What if Momma Ain’t Happy? Why It’s Okay to Sweat the Small Stuff - Episode 214
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- Опубліковано 15 лис 2023
- It's Episode 214 of the Bare Marriage podcast, looking at some typical pieces of advice given to evangelical women about how to never, ever be upset and grumpy--and how that advice backfires.
Links to things mentioned:
Our survey link! Couples are invited to take our marriage survey (you take it individually and it’s confidential): baremarriage.com/grim
Check out NOCD.com, for help with religious OCD: nocd.com
Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month and help support our research and our work! / baremarriage
The article where you can find the Elisabeth Elliot quote on the essence of femininity: www.crossway.org/articles/the...
Holly Furtick’s reel on being grumpy: reelCtnHKV...
Holly Furtick’s reel on not fussing and just praying:
reelCm1oSd...
The study on why sweating the small stuff is important:
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18361...
John Gottman’s book The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work:
amzn.to/3Mxzc8h
Our podcast on the problems with Power of a Praying Wife
baremarriage.com/2023/06/podc...
And our one-sheet download going over the problems with Power of a Praying Wife
baremarriage.com/2023/06/the-...
Right you are. Making myself small in order for things to work caused me great depression. Serving not at the expense of myself anymore.😅
::Note: I’m typing this quote in real time before Sheila and Rebecca respond to Elliot’s quote.::
Does it ever jump out to anyone else, this underlying “expectation” that only the bride is offering her virginity? Is it not of value for bridegrooms to be virgin according to Christendom after all? Is the groom not offering himself to the bride to become one with her as well? Is the widow who marries less feminine because she can’t express this “essence” of offering her virginity?
We’re simultaneously *directly* taught that both halves of the marriage ought to preserve their virginity for their spouse; yet indirectly taught that really only the bride’s virginity and faithfulness is important.
::Adding:: “Have you ever thought that your husband can be changed in one moment by God?”
You know, if I took that attitude towards my kids or peer (female) friends, she’d probably lose her mind. 😂
It's sad that women are labeled "nags" simply for expecting decent, human treatment, as though they were the ghost wife from _The Great Divorce_ (the one who called her husband "lazy" because he said he couldn’t work more than thirteen hours per day, quashed all her husband's ambitions and old friendships, and yet couldn't see her responsibility in driving him to a nervous breakdown).
“You need to let me finish, child” 😂 Don’t worry Rebecca, I almost gagged too. 😅
My ex husbands parents are never ever happy. And I thank God for permanent divorce/no reconciliation ever:)and I absolutely thank God for my 1,000%Singleness:)
I check frequently for your new podcasts and usually, like tonight, they are on subjects I need to her on that exact day. The dismissal of women’s emotions and they can’t be strong or leaders because of them is bs. And the narrative that because of them they don’t deserve to have equal footing as men in their relationships and households is ridiculous. Even in the relationships that I personally know who believe men should rule over the husband don’t function that way. Personally I know I throw temper tantrums like my kids do but if someone’s dad does they are just asserting their authority?!?! No they are throwing a temper tantrum. Thank you for addressing the double standards in how we talk about women vs men. They have emotions too. Anger, jealousy - those are emotions. Just because your a man you don’t get a hall pass to sin against your family. Excuse me while I go blast Taylor Swifts “the man”.
Sadly, it sounds like the church teaches that women were created by God to be slaves for men...and then is using women in the church to teach other women how to be good slaves. That's why it is important to have your own relationship with God. The closer your relationship with God the less you will be deceived.
AMEN
Rebecca’s analogies are seriously the best…lizards vs turtles 😅. Loved this conversation! I thankfully have a pretty equal partnership with my husband. I’m actually going through a difficult time right now with health and work, and he is picking up the slack a lot. I’ve been crying a lot more than normal, very fatigued, and just really struggling and I’m so thankful he is patient and loving through this time. I’m also thankful my sons can see me be human and hear me talk about my struggles. We are all human no matter our gender! Anyway, thanks for all these important conversations. It is much needed!
Great job Sheila, Rebecca and Keith! Wait, should I have put Keith's name first so he feels more manly and not lesser than!?! 😂 Love you guys! Looking forward to your next release!
Also, I read the 1 star reviews for the exact same reason.
lol
Excellent,y'all work as an amazing team😅❤🙏
I'm wondering how you are controlling for confirmation bias on your survey? By linking it here it no longer is a random study.... It is now done by mostly people that agree with you.
A few things: First, others are also sharing the link. Second, our primary findings will not be frequency stats (or how many of our survey believe Y or experience X), but rather odds ratios, which are not impacted by whether or not people agree with us. We'll be able to see the impact of believing Y, or the impact of a spouse believing Y. Third, the vast majority of surveys in peer reviewed journals are convenience samples (most of university students from a single university). We're overcoming that by having international respondents from all over the world, and having enough people that we have signficant power. For instance, most studies in peer reviewed journals are of roughly 300 people. We had 20,000 for our first survey.
@@SheilaWrayGregoire thank you so much for responding and explaining. I just got married 2 weeks ago so I feel like it's probably too soon to take the survey but my husband and I will definitely pick up the book when it's ready. TGSR was life changing for us and I'm so thankful we found it before getting married.
@@Bav92 Oh, you can take it now! It would be great to have people at all stages of marriage! baremarriage.com/grim
And I'm so glad that The Great Sex Rescue was so helpful! That is SO encouraging to hear!@@Bav92
I just took it and noticed how many of my beliefs and experience are different now than 20 years ago just starting marriage because of this podcast and your work! Thank you!