhood best friends. it usually always stays surface level. in my experience, making friends with guys has been easier for me because they tend to be more "inviting." it does sound misogynistic but i feel like typically girls find their social circles and tend to close them off (at least that was my experience especially in college) but all my guy friends would invite me into their circle and include me. so it just made things easier. but now it's like a self fulfilling prophecy where i expect for other girls to not like me or to not want to be my friend, so i don't put in the effort myself. rip
Idk how I manage to keep being here within a few minutes of your uploads but it’s such a happy surprise every time
😩💗
I feel like she's the only American UA-camr I watch that uploads at a time where I'm awake (I'm from Europe).
Thanks for this talx!
A "How to be sarcastic" class would be amazing!
Also, I'm with you on getting along with guys. It feels way more natural for me. 🤷♀️
As a foreigner, the weirdest thing to me is how Americans are so chatty. They always seem to try to initiate conversation (which could be good or bad) but it really takes the cake when u make statements or judge complete strangers based on how you look. Like, you don't know me? Why are you making such general assumptions? Idk that kind of stuff just doesnt happen irl here where im from. unless that person knows you in some way, we just mind our own business most of the time :/
I loved this random stream of conversation. You’re so intelligent … and funny. I appreciate you regardless of your pronouns! 😂
Girl..... I’ve had a pixie for many, many years. I survived a double mastectomy, and did not have reconstruction... 4’11” 100 lbs... I don’t care about wearing prosthetics, but I am constantly fielding this question: if you have no boobs and short hair, are you really a woman? How about people start judging people for the content of their character. No one knows what story brought them to their appearance. I am a HUMAN.... straight, mother, wife. No judgment on anyone’s outward appearance, but think before you speak.
And a strong one 💪 keep it up warrior
I would totally want to learn with you how to respond sarcastically to rude/ unsolicited comments... I always have this issue & then after my conversation is over with that person I always think “ man I wish I could’ve said this or that ..” ( it’s mainly because I just don’t want to b bothered that I isolate myself from people/ situations in which I know i feel uninterested in talking to )
I’m a introvert but I can be an extrovert, I just have to feel the vibes . I mainly like to sit in the background and just observe. That’s where I can see how people interact and that’s when I make the decision on weather or not i will benefit anything out of it if I say something..
But please! Do a video on this topic!!!
☕️ and Alx talx ❣️
💗
I tried to compliment you, and I deleted 5 comments out of fear of being ambushed online.. (for compliments lol) that just shows how brave you are for putting yourself out there. People are awful & especially online.. I just love your content & characteristics x huge fan x
I would love to listen to a podcast from you 💗
I just want to thank you cause even if you don’t realize, your content is very important to us and what you have to say. I needed to feel accompanied today and its funny how I find more company in hearing you be real than what I can find in a personal way at the moment.
I'll finish my degree in humanities in summer and still don't know what I could/should do with it. I mean, yes, the question kills me everytime. But the closer it gets the more lost I am... maybe I'll start a similar kind of yt channel with my philosophy background? 😪 Whyyyy do I need money to survive.....
Damn this was the most relatable thing I’ve heard. I’ve come to find girl friends who just talk crudely: we fight, we talk shit and we laugh but it’s been hard to get friends like that. Most of the time I come off too “hard” with some girls at first impression and we just don’t connect beyond the surface level. I always thought I was the problem... but this just made me feel validated. I’m not socially inept, I just have a different way of communicating.
As a woman, we are taught to be more agreeable from the traits that are rewarded, or discouraged. I am very blunt, but I had excessive focus on me being more polite. As a teen, I was in a pet store watching some puppies and a woman who I didn't know came up to me asked me what I thought the puppies were thinking. This seemed so random and strange that I told her I didn't know and walked away. My mother scolded me for not being more polite to her and engaging in conversation. Like WTF should I talk to a random person about my thoughts? I'm much better at deflecting, but I think some questions deserve sarcasm
Instead of scolding you she could have explained that it can make people feel uncomfortable if you respond that way. I think that way you learn to understand others better, but it's still up to you to decide how to socialize. That's what I would teach my kids if I had any. I wouldn't force them into any role, but explain how to read a situation and let them make their own decisions. That way you make it about the dynamic of the situation and not about them. Kids can be very sensitive to being perceived as "bad". I'm turning this into a rant, but I'm sick of parents turning their kid's unwanted behaviour into a conflict between them and the kid and making them feel inferior, instead of explaining cause and effect.
Just to give another perspective, maybe she has social anxiety and was trying to make light conversation in her own way. I also have social anxiety and not many people to talk to, so I can be a bit awkward when I try to strike up a little convo 😂 your reaction would’ve hurt me, but I also know that nobody owes me anything and we each have a different personality and sensitivities
It's sad to me that you still aren't making these videos. This was so interesting to listen to you talk about this stuff.
I have really never met that many women who want to talk about "Oh my god you look cute, where did you buy your shoes" stuff.😅 Maybe that's a culture thing, or more likely an age thing, who knows. But most women I have met like to talk about a variety of topics.. 🤔 And I don't see that to be a manly thing to do..
I think it's cause she works in the beauty world, that is typically how it is. Of course it's different depending on environment and social groups
@@crtvcncr1 I see, you are probably right. 🤔 V interesting!
I will sign up to that class the second you create it! Small talk is the bane of my existence, even more so when I have headphones in. Like for real, how can you actively make the decision to talk to someone with headphones in? This I will never understand... I relate to you in so many ways, it’s refreshing to hear this sort of perspective from someone on youtube. I really love your videos❤️
I havent watched yet, but this is also one of the top questions i get online. I love my trans friends, so i feel guilty about getting offended from such comments. Do i not look like a woman? Do i look masculine? Those are the sort of questions that naturally run through my mind. Why would someone ask if those werent the case? I dont know how to feel about it, especially because i am physically very feminine.
I think in my opinion it would more like being aware of other ppls transphobia and maybe those ppl who ask if you’re trans, aren’t seeing you as a woman but more of “‘man’ trying to be woman” (or whatever transphobic rhetoric) bc lots of transphobic ppl don’t see trans men as men or trans women as women. I would be offended by their transphobia & also them trying to “read” me rather than some internalized transphobia that’s not there. I hope this makes sense !!! I think it’s okay to be offended.
I would be offended for being asked if I was trans if it was asked by a person who is transphobic. But if it is was a genuine question idk (?) bc a genuine person wouldn’t ask that question most of the time. It’s usually transphobic ppl that ask that question.
Being asked /if you’re trans/ is a lot different than asking /are you a man? are you a woman/ but for transphobic ppl it’s kinda the same question
Love love love Alx Talx! I'm always late to the party but wanted to say w each video I go 'yeah, I GET that!' and have assumed your originally from the East Coast. Love your videos - my fave part is the flawless make up w ok dudes!😂 ❤❤
Had to pause and say I feel so similar making female friends. Just want to be real, have laughs, maybe talk some shit. Where my real ladies at?! Dying to meet some someday🥲
alex your personality/ persona/ vibe is what draws thousands of people to your videos regardless of the assumptions people must either like you or be interested in you.
I can relate to some of what you spoke about. I can come off as abrasive and overly opinionated. I definitely can be crude and sarcastic. I have a weird sense of humor. I am woman and outwardly appear so but my ways sometimes aren't traditionally "feminine" I have few friends and feel awkward around certain women especially if i feel judged.
I feel this is a safe space. Love these videos and the comments are usually pretty good also!
I did politics and sociology so I got asked that same question about my degree too many times so I’d have benefited loads from your class lol
I watched your beauty channel for a little long time and this is the first time I found this channel. You say great, thoughtful things. You are super fascinating!!
Yes! Make a class on being sarcastic
I’m very sensitive I guess and it makes me uncomfortable
I am confident & comfortable
But when comes to socializing I’m nice and friendly
And maybe it can be too much
But I’d definitely like a class in sarcasm 🤗
growing up I always felt I wasn’t feminine enough like my friends; my voice, the way I talk..etc and I was very anxious about it so I would try to dress and act super feminine then coming across one of your videos and watching someone with a similar vibe that I can relate to ,I started to slowly accept myself and stop trying to be someone else without even realizing that change! seriously thank you!
I am a woman in engineering. I did art all growing up and I just love making things, I decided to do engineering bc people didn't seem to take me seriously when I did just art. I have an older brother and we were close growing up. I'm comfortable in engineering bc there's more guys. I'm also more technical than alot of people around me. I got alot of shit for this growing up, I tried to get into girly things to fit in but I end up making them technical anyway. I love your videos and it seems like you have alot of similarities to me. I personally had to get over some internalized sexism but my ability to relate to guys over women isn't affected by that. I think it's just that culture discourages technical and critical thinking in women. I find some women I relate to super well but it's a short list, but idk I think it's bc of sexism's affects. Being a minority in your gender doesn't make you sexist.
I used to dumb myself down bc it seemed guys in highschool got upset when I would be technical. So I dumbed myself down. I didn't stop doing it until my biology professor told me to stop in an indirect way. I purposely used simpler terms when answering a question and so he asked what the actual term is, which I knew. And he said "say that term then you'll sound smarter." I know this sounds like he was being agressive but the tone was definitely encouraging. In that conversation I basically realized how I had been trying to make myself more palatable by using simpler terms.
I think it speaks to the power of sexism in Western society when we start to gender ways of relating to the world -- "technical thinking" being "masculine", for example
@@KRfromthePaleozoic The weirdest thing I ever heard was the phrase "masculine values." WTF?? It was in a letter asking for donations that I got from The Heritage Foundation because my dad had subscribed me to a conservative newspaper because he thought it had some "facts" I was missing out on. They were presenting returning "masculine values" back to America as part of their mission. I'm like, aren't VALUES just values? How can you genderize something like that?
Okay I just found this video / channel Bc your regular channel is my favorite of all time - specifically beCAUSE of the way you speak. And every single video I see you in from start to finish I think you look like a dope female who pulls men EASILY.