No, not everyone does this. It’s hard to understand that manipulation and control is to make someone like you. The irony is it’s the very stuff that makes people leave. Self defeating, sabotaging and has to add to stress.
My thoughts exactly. that was what killed my last relationship with a narc...he lied about too much shit and when I would find out and have proof.. he would still deny it. Fuxk it drove me nuts literally.
My sister does this all the time, but she is not very clever about it, so most of us can see through it... most of my family just ignore what she says, they assume it is a lie. I worry more, as I am pretty sure she is also a psychopath. In the last few years she has been fixating a lot on my aging father and his house. I think she is the kind of person who, if you were in the hospital on a respirator or something, as soon as no one is looking she would pull the plug. While most people think she is harmless, I am keeping an eye on her
I dated a guy who used to lie badly, just so I'd think he was a bad liar. But he wasn't. And even though I wasn't familiar with narcissism, I could see through him.
Wow these tactics seem so exhausting. Just the thought of scheming or manipulating makes me feel so uneasy. When you said you thought everyone engaged in this behavior i imagined myself doing that and I just couldn't. In fact I'm so honest and open that I've been a prime target. I also see the good in everyone and even when I know I'm being lied to or manipulated I just ignore it because I didn't want to upset my partner and expose him. I can feel when I'm being fooled and toyed with right away. And I usually use that to my advantage to not fall into the traps, however at the same time I let it build up inside me and then I become depressed and toxic. So I let it all out and I was discarded. I try each day to be true to myself to my best ability. I need to have a clear conscience in order to feel good about myself.
I would use this to devalue a lot of the narcissistic people in my life. I would say true strength is when you don't have to lie to manipulate someone. I very much pride myself in being able to tell people exactly what I'm doing and still have it work
"Presenting the truth as it is a lie." Yep. This proved to be far more convincing than telling the truth in a "truthful way." Lying itself has also proven to be more effective and believable than telling the truth, but I usually only do that to get the one grilling me off my back.
I find it very intriguing that you do these videos. But I understand how it can help you. I love to journal but I don’t have the time to do that all the time. But I can turn on my computer and Vlog to myself while I am having my coffee. It’s just me and for me. But I find it helpful and don’t feel so alone when I’m doing it. It helps me to understand myself more. Your videos help me to understand why I have encountered so many narcissistic people in my life and how they got me hooked into the relationship. Being empathic , it was easy for them to do so but with your experience and explanations, I can see how things unfolded. Thank you for being vulnerable and making these. I hope it helps others on both sides of the fence. Peace be with you.
My whole reputation is built around being an honest person so when I lie it's with the knowledge that I carry that s*** to the Grave. Never tell people your secrets
thank you for your honesty! You say you think everyone uses such tactics. - No, I've personally never used such tactics . And btw it's true, not a lie. And also I practically never drink as well. I'm just being honest with you too. Thank you for your honesty again! Yesterday you mentioned it's important to you how others see you. One interesting experiment came into my mind. There're special personal development coaching groups where participants are given different tasks to work on different character traits. For example, I've heard to get more resistant to opinions of people around , in one of such groups participants were given the following task: they had to put on some really bad clothes, dye their hair some weird or somewhat uncomfortable color, go outside , & spend a couple of hours like this among people. Of course, sober. Such practice is meant to help get more resistant to what others think of you. I do understand that it's not for everyone, I personally never did it, but if needed, I could do it :))) Despite the fact that it'd be scary:))) But support of the group can make it less uncomfortable:))) the only thing it's super important not to make this too traumatizing PS: if you don't want to, you don't have to reply to all comments. No one makes you!!! Only to those that you choose PPS: Thank you for your honesty again!!! It's really valuable to learn from you
My narcissist used to take me to many of her places. I could quickly, easily, and naturally vibe with everyone there. Making myself the center of attention. But that would get her mad. I didn't understand why for a while. But now I know why. She didn't want me to make those alliances. If I got along too well, she would order to me that we leave together immediately. So I would leave with her.
I know most people will do this in the right situation. I used to use this argument when people didn't want to use they them pronouns and said they were unnatural. I was like I know when you were hanging out with someone who was the opposite sex and you didn't want your partner to know you would use they them just fine
I'll posit that as confrontational as CBs may seem, it's their defenses acting up. Speaking of which, "aggressive" behavior is often impulsive, a reaction to a real--or perceived--threat. They want to be heard, yet have trouble expressing certain types of criticism directly. Since at heart, they can be quite nonconfrontational, they revert to passive aggressive behavior. It's something along those lines anyway. Lol Exhausted, yeah--you and me both! Wanted to add something else too but forgot what it was. Lol Anyway, keep up your good work! 👍😁
I used to play a lot of tabletop role-playing games and I started to see the world that way and I kind of think drug and drink is like a negative modifier to your intellect score. Which is why when dumb people drink and do drugs they go beyond and you can't even have a f****** logical conversation with them anymore but for people who are more intelligent they can handle a bigger negative and still function just fine. I don't really know how alcoholism plays into this because I know some people are genetically prone
Manipulation Is you asking people to do things But in a cowardly way. You don't want no for an answer. To be respectful You have to ask directly And accept no for an answer And realize its not the end of the world
Hi I'm a new viewer of yours. I decided to check you out after hearing your name several times from cluster B milkshake, Sara. I find your channel to be very unique I just wanted to tell you and helpful. I will be viewing as if you were Supply to me as my narcissist this morning hoovered with a good morning beautiful text like clockwork 60 days after I I initiated no contact with him. Do you do one on ones? I myself am a textbook classic self aware borderline with heavy narcissistic Tendencies as well as antisocial Tendencies and traits. So needless to say I'm a natural manipulator myself. But I'm not so grandiose about my abilities to think I don't or can't benefit from help from other people with PD's in the way I handle this hoover. Naturally I know I should reject it all together but as a borderline I crave chaos so obviously the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the text this morning was "Let's play! 👹" Also worth noting I am in the midst of writing a book about my experience along with the formula I've come up for healing for victims which goes past surviving and thriving to the goal of celebrating the entire experience. I have enough funds to publish it on a small scale myself to begin with and the title is going to be a spin-off on a word my abuser used as Mini love bombs in response to questions I would ask him such as babe did you dream about me last night to which he would always respond with one word. Always. So the title of my little project is going to be "Abused Always" Anywho I'll shut up now. Oh also one of your videos mentioned you were born in 1999 which made me feel old as f*** because for work I'm a career nanny and my first job was with twins born in 1994! Anyway thanks again for being you and expressing your vulnerability for the benefits of the rest of us here on youtube. Wishing you the very best, Katie
Thanks so much for the comment! I love sara she's helped me out so much hahaha Unfortunatly I don't do 1 on 1's, I don't trust myself cause I'm not far along enough in my healing. Also I'd love to see the book when you're done with it!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist that's a wide decision, to understand your spont on your road to wellness! And of course, when finished I will send you a copy! Signed to boot 😜
No wonder narcs are worried their whole world coming apart , if they are lying about so many things. Everything is built on a fragile foundation it could all Come crumbling down at anytime.
Sitting here listening to you trying to imagine what it would be like to intuit hierarchy and body language. Although I may be autistic but I can tell when someone doesn't want to talk as long as they are showing it anyway. I guess unless I don't know them at all then I might just think maybe they are a quiet person
People with autistic traits easily pick up on patterns (I'm generalizing for simplicity). Do you think you may be used to a certain pattern of "core" behavior in people you know, and in this case, when they break the pattern (of usually talking quite a bit, for instance), you might instantly recognize it and know something's "off" which for you translates into them not wanting to talk?
As a kid…yes. But triangulating and gaslighting others as an adult is quite different. I’m not dumping on him I appreciate his honesty. I’m just saying it’s not the same.
It's weird though because even though I'm autistic I was always in charge of my friend groups around the time I became 18. I had this friend get mad at me for allowing someone to sit at our table one time and I was like am I in charge of that? And she told me I was to which I told her I liked that guy and she got mad lol
I really never thought of myself as a narricist but even at a young age I just talked endless shit about freinds to eachother behind their backs and when people found new freinds they were sundenly much closer with I felt it was a betrayl cuz i knew that person longer. But in fairness that guy is actully probably a narrcicst so that was probably an element of it, cuz later I stole that friend and bantering with him in a gc pissed the narrcist guy off so much he called us an old married couple then left. I really dont think i meet the critieria for npd because I do have empathy and i understand whhy like people have to be truly sorry but I do have an unconfortable ammont of relation to some of your experinces/out looks
Well if you feel they don’t need you, you’re triggered. If they need you that means you feel good and look down up on them or not care about their needs. There nothing to gain getting with an NPD
Not really accurate, my friends who I thought were loyal I went to extreme lengths to “help” in my own way. Most of my friends speak super highly of me. Self sacrificing self enhancement is a huge part of the disorder
@@Thenamelessnarcissist I don’t think you’re talking the same as what I am talking about, I am talking about relationships, you’re talking about friendships. Friendship is a different dynamic, friends elevate a narcissists status in the eyes of the victims.
@@goodtimesbadtimes5273 I did the opposite tbh, I used to use women as a means to impress friends. I was cold and dismissive, (most pwNPD have avoidant dissmisive attachment styles) which I own. And I’m sure that’s seen as abuse and that’s valid, but it wasn’t so focused on them if that makes sense
@@Thenamelessnarcissist that’s another dynamic, using friends to increase value among girlfriends, using women to increase value among friends. Goal is to control the narrative, using everything to feel important.
You just posted a video on TT saying that narcissists aren’t that calculated & they do things & don’t realize they are doing it-but then you make videos like this exposing exactly how calculated you are. I don’t buy the vulnerable facade. The laughing and duping delight you express about how you’ve intentionally hurt the people around you is sad.
Wow you really misinterpreted like everything. I said on tt that we are manipulative but I said we don’t intend to hurt people. And that we’re sloppy. What would I get out of hurting people??? And I’m laughing at the ridiculousness of it. Not out of enjoying hurting people. Don’t judge people you don’t know.
No, not everyone does this.
It’s hard to understand that manipulation and control is to make someone like you. The irony is it’s the very stuff that makes people leave. Self defeating, sabotaging and has to add to stress.
My thoughts exactly. that was what killed my last relationship with a narc...he lied about too much shit and when I would find out and have proof.. he would still deny it. Fuxk it drove me nuts literally.
My sister does this all the time, but she is not very clever about it, so most of us can see through it... most of my family just ignore what she says, they assume it is a lie. I worry more, as I am pretty sure she is also a psychopath. In the last few years she has been fixating a lot on my aging father and his house. I think she is the kind of person who, if you were in the hospital on a respirator or something, as soon as no one is looking she would pull the plug. While most people think she is harmless, I am keeping an eye on her
Jesus thanks for sharing. Hope you can keep a handle on that. Scary
Whoa that's wild
I dated a guy who used to lie badly, just so I'd think he was a bad liar. But he wasn't. And even though I wasn't familiar with narcissism, I could see through him.
Wow these tactics seem so exhausting. Just the thought of scheming or manipulating makes me feel so uneasy. When you said you thought everyone engaged in this behavior i imagined myself doing that and I just couldn't. In fact I'm so honest and open that I've been a prime target. I also see the good in everyone and even when I know I'm being lied to or manipulated I just ignore it because I didn't want to upset my partner and expose him. I can feel when I'm being fooled and toyed with right away. And I usually use that to my advantage to not fall into the traps, however at the same time I let it build up inside me and then I become depressed and toxic. So I let it all out and I was discarded.
I try each day to be true to myself to my best ability. I need to have a clear conscience in order to feel good about myself.
I would use this to devalue a lot of the narcissistic people in my life. I would say true strength is when you don't have to lie to manipulate someone. I very much pride myself in being able to tell people exactly what I'm doing and still have it work
Amen 🙏
"Presenting the truth as it is a lie."
Yep. This proved to be far more convincing than telling the truth in a "truthful way." Lying itself has also proven to be more effective and believable than telling the truth, but I usually only do that to get the one grilling me off my back.
I find it very intriguing that you do these videos. But I understand how it can help you. I love to journal but I don’t have the time to do that all the time. But I can turn on my computer and Vlog to myself while I am having my coffee. It’s just me and for me. But I find it helpful and don’t feel so alone when I’m doing it. It helps me to understand myself more.
Your videos help me to understand why I have encountered so many narcissistic people in my life and how they got me hooked into the relationship. Being empathic , it was easy for them to do so but with your experience and explanations, I can see how things unfolded. Thank you for being vulnerable and making these. I hope it helps others on both sides of the fence. Peace be with you.
Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad my videos are helpful, doing this and the community I have built have certainly helped me. have a good one!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist I’m sooo happy that you feel it has helped you!! Being able to have this is wonderful! Good for you!! Keep up the good work! 💙
My whole reputation is built around being an honest person so when I lie it's with the knowledge that I carry that s*** to the Grave. Never tell people your secrets
thank you for your honesty! You say you think everyone uses such tactics. - No, I've personally never used such tactics . And btw it's true, not a lie. And also I practically never drink as well. I'm just being honest with you too. Thank you for your honesty again!
Yesterday you mentioned it's important to you how others see you. One interesting experiment came into my mind.
There're special personal development coaching groups where participants are given different tasks to work on different character traits. For example, I've heard to get more resistant to opinions of people around , in one of such groups participants were given the following task: they had to put on some really bad clothes, dye their hair some weird or somewhat uncomfortable color, go outside , & spend a couple of hours like this among people. Of course, sober. Such practice is meant to help get more resistant to what others think of you. I do understand that it's not for everyone, I personally never did it, but if needed, I could do it :))) Despite the fact that it'd be scary:))) But support of the group can make it less uncomfortable:))) the only thing it's super important not to make this too traumatizing
PS: if you don't want to, you don't have to reply to all comments. No one makes you!!! Only to those that you choose
PPS: Thank you for your honesty again!!! It's really valuable to learn from you
Thank you so much for the kind words! Really interesting concept, I'll look into it! Thanks so much!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist Do you have the chutzpah to get called slurs against queer people? Good luck @Thenamelessnarcissist
My narcissist used to take me to many of her places. I could quickly, easily, and naturally vibe with everyone there. Making myself the center of attention. But that would get her mad. I didn't understand why for a while. But now I know why. She didn't want me to make those alliances. If I got along too well, she would order to me that we leave together immediately. So I would leave with her.
“Involve people in my shit talking” that’s called triangulation.
Usually the big tell is that it sounds forced and out of context when it is a lie. Truth is usually spontaneous, because... it is true.
Thank youu!! Got my pen and paper ready. 😈🍻 It has BEGUN!!! muhaahahah!!
P.s. that's my evil laugh. Just pretend and imagine your favorite one. 😝❤
I know most people will do this in the right situation. I used to use this argument when people didn't want to use they them pronouns and said they were unnatural. I was like I know when you were hanging out with someone who was the opposite sex and you didn't want your partner to know you would use they them just fine
I feel like I’m learning my villain’s playbook it’s sooo wild, refreshing and mischievous 😂
I'll posit that as confrontational as CBs may seem, it's their defenses acting up. Speaking of which, "aggressive" behavior is often impulsive, a reaction to a real--or perceived--threat.
They want to be heard, yet have trouble expressing certain types of criticism directly. Since at heart, they can be quite nonconfrontational, they revert to passive aggressive behavior.
It's something along those lines anyway. Lol
Exhausted, yeah--you and me both!
Wanted to add something else too but forgot what it was. Lol
Anyway, keep up your good work! 👍😁
I used to play a lot of tabletop role-playing games and I started to see the world that way and I kind of think drug and drink is like a negative modifier to your intellect score. Which is why when dumb people drink and do drugs they go beyond and you can't even have a f****** logical conversation with them anymore but for people who are more intelligent they can handle a bigger negative and still function just fine. I don't really know how alcoholism plays into this because I know some people are genetically prone
Manipulation
Is you asking people to do things
But in a cowardly way.
You don't want no for an answer.
To be respectful
You have to ask directly
And accept no for an answer
And realize its not the end of the world
Hi I'm a new viewer of yours. I decided to check you out after hearing your name several times from cluster B milkshake, Sara. I find your channel to be very unique I just wanted to tell you and helpful. I will be viewing as if you were Supply to me as my narcissist this morning hoovered with a good morning beautiful text like clockwork 60 days after I I initiated no contact with him. Do you do one on ones? I myself am a textbook classic self aware borderline with heavy narcissistic Tendencies as well as antisocial Tendencies and traits. So needless to say I'm a natural manipulator myself. But I'm not so grandiose about my abilities to think I don't or can't benefit from help from other people with PD's in the way I handle this hoover. Naturally I know I should reject it all together but as a borderline I crave chaos so obviously the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the text this morning was "Let's play! 👹"
Also worth noting I am in the midst of writing a book about my experience along with the formula I've come up for healing for victims which goes past surviving and thriving to the goal of celebrating the entire experience. I have enough funds to publish it on a small scale myself to begin with and the title is going to be a spin-off on a word my abuser used as Mini love bombs in response to questions I would ask him such as babe did you dream about me last night to which he would always respond with one word. Always. So the title of my little project is going to be "Abused Always"
Anywho I'll shut up now. Oh also one of your videos mentioned you were born in 1999 which made me feel old as f*** because for work I'm a career nanny and my first job was with twins born in 1994! Anyway thanks again for being you and expressing your vulnerability for the benefits of the rest of us here on youtube. Wishing you the very best, Katie
Thanks so much for the comment! I love sara she's helped me out so much hahaha Unfortunatly I don't do 1 on 1's, I don't trust myself cause I'm not far along enough in my healing. Also I'd love to see the book when you're done with it!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist that's a wide decision, to understand your spont on your road to wellness! And of course, when finished I will send you a copy! Signed to boot 😜
No wonder narcs are worried their whole world coming apart , if they are lying about so many things. Everything is built on a fragile foundation it could all Come crumbling down at anytime.
Sitting here listening to you trying to imagine what it would be like to intuit hierarchy and body language. Although I may be autistic but I can tell when someone doesn't want to talk as long as they are showing it anyway. I guess unless I don't know them at all then I might just think maybe they are a quiet person
People with autistic traits easily pick up on patterns (I'm generalizing for simplicity). Do you think you may be used to a certain pattern of "core" behavior in people you know, and in this case, when they break the pattern (of usually talking quite a bit, for instance), you might instantly recognize it and know something's "off" which for you translates into them not wanting to talk?
Right??? Like I really don't get it
cushioning--my ex did that whenever he talked shit about me. 😂😂😂
All this sounds like stuff I did as a kid. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you didn’t already know that 😊
As a kid…yes. But triangulating and gaslighting others as an adult is quite different. I’m not dumping on him I appreciate his honesty. I’m just saying it’s not the same.
It's weird though because even though I'm autistic I was always in charge of my friend groups around the time I became 18. I had this friend get mad at me for allowing someone to sit at our table one time and I was like am I in charge of that? And she told me I was to which I told her I liked that guy and she got mad lol
Yeah honestly maybe you can explain this one to me because I'm still confused 18 years later LOL
Yeah IDK it feels like everyone wants the socail dominance to some degree
I really never thought of myself as a narricist but even at a young age I just talked endless shit about freinds to eachother behind their backs and when people found new freinds they were sundenly much closer with I felt it was a betrayl cuz i knew that person longer. But in fairness that guy is actully probably a narrcicst so that was probably an element of it, cuz later I stole that friend and bantering with him in a gc pissed the narrcist guy off so much he called us an old married couple then left. I really dont think i meet the critieria for npd because I do have empathy and i understand whhy like people have to be truly sorry but I do have an unconfortable ammont of relation to some of your experinces/out looks
Could you do a video about your opinion/view point on so many narcissists are DL and use the opposite sex as a cover and/or just for image and supply?
Well if you feel they don’t need you, you’re triggered. If they need you that means you feel good and look down up on them or not care about their needs. There nothing to gain getting with an NPD
Not really accurate, my friends who I thought were loyal I went to extreme lengths to “help” in my own way. Most of my friends speak super highly of me. Self sacrificing self enhancement is a huge part of the disorder
@@Thenamelessnarcissist I don’t think you’re talking the same as what I am talking about, I am talking about relationships, you’re talking about friendships. Friendship is a different dynamic, friends elevate a narcissists status in the eyes of the victims.
@@goodtimesbadtimes5273 I did the opposite tbh, I used to use women as a means to impress friends. I was cold and dismissive, (most pwNPD have avoidant dissmisive attachment styles) which I own. And I’m sure that’s seen as abuse and that’s valid, but it wasn’t so focused on them if that makes sense
@@Thenamelessnarcissist that’s another dynamic, using friends to increase value among girlfriends, using women to increase value among friends. Goal is to control the narrative, using everything to feel important.
Are you a Sagittarius?
Where’s black shirt? 😭
I WAS OUT OF CLEAN BLACK SHIRTS IM SORRY 😭😭😭
I think the white shirt looks good too....or even try out other colors ;)
This is very strange behavior
⚔️😎
You just posted a video on TT saying that narcissists aren’t that calculated & they do things & don’t realize they are doing it-but then you make videos like this exposing exactly how calculated you are. I don’t buy the vulnerable facade. The laughing and duping delight you express about how you’ve intentionally hurt the people around you is sad.
Wow you really misinterpreted like everything. I said on tt that we are manipulative but I said we don’t intend to hurt people. And that we’re sloppy. What would I get out of hurting people??? And I’m laughing at the ridiculousness of it. Not out of enjoying hurting people. Don’t judge people you don’t know.