I’m emotionally starving. I’m also codependent and so I’ve been jumping through hoops caring for him hoping he will finally pay attention and love me. His work ALWAYS comes first! 28 years. No space for me! I went to Thailand for 2 weeks he didn’t even ask how my trip was. He ignores me unless we go to a public even then he wants to hold my hand. Tells friends how he’s planning something for my birthday but then doesn’t do a single thing. Won’t let me ask about money or plan the future. I’m good as his secretary and housekeeper though. Everyone else thinks he’s amazing. When I speak to him at home he either completely ignores me, doesn’t respond or give me a look of disgust when I say something he doesn’t want to hear.
Definitely get out! Been in this situation for over 30 years, it sucks the life out of you and can bring financial ruin and ruin to relationships with children.
@vectorair if someone keeps treating you badly, eventually there comes a point when you have to stop blaming their behavior and start blaming yourself for continuing to stick around. 🤷🏼♂
My ex-neglectful-narc only neglected me. He gave his son his undivided attention, and anything else his son wanted. Spoiled him to no end, all the while completely ignoring me. Even when his son wasn't around I was treated like I didn't exist, unless of course, he wanted something, which towards the end, he didn't want anything anymore. So glad I finally left. I'm so much happier now.
Describes my mom perfectly. It is very problematic because it doesn't fit normal narcissistic behavior. If you are raised by them, it is all you ever know. It is your normal. But sooo damaging because the result is you don't develop socially/emotionally as you should. You go into the world poorly equipped to understand how to function. You spend your life trying to fill the emptiness created by a childhood like this, but you don't know this isn't how you should structure your life. You wind up neglecting yourself.
Listening to this, i feel myself filling back up with confidence and just a feeling that I matter and am not crazy. This info is soooo validating. I feel like I can step out of this marriage and back into the world with my head held high with the knowledge that there was nothing more I could’ve done to fix this marriage. It was doomed long before we got married, but I was too ignorant and hopeful to see the truth.
i feel you.. the hopefulness, even ignorant, blind hope.. hoping to love someone and hoping for change.. you are strong and SO full of patience and kindness and there are people in the world who can fill you up as you fill them!
It got to the point that he’d ignore anything sexual after ASKING for it. He’d ignore literally anything I texted or said. Then when he felt ready, he’d start bombarding me at 3am with drunk pleas for companionship and “love”. I aged years in a relationship that was only months long. He destroyed my schedule for his own liking.
Spot on!! I always felt that my role in my relationship with a NN was that of a maid and mistress. There's not a lot there when it comes to emotional intimacy, partnership, or anything else....an empty relationship.
Amazing this is exactly how I felt with my ex knew something was off but never really thought he was just a narcissist, it’s like they are there physically but not emotionally or mentally, didn’t feel like he was a bad person but definitely neglected my needs and feelings.
Nail on the head! My Narc GF looks at me like I have 3 heads when i tell her i need a hug once in awhile or for her to tell me something nice as opposed to what i am doing wrong with house cleaning, child raising, breathing! etc... You know, obvious relationship stuff that would come natural to a typical human being. So thankful for these videos for opening my eyes to what is really going on and that I am not crazy or too sensitive because i would like some sort of verbal, mental or physical affection and connection beyond something you would give a stranger. She is a hybrid narc with other types present as well but the neglectful aspects are, to me, the most painful on the heart.
That is exactly what my family growing up was like. Generated at least 2 full on similar narcissists out of 7 and several flying monkeys .. to this day when they do attempt to communicate with me they DO NOT ask how I’m doing .. I’ve had to stop trying anything altogether with them .. only 1 is fairly normal but that brother was sent to a private high school several states away so the total mind F wasn’t totally ingrained .
Thank you so much for this video. I always suspected my ex was a narc but nothing ever fit until I heard about the neglectful narc. Checked every box. It’s extremely damaging to self-esteem and beyond. I wish there were more info about this type of narcissism available. Thanks again
This was helpful. Thank you. Describes my father perfectly. The trauma from this type of abuse is extremely painful and set me up to have relationships with other types of narcs as an adult.
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID! BAM! You defined my father EXACTLY! EXCELLENT VIDEO! THANK YOU! My mother is the grandiose, malignant, self righteous and communal narcissist-so my childhood was a hellish nightmare!
The description you gave on this video is such a precise portrait of my mother that I feel like you've met her and been exposed to her for years!!! I've known for awhile that my mother is a narcissist; but, most of the info desribes them as raging and volatile. Thank you so much!!!❤ This has been so helpful to me!!!❤
...while they suck you dry of any emotion, life and energy. I recall sending my covert Narc Ex messages telling him that his lack of warmth and touch is killing me. My mother is a covert Narc, as well. This relationship with a man was the only one that made ever made me feel so depressed and suicidal, like my childhood did. Btw: My covert Narc Exe's role of his life is the victim role. Some people see him as an autistic person, but I've been in a long term relationship with an Aspergers who was very caring and it's really an insult for Aspergers and Autists to be misdiagnosed as Narcissists
This May, in the last two weeks of our relationship, my ex took me on a 5 day trip out of state to his good friends' house, where she had invited 18 people to spend memorial day weekend at her lake house. Of the 20 some people there, he didn't know anyone there except for his friend and her family. Even though I had felt neglected and like something was off for weeks, my friends told me not to overthink it and that he wouldnt take me to something like that unless he really wanted me there. After all, I was the first girl he was ever introducing to friends or family (we're both 30 and this was his first relationship. It was a big deal for him to even call someone his girlfriend. We only dated 5 months and that beat his previous record by about 4 and a half months lol). When we got there, he left me to fend for myself and ignored me all weekend. We were there Thursday-Monday. He behaved like he was ashamed to be seen with me there. Thursday night, his friend was trying to get to know me and be nice and asked if I would be going to their school friends' wedding in Seattle this fall. My ex quietly said "we'll see." under his breath. At this point I knew we werent going to last another week, but I was still stuck there, a 9 hour drive away frrom home. The rest of the weekend I was just trying to make it work and appear like everything was okay because I refused to make a scene in front of all these strangers and be mistaken for the crazy or abusive one. Everyone saw him ignore me. By Saturday I pulled him aside and asked what was wrong, and why he seemed to prefer hanging out with anyone, literally anyone but me, even though he didn't know any of these people. I am social and was able to make friends and have a good time, but the only time he and I spent time together was when he wanted a break from socializing and wanted to go back to our room to have sex. And that no longer felt intimate, it felt like something to do because he was bored. Then when we got home, we broke up within a couple of days. He told me that he had to force himself to spend time with me all weekend and was bored of me. Compared to the love bombing at the beginning, and being his favorite person ever, he was now telling me that our relationship wasnt exciting enough. He said "you had me pegged a few months ago, I need drama and for things to be more exciting". He said this because when we started dating and it came up that he had never been in a relationship or in love, he described being involved in stupid little flings where the girl was super dramatic and "exciting" and either completely unstable, or completely unavailable to him. When we started dating, he would get so worried if I seemed distant and seemed to care so much about where we stood. When we started dating, I felt so connected to and compatible with him, I overlooked his lack of healthy relationship history because I was being treated so well and he was so thoughtful and responsive to feedback. But in the end he didn't care at all. He literally told me that he doesnt love me, and is bored. I feel so devalued and tossed aside and I'm still struggling with feeling kind of worthless. He does have a robust social life with a small group of friends, and is always searching for new women to get involved with. He was back on the dating app where I found him the day we broke up. Or maybe before then, I just didn't check until we broke up.
This sounds exactly like what I went through only I was stupidly with him for 10 years.. they are chronically bored and unsatisfied and yet they do nothing to nurture our needs or try to make us feel good it's all about them just spoiled self-centered despicable little creatures
Thank your lucky stars you got away. It’s not worth the pain & anguish. It was never you. Believe me, he’s not worth the tip of your pinkie finger! Or another moments notice! Find a good balanced human who WILL love you for who you are, you’re worth it!
Thank you! This is the best video to describe my husband of 25yrs, but mine has the anger component especially if I ask for something. Workaholic to the max because he likes money, but we've lived in an unfinished home our entire marriage because he spends his money elsewhere and doesn't like to share. Compulsive liar. His 2 emotions are neutral and anger/rage which he hides from those he wants to impress, but freely throws in my face. He acts like a tough guy (well, he is at 6"3 240) but is pessimistic, negative and will play the victim in every argument. He doesn't listen at all or think about me when I'm not with him. Absolutely no emotional intimacy. Only calls his kids on their birthday. He totally focuses on work or how he is going to spend his money on himself (he has expensive hobbies collecting gold coins, BBcards). I don't cry anymore because he just doesn't care. He despises crying or any emotion and thinks it's weakness.
I've watched Dr. Ramani video about neglectful narcissist and yours. Can you recommend any more resources about this? This was very validating to watch as I always felt like my mom didn't quite meet the some of the characteristics of a narcissist. But she matches a neglectful narcissist perfectly.
Aliciav12 I think I was with someone for over a decade that i think is both a covert/neglectful Narcissist. Here are a few resources. I will try to find i more for you blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2015/07/a-surprising-cause-of-narcissism/
Your videos are always so spot on, i've watched and subbed alot of channels related to Narcs and your channel is one of my favourites. You've helped me so much, thank you❤️
What if they are very verbal and even tend to talk even a lot more than I do; however the type of topics they like to talk about is rather irrelevant topics about people that neither you know or in the news that would not benefit either of you in anyway. At the same time they won't ask you about any of your goals interest or in case if having career job and or employment issues they won't bother to bring that up and especially not in a gentle encouraging way. At same time they would take your time up talking up things that is neither here nor there... and recently realize person sometimes also draws u into arguments. Person has a lot of other nice traits though they are responsible at work and help out financially when needed. It's confusing because I used to be doing a lot better career wise, financially and more ambitious prior to meeting this person been in long term relationship with however at same time it's really not clear cut that this person has anything to do with the downward turn of events in my life. I do feel if this person just took time to encourage me in a gentle way It would help me a lot and I would likely progress more.
Mines only Scrooge-like with money @me. Not themselves. He gets angry if I question HIS vacations with the buds but Lord have mercy if I spend money. He’s not available for family. Full stop. Home maintenance? Negative. It’s all about how he looks to his public. I don’t count. It never changes. It will never change. Our house is like a hotel. I’m the cook, cleaner, etc. if I mention anything he sulks up & acts like a 10 year old. Wonderful. Just what I wanted to retire with.
Many of them are very engaged and relational outside of intimate relationships. My neglectful narc mom and ex husband were both very fun to talk to, very interested in other people. My Mom is very involved in volunteering activities. My ex worked like crazy and went out with his friends. Everyone outside the home likes them. But to their closest loved ones, they shut it off. My mom can happily go 3-4 months without talking to me and my sibling who live in another state.
Good Lord, you just described my thirty year marriage. What’s sad about this is that all those years I believed it was normal. I also lived in hopes that we would be friends someday. He was very secretive. Especially, eventually when he had a lingterm affair. It was sometime later when it actually dawned on me that the affair was not the only real wrong in this relationship. Heck, the affair was the lesser problem. And yes, it did cause a lot of problems with my children who thankfully grew past most of the problems and became really level headed, good moms.
My narcissist, I believe, was co-dependent with her now grown children. I wonder if this is a common thing in a covert narcissist. In any case, every day I grow in relief and gladness to be out of that madness.
How can I complain when he provides right? And if he's not working his home with me No one can ever be expected to understand the emotional trauma on a daily I feel like you're talking directly into my life (Atleast most of what you're saying today) Is 💯 correct 😢
They can be a combination. Mine can work hard but works seasonally and will take months off and when he does his lazy around the house. Or they're picky about what job they will take even at the cost of family stability. Can give attention to kids as long as its doing what they wantcto do but complete neglect and betrayal of their spouse!! They twist themselves as the victim. Definitely can be a combination with total emotional neglect and unfaithfulness!!!!!
12:58 thank you for recognizing my pain. I grew up alone with my father who is a neglectful narcissist. I basically felt my whole childhood so fucking lonely and alone. I was depressed from a very early age on, had eating disorders, cut myself, addiction issues, etc. I thought Nobody on earth would ever like me and understand me. Stuff like this. It was so hard. I would want to get hit by my father so that I can go to child care and leave him because I did not thought that my feelings were valid. I never had an adult to help me and did everything on my own.
I had a very similar experience and I hated myself. My father was the same and I was suicidal but nobody noticed. I even wrote a poem for school called "Suicide" detailing slitting my wrists....and nobody cared. Depressed from a young age, married a narc and here I am. I hope you know your feelings ARE valid and that you matter. One thing about those of us who grew up that way - we are strong, versatile adults and can do things by ourselves. Sending love your way.
They may not be a workaholic and they are angry deep in their soul. Confront the emotional starvation, the absence of emotional / physical touch and tell them ur disappointed and their absence and the anger will arise and explode
I agree with some of this. The person I am with has been starving our relationship almost the entire time. It comes and goes in waves. I think she hid it well while we were having kids. I always felt like something was off. She gives a lot of time and energy and attention to her friends and her job, but not enough to me and the kids. And now I'm validated in what I always knew was wrong because I see it manifesting with the kids. Sucks it took so long to realize. But that's what gaslighing can do to you. Makes it seem like you get 100% of the blame for anything wrong in a 50/50 partnership. There is a giant hole in our family and sadly I need to leave now and give my kids half of a new life. Staying here, this starved for love, while she gets it all from her job and friends is not something I want to endure. She's extremely likable as a friend and very giving to others and altruistic, but while her family sits on the sidelines wishing they could have a slice of that positive attention. I hope she wakes up before the kids grow up to despise her. Our oldest is 8 and already saying it.
My dad ticks all of the boxes in this video. But he use to be very rage full and psychically violent towards me whenever things didn't go his way. I was the family scapegoat.
As a make I was magically thinking we were friends..no..after some face to face over a few days( ..platonic)..horrid feeling..her masked dropped very quickly..quite frankly..disturbing..all blocked perm..just had to realize my caring was harmful to me .I only had to guess what her private disgusting was .ick .some ppl are just terrible..
Well done, Kat. I have just come out of a r/ship with a neglectful narcissist and am very interested in learning more about this subtype, so if you could produce more videos of this kind, I would be truly grateful!
Is there a possibility of them being a good involved parent with their only child but Neglectful in their new relationship? I think I’m in a Neglectful Narc relationship.
Yes it’s possible. They could be using that child for supply especially if the child “worships” the personality disordered parent. Also they could be BPD. People with BPD often experience intense attachment to a single person: they determine our mood, our identity, and our self-worth. They are called the Favourite Person.
So if this Narc had BPD could she be delusionally attached to a Celebrity musician by attendending his concerts in 3 states and sitting in the front row by getting her daughter( golden child) to get her seats by belonging to the fan club?
No. Not even God can cure them Full stop. Believe me. All the psychiatrists in world put together can't change one narc in the world... Will a tiger eat candy....?? Its It's as simple as that. Take care. I've been going through this neglectful relationship for 24years... at least now I know the reason...
God can heal anyone, but He will not unless the narcissist asks for His help and actually legitimately mean it. The thing is this: most narcs don’t think there is anything wrong with them. Some are aware of what they are and they are perfectly content with themselves. Almost all of them will never go to God, even when salvation is available to them.
Trust me, they rage too. They are everything you said. But they are very angry, they won’t let you know until they exploded.
Correct!!!!!
Said this too! Oh they definitely rage!
Agree.
And then they deny it
YES!
My goodness... It's like a biography of my marriage 🥺 Thank you so much for this validating video.
I’m emotionally starving. I’m also codependent and so I’ve been jumping through hoops caring for him hoping he will finally pay attention and love me. His work ALWAYS comes first! 28 years. No space for me! I went to Thailand for 2 weeks he didn’t even ask how my trip was. He ignores me unless we go to a public even then he wants to hold my hand. Tells friends how he’s planning something for my birthday but then doesn’t do a single thing. Won’t let me ask about money or plan the future. I’m good as his secretary and housekeeper though. Everyone else thinks he’s amazing. When I speak to him at home he either completely ignores me, doesn’t respond or give me a look of disgust when I say something he doesn’t want to hear.
Definitely get out! Been in this situation for over 30 years, it sucks the life out of you and can bring financial ruin and ruin to relationships with children.
@vectorair if someone keeps treating you badly, eventually there comes a point when you have to stop blaming their behavior and start blaming yourself for continuing to stick around. 🤷🏼♂
Please leave. You deserve better. Stay strong and get out for your sake and your mental health and sanity and self respect
This man sounds like a disgusting, annoying, loser. Ick. Let yourself get disgusted and see him as putrid. What a dope. What a dud!
Great info. I was glad to hear you refer to Dr. Ramani during this video for those who aren’t familiar with her.
I love her. She knows her stuff. Glad you got something out of it🙂
My ex-neglectful-narc only neglected me. He gave his son his undivided attention, and anything else his son wanted. Spoiled him to no end, all the while completely ignoring me. Even when his son wasn't around I was treated like I didn't exist, unless of course, he wanted something, which towards the end, he didn't want anything anymore. So glad I finally left. I'm so much happier now.
Describes my mom perfectly. It is very problematic because it doesn't fit normal narcissistic behavior. If you are raised by them, it is all you ever know. It is your normal. But sooo damaging because the result is you don't develop socially/emotionally as you should. You go into the world poorly equipped to understand how to function. You spend your life trying to fill the emptiness created by a childhood like this, but you don't know this isn't how you should structure your life. You wind up neglecting yourself.
Listening to this, i feel myself filling back up with confidence and just a feeling that I matter and am not crazy. This info is soooo validating. I feel like I can step out of this marriage and back into the world with my head held high with the knowledge that there was nothing more I could’ve done to fix this marriage. It was doomed long before we got married, but I was too ignorant and hopeful to see the truth.
i feel you.. the hopefulness, even ignorant, blind hope.. hoping to love someone and hoping for change.. you are strong and SO full of patience and kindness and there are people in the world who can fill you up as you fill them!
Same...I ignored all the red flags....
It got to the point that he’d ignore anything sexual after ASKING for it. He’d ignore literally anything I texted or said. Then when he felt ready, he’d start bombarding me at 3am with drunk pleas for companionship and “love”.
I aged years in a relationship that was only months long. He destroyed my schedule for his own liking.
Spot on!! I always felt that my role in my relationship with a NN was that of a maid and mistress. There's not a lot there when it comes to emotional intimacy, partnership, or anything else....an empty relationship.
I was only a maid. Never got to enjoy the mistress part. It can always be worse...
Amazing this is exactly how I felt with my ex knew something was off but never really thought he was just a narcissist, it’s like they are there physically but not emotionally or mentally, didn’t feel like he was a bad person but definitely neglected my needs and feelings.
Nail on the head! My Narc GF looks at me like I have 3 heads when i tell her i need a hug once in awhile or for her to tell me something nice as opposed to what i am doing wrong with house cleaning, child raising, breathing! etc... You know, obvious relationship stuff that would come natural to a typical human being. So thankful for these videos for opening my eyes to what is really going on and that I am not crazy or too sensitive because i would like some sort of verbal, mental or physical affection and connection beyond something you would give a stranger. She is a hybrid narc with other types present as well but the neglectful aspects are, to me, the most painful on the heart.
Exactly what I'm going through now. Hard to take
@@jameslix1892 I'm so sorry and i know exactly how you feel.
was engaged to one 3 years... worse relationship ever, and she always looked stale
Two neglectful narc parents. Still standing!
You are a warrior 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Same 🙌
Me too, I was deaf as a child.
That is exactly what my family growing up was like. Generated at least 2 full on similar narcissists out of 7 and several flying monkeys .. to this day when they do attempt to communicate with me they DO NOT ask how I’m doing .. I’ve had to stop trying anything altogether with them .. only 1 is fairly normal but that brother was sent to a private high school several states away so the total mind F wasn’t totally ingrained .
Thank you so much for this video. I always suspected my ex was a narc but nothing ever fit until I heard about the neglectful narc. Checked every box. It’s extremely damaging to self-esteem and beyond. I wish there were more info about this type of narcissism available. Thanks again
This was helpful. Thank you. Describes my father perfectly. The trauma from this type of abuse is extremely painful and set me up to have relationships with other types of narcs as an adult.
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID! BAM! You defined my father EXACTLY! EXCELLENT VIDEO! THANK YOU! My mother is the grandiose, malignant, self righteous and communal narcissist-so my childhood was a hellish nightmare!
This was my father also
@@hallelujah5506, I am truly sorry.
The description you gave on this video is such a precise portrait of my mother that I feel like you've met her and been exposed to her for years!!! I've known for awhile that my mother is a narcissist; but, most of the info desribes them as raging and volatile. Thank you so much!!!❤ This has been so helpful to me!!!❤
This is 1,000 % my soon to be ex husband. Thank you for this .
How lucky are we to have such valuble information at our fingertips.
I am a Narc magnet... From.family, friends, lovers. I am smartening up.. Doing my research....
...while they suck you dry of any emotion, life and energy. I recall sending my covert Narc Ex messages telling him that his lack of warmth and touch is killing me. My mother is a covert Narc, as well. This relationship with a man was the only one that made ever made me feel so depressed and suicidal, like my childhood did.
Btw: My covert Narc Exe's role of his life is the victim role. Some people see him as an autistic person, but I've been in a long term relationship with an Aspergers who was very caring and it's really an insult for Aspergers and Autists to be misdiagnosed as Narcissists
Thank you for this! I could have written this!
This May, in the last two weeks of our relationship, my ex took me on a 5 day trip out of state to his good friends' house, where she had invited 18 people to spend memorial day weekend at her lake house. Of the 20 some people there, he didn't know anyone there except for his friend and her family. Even though I had felt neglected and like something was off for weeks, my friends told me not to overthink it and that he wouldnt take me to something like that unless he really wanted me there. After all, I was the first girl he was ever introducing to friends or family (we're both 30 and this was his first relationship. It was a big deal for him to even call someone his girlfriend. We only dated 5 months and that beat his previous record by about 4 and a half months lol). When we got there, he left me to fend for myself and ignored me all weekend. We were there Thursday-Monday. He behaved like he was ashamed to be seen with me there. Thursday night, his friend was trying to get to know me and be nice and asked if I would be going to their school friends' wedding in Seattle this fall. My ex quietly said "we'll see." under his breath. At this point I knew we werent going to last another week, but I was still stuck there, a 9 hour drive away frrom home. The rest of the weekend I was just trying to make it work and appear like everything was okay because I refused to make a scene in front of all these strangers and be mistaken for the crazy or abusive one. Everyone saw him ignore me. By Saturday I pulled him aside and asked what was wrong, and why he seemed to prefer hanging out with anyone, literally anyone but me, even though he didn't know any of these people. I am social and was able to make friends and have a good time, but the only time he and I spent time together was when he wanted a break from socializing and wanted to go back to our room to have sex. And that no longer felt intimate, it felt like something to do because he was bored. Then when we got home, we broke up within a couple of days. He told me that he had to force himself to spend time with me all weekend and was bored of me. Compared to the love bombing at the beginning, and being his favorite person ever, he was now telling me that our relationship wasnt exciting enough. He said "you had me pegged a few months ago, I need drama and for things to be more exciting". He said this because when we started dating and it came up that he had never been in a relationship or in love, he described being involved in stupid little flings where the girl was super dramatic and "exciting" and either completely unstable, or completely unavailable to him. When we started dating, he would get so worried if I seemed distant and seemed to care so much about where we stood. When we started dating, I felt so connected to and compatible with him, I overlooked his lack of healthy relationship history because I was being treated so well and he was so thoughtful and responsive to feedback. But in the end he didn't care at all. He literally told me that he doesnt love me, and is bored. I feel so devalued and tossed aside and I'm still struggling with feeling kind of worthless.
He does have a robust social life with a small group of friends, and is always searching for new women to get involved with. He was back on the dating app where I found him the day we broke up. Or maybe before then, I just didn't check until we broke up.
This sounds exactly like what I went through only I was stupidly with him for 10 years.. they are chronically bored and unsatisfied and yet they do nothing to nurture our needs or try to make us feel good it's all about them just spoiled self-centered despicable little creatures
Sounds like a total dick.
Thank your lucky stars you got away. It’s not worth the pain & anguish. It was never you. Believe me, he’s not worth the tip of your pinkie finger! Or another moments notice! Find a good balanced human who WILL love you for who you are, you’re worth it!
I'm blown away. This is the first I've heard of this...a lot to process and I'm saving this video. TY 💚
Right on point!! I wish I would have known about this sub-type sooner!
The low affect is correct…he’s like a cardboard cut out most the time. Unless he’s angry then he looks like the devil…soulless eyes
Thank you! This is the best video to describe my husband of 25yrs, but mine has the anger component especially if I ask for something. Workaholic to the max because he likes money, but we've lived in an unfinished home our entire marriage because he spends his money elsewhere and doesn't like to share. Compulsive liar. His 2 emotions are neutral and anger/rage which he hides from those he wants to impress, but freely throws in my face. He acts like a tough guy (well, he is at 6"3 240) but is pessimistic, negative and will play the victim in every argument. He doesn't listen at all or think about me when I'm not with him. Absolutely no emotional intimacy. Only calls his kids on their birthday. He totally focuses on work or how he is going to spend his money on himself (he has expensive hobbies collecting gold coins, BBcards). I don't cry anymore because he just doesn't care. He despises crying or any emotion and thinks it's weakness.
This IS my current relationship. It's extremely empty to be a skeleton in someone's closet
the ones you wish would argue, even in sight out of mind
I've watched Dr. Ramani video about neglectful narcissist and yours. Can you recommend any more resources about this? This was very validating to watch as I always felt like my mom didn't quite meet the some of the characteristics of a narcissist. But she matches a neglectful narcissist perfectly.
Aliciav12 I think I was with someone for over a decade that i think is both a covert/neglectful Narcissist. Here are a few resources. I will try to find i more for you
blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2015/07/a-surprising-cause-of-narcissism/
Aliciav12 ua-cam.com/video/yDfYZtVskeY/v-deo.html
Aliciav12 www.supportiv.com/depression/raised-by-narcissists
Aliciav12 a psychologists video that I found super helpful ua-cam.com/video/pklusSNd3go/v-deo.html
@@climboutoftraumawithcoachk8245 Thank you!
Your videos are always so spot on, i've watched and subbed alot of channels related to Narcs and your channel is one of my favourites. You've helped me so much, thank you❤️
yessss they compartmentalize worlds.
What if they are very verbal and even tend to talk even a lot more than I do; however the type of topics they like to talk about is rather irrelevant topics about people that neither you know or in the news that would not benefit either of you in anyway. At the same time they won't ask you about any of your goals interest or in case if having career job and or employment issues they won't bother to bring that up and especially not in a gentle encouraging way. At same time they would take your time up talking up things that is neither here nor there... and recently realize person sometimes also draws u into arguments. Person has a lot of other nice traits though they are responsible at work and help out financially when needed. It's confusing because I used to be doing a lot better career wise, financially and more ambitious prior to meeting this person been in long term relationship with however at same time it's really not clear cut that this person has anything to do with the downward turn of events in my life. I do feel if this person just took time to encourage me in a gentle way It would help me a lot and I would likely progress more.
Describes my husband!
Mines only Scrooge-like with money @me. Not themselves. He gets angry if I question HIS vacations with the buds but Lord have mercy if I spend money. He’s not available for family. Full stop. Home maintenance? Negative. It’s all about how he looks to his public. I don’t count. It never changes. It will never change. Our house is like a hotel. I’m the cook, cleaner, etc. if I mention anything he sulks up & acts like a 10 year old. Wonderful. Just what I wanted to retire with.
Many of them are very engaged and relational outside of intimate relationships. My neglectful narc mom and ex husband were both very fun to talk to, very interested in other people. My
Mom is very involved in volunteering activities. My ex worked like crazy and went out with his friends. Everyone outside the home likes them. But to their closest loved ones, they shut it off. My mom can happily go 3-4 months without talking to me and my sibling who live in another state.
I disagree they can most definitely neglect AND rage!
This is it....this is him.
Ha! still going through it....tried so hard, but here I am...so tired.
Very helpful and validating. Thank you!
omg, money petty, ocd, you described my ex, she never hugged her kids, just provided.
This is my partner. It breaks my heart seeing our boys fight for his attention
Thank you 😊❤
Mine definitely rages
Good Lord, you just described my thirty year marriage. What’s sad about this is that all those years I believed it was normal. I also lived in hopes that we would be friends someday. He was very secretive. Especially, eventually when he had a lingterm affair. It was sometime later when it actually dawned on me that the affair was not the only real wrong in this relationship. Heck, the affair was the lesser problem. And yes, it did cause a lot of problems with my children who thankfully grew past most of the problems and became really level headed, good moms.
A wealth of information on this type of Narc! The best way I can describe them is, a BLACK HOLE.
My narcissist, I believe, was co-dependent with her now grown children. I wonder if this is a common thing in a covert narcissist. In any case, every day I grow in relief and gladness to be out of that madness.
Spent 33 years married to this. Grew up in it. Soul killing.
How can I complain when he provides right?
And if he's not working his home with me
No one can ever be expected to understand the emotional trauma on a daily
I feel like you're talking directly into my life
(Atleast most of what you're saying today)
Is 💯 correct 😢
They can be a combination. Mine can work hard but works seasonally and will take months off and when he does his lazy around the house. Or they're picky about what job they will take even at the cost of family stability. Can give attention to kids as long as its doing what they wantcto do but complete neglect and betrayal of their spouse!! They twist themselves as the victim. Definitely can be a combination with total emotional neglect and unfaithfulness!!!!!
12:58 thank you for recognizing my pain. I grew up alone with my father who is a neglectful narcissist. I basically felt my whole childhood so fucking lonely and alone. I was depressed from a very early age on, had eating disorders, cut myself, addiction issues, etc. I thought Nobody on earth would ever like me and understand me. Stuff like this. It was so hard. I would want to get hit by my father so that I can go to child care and leave him because I did not thought that my feelings were valid. I never had an adult to help me and did everything on my own.
I had a very similar experience and I hated myself. My father was the same and I was suicidal but nobody noticed. I even wrote a poem for school called "Suicide" detailing slitting my wrists....and nobody cared. Depressed from a young age, married a narc and here I am. I hope you know your feelings ARE valid and that you matter. One thing about those of us who grew up that way - we are strong, versatile adults and can do things by ourselves. Sending love your way.
@@cottonwoodcreekfarm thank you so much for this comment… you are so right, we are so strong and can do everything if we want to.
Thank you.
They may not be a workaholic and they are angry deep in their soul. Confront the emotional starvation, the absence of emotional / physical touch and tell them ur disappointed and their absence and the anger will arise and explode
I agree with some of this. The person I am with has been starving our relationship almost the entire time. It comes and goes in waves. I think she hid it well while we were having kids. I always felt like something was off. She gives a lot of time and energy and attention to her friends and her job, but not enough to me and the kids. And now I'm validated in what I always knew was wrong because I see it manifesting with the kids. Sucks it took so long to realize. But that's what gaslighing can do to you. Makes it seem like you get 100% of the blame for anything wrong in a 50/50 partnership. There is a giant hole in our family and sadly I need to leave now and give my kids half of a new life. Staying here, this starved for love, while she gets it all from her job and friends is not something I want to endure. She's extremely likable as a friend and very giving to others and altruistic, but while her family sits on the sidelines wishing they could have a slice of that positive attention. I hope she wakes up before the kids grow up to despise her. Our oldest is 8 and already saying it.
I was never love bombed, just ignored to death 😢 Starved out my daughter.
Spot on x
Your are out of sight out of mind even when you are in the same house.
How do you deal with these individuals if you can't get out?
Neat freaks.
My dad ticks all of the boxes in this video. But he use to be very rage full and psychically violent towards me whenever things didn't go his way. I was the family scapegoat.
My father.
As a make I was magically thinking we were friends..no..after some face to face over a few days( ..platonic)..horrid feeling..her masked dropped very quickly..quite frankly..disturbing..all blocked perm..just had to realize my caring was harmful to me .I only had to guess what her private disgusting was .ick .some ppl are just terrible..
Well done, Kat. I have just come out of a r/ship with a neglectful narcissist and am very interested in learning more about this subtype, so if you could produce more videos of this kind, I would be truly grateful!
Ilario Colli for sure. I will dig deep and share more. I was with a neglectful narcissist.
It can be so invalidating, can’t it? Well done for putting out the content
Thank you. I have been there. Protestant religion....walking dead.
Is there a possibility of them being a good involved parent with their only child but Neglectful in their new relationship? I think I’m in a Neglectful Narc relationship.
Yes it’s possible. They could be using that child for supply especially if the child “worships” the personality disordered parent. Also they could be BPD. People with BPD often experience intense attachment to a single person: they determine our mood, our identity, and our self-worth. They are called the Favourite Person.
So if this Narc had BPD could she be delusionally attached to a
Celebrity musician by attendending his concerts in 3 states and sitting in the front row by getting her daughter( golden child) to get her seats by belonging to the fan club?
Also could it just be overlap between covert and neglectful?
You must have met my ex gf at a realtor convention. I'm sure you have seen the type. And of course, they are in all occupations.
Brad McEwen they are definitely in all occupations. Yikes. Glad you got away.
Do you think they can be cured?
Dr. Ramani says “no” in her vids.
No. Not even God can cure them Full stop. Believe me. All the psychiatrists in world put together can't change one narc in the world...
Will a tiger eat candy....?? Its It's as simple as that. Take care. I've been going through this neglectful relationship for 24years... at least now I know the reason...
God can heal anyone, but He will not unless the narcissist asks for His help and actually legitimately mean it. The thing is this: most narcs don’t think there is anything wrong with them. Some are aware of what they are and they are perfectly content with themselves. Almost all of them will never go to God, even when salvation is available to them.
Are covert and neglectful mutually exclusive? What you describe here is another characteristic/layer to my ex husband's behavior.
I think there can be a lot of over lap (just my opinion).
@@climboutoftraumawithcoachk8245 , I believe there is.