Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Learn about Childhood Emotional Neglect, how it happens in the life of a child, and how to heal it in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge7
Childhood Emotional Neglect is usually invisible and unmemorable so it can be difficult to know if you have it. To find out, take the Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest
You will find lots of guidance and help for reparenting yourself and deepening your relationships in my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
In this video, “10 affirmations That You Can Use to Reparent Yourself if You Grew Up with Childhood Emotional Neglect,” I talk about what it means to reparent yourself, and how you can learn to talk yourself through things in a way that your parents never could.
An amazing amount of strength and purpose can come from affirmations. In this video, I’ll give you 10 affirmations that I specifically designed for those who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect. They are useful and powerful and can get you through difficult times. They can also help you give yourself what you didn’t get in your childhood.
CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
• Emotional Neglect: How...
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 4 S...
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 5 W...
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Wha...
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Use...
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Lac...
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Jum...
00:00 Introduction
00:37 What Are Affirmations?
01:35 What is Reparenting?
02:26 First: Feelings
04:40 Second: It's Only a Feeling
07:00 Third: Pay Attention
07:50: Fourth: Parents
08:13 Fifth: Self-Confidence
08:29 Sixth: Self-Doubt
08:47 Seventh: You've Proven Yourself
09:07 Eight: New Skills
09:20 Ninth: Asking for Help
09:49 Tenth: Let it go
I resonate with 'They can't give me what don't have.' I have had to come to the realization that my parents' well is dry. I wanted them to fill my cup, but there is no water in their well. And, since I feel like I never got the love of my father that I so wanted, I now remind myself that 'My heavenly Father delights in me."
Religion causes mental illness. You can't get ethics from bs
I’m sincerely glad that you feel your Heavenly Father is there being a real & loving father to you. I also wonder if you consider the idea that your parents were fully aware that their “wells were dry” when they made a mutual and conscious decision to copulate and reproduce themselves, which resulted in you - in your precious presence on this earth. With each year that you were in their existence they realized more clearly that they were not equipped to have.children in their care. In this ever growing realization did they get their family to a professional therapist - an appropriate response to such a problem? Or did they just blow it all off? I strongly disagree with one of the premises mentioned here - that they “couldn’t give you what they didn’t have” & see it as about as useful as injecting ourselves with bleach to “kill Covid.” This takes us straight back to the utter nonsense of the past unnumbered decades of, “ my parents did the best they could..” No, they did not do the best they could. Any human being of even the most average intelligence, even a child of 6, can quickly work out that the abuse and or neglect or any other abusive aggression you care to name, is not the parent doing the best they can/could.
Looking directly at this truth will be a much faster, more forthright, more realistic and more manageable and do-able re-parenting management strategy than most any other that our best currently existing science can provide us with. And consequentially it will be a huge step in valuing and respecting children as a new paradigm of humanity that will be able to actually address needs & possibly solutions or at least a method of managing having been abused as children for what we’re very reasonably calling re-parenting which shouldn’t ever even be a ‘thing,’ but right now it clearly is a thing. We are on the cusp of some new and “revolutionary “ attitudes and understanding of the very high cost of carelessly reproducing while knowing that our parents abused us. This becomes a worse idea by the week and is the most foolish crapshoot I can possibly imagine in the entire spectrum of human behavior. The only purpose of my comment is to agree that re-parenting has become a needed remedy and my greatest wish is that other children will soon no longer have to endure the pain of inept parenting as most of us here, including myself, are trying so hard to cope with. Take care everyone. Hang on.
This is very helpful. At 55 years young I’ve come to realize my parents were not emotionally safe people. I would get blamed if something bad happened or I got hurt, so I learned not to tell them, anything. My childhood was very sad and it’s even sadder how its affected my adult life. The Lord is using this platform as a healing tool.
@womanatthewell9603 - may your adult life be rich emotionally ... that the "well" overflows abundantly !!
I'm sorry for your pain. Be good to yourself
Even after a year of therapy , I did not realize until you said it, that I take excessive responsibility for everyone in the way that I feel guilty when things go wrong that have nothing to do with me. I was always told by my father as a child, that things were my fault when they were not. As an adult, I have a total fear of being blamed for things I did not do and so I constantly take responsibility. Very eye-opening.
This must be very draining for you! I hope that you will take this on and defeat it.
ME ALSO. My father constantly stressed duty, duty, duty above personal needs. that I was not entitled to anything. Remember the tv ad " would you give someone you love your last ROLLO" or anything else. So I will never take the last of anything. Always apologise first, always give in.
I had to learn BOUNDARIES. It was a revelation to me since I was programmed to care about others more than myself. Just learning to understand what/how I feel, what I think etc.
Do I understand it right that CEN can cause alexithymia and that it can be healed by understanding the concept of CEN? Are there videos for partners of people with severe CEN and how to behave and handle life and healing together? ❤️@@DrJoniceWebbphd
I am enough.
I have always been enough
And
I will always be enough.
My thoughts matter.
My feelings matter...
And I matter ❤
My mother did not know how to self-regulate...from about the age of 3 I can remember her saying, "you kids will be the death of me yet!" AND "you're the reason I'm sick. She would tell us kids.
I'm thinking in my little mind, I don't want to kill my mommie. So I was very compliant and stuffed, stuffed, stuffed my emotions. Could not put words to my feelings. I am learning to be kind to myself. ❤❤❤
My mother blamed my brother for her breast cancer. He announced his engagement, parents disapproved, and they spent two years trying to stop it (unsuccessfully). But it was all his fault.
We grew up with the saying, 'children should be seen amd not heard!' How terrible is that.
My daughter sent me one of your videos because it put words to her inability to access her emotion/feelings. I of course did not get my needs met so could not meet my kids needs, she is doing a great job raising her four children and I could not be more proud. I have done a lot of healing and a big part of my healing has been to uncover the lies I believe and replace them with truth (affirmations). My daughter asked if I had any ideas of truths to let her know... Here's what I came up with:
"My body and my emotions are connected, it is equally important that I pay attention to both."
"I am free to express my feelings, wants, and needs."
"I am able to identify my needs and feelings and express them appropriately. Do-overs are okay."
There is something powerful when a prominent and highly esteemed clinician like Dr. Jonice reveals a vulnerable side and shares her personal struggle with public speaking with her followers. The fact that this fear didn't stop her from her mission is a perfect example of how her psychological concepts and approaches work. Thank you for sharing.
We all have struggles and part of what makes a person stronger is sharing them with others. ♥
Thankyou so much for sharing this and other talks. It makes such sense. As a Christian, I speak out the Bible verses that affirm, like, I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength, again and again. another is, It is God Who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
No feeling is bad, is what I do with that feeling that matters.
It’s only a feeling, I can handle it.
Calm, Confident & Capable.
Pay attention to this feeling: it matters.
They can’t give me what they don’t have.
You can do this.
Stop with the self-doubt, it’s ridiculous.
You have proven yourself before and you are about to prove yourself again.
It’s just a new skill, and you can learn it.
Asking for help is a sign of strength.
You’re not in charge of the whole world, let it go.
thank you!
Wow! I’m so glad I found your channel. I’m certain my father was autistic, and no extreme emotions of any kind were tolerated in our family. I still don’t know if I’m autistic or just raised to behave that way. I married a man who seemed very different, but wasn’t. He allowed only happy feelings. When I was in my 30’s, I hit too many bumps to grit my teeth and push through and nearly lost my mind, flooded with emotions I had no way to manage. I’m now 65 and just starting to really recognize and manage my emotions.
Hi, I am 70 and have recently discovered I have CEN. I feel like I am now drowning in memories when young how desperate I needed my mother but she was not available due to mental illness. My father was violent and abusive so I was too afraid to go to him. How does one turn off the constant thinking of things that now make sense to me? I feel like I have been awaken but still that child that needs her mother. I think I am overwhelmed. Even though I am older I want to feel normal finally, so I am starting therapy. These videos are so tremendously helpful and I thank you for all you do. God bless.
I just found you and did not realize this. I know I have CPTSD. My parents where both alcoholics and fought all the time. I was neglected and not shown any live. At 10 my mother died in a house fire screaming for me to come help her…..I am 74 now and can remember as if it where yesterday……my marriage is non existent and very distant……
My favourite affirmation is: "don't get involved with content". Thank you for your work.
I LOVE the "it`s only a feeling"!!! People who trigger me, can make me feel like my blood is in flames. As first aid I use "it`s only..." and then I keep right on with "I`m not in charge of making nasty peoples days perfekt". That helps.
As a student nurse these are invaluable. Thank you x
7:51 they can’t give what they don’t have 6:31 CCC “it’s only a feeling I can handle this “
"I know what I am doing in the now moment is right for me, therefore everything is working out for me." This is one my friend told me to say and I have stuck with it. Thank you for these others, I will definitely be rewatching again!
I love this
"You're not going to get milk out of a cigarette vending machine" was how I put "You won't get from your parents what they don't have"...
I wonder, though, if children can misunderstand the "there are no feelings that are bad, but you're responsible for your actions".. as feeling that their emotions have not been validated. Parents can't go back 35 years in the past and re-do that interaction, I do hope the child at the time will be able to reach a better conclusion as an adult.
I'm 40 and still so many times unseen. My father simply cuts in the middle of a phrase I'm saying and changes the issue. But if I get angry or frustrated it's my fault and lack of self regulation that I should be ashamed of.
I'm glad to find you here. I'm a first timer, lol. I AM going to try this today. Thank you. I'm trying to find ways to change my brain. I need peace in my soul.
I’m doing my best and my best is excellent!
These are so helpful and I will definitely use them. I’m in recovery from sugar addiction and the feelings are scaring me but with “It’s only a feeling, I can handle it” I feel much better, actually grateful - what a turning point!
These are the teaching of the new age religion. ‘We should not judge our destructive emotions such as envy , hatred or rage’ . Teaching that there is not difference between good and evil. If we don’t judge our own envy , we should then not judge the envy of others. That’s like inviting toxic evil people into your life. Acknowledging these emotions is necessary but there needs to be a moral framework and being able to differentiate between good and destructive emotions which might harm others
I was raised by a very angry man . Not only were we all 3 of us beaten with a large clothes brush ( bristle side), we were met with anger with any emotional distress. “ I’ll give you something to cry about was the theme. Dinners with brothers getting black eyes or outdoor hikes ending in my brother getting his leg broken by kicking it. I was ridiculed when saying something age appropriately ignorant. I have gone through 2 divorces. Always being with people who don’t listen it seems. I am 64 and just broke it off with a 40 year off and on relationship with my h. S. Sweetheart. He now wants to be pals and no affection or invites with his friends or family. I feel like it was cathartic to ask for no contact. I’m done with unilateral decisions in relationships.
So great, acknowledging feelings is what has been helping in my depression since retirement.
Not so sure about handling any problem/emotion, fact is why after retiring I'm so depressed. Clearly by being through way, way too much!!
I am with a partner that does not make me feel comfortable talking about my feelings or needs or never ask questions about how I’m feeling.. this makes it very difficult to try to heal from childhood emotional neglect when you don’t have anyone to talk to about it😩
That's messed up and I hope you can manifest a happier existence.
Yes, that’s when I realized I deserve that. I’m not a time filler for anyone
I've been in the same situation for years. Please know that you deserve so much more than this in an intimate relationship!
It seems I've always had a challenging life, and I have found that when I encounter difficulties I tell myself I've gotten managed to get through every challenge thrown at me and I can get to this one too. I seems to give me that extra boost I need to figure things out. Thank you for the wisdom you share with us.
Great strategy. I love it!
I really appreciate how the "new trend" with "professionals" is to be vulnerable and share personal experiences! I find this really helpful! Thank you for sharing your fear of public speaking and doing it anyway!
The biggest "initiation" that is being asked of us at this time, is to go inward and learn to manage our thoughts and emotions. This is a very large learning curve for ALL of us! It makes sense that because we're all just learning this, it's a challenging area. One of the biggest ways all of us are challenged is we confuse thoughts and feelings/emotions and of course this shows up in how we communicate.
Stay with me on this!
Most of us don't understand our feelings/emotions. But has anyone noticed that we use these "words" all the time in our speech? Here are two examples from the video:
"I felt I was responsible for the pandemic"!
"It just felt like there''s no way I can do this!"
These are not feelings/emotions. These are thoughts. I think it's important to know and communicate the difference. If we could do this more accurately, I believe it would hasten our healing.
If we go back to the examples from the video, notice what happens when we change the way these words are expressed:
"I thought I was responsible for the pandemic".
This made me feel guilty and ashamed!" (my interpretation)
"I was thinking that there's no way I can do this!
That made me feel helpless, defeated and frustrated!" (my interpretation)
From my perspective, it can become easier to change because it is clear what needs to be changed.
Our emotions/feelings FOLLOW our thoughts.
It is important to separate them and then go from there.
I'm just going to go one step deeper here and share this.
Emotions and feelings are still labels/words/thoughts we use.
What emotions/feelings really are, are chemical reactions in the body that cause sensations.
Sensations come from the nervous system, the automatic nervous system, and we have no control over them showing up!
They are automatic survival responses to perceived threats around us.
We must learn to build our capacity to tolerate sensations that show up in the body.
Examples of sensations would be: tingly, hot, cold, , light, heavy, pressure, numb, throbbing, stabbing.
I also want to say that I am not a professional. This is my understanding of thoughts, emotions/feelings and sensations gleaned from my own self study and I've just started learning!
This was a bit of a deep dive into an area that seems complicated but only because it is new for most of us and
"this is just a new skill for us to learn and we can do this!"
Hope this was helpful for someone!
Very nice breakdown of what all is happening inside and how we can deal with the thoughts/sensations. TY❣
Dr. Jonice,
Growing up with CEN caused me to have serious OCD and perfection issues, because I was trying to invite less criticism, as well as trying to be “good enough,” as obviously I felt like I had to do something extraordinary to be “acceptable”. I believe “perfectionism” cripples productivity and causes procrastination. I have had productivity problems myself when I am not striving to do something “perfectly” and place myself in the “mode.”
I know your next video is going to be on self motivation. I am wondering if there is a link with procrastination from perfectionism being the only option from CEN, and then because this is unrealistic, the person with CEN falls into procrastination and lack of ability to motivate self outside of a perfectionistic mode. 🤔 Just putting this out there. 😊
Yes, there is a link and I've seen it in many perfectionist/procrastinators with CEN. the root problem is feeling that you are not good enough as is. This is something that can be worked through!
Alot of self doupt lately. Counseling has said confidence is what i lack, however am amazed at how much i actually have!
Getting motivation is what i need now .... at age 67, please help. Alot at my age feel this so hope you make other videos. Physically and emotionally has been too much, drained of both especially hurt feelings avoiding ppl to avoid hurt feelings! Being older is different, like at work i was always ahead emotionally of my employers 😅.
I read awhile back an interesting perspective on confidence; it's not something you can lack, it's the default state that is suppressed by insecurities. Notice that toddlers are very confident, and that only goes away as they learn limits; physical or psychological.
So, instead of looking at it as "I'm not confident enough to do this", look at it as "what fear is holding me back? Is that fear reasonable? Is there something I can do about that?" You "gain" confidence by dispelling fear, whether that's by disarming inappropriate fears or mitigating appropriate ones.
Very helpful words I never heard.❣️
I am worthy. I am heard. I am loved. What CAN I do? (Focus on what IS in my control).
Awesome!
It definitely helps to talk positively to yourself, it does me!
“Pay attention to this feeling, it matters!”
I wrote them down and just hearing you say them made me feel at ease.
It is what you do with your feeling. In the past I felt bad for my emotions. I am trying to rewire my mind with this words. It seen so simple but for a cen child it is not.
The affirmations are FANTASTIC, I feel better already, thank you so much! 😊🙏🙏
You have changed my life. Thankyou. Part of it was learning how so many others have CEN and readibg their comments in the group.❤❤❤❤❤
You are so awesome! Thank you! 🌹 i love this and am saving the video to rewatch again.. the one that felt the most powerful that you said, "They can't give me what they don't have"
❤
Thank you for these tips. Many of them I have practiced for years but hearing that I'm heading in the right direction with my intuition is helpful and strengthens my resolve to stay the path. Thank you again.
Thank you, I am certainly going to watch again and note the affirmations! 💖
These sound more like words to snap out of one's illusions than positive reparenting affirmations. Glad they are helpful for some people. Well being ~
"They couldn't give me what they didn't have." This one is a bit tricky, hard to believe, when you've witnessed them giving your siblings what you didn't receive.
How to PERMANENTLY end trauma instead of just coping and wasting time and money on therapy?! Thanks
Understand what happened and make different choices. But theraphy is not a waste, we really do have to do the work
You are absolutely fabulous. I just found your videos today and I subscribed.
You were hitting the nail on the head with my childhood. I already knew a lot of this, but the way you express it is very clear and deep.
Thank you so much I will be listening to many of your videos.❤
Dr. Webb ~ 👋 can you please increase the volume on your videos? TY❣
These are great! Thank you. I often tell myself I’m brave 😊 healing is courageous ❤
And you're right!
Hi Dr. Webb,
I love your channel! I’ve been diving deep into Adult children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families org. Pairing this with your work is really helping me get well.
Thank you
Thank you so much for this compilation! It is fantastic and so helpful. 💖🙏💖
Love these, looking for affirmations lately, thank you! Actually have told myself a couple already….. 😊
Very helpful! Thank you!
Thank you 🙏
thank u
I've become extremely withdrawn and am still totally dependent upon the people who have abused me and disrespect my boundaries, but now have started to reject them and by doing that have finally gained much more mental clarity and stability, and self-motivation. I still neglect myself as I don't feel comfortable in the same space as them and sometimes feel unworthy of more care. What steps can I take to become more independent and find a more healthy living situation and set more boundaries around their involvement in my life when I'm completely dependent upon them without being at the mercy of unhealthy social constructs?
Powerful
This video and the affirmations and your work in general have helped me very much in my personal life and my therapy practice. Thank you for your work!
Thank you! ❤
This has helped me greatly, thank you and God bless you.
They feel very clean to try on as ideas.
Thank you for putting this information on youtube 😢❤
Thank you
absolutely helpful! wrote them out, and will be saying them to my self! thank you again !!!!!
I am very grateful to you for this video. It's useful that you make us aware of the areas and categories that we need to pay attention to and the affirmations are brilliant ideas that we can focus on in different situations. Thank you very much. 🙂
Incredible helpful. Thank you!
This is amazing, God bless You
Hello! Thank you for the video, it's very useful. However, it's listed as "hidden", so nobody who searches videos on this topic will be able to see it. I'm letting you know in case that's an accident.
I did find them helpful and plan to use a few of them
What are the beliefs we should instill in ourselves and our kids?
Just curious. What happens when you use these as an unhealthy coping mechanism - like when you avoid dealing with emotions using toxic positivity? For example, staying in a harmful or abusive relationship but telling yourself that 'I can handle this', ie gaslighting yourself
I don’t understand why I would repeat statements to myself that I don’t believe are true. It feels like lying to myself, and I already don’t trust myself. I just don’t get it.
Yes that’s the tricky thing with affirmations. But what you can do is look at that affirmation and think about rephrasing it into something you can believe at this moment in time.
I find that I can do that with every affirmation that’s not compatible with my core beliefs.
Sometimes it’s hard but then I will google affirmations on the topic and scroll until I find ones that seem believable to me.
@@JerneyMarisha ah thank you. That’s a good idea.
@@amytingleff7765 You’re welcome, I’m happy it was helpful. ☺️
I like @JerneyMarisha response. It's also important to try to believe what you're saying. If you keep saying these things and keep trying, it will gradually sink in.
@@DrJoniceWebbphd Yes, absolutely! For some new thoughts we need a couple of baby steps in between though. It’s easier to truly learn to believe the end goal when we work our way up. ☺️
Learn about Childhood Emotional Neglect, how it happens in the life of a child, and how to heal it in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge7
Childhood Emotional Neglect is usually invisible and unmemorable so it can be difficult to know if you have it. To find out, take the Emotional Neglect Test: bit.ly/entest
You will find lots of guidance and help for reparenting yourself and deepening your relationships in my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook
Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.
Try a smaller space to record! It’s a little bit echo’y 😊
I’m looking through your videos and you hardly have any on treatments for CEN. It’s 95% diagnosis. This seems to be the situation for CEN. All these ppl make videos explaining what it is, and they try to be optimistic about treating it, but I think they are just trying to sell us. I don’t think you guys are actually treating it. You’re just defining it. And it gets annoying for people trying to recover. You need to really spend more time on treatments. You are profiting off people and selling false hope.