UGH! Yes!!! They're upset if you go right. They're upset if you go left. So you just stand there doing NOTHING, and guess what?!?! They get upset that you're just STANDING THERE!!! 🤯😡😵💫 Nothing I did was right. Nothing. What a horrible existence.
This is so spot on. I've come to realize why I obsess so much over the right things to say when an uncomfortable emotion comes up, it's coz I've always been afraid of saying the wrong thing to upset someone. It wasn't safe to share my authentic self growing up with a narc mom. This has been eye opening.
My abusive narc ex who was a master at gaslighting used to literally say to me “ your feelings are wrong” I remember he’d often say “ everything you feel is wrong”… flat out… talk about the nerve, the audacity and in reality the pathetic soul of this person… even though I knew at the time that my feelings WERE NOT wrong , his words still got inside of me snd did their damage just as he wanted. And I also just want to say that he also never allowed me to be happy, as abusive and horrible as he was when I was down… it was ten fold when I was happy. YOU CAN NEVER WIN W A COVERT MALIGNANT NARCISSIST… or any other type of narc for that matter.
Namaste 🙏 ♥ Going through exactly your experience as well. Whenever I achieve something, and in the meantime learn more about narcissistic, emotional abuse; then at a later time feel good again about my self accomplishing sth else/new, this non-human comes up with a new, more covertly strategy of putting my own bio-chemical reward system down almost instantly. Even without me letting "it" know I did progress again... One morning I woke up and had this realization: !! WHO !! is it who feels this pain again and again? Its their own projected IMAGE on to me, of what THEY hate about themselves. In other words: NOT THE REAL ME. May you find your own realization and be true to your self, may you be joyous, wise and peaceful. Namaste 🙏 ♥
With malignantly narcissistic, if you do WIN them over it’s because they either let you by conceding in that moment to set you up for their future win or they let their guard down in a fleeting moment that likely may never be repeated. Malignant is more torturous intent & behaviour higher on the spectrum. The Truely Victorious Win is living life on your terms, independent of controlling & manipulative toxic people.
💥🎯 Maintaining your inner Peace is impossible to sustain with toxic energy thieves ...constantly stealing your joy becomes a predictable deliberate pattern. It’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
Due mostly in part to progressive liberalism and toxic feminism, men have been burned at the stake for being masculine (be a man=toxic) or (share your emotions and request assistance=gay, weak, stupid, lazy, inept, etc.) it’s insane the way our education system has rewritten history and pinned sex, gender, race, class and ideals against one another.
There's a Placebo song called Passive Agressive saying: "everytime I rise I see you falling..." Well, a self aware narc would definitely say: "everytime YOU rise I see ME falling" and this is why I punish you with my anger/ignorance/inadequate response. Ofcourse that is what they never acknowledge and we're left with their mess.
I’m in tears. The “are my feelings wrong” is exactly the segment where I was questioning myself wondering if I was the malignant narcissist. Like is the fact that I’m crying myself to sleep every night over how I was treated just me being manipulative and/or exploitative? Even though I’m crying all alone, with no one to talk to? I was sincerely crying over all the emotional neglect, the breadcrumbing, the affection starving, the micromanaging and policing of my personality, the fault finding, the invalidation when I was happy about something, etc.
Not only I started to doubt my perception of what a healthy relationship should look like, I had my ex to “HELP “me to clear all the confusion by repeatedly saying : You are too sensitive ! You overreacting ! You exaggerate ! You just can’t let it go ! You always choose the worst possible moments to discuss those things ! ( there was never a good moment to discuss my hurt ) You are needy! I can go on and on and on… All that quarrel over my simple request for him to stop being a royal jerk !
Dear Mathilda, its not him being a royal jerk. Its YOU allowing him to project on to you, what is non-human. Narcs arent real(living beings anyways). They split their ego among multiple individuals, entire family systems, across generations, space and time. What answer do you instantly FEEL when you read this question: WHO is actually suffering?
Cheaters often claim you have "trust issues". Manipulators often accuse you of "overthinking". People who provoke claim you're "overacting". LIARS often accuse you of being "crazy" people who hurt you call you "sensitive". Pay attention to what people accuse you of feeling, as they're often trying to hide how THEY'RE BEHAVING !!!.
I can relate to all of this and in different ways. I actually began saying these same statements as reactive abuse after so many months of her manipulation. I was beginning to go insane. I literally had to go see a therapist (several in fact) as I was losing my mental faculties and physically deteriorating. Mine was a total liar and a sneak. She did everything under the vail of consciousness and if I ever wanted to talk, even when she clearly knew she caught breaking another one of her promises, she would stonewall, gaslight, deflect, deny, blame shift, project, double bind and then passively aggressively set me up for great levels of heartache and mental abuse. This is the worst feeling in the world. I’d rather be physically abused as at least then yiu can tel what’s happening.
Oh yeah,you can feel the irritation therefore at the same time passing it off as a difference of opinions only to find out they don't feel for anyone's happiness they want to disturb it
You could feel the irritation from a teacher in school. That is why a teacher should give all children a chance to be themselves in asking them a question and not assuming and being irritated to help only to find out later in the school year there is only a certain child/children who are aloud to express their thoughts which in turn is a called the teacher's pet
Michelle u are awesome and so beautiful too, u are so wise and knowledgeable, thank u for ur work and your generosity transcend frontiers!! Thank u !!!
Or, instead of the narcissist thinking that you are stupid, they, the narcissists, come out and call you stupid right to your face and then, the CPTSD starts all over again no matter how hard you try to overcome all of these feelings of inadequacy and shamefulness.....Statements like that can last for days and days and days and sometimes even years!
I was asking this all the time too. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is it wrong to set this boundary? Is this boundary necessary? Am I being too harsh? Ugh this makes me feel like I am not alone thank you dear one🙏💞💖
Great video Michele! The part about the covert Narc not allowing you to be happy is spot on. The way they watch you and regulate off your emotions is crazy…it drains a person so much. The ex Narc would always get so overbearing whenever I would even have a brief moment of communication or connection with someone other than her. She would make insane projections towards me that were out of nowhere. I’d be accused of flirting with the hostess, the waitress, the bellhop, the women at the grocery store, past girlfriends that I hadn’t spoken to in a decade. She would constantly ask me if I had pictures or other girls on my phone. If I ran into a great friend I went to school with, she would instantly act so strange it was uncomfortable to even stand there and talk to him for more than a minute. She would never let me meet or speak with them even if I invited her. Every time someone would engage me in conversation, she would ask me if I knew them and then question how I could have conversations with random strangers and that it’s weird that I do that? Lol…they are truly shame based and fearful pathetic people. She would never use the standard overt behaviors of the typical toxically selfish person. She would do it all very insidiously and from the angle of being a victim. She would say very subtly underhanded statements that were more confusing than anything. The biggest way she did all this was passive aggressive behaviors. The body language and the way she would almost make it apparent how she was smearing me with her peers and family. She would be so different around others in front of me. Doing good things for her felt so odd in the way she acted as though she was disgusted by my good deeds. It’s diabolical.
Well said 👌 You have to reprogram and de bug the psychological implants and emotional conditioning. Much like Pavlov’s experiments with animals behaviour, repetition alters behaviour over time into a conditioned response that defies logic.
I had such a great moment at work and I went to tell him about it. 2 minutes. That's all I needed/wanted. How dare I disturb him over something so meaningless. And he was mad about part of it - enough that he brought it up twice later and morphed it into something it wasn't. Killed my joy then stabbed at it 2 more times just to be sure. I have no doubt I'll hear it again.
Respectfully, I hope narco isn't gloating that he did that to you. Yes, he should be behind bars to protect others and himself, since someone's loved ones might settle the issue based on that dangerously 'little knowledge' people talk about.
but how do you get out of the relationship and feel safe or ensure your own safety when you're afraid that they will come after you and try to hurt you or might even try to kill you? since they always throw a fit or act really crazy whenever you dont say or do whatever they want however they want. I've been in an extremely abusive situation for years and this is something that i really struggle with and i feel stuck out of fear because of this...
I too was afraid of this. I had nightmares of him setting my parents house on fire, with us in it! I'd suggest making an escape plan, document the instances of crazy, record them secretly. Share with a few safe people what's going on and seek help, once you have the money and the ability to leave, leave and block him on everything! There are women shelters everywhere where you can escape to ♥️♥️♥️ I'm so sorry you are going through this!
I'll tell you one thing, UA-cam is being narcissistic by interrupting videos with ads,why can't it wait until the video is over or play the ad before the video?
Some irritates..like ..I don't understand what you mean ..do you mean and they're bringing something up that is really something else. Next No it's that.. everything you say is wrong, hope you get angry Make you feel you're the boss ..precisely when there is a other human there ..they say yes Susan..(covert narcist) submissive Hate like call you the queen..but you know he is the boss. Hope to find some triggers so they look at you If you are crazy..but they put the blood under you're nails away with a spade ..but nobody sees that
UGH! Yes!!!
They're upset if you go right.
They're upset if you go left.
So you just stand there doing NOTHING, and guess what?!?! They get upset that you're just STANDING THERE!!! 🤯😡😵💫
Nothing I did was right. Nothing.
What a horrible existence.
This is so spot on. I've come to realize why I obsess so much over the right things to say when an uncomfortable emotion comes up, it's coz I've always been afraid of saying the wrong thing to upset someone. It wasn't safe to share my authentic self growing up with a narc mom. This has been eye opening.
My abusive narc ex who was a master at gaslighting used to literally say to me “ your feelings are wrong” I remember he’d often say “ everything you feel is wrong”… flat out… talk about the nerve, the audacity and in reality the pathetic soul of this person… even though I knew at the time that my feelings WERE NOT wrong , his words still got inside of me snd did their damage just as he wanted. And I also just want to say that he also never allowed me to be happy, as abusive and horrible as he was when I was down… it was ten fold when I was happy. YOU CAN NEVER WIN W A COVERT MALIGNANT NARCISSIST… or any other type of narc for that matter.
Namaste 🙏 ♥ Going through exactly your experience as well. Whenever I achieve something, and in the meantime learn more about narcissistic, emotional abuse; then at a later time feel good again about my self accomplishing sth else/new, this non-human comes up with a new, more covertly strategy of putting my own bio-chemical reward system down almost instantly. Even without me letting "it" know I did progress again... One morning I woke up and had this realization: !! WHO !! is it who feels this pain again and again?
Its their own projected IMAGE on to me, of what THEY hate about themselves. In other words: NOT THE REAL ME. May you find your own realization and be true to your self, may you be joyous, wise and peaceful. Namaste 🙏 ♥
With malignantly narcissistic,
if you do WIN them over it’s because they either let you by conceding in that moment to set you up for their future win or they let their guard down in a fleeting moment that likely may never be repeated. Malignant is more torturous intent & behaviour higher on the spectrum. The Truely Victorious Win is living life on your terms, independent of controlling & manipulative toxic people.
@@phoenixrising8007 I agree anjusr wanted to say that, lol, I use the name Phoenix Rising in many of my own personal settings. That’s what we are 💪🏼💪🏼
💥🎯
Maintaining your inner Peace is impossible to sustain with toxic energy thieves ...constantly stealing your joy becomes a predictable deliberate pattern.
It’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
My narc wife and her mother compounded this because they had the archaic belief that any man who showed his emotions is less of a man, or gay.
Due mostly in part to progressive liberalism and toxic feminism, men have been burned at the stake for being masculine (be a man=toxic) or (share your emotions and request assistance=gay, weak, stupid, lazy, inept, etc.) it’s insane the way our education system has rewritten history and pinned sex, gender, race, class and ideals against one another.
This infuriates me!!! My now husband (also a Narc survivor) is beautifully aware of his emotions and shares them with me. ♥️
Ive been following your channel for a couple years now and this video has been the most helpful for me in my situation. I loved this information. 💖
I'm so glad this video helped!!!!
There's a Placebo song called Passive Agressive saying: "everytime I rise I see you falling..." Well, a self aware narc would definitely say: "everytime YOU rise I see ME falling" and this is why I punish you with my anger/ignorance/inadequate response. Ofcourse that is what they never acknowledge and we're left with their mess.
I’m in tears. The “are my feelings wrong” is exactly the segment where I was questioning myself wondering if I was the malignant narcissist. Like is the fact that I’m crying myself to sleep every night over how I was treated just me being manipulative and/or exploitative? Even though I’m crying all alone, with no one to talk to? I was sincerely crying over all the emotional neglect, the breadcrumbing, the affection starving, the micromanaging and policing of my personality, the fault finding, the invalidation when I was happy about something, etc.
Not only I started to doubt my perception of what a healthy relationship should look like, I had my ex to “HELP “me to clear all the confusion by repeatedly saying :
You are too sensitive !
You overreacting !
You exaggerate !
You just can’t let it go !
You always choose the worst possible moments to discuss those things !
( there was never a good moment to discuss my hurt )
You are needy!
I can go on and on and on…
All that quarrel over my simple request for him to stop being a royal jerk !
Dear Mathilda, its not him being a royal jerk. Its YOU allowing him to project on to you, what is non-human. Narcs arent real(living beings anyways). They split their ego among multiple individuals, entire family systems, across generations, space and time. What answer do you instantly FEEL when you read this question: WHO is actually suffering?
Cheaters often claim you have "trust issues". Manipulators often accuse you of "overthinking". People who provoke claim you're "overacting". LIARS often accuse you of being "crazy" people who hurt you call you "sensitive". Pay attention to what people accuse you of feeling, as they're often trying to hide how THEY'RE BEHAVING !!!.
I can relate to all of this and in different ways. I actually began saying these same statements as reactive abuse after so many months of her manipulation. I was beginning to go insane. I literally had to go see a therapist (several in fact) as I was losing my mental faculties and physically deteriorating. Mine was a total liar and a sneak. She did everything under the vail of consciousness and if I ever wanted to talk, even when she clearly knew she caught breaking another one of her promises, she would stonewall, gaslight, deflect, deny, blame shift, project, double bind and then passively aggressively set me up for great levels of heartache and mental abuse. This is the worst feeling in the world. I’d rather be physically abused as at least then yiu can tel what’s happening.
Ugh. This was the ex's responses to me as well, and some family. Some people are safe and some are not!
So unbelievably helpful. Thank you!!!
Wow. I have so many examples of these 3 points.
Please share some! It could help all of us ♥️
Oh yeah,you can feel the irritation therefore at the same time passing it off as a difference of opinions only to find out they don't feel for anyone's happiness they want to disturb it
Thank you for super helpful information.
You could feel the irritation from a teacher in school.
That is why a teacher should give all children a chance to be themselves in asking them a question and not assuming and being irritated to help only to find out later in the school year there is only a certain child/children who are aloud to express their thoughts which in turn is a called the teacher's pet
Michelle u are awesome and so beautiful too, u are so wise and knowledgeable, thank u for ur work and your generosity transcend frontiers!! Thank u !!!
Been through this 😢😢😢every time I feel happy he text
Or, instead of the narcissist thinking that you are stupid, they, the narcissists, come out and call you stupid right to your face and then, the CPTSD starts all over again no matter how hard you try to overcome all of these feelings of inadequacy and shamefulness.....Statements like that can last for days and days and days and sometimes even years!
You look so happy and healthy!
I was asking this all the time too. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is it wrong to set this boundary? Is this boundary necessary? Am I being too harsh? Ugh this makes me feel like I am not alone thank you dear one🙏💞💖
Great video Michele! The part about the covert Narc not allowing you to be happy is spot on. The way they watch you and regulate off your emotions is crazy…it drains a person so much. The ex Narc would always get so overbearing whenever I would even have a brief moment of communication or connection with someone other than her. She would make insane projections towards me that were out of nowhere. I’d be accused of flirting with the hostess, the waitress, the bellhop, the women at the grocery store, past girlfriends that I hadn’t spoken to in a decade. She would constantly ask me if I had pictures or other girls on my phone. If I ran into a great friend I went to school with, she would instantly act so strange it was uncomfortable to even stand there and talk to him for more than a minute. She would never let me meet or speak with them even if I invited her. Every time someone would engage me in conversation, she would ask me if I knew them and then question how I could have conversations with random strangers and that it’s weird that I do that? Lol…they are truly shame based and fearful pathetic people.
She would never use the standard overt behaviors of the typical toxically selfish person. She would do it all very insidiously and from the angle of being a victim. She would say very subtly underhanded statements that were more confusing than anything. The biggest way she did all this was passive aggressive behaviors.
The body language and the way she would almost make it apparent how she was smearing me with her peers and family. She would be so different around others in front of me. Doing good things for her felt so odd in the way she acted as though she was disgusted by my good deeds. It’s diabolical.
Good topic thank you for sharing.
Well said 👌
You have to reprogram and de bug the psychological implants and emotional conditioning.
Much like Pavlov’s experiments with animals behaviour, repetition alters behaviour over time into a conditioned response that defies logic.
Great videos and it doesn’t hurt that Michelle is really beautiful!
I had such a great moment at work and I went to tell him about it. 2 minutes. That's all I needed/wanted. How dare I disturb him over something so meaningless. And he was mad about part of it - enough that he brought it up twice later and morphed it into something it wasn't. Killed my joy then stabbed at it 2 more times just to be sure. I have no doubt I'll hear it again.
Very VERY deep. This video is great. Thanks.
Operant conditioning.
Oh my word, exactly this.
They care for no one
Great video Michele ! TY !
Thanks Michele, it helps a lot! :I
Thank you 🙏 thank you! 😊 Thank U!! (Perfectly timed dose of reassurance to continue to persevere) 😚👌❤️🩹
Yes yes yes
My narcissistic mother said to me that “I feel wrong”.
Nice one
Respectfully, I hope narco isn't gloating that he did that to you. Yes, he should be behind bars to protect others and himself, since someone's loved ones might settle the issue based on that dangerously 'little knowledge' people talk about.
Michele
but how do you get out of the relationship and feel safe or ensure your own safety when you're afraid that they will come after you and try to hurt you or might even try to kill you? since they always throw a fit or act really crazy whenever you dont say or do whatever they want however they want. I've been in an extremely abusive situation for years and this is something that i really struggle with and i feel stuck out of fear because of this...
I too was afraid of this. I had nightmares of him setting my parents house on fire, with us in it! I'd suggest making an escape plan, document the instances of crazy, record them secretly. Share with a few safe people what's going on and seek help, once you have the money and the ability to leave, leave and block him on everything! There are women shelters everywhere where you can escape to ♥️♥️♥️
I'm so sorry you are going through this!
I was just asking my self that! Is it wrong ?
I'll tell you one thing, UA-cam is being narcissistic by interrupting videos with ads,why can't it wait until the video is over or play the ad before the video?
Can perception be off and incorrect? If I feel that you not honest but actually what u said is absolutely true wouldn't my feeling be incorrect?
Yes 🎯💯
my dad admitted to me he was programming me, why?
Some irritates..like ..I don't understand what you mean ..do you mean and they're bringing something up that is really something else.
Next No it's that.. everything you say is wrong, hope you get angry
Make you feel you're the boss ..precisely when there is a other human there ..they say yes Susan..(covert narcist) submissive
Hate like call you the queen..but you know he is the boss.
Hope to find some triggers so they look at you If you are crazy..but they put the blood under you're nails away with a spade ..but nobody sees that
Love your channel but the typing is not necessary.
Video gave zero solutions, just promotion for her products.