The Only Way to Parent an Autistic Child
Вставка
- Опубліковано 5 вер 2023
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd
🙏 Thanks so much for watching, rating, commenting, sharing and subscribing, I really appreciate it! You're helping me raise the level of understanding and acceptance of the Autistic community. You can show your support for my channel by doing any of these things:
1️⃣ SUBSCRIBE to my channel.
2️⃣ LIKE / COMMENT / SHARE my videos.
3️⃣ SEND me a Super Thanks
4️⃣ BUY my book: orionkelly.com.au/shop
📬 Business Postal Address (Sponsorship proposals, promotional considerations etc)
Orion Kelly Media,
PO Box 457,
Inverloch, VIC, Australia 3996
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
🔵 CHANNEL LINKS 🔵
More Videos: / @orionkelly
My PODCAST Channel: / @orionkellypodcasts
🔵 CONNECT WITH ORION 🔵
Facebook: / orionkellyinc
Twitter: / orionkelly
Instagram: / orionkelly_australia
TikTok: @orionkelly_australia
Website: orionkelly.com.au
🎧 My Friend Autism' PODCAST 🎧
Apple: podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/6d6UVtN...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/orio...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (UA-camr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.
#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️
Related: autism, autism diagnosis, Orion Kelly, orionkelly, thatautisticguy, tiktok videos, autistic, autism in adults, autism in women, autism in men, autism spectrum condition, asd, autism spectrum disorder, aspergers, aspergers syndrome, autism in boys, autism in girls, dsm, dsm5, autistic adults, autistic kids, autism mom, autism parent, autism family, autism speaks, autism awareness, autism acceptance, autism at work, am I autistic, adult autism test, autism disclosure, autism therapy, autism prevention, autism meltdown, autistic burnout, autistic behavior, autism symptoms, autism traits, autistic signs, what autism feels like, love on the spectrum, stimming, echolalia, anxiety
Listen…
My parents dismissed every I said so just listen to your kid and communicate and then support ..
This is perfect. I can't even tell you how many times I grieved over the loss I felt when our child was diagnosed at 14. All the hopes and dreams a parent has were gone in an instant. Grieving helped me get through and helped me be able to continue to care for our child as they needed. Today, 10 years later the relationship we have is strong. In fact, he helps me as I continue to adjust to and cope with my late self-diagnosis. Grieving is still a part of my life, but it's healthy. Life isn't what I thought it would be at this point, and sometimes it's rather difficult, but it's honest and good.
“Hopes and dreams” yeah the backwards hopes and dreams of the to neurotypicals to send their daughter college to become an irredeemably selfish whore so she can serve Mamon in an office till she dies
Your daughter was gifted with a SUPERIOR way of thinking and functioning and I’m tired of you neurotypicals looking down on US as if we’re the dysfunctional ones when we can focus and achieve things you petty, socially dependent, conniving, manipulative, neurotypicals can’t even appreciate
I hope autists one day stop buying these baseless value judgements propagated by jewed-in-the head psychologists and doctors who can’t fathom appreciating or worshiping anything aside from money
If you think your child is being rude, clarify what he or she said before just assuming that your child hates you or whatever. Trying not to jump to conclusions and seeking to clarify misunderstanding will set a good example for your child, who has few enough allies as it is.
Yes! Wonderful advice!
I wish that my parents (and others in my life, but especially my parents) had done this.
I don't feel grief or loss about my autistic kid. He's amazing in his own way 💜
Thanks for the relatable example. It used to be 10:00 pm until the little one could fall asleep, only with mum in the room. Dad takes the late night wakings. Now falling asleep at 9 pm. Just something we are used to now.
All I wanted as a teen was for my parents to have even the tiniest amount of patience and to be allowed to have a bad day once in a while, they were never understanding they just got mad. Even when I was little.
I remember one time when I was about 8 and accidentally knocked over a glass of milk while watching tv and my mom getting so mad and going on and on and on about how I need to stop being so careless and pay better attention and I don’t appreciate the amount of work I cost her and on and on. I said I was sorry. I offered to clean it up myself but that wasn’t enough. She kept insisting it never should have happened in the first place. I couldn’t grasp that. I said accidents happen, I said I was sorry and would clean it up I reminded. But she just insisted there was no excuse for an accident and it should never happen. I asked incredulously, you really expect me to never ever have a single accident or mistake in my entire life? She just said yup! I know she didn’t really mean it she was just mad. But man it was so damn frustrating as a kid. Of course a week later she accidentally knocks over a cup. When I point out what she told me the week before I just got chewed out again, though I cant recall exactly what was said. They always had short patience.
Meanwhile today my mom got mad at me for not having more patience with her. I told her maybe she should have taught us patience as kids. She told me there is no excuse, it doesn’t matter what mistakes she made raising us, I’m an adult now so all my faults are mine alone. I should have made myself a better person by now in her mind, as well as magically gotten over any emotional baggage the moment I turned 18 🙄
Man I dont even know what any of this has to do with autism because even if I didn’t have autism my parents would still suck in this way. Sorry for the rant.
If you have kept these feelings bottled up, it is healthy to vent. Then try to let go of the anger. Your mom is unlikely to change at this stage in her life. Yeah, it hurts, but you have to do what you can to stand on your own so you don't need to depend on her for everything. Give both of you the gift of some space between you. You might be surprised how happy it makes both of you.
@@joycebrewer4150 Ya I have worked through most of it honestly, but there are still sore spots 😅
My parents were never intentionally cruel, they just didn’t have the best personality type to deal with someone like me. Plus my dad was overworked, my mom went years undiagnosed for her bipolar until my late teens, so it wasn’t like they weren’t dealing with their own things. We honestly have a much better relationship now, but we still have occasional fights here and there.
It's good to vent about things that weigh you down. There is a reason why people call it bottling up emotions. If you don't let them out, they just stay in the proverbial bottle.
I know this as I had a similar unfortunate upbringing. I had one of those mothers who wanted their kids to appear happy all the time, because if we weren't, it would make her depression worse. I remember as a kid, being so depressed that just the thought of smiling was extremely exhausting. I would sit through a rant about how I needed to smile more and I would try to explain that it just took too much energy. I couldn't.
You grow up and realize that the problem was all theirs and had nothing to do with you, but you live on with that dent in your self esteem.
Also, while it is true that at some point, we all must take on the reigns of being responsible for our own personality and habits, that doesn't happen until after we've searched ourselves and done an assessment. No building is built on ground that hasn't been thorough inspected and assessed. If we've grown up with damaged self esteem from our parents, trying to ignore it during self improvement would be like trying to build on sand. If we don't deal with the pain of our past, we will likely fail in any self improvements we attempt.
I know I can totally understand your situation, but I do feel for you.
That's potentially narcissistic tendencies.
Especially the part where she refused to accept any fault with how she raised you.
Couldn't possibly diagnose it without knowing more, but I'd take the potential into consideration.
Mary Cooper in Big Bang Theory was a wonderful example of a good parent of an autistic. Leonard's mother in that same show was a wonderful example of someone who should have never been a parent due to neglect while not being abusive.
Glad to know I am on the right path. My kid has ADHD and so does my husband, I guess I started my parenting journey knowing my kid was never normal
I'm thinking the question was asking for advice like don't spring sudden changes on your child. Don't force them to make eye contact and interact if they don't like it. Have them make a list about getting ready or make a list for them.
The question was asking for advice on what to do and not to do.
Orion was giving general advice about the topic that can be helpful achieving the specific things that you mentioned.
Your specific advice is really good, and would be helpful to all parents of autist children.
I can tell you probably have alot of specific advice and tips! That can be very helpful to parent in this situation.
I hope that you are able to share your information with those who could use it!🙂
Thank-you for your perspective and thoughtful comments. I hope to prepare a safe place for my two autistic sons as they grow up. I worry so much about them when they become adults
Thank you for saying this! I’m a mental health therapist and it’s what do many parents need to hear.
Dam* I felt this. My parents don't believe me when I say I think I might be autistic. They only know the stereotype. I struggle with talking to adults in specific, so..and I'm female and still in my adolescence.
i had struggled at first but people came to realize that it was true , despite not even having an official diagnosis
Don't give up trying to get support. Many people here want you to do well and achieve what you want!
It might help to show them lists of how autism presents in females, also thinking about channels like Chloe Hayden or Paige Layle so that they can see female autistic youtubers (both of them also have ADHD and other diagnoses)
Search “Rudy Simone’s Female AS traits”. One of the first hits will be a tumblr with a chart. Print that chart and keep it with you (or memorize it like a train schedule 🤣). Show them what lined up with you in the behavior and processing patterns. If you aren’t able to get a clinical diagnosis, possibly they would see you’re experiencing a divergence that should elicit some sort of parental concern. Mom On The Spectrum has an amazing resource list also-great books from the female ASD perspective etc. Temple Grandin’s are all great, Spectrum Women is ok, and Tania Marshall has a neat accessible style also.
Please just accept that they are different, realize they need you and don't kick them because they "need to start acting like the adult they are" when they are struggling. Know they are trying harder than your perfect kids.
Wow. Beautifully said
I’m grieving the life expectancy of people with autism and who will take care of him when I die.
Same thought here. My daughter is 21 and though she is about to get in a residence for group of people with special needs in 2 yrs. time, i feel anxious about what if i am no longer here to visit her or she can no longer come for the weekends.
There are still many more paper works to be done untill then yet, thinking about the days if i am no longer by her side makes me sad. She is non verbal.
Yes.
I can relate to every single thing you’re talking about…
Beautofullly said!
I have no reason to grieve my son's ASD, though still awaiting testing. I still grieve however, that no one caught it until I suspected it when he was 18. It hurts to know he needed help with school, and how to communicate, and didn't get it. He's perfect in every way, to me, but my heart breaks trying to get him help now, and it's practically impossible because he's an adult, and the help is really only available for children.
No disrespect meant here, but I think you misunderstood the question a bit. Your answer was a bit harsh. To me it sounded like they were asking you for some advice, and you assumed they were angry about having an autistic child.
Although being autistic myself, maybe I misunderstood the question...lol
I think his answer was spot on, tho, given as more of to a general, wider audience answer rather than specific to the person submitting the question, which is why it perhaps came across a bit harsh in the moment. That said, I think k he's really onto something here.... just as general life advise for any given situation one is navigating. It's solid life advice.
Also, he's right about the fact parents need to grieve what they had imagined would be, then, accept and move forward with what is and love the new normal they actually have.
That's realistic, and fair, but thts my opinion as a non parent.
Take care❤
❤️❤️❤️
Did my dad write to you? Was his first name Phil? 🤣 this sounds exactly like my dad, and I fit the description well enough! I'm 21F and autistic 😂
I have a problem. Everything I'm supposed to grieve, I can't. My autistic kid (18) is the most relatable person on the planet to me. I love all the quirks, I love the authenticity, I find the freak outs relatable, the directness of communication soothing, the shutdowns make me sad (in a good way, I can sit and be quiet with her or try to do simple yes/no communication, and it's just peaceful) and her humor is the best. It doesn't seem she needs much "help"? Unless removing stressors/demands counts as help?
Removing stressors/demands is a huge help!
A lot of people need to hear it's okay to grieve things, but if you don't feel you have anything to grieve that's fine! Just give yourself permission, that it's okay if something comes up that you do feel like you need to grieve.
You might be autistic yourself. I had no idea how easy and enjoyable life could be until I met an autistic man and married him. Every relationship before that - of any kind - was a constant, exhausting struggle. And yep, I've just been diagnosed myself.
Honestly I had to grieve for myself. I am on disability, at the same time I am 'high functioning'. I have a brother that has a good job and a life that I am never going to have. On paper I should have been able to do the same, reality is that I can't.
@@amandamandamands Yeah, I can relate to that. It's basically the same for me. I don't have a diagnosis, apart from chronic depression and abuse related PTSD (although I figured out I can never be normal way earlier), and I grieved what could have been. But then I found happiness in just being... and now my kid having that chance so much earlier than me is another source of happiness/contentment? I obviously don't like that she's suffering (sometimes), but she's only 18, she can learn how to make her life something that fits her specific needs and wishes in so much more peace. And as long as I'm alive I'll do whatever it takes to give her that freedom. 💙
Being content isn’t a problem 😊Who’s telling you what is reasonable to grieve? You’ve become resilient and sounds like you’ve raised your kiddo the same. Most people take a whole lifetime to know that circumstances don’t have to control them, and fwiw, sometimes ASD can speed up the process. I think that’s a win.
Amazing advice 😊
That is so true. My youngest daughter has 2 autistic boys (ages 6 & 4) and a 17 month old boy. Her and my son-in-law are such good parents to those boys. I babysit them at least once a week and absolutely wouldn't change them for anything!
I would say recognize that autistic adult/teenagers are adult/teenagers so treat them as such. Even if they have high support needs. Please do not infantilize them treat them like they are their age but still meet their support needs. I would also say that if you’re feeling stuck, always seek help from autistic adults. There are plenty of them on social media who are more than willing to give out parenting advice because we don’t want another generation of kids to have to go through what we went through. Don’t under any circumstances go to some so-called autism expert, who is not actually autistic themselves because I guarantee you they don’t know as much about autism as they think they do.
I don't have my parents in my life because of them treating me like I was the problem all my life.
I have nothing but loathing for them.
Think about that if you have an autistic child, they can easily come to resent you.
Perfect
Don’t get mad at them for being specific or a picky eater, and things of the like -an autistic teen
What to grieve about?.. You should have never put expectations on your kid in the first place. Isn't it enough that the kid is alive? It is already more than many other parents got. Your Autistic kid has hyperfocus and pattern recognition superpower. They might become millionaire at ripe young age of 16. You never know. I have most severe form of ASD. I bought my first apartment when I was 20. With cash no mortgage. I have been working since I was 7. Putting expectations on anyone or anything will lead to nothing but heartbreak. Your kid is not your property. You cannot make them achieve what you wanted to achieve in your life. You still can you know :)
Yes, sadly ignored. Before my time.
100%
I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize that my parents never loved me.
I heard in an youtube video that creatine prevents meltdowns.
Creatine is a stimulant. Not always good for autistic people
@@debgreentree I know :/ from my own experience well i did not know that it has to do with autism at first and i always hid my outbursts in front of my parents....i currently testing lion's mane it helps preventing Depressive phases, improves cognitive function and has a calming effect.....sorry i try to help and i kinda know that it is counterproductive to write this under this video.
@@Player-400 I'd also try broccoli sprouts. Helps with calming too and reduces inflammation
Oh, wow. The old nut grove my grandfather had planted supported numerous examples of Turkey tail fungus while I was growing up and young adult. Nobody started them on purpose, they were just there. And at the time I thought they were poisonous, not medicinal. That property has been sold, last I knew the old, not productive grove had been cut down. I may still look up how to extract the medicinal qualities from Turkey tail fungus.
Your body naturally creates creatine when you eat certain types of food.
Creatine is a substance that naturally occurs in our body. It’s created by our liver, kidneys, and pancreas. It’s found in our muscle cells where it helps muscles produce energy.
Creatine is an amino acid (protein building block). We get some creatine from our diet, mainly from animal products such as meat, fish, and poultry. Our bodies manufacture the rest. Creatine can also be made synthetically as a supplement.
When we exercise, we use energy and creatine. Once we use it, it decreases the creation of adenosine triphosphate (ATP), which leads us to feeling tired. This is why people take creatine supplements - to give that extra umph.
People typically take creatine supplements with the goal of increasing muscle size, reducing fatigue, and/or boosting athletic performance.
Or just run away like my parent did.
Can i just give them up to adoption?
what ....all of them? I'm finished