I don’t usually comment on videos, but after reading Mareska Manipulation on Vexoner, I had to share this. The strategies in that book are next-level, trust me!
Tesla referenced human energy 🌪👻jesus christ referenced living waters 🤍💎science described water memory 🌊👨🎓existence reflecting psychologically,psalms16:24 k,j 👻🤍💎👨🎓🗽🌪
@@carriesparks9839 I get those feelings when I am discriminated. Understandding what's happening is one thing, but a healthy response to the injust (in this case manipulation or discrimination) is another thing. We need to learn assertivity and undelayed response.
@@carriesparks9839 wow I didnt realize that those are warning bells. I just knew it as feeling yucky and uncomfortable but didnt know why. I just didnt know what they were warning me of or about. I just didnt know how to read them or what to do about them.
In the beginning, a narcissist will overwhelm you with attention, sex, affection, endless texts and calls. They will like everything you like, send you flowers, dedicate songs to you and rejoice in having found their soulmate. Because to a narcissist YOU are perfect. And they will mean it. Narcissists fall in love and believe it is what they have searched for but have never had before they found YOU. Unfortunately, it isn't love, it's a combination of infatuation and lust. And as everyone with an ounce of common sense knows, lust and infatuation don't last. A few months into the relationship, a narcissist will start to notice that you have flaws, that you don't deserve to be on that pedestal they put you on. When this happens, the narcissist will begin to get annoyed by little things you do. Really LITTLE THINGS. Like the way you use a straw to drink, or chewing too loudly, or putting a fork on the table lopsided, putting the trash bag in the can wrong, putting toilet paper on backwards. Folding laundry so badly they must redo it, and using too much salt. Any of these sins will be magnified into being worthy of causing them to give you the silent treatment or starting an argument that goes on for hours. After which, the whole thing will be blamed on you because “YOU" like to push their buttons. Over time, your “sins" get more egregious. You are accused of being a liar, of using them, of cheating, of being selfish and worst of all: NOT LOVING THEM. Almost every time, the things you are being accused of are the things the narcissist is actually guilty of doing. When they attack you, you are confused and immediately try to defend yourself and reassure them that it isn't true. This is NARCISSISM 101: Always put your opponent on the defensive. If you are busy defending yourself, you can't look too closely at what the narcissist is doing. And that's what they want. These arguments turn into shockng rages. You will be subjected to being cursed, screamed at, threatened with them leaving you and even physical vioence.You start feeling like you have to walk on eggshells rather then provoke another of these rages. Eventually, a narcissist will revise history. Everything they once liked about you will evolve into the things they now despise. It won't matter if you worship them, take care of them and support them in every way possible. A narcissist will attach selfish and often nefarious reasons for anything you do for them and they will hate you for it. By this time, you have been devalued completely and you are regularly subjected to sarcasm, insults and belittling. If you compliment their intelligence, you're being sarcastic. If you praise their sexual prowess, you're usig them for sex. If you help them financially, you do it so you can exert your power over them. By this time, they have probably cheated on you many times but even though your gut is screaming the truth at you, a narcissist is so good at manipulating and lying to you that you can't prove anything and you live with anxiety that eats away at you until you become a shadow of yourself. They will then use your suspicions to justify more cheating because why shouldn't they cheat if you're accusing them of it? There will be more arguments started over ridiculous things. The narcissists uses these as a reason to storm out of the house and indulge in even more sex. They will start looking for a replacement for you and when a suitable one is found, you will be discarded in an abrupt and cruel fashion. The narcissist will assure you that everything is all your fault and they are leaving you because you are jealous, untrustworthy, disloyal, selfish, unfaithful, greedy and incapable of love. All things they are actually guilty of themselves. But, because you are so confused, you will accept this judgment and spend months wondering what you can do to get the narcissist to come back to you. That is the narcissist's ultimate win. They make you believe that you were the devil, not them. Additionally, If you need to find out about a Cheating Narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
And, of course, if you try to discuss this, you ‘ll be immediately gaslighted into thinking that in fact YOU are the manipulator. So another guilt trip.
It could sound like this if you call them it: "I hate when you say that I am manipulating you! You always say that before you decide to leave me!" But, yes, that is exactly gaslighting and blame shifting.
@@dontbelongherefromanother - yeah, well, anything perceived as being critical of the Narc is 'complaining'. And btw, there is a LOT to complain about, especially because actual discussion is off the table.
Sadly this is true, I’ve tried many time to “fix”. a narcissist that I really care about,IT CANT BE. DONE all it does is suck the life out of you. They drain your energy and you have to run to save your own life!!!!!
This explains why at the beginning of the relationship, they ask a lot of questions about us and they seem so attentive and caring. We misinterpret this as love/affection, when in actual fact they are collecting data for future use. Even during the devaluing stage, they dangle the carrot of hope using flattery to earn favours they don’t deserve and we cave in because we are craving for their withheld approval and affection and they know it. They are fully aware of all our weaknesses and strengths and they manipulate those accordingly for their personal benefit.
My narc aunt would pretend like she cares and ask me questions but I know she only does that so she can use it against me and my family when she needs to create drama. The toxicity is unbelievable.
This sounds so bad but it’s so true. I was never her daughter, I was just an extension of her which she had regretted making. And when she gets distracted she would simply just discard me....like a garbage.
Best strategy I found is playing dumb. Not reading between the lines for them. Forcing them to be explicit about what they are asking of you makes them back away in confusion .
I do this all the time. Now i get the reaction response of them looking strangely like i should know something its funny to watch them get frustrated and give up. Knowing to yourself that you know what they are doing.
What if it's your boss? How you deal with a narc boss vs a narc partner? Bc there is a power dynamic. I was getting a lot of guilt tripping behavior from my last boss. 🤦
@@nicolef2496 i still played dumb most of the time it works they think your dumb anyway. The harder you try to prove them wrong...the more they up the anty and playing one up. You enter their arena.. The best thing is to look for another job...
@@mattsharkey8437 I can relate to that! The narcissist becoming panicky on hearing this one word. Not knowing the how, how I dare..... "What did I do to deserve you treating me like this?" Actually, theit reaction becomes fascinating, when you have learnt not to feel guilty.
@@agnes15101968 Yep. No and the Cross terrifies them all. That's another reason people make the sign of the cross when a person they're avoiding walks towards them.
Tesla referenced human energy 🌪👻jesus christ referenced living waters 🤍💎science described water memory 🌊👨🎓existence reflecting psychologically psalms16:24 k,j 👻🤍💎👨🎓🗽🌪
@@camogrrl what are meaning not sure with honor truth seems I'm in manipulative perspective 👨🎓💖🗽that doesn't respects either who 🌪🤕🤨please be honest if mean something by it other wise not true 🤕🌬💎🤍
Honest if that is ur perspective please be wise careful been threw mud not right things too becarful don't be used played outsmarted or manipulated 🤕🌬🌪🌬💎🤍🗽
When they never take blame or apologize it manipulates ourselves to downplay what they did, or even worse causes us to blame ourselves for their mistakes.
My father, an extreme narcissist, once told me that if if one of his employees behaved the way I did, he would have fired me a long time ago. I laughed and told him “ exactly, you treat your family as employees, but we dont work for you”. The response was not well received, but I laugh since his true feelings bubbled to the surface.
OMG, so true. I have had that happen to me. It turned really ugly in the end because I kept stuffing my feelings down and stuffing them down, until I ended up exploding in rage myself. If you are ever in that situation yourself, do yourself a big favor. Call it out. Talk about it. Because nothing good can come of trying to tell yourself, "It's OK. I can take it." No. You can't. It is no bueno.
I’m hopeful that now that my eyes are finally open and I know I have narcissistic mother; I’ll be extra aware in all relationships going forward. I figured this out after my most recent failed relationship when I decided to go for therapy to do deep dives into why I’m plagued with this and also feeling high anxiety and massive self Doubt. Therapy was the best decision I ever made for myself. I soon after found Dr. Ramani and it’s like a light switch went off in my life
A narc is always manipulating. From beginning to end in a relationship. It’s how they groom you for supply. They just don’t know anything else. Boundaries are indeed the only way to not be manipulated.
Narcs violate the boundaries of others, but don't want it happening to them. I want to share a personal experience that I had with a narc neighbor in the past, who moved in my community. Initially, he appeared to be a nice guy from his introduction, but that would almost change a few days later. He knocked on my door around 9 or 10 PM asking toilet paper. I didn't think nothing of it and willingly gave it to him. He kindly accepted it and offered to repay back the item, but I declined. Two weeks later, he knocked on my door during late hours, asking for a can opener because he couldn't find his because it was packed in one of his moving boxes. So, again, I gave him a can opener because I had extra and didn't want it back. He, again, thanked me and insisted on returning it. At this point, I still did not think he was being problematic. The third time he knocked on my door during late hours asking for duct tape, this is when I became suspicious, but willingly gave in. The fourth time was the final straw for me when he asked to borrow a brush for grilling. I politely told him no and apologized for not having it. It was at this time that I knew something wasn't right about him, and I would no longer allow him to exploit me. I guess he realized that I caught on to what he was doing, and he moved on to other neighbors to exploit them. They caught on too and reported the incidents to the landlord. The point is, narcs have no sense of boundaries and will not stop until you establish boundaries. They take your kindness as a weakness. Sorry for the long response, but it helps me to vent my frustration.
@@dontbelongherefromanother im so sorry that happenex to you. I have had that problem too!! We are sometimes not completely aware of our own boundaries and need to really tune into ourselves when we feel others have violated our boundaries. Narcs dont understand this and will NOT respect your boundaries even when you have identified them for yourself and then clearly and kindly stated them. But you cant assume that a Narc is just gonna use "common sense" as their fence line. They make all kinds of Assumptions to Their advantage and then Blame someone else for it. Trying to enforce this with a Narc yourself can just get you into Legal trouble as they have No Standards and are not Quality people.
@@dontbelongherefromanother I AGREE , THE LIARS THEIFS CON-ARTISTS SOCIOPATH DRUG TRAFFICKING PIMPS ALLOWED TO PLAY ON OTHERS KINDNESS, AND ARE ABUSIVE AND I SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES
@@leticiaoberley8886 AGREED 😇💯😇💯 CRIMINALLY FUCHIN TOXIC 🤬😡😠😠🥵🤕🥴😷🤧🤮🤮🤢😱 ABUSERS MANIPULATE!(**THEY ARE INSECURE LIARS THEIFS CON-ARTISTS SOCIOPATH AND PSYCHOPATH AND BLAMERS AND CAN NEVER BE TRUSTED!!!! RUN! RUN !💪💪💪💪🎧🆘⚖️⚖️😭🆘⚖️⚖️🆘🆘⚖️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 RUN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏AWAY WHEN SOMEONE ABUSES🎤🎧😭🆘🎧🎤🎤🎼😭🆘🎧🎤🎼🙏 YOU ,🙃🙂🤢😤😡🤬😈🤬😡😠😤🥶🥵🤒🥴😷😷🤮🤢🤢🤕🥴😷 OR YOUR,CHILD, YOUR DOG ,OR YOUR FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER'S
If it feels like they don’t respect you, they don’t. If you’re wondering if they are taking advantage of you, they are. Recognize your confusion and uncertainty... that’s how they keep you hooked.
I have something to tell my Narc husband. It’s about his first love MONEY. However his rage is so bad and un predictable that it terrifies me. If I tell him I feel he will seriously hurt me or pay someone to.
There were times when my narc mom could have been nailed down for extreme, illegal, actions and calling her out would have worked some. BUT, oh the enablers. They are the problem just like her.
Very true...my ex narc when he wanted cause a drama he will begin a discussion while I was seating or doing something, once he start talking and complain of something out of nowhere, won't let me talk, and if I try to talk and try to understand to explain guess what he did next?, scream at me with rage telling me don't talk and taking my arm, open the door and threw me out😞. I don't know why he did that making me feel devastated😪.
@@alicerosa6766 - Remember, it's not you, it's him. You don't need to ask why he did it. Use his behaviour as a barometer for what to avoid from others.
For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Moreover, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: *Metaspyhub@gmail. com*
So dead on, but you need to add the part about the flying monkeys they bring in when you call them out on their behavior, play victim, and the whole manipulation game begins. You know, how horrible you are to call them out, get angry at being hurt by them and their horrible behavior, she’s. Such a horrible wife for doing this to me, I’m the victim of her anger, guys feel sorry for ME! It’s all about ME!, and the sick thing is the Monkeys take the bait! Then you have to call out the monkeys!, I’ve learned male monkeys don’t like females standing up for themselves, and I always will. It’s sick to say the least!
omg yes! the Narc I know spit vitriol every min of every day then posts social media posts wearing ribbons for disabilities being like "We love you Melissa #cureforMS" knowing she is nothing like that in person at all. She's the loudest, nastiest person in real life but on social media comes across as virtuous.. It's really gross to witness.
Omfg this is my Exact experience and I wanna throw up right now. Taking me years to See through the quad Scorpio sweet guy bullshit It is a kind of evil I cannot begin to understand
My jaw has been on the floor for four days now while watching Doctor Ramani's videos. I am just now realizing I've been emotionally abused for 10+ by a narcissist. An "acquaintance." Someone I considered a close friend. Nearly everything Doctor Ramani explains about a narcissist and their behavior has been done to me. And he is breadcrumbing right now since I have been absent for the last four days. I have not told him I know that he is a narcissist. I'm numb. I'm educating myself. Working up the strength to cut him out of my life. I'm definitely recognizing I've been trauma bonded to him for years.
I used to chase my hubby for love wink wink , he 20yrs later gives when he chooses imagine being in bed and horny no one there ! Yet he hates cheating ???? Big question . I bet he cheated and didn't tell. He blames me won't go . No I gotta go ? He can't make it work I must go ? Hello
Watch the one video by Dr.R about how to never call them out bc they'll freak out & do whatever it takes to keep you locked in. Also be careful of all their minions… they will all come at you to draw you back into the net. I escaped once but was lured back in a couple years later by my emotions. They had talked me into giving up my goals and doing what they had in mind. I had recently lost my fiance due to an illness and I was weak, so I agreed. Been trapped now for 9 years and have become so unwell due to the constant unrelenting negative & discouraging remarks that it's scary. Just wish I could break free again. Once you break free, NEVER go back! They will NOT change. They are master manipulators. so be careful of being 'hoovered' back in by them.
Narcissists prey on the lonely. That's their primary target. Your loneliness is like a juicy red steak to them. And it's why you will stick around them even when they've shown you their monster face.
My ex literally said “I’m going to do whatever I want to do regardless of you” to my face. I didn’t realize in that moment that was the REAL HIM. He only cared about himself and that was the reality of the situation.
Yes, lately this what I'm hearing. Like right to my face "I want a woman I can completely control". I told him to go find "that woman". I'm still not out completely and it's making him angry that talk back...
Dr. Ramani is a gifted sage when it comes to nailing narcissists! As she infers, narcissists contrive and arrange it so that: "you do not know even who you are". This opens a Pandora's box of woe for the victim because then you have to rely on others for information regarding who you are and what is your self-worth. I wish there was a special way to punish narcissists, but then that would just feed the system and keep the cycle going. Oh, for the strength to just walk away, without resentments or ill wishes!
You will get the strength...I did..omg..it was tough scarey..crazy making...but I did it..13 yrs..with someone ..something???😈who looking back..clearly despised me..2 dead cats in 2 yrs...took my kat..to the tip when she died...i was begging him to take her little body to vets for cremation..no..i stood with£100 in my hand..i cdnt get there..then he slowly poisened our other one..yes i hate him..omg i do..but im free from him now..n sooooo grateful...n pity the nx poor woman he cons...called him an alien .on facebook..that actually got rid of him??? Abusive letters n texts by the dozens..replied to none..blocked on all angles..I shiver when i think of him..longest engagement . Ever..had cbt n emdr therapy.waiting fir grief n trauma therapy..all goes back to childhood..mama dear was one..but loved animals..just not me..f em all...inhuman intentities...😈🤡🤖👺💩👾alone isnt lonely..its heaven😁😎🥰🐕🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳especially with my beautiful dobie girly❤cant move without her nx to me..shes a clingon..n i love her..n get that love back tenfold xxxkeep strong everyone ..big hugs n lotsa luv xxxx
@@annlonsdale9396 Sorry that you had to go through that with your pets, but glad to read that you have one you don't have to worry about that happening to anymore. TC
Once we do the necessary work to heal, we come to the place where we can forgive. The true Empath will even feel sorry for the Narc. The lesson of Interdependence is the bridge to start the healing 💕
My ex would always insist that I quit my job and stay home to work on my novel - I took it as him being extremely generous and encouraging because I did want to publish a book. But he never showed much interest in my writing at all. He never cared how far my book was coming, what my process was, etc. I realized later that he just wanted me home because me being at work was a threat to him - he couldn't control who I was with, who I talked to, etc. when I was at the office. And that's a nightmare for a narc. Luckily I didn't quit my job and cultivated supportive friendships there.
Oh wow now I know why he said if we'd marry, I should be at home taking care of kids! Never have i figured out it was his way of keeping me from people because it was a threat to him as narc.
I was told to stay home there was no need for me to work but when I I found out he was telling his children& my son , family members. I was lazy didn't want to work. While he was encouraging me to say home and do ministry with women. When I started ministry he was not please it was going so well. He told me it should have been him. Could we do it together. I found out that he had been sabotaging me for years with some of the women I mentored. Saying he was so concerned about me for years after our daughter died of cancer. He really insisted that I stay @ home. He used our dead daughter to make people think I was mentally unstable behind my back. I caught him talking about how hard it was for him to pay the bills but still telling me I did not have to work. A woman I mentored told me that he stated to her I had not gotten over the death of our daughter. When I decided to go back to school & work. He had no more control over me. I became the horrible wife that did not give him the attention he needed. I did not cook, I stayed put late but I was working; He played the neglected husband threat was verbally abused by me. Only when I caught him in lies with other women he had charmed.& manipulatied. I was label the paranoid and angry black woman. He played the victim with neighbors, his co workers, my family, his family and the church. He claimed he was a pastor, cheating, lying, provoking fights to get an angry reaction out of me.Then he would call family & tell them I'm acting out! Toxic family that helped him lie on me. He was very two faced & sneaky, gaslight. Telling me that what I was seeing with my own eyes was not true & what I heard him say wasn't what I heard! So I recorded him & played it back to him. That's when I was supposed to be paranoid. I left him finally realizing he had been playing a game for years with me...Jekyll & Hyde. He groomed me @17 yrs old & he was 32 yrs old my 2 yr old son was groomed as well he turned him & others against me. He is 38 now & defending him _ calls me crazy for standing up for myself.
@@dorasivels8201 wow so sorry for wha you are still going through … something like that is happening to me we are a Christian family and he plays the victim husband that I don’t submit to him as the Bible says …. Anyway I just wanted to tell you don’t give up on your son don’t try to explain to him somehow someway God will open his eyes and he will see what your ex ?is all about … keep praying God will come through for you I am praying for you 🙏 stay strong
Yes. We were raised to provide supply. If I disagreed with anything they wouldn't even believe it! Or I would get threatened out of thinking anything that differs from their ideas.
As a child of a narcissist I was conditioned to be a people pleaser and caretaker. As an adult these traits set me up to be taken advantage of. On the flip side - In my interactions with other people I now see how I would analyze them and use them to my own means. To be stuck in the middle of this internal conflict led me to addiction issues. As a child of a narcissist life is very confusing and it’s nearly impossible to overcome. It has been a difficult struggle to get to some sort of normalcy. It’s hard to know how to be “normal” when you don’t know what it is. When being normal is uncomfortable because it is so far from what you’ve experienced.
Omg somebody put into words what I have been through but couldn’t explain… thank you. I can’t believe there are other people who understand this! 🙏 And not to mention, because it’s familiar to you, unknowingly and unintentionally you end up or “attract a partner or spouse that’s also a narcissist or has narcissistic traits and the cycle continues but keep going, help is on the way 💙
# A Friend We were not Created to be what "THE WORLD " calls NORMAL....IF YOU EXAMINE YOURSELF CLOSELY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WE WOULD LIKE TO BE TREAT, UNDERSTAND IN OUR MIND WE THINK EVERYONE THINKS LIKE THIS ....THEN THERE IS A RUDE AWAKENING 😕 ....WHEN WE STOP TRYING TO BE WORLDY NORMAL A LOT OF WEIGHT GETS LIFTED OFF US... STAY BEING KIND - FORGIVING ...and now Let the FOCUS be continuing to do what's RIGHT ☺ @ GINUWIN PEOPLE
When I reflect to the person I was before my experience with my ex narc and who I now am after years of no contact, I try to look at it as it was literally a training Boot Camp for the rest of my life. Granted it took a few years of therapy from CPTSD to get to where I'm at now, although my understanding of NPD and traits of other cluster-B disorders has now finally enriched my life at an older age from knowing what a true healthy relationship with another individual. I say Individual, because Us survivers are individuals and not Objects.
Lovely positive post..and omg..ditto..13 yrs of pure rollercoaster hell..n I thought ir was me?? He was the emotional twin of mommie dearest...I live with a doberman now...its heaven..bliss..oeaceful..erm mostly ha ha..cant believe looking back..how I survived it..him..whatever they are...one week of not reacting at all...whoosh..firing squad of abuse ..accusations..threats..stalking arson sacks...no contact..nrly 4 yrs..n he complete psychopath already served 13 yrs for murder..which he lied abt..i knew sweet f a about the creep i was engaged to...but didn't want to marry or live with him...something never felt right??.. .Life feels totally right now 🤩🌻🥀🐕🎵😊💝🌹🌺
I like that you call your experience with these narcissist parasites as training boot camp. I call mine as social experiments. I feel stronger and sharper each time 💪 They will never bring us down
I gotta agree with the part of "training Boot Camp" for the rest of one's life in order to survive in this rotten, evil and narcissistic world yet still part of me wishes everything I had with my female narc was just a bad dream and that she is my one and only sweetheart but reality doesn't work that way unfortunately! The encounter with them comes of as a reminder in what kind of a world we live in and that we must not take anything for granted! The world is full of them and we got to train hard and prepare to not fail again as an easy prey to their dirty hands!
I had it when having kids. Him saying he would like to see me stay at home full time enjoy the years of the kids at until they start school. Not missing out on the milestones. But then years later saying im lazy never want to work. Nor will I ever work. I worked 6 days a week for years before having kids. An so many other manipulation things done. Never realised for 15 years until now I moved out leaving him. An see it all clearly the more time I have been gone. I see a change in my two daughters too. Trying to heal domestic violence as well.
@@nthabisengmorudu4463 yes they dont want you to have any means to possibly leave.. I couldnt work due to my anxiety and when I got a big amount of money from my parents he always asked me if I could chip in with bigger bills (and I did because I felt guilty for not working).. he would then say I would get the money back later.. well everytime I asked him for the money he would have some stupid excuse or say "why do you need your own money when its 'our' money to begin with".. now I finally left him and have almost no money left (and no job, house or housestuff, luckily I can crash at my parents house).. I dont think Ill ever get it back.. but at least Im free now..
100% same story here. I had the higher paying job of the two of us, both educated and I lived on my own supporting myself for 10 years prior to meeting him.. We both decided it was a priority to have a SAHM in the family and went on to have 3 kids. Well now 20 years later (youngest is 15), and in every fight it's 'get a job' .. as if I haven't worked in the home all these years and as if it weren't both our choices to do it this way. At 57 now, I would find returning to work difficult if not impossible as I have no relevant skills anymore. It would be minimum wage work, and the long and short of it is that we DON"T need the money. It's just to make me feel bad I think.
My favorite overt manipulation: Narc: What do you think of this? Me: gives clear and distinct opinion Narc: gives completely opposite opinion then says "don't you think?" The implication is that your opinion doesn't really matter and you will stay on the narcs good side if you agree with them. If you agree to keep the peace you have allowed yourself to be devalued. You have been manioulated into your own emotional demise.
It's terrible to treat people that way. I remember one person told me: "pack my bags... I'm going on a guilt trip" That helped me overcome all the whining crap I put up with and stand up for myself.
“Manipulation is used to play on your inner conflict,” because that’s a huge point of vulnerability. Thank you SO much for facilitating this epiphany for me. 😩
Great video. Manipulation can be subtle and hard to recognize especially with the covert types. I recently had a narc try to manipulate me by revealing very personal information about her marital problems in the hopes that I would reciprocate and share personal details about my marriage. We were just getting to know each other and her oversharing was awkward and out of the blue and I felt in my gut that I was being manipulated. I didn’t take the bait and she became visibly frustrated and discarded me. I’m so thankful for videos like this that help me sniff out the narcs in my life and GET RID of them.
Covert narcs are good at this. They share intimate details about their lives in Hopes that you will do the same. It is a trap so they can later use it against you when seeking revenge
CLASSIC. They often overshare, and early on. First of all, it violates boundaries. Red flag! But it tricks you into feeling that there's a bond or trust between you two. And you'll feel comfortable to share equivalent details about your own personal life, which they'll save for a rainy day when they can use it against you.
Generally speaking most manipulators are good at figuring out what makes the other person tick, usually very charming and good at creating environments to mask their real intent which is simply getting what they want from other the person with little regard for that person's needs. Some of these people can be very deceptive and illusive to a degree where the person being had doesn't realize they've been taken advantaged of until the manipulator is long gone out of their life. Can think of it as them putting the carrot in front of the donkey in order to get the donkey to pull the wagon wherever they want him to and again with little regard for what is actually good for the donkey, when they get what they want it is bye bye donkey and on to next victim, pathetic, exploitative human behavior. Got to be careful out there that is for sure.
Absutely spot on. Once you spot it..omg..my whole family are like this...n then there was .me..the one who nearly drank herself to death...coz I though I was some kind of weak useless piece of shit...now im 17 yes sober..but only realised..what the root problem was 4 yrs sgo....its not me..its them n my x..no contact for nrly 4 years..yay yay yay..its the only way..to win the game..you didnt even know you were playing...feel less lonely .alone..than with the wrong people...few close friends and my doberman..lifes now amazing..n free🙏💝🐕✌🥳🦋😂😂🎶🤞🎼xxxxx
OMG! Yes you got this on point! I was told I was the kindest person, the nicest person he’d ever met. Then the favour requests started rolling in & the transactional relationship began.
Going through a break up with a narcissist, so much of my impulses were pushing me not to leave, mostly because she had made the narrative in a way that would have made me so guilty if I left. But your videos have been like the therapy I needed to make the wisest choice, thanks so much Dr.Ramani. You've saved me so much time and anguish
At 17:10 Where Dr. Ramani says "Cluster B Patterns" All these patterns show a lack of social and interpersonal skills. These are people not particularly good at empathy. Not particularly good at intimacy. Not particularly good at self-reflection. There is a selfishness to these Cluster B patterns in which they're single-mindedly focused on doing what works for them with little regard for other people." Spot on. I am dealing with my husband who is this to a T, It is maddening, very frustrating, and very stress driven.
The reason people stay in probably falls to the "sunk cost" fallacy ; people believe they've invested so much, they'll have completely failed theirselves and those who's opinion they value if they *don't* make it work
You just described me to a T. I kept telling myself "I've put in 16 years and so much effort to just give up". Thank you for replying. I needed to read that ❤
@@wendiewise8202 I know it can be frustrating. One major tip I can give you: I'm an avid fan of Gary Vaynerchuk. The man openly states that one of the biggest problems the Western world has is we put ourselves in debt to impress people we don't even like. Find what makes *you* happy; external gratification may serve you for a few minutes, but it will be fleeting, and no one will care 5 minutes later...then you're stuck with it.
It pisses me off when I feel manipulated. Suffice to say, they don’t get what they’re after. If they come to me openly and honestly they most likely will get what they ask.
Another great video! I’ve been accused of manipulation when I’m only trying to defend my point. It’s so interesting though because my nmother has manipulated & guilt tripped me so much that I have trust issues with other people. She manipulated me to end friendships that she didn’t approve of and I’m now trying to rekindle those relationships
Most people jump the gun now and say you’re manipulating them by offering a different point of view. 🙃 agree to disagree but you can also be heard without trying to change their mind
Yes!!!!!!!!!! I've done this over 40 years with this nut!!!! I am depleted for taking the blame for his emotions so he won't feel guilty. I'm tired of covering for him. I take the blame, just so he'll shut up and quit raging!!!
Blame shifting was the wildest one to experience imo. It’s so sneaky and even knowing it now I can still see myself being manipulated the same way if I’m not 100% on my game about watching out for it
How many times am I going to fall for this stuff! Childhood, parents, aunts, uncles, spouse,fake friends, now someone that I thought cared for me and this time worse than my mother! How many times am I going to put myself through all this before I learn… Feel so ashamed!
Words are used WITHOUT integrity and are dishonest. Words are used just to get a reaction out of me, to grade me with internal score card. I get scolded in front of kids often.
The X would scold me in front of mutual friends and strangers. I can't believe it took me as long as it did to speak up and stand up for myself and stick to my guns
@@casperinsight3524 hubby's mom went into long term care for many yrs, once driving by with our adult daughter they made fun of the premises because as it was an old nunnery in spite of her having received very good care and not being of that religion although my daughter and I are! They've lived to regret it, several times.
You are totally correct, Dr. Ramani. The manipulation and guilt kept me stuck in a relationship with someone I resent so deeply it makes me angry at myself for staying for so long.
There are no words to express how much weight you have helped me lift from my shoulders. It sometimes feels like the whole world is against you and I am overreacting and should just "man up" because they're my parents. But no relationship should be more important than my mental health. Thank you for helping me see that
Gaslighting is awful. When the narcissist denies a person their reality or their feelings, it is just so awful. It is so damaging to the victim/person being gaslighted. Thank you for this and all your video.
My Malignant Narcisist boss is so skillful as a linguist. She is so good at manipulate. She can even manipulate others Narcisist. This is extremely scary.
My ER doc told me, while in for anxiety attack from work, if i wanted to keep my job i would need to be medicated to deal with the bullying from my narc boss/management & hr. Powerful words
@@SolKiLittleSun unfortunately i had never experienced such narc bullying from management before and didn't realize i could never communicate enough to get it to stop. Apparently i did all the things that make a narc have worse behavior by my being sane and expecting them to be also. I'm on disability now trying to figure out how to put my life back together. Good luck to you too
Wow. This episode was amazing. I see that I DO need to work on Radical Acceptance. I have struggled with the Narcissist ( mom ) for decades...until she passed, and then my sister picked up where mom left off. I was hoping , finally, I could have a healthy relationship with my only sibling. But, its not going to happen. I think the sadness about that is what kept me trying .
My parents weren’t narcissistic but my only sibling certainly was! To experience & even more ,if possible, to watch the havoc & damage wrought horrified me even as a tiny child. My beautiful parents are long gone now & I have no contact with her. But the grief & regret of never being able to trust & be close to the only sibling runs very deep. I hear you, I see you❤️
I had my spiritual awakening and growth last year. Since then, I'm improving myself a lot in many ways. I have owned up my toxic traits, changed passive aggressiveness to assertive behaviour, setting boundaries, addressing my childhood trauma, taking steps to be kind with my words to myself and others, overcoming insecurities and also rekindled a broken friendship by owning up everything that I did. In all that I realised my family system is dysfunctional, my father is a narcissist and used finances to control me for long time. I've dealt with n number of abuses and believed I deserve such poor treatment always in other relationships as well. Now I see the cycle that's repeating with my partner. He is a covert and neglectful narcissist. Abuse is very subtle sometimes and other times too much to bear. Every month there is atleast one or two rageful episodes. Never appreciates me or shows gratitude for anything. Looks at me like a convenience. Always criticises me and says its for your good and there's a reason. Shames and mocks me. It's hurting me so much. My Social Anxiety Disorder is getting worse. Today he called me a bloody looser for getting rejected from interviews and depending on him for finances. All because I pointed out his Narcissistic traits and called him out a Narcissist. Twisting my words and realities. Gaslighting. No empathy. Using all the information that's out there on narcissism to describe me instead. I have no familial support as I went no contact with my father and no friends and I'm dependant on him currently for finances as we're on temporary visa that's going to expire soon.
living with my narcissistic grandmother has made me constantly scan my interactions with people to make sure im not displaying the narcissistic traits i grew up seeing so often. its a blessing and a curse because i know im being conscious of how im treating people but im also doing it as sort of a PTSD response. its tough. but thank you so much for this video. its like you're a fly on the wall in my house lol
"I did everything for YOU in this relationship, you did nothing! You're just like my mother- doing nothing except looking out for yourself" He cooked a meal once a day for the two of us and worked. I also worked full-time, cleaned our entire place (because he thought it was fine to leave a mess everywhere he went, after all he didn't clean) until I made him clean up his messes in the kitchen. Was that ever an issue. My ex-husband sure knows how to gaslight and manipulate me using exactly what you said- guilt. Thank you again for another clarifying video to help me process the shit-storm I left only a year ago.
OMG! I knew she was going to say the narcissist is collecting data!! Before I started learning about narcissism, I noticed a lot of these traits in someone I called a friend. When they first befriended me, we would stay up for hours talking. Of course, over time I confided in them about so many things because I thought we had become such close friends. They were my person. Now, years later, I realized what was happening. It's taken a long time to break free of that friendship because so much was invested and our lives were intertwined in another way as well. I say it doesn''t even have to be a spouse, fiancee, or someone your dating. This holds true in friendships too, unfortunately.
The way you talk is captivating. Sometimes manipulators are opportunists and seize moments when someone is sick and down with an illness who doesn't have the strength to resist. They know they are being manipulated but can't put up as much opposition as they'd like to. Or they are literally, physically restrained or lured into a locked room where they physically can't get out.
"You can start learning the SUPERPOWER of avoiding manipulation... with compassion and with grace". These informative sessions saved my- life listening to and following instructions from Dr. Ramani. Now, I need to rehab my life. I almost committed suicide due to my 'failure' at relationships and the ensuing emotional dis-regulation.
Thank you so much for explaining this confusing part of narcissistic relationship. I could never get it because this was my ‘normal’ in upbringing. You were so spot on with how I feel. You have made such sense and given me clarity. Thank you.
“Narcissists do not respect boundaries”. This is one of the areas where I went wrong in my relationship with my narc ex-bf. I thought if I stayed strong and consistent in setting boundaries with him, he would respect them. But that never happened, he just came up with more ways to undermine, dissolve and plow through the boundaries. Dr. Ramani’s analogy of the scuba diver whose air supply has been cut off makes a lot of sense here- if a person truly feels that way, they don’t care what boundaries they have to smash to get their supply back. But they are going to abuse, gaslight and manipulate you in the process and feel completely entitled to do it.
Excellent video! I told my narcs that I had issues with mental health and that their guilt-tripping was affecting me negatively, and to please respect that, but they just doubled down on their tactics. It sucked but I'm so glad they did because it made me realize their true colors! They actually saw my poor mental state as an opportunity to control me. Glad to have these videos (along with my own therapist) to help me. Huge thanks to Dr. Ramani! I still have a hard time with guilt but videos like this make me feel so much better about my choices.
I love listening to your descriptions and explanations. I was the codependant for years until I grew and learned. Now I am simply in a marriage with a narcissist trying to not be resentful for the children.
Thank you. I’m watching every video I can to learn and heal. My husband had an affair and evicted me and our son in July. My father was a narcissist and of course I married one as well. 12 years of unwinding lies and healing from abuse seems daunting. I really don’t know what to do with myself, I’m a wreck. But I’m so thankful for your help ❤️🙏
Dr Ramani is great! I will say personally that this manipulation I allowed due to my own issues. When you learn about NPD you will go down a path of healing that will turn you inside out. The journey inward is the journey home to the heart. Don't dwell long on the negative...learn from the burn then relearn how to live without this degenerative essence in your midst.
Been working SO hard to unlearn the manipulation patterns I learned in childhood. For so long I didn't realize there was another way of being in relationship.
My narcissistic dad was a compulsive liar, so from an early age I have been able to tell instantly when people are lying to me or trying to manipulate me. That's the only thing I would ever thank him for.
I was raised by two narcissists, mum grandiose communal and dad covert malignant. I didn't understand fully why my psychologists sat there with mouth wide open until today... 💜SO HEALING, Dr Ramani 🙏🙏🙏 INFINITE GRATITUDE 🙏🙏🙏 from Belgium
Dr Ramini, please address sibling narcissism and eldercare. We cannot walk away from family the we can from frenemies, jobs and spouses. The eldercare guilt trip, financial issues, etc. So much manipulation and taboos! Thanks.
this is the best insight I have ever heard about why do they manipulate. They don't know how to achieve what they want through communication, they don't respect the other person at all, they just want to manipulate the other person like a puppet.
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Thank you, Dr Ramani, excellent tape. I’m growing into my healthy ‘no’s’ against the narcissist’s manipulative ploys.I’m also recognizing the traits in me that set me up to be manipulated . Examples, People pleasing, obligation,shame etc
From @21:36 to 21:42 makes me feel like I have won the lottery. The doctor's proclamation is 100% spot on and critical to understanding and accepting why it was essential to cut the narcissist out of my life forever. I don't want or deserve to receive/endure this type abhorrent and malignant behavior. I get it.
When me and my ex had arguments he always said that I would never admit when I was wrong, and that I thought the world revolved around me, when he was the one doing things to cause the arguments, I know now he was projecting
Dr Ramani are you a fly on my wall?! This is exactly my life! My husband is very manipulative! He uses everything I tell him against me. I learned not to tell him anything including my feelings anymore. I finally learned after 18 years!
My narcissist ex husband always accuses me of being manipulative. Gas lighting. I think. I’m still learning about these behaviors. I am so so grateful for you blessing us with these mind blowing teachings for me and all the other victims. ( Don’t worry, I’m not in victim mentality, but you can’t deny the truth of your place in the situation.) Much love to this amazing and wise and kind community 🙏🏼
This explains why I thought I wanted to do a certain career in childhood, my pop had flattered me my whole childhood over my abilities in math and convinced me I wanted to go into a high flying career involving that. I still get high anxiety around that career and feel guilt, shame, confusion and need to prove myself that I didn't follow that career. I thought for years I wanted that career. But now I see it that i was so brainwashed I couldn't see what I wanted, which was work with animals which my pop hated.
I have finally BROKEN this cycle of abuse! I don't let ANYONE get away with anything anymore. If I feel uncomfortable at all with anyone new, and I let them know and they don't act like a healthy, balanced, GROWN UP? NEXT! This ESP regards LOVE BOMBING, I now hate it when people get too gushy too soon. This goes for ANY new men, women, whether they be friends, and or potential candidates for mi corazon. (my heart)
Yes!! You finally get so fed up with this kind of bullshit behavior you refuse to tolerate it another day! I literally told 85% of the people in my life (including most of my family ) I was DONE and cut em off cold. It wasn't easy but it's the BEST thing I ever did! My only regret is not doing it sooner
These videos are gold. I thought I knew enough on this subject, but watching these videos and maintaining therapy has shown me that I still had blind spots.
I can't wrap my brain around the backwards sex life....if you want to call it that. If we felt distant I wouldn't want it ....and feeling distant was often of course. Romancing ended pretty much on the wedding day. Foreplay was effort , so fairly rare, and half-hearted so it meant little. Got to the point that sex is so rare, I lap up any attention like a puppy. Who needs foreplay when you have a wife who you've got trained to be desperate? Except mornings. He knows better than to try that.
Sadomasochism comes into play but Dr Ramani does not focus on abnormal psychology traits. Its very dark. Narcissism is also dark and that is her focus.
@@robb4cubs I’ve been going through this for four years and it really fucks with me. Then I have the doubts. Why is sex being withheld? Cheating, disinterested? 😓 Paranoia sets in, I ask questions, we argue and just keep my mouth shut until it feels like I could pop again. Can’t say for sure if he’s a narc but that could just be my programming speaking.
What an excellent explanation of manipulation. It brought so much clarity in what the narcissist did throughout the relationship. I ended up watching this video a few times over to make sure I didn’t miss any detail. I learned so much. Thank you Dr Ramani! 🙏👍🏻
For me, one who has experienced so many narcissists and the requisite abuse, your regular reminders 'these are damaged human beings' 'irreparable as in you can't fix them' are very calming. As one who once practiced religion and believed in it's teachings these truths, pulled from science, bring reality into true focus. I say this because religion teaches magical thinking as real, though there is much of 'what is real' that is still in question. It is real and true that these monsters (some are that) are in fact human's and not evil or soulless or some other imaginary construct. This gives the effort to heal and grow new meaning. Thank you for that.
When your eyes are wide open to the Narc when you've finally detached yourself at the indifference stage, the manipulating is both sickening literally nauseating at how you got played and entertaining realizing laughing hysterically inside. Mind-blowing
oh my god positive manipulation is the worst, it's so hard to spot, you just feel so well and all of a sudden your life is taken away from you and you simply don't understand anything, you stop understanding love or trusting that people like you, my god it's so cruel.
Love this video!! Could you talk more in detail about what you said in the last 3 minutes? Getting out of being manipulated. When you've been in this pattern for so long it's good to hear examples of situations and details of what you might do of not falling into the pattern again of opting for resentment instead of guilt and instead setting healthy boundaries. I think a lot of us have the tape in our brain that says we're sacrificing, being unselfish and giving, looking to others' interests, when we're really just being manipulated, so it's hard to get out of that when it feels like the kind thing to do. Seeing our guilt and need to please can often get clouded when you think you're just being unselfish. That's how I often get stuck. I'd love to hear you talk about how to see the difference. I'd love to hear more details about avoiding manipulation with compassion and grace. I'm learning some of it, but feel like I need to hear it unpacked with real life examples a little more for it to be clear.
I agree! Would love to hear more. Here are some things that help me- looking at the situation as if I'm looking at two different people. If my friend was in my situation, I would want them to care for themselves and be around people that respect them. Accommodating a narcissist doesn't help anyone, at the end of the day. Also, I try to tell myself that I don't need other people to like me or approve of my behavior, as long as I know I'm doing what is right and have good intentions. I don't have to prove it. :)
Same here; I, too would like to hear more specifically how to extricate ourselves from the pattern, especially since Society tells females in particular we are to be supportive, understanding, forgiving, & to give multiple chances to others. Many Religions, i
Many Religious Groups, in particular, teach/preach, that one must always turn the other cheek & I believe this is a great disservice when one is in a relationship with a narcissistic individual.
It takes two to tango. I used to blame the manipulator, but I didn’t get manipulator-immune until I really got to know myself and own up my decisions without trying to people-please all the time.
Thank you so much for the attention to detail and clarity in your explanation. As someone on the autistic spectrum, it is at times difficult to put emotions and thoughts into words, and these longer videos that focus on specific terminology are really helpful. The examples that you bring up hits very close to home, and if it wasn't for hearing it in the context of understanding narcissism, I would fall for it every time, as I have previously. I am not sure what I would do without your work, it has been a real life-saver.
Me being autistic is my weakness for my husband to shut me up in a conversation or to " prove" that Im the one who is wrong. Such as you know you are lacking....you know you have trouble reading people.....who is the one in this family struggling with responsibilities.........list goes on
Self work, self work, self work - learn healthy boundaries and do the changes that heal your inner child wounds and weaknesses - this heals your NO to free up your honest YES
Every word of yours is gold! With tears running down my cheeks, I've transcribed the entire vid into my journal as a reminder to myself to read over and over again. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!
In spite of educating myself & seeing very clear, even textbook , signs of narc abuse, I still struggle with my decision to leave. I push on with the preparation to move out by sheer determination when the guilt overcomes me. I have chosen to stay this long in spite of the resentment in order to preserve my story as a good person. A good (Christian) girl has no reason to leave short of physical abuse. That is the lie that has held me this long. I am grateful for the wealth of information & support from Dr. R & others that keeps me on course to end self-abandonment.
OMG have you met him? Almost word for word!!! “ you are the nicest person I’ve ever met!” And “ You are so clever & so skilled” Then ..... “can you do me a favour......”
I know exactly what you mean! My narc painted his ex as a psychopath who was depressed, lazy, combative, and didn't want sex... and he'd compliment me for not being that way. So I tried my hardest to not be like her. Fast forward 5 years and guess what? I've become exactly like he described his ex - depressed, not working toward anything, passionless, not interested in sex... Turns out he manipulated both of us into that state of being. I feel bad for his ex now.
THANK YOU...i needed this SO MUCH. I have a friend who has learned this from a manipulative parent...how her mom treats her is how she treats me. i started noticing this when her mom would accompany places
I just want to say thank you so much for posting up these videos for everyone to learn more about these people and spread awareness. - I’ve recently come out of a narcissistic friendship that had me all lost and confused at the end, but material like this has really helped ease my mind to see all that was going on and to be more weary of people like this in the future. - Thank you very much!
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I have been wondering what is wrong with me since, as long as i can remember. My family is horribly dysfunctional. Breaking free from the dysfunction is a dirty, sloppy business. There is no easy way out. I believe it will get easier the longer I work at it, but at first, it is like escaping a torture chamber that you once thought of as home. Even with 'help', it is a lonely journey. Narcissists exist and thrive because it is effective in today's society. One must be extremely careful about where they seek help. So often help will suggest you go straight back to your abusers.
I don’t usually comment on videos, but after reading Mareska Manipulation on Vexoner, I had to share this. The strategies in that book are next-level, trust me!
I noticed when I am being manipulated my anxiety gets so high I feel like vomiting. You body let's you know something is not right!
Tesla referenced human energy 🌪👻jesus christ referenced living waters 🤍💎science described water memory 🌊👨🎓existence reflecting psychologically,psalms16:24 k,j 👻🤍💎👨🎓🗽🌪
Yes! I feel the same.
@@carriesparks9839 I get those feelings when I am discriminated. Understandding what's happening is one thing, but a healthy response to the injust (in this case manipulation or discrimination) is another thing. We need to learn assertivity and undelayed response.
Same for me
@@carriesparks9839 wow I didnt realize that those are warning bells. I just knew it as feeling yucky and uncomfortable but didnt know why. I just didnt know what they were warning me of or about. I just didnt know how to read them or what to do about them.
In the beginning, a narcissist will overwhelm you with attention, sex, affection, endless texts and calls. They will like everything you like, send you flowers, dedicate songs to you and rejoice in having found their soulmate. Because to a narcissist YOU are perfect. And they will mean it. Narcissists fall in love and believe it is what they have searched for but have never had before they found YOU. Unfortunately, it isn't love, it's a combination of infatuation and lust. And as everyone with an ounce of common sense knows, lust and infatuation don't last. A few months into the relationship, a narcissist will start to notice that you have flaws, that you don't deserve to be on that pedestal they put you on. When this happens, the narcissist will begin to get annoyed by little things you do. Really LITTLE THINGS. Like the way you use a straw to drink, or chewing too loudly, or putting a fork on the table lopsided, putting the trash bag in the can wrong, putting toilet paper on backwards. Folding laundry so badly they must redo it, and using too much salt. Any of these sins will be magnified into being worthy of causing them to give you the silent treatment or starting an argument that goes on for hours. After which, the whole thing will be blamed on you because “YOU" like to push their buttons.
Over time, your “sins" get more egregious. You are accused of being a liar, of using them, of cheating, of being selfish and worst of all: NOT LOVING THEM. Almost every time, the things you are being accused of are the things the narcissist is actually guilty of doing. When they attack you, you are confused and immediately try to defend yourself and reassure them that it isn't true. This is NARCISSISM 101: Always put your opponent on the defensive. If you are busy defending yourself, you can't look too closely at what the narcissist is doing. And that's what they want. These arguments turn into shockng rages. You will be subjected to being cursed, screamed at, threatened with them leaving you and even physical vioence.You start feeling like you have to walk on eggshells rather then provoke another of these rages. Eventually, a narcissist will revise history. Everything they once liked about you will evolve into the things they now despise. It won't matter if you worship them, take care of them and support them in every way possible.
A narcissist will attach selfish and often nefarious reasons for anything you do for them and they will hate you for it. By this time, you have been devalued completely and you are regularly subjected to sarcasm, insults and belittling. If you compliment their intelligence, you're being sarcastic. If you praise their sexual prowess, you're usig them for sex. If you help them financially, you do it so you can exert your power over them. By this time, they have probably cheated on you many times but even though your gut is screaming the truth at you, a narcissist is so good at manipulating and lying to you that you can't prove anything and you live with anxiety that eats away at you until you become a shadow of yourself. They will then use your suspicions to justify more cheating because why shouldn't they cheat if you're accusing them of it? There will be more arguments started over ridiculous things. The narcissists uses these as a reason to storm out of the house and indulge in even more sex. They will start looking for a replacement for you and when a suitable one is found, you will be discarded in an abrupt and cruel fashion.
The narcissist will assure you that everything is all your fault and they are leaving you because you are jealous, untrustworthy, disloyal, selfish, unfaithful, greedy and incapable of love. All things they are actually guilty of themselves. But, because you are so confused, you will accept this judgment and spend months wondering what you can do to get the narcissist to come back to you. That is the narcissist's ultimate win. They make you believe that you were the devil, not them. Additionally, If you need to find out about a Cheating Narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
And, of course, if you try to discuss this, you ‘ll be immediately gaslighted into thinking that in fact YOU are the manipulator. So another guilt trip.
Død Seiðr yes my son does that!
It could sound like this if you call them it: "I hate when you say that I am manipulating you! You always say that before you decide to leave me!"
But, yes, that is exactly gaslighting and blame shifting.
Yelp, it's how they silence victims from criticizing narcs behavior
Or the narc will say.. "you complain too much". After a while, you begin to feel that way
@@dontbelongherefromanother - yeah, well, anything perceived as being critical of the Narc is 'complaining'.
And btw, there is a LOT to complain about, especially because actual discussion is off the table.
they don't really ask for the ride. they talk around it until you offer. That way they "never asked for anything"
So if they need to later they can say you forced them.
master manipulators
my younger brother is doing this to me now. never taking responsibility for his actions.
@Accounts Payable Yes yes yes!
Yes, It's so weird, and can be embarrassing when it's your person doing this to your boss or someone you respect and everyone is looking SO confused.
You can never save a narcissist. But they can always drag you into their darkness.
A true word for the wise
Sadly this is true, I’ve tried many time to “fix”. a narcissist that I really care about,IT CANT BE. DONE all it does is suck the life out of you. They drain your energy and you have to run to save your own life!!!!!
@@lynnrinaldo6795 No one can fix them. Love you self and forget them. They deserve people like themselves. Only God can fix them.
🔨🔨🔨💯
I spent 6.5 years living in a cycle of chaos. I am glad that I had the courage to step away.
This explains why at the beginning of the relationship, they ask a lot of questions about us and they seem so attentive and caring. We misinterpret this as love/affection, when in actual fact they are collecting data for future use. Even during the devaluing stage, they dangle the carrot of hope using flattery to earn favours they don’t deserve and we cave in because we are craving for their withheld approval and affection and they know it. They are fully aware of all our weaknesses and strengths and they manipulate those accordingly for their personal benefit.
Yes! All of this!
My narc aunt would pretend like she cares and ask me questions but I know she only does that so she can use it against me and my family when she needs to create drama. The toxicity is unbelievable.
Amen!💯💯💯
Bewildering!
100
Narcissists dont have children.
They have long time hostages.
NEVER A TRUER WORD! That's been my take on exnarc but I have only shared it with one other person, fearing the usual ridicule and scoffing... X
Oh Lord.....never agreed more with a comment!!!!
This sounds so bad but it’s so true. I was never her daughter, I was just an extension of her which she had regretted making. And when she gets distracted she would simply just discard me....like a garbage.
Amen to that!! Strong and 100% true statement
I got free from my captures
Best strategy I found is playing dumb. Not reading between the lines for them. Forcing them to be explicit about what they are asking of you makes them back away in confusion .
Brilliant 👍 I wish I knew all of this back then.
The covert narcissist does this so you would be using their own medicine against them.
I do this all the time. Now i get the reaction response of them looking strangely like i should know something its funny to watch them get frustrated and give up. Knowing to yourself that you know what they are doing.
What if it's your boss? How you deal with a narc boss vs a narc partner? Bc there is a power dynamic. I was getting a lot of guilt tripping behavior from my last boss. 🤦
@@nicolef2496 i still played dumb most of the time it works they think your dumb anyway. The harder you try to prove them wrong...the more they up the anty and playing one up. You enter their arena.. The best thing is to look for another job...
Thank god for the word NO. Say No and you'll learn who the manipulators are quickly
No is not an answer rather just a disrespectful dig at the fragile ego that is so protected by attacking other people
@@pastelpink1234 It's funny what that word can do to those people. It's almost like Van Helsing sticking the crucifix up at a vampire
@@mattsharkey8437 I can relate to that! The narcissist becoming panicky on hearing this one word. Not knowing the how, how I dare..... "What did I do to deserve you treating me like this?" Actually, theit reaction becomes fascinating, when you have learnt not to feel guilty.
@@agnes15101968 Yep. No and the Cross terrifies them all. That's another reason people make the sign of the cross when a person they're avoiding walks towards them.
I have also noticed this. For me the result of saying NO proved what I thought all along.
when you catch them in a lie or doing something they shouldn't be doing you can see the gaslighting and the manipulation start
@Go Guerilla Foto that's so true
Tesla referenced human energy 🌪👻jesus christ referenced living waters 🤍💎science described water memory 🌊👨🎓existence reflecting psychologically psalms16:24 k,j 👻🤍💎👨🎓🗽🌪
Like a switch flicks and the same show plays in the same sequence until the finale of rage where you stop before they hit the revenge curtain call
@@camogrrl what are meaning not sure with honor truth seems I'm in manipulative perspective 👨🎓💖🗽that doesn't respects either who 🌪🤕🤨please be honest if mean something by it other wise not true 🤕🌬💎🤍
Honest if that is ur perspective please be wise careful been threw mud not right things too becarful don't be used played outsmarted or manipulated 🤕🌬🌪🌬💎🤍🗽
When they never take blame or apologize it manipulates ourselves to downplay what they did, or even worse causes us to blame ourselves for their mistakes.
They minimize their part to trivialize and deflect any admission of guilt. Deny deny deny to invalidate
100%
Absolutely 😔
My father, an extreme narcissist, once told me that if if one of his employees behaved the way I did, he would have fired me a long time ago. I laughed and told him “ exactly, you treat your family as employees, but we dont work for you”. The response was not well received, but I laugh since his true feelings bubbled to the surface.
OMG, so true. I have had that happen to me. It turned really ugly in the end because I kept stuffing my feelings down and stuffing them down, until I ended up exploding in rage myself. If you are ever in that situation yourself, do yourself a big favor. Call it out. Talk about it. Because nothing good can come of trying to tell yourself, "It's OK. I can take it." No. You can't. It is no bueno.
Manipulated once,
Manipulated NEVER AGAIN
when you know better, you DO better!
Stay Strong!
Not always I fear. As Dr Ramani said one may need to experience it many times…. Remember co dependancy, trauma bonding etc. Never so simple for some.
@@kippykippyphoebe9203 exactly
I’m hopeful that now that my eyes are finally open and I know I have narcissistic mother; I’ll be extra aware in all relationships going forward.
I figured this out after my most recent failed relationship when I decided to go for therapy to do deep dives into why I’m plagued with this and also feeling high anxiety and massive self
Doubt. Therapy was the best decision I ever made for myself. I soon after found Dr. Ramani and it’s like a light switch went off in my life
A narc is always manipulating. From beginning to end in a relationship. It’s how they groom you for supply. They just don’t know anything else. Boundaries are indeed the only way to not be manipulated.
Narcs violate the boundaries of others, but don't want it happening to them. I want to share a personal experience that I had with a narc neighbor in the past, who moved in my community. Initially, he appeared to be a nice guy from his introduction, but that would almost change a few days later. He knocked on my door around 9 or 10 PM asking toilet paper. I didn't think nothing of it and willingly gave it to him. He kindly accepted it and offered to repay back the item, but I declined. Two weeks later, he knocked on my door during late hours, asking for a can opener because he couldn't find his because it was packed in one of his moving boxes. So, again, I gave him a can opener because I had extra and didn't want it back. He, again, thanked me and insisted on returning it. At this point, I still did not think he was being problematic. The third time he knocked on my door during late hours asking for duct tape, this is when I became suspicious, but willingly gave in. The fourth time was the final straw for me when he asked to borrow a brush for grilling. I politely told him no and apologized for not having it. It was at this time that I knew something wasn't right about him, and I would no longer allow him to exploit me. I guess he realized that I caught on to what he was doing, and he moved on to other neighbors to exploit them. They caught on too and reported the incidents to the landlord. The point is, narcs have no sense of boundaries and will not stop until you establish boundaries. They take your kindness as a weakness. Sorry for the long response, but it helps me to vent my frustration.
@@dontbelongherefromanother im so sorry that happenex to you. I have had that problem too!! We are sometimes not completely aware of our own boundaries and need to really tune into ourselves when we feel others have violated our boundaries. Narcs dont understand this and will NOT respect your boundaries even when you have identified them for yourself and then clearly and kindly stated them. But you cant assume that a Narc is just gonna use "common sense" as their fence line. They make all kinds of Assumptions to Their advantage and then Blame someone else for it. Trying to enforce this with a Narc yourself can just get you into Legal trouble as they have No Standards and are not Quality people.
Boundaries ARE A SOLUTION
@@dontbelongherefromanother I AGREE , THE LIARS THEIFS CON-ARTISTS SOCIOPATH DRUG TRAFFICKING PIMPS ALLOWED TO PLAY ON OTHERS KINDNESS, AND ARE ABUSIVE AND I SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES
@@leticiaoberley8886 AGREED 😇💯😇💯 CRIMINALLY FUCHIN TOXIC 🤬😡😠😠🥵🤕🥴😷🤧🤮🤮🤢😱 ABUSERS MANIPULATE!(**THEY ARE INSECURE LIARS THEIFS CON-ARTISTS SOCIOPATH AND PSYCHOPATH AND BLAMERS AND CAN NEVER BE TRUSTED!!!!
RUN!
RUN !💪💪💪💪🎧🆘⚖️⚖️😭🆘⚖️⚖️🆘🆘⚖️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
RUN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏AWAY WHEN SOMEONE ABUSES🎤🎧😭🆘🎧🎤🎤🎼😭🆘🎧🎤🎼🙏 YOU ,🙃🙂🤢😤😡🤬😈🤬😡😠😤🥶🥵🤒🥴😷😷🤮🤢🤢🤕🥴😷 OR YOUR,CHILD, YOUR DOG ,OR YOUR FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER'S
If it feels like they don’t respect you, they don’t. If you’re wondering if they are taking advantage of you, they are. Recognize your confusion and uncertainty... that’s how they keep you hooked.
It just sucks that you can't talk to them :( there's no way to compromise or talk in a safe environment because they're always attacking you.
I have something to tell my Narc husband. It’s about his first love MONEY. However his rage is so bad and un predictable that it terrifies me. If I tell him I feel he will seriously hurt me or pay someone to.
There were times when my narc mom could have been nailed down for extreme, illegal, actions and calling her out would have worked some. BUT, oh the enablers. They are the problem just like her.
Wow...
Very true...my ex narc when he wanted cause a drama he will begin a discussion while I was seating or doing something, once he start talking and complain of something out of nowhere, won't let me talk, and if I try to talk and try to understand to explain guess what he did next?, scream at me with rage telling me don't talk and taking my arm, open the door and threw me out😞. I don't know why he did that making me feel devastated😪.
@@alicerosa6766 - Remember, it's not you, it's him. You don't need to ask why he did it. Use his behaviour as a barometer for what to avoid from others.
For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Moreover, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: *Metaspyhub@gmail. com*
Proving their loyalty, by choosing your bond, stuck out for me.
I just unmasked one EXACTLY like this! You are spot on.
So dead on, but you need to add the part about the flying monkeys they bring in when you call them out on their behavior, play victim, and the whole manipulation game begins. You know, how horrible you are to call them out, get angry at being hurt by them and their horrible behavior, she’s. Such a horrible wife for doing this to me, I’m the victim of her anger, guys feel sorry for ME! It’s all about ME!, and the sick thing is the Monkeys take the bait! Then you have to call out the monkeys!, I’ve learned male monkeys don’t like females standing up for themselves, and I always will. It’s sick to say the least!
omg yes! the Narc I know spit vitriol every min of every day then posts social media posts wearing ribbons for disabilities being like "We love you Melissa #cureforMS" knowing she is nothing like that in person at all. She's the loudest, nastiest person in real life but on social media comes across as virtuous.. It's really gross to witness.
Omfg this is my Exact experience and I wanna throw up right now. Taking me years to See through the quad Scorpio sweet guy bullshit
It is a kind of evil I cannot begin to understand
My jaw has been on the floor for four days now while watching Doctor Ramani's videos. I am just now realizing I've been emotionally abused for 10+ by a narcissist. An "acquaintance." Someone I considered a close friend. Nearly everything Doctor Ramani explains about a narcissist and their behavior has been done to me. And he is breadcrumbing right now since I have been absent for the last four days. I have not told him I know that he is a narcissist. I'm numb. I'm educating myself. Working up the strength to cut him out of my life. I'm definitely recognizing I've been trauma bonded to him for years.
You can do it! Stay strong, keep watching Dr. Ramani's videos!
It's messed up , when u learn
I used to chase my hubby for love wink wink , he 20yrs later gives when he chooses imagine being in bed and horny no one there ! Yet he hates cheating ???? Big question . I bet he cheated and didn't tell. He blames me won't go . No I gotta go ? He can't make it work I must go ? Hello
Watch the one video by Dr.R about how to never call them out bc they'll freak out & do whatever it takes to keep you locked in. Also be careful of all their minions… they will all come at you to draw you back into the net. I escaped once but was lured back in a couple years later by my emotions. They had talked me into giving up my goals and doing what they had in mind. I had recently lost my fiance due to an illness and I was weak, so I agreed. Been trapped now for 9 years and have become so unwell due to the constant unrelenting negative & discouraging remarks that it's scary. Just wish I could break free again. Once you break free, NEVER go back! They will NOT change. They are master manipulators. so be careful of being 'hoovered' back in by them.
Narcissists prey on the lonely. That's their primary target. Your loneliness is like a juicy red steak to them. And it's why you will stick around them even when they've shown you their monster face.
Yep, they isolated and triangulate you too
😢well said….He love bombed me at my most vulnerable time. After my 18 yr marriage ended he found me
My mother said to me once, “it’s too bad that you don’t know how to manipulate me.” I’m glad I never learned that. And I’m glad I got away.
so so sad , my mother was worse than yours and my husband over 32 years worse than my mother 🙄🙄🙄🤮🤮🤮💩💩💩
Flabbergastering to say the very least!
Jules FitMinute so are we ❤️
My mother said I had an anger problem when I came to her about my Fathers Narc Abuse. I am no contact with both.
@@nicoler3219 you don't know if your mom was worse than hers 🙄
My ex literally said “I’m going to do whatever I want to do regardless of you” to my face. I didn’t realize in that moment that was the REAL HIM. He only cared about himself and that was the reality of the situation.
Jamie Conway,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
Yes, lately this what I'm hearing. Like right to my face "I want a woman I can completely control". I told him to go find "that woman". I'm still not out completely and it's making him angry that talk back...
@@ellanowakowska9107 fucking run
It's what they say behind closed doors that makes it so horrible. They're very careful not to say things around others, it's really very scary.
Mine too used to say he won't change for anyone in the world including me and if I ask him to do anything he will do exactly opposite.
Dr. Ramani is a gifted sage when it comes to nailing narcissists! As she infers, narcissists contrive and arrange it so that: "you do not know even who you are". This opens a Pandora's box of woe for the victim because then you have to rely on others for information regarding who you are and what is your self-worth. I wish there was a special way to punish narcissists, but then that would just feed the system and keep the cycle going. Oh, for the strength to just walk away, without resentments or ill wishes!
That's called......
Run, don't walk! 🏃
You will get the strength...I did..omg..it was tough scarey..crazy making...but I did it..13 yrs..with someone ..something???😈who looking back..clearly despised me..2 dead cats in 2 yrs...took my kat..to the tip when she died...i was begging him to take her little body to vets for cremation..no..i stood with£100 in my hand..i cdnt get there..then he slowly poisened our other one..yes i hate him..omg i do..but im free from him now..n sooooo grateful...n pity the nx poor woman he cons...called him an alien
.on facebook..that actually got rid of him??? Abusive letters n texts by the dozens..replied to none..blocked on all angles..I shiver when i think of him..longest engagement . Ever..had cbt n emdr therapy.waiting fir grief n trauma therapy..all goes back to childhood..mama dear was one..but loved animals..just not me..f em all...inhuman intentities...😈🤡🤖👺💩👾alone isnt lonely..its heaven😁😎🥰🐕🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳especially with my beautiful dobie girly❤cant move without her nx to me..shes a clingon..n i love her..n get that love back tenfold xxxkeep strong everyone ..big hugs n lotsa luv xxxx
@@annlonsdale9396 Sorry that you had to go through that with your pets, but glad to read that you have one you don't have to worry about that happening to anymore. TC
@@laevan2053 ..aw..thankyou..n yes..I can breathe properly these days...animals have no hidden agenda..apart from food love n kindness xx
Once we do the necessary work to heal, we come to the place where we can forgive. The true Empath will even feel sorry for the Narc. The lesson of Interdependence is the bridge to start the healing 💕
My ex would always insist that I quit my job and stay home to work on my novel - I took it as him being extremely generous and encouraging because I did want to publish a book. But he never showed much interest in my writing at all. He never cared how far my book was coming, what my process was, etc. I realized later that he just wanted me home because me being at work was a threat to him - he couldn't control who I was with, who I talked to, etc. when I was at the office. And that's a nightmare for a narc. Luckily I didn't quit my job and cultivated supportive friendships there.
Oh wow now I know why he said if we'd marry, I should be at home taking care of kids! Never have i figured out it was his way of keeping me from people because it was a threat to him as narc.
I was told to stay home there was no need for me to work but when I I found out he was telling his children& my son , family members. I was lazy didn't want to work. While he was encouraging me to say home and do ministry with women. When I started ministry he was not please it was going so well. He told me it should have been him. Could we do it together. I found out that he had been sabotaging me for years with some of the women I mentored. Saying he was so concerned about me for years after our daughter died of cancer. He really insisted that I stay @ home. He used our dead daughter to make people think I was mentally unstable behind my back. I caught him talking about how hard it was for him to pay the bills but still telling me I did not have to work. A woman I mentored told me that he stated to her I had not gotten over the death of our daughter. When I decided to go back to school & work. He had no more control over me. I became the horrible wife that did not give him the attention he needed. I did not cook, I stayed put late but I was working; He played the neglected husband threat was verbally abused by me. Only when I caught him in lies with other women he had charmed.& manipulatied. I was label the paranoid and angry black woman. He played the victim with neighbors, his co workers, my family, his family and the church. He claimed he was a pastor, cheating, lying, provoking fights to get an angry reaction out of me.Then he would call family & tell them I'm acting out! Toxic family that helped him lie on me. He was very two faced & sneaky, gaslight. Telling me that what I was seeing with my own eyes was not true & what I heard him say wasn't what I heard! So I recorded him & played it back to him. That's when I was supposed to be paranoid. I left him finally realizing he had been playing a game for years with me...Jekyll & Hyde. He groomed me @17 yrs old & he was 32 yrs old my 2 yr old son was groomed as well he turned him & others against me. He is 38 now & defending him _ calls me crazy for standing up for myself.
My ex try that
Exactly, I had something like that experience, it was all about them. It is incredibly confusing.
@@dorasivels8201 wow so sorry for wha you are still going through … something like that is happening to me we are a Christian family and he plays the victim husband that I don’t submit to him as the Bible says …. Anyway I just wanted to tell you don’t give up on your son don’t try to explain to him somehow someway God will open his eyes and he will see what your ex ?is all about … keep praying God will come through for you I am praying for you 🙏 stay strong
Yes. We were raised to provide supply. If I disagreed with anything they wouldn't even believe it! Or I would get threatened out of thinking anything that differs from their ideas.
Weird from all sides!
@@joseenoel8093 🤯 it is.
I remember you on another post. You were funny as hell....lol
@@Erik7prc lol
As a child of a narcissist I was conditioned to be a people pleaser and caretaker. As an adult these traits set me up to be taken advantage of. On the flip side - In my interactions with other people I now see how I would analyze them and use them to my own means. To be stuck in the middle of this internal conflict led me to addiction issues. As a child of a narcissist life is very confusing and it’s nearly impossible to overcome. It has been a difficult struggle to get to some sort of normalcy. It’s hard to know how to be “normal” when you don’t know what it is. When being normal is uncomfortable because it is so far from what you’ve experienced.
This is 100% relatable. All of it!!
same.
Omg somebody put into words what I have been through but couldn’t explain… thank you. I can’t believe there are other people who understand this! 🙏 And not to mention, because it’s familiar to you, unknowingly and unintentionally you end up or “attract a partner or spouse that’s also a narcissist or has narcissistic traits and the cycle continues but keep going, help is on the way 💙
# A Friend
We were not Created to be what "THE WORLD " calls NORMAL....IF YOU EXAMINE YOURSELF CLOSELY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WE WOULD LIKE TO BE TREAT, UNDERSTAND IN OUR MIND WE THINK EVERYONE THINKS LIKE THIS ....THEN THERE IS A RUDE AWAKENING 😕 ....WHEN WE STOP TRYING TO BE WORLDY NORMAL A LOT OF WEIGHT GETS LIFTED OFF US... STAY BEING KIND - FORGIVING ...and now Let the FOCUS be continuing to do what's RIGHT ☺ @ GINUWIN PEOPLE
Same. Yes. There's an empty dark evil side of me I have to battle.
When I reflect to the person I was before my experience with my ex narc and who I now am after years of no contact, I try to look at it as it was literally a training Boot Camp for the rest of my life. Granted it took a few years of therapy from CPTSD to get to where I'm at now, although my understanding of NPD and traits of other cluster-B disorders has now finally enriched my life at an older age from knowing what a true healthy relationship with another individual. I say Individual, because Us survivers are individuals and not Objects.
Lovely positive post..and omg..ditto..13 yrs of pure rollercoaster hell..n I thought ir was me?? He was the emotional twin of mommie dearest...I live with a doberman now...its heaven..bliss..oeaceful..erm mostly ha ha..cant believe looking back..how I survived it..him..whatever they are...one week of not reacting at all...whoosh..firing squad of abuse ..accusations..threats..stalking arson sacks...no contact..nrly 4 yrs..n he complete psychopath already served 13 yrs for murder..which he lied abt..i knew sweet f a about the creep i was engaged to...but didn't want to marry or live with him...something never felt right??.. .Life feels totally right now 🤩🌻🥀🐕🎵😊💝🌹🌺
I honestly thought the same thing. I completely understand how you feel. Knowledge is power!
@@MrsRad-dt2ok It is indeed..if we use it...take care of you..xxxx❤🥰✌🦋xx💐
I like that you call your experience with these narcissist parasites as training boot camp. I call mine as social experiments. I feel stronger and sharper each time 💪 They will never bring us down
I gotta agree with the part of "training Boot Camp" for the rest of one's life in order to survive in this rotten, evil and narcissistic world yet still part of me wishes everything I had with my female narc was just a bad dream and that she is my one and only sweetheart but reality doesn't work that way unfortunately!
The encounter with them comes of as a reminder in what kind of a world we live in and that we must not take anything for granted! The world is full of them and we got to train hard and prepare to not fail again as an easy prey to their dirty hands!
I had it when having kids. Him saying he would like to see me stay at home full time enjoy the years of the kids at until they start school. Not missing out on the milestones. But then years later saying im lazy never want to work. Nor will I ever work. I worked 6 days a week for years before having kids. An so many other manipulation things done. Never realised for 15 years until now I moved out leaving him. An see it all clearly the more time I have been gone. I see a change in my two daughters too. Trying to heal domestic violence as well.
Same, same and same.
Aha! He told me if we are going to get married I should stop working and should take care of the kids and mot go out. And to think I am a workaholic
Congrats on leaving 💖
@@nthabisengmorudu4463 yes they dont want you to have any means to possibly leave.. I couldnt work due to my anxiety and when I got a big amount of money from my parents he always asked me if I could chip in with bigger bills (and I did because I felt guilty for not working).. he would then say I would get the money back later.. well everytime I asked him for the money he would have some stupid excuse or say "why do you need your own money when its 'our' money to begin with".. now I finally left him and have almost no money left (and no job, house or housestuff, luckily I can crash at my parents house).. I dont think Ill ever get it back.. but at least Im free now..
100% same story here. I had the higher paying job of the two of us, both educated and I lived on my own supporting myself for 10 years prior to meeting him.. We both decided it was a priority to have a SAHM in the family and went on to have 3 kids. Well now 20 years later (youngest is 15), and in every fight it's 'get a job' .. as if I haven't worked in the home all these years and as if it weren't both our choices to do it this way. At 57 now, I would find returning to work difficult if not impossible as I have no relevant skills anymore. It would be minimum wage work, and the long and short of it is that we DON"T need the money. It's just to make me feel bad I think.
My favorite overt manipulation:
Narc: What do you think of this?
Me: gives clear and distinct opinion
Narc: gives completely opposite opinion then says "don't you think?"
The implication is that your opinion doesn't really matter and you will stay on the narcs good side if you agree with them. If you agree to keep the peace you have allowed yourself to be devalued. You have been manioulated into your own emotional demise.
I’m so glad I read this.
It's terrible to treat people that way. I remember one person told me:
"pack my bags... I'm going on a guilt trip" That helped me overcome
all the whining crap I put up with and stand up for myself.
Well put...I'm gonna remember that.
haha..good one👍🏽😁
I dont understand it ;;
Thank you for this series I can't stop watching and learning. Narcissist are pure evil
“Manipulation is used to play on your inner conflict,” because that’s a huge point of vulnerability. Thank you SO much for facilitating this epiphany for me. 😩
Absolutely! Very helpful
Great video. Manipulation can be subtle and hard to recognize especially with the covert types. I recently had a narc try to manipulate me by revealing very personal information about her marital problems in the hopes that I would reciprocate and share personal details about my marriage. We were just getting to know each other and her oversharing was awkward and out of the blue and I felt in my gut that I was being manipulated. I didn’t take the bait and she became visibly frustrated and discarded me. I’m so thankful for videos like this that help me sniff out the narcs in my life and GET RID of them.
Covert narcs are good at this. They share intimate details about their lives in Hopes that you will do the same. It is a trap so they can later use it against you when seeking revenge
Overt narcs are reluctant about revealing their flaws, because they want to portray a perfect image that is free of imperfections. Covert narcs do not
CLASSIC. They often overshare, and early on. First of all, it violates boundaries. Red flag! But it tricks you into feeling that there's a bond or trust between you two. And you'll feel comfortable to share equivalent details about your own personal life, which they'll save for a rainy day when they can use it against you.
If it subverts my free will, then the behavior is manipulation, in my opinion. Great talk, thank you.
Generally speaking most manipulators are good at figuring out what makes the other person tick, usually very charming and good at creating environments to mask their real intent which is simply getting what they want from other the person with little regard for that person's needs. Some of these people can be very deceptive and illusive to a degree where the person being had doesn't realize they've been taken advantaged of until the manipulator is long gone out of their life. Can think of it as them putting the carrot in front of the donkey in order to get the donkey to pull the wagon wherever they want him to and again with little regard for what is actually good for the donkey, when they get what they want it is bye bye donkey and on to next victim, pathetic, exploitative human behavior. Got to be careful out there that is for sure.
So well put. I can see one particular friend in your description, needless to say I ditched her when I became exasperated with her manipulative ways.
Like the Frankfurt School, Tavistock Institute, FaceBook, Google, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, our gooberments, etc.
Oh..spot on..they like supernarket scanning machines..cold. empty..but clever😈
Absutely spot on. Once you spot it..omg..my whole family are like this...n then there was .me..the one who nearly drank herself to death...coz I though I was some kind of weak useless piece of shit...now im 17 yes sober..but only realised..what the root problem was 4 yrs sgo....its not me..its them n my x..no contact for nrly 4 years..yay yay yay..its the only way..to win the game..you didnt even know you were playing...feel less lonely .alone..than with the wrong people...few close friends and my doberman..lifes now amazing..n free🙏💝🐕✌🥳🦋😂😂🎶🤞🎼xxxxx
This was my ex boss to a T!!
This series is such a contribution to humanity!
victoria pierscinski, Hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Amen!!
OMG! Yes you got this on point! I was told I was the kindest person, the nicest person he’d ever met. Then the favour requests started rolling in & the transactional relationship began.
Going through a break up with a narcissist, so much of my impulses were pushing me not to leave, mostly because she had made the narrative in a way that would have made me so guilty if I left.
But your videos have been like the therapy I needed to make the wisest choice, thanks so much Dr.Ramani. You've saved me so much time and anguish
At 17:10 Where Dr. Ramani says "Cluster B Patterns" All these patterns show a lack of social and interpersonal skills. These are people not particularly good at empathy. Not particularly good at intimacy. Not particularly good at self-reflection. There is a selfishness to these Cluster B patterns in which they're single-mindedly focused on doing what works for them with little regard for other people." Spot on.
I am dealing with my husband who is this to a T, It is maddening, very frustrating, and very stress driven.
The reason people stay in probably falls to the "sunk cost" fallacy ; people believe they've invested so much, they'll have completely failed theirselves and those who's opinion they value if they *don't* make it work
You just described me to a T. I kept telling myself "I've put in 16 years and so much effort to just give up". Thank you for replying. I needed to read that ❤
@@wendiewise8202 I know it can be frustrating. One major tip I can give you: I'm an avid fan of Gary Vaynerchuk. The man openly states that one of the biggest problems the Western world has is we put ourselves in debt to impress people we don't even like. Find what makes *you* happy; external gratification may serve you for a few minutes, but it will be fleeting, and no one will care 5 minutes later...then you're stuck with it.
That's so true
This is why it took so long for me to stand up to my ex. Thankfully he only took 6 years from me.
Sunk costs are irrelevant.
It pisses me off when I feel manipulated. Suffice to say, they don’t get what they’re after.
If they come to me openly and honestly they most likely will get what they ask.
Another great video! I’ve been accused of manipulation when I’m only trying to defend my point. It’s so interesting though because my nmother has manipulated & guilt tripped me so much that I have trust issues with other people. She manipulated me to end friendships that she didn’t approve of and I’m now trying to rekindle those relationships
H D OMG YES! I remember a few years ago I’d had enough and told her you act like Ms goodie two shoes and she was NOT having it
Exactly like my mom 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Most people jump the gun now and say you’re manipulating them by offering a different point of view. 🙃 agree to disagree but you can also be heard without trying to change their mind
I want to hear “blame shifting”, please can you do that soon??
Yes! I would like to see this as well.
Yes!!!!!!!!!! I've done this over 40 years with this nut!!!! I am depleted for taking the blame for his emotions so he won't feel guilty. I'm tired of covering for him. I take the blame, just so he'll shut up and quit raging!!!
Blame shifting was the wildest one to experience imo. It’s so sneaky and even knowing it now I can still see myself being manipulated the same way if I’m not 100% on my game about watching out for it
well ,it´s your own fault if you missed it the first times blame shifting vids were uploaded...blah ...blah..-see that is how blameshifting works.
A person can be the most healthy self esteemed individual and still be manipulated by the periods. They are really really good at what they do
How many times am I going to fall for this stuff! Childhood, parents, aunts, uncles, spouse,fake friends, now someone that I thought cared for me and this time worse than my mother! How many times am I going to put myself through all this before I learn… Feel so ashamed!
Words are used WITHOUT integrity and are dishonest. Words are used just to get a reaction out of me, to grade me with internal score card. I get scolded in front of kids often.
God... I remember those days... My hair was falling out.
It pays to watch these videos... for you to heal.
The X would scold me in front of mutual friends and strangers. I can't believe it took me as long as it did to speak up and stand up for myself and stick to my guns
@@casperinsight3524 hubby's mom went into long term care for many yrs, once driving by with our adult daughter they made fun of the premises because as it was an old nunnery in spite of her having received very good care and not being of that religion although my daughter and I are!
They've lived to regret it, several times.
Sending you strength
@@casperinsight3524 i feel you... My husband actually started a fight with me in front of his friends and then spit in my face....
You are totally correct, Dr. Ramani. The manipulation and guilt kept me stuck in a relationship with someone I resent so deeply it makes me angry at myself for staying for so long.
There are no words to express how much weight you have helped me lift from my shoulders. It sometimes feels like the whole world is against you and I am overreacting and should just "man up" because they're my parents. But no relationship should be more important than my mental health. Thank you for helping me see that
Gaslighting is awful. When the narcissist denies a person their reality or their feelings, it is just so awful. It is so damaging to the victim/person being gaslighted. Thank you for this and all your video.
My Malignant Narcisist boss is so skillful as a linguist. She is so good at manipulate. She can even manipulate others Narcisist. This is extremely scary.
I hope you can get another job soon.
My ER doc told me, while in for anxiety attack from work, if i wanted to keep my job i would need to be medicated to deal with the bullying from my narc boss/management & hr. Powerful words
Yes! Better run away. Get another job. It won' t worth to get mental breakdown. I learn too late. That's why I have C-PTSD.
@@SolKiLittleSun unfortunately i had never experienced such narc bullying from management before and didn't realize i could never communicate enough to get it to stop. Apparently i did all the things that make a narc have worse behavior by my being sane and expecting them to be also. I'm on disability now trying to figure out how to put my life back together. Good luck to you too
I had a narcissistic manager that tore the team down every single week. It took forever to heal from there PTSD.
Wow. This episode was amazing. I see that I DO need to work on Radical Acceptance. I have struggled with the Narcissist ( mom ) for decades...until she passed, and then my sister picked up where mom left off. I was hoping , finally, I could have a healthy relationship with my only sibling. But, its not going to happen. I think the sadness about that is what kept me trying .
My parents weren’t narcissistic but my only sibling certainly was! To experience & even more ,if possible, to watch the havoc & damage wrought horrified me even as a tiny child. My beautiful parents are long gone now & I have no contact with her. But the grief & regret of never being able to trust & be close to the only sibling runs very deep. I hear you, I see you❤️
Allow yourself to grieve fully and take that time before you go for radical acceptance . Don’t try too early and then beat yourself up for failing.
I had my spiritual awakening and growth last year. Since then, I'm improving myself a lot in many ways. I have owned up my toxic traits, changed passive aggressiveness to assertive behaviour, setting boundaries, addressing my childhood trauma, taking steps to be kind with my words to myself and others, overcoming insecurities and also rekindled a broken friendship by owning up everything that I did. In all that I realised my family system is dysfunctional, my father is a narcissist and used finances to control me for long time. I've dealt with n number of abuses and believed I deserve such poor treatment always in other relationships as well. Now I see the cycle that's repeating with my partner. He is a covert and neglectful narcissist. Abuse is very subtle sometimes and other times too much to bear. Every month there is atleast one or two rageful episodes. Never appreciates me or shows gratitude for anything. Looks at me like a convenience. Always criticises me and says its for your good and there's a reason. Shames and mocks me. It's hurting me so much. My Social Anxiety Disorder is getting worse. Today he called me a bloody looser for getting rejected from interviews and depending on him for finances. All because I pointed out his Narcissistic traits and called him out a Narcissist. Twisting my words and realities. Gaslighting. No empathy. Using all the information that's out there on narcissism to describe me instead. I have no familial support as I went no contact with my father and no friends and I'm dependant on him currently for finances as we're on temporary visa that's going to expire soon.
I hope you are better 😘 take care of yourself 😘❤️
living with my narcissistic grandmother has made me constantly scan my interactions with people to make sure im not displaying the narcissistic traits i grew up seeing so often. its a blessing and a curse because i know im being conscious of how im treating people but im also doing it as sort of a PTSD response. its tough. but thank you so much for this video. its like you're a fly on the wall in my house lol
"I did everything for YOU in this relationship, you did nothing! You're just like my mother- doing nothing except looking out for yourself" He cooked a meal once a day for the two of us and worked. I also worked full-time, cleaned our entire place (because he thought it was fine to leave a mess everywhere he went, after all he didn't clean) until I made him clean up his messes in the kitchen. Was that ever an issue. My ex-husband sure knows how to gaslight and manipulate me using exactly what you said- guilt. Thank you again for another clarifying video to help me process the shit-storm I left only a year ago.
Your first sentence, that’s their favorite line.
OMG! I knew she was going to say the narcissist is collecting data!! Before I started learning about narcissism, I noticed a lot of these traits in someone I called a friend. When they first befriended me, we would stay up for hours talking. Of course, over time I confided in them about so many things because I thought we had become such close friends. They were my person. Now, years later, I realized what was happening. It's taken a long time to break free of that friendship because so much was invested and our lives were intertwined in another way as well. I say it doesn''t even have to be a spouse, fiancee, or someone your dating. This holds true in friendships too, unfortunately.
The way you talk is captivating. Sometimes manipulators are opportunists and seize moments when someone is sick and down with an illness who doesn't have the strength to resist. They know they are being manipulated but can't put up as much opposition as they'd like to. Or they are literally, physically restrained or lured into a locked room where they physically can't get out.
@Black Weirdo Well, thank you for giving it a name. Was this well understood 30 years ago? Or not so, I wonder.
The kick em when they're down c ompulsion. Very familiar.
@Black Weirdo I'm sorry to hear that. Obviously you managed to free yourself. That is wonderful. How does the "disorganised" part manifest?
"You can start learning the SUPERPOWER of avoiding manipulation... with compassion and with grace". These informative sessions saved my- life listening to and following instructions from Dr. Ramani. Now, I need to rehab my life. I almost committed suicide due to my 'failure' at relationships and the ensuing emotional dis-regulation.
Thank you so much for explaining this confusing part of narcissistic relationship. I could never get it because this was my ‘normal’ in upbringing. You were so spot on with how I feel. You have made such sense and given me clarity. Thank you.
“Narcissists do not respect boundaries”. This is one of the areas where I went wrong in my relationship with my narc ex-bf. I thought if I stayed strong and consistent in setting boundaries with him, he would respect them. But that never happened, he just came up with more ways to undermine, dissolve and plow through the boundaries. Dr. Ramani’s analogy of the scuba diver whose air supply has been cut off makes a lot of sense here- if a person truly feels that way, they don’t care what boundaries they have to smash to get their supply back. But they are going to abuse, gaslight and manipulate you in the process and feel completely entitled to do it.
Excellent video! I told my narcs that I had issues with mental health and that their guilt-tripping was affecting me negatively, and to please respect that, but they just doubled down on their tactics. It sucked but I'm so glad they did because it made me realize their true colors! They actually saw my poor mental state as an opportunity to control me. Glad to have these videos (along with my own therapist) to help me. Huge thanks to Dr. Ramani! I still have a hard time with guilt but videos like this make me feel so much better about my choices.
I love listening to your descriptions and explanations. I was the codependant for years until I grew and learned. Now I am simply in a marriage with a narcissist trying to not be resentful for the children.
Thank you. I’m watching every video I can to learn and heal. My husband had an affair and evicted me and our son in July. My father was a narcissist and of course I married one as well. 12 years of unwinding lies and healing from abuse seems daunting. I really don’t know what to do with myself, I’m a wreck. But I’m so thankful for your help ❤️🙏
Dr Ramani is great! I will say personally that this manipulation I allowed due to my own issues. When you learn about NPD you will go down a path of healing that will turn you inside out. The journey inward is the journey home to the heart. Don't dwell long on the negative...learn from the burn then relearn how to live without this degenerative essence in your midst.
Been working SO hard to unlearn the manipulation patterns I learned in childhood. For so long I didn't realize there was another way of being in relationship.
My narcissistic dad was a compulsive liar, so from an early age I have been able to tell instantly when people are lying to me or trying to manipulate me. That's the only thing I would ever thank him for.
This video is BEYOND insightful...Respect Dr. Ramani, "you a real one."
I was raised by two narcissists, mum grandiose communal and dad covert malignant. I didn't understand fully why my psychologists sat there with mouth wide open until today... 💜SO HEALING, Dr Ramani 🙏🙏🙏 INFINITE GRATITUDE 🙏🙏🙏 from Belgium
Dr Ramini, please address sibling narcissism and eldercare. We cannot walk away from family the we can from frenemies, jobs and spouses. The eldercare guilt trip, financial issues, etc. So much manipulation and taboos! Thanks.
this is the best insight I have ever heard about why do they manipulate. They don't know how to achieve what they want through communication, they don't respect the other person at all, they just want to manipulate the other person like a puppet.
Thinking about the person actually studying you is so chilling and creepy. Choosing resentment over guilt is something I completely relate too
Tesla referenced human energy 🌪👻jesus christ referenced living waters 🤍💎science described water memory 🌊👨🎓existence reflecting psychologically,psalms16:24 k,j 👻🤍💎👨🎓🗽🌪🌬
Thank you, Dr Ramani, excellent tape. I’m growing into my healthy ‘no’s’ against the narcissist’s manipulative ploys.I’m also recognizing the traits in me that set me up to be manipulated . Examples, People pleasing, obligation,shame etc
From @21:36 to 21:42 makes me feel like I have won the lottery. The doctor's proclamation is 100% spot on and critical to understanding and accepting why it was essential to cut the narcissist out of my life forever. I don't want or deserve to receive/endure this type abhorrent and malignant behavior. I get it.
This manipulation is what introduced into the world of narcissistic abuse and recovery. Thank God I am recovering now. Thank you Dr.Ramani.
When me and my ex had arguments he always said that I would never admit when I was wrong, and that I thought the world revolved around me, when he was the one doing things to cause the arguments, I know now he was projecting
On the same boat !! Omdz!!
Dr Ramani are you a fly on my wall?! This is exactly my life! My husband is very manipulative! He uses everything I tell him against me. I learned not to tell him anything including my feelings anymore. I finally learned after 18 years!
My narcissist ex husband always accuses me of being manipulative. Gas lighting. I think. I’m still learning about these behaviors. I am so so grateful for you blessing us with these mind blowing teachings for me and all the other victims. ( Don’t worry, I’m not in victim mentality, but you can’t deny the truth of your place in the situation.) Much love to this amazing and wise and kind community 🙏🏼
Bless you 💗
This explains why I thought I wanted to do a certain career in childhood, my pop had flattered me my whole childhood over my abilities in math and convinced me I wanted to go into a high flying career involving that. I still get high anxiety around that career and feel guilt, shame, confusion and need to prove myself that I didn't follow that career. I thought for years I wanted that career. But now I see it that i was so brainwashed I couldn't see what I wanted, which was work with animals which my pop hated.
That bit about the workplace!!! Whew! I have been in a narcissistic relationship with my job for 12 years! 😱
I have finally BROKEN this cycle of abuse! I don't let ANYONE get away with anything anymore. If I feel uncomfortable at all with anyone new, and I let them know and they don't act like a healthy, balanced, GROWN UP? NEXT! This ESP regards LOVE BOMBING, I now hate it when people get too gushy too soon. This goes for ANY new men, women, whether they be friends, and or potential candidates for mi corazon. (my heart)
Yes!! You finally get so fed up with this kind of bullshit behavior you refuse to tolerate it another day! I literally told 85% of the people in my life (including most of my family ) I was DONE and cut em off cold. It wasn't easy but it's the BEST thing I ever did! My only regret is not doing it sooner
These videos are gold. I thought I knew enough on this subject, but watching these videos and maintaining therapy has shown me that I still had blind spots.
You are so right! I was manipulated into caring about a narcissist, he has destroy my trust and my heart!!!!
In line with this is sexual manipulation and sexual abuse.
I didnt know that. It explains why he was so rough
I can't wrap my brain around the backwards sex life....if you want to call it that. If we felt distant I wouldn't want it ....and feeling distant was often of course. Romancing ended pretty much on the wedding day. Foreplay was effort , so fairly rare, and half-hearted so it meant little. Got to the point that sex is so rare, I lap up any attention like a puppy. Who needs foreplay when you have a wife who you've got trained to be desperate? Except mornings. He knows better than to try that.
Sadomasochism comes into play but Dr Ramani does not focus on abnormal psychology traits. Its very dark. Narcissism is also dark and that is her focus.
@@robb4cubs I’ve been going through this for four years and it really fucks with me. Then I have the doubts. Why is sex being withheld? Cheating, disinterested? 😓 Paranoia sets in, I ask questions, we argue and just keep my mouth shut until it feels like I could pop again. Can’t say for sure if he’s a narc but that could just be my programming speaking.
What an excellent explanation of manipulation. It brought so much clarity in what the narcissist did throughout the relationship. I ended up watching this video a few times over to make sure I didn’t miss any detail. I learned so much. Thank you Dr Ramani! 🙏👍🏻
For me, one who has experienced so many narcissists and the requisite abuse, your regular reminders 'these are damaged human beings' 'irreparable as in you can't fix them' are very calming. As one who once practiced religion and believed in it's teachings these truths, pulled from science, bring reality into true focus. I say this because religion teaches magical thinking as real, though there is much of 'what is real' that is still in question. It is real and true that these monsters (some are that) are in fact human's and not evil or soulless or some other imaginary construct. This gives the effort to heal and grow new meaning. Thank you for that.
When your eyes are wide open to the Narc when you've finally detached yourself at the indifference stage, the manipulating is both sickening literally nauseating at how you got played and entertaining realizing laughing hysterically inside. Mind-blowing
Yes, you do create CLARITY! Thank you! You are great!
oh my god positive manipulation is the worst, it's so hard to spot, you just feel so well and all of a sudden your life is taken away from you and you simply don't understand anything, you stop understanding love or trusting that people like you, my god it's so cruel.
Love this video!! Could you talk more in detail about what you said in the last 3 minutes? Getting out of being manipulated. When you've been in this pattern for so long it's good to hear examples of situations and details of what you might do of not falling into the pattern again of opting for resentment instead of guilt and instead setting healthy boundaries. I think a lot of us have the tape in our brain that says we're sacrificing, being unselfish and giving, looking to others' interests, when we're really just being manipulated, so it's hard to get out of that when it feels like the kind thing to do. Seeing our guilt and need to please can often get clouded when you think you're just being unselfish. That's how I often get stuck. I'd love to hear you talk about how to see the difference. I'd love to hear more details about avoiding manipulation with compassion and grace. I'm learning some of it, but feel like I need to hear it unpacked with real life examples a little more for it to be clear.
I agree! Would love to hear more. Here are some things that help me- looking at the situation as if I'm looking at two different people. If my friend was in my situation, I would want them to care for themselves and be around people that respect them. Accommodating a narcissist doesn't help anyone, at the end of the day. Also, I try to tell myself that I don't need other people to like me or approve of my behavior, as long as I know I'm doing what is right and have good intentions. I don't have to prove it. :)
Same here; I, too would like to hear more specifically how to extricate ourselves from the pattern, especially since Society tells females in particular we are to be supportive, understanding, forgiving, & to give multiple chances to others. Many Religions, i
Many Religious Groups, in particular, teach/preach, that one must always turn the other cheek & I believe this is a great disservice when one is in a relationship with a narcissistic individual.
It takes two to tango. I used to blame the manipulator, but I didn’t get manipulator-immune until I really got to know myself and own up my decisions without trying to people-please all the time.
Thank you so much for the attention to detail and clarity in your explanation. As someone on the autistic spectrum, it is at times difficult to put emotions and thoughts into words, and these longer videos that focus on specific terminology are really helpful. The examples that you bring up hits very close to home, and if it wasn't for hearing it in the context of understanding narcissism, I would fall for it every time, as I have previously. I am not sure what I would do without your work, it has been a real life-saver.
Me being autistic is my weakness for my husband to shut me up in a conversation or to " prove" that Im the one who is wrong. Such as you know you are lacking....you know you have trouble reading people.....who is the one in this family struggling with responsibilities.........list goes on
Self work, self work, self work - learn healthy boundaries and do the changes that heal your inner child wounds and weaknesses - this heals your NO to free up your honest YES
Carol Van Staden,Hope you are not with a narcissist…
I've been going through these videos and each one hits the nail on the head!
This helped me a lot in my current struggle with my mom thru decades of manipulation and gas lighting! Thanks!
Every word of yours is gold! With tears running down my cheeks, I've transcribed the entire vid into my journal as a reminder to myself to read over and over again. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!
Thank you for all of my answers for the last 30 years . I now have a definition of this monster that I am married to.
In spite of educating myself & seeing very clear, even textbook , signs of narc abuse, I still struggle with my decision to leave. I push on with the preparation to move out by sheer determination when the guilt overcomes me. I have chosen to stay this long in spite of the resentment in order to preserve my story as a good person. A good (Christian) girl has no reason to leave short of physical abuse. That is the lie that has held me this long. I am grateful for the wealth of information & support from Dr. R & others that keeps me on course to end self-abandonment.
OMG have you met him? Almost word for word!!! “ you are the nicest person I’ve ever met!” And “ You are so clever & so skilled” Then ..... “can you do me a favour......”
So many don't even realise they are manipulated. Sooo hard to see it happen and then see them treat other ppl well while being soo cold to you.
Compliments to me mixed with disparaging remarks about his exes.....felt like he was training me to not be like them.
I know exactly what you mean! My narc painted his ex as a psychopath who was depressed, lazy, combative, and didn't want sex... and he'd compliment me for not being that way. So I tried my hardest to not be like her. Fast forward 5 years and guess what? I've become exactly like he described his ex - depressed, not working toward anything, passionless, not interested in sex... Turns out he manipulated both of us into that state of being. I feel bad for his ex now.
@@TheViewfromMars I feel sorry for my husband's ex as well. Now I know why she will have nothing to do with him even 21 years after their divorce.
That's called triangulation. Dr Ramani has videos on it. Comparison with other people so you conform and compete
@@TheViewfromMars this happened to me. So scary.
Oh wow I never noticed mine did that too 🤦🏻♀️
THANK YOU...i needed this SO MUCH. I have a friend who has learned this from a manipulative parent...how her mom treats her is how she treats me. i started noticing this when her mom would accompany places
I just want to say thank you so much for posting up these videos for everyone to learn more about these people and spread awareness. - I’ve recently come out of a narcissistic friendship that had me all lost and confused at the end, but material like this has really helped ease my mind to see all that was going on and to be more weary of people like this in the future. - Thank you very much!
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I have been wondering what is wrong with me since, as long as i can remember. My family is horribly dysfunctional. Breaking free from the dysfunction is a dirty, sloppy business. There is no easy way out. I believe it will get easier the longer I work at it, but at first, it is like escaping a torture chamber that you once thought of as home. Even with 'help', it is a lonely journey. Narcissists exist and thrive because it is effective in today's society. One must be extremely careful about where they seek help. So often help will suggest you go straight back to your abusers.