AHHH!! Just realised something. I now realise why very strong feelings make me feel panicky!! It's because whenever I was upset or angry I just wanted to feel validated but most of the time I was ignored.
This explains why I always wanted my last therapist to validate my emotions or remind me of anything good in me but she rarely did. At times I even felt accused instead of understood. No wonder I felt like therapy was retraumatizing. Thank you so much for your work.
Jeez it has just happened to me! I was in a body oriented therapy and had stuck emotions there. I felt she was going impatience, judging me or hiddenly accusing me of my lack of responsiveness knowing that I came from a trauma informed background! I obviously stopped it after realizing that. Retraumatizing indeed.
My family and others have contempt for me because l don't pull myself together and succeed by functioning in life. Put your past behind you and stop blaming others.
Thank you for your information. I am in my 75th year and have been struggling for so many years. I feel I have found what has been missing in my life at last!
Some things you can’t learn from a textbook. Maybe you have to experience it to have enough empathy to truly get it. I find narcissistic abuse the same many psychologists learn it in a textbook but have never experience living in a relationship with a narcissist.
Thank you. It’s been awful cycling through therapists that I begged to help me with my “childhood stuff” and they just weren’t equipped. Made some progress but always hit plateaus because we could not do meaningful work going that far back into my early life. IFS helped but this is IT ❤
I'm 50 sec in and ask the Q, "why is it so hard to find a therapist who really understands" ANYTHING?!?! I've been to over a dozen over the years, & they all do the same- knod their head, saying, "Mm hm, Mmhm, mhmh,... come back in 2 wks", and nothing ever gets done! I swear, if I could go back to college, I'd major in psych because I can't figure what these people do to get paid!
@@exlesoes I might as well talk to the dog, to the wall for what I got from any psych. I get more out of podcasts, books, & social workers- Much more! Save your $ & don't waste time on these charlatans (that's good money to get paid for doing nothing!).
I'm sorry you've had that experience. There are some therapists who don't believe they should talk much in sessions but that has changed a lot in the last 10 years and most therapists are active participants in the work. I hope you'll keep trying, and find the therapist that suits you.
I know exactly how you feel and often asked the same. It always felt like a lot of hard-earned money, time and effort wasted. Eventually I gave up on the idea of going to therapy, but I found my best therapy ever through reading Alice Miller’s books.
I always learn something new; thank you. I am a very sensitive person who has way too much empathy and compassion for others and will put my own needs aside to help others. That is not a good thing and is often not good for me. Your comment about a parent who ignored your needs to be heard brought to mind something that happened when I was about 4-5 years old. My mother always brushed me aside because she was "busy", always busy. I wanted a kitty and she kept telling me no. I remember going outside and sitting on the front steps to think, and I remember telling myself I wanted a kitty so I'd have someone who would love just me because I didn't understand why my mother didn't care about me at all. In very short time a kitty wandered into our yard and I fell in love. I had that kitty for maybe a year or two when some kids I was playing with said they saw a dead kitty. I hadn't seen my kitty for a couple days and I knew, I just knew. Sadly, I was right. I was devastated. My dad knew how much I loved that kitty, so on one of his trips hauling cattle to either Wyoming or Montana he found a little yellow kitty and brought that kitty home in the cab of his truck. I was SO happy to get that kitty and had her for several years and was better able to handle her loss when I was an early teen. Even though my dad wasn't home much, he seemed to know what I needed and was always happy to spend time with me. That is the blessing in this story. Thank you again for what you share with us.
Thank you for sharing this experience, similar to mine but neither of my parents acknowledged at the time what the pet meant to me. Decades later my parent still refers to 'you were always so quiet as a child except for that time when the cat died and (for some reason they could never understand if I expressed emotion so I always tried to hide it but couldn't on that occasion so it was memorable to them) you got upset in school.... 😳🤔🙄
I relate to that, my dad was the only one I felt understood by sometimes. He was quiet like me, didn't like social events, very smart and what you would call a 'nerd' now 😊 He didn't talk much but I could feel we were so similar and he gave me the most thoughtful gifts ❤️ My mom was so cold and dismissive to me sometimes.
@@nellautumngirl So many of us have had similar treatment and experiences and I find it scary that there are so many dysfunctional people in the world. Losing a pet is very traumatic, especially if that pet is the only one who is giving you any love on a daily basis. My mother simply didn't care about anyone except herself and her children were there to serve her. I'm so thankful I found Dr. Carter; he has opened my eyes and it seems everything is starting to make sense now. What a revelation for me. Take care!
Thank you so much for this video! It does take a highly skilled therapist to be able to help somebody out of the pits of CEN and its symptoms. My first therapist only knew a "diluted" version of CEN/CPTSD. I badly needed to feel self-empowered and all the problems I was bringing to the table indicated that I didn't have any boundaries or any sense of self regulation. Back then I lacked the vocabulary to say it like this, but the signs were there so all I could say was, "I feel out of control". His response was, "nobody is in control". I remember feeling baffled, not relieved. He was not able to look deeper into me. That can be dangerously misleading, because it can make people think their core-trauma and symptomatic behavior is "normal" and they can feel enabled to continue act out. After getting help from another therapist and doing my own self-work, I think what my original therapist should have said was, "nobody is in control, but we owe it to ourselves to atleast be in control of ourselves". It would have opened a dialog on how to self-actualize and develop agency. I'm glad I followed my instincts and continued in my pursuit to find a better therapist. It's bad enough kids like me who have CEN/CPTSD sorta become alexythmic to our own feelings, even worse if the therapist also is clueless (like the way our parents were as how you mentioned)
I’m so glad I came across your videos. This has helped me so much! ❤ I feel like I wasn’t allowed to have negative emotions as a child. I don’t think my parents even know who I am as a person. I was expected to change who I was in order to “fit” into their life. I’m just now diving into identifying myself.
I am so happy to have stumbled onto your videos. Currently working on trying to find a therapist and am reading your book. It is never too late to change your life. So excited to finally figure out why I have felt this way & have had such a difficult time in my life forging relationships. Thank you so much Dr. Webb.....you are a life saver!!!
My therapist suggested your book to me and we have been working on different things so far. It’s so hard doing the work and still discouraging. But I’m so thankful for the information you share and that I’m not the only one who struggles with this
I cannot understand why most Psychiatrist would not know neglect, when studying basic psychology integrates mind-body already. Childhood trauma pretty much affects most mind-body illnesses
Because of your videos, I am learning more and more about who I am. I have not "found" the right therapist yet, but now I know what questions to ask my therapist in our next session. That way we both can have a better understanding as to how to go about treatment... It makes sense in my head. Thank you for your videos, Dr. Jonice Webb; these last few days of watching your videos has been the "freshest breath of air" I have had in a long time.
Thank you for helping me get more out of my therapy experiences Pointing out the topics and questions I will ask her today will help us grow together 😄🤪 😀
Learn more about how Childhood Emotional Neglect happens, what makes it so unmemorable, and how to heal yourself with my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge6 To find out if you grew up with CEN, take the Emotional Neglect test. It’s free: bit.ly/entest To discover much more about how to gain the skills you missed due to Childhood Emotional Neglect check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
@dearchunwah you certainly can! We are blessed to live in such times, when you are able to have an instant access to tons of free knowledge, provided by kindness of such a wonderful people like dr Webb☺️💖 I've been doing auto-therapy for over ten years, and I am really super proud of what I've accomplished ☺️ If I could heal myself, you certainly can do it too! Coz why not?;) 💪 Good luck on the journey!💖
Also - most psychologists recognise the importance of Feelings work. I had counselling from 4 different psychologists and they all recognised my inadequacy in talking about my feelings, my needs, my wants. One in particular led me through difficult emotional situations with her - both in my life and in relation to her sessions with me closing. I felt the power of someone guiding me through - for me - very difficult emotional experiences. She focussed on me expressing my feelings/needs and also directed me towards assertiveness learning and practice. I also think that it is very clear that attachment theories are based on childhood trauma and most UA-cam therapists clarify that trauma is also about emotional neglect and far reaching effects of emotional neglect. Understanding your relationship with your intimate partner requires acknowledging your attachment style which is fundamentally to do with childhood neglect. They talk extensively about the inner child; healing the inner child. I think the difference in your work is centralising that loss of self through the lack of emotional attention in childhood. I know I seek validation from others especially other women because I was - still am unable to feel my own worth. I was taught that I was not worthy. I understand that profoundly because my parents showed minimal interest in my emotional experiences. We never talked about feelings in our family. Even as a child and I think specifically as a teenager I felt the emptiness of my life. In later years I explained it to myself as parents who were very controlling - parents who emphasised material success, intellect, status - patents who valued material wealth and success. Final comment - I don't think you should devalue or undervalue the work many psychologists do. The process of dismantling the damage to a unique individual can take many processes and multiple forms. I think all psychologists aid the process of self-reflection, awareness and building self worth.
I’m so sorry! We will put out a request for Portugal therapists to train to be CEN specialists. Keep an eye on my list. If one appears they will be placed on there immediately.
It's difficult to find a therapist... because psychology is a joke. Your average therapist got their degree after studying SPSS and doing a dissertation using quantitative analysis so that they could get the prestige of the letters "BSc". They then go on to tick every single box on psychologytoday. When you think about it, it's no wonder that "self identification" is so popular now! Well, after 20 adult years of searching, here I am.
AHHH!! Just realised something. I now realise why very strong feelings make me feel panicky!! It's because whenever I was upset or angry I just wanted to feel validated but most of the time I was ignored.
This explains why I always wanted my last therapist to validate my emotions or remind me of anything good in me but she rarely did. At times I even felt accused instead of understood. No wonder I felt like therapy was retraumatizing. Thank you so much for your work.
Jeez it has just happened to me! I was in a body oriented therapy and had stuck emotions there. I felt she was going impatience, judging me or hiddenly accusing me of my lack of responsiveness knowing that I came from a trauma informed background! I obviously stopped it after realizing that. Retraumatizing indeed.
What is the difference between CEN and C-PTSD? Why do counsellors not help their clients analyse and get better self-worth and assertiveness?
My family and others have contempt for me because l don't pull myself together and succeed by functioning in life. Put your past behind you and stop blaming others.
But if they point our yet more defects, what do you do then? Therapists are far too expensive.
Thank you for your information. I am in my 75th year and have been struggling for so many years. I feel I have found what has been missing in my life at last!
I'm so very glad to hear that.
Seen on an emotional level ha. Wouldn't that be magical
Some things you can’t learn from a textbook. Maybe you have to experience it to have enough empathy to truly get it. I find narcissistic abuse the same many psychologists learn it in a textbook but have never experience living in a relationship with a narcissist.
Thank you. It’s been awful cycling through therapists that I begged to help me with my “childhood stuff” and they just weren’t equipped. Made some progress but always hit plateaus because we could not do meaningful work going that far back into my early life. IFS helped but this is IT ❤
I'm 50 sec in and ask the Q, "why is it so hard to find a therapist who really understands" ANYTHING?!?! I've been to over a dozen over the years, & they all do the same- knod their head, saying, "Mm hm, Mmhm, mhmh,... come back in 2 wks", and nothing ever gets done! I swear, if I could go back to college, I'd major in psych because I can't figure what these people do to get paid!
That's horrible
They can't all be like that can they?
@@exlesoes I might as well talk to the dog, to the wall for what I got from any psych. I get more out of podcasts, books, & social workers- Much more! Save your $ & don't waste time on these charlatans (that's good money to get paid for doing nothing!).
@@christopherholly1392 😥😔
I'm sorry you've had that experience. There are some therapists who don't believe they should talk much in sessions but that has changed a lot in the last 10 years and most therapists are active participants in the work. I hope you'll keep trying, and find the therapist that suits you.
I know exactly how you feel and often asked the same. It always felt like a lot of hard-earned money, time and effort wasted. Eventually I gave up on the idea of going to therapy, but I found my best therapy ever through reading Alice Miller’s books.
I always learn something new; thank you. I am a very sensitive person who has way too much empathy and compassion for others and will put my own needs aside to help others. That is not a good thing and is often not good for me. Your comment about a parent who ignored your needs to be heard brought to mind something that happened when I was about 4-5 years old. My mother always brushed me aside because she was "busy", always busy. I wanted a kitty and she kept telling me no. I remember going outside and sitting on the front steps to think, and I remember telling myself I wanted a kitty so I'd have someone who would love just me because I didn't understand why my mother didn't care about me at all. In very short time a kitty wandered into our yard and I fell in love. I had that kitty for maybe a year or two when some kids I was playing with said they saw a dead kitty. I hadn't seen my kitty for a couple days and I knew, I just knew. Sadly, I was right. I was devastated. My dad knew how much I loved that kitty, so on one of his trips hauling cattle to either Wyoming or Montana he found a little yellow kitty and brought that kitty home in the cab of his truck. I was SO happy to get that kitty and had her for several years and was better able to handle her loss when I was an early teen. Even though my dad wasn't home much, he seemed to know what I needed and was always happy to spend time with me. That is the blessing in this story. Thank you again for what you share with us.
Thank you for sharing this experience, similar to mine but neither of my parents acknowledged at the time what the pet meant to me. Decades later my parent still refers to 'you were always so quiet as a child except for that time when the cat died and (for some reason they could never understand if I expressed emotion so I always tried to hide it but couldn't on that occasion so it was memorable to them) you got upset in school.... 😳🤔🙄
I relate to that, my dad was the only one I felt understood by sometimes. He was quiet like me, didn't like social events, very smart and what you would call a 'nerd' now 😊 He didn't talk much but I could feel we were so similar and he gave me the most thoughtful gifts ❤️ My mom was so cold and dismissive to me sometimes.
@@nellautumngirl So many of us have had similar treatment and experiences and I find it scary that there are so many dysfunctional people in the world. Losing a pet is very traumatic, especially if that pet is the only one who is giving you any love on a daily basis. My mother simply didn't care about anyone except herself and her children were there to serve her. I'm so thankful I found Dr. Carter; he has opened my eyes and it seems everything is starting to make sense now. What a revelation for me. Take care!
Thank you so much for this video! It does take a highly skilled therapist to be able to help somebody out of the pits of CEN and its symptoms. My first therapist only knew a "diluted" version of CEN/CPTSD. I badly needed to feel self-empowered and all the problems I was bringing to the table indicated that I didn't have any boundaries or any sense of self regulation. Back then I lacked the vocabulary to say it like this, but the signs were there so all I could say was, "I feel out of control". His response was, "nobody is in control". I remember feeling baffled, not relieved. He was not able to look deeper into me.
That can be dangerously misleading, because it can make people think their core-trauma and symptomatic behavior is "normal" and they can feel enabled to continue act out. After getting help from another therapist and doing my own self-work, I think what my original therapist should have said was, "nobody is in control, but we owe it to ourselves to atleast be in control of ourselves". It would have opened a dialog on how to self-actualize and develop agency. I'm glad I followed my instincts and continued in my pursuit to find a better therapist. It's bad enough kids like me who have CEN/CPTSD sorta become alexythmic to our own feelings, even worse if the therapist also is clueless (like the way our parents were as how you mentioned)
I’m so glad I came across your videos. This has helped me so much! ❤ I feel like I wasn’t allowed to have negative emotions as a child. I don’t think my parents even know who I am as a person. I was expected to change who I was in order to “fit” into their life. I’m just now diving into identifying myself.
I am so happy to have stumbled onto your videos. Currently working on trying to find a therapist and am reading your book. It is never too late to change your life. So excited to finally figure out why I have felt this way & have had such a difficult time in my life forging relationships. Thank you so much Dr. Webb.....you are a life saver!!!
My therapist suggested your book to me and we have been working on different things so far. It’s so hard doing the work and still discouraging. But I’m so thankful for the information you share and that I’m not the only one who struggles with this
This series came at just the right time for me!
I cannot understand why most Psychiatrist would not know neglect, when studying basic psychology integrates mind-body already.
Childhood trauma pretty much affects most mind-body illnesses
Dr Webb, Thank you for these videos! Please keep them coming. I'm learning a lot.
Thank you for that encouragement or inspiration--healing on my own.
Can you talk about the correlation between borderline personality disorder and CEN?
That would be a great topic.
I'll keep that in mind for a future video. Thanks for the suggestion. There are some blogs on my website about that topic www.emotionalneglect.com.
@@DrJoniceWebbphd thank you.
Thank you! Your books on CEN have been life changing for hubby & for me. Bless you! ❤
I noticed you encourage us to comment but don't see that you acknowledge or comments. You're content is so so helpful and validating.
Because of your videos, I am learning more and more about who I am. I have not "found" the right therapist yet, but now I know what questions to ask my therapist in our next session. That way we both can have a better understanding as to how to go about treatment... It makes sense in my head. Thank you for your videos, Dr. Jonice Webb; these last few days of watching your videos has been the "freshest breath of air" I have had in a long time.
God bless you Jonice!!!!!
**Dr. Jonice
These videos are amazing. Will they be left on you tube for life or a limited time only?
Thank you so much! 🙏🙏🙏
Jonice your audio only comes through one of your channels for all your videos.
Over here in the UK l don't think there are any therapist who even know about it.
Thank you for helping me get more out of my therapy experiences Pointing out the topics and questions I will ask her today will help us grow together 😄🤪 😀
Therapists often want us to rationally understand that we shouldn't feel a certain way (to help us feel better), which is triggering
I can't find the list here. Therapy is too expensive here in New Zealand.
Learn more about how Childhood Emotional Neglect happens, what makes it so unmemorable, and how to heal yourself with my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge6
To find out if you grew up with CEN, take the Emotional Neglect test. It’s free: bit.ly/entest
To discover much more about how to gain the skills you missed due to Childhood Emotional Neglect check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
Thank you for giving me a sense of hopefulness--that I can do some healing on my own.
Or I should say - encouragement on the journey to healing.
@dearchunwah you certainly can! We are blessed to live in such times, when you are able to have an instant access to tons of free knowledge, provided by kindness of such a wonderful people like dr Webb☺️💖 I've been doing auto-therapy for over ten years, and I am really super proud of what I've accomplished ☺️ If I could heal myself, you certainly can do it too! Coz why not?;) 💪 Good luck on the journey!💖
@@kasiako355 Thanks for the affirmation!
@@dearchunwah you are very welcome friend!:) You can do it!💪 I am rooting for you😊
I know it’s me but I can’t seem to find that list of therapist anywhere here or a link on your website. Can you help me out?
What is the website?
Sorry to be negative - but no counsellors/psychologists trained in your methods in PORTUGAL - nearest one is Madrid, Spain.
Also - most psychologists recognise the importance of Feelings work. I had counselling from 4 different psychologists and they all recognised my inadequacy in talking about my feelings, my needs, my wants. One in particular led me through difficult emotional situations with her - both in my life and in relation to her sessions with me closing. I felt the power of someone guiding me through - for me - very difficult emotional experiences. She focussed on me expressing my feelings/needs and also directed me towards assertiveness learning and practice. I also think that it is very clear that attachment theories are based on childhood trauma and most UA-cam therapists clarify that trauma is also about emotional neglect and far reaching effects of emotional neglect. Understanding your relationship with your intimate partner requires acknowledging your attachment style which is fundamentally to do with childhood neglect. They talk extensively about the inner child; healing the inner child. I think the difference in your work is centralising that loss of self through the lack of emotional attention in childhood. I know I seek validation from others especially other women because I was - still am unable to feel my own worth. I was taught that I was not worthy. I understand that profoundly because my parents showed minimal interest in my emotional experiences. We never talked about feelings in our family. Even as a child and I think specifically as a teenager I felt the emptiness of my life. In later years I explained it to myself as parents who were very controlling - parents who emphasised material success, intellect, status - patents who valued material wealth and success. Final comment - I don't think you should devalue or undervalue the work many psychologists do. The process of dismantling the damage to a unique individual can take many processes and multiple forms. I think all psychologists aid the process of self-reflection, awareness and building self worth.
I’m so sorry! We will put out a request for Portugal therapists to train to be CEN specialists. Keep an eye on my list. If one appears they will be placed on there immediately.
🙏
It's difficult to find a therapist... because psychology is a joke.
Your average therapist got their degree after studying SPSS and doing a dissertation using quantitative analysis so that they could get the prestige of the letters "BSc". They then go on to tick every single box on psychologytoday. When you think about it, it's no wonder that "self identification" is so popular now!
Well, after 20 adult years of searching, here I am.
This was helpful.