I'm listening because my wife is a therapist and I often get pulled into an intellectual conversation that leads to me be labeled, corrected, dismissed and confused. She says she wants a deeper more vulnerable relationship but when I get the nerve to share something important to me: I get the door slammed in my face. I never thought of myself as a liar but after listening I guess I don't tell the truth all that much. I leave out a lot of information because the truth gets me punished. All of our female friends tell me what a great friend, dad and husband but I can't get my wife to say because she says "it's not her job to make me feel good about myself"! I guess wanting and needing compliments are too much.
Women don't want to listen to our emotional problems or issues. They just want someone that stands firm and solid, a rock they can anchor to. Every time I have opened up to a woman about seeing my mother die on the curb as the EMS tried to resuscitate her.... The relationship/dating has ended within 2 weeks. Lesson learned. Concerning your love language which seems to be heavily into words of affirmation, maybe your wife should pick a different career path.
"Sacrifice what's true for me to honor what's true for him"......ding ding ding, wow I've done this far too many times. Finally at 40, I'm just starting to figure out how to honor me, figure out what I need, want, like, desire, what gives me joy. Thank you!
Yesss my eleven year old son has this type of focused peace! I’ve told him I admire the way he is fully present to his meals or whatever he is on and he doesn’t react to even my emotions . Very grounded young man.
Come back when he’s 15. If he’s still the same then THAT is when I’ll be impressed 🤣 My calm, zen child woke up the day after turning 15 another child.
Thank you for all the amazing insights to how men think about things! I am starting to date after losing my husband 5 years ago. We were married 51 years and as high school sweethearts we really didn't ask each other the right questions way back then. It is a miracle or 10 or 20 miracles along the path that we even stayed married! We truly loved each other most of the time and I'm sure we just tolerated many things that rubbed each of us the wrong way. Now that I have been dating online and off I am learning a lot from videos about relationships and the differences in how men and women actually think about things. I am becoming a better listener and really a better person as I try to apply what I have learned. Thank you both for the topic and how you expressed the lessons we women need to understand to better ourselves. I am planning on asking my current guy friend some pertinent questions in the most non-threatening way about his deal breakers and about what he wants for his future. I am also thinking about ways I may be able to convey my own wants and needs instead of dwelling on my past experiences. Thank you again. This was an eye-opening and exciting video.
Men want women who put their own inner mind, body, spirit work 1st and he wants a woman who can do the job of being a wife. Both are top prioritys of a man who intends to enter an LTR. No such thing as "deserving" something. Men must become men through some kind of right of passage. Many will not accomplish this in this life.
Rite of Passage.....like losing a core friend circle after elementary school, falling into addiction, having addicts as roommates for 2 years while recovering, and working 6 jobs in 6 years before rebuilding a core friend group and setting the foundation for a potential career path?
This is great based on reasonably healthy men. The narcissists, Addicts, avoidants....we got a whole different mess on our hands. I think that should be acknowledged. When they are looking to manipulate you nothing is this straight forward unfortunately.
@bethlichenstein7553 How about all those female 'messes' (frog farmer's as Alison says)? How many female manipulators do we know? 😮. Being a female myself that's what I see the most! Glad you're listening to this interview 😃
Men have been created to give to women to make them happy women need to appreciate these things. if a woman gets upset because he is giving and serving her because a man serves and for crying out loud men for generations have fought wars to protect us. Men just want wife’s to be happy. gee women are getting harder to please. Men are not unstable emotional crazies, they work they provide and just want their women happy. hell a boat is sinking all women and children in the life rafts, men it’s up to you to survive the sinking ship. Men in my eyes are hero’s.
This is all really incredibly valuable. I am grateful for both of your work. The only thing I will say is that as a woman who is truly listening and doing her best to apply all of this wisdom.....it takes two. The thing is, not all men are angels or quite as perfect as this makes them sound. No matter how hard a woman might try, with some men, it won't help. I imagine many it will make a big difference.
Men play for points but both have to play fair. She can't coax truths then turn on him for doing so, he must be acknowledged for sharing with her bcuz ultimately that's really what's she's coaxing him to do..to share himself with her. Ladies don't ask if you don't want to hear
Holding back may come across as Secrets but it may just be insecurities. Its important for both sides to be mindful of each others differences to seek to understand versus to scold, punish or judge. Acknowledging each others differences and the willingness to accept instead of criticize is how relationships flourish instead of fail. Connect over the future instead of the past 💥
This was a great conversation!!! WOW, I've been trying these things and my relatioship with my boyfriend has so improved!!! I'm sixty and he's sixtyone. We've been living together for a year and a half now. I didn't understand the downtime they needed. That in itself is an eye opener. I don't take it personal any more which freed me. Thank you again.
Found this very interesting ... especially the priority re kids. Most dating coaches are saying you have to be the man's top priority don't be 2nd or he doesn't care. So this was a breath of fresh air.
Definitely. I think kids should be number one and I would not expect a man to see that any different than a woman. I have known men who also don't understand that the woman is putting her kids first. However, I think a woman should be a priority in a man's life though if the partnership is going to work. If he is putting her on the same level as his buddies or other female friends then there is something missing. I have been on the receiving end of that realization and knew the relationship was not going anywhere as a result. It is telling I guess you would say. I would not want my partner to turn his back on his friends for me at all. Friends are important. But, if he is neglecting you to spend time with them....ouch.
So interesting this being honest part. I so dream of a world where being honest is as welcome as my pain expressed after that and we both can hold space for whatever will be felt than. Being open and honest would than take time and commitment to hear and be heard in a loving way. This I practise with my man. No it is not easy. Yes it is so worth doing it
For me it’s a deal breaker not to be able to keep secrets. Secrets feel like special gifts I only share slowly with people of my choosing and some I want the right to keep for me alone. If a man tells me he loves me and I love him back, I trust him to manage himself. I want him to keep some mystery about himself even because that feels romantic to me. Cracking a man open like a can and prying his secrets from him doesn’t feel romantic. I would never date someone who does that.
I wish my BF was honest with me rather than me finding out that he was hanging out with his ex GF. He had told me earlier she was a friend, but it seems disrespectful to keep her around.
Her joyfulness actually makes me want to learn more about what she has to say. Relationships should be lighthearted not heavy problems to figure out, I find her attitude refreshing, so many just bash men, when we actually create a lot of the behavior we complain about by our behavior.
REALLY, the ONLY thing a QUALITY man wants you to know IS....WHATEVER you are NOT willing to do (be polite, be charming, be interesting, be cooperative, be attractive, listen (NOT JUST HEAR), be genuine, be honest, etc. etc.) ANOTHER WILL. The power of the word "Okay" is ABSOLUTE, and it speaks volumes.
I'm a 35 year old man, and to this day I am confused as to what is thought to change at different stages of a relationship in terms of how we show up. What is the difference between "wife treatment" and "GF treatment"? Isn't it the same? Aren't we both supposed to show up for each other and show love for each other and try to make each other's lives better regardless of the title? Isn't that what love is? So when I hear a woman say something like "I'm not giving wife benefits without a ring" or some permutation of that, I have no idea what that means. It gives me the impression that she means she is artificially holding back love as a leverage tool to try and get a ring. It feels manipulative. But I know I must be missing something here lol. I don't hold back love because of the title, I show up in the most genuine way I can, showing love in the best way I can, regardless of whether I'm the BF or husband.
This is an interview not an audio book. You can find Alison's books on her website or by doing a search for Alison Armstrong on Amazon. I hope that helps.
So, gender roles have been reversed, especially in the past 5-10 years...Women are much more focused about 'getting the job done,' and men are more hesitant about things...Women are also much more extroverted and men are more introverted...Women are expected to do all the work in a relationship, plus the cooking and cleaning, driving the children around, and men are more interested in 'looking good,' with workouts and meal plans...And still, many men are asking, "But what does she bring to the table?"
Read her book The Queens Code. Better yet, read her prequel the TQC called Keys To The Kingdom. Alison Armstrong lays it ALLL out, and I can tell you as a man, she’s 100% correct about everything related to how men and women hit/miss.
**Michelle has a GIFT for you! 10 Secrets Every Woman Needs To Know (About Men)! eBook and audio HERE: whatrealmenwant.com/
I'm listening because my wife is a therapist and I often get pulled into an intellectual conversation that leads to me be labeled, corrected, dismissed and confused. She says she wants a deeper more vulnerable relationship but when I get the nerve to share something important to me: I get the door slammed in my face. I never thought of myself as a liar but after listening I guess I don't tell the truth all that much. I leave out a lot of information because the truth gets me punished. All of our female friends tell me what a great friend, dad and husband but I can't get my wife to say because she says "it's not her job to make me feel good about myself"! I guess wanting and needing compliments are too much.
You may want a second opinion on this behaviour from your 'therapist' wife... sounds like narcissistic abuse mate.
p.s. I had a girlfriend like that.
Sounds like emotional abuse to me.
Well, then let her watch you feeling good about yourself from afar, King.
ask your wife to watch Dr John Gray, I think she needs more education to appreciate her “King!”
Women don't want to listen to our emotional problems or issues. They just want someone that stands firm and solid, a rock they can anchor to.
Every time I have opened up to a woman about seeing my mother die on the curb as the EMS tried to resuscitate her.... The relationship/dating has ended within 2 weeks. Lesson learned.
Concerning your love language which seems to be heavily into words of affirmation, maybe your wife should pick a different career path.
"Sacrifice what's true for me to honor what's true for him"......ding ding ding, wow I've done this far too many times. Finally at 40, I'm just starting to figure out how to honor me, figure out what I need, want, like, desire, what gives me joy.
Thank you!
Yesss my eleven year old son has this type of focused peace! I’ve told him I admire the way he is fully present to his meals or whatever he is on and he doesn’t react to even my emotions . Very grounded young man.
Impressive
Come back when he’s 15. If he’s still the same then THAT is when I’ll be impressed 🤣 My calm, zen child woke up the day after turning 15 another child.
Thank you for all the amazing insights to how men think about things! I am starting to date after losing my husband 5 years ago. We were married 51 years and as high school sweethearts we really didn't ask each other the right questions way back then. It is a miracle or 10 or 20 miracles along the path that we even stayed married! We truly loved each other most of the time and I'm sure we just tolerated many things that rubbed each of us the wrong way.
Now that I have been dating online and off I am learning a lot from videos about relationships and the differences in how men and women actually think about things. I am becoming a better listener and really a better person as I try to apply what I have learned.
Thank you both for the topic and how you expressed the lessons we women need to understand to better ourselves. I am planning on asking my current guy friend some pertinent questions in the most non-threatening way about his deal breakers and about what he wants for his future. I am also thinking about ways I may be able to convey my own wants and needs instead of dwelling on my past experiences.
Thank you again. This was an eye-opening and exciting video.
Men want women who put their own inner mind, body, spirit work 1st and he wants a woman who can do the job of being a wife. Both are top prioritys of a man who intends to enter an LTR. No such thing as "deserving" something. Men must become men through some kind of right of passage. Many will not accomplish this in this life.
7 ko
Rite of Passage.....like losing a core friend circle after elementary school, falling into addiction, having addicts as roommates for 2 years while recovering, and working 6 jobs in 6 years before rebuilding a core friend group and setting the foundation for a potential career path?
But there actually is such thing as a man being deserving and most aren’t
This is great based on reasonably healthy men.
The narcissists, Addicts, avoidants....we got a whole different mess on our hands. I think that should be acknowledged. When they are looking to manipulate you nothing is this straight forward unfortunately.
So true. Thank you!
@bethlichenstein7553 How about all those female 'messes' (frog farmer's as Alison says)? How many female manipulators do we know? 😮. Being a female myself that's what I see the most! Glad you're listening to this interview 😃
Men have been created to give to women to make them happy women need to appreciate these things. if a woman gets upset because he is giving and serving her because a man serves and for crying out loud men for generations have fought wars to protect us. Men just want wife’s to be happy. gee women are getting harder to please. Men are not unstable emotional crazies, they work they provide and just want their women happy. hell a boat is sinking all women and children in the life rafts, men it’s up to you to survive the sinking ship. Men in my eyes are hero’s.
They didn't fight wars to protect women and children. It was the tiny % at the top that they fought for. War is a racket..and a blood ritual.
Hello Lizzie, how are you doing today, hope you’re fine and safe from the COVID-19 virus??
This lady Michelle is so beautiful inside and out 🥰🥰🥰
Hello Kath, how are you doing today, hope you’re fine and safe from the COVID-19 virus??
Thank you so much Michelle! I love Alison and Dr John Gray ♥️
This is all really incredibly valuable. I am grateful for both of your work. The only thing I will say is that as a woman who is truly listening and doing her best to apply all of this wisdom.....it takes two. The thing is, not all men are angels or quite as perfect as this makes them sound. No matter how hard a woman might try, with some men, it won't help. I imagine many it will make a big difference.
Men play for points but both have to play fair. She can't coax truths then turn on him for doing so, he must be acknowledged for sharing with her bcuz ultimately that's really what's she's coaxing him to do..to share himself with her. Ladies don't ask if you don't want to hear
"Don't ask, don't tell".
Holding back may come across as Secrets but it may just be insecurities.
Its important for both sides to be mindful of each others differences to seek to understand versus to scold, punish or judge. Acknowledging each others differences and the willingness to accept instead of criticize is how relationships flourish instead of fail. Connect over the future instead of the past 💥
Very practical and helpful information and I can relax and breathe my husband accepts me and isn't nagging me to change
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching Adeline!
Amazing amazing content thank you for making this video wow!!! ❤❤❤❤
This was a great conversation!!! WOW, I've been trying these things and my relatioship with my boyfriend has so improved!!! I'm sixty and he's sixtyone. We've been living together for a year and a half now. I didn't understand the downtime they needed. That in itself is an eye opener. I don't take it personal any more which freed me. Thank you again.
Hello Tracy, how are you doing today, hope you’re fine and safe from the COVID-19 virus??
Found this very interesting ... especially the priority re kids. Most dating coaches are saying you have to be the man's top priority don't be 2nd or he doesn't care. So this was a breath of fresh air.
You said it all
Definitely. I think kids should be number one and I would not expect a man to see that any different than a woman. I have known men who also don't understand that the woman is putting her kids first. However, I think a woman should be a priority in a man's life though if the partnership is going to work. If he is putting her on the same level as his buddies or other female friends then there is something missing. I have been on the receiving end of that realization and knew the relationship was not going anywhere as a result. It is telling I guess you would say. I would not want my partner to turn his back on his friends for me at all. Friends are important. But, if he is neglecting you to spend time with them....ouch.
Love love this! Helped me learn and understand myself and men better. Thank you for sharing!
This is such a great video.
Honest, relatable, and inspiring.
Thank you so much ❤️
This needs to be played on loop!
No points for telling the truth is so spot on... omg
Wow! Thank you Women for this.I’m subscribing.Need all the help,wanting to learn🥰
Hello Candylee, how are you doing today, hope you’re fine and safe from the COVID-19 virus??
Thank You for this video..
Gr8 relationship insights 💥 TY 4 sharing
This is very insightful. Thank you ladies 🙏🏾
Hello Alice, how are you doing today, hope you’re fine and safe from the COVID-19 virus??
I am so glad I heard this message. I’m so looking forward to using these ideas while dating. 😊
So interesting this being honest part. I so dream of a world where being honest is as welcome as my pain expressed after that and we both can hold space for whatever will be felt than. Being open and honest would than take time and commitment to hear and be heard in a loving way. This I practise with my man. No it is not easy. Yes it is so worth doing it
Hello Pretty, how are you doing today, hope you’re fine and safe from the COVID-19 virus??
Excellent & enlightening. Specific examples are so helpful. Thank You, Ladies.
ALISON - She is a charmingly beautiful lady, even at this age.
Oh dear and I thought men had more on sense
Thank you ☺️
For me it’s a deal breaker not to be able to keep secrets. Secrets feel like special gifts I only share slowly with people of my choosing and some I want the right to keep for me alone. If a man tells me he loves me and I love him back, I trust him to manage himself. I want him to keep some mystery about himself even because that feels romantic to me. Cracking a man open like a can and prying his secrets from him doesn’t feel romantic. I would never date someone who does that.
What an awesome guest, I’m listening to free resources on her site now. 🦋🌺🌲🌸
Thanks for watching! I'm so glad you enjoyed this!
This is soooo true !!!!
I wish my BF was honest with me rather than me finding out that he was hanging out with his ex GF. He had told me earlier she was a friend, but it seems disrespectful to keep her around.
5:35
I must say that Alison is so cute n prettier from then to now as you have aged. May I know how have you maintained yourself so well beautifully 🙏🏻
Great info, but I don't understand why it's all so funny to her!
😂
I know, its annoying to sit through her laughing about everything she says.
She’s happy & passionate about her topic & probably thinking of funny examples she’s come across with clients as she’s explaining things
Her joyfulness actually makes me want to learn more about what she has to say. Relationships should be lighthearted not heavy problems to figure out, I find her attitude refreshing, so many just bash men, when we actually create a lot of the behavior we complain about by our behavior.
Because it is hilarious how delicate we are as human beings.
REALLY, the ONLY thing a QUALITY man wants you to know IS....WHATEVER you are NOT willing to do (be polite, be charming, be interesting, be cooperative, be attractive, listen (NOT JUST HEAR), be genuine, be honest, etc. etc.) ANOTHER WILL. The power of the word "Okay" is ABSOLUTE, and it speaks volumes.
I'm a 35 year old man, and to this day I am confused as to what is thought to change at different stages of a relationship in terms of how we show up. What is the difference between "wife treatment" and "GF treatment"? Isn't it the same? Aren't we both supposed to show up for each other and show love for each other and try to make each other's lives better regardless of the title? Isn't that what love is? So when I hear a woman say something like "I'm not giving wife benefits without a ring" or some permutation of that, I have no idea what that means. It gives me the impression that she means she is artificially holding back love as a leverage tool to try and get a ring. It feels manipulative. But I know I must be missing something here lol. I don't hold back love because of the title, I show up in the most genuine way I can, showing love in the best way I can, regardless of whether I'm the BF or husband.
Will you please speed up the audio book?
Also what’s the title of the other book in print?
This is an interview not an audio book. You can find Alison's books on her website or by doing a search for Alison Armstrong on Amazon. I hope that helps.
It is even worse when a woman creates a fantasy of that man who is just using her. Women need to wise up and find love within theirself
So, gender roles have been reversed, especially in the past 5-10 years...Women are much more focused about 'getting the job done,' and men are more hesitant about things...Women are also much more extroverted and men are more introverted...Women are expected to do all the work in a relationship, plus the cooking and cleaning, driving the children around, and men are more interested in 'looking good,' with workouts and meal plans...And still, many men are asking, "But what does she bring to the table?"
What about all the selfish men that destroy a woman's happiness?
If you’re engaged… you’re married. C’mon.
💜💜💜💜
I’d hazard a guess here…men think open shelving should be a duh obvious choice in kitchens😂
Yes my Dad always wanted them my parents kitchen. Last year he made his dreams come true.
Too much generalities and not enough specifics.
Well then read the book
Queens code ;)
Read her book The Queens Code.
Better yet, read her prequel the TQC called Keys To The Kingdom.
Alison Armstrong lays it ALLL out, and I can tell you as a man, she’s 100% correct about everything related to how men and women hit/miss.
Ha ha. What we give on the first date is all they will ever get? Yikes.
So many woman are just blind