This is why it’s so important to not tell your stuff right away to any new person. Narcissists steal your personality and transfer their nastiness onto you.
ANYONE who leaves you scratching your head, and questioning yourself, needs to go. They are mind-gaming, and not likely to be worth your time, effort and affection.
This is so true. What I recommend is that you have a fictional story to tell people. Something quite simple, and believable. And change the details depending on the person you are talking to. Why do we need to share our stories with anyone? To gain their trust? Absolutely not. We do that so the other person can reciprocate, but people hardly ever, if ever, do.
Sharing personal stories can be both positive and negative..Positive aspects are that one's stories served as a significant sign posts as 👉🔙🔚🔛🔜📛☢️⛔️🚮🚻🚭☣️🚸 to warning ⚠️ others from falling into the chickens holes that could result in broken whatever parts of bodies are vulnerable mostly..The negative aspects are that the Devil's Narc. Individuals are being exposed naked in public..That would be the MOST HUMILIATION that anyone can endure and CAN NEVER REGAIN TRUST OR CREDIBILITY to anyone else afterwards..Period..
My mom does this. She has taken my thoughts and interests and made them her own, goes on telling about them as her own. But it feels more like identity theft than mirroring.
I understand how you feel. One of my sisters did this for quite a while until she started turning on me because I withdrew from her and became less available to her. It’s been two years and she’s acquired flying monkeys to befriend me with the intention of getting information. What she may not realize is I know this because some have told me what she’s doing. With most of these people I have kept a on a need to know basis. Which means I say nothing in response to them saying awful things about her. First of all, it doesn’t matter if she is still wasting her time trying to get a negative response from me. I have acquaintance type of conversations with these people and it doesn’t take long to figure out there agenda. Just a couple of questions, like how was your visit and what did you do while here. Usually I’ll get info like, oh I saw so and so and boy she’s still acting crazy or I saw so and so and wow, she’s still mad at you. lol all I say is “ but what else did you do?” It’s those people that circle around and bring up so and so again and again who in my experience are definitely flying monkeys for so and so. Just my experience with this and my life is so much healthier and calmer
@@ChrisTina-pl5jq please separate yourself from them. Tell them less about yourself the less the can try to compete or act as if they are stealing. I’m real quick to confront someone and say stop trying to copy by life are you that lost. I understand if you haven’t got to that point but you honestly should distance yourself from them. They have mental issues and low self worth. Trying to steal from you shows they are willing to go low.
@@candiceparr4174 that’s a smart move to lessen your convo. Ppl like that don’t like there own life and barely have a life so they live in a fantasy island 🌴 lol ik someone who does this and they recently found out that someone else was copying them just like they copy others. They can dish it but can’t take it.
When I think about the good times and why I loved him I realize that it was during this mirroring time... so in all reality I suppose I really love myself lol...
So how do you honestly know when you can genuinely trust someone, as opposed to someone who is just doing this bullshit? I saw your comment, and I had to ask this question, and if you would please be gracious enough to answer, I would truly appreciate a response. All I know is we live in a "user" mindset society, and I am not just talking here in America, it seems to be a global mindset.
@@thecowboy9698 I'm not Paul, but like to try and this is my idea: Observe the narcissist candidate in his interactions with others to see to what degree s/he changes, especially values and ideations. Most revealing will be interactions with their professional peers, who could see through grandiose claims. When confronted, a narcissist could try to distort your explanations of past observations instead of (for example) admitting mistakes, lapses, or lessons learned; i. e. instead of admitting weakness.
She saved my life just today! One comment, and all the confusion that had me convinced I was on the brink of psychosis just evaporated! God’s soldier here. Thank you!
My boyfriend and I had an argument and he said to me, " That's why your family hates you". He stored information about me and used it to attack me. He is trying to come back in my life now, but that last remark hurt too much, because my family put me through hell. For him to use that against me, hurt more than anything he has done.
@@gioovannabp Yep without doubt shes saved & helped lots people lives , she's great woman & narc expert.....Reading through comments over last like month since i found her channel, I've lost count to amount people thanking her for saving them.....She should be called Saint Ramani tbh lol🙏😇 because amount lives she's saved
You should really start out as friends. Skip the whole dating/peacocking. None of it's real anyway, even if they aren't Narcissists. What you really want is a partner to share your life with, not a romantic comedy disaster.
I realize that I will attract a narcissist within 10 seconds of entering a room. I have a horrible time identifying niceness, for data mining, or common interests vs. mirroring. This is from distortion for years at the hand of my mom and sis. Now I know to pay attention and set boundaries early on. It is hard for us people pleasers to break the cycle.
We are all people please to some extent because we humans just want to feel good and happiness which i guess makes us pretty conflict avoidant for most of us anyway. I had no clue how to identify genuine people at all even if i am one i got it right by luck once or twice but that's it, but in a room of people oh it's tough because everybody looks the same on the surface and so many conflicting energies. I think i'll have to write a short list of words down to help me focus otherwise i'll get so lost amongst the sea of people and walk right into it again.
My former partner who was a narcissist would use my traumas and wounds against me and talk about them so nonchalantly. He knew what he was doing and it was to keep me under his thumb and use it against me when needed.
They switch it on and off, whatever promises the least conflict with their explanations about themselves. An exploit mechanism is gaslighting you into doubting you feel or feel enough, then exploiting doubt and guilt by asking sth. of you as restitution.
Oh yes! I was vegan when I met him, he said he was vegan too. Everything I was or liked or disliked, he did too but later he switched to everything I liked, he disliked. Everything I disliked, he liked. It was very confusing.
Does yours also tell you after he switches to the opposite likes and dislikes that you just hate everything he likes? Like making you the immature or rude one in the situation?
Mirroring & projection is something the narcissist is very good at or they used to be . But I don't fall for alot of their bs anymore . Narcissist are nothing but low grade actors .
Mikey, my man. I'll swap you two high grade for four low grades if you can give me a decade of my life back. I'll even throw in a couple of bullets. Or how about you keep the lot and I'll throw in an unlimited supply of rounds. I'm joking of course because if I seriously think about it I'd have no empathy and be a narc myself. One behind bars than six on the loose does make sense though. How many likes of encouragement do I need‽
@@nellsmith9721 On a similar vein, one thing that my Ex used to say a lot and with a sense of pride whenever he'd get one up on someone was 'You can't con a con'.
I kept asking myself why my soulmate had to be a narcissist. Well this was eye opening. There was no soul mate, only an empty shell aping back what she saw and convincing me how we're so incredibly alike.
Fell in the same “hole” for short time …lol But I have a question… - do manipulators actually know what they are doing to people that genuinely care for them? And, from what I know now, if Narcissism is in fact a mental illness/ condition, why all the information I find on it blames them as people and offers very little to no practical advices as to how to help them? :(
@@anastasiyazhmaidziak2795 The problem is that there is no cure. It isn't an illness, I believe. It is a state of mind. They were, they are and will be a narcissist. Nothing's gonna change them. They are what they are. One good thing you can do is to keep yourself far as possible from them. Words from my personal experience.
"They mirror back what we think might be true." This is frightening. Also heartbreaking when we realize it wont change. They know exactly what they are doing.
This is interesting. When my self-esteem was high or I felt good about myself, things between us went really well too. And when the reverse was true, we had a horrible time, he would call me moody or unpleasant, etc. when I was just going experiencing normal human emotions that aren’t perfect.
My narcissist would always say how much we are alike, and she would always try to compete and one up me about things that I was interested and passionate about.
I had the exact same experience with my narc gf. My God, they are truly ruthless and evil. We survivors will be stronger for dealing with these demons.
Someone once told me not to say anything to anyone that you'd be ashamed to read on the front page of a major newspaper. So, yeah, we've gotta watch what we say to folks 'cause you never know how they'll use your words.
If you're feeling guilty about something the best place to get relief is probably a catholic confessional box. Anonymous, and the priest is bound by his vows. They're not even supposed to inform on murderers. Do not 'confess' to the first person who shows you a bit of sympathy. I usually forgive myself, eventually.
I almost thought I was BPD, but realising I hadnt been given validation as a child does not give me the right to act out of character as an adult. Mental meditation has really killed off narcissistic traits I knew very well I have always had, even if it felt real. I accept that reality always changes. I accept that we as humans are not guaranteed to be with another person and if someone should enter my life will be "safe, honest, reciprocal and kind." I'm making myself do routines and healthy lifestyle. I recognize empathy but I know that peoples thoughts are NOT my business. I watch these videos daily along with other DBT videos because in reality, we cannot afford help. We are always broke until we fix ourselves. I love Ramani for reaching so many without being offensive.
I appreciate your candor. Not many people like you will expose themselves like that. I wonder who else here is just like? It's not for me to seek them out but I just wonder. Thank you for being honest 💜
@Christopher Smith if at 20 you feel this way, lemme tell you its not gonna be always like that, you will see better days. Seek God, his Word, be humble enough to continue on your self improvement journey. You are not perfect and will never be but things will get better I promise. If you are willing to do the work you will see a change. Give an update next year
In my experience, I’ve always said the Narcissist in my life cannot come up with authenticate/ original content on his own. Rather, he takes what ever the information I put out there and sends it back to me or to whomever as if it were HIS thoughts, ideals, positions, etc. He piggybacks off of everything that I do or say.
Ditto here. You said it perfectly. My narc of 26 years even does this with our adult children. He thinks he has a relationship with his son and daughter and me because if imitation. He has even copied my facial expressions while I'm telling a story. I've stopped mid sentence and have asked what the h*'ll are you doing? ... drum roll please ... guess what ... He denies it !!!!
True. Its hard for me to imagine concepts kn my head..I have to start off with an idea or image first, but after that my art will more detailed than anyone
This is spot on. I remember in the beginning of the relationshit, my soon to be ex narc wife said to me, you should open up more and share your feelings. Now listening to this it makes sense. Wow...🤔
😬 like a bad Alfred Hitchcock movie. Hope these flags are looking more red and less pink Matt. Please don’t give up on humans though; we have a lot to give 💓 AFTER we graduate from this school of hard knocks 💪🏼💐🐬🐬
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 at this point, the only thing that will be pink, is the pink slip they are receiving. Ready for this divorce to be finalized
Matt, ah yes I remember that that stage. It’s pure bullshit. Every time I had to talk to my lawyer I would just about puke 🤮. Never thought I would be there but freedom is just around the corner. 💪🏼💐
My sister in law had curly blond hair, all one length, shorter due to the curls. She seemed to be getting oddly interested in me. I had long, dark hair with blunt bangs. She told she wanted to change her hair. She sent me a picture and my jaw dropped. Her hair had been straightened, dyed brown, and she had blunt bangs. It was a “Single White Female” moment, and I was very disturbed by it. I didn’t dare say a word at that point. Four years no contact! You got this!
Same thing happened to me. I worked with someone who developed this strange fixation with me, stared all the time. Shortly after we met, and she started asking me all kinds of pointed questions about my life. I didn't give her much info, as it was all so weird. When I first met this woman, she had been wearing a wig. Last straw for me was when she came in to work on a Monday, a few weeks later, with her hair almost exactly like mine--wig removed, and hair dyed exactly the same shade as mine. She gradually tried to copy everything about me. Long story short, I cut contact with her as much as possible. Even though I cut her off, she still watched me, and copied me as much as she could. The woman was completely insane, and I avoided her at all costs.
"imitation game" is a great description. The narcissist creates an imitation of an actual relationship. A real relationship can nourish, nurture, and activate both people, but just like eating a plastic orange, there is only a suggestion of sweetness and flavor A masterful narcissist can continually keep us interested in "plastic fruit" until we forget what real fruit tastes like.
Some narcissist criticize you n laugh at you n then do the exact same thing n pass it on as their idea or personality. I always thought it was jealousy..wasn't aware of mirroring. Thank Dr.Ramani
I love these videos. My dad said he wanted is to be a family again so I tried for two years to have a good relationship with him. He love bombed the whole time and he eventually couldn’t hold up that mask anymore. He used everything I told him against me and in 30 seconds he destroyed me. It was at that moment that I walked away and went no contact. That was 7 years ago. I feel so much better without him!
They are lousy parents. Sorry you had to experience that, but it's best to rid yourself of the toxic behavior. It's always about them, they pop in and out of your life at their pleasure, never considering how anyone else feels, ever.
My narcissist used to use my genuinely expressed thoughts back to me to save himself,but in a twisted way.Every fact and feeling will be used against us in their critical time.
In my ex-narc relationship, that "critical time" was when her supply dried up, and it was time for her to move onto the next supply. She was going to leave but it still had to be my fault, so she needed me to be so angry with her that I broke up. So all the ammo she had loaded over a year's time came out like a hateful machine gun and I unceremoniously kicked her out. Her sob story of being a victim could continue for the next guy in line.
I think we can all relate to this! But as much as it would be nice to undo (some of) the past, I think about how if everyone watching these videos creates more awareness in themselves and others around them, the 'mass consciousness' will shift, we will collectively become more aware, more skilled and more savvy at encountering narcissistic patterns when they emerge! That's the vision that keeps me passionate about learning and connecting with others on this 'journey'!
In a way, mirroring is the narcissist using our own narcissism against us. They reflect an idealized version of ourselves back at us, making us fall in love with how they represent us or how we think they see us. When we finally fall for it and want more of it, that’s when they drop the hammer, and we realize that, during the whole process, we were no better than the narcissist, lapping up the idealized version of ourselves. Their devaluation is them taking the idealized version of us in the complete opposite direction: we go from being the most amazing person in the world to being worthless, and we allow them to define us that way in hopes that we can one day prove them wrong with our unending love... holding out hope that they’ll once again reflect that shiny image of ourselves back to us again. Tricky lil narcs. But too bad, baby. Tricks are for kids and Momma’s all grown up now. 🙂
Ding ding ding. Exactly this. She's nothing but a moron using a mask I put on to speak with her. I never felt comfortable. It was always chaotic. Being around her means you have to have Stockholm syndrome. When I still looked at her stuff, she just looked sad, pathetic and empty trying to still copy a version of who she thought I was. But I never actually had any fun because I was brainwashed. None of it was real on either side
We were together for 11years and i still don't exactly know who I was with . Very secretive .... They have secrets and thoughts but we will never about them cause they know it'll be used against them.
Terrific video. They are 'injustice' collectors (even if it's only perceived injustice) and maintain an invisible scoreboard above your head. They will study you with blank eyes and you'll mistakenly think this is the look of lov admiration or lust. But it's not. They're studying you like a PhD as NarcSurviror says. Chilling in hindsight and only survivors of Narc abuse can understand it. Sending everyone love and strength on their road to recovery. It's possible to find happiness again. Genuine happiness.
1984musicman Interesting, I’ve experienced this blank trance like stare first hand and observed his stare at others. Not sure what was going on behind those fixed eyes but it was odd.
Dude, this sent shivers up my spine (I'm beyond crying when I read these comments, just). I can see that stare in her eyes now, saw it so often in our time together.
And they all want to have sex with their targets. Like the woman that stalks and mirrors and wants to be me here and there I think actually wanted a relationship with me. And the fact that I'm with the love of my life sent her into a spiral of competition and hoovering behaviors to pull at my heart strings. Ignore everything they do. They're a desperate black hole of nothingness
The ancient Greeks had a saying, “Know Thyself.” If you accurately know who you are then the narcissist can’t trick you into thinking something different.
They're very good at manipulation and gaslighting. Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll outsmart them. As soon as you realize they're a narcissist, just get away from them.
My last relationship with a narcissist was so unnerving with this. He would imitate me so closely it would profoundly creep me out. It's like he was empty. He made me feel like I was empty, too, and like I was suddenly in a relationship with a caricature of myself. It felt like having an existential crisis. Who was he? Who was I? The dynamics people hold in a relationship are predicated on each person being uniquely themselves and complementing each other. When he mirrored me so closely, it made me feel like he was stealing my identity. Like the hole in him was so vast that the sheer gravitational pull of his emptiness demanded to consume the ways in which I was solid. He made me feel like I was a flimsy plastic counterfeit. It reminds me of the Doctor Who episode, Midnight, where they encounter an alien species that studies them so closely and mimics them so completely that it almost kills everyone on board the ship. Boundaries are so important with these people. There is no stressing that enough.
When the veil finally lifts it’s all so clear. I remember thinking that my narc looked dead behind the eyes at times. He was a really good mimic, but he wasn’t that good.
This video is validating how i feel about my toxic family. I cannot stop watching your videos. Please know that I will be forever thankful to your videos.
Why do they make us feel so weak? Like we know what they are doing is wrong but for some reason it seems impossible to stand up for ourselves. When we finally do they feel no guilt or try to put the blame back on us.
They take our energy/I guess as empaths we're dependent on our emotions and so are they, but, as emotionally stunted they cannot give of themselves hence we call them shells, empty and devoid. The mimick us to get by with the outside mirror, they're honestly glued out as how one should respond, thus their needs for us, our eventual no contact goal is a very difficult one.
Sophia Sebring, Its true, that they make us feel weak. It's just like a mad dog syndrome, a mad dog bites another dog. They are once supressed in their younger day or a learnt behaviour from the parent or both. So they learn all your weaknesses and then you are trapped by their charm, chiefly by breadcrumbing you. They literally know what wrong they are doing to you, but they have no mercy and no choice left, than to drain you of your well being, only to satisfy themselves of living in the lust of grandiosity.
Sophia Sebring they are very insecure and really weak inside, they don’t want to feel that way though, they have to bring you down so they can feel superior and in control, happened to me until I finally fought the person, now he avoids me
We do allow it , whatever our issues might be , I was in foster care with a foster Mom that was very toxic , after 8 abusive years , i questioned, and was confused about everything , there were things I wasn't even aware of . I went to councilling, it's been a long journey . Thought I had dealt with all my demons, one fear I had , and didn't even know it was fear of abandonment . Another low self esteem , another it was pounded into my head , that I was to give everyone the benifit of the doubt , and dare I judge anyone , guilt complex , misplaced guilt. I was also naively trusting of others , think it felt safer to ignore people's behavior than acknowledge it , how could I get along in such a cruel dangerous world . My years in foster care I became conditioned , better to ignore abusive treatment , than confront it , as it only made things worse . I still struggle with that at times, as a child it became a technique to avoid , a the painful reality of the circumstances I found myself in . And i couldn't imagine someone spending so much time living a lie. And it gets to the point you have invested so much , now children are involved , can't just do what's best for you , not without passing it on to your kids , couldn't abandon my kids , like I had been , and i knew , it would be your not seeing them , they would be used I sought legal advice , and was informed in Canada the Mother gets custody period , this insures Dad can keep working , and providing 0. Thats changed some what today There are all kinds of factors , that the narcissist exploits , and you cant stoop to their level , or you have become one yourself .
Had an ex tell me I ask too many questions... It's called getting to know someone. I had to answer all his questions. Ended that relationship fast, he was hiding too much!
When the Narc mirrored me, I experienced it as an identity theft. Like, the Narc would copy me pixel by pixel. Even the way I part my hair, the brands I use, books I read, films I watch, projects I do(the Narc wants to do the exact same project too) and the list goes on.
this happens a lot with gangstalking perpetrators. They mirror and imitate their target. yes, it's creepy! This channel has helped me tie up a lot of loose ends. Thank you.
@@jazwhoaskedforthis gangstalking is when the mind starts to get paranoid and defensive and the sufferer starts to see similar cars, random people, or regulars at shops as a coordinated effort to stalk and ruin your life. The reality is that you see the same people if you have the same routine, you see the same cars because there are only so many designs and colors. It really derails someone's life because they start to see everyone around them as some sort of stalker. I know someone in a very small town who started getting gangstalking delusions and it ruined their social life because people they've known their whole life started becoming "enemies" that stalked them.
I remember dating my now narc husband and we were in a restaurant with my son(from a previous marriage). I was interacting with my son and having a fun conversation, and I just looked up and he was just staring at me like he was wondering about something. I thought it was kind of weird at the time...but I brushed it off. Now I know....he was mirroring. Wow! After we got married...he became quite jealous of my son (like a brother or a kid). I never understood that. When we first, started dating, he was so anxious to show off my son to his mom and bragged about how he was such an awesome, kid! Then it changed.
I am deeply thankful for Dr. Ramini’s relentless and yet kind support - thanks for speaking up for so many people who feel alone with a weird yet heavy burden kind of a problem ❤
Ew... creepy. I've had this happen to me a handful of times, from different people. The most memorable was when a coworker at an old job tried this on me when I first started at that company. She tried to go the "instant besties" route with me, but I immediately felt like something was "off" with her. I noticed she had a tendency to stare all the time. She would also try to ask me personal questions (I didn't give her much info). Then she tried to hang around me all the time. Then the copying of hairstyles and outfits started. Fortunately, I was able to pick up on her oddball behavior early on, so I distanced myself from her. The more I tried to distance myself, the harder she tried to watch me, and followed me around the office. She also started a smear campaign against me. It got to where I had to start writing all of her antics down on a log, and eventually approach management about this issue (3 times). Slowly, this woman started to give up, and eventually left the company a few months later. Still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
dude I couldn't figure out my toxic relationship with my friend over 3 years of therapy. Every video narcissist video is like she wrote my friendship with this person to a T. This has helped me so much and been the breakthrough I needed to move on. Thank yOU!
I'm here now.... After 6 months at therapy I just realised my friend BF of a decade is a fragile narcissist. Now I'm dealing with the fallout. It gets better..... Right?
Same here, it also irritates me to the core especially if it was something meaningful to me. I’d literally feel uncomfortable to the point where I’d ‘hide’ my personality/experiences whenever around them.
For years I considered carrying a mirror for this exact reason. Now I meditate every morning and envision a protective mirror around my entire body. Somedays it takes a lot of shit and abuse and I feel compassion for how lost, confused and wounded they are. I no longer feel resposible, hurt or sorry for them, however I release anger, disgust and resentment at least once a day. Thanks for yet another empowering confirmation🙏
This makes sense why I have such an aversion to allowing people to know my very personal info and feelings, because I feel like they are going to have power over me if they have that info. Because that's what I grew up with.
It is also true though in our world sadly especially now with social media and them also selling what we post on it. If you like stargate s-g1 something daniel jackson quoted is "To know the true name of something is to destroy it's power" look up the wiki of "true name" to understand it more and how people felt the same thing throughout history of us humans. Even back then the same things were happening because we've always been so exploitative. Now that quote can mean literally finding out the true name of someone or finding out other information about someone, and it can also go both ways you using that information about them to reveal their true self or them doing that to you to hurt you. Either way you're destroying their power either their power over you or your power in yourself, this also refers to fears or something you fear too because when you finally stop being scared of it then it loses it's power. It can also mean "a true name gives you a connection to the name's owner that allows you to work magic on them from a distance" clearly talking about manipulation before they even had a name for it, so someone even knowing your name can help them gain a connection to you because your name is also personal to you. Now with social media people can possibly find a lot about you if they find out your real name. I hope that was interesting🙂
I can’t thank you enough. I’m stuck in an on and off relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 years now. For the first time in my life I see him for what he is.
In the devaluation they will disagree something that they used to be on your side, just to makes you upset and test your boundaries. They are so empty they don’t even their opinions are fake...
This really explains a lot for me as to why I spent most of my time very uncomfortable around people I later find out are very narcissistic. I could never quite put my finger on it before but now I know the source of the discomfort is all the questions they ask. They're far more willing to delve deeply into your personal life in a way that feels invasive and then act indignant when you draw boundaries with them. This is a problem I have experienced many times with controlling personality types. Thank you for helping me understand what the core of the problem really is about. For a long time I just assumed I was being too private and not willing to open up to people.
The controlling is the biggest thing anyone no matter what age will notice because they're doing it to be completely controlling i always noticed this the most out of anything and that alone put me off. Although i've always been too withdrawn that i hardly talk to anyone which is a problem but i guess it's because of all this stuff i didn't even know i needed to know. i don't feel confident or sure of myself around people at all but i'm definitely feeling a bit more confident now. I too always felt i was being too private and closed off but it's the opposite i mean why else have i always been too trusting and just let these sort of people walk into my life? because i'm a naturally trusting person so i'm not closed off i'm just not sure of myself because of these people. We'll all get there soon i hope you do too and these videos are certain fast tracking us to help us understand, i've had multiple firework moments in the last month now since i found what was really going on.
I was once in a medical meeting with several HCWs, my ailing father, and his narc 'partner.' Throughout the whole meeting, I watched her continually mirror my body language (folding of legs and arms, shifting forward or backward, even at one point looking at me to gauge my reaction so she could then show a similar concerned facial expression). It's like she had to keep emulating me to 'know' how to act in the situation. Knowing she's a grandiose narcissist is so helpful in dealing with her and understanding why she acts the way she does.
In many cases, yes, but my narc, after initially flattering me and focusing on our similarities, pressured me to mirror him. (For the record, I was significantly younger; he positioned himself as a sort of mentor.)
I got rid of them all too i had to make it as boring as possible for myself to get myself off them but i did it and we don't need them at all it's just simply a harmful trend that nobody needs like most of them really. I almost got myself in really big trouble because i started attracting so many narcissists but it's also just a time kill and everybody is too nosy. It feels nice to not have to explain anything i choose to do or i am doing like i used to do up until i was 14, being a child all through the 1990s it was such inspiring simple times that i've kind of gone back to how i did things then and it's so nice🙂I hope the social media trend dies out soon although youtube is the exception it's so much more useful, although maybe we don't need comments on all types of videos.
Narcissists are high in cognitive empathy - the ability to read others' emotions, and low in affective empathy - the ability to share others' feelings.
Yeah totally that's the only explanation they do have empathy but lack it in other ways, maybe so much empathy that it's part of the whole dynamic as to why they're so broken and have such severe mental health issues.
Funny thing, a neighbor man was pursuing me a year or so ago, I was noticing this mirroring behavior but I didnt have a name for it, I called it shape shifting because he was constantly making himself match everything about me and I could sense what he was doing. I wasnt interested from the beginning so I think that made it easy to see thru him, but it's nice to know the actual term. Good video, thanks!
This is so on point! This is so important! Red flag immediately! They make you feel like you can open up to them on a level you never had before,..because you are meant to be together.. they always wanted this kind of relationship and open communication all their lives! I am 10 months strong away from the nightmare I had for 12 years! Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the biggest narcissist of them all? He was!! Bye!
"Me too" This was my ex's catch phrase. Whenever I was describing events from my life this is what I received in return. I didn't matter how obscure the event. "Me too!" I believe this was an attempt to create a false sense of sameness. To make me believe we were so similar that we were meant to be together. I'm not entirely sure though. I'm filled with such self doubt I don't believe my own thinking and intuition. The relationship was a roller coaster of intensity. I was called a narcissist constantly. Now I believe I'm one and I can't shack it. I've never experienced anxiety like this before in my life. Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani
I've been in 1 great long-term relationship and 1 emotionally abusive long-term relationship with a narcissist and I've learned from both experiences (and therapy). These are my take-aways: 1) redflags: they can't apologize (or they say: I'm sorry _you_ feel that way), they are terrible gift-givers, jeallousy, being suspicious of everyone, seeing themselves as both better and more competent than everyone else and the victim, making you feel like you need to record conversations to prove something / constantly questioning your perspective. 2) Good qualities to look for: not taking themselves too seriously / being able to take a joke, being supportive, making you feel more confident, making you laugh, keeping promises, opening up about their feelings.
Thank you. I’m proud (after a lot of pain) I’ve gotten to the point where I can identify this so fast, my dad has NPD. To me they are more like life sucking robots than humans. They are slaves of their insecurities and so mean deep inside like a black hole of sadness and resentment.
@@rainncorbin8291I now believe the true self is corked in a bittle by the false soulless self, its a trully terrifying concept: the young 2-3 year old soul lets in the false self (who promises to shield the child from trauma), but then once inside the body, the false self double crosses the child and imprisons them like geni in a bottle; only this time the roles are reversed, the geni locks the child in the bottle and forever more assumes the identity of the body. As for the true self: he/she is two years old, traumatised, crying screaming, bashing on the walls of the bottle shouting help let me out, but no body can hear, no one can see. Sorry to present an image ofvtrue horror, but this is how evi is and I believe this is likely what is going on with narcissists.
I totally get mirroring.... my friend would say I love you back to me at almost the same cadence and same words... like nothing new under the sun, no original thought or kindness... just reflecting back to me the emotion I was showing. Once the mask fell off, I ran and stayed gone. This was narcissist #3 and while I didn't understand what I was encountering at the time, until later, I knew I wasn't willing to do this again. Thanks for putting a name to this horrible personality disorder. I know now..... And once you know, you cannot NOT know anymore.
I had this happen with a girl I was talking to I was expressing my love for her in a voice note she just took everything i said and compiled it in a different way nothing original it was like she had no real feelings just throwing stuff back at me to keep me on the hook to feed her attention.. it was weird
Oh my goodness. This is crazy!! So ridiculously bang on of what happened to me with my girlfriend for 3 years!!! Detailed Data gathering and filing for future use!! I’m into Christianity in my spiritual journey, so she became into Christianity (at a whole new level); My kids were into sports, so she put her kids into more sports despite them wanting to do it! She studied my Facebook pics and posts and used the info to slam me later on in our relationship! As I reflect back, this is just unreal!!i got sucked in (3 years!) manipulated, and controlled to a certain extent. As soon as I started to push back, she was gone and onto another supply (a new guy)... I sent new guy the biggest bouquet of flowers and a thank you card. He saved my life. No joke!!
Pointing out the "healthy" and "normal" in human behavior, connection with others, desire to succeed with a group. Contrasting with the "pathological" process of the narcissist. Explaining the common tendencies of "normal" "healthy" people to become overly self critical about falling for X, Y or Z. And calmly pointing to the distorted childhood and how it affects the victim. This is all genius in it's clarity and ease of listening. Thanks again for what you do.
You are really reminding me of not only my last relationship but my marriage. My ex was a martyr type narc and truly would dig at my weaknesses, compare me to my mother, call me selfish for not providing his needs... until I was drained dry. And the most recent, man. True psychopath. So good at mirroring and studying. I got it this time though and cut it off. I trusted my instincts and within three weeks blocked him.
My mother did this to everyone and lost neighbour friends over it, as a teen l got a job (which she tried to get me sacked from) and l finally had new things and clothes, she then copied my clothes, l refused to tell her where l got clothes and jewellery because she'd wear exactly what l wore and she'd look like an idiot, if l told her she was too old to pull it off she'd rage at me. I couldn't wait to get away from her. When the beatings stopped, the mirroring began, which in itself was really unsettling. I feel so blessed to have ran away young.
I'm sorry you went through that. Reading all of your comments is giving me so much more understanding of people now and i've read so many comments before on other videos over years but learning about narcissists and now mirroring has suddenly blew my mind open so much more adding so much more dimension to your comments. The fact that narcissists is just a dominant and ruling influence on all of us that it's effecting our upbringing and way of life it's shocking and mind blowing, the fact we have cptsd and were and still are so confused and understood nothing for years even about ourselves and other people and how we all just want to be cared for and loved, it's mind boggling. I judged others so much i even used to think girls who coloured their hair were being fake but really it's just self expression, i mean duh but i understood so little i thought that for a long time and i thought i understood people but not exactly because i didn't understand myself half as much. Man we really need to stop these sort of people having power over us or anything because they aren't well and it's causing so much destruction to everyone's lives.
My daughter dated a covert Narc about 7 months. Didn’t know what that was at the time but her dad and I saw the red flags immediately and recognized when he was trying to mirror us, the questions he would ask that were too familiar/personal so I just fucked with him. It was a devastating relationship for her unfortunately and we went through it with her and the recovery after, with an amazing therapist, she went no contact. We all had to heal. But it still gives me great pleasure knowing how many Narc injuries her dad and I were inflicting on him and how it made him suffer. I got to see/read his spiral of desperation and pain when she went no contact. The triangulation, the smear campaign, the flying monkeys. And no one would respond to him. His desperation was intense and monumental and it was so gratifying to witness. 26 months later, his life still sucks, he suffers from the same worthlessness and emptiness and will feel that way forever. Our family is healed, our daughter is herself and we’ve moved on.
You sound unhinged. Some people are genuinely interested in other people, and you shouldn’t take so much joy in your daughter’s failed relationship. But I guess that a failed relationship for her means she will depend on you even more, which is incredibly important to you. Actually, the fact that you ran him off is probably a very good sign that he was a good guy. I feel very badly for your daughter.
@@Maria-sg3zn we felt helpless at the time but determined to get our daughter back. The therapist helped us behave the right way towards her as to not push her towards him, the right way towards him so he would reveal himself in front of her and he helped her to see it. It was a very tough time and glad it’s over.
"you may have only been mirrored for certain parts of yourself" This is so true of my parents that it cuts really deep to finally acknowledge those are the words that describe what they did. My siblings and I were like showdogs to them, not people, and I did already know that. But I'd never heard the "half-mirror" concept language for describing the experience before. Words are so powerful. Having that realization hit today from watching and hearing the completed context that phrase provided felt like having all of the air punched out of my stomach. The truth hurts, but we need and deserve to have it so that we can start finally healing. Thank you.
I had a few friends who mimicked the way I dress since high school until now. Even my accountant sister also tried to treat my mom's legs weekly after her surgery, because she isn't a licensed health care practitioner as I do. Now, everything seems making sense for all these nonsense activities in my life. Thanks DR. Ramani.
I am here bc I was just let go by one. Started off small like enjoying simple interests like film, true crime, music, then graduated to stealing my personality. Also had a female friend who was also began copying me down to the way I wear my hair and do my nails... the exact same way. So bizarre. Blocked and deleted so as to give them no more to take. They are takers not givers without souls
There is basically some level of mirroring going on in near every interaction, whether we’re aware of it or not, we all affect each other. There are sometimes difficult mirror lessons to be learned about ourselves when there’s a pattern with a “challenging” person. Doesn’t mean one of those people is to be labeled narcissistic, but just natural human.
Thank you for being honest!!! I have tried my best to open the eyes of people who are blindly accepting all messaging that may validate their perspective but I'm afraid it's falling on deaf ears and I don't see any signs of possible change
@@t.j.huckaby1924 Awesome that you see it. In my experience there’s 1) definitely people to get away from and 2) the leftover ptsd to heal from. And those are major things that can take a few years of internal labor to heal from. But If you look deep enough into narcissism, and your introspective, any honest person will tell you they’ve found some lower case (n)narcissism in themselves. The only people I’ve seen address this in valuable & honest ways are Richard Grannon (awesome intellect) and Stacy Hoch: Empoweress (superb insight). People who keep explaining a binary of what “good people” look like vs what “narcissists” look like seem sadly as lacking insight & integrity enough to go to another design for the whole thing. Because people can catch narcissism psychosis and be paranoid studying it for years. I’ve seen it & it’s terrible to see people staying at that level of ptsd. 🦋☮️🦋 Edit: sorry for all the edits.
Dear Dr Ramani, I've been listening to your podcasts for two days now and I have to say that I learnt more about my recent relationship than in the last ten-fifteen years. Amazing job, please keep it up! It's good to have someone like you on "our side". Many thanks from sensitive empath.
Excellent video! Helps understand so many conversations where I had a gut feeling something was not ok or natural but kept questioning myself as 'maybe I'm being too critical and I need to open myself up more to people'. Trust that gut feeling whispering or sometimes shouting to you that it's ok to not share much with a certain person.
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you so much DR Ramani, They mirror you back to you, Your creative mind, Qualities, Traits, Etc, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 👽🌌🛸👁💞🥰😍🧿♾️😃🧝♀️😊🐉💙🦄💫🌌
"You can't con an honest man" If you feel 'seen' for the first time by a narcissist, it's because they've seen the delusion you hold true about yourself, which in reality are almost always positive things, like how good looking or s3xy you are, and 'mirrored' those things back to you. You feel seen for the first time because reality usually mirrors or reflects back the truth, which is your not as good as you think you are. Most people have an inaccurate self-image, they believe they're better not worse than their truth.
What an incredibly wise and thoughtful video. This gives me SO MUCH insight into my mother who I never understood why she would morph into a totally different person with different looks, interests and even different CORE BELIEFS whenever she got a new boyfriend or friend. I remember telling her once that she doesn’t feel authentic to me. It must feel horribly empty to not have a strong version of self and an identity formed from all your greatest passions and true interests. I’m 32 and I’m super proud of who I’ve become and all the interests I’ve cultivated. I can still connect with people different than me without adopting their whole style. At the end of the day, I’ll never know who my mother TRULY is.
my best guess is that narcissists don't want to cultivate themselves and just seek out pleasure and comfort. So they will change the narrative to keep the upper hand. If you want to know who someone truly is, you have to know their true selves devoid of any postnatal notions. I was supposed to marry a man and he terrorized me. God started talking to me and showing me visions. God did arrange that relationship, but God also had certain expectations of this man. Perhaps God had given him instructions to live a victorious life of virtue and upstanding character. But he disobeyed God and didn't follow them. God was very disappointed. God also warned me to never break a vow I make in the witness of God. I already had broken a vow in my first marriage. So even though this man was terrible, I started to understand that the true significance was not in my relationship to this fallen man, but to God, the creator, who was trying to give this man a chance to avoid hell and redeem himself not to me, but for the sake of his own salvation. Because I had made a vow to this man, not in a church, but in the witness of God, I stuck by this man's side. Again, it was for God, not this man, because I realized that God was trying to redeem this man still. Although I could no longer live with him, I still helped him. A week before he passed, my friends said that he had changed and become sweet and repented and regretted losing me (by cheating for so long on me). They said he had turned kind. What I do know is that I tried my best and because his heart had changed and he repented, I believe that God had saved his soul from hell.
The whole quote is actually this: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Credited to Oscar Wilde It’s meant to be a caution about and a slight dig at people who have no authentic sense of self and just mimic others for their own gain.
They have NO authentic sales of self!!!! That is the truth right there! I have literally caught him mirroring me when be didn’t know I was watching…. It was creepy but funny at the same time….. Because I had finally realized he was mentally ill!
Girl, I so feel you. Sending love and support your way, I had to come to terms with a lot of things I said and did/shit that happened to me, too. I know it's hard but I do strongly believe that it's worth it. We are better than them ❤️❤️
I read a book and vividly remember a smart quote - Narcissists won’t learn from their mistakes, because they would initially have to admit that they have some. this quote opened my eyes.
I didn't realize at first I was being mirrored. At first I thought it was cute, but then it got annoying. Now it's maddening that I can't have my own interests but instead we need to have the same exact interests in everything.
Emily Danielle if you talk less they talk less... when you give less info... the mirror less n less. Ultra copy cats. If you see them as a object... your doing it right. Problem is it’s hard to do. We keep seeing them as adult authentic people. They are closer to functional 5 year olds in a a jaded mood-
@@karamlevi, I'm mostly referring to past experience. I've cut my family (especially my parents) almost completely out of my life...one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
“They reflect what we expect to see!” This is the reason why I can’t get well even though I have left him more than a year ago. I am so shocked about my own narcissistic tendencies among my other negative traits. I feel destorted, I am confused and my value system is disfunctional. I am not able to trust my own instincts, values, moral and judgement any longer. I am a stranger to myself.
I was that way for a full year! (The 1st. 2+ months were a HORROR SHOW!) ... With Nazi narcopath induced Complex/ "c-PTSD". Per 2 bros. With n 'situational' (no matter how passe)/ overlay* of their Narcissistic FLEAS! And their "introjects" of NASTY and Ugly, now, glommed onto YOU! Find a "Trauma Therapist" (if you have a choice, try to be v. selective) for *EMDR** for All the TRAUMA. The 1st. time Miraculously* reduced the; 1.5 years + Final 'load' by 50%!! The rest of the year, only by 10% - but, I was still in the midst of over 2 Doz. additional, + collateral, Traumas. ... And a "smear campaign" the size of TX!
Not like you, though. I DIDN'T know there's NO going back, ever or that it's called "No Contact"! ... Or, that they're as $icK, or criminal, as they are. (After 9/10 months of a return to normalcy. [Assuming he'd learned something.] Almost Instant RAGE to Violence!) I was so SHOCKED, INJURED Physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically and spiritually + "Betrayed," as a widow, and financially exploited, that I could only exist as ANGER and RAGE. Following Domestic Terrorism and Torture. Then, as all my right were stripped, shredded and trampled on; + HATRED. My World-view Flipped 180°. I'm still totally me, at my Core, but, very different, now, too. A Sleep Lab and RTT is next. Good luck!! it takes Time. Lots of it. Learn, Grow and Self-love. Become a Nazi-narco Warrior!
I am married to a narc. The light went up for me. Now I understand so much! It is actually overwhelming so much so that I don't know wher to start helping myself.
Holy crap. When we were dating, 26 long years ago, he used to always look at me and ask me what I was thinking about. All the time! I began to wonder what the heck? We'd be sitting there eating and I would be looking off into space for a second thinking about the really hot guy on my favorite TV show and he would ask me what I'm thinking about. Well I'm not going to tell him that. I felt like he just really wanted to know everything about me and all the details and I thought it was so sweet. But I was also a little annoyed because he asked so often. Oh my heck. This is just mind blowing. I am so grateful that you came through everything you did with the strength to share it with us and help the world to know what is going on.
My ex did this a lot. He completely transformed while we were together and than I noticed he started wearing African clothes and playing African music. He’s new supply is Nigerian. He started mirroring her.
Being with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say may and will be used against you.
MY GOSH, you are so right!
That's right, you have to be careful what you say to people. Even friends use your words against you.
absolutely!!!
So true. It’s such a breach of trust. But they do it over and over again. Somehow....thank God for this knowledge. 🙏🏼
@Anabelle, so well said.
This is why it’s so important to not tell your stuff right away to any new person. Narcissists steal your personality and transfer their nastiness onto you.
Heather Lynn so true.
True
Heather Lynn sad but true 😞.
100% fact. They are 100% thieves.
Heather Lynn absolutely!
ANYONE who leaves you scratching your head, and questioning yourself, needs to go. They are mind-gaming, and not likely to be worth your time, effort and affection.
For real though I remember now saying quote "what is wrong with this guy why is he mad about this, why is he not replying to my text or anything?"
How can I understand this person more.. how can I make him happy... (When in reality the narcistic already knew that the fear tactic would work)
Good call
Friends are narcissistic, too I was played for one.
Top comment: 💯💯💯 AGREE. I wish I had read your comment 5 months ago. It would have saved me a lot of grief.
I've learned it's a safety issue, don't share your stories with just anyone, let them earn your trust. Your stories are your gifts to share.
This is so true. What I recommend is that you have a fictional story to tell people. Something quite simple, and believable. And change the details depending on the person you are talking to. Why do we need to share our stories with anyone? To gain their trust? Absolutely not. We do that so the other person can reciprocate, but people hardly ever, if ever, do.
Absolutely!
Sharing personal stories can be both positive and negative..Positive aspects are that one's stories served as a significant sign posts as 👉🔙🔚🔛🔜📛☢️⛔️🚮🚻🚭☣️🚸 to warning ⚠️ others from falling into the chickens holes that could result in broken whatever parts of bodies are vulnerable mostly..The negative aspects are that the Devil's Narc. Individuals are being exposed naked in public..That would be the MOST HUMILIATION that anyone can endure and CAN NEVER REGAIN TRUST OR CREDIBILITY to anyone else afterwards..Period..
@@TienLam-t6b It's a safety issue! Never share your stories with someone you just met to be SAFE!. No ifs ands or buts.
@@TienLam-t6b You have completely missed the point. "Naked in public" WTF!
My mom does this. She has taken my thoughts and interests and made them her own, goes on telling about them as her own. But it feels more like identity theft than mirroring.
I understand how you feel. One of my sisters did this for quite a while until she started turning on me because I withdrew from her and became less available to her. It’s been two years and she’s acquired flying monkeys to befriend me with the intention of getting information. What she may not realize is I know this because some have told me what she’s doing. With most of these people I have kept a on a need to know basis. Which means I say nothing in response to them saying awful things about her. First of all, it doesn’t matter if she is still wasting her time trying to get a negative response from me. I have acquaintance type of conversations with these people and it doesn’t take long to figure out there agenda. Just a couple of questions, like how was your visit and what did you do while here. Usually I’ll get info like, oh I saw so and so and boy she’s still acting crazy or I saw so and so and wow, she’s still mad at you. lol all I say is “ but what else did you do?” It’s those people that circle around and bring up so and so again and again who in my experience are definitely flying monkeys for so and so. Just my experience with this and my life is so much healthier and calmer
@@candiceparr4174 u r pretty clever. in a way i sort of admire this.
@@ChrisTina-pl5jq please separate yourself from them. Tell them less about yourself the less the can try to compete or act as if they are stealing. I’m real quick to confront someone and say stop trying to copy by life are you that lost. I understand if you haven’t got to that point but you honestly should distance yourself from them. They have mental issues and low self worth. Trying to steal from you shows they are willing to go low.
@@candiceparr4174 if I were u I would tell her less about my personal life. It’s annoying after some point
@@candiceparr4174 that’s a smart move to lessen your convo. Ppl like that don’t like there own life and barely have a life so they live in a fantasy island 🌴 lol ik someone who does this and they recently found out that someone else was copying them just like they copy others. They can dish it but can’t take it.
When I think about the good times and why I loved him I realize that it was during this mirroring time... so in all reality I suppose I really love myself lol...
Super good point!
And I am so kind, sweet and trustfull. Just wonderful!
Lol this was the most potent revelation - like OMG I’m actually kind, loving, expansive and errrrthang in between.
exactly that. Keep tht Always in mind.
Now think about sex and it will seem like one big self screw. Masturbation on steroids with a narc
Yep, this is why their personality changes from person to person, it's because they're mirroring everyone!
So how do you honestly know when you can genuinely trust someone, as opposed to someone who is just doing this bullshit?
I saw your comment, and I had to ask this question, and if you would please be gracious enough to answer, I would truly appreciate a response.
All I know is we live in a "user" mindset society, and I am not just talking here in America, it seems to be a global mindset.
@@thecowboy9698 I'm not Paul, but like to try and this is my idea: Observe the narcissist candidate in his interactions with others to see to what degree s/he changes, especially values and ideations. Most revealing will be interactions with their professional peers, who could see through grandiose claims. When confronted, a narcissist could try to distort your explanations of past observations instead of (for example) admitting mistakes, lapses, or lessons learned; i. e. instead of admitting weakness.
So true!!
Paul T It's demonic.😱
Facts I have seen it first hand
This woman is helping so many people with her articulate and validating info on narcissists.
She is an angel for so many.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I'm 🙏 grateful
This is her divine purpose 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
hear hear
If hadnt seen her videos, I would have suffered many more years
She saved my life just today! One comment, and all the confusion that had me convinced I was on the brink of psychosis just evaporated! God’s soldier here. Thank you!
“Beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt.” EXCELLENT, Dr. Ramani!
They are exhausting exhausting exhausting. You wake up one day drained and realize you wasted so much time on this relationship.
My boyfriend and I had an argument and he said to me, " That's why your family hates you". He stored information about me and used it to attack me. He is trying to come back in my life now, but that last remark hurt too much, because my family put me through hell. For him to use that against me, hurt more than anything he has done.
Zarasha1 do not let him back in, run.
Mine did the same! Then 6 months hoover, no fuckin way!
@@yondergirl83 I'm glad you didn't let him back in. The abuse only gets worse.
Good for you. May Allah continue to protect you. Ameen
Wow, he's trash. 🚯
Dr Romani is the Narcissist's Kryptonite 👌
Queen 👑 Ramani!
Dr Ramani saved my life
@@gioovannabp Yep without doubt shes saved & helped lots people lives , she's great woman & narc expert.....Reading through comments over last like month since i found her channel, I've lost count to amount people thanking her for saving them.....She should be called Saint Ramani tbh lol🙏😇 because amount lives she's saved
Huh, yuh right!
Anytime I want him to go away I simply play a video. Within seconds he'll hear her voice and/or the N word and off he goes hahaha
"Flattering is not a good to start a relationship in general." Noted.
Excessive flattery makes me nervous and uncomfortable.
You should really start out as friends. Skip the whole dating/peacocking.
None of it's real anyway, even if they aren't Narcissists.
What you really want is a partner to share your life with, not a romantic comedy disaster.
@@sigmakodiak1701 Exactly.
How is that? complimenting the other person is what i do, with some push pull
@@tommydawson7147 - "Push pull?" Also known as manipulation.
I realize that I will attract a narcissist within 10 seconds of entering a room. I have a horrible time identifying niceness, for data mining, or common interests vs. mirroring. This is from distortion for years at the hand of my mom and sis. Now I know to pay attention and set boundaries early on. It is hard for us people pleasers to break the cycle.
Good job owning it. We're the only ones we can change. Power back in our own hands,
It's the same for me. Even with a mask on my face.
Yes.....................boundaries......................boundaries................................boundaries.................
We are all people please to some extent because we humans just want to feel good and happiness which i guess makes us pretty conflict avoidant for most of us anyway. I had no clue how to identify genuine people at all even if i am one i got it right by luck once or twice but that's it, but in a room of people oh it's tough because everybody looks the same on the surface and so many conflicting energies. I think i'll have to write a short list of words down to help me focus otherwise i'll get so lost amongst the sea of people and walk right into it again.
My former partner who was a narcissist would use my traumas and wounds against me and talk about them so nonchalantly. He knew what he was doing and it was to keep me under his thumb and use it against me when needed.
How did u overcome it?
@@yenyenkok6549 kicked his @ss to the curb.
All of those traumas were bonding you to him
Narcissist frend said to me, "it's ok you can tell me anything" I Laughed. 🤣 He was probably conused...or knew exactly what I was thinking
can relate
They understand empathy, they just don’t feel empathy.
Empathy for them is a thing to be exploited.
@@silentgrove7670 idgi how do they exploit it? Do they use it for narcissistic fuel?
ki things that we care about or sensitive about, they will use it to hurt us, which is what they love because their sadist
They have the physiological ability to feel empathy but they use that capability as a weapon instead.
They switch it on and off, whatever promises the least conflict with their explanations about themselves. An exploit mechanism is gaslighting you into doubting you feel or feel enough, then exploiting doubt and guilt by asking sth. of you as restitution.
Oh yes! I was vegan when I met him, he said he was vegan too. Everything I was or liked or disliked, he did too but later he switched to everything I liked, he disliked. Everything I disliked, he liked. It was very confusing.
Yeah it's a classic sign of a narc
Does yours also tell you after he switches to the opposite likes and dislikes that you just hate everything he likes? Like making you the immature or rude one in the situation?
I literally thought it was just me who dealt with his. Come to find out there is a whole slew of us!
Yes. This is my experience as well. They are liars.
Ellena Eller that happened to me
Mirroring & projection is something the narcissist is very good at or they used to be . But I don't fall for alot of their bs anymore . Narcissist are nothing but low grade actors .
True
Mikey, my man. I'll swap you two high grade for four low grades if you can give me a decade of my life back. I'll even throw in a couple of bullets.
Or how about you keep the lot and I'll throw in an unlimited supply of rounds.
I'm joking of course because if I seriously think about it I'd have no empathy and be a narc myself. One behind bars than six on the loose does make sense though. How many likes of encouragement do I need‽
Amen
My ex was always saying what a great actor he was ... I should have taken notice of this
@@nellsmith9721 On a similar vein, one thing that my Ex used to say a lot and with a sense of pride whenever he'd get one up on someone was 'You can't con a con'.
I kept asking myself why my soulmate had to be a narcissist. Well this was eye opening.
There was no soul mate, only an empty shell aping back what she saw and convincing me how we're so incredibly alike.
Yeah. Thought there was something special but just manipulation
This was a revelation that really helped me when I would lament about how much we had in common.
Fell in the same “hole” for short time …lol But I have a question… - do manipulators actually know what they are doing to people that genuinely care for them? And, from what I know now, if Narcissism is in fact a mental illness/ condition, why all the information I find on it blames them as people and offers very little to no practical advices as to how to help them? :(
@@anastasiyazhmaidziak2795 The problem is that there is no cure. It isn't an illness, I believe. It is a state of mind. They were, they are and will be a narcissist. Nothing's gonna change them. They are what they are. One good thing you can do is to keep yourself far as possible from them. Words from my personal experience.
Mine called it twinning 😆😆😆
"They mirror back what we think might be true." This is frightening. Also heartbreaking when we realize it wont change. They know exactly what they are doing.
Indeed.. It took me more than a decade to truly understand this.. nevertheless, a lesson learnt. Spreading awareness.
This is interesting. When my self-esteem was high or I felt good about myself, things between us went really well too. And when the reverse was true, we had a horrible time, he would call me moody or unpleasant, etc. when I was just going experiencing normal human emotions that aren’t perfect.
Mic drop. Dr R, you are the bomb. ❤
My narcissist would always say how much we are alike, and she would always try to compete and one up me about things that I was interested and passionate about.
From childhood my younger sister, to a tee; and how I felt about it.
Yesssssssss me tooooo he did the same thing.
I had the exact same experience with my narc gf. My God, they are truly ruthless and evil. We survivors will be stronger for dealing with these demons.
Mine did too.
Someone once told me not to say anything to anyone that you'd be ashamed to read on the front page of a major newspaper. So, yeah, we've gotta watch what we say to folks 'cause you never know how they'll use your words.
If you're feeling guilty about something the best place to get relief is probably a catholic confessional box. Anonymous, and the priest is bound by his vows. They're not even supposed to inform on murderers. Do not 'confess' to the first person who shows you a bit of sympathy. I usually forgive myself, eventually.
I almost thought I was BPD, but realising I hadnt been given validation as a child does not give me the right to act out of character as an adult. Mental meditation has really killed off narcissistic traits I knew very well I have always had, even if it felt real. I accept that reality always changes. I accept that we as humans are not guaranteed to be with another person and if someone should enter my life will be "safe, honest, reciprocal and kind." I'm making myself do routines and healthy lifestyle. I recognize empathy but I know that peoples thoughts are NOT my business. I watch these videos daily along with other DBT videos because in reality, we cannot afford help. We are always broke until we fix ourselves. I love Ramani for reaching so many without being offensive.
Wow!!!
:)
I appreciate your candor. Not many people like you will expose themselves like that. I wonder who else here is just like? It's not for me to seek them out but I just wonder. Thank you for being honest 💜
Maybe you're not the person you thought you were. Good luck.
@Christopher Smith if at 20 you feel this way, lemme tell you its not gonna be always like that, you will see better days. Seek God, his Word, be humble enough to continue on your self improvement journey. You are not perfect and will never be but things will get better I promise. If you are willing to do the work you will see a change. Give an update next year
In my experience, I’ve always said the Narcissist in my life cannot come up with authenticate/ original content on his own. Rather, he takes what ever the information I put out there and sends it back to me or to whomever as if it were HIS thoughts, ideals, positions, etc. He piggybacks off of everything that I do or say.
Shannon Gould,You look pretty 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Ditto here. You said it perfectly. My narc of 26 years even does this with our adult children. He thinks he has a relationship with his son and daughter and me because if imitation. He has even copied my facial expressions while I'm telling a story. I've stopped mid sentence and have asked what the h*'ll are you doing? ... drum roll please ... guess what ... He denies it !!!!
True. Its hard for me to imagine concepts kn my head..I have to start off with an idea or image first, but after that my art will more detailed than anyone
Yes! I’ve experienced this as well .. they’re really air heads with no sense of self. Real weirdo vibes 😂😩
Yes!!! I've always wondered if this is a part of narcissism or maybe he is just a little brain dead after all the drugs he's done in his life. Lol
This is spot on. I remember in the beginning of the relationshit, my soon to be ex narc wife said to me, you should open up more and share your feelings. Now listening to this it makes sense. Wow...🤔
😬 like a bad Alfred Hitchcock movie. Hope these flags are looking more red and less pink Matt. Please don’t give up on humans though; we have a lot to give 💓 AFTER we graduate from this school of hard knocks 💪🏼💐🐬🐬
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 at this point, the only thing that will be pink, is the pink slip they are receiving. Ready for this divorce to be finalized
Matt, ah yes I remember that that stage. It’s pure bullshit. Every time I had to talk to my lawyer I would just about puke 🤮. Never thought I would be there but freedom is just around the corner. 💪🏼💐
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 The only hold up is the time I spend with our son... Once all of this is over, I'm celebrating
“Relationshit” 🤣 🎤
My sister in law had curly blond hair, all one length, shorter due to the curls. She seemed to be getting oddly interested in me. I had long, dark hair with blunt bangs. She told she wanted to change her hair. She sent me a picture and my jaw dropped. Her hair had been straightened, dyed brown, and she had blunt bangs. It was a “Single White Female” moment, and I was very disturbed by it. I didn’t dare say a word at that point. Four years no contact! You got this!
😳😬
Same thing happened to me. I worked with someone who developed this strange fixation with me, stared all the time. Shortly after we met, and she started asking me all kinds of pointed questions about my life. I didn't give her much info, as it was all so weird. When I first met this woman, she had been wearing a wig. Last straw for me was when she came in to work on a Monday, a few weeks later, with her hair almost exactly like mine--wig removed, and hair dyed exactly the same shade as mine. She gradually tried to copy everything about me. Long story short, I cut contact with her as much as possible. Even though I cut her off, she still watched me, and copied me as much as she could. The woman was completely insane, and I avoided her at all costs.
Shay4YourMind81 Yes, happened to me in High School. So creepy. She did not like me. It was that she wanted to BE me.
Shay4YourMind81 That happens to me kind of a lot. 🤷🏼♀️. Nobody’s been creepy though - I think they just liked my style...
Great movie!
"imitation game" is a great description. The narcissist creates an imitation of an actual relationship. A real relationship can nourish, nurture, and activate both people, but just like eating a plastic orange, there is only a suggestion of sweetness and flavor
A masterful narcissist can continually keep us interested in "plastic fruit" until we forget what real fruit tastes like.
Ive had quite enough of plastic fruit to last a lifetime. And Ill accept no more!!
Some narcissist criticize you n laugh at you n then do the exact same thing n pass it on as their idea or personality. I always thought it was jealousy..wasn't aware of mirroring. Thank Dr.Ramani
Isn’t it sad that a narcissist can smash the premise of a “whirlwind romance”. On another note, narcissism is the cruelest form of manipulation.
I love these videos. My dad said he wanted is to be a family again so I tried for two years to have a good relationship with him. He love bombed the whole time and he eventually couldn’t hold up that mask anymore. He used everything I told him against me and in 30 seconds he destroyed me. It was at that moment that I walked away and went no contact. That was 7 years ago. I feel so much better without him!
They are lousy parents.
Sorry you had to experience that, but it's best to rid yourself of the toxic behavior. It's always about them, they pop in and out of your life at their pleasure, never considering how anyone else feels, ever.
Stephanie Shannon,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
❤️ same same
My parents are the same
My narcissist used to use my genuinely expressed thoughts back to me to save himself,but in a twisted way.Every fact and feeling will be used against us in their critical time.
shilpa patil I know exactly what you mean. Whatever you said comes back twisted with lies, exaggerations, changes.... you regret having said anything.
@@SueP-D exactly
In my ex-narc relationship, that "critical time" was when her supply dried up, and it was time for her to move onto the next supply. She was going to leave but it still had to be my fault, so she needed me to be so angry with her that I broke up. So all the ammo she had loaded over a year's time came out like a hateful machine gun and I unceremoniously kicked her out. Her sob story of being a victim could continue for the next guy in line.
Wish i had known about narcissim earlier, life would be much easier
I think we can all relate to this! But as much as it would be nice to undo (some of) the past, I think about how if everyone watching these videos creates more awareness in themselves and others around them, the 'mass consciousness' will shift, we will collectively become more aware, more skilled and more savvy at encountering narcissistic patterns when they emerge! That's the vision that keeps me passionate about learning and connecting with others on this 'journey'!
Teach the younger generation, they’re our hope.
In a way, mirroring is the narcissist using our own narcissism against us. They reflect an idealized version of ourselves back at us, making us fall in love with how they represent us or how we think they see us. When we finally fall for it and want more of it, that’s when they drop the hammer, and we realize that, during the whole process, we were no better than the narcissist, lapping up the idealized version of ourselves. Their devaluation is them taking the idealized version of us in the complete opposite direction: we go from being the most amazing person in the world to being worthless, and we allow them to define us that way in hopes that we can one day prove them wrong with our unending love... holding out hope that they’ll once again reflect that shiny image of ourselves back to us again. Tricky lil narcs. But too bad, baby. Tricks are for kids and Momma’s all grown up now. 🙂
😂😂😂😂
Very accurate comment...
Ding ding ding. Exactly this. She's nothing but a moron using a mask I put on to speak with her. I never felt comfortable. It was always chaotic. Being around her means you have to have Stockholm syndrome. When I still looked at her stuff, she just looked sad, pathetic and empty trying to still copy a version of who she thought I was. But I never actually had any fun because I was brainwashed. None of it was real on either side
Great take!
Its so f#ckn good 😢
They want to know everything about you, yet they don’t reveal anything about themselves. Yes, they do veponize the information in a devalue stage.
I wonder if they have anything to reveal about themselves
@@chioma2477 no because they are empty.
So true!!!
true
We were together for 11years and i still don't exactly know who I was with . Very secretive .... They have secrets and thoughts but we will never about them cause they know it'll be used against them.
Terrific video. They are 'injustice' collectors (even if it's only perceived injustice) and maintain an invisible scoreboard above your head. They will study you with blank eyes and you'll mistakenly think this is the look of lov admiration or lust. But it's not. They're studying you like a PhD as NarcSurviror says. Chilling in hindsight and only survivors of Narc abuse can understand it. Sending everyone love and strength on their road to recovery. It's possible to find happiness again. Genuine happiness.
1984musicman
Interesting,
I’ve experienced this blank trance like stare first hand and observed his stare at others. Not sure what was going on behind those fixed eyes but it was odd.
That stare.👁🕶
So creepy.
Yes, this! Only that they cheat keeping score, dropping what doesn't suit them.
Dude, this sent shivers up my spine (I'm beyond crying when I read these comments, just). I can see that stare in her eyes now, saw it so often in our time together.
And they all want to have sex with their targets. Like the woman that stalks and mirrors and wants to be me here and there I think actually wanted a relationship with me. And the fact that I'm with the love of my life sent her into a spiral of competition and hoovering behaviors to pull at my heart strings. Ignore everything they do. They're a desperate black hole of nothingness
The ancient Greeks had a saying, “Know Thyself.” If you accurately know who you are then the narcissist can’t trick you into thinking something different.
Beloved Child not true
Beloved Child if it were that easy, there wouldn't be SO MANY videos, books, etc. on these people. Be careful.
They're very good at manipulation and gaslighting. Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll outsmart them. As soon as you realize they're a narcissist, just get away from them.
I totally agree, knowing yourself is a solid foundation.
You have to admit to, and know your weaknesses too... Or you'll be blinded by their tricks
My last relationship with a narcissist was so unnerving with this. He would imitate me so closely it would profoundly creep me out. It's like he was empty. He made me feel like I was empty, too, and like I was suddenly in a relationship with a caricature of myself. It felt like having an existential crisis. Who was he? Who was I? The dynamics people hold in a relationship are predicated on each person being uniquely themselves and complementing each other. When he mirrored me so closely, it made me feel like he was stealing my identity. Like the hole in him was so vast that the sheer gravitational pull of his emptiness demanded to consume the ways in which I was solid. He made me feel like I was a flimsy plastic counterfeit.
It reminds me of the Doctor Who episode, Midnight, where they encounter an alien species that studies them so closely and mimics them so completely that it almost kills everyone on board the ship.
Boundaries are so important with these people. There is no stressing that enough.
My experience exactly.
When the veil finally lifts it’s all so clear. I remember thinking that my narc looked dead behind the eyes at times. He was a really good mimic, but he wasn’t that good.
Doctor Who allegory really works here. Scary ep, indeed.
It's so weird. They really do not have a personality at all. Zombies amongst us
This woman knows her stuff.
This video is validating how i feel about my toxic family. I cannot stop watching your videos. Please know that I will be forever thankful to your videos.
Why do they make us feel so weak? Like we know what they are doing is wrong but for some reason it seems impossible to stand up for ourselves. When we finally do they feel no guilt or try to put the blame back on us.
They take our energy/I guess as empaths we're dependent on our emotions and so are they, but, as emotionally stunted they cannot give of themselves hence we call them shells, empty and devoid. The mimick us to get by with the outside mirror, they're honestly glued out as how one should respond, thus their needs for us, our eventual no contact goal is a very difficult one.
Sophia Sebring, Its true, that they make us feel weak. It's just like a mad dog syndrome, a mad dog bites another dog. They are once supressed in their younger day or a learnt behaviour from the parent or both. So they learn all your weaknesses and then you are trapped by their charm, chiefly by breadcrumbing you. They literally know what wrong they are doing to you, but they have no mercy and no choice left, than to drain you of your well being, only to satisfy themselves of living in the lust of grandiosity.
Sophia Sebring they are very insecure and really weak inside, they don’t want to feel that way though, they have to bring you down so they can feel superior and in control, happened to me until I finally fought the person, now he avoids me
We do allow it , whatever our issues might be , I was in foster care with a foster Mom that was very toxic , after 8 abusive years , i questioned, and was confused about everything , there were things I wasn't even aware of . I went to councilling, it's been a long journey . Thought I had dealt with all my demons, one fear I had , and didn't even know it was fear of abandonment . Another low self esteem , another it was pounded into my head , that I was to give everyone the benifit of the doubt , and dare I judge anyone , guilt complex , misplaced guilt. I was also naively trusting of others , think it felt safer to ignore people's behavior than acknowledge it , how could I get along in such a cruel dangerous world . My years in foster care I became conditioned , better to ignore abusive treatment , than confront it , as it only made things worse . I still struggle with that at times, as a child it became a technique to avoid , a the painful reality of the circumstances I found myself in . And i couldn't imagine someone spending so much time living a lie. And it gets to the point you have invested so much , now children are involved , can't just do what's best for you , not without passing it on to your kids , couldn't abandon my kids , like I had been , and i knew , it would be your not seeing them , they would be used I sought legal advice , and was informed in Canada the Mother gets custody period , this insures Dad can keep working , and providing 0. Thats changed some what today
There are all kinds of factors , that the narcissist exploits , and you cant stoop to their level , or you have become one yourself .
When he mirrored me he would NOT answer squat about his info.
Had an ex tell me I ask too many questions... It's called getting to know someone. I had to answer all his questions. Ended that relationship fast, he was hiding too much!
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.
The rest of that quote matters.
When the Narc mirrored me, I experienced it as an identity theft. Like, the Narc would copy me pixel by pixel. Even the way I part my hair, the brands I use, books I read, films I watch, projects I do(the Narc wants to do the exact same project too) and the list goes on.
dude yes. My cousins mother did this to her and to my grandmother as well. These people are really envious of others success
this happens a lot with gangstalking perpetrators. They mirror and imitate their target. yes, it's creepy! This channel has helped me tie up a lot of loose ends. Thank you.
TinaPlakinger TreedingonSer,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
What is that?
@@jazwhoaskedforthis gangstalking is when the mind starts to get paranoid and defensive and the sufferer starts to see similar cars, random people, or regulars at shops as a coordinated effort to stalk and ruin your life. The reality is that you see the same people if you have the same routine, you see the same cars because there are only so many designs and colors. It really derails someone's life because they start to see everyone around them as some sort of stalker. I know someone in a very small town who started getting gangstalking delusions and it ruined their social life because people they've known their whole life started becoming "enemies" that stalked them.
They are sorry sacks of poo.
I remember dating my now narc husband and we were in a restaurant with my son(from a previous marriage). I was interacting with my son and having a fun conversation, and I just looked up and he was just staring at me like he was wondering about something. I thought it was kind of weird at the time...but I brushed it off. Now I know....he was mirroring. Wow! After we got married...he became quite jealous of my son (like a brother or a kid). I never understood that. When we first, started dating, he was so anxious to show off my son to his mom and bragged about how he was such an awesome, kid! Then it changed.
Did you leave yet?
I am deeply thankful for Dr. Ramini’s relentless and yet kind support - thanks for speaking up for so many people who feel alone with a weird yet heavy burden kind of a problem ❤
Ew... creepy. I've had this happen to me a handful of times, from different people. The most memorable was when a coworker at an old job tried this on me when I first started at that company. She tried to go the "instant besties" route with me, but I immediately felt like something was "off" with her. I noticed she had a tendency to stare all the time. She would also try to ask me personal questions (I didn't give her much info). Then she tried to hang around me all the time. Then the copying of hairstyles and outfits started. Fortunately, I was able to pick up on her oddball behavior early on, so I distanced myself from her. The more I tried to distance myself, the harder she tried to watch me, and followed me around the office. She also started a smear campaign against me. It got to where I had to start writing all of her antics down on a log, and eventually approach management about this issue (3 times). Slowly, this woman started to give up, and eventually left the company a few months later. Still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
Been there. It's extremely pathetic behavior. Sorry you went through that
Ew that is creepy. It’s good you reported her and she went away.
dude I couldn't figure out my toxic relationship with my friend over 3 years of therapy. Every video narcissist video is like she wrote my friendship with this person to a T. This has helped me so much and been the breakthrough I needed to move on. Thank yOU!
I'm here now.... After 6 months at therapy I just realised my friend BF of a decade is a fragile narcissist. Now I'm dealing with the fallout. It gets better..... Right?
Why it's an actual disorder.. because the symptoms are all the same. Feels like we're all in a relationship with the same person.
I never felt flattered when someone mirrors me, quite the opposite. It gets on my nerves.
Agree, to me it feels inappropriately intrusive.
It's boring isn't it? We know what's going on with ourselves...
Same here, it also irritates me to the core especially if it was something meaningful to me. I’d literally feel uncomfortable to the point where I’d ‘hide’ my personality/experiences whenever around them.
Lucky you
Michela J
I found it odd and unsettling, like they were trying to take credit for being ME
For years I considered carrying a mirror for this exact reason. Now I meditate every morning and envision a protective mirror around my entire body. Somedays it takes a lot of shit and abuse and I feel compassion for how lost, confused and wounded they are. I no longer feel resposible, hurt or sorry for them, however I release anger, disgust and resentment at least once a day. Thanks for yet another empowering confirmation🙏
Nikki D really good work.
This makes sense why I have such an aversion to allowing people to know my very personal info and feelings, because I feel like they are going to have power over me if they have that info. Because that's what I grew up with.
And it's perfectly all right. Trust is earned, over time.
It is also true though in our world sadly especially now with social media and them also selling what we post on it. If you like stargate s-g1 something daniel jackson quoted is "To know the true name of something is to destroy it's power" look up the wiki of "true name" to understand it more and how people felt the same thing throughout history of us humans. Even back then the same things were happening because we've always been so exploitative.
Now that quote can mean literally finding out the true name of someone or finding out other information about someone, and it can also go both ways you using that information about them to reveal their true self or them doing that to you to hurt you. Either way you're destroying their power either their power over you or your power in yourself, this also refers to fears or something you fear too because when you finally stop being scared of it then it loses it's power.
It can also mean "a true name gives you a connection to the name's owner that allows you to work magic on them from a distance" clearly talking about manipulation before they even had a name for it, so someone even knowing your name can help them gain a connection to you because your name is also personal to you. Now with social media people can possibly find a lot about you if they find out your real name. I hope that was interesting🙂
I can’t thank you enough. I’m stuck in an on and off relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 years now. For the first time in my life I see him for what he is.
RUN!!! Took me years too..
This one is the scariest of the lot. Mind control.
In the devaluation they will disagree something that they used to be on your side, just to makes you upset and test your boundaries.
They are so empty they don’t even their opinions are fake...
The fact that they know how to cut you is what makes me so sad....and so angry....as always, Dr Ramani blows me away
This really explains a lot for me as to why I spent most of my time very uncomfortable around people I later find out are very narcissistic. I could never quite put my finger on it before but now I know the source of the discomfort is all the questions they ask. They're far more willing to delve deeply into your personal life in a way that feels invasive and then act indignant when you draw boundaries with them. This is a problem I have experienced many times with controlling personality types. Thank you for helping me understand what the core of the problem really is about. For a long time I just assumed I was being too private and not willing to open up to people.
The controlling is the biggest thing anyone no matter what age will notice because they're doing it to be completely controlling i always noticed this the most out of anything and that alone put me off. Although i've always been too withdrawn that i hardly talk to anyone which is a problem but i guess it's because of all this stuff i didn't even know i needed to know.
i don't feel confident or sure of myself around people at all but i'm definitely feeling a bit more confident now. I too always felt i was being too private and closed off but it's the opposite i mean why else have i always been too trusting and just let these sort of people walk into my life? because i'm a naturally trusting person so i'm not closed off i'm just not sure of myself because of these people.
We'll all get there soon i hope you do too and these videos are certain fast tracking us to help us understand, i've had multiple firework moments in the last month now since i found what was really going on.
I was once in a medical meeting with several HCWs, my ailing father, and his narc 'partner.' Throughout the whole meeting, I watched her continually mirror my body language (folding of legs and arms, shifting forward or backward, even at one point looking at me to gauge my reaction so she could then show a similar concerned facial expression). It's like she had to keep emulating me to 'know' how to act in the situation. Knowing she's a grandiose narcissist is so helpful in dealing with her and understanding why she acts the way she does.
They copy everything u do, how u talk! Ur lifestyle! Biggest copy cats
Yesss!
In many cases, yes, but my narc, after initially flattering me and focusing on our similarities, pressured me to mirror him. (For the record, I was significantly younger; he positioned himself as a sort of mentor.)
"We need to be more accurate mirrors of ourselves." Great line! Thank you Dr. Ramani!!
The more we live in our hearts the clearer the mirror becomes
“Data Gathering”, “Filing away Information” just like a ROBOT! 🤖
Yes. It's like they don't have a soul, and their mind is operating on a software.
@@EGV88 Reminds me of a Korn song Black is The Soul . That makes me think of a narcissist cause they have no soul .
OMG it's the CREEPIEST thing !!!! I feel stalked, like I need to get pepper spray and a taser !!!!!
Exactly!
@@EGV88 they are NPC its kinda scary
This is why I took down my personal social medias... They have no choice but to find a new target when you starve them of your identity.
I got rid of them all too i had to make it as boring as possible for myself to get myself off them but i did it and we don't need them at all it's just simply a harmful trend that nobody needs like most of them really.
I almost got myself in really big trouble because i started attracting so many narcissists but it's also just a time kill and everybody is too nosy. It feels nice to not have to explain anything i choose to do or i am doing like i used to do up until i was 14, being a child all through the 1990s it was such inspiring simple times that i've kind of gone back to how i did things then and it's so nice🙂I hope the social media trend dies out soon although youtube is the exception it's so much more useful, although maybe we don't need comments on all types of videos.
Narcissists are high in cognitive empathy - the ability to read others' emotions, and low in affective empathy - the ability to share others' feelings.
Yeah totally that's the only explanation they do have empathy but lack it in other ways, maybe so much empathy that it's part of the whole dynamic as to why they're so broken and have such severe mental health issues.
Oh wow! My sister actually started dressing exactly like me. It was creepy because she was so controlling. And yes, they do file info.
Funny thing, a neighbor man was pursuing me a year or so ago, I was noticing this mirroring behavior but I didnt have a name for it, I called it shape shifting because he was constantly making himself match everything about me and I could sense what he was doing. I wasnt interested from the beginning so I think that made it easy to see thru him, but it's nice to know the actual term. Good video, thanks!
This is so on point! This is so important! Red flag immediately! They make you feel like you can open up to them on a level you never had before,..because you are meant to be together.. they always wanted this kind of relationship and open communication all their lives! I am 10 months strong away from the nightmare I had for 12 years! Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the biggest narcissist of them all? He was!! Bye!
"Me too"
This was my ex's catch phrase. Whenever I was describing events from my life this is what I received in return. I didn't matter how obscure the event. "Me too!"
I believe this was an attempt to create a false sense of sameness. To make me believe we were so similar that we were meant to be together. I'm not entirely sure though. I'm filled with such self doubt I don't believe my own thinking and intuition. The relationship was a roller coaster of intensity. I was called a narcissist constantly. Now I believe I'm one and I can't shack it. I've never experienced anxiety like this before in my life.
Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani
I've been in 1 great long-term relationship and 1 emotionally abusive long-term relationship with a narcissist and I've learned from both experiences (and therapy). These are my take-aways: 1) redflags: they can't apologize (or they say: I'm sorry _you_ feel that way), they are terrible gift-givers, jeallousy, being suspicious of everyone, seeing themselves as both better and more competent than everyone else and the victim, making you feel like you need to record conversations to prove something / constantly questioning your perspective. 2) Good qualities to look for: not taking themselves too seriously / being able to take a joke, being supportive, making you feel more confident, making you laugh, keeping promises, opening up about their feelings.
Spot on!!!
Thank you. I’m proud (after a lot of pain) I’ve gotten to the point where I can identify this so fast, my dad has NPD. To me they are more like life sucking robots than humans. They are slaves of their insecurities and so mean deep inside like a black hole of sadness and resentment.
👍👌
Most do not have souls. That's the problem.
@@rainncorbin8291True. They're literally robots. Soulless things wearing flesh, mimicking human behaviour, bent on destruction
@@rainncorbin8291I now believe the true self is corked in a bittle by the false soulless self, its a trully terrifying concept: the young 2-3 year old soul lets in the false self (who promises to shield the child from trauma), but then once inside the body, the false self double crosses the child and imprisons them like geni in a bottle; only this time the roles are reversed, the geni locks the child in the bottle and forever more assumes the identity of the body. As for the true self: he/she is two years old, traumatised, crying screaming, bashing on the walls of the bottle shouting help let me out, but no body can hear, no one can see.
Sorry to present an image ofvtrue horror, but this is how evi is and I believe this is likely what is going on with narcissists.
Soon who you see in the mirror will be an empty shell of who you once knew.
I totally get mirroring.... my friend would say I love you back to me at almost the same cadence and same words... like nothing new under the sun, no original thought or kindness... just reflecting back to me the emotion I was showing. Once the mask fell off, I ran and stayed gone. This was narcissist #3 and while I didn't understand what I was encountering at the time, until later, I knew I wasn't willing to do this again. Thanks for putting a name to this horrible personality disorder. I know now..... And once you know, you cannot NOT know anymore.
I had this happen with a girl I was talking to I was expressing my love for her in a voice note she just took everything i said and compiled it in a different way nothing original it was like she had no real feelings just throwing stuff back at me to keep me on the hook to feed her attention.. it was weird
Oh my goodness. This is crazy!! So ridiculously bang on of what happened to me with my girlfriend for 3 years!!! Detailed Data gathering and filing for future use!!
I’m into Christianity in my spiritual journey, so she became into Christianity (at a whole new level); My kids were into sports, so she put her kids into more sports despite them wanting to do it! She studied my Facebook pics and posts and used the info to slam me later on in our relationship! As I reflect back, this is just unreal!!i got sucked in (3 years!) manipulated, and controlled to a certain extent. As soon as I started to push back, she was gone and onto another supply (a new guy)... I sent new guy the biggest bouquet of flowers and a thank you card. He saved my life. No joke!!
You R very correct at your closing statements, Dr. Ram..💐. If one is having accurate images of oneself, no mirror is needed..Period..
Pointing out the "healthy" and "normal" in human behavior, connection with others, desire to succeed with a group. Contrasting with the "pathological" process of the narcissist. Explaining the common tendencies of "normal" "healthy" people to become overly self critical about falling for X, Y or Z. And calmly pointing to the distorted childhood and how it affects the victim. This is all genius in it's clarity and ease of listening. Thanks again for what you do.
You are really reminding me of not only my last relationship but my marriage. My ex was a martyr type narc and truly would dig at my weaknesses, compare me to my mother, call me selfish for not providing his needs... until I was drained dry. And the most recent, man. True psychopath. So good at mirroring and studying. I got it this time though and cut it off. I trusted my instincts and within three weeks blocked him.
My mother did this to everyone and lost neighbour friends over it, as a teen l got a job (which she tried to get me sacked from) and l finally had new things and clothes, she then copied my clothes, l refused to tell her where l got clothes and jewellery because she'd wear exactly what l wore and she'd look like an idiot, if l told her she was too old to pull it off she'd rage at me. I couldn't wait to get away from her. When the beatings stopped, the mirroring began, which in itself was really unsettling. I feel so blessed to have ran away young.
I'm sorry you went through that. Reading all of your comments is giving me so much more understanding of people now and i've read so many comments before on other videos over years but learning about narcissists and now mirroring has suddenly blew my mind open so much more adding so much more dimension to your comments.
The fact that narcissists is just a dominant and ruling influence on all of us that it's effecting our upbringing and way of life it's shocking and mind blowing, the fact we have cptsd and were and still are so confused and understood nothing for years even about ourselves and other people and how we all just want to be cared for and loved, it's mind boggling.
I judged others so much i even used to think girls who coloured their hair were being fake but really it's just self expression, i mean duh but i understood so little i thought that for a long time and i thought i understood people but not exactly because i didn't understand myself half as much. Man we really need to stop these sort of people having power over us or anything because they aren't well and it's causing so much destruction to everyone's lives.
My daughter dated a covert Narc about 7 months. Didn’t know what that was at the time but her dad and I saw the red flags immediately and recognized when he was trying to mirror us, the questions he would ask that were too familiar/personal so I just fucked with him. It was a devastating relationship for her unfortunately and we went through it with her and the recovery after, with an amazing therapist, she went no contact. We all had to heal. But it still gives me great pleasure knowing how many Narc injuries her dad and I were inflicting on him and how it made him suffer. I got to see/read his spiral of desperation and pain when she went no contact. The triangulation, the smear campaign, the flying monkeys. And no one would respond to him. His desperation was intense and monumental and it was so gratifying to witness. 26 months later, his life still sucks, he suffers from the same worthlessness and emptiness and will feel that way forever. Our family is healed, our daughter is herself and we’ve moved on.
You sound unhinged. Some people are genuinely interested in other people, and you shouldn’t take so much joy in your daughter’s failed relationship. But I guess that a failed relationship for her means she will depend on you even more, which is incredibly important to you. Actually, the fact that you ran him off is probably a very good sign that he was a good guy. I feel very badly for your daughter.
@@lovelily8310 ikr?
@@katieandnick4113 saunds like you identify with the narc to me
Ya all did everything right happy for your daughter having so strong parents
@@Maria-sg3zn we felt helpless at the time but determined to get our daughter back. The therapist helped us behave the right way towards her as to not push her towards him, the right way towards him so he would reveal himself in front of her and he helped her to see it. It was a very tough time and glad it’s over.
"you may have only been mirrored for certain parts of yourself"
This is so true of my parents that it cuts really deep to finally acknowledge those are the words that describe what they did. My siblings and I were like showdogs to them, not people, and I did already know that. But I'd never heard the "half-mirror" concept language for describing the experience before. Words are so powerful.
Having that realization hit today from watching and hearing the completed context that phrase provided felt like having all of the air punched out of my stomach.
The truth hurts, but we need and deserve to have it so that we can start finally healing.
Thank you.
Yes. Being an accurate mirror to ourselves!
I had a few friends who mimicked the way I dress since high school until now. Even my accountant sister also tried to treat my mom's legs weekly after her surgery, because she isn't a licensed health care practitioner as I do. Now, everything seems making sense for all these nonsense activities in my life. Thanks DR. Ramani.
I am here bc I was just let go by one. Started off small like enjoying simple interests like film, true crime, music, then graduated to stealing my personality. Also had a female friend who was also began copying me down to the way I wear my hair and do my nails... the exact same way. So bizarre. Blocked and deleted so as to give them no more to take. They are takers not givers without souls
There is basically some level of mirroring going on in near every interaction, whether we’re aware of it or not, we all affect each other. There are sometimes difficult mirror lessons to be learned about ourselves when there’s a pattern with a “challenging” person. Doesn’t mean one of those people is to be labeled narcissistic, but just natural human.
Thank you for being honest!!! I have tried my best to open the eyes of people who are blindly accepting all messaging that may validate their perspective but I'm afraid it's falling on deaf ears and I don't see any signs of possible change
Too much is CREEPY.
@@t.j.huckaby1924 Awesome that you see it. In my experience there’s 1) definitely people to get away from and 2) the leftover ptsd to heal from. And those are major things that can take a few years of internal labor to heal from. But If you look deep enough into narcissism, and your introspective, any honest person will tell you they’ve found some lower case (n)narcissism in themselves. The only people I’ve seen address this in valuable & honest ways are Richard Grannon (awesome intellect) and Stacy Hoch: Empoweress (superb insight). People who keep explaining a binary of what “good people” look like vs what “narcissists” look like seem sadly as lacking insight & integrity enough to go to another design for the whole thing. Because people can catch narcissism psychosis and be paranoid studying it for years. I’ve seen it & it’s terrible to see people staying at that level of ptsd. 🦋☮️🦋
Edit: sorry for all the edits.
Dr. Ramani made the distinction between regular mirroring and narcisstic mirroring, which she said is a whole different game.
It's a top tactic for narcissists. Acting like you or imitating the things you value to deceive you into a bond with them.
Dear Dr Ramani, I've been listening to your podcasts for two days now and I have to say that I learnt more about my recent relationship than in the last ten-fifteen years. Amazing job, please keep it up! It's good to have someone like you on "our side". Many thanks from sensitive empath.
I’m the first one , yaaaay. Obsessed with doctor Ramani shared liked commented adored and all that 😝🙏🥰
Excellent video! Helps understand so many conversations where I had a gut feeling something was not ok or natural but kept questioning myself as 'maybe I'm being too critical and I need to open myself up more to people'. Trust that gut feeling whispering or sometimes shouting to you that it's ok to not share much with a certain person.
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you so much DR Ramani, They mirror you back to you, Your creative mind, Qualities, Traits, Etc, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 👽🌌🛸👁💞🥰😍🧿♾️😃🧝♀️😊🐉💙🦄💫🌌
"You can't con an honest man" If you feel 'seen' for the first time by a narcissist, it's because they've seen the delusion you hold true about yourself, which in reality are almost always positive things, like how good looking or s3xy you are, and 'mirrored' those things back to you. You feel seen for the first time because reality usually mirrors or reflects back the truth, which is your not as good as you think you are. Most people have an inaccurate self-image, they believe they're better not worse than their truth.
What an incredibly wise and thoughtful video. This gives me SO MUCH insight into my mother who I never understood why she would morph into a totally different person with different looks, interests and even different CORE BELIEFS whenever she got a new boyfriend or friend. I remember telling her once that she doesn’t feel authentic to me. It must feel horribly empty to not have a strong version of self and an identity formed from all your greatest passions and true interests. I’m 32 and I’m super proud of who I’ve become and all the interests I’ve cultivated. I can still connect with people different than me without adopting their whole style. At the end of the day, I’ll never know who my mother TRULY is.
my best guess is that narcissists don't want to cultivate themselves and just seek out pleasure and comfort. So they will change the narrative to keep the upper hand. If you want to know who someone truly is, you have to know their true selves devoid of any postnatal notions.
I was supposed to marry a man and he terrorized me. God started talking to me and showing me visions. God did arrange that relationship, but God also had certain expectations of this man. Perhaps God had given him instructions to live a victorious life of virtue and upstanding character. But he disobeyed God and didn't follow them. God was very disappointed. God also warned me to never break a vow I make in the witness of God. I already had broken a vow in my first marriage. So even though this man was terrible, I started to understand that the true significance was not in my relationship to this fallen man, but to God, the creator, who was trying to give this man a chance to avoid hell and redeem himself not to me, but for the sake of his own salvation. Because I had made a vow to this man, not in a church, but in the witness of God, I stuck by this man's side. Again, it was for God, not this man, because I realized that God was trying to redeem this man still. Although I could no longer live with him, I still helped him. A week before he passed, my friends said that he had changed and become sweet and repented and regretted losing me (by cheating for so long on me). They said he had turned kind. What I do know is that I tried my best and because his heart had changed and he repented, I believe that God had saved his soul from hell.
The whole quote is actually this:
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Credited to Oscar Wilde
It’s meant to be a caution about and a slight dig at people who have no authentic sense of self and just mimic others for their own gain.
Not everyone can be a genius.
Wow I’ve honestly never seen the entire quote, I love that
thank you! I had always heard the first part only
They have NO authentic sales of self!!!! That is the truth right there!
I have literally caught him mirroring me when be didn’t know I was watching…. It was creepy but funny at the same time…..
Because I had finally realized he was mentally ill!
He used some very intimate details I shared with him against me. I had to own my truths.
Girl, I so feel you. Sending love and support your way, I had to come to terms with a lot of things I said and did/shit that happened to me, too. I know it's hard but I do strongly believe that it's worth it. We are better than them ❤️❤️
I read a book and vividly remember a smart quote - Narcissists won’t learn from their mistakes, because they would initially have to admit that they have some. this quote opened my eyes.
I didn't realize at first I was being mirrored. At first I thought it was cute, but then it got annoying. Now it's maddening that I can't have my own interests but instead we need to have the same exact interests in everything.
My mom is a covert, cerebral narcissist, she is the queen of mirroring, to a terrifying extent.
Emily Danielle if you talk less they talk less... when you give less info... the mirror less n less.
Ultra copy cats. If you see them as a object... your doing it right.
Problem is it’s hard to do. We keep seeing them as adult authentic people. They are closer to functional 5 year olds in a a jaded mood-
@@karamlevi, I'm mostly referring to past experience. I've cut my family (especially my parents) almost completely out of my life...one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
@@karamlevi Great insights and analogy.
@@karamlevi Great insights and analogy.
Remember dog's don't feel true empathy. They have the emotions of a 4 year old. Empathy is lacking I believe. Guilt or Shame I believe is one.
You have helped me understand why I was SO blinded before. Thank you!
every time I see your videos. Boom! flashbacks.
Saaame!
“They reflect what we expect to see!”
This is the reason why I can’t get well even though I have left him more than a year ago.
I am so shocked about my own narcissistic tendencies among my other negative traits.
I feel destorted, I am confused and my value system is disfunctional.
I am not able to trust my own instincts, values, moral and judgement any longer.
I am a stranger to myself.
narcissism is contagious, you can't be in a relationship with a narcissist without acquiring extra narcissism yourself
I like Richard Grannon, you can find his videos here on UA-cam as well.
Maybe find a therapist to talk to.
I was that way for a full year! (The 1st. 2+ months were a HORROR SHOW!) ... With Nazi narcopath induced Complex/ "c-PTSD". Per 2 bros.
With n 'situational' (no matter how passe)/ overlay* of their Narcissistic FLEAS!
And their "introjects" of NASTY and Ugly, now, glommed onto YOU!
Find a "Trauma Therapist" (if you have a choice, try to be v. selective) for *EMDR** for All the TRAUMA.
The 1st. time Miraculously* reduced the; 1.5 years + Final 'load' by 50%!!
The rest of the year, only by 10% - but, I was still in the midst of over 2 Doz. additional, + collateral, Traumas. ... And a "smear campaign" the size of TX!
Not like you, though.
I DIDN'T know there's NO going back, ever or that it's called "No Contact"! ... Or, that they're as $icK, or criminal, as they are.
(After 9/10 months of a return to normalcy. [Assuming he'd learned something.] Almost Instant RAGE to Violence!)
I was so SHOCKED, INJURED Physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically and spiritually + "Betrayed," as a widow, and financially exploited, that I could only exist as ANGER and RAGE. Following Domestic Terrorism and Torture.
Then, as all my right were stripped, shredded and trampled on; + HATRED.
My World-view Flipped 180°. I'm still totally me, at my Core, but, very different, now, too.
A Sleep Lab and RTT is next.
Good luck!! it takes Time. Lots of it. Learn, Grow and Self-love.
Become a Nazi-narco Warrior!
I am married to a narc. The light went up for me. Now I understand so much! It is actually overwhelming so much so that I don't know wher to start helping myself.
Holy crap. When we were dating, 26 long years ago, he used to always look at me and ask me what I was thinking about. All the time! I began to wonder what the heck? We'd be sitting there eating and I would be looking off into space for a second thinking about the really hot guy on my favorite TV show and he would ask me what I'm thinking about. Well I'm not going to tell him that. I felt like he just really wanted to know everything about me and all the details and I thought it was so sweet. But I was also a little annoyed because he asked so often. Oh my heck. This is just mind blowing. I am so grateful that you came through everything you did with the strength to share it with us and help the world to know what is going on.
My ex did this a lot. He completely transformed while we were together and than I noticed he started wearing African clothes and playing African music. He’s new supply is Nigerian. He started mirroring her.
I’m sure they deserve each other
Is she getting angrier and angrier... love it