That’s.. not really nice? What if it’s someone who really likes you? Would you seriously just flat out avoid them? I can understand if it’s a creep, but you shouldn’t do that to someone who likes you.
@@dreamwish286 The reason us INTJ's would watch this to avoid those who would do that to us is because they will change their behavior based on what this video is telling them, hence they will likely not be showing us INTJ's their true selves.
as an INTJ, I honestly dislike thinking about romantic relationships unless I know it will last, because pursuing something that I know won’t work in the long run has no purpose, so honestly the best way to get me interested in you is to just show that we work together so I know that it wouldn’t be superficial. Also we can’t take hints or won’t pay attention to them so you better have someone we trust tell us before YOU personally tell us so we can make up our mind.
I'm an intj, and i love nothing more then a person who can push back against me and prove me wrong and teach me new shit about stuff i thought i knew everything about. So please, please, argue back, say no, articulate why, even scream in my face. I want you to be right and smarter than me.
@@Apricot90 Ty. English is not my first language. Even though i know the difference, sometimes i get passionate about something and forget all grammar =)
Here's a real intj secret. We are sensitive to the ones we love. No need for communication or even interaction, but just having you move about the home is nice. At the same time cuddles can be more important than the horizontal Mambo.
My dad is INTJ and you just said what I always felt. I am an ENFP and to just sit in the same room as him or sit on the couch next to him was so fulfilling as his daughter.
As an INTJ female, I agree about being oblivious and a little too literal. A guy asked me to go have coffee with him. I said, "I don't drink coffee." I was completely clueless that he was asking for a date because he didn't use the word, "date." After talking with my more knowledgeable friends, when he asked me out to lunch, I went since I now knew he was asking for a date and I did really like him.
Hahahaha oh my god, INTJ female too, and just this week I was walking through town and this woman asked me if I had any change. Instead of understanding that she was homeless and in need of money, I could only think about answering her question. "yes, actually I do have change. €5,65 to be exact." And then when it dawned on me i got so awkward I gave her a ten euro bill and ran away feeling guilty xD
Woman posted this story on an INTJ forum, made me laugh: Guy: I'm totally oblivious to when women like me. One of them would have to hit me upside the head for me to realize she's interested in me. Girl: Guy: OW! What the hell was that for?!
I was in my bed listening to you educate the world on INTJ, for which I'm immensely grateful. I got to the part where you said "INTJs always argue... " and I jumped out of bed to defend myself, only to hear you qualify that statement. I am INTJ and I approve this message.
The fact that you jumped out of bed to defend yourself .... There's a clue in that. Yep. I haven't even listened to the video, but, you know... if you jump out of bed to argue that you don't always argue, it really says something about your arguing. I am not judging. Just observing.
This is true for me too, same type. One time I thought of the analogy of a corpulent bouncer at the door (thinking filter), he wont let most people into the feeling zone which allows trust. People make too many stupid mistakes (it seems INFPs need to make a lot of mistakes to learn) I think an INTJ stores times that you lied to him very effortlessly and you wont even know that they know you lied. He wont trust you if youre not honest to be exact, so start off well, because it may not be easy to pull the wool over the eyes as it may be with others. If you passed this inherent test for a long time, you'll finally cicumvemt the bouncer and have someone very loyal. I usually, feel perplexed if someone new actually made it through.
I think part of the problem is many people don't understand how much research, thinking, testing and self debating an INTJ does prior to taking a position. I mean, it's not like the INTJ is going to say the years spent working before taking a position. So when someone comes up to an INTJ in debate and simply says the equivalent of "nu-uh" without giving hours of analysis of why they drew their conclusion... without demostrating they put the same dedication behind it... repeating points you already defeated yourself years ago because they are that far behind the curve... well... How the hell you think an INTJ is going to react!? At least put up a venn diagram you casual!
Omg this is what happened to me when I was a freshman in highschool, about 4 years ago. So basically this girl is admittedly very cute and pretty, but the thing that threw me off was that she's too pushy and me being an immature INTJ at the time found her to be quite bothersome
Story time: I am deathly shy. As a guy it’s stereotypical for us to ask out girls, which is why I’ve never been in a relationship. While at college, in the dining hall, I noticed a cute girl sitting in a corner table alone. I went to dinner around 6:00pm every day and would sit at the same spot. I started to notice that she would also be there, at her same table. I then started to do the only flirting technique I can muster, which is quick glances. I did this for about two months. I guess she took notice because one day she was sitting at a table closer to mine. I was still too much of a wimp to say anything to her, so I continued my tactic. I continued to ensure I arrived at that dinning hall at 6:00pm almost everyday for about six more months. Rain or snow I would walk a couple miles across campus almost everyday to see her. To my surprise, and delight, she would also be there at the table closer to mine. Yet nothing progressed. Until one day I was at a different dinning hall, studying, and she showed up! Where I was seated was farther into the hall than she was, so I had to pass her every time to get food. I took advantage of this giving her more obvious glances each time I passed. I had never eaten so much food as I did that day. I could tell though that she had taken notice of my efforts, so it was 100% worth it. Yet still neither of us had initiated a conversation. Another month passed, and we would both continue be at the original dinning hall. At this point I was seriously starting to doubt if I had any balls (Ironically I would be more comfortable fighting a rabid animal than talk to an attractive girl). Then two weeks before school ended, when I was walking out of the gym, she was walking towards me. As we approached she smiled at me and said “hello”. Being taken off guard, I hastily returned her greeting and kept walking. I saw her a few more times after that, but couldn’t muster the strength to talk to her. Unfortunately, in the interest of my schooling, I transferred to a different school after that semester. I never saw her again, and I doubt I ever will. Thinking back on it is one of few things that can still make me feel sad. Everything’s easier in hindsight. I don’t recommend living this story. You’ll regret it forever. Edit: Forgot to mention I’m an INTJ male
Ok, that is sad. I'm an INTJ female and fortunately I'm not shy at all. Well, not anymore... life forced me to fake being confident and somehow I started trusting myself more and more. I hope you will find your own confidence too, albeit in a more gentle way.
Bro that's not intj that's being a pussy. Tou should've observed people enough to understand how roles play and how humans interact. You need to think of a guy that gets girls and act like him. Use your damn surroundings and learn. Always be learning. And don't discount being a wallflower.
I will say this about INTJ intelligence: even though we get treated as the smartest kid in class, sometimes we feel like the dumbest kid in class, and miss something super obvious that leaves everyone else astonished. You may be intimidated by INTJ intelligence, but an INTJ may be just as insecure about their intelligence.
Yeah. My friend will say "dude, you are so smart, you might not see it but really, you are one of the smartest people I know, you are good with people and solving problems, you are organized, focused and honest" and I will say "woah, me? Man, I am not as smart as you think, I actually feel stupid compared to you. I am nothing special, I just do stuff the way I think is good and it just happens to work out most of times, I suck with people and I am lazy as hell".
@@anonimowelwiatko9811 Yep. I'm often very intimidated by ISTPs and INTPs rattling off some academic stuff like it's nothing, with things I'm seriously struggling to keep up with.
@@johnknight9150 Lol, I 100% relate. When people start talking about hard, academic or engineering concepts and there is TONS of information and questions (they might not even have answer to) in my head that I shoot at them, it's not easy to keep up with curiosity, understanding new concept when your intuition tells you that some of this is useless information that you will never use and those details nobody talks about are something necessary for you to see bigger picture.
@@anonimowelwiatko9811 I distinctly remember getting jealous when my INTP brother and our ISTP friend started talking about chemical formulae and balancing equations, and this was a good few years _after_ high school. I kind of just scraped by through that stuff, and then got sick partway through high school and had to pull out. So when those guys were throwing around that stuff like it was nothing, I remember feeling _very_ inadequate and embarrassed. I remember broad stroke principles that have helped throughout life, but I really wish I had that Ti knack they do for things like that.
I am an INFP girl who fell head over heels for an INTJ guy. We briefly worked together and had many long, intimate conversations about our lives, ranging from our childhoods to our dreams for the future (marriage, kids, etc). After a couple weeks of this, I asked him out on a hike. I thought it was a date. When we summited the mountain, I said "Wow I was so nervous for this date and now I feel silly for being so nervous because I'm so comfortable with you and feel like I could tell you anything!" He got really quiet. I immediately was like "Are you gay? Do you have a girlfriend? Are you just not interested in me?" He then revealed to me that he had a girlfriend and they'd been together for EIGHT years. I was so confused that he told me his whole family history and went on and on about he'd love to marry 'someone someday', but totally left out his 8 year relationship. After getting to know him better as friends and listening to this video, I understand how it might not have occured to him that I was asking him on a date. Romantically, he's kind of clueless. We still keep in touch. I still love him and probably always will. He's just so strange beautiful, and thoughtful in the way he experiences life and we always have a billion things to talk about. His girlfriend has since left him (she says she needs to figure out who she is outside of the relationship) and he's pretty heart broken. He never thinks he'll love again (he's 32) and I am just a supportive friend. I'd love to someday become more, but am doubtful that he wants that. I am very independent and can be impulsive. I've never taken any of his advice because I don't like being told what to do (and also never asked). I'm pretty sure at this point he only talks to me to be nice...but who knows? I'd rather be his friend forever anyways than not have him in my life.
@@Chrupignat Hey! Thanks for the reply. He didn't respond to my last message (back in April or May I think), so I just stopped texting him. There hasn't been any contact between us since. It's all okay. He has a lot going on in his life and same for me. Life goes on 🍁
@@michellegoodwin7760 i as a female infp legitly crying.. man, i feel so bad for you sis like i can feel your embarrasment and you must be so sad at that time :'( .. as an infp i know how it feels when we falling in love with someone ( probably imagine all the good stuff ) . And the time when he said okay to go hike with you i can imagine how happy you were :'( . I hope you're doing good now^
@@natashaedayu5954 Thanks for connecting to my post ♥️ It was a really tough situation and has taken a long time to let go of the "what ifs", but things are a lot better now. I'm in a very healthy relationship with someone who really loves me and was ready and available for a relationship. I feel very lucky! I hope you're doing well!!
@@michellegoodwin7760 aweee i am sooo happy for you!! Glad to hear that♡ i hope your relationship will go smoothly. Btw, im good^ hope u have a nice day today>
If he talks to you he likes you. After a heart break we tend to go into Auto-pilot for awhile and ignore all social interaction. After caring so much and being made to feel stupid for doing so, after going against everything inside us telling us otherwise. You tend to grind harder and focus more on success. Hurt them with success. Its probably nothing against you. He's probably just blocked off everyone and can't fathom that anyone would be interested in him at all. Further evident by the fact that he had no idea that it was a date at all. You have to be ridiculously painfully obvious about being interested. Half the time we'll still think your just trying to be nice or are joking. Trust me he's analyzing the interaction between you 2 24/7. Unfortunately alot of us are independent to a fault, and need everyone to we don't need anybody ever. Its back to the grindstone, back to the safe zone. Pushing everyone away is what we do. Ill realize somebody likes me months after the fact. When to you feel undesirable to all humans, and your used to being right all the time, its tough trying to convince yourself that your wrong about how someone feels about you. Just my opinion though.
Just a short summary of the 6 points 😊 1. Hang around them 2. Follow their advice 3. Tell them you like them (tis is the most important ) 4. Make time for them 5. Let them do things for you 6. Don't be an idiot 😶
I don’t think we’re so much clueless, but we over analyze the situation to a point that we don’t even know what the other person’s feeling/thinking. Like “Oh, so she said this, so it must mean that. or that? or maybe it means this, but just seemed like that? Fuck, I’m a hopeless mess.”
I resonate with this alot. I have missed out on alot of love in my life by overthinking. I am a 22yo virgin male lol. I am working on building my mating skills tho.
Don't think that you have to figure things out all the time, is my advice. I'm INTJ/INFJ myself. You may always remember some of the conflicts you have had, and lots of the things that happened are lessons, and figuring out what really happened may take years, if not decades. They're just not discernible in the immediate sense. Part of that is because with age, you will see that sort of thing often enough, and it will give you a better grasp of what goes on with people, and then you will be able to come up with a pretty logical conclusion, that at least passes well enough there will be little need to think about it much more.
@Kumiho Lol, I have an exaggerated case to tell you about, which is along those lines. There is a married woman at church, and all but one time, she was always alone. And she's quite the catch too. But, I'm not going to commit evil against her husband and try to entice her, etc. She's VERY crafty, and in all my days, I never saw anybody that could glance at me, and make it so very unnoticeable. But she started making herself obvious in other ways. She would always sit behind me within handshake range at church. She always parks by my car as closely as she can, you know, stuff like that. I even went as far as to sit further up in the pews, and despite her never sitting that far up, she comes in later and sits right in my area again. So yes, nothing random about what she does. I was up on her game a little bit, and she happened to live the same direction I did from that church and we would drive for about two minutes before our paths split. But one time she got a new car, and I think she obviously knew, that I knew, what car she drove usually, because we would almost bump into each other in the parking lot at times. So there she was with a new car, but it was just a newer version of the other model she had, but a different color too. She thought she was invisible therefore. But I had figured out which car she had by where it was parked. So as I left that day, I delayed my exit a slight bit, but not so obvious she would see that, for I'm always the first one to leave, and sometimes she followed and sometimes she just got to her car too late to bother. There was a significant gap between our cars, but she hit the gas and was pretty obvious about it, so that she got on my tail quite quickly. So the first time we came to a stop sign, and it was two lanes only to go our direction. You know how it's really rare for people to turn into the closer lane from a stop? That's what I did. I'm not exactly sure why I did that, but I think it's my habit there, because a bit up the road there's a bad dip. As you may suspect, she never did that, but she did this time alright! It surprised me, and she was right on my tail, probably not a whole car's length between us. So I come up to the dip and turn into that lane behind it. And what did she do? She changed EXACTLY as I did, and turned on her signals EXACTLY as I did. My friend, I had a stalker on my hands. This kept up till the place where we normally went different directions. Every time I changed lanes, she duplicated what I did. So when we came to the light where we would part, she went in right behind me, and got in the left turn lane just like me. We went down my road quite a bit further, she still right on my tail copying my every move. As I came to my highway, she finally peeled off. I wondered afterwards, if I flagged her down, or drove into a parking lot, what would she do? So yes, she has a crush on me, or worse. Another time, the priest during the homily asked who had gone to catholic grammar school in their youth, and asked those people to stand up. Keep in mind, this woman neither looks to the right or her left, I'm dead serious, she's stiff as a post during Mass, except to ever so slightly stray my direction at times. So I stand up as being a guy that went through that school system (7 of 8 years), so everything is fine and I sit down. But when the homily concludes, we're supposed to reach out to those immediately around us and shake their hands and say "Peace be with you", and I do that all of the time, I rather enjoy it, though I'm INTJ. But usually when I shake that woman's hand, she has no reaction whatsoever, it's almost as though she's dead. She has never spoken to me, despite my giving that greeting to her at that part of church. And the additional weird thing, is I hear her greeting other people. What? So it's time to do the Sign of Peace, and she's sitting directly behind me that time. I go to shake her hand and she is literally jumping up and down like a schoolgirl with a huge smile on her face (and this made her look so cute). She seemed to be thrilled that I went to catholic school since I stood up earlier. Yes, I have a groupie, and I completely ignore her. She probably has noticed me look her way at various times, but I'm trying to do it so that she won't think I'm into her, because she just has my curiosity is all. She's in her forties easily (I'm older). I think we've known each other maybe as much as twenty years, and strange things like I described here happen fairly often. This lady is so weird, I bothered to tell my late mother about her, and I nicknamed her AAL (for Always Alone Lady), but after I seen some guy with her once, maybe her husband or brother, I started calling her AAAL, or Almost Always Alone Lady (such fun). Too bad mother didn't live ling enough to hear of that stalking story about her. Guess what the piece of advice was from my mother about her? "You know, maybe she's a widow, and hasn't taken her ring off for old times sake?" I told mom, that if she wants another man, she needs to skip the sentimentality and take the stupid thing off when she goes out, assuming she's a widow. I think mom thought that was pretty sound reasoning. And one thing I wonder about that girl. Is it possible she's not really interested in me either, because of her marriage, but that she likes playing games with me🤣? It could be, and it is sort of fun. Can you think of an INTJ playing a game with somebody of curiosity, and for it to go any other way😆🤣😂? Oh man, she may be INTJ too. The juxtaposition just has me laughing.
INTJ female (how my partner won me) 1. Don’t be dumb 2. Talk to us, initiate. We are shy 3. Tell us you like us. Be direct. Don’t let us wondering if you like us or not. 4. Points for you if you’re smart, reliable, and helpful. 5. Be natural 6. We highly value loyalty, honesty I noticed… I have only dated guys who liked me first. Guys who talked to me and let me know directly that they liked me. Those who kept saying they didn’t while joking and flirting with me never got the chance because I didn’t trust them or understand their intentions.
Yes. And I don't like phone calls too, bcs I don't know how to react right at that moment. I'm more comfortable with messages, bcs I could have time to think about the answer :)
“They may like you too but they’ll never say anything.” Dude that hits hard for me, it’s what has led me to failed relationships that could have been something special and I let them walk away.
jhumenik97 I get it! I was half asleep when I first said I love you to my husband. And yes we are always looking for meaning and things need to be meaningful.
Yes, we INTJs are a special breed. We really don’t know what we want but at the same time know exactly what we want. It’s true to just tell us, we will have to process whether or not like a person on several levels. We need to see in our minds eye far out into our future if it works. 2 introverts trying to like each other is a real test of wills 😳
Me, INTP: **comes looking out of curiosity** Commenting INTJs: NUUU STAY AWAY I DON'T WANT YOUR FEELS (ohpleaseloveusplease) HOW DARE YOU TELL THEM HOW TO GET US (thisisgoodadviceIwishmycrushknew) YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT [character trait]! **demonstrates it** Me: **sips tea** Mmmm, yes, I know these feelings.
INTP male with INTJ female crush, this is me. Asked her directly how she flirts, she answered directly, I pointed out that her answer matches how she acts with me, she just shrugged (in text form). I just have no clue. Of all the rabbit holes, why did it have to be a human?
@@TetrisPhantom I'm an Intp fem. I have a crush on an Intj guy, I want to ask him a ton of questions to learn something about him, I don't know how can I ask questions without being embrassing. Do you have any advice?
INTJ here Everything you said was so true about me. - I definitely hate when people don't take my advice. In my mind, I'm thinking like this: I gave you advice on how you can solve your problem, but you'd rather let yourself suffer. Why waste my breath on you? Over time though, I realized that some people just want to share how they feel and they just want you to feel for them. I understand that not everything is black and white so I will simply offer potential solutions and hope they'll manage. But I usually prefer only talking to those who help themselves. - I do like interrogating people to see how they can possibly fit into my life. Especially if it is a love potential. I go for long-term commitment relationships. - I had a crush on someone for 7 years and said nothing about it till I moved. So that part is true. - I really hate dishonest people. The rule of thumb in my relationship is NEVER hide something from me. I always never knew why people couldn't outright tell me things. I hate the drama of finding out later because someone decided not to tell me something for fear of repercussion and they create a bigger mess rather than nipping it at the bud. I am a very straightforward person, and if I like you as friend or more, I will go at great lengths to be understanding. My rule for people is that I will give 2 chances. Once those chances are used, it's game over and you are dead to me. - I definitely prefer things that are useful. If I can use something daily, I can think of you more often rather than having something "pretty" and just having it collect dust in a corner. - I like to pick apart ideas to make sure that the person weighs all the pros and cons to make an informed decision rather than rushing in the heat of the moment. I believe that it is better to go into something that will benefit in the long run rather than something that will only benefit now and cause problems later. I don't want my loved ones to suffer if I can help it. - I do like arguments based on research, facts, and critical thinking. I am willing to change my perception if you can provide logical and rational arguments based on these. --------------------------------------------- For those who are interested in a long-term relationship with the INTJ: I would only suggest following the advice in the video if you are genuinely capable of making permanent alterations to your mindset and personality. What I mean is, if you are only trying to "court" the INTJ and not doing it for the long run, your relationship will sour quickly.
You said everything. You spoke my mind i'm impessed. Feels good to know i'm not the only one haha. The part about saying the truth is so important. I hate when people lie to me, even white lies make me crazy. They really don't understand that a lie will always hurt me more than a hard truth and that it will only lead to a lost of trust. Anyway knowing my personnily type really helped me understanding a lot of things about myself and my childhood. 👍🏻
You had a 7 years crush until you moved on? Please tell me how you did this. In 3 months I'll be reaching my 7th year as well, and I still have no idea how to get over it. Is this a recurring problem with INTJs?
@@romulloqueiroz you just decide that unless you do not let anyone out of you, you cannot make space for the right person to come into your life. Cutting off all the things and modes of communication with that person that may remind you of the person is a big help.
I’m an INFP who usually end up attracting / dating INTJs (and entps). Now I’m in one! So glad I found your channel. INFPxINTJ is soooo underrated compared to their ENFPxINTJ counterpart the mbti community ships sooo hard hahah INFP and INTJs are so rewarding ❤️
INTJ female here........I personally cannot stand to be around ENFPs very long.....almost everything about that type irritates me to no end. I think that INFPxINTJ is such a better pairing! :)
The best way to get an INTJ to like you is to literally tell them "I like you, let's go on a date at X time and X place." It removes any thought out of the equation for them and they will be forced into believing that someone actually likes them and isn't bullshitting.
Why would they think that? Ever hear of phony compliments, etc? I've had at least three of those scenarios occur to me, and every single one of them I rejected. Yes, I'm INTJ/INFJ, and it ONLY works if you have something of a solid establishment with me beforehand. You DON'T like me where it counts, if you do so before such a stage. You liking my looks, isn't LIKING me, because I am not my looks. It sounds more like you're giving advice to an extrovert to me. Plus, I guess a girl could TRY to do that, but it won't be enough, and would have to be followed up with that groundwork they so foolishly skipped, to have a chance. As well, every single time that was pulled on me, no groundwork had been laid, so what it ends up doing is coming across as very kooky and actually works more in their disfavor, than favor. That's my angle anyway.
Someone asked me what did I saw in this girl that I pursued her. I said, "She complements me. She knows my weaknesses and is always on queue whenever I need help even if I don't make any call. She helps me grow and I am comfortable around her." And they said, "that's not love. You are very objective." I was like, "so what do you want me to say? I dont have any reason? I just fell in love? That love is nothing but feelings? Do you think I'm not taking this seriously?" I don't tell someone I like them just like that. I will be direct but I always find the right timing. And someone telling me I wasn't serious about something I invested effort and time was offending in many ways.
I absolutely do not trust a "love" when someone can't describe why they love someone. Rationality and love aren't somehow incompatible. And anyway wouldn't that just mean that, being able to articulate why you love someone, later if they annoy or offend somehow, you can say to yourself "okay, didn't like THAT, still like YOU" rather than being swept away by whatever your mood happens to be. I don't know, could just be me, but that seems mature and steadfast and reassuring to me. If my boyfriend ever said "I just like you-- dunno why" I'd reactivate my dating profile. TL;DR: your "objective" love is far, far healthier and more durable than… whatever they thought you should've said. Hell, even SONNETS give reasons for loving. "How do I love thee; let me count the ways"-- I would be curious to know what they think you SHOULD have said. If an emotion just HAPPENS, if it's just a chemical thing in their brain that came apropos of *nothing,* then it could *disappear* apropos of nothing as well. Strength of feeling would be no comfort as that would only seem to indicate that the random fluctuations are *extreme.* It says to me that their feelings are in actuality *exceptionally* shallow, likely ephemeral, and that the person is probably untrustworthy and inconsistent, too. …but I'm am INTP so I'm suspicious of ANYTHING without a rationale to it.
INTJ-A My ego enjoys making me feel like the smartest person in the room. However, I’m aware that I may not be THE smartest, but I cannot stand anyone who is below my intellect. I need to be surrounded by people who can engage me or get me thinking about perspectives I never even considered. Although, I’ll debate you tooth and nail, I also enjoy having my mind changed. It let’s me know that you’re competent enough to be able to challenge me. 9/10 (I’m being generous), I think I’m right, and even though my eye may twitch at being “wrong”, I enjoy being challenged. So please, take this sweet persons advice... 1) tell us you like us, 2) DON’T BE AN IDIOT!
6. Don't be an idiot Nailed it Really great content, but... I will report this video, not because is bad, wrong or evil... but it is too informative, all the secrets revealing, I can't allow you doing this and make things easier to the people approach to us. We can call this a 'Survival Decision' ? Yes.
As a INTJ, I'll do things for u ONCE, learn the correct way of doing or do it better than me, if the INTJ always do things for u, he probably thinks that u will screw up.
If I do something for someone, I either like them (romantically or platonically) or it's something that would end up affecting me and I'm minimizing/eliminating that possibility.
As an INTJ, a lot of this is so true. But, the weird thing- I've almost always been straightforward with people I've liked. Just because I like being honest, and I always feel it's dishonest, in a way, to hide something so vital that can change a dynamic drastically.
As an INTJ, this is eerily accurate. My ex once told me grey suited me, and it honestly meant a lot. So now I almost exclusively wear grey shirts. The 'viking hair' anecdote was also me in my teens when I thought I suited long hair.... I didn't. Keeping sentimental trinkets is also accurate in my experience. I just feel like I am being ungrateful or dishonouring the person that gave it to me if I dispose of it. Even the thought of it makes me shiver. They were thinking about me when they bought that item, and that means a lot to me.
as an intj, I have to add: even though it's difficult for us to show interest, people being pushy won't help at all. don't try to force yourself into our lives, fit into it. I like it when I see someone who can keep up with me and even be more informed than me which is probably bc of my love for learning.
To be honest as a female intj is I like you I will tell you, I can't stress or play games and keep flirting hoping maybe he will get it and ask or risk losing you especially since I am sure I want you. If I want something I go after it.
I’m an INTJ. I don’t like people depending on me, I don’t like telling people what to do. 🤷♂️ If anything, I dislike people who become too dependent on my words. Think for yourself.
This is too on point. Especially the part about sentimental gifts. I have kept so many useless things over the years to preserve my memories about the people who gifted these items to me. I don’t keep photographs of these people I cared about, I would rather keep these mementos because they help endure the person’s deeds in my mind. The fact that you picked up on that is remarkable because nobody understands this, sometimes not even the person who gave me the item.
Thx for the video! I just confessed to an INTJ woman that I really like her and asked her out for a date. We've been knowing each other for almost two years. We've been talking a lot while we were at work together, but she's never showed any signs that she's interested in me. I've just overcome my fear of being rejected and gathered my courage to ask her out. Fortunately, she said yes and right now, I'm doing research about INTJs hoping to have a better understanding of her. BTW, I'm an INFJ man. So, which me luck! 🤞🏼
sometime give her time for herself so she can do what she love but at the same time dont neglect her LMAO i know we intj are a pain haha. but what is true is if shes giving you time im sure she loves you. i hope you guys are still together. more power to you guys
Well, this is wrong. If I tell you to not do something, and you do it, but I love you and we have been together many years, I will instead figure out how to mitigate any damage and resolve the problem to a way that helps us both. I won't let my precious girl hurt on her own for a long time.
You need to be blunt with an INTJ. They are incredibly awesome and phenomenal - also oblivious. I am married to INTJ, have been together for fifteen years now. I am still so in love with him but yep, he drives me to despair. I think I am his minion but I freak'n resent it ;)
yeah, I guess we eventually read between the lines, but first we take in everything at face value. If you drop hints we may not get to it until much later. It's much easier to just say what you want.
Tim Time Even when we do pick up on the hints, we are so annoyed that you couldn’t come outright and just say it that we will either (1) annoyingly call you out on it, potentially starting a fight or (2) purposefully ignore it, (if you want something make it known like an adult). Potentially starting a fight. Hints are never good ideas with us lol.
Hello My name is Daniella an I’m and INFJ and my Husband is an INTJ and he sure wasn’t shy to come on to me. Lol he wouldn’t give up until I gave in...now we’re Happily Married with a Daughter.... he says he’s always wanted. and we’re very Blessed to have her 🥰 and yes he is very quiet and shy even though we’re both introverted and quiet around each other...I Love him so much he’s my soul mate💕
I'm an INTJ and I always give my friends advice and *I am always right in the end but they never listen to me so I just tell them "I told you to do this"*
We are very deep thinkers and are constantly self aware so we notice every wrong move in an interaction we make. Combine that with a lifetime of solitude and you get us being like "oh I'm weird now better avoid them" which most times is not the case but we really kinda pursue solitude. You need to just convince us you would be a worthy partner to experience life with
To an INTJ Emotions have to be processed just as food, complex to simplification. We are lead by logic and we ignore our feelings in the process. It may be we fell in love with you, but we won't act on it nor feel tempted to kiss you let alone. If there is no good future with you, or that we can't imagine, the emotions take a back seat unconsciously. And suddenly somedays after when reminded by our logs of emotions, we get crazy and figure again that now it's really not important.
The car toppling example is right on. I feel like they are trying to make it my problem, when it could have be avoided by following my advice. That being said, if you topple the car and your life is in danger I would help get you out of the car.
INTJ may not know or understand that they "like" you in the sense you are talking about. "Liking" you is too much like feelings that we have trouble understanding in ourselves. Instead we "value" you. You can tell this, whether or not there is a possibility for a romatic relationship, by the simple fact of us taking the time to make the effort to spend any time with you in any form that "time" might take. Even if that "time" is just honestly checking our schedule to see if we can devote time to spend with you when you invite us. If we don't value you, we won't bother with you. In the event that we Think our way through to an understanding that WE may, just possibly have feelings for someone, maybe, possibly.. we find that we value that relationship we already have with you (since it is probably one of 2 or, for the more outgoing INTJ, 3 that we tolerate) so that we won't risk it by bringing up feelings we Think we might have but aren't sure and probably don't fully understand anyway. INTJ will likely NOT pick up on the fact that you are interested in them for a relationship.. even if we somehow understand that WE have those mysterious "feelings" for someone.. we will miss, mistrust or misunderstand the cues because we understand that even less then our feelings.. Just coming out and telling an INTJ how you feel is likly to surprise us because we were oblivious to the signs. We will likly not know how to handle it and be calmly panicking, especially when done in person or (somehow) on the phone.. and may result in a rejection if the calm panic is high enough simply because that is the most efficient way to avoid dealing with our feelings "right this instant".. after Thinking about it we may recognize what a wonderful missed opportunity that was presented to us, but we made the decision and may not reverse it even if we really want to. We need time to Think about things like this. If you can manage it somehow we will need some time to Think but maybe not OverThink.. then, yes, it is likely "the interrogation will begin" This has taken enough of my time already but there is one last thing.. it is not Her shirt anymore, it is His.. he isn't wearing it out of some kind of sentimentality.. he is wearing it because it is a shirt and it works and he got used to grabbing for it so it is quick and easy for him.. he probably remembers where he got the shirt but doesn't think about it.. if the shirt makes you uncomfortable because of its providence then tell him something like "That shirt reminds me of your ex when you wear it and I'd rather not be reminded about her".. he might not completely understand but he will likely "retire" the shirt.. or at least make an effort to not grab it.. if you want to get him a shirt that you will both be comfortable with, by all means do it..
We appreciate being relied on, not depended on, If I were to put it in different words and to make it more clear, we like people appreciating our solutions, but not to the point to being the one that has to go in and do it for you every time, "I remembered what you told me, I did it and it worked" turns INTJ`s on
Im an INTJ and I approve of these messages :P but yeah just be more straight forward and upfront at first. THEN you can pull back later (no totally recommended but play if you know it'll be fun for you both) for a little chase but only once you've made a solid hint that you'd like a chase. Even asking if he sees you this or that way or pushing some ideas but do it with purpose and tact being unsure will make us unsure and if its one thing we dont like... In many ways INTJ's or for me at least, we're above labels and if we're hanging out it's because we like you in some way. If your a girl.. chances are pretty high and most of the battle is won, just be smart about how you bring it home or if he likes you enough he will act knowing its a solid investment of time and energy. However, do not expect instant access to all their time/energy. When they finally let you into wonderland, the gates will be swung open and you'll know.. Our intense focus on romance might even surprise you, but should it? knowing we like to 'be the best at what we do?'. I've never got any complaints in the romance department its just not an isle visited very often, and its very exclusive.
@ about 10:00 i would guess he was just caught off guard but likely was more appreciative < people take the work for granted. Doing that would be hard and I think some of us know it and in a sometimes detrimental way use that as an excuse and a filter/gate. It's kinda like, if you have the balls to walk up to my gate and knock, with respect, and try to engage me?! then you are certainly worth at least some of my time. i would not turn down even the ugliest girl in a terrible way. i would thank her sincerely but explain that my heart belongs to another. (likely not even there, if you do look and find this weird little machine instead, just ignore that thats just under construction stuff, tarps, area off limits, y'know prototype, prototype-biz y'know it just looks that way, its a tattoo.)
INTJ's tend to feel like aliens because of how they are grounded in reality, or rather, aren't. They behave differently from certain other types which is understandable from your part
I hate getting/buying things that serve no purpose. Souvenirs are a great example. I brought home a lovely, cute mug with a dog on it from when I studied abroad, and I intended to keep using it at home. My dad dropped it and it cracked :( My mum told me I should put it on a shelf to keep it safe, and I was upset at the suggestion because although I WOULD keep it around for sentimental and aesthetic value, I MUCH PREFER to have souvenirs and keepsakes that I can USE. It not only makes it practical, but also to me it heightens the emotional value if I have an object reminding me of something or someone that I can actually use and interact with, as opposed to just look at
I think the portion about being controlling and bossy depends on how aware or mature the INTJ is. I've learned how to express my opinion in a way that doesn't come across as offensive, most of the time. I learned you get better results if you communicate the way the person will receive it best. You learn you can't control people and how to just accept people are different than you.
INTJ's ever learning, and arguably the most important part is at least improving our severest weaknesses, as you mentioned, and turning them into a lesser weakness. I think one of our main goals is to help improve other people as well, and you can't do that it you have a chip on your shoulder, or are afraid. Basically, what you're talking about, and I've taken up the attitude as well, is the one we see in the Bible, something along the lines that if you speak with the tongues of angels, yet have not love, you accomplish nothing. IOW, don't let a bad attitude destroy what you're trying to tell somebody, and at bare minimum try to have at least a neutral attitude. And if somehow somebody detects love coming from what you say, some ground is being laid, even if it doesn't make them change their mind right then, it's going to have some effect which they will have to battle, if they want to remain as they are. My guess is most INTJ's don't get this till they're at least 30 or 40. You want to change the world, or just individuals, for the better, you better learn to watch your attitude. I'm something of a sigma male, and I have understood this concept for quite some time, that we are all on the same ground, so why have an uppity attitude, even if you bring things bettering others? This is especially contradictory, because thinking of yourself as better than somebody else, is really a vice. Again, a vice destroying the message. People see the attitude a lot quicker than they understand the message.
As an INTJ, I want to know everything about those I like, BUT it has to be honest! If you aren't comfortable answering something, just don't answer because contradictions can fracture everything. I want relationships (friendships/romantic) that will last. Isn't that the point of them?
OMG the dating profile thing rings so true...I once responded to a potential suitor only to pick apart his profile...I said something like "Although I agree with almost every thing you've said I still find it very offputting." Checked back a couple of weeks later to find his profile rewritten and much improved. I was very satisfied with that and even more satisfied when his profile disappeared because I deduced that he had found someone. That is an INTJ! 😂😂😂 We will fix you lol
An intj does care but we dont like being disregarded. How does the fact we dont like being treated as if we are irrevelant and we wont stand in line for mountains of personal abuse make our efforts for others less then altruistic.
My INTJ bf would be very active on my Facebook when we were friends, we were friends for over 20 years and have been dating for the past 3 years. Now, after dating for 3 years, he doesn’t ask AS many question anymore. He appears to be more settled in our relationship and in his comfort zone. I am an INTP and do process extensive info on feelings (yes, I have those too) and ask him about his and he doesn’t seem to know how to access that and have a 2 way convo on that. It’s funny, I know he absolutely loves me but has a hard time expressing it.
I am an INTJ and this is spot on. I dated an ISFJ for 5 years. I loved how much he wanted to spend time with me. I loved how much he opened me up emotionally. I am better for dating him. We are still good friends. So INTJs might get annoyed at emotions but they deeply want to explore them. If you can be the one to guide them through their emotions you will always have a place in their heart even if things go bad and they hate you now to some degree you will always have a piece of them.
I'm an INTJ and my family often teases me about how clueless I am in romance. They say I have been hit on by many girls but I have never noticed. That said, if one would want to let me know they are interested, they would have to be very obvious, to the point of outright saying it explicitly. I think that at least some INTJs will relate to this.
Her: "I like you." Me: "I have places to be." *go out of my way to avoid the places I know she frequents* *feels sorry about it because I like her too*
Just as a small comment as an INTJ. Also understand, that we're so flipping calculating, that we can even pretend that we weren't expecting you to say something as part of the calculation. And then we'll calculate what response that will gauge and then follow it up with a pre-determined and calculated contingency script. We're actually surprisingly pretty good at interactions and emotional intelligence. The reason we don't engage in it is because it just doesn't make any sense to us whatsoever. Drama, small talk, partying when all you do is stand and drink, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians". These are simply things our brains could never hope to compute.
This is amazing, and very on-point. Especially about how we show that we care and want the best for you by suggesting (read: directing) you to do certain things that we deem as good for what you want. We both love independence, and love to be useful.
Agree with 95% of this! I'll just emphasize that I have been studying how to be a better conversationalist which includes asking out, flirting, etc. Now I have no issue asking out. So we can learn to ask out...I wouldn't use NEVER as a blanket statement.
For INTJs males, guys u've to make the 1st move, it's a human nature u've to tell the girl that u value her as a loved one, that's Bec. There's too much men that rn't serious and superficial, be a man and don't break the heart of ur future woman and her ego. 😔😔😔😔😔
Truth be told, most of us are sexually depraved simply because we are too demanding and don't want to invest in a relationship with a short expiration date and we are also too socially inadequate to make the fist step. But as the years go by and we come to a point we forget what actual human contact feels like... just throw a boob and we are game!
When she said intj men really don't care about others..that hit cause I thought I was a psychopath for so long. Until I realize that the ones I do care about, its seems I care about them more than another person would care about the ones they claimed they cared for. I dont feel for you or your just like you cause society tells me I should. Doesn't mean I hate you. I just dont see the point in pretending we are something we were never really
I'm Intj-t and autistic, and its the most chaotic mess mentally. This is a good explination :) I'm hyper aware of messing up.. Hoping to use some of these other sided insights to help with my relationship! I mess up so often.
This is very true, let them do things for you. I'm INTJ and recently I catch myself helping my coworker (doing her work literally 90% faster) without her asking me to. There is no romantic relationship between us and my intention was simply to get her to move on with all tasks. Maybe I shouldn't do that.
I would tell someone that I like them if I see a personality that I know I would enjoy forever. Probably. Otherwise, just a simple crush, it's no fun to me. When someone who I kinda like tells me they like me and want to be with me without knowing me very well that turns me off so much because it makes me think they're superficial. Also even tho I see people who are interesting to me I would usually never pursue them because I see it as a waste of time if both of us aren't 100% into it. So I'll never even give it a chance to imagine different future with them, I'd observe them for a short time and already make a picture of future in my mind and see in how many ways our relationship will fail and so I don't bother at all. I can feel very deep feelings and I care a lot about my friends but it's very rare and hard for me to get attached at all. Also true about helping people. I don't like when people ask me to show them how to do something twice or when they ask me what to do but then do the completely different things and I can be very controlling over my close friends and family like you've said I'd be like do this do that blah blah very direct and kinda agressive and I've only started noticing this now and it made me feel bad because I don't want to control no one, just help... what a chunk of text good luck reading it anyone
what a chunk of text good luck reading it anyone ? Noooo don't worry this look like a simple word length to common INTJs. we really like deep insight . It is so good . just like reading another version of yourself in a parallel dimension.
@@ataatasy6923 well, I've been using this icon for a couple of years, haven't been uptaded on bts in a looooong while or kpop at all and I'm getting comments non stop about being an army , should i change the picture ? 😅 Anyways, nice to meet you, i still do appreciate bts and kpop a lot, nonetheless
In my opinion the reason why you have a lot of intj and infp questions or traffic is because of our introverted feeling Fi we have a great desire to know and improve ourselves.
The advice here is pretty solid. Individuals are individuals, but I can admit to having done many of these things, and often responding to the suggested behaviors in the ways described. I've gotten better about choosing my battles, but still working on telling a lady I like her. Who knows? Maybe someday.
Excellent video: addendum- We like fair, consistent, sapient, logical, open-minded types that will discuss abstracts and call us on our bs. Jealousy? Insecurity? Neediness? Fastest ways to send an intj packing.
3:50 It's funny because it's true. I hate people the most when I give them advice and they don't follow it. I'm like, "How can you be this stupid? You are the reason I am losing faith in humanity." I hate stupid people so so much. Especially when they aren't independent and self-reliant. I don't want to have to take care of a grown man as I would a child, it's incredibly irritating.
20:25 Yeah, there's a reason we hate to be asked for inconsequential details like sources, and I'll try to make it make sense. After we've assessed a piece of information--to either reject it or incorporate it into our body of knowledge--we kind of dismiss the source. An INTJ's body of knowledge isn't a collection of small units of information, like a library. It's more like a 3-dimensional puzzle or machine that we're constantly fitting pieces into and rearranging and turning over. Sometimes we can remember sources, but often, if we understand a concept thoroughly enough to present an argument about it, we've probably tinkered with it in our heads until it's not the same morsel of information that we picked up AND we've forgotten the source.
You nailed INTJ. You know me better than I do. Nailing it is attractive. INTJ scientist. Good friends with a woman for 5 years, she never said a word about a romantic interest, years later it was mentioned she had a romantic interest in me, but I never said anything romantic, she had to move on - I felt so stupid.
Thank you, as ENFP I am dying to tell him that I am feeling him but thought he just might not be into me, but he literally texts me everyday and we see each other atleast once a week. I'm going for it! ❤
For context: INTJ female I clicked/watched the video out of curiosity to see whether or not the video was full of shit, but I must say it was pretty spot on. Kudos. I would argue that I don't like to argue, but that would only prove your point. Also, I been in a relationship with an ENTP for like 6 years, so make of that what you will, lol. It would be more accurate that I don't like confrontation on an emotional level, but debates on facts/logic are completely fine. Yes, the most important thing with an INTJ is that you TELL US. We're not psychics and the whole Fe blind spot can make use pretty stupid towards what other people are feeling. I can't speak for all INTJs, but if it helps any, I never flirt with someone I'm not interested in, because of the fear of leading them on. The fewer hearts I break, the better. Story time: I was reminded of my worst moment of being completely oblivious. When I was a kid, there was a boy I sat next to in class and for that year he was one of my best friends, maybe the best one at school. Other kids would tease like we were a thing occasionally, because that's what kids do and I paid it little mind. At valentine's he gave me a nicer card than the packaged multi-pack cards he gave everyone else, so that probably should have been a huge duh. I think it just confused me. Thing is, he never directly expressed it with words. The next year there was more than once I was confronted with someone from his bus because they wanted to know if it was true when he told them on the last day that I was his gf. "No, because he never asked me to be." I remember it upset me, but I'm not sure if it was more because of the lie or because he didn't tell me how he felt. I'd like to think I've gotten smarter over the years, but I'll still find I've poorly read someone on occasion. (Also, that I don't "new people" very well, but that's another topic.) Plus, I'm sure there's others who are more akin to my old self in that respect. So, yeah, throw out your hints and if they still don't get it, be blunt. Maybe the INTJ secretly likes you back or maybe they need the opportunity to think it over and consider what their own feelings might be.
One thing that you said with INTJ's wanting others to be dependent on them, I like to think of it more as: we know we are valuable (for our intellect especially), so we want to be treated as such. The way I perceive other people is by their "function", so if I am not serving a function in someones life besides just being there, it frustrates me, because then I feel expendable.
Male, 32, INTJ-A. I agree on lots of stuff but not on the not-doing-anything about liking someone. We will do at least something more times than not. Specifically: we'll make a plan about it. To let the other person know. Yeah, we hate displaying emotions at that stage, we hate confessions and such amenities. Now, it could be the case that the plan will fail to actually let the liked person know because of the horrible Fe/Se in reality, but that's another story... P.s. on the arguments you're winning: he probably lets you. Yeah, it happens, let's keep it a secret.
On the topic of gifts, as an INTJ, I like practical gifts because it means I have a reason to engage with that gift for some amount of time and it feels pleasant knowing it's from someone I love. I also deeply appreciate trinket-y items as well and keep all of them, but I just never get to "use" them. Meanwhile, I still wear my ex bf's hoodie because it has a purpose lol.
I have cousin who isn’t the sharpest. I took him under my wing and spoon fed him to get his life together. We had him on the right track and then he disappeared one day and found out that he went to jail. Once he got out of jail, I told him that I’ll never help him gain and That I was done with him. He asked my and said that I didn’t do anything to you. I couldn’t figure out why it upset me so bad. You just cleared it up for me lmao.
I don't like people being dependent on me, rather I like to build others up so they can choose for themselves who they will be with. It is more of equality rather than dependence. If a person is too weak to rise up to being an equal, and I really like them, I will accept them being dependent, but it is not my preference.
I legit pretended to be “gasping for air” after climbing up five *easy* flights of stairs... so I wouldn’t need to talk to a guy who approached me. 😂 The guard who knew I took the stairs everyday really scratched his head and asked why I suddenly looked tired lol!
as an INTJ, I'm watching this to know how to avoid people who may try to do this to me c:
Yep same
That’s.. not really nice? What if it’s someone who really likes you? Would you seriously just flat out avoid them? I can understand if it’s a creep, but you shouldn’t do that to someone who likes you.
@@dreamwish286 The reason us INTJ's would watch this to avoid those who would do that to us is because they will change their behavior based on what this video is telling them, hence they will likely not be showing us INTJ's their true selves.
Same!
Same.
as an INTJ, I honestly dislike thinking about romantic relationships unless I know it will last, because pursuing something that I know won’t work in the long run has no purpose, so honestly the best way to get me interested in you is to just show that we work together so I know that it wouldn’t be superficial.
Also we can’t take hints or won’t pay attention to them so you better have someone we trust tell us before YOU personally tell us so we can make up our mind.
Agree. I think, we always seek purpose in anything..
Did you read this on a stereotypical blog or something? We can’t take hints and stuff? What the freaking hell?
Tru if your not dating for life what’s the point
Same, what's the point in a relationship if you aren't going to spend your lives together?
True
Other types: Where can we find INTJ's?
INTJ's reading the comments from our homeplace: **sips tea**
🤣
@@savvystudios7950
"So what do you do for fun?"
INTJ: "I don't."
pretty true also am i the only intj who is finding this video funny
😁
+@@redmestiro I keep laughing it's like my brain is being read, I keep applying what she's saying to different things I've done and cackling.
I'm an intj, and i love nothing more then a person who can push back against me and prove me wrong and teach me new shit about stuff i thought i knew everything about. So please, please, argue back, say no, articulate why, even scream in my face. I want you to be right and smarter than me.
Than with an a..
@@Apricot90 Ty. English is not my first language. Even though i know the difference, sometimes i get passionate about something and forget all grammar =)
@@profilore I know, just wanted to be funny and push back against you :)) Are you Russian? Russians look so scary from the outside..
@@Apricot90 yup, very russian, and not at all scary =)
I’m a strange INTJ, I find male intjs so attractive WHY
Here's a real intj secret. We are sensitive to the ones we love.
No need for communication or even interaction, but just having you move about the home is nice.
At the same time cuddles can be more important than the horizontal Mambo.
My dad is INTJ and you just said what I always felt. I am an ENFP and to just sit in the same room as him or sit on the couch next to him was so fulfilling as his daughter.
I'll die before I'll tell someone I'm interested.
Shana Adams Hahahahaha
infp??😂
@@emersyn444 intj-a
Shana Adams makes sense
@@shanaadams4456 why? What do you have to lose from saying that you like someone?
As an INTJ female, I agree about being oblivious and a little too literal. A guy asked me to go have coffee with him. I said, "I don't drink coffee." I was completely clueless that he was asking for a date because he didn't use the word, "date." After talking with my more knowledgeable friends, when he asked me out to lunch, I went since I now knew he was asking for a date and I did really like him.
and did you have lunch?
@@brockolea We did have lunch. And then a few weeks later, he cooked me dinner. Best date ever!
@@adora721lux8 LOL. INTJ struggles.
Hahahaha oh my god, INTJ female too, and just this week I was walking through town and this woman asked me if I had any change. Instead of understanding that she was homeless and in need of money, I could only think about answering her question. "yes, actually I do have change. €5,65 to be exact." And then when it dawned on me i got so awkward I gave her a ten euro bill and ran away feeling guilty xD
@@SueMeriah 10 Euro??? Are you rich or just dumb?
Woman posted this story on an INTJ forum, made me laugh:
Guy: I'm totally oblivious to when women like me. One of them would have to hit me upside the head for me to realize she's interested in me.
Girl:
Guy: OW! What the hell was that for?!
@J H Not Quora but I'm not sure which one now.
This literally happened to me 4 different times.
MrBigNuts476 lol 😂 so relatable
happens with INTP's too.
You can deduce it in time. Sometimes years later.
I was in my bed listening to you educate the world on INTJ, for which I'm immensely grateful. I got to the part where you said "INTJs always argue... " and I jumped out of bed to defend myself, only to hear you qualify that statement. I am INTJ and I approve this message.
The fact that you jumped out of bed to defend yourself .... There's a clue in that. Yep. I haven't even listened to the video, but, you know... if you jump out of bed to argue that you don't always argue, it really says something about your arguing. I am not judging. Just observing.
Im an INTJ I’ve been burned quite a bit the trust issue is real.
I agree. 100% hahaha
This is true for me too, same type.
One time I thought of the analogy of a corpulent bouncer at the door (thinking filter), he wont let most people into the feeling zone which allows trust. People make too many stupid mistakes (it seems INFPs need to make a lot of mistakes to learn) I think an INTJ stores times that you lied to him very effortlessly and you wont even know that they know you lied. He wont trust you if youre not honest to be exact, so start off well, because it may not be easy to pull the wool over the eyes as it may be with others.
If you passed this inherent test for a long time, you'll finally cicumvemt the bouncer and have someone very loyal. I usually, feel perplexed if someone new actually made it through.
Bs detector nose )))
We we are already naturally distrustful/cautious so it's pretty hard to recover once you get burned
It's easy to win a debate with a INTJ
1 be right
2 observe 1
Hahahaha this 100% lmao
lol you wish
Oh, I needed that chuckle. Thanks.
So basically the INTJ is self reflecting.
I think part of the problem is many people don't understand how much research, thinking, testing and self debating an INTJ does prior to taking a position. I mean, it's not like the INTJ is going to say the years spent working before taking a position. So when someone comes up to an INTJ in debate and simply says the equivalent of "nu-uh" without giving hours of analysis of why they drew their conclusion... without demostrating they put the same dedication behind it... repeating points you already defeated yourself years ago because they are that far behind the curve... well... How the hell you think an INTJ is going to react!? At least put up a venn diagram you casual!
Number one rule, at least for me, don't be pushy. If you're pushy I'm going to ghost you so fast you won't know what happened.
Omg this is what happened to me when I was a freshman in highschool, about 4 years ago. So basically this girl is admittedly very cute and pretty, but the thing that threw me off was that she's too pushy and me being an immature INTJ at the time found her to be quite bothersome
This happened to me and my ex-ENFP friend
Thats what happend to the priest when i told him that iam not religious
Story time:
I am deathly shy. As a guy it’s stereotypical for us to ask out girls, which is why I’ve never been in a relationship. While at college, in the dining hall, I noticed a cute girl sitting in a corner table alone. I went to dinner around 6:00pm every day and would sit at the same spot. I started to notice that she would also be there, at her same table. I then started to do the only flirting technique I can muster, which is quick glances. I did this for about two months. I guess she took notice because one day she was sitting at a table closer to mine. I was still too much of a wimp to say anything to her, so I continued my tactic. I continued to ensure I arrived at that dinning hall at 6:00pm almost everyday for about six more months. Rain or snow I would walk a couple miles across campus almost everyday to see her. To my surprise, and delight, she would also be there at the table closer to mine. Yet nothing progressed. Until one day I was at a different dinning hall, studying, and she showed up! Where I was seated was farther into the hall than she was, so I had to pass her every time to get food. I took advantage of this giving her more obvious glances each time I passed. I had never eaten so much food as I did that day. I could tell though that she had taken notice of my efforts, so it was 100% worth it. Yet still neither of us had initiated a conversation. Another month passed, and we would both continue be at the original dinning hall. At this point I was seriously starting to doubt if I had any balls (Ironically I would be more comfortable fighting a rabid animal than talk to an attractive girl). Then two weeks before school ended, when I was walking out of the gym, she was walking towards me. As we approached she smiled at me and said “hello”. Being taken off guard, I hastily returned her greeting and kept walking. I saw her a few more times after that, but couldn’t muster the strength to talk to her. Unfortunately, in the interest of my schooling, I transferred to a different school after that semester. I never saw her again, and I doubt I ever will.
Thinking back on it is one of few things that can still make me feel sad. Everything’s easier in hindsight. I don’t recommend living this story. You’ll regret it forever.
Edit: Forgot to mention I’m an INTJ male
Ok, that is sad. I'm an INTJ female and fortunately I'm not shy at all. Well, not anymore... life forced me to fake being confident and somehow I started trusting myself more and more. I hope you will find your own confidence too, albeit in a more gentle way.
Tears on my eyes.ಥ_ಥ, Also Wtf 6 in morning everyday
I am laughing at how cute this love story is. 😂😂😂
Bro that's not intj that's being a pussy. Tou should've observed people enough to understand how roles play and how humans interact. You need to think of a guy that gets girls and act like him. Use your damn surroundings and learn. Always be learning. And don't discount being a wallflower.
That is so sad.
I will say this about INTJ intelligence: even though we get treated as the smartest kid in class, sometimes we feel like the dumbest kid in class, and miss something super obvious that leaves everyone else astonished. You may be intimidated by INTJ intelligence, but an INTJ may be just as insecure about their intelligence.
Yeah. My friend will say "dude, you are so smart, you might not see it but really, you are one of the smartest people I know, you are good with people and solving problems, you are organized, focused and honest" and I will say "woah, me? Man, I am not as smart as you think, I actually feel stupid compared to you. I am nothing special, I just do stuff the way I think is good and it just happens to work out most of times, I suck with people and I am lazy as hell".
@@anonimowelwiatko9811 Yep. I'm often very intimidated by ISTPs and INTPs rattling off some academic stuff like it's nothing, with things I'm seriously struggling to keep up with.
@@johnknight9150 Lol, I 100% relate. When people start talking about hard, academic or engineering concepts and there is TONS of information and questions (they might not even have answer to) in my head that I shoot at them, it's not easy to keep up with curiosity, understanding new concept when your intuition tells you that some of this is useless information that you will never use and those details nobody talks about are something necessary for you to see bigger picture.
@@anonimowelwiatko9811 I distinctly remember getting jealous when my INTP brother and our ISTP friend started talking about chemical formulae and balancing equations, and this was a good few years _after_ high school. I kind of just scraped by through that stuff, and then got sick partway through high school and had to pull out. So when those guys were throwing around that stuff like it was nothing, I remember feeling _very_ inadequate and embarrassed. I remember broad stroke principles that have helped throughout life, but I really wish I had that Ti knack they do for things like that.
I am an INFP girl who fell head over heels for an INTJ guy. We briefly worked together and had many long, intimate conversations about our lives, ranging from our childhoods to our dreams for the future (marriage, kids, etc). After a couple weeks of this, I asked him out on a hike.
I thought it was a date. When we summited the mountain, I said "Wow I was so nervous for this date and now I feel silly for being so nervous because I'm so comfortable with you and feel like I could tell you anything!"
He got really quiet. I immediately was like "Are you gay? Do you have a girlfriend? Are you just not interested in me?"
He then revealed to me that he had a girlfriend and they'd been together for EIGHT years. I was so confused that he told me his whole family history and went on and on about he'd love to marry 'someone someday', but totally left out his 8 year relationship.
After getting to know him better as friends and listening to this video, I understand how it might not have occured to him that I was asking him on a date. Romantically, he's kind of clueless.
We still keep in touch. I still love him and probably always will. He's just so strange beautiful, and thoughtful in the way he experiences life and we always have a billion things to talk about.
His girlfriend has since left him (she says she needs to figure out who she is outside of the relationship) and he's pretty heart broken. He never thinks he'll love again (he's 32) and I am just a supportive friend.
I'd love to someday become more, but am doubtful that he wants that. I am very independent and can be impulsive. I've never taken any of his advice because I don't like being told what to do (and also never asked). I'm pretty sure at this point he only talks to me to be nice...but who knows? I'd rather be his friend forever anyways than not have him in my life.
@@Chrupignat Hey! Thanks for the reply. He didn't respond to my last message (back in April or May I think), so I just stopped texting him. There hasn't been any contact between us since. It's all okay.
He has a lot going on in his life and same for me. Life goes on 🍁
@@michellegoodwin7760 i as a female infp legitly crying.. man, i feel so bad for you sis like i can feel your embarrasment and you must be so sad at that time :'( .. as an infp i know how it feels when we falling in love with someone ( probably imagine all the good stuff ) . And the time when he said okay to go hike with you i can imagine how happy you were :'( . I hope you're doing good now^
@@natashaedayu5954 Thanks for connecting to my post ♥️ It was a really tough situation and has taken a long time to let go of the "what ifs", but things are a lot better now. I'm in a very healthy relationship with someone who really loves me and was ready and available for a relationship. I feel very lucky! I hope you're doing well!!
@@michellegoodwin7760 aweee i am sooo happy for you!! Glad to hear that♡ i hope your relationship will go smoothly. Btw, im good^ hope u have a nice day today>
If he talks to you he likes you. After a heart break we tend to go into Auto-pilot for awhile and ignore all social interaction. After caring so much and being made to feel stupid for doing so, after going against everything inside us telling us otherwise. You tend to grind harder and focus more on success. Hurt them with success. Its probably nothing against you. He's probably just blocked off everyone and can't fathom that anyone would be interested in him at all. Further evident by the fact that he had no idea that it was a date at all. You have to be ridiculously painfully obvious about being interested. Half the time we'll still think your just trying to be nice or are joking. Trust me he's analyzing the interaction between you 2 24/7. Unfortunately alot of us are independent to a fault, and need everyone to we don't need anybody ever. Its back to the grindstone, back to the safe zone. Pushing everyone away is what we do. Ill realize somebody likes me months after the fact. When to you feel undesirable to all humans, and your used to being right all the time, its tough trying to convince yourself that your wrong about how someone feels about you. Just my opinion though.
Just a short summary of the 6 points 😊
1. Hang around them
2. Follow their advice
3. Tell them you like them (tis is the most important )
4. Make time for them
5. Let them do things for you
6. Don't be an idiot 😶
You forgot 0.5: find them
0.75 in a quality that fits you otherwise, too.
6 is too difficult for 98% of people.
Thank you. You must be an intj. Straight to the point.
I don’t think we’re so much clueless, but we over analyze the situation to a point that we don’t even know what the other person’s feeling/thinking. Like “Oh, so she said this, so it must mean that. or that? or maybe it means this, but just seemed like that? Fuck, I’m a hopeless mess.”
I resonate with this alot. I have missed out on alot of love in my life by overthinking. I am a 22yo virgin male lol. I am working on building my mating skills tho.
clueless
Don't think that you have to figure things out all the time, is my advice. I'm INTJ/INFJ myself. You may always remember some of the conflicts you have had, and lots of the things that happened are lessons, and figuring out what really happened may take years, if not decades. They're just not discernible in the immediate sense. Part of that is because with age, you will see that sort of thing often enough, and it will give you a better grasp of what goes on with people, and then you will be able to come up with a pretty logical conclusion, that at least passes well enough there will be little need to think about it much more.
@Kumiho Lol, I have an exaggerated case to tell you about, which is along those lines. There is a married woman at church, and all but one time, she was always alone. And she's quite the catch too. But, I'm not going to commit evil against her husband and try to entice her, etc. She's VERY crafty, and in all my days, I never saw anybody that could glance at me, and make it so very unnoticeable. But she started making herself obvious in other ways. She would always sit behind me within handshake range at church. She always parks by my car as closely as she can, you know, stuff like that. I even went as far as to sit further up in the pews, and despite her never sitting that far up, she comes in later and sits right in my area again. So yes, nothing random about what she does.
I was up on her game a little bit, and she happened to live the same direction I did from that church and we would drive for about two minutes before our paths split. But one time she got a new car, and I think she obviously knew, that I knew, what car she drove usually, because we would almost bump into each other in the parking lot at times. So there she was with a new car, but it was just a newer version of the other model she had, but a different color too. She thought she was invisible therefore. But I had figured out which car she had by where it was parked. So as I left that day, I delayed my exit a slight bit, but not so obvious she would see that, for I'm always the first one to leave, and sometimes she followed and sometimes she just got to her car too late to bother. There was a significant gap between our cars, but she hit the gas and was pretty obvious about it, so that she got on my tail quite quickly.
So the first time we came to a stop sign, and it was two lanes only to go our direction. You know how it's really rare for people to turn into the closer lane from a stop? That's what I did. I'm not exactly sure why I did that, but I think it's my habit there, because a bit up the road there's a bad dip. As you may suspect, she never did that, but she did this time alright! It surprised me, and she was right on my tail, probably not a whole car's length between us. So I come up to the dip and turn into that lane behind it. And what did she do? She changed EXACTLY as I did, and turned on her signals EXACTLY as I did. My friend, I had a stalker on my hands. This kept up till the place where we normally went different directions. Every time I changed lanes, she duplicated what I did. So when we came to the light where we would part, she went in right behind me, and got in the left turn lane just like me. We went down my road quite a bit further, she still right on my tail copying my every move. As I came to my highway, she finally peeled off. I wondered afterwards, if I flagged her down, or drove into a parking lot, what would she do?
So yes, she has a crush on me, or worse. Another time, the priest during the homily asked who had gone to catholic grammar school in their youth, and asked those people to stand up. Keep in mind, this woman neither looks to the right or her left, I'm dead serious, she's stiff as a post during Mass, except to ever so slightly stray my direction at times. So I stand up as being a guy that went through that school system (7 of 8 years), so everything is fine and I sit down. But when the homily concludes, we're supposed to reach out to those immediately around us and shake their hands and say "Peace be with you", and I do that all of the time, I rather enjoy it, though I'm INTJ. But usually when I shake that woman's hand, she has no reaction whatsoever, it's almost as though she's dead. She has never spoken to me, despite my giving that greeting to her at that part of church. And the additional weird thing, is I hear her greeting other people. What?
So it's time to do the Sign of Peace, and she's sitting directly behind me that time. I go to shake her hand and she is literally jumping up and down like a schoolgirl with a huge smile on her face (and this made her look so cute). She seemed to be thrilled that I went to catholic school since I stood up earlier. Yes, I have a groupie, and I completely ignore her. She probably has noticed me look her way at various times, but I'm trying to do it so that she won't think I'm into her, because she just has my curiosity is all. She's in her forties easily (I'm older). I think we've known each other maybe as much as twenty years, and strange things like I described here happen fairly often.
This lady is so weird, I bothered to tell my late mother about her, and I nicknamed her AAL (for Always Alone Lady), but after I seen some guy with her once, maybe her husband or brother, I started calling her AAAL, or Almost Always Alone Lady (such fun). Too bad mother didn't live ling enough to hear of that stalking story about her. Guess what the piece of advice was from my mother about her? "You know, maybe she's a widow, and hasn't taken her ring off for old times sake?" I told mom, that if she wants another man, she needs to skip the sentimentality and take the stupid thing off when she goes out, assuming she's a widow. I think mom thought that was pretty sound reasoning.
And one thing I wonder about that girl. Is it possible she's not really interested in me either, because of her marriage, but that she likes playing games with me🤣? It could be, and it is sort of fun. Can you think of an INTJ playing a game with somebody of curiosity, and for it to go any other way😆🤣😂? Oh man, she may be INTJ too. The juxtaposition just has me laughing.
@Kumiho Yup, a good variety of strange things in my life. Thanks.
INTJ female (how my partner won me)
1. Don’t be dumb
2. Talk to us, initiate. We are shy
3. Tell us you like us. Be direct. Don’t let us wondering if you like us or not.
4. Points for you if you’re smart, reliable, and helpful.
5. Be natural
6. We highly value loyalty, honesty
I noticed… I have only dated guys who liked me first. Guys who talked to me and let me know directly that they liked me. Those who kept saying they didn’t while joking and flirting with me never got the chance because I didn’t trust them or understand their intentions.
“Tell them, especially in person”
God, please no
If someone told me that face to face I'd probably deny it and ask what's wrong with them
Yes. And I don't like phone calls too, bcs I don't know how to react right at that moment. I'm more comfortable with messages, bcs I could have time to think about the answer :)
@@indahnugrahakristami7561 My thoughts exactly
"I like you"
INTJ : "You damn fool"
"Well this is awkard"
“They may like you too but they’ll never say anything.” Dude that hits hard for me, it’s what has led me to failed relationships that could have been something special and I let them walk away.
jhumenik97 I get it! I was half asleep when I first said I love you to my husband. And yes we are always looking for meaning and things need to be meaningful.
Why?
T Why what? Elaborate
oh my god really? i'm so in love with this intj boy i think he MIGHT like me, what should i do?? i've never been desperate about someone
Yes, we INTJs are a special breed. We really don’t know what we want but at the same time know exactly what we want.
It’s true to just tell us, we will have to process whether or not like a person on several levels. We need to see in our minds eye far out into our future if it works.
2 introverts trying to like each other is a real test of wills 😳
Me, INTP: **comes looking out of curiosity**
Commenting INTJs: NUUU STAY AWAY I DON'T WANT YOUR FEELS (ohpleaseloveusplease)
HOW DARE YOU TELL THEM HOW TO GET US (thisisgoodadviceIwishmycrushknew)
YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT [character trait]!
**demonstrates it**
Me: **sips tea** Mmmm, yes, I know these feelings.
Boy this was the best comment I stumbled across 🤣🤣🤣🤣
INTP male with INTJ female crush, this is me. Asked her directly how she flirts, she answered directly, I pointed out that her answer matches how she acts with me, she just shrugged (in text form). I just have no clue. Of all the rabbit holes, why did it have to be a human?
@@TetrisPhantom I'm an Intp fem. I have a crush on an Intj guy, I want to ask him a ton of questions to learn something about him, I don't know how can I ask questions without being embrassing. Do you have any advice?
@@phaidon2362 If he's anything like the girl I liked, then being upfront is the best approach. Hopefully you'll have better luck than I did, though.
@@TetrisPhantom Thanks for the advice
INTJ here
Everything you said was so true about me.
- I definitely hate when people don't take my advice. In my mind, I'm thinking like this: I gave you advice on how you can solve your problem, but you'd rather let yourself suffer. Why waste my breath on you?
Over time though, I realized that some people just want to share how they feel and they just want you to feel for them. I understand that not everything is black and white so I will simply offer potential solutions and hope they'll manage. But I usually prefer only talking to those who help themselves.
- I do like interrogating people to see how they can possibly fit into my life. Especially if it is a love potential. I go for long-term commitment relationships.
- I had a crush on someone for 7 years and said nothing about it till I moved. So that part is true.
- I really hate dishonest people. The rule of thumb in my relationship is NEVER hide something from me. I always never knew why people couldn't outright tell me things. I hate the drama of finding out later because someone decided not to tell me something for fear of repercussion and they create a bigger mess rather than nipping it at the bud. I am a very straightforward person, and if I like you as friend or more, I will go at great lengths to be understanding. My rule for people is that I will give 2 chances. Once those chances are used, it's game over and you are dead to me.
- I definitely prefer things that are useful. If I can use something daily, I can think of you more often rather than having something "pretty" and just having it collect dust in a corner.
- I like to pick apart ideas to make sure that the person weighs all the pros and cons to make an informed decision rather than rushing in the heat of the moment. I believe that it is better to go into something that will benefit in the long run rather than something that will only benefit now and cause problems later. I don't want my loved ones to suffer if I can help it.
- I do like arguments based on research, facts, and critical thinking. I am willing to change my perception if you can provide logical and rational arguments based on these.
---------------------------------------------
For those who are interested in a long-term relationship with the INTJ: I would only suggest following the advice in the video if you are genuinely capable of making permanent alterations to your mindset and personality. What I mean is, if you are only trying to "court" the INTJ and not doing it for the long run, your relationship will sour quickly.
You said everything. You spoke my mind i'm impessed. Feels good to know i'm not the only one haha.
The part about saying the truth is so important. I hate when people lie to me, even white lies make me crazy. They really don't understand that a lie will always hurt me more than a hard truth and that it will only lead to a lost of trust.
Anyway knowing my personnily type really helped me understanding a lot of things about myself and my childhood. 👍🏻
INTJ here too, I agree with absolutely everything you said.
You had a 7 years crush until you moved on? Please tell me how you did this. In 3 months I'll be reaching my 7th year as well, and I still have no idea how to get over it. Is this a recurring problem with INTJs?
@@romulloqueiroz you just decide that unless you do not let anyone out of you, you cannot make space for the right person to come into your life. Cutting off all the things and modes of communication with that person that may remind you of the person is a big help.
fem intj too and i totally agree with you
I’m an INFP who usually end up attracting / dating INTJs (and entps).
Now I’m in one! So glad I found your channel. INFPxINTJ is soooo underrated compared to their ENFPxINTJ counterpart the mbti community ships sooo hard hahah
INFP and INTJs are so rewarding ❤️
They really are
INTJ female here........I personally cannot stand to be around ENFPs very long.....almost everything about that type irritates me to no end. I think that INFPxINTJ is such a better pairing! :)
@@roblaw7826 I'm happy to hear!!
The best way to get an INTJ to like you is to literally tell them "I like you, let's go on a date at X time and X place." It removes any thought out of the equation for them and they will be forced into believing that someone actually likes them and isn't bullshitting.
Why would they think that? Ever hear of phony compliments, etc? I've had at least three of those scenarios occur to me, and every single one of them I rejected. Yes, I'm INTJ/INFJ, and it ONLY works if you have something of a solid establishment with me beforehand. You DON'T like me where it counts, if you do so before such a stage. You liking my looks, isn't LIKING me, because I am not my looks. It sounds more like you're giving advice to an extrovert to me. Plus, I guess a girl could TRY to do that, but it won't be enough, and would have to be followed up with that groundwork they so foolishly skipped, to have a chance. As well, every single time that was pulled on me, no groundwork had been laid, so what it ends up doing is coming across as very kooky and actually works more in their disfavor, than favor. That's my angle anyway.
Someone asked me what did I saw in this girl that I pursued her. I said, "She complements me. She knows my weaknesses and is always on queue whenever I need help even if I don't make any call. She helps me grow and I am comfortable around her."
And they said, "that's not love. You are very objective."
I was like, "so what do you want me to say? I dont have any reason? I just fell in love? That love is nothing but feelings? Do you think I'm not taking this seriously?"
I don't tell someone I like them just like that. I will be direct but I always find the right timing. And someone telling me I wasn't serious about something I invested effort and time was offending in many ways.
That sounds like love to me. She sounds like the Samwise type. Always go for the Samwise's. Hahaha!!!
I absolutely do not trust a "love" when someone can't describe why they love someone.
Rationality and love aren't somehow incompatible. And anyway wouldn't that just mean that, being able to articulate why you love someone, later if they annoy or offend somehow, you can say to yourself "okay, didn't like THAT, still like YOU" rather than being swept away by whatever your mood happens to be. I don't know, could just be me, but that seems mature and steadfast and reassuring to me. If my boyfriend ever said "I just like you-- dunno why" I'd reactivate my dating profile.
TL;DR: your "objective" love is far, far healthier and more durable than… whatever they thought you should've said.
Hell, even SONNETS give reasons for loving. "How do I love thee; let me count the ways"-- I would be curious to know what they think you SHOULD have said.
If an emotion just HAPPENS, if it's just a chemical thing in their brain that came apropos of *nothing,* then it could *disappear* apropos of nothing as well. Strength of feeling would be no comfort as that would only seem to indicate that the random fluctuations are *extreme.* It says to me that their feelings are in actuality *exceptionally* shallow, likely ephemeral, and that the person is probably untrustworthy and inconsistent, too.
…but I'm am INTP so I'm suspicious of ANYTHING without a rationale to it.
INTJ-A
My ego enjoys making me feel like the smartest person in the room. However, I’m aware that I may not be THE smartest, but I cannot stand anyone who is below my intellect. I need to be surrounded by people who can engage me or get me thinking about perspectives I never even considered. Although, I’ll debate you tooth and nail, I also enjoy having my mind changed. It let’s me know that you’re competent enough to be able to challenge me. 9/10 (I’m being generous), I think I’m right, and even though my eye may twitch at being “wrong”, I enjoy being challenged. So please, take this sweet persons advice... 1) tell us you like us, 2) DON’T BE AN IDIOT!
Meditation helps come out of that ego-identification.
6. Don't be an idiot
Nailed it
Really great content, but...
I will report this video, not because is bad, wrong or evil... but it is too informative, all the secrets revealing, I can't allow you doing this and make things easier to the people approach to us. We can call this a 'Survival Decision' ? Yes.
Thanks to her
@@bukannpdbukanbpd9012 العرب
😂
we neeed to developt our anti-intellegence strategies better
😂
As an INTJ, I would rather like to imagine about the date than being actually on one because in this way I can execute how things go more efficiently.
As a INTJ, I'll do things for u ONCE, learn the correct way of doing or do it better than me, if the INTJ always do things for u, he probably thinks that u will screw up.
And loves u enough to protect u
I always do things for people because they can’t do it themselves and can never learn. I don’t do it to protect them
If I do something for someone, I either like them (romantically or platonically) or it's something that would end up affecting me and I'm minimizing/eliminating that possibility.
As an INTJ, a lot of this is so true. But, the weird thing- I've almost always been straightforward with people I've liked. Just because I like being honest, and I always feel it's dishonest, in a way, to hide something so vital that can change a dynamic drastically.
As an INTJ, this is eerily accurate. My ex once told me grey suited me, and it honestly meant a lot. So now I almost exclusively wear grey shirts.
The 'viking hair' anecdote was also me in my teens when I thought I suited long hair.... I didn't.
Keeping sentimental trinkets is also accurate in my experience. I just feel like I am being ungrateful or dishonouring the person that gave it to me if I dispose of it. Even the thought of it makes me shiver. They were thinking about me when they bought that item, and that means a lot to me.
as an intj, I have to add: even though it's difficult for us to show interest, people being pushy won't help at all. don't try to force yourself into our lives, fit into it. I like it when I see someone who can keep up with me and even be more informed than me which is probably bc of my love for learning.
Wow. Just when I think maybe I'm not an INTJ.. "They will ask you hundreds of questions."!🤣😂 ALL of this was so on point!! Thanks✌
To be honest as a female intj is I like you I will tell you, I can't stress or play games and keep flirting hoping maybe he will get it and ask or risk losing you especially since I am sure I want you. If I want something I go after it.
mental stimulation and creativity is a MUST.
I’m an INTJ (female) and you hit the nail on the head 😂 I was smiling the entire way through. We are tough cookies to crack
I’m an INTJ. I don’t like people depending on me, I don’t like telling people what to do. 🤷♂️
If anything, I dislike people who become too dependent on my words. Think for yourself.
This is too on point. Especially the part about sentimental gifts. I have kept so many useless things over the years to preserve my memories about the people who gifted these items to me. I don’t keep photographs of these people I cared about, I would rather keep these mementos because they help endure the person’s deeds in my mind. The fact that you picked up on that is remarkable because nobody understands this, sometimes not even the person who gave me the item.
I'm an INTJ (male) and this is almost frighteningly accurate.
True
Thx for the video!
I just confessed to an INTJ woman that I really like her and asked her out for a date. We've been knowing each other for almost two years. We've been talking a lot while we were at work together, but she's never showed any signs that she's interested in me. I've just overcome my fear of being rejected and gathered my courage to ask her out.
Fortunately, she said yes and right now, I'm doing research about INTJs hoping to have a better understanding of her.
BTW, I'm an INFJ man. So, which me luck! 🤞🏼
sometime give her time for herself so she can do what she love but at the same time dont neglect her LMAO i know we intj are a pain haha. but what is true is if shes giving you time im sure she loves you.
i hope you guys are still together. more power to you guys
Well, this is wrong. If I tell you to not do something, and you do it, but I love you and we have been together many years, I will instead figure out how to mitigate any damage and resolve the problem to a way that helps us both. I won't let my precious girl hurt on her own for a long time.
You need to be blunt with an INTJ. They are incredibly awesome and phenomenal - also oblivious. I am married to INTJ, have been together for fifteen years now. I am still so in love with him but yep, he drives me to despair. I think I am his minion but I freak'n resent it ;)
Antoinette Novella what’s your type ??
What is your type?
yeah, I guess we eventually read between the lines, but first we take in everything at face value. If you drop hints we may not get to it until much later. It's much easier to just say what you want.
Tim Time Even when we do pick up on the hints, we are so annoyed that you couldn’t come outright and just say it that we will either (1) annoyingly call you out on it, potentially starting a fight or (2) purposefully ignore it, (if you want something make it known like an adult). Potentially starting a fight. Hints are never good ideas with us lol.
I am an Infp.
Hello My name is Daniella an I’m and INFJ and my Husband is an INTJ and he sure wasn’t shy to come on to me. Lol he wouldn’t give up until I gave in...now we’re Happily Married with a Daughter.... he says he’s always wanted. and we’re very Blessed to have her 🥰 and yes he is very quiet and shy even though we’re both introverted and quiet around each other...I Love him so much he’s my soul mate💕
I'm an INTJ and I always give my friends advice and *I am always right in the end but they never listen to me so I just tell them "I told you to do this"*
FR. happens with my enfp friend all the time
All the time 😑and I hate that
We are very deep thinkers and are constantly self aware so we notice every wrong move in an interaction we make. Combine that with a lifetime of solitude and you get us being like "oh I'm weird now better avoid them" which most times is not the case but we really kinda pursue solitude. You need to just convince us you would be a worthy partner to experience life with
To an INTJ Emotions have to be processed just as food, complex to simplification. We are lead by logic and we ignore our feelings in the process. It may be we fell in love with you, but we won't act on it nor feel tempted to kiss you let alone. If there is no good future with you, or that we can't imagine, the emotions take a back seat unconsciously. And suddenly somedays after when reminded by our logs of emotions, we get crazy and figure again that now it's really not important.
The car toppling example is right on. I feel like they are trying to make it my problem, when it could have be avoided by following my advice. That being said, if you topple the car and your life is in danger I would help get you out of the car.
INTJ may not know or understand that they "like" you in the sense you are talking about. "Liking" you is too much like feelings that we have trouble understanding in ourselves. Instead we "value" you. You can tell this, whether or not there is a possibility for a romatic relationship, by the simple fact of us taking the time to make the effort to spend any time with you in any form that "time" might take. Even if that "time" is just honestly checking our schedule to see if we can devote time to spend with you when you invite us. If we don't value you, we won't bother with you.
In the event that we Think our way through to an understanding that WE may, just possibly have feelings for someone, maybe, possibly.. we find that we value that relationship we already have with you (since it is probably one of 2 or, for the more outgoing INTJ, 3 that we tolerate) so that we won't risk it by bringing up feelings we Think we might have but aren't sure and probably don't fully understand anyway.
INTJ will likely NOT pick up on the fact that you are interested in them for a relationship.. even if we somehow understand that WE have those mysterious "feelings" for someone.. we will miss, mistrust or misunderstand the cues because we understand that even less then our feelings..
Just coming out and telling an INTJ how you feel is likly to surprise us because we were oblivious to the signs. We will likly not know how to handle it and be calmly panicking, especially when done in person or (somehow) on the phone.. and may result in a rejection if the calm panic is high enough simply because that is the most efficient way to avoid dealing with our feelings "right this instant".. after Thinking about it we may recognize what a wonderful missed opportunity that was presented to us, but we made the decision and may not reverse it even if we really want to. We need time to Think about things like this. If you can manage it somehow we will need some time to Think but maybe not OverThink.. then, yes, it is likely "the interrogation will begin"
This has taken enough of my time already but there is one last thing.. it is not Her shirt anymore, it is His.. he isn't wearing it out of some kind of sentimentality.. he is wearing it because it is a shirt and it works and he got used to grabbing for it so it is quick and easy for him.. he probably remembers where he got the shirt but doesn't think about it.. if the shirt makes you uncomfortable because of its providence then tell him something like "That shirt reminds me of your ex when you wear it and I'd rather not be reminded about her".. he might not completely understand but he will likely "retire" the shirt.. or at least make an effort to not grab it.. if you want to get him a shirt that you will both be comfortable with, by all means do it..
This was SO helpful!!! Thank you!!!
We appreciate being relied on, not depended on, If I were to put it in different words and to make it more clear, we like people appreciating our solutions, but not to the point to being the one that has to go in and do it for you every time, "I remembered what you told me, I did it and it worked" turns INTJ`s on
Oh hell, we are been hunted!
Im an INTJ and I approve of these messages :P but yeah just be more straight forward and upfront at first. THEN you can pull back later (no totally recommended but play if you know it'll be fun for you both) for a little chase but only once you've made a solid hint that you'd like a chase. Even asking if he sees you this or that way or pushing some ideas but do it with purpose and tact being unsure will make us unsure and if its one thing we dont like... In many ways INTJ's or for me at least, we're above labels and if we're hanging out it's because we like you in some way. If your a girl.. chances are pretty high and most of the battle is won, just be smart about how you bring it home or if he likes you enough he will act knowing its a solid investment of time and energy. However, do not expect instant access to all their time/energy. When they finally let you into wonderland, the gates will be swung open and you'll know.. Our intense focus on romance might even surprise you, but should it? knowing we like to 'be the best at what we do?'. I've never got any complaints in the romance department its just not an isle visited very often, and its very exclusive.
@ about 10:00 i would guess he was just caught off guard but likely was more appreciative < people take the work for granted. Doing that would be hard and I think some of us know it and in a sometimes detrimental way use that as an excuse and a filter/gate. It's kinda like, if you have the balls to walk up to my gate and knock, with respect, and try to engage me?! then you are certainly worth at least some of my time. i would not turn down even the ugliest girl in a terrible way. i would thank her sincerely but explain that my heart belongs to another. (likely not even there, if you do look and find this weird little machine instead, just ignore that thats just under construction stuff, tarps, area off limits, y'know prototype, prototype-biz y'know it just looks that way, its a tattoo.)
I do NOT like the chase
I prefer leaving crumbs to my secret gingerbread house in the woods like a civilized person 🧐
I feel like an alien (more than usual) hearing someone talking about INTJs.
INTJ's tend to feel like aliens because of how they are grounded in reality, or rather, aren't. They behave differently from certain other types which is understandable from your part
I hate getting/buying things that serve no purpose. Souvenirs are a great example. I brought home a lovely, cute mug with a dog on it from when I studied abroad, and I intended to keep using it at home. My dad dropped it and it cracked :(
My mum told me I should put it on a shelf to keep it safe, and I was upset at the suggestion because although I WOULD keep it around for sentimental and aesthetic value, I MUCH PREFER to have souvenirs and keepsakes that I can USE. It not only makes it practical, but also to me it heightens the emotional value if I have an object reminding me of something or someone that I can actually use and interact with, as opposed to just look at
I think the portion about being controlling and bossy depends on how aware or mature the INTJ is. I've learned how to express my opinion in a way that doesn't come across as offensive, most of the time. I learned you get better results if you communicate the way the person will receive it best. You learn you can't control people and how to just accept people are different than you.
INTJ's ever learning, and arguably the most important part is at least improving our severest weaknesses, as you mentioned, and turning them into a lesser weakness. I think one of our main goals is to help improve other people as well, and you can't do that it you have a chip on your shoulder, or are afraid. Basically, what you're talking about, and I've taken up the attitude as well, is the one we see in the Bible, something along the lines that if you speak with the tongues of angels, yet have not love, you accomplish nothing. IOW, don't let a bad attitude destroy what you're trying to tell somebody, and at bare minimum try to have at least a neutral attitude. And if somehow somebody detects love coming from what you say, some ground is being laid, even if it doesn't make them change their mind right then, it's going to have some effect which they will have to battle, if they want to remain as they are.
My guess is most INTJ's don't get this till they're at least 30 or 40. You want to change the world, or just individuals, for the better, you better learn to watch your attitude. I'm something of a sigma male, and I have understood this concept for quite some time, that we are all on the same ground, so why have an uppity attitude, even if you bring things bettering others? This is especially contradictory, because thinking of yourself as better than somebody else, is really a vice. Again, a vice destroying the message. People see the attitude a lot quicker than they understand the message.
As an INTJ, I want to know everything about those I like, BUT it has to be honest! If you aren't comfortable answering something, just don't answer because contradictions can fracture everything. I want relationships (friendships/romantic) that will last. Isn't that the point of them?
OMG the dating profile thing rings so true...I once responded to a potential suitor only to pick apart his profile...I said something like "Although I agree with almost every thing you've said I still find it very offputting." Checked back a couple of weeks later to find his profile rewritten and much improved. I was very satisfied with that and even more satisfied when his profile disappeared because I deduced that he had found someone. That is an INTJ! 😂😂😂 We will fix you lol
An intj does care but we dont like being disregarded. How does the fact we dont like being treated as if we are irrevelant and we wont stand in line for mountains of personal abuse make our efforts for others less then altruistic.
My INTJ bf would be very active on my Facebook when we were friends, we were friends for over 20 years and have been dating for the past 3 years. Now, after dating for 3 years, he doesn’t ask AS many question anymore. He appears to be more settled in our relationship and in his comfort zone. I am an INTP and do process extensive info on feelings (yes, I have those too) and ask him about his and he doesn’t seem to know how to access that and have a 2 way convo on that. It’s funny, I know he absolutely loves me but has a hard time expressing it.
Do you think the into/Intj is good pairing?
I get you in it but I was curious what your thoughts on best pairings for intp?
I am an INTJ and this is spot on. I dated an ISFJ for 5 years. I loved how much he wanted to spend time with me. I loved how much he opened me up emotionally. I am better for dating him. We are still good friends. So INTJs might get annoyed at emotions but they deeply want to explore them. If you can be the one to guide them through their emotions you will always have a place in their heart even if things go bad and they hate you now to some degree you will always have a piece of them.
What was your experience with isfj? Was communication hard or mind connection?
You think he could see concepts or how was it?
I'm an INTJ and my family often teases me about how clueless I am in romance. They say I have been hit on by many girls but I have never noticed. That said, if one would want to let me know they are interested, they would have to be very obvious, to the point of outright saying it explicitly. I think that at least some INTJs will relate to this.
As an INTJ also, this is incredibly accurate. Even a couple of these, I wasn't really aware that I do, but it's 100% accurate for me.
Her: "I like you."
Me: "I have places to be."
*go out of my way to avoid the places I know she frequents*
*feels sorry about it because I like her too*
huhu, why do you do that😭😭
I felt this comment
Just as a small comment as an INTJ. Also understand, that we're so flipping calculating, that we can even pretend that we weren't expecting you to say something as part of the calculation. And then we'll calculate what response that will gauge and then follow it up with a pre-determined and calculated contingency script.
We're actually surprisingly pretty good at interactions and emotional intelligence. The reason we don't engage in it is because it just doesn't make any sense to us whatsoever. Drama, small talk, partying when all you do is stand and drink, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians". These are simply things our brains could never hope to compute.
We like people who depend on us bc it shows they respect us + it’s a lot of ego. Great video, your ideas come off very clear. Thanks!
This is amazing, and very on-point. Especially about how we show that we care and want the best for you by suggesting (read: directing) you to do certain things that we deem as good for what you want. We both love independence, and love to be useful.
Agree with 95% of this! I'll just emphasize that I have been studying how to be a better conversationalist which includes asking out, flirting, etc. Now I have no issue asking out. So we can learn to ask out...I wouldn't use NEVER as a blanket statement.
For INTJs males, guys u've to make the 1st move, it's a human nature u've to tell the girl that u value her as a loved one, that's Bec. There's too much men that rn't serious and superficial, be a man and don't break the heart of ur future woman and her ego.
😔😔😔😔😔
Truth if you don't listen , I'm not helping ... That the consequence of your actions
Truth be told, most of us are sexually depraved simply because we are too demanding and don't want to invest in a relationship with a short expiration date and we are also too socially inadequate to make the fist step. But as the years go by and we come to a point we forget what actual human contact feels like... just throw a boob and we are game!
When she said intj men really don't care about others..that hit cause I thought I was a psychopath for so long. Until I realize that the ones I do care about, its seems I care about them more than another person would care about the ones they claimed they cared for. I dont feel for you or your just like you cause society tells me I should. Doesn't mean I hate you. I just dont see the point in pretending we are something we were never really
I'm Intj-t and autistic, and its the most chaotic mess mentally. This is a good explination :) I'm hyper aware of messing up.. Hoping to use some of these other sided insights to help with my relationship! I mess up so often.
This is very true, let them do things for you. I'm INTJ and recently I catch myself helping my coworker (doing her work literally 90% faster) without her asking me to. There is no romantic relationship between us and my intention was simply to get her to move on with all tasks. Maybe I shouldn't do that.
I would tell someone that I like them if I see a personality that I know I would enjoy forever. Probably.
Otherwise, just a simple crush, it's no fun to me. When someone who I kinda like tells me they like me and want to be with me without knowing me very well that turns me off so much because it makes me think they're superficial. Also even tho I see people who are interesting to me I would usually never pursue them because I see it as a waste of time if both of us aren't 100% into it. So I'll never even give it a chance to imagine different future with them, I'd observe them for a short time and already make a picture of future in my mind and see in how many ways our relationship will fail and so I don't bother at all. I can feel very deep feelings and I care a lot about my friends but it's very rare and hard for me to get attached at all. Also true about helping people. I don't like when people ask me to show them how to do something twice or when they ask me what to do but then do the completely different things and I can be very controlling over my close friends and family like you've said I'd be like do this do that blah blah very direct and kinda agressive and I've only started noticing this now and it made me feel bad because I don't want to control no one, just help... what a chunk of text good luck reading it anyone
what a chunk of text good luck reading it anyone ? Noooo don't worry this look like a simple word length to common INTJs. we really like deep insight . It is so good . just like reading another version of yourself in a parallel dimension.
@@DRAVIASTUDIO oh gosh, I'm so glad!!!! Thank you
An army with the same personality type as me... I was literally searching for an INTJ army for so long uk^-^
@@ataatasy6923 well, I've been using this icon for a couple of years, haven't been uptaded on bts in a looooong while or kpop at all and I'm getting comments non stop about being an army , should i change the picture ? 😅 Anyways, nice to meet you, i still do appreciate bts and kpop a lot, nonetheless
@@moonkookie1505 oh never mind it's still cool... 😅
In my opinion the reason why you have a lot of intj and infp questions or traffic is because of our introverted feeling Fi we have a great desire to know and improve ourselves.
The advice here is pretty solid. Individuals are individuals, but I can admit to having done many of these things, and often responding to the suggested behaviors in the ways described. I've gotten better about choosing my battles, but still working on telling a lady I like her. Who knows? Maybe someday.
Excellent video: addendum- We like fair, consistent, sapient, logical, open-minded types that will discuss abstracts and call us on our bs. Jealousy? Insecurity? Neediness? Fastest ways to send an intj packing.
3:50
It's funny because it's true. I hate people the most when I give them advice and they don't follow it. I'm like, "How can you be this stupid? You are the reason I am losing faith in humanity."
I hate stupid people so so much. Especially when they aren't independent and self-reliant. I don't want to have to take care of a grown man as I would a child, it's incredibly irritating.
This was fantastic! INTJ here, keep up the good work.
20:25 Yeah, there's a reason we hate to be asked for inconsequential details like sources, and I'll try to make it make sense. After we've assessed a piece of information--to either reject it or incorporate it into our body of knowledge--we kind of dismiss the source. An INTJ's body of knowledge isn't a collection of small units of information, like a library. It's more like a 3-dimensional puzzle or machine that we're constantly fitting pieces into and rearranging and turning over. Sometimes we can remember sources, but often, if we understand a concept thoroughly enough to present an argument about it, we've probably tinkered with it in our heads until it's not the same morsel of information that we picked up AND we've forgotten the source.
You nailed INTJ. You know me better than I do. Nailing it is attractive. INTJ scientist. Good friends with a woman for 5 years, she never said a word about a romantic interest, years later it was mentioned she had a romantic interest in me, but I never said anything romantic, she had to move on - I felt so stupid.
Thank you, as ENFP I am dying to tell him that I am feeling him but thought he just might not be into me, but he literally texts me everyday and we see each other atleast once a week. I'm going for it! ❤
this video spitting facts with humor😆
Damn, you're being here laying out facts
Now many people will know how to drawn me into them
This is too accurate
Oh my goooooodness! You are sooo spot on about everything! Wow!!
So this is my type, I see. Good to know. Many good points were made in this video. Us INTJs are very specifically complicated people after all.
For context: INTJ female
I clicked/watched the video out of curiosity to see whether or not the video was full of shit, but I must say it was pretty spot on. Kudos.
I would argue that I don't like to argue, but that would only prove your point. Also, I been in a relationship with an ENTP for like 6 years, so make of that what you will, lol. It would be more accurate that I don't like confrontation on an emotional level, but debates on facts/logic are completely fine.
Yes, the most important thing with an INTJ is that you TELL US. We're not psychics and the whole Fe blind spot can make use pretty stupid towards what other people are feeling. I can't speak for all INTJs, but if it helps any, I never flirt with someone I'm not interested in, because of the fear of leading them on. The fewer hearts I break, the better.
Story time:
I was reminded of my worst moment of being completely oblivious. When I was a kid, there was a boy I sat next to in class and for that year he was one of my best friends, maybe the best one at school. Other kids would tease like we were a thing occasionally, because that's what kids do and I paid it little mind. At valentine's he gave me a nicer card than the packaged multi-pack cards he gave everyone else, so that probably should have been a huge duh. I think it just confused me. Thing is, he never directly expressed it with words. The next year there was more than once I was confronted with someone from his bus because they wanted to know if it was true when he told them on the last day that I was his gf. "No, because he never asked me to be." I remember it upset me, but I'm not sure if it was more because of the lie or because he didn't tell me how he felt.
I'd like to think I've gotten smarter over the years, but I'll still find I've poorly read someone on occasion. (Also, that I don't "new people" very well, but that's another topic.) Plus, I'm sure there's others who are more akin to my old self in that respect. So, yeah, throw out your hints and if they still don't get it, be blunt. Maybe the INTJ secretly likes you back or maybe they need the opportunity to think it over and consider what their own feelings might be.
One thing that you said with INTJ's wanting others to be dependent on them, I like to think of it more as: we know we are valuable (for our intellect especially), so we want to be treated as such. The way I perceive other people is by their "function", so if I am not serving a function in someones life besides just being there, it frustrates me, because then I feel expendable.
INTJ’s are very forward & direct.
Male, 32, INTJ-A.
I agree on lots of stuff but not on the not-doing-anything about liking someone. We will do at least something more times than not. Specifically: we'll make a plan about it. To let the other person know. Yeah, we hate displaying emotions at that stage, we hate confessions and such amenities. Now, it could be the case that the plan will fail to actually let the liked person know because of the horrible Fe/Se in reality, but that's another story...
P.s. on the arguments you're winning: he probably lets you. Yeah, it happens, let's keep it a secret.
Omg I'm an INTJ and this is totally right. I'm laughing out loud in recognition.
INTJ here, even when i was i child, i used to feel that i'm different from others, dunno why
but i commend your level of understanding
About not taking the advice, it's spot on. You really know us.
On the topic of gifts, as an INTJ, I like practical gifts because it means I have a reason to engage with that gift for some amount of time and it feels pleasant knowing it's from someone I love. I also deeply appreciate trinket-y items as well and keep all of them, but I just never get to "use" them. Meanwhile, I still wear my ex bf's hoodie because it has a purpose lol.
I have cousin who isn’t the sharpest. I took him under my wing and spoon fed him to get his life together. We had him on the right track and then he disappeared one day and found out that he went to jail. Once he got out of jail, I told him that I’ll never help him gain and That I was done with him. He asked my and said that I didn’t do anything to you. I couldn’t figure out why it upset me so bad. You just cleared it up for me lmao.
Definitely prefer texts than in person unless ive known you for a while
Being an INTJ who used to love another INTJ, we both never said anything. That's the downside of this.
I don't like people being dependent on me, rather I like to build others up so they can choose for themselves who they will be with. It is more of equality rather than dependence. If a person is too weak to rise up to being an equal, and I really like them, I will accept them being dependent, but it is not my preference.
Don't bother us, we're thinking.
I legit pretended to be “gasping for air” after climbing up five *easy* flights of stairs... so I wouldn’t need to talk to a guy who approached me. 😂 The guard who knew I took the stairs everyday really scratched his head and asked why I suddenly looked tired lol!