This is so difficult. I am separated from my narcissistically abusive husband living in my own place with my kids. I couldn't imagine being stuck still living with him or relying on him for anything. As long as you are stuck rely on them they feel they have the power to keep on abusing you. The only thing you can do is work towards being self reliant so they no longer have anything they can hold over your head. They seem to really thrive on having that power. Setting boundaries when you are reliant is nearly impossible because you give in to get what you need. I don't envy this situation. It is so tough. My biggest hurdle is dealing with the addiction that keeps me breaking no contact. I still feel like my abusive husband groomed me to need him to calm the anxiety he created in my life. He always said he was the only one who could calm me down...it seems like that came to fruition because he caused me to have constant anxiety and now he seems to be the only one who can calm it. It's craziness. I hope that this woman can fully separate herself and feel the joy that freedom from abuse can bring. It's a long road and I'm still traveling it on the way to healing but it is possible.
It's the trauma bond that makes you feel that way. Look into how specifically heal /resolve that, and you should be good to go! (Judging by the other details you provided.) I envy you. I'm still dependent because I was almost driven to a nervous breakdown. I quit my teaching job years ago and now can barely work 8 hours a week at our church with toddlers without needing days to recover. I know that I have to regain independence (financially) and at least have gotten to the place where I can sleep 7 hours a night. My next step is a full time job. Good luck to you! You can end the addiction (resolve the trauma bond) and take ALL of your power back. (Reading about the chemistry involved with trauma bonds helped me immensely, so maybe that can help you. Regardless, there are videos on breaking a trauma bond that don't go deep into the brain chemistry if that doesn't interest you.)
Man can I relate to what you said. I've been married 10 years and we have 2 young kids. I am financially dependent upon him. He works about 100 hours a week but he does his emotional abuse at night time by corraling around or coming home late so I can't sleep. I was also diagnosed with breast cancer last year and I lost my breasts and I'm on antihormone pills. It makes all of this harder. I'm constantly exhausted and can't get a normal sleep routine to even think about getting a job while my kids are in school. I keep saying I'm going to ignore him and pursue my own life even while married still so I can get some type of employment and be in a position to get strong and leave. It must be a trauma bond I have also. It's terrible how I feel I need him to stay calm but he also makes my life hell.
@@laurenbatson5918I’ve heard of something called a peptide addiction. It’s actually a physical chemical that your body produces when you are back with the abuser and they’re being kind to you. You then release this peptide which your body craves and needs as your abuser has created a trauma bond which literally keeps you addicted to them despite them being the most abusive person you have ever had to encounter. We have to stay away from them so our bodies can recalibrate and we can feel more normal without the abuser
You're crying because you're normal and it hurts to leave a dream behind. A dream about a relationship and a life together that couldnt be because he isnt well. You're crying because you're normal with feelings. Leaving is the right thing to do, a partner who is sick enough to abuse, is someone noone can live with or share their life with. He is a dream that cannot be. With you or anyone else. And that hurts, it hurts to get your hope crushed.
I'm 40 years in and been trying to exit for the last 3. God made a way, opened doors for me to leave, yet I am still stuck in a prison without bars. The mental stuff is real - even when you are not aware of it.
you were so blessed. many of us don't have resources. I've been trying to desperately get out for years and every time i try to move forward my abusers push me back. my spirit is depleted. But i'm so glad that you were able to get out of your situation. such a blessing! xo
She needs to put miles between her and him. She needs to go in a refuge. For her to be tolerating sex with a man who clearly has no respect for her. She cant trust him Two things you need in a relationship .. Moving out into a refuge she will get some alone time to figure out this situation, whether she has family or friends that can help while she gets on her feet
Im in verbally abusive relationship, i love her my fiance of 6 yrs , says things all time to me- its old, but sometimes thinking about breaking up but don't because I dont want to lose my 5yr son
Leaving a relationship doesn't mean the abuser won't stop being abusive to you, especially if you have kids, he can use the legal system to force you to interact with him
I am ready to lose everything. I just want my freedom, even if I won’t see my son again. I hate the situation, but if I don’t do something this is going to consume me.
It's projection on his part. He gets gratification at devaluing you. More boundaries ,like no sex, no verbal or physical a use. Sounds like your on your wy but still in the fog ( fear, obligation guit) used by him to control you. Attorneys needed ; possibly move into domestic violence center if needed. Got to get away from him. From what your saying hes abusive and using sex and guilt to control you. Doesn't sound good at all. He's abandonment anxiety is causing him to act out and become puative to her. Safety is very important for you. Authorities should be called in. He's predictactable punative and oppositional to what he agreed to.
Support groups Doctors lawyers get rich because girls are pressed to get married How horrible I don’t know any women who have benefited from a divorce The man finds their next fool and get married real fast
I'm struggling from breaking away from an abusive economic family unit/community. I tried to live in my car but MA found me there and brought me back just to start the abusive cycle over again. I called the police the 1st time my Dad hit me and they were unreliable. Left with no self reliant job the first time. 2nd time came back and was harassed in workplace. Now I'm 34 and growing angry because I'm seeing the changes in my learned helplessness. I applied for jobs for my Dad and mom. Who refused to better their English but I end up the one on empty (economically low) walking through the streets of White City looking for a self reliant position. I was like if I can find jobs for them I should be fine by myself.
Sorry, I thought this was an exit plan strategy meeting about options. Such helpful advice about: Who are you? Values? Boundaries? Expectations? What do you want? What would healthy look like?
I’m not finished with this, but no more contact with this abuser! I understand they have a child and stuff to handle it needs to be done through a third-party. There’s apps that the court will assign for use, and then the conversations are monitored and he can no longer verbally emotionally and psychologically torture this woman!
I want to get out, but I am disabled, and the only income is his (other than what my Mother sends). I cannot take this anymore. He is so mean, and he is incredibly abusive. I am severely depressed, and he told me to kill myself one day. I feel that I might end up very suicidal, if I stay in this toxic marriage anymore. What do I do, and how do I get out? 😢
Just wondering why anyone would want to survive an emotionally abusive relationship. Wouldn’t it be healthier to get out and get to safety. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy people.
Are there that many husbands that are such awful cads these days? Or could there be more to this trending against marriage in general because nightmares like this get more press now?
Ive had three serious relationships two have been abusive and the third was just disrespectful and going nowhere leaving me to do the emotional labour. Men arent worth it.
This is so difficult. I am separated from my narcissistically abusive husband living in my own place with my kids. I couldn't imagine being stuck still living with him or relying on him for anything. As long as you are stuck rely on them they feel they have the power to keep on abusing you. The only thing you can do is work towards being self reliant so they no longer have anything they can hold over your head. They seem to really thrive on having that power. Setting boundaries when you are reliant is nearly impossible because you give in to get what you need. I don't envy this situation. It is so tough. My biggest hurdle is dealing with the addiction that keeps me breaking no contact. I still feel like my abusive husband groomed me to need him to calm the anxiety he created in my life. He always said he was the only one who could calm me down...it seems like that came to fruition because he caused me to have constant anxiety and now he seems to be the only one who can calm it. It's craziness. I hope that this woman can fully separate herself and feel the joy that freedom from abuse can bring. It's a long road and I'm still traveling it on the way to healing but it is possible.
It's the trauma bond that makes you feel that way. Look into how specifically heal /resolve that, and you should be good to go! (Judging by the other details you provided.)
I envy you. I'm still dependent because I was almost driven to a nervous breakdown. I quit my teaching job years ago and now can barely work 8 hours a week at our church with toddlers without needing days to recover. I know that I have to regain independence (financially) and at least have gotten to the place where I can sleep 7 hours a night. My next step is a full time job.
Good luck to you! You can end the addiction (resolve the trauma bond) and take ALL of your power back.
(Reading about the chemistry involved with trauma bonds helped me immensely, so maybe that can help you. Regardless, there are videos on breaking a trauma bond that don't go deep into the brain chemistry if that doesn't interest you.)
I can relate Heather
Same thing. Then I broke all spiritual ties to him through prayer. 💥 that had a huge impact, even on him and he is not a believer.
Man can I relate to what you said. I've been married 10 years and we have 2 young kids. I am financially dependent upon him. He works about 100 hours a week but he does his emotional abuse at night time by corraling around or coming home late so I can't sleep. I was also diagnosed with breast cancer last year and I lost my breasts and I'm on antihormone pills. It makes all of this harder. I'm constantly exhausted and can't get a normal sleep routine to even think about getting a job while my kids are in school. I keep saying I'm going to ignore him and pursue my own life even while married still so I can get some type of employment and be in a position to get strong and leave. It must be a trauma bond I have also. It's terrible how I feel I need him to stay calm but he also makes my life hell.
@@laurenbatson5918I’ve heard of something called a peptide addiction. It’s actually a physical chemical that your body produces when you are back with the abuser and they’re being kind to you. You then release this peptide which your body craves and needs as your abuser has created a trauma bond which literally keeps you addicted to them despite them being the most abusive person you have ever had to encounter. We have to stay away from them so our bodies can recalibrate and we can feel more normal without the abuser
I’m leaving right now. Sorry I just had to say it. Not sure why I’m crying so much.
You're crying because you're normal and it hurts to leave a dream behind. A dream about a relationship and a life together that couldnt be because he isnt well. You're crying because you're normal with feelings. Leaving is the right thing to do, a partner who is sick enough to abuse, is someone noone can live with or share their life with. He is a dream that cannot be. With you or anyone else. And that hurts, it hurts to get your hope crushed.
Document all interactions. Establishment of the abusive pattern is crucial for obtaining and enforcing restraining and other court orders
I'm 40 years in and been trying to exit for the last 3. God made a way, opened doors for me to leave, yet I am still stuck in a prison without bars. The mental stuff is real - even when you are not aware of it.
I am in the same boat and I often refer to my situation as living in jail. It's awful.
Please leave.. there's no other way
He tries to keep me locked up in one bedroom.
Ha, boundaries! What are those??? How do you enforce boundaries when they cross cross and break every single one?
Yeah it's impossible. If they understood boundaries they wouldn't be abusive
You have to leave, there is no other way.
Thank God I had the ability and resources to leave my Narcissistic Personality Disorder x
you were so blessed. many of us don't have resources. I've been trying to desperately get out for years and every time i try to move forward my abusers push me back. my spirit is depleted. But i'm so glad that you were able to get out of your situation. such a blessing! xo
She needs to put miles between her and him. She needs to go in a refuge. For her to be tolerating sex with a man who clearly has no respect for her. She cant trust him Two things you need in a relationship .. Moving out into a refuge she will get some alone time to figure out this situation, whether she has family or friends that can help while she gets on her feet
Im in verbally abusive relationship, i love her my fiance of 6 yrs , says things all time to me- its old, but sometimes thinking about breaking up but don't because I dont want to lose my 5yr son
Leaving a relationship doesn't mean the abuser won't stop being abusive to you, especially if you have kids, he can use the legal system to force you to interact with him
It actually gets much worse once you leave them.
I am ready to lose everything. I just want my freedom, even if I won’t see my son again. I hate the situation, but if I don’t do something this is going to consume me.
It's projection on his part. He gets gratification at devaluing you. More boundaries ,like no sex, no verbal or physical a use. Sounds like your on your wy but still in the fog ( fear, obligation guit) used by him to control you. Attorneys needed ; possibly move into domestic violence center if needed. Got to get away from him. From what your saying hes abusive and using sex and guilt to control you. Doesn't sound good at all. He's abandonment anxiety is causing him to act out and become puative to her. Safety is very important for you. Authorities should be called in. He's predictactable punative and oppositional to what he agreed to.
Support groups
Doctors lawyers get rich because girls are pressed to get married
How horrible
I don’t know any women who have benefited from a divorce
The man finds their next fool and get married real fast
Too late now to know what a good relationship is
I'm struggling from breaking away from an abusive economic family unit/community. I tried to live in my car but MA found me there and brought me back just to start the abusive cycle over again. I called the police the 1st time my Dad hit me and they were unreliable. Left with no self reliant job the first time. 2nd time came back and was harassed in workplace. Now I'm 34 and growing angry because I'm seeing the changes in my learned helplessness. I applied for jobs for my Dad and mom. Who refused to better their English but I end up the one on empty (economically low) walking through the streets of White City looking for a self reliant position. I was like if I can find jobs for them I should be fine by myself.
Any tips for men leaving an abusive relationship?
Sorry, I thought this was an exit plan strategy meeting about options.
Such helpful advice about:
Who are you?
Values?
Boundaries?
Expectations?
What do you want?
What would healthy look like?
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
I’m not finished with this, but no more contact with this abuser! I understand they have a child and stuff to handle it needs to be done through a third-party. There’s apps that the court will assign for use, and then the conversations are monitored and he can no longer verbally emotionally and psychologically torture this woman!
I hope she goes to a DV Shelter
those shelters suck. i've tried to call them over and over and there's never room.
I want to get out, but I am disabled, and the only income is his (other than what my Mother sends). I cannot take this anymore. He is so mean, and he is incredibly abusive. I am severely depressed, and he told me to kill myself one day. I feel that I might end up very suicidal, if I stay in this toxic marriage anymore. What do I do, and how do I get out? 😢
Go to a place where abused women go to escape the abuser they will help you
I am so aorry for your situation. I am in a similar place. I dont know what to do but focus on my health and maybe get atrong enough to leave.
Just wondering why anyone would want to survive an emotionally abusive relationship.
Wouldn’t it be healthier to get out and get to safety.
Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy people.
Would have liked to have known the woman's name on the screen as well.
Are there that many husbands that are such awful cads these days? Or could there be more to this trending against marriage in general because nightmares like this get more press now?
Ive had three serious relationships two have been abusive and the third was just disrespectful and going nowhere leaving me to do the emotional labour. Men arent worth it.
No, it’s just that there’s more education around this.
RESPECT 😢
At Least She Can Validate Her Reality.... 🫂