But they are ONLY narcissistic when they are ANGRY
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Wow. Saying you are only narcissistic when you are angry is like saying you are only diabetic when you eat candy.
Well said! 👏
❤😊
True, but why don't the victims leave, remain silent or even take the blame?
Even if you don't understand what is going on: crap stinks nevertheless. And if it stinks permanently why do people keep putting up with it?
It's about how they behave...
They're champion actors !
A personality disorder doesn't switch on and off based on mood.
ANGRY? GIRL, THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY. EVEN WHEN IT’S SUBDUED IT’S STILL THERE, AND IT DOESN’T TAKE MUCH FOR IT TO FLARE UP. 😊
So True.❤❤❤.
@@karenlumpkin2918 Thank you 🤗
Yes! It's always there, simmering just beneath the surface.
@@kristinareschke7128 Those living in such a nightmare are stronger and more intelligent than you realize. 😊
True. The ones who smile whilst displaying anger are also scary.
I also have noticed that they are very scared of the outside world finding out who they are.
Oh yeah.
They are. Being exposed is one of their biggest fears.
Yeah, they're constantly screening people like rapid-fire job interviews for who'll enable them and who they can make an enemy and villain to make them look good.
100,%
This is their core fear yea.
Those enablers will think the iceberg is small if the tip of the iceberg is small. They cannot imagine what is under the water.
Well put.
So manipulation isn't a narcissistic trait?
@@robinkholmes7127yes it is.
They are "angry" 100% of their time. It's their personality, it's who they, unfortunately for others, are.
Just like Hulk
Yes absolutely 💯 percent of the time.
@@kasiawozniak1114 💯🎯🎯...sad but true
Great way to bring the two sides of the argument together on this topic.
Yeah :(
This is my husband! This is exactly what he did and does! Btw,I left him 9 months ago with my 2 kids. A 24 year marriage, I couldn’t do it anymore! I am at peace now!
Good for you!!!. I hope to be there soon. I can only imagine. I'm just now planning my exit after 23 years with an abusive woman. 2 kids now grown.
Peace is irreplaceable ❤
Good for you, I am so proud of you for getting out. ❤️ Your children are blessed to have a mother like you.
Way to go!
I'm so happy for you ! You are very strong. I'm glad you feel so much better. I left my husband and mother this year. I feel so much better too. ❤
True, they are masters of being Jekll and Hyde. Great performances for the audience, sullen, angry, and pouty in private
People around them except you never see Mr. Hyde. 😨
So true. I was amazed by how charming and charismatic the narc ex was at his work holiday party versus how pouty sullen and black eyed he was alone
LMAO ... I use "Jekyll the Hyde" as a username as that is how I feel, as that Is what I live with....
Yep, "duckface" is a red flag
Oh the “pouting” act! I knew it so well!!
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
What does this have to do with the theme of this video?
My wife is considered to be the nicest to everyone else, but she saves it up and takes it out on me her husband, her favorite punching bag. They all think I am crazy if I say anything negative about her... But they do not know the real her... They only get to see the good side, lucky me......
I totally believe you!! When I saw and experienced it first hand, my skin crawled and I used to get chills!
She sounds like my husband. I'm sorry
@@recipesrecreated9654 I feel for you ! It is comforting to know I am not alone. Thank you! 🤗
@@OGRocker1 :)
Video her, not knowing.
Crazy is crazy all the time.
I’ve been lucky enough to have the honor of seeing complete strangers catch the inhuman behavior….and RUN once their instincts kick in. Narcissism is so much more than anger. They’re pretending to be human. And sometimes there’s a glitch in the program.
I get what you mean but they aren't crazy.....they are cruel....not crazy.....but they will pass themselves off as crazy or blame mental illness if it helps them avoid serious punishment....
To paraphrase Gavin de Becker, they're not narcissistic when they're angry, they're angry because they're narcissistic. In other words, their narcissistic cognitions drive the emotion of anger.
The Gift of Fear was eye-opening for me. I read it as I was divorcing my husband. My fave quote: "He's not charming. He's charming YOU." Describes my ex perfectly.
Profound!
Enablers defend the narcissist and make victims feel unvalidated. Stay away from enablers, including therapists who try to see the good side of the narcissist.
Exactly! Enablers, flying monkeys, etc. are a large part of the problem attached to the Narcissist. They are just as demented, do just as much damage in many cases and you cannot have any kind of a relationship with them because of it.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR UNDERSTANDING ALL THIS CRAP!!! NOBODY would believe this stuff actually goes on in real life. It's a NIGHTMARE 😢😢😢
@@paco9694 It sounds like stuff from a horror movie but it happens to many of us.
My ex was a performative narcissist. My whole family took his side when I divorced him. I didn’t understand at the time, but have since learned about narcissism…, thanks to channels like this. He rarely got angry but when no one was around, I ceased to exist until he needed supply.
Narcissistic mother, father, brother, ex husband crack head, old boyfriend for 9 yrs, now narcissistic daughter in law n daughter. Me, extreme depression, CPTSD. New non narcissistic fiancee priceless.
Yep...I relate
@@nicoleferguson5961 I can't even imagine. Bless you and best of luck. Happy you are healing!
I can relate to the sheer volume, it's overwhelming to just think about .... having said that, I love your ending ... May you enjoy this new energy, I hope one day to find others who simply know who they are ... and I will. Hugs to you for a fabulous new life ...
Lots of abused children in the family? It is also genetic.
@@katkameo6413 That means lots of abused children in the family. It is also genetic.
Everything you say is so, so right on!! It's such a hard life dealing with a narcissist.
I worked with a guy who ended up getting fired for his violent outbursts. I made the comment after he got fired that I felt sorry for his wife and kids and another coworker replied that he was so solicitous of his wife when they came for Holiday dinners. I bit my tongue but I know he was putting on a show. Violent outbursts like throwing things, slamming doors etc. don’t only happen at work. In fact they are far less likely to happen at work than at home.
Make sure he also doesn’t have any legal support to make his claim he was the victim like the narcissist always does 😅
@@ValidatingUsername He’d had many documented outbursts and the one he got fired for was on video so he didn’t really have a leg to stand on.
@@wolfling2039 Anger is a symptom of nearly all “mental illnesses” and I hope they found a better environment with competent coworkers and not armchair diagnosticians 🤣
@@wolfling2039 you're right, he would be worse at home
@@wolfling2039 Caught in the act!....💯% exposed🤣🤣
Yes!! Healthy people are 100% accountable when we get angry.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
when I get angry I regulate myself, I don't blame and I will apologize.
@@pixiedoodledust That's right... We are different....❤️❤️❤️
@@pixiedoodledust true
Once again.. Dr Ramani you are 💯% spot on. Your daily videos literally saved my life ...we have to stop making excuses for these saddos parasites. They are joy stealers...period! You are saving lives and healing hearts worldwide..🌎👍🏾 Thank you for all the hard work that you do.❤❤❤❤
I blocked her and moved on. It was tough, at first, because I loved her. Well, I loved the false image that she projected. I worked on myself, reflected and was scared to death to be with anyone, else. But, out of nowhere, I met a truly wonderful, loving woman. Life does go on...
That’s what happened to me when I was in my early 20s. One narcissist after another … was even engaged to one. Met my wonderful hubby on the rebound; he was in a similar situation. We eloped and had a delightful 35 years together.
He passed four years ago, and I’ve dated a bit. You guessed it: all narcissists! My buddy said it best: I was attracting men who treated me the way my father did!
So, I grey-rocked and walked away from all these “suitors.” I think keeping a journal and documenting what was going on served me well, as did the wisdom and support of my wide circle of friends … and excellent programs like this. I am so grateful and appreciative! Thanks, Dr. R.! 🙏
👏🌻👏
All my bad behaviors are your fault because u made me do it.
my a hole brother blamed me for all the thousands of times he attacked me
This...
Literally what I heard from several my "past" beloved ones during discard, when they discarded me without accountability with a mask of accountability for themself and everyone else.
Which leads to painfull trauma for years when its impossible to make close connections to people. Because of exhausting by this eternal blame shifting from people.
Said every abuser, ever.
God, the silent treatment when they're alone with you is the worst. The hostility is so toxic.
So true!
I agree its worse than the words sometimes
Mine could do it for months at a time. I quite enjoyed the peace! Lol
yeah and the bastard waits to do it the week before your birthday saying you did something but you have to guess what you did wrong and when you ask explanation, he tells you that you can't understand and just ignore you the whole week... My ex was doing that, it was driving me crazy... did that for the 3 birthdays I was with him... after that, my son did the same thing.. I thought my ex had destroyed me but it's NOTHING compared to your own son destroying you because he's having fun doing it... I don't even want birthdays anymore.
So many of those moments.
Uff! I get these horrible flashbacks. He would scream and berate on our way to any gathering, and the moment we are there, he would change into this helpful, sweet and gentleman. I would be holding back my tears the whole time we are there with my jaws on the floor. How do they do it!!
Did we carpool together? Lol😅
I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I’ve been going through that lately wondering why I’m still with him
@@joannarimmer6060GET OUT NOW!!! 15 years for me, I kept thinking/hoping/praying for him to change but that will NEVER come!! Here’s your sign….LEAVE. YOURE BEAUTIFUL AND GOD WILL GUIDE YOUR STEPS!!
@@joannarimmer6060 mine was in a band and every show I dreaded because that whole day I’d be on eggshells so not to disrupt his chi. Then as soon as we’d get in the car to travel maybe a couple hours away it would start .he would be screaming huffing and puffing driving crazy the whole way there to where I was a nervous mess pulling in. He’d get out of the car high fiving his bandmates looking back at the car saying she in a bad mood today , she’ll come in later. The whole persona would change as soon as the car door opened. I’d be so relieved because first the next few hours he’d get his supply from fans and I could watch him sing and pretend I had this rock n roll relationship with a bad boy but it was just riding side car to a broken man who self sabotaged every artistic opportunity he was gifted.
It took me a lifetime to finally figure out that a certain narc in my life was actually one precisely because they would be very reasonable and even amiable (or at least acted that way) but the instant I did something “wrong” and they just so happened to be in a bad mood at the time it was like all bets were off in how they felt like they could treat me. Just with utter disgust and contempt like how dare I inconvenience them in such a way, who do I think I am, other choice barbed remarks… then they’d calm down and act like nothing happened. Unless of course I dared to still act upset and/or afraid then that would start them off again.
I started to get REALLY good at the poker face and generally afraid of making people angry in case I “unleashed” a side of them that would case me pain and trauma. Also feeling like it was entirely my fault and I deserved whatever they did when they were angry didn’t help because people will look at it and say “well you DID provoke them, just stop being annoying/you have to change somehow!” You’d be surprised just how common victim blaming still is, some people at least don’t mean it I’m sure but people far too often try to excuse behaviour that is essentially abusive.
My mom is like this. She has a very public higher up administrative position, that is in a department that sort of assumes that you care about people, if you're working there. So anything that happened that was scary or tragic, just wasn't spoken about in the family. She would work one-on-one with whoever it happened with to handle the situation as quietly as possible, and then it would not be discussed with anyone else. I found out that my dad had a kidney removed during his cancer treatments, and that my sister had been using needles, both well after the fact (when knowing could have been useful, I could have been there for my loved ones) both from somebody outside of my family. My therapist at the time asked why i felt entitled to my dad's private health information. I said that I wanted to be able to support him, and that I didn't even know he had cancer. She still tried to push it like I was being overly concerned. I felt like I shouldn't have to explain that I loved my dad.
I struggle to know when I am allowed to ask questions or ask for help, because that mask has been normalized for me. I worry that everyone is like my mom, because she tries to push like she is the epitome of put together. I believed her, too, for the longest time.
I was so thankful when I realized that she has no friends Because she doesn't value them, and that I do, because I do. It helped me see that even though she tried to make me afraid of the entire world, she and I are not the same. The definition of success is not the same for us. I do not need to sweep my life events under the rug like she does.
This was so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing it’s so relatable, especially the “I thought everyone thought like my mom.” Bc I still feel that everyone thinks like my dad even though I know it’s not true. The friends I did finally got to make are actually souls that have feelings and see me as a human. It’s new, and scary at times as I withdraw bc I’m so not used to being around caring ppl (isolation for decades) it’s all so crazy
Narcissists are their audience
No doubt about it
And when they’re alone they are so uncomfortable with themselves
This is so true. And they will do almost anything to not be alone.
Sounds like you observed me with the ex husband and kids. He was sooo helpful in public. He was silent and angry when we were alone. He was super critical about everything.
My family still doesn’t believe I was fair in divorcing him for serial cheating, lying, and trying to drive me insane. He was always taking out the trash or sweeping the kitchen when they came over, and only when they came over. It was so bad even the kids noticed.
Thanks for seeing us.
So happy you finally saw the truth and got out of this crazy situation while you could. Nothing better than some self love! 🎉❤
I love you! Thank you for all of your hard work and dedication to getting the word out! You saved my life! Seriously.. I'm finally starting to let go of a 3 1/2 year relationship.. I would've left a long time ago if I had somewhere else to go.. but I was able to educate myself on this topic extensively and I thank you for all that you do! You've helped so so so many people! ❤
I agree with the bit that she has helped so many people
Omg that’s my husband & my kids think poor fellow ….. he is a really good showman.
Yep. Communal narcissist. My sibling was so well-loved by his clients when he was active as he taught values & he talked about the family. He portrayed himself as so loving. But in reality, he is emotionally distant to the fam. Now, he totally does not care for the aging mother. He lives across the street, but do not even make any effort to see the parent. But the "world" (he used to speak in different countries) loved/s him. He never raged at the family even before, but he removes himself. The "world" still believes he is a good person/son. Our dad was deathly sick for a year, he only saw him once, just walked across the street, once, then dad passed away. Now, still no shared responsibility for the living parent. Several fam members are narcs. There's actually a more terrible sibling yet, relatives love him. Sigh. Sorry for comment & a long one, too. Can't help myself because no one to share this. Thanks.
It’s helpful to other people, thanks for sharing.
@@RobertRemlinger-mq8iyThank you for your encouragement & support. I appreciate it. Means a lot.
@@dbt2910 You’re welcome! We always hope to understand these personalities, genetics play a part. Only God can change someone’s heart.
"Performative, shallow empathy." Nailed it 👌 💯
I accidentally isolated myself bc of this. I hated going anywhere knowing the treatment I got in public wasn't what I got at home. I went deer-in-the-headlights one time when they put their arm around me in front of their friends, 😮like woaaa affection what's happening?!?!.. only to notice he was mirroring his friend accross the table who just lovingly pulled his partner closer for a side hug after finishing dinner.😢 it wasn't real.
this happened to me also, i’m 50, haven’t divorced, married for 25 yrs with a covert narc..
Yes. I gave up socializing with my spouse years ago, disgusted with the fakeness and the public humiliation when being used as the butt of the joke. Of course, this sets us up for more isolation and perception as a strange hermit or "difficult" spouse who never comes out to socialize. It's a real catch-22.
I thought, deep inside, narcissist are usually angry anyway, perhaps certain degrees of it, but they're really bitter and resentful people regardless.
I’m reminded of something from one of the avengers movies. Someone turns to the Hulk and says “now would be a really good time to get angry” and the Hulk responds “that’s my secret, I’m always angry
That’s the thing about the narcissist there’s never a time where they’re not angry about something. So maybe they are only narcissistic when they’re angry. But that’s all the time.
Poor Hulk😅
I absolutely love you and what you do! Thank you for being here. ❤🎉 celebrating you, Beautiful
It's easy for me to doubt myself when he's acting nice and generous. It takes the outbursts to remind me how conditional his "kindness" is. The generosity is used as weapon when confronted. "Acting nice and generous" is just that: an act. As long as I play my part in his script, everything is okay.
"They are only narcissistic when they are angry." 😂😂😂 Oh, that's hilarious! 😂😂😂
"I can regulate myself so I didn't say much. I made a video .." 😂😂😂 Love the dry humor. Thank you. 😂😂😂
I'm so here for Dr. Ramani telling people to f off :)
Brilliant. It never ceases to amaze me how people, enablers, keep looking for new and more convoluted ways of trying to prove Narcissism is not a thing. You are a Wonder, Dr. Ramani.
They bite the hand that feeds them. Angry or not.
The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is pointing out their failures. Their ego is huge but also very fragile.
I like this, "a person who is TRYING to be a narcissist apologist"👌🏼💯🛎😭🙄
Once again, good doctor, you are right on topic; thanks!🏮🕊💜
An easy way for GenX to recognize this in a family situation is: the house is filthy except when guests are expected, then all the sudden, everyone's enlisted to do "chores" but more than the bare-bones basics that ever get done when no guests are expected. If someone shows up unexpected without calling first, then all the sudden, it's time for apologies for "the mess" in order to get the guest to gaslight themselves into saying, "It's ok, you should see my place!" Our parents put us through this when we were growing up. Hoarder houses that we had to clean spick and span until the guests' vehicle pulled up in the driveway. It's the most massive clue, especially when you're having to clean for your own birthday party that your parent co-opts and makes all about themselves, their wants, their needs, their topic of conversation, their pick for everything from the cake flavor to the activities and schedule, their deciding when the party's over, their controlling who eats what and when... And if it's not a birthday party, it's some other holiday. But anyway, GenX, you know the drill...
When a narcissist gets angry and definitely crosses normal, healthy boundaries that you should never have needed to set up for them in the first place (because normal, healthy people just keep those basic human interaction boundaries naturally, without being told), then cools down later on, they won't apologize. They'll expect you to act like nothing bad ever happened, like they did nothing wrong, and like everything they did is somehow your fault. They'll accuse you of doing what they did (when, no, you didn't) and they'll use that as a means to punish you and try to make you blame yourself (instead of them; it's called "script flipping"). They'll falsely accuse you, then falsely accuse you of falsely accusing them... It's a psychotic nut-job mental maze with these people, and unless you literally can't get out of a relationship with them for some horrendously serious and unavoidable reason, it's best to get away from them as soon as possible and stay away. If you can't get away, "yellow rock" and "grey rock" are your new best friends. Save your sanity while not pissing them off at the same time. Try to find some "me time" where possible.
Remember that you matter, you're valuable, you did nothing to deserve this, and your love is worth the Universe, regardless of if this jerk claims to care about it or not. They don't give you or your love value, and they can't take these away from you either. These are inherently yours, period.
Yes, this was my experience. And when I left, he then told others that I was crazy. It proves that they know their behavior is wrong in their relationship when they can put on an act in front of others.
I was bamboozeled by this! My mom is 1 year sober and we had been getting along well on the phone- (no fighting, she was more agreeable, more conversational) she finally came to town after 6 years. I met with her and it only took 2 meetings for me to see her true self- sober or not. She was upset about something and so she attacked the two most important things to me - my kids and my home. Sober or not, she is still a narc. Sobriety has helped her become more tolerable, but has not changed her narcissistic personality.
Oh, I ASKED for an apology and she has been silent ever since
I knew something was normal but didn’t know the N. Not until I started listening to you and others that know this toxic personalities. Thank you 🙏🏼.
She changed my life❤
Narcissism isn't a symptom of the Anger. Anger is a symptom of the Narcissism.
Yes, they are always angry!!! When they are being nice it’s to groom you and make you feel guilty/insane for a future point in time. If you feel frustrated all the time, questioning your own sanity…you most likely are interacting with a narcissist.
Oh my … this is my situation.. they’re only narcissistic when they’re angry
..
I realize I need help here but where to start .. Dr Ramani you are literally saving my life here so I see how I’ve been allowing myself to be used and uncared for..
It starts w me .. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yikes. This is a good video. Very strong language.😂😂 narcs do not turn off their near-ness. They switch masks. For a certain amount of time the “nice” mask goes on. Until they get supply. Then the mask is off. I saw it in both my parents and my current partner. All. The. Time. I heard another backwards apology the other night. It was so hard to grey rock. Ok, I slipped and said “must you act like a five year old?”. Then I grey rocked. Love you, Dr. R. Thanks for getting it. Ignore the Karen’s.
Oh. Dr Ramani, I just love you! You seem to know just what I'm thinking and put words to my thoughts and feelings! Thank you ever so much!
I’m thinking this explains my reasoning for my dancing around my “WAS”band for over TWO decades 😱
You, Dr, just described precisely my life with his multi-faceted abuse, with unreasonable silent treatment, telling me “YOU are nothing but a vehicle,” “it’s all about YOU,” “get over it,” ……. I really really really believed I was ….well you know. Thank God for worthy therapists. Thank you so much Dr!!❤
I love when Dr. Ramani gets sassy!
Therapy was the absolute worst idea for me and my Narc ex. He put on such a show. Then when we got in the car he would berate me the entire way home and call me names. The therapist had absolutely no idea how bad it was and no matter how hard I tried to convince her he was abusive behind the scenes, she just fell for him and his complete facade. It's traumatized me into not trusting any therapist at all.
YES!!! YOU LOOK AT THE PATTERNS!!!! THANK YOU!!!
Narcissist apologists? That's polite. Those apoloigsts are in denial. Can't face the awful truth. And because of their denial, they may be just as toxic as the narcissist. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for always offering up clarity. I am healing because of your dedication to your work.
Whack-assed decoder ring. LOL. I love that!!!
That's one reason why we have teeth, to bite our tongue when we get mad at someone.
My tongue was bitten off. Lol
@@nicoleferguson5961oh
Hi 👋🏻
Mine told all who would listen I refused to work and was lazy I did the house baked for hi. Cooked for him nothing was ever good enough for him but if company was over for dinner and prayed my cooking he would put it down after they left
My husband says I'm the narcissist. Meanwhile it's my husband whose the narcissist. My husband is always angry even on happy occasions like birthdays, graduations, and holidays.
OMG that's my husband, when we are outside, my husband is smiling, helping neighbors, saying hello to strangers, opening the door for strangers and helpful. Then at home he's a different person, angry and not helpful. What I call Mr. Hyde (outside) and Dr. Jerkyl (at home).
Everyone in my neighborhood thinks my husband is the best husband in the world and think he's a nice person. Not true
I learned a lot about narcissism from you Dr. Ramani, thank you!!
That may be but they’re angry all the time
This sort of thing is why I ruminated for so long before cutting people out of my life because "you don't choose your family" and so on. At some point it became basically impossible to differenciate between the people who were directly manipulating and gaslighting me, and the people who were manipulated into becoming flying monkeys so I would never catch a break.
This was a really well-worded comment.
And when you said people's personality is predictable that is so spot on, every time I've planned, not planned, given notice weeks in advance doesn't matter he every time like clockwork gets angry about something he just made up so he didn't have to participate in the activity or event or anything he didn't want to do SO PREDICABLE
Thank you for your content. I am learning after 40 years that I was raised by 2 narcissistic parents. Your channel has helped me tremendously with healing.
That is EXACTLY RIGHT.
This happened to me during my LAST three year marriage.
And it continued for the next 24 years after I left him because my youngest son is EXACTLY like his father. So, this continues to this day.
I can't believe I'm still living in hell.
And you had nothing to do with how your son turned out?? Hmmm
@@marciestoddard730 Are you always this Rude? It's clear you don't know the whole story. I see you. My ex swore if I left him, he would take my son and make my life a living hell. I had to decide if I wanted my son to have a mother and a father, or a dead mother, and a father in prison. I didn't want my child to grow up seeing his mother get beat to death. My ex's family grew up with the local sheriff, and one of the local superior court judges. It didn't matter what they did to me. My ex tells everyone he raised our son.
How did I have anything to do with how my son turned out?
Hmmm? Would you like to eat your words now or later?
@@marciestoddard730 If I had stayed with my ex I wouldn't be alive today. I wish I was as perfect as you.
My ex described herself as a super empath, but whenever we fought she got vicious and all empathy was gone. She even justified her yelling and demeaning behaviour because she didn't feel heard. When I pointed that out, she'd say that my feelings were my problems. She'd constantly question me just to fish for information to use against me. I am so happy to be out of that four year relationship
Thank-you for addressing this specific topic Dr.. They can be so pleasant at times, and it's deceiving because right around the corner, the passive-aggressive anger is crouching at the door, like a lion. Its always there.
I really really needed this today Dr. Ramani. Thank you 🫶🏻
Omg, the silent treatment!
I made the huge mistake of getting my hair cut short-like I have wanted for years but avoided because he hates short hair on women-- finally got up my nerve…came home..he had a fit! Stink eye for days. Silent treatment…my “ punishment” for defying him. I am mostly over the reactions..it’s been decades…but it still hurts that he treats me like this. My future is two choices…leave him, which I don’t want to do since we live in town with all our kids and grands and greats, and they adore us both….or I just keep on living in fight or flight mode…grey rocking…hell of a choice, huh?
Long married couples who still want to stay married despite unhealthy marriages find separate living spaces to be the answer. I remember a friend whose parents split the house. The dad lived in the basement. Another couple I know bought a country house just outside of town, the wife enjoys the property every wkend after work. Maybe a tiny house in the backyard? Create space, nurture yourself, and find joy!! ✨️
I find this topic incredibly difficult to really get down. To highlight why, I will explain a past experience. My ex's family is a bunch of Fearful Avoidants and the head of the household appears to be an abusive narcissist. My ex appeared to have the capacity for empathy, but I debated whether he was a vulnerable narcissist. Other traits like jealousy, control, and other aspects fit, but he readily apologized and seemed to exhibit true remorse for wrongdoing. When things became difficult, it made me lean more towards believing that he was a narcissist because of the way conflicts unfolded, and I sometimes observed a tendency to not interact on an even playing field in those situations. What the observed family interactions led me to believe was that the habits of conflict resolution were picked up via observational learning, but that the inborn traits of narcissism in the person weren't quite there. This gave off the sense that the person is "only a narcissist when they're angry" as the title of this video describes. Much of this came from observing the family dynamics, knowing the attachment style of the family members, and other family issues. I feel as though I wouldn't really be able to distinguish whether some narcissistic traits have been picked up vs. "full-blown" narcissism until he is away from the influences of a family that has many issues of codependency, narcissism, trauma, and cultural issues too. In this case, the person is subject to familial influences and religious abuses inside the family (what appears to be attempts at conversion therapy upon an adult son). Thanks for your amazing content Dr. Ramani
Again, you hit the nail on the head - that's exactly my ex - it was so frustrating! If only all other people could see behind the scene and not only what's being presented to them
Thank you, Dr Ramani, for your consistent passion and laser sharp skill at identifying BS, calling it out for what it is, and sharing it with the world. It is the performative gaslighting, working the crowd, setting a life stage to look like the good guy while rotting inside that made my experience so corrosive. It feels like a big dose of long overdue justice is being served when I listen to your insights and wisdom.
Your message shines light in the darkest places, has accelerated my healng and that of literally millions of others, and transforned my life. You are a true humanitarian, Bless You ❤ 🦋🙏🏻
You are my instigator dr. Ramani. Sometime I feel like forgeting his behaviour when he is quite that's why I listen everyday to the teaching and admonition lest I forget. God bless you Jan from Greece
YES!! You are SPOT ON!! Thank you so Much for being here
Love you, Dr Ramani!!
Dr. Ramani, I love your outspoken personality and your willingness to push back on enablesrs. I thank God everyday that I found you.❤❤
The absolute best summation of this type of behavior I have ever seen. Nailed it!
So, so true. Thank you again for leading the charge. You have been a life saver to me. God bless you.
That describes a blow up,rage he had as a narcissist then backs off th'5 star a-hole,thanks doc
We are so blessed to have you! I LOVE YOU Dr.Ramani!!! God bless you, I wish you all the success and wonderful things in the world! You deserve the universe!!
Watching your videos have helped me a lot. I have come to understand so many things from you. I started watching your videos when I began to question who I was. Behind closed doors, my self worth is constantly attacked from all angles by my husband whom I’ve come to understand is in fact a narcissist through watching your videos. I am still coming to terms with the reality that he isn’t going to change, but I have been able to use some of your advice on how to manage. I love my husband a lot and my marriage means a lot to me. Your videos help me feel validated and give me the tools to push through. Thank you.
Miss Ramny I am so healed by you energy and you down deep conviction of the truth regarding these types of relationships. I wish I could express what is happening in side me at this moment while listening to you but , there is too much, so I will just say thank you 🙏🏼❤️
Dr. Ramani hit the nail on the head BIG TIME with this video. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! I love you! You have changed my world!
🎯 Being trapped in a car with a narcissist RAGING at you for 30-40+ mins is like HELL. I've learned to not put myself in that position anymore.
🎯 "One cant plan their lives around whether or not a person is having a good day." Bingo, Dr. Ramani! Thank you! So sad.
Great response to so many enablers that don't even see how foolish they are while validating such terrible narc behaviour. They just see the "perfect performance" without realizing that they are the dumb ones as supply! Thank you Doc this was very helpful to my conclusions by healing process🌠
Totally needed to hear this. Letting go of trying to get the enablers to understand. Protecting my well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you for validating what my heart knew but others wouldn't believe
Amen Dr. Ramani, thank you for everything. I'm 67 years old and finally free of my toxic relationship with my sister. Extremely sad, no heel kicking, but at peace, with myself and most of all, God. I thank Him for your counsel!
To say that the narcissist is only narcissistic when angry is... not to have been in a narcissistic relationship at all. Narcissists live for their supply and if they get it by being charming and feigning empathy, they will act out their role in order to have it.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, this society is hell bent on not wanting to learn how to heal and continuing to support toxic people and behaviours, but you are not backing down one step. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for creating this community and keeping it going, you are a lifesaver.
Thank you! This was again so spot on. I know this, but there are certain folks who are on the line and getting better at hiding their narcissism and being more subtle with their "rage stage" and punishment, that not only do the positivity police and the enablers think they are just immature and finally growing up, but I begin to wonder if they are right. And because they are dear to me, I want to believe that. I needed this specific reminder, cuz something in the way you said it was nail on the head a description of the narcissistic folks on mind .
So thankful for these videos !! I lived her described scenarios daily !!!!!! Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!
This video was fantastic! (They all are). When she talked about not being a missionary and that you cannot teach people who don’t want to learn…. I had to rewind the damn video 4 times, wrote it all down, and stuck it on my fridge to see every morning when I make my coffee. Ahhh I just love her, as I know so many of the people in this amazing community do. Thank you , as always, Dr. Ramani ❤️
They are always angry. There is always boiling anger, frustration, fury inside of them, and you're walking on eggshells, not knowing when they'd set off (when, not if)
This is the belief in the jekyl-hyde fallacy- 'They're such an amazing spouse/colleague/friend/ person, but they [insert highly narcissistic behavior] on a regular basis. But they're sooo funny!' In groups like Al Anon, they say, 'they're only abusive/narcissistic when drunk'.
Sounds exactly like my brother and sister in law. But here it's my sister in law who the huge narcissist 🥵💯
Thank you so much for everything you teach us ❤
"So now this women goes from the world regarding her husband to be damned Marry Poppins to endure the silent treatment on her way home" THIS was literally my marriage in nutshell. He would be mean to me ONLY when we were alone. It's the most distabilizing evil thing.
Damn, thank you!!!!
That is so true!
My ex-husband was behaving pretty well when we lived in his parent's apartment (that is common here) for many years because he was afraid of his father ex-military. And I saw red flags from time to time but not so many to run away. He showed his real face only when we were on vacation in foreign country where I was totally dependent on him. And I was scared cuz I had no idea he could be sooo cruel... After that I was getting ready my way out, it takes few years but thank God, he let me go quite easy after he decided I'm useless (or maybe found another resource).
God bless you Dr. Ramani! You and this channel have truly been a blessing to me.
I'm glad you posted this. I still don't know whether my husband is narcissistic, or just has tendencies. He is literally a different person when angry. I have dealt with 3 mos of the silent treatment, with him refusing to even be in the same room with me...but he says he isn't angry and isn't giving silent treatment bc he texted me a little. The very last argument, we made an agreement to follow counselors in communicating and using time outs if needed. ...lasted less than 2 days before he resorted to same stuff. And he won't call his actions wrong...he says he "isn't doing anything".
He is nothing but broken words and agreements, refusing accountability, .with dishonesty...oh the dishonesty. I used to think his anger and pride turned him into a different person...now I wonder if the "sensitive and understanding husband " in between argumewbts...is all just a lie. 😢
He even told a counselor he admits he is passive aggressive and that I feel abandoned when I shut down, and he realizes he needs to work on things... Did he change his actions right after? No. :/ EACH agreement to work on certain things, he repeats it with a new excuse for justifying the behavior ("it is different this time")
thanks for the video Dr Ramani. My six years friendship to this kind of people ended last week. The patterns kept developing slowly and I kept noticing them; until a big fight she had with her niece (in my presence), which was a God given situation, to get rid of this toxic relationship once and for all. Thank you, God.
Oftentimes The first thing my kids would say to me when they came home from school was “Is Dad mad?” And if he woke up from his daily naps they would disappear to their rooms. He was unpredictable. It was maddening.
Doc…you need to start this post with “trigger alert”. Every. Word. Is. True.
As they always are but this one got me