The Day Today - Newspaper Headlines

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  • @HaRDc0r3z
    @HaRDc0r3z 2 роки тому +174

    i love how he points at every headline... like there it is... there's the headline.

  • @ive3336
    @ive3336 Рік тому +29

    His delivery is unmatched, what a legend

  • @markpollard4703
    @markpollard4703 7 років тому +146

    Absolute comedy genius.
    Accept no imitators.

  • @VacantHaven
    @VacantHaven 4 роки тому +116

    Due to a printing error, tomorrows Guardian is full of water!
    Priceless 🤣

    • @Jlipnicki
      @Jlipnicki 2 роки тому +3

      The one true story.

    • @jazzhands7771
      @jazzhands7771 10 місяців тому +1

      ​@@Jlipnicki😂

    • @ABW941
      @ABW941 4 місяці тому

      I didnt get that one. If water is a misprint what was originally ment to be printed?

    • @jazzhands7771
      @jazzhands7771 3 місяці тому

      ​@@ABW941😴

  • @mikearchibald744
    @mikearchibald744 2 роки тому +89

    One of the funniest is on day four when he can't even bring himself to say 'here's tomorrows headlines', he just kind of mumbles and starts reading.

  • @stephenmcconnell1000
    @stephenmcconnell1000 2 роки тому +73

    I love how when he says 'Elastic song strangles Hucknall', his facial expression suggests that it was sadly bound to have happened eventually

    • @stevensutton4677
      @stevensutton4677 2 роки тому +3

      That line I would say is the most "Paxman" in delivery.

  • @in.articulo.mortis
    @in.articulo.mortis 5 років тому +61

    "Those are the headlines, god how I wish they weren't."

  • @MCBhangramuffin
    @MCBhangramuffin 10 років тому +62

    "feel my nose and put my specs there roars drunken Major"

  • @matta728
    @matta728 2 роки тому +13

    0:37 How he gives that Bishop a little tickle, the subtle yet outrageous comedy is nonstop 😂

  • @spectranwolfinfusion
    @spectranwolfinfusion 5 років тому +28

    "... there he is looking wretched..."

  • @returnoftheredeye
    @returnoftheredeye 2 роки тому +21

    Gotta respect Mothercare for admitting the crazed wolves in store were a bad idea.

  • @NeckbeardPr1me
    @NeckbeardPr1me 2 роки тому +26

    2:20 can't even be bothered to finish his sentence 🤣

    • @johnking5174
      @johnking5174 2 роки тому +7

      Paxman often did the same thing on Newsnight

    • @AFGuidesHD
      @AFGuidesHD Рік тому +2

      @@johnking5174 pretty sure this guy is imitating Paxman, all his mannerisms in all the clips I've seen are exactly like paxman

    • @johnking5174
      @johnking5174 Рік тому +2

      @@AFGuidesHD He had a mix of mostly Paxman but with a bit of Michael Buerk thrown in, especially when he would raise his voice at the end of a sentence.

  • @MadKDog
    @MadKDog Рік тому +16

    "Child made of paint wins by-election " funniest. What a show this was!

    • @kisbie
      @kisbie Рік тому +5

      Strong but nothing beats “Fleetwood Mac Buried In Dog Avalanche”

  • @InnerLeader
    @InnerLeader 8 років тому +184

    "Crazed Wolves in Store, A Bad Mistake Admit Mothercare."
    priceless!

    • @kisbie
      @kisbie 5 років тому +15

      “And there’s the same story in The Sun.”

    • @AncientAbsWisdom
      @AncientAbsWisdom 2 роки тому +1

      Its just a beautifully crafted gag........

    • @patriceaqa288
      @patriceaqa288 Рік тому +2

      @@AncientAbsWisdom Burt Reynolds escapes with a dodgem and eluded police on a low speed chase

  • @oscartravis5740
    @oscartravis5740 7 років тому +42

    Portillo's face felt like guts, says girl

  • @LA-yd6kk
    @LA-yd6kk 3 роки тому +16

    I don't want to beat about the bush. I fucking love you Chris Morris.

  • @raehik
    @raehik Рік тому +17

    it's unfair how funny this bit is. chris morris reading out silly made-up headlines is somehow prime comedy I don't get how they do it

  • @garethonthetube
    @garethonthetube 5 років тому +31

    Come back Chris Morris, The News needs you!

    • @FourJamLions
      @FourJamLions  5 років тому +4

      his new Film should be out Next Month.

    • @CooroSnowFox
      @CooroSnowFox 3 роки тому +2

      He probably couldn't beat the real news

  • @robair67
    @robair67 Рік тому +10

    After 28 years I've only just noticed Morris' pronunciation of "avalanche". First time I hadn't been laughing at that precise moment!

    • @yorkie471x3
      @yorkie471x3 11 місяців тому +3

      John Fasharnoo...

  • @ignatcommaignatov
    @ignatcommaignatov 2 роки тому +12

    Due to a printing error tomorrow's Guardian is full of water.
    😂 how do they come up with these

  • @klonoa48
    @klonoa48 10 років тому +71

    Some say Burt Reynolds is still going.

  • @kenmills30
    @kenmills30 7 років тому +9

    The New Zealand Prendergast hahaha!! Elastic song strangles Hucknall

    • @MrEAus
      @MrEAus 5 років тому

      I prefer the New Zealand Cobweb myself 😄

  • @SpamNapkin
    @SpamNapkin 5 років тому +16

    he just came in and went -0-
    and went out

  • @alexanderthomas-owen613
    @alexanderthomas-owen613 7 років тому +44

    1:11 Those tabs actually seem like a good idea. As long as there's no printing errors in it...

    • @watcherzero5256
      @watcherzero5256 5 років тому +13

      In which case it would be full of water....

    • @tortis6342
      @tortis6342 Рік тому

      I don’t know, if you ask me that idea doesn’t hold any water.

  • @goldenboy06
    @goldenboy06 Рік тому +2

    I love the way he can’t even be bothered to say ‘headlines’ at 2:21

  • @LoopThemeParkAdventures
    @LoopThemeParkAdventures 2 роки тому +9

    There he is, looking wretched.

  • @robertrichardson4699
    @robertrichardson4699 2 роки тому +8

    Pure talent, got me in stitches 🤣

  • @morningstar9233
    @morningstar9233 2 роки тому +7

    Regular wolves ok, i can see that. Maybe even feral cats. But crazed wolves!? Mothercare deserve everything they get.

  • @SKa-tt9nm
    @SKa-tt9nm 4 роки тому +5

    Due to a printing error tomorrow’s Guardian is full of water.

  • @evelau
    @evelau 11 років тому +9

    Thanks for compiling those!

  • @WeaselKing1000
    @WeaselKing1000 5 років тому +9

    The Express, true to their general editorial standards, misspelled 'pirouette'.

    • @kisbie
      @kisbie 2 роки тому +1

      Isn’t it usually the Guardian that’s full of mossprince?

    • @markchambers3833
      @markchambers3833 2 роки тому

      @@kisbie *The Grauniad

  • @andrewnewens41
    @andrewnewens41 6 років тому +23

    Swollen chairman unusualness.

  • @isbestlizard
    @isbestlizard Рік тому +4

    Due to a printing error, tomorrows Gauradian is full of water ahhahah

  • @surreptitious5869
    @surreptitious5869 Рік тому +2

    We need this back, Morris where are you? Now is the time.

  • @carlgamble480
    @carlgamble480 2 роки тому +9

    Just looking at the other headlines on the papers and it's hard to tell if they're real or not; 'Fergie leads Everest trek', 'This para cut of his enemies' ears', 'confessions of a true blue bastard', 'Carol Thatcher, is she about to emigrate?' Probably are...?

    • @kisbie
      @kisbie Рік тому

      The Sarah Ferguson one is real. The then Duchess of York lead an expedition to climb Mt. Everest in October 1993, it says here, so about six months before TDT was first shown. Quite who Peter Collins is supposed to be and how he relates to that story I don’t know. If it’s any of the blokes on Wikipedia with that name, it’s most likely to be the record producer and former business partner of Pete Waterman (not the Formula 1 driver). But probably just some guy Coogan or Baynham knew.

  • @kisbie
    @kisbie 5 років тому +18

    I wonder if any of those newspaper props have survived. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if they had gone to the trouble of printing complete spoof editions.

  • @paulmorphy6187
    @paulmorphy6187 Рік тому +1

    "Old woman killed by little glass planet" 🤣🤣🤣

  • @mucusmayhem1118
    @mucusmayhem1118 6 років тому +12

    Elastic song strangles Hucknall 😂

  • @yorkie471x3
    @yorkie471x3 11 місяців тому +3

    "Last one on drugs is a queer" yells Portillo...

  • @nnneh1
    @nnneh1 5 років тому +1

    Great job. Thanks!

  • @emjackson2289
    @emjackson2289 2 роки тому +4

    West Midlands Police are still asking those children "Are you the real Birmingham bombers?"

  • @mucusmayhem1118
    @mucusmayhem1118 6 років тому +33

    "Are these the real Birmingham bombers?" 😂
    "Police chief crushes lizard with whistle" 😁
    "Old woman killed by little glass planet" 😂

  • @changer_of_ways_999
    @changer_of_ways_999 2 роки тому +1

    "Wait. What?" is my reaction to all of these.

  • @RalphBrooker-gn9iv
    @RalphBrooker-gn9iv 5 місяців тому +1

    The Hull Aphrodite 😂😂😂

  • @mmjackk667
    @mmjackk667 Рік тому +2

    "Plastic surgeon arrested with a stash of stolen mouths." :))))

  • @eddbullen1358
    @eddbullen1358 2 роки тому +1

    I was waiting for Bearded Cleric in Oily Chin Insertion

  • @salemhamrah4505
    @salemhamrah4505 9 років тому +7

    thaks a lot .

  • @SteveThePster
    @SteveThePster Рік тому +2

    Tabs, for ease of turning the pages!

  • @vladraduandrei5227
    @vladraduandrei5227 2 роки тому +1

    0:50 those small kids are still older than me since I think this was filmed before 95 when I was born...wow time fucking flies.

  • @kevparker4604
    @kevparker4604 7 місяців тому

    ‘Boiled dog could do maths’ claims experimenter

  • @christschinwon
    @christschinwon 6 років тому +16

    FACT ME TIL' I FART

  • @nickparton5663
    @nickparton5663 2 роки тому +1

    "... there he is looking wretched"

  • @danbilling
    @danbilling 3 роки тому +4

    Where now for man raised by puffins

  • @mattponikvar4944
    @mattponikvar4944 Рік тому +1

    The way he looks at the camera with a slight disgust while shouting "Robin Cock"

  • @simonatford1
    @simonatford1 7 років тому +7

    Lassoed bat wins Booker!

  • @mez7736
    @mez7736 4 роки тому +2

    "Bouncing elephantiasis women destroys central Portsmouth"

  • @raymondsinclair4
    @raymondsinclair4 3 роки тому +1

    he does my fav humour

  • @Vojife
    @Vojife 6 років тому +7

    0:53

  • @FourJamLions
    @FourJamLions  11 років тому +3

    no probs :)

  • @TheYorkie72
    @TheYorkie72 2 роки тому +1

    Heseltine fading fast...

  • @theothermagneticaesthetic
    @theothermagneticaesthetic 4 роки тому +3

    he just came in
    and went
    ..
    0
    and went out

  • @NJJ77
    @NJJ77 2 місяці тому

    1:52 I did LOL 😆

  • @ryanwest9039
    @ryanwest9039 2 роки тому +5

    Russia elects cobweb

  • @robertcreighton4635
    @robertcreighton4635 Рік тому +2

    Lynn truss laughing on roof of 10 downing Street shouting 'I've turn the heat up to max, you plebs'. More on that later but first are geese gay?

  • @chrnovids
    @chrnovids 11 місяців тому

    I heard that Joe Pasquale impaled himself on a moose in Skegness and came instantly here again

  • @ShahPhilLeotardo
    @ShahPhilLeotardo 23 дні тому

    Fleetwood Mac buried in Dog Avalanche 😂

  • @patchso
    @patchso Місяць тому

    But I only want one pint!

  • @r3q4re80
    @r3q4re80 11 місяців тому

    Now I want to change my name to Drowned Italian, emigrate to Europe, and become a musician.

  • @Mike20216
    @Mike20216 2 роки тому

    Just brilliant 🤩

  • @jondellar
    @jondellar 2 роки тому +1

    “Old woman killed by little glass planet” 😂😂😂

  •  27 днів тому

    Pregnant man, life eventually imitates art, kind of

  • @finanzferdinand9874
    @finanzferdinand9874 2 роки тому

    Titles donated by the Daily Sport no doubt

  • @exeterjedi6730
    @exeterjedi6730 Рік тому

    Arafat ablaze in kerosene oyster hell. This pops into my mind periodically.

  • @jesoby
    @jesoby Рік тому

    Got Paxman’s dismissive tone to a T

  • @colonelshoe7916
    @colonelshoe7916 Рік тому

    legitimate BBC headline today: "Windsor Castle treason arrest man inspired by Star Wars"

  • @MLB9000
    @MLB9000 2 роки тому

    Sacked Chimney Sweep Pumps Boss Full Of Mayonnaise

  • @ethansrednaus8088
    @ethansrednaus8088 Рік тому

    There he is, looking wretched

  • @neilgodfrey2669
    @neilgodfrey2669 4 роки тому +1

    So all of the headlines segments for each episode were filmed at the same time? Wearing the same suit is a giveaway!

    • @johnking5174
      @johnking5174 4 роки тому +4

      Chris wore nearly the same pattern of suit for the whole series. The Day Today was never structured to be individual weekly editions, they were all filmed in one recording blocking, with six 30 minute episodes then edited together for transmission, however the headlines were recorded individually, as they all led into a strange closing sequence each week.

  • @chadroeder
    @chadroeder Рік тому

    gospel

  • @BossySwan
    @BossySwan Рік тому

    *GRISLY BUT GRIPPING*

  • @finanzferdinand9874
    @finanzferdinand9874 2 роки тому +1

    All over Jeremy Paxman

  • @allwrighty100
    @allwrighty100 2 роки тому

    Do you think mind-altering drugs are used in the writing of this? I like to think not.

    • @yorkie471x3
      @yorkie471x3 11 місяців тому

      What a fookin disgrace!!!

  • @robdean704
    @robdean704 2 роки тому

    Portillos face looks like guts says girl..

  • @stephensmith799
    @stephensmith799 3 роки тому

    So many more to be written… Priti Patel Jailed for 14 Years for Embarrassing Priti Patel

    • @eIucidate
      @eIucidate 2 роки тому +2

      Would Boris Johnson make a better Boris Johnson than Boris Johnson?
      - Question Time, Harry & Paul

  • @lyxnick
    @lyxnick 2 роки тому +7

    You know humanity has gone backwards when the headline "Cliff Richard is pregnant" could be a real story today and people would cheer it.

  • @ArcanePath360
    @ArcanePath360 Рік тому +1

    10 years later, and that last headline could actually pass as a real headline now, in a legit newspaper. Parody has become reality.

  • @octobell5344
    @octobell5344 2 роки тому

    0:49