Be a better parent by partnering with your teen | David Kozlowski | TEDxSaltLakeCity
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- Опубліковано 4 гру 2019
- After 20 years of working with parents and teens struggling to relate to each other, David Kozlowski realized that a partnership is the most effective way for parents to successfully support their teens. In this informative talk, David explains how seeing your teen as a partner, who will one day be your equal, and someday become your successor, is just good family business. Find out more at ptpartnership.com/ David Kozlowski obtained a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology from National University in San Diego. Since 1999, David has worked as a counselor, behavioral specialist, mental health worker, and therapist in group homes, crisis treatment centers, psychiatric hospitals, drug addiction facilities, and schools for severely emotionally disturbed kids and teens. David has his own private practice, is the Host of the Light The Fight podcast, and is the Executive Director of the Non Profit Quit Trip’n.
David Kozlowski obtained a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology from National University in San Diego. Since 1999, David has worked as a counselor, behavioral specialist, mental health worker, and therapist in group homes, crisis treatment centers, psychiatric hospitals, drug addiction facilities, and schools for severely emotionally disturbed kids and teens. David has his own private practice, is the Host of the Light The Fight podcast, and is the Executive Director of the Non Profit Quit Trip’n. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I'm a teen and when he said "Don't wait for your teenager to change, change the way you see them." That one hit home...
You probably won’t believe me, but he’s actually my teacher, he’s also a therapist. I won’t make you or force you to believe me but I really like him, he’s super nice and speaks in a way for younger generations/ teens to understand him
Powerful
As teen who has worked with my parents through this advice I can promise you it works, I always had a hard time trusting my parents and now I feel like they truly are my greatest supporters.
I was in tears, partnering is amazing
my parents needs to watch this video..
Because you want them to do what you want to do it is what I’m asking is because some kids want to get away with a lot of things to and that’s not right either every parent does what they feel is best for you and it might not be the right choice I would suggest try talking to him and maybe try to get him to watch this video I remember they are doing what they think is best for you now is the right choice not necessarily
Amazing prospective on the parent child connection. This is what the world needs, cooperation not conflict. Great insight David. Osss
Excellent talk and delivery! Great job. Thank you.
This is a great concept!!
Beautiful!
spot on.
I'm a parent of teen
I'm willing to own up to things I've been doing wrong with my teen I'm open to change
My partner is dad
Is kinda on board but
He is full of put downs
I've tried to explain to him
This is damaging
He's unwilling to hear it
We end up in fights
Because of this conversation
It takes 2 to parent
It's hard when one is really on board and the other is stuck
In the cycle he grew up with
yeesh, are you guys okay?
I'm going through this as well, it's been too long... I hate how it makes me feel
This guy is my social wellness teacher! He’s amazing :D
This guy is actually my teacher, he teaches a mental health/ social health class, believe me or not, I won’t try to make you believe me
And that matters why whether people believe you’re not I was just wondering not that it is any of my business though
Be a better parent by dropping your anger and being a living example to them.
If you need to partner with your child that only shows you are not the living example to them that they need.
You SHOW your children how to be, you don’t TELL them.
EXACTLY! kids, especially teens (I know bc I am one) dont listen to parents. We copy them.
I agree..with everything as in incorporating all styles. Like jeet kundo. I'm a girl dad. My teen is 14. But I took a test today and I believe it. Im 70% autharative I try to partner I try to compromise, open communication. But I'm srry i come to the conclusion some kids just wana break rules..for a few reasons. My kid is grounded rn. It was only a month then 4 days in and she was gona lie and sneak and go where she's been told not too and put another parent in front my wrath. And there's no excuse beside she is just selfish and little to no shame and told me during a calm talk it's just easy to be bad and be a follower. And my kid is straight A student fyi. But when u let ur kids be friends with other kids who are more privileged and have parents that dnt share same values..u have to admit you messed up. You tried to please and compromise but its the too cool for school attitude that plays a huge part. No one wants to look lame or stay behind whe the others sneak out. Even knowing the consequences. So it just sux. I say do what you think is best stand by ur guns per say and ur beliefs and do proceed gently and calmly as possible but do enforce rules and consequences. Don't say do. Dnt confuse them. And make exceptions. And lastly teens will be teens. If ur always big and scary what do expect. They won't open up. But at same everyone has a limit and a button. Atleast I do.
Depending on the child of people need to realize a debt that depends on the child every child is different every teenager is different not all that stuff you need to do with the same kid no my mom and dad wrong with my best friends they’re to me they were good parents did I was teenager no I didn’t now that I’m older I realize yeah but my mom always move your car will come to her if I had any problems she always said you know not be afraid to come to her even if it’s of that she might get mad about she always make me feel comfortable to come to her but she was my parent first my friend second she always made that appoint to be a parent for us but my point is there’s no reason as a perfect parent but when people want to criticize somebody’s parenting skills or whatever but every kid is different and parents ever do is best for their child and I can always make the right choice no they don’t and people need to stop in there too since I didn’t criticizing everybody’s parenting like they’re so perfect nobody’s perfect no parents perfect either
Awesome Awesome 💙💙
3:20 that hit home.
Dude my eyes started watering the second he said that
I just sent this to my toxic abusive mom LMFAOOO
Wonderful concept, method and sytem but it would only work with higher functioning families.
What do you mean?
This is the most optimistic description of teen behavior that I’ve ever seen. Keep dreaming pal.
Crying so hard. I cant wait to get home and hug my daughter. We had a argument this week i will utilize this strategy to garner a healthier relationship
How did it go? How did you repair?
I have a question so my 15 yrs old friend looks up and loves me like a father she doesn’t love her own dad anymore and I opened myself up to her saying I’m willing to be there for you and she actually said I love you to me I didn’t have words to say what should I say to her we are states apart but what do I do or say
You have a 15 year old who has a friend that looks up to you? Or you have a friend who is 15. If its your daughters friend then just be a good father figure. If this isnt your childs friend, why are you talking to minors? How old are you? Why do you feel its appropriate to engage with a child like this?
👍
That's children here in America.
Parents are supposed to be the therapists
That means they were supposed to have seen that kindness of someone BEING a therapist for them
If they haven't they will probably think the world sucks and they won't control their reactions, reflecting on others what they themselves have seen.
Ya. Fear due to seeing the world as all negative is a stumbling block for some parents.
I went to Carlsbad High School with this guy. He was the quintessential arrogant, cocky jock & teased everyone. Provoking many insecurities in his classmates and friends. Still likes to hear himself talk.The way he used girls during high school and after was abhorrent. Moved away to Mormon land and created a new persona. 🙄 Don't buy it.
Has he considered the hindering option of the parents being separated with different households?
Parenteen 😀
Could it be drug issues that causes depression?
I mean.. no not usually. Usually depression and lack of feeling belonging CAUSE people to look for ways to cope. Unhealthy relationships/ friendships, drugs and chasing highs and feeling better that way, thrilling and unsafe actions, over eating for the dopamine, or under eating to feel in control. The drug use could cause feelings of shame, sure. But usually they are not the root cause
only 15k views and 420 likes ???? no wonder...
Vans…?
1. Parents and children are NOT partners; one is the teacher one is the student.
2. Partners typically are of the same level developmentally. Kids limbic and logic centers are not fully developed and not in alignment.
3. 3 words ... SOCIAL MEDIA ADDICTION. Kids DO NOT have the psychological tools to handle the issues presented via social media and from our experience they do not have the mental or emotional capacity to differentiate between: entertainment and real life. Apps such as he mentioned along with those such as Tik Tok are way beyond their emotion and mental maturity.
4. We have 2 teen girls and absolutely NONE of this gentleman's ideas have worked.
5. REAL life decisions DO NOT give consequential choice. If we get caught speeding, the officer is not going to ask which of these consequences do you prefer; a $175 ticket or wash your spouses' car. As parents one of our responsibilities is to teach this hard lesson which is all wrapped up in; responsibility, accountability and boundary respect ... by 'partnering' with our kids we abdicate those responsibilities.
If you agree with this person's post check out Live on Purpose channel for parental guidance. Especially about consequences, control.
Considering how closed minded you sound right off the bat, I highly doubt you REALLY tried anything on this list. A partnership can include members of different ranks. Drop your ego, and listen to your kids. Fundamentally you want them to grow up well, they want to grow up well. Have a conversation about what that means for both of you and try and find a common thread
Actually the dynamic is not student and teacher...parents can learn a lot from their teens and teens can learn a lot from their parents.
I agree 100% teens and parents are not partners. Parents are partners.
try that when you really need them
😂 There is no way I can get my son's phone away from him without possibly being punched out. My son is soooo past this. I don't know what to do. He doesn't just do it to me he does it to his teacher. He is very oppositional defiant - to the point that his dad has washed his hands of him and won't talk to me anymore. He just gives our son money or gift cards which he buys pot with. I feel like there is no way back.
Can the line be turned off so you don’t have to get the phone away from him?
Once I saw his pants I couldnt take it too seriously. Tx mate.
Not very helpful
Yeah but when I give her consequences she gets mad at me and hates me .🤷♂️
Yup. Tried something similar to this with my son and he completely didn't live up to his part of the agreement. No shame about it either. He laughed at the idea of coming up with his own consequence. Every kid is different
It's great when kids can "negotiate" with their parents. But when you have a child who has many friends, does well in school, and does well in school, from the outside it was perfect, but inside it wasn't. Some of this is BS.
How does TEDx Talks have over 22 million subs but gets barley any views on their videos?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsubbotmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
How many videos do they put out?
Probably because they cover such an enormous range of topics. I subbed, but only a few of the videos apply to or interest me, and I don't watch the others. Pretty straightforward.
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WHAT ADVICE DO YOU GIVE ME WHEN MY DAUGHTER IS IN A FOSTER HOME AND THE FOSTER PARENTS HAVE MY DAUGHTER MINIPULATED AND MY DAUGHTER MINIPULETES THEM AND THEY LET HER DO EVERY THING SHE WANTS AND THEY BUY HER EVERY THING SHE WANTS AND THAT THE FOSTER PARENTS LET HER USE THE PHONE ALL DAY SHES ON FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM ALL DAY SO WHAT IS THE ADICE AND THE SOCIAL WORKERS LET HER DO EVERY THING SHE WANTS TO DO AND THE FOSTER PARENTS GIVE HER 2WEEKS OF CONSECUENCES AND MY DAUGHTER BLOWS UP AND NOW THE TOOK THE CONSECUENCES OF HER THATS NOT RIGHT
1 minute into this I quit watching, a slick rick telling me how to deal with my teenage kid (son in my case) no thank you. p.s. your pants are too short!