Two diagnosed narcissists take a narcissism test
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. And here I discuss my own personal experience living with narcissistic personality disorder. Including the symptoms and behaviors associated with this disorder, as well as how it has affected my life. I also share some of my coping strategies and how I have been able to manage the disorder, along with helping you understanding your loved ones and their behaviors that may seem almost incomprehensible and potentially hurtful. Hopefully, my channel will provide insight into what it's like to live with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as what it's like for your loved ones. Thank you for watching!
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#narcissist #clusterB #gaslighting #npd #mentalhealth #BPD #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #gaslighting #mentalhealthawareness
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I really enjoyed this conversation bro! 😎
Same dude!!! We need to do a live sometime!!
Sounds good to me!!
I'm so glad you're here! My husband with npd struggles most of the time with a collapsed ego, and I felt lost until I found your channel.
Not even my therapist could tell me how to support him.
He needs noah hines deliverance
Be careful trying to fix him. He will put you through hell and you will lose yourself
Regarding "Are all people selfish?" My reality is that everyone should strive to be self-oriented but when it becomes dysfunctional or non-relational, it crosses over into selfishness. If we are grounded and acting in our adult functional self, we can be healthily self-oriented in well-boundaried relationships with others.
The reality for someone on the receiving end of narcissistic behavior that bothers them, is that it’s poking triggers. It’s not the narcissist themselves, it’s the triggers related to childhood experiences and associated pain. Once someone works through those, there’s nothing to trigger anymore; so narcissistic behaviors become irrelevant.
A can relate to this. The trauma bond is why we get pulled to them and bc most of us had narcissist parents or family members who withheld love and made us work for their attention so its an unconscious pull. You’re absolutely right and once we heal that in ourselves the narcissistic people aren’t attractive to us anymore
Soo good. Soo accurate. For me the narcissist was trying to trigger feeling abandoned and rejected. But once you wake up to how toxic their personality is you can’t feel rejected by someone you don’t even want to be around.
Thanks for pointing this out I can fully see it now, they always go for the triggers
jacob i just wanted to tell you despite the narcissism, you’re not as bad as you think you are. you’re really a cool person ❤️ God bless you, truly.
as much as i felt victimized by a narc in my life i can also relate to so many of these things but to a lesser degree i guess. gives me comfort. and kinda makes it easier to deal with the shame of it. thanks for this video!
I really like the nuances between you two despite the same disorder. I feel like I’m three (four if you count in what I think of me and that’s the most important I think.) I like that you talk about the bad stuff you done. It makes me easier to catalog different topics in my brain (auDHD). And the whole freaking dsm it feels like. Thank you for a very informative video on how these disorders manifest in different people. 🙏
I really enjoyed the conversation about doing nice things for people. I am not a narcissist. In fact I'd say I am more toxic empathy. lol. I can cognitively understand what you guys are saying about seeing ulterior motives for doing something nice, but there is some black and white thinking in here. It is often BOTH that you genuinely care about someone and want to help AND it also feels good to be nice. Depending on the person, the emphasis may be on one or the other. I can honestly say for me, the emphasis if often on caring as the primary motivator and how that makes me feel is the secondary perk. But, you are totally correct in identifying that doing something nice for someone always does something for the doer of the kind act as well. Great conversation.
Love this dialogue. However just wanted to add my view about people having worth..and I want to restate this my personal opinion, doesn't make me right or wrong. I don't see right or wrong just knowledge and learning, teaching etc...
So my opinion is that money doesn't give a person worth. And that person born into a slum existence can give so much value because he learned how to be content without having things and money, and what makes him valuable is the ability to share that knowledge with others. Teaching people to grow within themselves. I didn't have a lot of anything growing up. However I did have everything I needed and I am so grateful I wasn't spoiled...
It's so good to listen to you guys talking because I'm so relatable.
Question 2:
Normal people don’t need that much external validation. It is by the way what cause you pain cause you can’t do it yourself. But the point is: when you manipulate and huet people to get that attention that is when things go super wrong.
I used to think everyone was selfish, but scholastic ethics changed my mind. Learning about it in the abstract was easier, and now that I understand that, it's easier to see it in concrete experience as well.
What did they say?
@@Hernameis... It's hard to explain without prior knowledge of the principles involved, but basically everything in the world has this thing called a "telos," which is the purpose that it tends towards, e.g. the "telos" of a toaster is to make toast. The thing becomes a more fulfilled version of itself the more it fulfills its telos. So with the toaster, it is a more fulfilled or perfect toaster when it is able to make toast as opposed to when it's broken.
With humans, our "telos" is usually thought of as being virtuous by acting according to right reason. The more someone acts in a virtuous and rational way, the more fulfilled they become because they are fulfilling their purpose as a human.
BUT some scholastics would argue that there is an even higher purpose for the human person, and that is the common good of the whole.
The human person, being an essentially social creature, is most fulfilled when humankind is fulfilled, which is why self-sacrifice is seen as virtuous and why people are often naturally inclined to help others even if they themselves don't receive any benefit other than seeing the other person happy. I think, in psychology, they talk about "mirror neurons," which makes someone see someone else as almost themselves, so they can share in that other person's happiness. I think this is also related to how Aristotle talks about how someone sees their friend as "another self."
So in short, I think that everyone IS selfish insofar as they fall short of this ideal and often choose themselves over the good of the whole due to their illusion that this will benefit them. At the same time, when correctly viewed, someone's most true "selfishness"/self-love is in loving others.
It's hard to explain it all in a UA-cam comment, but there is a book called Love of Self and Love of God in Thirteenth Century Ethics that talks about this, and if you want to learn the philosophical principles to help you understand that book, then you could read Ed Feser's Aquinas book first.
Thanks for sharing this guys, it probably took huge effort to come out and admit it. I live with a narcissistic in law family, and I can relate to how some family members behave, one thing I want to add is a narcissist hates taking responsibility, they expect others to be responsible but they always shift shit around and blame others or manipulate others to do what is essentially their duty
It’s the “I’d rather you hate me than be indifferent.” That’s for real narcissistic. My father said those exact words to me and he really enjoys making me hate him and crippling me with anger every step of the way. The things he said are the specific triggers that he knows will hurt me. And the things he does that are sweet are specifically things that make him look like a hero. If I achieve something, he hates it. If I make a new friend he sabotages a friendship. If I don’t do exactly as he says and what he wants he totally discards me as if I don’t exist. He hates social occasions where he’s not the centre of attention. There are so many opportunities for a narc to put you down. Thanks for this video. My dad is exactly as you described him, point for point, he’s always seething because someone doesn’t think he’s a god. The insights are truly helpful and take away a lot of the pain of the past. Just to know it’s his PD and not me.
I am binging on NPD related content. The more i watch it, the more i realize that NPD are consciously doing and thinking of things that non-NPD think. All this complicated computations on image and status just happens infra-consciously for "normal" people, and as far as that is related, part of the stigma is totally undeserved. It reminds me of that blind monks story, they are touching a part of the elephant other don't. Also, from an outside perspective, one would think they are delusional, but no, their fear is justified, they cannot be open about their struggle, let alone their diagnosis, otherwise they would be outcast. And having suffered them first hand, the consequences of being outcasted can be absolutely terrible.
I need a test. I’ve never let doctors all the way in to get a diagnosis. Hard for me to trust even doctors and also what happens when I get one, something that can be used against me. I know that’s shocking to say. Lol! I would love to talk to that specialist you have on your channel.
Wow thank you for the honesty that is inspiring to know that it is possible for someone with this diagnosis can really open up and speak the truth about their condition.
Thank you so much for your great content! I have a question (and maybe you could make a video about it, in case you have time): What do you think might be the best way for a neurotypical person/empath to treat a narcissist?
Cause you talked a lot about about feeling really sad that people were leaving you. For me, there are some narcissists in my life that I really care about, and that I would like a friendship or connection with. But they just keep devaluing me when they're upset. Or keep making hurtful comments and judge what I do. They don't seem to understand that it really hurts me and that it deteriorates the friendship/relationship/etc, even if I sincerely care about them. Also, it is really hard to talk to them about this stuff and arrive at a constructive solution, cause they are so sensitive to criticism. If I try to bring up this type of issue to them, it just blows up in my face. So the only thing that works for me to not keep getting my feelings hurt is to take an ample distance, or to even give up on this friendship. But yeah, I would like a connection with them but I just don't know how to do it, without getting constantly hurt myself. Could you share, from your point of view, how you would want us to negotiate our boundaries and explain what kind of friendship / relationship we want and that we really cannot handle getting hurt all the time, without hurting the narcissist, and to negotiate boundaries and rules for treating each other that actually work long term? That would be really appreciated!
Thank you so much for all your videos, you are doing the world a huge service! What you do is extremely useful and help you, and it is precisely the real you that is of most value to us and helps us the most, because it is understanding how intensely narcissists can suffer that helps us grow compassion for people with NPD! Take good care always!
I tried that for a year and had to give up. No matter how *I* changed, he did not. He also had multiple other lives without me… I came to believe I could not believe anything he said was “true”. Best wishes to you. My advice would only be to find and follow your own path. But I’m just a random online person.
Yes. Everything my narc told me was an untruth. Everything! He even lied about his height. I know people lie about their weight but height??? Just lied about everything even stuff he didn't have/need to lie about - normal, everyday stuff.
Oh my dear. My humble non professional opinion is you really can't have a deep and meaningful relationship with these folks. Especially if they are not aware. I imagine there are coping mechanisms if you must be in a relationship but you need to manage expectations. Serious radical acceptance. And you need to really have your shit together yourself. You need to be SOLID in your own skin. I also imagine you need to know when to disengage.....regularly. These folks are limited to the depth that you can get to with them. Dr. Ramani might have some videos on coping strategies if you wanted to look for those.
Thanks Jacob! I respect your vulnerability so much.
By far, my most favorite video. I relate to this so damn much.
Your channel is amazing. Binge watching your videos
Where is this test? Just curious. I'm interested in seeing a neurotypical or "well-adjusted" test. It seems easier to define pathologies, but harder to define normalcy. It we know society is flawed, as most people if not all people agree, it would make sense to adopt some of these outlooks in response to it...? For instance, it doesn't make sense to share with everyone and a lot of relationships are transactional as people often think of themselves when evaluating whether to stay in relationships (are they making ME a priority and how do I feel?) and healthy relationships are defined by mutual respect and admiration for the other person, without that it's more difficult to sustain a bond through difficult times.
The point you made about people mostly projecting onto others is interesting and I think that's true. So that would mean people accusing others of being narcissistic are probably narcissistic, otherwise you can interpret what other people do in more than 1000 different ways.
It’s all massively subjective, as far as I can tell.
Fantastic video! Thank you both 👍
Lastly, I just find it interesting that we do have so much in common and that I find focus narcissism to be easier to deal with than “normal” people because I think normal people like you guys were saying with the college thing just lied to themselves because they didn’t want to feel bad about their choices when they’re doing dumb shit and they’ll do dumb shit just because they think it’s the thing to do
this is brilliant. nice work fellas👍👍
Yay! You're back....!
I don't think that healthy adults treat people based on what they perceive of them or whether they like them or not. The idea I follow is that everyone, including the worst of us, deserves dignity and respect. Yes, there are times I fail, I might get angry and lash out in situations of even blocking people out of my mind, but do I think that they deserve me lashing out at them. No. I could have dealt with the situation in a better manner. Now whether I choose to emotionally invest in them or not, whether I choose to trust them or not, whether I choose to become friends with them or not, whether I choose to love them or not, that kind of thing depends on multiple factors like reciprocity. If I am respectful to them are they respectful to me? Do they understand my boundaries? Do we have things in common? Do we have similar values? I don't think being "Liked" has much to do with it. Just my opinion.
I just have to comment the 3rd time, it's a long video, but guys thank you! Now I understand! Narcissists see the world through the eyes of perfection, only is something or the outcome of some action perfect, will you identify with, all or nothing mindset, as an empath just want to remind you there's a lot of fun in the mediocre gray area, not perfect but fun!
Nice. 😊 I really enjoyed this video.
The title for this vid sound like two diagnosed narcissists walk into a bar...😄
Love these convos
I wonder how would this work for my husband he only answer questions with questions 😢
entrevista extraordinária 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻,deu para entender bem como tudo funciona,Jacob gratidão por essa entrevista, realmente foi muito muito esclarecedora👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙏🏼🙌🏼
🚨I have a big question 🚨 In your best opinion what can a person do to stay the person who only sees the friendly narcissist side? Narcissists don’t seem to abuse all their relationships. Being on the other end of the smear campaign nobody would believe me how bad the narcissist is. How can I stay one of those people who just knows the narcissist as a great person?
As a guy whos suspecious that I have NPD or at least highly narcissistic traits I will attempt to answer:
First of all narcissists ARE capable of kindness and good deeds, but its always for some weird ultirier motive, if the resieving person is lucky its just so we could "fuel the facade" that we are a good decent person for ourselves (and so we can say it to others)
This is the best case senerio, and there wont be any harmful manipulations.
The result will look and effect like it was from a person with a true sense of care.
However, many other times we want to make you feel obligated to give us something back, the problem is that its not truly resiprical.
If we ask for "care" back, what we actually want is for you to act like we are better then you even if it isnt true and even if it hurts you
If we want you to introduce us to your friends, we likely want to become the most 'popular' person there, after we lovebombed every friend in the group, while also pushing you down.
If we want you to give a lend us a ear, we want to manipulate you into thinking we are who we say we are, even though we arent
He says, “is just anybody entitled to you? I don’t think so”. But also says that he is entitled to everyone’s time😂That’s funny
I think your video here is cool cuz it's so honest. I think everyone has feelings and thoughts like this at times but God always reminds me that I'm not alone and I am loved and it's going to be ok and He's on the job. We all have these tendencies to want to be special and we all are but we are all equal too.
I like how you brought up that you are intp. I'm entj and intp in shadow. I think you are too. I think our shadow side is a recalibration. We toggle back and forth between healthy type and shadow recalibration. Life is a war of good and evil. It's very real and the way the enemy takes hold is to make us feel unloved.
I pray God will show us all how loved we are so we never feel alone and we can live out our true selves. I think your true self is entj and you are a soldier who wants to do good. Like you said that dream of leading. That's entj. But you have to have God with you to make sure you don't go too far up your own arse. Believe me I have before and it's not worth it cuz God lectures for days until you get right.
I really think this is going to work out. Just ask God to help. He really will. Jesus isn't religion He's the real thing. Don't listen to preachers they are all narcissists lol true story. Paul is a narcissist too. Only Jesus tells the truth.
30:58 I’m also super jealous of the ability to make people believe anything for no matter how true something is for me people almost always doubt my truthfulness because I got a body language and cadence or some dumb shit , though I would say I do share the often both hating myself and thinking I’m better than people at the same time which I find very interesting…
Can narcissist be content with having only other narcissist as friends?
Which test you guys using? I am also aware that to diagnose NPD clinician need to talk to people from your circles if there is sign of depersonalisation or reversed indyviduation stockholm dyndrome etc...
It’s interesting he said that was common sense that it doesn’t matter what he thinks about HIMSELF and in my mind I’m like wtf does he mean it doesn’t matter what he thinks of himself?? That’s confusing af to me😂
Great video, was very interesting
People perform altruistic acts because either they enjoy the feeling of helping another person, or at least the release of seeing another person in need suffer at least a little less. There's also an argument that for a person who's core beliefs include 'better for the community, and by extension, better for me', that results in altruistic acts.
You are still doing it because it makes you feel good though. If it made me you horrible or numb you wouldn’t do it. There is always a “selfish component “
I would agree with you both we are all selfish to a point, then some people are more selfish than others
I enjoyed watching this video
Very interesting,I think there could be way more questions.but it is a very large spectrum.💜
Well it’s being selfish about things that are limited resources that people want which is a flaw . Narcissist do it , because they need to feel unique
Is anyone Going to point out the fact that this guy is in the prime of his narcissism. He has not been through the ringer of failed relationships be it Women, or his family or friends or bosses or anything else? he seems way too happy to be living in this narcissist bubble .. and happy to have The mindset of being a God or godlike and everyone needs to treat him that way.. l, and he is so happy with his grandiose self that reality is going to hit him one day after many failed relationships with humanity.. this guy in my opinion , hasn’t hit the first rock that leads to the bottom
Ya know, I think you bring up some things that are important to keep in mind about me, being in my mid twenties I haven’t had that many experiences that are instrumental to true change. However keep in mind you’re seeing a snapshot of how I am in one moment whilst having a (in my mind) fun conversation, not the totality of how I am as a person. I’ve burnt down so many relationships, friendships, jobs, and chances at real happiness. My time in the army and working in a prison aged me a lot. I’m not always jolly and grandiose, I’m often depressed, parinoid and despondent due to these experiences and do crave genuine change. And I know that despite me leaning on my grandiosity, it’s not real happiness or connectedness like I want. I think you’re correct in saying I shouldn’t be held as a standard of healing or anything, but I think this video isn’t a full representation of my character. (Not trying to attack you or anything btw, this comment just kinda made me think and I wanted to express it) Either way, I hope you have a good day!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist woah.. first of all.. let me take in the fact your actually commenting on a comment of mine , and Jacob , I have been a follower for a little over a year now and you are by far one of the most intellectual , most deep, most honest , most realistic , and extremely observational both inward and outward. That helps us all. There’s a lot to be learned from you actually. . And your a real pleasure to listen to.. I do understand your background and what realizations your coming to in life , and what you’ve gone through and your doing it in the most humbly way you possibly can. And your also helping all of us that need answers too, with situations we’ve been in with people that think the way that you do. So we appreciate you being vulnerable and honest and very real. But the guest you brought on in this episode I feel he has a lot to learn. And there’s more you can teach him than he can teach you.
@@bambirose1869 ohhhh I thought you were referring to me 😂 again sorry if I came off as aggressive! But yeah at the time of recording he was newly diagnosed. And he (and me) have ALOT of learning to do either way. Honestly tho I think what’s cool is seeing someone who is very newly aware being able to grow over time and watching their progress. And I mean what I said in terms of you bringing up some good points in regards to both me and him. I think we need a lot of healthy skepticism in regards to how recovering pwNPD think and rationalize. Even I don’t think I’m healed! Haha but I think snapshots at every step of that journey are important. Idk if I’m making sense I’m kinda word vomiting 😂
Yea you make a good point 💯, and he needs healthy skepticism. wish nothing but the best for you jacob 🙏 don’t ever give up, keep fighting the good fightt Your always a pleasure to listen too.
You can give more input on my own videos if you want
"Niceness" from an empath's perspective is being overwhelmed with others pain imagining yourself in their shoes or having been their yourself so you almost have no choice but to be nice and offer help, the motive is the feeling of pain, so for narcissists they cannot feel beyond themselves
What is the name of the test? I can’t remember. Like in medical terms.
Stoner is pretty cool and funny!
This reminds me of mixed BPD with NPD blended in.
Im a victim narsistic i think xD. I think its not very smart to make narsistic diagnosis, since its just someones character. Well what the hell do i know then lol. Its still a "I think" i may not be able to form any relationship but it sure is good to know that i dont want anyone anyway. I do value good people, and am opem to helping em if they won't get on my head, and yeah i don't think im a bad person, but indirectly i may harm someone anyhow. Also i do get on with my own life once my leg is healed. I just think that its the way it is, you get better and then you move on. Not that I don't like that person. Again irk if im bullshiting myself or what haha. But i do love myself a lot, however my brain is made.
1:07:58 The phrasing used for these tests are very black and white or so obvious 😂.
If i have invincibility i will be honest and learn emotions if possible like grey emotions
The most confusing is the entitlement component.
Oh good. #1 is a genius. I dated one of those, a fellow neurodivergent musician, and it was traumatic, even though the dude frequently slung the N word in my direction. I'm an old lady with Asperger's. Fuck's sake. What's to love?
Your guest--Joey?--seems pretty relatable, though. Not super self involved at all.
1:01:20 I relate to spirial and counter argue right fighter 😅
19:15 👏
1:01:44 😮
For example .. monogamy is selfish . The narcissist does it to feel more desired . That that person chose them over others . But it’s fucked because it’s keeping that person all to yourself , which is selfish . Because they’re other guys that might want her , but you’re in monogamy with her
I’m only five minutes in but bro has said like about 47 times. I’m gonna try and get past it though 😅
Ok no lol I can’t follow what he says because I can only count how many times he says like in one sentence. 😂
@@SilverBack-xi3lnokkkk that’s interesting lol I wonder if Jacob is subconsciously mirroring his communication style here 🤔
@@samanthamills5403 nah they just both say it a lot in other videos as well
@hamluk_ yeh they say it "like" a lot. 😂
You make a great point. I suspect over-using the word “like” is a test for narcissism! If the shoe fits…. It’s a narcissist!
Is it selfish if they are just doing it for karma lol.
We are all selfish. We all do good because it feels good. Even the most selfless act is for the self. We are one and yet separate. There is no self yet there i. Love God with all you are love self and love those close as self and love your enemies with blessings.
@@deuteronomy3162 we are all selfish, I agree.
I'm on the spectrum. I am pretty sure "normies" are NPCs. It's not just you.
Maybe Jesus was a narcissist
I think so.
He literally sacrificed his life for the sins of the world when he didn’t have to do that for us to give us the gift of eternal life
He’s anything but, the devil is the real narcissist. like full blown
lol
Can you make a video on hoovering?? I remember in one of your vids you mentioned you either despise your exe’s or re-idealize them and want them back. do you ever reach out?
Also, at the end of your vids you say “take you fucking meds” lol. Do you take medication for NPD? / emotional dysregulation? just curious! Your content fascinates me. You look & speak almost identically to my ex 😵💫
There's no real medication to treat personality disorders,not like the treatments they have for mood disorders and such. With personality disorders, doctors usually prescribe medicines for either symptoms or to treat the coexisting disorder (which is very common)