Defiance - Real solutions for defiant behavior.
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2020
- Defiance - The #1 question we get asked. Dr. Charles Fay & Jedd Hafer discuss real solutions for defiant behavior.
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When I was growing up, my mother, an educator did not tolerate eye rolling. If I or my sibling rolled our eyes at Mom, Mother would say, “I’m not on the ceiling.” This immediately stopped the eye roll immediately!
Love and Logic combined with, Never Split the Difference is life changing. All humans deserve a peaceful spirit and intentionally practicing these approaches, lead to inner calm.
Look who is back!!! Glad you guys are back with these valuable gems!
I usually say to my pre-tweens , "It appears this situation is going to cause a difference in our relationship. How can we be solution focused?"
@7:00 Anger and Frustration feed Misbehavior
wonderful ! thank you
We need affordable options for parents with behavioral troubled preteens. Instead of advocating having kids, perhaps we can contribute those monies to good quality behavior boot camps that tend to the troubled kids we already have amongst us.
My friend's son, raised by mom, grandpa & grandpa, got all the toys. He is the First grandson . The boy was sent to private school. After turning 10, the boys personality slowly turned defiant. Several therapists later, the blue collar grandparents, took $$ out of their meager savings and enrolled him in a boot camp. No effect. At 14, stealing from parent's purse, selling parents' gadgets, consuming cups of cough medicine, stealing cough medicine. At 15, he was menacing , threatening his guardians.
Now, due to the law, they have to chain the doors & windows when he's at home. The social worker has to investigate every story the teen states.
The grandparents are just watching the calendar for the day the boy turns 18, so they can wash their hands of the boy.
The issue with this is… you think the solution is boot camp. You’re missing the entire point. It’s not about sending your kid away to be screamed and forced into compliance. Your kid isn’t the issue here if this is how they act, if we are being honest. You need parenting classes before you have children. You’re missing the entire point.
I’m looking for “choices” for dishes, laundry and brushing teeth... my kids don’t mind paying me. They don’t care about time outs, or loosing privileges... they’ll put dishes always absolutely filthy, and these are intelligent children. Age appropriate. And lying. I’m at my wits end. I took one of your classes, but I can’t remember everything. Gosh I really wish I did. Parenting is hard.
If the kids put the dishes away filthy, then make sure that they get that dish to eat off of durring dinner. Or Have that kid do all the whole load of dishes again. Don't let them off the hook. Parenting IS hard.
I set individual plate, spoon, fork etc. Let them choose their own at the store. One rule applies to everyone: Wash Your Own Dishes! Amazingly it also decipline us, and you can really track who are delegent otherwise they have to wash dishes before they start their meal 😅
Going through the same thing. It's become worse with social media though. We took away his phone because he was looking at highly inappropriate things that he was not of legal age to see. We put parental blocks on it and it worked for a while but then he started coming home with random phones at his friends were giving him to do the things that he was not permitted to do. He doesn't see the point in graduating high school, all he wants to do is play video games all day and not do anything.
What is the cause of inssurection or rebellion? Take a hint from the boston tea party. The colonists got the English into a military skirmish with the french concerning control of boston harbor, such that a weightly consequence of the tea tax was used to crush colonies long term aspirations. The tea, therefore went into the harbor because of some deep offense. Likewise, the parrent is usually root offender, because leadership is by example.
Do you have a clip about specifically 4 year olds? Pushing, hitting, and not listening at school?
It would be lovely if you'd do something on dealing with adults with this issue
Read Never Split the Difference, more appropriate for adult type behaviors
These techniques work with adults too.
good stuff! thank you
My problem is the day to day is great but the weekends and summers are hair pulling madness because there is no routine. Can't afford to go out and do anything and most times it's extremely hot out and that's just miserable for everyone. One wants to go outside in the heat (108 degrees most days) and I'm not comfortable with that because of the water restrictions we can't have a sprinkler or running water for extended periods of time. We have one vehicle and work opposing nighttime daytime shifts.
This is really good! Passing it on, thanks!
Restitution ideas for 5yr olds please!
Does this feed the growth of narcissistic personality, or does it help develop empathy and sympathy?
for sure the latter...we are modeling the empathy and that is picked up by them.
❤🎉🎉🎉
What if the kid just says they don't care how you feel and just doesn't do as asked and as a result keep doing behaviors that destroy other peoples property.
What are some good consequences for defiant high school students?
Pawn their stuff that you bought them, make them do chores to buy their stuff back. They pay interest to the pawn shop.
@@hheadache And if they refuse to give you the item?
@@jake6132 The pawn shop?
a 9 year old...no respect for adults....doesn't follow rules even when reason for rules explained calmly and assertively. This results in destruction of others property ...example eating food in areas asked not to and leaving food on floor and embedded in carpeting and carpet is ruined. Doesn't turn off lights. Doesn't respond to request by adults....has had problems with teachers throughout school...throwing book because teacher made request. Doesn't show empathy for others. Very self centered...and wants only what they want...doesn't get their way cries and screams like 3 year old temper tantrum
I'm sorry for you experiences. This must be difficult for you. It appears that seeking a wholistic plan to treatment may be best. Also when behavior becomes that unpredictable and high level it may be a disruption in the brain. Ask for epilepsy evaluation. Also consider acupuncture in addition to possible medical intervention.
Blah blah blah, when do we get the solutions?