Uncovering the Memory Mystery - Selective Amnesia & Autism
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- Опубліковано 22 лип 2024
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of selective amnesia and autism. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike
⏱ Index:
00:00 - Welcome
00:21 - Selective Amnesia
00:43 - Examples
08:24 - Connection to Autism
16:21 - Impact
23:00 - Key Strategies
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Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (UA-camr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.
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The number of times I’ve been punished or reprimanded for this has terrified me so much that I’m on high alert and paranoid about forgetting anything, even though I still do. There’s so much shame around it for me. So this video helps.
My wife gets frustrated at me sometimes because she believes that I'm gaslighting her, but I actually don't remember conversation X or if we agreed to do Y and I ended up doing Z.
I have such a bad memory that I tend to believe whatever anyone tells me, like "you agreed to do this" and I'm like "I guess, sounds like something I would agree to".
I have a very similar situation. 😔
I am so sorry. I can totally see how this could become a PTSD response.
I have definitely no connection to my so-called “achievements.”
Same.
This makes it very easy for people to manipulate an autistic person and difficult for an autistic person to lie.
My previous boss, who was abusive, would call me a liar, a manipulator or a mental case when I told her I didn't remember something. And she herself lied when I said that I DID remember clearly that she instructed me to do this and that (instructions are easier to process because they are not emotionnally loaded, they're just instructions). She was abusive so my selective memory loss was even more frequent at my job than in my everyday life, because stress hightens selective amnesia. I just recently notice this about me, because my sister insisted this and that happened in our past (traumatic events mostly) and I had no clue about it, and the same thing happened at my job.
Look into the Mandela effect, I think you'll find a lot of information there very helpful.
This is exactly why I try not to lie. I’m not going to remember what I’ve told anyone so lying just is not a good idea.
@@janicewinsor4793Woah! I've just submitted a reply to this video content, detailing what I've always called my own "personal Mandela Effect"! I'd appreciate your comment if you can find my reply😅.
Yeah, its been tried 🤔
In our 100% ND household, we jokingly call doorways "amnesia portals" because as soon as we walk through them, we forget where we were headed & what we were just thinking.
Love that!
It is so very neurodivergent to be able to remember the term "amnesia portals" (which is awesome, by the way!) but not remember why you passed through one. 🤣
Interestingly, some research has been done into this phenomenon, and one theory put forward was that it is part of a survival mechanism that kept our species alive for as long as it has been. When we change environment (for example moving from grassland into a forest), we need to draw on different survival skills and knowledge to survive. By passing through a door, we may be mindhacking our brains into thinking we've changed environment. As an analogy, imagine every time you go through a door, you remove a tape casette from your brain's casette player, and put a new one in. The thing you were going to do is stored on the old casette, not the new one, so you can't recall it. But when you go back to the room you formulated the plan in, you're reloading that casette with the stored plan on it, and may then remember it again.
ONG I LOVE THIS!!! I always say someone stole my green thing & no one has a clue what I’m talking about & I have to explain that I’m referring to the illuminated green diamond thing above your head when your playing Sims, the action thing, anyone who’s played Sims (or Urbz) then understands, but I always forget what the green thing is called. One day I forgot to say someone stole my green thing & said “if you can’t afford pizza just sell a window instead” because it was from a Sims meme I found funny & no one at work had a clue what was going on, but they just stared at me like I was speaking another language. Why am I so broken?! If you don’t mind I’m going to adopt the term ‘amnesia portal’ because that is the perfect term for doorways!!!
Randomly wanted to add that I love journals, I buy lots of them, I buy a diary every year, but forget to use them - I think this years I’ve only written 1 thing in, I can’t even remember if I wrote that in or just thought I should & then forgot… Forgetting seems to be something I’m very good at 😏
Omg same!! Sometimes if I walk back through the doorway and stand where I was standing before, it helps me remember, and then I just repeat it to myself verbally as I walk back through the doorway.
I was always told "if you cared enough you'd remember", I'm trying to accept my limitations and let go of what others told me about myself. Thank you, I have a name for it now!
Yes! And that hits so hard because you actually DO care
Aka 'If you cared enough you'd stop being disabled'
reply with 'if you cared enough you would remind me.'
I've been told this. It feels awful because I care so much and I hate knowing that people think I don't. It's another thing like that misconception about autistic people not having empathy isn't it. People don't realise how hurtful they are being by saying/assuming it
This is a great xmas gift because I thought that I had early onset dementia or something! I tried to explain to MH professionals & they would just brush it off! I really struggle with my memory & I find it wild that adults remember things in primary school! My mind often goes blank when asked questions and this is why I prefer written (or a heads up) communication because I just forget everything in verbal conversation! I forget to take medication, I forget to do my physio exercises, I forgot a friends birthday a few days ago, I forget to buy things from the supermarket, even with a list! I forget appointments, even with alarms & a calendar! It’s exhausting, but it’s more exhausting having to explain this to people who refuse to believe that you have memory problems!
Me too. I'm scheduled for neurological testing in Jan. If I don't have autism, I have this EXACT same issue. I'm old and I'd be shocked to find out I have actually have autism. I used to be able to function better, but I've always struggled with retaining info., anxiety and getting overwhelmed. I'd rather find out I have autism than early onset dementia. I had my first Alz. test in 2012. They keep telling me to eat blueberries... No one believes you have memory issues when you're in your late 40s-early 50s. It's so hard. My friends think I'm making this stuff up for attention or something. WTH would I want that type of attention?
Sounds like CPTSD also
@@tropicaoptica Yes, I'm sure I do have that (been diagnosed) also have a vestibular disorder and TMJ disorder and all cause pain and anxiety and memory issues, so it's difficult to sort one cause out from the others to figure out what do do. Plus, when it gets bad, I get isolated because all energy is put toward surviving and keeping track of each day. I miss humans and am sure my mind is deteriorating from that too.
So hard. I hope the neurologist can help me understand and so I can create some type of long-term plan to improve each area to get some relief.
Understanding that I also have ADD also helped, I'm 57 and my grand father was like that, as are my uncles.
We all are a hot mess, it makes us very attaching because we are dreamers, but hard to live with...
And I don't even try to draw the line between autism and Adhd...
Just trying to find tips and tricks....
@@delphinebez3045yes! That can be an important piece. Also interesting to hear about the link between hormone fluctuations and ADD symptoms. Menopause really makes women feel like they are losing their minds sometimes.
Sometimes, I'll even lose my own train of thought and forget what *_I'm_* trying to say while I'm still speaking. Makes me wonder if it could be early onset dimentia. 🤔
And if someone interrupts me while I’m speaking then the thought is gone. Will it come back? Maybe.
Same
@@KAT-dg6elyesss
@@KAT-dg6elyes so real!
Well I have noticed a marked increase since Covid just hoping it gets better now that I'm up and about. At 77 it is a valid concern.
There are times where I will be speaking, and my mind just goes fully blank. I am someone with ADHD and Autism, and I also believe I suffered minor brain damage from Covid last year bc I haven't been the same since. My mind is always going going going. It feels like, if my mind were a square white table, and all the thoughts and sentences and words and information and context of what I'm talking about are objects on the table, then suddenly, someone comes over and swipes all of the objects off the table. I think in pictures, and when this happens, when my mind just totally wipes itself in the MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE, all I can see in my mind, instead of pictures and words of the topic at hand, literally just turns blank. Which is like, scary.
I joke about it being early onset dementia or whatever, but like. I'm legit concerned.
I'll make another comment about other things mentioned in this video since I commented this one before I really watched because i have a lot to say, but not right now, because i'm having a little mini meltdown at the moment and it's very late where i am. 230am. had a rough day, don't know if me and my mom have covid, cause we could, but we need to wait a bit longer to see about symptoms, and im currently upset over something that happened last month that i would have been able to handle if i wasn't autistic and i'm just very sad right now.
I know what you mean. I get it too. I’m currently in therapy and when I’m talking to my therapist I can suddenly go blank. About two weeks ago, she asked me why I hated myself, put me right out and I got upset I’d gone blank. I said to her I’m stumped and I couldn’t answer. It worries me that they may think I’m not being truthful or that they read me differently. Not just in therapy, I get the blank bit a fair number of times, I can forget where I put my house keys minutes after putting them down. Or when I’m talking to people, I can go blank. I call it losing my track of thought.
Like you, I thought about early onset dementia, but there is a video on yt about the difference between adhd and dementia, it may help calm your fears. Sorry I can’t provide a link. No actually, I’ll have a look for it and then post the link and hope that yt haven’t deleted it. Hope you are well and not suffering too much 👍🙏☮️
googel vipasana, to me a veil, worked fin at the end
Go easy on yourself, getting angry or frustrated will only make it worse. You can still achieve amazing things and everyone has weaknesses that they have to manage.
I’m so sorry, I’ve tried to locate the video, couldn’t find it. I really hope you are able to ease those fears. I don’t think you suffered brain damage, it may have been a cognitive decline due to isolating, whether from covid or people. Sorry for the assumption I made. Did you isolate a lot during covid and do you isolate anyway for regulation? Sorry if I’m talking out of turn or if I’m being rude
Forgetting the death of loved ones can be really frustrating. I forgot that my partner's grandad had passed and was talking to him about what he was gonna do for Christmas and then he said "my grandad passed on" and I felt insanely bad.
I lost my great grandpa during the pandemic, and even 3 years later, I still forget he's gone at times.
I literally thought I had early dementia, as someone else said. Since I was a teenager I have gaps in my memory, and I've always been worried about events that family and friends remembered but I couldn't. They always joked about me not remembering situations (or sometimes not really joking), saying I was faking it, and as the years went by it started to make me feel bad whenever I realized I'd forgotten something.
I tried a couple of times to start a journal and write everything that happened in my life so I wouldn't forget stuff, because I know it'd work for me (but I ended up forgetting about the journal haha). In contrast, I remember details from things that happened many years ago, with incredible precision.
I never though this could be related to my autism, but it's such a relief to know there is a real reason. Thank you for sharing this!!
I do the same thing where I journal but then forget to journal or lose the journal . I have created journals and found them years later where I will read the first line which says ….” I hope I don’t lose this journal 😂😂. I will say that for those journals that I have found where I have managed to write a few months of entries , they have been great in recalling events I had forgotten.
I was just relenting about this very thing to a friend a couple of days ago. One example is that I was recently going through some old entries in my Notes app (we’re talking 7-10 years old notes) - and they could have been written within the past few months … as they spelled out the same things I am dealing with now … but I had no idea I had ever gone through this before. It was freaky. 😭😣😩😵💫
A few weeks ago, I was watching a video. I felt passionately about one of the images shown. I wanted to comment, but I didn't want it to go to waste. So I searched the comments for someone else saying the same thing.
I replied to that commenter, to agree with the topic.
THEN I REALIZED I WAS REPLYING TO MYSELF.
My memory has always been poor, where I do have memories, I find them hard to place in a coherent time line.
The biggest blanks are where there has been significant or chronic stress.
The most consequential example of memory gaps was where I was given a major project at work and completely forgot it. I was then cornered in a meeting where I was asked for an update in front of the CEO and board, I stared blankly at them and had to ask what they were talking about? The subsequent breakdown and ultimately being squeezed out ended my career at 40.
I’d also say that being aware of gaps and poor memory can make you doubt yourself and also make you feel gas lighted when your others say we spoke about this, you did this or said that? Etc
Recently diagnosed at 50 as an Audhder has given me some understanding and allows me to be easier on myself.
Top tips, avoid alcohol, cannabis and excessive stress. Get plenty of exercise, sleep and omega 3
This is also my story. It’s humiliating and embarrassing 😢
Other dietary considerations avoid seed oils.
I just want to add my personal experience here on the topic of cannabis. I do agree alcohol is more than toxic for treating stress for anyone, especially in autistic human, but I have found that Cannabis has been a lifesaver for me. It slows down my brain, in a way that allows me to focus on one important topic at a time and by slowing myself down, I can gain more perspective in the end. just wanted to say that that’s my personal experience and I’m sure that I’m not alone, so put that in your pipe and smoke it
@@janicewinsor4793please elaborate?
That's what drives me crazy: recognizing faces or people when they're taken out of context: the man asking me how I'm doing, and the minute it takes me to realize he's my neighbor. Or the man who I meet almost every day and who I know is my neighbor, but I know for a fact that we have a history together that I just can't remember. Would you dare to ask him about it?
Happens to me all the time. People think I'm aloof, anti-social or weird!
I have facial recognition problems but not with everybody.
I once did not recognise my mail man at the gym.... so awkward !
His face looked familiar but he was dressed differently.
I usually apologise and confess to people that I do not recall faces easily... that way they won't just think I'm beeing indifferent or conceited.
Sometimes people are so sweet and call me by my name, I don't have the heart to tell them !
Last time at the gym I noticed a handsome guy. He eventually came to me and asked me how I'd been doing.... I said f.. it was someone I know !
I realised later it was NOT the same guy I'd been noticing 20 mn before when I saw them side by side.
Man that's embarrassing... and people I guess don't have a clue.
I'm face-blind. It comes and goes and it is not 100 percent, but I often can't recognise my close relatives. They don't realise. I've been good at hiding it all my life. It impairs friendships, because people think you don't care. It is a big problem in the workplace, leading to bullying and isolation or lack of advancement. Sometimes I've managed to convince people who stop for a chat that I'm just REALLY shortsighted so didn't recognise them. But mostly they don't see that I haven't a clue who they are because I've become really good at bluffing my way through a conversation until I get enough clues to realise who they probably are. However, now that I am old I just tell people that I'm face-blind the minute I meet them. (Since I can't recognise anyone, I've probably told many of them that fact on multiple occasions!) Sometimes I also say "It's an Aspie thing". I honestly think it makes people feel better, that they're not being dismissed or disrespected. It certainly makes MY life easier and cuts down on my social stress. There's a big latin word for the condition which I can't remember or spell at the moment, but it impresses people if you trot it out. Google "face blindness" . It is actually a thing that often occurs with ASD , but neurotypicals get it too. Prosopagnosia. (I just googled it!)
I am this way too! I always say “I wouldn’t know (mail man/coworker/person from church/etc) if they knocked on my door right now.” I recognize them as someone I’m supposed to know but I wouldn’t know who they are. Even at large family gatherings like the annual family Christmas party I just sit there with one person all night cause I don’t know most of the other people 😂.
I tried explaining to my neurologist that I was forgetting daily events, deadlines, tasks, etc., and was concerned. I didn’t feel like it was dementia, not that I know what that feels like, I simply knew it wasn’t that. I had only been seeing this doctor for just under a year, so he still doesn’t know or understand me. This was also when I was heavily researching autism because I felt I may be on the spectrum.
His response was to have his intern give me the one-page dementia test. My response was, “This isn’t what I was explaining, but I’m happy to do this if it means you can cross it off and move to the next thing.” The intern ended the test before we had completed it because my responses were clearly showing I did not have dementia.
I’m now in the process of finding a new neurologist… thank you for helping me find the words I was unable to find myself!
This is what med school teaches doctors to do. They don't learn to solve complex problems. They just learn to memorize and regurgitate. So when your neurologist heard your symptoms, they just gave you the dementia test in the same way that they would answer a multiple choice question and move into the next one.
Me me me me. And I shared it with 2 daughters and 2 g'kids. Hearing this one is perfect timing because I've been seeing flashes when meditating. A scene like my Borderline father yelling at me about emptying trash, a chore from 6 to leaving home at 20. And I've been working on relearning math in my own quiet place and discovering I miss words in logic and word problems and even in the directions. I cannot recall my Uncle's death and funeral. At family gathering, he like me, just had to get away from the happy party atmosphere. Invariably I'd find a semi quiet spot and find Uncle there already. Wow sir. Just wow. I am so relieved to learn this.
The one thing I’d add to this video that I didn’t hear mentioned: aphantasia has a direct impact on autobiographical episodic memory. This was a recent epiphany for me and explains a lot. I cannot relive experiences because I cannot form pictures in my brain. Seems simple but very profound.
When did you realize this about yourself, that you had no pictures in your brain.
@@janicewinsor4793 after watching some videos about aphantasia, and seeing some pretty simple tests. Like: close your eyes and picture a red star. And rank how detailed of an image you can create.
I find it very fascinating, how different people's minds work. When I discovered people had this, I would talk to people about it, who didn't believe that it even existed. It would be interesting to find out just how many people have this, as most or not aware that it even exists.
I have aphantasia and Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory (SDAM) refers to a lifelong inability to vividly recollect or re-experience personal past events from a first-person perspective. In so many ways it really sucks.
@@toni-leepadman3777 I believe I have partial aphantasia and sdam. It really does suck. Ik what you're experiencing here. Thank you for your comment.
Why do your videos always come out with the right topics for what's going on with my brain at that time🤯
Yeeeeees
Seriously me right now. Especially since I'm going through deppression. My memory is litterly useless for anything important
@mhsjfriends2274 I've been the same since my Dad passed in May. I'm fine at work, but that's all I've been good for this year. Hopefully, things get better for both of us next year❤️ We are our own writers.
@PhosphorSco I'm sorry to hear about that. Alot of things this year has been wayyy less than ideal. Sending virtual hugs for coping and positive thoughts💚
@@mhsjfriends2274 appreciate, my friend. It can be a lonely time, so thank you❤️. Sending to you as well:)
I would really appreciate if you listed your sources somewhere in the description or in a Google doc you link to. I think if you do this style of video, in which you talk about research, that's really mandatory.
Why?
@KAT-dg6el because it lacks credibility otherwise, he is not a professional in this field and more than likely is adopting these perspectives and views from other sources alongside his own experiences, if those other sources are founded on mistruths or fundamental misunderstandings, all this will do is perpetuate further falsehoods
I love this video, but I also agree with this comment. Adding sources will give this so much more weight in discussions.
@@Aiur he's not trying to come across as a professional. He's talking about his struggles. Go away.
If you want sources, do your own research.
Thank you so much for making this!
It's especially challenging for those of us who are definitively (though not necessarily accurately) diagnosed with other conditions since it's very difficult to know which thing is causing this symptom.
For example, I cannot remember any of my childhood before roughly age 12/13... this is especially bizarre because I do have knowledge of events, but not any specific memory of them. Literally all of my childhood photos I don't know what occurred before or after the picture was taken.
I have virtually zero context, and essentially feel like I'm looking at a cardboard cut-out of someone whom I've been convinced is me...
Layer on a misdiagnosis of PTSD (I actually have CPTSD), and it's very difficult to know which thing is prevailing at any given time, much less so many years past.
However, even in my early 30's I'd have friends tell me something I did that I have no recollection of (allegedly, I picked my friend from work up after her abusive father had kicked her out of the house...? I don't remember that at all).
Spot on.
I can't recall most of my kindergarten and first grade years, despite having a lot of memories of preschool and daycare prior. Like all I remember of kindergarten is the physical layout of the classroom, and the fact that one girl could flip her eyelids inside out. I don't know anything that happened that year at all, and all I know is from what my classmates told me occurred. But I remember a lot of events from the years before that, and I remember a couple things from first grade. The weird thing is that first grade was one of my worst years of school, so I have no idea why I forgot kindergarten completely instead, and I had forgotten it so completely by the time I reached second grade, if not sooner
YES! It's like you are reading the book of me. I have to put my prescriptions next to my toothbrush and water glass, or I will not remember to take them. I also "forget" what happens to me, when I run out of my meds, until I start suffering. It took me years to learn how to drive, swim, and ride a bike. In training, I need things shown to me, multiple times. And, when my senses are overwhelmed, I need complete silence and decompression, to reboot. When I am processing difficult emotions and "bear down" in situations with toxic people, it's like the rest of my actions are on autopilot, and I do not remember the situation- only snapshots of the event remain.
Never connected dissociation and autism, thanks, there is a lot to think about here
For remembering tasks, reminders in your phone are your best friend. I don't think I would ever remember to put the bin out on a Tuesday if my phone didn't tell me to. Birthdays and stuff as well.
For daily tasks, I find it useful to associate it with an existing habit/thing I do anyway. Example: If I boil the kettle to make myself a hot drink, I use the time it takes for the water to heat up to clean up things in the kitchen. I don't "clean the kitchen" (which is far too much at once), but I'll empty or fill up the dishwasher, or put away stuff lying around or... That stuff. Just the time it takes to boil the kettle. I don't have to remember anymore the various little tasks in the kitchen. The most urgent one is obvious if I look for it while I wait for my cup of tea. And when I come into the kitchen to cook, it's not so overwhelming.
Thank you for posting this video. I've struggled with selective amnesia (+ late diagnosis) significantly and the inability to maintain bonds negatively impacts me as well as the other person. I can't remember major life events, there are blanks where there shouldn't be. I've been told that my selective amnesia is due to cannabis, which is a ridiculous accusation and definitely not the root. Your videos have helped me realize there are (many) others who operate non-neurotypically. It's nice to listen to your videos because I can actually understand and follow along easily. Thank you!
the "no recollection of achievements" part truly explains a big part of my depression
Thank you so much for your content and vulnerability. My husband and I have struggled painfully in our marriage for 20 years. His memory was getting so bad he was scared it was dementia. After recent neuropsychiatric testing it was discovered he’s autistic! This is a whole new world for us and very overwhelming. Everything makes sense now why our marriage has been painfully hard. More advice on marriages would be great!
You are not alone in this challenge. I wish you and your mate success with the challenge.
FML, I thought this was “normal” and happens to everybody, the more you know… the more you forget 😅
Didn't know selective amnesia was a thing, so I'm really glad you decided to make a video about this topic. I've always been horrible at remembering certain types of information, but I just figured it was something to do with my brain / personality.
Things I regularly forget even when making a concentrated effort to remember; birthdays / special events, people's names, historical / future dates of appointments, directions (verbal directions about how to get to a location are something that I will forget before the person has even finished telling me everything, can't follow it if it's not written down), common measurements (i.e. can't remember simple ratios of ingredients for commonly-made foods), the correct name for musical notes (can tell them apart, and know when something is the wrong note, but can't identify them to save my life), events in my past (even from times when I was older around middle school and high school, I tend to only remember emotionally intense / traumatic stuff). I'm sure there's more that could be added to this list, but those are definitely the major ones for me. Thank the stars for tablets and mobile devices because calendars, alarms, and my dumpster-fire of a 'reminder' notepad save me on a daily basis.
There have been many times I have "discovered" or "learned something new" and then found old journals or writings where I'd "discovered" it all before! Lol
OMG 😂 Me too!
Well that explains a lot. I can remember what I read in a book 20 years ago, but not the conversation we had 2 hours ago.
This year I managed to remember everyone I should buy Christmas presents for, and bought the gifts, but forgot to wrap them (so I just handed them out).
Oh my goodness. As an ASD math teacher I often forget how to break down and teach some topics such as circle theorem and quadratic trinomials… I have to re-teach myself constantly.
This is an area of interest for us, we have a co-diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder, which we think is in part related to how our autistic brain operates, taken to an extreme, and we've met quite a few system in various support groups that also are autistic, and quite a few autistics with dissociative disorders, but we have the hypothesis that at in at least some cases DID is an epiphenomenon of autism taking regular autistic coping mechanisms to a whole new level
This may be relevant to many of my memory struggles. I struggle to remember events that I wish I could remember like my own graduations. I think my brain stops making new memories if my emotions are too strong. Also might be from sensory overload experiences. Hmm.
I associate certain songs with the place I was in when I listened to them. I have a very good memory for bad experiences. When something negative happens to me I absolutely won't be able to forget it for the rest of my life.
When I learn about a new subject I 100% only remember very select and specific details about them, usually those that are completely useless out of context. I struggle to remember instructions and often simply use logic to figure out what to do on my own. I always run the risk of forgetting an object in a place when I leave.
I forgot tons of things, from umbrellas to sport-shoes in all sorts of public places.
I'm always told I'm too distracted and that I should pay more attention to what goes on around me.
Thanks for this video!
4:15 Yep, this gave me a lot of trouble at university. Maths beyond algebra is basically just a pyramid of abstract concepts stacked on top of each other, and trying to learn a new concept while keeping the layers underneath it in my head was a nightmare.
THANK YOU ORION!!! This is my brain. I'm glad I'm not alone in this.
Another well-planned, well-writtenand clearly explained topic. Thanks so much.
Thank you so much! This memory stuff is something I've been struggling with. Funny enough, it's giving me trouble with the whole "These traits must have been present in childhood" part of the Autism criteria. I can't remember if they were!
My trouble with dates is that, while I can remember them, I keep not connecting the date with the day once it finally arrives, so I forget to wish the person Happy [Event] anyway >.
Orion, Thank you for this my psychologist has not told me about this. I am 41 and finally found out with a formal diagnosis that I am indeed autistic, ADHD, CPTSD, and have anxiety disorder.
This video is informative and explains why my memory is the way it is. I have many problems with memory. It is so hard to keep things in my head. Memory of my children, memory of people's names, appointments, homework, deadlines, everything. I can remember things from when I was 4 or certain events. I can't remember when my ex husband said while he was yelling at me and verbally abusing me which didn't help in court when the judge asked me what would he say to me. I can also see the events like a movie or like I am back in time experiencing it. I just can't remember certain things 🤔 it's almost like I am in a silent movie in my head that I feel, smell, and see. I can't remember everything that was said. When people talk it is so hard for me to listen especially when I am in a car, crowded room, store, bar, or in public, school. I am in college full time and I am struggling so bad. What makes it hard is to others they look at me and say that I don't look autistic. I am and I have been struggling my whole life. Being autistic, ADHD has gotten me in so many bad situations. I have tried to be like others but, I always miss the mark. It seems like people start catching on that I am not the same.
Also, I see things that happened but I can't get the words to come out of my mouth.
Thank you 🙏🏼
My working memory has been… crap for my life. I’m only NOW able to face it since learning I’m Autistic THIS YEAR!
Instead of having always thought “I’m STUPID!” NOW I know I have a condition. I REFUSE to call myself “disordered”. I’m only disordered by a system design to keep me restricted into my challenges.
Society and our governing Mental Health system under the APA’s MUST be challenged. In order for us to survive.
Thanks a lot for this video (and all the others). Most of my live I thought I have a type of dementia as I do not remember soo many things I did in my past. When people talk about vacations we made I so often think, have I really been part of this vacation..., Or I can drive a motorcycle tour 20 times and it is every time completely new for me and my friends make "fun" of me as this is so typically for me and not to any of them. But on the other side I know everything on my topics, special technical stuff and everyone wonders how I can remember all this. It never made sense for me, how I am and why my memory is so black and white. Thanks again for your videos, it feels good to know why these things are the way they are and that I am not alone with this.
Finding your channel has been a godsend as I only got diagnosed this year at age 40 and this video is incredible. It so clearly explains things and connected some dots I hadn't even considered like why I'm so incredibly reliant on Google Maps and get lost really easily.
This is my favorite video of yours so far! You are articulating how my brain works in a way that I wish every person who has ever known me could understand. Thank you for your hard work on sharing all this helpful information about autism. I just received my official diagnosis four days ago. After 18 months on a waiting list for testing, $600 out of pocket, 11 hours of testing spread out over three days, and 50 years of not understanding why the entire world seems to think I'm weird and "too much," I finally received my diagnosis: Autism with co-morbidities of Persistent Depressive Disorder and Unspecified Anxiety Disorder. My entire life suddenly makes sense - but now I have to process 50 years of how much easier my life would have been if I'd had this diagnosis 40 years ago. I actually started that mourning process about two years ago when I began to suspect I was autistic, so now I just have to process the reality of it. Your videos were particularly helpful to me as I awaited my official diagnosis; I relate to so many of the things you talk about. So, you were instrumental in helping me find the answer I was seeking. Thank you for doing what you do, and know that you will probably never know how many people you are helping with these videos. I hope you and your family are having a beautiful holiday season.
Wowie..dude..sir. again you amaze me. I cannot imagine anyone else explaining this so well. And that you give yourself to helping others genuinely. All my life i could only guess that my memory issues were borne out of childhood abuse, believing logically i would be killed anytime. So my brain got conditioned to exist in the monents.. Not loooking forward as i wouldnt be in the future. And not retaining all but most relevent information that was occuring. I am adhd autistic. However flipped my adhd working memory to all good this year. Been wondering if autism had similar issues as still is there in the respects you spoke of. Thanks so much. I can finally lay to rest my idea of this being related to the childhood scary stuff. Just didnt make sense that something occuring so far past could influence me now. You are my hero ! Hope you can remember your accomplishments helping others. Lol..😛🙃😁😎
I think this explains why I have trouble telling funny stories that happened in my life, I forget details and can't give a complete picture. I've always wondered how other people are so easily able to tell a story, selective amnesia could explain this.
This is what I cannot seem to explain to people in my life, because in many ways I am wicked smart so it seems like I am faking it when I am utterly stumped. ...which is often. ...and by seemingly very simple things. And being a middle aged recently self-diagnosed autistic woman, the solution has always been to just work twice as hard and mask the difficulty. I've run myself into the ground trying to simply function and hide same. How does one explain such things? People cannot conceptualize the lack of rest, the constant striving, the perpetual exhaustion, year after year. Only to have people think you're trying to get one over, you're being manipulative and lazy or passive-aggressive because even when you live out of your calendar and lists things slip. I am happy to finally at least know that I am not fundamentally flawed or somehow secretly (even from myself) evil, I am just ND. Learning of this and getting tips from people like Orion is changing my life.
This is so sad. I’ve read the same thing about brain damage. It’s just not fair. Life is hard enough.
Well 💩..... this is my brain
The idea of memory association for me is making the ideas in my head bigger and more convoluted so they become bigger and sticker. I didn't discover this technique until i was in my 40"s. I used to try and reduce the information load by understanding the goal of it not the details. what i realise know is that the brain has almost infinite capacity for large memory objects. The solutions for this are correct in my experince. I do come across alot of people who think they are right all the time because they can remember every thing, but i have noticed that they are not able to readjust their thinking for a fast changing world. People who are having to keep refreshing thier data are seeing it different everytime, small interations in design is proving to be successfull for space x
Awesome Orion,
This is the most helpful vid of information I have learned up to this point in my life - and I’m 46, so that’s a heck of a statement.
The information you so eloquently provided here was the most healing thing I’ve ever experienced. It explains so much about me. I am grateful to you for putting this vid out there. I feel more empowered than ever before; I’m literally inspired right now. To me, it feels like I’ve been waiting for a revelation like this.
I am so grateful to myself for cancelling my Christmas plans to simply spend Christmas with my awesome autistic son instead; for one thing, I’m going to need a full day just to begin processing this vid. I told my family recently that I highly suspect that I’m autistic. My brother agrees that I probably am autistic.
While I admittedly have not received a formal diagnosis of autism, the people who diagnosed my son informed me that it’s genetic. I’ve seen many UA-cam vids done by autists about autism and it’s diverse spectrum of different things. Said vids explain me “to a tee”.
While some may be concerned about self-diagnosing or self-identification of autism, I have neither the money, fancy health insurance nor the time, patience or resources necessary for the pre-, during- and post-test consequences of actually getting officially diagnosed by a third party. I’m still open to the idea of obtaining an official formal third party diagnosis. Of course, that in itself will take extensive formal research on my part - not to mention winning the lottery. The positive empowering irony is that what I learned from this video here is worth more than what money can buy.
Additionally, I’ve seen vids here explaining that it’s ok to self-diagnose - and these are vids done by autists. I mean I forgot to cash out my tax refund money for crying out loud. More than once. As you can imagine, it is extremely difficult to reclaim unclaimed property from the USA government.
Lastly, thank you for being you, Orion. I’ve had many mentors which have helped me at least get This far - but you are my hero.
This ☝🏻
This is why online communities like the one Orion has created here are crucial and so helpful to the public.
I struggle to maintain my imposter syndrome when you come out with videos like this.
My memory is like a steel sieve. I can recall tiny moments the seem irrelevant or that give me anxiety for decades but not remember massive events in my life. My wife constantly brings up stories from our past I don't recall at all.
I struggle with this and it makes learning new skills that may be very simplistic to normal people very hard... it leads to overthinking and bad work performances and low self esteem in my case. Thanks for this
I wish I had amnesia I have the opposite. I remember everything and it's horrible. You can never get over things because it feels like yesterday it just happened.
This is really interesting!
I actually have some theory about this. Let's say there are different levels of memory. Not just short term and long term.
1)Short term - good luck 😂
2) Frequent Access Long Term - I'll remember it because I do it often
3) Infrequent Access - have to have a refresher when doing the thing again.
4) Cold Storage - might remember it with a reference point like a video or photo or smell.
I know for sure that I prioritize. I even consciously realized this so I think I the moment what I know I'm going to forget or have wholes in and don't even try unless it's vital to remember inspite of it. Which means I'm saying the thing out loud, walking around, to get something to write it down.
I've figured work arounds for a lot of these things. But it requires those around me to appreciate that I have these different methods that them and they mostly have no idea that I'm different per se, just that I just not think things are important enough to remember.
I don't like that it's called "selective" amnesia for the same reason I didn't like when situational mutism was called "selective" - the connotation the word has today makes it sound like people actively choose to forget things. I'm not sure what word would replace it though...
Thank you so much. This just hit home in so many ways. Your posts have been helping me in a life-changing way to understand 47 years of dysfunction.
It's like I finally understand all the things that I was hard on myself yet knew that I was missing pieces of the puzzle of my true self.
I am very grateful to you. I did several online tests of autism and everyone advised me to go get tested, and that I have I high probability of being on the spectrum.
After reading about ASD I found your posts on 20 signs and 64 signs I got 18 ( my wife said 19) of 20. And 44 of the 64 signs. I never felt anyone could understand me, but now I know I am not alone and it liberated a lifetime of low self-esteem, endless frustration, and a knowing of things that I couldn't explain.
I was so good at masking that I didn't realize it at all. I thought I just liked to imitate people, TV and movie actors, sounds, and more.
I struggled with selective memory problems. A few of my family members too. Including my daughter who is on the spectrum.
We have different types of memory selection as does my mother and brother and all are different types of it.
I find it hard to teach my daughter things because she can't retain the information and I tend to go into long explanations.
She has ADHD and I have ADD with some ADHD traits as well, so it can get very frustrating for both of us.
I have not been diagnosed. And have suspected for more than a decade that I was on the spectrum.
At the time I just started going through a spiritual awakening after having a tumor removed and was trying to recover and the thought of having to deal with one more condition when I was already disabled from chronic pain, epilepsy, hypersensitivities to light, sound, smell, tactile, clothing, soaps, and so much more. And that adds multiple types of dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphic, sleeping problems, autoimmune issues and so much more. After going through a serious illness at age 35 I was burnt out and on disability welfare.
I don't see myself as a victim anymore accepting and learning about being on the spectrum was the missing link that I knew existed and it was so frustrating to have to overcome so much without my family understanding me or being worried about me because I was unable to explain or had the tools to properly communicate because I didn't know the way but I felt it so deeply an alien in a dream world that seemed all wrong and overwhelming.
I have what some people and cultures would describe as spiritual gifts.
I always had them and that probably was part of the reason I was not tested for being on the spectrum along with being creative and intelligent yet with extreme learning disabilities.
Could you talk about the spiritual gifts and awakening in the ASD community?
Also, I would very much love to hear about the conception between E2 (Twice-Exceptional) and autism. I have a gift for seeing the interconectivenees of things, and very creative and philosophical type. Yet I would be an example of what happens when it is not detected in addition to not knowing I was on the spectrum.
Apologies for the long post I have a hard time keeping things short, but I have a feeling a lot of people her can relate to that.
May you all have a wonderful calm day.
My entire childhood is only remembered as stories of the events that have been told to me, I cannot remember names unless I use them every day or have a long history with them, I will forget strings of numbers that I use almost everyday (thank god for the contacts list in my phone) and I need calendar reminders and alarms for anything that is important that is not part of my daily schedule. I never realized this was connected to autism, I will also have suddenly recollections sometimes when I am reminded of something I had put a lot of time and effort into that I had forgotten and only remembere it because of that triggering conversation.
the fact that while trying to figure out if I have asd recently with a professional, I told about my selective amnesia and how I easily forget things I'm not interested in as much. like idioms, history, all the things mentioned in this video. but then I was told this overlaps more with add, because apparently people with autism do not forget things? as if sheldon from the big bang theory were perfect representation and it weren't a spectrum
the biggest struggles for me are cooking, buying things (what do I need again? did I write all I need on my list?), putting names to faces or the other way around (I spent one year with 20 people and met them twice a week. still struggled until the end to get everyone's name right), repetitive parts of my life (did I already brush my teeth? or way bigger things, I barely remember huge parts of my time in school. I often thought (or think, since I'm in training school now) about what happened the last day or week or even earlier in the same day and just couldn't figure it out myself.
meanwhile, I can rarely forget about all the things I've learned about pokemon over the years. and things about art
When I was a kid, I would literally forget that I had homework. At least once a week, if not more.
I always thought my memory was like a camera with a slow shutter speed. Whenever my siblings share memories with me I feel like they’re talking about it for the first time and I have often been in awe of their ability to recall so much of OUR childhood experiences. This left me with very low confidence in my own mental abilities. This was a real eye opener as most of your content is always showing me different aspects of myself. Thank you for these videos.
Wow! This is so me . I used to do theatre and I was excellent at remembering many lines . No problem . But events not so much . My lack of memory for events is legendary among friends and family but this has been going on for years so everyone excepts it .
WOW!! Thank you Orion! 🙏💫
You have just described and explaned my life in 29 min!
In my 51 years I am discovering theough self diagnoses in the last 2 months that I am autistic and I have been watching vidieos about atism that explain all kinds of behaviour that I do and didn't realise it was because of autism.
I didn't even realises that selective amnesia was a thing, I just knew I had very bad memory and very bad memory recall. All of what you described has happened exactly.
Although I manage myself better these days I still struggle emensley on a daily basis. Unintentionally my non divergent colleges at work make sure I be punished or reprimanded or mocked in some way.
Five years ago I took a self transformational course. I have left the past in the past, I live in the present and only plan for the future, also I no longer add no meaning to anything that happens, so, what is, is and what it isn't is not.
Wow you nailed it!! I have accomplished so much but never recall them which causes all kinds of self value issues, then I shame myself for thinking about my achievements lol!
I actually hate when people ask me what I like because I forget what I like. It's like having a quiz and forgetting the answer when I define know it but can't place it. I also love that there are options, but too many will overwhelm me and I can't decide and leave with nothing. This happened a couple of days ago with friends, they said ""if you see a drink you like, just grab it and we'll pay for it". I grabbed nothing because nothing was familiar to me and I couldn't decide on an option even though I wanted one.
This is an interesting topic. But we need to keep in mind that trauma and chronic stress impacts memory as well. Removing that, will there still be memory issues? For some people, probably. The autistic brain prioritizes different things and sensory overwhelm doesn't help with making memories, that's for sure. I think my episodic memory isn't great but semantic compensates for it, because often times I remember a story about an event, not the event how it happened itself. For cases where I'm talking to someone and they tell me about stuff we did together that was joyful (so no reason to forget it really) - yeah, for that I have no other explanation but selective amnesia for no damn reason.
My theory is that my autistic husband forgets things when big emotion is attached to it. So, a stressful conversation? He forgot what we decided, and we have to redo the whole thing. But this also happens with happy things. Baby says "Dada", he forgets and three days later is thrilled to tell me "he said Dada for the first time!"
It confuses me, and it's hard not to think he's doing it on purpose for some villainous purpose, but it really seems like it's involuntary. (And harmless sometimes, like with the Dada thing. I try not to correct him, maybe he will be excited tomorrow again, hey guess what, the baby can talk! 😂)
I think his memory sorter doesn't know what to do with big feelings and so anything that comes to be sorted that has big feelings just gets tossed in the "miscellaneous" file with a bunch of other forgotten things.
I've also noticed that he will pick up the opinions of the people around him, without seeming aware of doing it. I know we're all influenced by each other, but normally I can say, "I used to think a, but something my friend said made me re think it and now I think b"
I've had spooky conversations with him where he'll say A and I don't agree, because I think F. We agree to leave it alone to calm down, as we don't need to make a decision immediately. Next time he talks about it, he's really firmly putting his foot down, he wants me to understand that really, F is the best choice here. And I'm not sure what's going on, it seems like he's teasing me, but he's serious. And then he is relieved that I agree with him that he's right, F is the way to go. 🤔
Obviously I don't mind (much, it's still aggravating that he takes credit for my ideas) when it goes like that, but it makes me concerned about how easily led he could be. Are his opinions really his? What's going on? Normally he's an incredibly skeptical, critical thinker. But then suddenly there's this idea that seems to come from nowhere, and goes against all previously held values and beliefs, but because he's so smart he can find all kinds of reasons and "proofs" that it's true. One painful change of idea has been coming between us for 8 years. I hope he'll change his mind yet.
My fiancé who has Asperger’s took 4 years to finally my birthday and we still laugh about it to this day.
This hits home so hard. I don't need to feel guilty for not being able to remember certain family occasions or events. So many gaps in my memories that other people remember with no issues. Thank you for talking about this and normalizing it.
This is great because I am 51. All of my life I have been bullied and guilted with having all of the autistic traits, especially memory issues. This realization of being autistic helps greatly by releaving a great deal of the guilt and shame from all the past trauma from others and especially from the narcissists that I have encountered. This gives me the strength to identify those around me and my own personal traits now. This is so empowering! Thank you sir for all of this! It is changing my life!
I feel like you've somehow peered directly into my brain, also this video reminded me I haven't taken my daily meds
I call it my "Swiss Cheese memory". I keep all my appointments in my phone calendar app, and try to remember to check it each week to make sure what appointments I have that week.
Prior to withdrawing and giving up working full time outside the house, I lived most of my life in a fugue. It’s actually scary how much I forgot and just never registered.
Weirdly, since I adopted a more hermit-like lifestyle, I have remembered things I never could remember. A lot was never registered, but a lot was hiding in the stress of constant sensory overload.
I got a great memory for directions and maps, and can remember a face easily, but I forgot appointments and can never place the faces to names or so. And don't start me on my medication. And well, my gaming knowledge is superior... But it explains why my most traumatic moments are just a grey mush or a single aspect without context. And the mindfulness explains how I got so far, I since my childhood took my time and just watched the clouds, when needed.
Wow, this explains so much! I identified with most of these issues & have seen them in my sister, son & father... Yes my family (like many got a big wack of "the tism" stick! 😳😬😁
I always forget to remember to write my homework assignments down in my reminder and was therefore unable to do it. I also forget to feed my dog and take her out (it’s ok, my wife remembers EVERYTHING so our dog is doing quite well).
This is so interesting! I have lost memories, a lots of them.
I have told earlier about the bullyies in my town. They bully me for decades for no other reason than that I am an aspie and have anxiety and emotions regulation problem. Right now they are throwing fireworks to my balcony. This is surreal. Nobody ever does something against those dangerous bullyies. Police also not.
Hopeless.
Maybe someday I get really triggerd after being bullyied for decades.
Of all the joyous challenges that come with ASD i think the complete inability to remember the majority of names in my life is the worst. I get to the point where I've known a person for a few weeks and I come to realise I'm in too deep, if I ask again at this point its just rude. I experience this with people who I've worked in the same department with for literally years! I find myself being super attentive for any clues!
I married my Mexican hsband on 5 de Mayo, thats May 5th. Yeah, just so HE CAN REMEMBER OUR ANNIVERSARY. It works and we have been married for 13 years now.
Takes me 30 minutes to remember the answer to an on the spot question i wasn't prepared for
Selective forgetting has got to be the best descrption of ehat i've been experiencing the last year...
It's not forgetting to do the dishes, it's that i gathered up everyone else's, did the diahes, wiped the counters and swept, then sat doen and proceeded to stress about all the work i had to do to clean the kitchen...only to get up and find it done....
There is no space on my "harddrive" for names and faces. Also, when I have to do something unpleasant, I can do it and do it well, but then retain no memory of doing it, whatsoever.
Thank you so much for this video and all the others you've made. I feel so seen for the first time. I'm recently self diagnosed audhd (and in the process of getting an official diagnosis) but I always thougt I was just an egocentric A-hole for not remembering birthdays or what my best friend does for his volunteer work. Thank you ❤
This was a hugely helpful video. In 30 minutes, I learned what a life time of "experts" failed to recognize, tore me down over, made bank over DSM codes while ignoring autism as the root, and also realize the absolute evil of people who take advantage of our quirks and memory gaps for profit, to fit in the bully hive, and to send us to the land of misfit toys.
I wish I had this video when I was growing up in the 80's.
My parents, and other authority figures are so hard on me for not remembering "word for word".
I can recall vivid detail about a house I haven't been in since 1987, but I cant recall word-for-word my previous comment posted 23 mins ago.
Visual words help me so VERY much. I wish I could have had my entire school education on DVD, replay, rewind, pause... repeats and slow mode when I need it, so I can learn on my own time, and repeat for practice practice practice, to help me remember, instead of being told once and instantly forgetting what I was told. Or worse, missing one word due to a sound interruption, and be lost and confused for the entire lesson. "try harder" people demand of me. How is trying harder to use a muscle that don't work going to help, one that I have been trying my hardest over 4 decades, and I still have a memory like a noodle strainer, swiss cheese, a sieve, and other things with lots of random holes.
Im someone who has just discovered that im autistic. I definitely get selective amnesia. Like i can watch a documentary and really enjoy all the facts, then try to tell someone about the documentary and the best i can come up with is "it was a good documentary". Also even though ive watched UA-cam videos about signs you're autistic i cant name even one trait easily.
Never heard of this, interesting! But beware, CPTSD and and PTSD will do this too.
I sometimes meet people who already know me. They've had long discussions with me, often over several days, in the context of some trip or something that I don't remember either. But when I ask other people I know, they do remember the trip, and the person who recognises me. And it's so embarrassing, because those people are often really nice, and in no way... Forgettable.
Wish, thank you. I’m noticing much more sensory overwhelm .
So difficult at times.
Here I am again, I've lost count, stammering "Wait this is a THING?" and then going down the rabbit hole of all the ways it is affecting me without even realizing half of them. Thank you as always, Orion!
Oh damn. Now a lot of things start to make sense
“Have some SHRED of love for yourself!” Thnx. I’m trying, man.❤
i feel like whenever im focusing on masking or managing strong emotions, my ability to integrate experiences and information into my memory really suffers. im great at remembering things i learn on my own and when i can process emotions around a memory i dont forget it, but in the moment? its SO hard for me to stay truly grounded sometimes and when that happens i might as well not even be there.
I personally struggle with remembering time.
In my mind, it's like anything that happened 10 years ago happened at the same time as anything that happened last year.
I don’t know time either. I keep track of certain things by dates or my age.. (I lived in that house when I was __ age etc. we never stayed in one house more than two years). I work that job from 1988 to 2000 etc.
My mom is 22 years older than me, dad was 3.5 years older than her. That’s how I kept track of their ages. I had my kids when I was ____ age, that way I can keep track of how old they are.
If someone were to say; that happened 10 years ago, in my mind it only two or five years ago.
I’m getting ready to go somewhere and I think I might be running late I count to keep track of time. Plus I set alarms on my phone. The last alarm is set to go off 20 minutes before I need to leave the house. But then I’m still usually 10 minutes late wherever I go. 😂
The comments here mirror my experience, it's humiliating, traumatizing and depressing, having basically no memory of my life, depending on the recollections of others. Interestingly, the most traumatic events in my life have become the defining memories, fun. It's not great for work, I've had the shared experience of being interrogated about tasks I had no clue were expected of me, and looking like an incompetent fool. The only reason i still have a career is because of my ability to apologize and guarantee the expected work on an extremely accelerated timeline, the only time that hyperfocus comes in handy. It also puts a HUGE strain on my marriage, because I seem disinterested in day to day events, when in reality, I simply don't retain them. It's amazing that any of us have made it this far, and it makes me very anxious about the future because a major ball-dropping disaster is always on the horizon.
Yet another seemingly unconnected struggle of mine turning out to be fully connected to my autism. I had no idea. Thanks for the education!
Yes, I fit this description. I cannot remember much of the most traumatic year of my life (2000), yet I can remember something somebody said to me back in 1992. It really is bizarre.
My sticky notes have sticky notes! Calendars, strict schedules, notebooks, graph paper, meal planners and chore charts are all things I have used to help with my crazy, inconsistent memory. If my head wasn't attached...I would forget that, too!😂😀 Great video, Orion! Thanks for all that you do! You and your family take care!😀
I can relate so much to this! You are so good at explaining what I experience.
This is definitely something I've dealt with in particular with emotional details of my past. I'm quite fortunate in that I have an incredible natural memor, which helps for facts and ideas, but a lot of the connection stuff just gets forgotten.
This explains so much in my life. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video!! This perfectly describes how my memory works