I noticed that men gets annoyed by being ask "how are you" or How are you feeling" now I know why, but my question is what to ask instead to evoke a response that comes with the true of their emotional state?
Unfortunately, there isn't a perfect question, that if you word it just right, a man will magically reveal himself to you - especially about feelings and emotions. Those kinds of revelations come down to two things: being safe in the ways Alison talked about in the video, and giving a man space to answer or, as we say, “waiting for the well” for at least a count of 30. Are you asking this question because you are looking for a way to connect with a man? Because as women, we often connect by talking about our feelings and love that sense of intimacy from sharing them. OR, are you trying to find out his emotional state because you think it will tell you what he’s going to do? Basically, are you looking for connection or predictive information? Finding out his emotions will not likely give you either. Men connect over what truly matters to them; and men don’t base their deliberate actions on emotions - or at least, they try very hard not to, and can be ashamed when they do. Both connection AND information about motivations, are more likely to come from how you’re listening when he’s talking WITHOUT having been asked a question. (They call questions “interrogations”.) For example, if he’s talking about his day, a baseball game, a concern he has about someone close to him, a problem at work (basically, anything), HOW you’re listening is what matters. “What’s important to him?” can be heard in any topic. “What does he care about?” as well. “What is true for him?” can reveal truly demystifying information. Try it out! Alison calls these ways of listening “a treasure hunt.” 💜 - Alison’s Team
"You don't have to get men to love you. They are born loving us. Just don't keep doing the stuff that has them stop. It's something not to earn, it's something not to blow. And they value authenticity so much. Be real. Be real and you can't not be loved. Because it's already there for them."
Thank you so much miss Alison ❤this is mind-blowing 🤯 the more I learn about men the more I love them and this is coming from a woman who never had positive father figure in my life and as a child I got the message that men were bad, cheaters, horrible and they will always leave you.. keep up the good work 👏 👍 ❤️
My great grand mother called her husband and, by extension, all men “dirty devils”. I was raised by nothing more than that. I felt safe enough to get married at 42, after a few years in therapy for Complex PTSD. I admitted I don’t know much about any kind of healthy relationship with a man but I’ve known this man on and off for 7 years and ,since therapy, I have learned healthier skills and I felt safe marrying him. My husband is also a trauma survivor so the new relationship has layers. We’re 3 months in and are already getting counseling for the level of damage being done in our marriage. I can’t afford the classes, but I am here to learn and do what I can to step up in my share of the marriage commitment.
Thank you for being receptive to learning. I often try directing people to her content & it can be difficult to convince people to be genuinely open to learning
WOWOWOW 😮 I am in tears at these revelations. All I want to be is safe for my love, but I didn't realize how much I was accidentally hurting him repeatedly with my emotional dishonor and betraying his secrets. 😢 ❤❤❤❤❤❤
You're a wonderful person ❤😊 A lot of women wouldn't be willing to think about these things let alone to be willing to do whats best for their partner especially if that means addmitting that what they have been doing isn't working and be willing to try something different. Your man is lucky to have you!
O.M.G.!!!! I am so full of joy and excitement right now. I'm going through the Queen's Code class right now and EVERY point along the way has been so timely in what I'm experiencing in my relationship. When I'm faced with a dilemma, something in Alison's content opens up my situation in a whole new light! For example, today I was debating whether to have a geniune conversation with my BF to get an understanding on something he does. I've learned that I also need time to go deep into my well and process my feelings against what I've learned via Alison. In practicing this for myself, THEN asking my BF for clarification, has proven extremely successful! BUT today, I dont need the conversation! Everything that was coming up inside me had everything to do with me, not him. By having this specific conversation was only for my own insecurity...and guess what, I gave up living in place of insecurity a few years ago. Once I recognized this, I couldn't help but see how much Alison's teaching is helping me become a better person for myself!!! Just the mere glimpse of how I becoming and how I will be with all men in the future is overwhelming and beyond words! 🥰🤩🤯🥳💝💖🤗😁
I think I have to listen to this a few times to wrap my head around it. I wish I had known this information sooner, better late than never. There is just so much division in the dating world right now men hating on women and women hating on men and there is really just so much misunderstanding and miscommunication going on.
Wow! You've helped me tremendously with this one. There are a few specific exchanges I have had with my wife of 39 years that made me so angry at the time. Ever since I have struggled to understand why I feel such intense emotion when I remember those exchanges. Some of those exchanges were over 20 years ago and I am conscious now of my heart pounding as I write this. You've given me the words today for those feelings. I imagine I will be having a difficult conversation with her about this. If history is any guide, there will be healing and understanding after some anxiety and tears. She loves me deeply, as I do her, so I am confident that this will ultimately make us stronger. BTW, I understand better why she did what did now, and that helps too. Thank you!
Life changing thanks Alison like yourself I really believed they had no feelings to hurt. I'd seen men walk out & move on so quickly I believed they were ONLY interested in themselves. This misunderstand has coursed generations of pain . I thank you for your work . I wld also bear up myself for still liking men as my intuition was telling me there has to be more to all this .❤
Thank you. Here is a relevant quote from David Deida’s book ‘It’s a guy thing’: ‘From his perspective, a man wonders, “Why do women give so much credence to their emotions? They change so fast. They come and go.” So, in general, men want women to de-emphasize emotionality. Women, on the other hand, want men to communicate with more emotionality. However they communicate, men and women are both learning to love. ... Some women feel that emotions are more real than analysis. Some men think analysis is more important than emotions.’
This is heartbreaking to hear. I wish I had this information while going through my divorce, we may not have gotten divorced if I hadn't blown it so badly. Man, i really thought I had made peace with it but this brought up so much. 😢😢
I never understood why this was such a big deal for some women. I have an issue with men being too open with me, because I don’t pressure them and they feel safe 😅 They open up when you give them space to be themselves. The elephant in the room many don’t admit is that they are prying for men’s emotions to make something within themselves feel better. Nobody wants to feel like an object being used to fill your need for validation They can feel it’s not about them it’s about you trying to prove something
Godham you are so right. All the ´6 foot, 300k income, musclebound´ demands are the same thing. It is also the living vicariously through my adventures, or bad boy crims. The thrill without responsibility
This video was profound and I will work on retaining as much of the insights in it as I can. I appreciate you Alison for putting all of this into the UA-cam universe. 🙌 🌟💛
We’re sure you had a good reasons for doing the things you classified as “wrong” but thank you for being willing to reflect and own that! That takes tremendous courage and humility ❤️ Thank you for sharing with us ☺️ - Alison’s Team
I once asked him what made him happy. He said, “you.” I completely questioned how I possibly made him happy because he never showed me the way I needed. Did not realize the impact this had of his perception of my being safe
I was listening to this and walked into my gym. And all of a sudden - I witness a sea of strong men, lifting weights, concentrating, focused and I’m like ahhhh. Men. How much we need you
Yes! Agreed! Thank you for sharing. This is one of the greatest things about participating in Alison’s work - we can see and appreciate men being men! ❤ - Alison’s Team
My patience with Alison is, I have to get over her Barbie voice to wait and wait until I get gems of good content. It’s somewhat excruciating, but worth it.
Absolutely agree. Excruciating to listen to her and I also need breaks. I suspect she’s (unintentionally?) developed a childlike way of speaking that appeals to and disarms men. But to women it’s horrible to get through bc it makes us feel like children being spoken to by our babysitter/caretaker. Maybe men are drawn to this in a positive way bc western society/3rd wave feminism relates to them in a negative way and the Barbie voice makes them feel safe?
@@rental226 I have no problem with Alison's voice. I think she is really sweet and it's just her natural voice. If it triggers you, I suggest you question what you are making it mean? It says something about you, not Alison.
I’m a baby mama of a man who never told me he’s married. He wants me to surrender formal child support and sleep with him or he will never interact with the child. Now tell me, is this man desiring to do ‘the right thing’??
Some women will reject 99% of men and go straight for a Narcist. Get a good lawyer. Learn about why people attract Narcs. Narcs play a win/lose game, and they don't play fair. I actually tend to go straight for BP girls, which is just as bad, or worse. The facade of a personality problem is a mask. You are attracted to a mask, which is designed to make you lose. A normal guy doesn't need a bribe to see his children. That's not a red flag, it's a biohazard nuclear waste sign.
Sounds like a bum. But you chose him and chose to sleep with him without being married first. That’s a choice you made and it comes with risks. …..equal blame and accountability to go around.
Well, why did you open your legs to this man ? ... you made the choice of having sex with him, without birth control or properly investigating his attachments... you must face the consequences of your choice. Grow up.
I guess I’m still having a hard time with the idea that men love more deeply than women because I’ve seen and experienced most men around me being apathetic and hurtful towards women they claim to love without remorse. I’ve seen men do what serves them no matter who it hurts without so much as a passing thought to what is right. I of course know of men who are respectful and nice but overall I just don’t see the depth and care and selflessness and honor that you speak about.
Sex (read: intimacy/closeness) is intimately tied to consequences for women. Their relationship with reality is one of perpetual consequences for the most meaningful feeling in the world, love. They live in a world where loving the wrong person can lead to suffering, loving too many people leads to violence, loving at the wrong time leads to an entire shift of life direction. Love, for women, is a burden they value highly and struggle with early. And that love & intimacy embodied in sex is thus intimately tied with safety from those consequences. The more a man is free from the 1000 ways she senses loving him could threaten her emotionally or literally, the more she is drawn to him. So in contrast, when they look at men, they see a person who seems to be unbothered by the countless consequences that comes with sex, intimacy, and having love. In her eyes, men are blind to the countless little dangers they are producing with their very being. They seem to not even notice or care about what they do that makes things worse for others. They just rush towards what they want, Love, Sex, without consideration NOR the consequences for that action, if they so choose. The look free and stupid and perpetually carving a path of destruction. Just that some do it more than others. This is what it sounds like you basically see. And any woman would see this if they looked at men critically from their own pov as a woman because Intimacy = Consequences for women. But men don’t experience themselves or the world this way at all. Men see themselves as already dead in a dead world. And Intimacy is Life, the only living thing in this plane. If they want to be safe, they feel intuitively that they need to know how to generate that themselves. They feel are the wall against their own death, and that Intimacy, Love, or Care is not even a chess move to decide their fate. It is a luxury item. they do not experience some Love as right or wrong to choose because regardless of the choice Love will not shield him away from violence or death. Unsafe is Life for men, not really something you are, more or less of, in any situation - UNLESS you know how to Force safety out of the situation. The result is a very firm identity, and strength that comes from being grounded in the worst case scenario in our minds. Men’s non-emotionality (to whatever degree he has it) comes from an early understanding that garnering Love, crying, and pulling on the heart of others does not help us at all. People lose empathy for you when you are around 10 yrs old, and after that, any thought of “choosing the right love” for the right consequences, go out the window. Women often feel childlike to men, because women still have this sense that they remember having back when they were kids that they lost long before. So when men look at love and intimacy with women, what they see is “The finish line”. A return home. Being welcomed back into the only place that made life worth living. And to get in that place we do anything women say will get us in. Obviously todays era of women are giving tremendously confusing mixed signals but in the past, that always meant be courageous to die for me. Be wealthy enough to take care of me. Be wise enough to lead me. Be smart enough to negotiate our needs from the world on my behalf. And for nothing but the love of his wife & the production of kids, a man would do it. If a man was a woman, he would not put himself in harms way, alone for another woman. You don’t hear of the countless women who put their lives on the line for the men they love. But for men it’s normal. Because we just love women. I guarantee that for men, if women didn’t exist, we would not have society or civilization. This is truly a dead world for us. We would not create beautiful things. We would not invent things that make life easier. All of society has been driven by men doing things and working on things that he feels will get him enough recognition and leverage in the world to provide a life for himself that could afford him a wife, a woman who can love him all to himself. If he couldn’t get a woman, he likely just wouldn’t go to work. Wouldn’t invent, wouldn’t fight the war, wouldn’t work the sewage, wouldn’t climb the skyscrapers, wouldn’t cross the oceans, wouldn’t learn the arts. Nothing. We’d all just sit around in peace OR fight. Because it’s literally the cheapest way to exist in a world where you are destined to die. And that’s the main thing men care about. Women are the luxury “item” of near infinite value, that make the most uncomfortable efforts worth it. That makes keeping society alive worth it. For some, they look at her, this luxury item as an object. For others they look at her like an angelic human being. But the undeniable thing is her inherent value. And the chaos that women see men cause in regard to safety is only a result of: A. an awareness that in comparison to Death, even the worst treated person is fine (bc this is men’s standard for safety. Women’s are far higher) B. They aren’t women & so they do not register particular dangers the way a woman would C. They are urgently trying to get what they want and need Before something more powerful than him kills him (men are always weaker than god/reality & hence why they expect death) D. They are jaded about ever having the love that makes their suffering worth it, and “burns the village to feel it’s warmth” But it’s never because they don’t care about women. Their worst behavior comes when They hunger too greatly for them, if anything. Many men wish they could do away with the joy and fulfillment that comes from a woman’s love or the way he feels accepted when he’s inside a woman. But they are the ultimate validation for him that he is doing something right for someone else, other than himself. Every other action, he feels is under constant scrutiny of God, the bringing of death to those who are unwise in action.
@@nigelharvey640 What an insightful and well articulated comment. It certainly explains why men tend to be quite nihilistic in their approach to life, esp if they don't have - or see little prospect of ever having - a wife and family.
@@nigelharvey640 Thank you for sharing your perspective in such great detail. That certainly would explain why so many young men have become hopeless and unproductive in the modern world, because they believe they have no hope of finding a girlfriend/wife. I hope you find that woman who loves you and accepts you completely. That is certainly what I want to offer to my man and I feel there is no greater gift a woman can offer :)
Oh realizing this now, the men have the impulse of attraction but the restrain themselves, they are not then in the space to connect and open up emotionally, but that’s what women need to have sex, so many times after sex men are in the state of sharing. Only question is how to feel safety in the first place when all I want is to connect but the guy is having this sexual urge?
What I do is explain to a man what I need to feel safe and open to sexual exchange. If he cares about you, he will make an effort to give you what you need. If not, then you can ask yourself if this man is worth investing in...
this is so weird - men always emotionally dump on me . i dont want to hear it , its burdensome . we just met. y r u telling me ur deepest darkest secrets - it very weird . i feel so tired after a conversation with them.
Hi Yasmin! Thanks for your comment. We would love to offer some insight if you’re open to it! It sounds like you’re going on dates and giving a lot to them - which can be a great thing but not when it’s costing you - being tired after conversations and not happy that you had them - means you’re sacrificing yourself and we don’t want that! It’s one thing if you are CHOOSING to do this but it sounds like this keeps happening without a conscious choice. Learning to listen to men can cause a flood of expression. So - good for you that you’re listening AND - you have the right to intervene and express boundaries, like, “This isn’t what I signed up for. Aren’t dates supposed to be fun?” - Alison’s Team
I noticed that men gets annoyed by being ask "how are you" or How are you feeling" now I know why, but my question is what to ask instead to evoke a response that comes with the true of their emotional state?
Unfortunately, there isn't a perfect question, that if you word it just right, a man will magically reveal himself to you - especially about feelings and emotions. Those kinds of revelations come down to two things: being safe in the ways Alison talked about in the video, and giving a man space to answer or, as we say, “waiting for the well” for at least a count of 30.
Are you asking this question because you are looking for a way to connect with a man? Because as women, we often connect by talking about our feelings and love that sense of intimacy from sharing them.
OR, are you trying to find out his emotional state because you think it will tell you what he’s going to do?
Basically, are you looking for connection or predictive information?
Finding out his emotions will not likely give you either. Men connect over what truly matters to them; and men don’t base their deliberate actions on emotions - or at least, they try very hard not to, and can be ashamed when they do.
Both connection AND information about motivations, are more likely to come from how you’re listening when he’s talking WITHOUT having been asked a question. (They call questions “interrogations”.)
For example, if he’s talking about his day, a baseball game, a concern he has about someone close to him, a problem at work (basically, anything), HOW you’re listening is what matters. “What’s important to him?” can be heard in any topic. “What does he care about?” as well. “What is true for him?” can reveal truly demystifying information.
Try it out! Alison calls these ways of listening “a treasure hunt.” 💜 - Alison’s Team
@@AlisonArmstrongVideos ❤️ Thank you!
As a man, it is hard to express how profoundly validating this is to hear a woman say.
"You don't have to get men to love you. They are born loving us. Just don't keep doing the stuff that has them stop. It's something not to earn, it's something not to blow. And they value authenticity so much. Be real. Be real and you can't not be loved. Because it's already there for them."
This lady is amazing, I've learned so much about myself from her!! I've been sending these videos to my wife.I really hope she watches them
This woman is a communication genius
Thank you so much miss Alison ❤this is mind-blowing 🤯 the more I learn about men the more I love them and this is coming from a woman who never had positive father figure in my life and as a child I got the message that men were bad, cheaters, horrible and they will always leave you.. keep up the good work 👏 👍 ❤️
You're welcome :) Thank you for sharing!
My great grand mother called her husband and, by extension, all men “dirty devils”. I was raised by nothing more than that. I felt safe enough to get married at 42, after a few years in therapy for Complex PTSD. I admitted I don’t know much about any kind of healthy relationship with a man but I’ve known this man on and off for 7 years and ,since therapy, I have learned healthier skills and I felt safe marrying him. My husband is also a trauma survivor so the new relationship has layers. We’re 3 months in and are already getting counseling for the level of damage being done in our marriage. I can’t afford the classes, but I am here to learn and do what I can to step up in my share of the marriage commitment.
Thank you for being receptive to learning. I often try directing people to her content & it can be difficult to convince people to be genuinely open to learning
@@serenitycarino3202I hope things have improved for you & your hubby
WOWOWOW 😮 I am in tears at these revelations. All I want to be is safe for my love, but I didn't realize how much I was accidentally hurting him repeatedly with my emotional dishonor and betraying his secrets. 😢 ❤❤❤❤❤❤
You're a wonderful person ❤😊 A lot of women wouldn't be willing to think about these things let alone to be willing to do whats best for their partner especially if that means addmitting that what they have been doing isn't working and be willing to try something different. Your man is lucky to have you!
You’re ahead of most by simply being open to learning
O.M.G.!!!! I am so full of joy and excitement right now. I'm going through the Queen's Code class right now and EVERY point along the way has been so timely in what I'm experiencing in my relationship. When I'm faced with a dilemma, something in Alison's content opens up my situation in a whole new light!
For example, today I was debating whether to have a geniune conversation with my BF to get an understanding on something he does. I've learned that I also need time to go deep into my well and process my feelings against what I've learned via Alison. In practicing this for myself, THEN asking my BF for clarification, has proven extremely successful! BUT today, I dont need the conversation! Everything that was coming up inside me had everything to do with me, not him. By having this specific conversation was only for my own insecurity...and guess what, I gave up living in place of insecurity a few years ago. Once I recognized this, I couldn't help but see how much Alison's teaching is helping me become a better person for myself!!! Just the mere glimpse of how I becoming and how I will be with all men in the future is overwhelming and beyond words! 🥰🤩🤯🥳💝💖🤗😁
I think I have to listen to this a few times to wrap my head around it. I wish I had known this information sooner, better late than never. There is just so much division in the dating world right now men hating on women and women hating on men and there is really just so much misunderstanding and miscommunication going on.
This may be the most beautifully enlightening session with Alison in my two years of listening.
Wow! You've helped me tremendously with this one. There are a few specific exchanges I have had with my wife of 39 years that made me so angry at the time. Ever since I have struggled to understand why I feel such intense emotion when I remember those exchanges. Some of those exchanges were over 20 years ago and I am conscious now of my heart pounding as I write this. You've given me the words today for those feelings. I imagine I will be having a difficult conversation with her about this. If history is any guide, there will be healing and understanding after some anxiety and tears. She loves me deeply, as I do her, so I am confident that this will ultimately make us stronger. BTW, I understand better why she did what did now, and that helps too. Thank you!
Life changing thanks Alison like yourself I really believed they had no feelings to hurt. I'd seen men walk out & move on so quickly I believed they were ONLY interested in themselves. This misunderstand has coursed generations of pain . I thank you for your work . I wld also bear up myself for still liking men as my intuition was telling me there has to be more to all this .❤
I have loved your work for a long time and THIS IS WHY! 🙏🏻
Thank you!
Thank you. Here is a relevant quote from David Deida’s book ‘It’s a guy thing’:
‘From his perspective, a man wonders, “Why do women give so much credence to their emotions? They change so fast. They come and go.” So, in general, men want women to de-emphasize emotionality. Women, on the other hand, want men to communicate with more emotionality. However they communicate, men and women are both learning to love. ... Some women feel that emotions are more real than analysis. Some men think analysis is more important than emotions.’
Gut instinct gives a jump-start to the adrenals, (or Is adrenal;), if one could be unsafe, I suppose.
This is heartbreaking to hear. I wish I had this information while going through my divorce, we may not have gotten divorced if I hadn't blown it so badly. Man, i really thought I had made peace with it but this brought up so much. 😢😢
Gosh I’m sorry.. please don’t be hard on yourself though! Most women don’t know about this
Forgive yourself. Maybe the lesson is being vulnerable and forgiving him you can still make peace and move on. Nothing is ever too late
Interesting, honor and friendship go hand in hand for me. Honoring someone is the action of friendship.
Thank you for your service Ms. Armstrong. Really appreciate this message.
I never understood why this was such a big deal for some women. I have an issue with men being too open with me, because I don’t pressure them and they feel safe 😅
They open up when you give them space to be themselves.
The elephant in the room many don’t admit is that they are prying for men’s emotions to make something within themselves feel better. Nobody wants to feel like an object being used to fill your need for validation
They can feel it’s not about them it’s about you trying to prove something
Godham you are so right. All the ´6 foot, 300k income, musclebound´ demands are the same thing. It is also the living vicariously through my adventures, or bad boy crims. The thrill without responsibility
This channel and author is one of the most important in the world. Pass the voice because I suspect this is shadowbanned.
This video was profound and I will work on retaining as much of the insights in it as I can. I appreciate you Alison for putting all of this into the UA-cam universe. 🙌 🌟💛
This was extremely eye opening and I can see exactly where I was all wrong 😂 thank you 🙏🏾 ❤
We’re sure you had a good reasons for doing the things you classified as “wrong” but thank you for being willing to reflect and own that! That takes tremendous courage and humility ❤️ Thank you for sharing with us ☺️ - Alison’s Team
I once asked him what made him happy. He said, “you.” I completely questioned how I possibly made him happy because he never showed me the way I needed. Did not realize the impact this had of his perception of my being safe
I love Alison’s vibe and message ❤
I was listening to this and walked into my gym. And all of a sudden - I witness a sea of strong men, lifting weights, concentrating, focused and I’m like ahhhh. Men. How much we need you
Yes! Agreed! Thank you for sharing. This is one of the greatest things about participating in Alison’s work - we can see and appreciate men being men! ❤ - Alison’s Team
Wow !!!! This is a 🎤 drop moment... damm she understands men sooo well
This is so true and you’re very funny. lol
Thank you.
I’m 71 widowed and started to date.
Excellent thank you!!! I learnt so much.
Wow wow wow wow THANK YOU! I can see clearer now 😍
Thank you. This is so insightful
Simply the best! ❤❤❤you !
Yeah!!! More content!!!
Thank you!
I'm sorry, I didn't know ...
Thanks! 🙏☮️❤️
Beautiful truth🩷
Men seek love, women seek safety ...
Men seek respect & appreciation for their efforts
"Hero" by Enrique Iglesias
My patience with Alison is, I have to get over her Barbie voice to wait and wait until I get gems of good content. It’s somewhat excruciating, but worth it.
Absolutely agree. Excruciating to listen to her and I also need breaks. I suspect she’s (unintentionally?) developed a childlike way of speaking that appeals to and disarms men. But to women it’s horrible to get through bc it makes us feel like children being spoken to by our babysitter/caretaker. Maybe men are drawn to this in a positive way bc western society/3rd wave feminism relates to them in a negative way and the Barbie voice makes them feel safe?
@@rental226 I have no problem with Alison's voice. I think she is really sweet and it's just her natural voice. If it triggers you, I suggest you question what you are making it mean? It says something about you, not Alison.
I’m a baby mama of a man who never told me he’s married. He wants me to surrender formal child support and sleep with him or he will never interact with the child. Now tell me, is this man desiring to do ‘the right thing’??
Some women will reject 99% of men and go straight for a Narcist. Get a good lawyer. Learn about why people attract Narcs. Narcs play a win/lose game, and they don't play fair. I actually tend to go straight for BP girls, which is just as bad, or worse. The facade of a personality problem is a mask. You are attracted to a mask, which is designed to make you lose. A normal guy doesn't need a bribe to see his children. That's not a red flag, it's a biohazard nuclear waste sign.
Sounds like a bum. But you chose him and chose to sleep with him without being married first. That’s a choice you made and it comes with risks. …..equal blame and accountability to go around.
Well, why did you open your legs to this man ? ... you made the choice of having sex with him, without birth control or properly investigating his attachments... you must face the consequences of your choice. Grow up.
@@jim2386 YES! 🙌🏼
@Der Grüpfer define whore in this context?
I guess I’m still having a hard time with the idea that men love more deeply than women because I’ve seen and experienced most men around me being apathetic and hurtful towards women they claim to love without remorse. I’ve seen men do what serves them no matter who it hurts without so much as a passing thought to what is right. I of course know of men who are respectful and nice but overall I just don’t see the depth and care and selflessness and honor that you speak about.
Good question. Are they healthy mentally and financially stable adult men? Or just big boys?
Sex (read: intimacy/closeness) is intimately tied to consequences for women. Their relationship with reality is one of perpetual consequences for the most meaningful feeling in the world, love. They live in a world where loving the wrong person can lead to suffering, loving too many people leads to violence, loving at the wrong time leads to an entire shift of life direction.
Love, for women, is a burden they value highly and struggle with early. And that love & intimacy embodied in sex is thus intimately tied with safety from those consequences. The more a man is free from the 1000 ways she senses loving him could threaten her emotionally or literally, the more she is drawn to him.
So in contrast, when they look at men, they see a person who seems to be unbothered by the countless consequences that comes with sex, intimacy, and having love. In her eyes, men are blind to the countless little dangers they are producing with their very being. They seem to not even notice or care about what they do that makes things worse for others. They just rush towards what they want, Love, Sex, without consideration NOR the consequences for that action, if they so choose. The look free and stupid and perpetually carving a path of destruction. Just that some do it more than others.
This is what it sounds like you basically see. And any woman would see this if they looked at men critically from their own pov as a woman because Intimacy = Consequences for women.
But men don’t experience themselves or the world this way at all. Men see themselves as already dead in a dead world. And Intimacy is Life, the only living thing in this plane. If they want to be safe, they feel intuitively that they need to know how to generate that themselves. They feel are the wall against their own death, and that Intimacy, Love, or Care is not even a chess move to decide their fate. It is a luxury item. they do not experience some Love as right or wrong to choose because regardless of the choice Love will not shield him away from violence or death. Unsafe is Life for men, not really something you are, more or less of, in any situation - UNLESS you know how to Force safety out of the situation.
The result is a very firm identity, and strength that comes from being grounded in the worst case scenario in our minds. Men’s non-emotionality (to whatever degree he has it) comes from an early understanding that garnering Love, crying, and pulling on the heart of others does not help us at all. People lose empathy for you when you are around 10 yrs old, and after that, any thought of “choosing the right love” for the right consequences, go out the window.
Women often feel childlike to men, because women still have this sense that they remember having back when they were kids that they lost long before. So when men look at love and intimacy with women, what they see is “The finish line”. A return home. Being welcomed back into the only place that made life worth living. And to get in that place we do anything women say will get us in.
Obviously todays era of women are giving tremendously confusing mixed signals but in the past, that always meant be courageous to die for me. Be wealthy enough to take care of me. Be wise enough to lead me. Be smart enough to negotiate our needs from the world on my behalf. And for nothing but the love of his wife & the production of kids, a man would do it.
If a man was a woman, he would not put himself in harms way, alone for another woman. You don’t hear of the countless women who put their lives on the line for the men they love. But for men it’s normal. Because we just love women.
I guarantee that for men, if women didn’t exist, we would not have society or civilization. This is truly a dead world for us. We would not create beautiful things. We would not invent things that make life easier. All of society has been driven by men doing things and working on things that he feels will get him enough recognition and leverage in the world to provide a life for himself that could afford him a wife, a woman who can love him all to himself. If he couldn’t get a woman, he likely just wouldn’t go to work. Wouldn’t invent, wouldn’t fight the war, wouldn’t work the sewage, wouldn’t climb the skyscrapers, wouldn’t cross the oceans, wouldn’t learn the arts. Nothing.
We’d all just sit around in peace OR fight. Because it’s literally the cheapest way to exist in a world where you are destined to die. And that’s the main thing men care about.
Women are the luxury “item” of near infinite value, that make the most uncomfortable efforts worth it. That makes keeping society alive worth it. For some, they look at her, this luxury item as an object. For others they look at her like an angelic human being. But the undeniable thing is her inherent value.
And the chaos that women see men cause in regard to safety is only a result of:
A. an awareness that in comparison to Death, even the worst treated person is fine (bc this is men’s standard for safety. Women’s are far higher)
B. They aren’t women & so they do not register particular dangers the way a woman would
C. They are urgently trying to get what they want and need Before something more powerful than him kills him (men are always weaker than god/reality & hence why they expect death)
D. They are jaded about ever having the love that makes their suffering worth it, and “burns the village to feel it’s warmth”
But it’s never because they don’t care about women. Their worst behavior comes when They hunger too greatly for them, if anything. Many men wish they could do away with the joy and fulfillment that comes from a woman’s love or the way he feels accepted when he’s inside a woman. But they are the ultimate validation for him that he is doing something right for someone else, other than himself. Every other action, he feels is under constant scrutiny of God, the bringing of death to those who are unwise in action.
@@nigelharvey640I’m going to read this a few times to try and understand. Thank you for taking the time to explain
@@nigelharvey640 What an insightful and well articulated comment. It certainly explains why men tend to be quite nihilistic in their approach to life, esp if they don't have - or see little prospect of ever having - a wife and family.
@@nigelharvey640 Thank you for sharing your perspective in such great detail. That certainly would explain why so many young men have become hopeless and unproductive in the modern world, because they believe they have no hope of finding a girlfriend/wife.
I hope you find that woman who loves you and accepts you completely. That is certainly what I want to offer to my man and I feel there is no greater gift a woman can offer :)
Oh realizing this now, the men have the impulse of attraction but the restrain themselves, they are not then in the space to connect and open up emotionally, but that’s what women need to have sex, so many times after sex men are in the state of sharing. Only question is how to feel safety in the first place when all I want is to connect but the guy is having this sexual urge?
That's such a good question! If anyone has an answer to that, let us know 🥲
What I do is explain to a man what I need to feel safe and open to sexual exchange. If he cares about you, he will make an effort to give you what you need. If not, then you can ask yourself if this man is worth investing in...
this is so weird - men always emotionally dump on me . i dont want to hear it , its burdensome . we just met. y r u telling me ur deepest darkest secrets - it very weird . i feel so tired after a conversation with them.
Hi Yasmin! Thanks for your comment. We would love to offer some insight if you’re open to it! It sounds like you’re going on dates and giving a lot to them - which can be a great thing but not when it’s costing you - being tired after conversations and not happy that you had them - means you’re sacrificing yourself and we don’t want that! It’s one thing if you are CHOOSING to do this but it sounds like this keeps happening without a conscious choice. Learning to listen to men can cause a flood of expression. So - good for you that you’re listening AND - you have the right to intervene and express boundaries, like, “This isn’t what I signed up for. Aren’t dates supposed to be fun?” - Alison’s Team
Child’s 6 by the way. He’s been denying her existence from conception.