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Hi Anna, could you please make a informative video on skill based career opportunities for women . It would be very helpful to us who wanna be a self independent personality with Elegance.
Hi Anna! It's been a few years since you made your teen special video, so I was wondering if you could make another one/ make some tips for elegance in schools or colleges. It would be very much appreciated 💕💕
1. They are never rude or snarky. 2. They never push the plate away from them. 3. If there is a coat room, they don’t bring their coat with them and sit it on their chair. 4. They don’t go to the bathroom before dessert, and they don’t announce it-they just say “Excuse me”. 5. They don’t speak loudly on the phone in public. 6. They don’t stare at people, they glance discreetly. 7. They don’t chew gum in public. 8. For men: Don’t show your sole to the person you’re with when you’re sitting down. 9. Don’t over-explain why you aren’t attending an event. 10. Don’t carry a large handbag when you go out at night.
@@ailurii I don’t agree with the bathroom one or the one about chewing gum in public (I think that’s all right in a casual situation as long as u dispose of the gum in the trash afterwards)
So I would like to add something… Many people think it is ok to eliminate your filter because you are a senior citizen. As a 68 year old lady, I would like to implore other elders to always maintain your manners. It is NEVER ok to behave badly. I love your videos Anna! Elegance is about good manners and our society seems to have lost manners. Keep up your wonderful work!
You are a true classy lady...I'm over young and old thinking it's a new trend to not care about others feelings..its not cool to be all hard tough and not care.
behaving badly means eating with your mouth open (gross), speaking over others, etc. not putting your coat on a chair or crossing your legs etc. the most important manner to have is to not be judgy to others because they don't behave exactly how we think they should. this whole thing is super elitist and it's bs. be kind to others, wait for others to start eating, listen, share your love and that should do it. life is too short.
Some people with dementia lose their filter as a result of cognitive decline so it's good to keep that in mind and give them the benefit of the doubt. (Of course, that's not always the case)
@@arielleh7100 Yes, we must try to avoid being judgy, instead, try to be compassionate. By all means, when one senses a dangerous situation, leave immediately and get help.
I've had dinner parties ruined by guests who wanted to "help" and ended up taking over my kitchen to prepare their special dish. I don't like people in my kitchen when I'm preparing a meal--talking to me, getting in my way, wanting to "help," telling me how to do things, cleaning up for me, etc. So definitely, no means no.
Absolutely, years later I still remember a friend who insisted with helping clearing out curry splattered dishes, our countertop hadn’t been sealed yet, she wouldn’t take no for an answer and all I could think was “we both don’t want you staining our half installed kitchen, why are you insisting so much?”
As a 64 yr old woman who is often cold I think of the years I was cold to look good. Now I don’t care if I’m not elegant. My wrap will remain on the back of my chair so I can put it on if needed. And after 32 years of digestive issues, if I must go to the bathroom mid-meal, so be it. Much better than the alternative. Mostly, though, I feel this list is about respecting others. Always good advice. ❤
I don’t see anything wrong with draping your coat on the back of your seat. Besides, most establishments don’t have a “cloakroom” for hanging coats! Also, I would not be comfortable hanging my coat with other random people’s coats due to crossover smells & the slim possibility my coat might get taken by someone
I think if the establishment you are dining at has a cloakroom, you likely do not have to worry about theft etc. I mean I wouldn’t leave my valuables in it perhaps…
I have a long coat and at the restaurant if I leave it on my chair the waiter/waitress would trip over it or people would just walk on it and leave foot print 🤦♀️
I offer to help when in other homes. But I really would rather relax with the other guests after the meal. In my own home I insist that guests do nothing except clearing the table if we’re going to still be sitting there. I’d rather spend time with my guests and clean later. But I get why some people would rather relax while knowing everything is clean and tidy.
South Carolina too. It's a modern tribal behavior...it takes a village. It's about appreciation for what it takes and it is shown by offering some relief.
I think talking loudly on the phone in public places is the worst. A quick quiet conversational may be necessary occasionally but there are limits. Love all of these reminders. 💚
I use to travel for work, often I would order my meals to go, & eat at my desk in my hotel room, but sometimes I wanted to sit at a real table & use real silverware. At times one of my sons, a co-worker, my boss or maybe a friend would call. Traveling Monday through Friday could get very lonely, I welcomed the rare call. I am more of a texting or email kind of lady. I was guilty of talking quietly on my phone while waiting on my meal. Nothing inappropriate. I was not any louder than the conversations at the tables around me. Just food for thought next time you are annoyed, it may be a someone whose on the road alone all the time. I am not making excuses, just being honest.
I appreciate the kitchen tip! I always used to feel guilty for saying "no thank you" to help. My reason was that accepting help was more stressful for me, because I am not comfortable managing or delegating to others. This makes me feel more comfortable about refusing.
After placing an order and before food is served is a very appropriate time to go to the restroom and wash one hands. There is a strong possibility that bread will be served in a common basket, as well as the passing of appetizers, therefore any hands which will come in contact should be cleansed after handling menus which are contaminants.
If you need the restroom for whatever reason (ie: wash hands before a meal, clear a runny noise or void your bladder) I think it is perfectly acceptable to do so. As a mother of two adult children (who were very large babies) my bladder doesn’t always cooperate with my plans or wishes, so I always need frequent trips to the nearest restroom and this is not something I can postpone until a more opportune time.
She was talking about after the neal has started so I am sure you eould have already washed your hands prior to starting your meal. I am sure where sickness or incontinence is concerned, noone would fault you using the bathroom.
I think you may have misunderstood. She never said don't use the bathroom. She called someone out for spending 20 minutes in the loo to surreptitiously watch a football match. And she advised us not to announce what we're doing (using the toilet), just to excuse yourself.
@@sarahh.8579 I listened to that segment again. You were correct, and I was mistaken. She does declare an "ideal time in a perfect world" to use the restroom. I agree, that's a bit too restrictive. It's not always healthy or possible to wait until before dessert, especially when you're enjoying multiple courses and maybe some wine. (Alcohol being a diuretic.)
I have to say that I love love love that you’re not afraid or too “above” showing your past mistakes and using yourself as an example. It’s so bold, it’s so human and lovely, you should be very proud of yourself because in a world of so many filters and hiding all flaws, you are refreshingly honest and by consequence trustworthy to listen to! I take my hat off 💕
Respecting boundaries is overall important. But there are some instances and in some cultures where a guest should help to be seen as gracious. Hosts want to treat their guests but don’t want to be reduced to servants either.
Dear Anna, David Beckham, in my humble opinion is not an elegant man. Just because he’s a celebrity doesn’t make him elegant, as most would think. This is where I believe the public has to rethink who they idolize and why. It’s time to step up our own game of celeb and elegance! And that’s where you are helping us. Thanks for your hard work! 🙏❤️
@anitalewisart it's not humble to correct a lady because of her accent, she didn't improperly pronounce Beckem.. It is spelled Beckham and her accent annunciated the same.
Dear Anna, please, make more etiquette videos! Looks matter but at the end of the day it’s our manners what people mention and remember the most about us!
Btw, talking about cleaning dishes etiquette in host's house. I think the 2nd point is actually depends on the culture and background of the person involved. As people's up bringing from every country is different. Such as me in Indonesia, if you're lets say a younger generation who's visiting your friend's house, people tend to like you more if you're doing their dishes because it symbolize that you're a hardworking and reliable person who eager to help the family even to do the simplest task. So it might be different from every culture. But if the person is born into a wealthy family, fo sho they'll have maids and no need to do such gesture. I think it might apply similar in almost every culture as well.
The Queen is a great example of elegance. There are a number of people who frequently make an etiquette faux pas with her. Rather than act snobby or correct them, she handles it graciously.
yes, manners are about making the other person feel comfortable. so it would be incredibly rude and bad mannered to make someone feel bad for not knowing the 'rules'
@@trishna_6815 She also has a reputation to uphold so being badly mannered would be a major faux pas and probably all that people would remember about a perfect event.
Maybe she is smart enough to understand that not everyone respect the title and agreed to be part of some "game" that was made dacades ago due to privilege and titles. Me personally believe in equality and for me she is just as any other human being. We live in XXI century :-)
As a former customer service rep, one of the most annoying things was when people where having very private conversations in front of me like I wasn't a person. They would talk about custody, court cases, very personal matters. Hi. I can hear you.
I still remember when my dad's friends sent cakes to my baby shower . They wanted to come to the event but men were not allowed there. It felt such a personal and familial gesture. Made it super special.
Anna, I have been watching your channel for a couple of weeks. I consider myself to be fashionable and take care with my appearance and manners. I have made a few small changes since watching you, namely I have started to focus on dressing well at home, not just when we go out or I am going to work or shopping. My husband literally just texted me “You looked so elegant and beautiful today.” I thought that you would enjoy that as well. So, thank you. I appreciate your advice. It is nice to see a woman who behaves like a lady. That is how we are raising our daughter, and we expect our sons to be able to take care of their (future) ladies.
@@montamiddleton9318 no ma’am I did not say either of those things. My daughter is a straight A student, bilingual, plays the piano, runs cross country, and volunteers. She is well-mannered, polite, and also able to stand up for herself. She appreciates being treated with respect. Our son knows that it is appropriate to open doors for ladies, pull out their chairs, and generally to be respectful. Unfortunately our current culture erroneously considers those things to be negative and demeaning. To each his own.
@@kelleyr8702 That's awful country. My country also view something like table manner, elegance ladies are just "too much" and "arrogant" because my country is South East Asia. Of course, there are elegance rich people here, but many are poor and does not have any sense of elegance.
You should teach your daughter to actually take care of herself and provide for herself financially. The elegant methods are fine but it’s also important to teach her not to groom or change herself so men can tell her “oh wow you’re beautiful and elegant”. She should be improving herself for HERSELF. And not relying on some man. Teach her to be better than you.
I always excuse myself after ordering my meal to wash my hands after handling the menu, which isn’t clean after being handled by so many people. I don’t announce where I’m going but would not want to eat without washing my hands. I honestly never heard this was improper but I doubt I will stop this practice. I am aware that if you get up from the dining table you are supposed to place your napkin on your chair, which I don’t do because I don’t care to wipe my mouth with a napkin that has been on a chair seat people sit on. As always, enjoying your content.
I do the same exact thing you do, I don’t see how or why it would be considered inelegant, since I feel like eating with dirty hands or wiping with a dirty napkin is improper.
That’s exactly what I do after ordering and like you say handling the menu. I was surprised she didn’t touch that point and asking myself, don’t people was their hands… lol.
I literally watched a man complain today in Neiman Marcus about the ladies at the beauty counter talking loud and being vulgar and it took away from his shopping experience. So I agree there’s a time and a place for everything etiquette is some thing that definitely needs to continuously be stressed. Thank you for this video
Hey, I'm an older person and not a Neiman Marcus kinda shopper. But I heard 2 employees talk about their former drug use in a Goodwill store. Why do people think we all need to hear your conversation. We should only hear Hello, can I help you find anything? Period.
@@montamiddleton9318 It sounds like they were having a private conversation and you decided to eavesdrop instead of just ignoring it because it didn't involve you...
Your comments about Anna Wintour were so spot on. It was rude beyond rude to wear sunglasses indoors, sitting next to the Queen. You shouldn’t be doing that to ANYONE, let alone a queen, in a formal setting. I’m so shocked. You’d thought people with higher status like Ms. Wintour would understand rules of etiquette better. Or maybe she’s just so full of herself and thinks she needs not to show respect to anyone. “Queen of England? Nah! Queen of fashion is more important”.
The queen is definitely giving Anna the cold shoulder. Yes, wearing her shades indoors is beyond rude. I always lift my sunglasses when outside as I speak to someone. I leave them up unless there is a big glare. Anna is so high & mighty. Editor-in-chief of Vogue, big deal.
Point # 2 had me LOL... Our Family would find you incredibly rude if you "didn't" automatically get up and help clean up after dinner, especially when they've just prepared you a meal. That is definitely a culturally diverse topic, I believe.
OMG! You are so right about Anna Wintour and the sunglasses!. She knew she would be sitting next to QEII. Why would she upstage her by wearing that ghastly floral dress? The queen looks livid.
Anna, I love how you put little anecdotes to explain your points, it makes your video so interesting. And I also love how you started sharing some of your own recent mistakes. Thank you Anna, this video was so helpful!
It is fairly common place in the Norhtern United State to find a cloak room, or a place near the entrance to hang one's coat (and leave the gloves, hats etc...). In the Southern US, that is rarely available, even though it does get cold enough at times in the winter that a coat is required. Granted they often don't have a lot of indoor heat, but when I eat, I find wearing my coat constricting. So draped over the back of the chair it must go.
Anna bey pleeeease can you do a full lengthy video on how as women you deal with, rude employees, rude people, poor service etc where simply ignoring cannot be done and it needs to be strictly addressed and dealt with. I think in the times we live in now people have lost all basic manners and being firm and authorative has to be done or you will be taken advantage of and receive sub par service, disrespected by strangers/workers, or your business will fail if you do not take action with employees who are not behaving appropriately, I would really appreciate your take on it, what would be the elegant way? I dont think ignoring them would teach them anything and it is not fair to yourself to be treated that way. Many thanks love your videos and personality! EDIT: I live in London in a very nice area but poor etiquette is the norm here amongst all age groups I own a few companies and run in to all sorts of people and tired of being the polite turn the other cheek person when I feel I should instead be blunt and call people out
I am not Anna but even I thought about this situation and it depends on where you are, in a developing country where everything is a matter of survival being extremely polite will get you no where, you need to be fierce inorder to survive. Whereas it's different for a developed country, where people are mature and respectful, you can get your points across without difficulty. So I believe, you need to read the room, if you can't get your point across politely, you need to be firm. And being firm is elegant but being rude isn't, and there's difference between the two. If you can't ignore things then don't ignore it just for the sake of being polite, have your points across but be firm and rational about it. Sometimes you need to scare them with your words and that happens mostly in developing countries, you have to use heavy words because its about survival and not about being elegant in developing countries.
@@inezamy9523 I was wondering if ODD EVEN was specifically referring to salespeople and beggars - who can be particularly difficult to deal with for us mild-mannered types? They make me have second thoughts about visiting certain areas, even though I have generally received fantastic service everywhere I've been in Latin America. Some of the worst service I have received has been in northern Europe, although I can think of a couple of comically bad experiences in the US. One time my friend who worked as a waitress wrote a 3-page letter to a restaurant to let them know just how bad the service was. I am usually hesitant to tell other people how to do their jobs (especially people in service positions), but sometimes if the person is young/inexperienced I might try to offer them some suggestions in a polite, friendly way. My bigger concern is how bad to they need to be before I let their manager know that they might be damaging the business. It could just be a bad day for that person, but it could also be a consistent pattern of behavior. I did get someone in trouble with their superior earlier this year and then I felt the need to apologize to them because that wasn't my intention. I asked them to do something, they gave me what is a typical amount of pushback and I complained that I hate this part of my job. My manager told the Senior VP (who used to be my PM), who then went and complained to his department head. I tried to tell hem that this was a fairly typical reaction - definitely not the worst that I've gotten - and that I'm not normally that emotional about it. Both managers felt that I should receive no pushback at all so he got in trouble and I felt so bad about it!
@@inezamy9523 obviously, irrespective of people being in the developing countries or development countries I have no right of saying people in one type of county is better than the other. I am here talking solely about instances where people will take your bread, instances where people will crush you over because you were polite in such I am telling to read the room and if you see it as or the situation as a threat you need to not hold back.
@@tinabean713 no, I am not referring to any type of specific people. I am talking about instances where you should think about survival instead of being polite is all.
Tip #9 is a really good one. I always feel bad when I have to decline an invitation, and sending a small token or flowers is a great idea to sort of make up for your absence. Thank you. :)
I love your videos so much! I would say Jennifer Lawrence said what she did because she is self effacing. She didn’t really want to own her epitaph of hottest actress, etc. that she was introduced as because she was embarrassed by the over the top intro and wanted to address that in a humble manner. She jokes about herself a lot and likes to be quirky and relatable. If she had appeared to accept that intro on its face- believe me, the media would have roasted her mercilessly.
@Emilee Cleaver Her tone was contemptuous. Two wrongs never make it right. I have seen this woman in public though she thought that she was incognito and she was rude. Celebrity worship is childish.
@@iamjustsaying4787 I agree that celebrity worship is childish. I recognize there are a lot of personality types out there and to think the worst of people instead of seeing their true intentions is misguided and narrow.
I was a medical receptionist and this woman just got out of her OB-GYN appointment. She comes back to check in for a post visit laboratory order and announced loudly in the lobby- on her phone call that she has clamydia 😂
A person or a group of people laughing really loudly when everyone around them is calm and quiet is the biggest elegance mistake. And people do this a lot.
I just came back from dinner and there 6 ladies were so loud that easily everyone in the restaurant could've joined the conversation. Their exuse? What? It's my birthday! 😑
@@bamafencer12 Speaking from experience, some people might stare because they are nearsighted and it takes a while for our eyes to focus on objects or people farther away.
During lockdown I had to go to the gas station one day, and while I was standing at the counter paying for my stuff a woman got in line behind me and talked loudly on her phone about her colonoscopy. She was also so close to me that I could feel her breath and spittle flying onto the back of my arm. Not elegant!
Ugh. A few years ago, it was summer, and I was wearing short sleeves. I got on a bus, and the man I sat next to decided to strike up a conversation. Spittle all over my arm. Ugh again.
I agreed wholeheartedly with all that you said except one - singing in your car with all of your windows up. You can sing softly and with no crazy dance moves, you’re good. I hate it when people blast their music in the car, with windows up or down, it’s annoying and it makes you look ignorant and juvenile. It can damage your eardrums/hearings. Very good video Ms. Anna! It’s about time someone teaches the road etiquettes. Thank you!
All tips are great advice. I learned the chewing gum lesson in junior high, maybe at the age of 13 or 14. I was a flute player in orchestra, second chair, and chewing gum one day in class, which was something I did not do frequently. My orchestra instructor stopped the entire class and said to everyone that chewing gum was like a cow chewing its cud. I was mortified and promptly stalled my gum. Yikes!
I think it was against the rules at my school, but we still did it. I remember a teacher once telling us that it was "so bourgeois". I don't know why that always stuck with me. Not enough to stop it at that point, but I always made sure I didn't smack my gum. Then one day, the dentist told me what brand of gum I chewed, and I hadn't chewed it since the previous day. I have not chewed gum since.
Do you have cavities, or have you ever had them? Cause I chew trident, I'm 30, and never had cavities. I don't chew daily anymore but I will start back up soon to add to my regular dental care routine. Gum is not ALL bad. Chew trident hahaha this is NOT sponsored.
@@AmandaD33 your dental health has way more to do with genetics and diet. If you like to chew gum, do it. You don’t have to rationalize living your life.
Very much agree with this list! Except it's been years since I've seen a cloak/coat room anywhere in our area of the country...except for maybe some churches; certainly restaurants have done away with that some time ago.
#11. Sitting on the desk while there's a chair nearby. It reminds me of a scene in "Pretty Woman" when Richard Gere reminds Julia Roberts for doing so.
Anna...you are teaching and reminding us about manners that many of us of a much older generation were trained from .childhood. We were taught to be thoughtful and kind to others. Taught not to poke faces etc Thankyou for teaching the current generation. You are teaching what was accepted as normal behaviour .
Point #2 is dependent on culture I think. I’d say just play it safe and always offer to help with dishes and clearing the table. Now, if the host insists on doing it themselves then just relax and enjoy your time there.
#7. On my Wedding Day, i forgot i was chewing gum & just realized it on the altar when we had to say our wedding vows; i couldn't throw it away, too afraid to swallow it for fear of choking. i think i had it in my mouth even through the formal photos until we sat down to eat a very elegant dinner, simply forgetting about it all day long. My takeaway was if you are going somewhere important, use a mint so it disintegrates in your mouth. I was mortified about that gum & i still can remember that sense of panic of not being able to spit it out for fear of it sticking somewhere inappropriate.
I always enjoy your well-thought-out and well-produced videos. Whether everyone agrees with every point, your explanations are thorough, articulate, and often entertaining. I feel fortunate to somehow have been leading a fairly elegant life in terms of courteousness to others, even more so than the parents who raised me at times. I chalk it up to spending my 20s in NYC where someone from the Midwest quickly assimilates and learns, ideally, to be more cultured and elegant than some people are "back home." I always appreciate manners and elegance in others as well. It quietly speaks loudly. : )
Dear Anna, I am so thankful for a your tips! Would you tell us please what to do with your coat if there was not an option to have it put in a coat room? In the U.S. it's not an option as often and of course I would love to stay as elegant as possible! Thanks!
Not all restaurants or cafes have closet rooms, and when you live in a cold place you have to wear heavy jackets or coats and unfortunately if there is not closet room, then where do you suggest we place the jacket or coat??
Wow, so many great examples - many things I would do differently. But always good to refresh what I already know and do better for what I may not know... You know what I find - elegant/classy - a simple thank you card in the mail.... Thank you for inviting me to your... Thank you for sending me... Thank you for thinking of me... It hurts my heart that people don't think to send these kind gestures, anymore..
Dear I adore you, you know why because you are sharing your own experience and you aren't ashamed thanks so much for sharing ♡ nobody's perfect and we all learn by making mistakes
I agree with everything. Most of these we were taught by the time were 6! The next 10 years were spent re-inforcing them. Unfortunately, because differing cultures have different mores now anything goes, including manners, etiquette, dress 😕
I think chewing gum in public is fine unless you’re at an event or make it obvious. As far as the sweater situation goes, I have several auto immune disorders. I must have a sweater or jacket nearby at all times as my body temperature goes from hot to cold in minutes sometimes.
Anna can you address the issue of leaving food on your plate? This is considered bad form in many parts of Europe and I find it personally annoying when I have to throw away half a plate of food from a guest.
Wow, the amount of research and thought put into this is incredible! You've tackled a complex topic in a way that's both informative and engaging. This is a valuable resource for anyone looking to become high value woman!
I do think there are certain etiquette structures that are different between cultures. I’ve grown up in South Africa, among many diverse cultures, and some of these practices may be perceived as extremely rude or obnoxious by some of our cultures. Hence, just a reminder to be aware of the cultures around you where possible.
Thank you so much for sharing. I've made the mistake of talking too loudly before too and it's embarrassing to admit. It is really uncomfortable when others do it - especially on speaker phone in public like a store. It happens a lot around here. Usually they are speaking another language and they act like they think since they are not speaking English, it's private conversation but I often times pick up bits of what they are saying and it's just unbecoming. We need to be more respectful of others and careful too. Thank you so much for this reminder and for sharing your own personal experiences too. Love your hair!
I agree about not wanting help to wash my dishes. I prefer to wash dishes after my guests leave. I want to take time to visit with them in the living room after dinner. Guests are guests and I want to spend our time enjoying their company in my home.
I think it’s important to be discerning enough to tell what’s most important to the hostess. Accommodate whichever way the hostess prefers. It doesn’t bother my mother if no one helps clean up. Whereas some of my in-laws and other friends prefer to have everything cleaned up when everyone leaves and I think they feel more relaxed if the kitchen gets all cleaned up right away. I personally don’t appreciate it when people help and wash the dishes but they don’t do a good job at getting them clean.
I loved this video. with people talking in public on the phone I agree. I also think it rude to go through a checkout on the phone, I have seen people not even acknowledge the cashier I feel that is extremely rude. 🥂
I once had sent a decline to an rsvp. The host and I are merely acquaintances, she called me and wanted an explanation as to why I had declined. At first, I thought she had not received the rsvp. I chew gum often but am very careful to park it or even remove it during meals, and socializing. it helps prevent sinus headaches. We can all learn more. Pairing our vehicles to our phones can also cause problems.
I love that you use examples of how you used to behave! One of my favourite teachings from my mentor is that each "flaw" we have served a beautiful purpose at some point. Drunk Anna of the past, for example, was seeking validation because she was seeking love, and that's beautiful. God knows I've done the same in the past 😂 Owning your mistakes is so classy and confident and I love it 🙌
I have an issue with the hanging the coat on my chair, too. It's always in the way! However, most restaurants don't have a coat check, even the very nice ones. What do I do then?!
@@ezzietrys9026 I usually do not eat at restaurants, but I would do it if I have to. I have done it one or two times during winter. I am not a big eater.
Excellent advice on each item. I promise to stop trying to help with dishes in someone else's kitchen when they say no and no pushing my plate to the side when I finish at the table. Bless you.
I love your elegance videos and I admit, I have my moments where I can be elegant but I’m embarrassed to admit there’s many things you mention here that prove how inelegant I am! I’ve always felt myself approachable and that people are comfortable around me because I’m not to uptight, and often people find me funny because some of the things I say, they aren’t expecting, but I’m realizing some of the things I do that can actually make others uncomfortable. I’m going to work on it.
That happened to me many years ago. Someone took my jacket (I think it was by mistake because there was a similar jacket left that was unclaimed). Now I'm not comfortable to leave my coat anywhere
Excellent advice! I quit chewing gum decades ago and I find the habit to be uncomely and distracting when others do it. I'd submit that elegant people simply do not chew gum, ever...
I am photo sensitive and bright sunlight can cause horrendous migraines. I wear prescription eyeglasses with transitional lenses which adjust to the environment. Sometimes when I step indoors the lenses are dark! It takes a few minutes for them to adjust to the light of the room.
6:50 this is why we should all buy soundproof cars if we can, my Lexus (which was used) is very soundproof. We’ve watched fireworks from inside it and heard no noise!
The problem with living in a year-round warm climate is there are often no such thing as cloakrooms, coat checks, or even coat hooks or stands. Very maddening. Also, twice I have sent wedding gifts to friends when I could not attend. Neither time did I receive a thank-you card. Very impolite!
I have a legitimate doubt. If there is no cloakroom in certain places, what do you do with your outwear? In Mexico we don't have the habit of cloakrooms.
Thank you for raising this. I don’t drive, and I ALWAYS get to hear every single word people are saying on the phone inside their cars. It’s SO FUNNY 😆😆 I swear no one knows about this! Funny story- one time I was on a date and the guy went to the bathroom for a long time. I thought he had run away! But he returned with tissue to his nose, he was SO NERVOUS that he had a NOSE BLEED on our date! Quite sweet really 😄😄
I spent most the video curious about her sitting atop the desk/table when a chair was available (esp whilst wearing a dress or skirt.) I assumed it a hint of a forthcoming "No" but, surprised to see it was not.🤷🏼♀️
People watching is one of my favourite things to do. Sometimes I forget that my sun glasses are not as dark as I think they may be 😎 I'm one of the curious ladies out there, but never with my mouth open 😂
I noticed that in Berlin people just stare and somehow it's okay... Soo many interesting looking people out there. Would be kind of stupid to pretend you don't notice. But that's a different culture.
In East Europe it's quite normal to stare. Not sure about the villages in Spain or France though but probably yes. I am sure lots of people sit on their balconies to watch.
Thank you for talking about manners and etiquette. I think I lost some of this growing up and through a toxic traumatic marriage. I need to continue working on myself so I can be a better person. Your videos help me to think about self improvement. Thank you.
Very good coaching for those in higher social strata whose rules are considered elegant for all of us. Conversely, one size does not fit all. Cloak rooms? Every society has it's layers of status and cultural differences. Manners are always foremost. I appreciate the comments from those people who have different after-meal kitchen expectations. (I prefer to tackle the kitchen alone after guests depart.)
Love your advice, So much common sense. for example. We tell our kids to wash up before a meal simply so they don't bring mess to the table whether it's in private or public Then Pray because we are at God's table. Growing up i would ask to be excused from the table when at my Grandparents.
Thanks again for all these tips. Regarding draping one's coat over the dining chair, I fall into that category. I don't have a vehicle and live in a colder climate. Also, very few restaurants I visit have coat closets and only a handful of establishments that I visit have coat racks next to the dining tables. Therefore, I have to drape my coat over my chair. I think there's nothing wrong with it so long as it's not dragging on the floor which would not only look sloppy and get one's coat dirty, but it'd be a potential safety hazard as well. What is one supposed to do when there are no coat racks or coat closets and/or if they did not drive to the establishment? It would not be reasonable to not wear a coat when it's minus 2 degrees celsius outside.
My dear Anna... That's a bunch of really good elegance mistakes that you've mentioned. Thank uh so much. But I do wanna ask you what to do if we don't have a cloakroom at the restaurant , can you tell us some alternative?
@@lilyandrose8557 Not everyone is blessed to be in a city or country to have restaurants with cloakroom. I do often go to the best expensive restaurants in my city and they don't have a cloakroom. I literally had to search what "cloakroom" is... Yeaahhh that's some of us around the globe! 🙂
Hello Anna, I really enjoy your channel. So many good advices! I would like to ask for a couple of things: - regarding the jacket, if there is no cloakroom where will you place it at a restaurant, at a friend’s home and at the office? - bags at a restaurant. I’ve seen some people placing the bags on the table, but I don’t think that’s really elegant for many reasons. So a bag hanger is always nice if available. If not, what would you recommend?
Thank you Anna! How do you feel about when a woman does her make up in public? In a restaurant or train for example. Love to hear your opinion about that.
Idk what Anna would say, but to me, other than discreetly reapplying one's lipstick after a meal...applying makeup in public is pretty tacky. I especially cringe when I see someone messing w/ their hair, combing it thru w/ their fingers, putting it into a upknot or whatever at a restaurant table.
I believe that she's mentioned this in a previous video. She said to excuse yourself and then apply your lipstick, gloss, or balm in the restroom. It should never be done at the table. I hope this helps. 😊❤️
I really appreciate your tips. So often people will do something that makes me uncomfortable or I will do something that makes people uncomfortable. Watching your videos explains those behaviors and why people sometimes cringe. I think it’s important to remember that we’re all not raised with the best manners. As for the gum chewing, some therapist recommend chewing gum to relieve stress. Going to a royal wedding is definitely stressful.
My mother would love you, you inspire a kind of polite and decent society. Frankly i consider myself pretty elegant and know most of these rules, but honestly from experience the most elegant women are actually the MOST not elegant behind closed doors. It's that they recognize this in themselves and prefer to present the non barbaric side in public. For myself i know i am actually quite a rock dressed as a pearl to others, it makes life fun and enjoyable.
Nah elegance is a status money symbol but that has nothing to do with the person themselves. People think dressing good (because money) automatically makes them elegant classy etc.
@@SemekiIzuio you don't know elegance then. Princess Diana would be elegant with our without the riches. Elegance is a mindset, it doesn't matter if you are rich or not, I know plenty of people who are extremely classy and they are middle class at most
Many family restaurants and family vacation attraction eating areas do not have a cloak room - hence the reason why coats and jackets are placed on the chair. Most of my interactions are informal.
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Hi Anna, could you please make a informative video on skill based career opportunities for women . It would be very helpful to us who wanna be a self independent personality with Elegance.
Thats not how you pronounce it. Its not Anna. Its pronounced "Ahnnah Wintoor". But you are 100% right. She has the manners of a swamp rat.
Hi Anna! It's been a few years since you made your teen special video, so I was wondering if you could make another one/ make some tips for elegance in schools or colleges. It would be very much appreciated 💕💕
1. They are never rude or snarky.
2. They never push the plate away from them.
3. If there is a coat room, they don’t bring their coat with them and sit it on their chair.
4. They don’t go to the bathroom before dessert, and they don’t announce it-they just say “Excuse me”.
5. They don’t speak loudly on the phone in public.
6. They don’t stare at people, they glance discreetly.
7. They don’t chew gum in public.
8. For men: Don’t show your sole to the person you’re with when you’re sitting down.
9. Don’t over-explain why you aren’t attending an event.
10. Don’t carry a large handbag when you go out at night.
@@ailurii !!
Well if I really really need to use the bathroom before dessert and I can't wait I'm going to have to!
@@ailurii I don’t agree with the bathroom one or the one about chewing gum in public (I think that’s all right in a casual situation as long as u dispose of the gum in the trash afterwards)
So I would like to add something… Many people think it is ok to eliminate your filter because you are a senior citizen. As a 68 year old lady, I would like to implore other elders to always maintain your manners. It is NEVER ok to behave badly. I love your videos Anna! Elegance is about good manners and our society seems to have lost manners. Keep up your wonderful work!
You are a true classy lady...I'm over young and old thinking it's a new trend to not care about others feelings..its not cool to be all hard tough and not care.
behaving badly means eating with your mouth open (gross), speaking over others, etc. not putting your coat on a chair or crossing your legs etc. the most important manner to have is to not be judgy to others because they don't behave exactly how we think they should. this whole thing is super elitist and it's bs. be kind to others, wait for others to start eating, listen, share your love and that should do it. life is too short.
Some people with dementia lose their filter as a result of cognitive decline so it's good to keep that in mind and give them the benefit of the doubt. (Of course, that's not always the case)
Truth hurts. 🤷♀️
@@arielleh7100 Yes, we must try to avoid being judgy, instead, try to be compassionate. By all means, when one senses a dangerous situation, leave immediately and get help.
I've had dinner parties ruined by guests who wanted to "help" and ended up taking over my kitchen to prepare their special dish. I don't like people in my kitchen when I'm preparing a meal--talking to me, getting in my way, wanting to "help," telling me how to do things, cleaning up for me, etc. So definitely, no means no.
Absolutely, years later I still remember a friend who insisted with helping clearing out curry splattered dishes, our countertop hadn’t been sealed yet, she wouldn’t take no for an answer and all I could think was “we both don’t want you staining our half installed kitchen, why are you insisting so much?”
Yup, i hate people in my kitchen. Just no
Just to clarify, I didn’t tell her that phrase, but my mind was stuck with the question: this is so uncomfortable for both of us so why pushing it?
I like people to help me do the dishes for me but then again where I grew up having hired help is normal so people don’t usually offer to help
One of the many reasons why I hate “open concept” living/kitchen homes… I prefer enclosed kitchens with a nice big window over the sink
As a 64 yr old woman who is often cold I think of the years I was cold to look good. Now I don’t care if I’m not elegant. My wrap will remain on the back of my chair so I can put it on if needed. And after 32 years of digestive issues, if I must go to the bathroom mid-meal, so be it. Much better than the alternative.
Mostly, though, I feel this list is about respecting others. Always good advice. ❤
I have a few autoimmune disorders so I go from hot to cold quickly. I must have a sweater or jacket nearby no matter how well prepared I am.
I totally agree!
Thank you LOL
I don’t see anything wrong with draping your coat on the back of your seat. Besides, most establishments don’t have a “cloakroom” for hanging coats! Also, I would not be comfortable hanging my coat with other random people’s coats due to crossover smells & the slim possibility my coat might get taken by someone
I think if the establishment you are dining at has a cloakroom, you likely do not have to worry about theft etc. I mean I wouldn’t leave my valuables in it perhaps…
We aren't talking about Applebee's here.
Its true ! i have personally experienced a monclear jacket taken in the cloakroom, it was a mistake but it happened and he never get it back.
Au moins avec la veste sur la chaise je suis sûre de ne pas l'oublier et qu'elle ne soit pas volée.
I have a long coat and at the restaurant if I leave it on my chair the waiter/waitress would trip over it or people would just walk on it and leave foot print 🤦♀️
Helping clean up after a meal is EXPECTED and a sign of respect in South Mississippi USA. That’s all I know.
Alabama also
In many Eastern countries as well. It's actually rude not to help.
Offering to help is a sign of respect in the Midwest USA. When someone declines your help, you respect their wishes.
I offer to help when in other homes. But I really would rather relax with the other guests after the meal. In my own home I insist that guests do nothing except clearing the table if we’re going to still be sitting there. I’d rather spend time with my guests and clean later. But I get why some people would rather relax while knowing everything is clean and tidy.
South Carolina too. It's a modern tribal behavior...it takes a village. It's about appreciation for what it takes and it is shown by offering some relief.
I think talking loudly on the phone in public places is the worst. A quick quiet conversational may be necessary occasionally but there are limits. Love all of these reminders. 💚
So true. I’m not interested in your conversation. Why do you want to broadcast all of your business to the world?
Agree!
I use to travel for work, often I would order my meals to go, & eat at my desk in my hotel room, but sometimes I wanted to sit at a real table & use real silverware.
At times one of my sons, a co-worker, my boss or maybe a friend would call.
Traveling Monday through Friday could get very lonely, I welcomed the rare call. I am more of a texting or email kind of lady.
I was guilty of talking quietly on my phone while waiting on my meal. Nothing inappropriate. I was not any louder than the conversations at the tables around me.
Just food for thought next time you are annoyed, it may be a someone whose on the road alone all the time. I am not making excuses, just being honest.
@@fstarr9923 YES!!! Or FaceTime
I appreciate the kitchen tip! I always used to feel guilty for saying "no thank you" to help. My reason was that accepting help was more stressful for me, because I am not comfortable managing or delegating to others. This makes me feel more comfortable about refusing.
After placing an order and before food is served is a very appropriate time to go to the restroom and wash one hands. There is a strong possibility that bread will be served in a common basket, as well as the passing of appetizers, therefore any hands which will come in contact should be cleansed after handling menus which are contaminants.
And don't pass your phone around to show photographs to everyone at the table. The phone is one of the dirtiest objects in your whole house!
If you need the restroom for whatever reason (ie: wash hands before a meal, clear a runny noise or void your bladder) I think it is perfectly acceptable to do so. As a mother of two adult children (who were very large babies) my bladder doesn’t always cooperate with my plans or wishes, so I always need frequent trips to the nearest restroom and this is not something I can postpone until a more opportune time.
Absolutely!
She was talking about after the neal has started so I am sure you eould have already washed your hands prior to starting your meal. I am sure where sickness or incontinence is concerned, noone would fault you using the bathroom.
I think you may have misunderstood. She never said don't use the bathroom. She called someone out for spending 20 minutes in the loo to surreptitiously watch a football match. And she advised us not to announce what we're doing (using the toilet), just to excuse yourself.
@@janinawaz4596 She said not to use the bathroom during the first course. Sometimes you can't wait.
@@sarahh.8579 I listened to that segment again. You were correct, and I was mistaken. She does declare an "ideal time in a perfect world" to use the restroom. I agree, that's a bit too restrictive. It's not always healthy or possible to wait until before dessert, especially when you're enjoying multiple courses and maybe some wine. (Alcohol being a diuretic.)
I have to say that I love love love that you’re not afraid or too “above” showing your past mistakes and using yourself as an example. It’s so bold, it’s so human and lovely, you should be very proud of yourself because in a world of so many filters and hiding all flaws, you are refreshingly honest and by consequence trustworthy to listen to! I take my hat off 💕
Anna is so humble and down-to-earth. We’re all just human, trying to be our best.
Hmmm.
The whole point of her channel is to sell you a course that will turn you into a copycat of her brand. It's the exact opposite of human.
@@LookupintheAER It be rather Divine.
@@kiranjitKaur61 Idc how happy it makes me; if it's unethical, I won't do it.
This is why I love Anna...she's not afraid to be open about her life lessons. This is what makes her authentic.
Respecting boundaries in other’s people houses is the most important thing. Guests might not be welcome in the whole house.
We shut doors of any rooms we do not want visitors to stroll through.
Respecting boundaries is overall important. But there are some instances and in some cultures where a guest should help to be seen as gracious. Hosts want to treat their guests but don’t want to be reduced to servants either.
Dear Anna, David Beckham, in my humble opinion is not an elegant man. Just because he’s a celebrity doesn’t make him elegant, as most would think. This is where I believe the public has to rethink who they idolize and why. It’s time to step up our own game of celeb and elegance! And that’s where you are helping us. Thanks for your hard work! 🙏❤️
@anitalewisart it's not humble to correct a lady because of her accent, she didn't improperly pronounce Beckem..
It is spelled Beckham and her accent annunciated the same.
Dear Anna, please, make more etiquette videos! Looks matter but at the end of the day it’s our manners what people mention and remember the most about us!
Yes. Ist good to know every detail!
Agreed!
Not all the time. If Rihanna was rude you will still accept it because she is beautiful. I do not care what anyone says!
@@mstwelvedeadlycyns Rude is RUDE .no matter how one looks .
@@simatavakoli5631 I very much doubt that
Btw, talking about cleaning dishes etiquette in host's house. I think the 2nd point is actually depends on the culture and background of the person involved.
As people's up bringing from every country is different. Such as me in Indonesia, if you're lets say a younger generation who's visiting your friend's house, people tend to like you more if you're doing their dishes because it symbolize that you're a hardworking and reliable person who eager to help the family even to do the simplest task. So it might be different from every culture.
But if the person is born into a wealthy family, fo sho they'll have maids and no need to do such gesture. I think it might apply similar in almost every culture as well.
The Queen is a great example of elegance. There are a number of people who frequently make an etiquette faux pas with her. Rather than act snobby or correct them, she handles it graciously.
It's an elegant way to handle it, sometimes we really don't know.
yes, manners are about making the other person feel comfortable. so it would be incredibly rude and bad mannered to make someone feel bad for not knowing the 'rules'
@@trishna_6815 She also has a reputation to uphold so being badly mannered would be a major faux pas and probably all that people would remember about a perfect event.
Wealth by way of imperialism over nations of color is not elegant. I don’t care how superficial etiquette she has.
Maybe she is smart enough to understand that not everyone respect the title and agreed to be part of some "game" that was made dacades ago due to privilege and titles. Me personally believe in equality and for me she is just as any other human being. We live in XXI century :-)
As a former customer service rep, one of the most annoying things was when people where having very private conversations in front of me like I wasn't a person. They would talk about custody, court cases, very personal matters. Hi. I can hear you.
You are right. This is so disrespectful!
I still remember when my dad's friends sent cakes to my baby shower . They wanted to come to the event but men were not allowed there. It felt such a personal and familial gesture. Made it super special.
In my circle, we expect men to attend showers.
Men at a baby shower is a big no no in my culture (English)!
Anna, I have been watching your channel for a couple of weeks. I consider myself to be fashionable and take care with my appearance and manners. I have made a few small changes since watching you, namely I have started to focus on dressing well at home, not just when we go out or I am going to work or shopping. My husband literally just texted me “You looked so elegant and beautiful today.” I thought that you would enjoy that as well. So, thank you. I appreciate your advice. It is nice to see a woman who behaves like a lady. That is how we are raising our daughter, and we expect our sons to be able to take care of their (future) ladies.
So you teach your daughter "how to be a lady," but you teach your sons how to take care of ladies? Why are you continuing the sexism?
Let's see. You raise your daughter to be a princess and your sons to expect a submission wife. Lovely. 🙄
@@montamiddleton9318 no ma’am I did not say either of those things. My daughter is a straight A student, bilingual, plays the piano, runs cross country, and volunteers. She is well-mannered, polite, and also able to stand up for herself. She appreciates being treated with respect. Our son knows that it is appropriate to open doors for ladies, pull out their chairs, and generally to be respectful. Unfortunately our current culture erroneously considers those things to be negative and demeaning. To each his own.
@@kelleyr8702 That's awful country. My country also view something like table manner, elegance ladies are just "too much" and "arrogant" because my country is South East Asia. Of course, there are elegance rich people here, but many are poor and does not have any sense of elegance.
You should teach your daughter to actually take care of herself and provide for herself financially. The elegant methods are fine but it’s also important to teach her not to groom or change herself so men can tell her “oh wow you’re beautiful and elegant”. She should be improving herself for HERSELF. And not relying on some man.
Teach her to be better than you.
I always excuse myself after ordering my meal to wash my hands after handling the menu, which isn’t clean after being handled by so many people. I don’t announce where I’m going but would not want to eat without washing my hands. I honestly never heard this was improper but I doubt I will stop this practice. I am aware that if you get up from the dining table you are supposed to place your napkin on your chair, which I don’t do because I don’t care to wipe my mouth with a napkin that has been on a chair seat people sit on. As always, enjoying your content.
I do the same exact thing you do, I don’t see how or why it would be considered inelegant, since I feel like eating with dirty hands or wiping with a dirty napkin is improper.
No, napkin goes on table.
That’s exactly what I do after ordering and like you say handling the menu. I was surprised she didn’t touch that point and asking myself, don’t people was their hands… lol.
Do you eat your food with your fingers then.
I literally watched a man complain today in Neiman Marcus about the ladies at the beauty counter talking loud and being vulgar and it took away from his shopping experience. So I agree there’s a time and a place for everything etiquette is some thing that definitely needs to continuously be stressed. Thank you for this video
Yes, bad language should never happen in Department Stores...unimaginavle at Beauty Counters.
Hey, I'm an older person and not a Neiman Marcus kinda shopper. But I heard 2 employees talk about their former drug use in a Goodwill store. Why do people think we all need to hear your conversation. We should only hear Hello, can I help you find anything? Period.
@@montamiddleton9318 It sounds like they were having a private conversation and you decided to eavesdrop instead of just ignoring it because it didn't involve you...
@@montamiddleton9318 snooty
@Monta Middleton maybe they were trying to help their coworker NOT do them. And you overheard it. Try not listening
Love the video, but you did not address what to do with your coat/sweater/jacket, etc when there are no cloak rooms. ???? Thanks
Your comments about Anna Wintour were so spot on. It was rude beyond rude to wear sunglasses indoors, sitting next to the Queen. You shouldn’t be doing that to ANYONE, let alone a queen, in a formal setting. I’m so shocked. You’d thought people with higher status like Ms. Wintour would understand rules of etiquette better. Or maybe she’s just so full of herself and thinks she needs not to show respect to anyone. “Queen of England? Nah! Queen of fashion is more important”.
And notice that in those clips she showed, the queen never really turned towards her to talk
@@TheSkandranonright? It's so awkward watching her lean in, i find it uncomfortable when people do that to me
The queen is definitely giving Anna the cold shoulder. Yes, wearing her shades indoors is beyond rude. I always lift my sunglasses when outside as I speak to someone. I leave them up unless there is a big glare. Anna is so high & mighty. Editor-in-chief of Vogue, big deal.
@@lynda5542 Anna needs to learn some manners and maybe change her look once every century or so.
There is no surprise for me. These people may have such a big ego.
Point # 2 had me LOL...
Our Family would find you incredibly rude if you "didn't" automatically get up and help clean up after dinner, especially when they've just prepared you a meal.
That is definitely a culturally diverse topic, I believe.
In which country?
Spot on. Entertaining, maybe, but some of these points are not so relevant in most circles. Even my wealthy friends aren't this anal.
Would this apply to both men and women?
@@Tica232 South Sea Island culture.
The country is actually not really relevant when it's a cultural expectation.
@@louise7401 Yes, it does.
OMG! You are so right about Anna Wintour and the sunglasses!. She knew she would be sitting next to QEII. Why would she upstage her by wearing that ghastly floral dress? The queen looks livid.
Anna, I love how you put little anecdotes to explain your points, it makes your video so interesting.
And I also love how you started sharing some of your own recent mistakes.
Thank you Anna, this video was so helpful!
I love LOVE when you say “dear elegant ladies” and “dear elegant gentlemen”. These tips are next, deeper level.. thank you!!!
Anna, please never ever stop posting. WE NEED YOU!
Yes we need ✨😮😮
It is fairly common place in the Norhtern United State to find a cloak room, or a place near the entrance to hang one's coat (and leave the gloves, hats etc...). In the Southern US, that is rarely available, even though it does get cold enough at times in the winter that a coat is required. Granted they often don't have a lot of indoor heat, but when I eat, I find wearing my coat constricting. So draped over the back of the chair it must go.
Anna bey pleeeease can you do a full lengthy video on how as women you deal with, rude employees, rude people, poor service etc where simply ignoring cannot be done and it needs to be strictly addressed and dealt with. I think in the times we live in now people have lost all basic manners and being firm and authorative has to be done or you will be taken advantage of and receive sub par service, disrespected by strangers/workers, or your business will fail if you do not take action with employees who are not behaving appropriately, I would really appreciate your take on it, what would be the elegant way? I dont think ignoring them would teach them anything and it is not fair to yourself to be treated that way. Many thanks love your videos and personality!
EDIT: I live in London in a very nice area but poor etiquette is the norm here amongst all age groups I own a few companies and run in to all sorts of people and tired of being the polite turn the other cheek person when I feel I should instead be blunt and call people out
I am not Anna but even I thought about this situation and it depends on where you are, in a developing country where everything is a matter of survival being extremely polite will get you no where, you need to be fierce inorder to survive. Whereas it's different for a developed country, where people are mature and respectful, you can get your points across without difficulty. So I believe, you need to read the room, if you can't get your point across politely, you need to be firm. And being firm is elegant but being rude isn't, and there's difference between the two. If you can't ignore things then don't ignore it just for the sake of being polite, have your points across but be firm and rational about it. Sometimes you need to scare them with your words and that happens mostly in developing countries, you have to use heavy words because its about survival and not about being elegant in developing countries.
@@oddeven327 am sorry but l feel offended because in some of these developing countries we may be more courteous than the developed countries
@@inezamy9523 I was wondering if ODD EVEN was specifically referring to salespeople and beggars - who can be particularly difficult to deal with for us mild-mannered types? They make me have second thoughts about visiting certain areas, even though I have generally received fantastic service everywhere I've been in Latin America. Some of the worst service I have received has been in northern Europe, although I can think of a couple of comically bad experiences in the US. One time my friend who worked as a waitress wrote a 3-page letter to a restaurant to let them know just how bad the service was.
I am usually hesitant to tell other people how to do their jobs (especially people in service positions), but sometimes if the person is young/inexperienced I might try to offer them some suggestions in a polite, friendly way. My bigger concern is how bad to they need to be before I let their manager know that they might be damaging the business. It could just be a bad day for that person, but it could also be a consistent pattern of behavior.
I did get someone in trouble with their superior earlier this year and then I felt the need to apologize to them because that wasn't my intention. I asked them to do something, they gave me what is a typical amount of pushback and I complained that I hate this part of my job. My manager told the Senior VP (who used to be my PM), who then went and complained to his department head. I tried to tell hem that this was a fairly typical reaction - definitely not the worst that I've gotten - and that I'm not normally that emotional about it. Both managers felt that I should receive no pushback at all so he got in trouble and I felt so bad about it!
@@inezamy9523 obviously, irrespective of people being in the developing countries or development countries I have no right of saying people in one type of county is better than the other. I am here talking solely about instances where people will take your bread, instances where people will crush you over because you were polite in such I am telling to read the room and if you see it as or the situation as a threat you need to not hold back.
@@tinabean713 no, I am not referring to any type of specific people. I am talking about instances where you should think about survival instead of being polite is all.
Anna, I know your channel is intended for elegant ladies, but there's so much a man can learn from your advice as well. Thanks for posting.
100% truth. I thank my mother for teaching me ALL of these points, I wish more people will learn then too!
Tip #9 is a really good one. I always feel bad when I have to decline an invitation, and sending a small token or flowers is a great idea to sort of make up for your absence. Thank you. :)
I loved that tip, too and will start doing that when I can't attend an event. Thank you, Anna!
LOVE the hair, dress, everything and thank you especially for the topic! This is so needed especially now - saving, sharing, rewatching.
I love your videos so much!
I would say Jennifer Lawrence said what she did because she is self effacing. She didn’t really want to own her epitaph of hottest actress, etc. that she was introduced as because she was embarrassed by the over the top intro and wanted to address that in a humble manner. She jokes about herself a lot and likes to be quirky and relatable. If she had appeared to accept that intro on its face- believe me, the media would have roasted her mercilessly.
Yeah, I thought the same thing
Haha, agree. And Beck chew his gums. You can marry a tramp, but I can’t chew my gum?
@Emilee Cleaver Her tone was contemptuous. Two wrongs never make it right. I have seen this woman in public though she thought that she was incognito and she was rude. Celebrity worship is childish.
@@iamjustsaying4787 I agree that celebrity worship is childish. I recognize there are a lot of personality types out there and to think the worst of people instead of seeing their true intentions is misguided and narrow.
Ohh my "big sister i never had" Anna!:) Looking forward to your great advices
To me she’s like both the mom and sister I never had 🙂
@@unamed2516 ❤
I was a medical receptionist and this woman just got out of her OB-GYN appointment. She comes back to check in for a post visit laboratory order and announced loudly in the lobby- on her phone call that she has clamydia 😂
Well, now, we can ask for more than one reason, "Where are her parents?" 🤣😆
She was probably furious because he gave it to her! So she was likely not herself.
A person or a group of people laughing really loudly when everyone around them is calm and quiet is the biggest elegance mistake. And people do this a lot.
Especially here in the US. I’m American, too, but I’m always astonished at how loud many people are in public.
That makes me cringe so bad
Staring too. I hate it.
I just came back from dinner and there 6 ladies were so loud that easily everyone in the restaurant could've joined the conversation. Their exuse?
What? It's my birthday!
😑
@@bamafencer12 Speaking from experience, some people might stare because they are nearsighted and it takes a while for our eyes to focus on objects or people farther away.
Not many restaurants have cloakrooms so coats have to be perched at the back of chairs
During lockdown I had to go to the gas station one day, and while I was standing at the counter paying for my stuff a woman got in line behind me and talked loudly on her phone about her colonoscopy. She was also so close to me that I could feel her breath and spittle flying onto the back of my arm. Not elegant!
Ugh.
A few years ago, it was summer, and I was wearing short sleeves. I got on a bus, and the man I sat next to decided to strike up a conversation.
Spittle all over my arm. Ugh again.
I agreed wholeheartedly with all that you said except one - singing in your car with all of your windows up. You can sing softly and with no crazy dance moves, you’re good.
I hate it when people blast their music in the car, with windows up or down, it’s annoying and it makes you look ignorant and juvenile. It can damage your eardrums/hearings.
Very good video Ms. Anna! It’s about time someone teaches the road etiquettes. Thank you!
Sending flowers is the key!
Always sending flowers to my friends and loved ones, would they live in the same city or on an other continent.
Thank you Anna, I just can't thank enough for your untiring efforts to elevate us!
All tips are great advice. I learned the chewing gum lesson in junior high, maybe at the age of 13 or 14. I was a flute player in orchestra, second chair, and chewing gum one day in class, which was something I did not do frequently. My orchestra instructor stopped the entire class and said to everyone that chewing gum was like a cow chewing its cud. I was mortified and promptly stalled my gum. Yikes!
I think it was against the rules at my school, but we still did it. I remember a teacher once telling us that it was "so bourgeois". I don't know why that always stuck with me. Not enough to stop it at that point, but I always made sure I didn't smack my gum. Then one day, the dentist told me what brand of gum I chewed, and I hadn't chewed it since the previous day. I have not chewed gum since.
Do you have cavities, or have you ever had them? Cause I chew trident, I'm 30, and never had cavities. I don't chew daily anymore but I will start back up soon to add to my regular dental care routine. Gum is not ALL bad. Chew trident hahaha this is NOT sponsored.
@@AmandaD33 your dental health has way more to do with genetics and diet. If you like to chew gum, do it. You don’t have to rationalize living your life.
I had a teacher tell the class the same cow chewing story. I think about it every time I chew gum. I chew it occasionally and when I'm alone.🙂
@@cjay233 Yes, after that comment, when I did chew gum, it was mostly in private. Excellent point.
Very much agree with this list! Except it's been years since I've seen a cloak/coat room anywhere in our area of the country...except for maybe some churches; certainly restaurants have done away with that some time ago.
#11. Sitting on the desk while there's a chair nearby. It reminds me of a scene in "Pretty Woman" when Richard Gere reminds Julia Roberts for doing so.
🤦🏼♀️🤣
Exactly! Why sit on the desk? Are there no chairs?
Anna...you are teaching and reminding us about manners that many of us of a much older generation were trained from .childhood.
We were taught to be thoughtful and kind to others. Taught not to poke faces etc
Thankyou for teaching the current generation.
You are teaching what was accepted as
normal behaviour .
Point #2 is dependent on culture I think. I’d say just play it safe and always offer to help with dishes and clearing the table. Now, if the host insists on doing it themselves then just relax and enjoy your time there.
#7. On my Wedding Day, i forgot i was chewing gum & just realized it on the altar when we had to say our wedding vows; i couldn't throw it away, too afraid to swallow it for fear of choking. i think i had it in my mouth even through the formal photos until we sat down to eat a very elegant dinner, simply forgetting about it all day long. My takeaway was if you are going somewhere important, use a mint so it disintegrates in your mouth. I was mortified about that gum & i still can remember that sense of panic of not being able to spit it out for fear of it sticking somewhere inappropriate.
I always enjoy your well-thought-out and well-produced videos. Whether everyone agrees with every point, your explanations are thorough, articulate, and often entertaining. I feel fortunate to somehow have been leading a fairly elegant life in terms of courteousness to others, even more so than the parents who raised me at times. I chalk it up to spending my 20s in NYC where someone from the Midwest quickly assimilates and learns, ideally, to be more cultured and elegant than some people are "back home." I always appreciate manners and elegance in others as well. It quietly speaks loudly. : )
Dear Anna,
I am so thankful for a your tips! Would you tell us please what to do with your coat if there was not an option to have it put in a coat room? In the U.S. it's not an option as often and of course I would love to stay as elegant as possible! Thanks!
yes, I would like to know this as well. should we put it across our lap maybe?
Not all restaurants or cafes have closet rooms, and when you live in a cold place you have to wear heavy jackets or coats and unfortunately if there is not closet room, then where do you suggest we place the jacket or coat??
Wow, so many great examples - many things I would do differently. But always good to refresh what I already know and do better for what I may not know...
You know what I find - elegant/classy - a simple thank you card in the mail.... Thank you for inviting me to your... Thank you for sending me... Thank you for thinking of me... It hurts my heart that people don't think to send these kind gestures, anymore..
Dear I adore you, you know why because you are sharing your own experience and you aren't ashamed thanks so much for sharing ♡ nobody's perfect and we all learn by making mistakes
I agree with everything. Most of these we were taught by the time were 6! The next 10 years were spent re-inforcing them. Unfortunately, because differing cultures have different mores now anything goes, including manners, etiquette, dress 😕
I think chewing gum in public is fine unless you’re at an event or make it obvious. As far as the sweater situation goes, I have several auto immune disorders. I must have a sweater or jacket nearby at all times as my body temperature goes from hot to cold in minutes sometimes.
Anna can you address the issue of leaving food on your plate? This is considered bad form in many parts of Europe and I find it personally annoying when I have to throw away half a plate of food from a guest.
Wow, the amount of research and thought put into this is incredible! You've tackled a complex topic in a way that's both informative and engaging. This is a valuable resource for anyone looking to become high value woman!
Wow anna you impress me every time!! Your hair color looks amazing on you❤️
I do think there are certain etiquette structures that are different between cultures. I’ve grown up in South Africa, among many diverse cultures, and some of these practices may be perceived as extremely rude or obnoxious by some of our cultures. Hence, just a reminder to be aware of the cultures around you where possible.
Thank you so much for sharing. I've made the mistake of talking too loudly before too and it's embarrassing to admit. It is really uncomfortable when others do it - especially on speaker phone in public like a store. It happens a lot around here. Usually they are speaking another language and they act like they think since they are not speaking English, it's private conversation but I often times pick up bits of what they are saying and it's just unbecoming. We need to be more respectful of others and careful too. Thank you so much for this reminder and for sharing your own personal experiences too. Love your hair!
I agree about not wanting help to wash my dishes. I prefer to wash dishes after my guests leave. I want to take time to visit with them in the living room after dinner. Guests are guests and I want to spend our time enjoying their company in my home.
I think it’s important to be discerning enough to tell what’s most important to the hostess. Accommodate whichever way the hostess prefers. It doesn’t bother my mother if no one helps clean up. Whereas some of my in-laws and other friends prefer to have everything cleaned up when everyone leaves and I think they feel more relaxed if the kitchen gets all cleaned up right away. I personally don’t appreciate it when people help and wash the dishes but they don’t do a good job at getting them clean.
I loved this video. with people talking in public on the phone I agree. I also think it rude to go through a checkout on the phone, I have seen people not even acknowledge the cashier I feel that is extremely rude. 🥂
I once had sent a decline to an rsvp. The host and I are merely acquaintances, she called me and wanted an explanation as to why I had declined. At first, I thought she had not received the rsvp. I chew gum often but am very careful to park it or even remove it during meals, and socializing. it helps prevent sinus headaches. We can all learn more. Pairing our vehicles to our phones can also cause problems.
She should be honored Joanna Lumley knows who she is. Lumley is a legend!
I love that you use examples of how you used to behave! One of my favourite teachings from my mentor is that each "flaw" we have served a beautiful purpose at some point. Drunk Anna of the past, for example, was seeking validation because she was seeking love, and that's beautiful. God knows I've done the same in the past 😂 Owning your mistakes is so classy and confident and I love it 🙌
I have an issue with the hanging the coat on my chair, too. It's always in the way! However, most restaurants don't have a coat check, even the very nice ones. What do I do then?!
this my question, do we just keep the coat on? Not take a coat at all. or just never visit somewhere without a cloak room
I would just keep my coat on.
@@queentinadoire6931 You would keep a winter coat on during a three course meal?
@@ezzietrys9026 I usually do not eat at restaurants, but I would do it if I have to. I have done it one or two times during winter. I am not a big eater.
Excellent advice on each item. I promise to stop trying to help with dishes in someone else's kitchen when they say no and no pushing my plate to the side when I finish at the table. Bless you.
Love your dress in this video! The belt is an icing on the cake 💜
I love your elegance videos and I admit, I have my moments where I can be elegant but I’m embarrassed to admit there’s many things you mention here that prove how inelegant I am! I’ve always felt myself approachable and that people are comfortable around me because I’m not to uptight, and often people find me funny because some of the things I say, they aren’t expecting, but I’m realizing some of the things I do that can actually make others uncomfortable. I’m going to work on it.
The problem with coat rooms is that someone else can take your coat, either by mistake or on purpose.
Yes!! Especially if it's a nice coat.
Not to mention most places in the US don’t have coat rooms 🤷♀️
That happened to me many years ago. Someone took my jacket (I think it was by mistake because there was a similar jacket left that was unclaimed). Now I'm not comfortable to leave my coat anywhere
We generally don't have them on the West Coast. I'm sure that exceptionally elegant places have them.
Or there isn't a coatroom
I love how genuine she is. Looking awesome as usual 💜
I lpve you Anna,but just friendly "elegent lady not siting on tabel,just right now you recording this video!!
That was what I was thinking also.
Excellent advice! I quit chewing gum decades ago and I find the habit to be uncomely and distracting when others do it. I'd submit that elegant people simply do not chew gum, ever...
Wearing sunglasses indoors is bizarre unless it's a funeral, signature style or not.
It’s pretentious in my opinion.
Excuse me I'm wearing sunglasses with strength and I'm not gonna take them off at the store on sunny days !!
@@tulip811 by all means, continue to look like a pompous jackass in public. 😂🙄
I am photo sensitive and bright sunlight can cause horrendous migraines. I wear prescription eyeglasses with transitional lenses which adjust to the environment. Sometimes when I step indoors the lenses are dark! It takes a few minutes for them to adjust to the light of the room.
Except when our eyes are dilated after an ophthalmologist appt ! 🤣🤣🤷🏼♀️
6:50 this is why we should all buy soundproof cars if we can, my Lexus (which was used) is very soundproof. We’ve watched fireworks from inside it and heard no noise!
Thank you for your teachings Anna, I am grateful to have access to your content to help me navigate life.
The problem with living in a year-round warm climate is there are often no such thing as cloakrooms, coat checks, or even coat hooks or stands. Very maddening.
Also, twice I have sent wedding gifts to friends when I could not attend. Neither time did I receive a thank-you card. Very impolite!
I have a legitimate doubt. If there is no cloakroom in certain places, what do you do with your outwear? In Mexico we don't have the habit of cloakrooms.
Thank you for raising this. I don’t drive, and I ALWAYS get to hear every single word people are saying on the phone inside their cars. It’s SO FUNNY 😆😆 I swear no one knows about this!
Funny story- one time I was on a date and the guy went to the bathroom for a long time. I thought he had run away! But he returned with tissue to his nose, he was SO NERVOUS that he had a NOSE BLEED on our date! Quite sweet really 😄😄
May God bless your hustle. Wish you well in your journey of becoming one of the celebrated UA-camRS in your country and beyond. Keep it up. ❤️
I spent most the video curious about her sitting atop the desk/table when a chair was available (esp whilst wearing a dress or skirt.) I assumed it a hint of a forthcoming "No" but, surprised to see it was not.🤷🏼♀️
People watching is one of my favourite things to do. Sometimes I forget that my sun glasses are not as dark as I think they may be 😎 I'm one of the curious ladies out there, but never with my mouth open 😂
I noticed that in Berlin people just stare and somehow it's okay... Soo many interesting looking people out there. Would be kind of stupid to pretend you don't notice. But that's a different culture.
In East Europe it's quite normal to stare. Not sure about the villages in Spain or France though but probably yes. I am sure lots of people sit on their balconies to watch.
Thank you for talking about manners and etiquette. I think I lost some of this growing up and through a toxic traumatic marriage. I need to continue working on myself so I can be a better person. Your videos help me to think about self improvement. Thank you.
I have to compliment you on your eyeshadow choice. It was the perfect amount and color.
Very good coaching for those in higher social strata whose rules are considered elegant for all of us. Conversely, one size does not fit all. Cloak rooms? Every society has it's layers of status and cultural differences. Manners are always foremost.
I appreciate the comments from those people who have different after-meal kitchen expectations. (I prefer to tackle the kitchen alone after guests depart.)
Love the new? Hair colour, very flattering 🥰
Agree 100% with this video, especially when people talking loud in public..
“If you are a curious elegant lady...”
This made me laugh most un-elegantly.
😂😂😂
Love your advice, So much common sense. for example. We tell our kids to wash up before a meal simply so they don't bring mess to the table whether it's in private or public Then Pray because we are at God's table. Growing up i would ask to be excused from the table when at my Grandparents.
Anna, you just look stunning in your new hair style 😍
Thanks again for all these tips. Regarding draping one's coat over the dining chair, I fall into that category. I don't have a vehicle and live in a colder climate. Also, very few restaurants I visit have coat closets and only a handful of establishments that I visit have coat racks next to the dining tables. Therefore, I have to drape my coat over my chair. I think there's nothing wrong with it so long as it's not dragging on the floor which would not only look sloppy and get one's coat dirty, but it'd be a potential safety hazard as well. What is one supposed to do when there are no coat racks or coat closets and/or if they did not drive to the establishment? It would not be reasonable to not wear a coat when it's minus 2 degrees celsius outside.
My dear Anna... That's a bunch of really good elegance mistakes that you've mentioned. Thank uh so much. But I do wanna ask you what to do if we don't have a cloakroom at the restaurant , can you tell us some alternative?
I can’t see the replies on the iPad… but yes, I wanted to know as well
Another restaurant with cloakrooms?
@@lilyandrose8557 Not everyone is blessed to be in a city or country to have restaurants with cloakroom. I do often go to the best expensive restaurants in my city and they don't have a cloakroom. I literally had to search what "cloakroom" is... Yeaahhh that's some of us around the globe! 🙂
Hello Anna, I really enjoy your channel. So many good advices! I would like to ask for a couple of things:
- regarding the jacket, if there is no cloakroom where will you place it at a restaurant, at a friend’s home and at the office?
- bags at a restaurant. I’ve seen some people placing the bags on the table, but I don’t think that’s really elegant for many reasons. So a bag hanger is always nice if available. If not, what would you recommend?
Thank you Anna! How do you feel about when a woman does her make up in public? In a restaurant or train for example. Love to hear your opinion about that.
People cutting their nails or filing their nails in public… 🫣🤯
Idk what Anna would say, but to me, other than discreetly reapplying one's lipstick after a meal...applying makeup in public is pretty tacky. I especially cringe when I see someone messing w/ their hair, combing it thru w/ their fingers, putting it into a upknot or whatever at a restaurant table.
It’s actually rude and it lacks manners. If you need to do touch ups, it’s better to them in the restroom.
I believe that she's mentioned this in a previous video. She said to excuse yourself and then apply your lipstick, gloss, or balm in the restroom. It should never be done at the table. I hope this helps. 😊❤️
No, go to a restroom
I really appreciate your tips. So often people will do something that makes me uncomfortable or I will do something that makes people uncomfortable. Watching your videos explains those behaviors and why people sometimes cringe. I think it’s important to remember that we’re all not raised with the best manners. As for the gum chewing, some therapist recommend chewing gum to relieve stress. Going to a royal wedding is definitely stressful.
My mother would love you, you inspire a kind of polite and decent society. Frankly i consider myself pretty elegant and know most of these rules, but honestly from experience the most elegant women are actually the MOST not elegant behind closed doors. It's that they recognize this in themselves and prefer to present the non barbaric side in public. For myself i know i am actually quite a rock dressed as a pearl to others, it makes life fun and enjoyable.
Anna has actually done a video on elegance in the bedroom.
Nah elegance is a status money symbol but that has nothing to do with the person themselves. People think dressing good (because money) automatically makes them elegant classy etc.
@@SemekiIzuio you don't know elegance then. Princess Diana would be elegant with our without the riches. Elegance is a mindset, it doesn't matter if you are rich or not, I know plenty of people who are extremely classy and they are middle class at most
@@sew_gal7340 this isnt about me. I'm talking about the general populace think rich equate to elegance
Many family restaurants and family vacation attraction eating areas do not have a cloak room - hence the reason why coats and jackets are placed on the chair. Most of my interactions are informal.